Volume 41 - Issue 04 - Friday, September 30, 2005

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Fall 9-30-2005

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

Follow this and additional works at: https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn

Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 41 - Issue 04 - Friday, September 30, 2005" (2005). The Rose Thorn Archive. 214. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/214

THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS ROSE-HULMAN REPOSITORY IS TO BE USED FOR PRIVATE STUDY, SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE. SOME CONTENT IN THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY MAY BE PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT. ANYONE HAVING ACCESS TO THE MATERIAL SHOULD NOT REPRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE BY ANY MEANS COPIES OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL OR USE THE MATERIAL FOR DIRECT OR INDIRECT COMMERCIAL ADVANTAGE WITHOUT DETERMINING THAT SUCH ACT OR ACTS WILL NOT INFRINGE THE COPYRIGHT RIGHTS OF ANY PERSON OR ENTITY. ANY REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION OF ANY MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY IS AT THE SOLE RISK OF THE PARTY THAT DOES SO.

This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ROSE-HULMAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY T ERRE HAUTE, INDIANA Friday, September 30, 2005 Volume 41, Issue 4 Bonﬁ re traditions continue

Fred Webber phone pole was replaced by a Staff Writer center pillar of wood, on which the outhouse is now placed. It reshmen and their Soph- became a tradition to build the omore Advisors and Bonfi re as many ties high as your Resident Assistants sit year of graduation. For students around a fi re, toasting graduating in 1978, this meant Fmarshmallows and hot dogs. A 78 ties. As the years went on, few are sitting on top of the foun- this idea was scrapped as the dation of the Homecoming Bon- height of the fi re became unrea- fi re – an orderly pile of wood and sonable. hay – and peering into the dark- Building the Bonfi re started as a ness. Meanwhile, on the perim- project in which all students par- eter of the fi eld, upperclassmen ticipated, but during the ‘60s or are looking for an opportunity to early ‘70s, it became a freshman strike. These students are partic- class project. In the early ‘90s, ipating in a new year of Bonfi re when all students were required tradition. to take military history during The nighttime upperclassmen their freshman and sophomore raids are just one part of the long, years, Army ROTC took over con- evolving history of the Rose-Hul- struction management and orga- man Bonfi re. According to Erik nized the freshman builders by Hayes, there are records of the hall. Rose Bonfi re as early as 1932, In 1996, the SRC was completed Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn though the tradition started a few on top of the original Bonfi re site Freshmen continue the building of the bonfi re Thursday after a set-back involving chemically treated years earlier. “It started as a Hal- at the new campus. Since there rail ties, which are illegal to burn. Four-by-fours were brought in to complete the structure. loween tradition. It was held at was no place to put the Bonfi re, 9th and Walnut, back when Rose the school decided to cancel it. found a permanent site. “Once all of the Bonfi re so the freshmen what happens when the real one Poly was still inside Terre Haute,” “We weren’t going to let that tradi- again, it became every student will have to guard the Bonfi re or goes.” he explained. tion go away,” said Hayes. Hayes working on it. We all had to work work very hard to complete it on Freshman Mechanical Engi- The original bonfi res were and fi ve other RAs started selling together to get it built in time.” time. neering major Chris Leibs ex- formed from railroad ties that the fi rst Bonfi re shirts, at around Though the origin of the Bon- Freshmen now guard the Bon- plained that he was guarding be- students acquired. Around 1942, $10, to raise money to support fi re raids is unknown, “it general- fi re every night after construc- cause “everyone is here! It’s con- a telephone pole was erected in the parts of the Bonfi re the ad- ly started as a way for upperclass- tion begins. Freshman Shantel ceivably one of the best things I the center of the fi re, with an ministration had supported in men to mess with the freshmen,” Strode explained that she was could do with my time.” outhouse perched at the top. the past, such as snacks for stu- says Hayes. The upperclassmen guarding the Bonfi re because “I Around the early 1960s, the tele- dents building the fi re. They also try to deconstruct part or even love bonfi res... I can’t wait to see Continued on Page 3... Rickert, Allison return from sabbaticals

Alex Clerc The NSA headquarters consists Rickert also helped coach a lo- ditives for Exxon Chemical. But type of gas chromatographer/ News Editor of two high-rise offi ce structures cal high school math team during for his most recent sabbatical last mass spectrometer (GC/MS). and an estimated 10 acres of un- the school year, and during both year, Allison elected to work full- Poland was tasked with using the Wouldn’t it be great if every sev- derground facilities. The head- summers of his sabbatical, he time at Rose-Hulman Ventures. instrument to develop experi- en years, you had the chance to quarters employs at least 20,000 was a teacher at a summer pro- During the 2004-2005 academic ments to be used in undergradu- take a year off from your career to and claims to gram for high year, he worked with 6 different ate education. work on projects that are impor- be the largest school students students on four different proj- Poland came up with two ex- tant to you? In most careers, this employer of All the math called the Re- ects. periments: one involving the de- would be considered a luxury. mathemati- search Science Allison believes that taking termination of the octane rating But every seven years, our pro- cians in the na- classes we teach Institute (RSI). time off from teaching to go on of gasoline and one dealing with fessors may elect to take a year tion. The RSI is a six- sabbatical is very benefi cial. “You the extraction of limonene and off from teaching to do just that. Rickert here, however week program stay current, either in industry or other compounds from lemon This is the third installment of a worked at the that gets high academia. When you’re teaching, and orange peels using super- series of articles highlighting the NSA during esoteric, were school students you’re really busy and you end up critical carbon dioxide. accomplishments of our profes- the 2004-2005 exposure to ignoring the latest developments Through his work, Poland be- sors who went on sabbatical last school year. being applied in undergradu- in your fi eld. It’s nice to have a came more familiar with the year. Because of ate research in change and get refreshment,” world of research: “I gained in- For his second sabbatical, the classifi ed some way. mathematics, said Allison. sight into how research works. Professor of Mathematics John nature of his science, and Allison also had very positive It doesn’t happen four hours at Rickert traveled to Baltimore, work, he can- engineering. things to say about the Ventures a time like the class and lab peri- Maryland to do math for the gov- not discuss In the summer experience: “I recommend that ods do. There’s a lot of trial and a ernment at the National Security the details of —John Rickert of 2004, the all students who want to work in lot of error that go into develop- Agency (NSA). Rickert worked his projects. RSI was held at industry work at Ventures. It’s an ing anything in the lab.” at the NSA headquarters at Fort However, Rick- Cal Tech and in excellent thing to do.” Poland said his favorite part Meade, located 15 miles south- ert could share a few refl ections 2005 it was at MIT. Ross Poland, currently a junior of the experience was “learning west of Baltimore. on his experience: “The NSA is Professor of Chemistry Bruce chemistry major, worked under to interpret the different spectra The NSA has two core mis- very technical and very broad Allison’s previous sabbaticals in- Allison during the spring and I produced using the mass spec- sions: code-making (devising in scope. All the math classes cluded research on polycarbon- summer terms of 2005 for a com- trometer. Spectroscopy is one of ways to keep American commu- we teach here, however esoter- ates at Purdue, exploring super- pany called Griffi n Analytical. my favorite parts of chemistry.” nication secure) and code-break- ic, were being applied in some conducting organic crystals at Griffi n Analytical, based in West ing (deciphering foreign signals). way.” IU, and working on motor oil ad- Lafayette, had developed a new Continued on Page 3... News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

