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Manafort, pg. 3 Stan Lee, pg. 9 Netflix, pg. 15 F&L, pg. 20-21 Wax, pg. 22

the paper “What stocking stuffer are you?” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Colleen “M&Ms in Candy Cane Thing” Burns Bronx, NY 10458 Claire “A Condom” Nunez [email protected] Executive Editor http://fupaper.blog/ Michael Jack “An Ice Age 3 DVD” O’Brien News Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all Christian “A Yo-Yo” Decker years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Andrew “Chocolate Candy Canes” Millman Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Opinions Editors Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Jack “Chocolate Orange” Archambault ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Hillary “Kit Kat Bar” Bosch students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their Arts Editors thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Meredith “Cherry Lifesavers” McLaughlin have an idea for an article, send us an e-mail or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Annie “Socks” Muscat the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Earwax Editor who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an e- Marty “Stale Cookies” Gatto mail or come to our next meeting. So, why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Features and List Editors 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Katelynn “Coal” Browne are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Olivia “Mini Candy Canes” Langenberg completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Copy Editors Robin “Solar Powered Charger” Happel our aim David “Toothbrush“ Kennedy the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Gabby “$10 Amazon Card” Curran challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a Contributors social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Zahir Quader, Noah Kotlarek, Angelina Zervos, Suresh Hanubal, Ariana a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Grande, Dumplings, Michelle Obama, Googly Eyes, Ugly Sweaters, Cold strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Weather Drying Your Skin Out, Ketchup, MJJM Not Showing Up in the Print tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, Shop, Ram Editors Annie’s Sex Playlist on Spotify (Follow It), Sid the Sloth, A expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- Banana, Fudge, Advent Calendars, Santa Claus, Hiccups, Estrallitas Poblana tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at III, PNGs That Aren’t Actually PNGs Which is Really FUCKING Annoying, The the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster Barclay’s Center, Stocking Stuffers, Ghosts a community where students are free to fully express themselves. december 5, 2018 the paper page 3

Breaking News: Paul Manafort Lied! Again! by Meredith Mclaughlin Trump’s former campaign chief secretly met with Julian Assange Arts Co-editor are call to question whether Russia’s pay for previously leaking secret US to call for asylum at an embassy before Paul Manafort, ex-Trump campaign interference in the 2016 elections on documents pertaining to the Iraq war. getting indicted for conspiracy against chairman and current convicted felon, Trump’s behalf were co-orchestrated At the very least, there is a chance that the United States, laundering money, has recently been accused of meeting by the Trump Campaign. The “Steele he might get a reduced sentence. Vox acting as an unregistered agent for with Wikileaks leader, Julian Assange Dossier” (the results of a private points out that Assange and Wikileaks a foreign principle (Manafort lobbied in March of 2016. The Guardian claims investigation conducted by Christopher have always taken a very “anti-US” for pro-Russian-Ukrainian Party), and the two met in the Ecuadorian embassy Steele, British Intelligence’s former stance, arguing that the US acts as an for making false statements, among in London, and though there is no head of the Russian desk) indicate that imperial power that interferes heavily other charges. It’s important to note, information in regards to what they however, that “conspiracy against talked about, the timing of this alleged the United States” indicates that meeting occurred months before a Manafort planned to commit a crime major leak by Assange’s team. against the United States, in this case In July of 2016, Wikileaks published massive money laundering. But this a series of emails from upper level doesn’t mean there is no evidence that Democratic National Committee staff Manafort enabled collusion; during members. Some of the most important Trump’s campaign, Manafort had met information revealed by this leak was with Russian lobbyists who promised the DNC’s attempts to undermine the to get information on Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders presidential campaign. Manafort had entered a plea deal One of the ideas thrown around by a DNC with Special counsel Robert Muller staffer involved getting someone to ask in September after pleading guilty if Sanders was an atheist in an attempt to one charge of conspiracy. It was to discredit his religious background. understood that Manafort would assist The leaks also revealed how former Muller in his investigation in order head of the DNC, Debbie Wasserman to avoid further money laundering Schultz, had emailed MSNBC to get Russia’s efforts to sow dissent among in other countries’ affairs. Assange has trials. Currently, however, Muller is them to apologize for claiming that she the American public was encouraged held that Hillary Clinton is someone considering hitting Manafort with even did not support the Sanders campaign. by the Trump campaign. It also points who has no problem with using the more charges, as his group believe that More generally, the leaks gave insight to Manafort as being a major player in US military abroad, making her more Manafort has consistently been lying to the methods that the DNC used to these alleged dealings. dangerous than Trump. However, it