INSIGHTS Building parent-school partnerships

WORDS Michael Grose Teasing V Bullying When speaking with parents when I and thoughtlessness. Taken on their home. Cyber-bullying means that children present at schools, or engaging with them own many rude behaviours can be seen can’t escape bullies like they once could. via our social media, bullying is always a as an element of bullying but when hot topic. A recent Facebook post had one looked at in context they are more about Why the distinction? I hear the term of our biggest engagement rates ever. It thoughtlessness, lack of consideration and bullying misused a great deal in the begged the question- “What is bullying? poor manners rather than a deliberate media and when talking with parents. Do we mix it up with teasing and other attempt to hurt someone. We run the risk of “The Boy Who Cried forms of mean behaviour?” Wolf” Syndrome where we become so Teasing refers to annoying, hurtful It’s an important topic that needs desensitised to the term that we (or behaviour that is used to get a reaction clarification. teachers) ignore it when children really from someone else. Teasing can be are the victims of bullying. We also run Bullying is a term that’s wrapped in persistent in nature, but not always. It’s the risk of failing to skill our kids up to emotion. For many people it’s associated generally an attempt to get under a manage rudeness and teasing if we with bad childhood memories. It’s been person’s skin. It can involve name-calling; estimated that around 40 per cent of it can be personal and hurtful in nature. categorise every awful behaviour that kids people have experienced bullying in the It can also infringe on another person’s experience as bullying. past. It’s something that we don’t want to rights. But generally teasing doesn’t have Our ability to be discerning about happen to our kids. the key ingredients that make up bullying. bullying is as important as the action we But I fear it’s being overused at the take when we are sure that our child is on Bullying is the selective, uninvited, moment and confused with teasing and the receiving end of bullying behaviour. repetitive oppression of one person rudeness. These actions include: dealing with or group by another. It involves three feelings; providing emotional coping Rudeness refers to thoughtless elements – intent to hurt or harm; power skills, getting others involved; building up behaviours and thoughtless words. imbalance; and repetition over time. It a child’s support networks; and building Kids often do rude things to each takes many forms and guises including other without thinking their actions physical aggression; verbal abuse; self-confidence that can take a battering. through. Examples include breaking emotional aggression (or blackmail); Bullying needs to be taken seriously. wind in a child’s direction; joking about intimidation; harassment and exclusion. But we also need to be discerning about the colour of a child’s hair in front of The new cyber-dimension to bullying bullying behaviours. others; failing to share possessions and has moved the goalpost for many kids. In neglecting to acknowledge someone. the past children and young people could Rudeness is usually about selfishness escape bullying behaviours by being at Michael Grose

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