Assassins is back. Everybody loves Probation as punishment Get behind the team. Bite my pie. Katamari Damacy. for the Piston-punching Pacers. Page 3 Pages 4 & 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 2 CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn The Rose Hulman Bowling Classiﬁ eds Club is holding its ﬁ rst annual 9 pin no tap tournament. For Rent Everyone is welcome to come out and have fun. There will be 2 Bedroom House for 2-3 persons. Very clean and new plenty of prizes to go around. paint. Fridge/Range/AC/Washer Dryer Hookup. Con- vient to campus. In a good neighborhood. Off-street parking. No Pets. 24 hr. maintenance. 9-12 Month lease. What: 9 Pin No Tap 478-9286. Where: Imperial Lanes Cost: FREE Frazer Apts When: Oct. 8 @ 12:30 Now renting studios and 1-5 bedroom apartments and RSVP: Mattt Gielda houses. Our apartments are clean and well-maintained. [email protected] We specialize in affordable housing for responsible students. Call Frazer Apartments 232-4486. Our tenants are our best reference. Join Us Before The Game! Gibson Apts Help cheer the 1 and 2 bedrooms. No Pets. Starting at 400/month to Fighting Engineers 550/month + deposit and lease. 234-4884. to victory over Sharp Flats P o d a s I - t h Trinity University! e e l p G p r Gorgeous, Spacious, Beautiful are only a few words to Win a a A

n • FREE Subway d describe this lovely three bedroom apartment located n

a and beverages

Apple P

r at 904 S 6th St. Features also include sunny kitchen, off h

t • October 1st at z i

street parking, laundry facilities, two full baths, and lots w !

e Cook Stadium

l I-Pod f f a

of closets. $335 per person (based on three people) in- R • 12 noon - 3PM cludes heat, water, and sewer. Call Sharp Flats, LLC at 877-1146 to see this gem.

INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY Swag’s Screenprinting Homecoming tent sponsored by Cummins Inc. Custom Printed Tees, Hoodies, Baseball & More. Call 232-6947 for Prices. Swag’s Screenprinting 2950 S. 7th. Always lower than internet prices. Free Artwork/Fast Service. 1900 Students

Sycamore Realty + 100 Faculty 1 Br. $325 Aup $250 dep. 2 Br house $475 + utilities $325 + 300 Staff dep. Please call Melissa. 238-2127 ext. 10. = 2300 Potential Customers Tutor Needed Math tutor needed for the senior high school student. Now that you know about them, Help needed in calculus, algebra, and SAT preparation. Shouldn’t they know about you? Tutor Wanted ASAP Call TODAY! Math and English tutor wanted for 8th grader. 2 days a week Tues/Thurs 3:45-4:45. Pay is Negotiable. Please call Traci 208-4421. 812-877-8255 The Rose Thorn Advertising Department [email protected] fax: 812-877-8166 Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff Editor-in-Chief Lissa Avery Writers Bridget Mayer News Editor Alex Clerc CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Benjamin Mann Assistant News Editor Angela Smiley Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 John Ogilvie Opinions Editor Aaron Meles Phone:(812)877-8255 Philip Becker Entertainment Editor Mike Jones Fax: (812)877-8166 Alvin Anassi Sports Editor OPEN E-mail: [email protected] Patrick Barrett Humor Editor Gregory Weir http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Ryan Schultz Layout Manager Andrea Brown Jessica Rogers Fred Webber Copy Editor Bill Waite “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Photo Editor Ken Meyer by providing an accurate and Cartoonist Erin Hudson Administrative Staff dependable source for news and information.” Photographer Christina Davis Advertising Manager Richard Ballard The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Business Manager OPEN ﬁ rst through ninth week each quarter Layout artists Aren Thompson Webmaster OPEN Jim Sedoff Advisor Richard House The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. TWO DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Ofﬁ ce (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, September 30, 2005 NEWS 3 RHA Assassins returns