is to them throughout the investigation. raise exorbitant amounts of money Paul Manafort is considered by the important to note that the hacker who Investigators say that more details on from financial donors; things like dossier to be the middleman between gave the information to Wikileaks to December 7. getting seats close to President Obama Trump and the Kremlin. Within this release, Guccifer 2.0 is most likely a Considering Manafort’s criminal were often prerequisites for getting context it seems likely that Manafort Russian agent (he once forgot to hide history and international connections, donations. would be the one to organize the his IP address, which indicated that on the surface it seems very likely that The grim reality that these emails Wikileaks for Trump’s benefit. This he was a Russian GRU agent). While he and Assange did meet to discuss revealed damaged faith in the covert meeting between Assange and both Russia and Assange deny any collusion. However, there is some Democratic party on both sides: Manafort would have not only been collaboration, it is more than likely that worry amongst other news sources Sanders supporters felt betrayed a first step towards sabotaging the the two took advantage of each other’s that this story might be a plant to and no longer believed that the DNC DNC, but it would have benefitted common interests to damage the further discredit the media. Politico and Hillary Clinton were honest, and Assange as well. The Guardian points DNC. Assange similarly denounces the has hypothesized that if some of the Republicans felt that their beliefs out that with a Trump presidency Guardian’s article about his alleged Guardian’s sources lied to them, it about the DNC were confirmed. Clearly, aided by Wikileaks, there is a chance meeting with Manafort, and is planning could prep the public to distrust news these leaks were highly beneficial to that Assange would no longer be on suing the publication. sources critical of Trump more and the Trump campaign. However, they sought out by the US government to Unlike Assange, Manafort was unable more. page 4 the paper december 5 2018 E. Gads: E. Coli outbreak strikes in U.S. and Canada by Gabby Curran It was just in time for Thanksgiving! Copy Editor CDC states that cases were first reported salads and sandwiches; iceberg stomach cramping and diarrhea isn’t the Despite its rather barbaric far earlier, on October 8. Two days before lettuce is being treated as a viable best of ways to finish our fall semesters. origins, most people would agree Thanksgiving, both the CDC and the alternative, with prices soaring In addition to romaine lettuce, the that Thanksgiving is about family, FDA launched an investigation of the 168% in the past few weeks. CDC also advises people to avoid raw/ celebration, and togetherness. outbreak. As of November 29, cases of E. The outbreak has received uncooked meats, unpasteurized dairy However, no matter how kind we may coli have been reported in 12 US states significant media coverage, from products and juices, and to thoroughly be, there’s always company that we’d and certain areas of Canada. There have USA Today, to Forbes, to CNN, to wash all fruits and vegetables. Good rather avoid than extend a hand to. This been no deaths so far, though 16 people Fox News. However, despite what hygiene is also a must––wash your hands year, families were forced to deal with a have been hospitalized, including one the frequent media coverage of the thoroughly after using the bathroom, particularly unwelcome guest at their person who developed HUS. epidemic might have you think, this before and after preparing foods, and Thanksgiving tables––an outbreak of most recent flare-up of E. coli cases after being in contact with animals and the newest strand of E. coli. their environments. Those with weaker For those of you lucky enough to immune systems and/or diabetes should be unacquainted with E. coli, here’s a also be wary, as they are at a higher risk quick biology lesson. E. coli (short for of contracting E. coli infections. Escherichia coli) is a kind of bacteria. Above all, don’t worry––finals are just While most strains are harmless to a few weeks away. Just tell yourself that and even necessary for the human in the midst of all the studying, suffering, body, others, if contracted, can make E. coli (short for you sick. Injurious e. coli bacteria produce a toxin known as Shiga toxin, Escherichia coli) is a kind which damage the lining of the small intestine and trigger the symptoms of bacteria. While most generally associated with E. coli illness. strains are harmless to As E. coli bacteria commonly resides in the intestines, its pathogenic strains and even necessary for will usually cause stomach cramps, the human body, others, diarrhea, and vomiting. Fevers are frequent symptoms of E. coli, though According to a survey conducted of isn’t as sudden and unexpected as if contracted, can make they generally don’t break 101o F/38.5o those infected, romaine lettuce seems it may seem. As far back as June C according to the Center of Disease to be the primary culprit of this year’s 2018, another outbreak of E. coli you sick. Control and Prevention. Fortunately, outbreak. On November 26, the CDC originating from romaine lettuce most people get better within 5 to 7 issued a Food Safety Alert advising hit the United States and Canada crying, and despair, you probably won’t days of contracting pathogenic E. coli, people not to consume or sell romaine (https://www.cdc.gov/ecoli/2018/ have time to contract E. coli anyway. though around 5–10% of cases result lettuce for the time being, specifically o157h7-04-18/index.html). The in hemolytic uremic syndrome (HUS), lettuce grown in northern and central June outbreak was far more acute, Even if you haven’t consumed romaine which in turn can cause kidney failure California. The outbreak has not resulted resulting in 210 cases of E. coli lettuce in the past few weeks, contact and even death. There have been a in any recalls, with the FDA claiming that it reported, 96 hospitalizations, 