Alex Clerc trying to avoid the player who makes it easier,” said Mitchell. News Editor is after them. Kills can happen When asked if he was trying to anytime and anywhere, even off win the iPod, Adeir responded, The assassinations began on campus, except for classrooms “I already have an iPod, so that Friday, September 23rd at 3 p.m. and bedrooms – the “safe zones”. doesn’t matter. I’m just doing it Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn RHA is once again holding a The grand prize this year is an for the fun of the game.” Freshmen work together. game of Assassins on the Rose- iPod shuffl e. Second prize is a Mitchell had similar senti- Hulman campus. This fall, 215 $40 gift certifi cate to Wal-Mart. ments: “I care more about the students signed up, an even big- A nerf gun will be given to the Wal-Mart gift card. If I win the Bonfi re, ger turnout than the 139 students player with the most kills. iPod, I’ll sell it or give it to Bran- who participated in last spring’s While most players don’t let don [Woodward].” game. Last spring’s game was the the game interfere too much Mitchell also commented on from Page 1 only other round of Assassins that with their normal routines, some a positive side effect of playing has been played at Rose-Hulman students go to great measures the game. “I went to a lot of new during the academic year in the to make the game more enter- places, met a lot of people, and “They don’t know what’s in recent past. John Koch was the taining or to gain a competitive got to know them.” store,” said Strode, when asked winner and Jad Carson won sec- edge. As the RHA Assassins modera- about the likelihood of upper- ond place and tallied the most Senior computer science/math Alex Clerc / Rose Thorn tor, one of Offutt’s responsibilities class raids on the Bonfi re. “We’re kills in a game that lasted about major Eric Holk drew attention You wouldn’t like Senior Eric is to create immunity opportuni- expecting it.” Other freshmen three weeks. Assassins is also last Tuesday when he went to Holk when he’s angry. ties for the players. The point of didn’t expect upperclassmen to routinely played during Catapult, class carrying three nerf guns, the immunities is so that players attack until later in the week. “If a Rose-Hulman summer program including a nerf bazooka. “My Mitchell explains one of the strat- don’t have to stay in their rooms they come, I’ll sit back and laugh for high school students. friends and I bought them at Toys egies: “We have a big guy, Bran- all the time to feel safe – they can at them,” says freshman Tim Ol- Alicia Offutt, the RHA off-cam- ‘R’ Us,” said Holk. “Its not very don [Woodward]. He’s the mus- be out and stay active. Future im- msted, an Engineering Physics pus chair, is the moderator for sneaky, but it looks cool.” cle of the group. He announces munity opportunities will include major. “If they start getting close the game this year. The main This was Holk’s fi rst year play- the red alerts. As soon as we see wearing a toothbrush behind the to the Bonfi re, though, I’ll do point of the game, says Offutt, is ing. He used the internet to re- a stranger, everyone yells ‘red ear and wearing a red shirt or what I can.” “to have fun and get students out search his target, including the alert’ and scampers back to the body paint for homecoming. In reference to past Flipside of their rooms.” Rose-Hulman schedule lookup safe zones and Brandon asks the Offutt is also responsible for pages, Leibs joked that if the up- The object of the game is to page, the Rose-Hulman search stranger what they’re doing.” resolving disputes among players perclassmen show their faces, be the last player “alive”. Each engine, facebook.com, and even One resident of Speed 3 was about the validity of kills. How- “We’ll fl ing poo at them, because player is secretly assigned a his target’s personal web blog. even “excommunicated” for ever, said Offutt, there has only Alex Clerc would have it no other “contract” who they must fi nd “He put a fake picture and fake helping players who live on BSB been one such dispute so far. way.” and “kill” by touching the player information on Facebook, but 3. “Kids here are really hostile to Due to the popular response What does raiding involve? on the shoulder and saying the he kept updating his blog. I read him now,” said Nathan Adeir, an- to the return of the game, RHA is The New Res Bonfi re coordina- kill code (more outlandish kill- about him killing other people.” other resident of Speed 3. considering holding additional tor, who wished to remain anon- ing methods, such as using nerf Many players also work togeth- The team attitude is so strong games of Assassins in the winter ymous, said it starts with recon. guns at point blank range, are er to gain an advantage over their on Speed 3 that players will even and spring. “One or two of us are out there also acceptable). Every player opponents. One example of this go on assassinating ‘raids’ in Commuters are eligible to play a few hours before.” He said he in the game is simultaneously is the team attitude of the third groups. “I always have a team Assassins if they join RHA and raids the freshmen because “It’s hunting down their target while fl oor of Speed. Freshman Travis with me when I go kill people – it pay the $10 quarterly fee. a tradition. We were raided my freshman year, I’m just passing it forward.” He added that “the raid is supposed to be all in good Professors get started at Rose fun.” Chris Stevens, a senior Me- chanical Engineer, echoed that Ben Mann be a visiting professor at Rose. at some school, doing research sor position to see if teaching sentiment, adding that he does Staff Writer “Students [at Rose] are reason- and teaching,” Bhatt gives as his was for him. “I have a year and it mostly “to mess with the fresh- ably better,” Bhatt says. He ex- greatest goal, though he is not yet if I don’t like teaching, then I can men. I have raided every year In the same way the human plained that at Iowa State, most sure whether he will accomplish just back out,” explains McClel- since sophomore year, several body creates new cells to keep students it at Rose. lan. It may be too early to tell for days of the week.” Both Stevens the system running, Rose-Hul- seemed to A new face sure, but he says, “I would like and the coordinator guarded the man must add new professors to be going Even though Rose on the other to stay, and see how things tran- Bonfi re their freshman year. “We the roster to keep the university through their side of the spire.” used paintball guns, balloons, air in top running shape. This is the math courses is in a completely academic This quarter, he is teaching horns, eggs, and big fl ashlights,” fi rst in a series of articles dealing mechani- buildings is Polymer Engineering, though said Stevens. with new and visiting professors cally and just different state, it Scott McClel- his area of interest is in interfa- When asked about raiding in the Rose community. taking them lan, Visiting cial phenomena, which is, most while he was at Rose, Erik Hayes Ghan Bhatt, Visiting Professor because feels like I’m Professor of basically, the study of molecules said “There were no raids while I of Mathematics, is working for they were Chemical En- sticking to interfaces. was at Rose, everyone was work- Rose until at least July 2006. He required. At coming home. gineering. He McClellan claims to be getting ing to build the Bonfi re.” Howev- very recently received his doctor- Rose, he can received his along well with both his students er, he said that it was moved back ate in mathematics at Iowa State assign a hard- undergradu- and his fellow professors. “Rose to a freshman tradition over time. University in December of 2004. er problem, ate degree at reminds me a lot of my under- “Raiding has only started back up During and after his graduate and some —Scott McClellan the Colorado graduate schooling,” he says nos- in the last 4 – 5 years.” education there, Bhatt worked as students will School of talgically. The Colorado School a “post-doc” at Iowa State. He was actually be motivated and excited Minds and his Masters and Doc- of Minds is a similar small school responsible for computer labs and to undertake the challenge. torate at Purdue. He just gradu- that has a lot of emphasis on un- was in charge of some of the web- Bhatt has set some goals for his ated from Purdue in May 2005. dergraduates. “Even though Rose Sabbaticals, based courses. He worked there future career and plans to stick to Right out of school, McClellan is in a completely different state, for about a year before he came to them. “I hope to work in faculty hopped into the visiting profes- it feels like I’m coming home.” from Page 1 Poland also refl ected, “Un- derclassman chemistry majors should start doing research now; it’s good stuff.” Senior chemical engineering/ chemistry major Christopher Overstreet worked under Allison on a project for Glas-Col. The company wanted to test an insu- lating blanket they designed for extruders. Overstreet quantifi ed the thermal savings of this blanket. Another interesting project was an attempt to chemically quanti- Rose-Hulman Special fy the artistic techniques of local artist Pat Grigg, the wife of Pro- Join the Learning Center and Celebrate fessor of Electrical and Computer Large One Topping Engineering Cliff Grigg. Allison also worked with Vin- $5.99 + Tax cent Franco, who graduated in May of 2005, on volatility studies Sunday Only Special for a company called Symbian LLC, which specializes in sanitiz- $5.00 + Tax October 3-7 ers. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn Out In Theatres

A History of Violence Starring Viggo Mortensen Wolf Parade worth hype Directed by David Cronenberg Rated R Mike Jones to offer one comparison that re- Entertainment Editor ally matters: Wolf Parade’s Apolo- The Greatest Game Ever Played gies to the Queen Mary not only Starring Shia LaBeouf I want to take a moment to sounds a little similar to Arcade Directed by Bill Paxton talk about really good songs – I Fire’s 2004 breakthrough Funeral, Rated PG mean the ones that absolutely it’s probably even better. blow you away every time you Don’t begin to think that Wolf Into the Blue hear them. These are the ones Parade is just trying to capitalize Starring Jessica Alba you remember when you fi rst on another band’s recent success. Directed by John Stockwell heard them for the rest of your In fact, the only song that really Rated PG-13 life, and somehow you’re not the sounds like it could’ve been writ- same once you do. This is ex- ten by Arcade Fire is “Modern Oliver Twist actly how I felt when I fi rst heard World” (particularly the backing Starring Ben Kingsley Wolf Parade’s “Fancy Claps”. The vocals on during the close of the Directed by Roman Polanski strange synthesizer opening song). Imagine for a moment a Rated PG-13 sounded like something I could more convulsive version of Fu- have record- neral, where Serenity ed, all fuzzy more of the Starring Nathan Fillion and distorted. Band: Wolf songs sound Directed by Joss Whedon Then Wolf Pa- like “Neighbor- http://www.spin.com/features/band_of_the_day/2005/09/050912_wolfparade/ Wolf Parade has not only released one of the best albums of 2005, Rated PG-13 rade just went Parade hood #2 (Lai- but are bringing attention to awesome mustaches everywhere. insane with Album: ka)”. Throw in a Out on DVD a thousand little extra syn- splendid ideas. Apologies to the thesizer work, es escape from everyday life – “I’ll spaz antics of “Fancy Claps” the Robots Spastic har- and you’ve take you where nobody knows fi rst time listening through Apol- mony vocals, Queen Mary probably got an you, and nobody gives a damn” ogies... in its entirety. Most of the “Gilmore Girls” 4th season background Rating: 9.5/10 idea of where – but at the same time is asking album is mellower. The end espe- clapping, and Apologies to the for “your blood, your bones, your cially slowed, but is by no means “Stewie Griffi n: The choppy snare Queen Mary’s voice, and your ghost”. worse because of it. “This Heart’s Untold Story!” and bass drum work. Not to sound is. Dan Boeckner shares vocal du- on Fire” closes the album beau- mention the infi nitely awesome Opener and lead single, “You ties on half of the songs also, and tifully and simply. “It’s getting “The Amazing Race” 1st season speed-synth breakdown after the are a Runner and I am My Father’s is generally less unpredictable better all the time,” Boeckner fi rst verse that’s nearly as cool as Son” is a lot like Gorillaz’s “Clint than Krug, who might become repeats, and by the end of the al- Out on CD the hyper organs of the Animals’ Eastwood;” it forces you to bob annoying over a whole album. bum, you really belive him. “House of the Rising Sun”. Hey, your head and all around sounds One of the two standouts featur- Once I was over the initial ad- Roger Waters - Ca Ira this is a really good song. like “Clint Eastwood” with re- ing Boeckner is “Dear Sons and justing to the music, I was ready I missed out on the “hype ma- spect to pace. Spencer Krug’s vo- Daughters of Hungry Ghost”. The to accept the entire album as a Wolf Parade - Apologies to chine” surrounding Wolf Parade cals sound remarkably like Isaac bridge to the close of the track is true triumph. Even though most the Queen Mary recently while fans anticipated Brock (who produced the album, fantastic, featuring some classic of Apologies... is less energetic their debut LP. After hearing a by the way) on this song. It will gang vocals. Boecker claims ,“I than “Fancy Claps”, Krug and Box Offi ce Tops few of their songs, I decided to probably be the most instantly gotta new plan for the people – Boeckner sing with such vigor fi nd out a little more about them. likable song on the album for people, I can trick ‘em into think- that they give the impression of 1. Flightplan What I learned is that they’ve most people, making it an obvi- ing anything”. The second stand- energy. This is a trick that all good endured countless references ous choice to release. “I’ll Believe out track is the above-mentioned bands have to learn eventually. 2. Corpse Bride and comparisons to Arcade Fire in Anything” takes a listen or two “Modern World”. The song sounds Wolf Parade has gotten this trick (they’re both from Montreal, to adjust to the vocal style, but more somber than any other, par- right on the fi rst try, and not too 3. Just Like Heaven right?) I’m not going to delve into once you get there, you start to ticularly the twangy guitar and many bands come to mind that the various and tedious trivia catch probably the best song lyri- resonating backup vocals. have been able to release such an explaining this, but I am going cally on Apologies... Krug promis- I did fi nd myself missing the impressive debut. Roll me up into your life Teknikalmeltdown Gregory Weir level when a fan compliments him stant source of amusement (“Why Humor Editor on his chin or his magnifi cently are that cat and that dog in that tights-clad legs. submerged car?” “Well, at least brings the dance In the beginning, there was The levels are more widely var- they’re wearing snorkels.”), and Katamari Damacy, the game that ied than those in the original, with the simplistic gameplay is simply Ben Mann nals. quietly rolled onto the PlayStation more diverse goals like feeding a sublime. Staff Writer Not being a great connois- 2 and began absorbing the hearts sumo wrestler or rolling up cars You’ll get a lot of play out of seur of the genre myself, I was and minds of gamers tired of the as you zip around a racetrack. the game, too. An experienced What do you get when you unaware there were several empty night of unoriginal video This helps make the game less player of the fi rst game could get mix free, great music and a classifi cations of techno mu- games. of a copycat sequel and more of to the ending in about fi ve hours, bunch of sweaty, dancing engi- sic, such as Trance and DnB. It It was that one game where you an inevitable elaboration on the but the King himself admits that neers? That’s right; you get the turns out that there are several rolled a ball around, original, simple rolling the credits at that point is long-anticipated Teknikalmelt- different types, such as “Hard getting bigger and formula. jumping the gun. There is hours down III sponsored by the one Dance,” “Progressive,” and bigger as you picked The game also more content in the game, and and only WMHD 90.7 FM!!! many others. up fi rst paperclips looks and feels this is one of those games that’s There were grooving techno The rhythm, timing, tempo, and pushpins, then better; the graph- fun just to play when you’ve got people and pan- ics appear to have a half-hour free. With records to beats, plenty of cool people to and all sorts of elements are das, and eventu- been updated, beat, rules variants to play, and a hang out with, wonderful and drastically different between ally razing entire with smoother late-game collection mission that talented DJ’s, and quite possi- these types. Even I, as just a continents with a edges and deeper can only be described as intimi- bly, the only thing missing was mild fan, could easily feel a dif- screaming sphere vistas. Likewise, dating, this game will last you a you! ference after exposing myself of skyscrapers and the physics feel a while. If you were not in atten- to a selection of several differ- rainbows. bit more advanced, And the bang:buck ratio? Be- dance for the dance party that ent types. The game was so making ricochets lieve it or not, this is a budget you would never forget last Fri- Lots of people like to look popular that they and jumps more game. Thirty dollars will get you day/Saturday from 9:00 p.m. down on this style of music made a sequel. And impressive. an eternity of rolling goodness. Be to 2:30 a.m., then you missed and the people who listen to that’s the plot of The sound, unaware, however, that the game’s out on more than just a party. it, calling them geeks or the Namco’s new game fortunately, is one hard to fi nd; as of last weekend, There was, of course, the free like. But to those of you out We Love Katamari. area in which We Love Katamari the only local retail stores in Terre immersion of oneself into the there on campus, I wish to No, really. That’s the plot. falls short. While the sounds of Haute that had it were GameSpot euphoric melodies of Trance say a quick word. Take a deep You, reprising your role as The people and buildings being rolled and Walmart, and GameSpot was and DnB (Drum and Bass). breath and open your mind. Prince, must fi eld the requests of up are top-notch, the soundtrack sold out. This is one game for There was a collection of Look around you, Geek; you the fans of your unappreciative isn’t up to par. There are a few which you should turn to the In- the coolest people on campus. are at Rose. There are only two father, the colossal King of All Cos- songs that get stuck in my head, ternet. There were giant monkeys. types of people here. People mos. This involves rolling up balls but none as amazing as Katamari The Katamari dynasty has got- There was a pulled fi re alarm. who are geeks and people who of stuff to a certain size in a cer- Damacy’s “Lonely Rolling Star” or ten game developers more ex- And most importantly, wheth- are geeks in denial. tain time, collecting one thousand “Cherry Blossom Color Season.” I cited than they’ve been in a long er you are a hardcore fan of the Thank you so much, WMHD, paper cranes from a set of class- especially question the wisdom of time, and the popularity of such music or not, it was a great way for this wonderful event. rooms, or rolling up the perfect including “Sunbaked Savannah,” a strange game concept startled to unwind by jumping violently Teknikalmeltdown IV cannot head for a snowman. a medley of the original Katamari Namco into funding a sequel that around a dark room swinging come soon enough. The experience is trippy and Damacy soundtrack performed game creator Keita Takahashi said phosphorescent sticks around For more information about dreamlike, with the self-absorbed with synthesized animal noises. would never exist. If you enjoy your head as a steady stream electronica genres, visit Digi- King dropping drug references Of course, the big question is: is good things, you’ll defi nitely enjoy of intense sound waves were tally Imported at http://www. right and left, only ordering you it fun? The answer is a resounding Namco’s fun and hilarious We Love being forced down your ear ca- di.fm. down to a rocket-panda-fi lled yes. The bizarre universe is a con- Katamari. Friday, September 30, 2005 ENTERTAINMENT 5 Corpse Bride dead on its feet But it’s still far superior to The Man and Lord of War

Patrick Barrett Russian folktale that Burton’s the ring on what he thinks is a Staff Writer film is based on. branch, but as we all know it’s As the story goes, Depp is in an the fi nger of the corpse bride! Johnny Depp, Helena Bon- arranged marriage. His parents He runs scared, she catches him, ham Carter, Christopher Lee, are newly rich and want to get and soon they’re both under- Deep Roy, and Danny Elfman into the social ring. His bride- ground where all dead corpses are great…in Tim Burton’s Char- to-be, Helena Bonham Carter, go to drink and have fun. lie and the Chocolate Factory. is of newly poor folk who need That’s the setup for the mov- Not that they some money. ie; the rest is rather boring and are bad in Tim When the two fairly easy to fi gure out from the Burton’s Corpse The people who fi rst meet they beginning. You can easily deci- Bride, but their hit it off ex- pher who the antagonist of the characters are really enjoyed tremely well, movie is when he fi rst appears on just uninter- Nightmare will which I could screen, and you can also correct- esting. only conclude ly infer what evil act he has done, The story is from the fact and intends to do. There are probably be the http://blog.volume12.net/d/2005 based on actual that this is the many good and bad short jokes, Corpse Bride’s animation is done using impressive stop-motion events in 19th ones who enjoy only time they mostly puns and quite often cli- century Eu- this one too. talk in private ché. The songs were entertain- impressive stop-motion anima- 2 stars out of 5, and though rope in which yet soon af- ment challenged and not of the tion, though there isn’t really any Corpse Bride has nothing to do anti-Semites But they’ll say it ter are in love. same caliber as Danny Elfman’s beautiful scenery. The second is with Nightmare story wise you waylaid Jewish They are prac- usual material. In The Nightmare when a skeleton says, “Frankly can think of it as a sequel in the wedding par- wasn’t as good as ticing their Before Christmas songs like “This my dear, I don’t give a damn,” sense that people who really en- ties and killed the original vows when is Halloween” and “What’s This?” from the amazing movie Gone joyed Nightmare will probably the bride (the Depp can’t get were instant classics, as opposed With the Wind. And I suppose be the ones who enjoy this new bearer of fu- it right and ru- to these songs, which are instant- a close third is the fact that the one. But, as with most sequels, ture Jews). The ins the whole ly forgettable. movie is only 74 minutes long they’ll say it wasn’t as good as bride would then be buried in thing. He runs off embarrassed There are really only two good and didn’t take up much of my the original. her wedding gown. A twist of or scared into the woods. As things about the movie. One is night. P.S. Just Like Heaven wasn’t fiction is added in the form of he practices his vows he places the brilliant-looking, technically Overall I give the movie that great after all.

http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2004/2004-03 “The Offi ce” airs Tuesday night at 9:30p.m. Cubicle life Our “World’s Best Christina Davis The supporting cast, although Staff Writer not well-known, does a superb job of providing comedic sup- Are you curious about how hu- port. These fresh faces strength- morous a 9-5 offi ce job can be? I en the sitcom by enabling you to Pizza” mug isn’t a fake. was wondering the same thing as relate to an actual offi ce environ- I sat down to watch NBC’s fairly ment (one in which Drew Carey new sitcom, “The Offi ce”, a few is not sitting in the cubicle next weeks ago. to you). The show fi rst aired in March For example, fresh face Rainn 2005, replacing the mid-season Wilson (Six-feet Under), who Order a Papa John’s pizza fl ops. It was brought back for the plays Dwight Schrute, the assis- Fall 2005 lineup to air Tuesday tant to the regional manager, is nights at 9:30 p.m. Unlike NBC’s painstakingly humorous. In one previous poor choices of Ameri- episode, Schrute, who is always canized BBC television (such as wrapped up in offi ce gossip, at- “The Weakest Link” and “The tempts to create alliances with and taste the best! Coupling”), “The Offi ce” is no his coworkers to avoid corporate doubt a success. downsizing. In addition, he posi- “The Offi ce” is a side-splitting tions the offi ce water cooler be- “mockumentary” sitcom staring side his desk in an effort to over- Steve Carell (the summer box off hear offi ce rumors. hit “The Forty-Year-Old Virgin” Sharing offi ce work space with and “The Daily Show”) who plays Schrute is Jim Halpert (John Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large Michael Scott, a regional manag- Krasinski, “Kinsey”) who ad- er of Dunder Miffl in paper sup- vances “The Offi ce by encourag- One-Topping One-Topping ply company in Scranton, Penn- ing Scott and Schrute’s schemes. sylvania. Scott’s crude humor For example, Halpert convinces Store Hours... and self-delusion, mixed with the Schrute to hide in a cardboard Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am oddities of other characters, cre- box in the warehouse in order to Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am 99 ates a very entertaining show. spy on what Schrute believes to Campus Only Campus Only In one particular episode, Scott be a meeting of another offi ce al- ONLY 9 ONLY 7 arrogantly shows off his “World’s liance. Greatest Boss” mug, highlight- So, the next time you fi nd your- Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required ing that he is very adored by his self swamped with homework on ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST ONLY ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST ONLY co-workers. Eventually, however, Tuesday night and are looking for WHERE AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/06. WHERE AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/06. Not valid with any other offer. Valid only at 232-PAPA Not valid with any other offer. Valid only at he shamefully admits that he has a well-deserved break, consider participating locations. Customer pays all participating locations. Customer pays all applicable sales tax. Additional toppings applicable sales tax. Additional toppings purchased the mug for himself. checking out “The Offi ce”. extra. extra. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Celebrity justice strikes again

After the players had been and assigned 60 hours of com- pulled out of the stands and the munity service. Once again, this Here’s offi cials had ended the game, seems far from a punishment. fans rushed the court as the Community service is likely your new teams were heading for the lock- something that the NBA encour- er rooms. A fan in a Pistons jer- ages its players to do anyway, opinion sey began yelling at Artest, and and according to Oakland Coun- was immediately dealt a leveling ty Assistant Prosecutor John Pi- blow by the disgruntled player. etrofesa, these players’ service is Aaron Meles O’Neal, not wanting to be left likely to be teaching children the Opinions Editor out, decked another fan on the value of good sportsmanship. court before the team exited to The irony is not lost on me. Last week, Indiana Pacers the locker rooms while getting The way these men conducted basketball players Ron Artest, concessions dumped on them by themselves was according to the Stephen Jackson, and Jermaine more irate fans. basest level of human nature. O’Neal pleaded “no contest” to Artest, Jackson, and O’Neal They allowed their rash anger to assault and battery charges in a were each sentenced to a year drive them to commit of assault Rochester Hills, Michigan district of probation, 60 hours of com- and battery on people that they court. The charges were pressed munity service, an anger man- forums.fark.com did not even know; nor could they as a result of the brawl between agement course, and fi ned $250. The lesser publicized part of Ron Artest’s sentence, for obvious have been sure that they were at- players and fans near the end of Charlie Haddad, one of the fans reasons. tacking the fans that had thrown a Pacers game against the Detroit knocked down on the court, was things at them in the fi rst place. Pistons on November 19, 2004. sentenced to two years of proba- happens to disrupt the usual men pull down. O’Neal, who The income and “role model” The event was triggered when tion and 100 hours of commu- flow of events. The raucous be- had the highest income, made status of Artest, Jackson, and Artest fouled Pistons player Ben nity service. Haddad’s punish- havior of fans is a regrettable $14.8 million dollars that season. O’Neal elevate them to a social Wallace and the angered Wallace ment for being on the receiving occurrence, but accepting this That means his fi ne amounts tier in which they should be an ex- pushed Artest in the face. Both end of a punch was nearly twice is a condition that basketball to 0.0017 percent of his annual ample of respectable and decent teams jumped to the fl oor and as much as that of each of the players agree to before they NBA salary, not including what- behavior. This was no reason to pandemonium ensued, which NBA stars. I bet he wishes he place one foot on the court. Af- ever endorsement money he bail them out of the jail time an was aggravated when Artest was was famous. ter all, they are playing basket- received that year. If the fi nes average person would have paid hit by a fan’s beverage laden-cup. The sentences given to the ball, not golf. charged to Artest, Jackson, and for committing such reprehen- His fragile ego shattered, Artest Pacers players fall dismally The fi nes placed on the play- O’Neal are meant to discourage sible acts. The Pacers’ sentence charged into the stands, dealing short of justice. As trained pro- ers are also not proportional future assault charges, I doubt should have sent a clearer mes- out punches to many of the fans fessionals, these men should be to their offense. $250 is spare they will have any effect. sage to the entire sports world: in the lower tiers, with Jackson able to handle themselves in a change compared to the multi- Besides the fi nes, each player act like a criminal and you will be following suit. game situation, no matter what million dollar contracts these was put on probation for one year treated as a criminal. Homecoming of 1000 Words the greats by Erin Hudson Ryan Schultz faces and the conversations. Ev- Staff Writer erybody and everything was il- luminated. Alumni of all ages— Rose-Hulman throws a truly those who have graduated in spectacular Homecoming. The the past fi ve years and those speeches are fantastic, the Greek who graduated nearly 60 years chants are exciting and funny, ago—were engaged in conversa- and the fi reworks are awesome. tion. And I’m not talking about And, of course, the Bonfi re is in- superfi cial, meaningless conver- credible. sation; these were conversations And that’s what I want to talk of the Greats. It is quite a feel- about: the Bonfi re. Yeah, every- ing to look around a gathering of thing else is übercool, no doubt thousands of people and realize about it, but to me the bonfi re is that every single one of them is it. It is the pinnacle of the Home- not just gifted, but downright coming celebration. It is a phys- brilliant. For those of us who are ical manifestation of the hard on campus day in and day out, it work, blood, sweat and tears of can be easy to lose sight of how the freshmen who erected it (and gifted we all truly are. metaphorically, of the hard work So this year, I encourage you that freshmen will have to do in to step back from the excite- years to come). The Bonfi re is a ment and realize what an out- tradition steeped in ritual, but standing group of people has more importantly, ingrained congregated at this best-in- with a persistent, unwavering, class institution. If things have devotion to excellence. It also is started getting to you as first a beacon, burning for those who quarter kicks into a higher gear, are here now, the promise of the just take a moment to consider future, and, most importantly, what an overwhelming privilege those who came before. it is to work day after day with Yes, my esteemed student some of the most brilliant peo- peers at this great institute, it is ple you’ll ever meet. the alumni who have paved our Homecoming at Rose is just way for us. Their hard work and like it is at every other school in proven excellence has helped the country…on one level. Once this tiny school in a nowhere you get past the football game, town gain the miraculous rank- Homecoming at Rose is much, ing that it has held for seven much more. It is a gathering of years and will, I’m convinced, mental horsepower, geared to- hold for many years to come. ward the future. And the future, As I was looking around the like the venerable Bonfi re, will Bonfi re last year, I noticed the burn bright indeed.

Tell me how inappropriate that burning guy is! e-mail: [email protected] Friday, September 30, 2005 SPORTS 7 Big players, big moves, big Time modest, sharing every victory full strength next week for From with all of his teammates. Homecoming—something we’ve Hummel continues to show his all been waiting for. Beckstrom the leadership ability with his poise is the type of player that will in our Fun and Gun-Balanced make big plays when you need sidelines offensive attack. In the huddle, them and, when teamed with he’s calm, alert, and always in Brett Bueltel, the duo wraps Alvin Anassi the zone. Under center he’s a a defensive blanket over the Staff Writer defense’s worst nightmare with opposition’s receivers. his unmatched ability to make Bueltel is a proven athlete With each week, it becomes decisions on the fl y and put the and since his switch to defense more and more evident that the ball on the money down after last season, he’s delivered with Fightin’ Engineer football team down. 11 interceptions, eight from has the drive, talent, speed, and Phelps is perhaps one of the last year, and he’s only getting dedication to go far this year. greatest fullbacks Rose has ever started. Recently, he had one in The progression of the team is seen. I do believe that linebackers the end zone and one called back widely known as the product of cringe when they hear the cadence, that he caught on the boundary head coach Ted Karras. For those as it usually means that they will be line. who don’t know, Coach Karras meeting a Mack truck in the hole. was a four-year letter winner for Phelps is virtually unstoppable in Big Moves Northwestern University on the the middle and a deadly receiver Several big plays were made defensive line; and with a degree in the fl ats as corners share in the last week and some special in psychology, he knows how linebacker’s plight. moves came out for the crowd. to put together the right group If you ask Pat Ludwig, he’ll tell Offensively, seniors Dan Downey of guys and staff to produce you running is his passion. As the and Ryan Gulden recorded huge Rose-Hulman News winners. Quite frankly, he’s all we only senior on the offensive line, momentum catches. Downey Charlie Key breaks a tackle for one of his fi ve touchdowns. need. Ludwig provides the younger had 2 catches for 55 yards and linemen – Nick Zee-Cheng, Ryan Gulden had a 61-yard reception he snaked through the Yeoman play from Hummel and Phelps. Big Players Pattenaude, Tim Hachfeld, and from Jason Dickey, another wide offensive line and tackled the Ludwig and I look to redeem Under Karras’ tutelage, starting myself – with leadership and receiver, and after catching the quarterback on a draw play that ourselves from the sacks we gave players running back Charlie knowledge. He’s defi nitely our ball, made three distinguishing set up a Yeoman punt. Others up and the rest of the offensive Key, Brian Phelps (fullback), stud linemen and he proves it day moves to gain a few more yards. with great games include Zach line looks to rack up the yards quarterback Cameron Hummel, by day, game by game. Freshman receiver Nate Richter Humbert, Drew Sandahl, Nick for Charlie and advance his Pat Ludwig (a right tackle), Clark is one of the two defensive continues to be a solid target Klaserner, and Paul Spreen. standings on the all-time lists. Bryce Beckstrom (a cornerback), captains and his defensive play is with a single catch for 29 yards. Defensively, Beckstrom will lead defensive end Josh Clark, Steve never off the mark. Clark will be Hummel added to the action Big Time the secondary against the Trinity Hawkins (a strong safety), and a four-year letter winner for Rose with our shortest scoring drive Coach Karras praised the receivers as the linemen try to Tim Wilson (a middle linebacker) andhis presence over the years on the year with a one-play 75- scout teams last week, as the limit the movement of the ball have all learned what it takes to will continue to help push this yard dash to the end zone in the result of the game showed that on the ground. Trinity is coming be big players in the Rose Football team further after he is gone, as he late 1st quarter. we were ready for Oberlin’s off of a bye week as hurricane fraternity. is a shining example of defensive Defensively, Mike Alto every move. It’s Homecoming Rita did not allow them a game Notably, Key is closing in on speed and containment. In last continues to be an anchor for the tomorrow, so I’ll let you know last week, so they’ll be rested and the record for career rushing week’s contest, he recorded 2.5 defense. He always plays with all what to expect. Offensively, our ready to go. Trinity is ranked 12th touchdowns with 35; the sacks, including a solo, and along his heart and in last week’s game bread and butter has always in Division III football, so this record is currently held by Carl with the rest of the defensive line he recorded 5 tackles, one for a been to pound it on the ground, game is widely seen as a David Herakovich with 41. Key has 12 and linebackers, he helped hold loss, and a big interception in the so Charlie knows where the and Goliath game. With the right on the season. To completely the Yeomen to only 44 yards on 1st quarter. holes are in the Trinity defense practice, poise, and execution, round him off, the double major the ground. Austin Hastings proved again and expects to exploit them. we will knock the giant off its running back is continuously Beckstrom will be at that blitzes rattle quarterbacks as You can expect the same superb feet. Graduating Seniors

Adam Beccue Brian Phelps Brian Roser Bryan Pape Bryce Beckstrom Charlie Key

Cody Terkhorn Cory Wright Dan Downey JD Oliverius John Baer Josh Clark

Kris Renfro Pat Ludwig Ryan Gulden Scott Schlegel Volume 41, Issue 4 You’re lucky I didn’t print the other nipple picture. Friday, September 30, 2005

This Day in History In 1949, the Berlin Airlift ends, as the ﬁ nal load of coal is dropped over West Berlin. While fortu- nate for the citizens of West Ber- lin, this tragically put out of work the 209th Division of Wingwalk- ing Deliverymen, much-lauded for their courier-related heroism.

In Addition From time to time, I remind myself that these days are not those that in days past dazed us, with the “heys” and “hoorays” that lazed about in May and laid in the shade. They did not stay in the fray one more day. For shame. Top Ten Most Terrible Homecoming Pranks 10.TP the fountain in Scum Pond Wacky Prof Quotes 9. Convince alumni that the White Chapel is a stolen piece of the Sydney Opera House “The fi rst thing you’re going to do is to go... (bangs head against whiteboard)” 8. Demonstrate your school spirit and witty sense of literalism by -- Prof. Rickert, on the problem-solving process coming home for the weekend 7. Get Midgley elected homecoming queen “I can make anything up and you’ll believe me.” 6. Move the bonfi re 4 feet to the left -- Prof. Merkle, who is unethical 5. Change every road sign between here and Texas so Trinity shows up at Purdue “I want to make lots of mistakes.” 4. Place a whoopee cushion on one of the bleacher seats in the -- Prof. Wollowski, setting goals high stadium 3. Tell Hertz you will think he’s cool if he sits on the whoopee cushion “Hitmen, hitwomen... I’m not sure what the going rate is; I haven’t used one recently.” 2. Relabel the football fi eld’s lines in fractions of pi -- Prof. Wollowski, reminiscing 1. Get everyone ready to light the bonfi re and instead tell the freshmen to take it down “When I was a kid, I had those Velcro-covered balls that you threw at a felt dartboard. They were really -Aaron Meles good for sticking in my mother’s big bouff hair back in the ‘70s.” -- Prof. Morris, who charge-coupled your mom The Useful Advice of John Dullard Hey everybody! John Dullard here to rock out the advice good- “Oh, it gets even more whacked out than that.” ness. I’m happy to report that someone took action and partook in -- Prof. Rickert, on the whacked outedness of power sets the advice relationship! Yo, “You’re going to be pointing stuff at people and they’re going to be ultraviolated or whatever.” The best place to hide from anybody is a library; nobody ever goes -- Prof. Chenoweth, on modern art in there. -Patrick “When I went to high school we took handguns... and kept shotguns in our lockers. You had to have Thanks, Patrick! This advice came in handy! The librarians something to do after school!” called off their assassins since I had forsaken Google to return to the -- Prof. Clark, who shot uphill both ways library. Little did they know that I had done my Googling already and was just hiding from them! Ha! “Do you guys know any sophomores? Do they seem normal to you?” -- Prof. Galinaitis, who’s fi gured out their secret I’ve found myself in another situation. The guys down the hall- way play their music real loud. That music nobody can stand with its “If you hear about the new sexy word in optics, of course, it’s superluminous.” lyrics and its drums and its whatnot! Argh! It makes me so agitated I -- Prof. Duree, being sexy can’t fi nd the words to describe it. So I took matters into my own hands. I got out of bed, hiked up “Now I’m going to use a big word that I think is impressive... ‘are.’” my pants and marched right over to their door. A student answered -- Prof. Morris, expanding his vocabulary the door. I looked him right in the eye and said “You, sir, have your music up too loud.” “We’re going to beat it to death until it doesn’t wiggle and then we’re going to beat it some more.” “What? My music is up too loud! I can’t hear you!” is what he -- Prof. Graves, practicing brutal mathematics would have said had we been in a movie that REALLY wanted to be funny. Instead he said, “No. You, sir, have your ears down too quiet.” Send your prof quotes or other humor material to fl [email protected] I was baffl ed. I stood there with my mouth half-open as the cogs in my head struggled to fi nd a retort. Seconds turned to moments, and It Really Can Fix Anything before moments could turn to minutes the door was closed on me. Everyone knows the old familiar adage, “duct tape can fi x every- I pulled my pants back down a little bit; they were starting to get thing,” but no one says it seriously. It can’t fi x everything, right? There rather uncomfortable. Not the type who gives up easily, I returned to must be problems in the world that don’t include “use duct tape” as one my room and did the thing that any good Rose-Hulman Humanities of their solutions. Major would do: I drew a diagram. A diagram that didn’t just show But after exhaustive testing, I am still amazed at the versatility of what I wanted to do, but how I felt on the inside and my refl ections this adhesive. I thought you might like to hear about some of the more upon what The Great Gatsby meant to society. interesting applications of duct tape that I’ve encountered. Then, I left to put my plan into action. I crept past the door of the Duct tape can fi x: perpetrators down into the basement. There I found a locked room. Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn I kicked the door open and began throwing switches on the break- • your unruly bikini line and unsightly nipple hair. Duct tape graffi tti. ers. There was silence throughout the dorm. I turned to return to my • a tear in the space-time continuum (trust me, it worked). room and sleep in peace. • a broken heart. I have this friend (let’s just call him me… I mean, Randolph) who recently got dumped As I turned I tripped on my clumsy self. My hands reached out hard. So I fi xed the situation by making him a duct tape girlfriend. It took about seven rolls of duct tape to into the darkness and found only a hot pipe to grab onto. I retracted fashion her, but it was totally worth it. I named her Nicole, but she usually goes by Sticky Nikki. Anyways, my scalded hand and my head collided with the doorknob of the door Randolph and Nicole are together all the time and doing great… just don’t ask them about their sex life. I that had closed behind me. That’s the last thing I remember before don’t think it’s fun for either of them. waking up duct-taped horizontally to the side of the building with a • a decent meal. Why, just last night, Nikki made a delightful casserole dish for me… I mean, Randolph. note on me that read “[expletive deleted]! If you [explicative deleted]…” • the World Series. For example, I heard that mobsters fi xed the ‘04 World Series in favor of the Red Sox by Basically, it said that I shouldn’t mess with the breakers anymore. using duct tape to bound and gag all the talented Cubans on the New York Yankee’s roster and replace them So to avoid duct tape incidents, does anyone know how I can turn with their clumsy Puerto Rican doppelgangers. my ears up so they aren’t “down too quiet”? The websites I’ve found • dogs. An expensive veterinary procedure is totally unnecessary. All that is needed to prevent procreation is don’t seem very helpful. Besides, I really don’t know where to fi nd an a strategically placed piece of duct tape. industrial-sized C-clamp. Send your advice to fl [email protected], subject: “Help for I encourage you to get out there and fi nd your own uses for the miracle that is duct tape. Just one piece John!” of advice – if you’re going to do anything with your bikini line, have some ice handy. Happy taping! -Philip Becker -Alex Clerc The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of the Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn or Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions. There’s this really cool game review in the entertainment section. All material is copyright of its owner. Any unattributed material was created by Gregory Weir. The rest of the paper ain’t so bad either. Plus, the editing is totally hawt.