27 your doctor or healthcare provider if number of E. coli outbreaks in the past, does not have enough information on the cases of HUS, and 5 deaths, yet you develop the following symptoms: most notably in early 2016, when a outbreak’s origins to request a targeted received far less coverage. persistent (lasting more than three or number of people became sick after recall. Nevertheless, on November 20, For the time being, numerous four days), severe, or bloody diarrhea; eating at Chipotle restaurants. a number of produce companies agreed measures and precautions can be a high fever; and/or a significantly The most recent E. coli epidemic not to sell or serve romaine lettuce to their taken to avoid contracting E. coli. decreased frequency of urination. These began in October. Though the U.S. Food customers in the wake of the outbreak. Despite its low fatality rate, it’s still may be signs of a severe case of E. coli & Drug Administration claims its earliest In the meantime, customers have been an unpleasant experience to have, and/or early-onset HUS. case was reported on Halloween, the turning to other leafy greens for their and enduring finals with severe december 5, 2018 the paper page 5 Melania Trump’s White House Christmas Spectacular by Angelina Zervos FLOTUS responds to criticism of her decorations for a second time Staff Scrooge started to flood in, mostly surrounding own particular taste, but she believes a very manufactured representation On Monday November 26, 2018, First the topiaries. The tall red trees were that the setup looks “fantastic,” and of the White House and first lady, with Lady Melania Trump revealed the 2018 compared to the handmaids’ outfits in welcomes everyone to “the people’s generic Christmas music and footage White House Christmas decorations to the television series The Handmaid’s house” to view them in real life. The of a lone first lady walking down the public. The mansion’s decorations Tale, the hallway of blood from Stanley following Friday, on November 30, Mrs. extravagantly decorated halls, the include 20,000 feet of lights, 14,000 Kubrick’s The Shining, and soon the Trump gave a tour of the White House backlash of her choice of decorations ornaments, 12,000 bows, 29 phrase “blood-red” began to be used Christmas, an experience that was allowed her to give a personal response. Christmas trees, pencil wreaths to to describe the festive decorations. much more personal and insightful of Unlike President Trump, the first lady promote the “Be Best” campaign, a While many poked fun at the her ideas than the original video posted rarely responds publically to criticism gigantic gingerbread replica of the White House Christmas just for by the White House. She made sure to and usually has her communications National Mall, and most notably, 40 laughs, some commentators took a address her decision to incorporate director make statements on her bright red Topiary trees. The display different route, insinuating that the the color red so diligently throughout. behalf. While the subject matter is not was set up entirely by volunteers, most Topiaries represented the oppression Not only did she want it to represent all that significant in the grand scope of whom are either veterans or are and bloodshed that took place on the celebration of Christmas and the of American politics, although it has representative of veteran families; out American soil, while others believed American flag, but also “bravery, heart, been treated as a national debate, the of about 6,000 applicants, only a little they tipped a hat to mother Russia. and patriotism.” incident resulted in a very interesting over two hundred people were selected The backlash of the White House Volunteers who worked on the outcome that allowed the nation to see to be a part of the decorating team. Christmas decorations, whether or presentation also responded to the more of the rather reclusive first lady. The theme for this year’s White House not a comment was made with the insults. One florist in particular, Vickie Hopefully the public will hear more Christmas is “American Treasures;” intent of entertainment, was labeled Wenstrup said she was proud of the from Melania Trump in future. in a statement, Melania Trump said as liberal hysteria by those who saw finished product and thought the the decorations are meant to “honor it as an attack against the Trump negative comments were “horrible.” the heart and spirit of the American administration. The whole series of events has people.” The display was seemingly The first lady did not take long to allowed for people to catch sight of a very thought out by Mrs. Trump; react to the critiques. Two days after more authentic side of Melania Trump however, as soon as the holiday décor the reveal, during a TIME interview, that is rarely seen. While the original made its debut online, the criticisms she stated that everyone has their White House Christmas revelation was The Weight of a Kilogram is Changing by Manas Vani Thought you knew about kilograms? You thought wrong Staff Science Guy the most perfect understanding of in a gram of carbon 12. Presumably not promising anything all I’m saying is TThe central issue of this article everything possible. One clear example everyone had studied about the that theoretically if it is possible to time is simply put the intersection of is a kilometer and a meter which is Avogadro’s constant (my friend didn’t travel I’m sure that it would require philosophy and complex scientific 1/1000 of a meter. The reason that but I assume most people know it). perfect calculations, which we simply principles. For those of you who aren’t that is precise is because meters and This will change the exact value of that cannot do under the current system for STEM majors the kilogram was first such are calculated in relation to the constant. things like the kg. This change brings defined in 1729 as the mass ora speed of light which is a fundamental Likewise, the ampere will no longer us one step closer to advancements in platinum-iridium rod. There are several speed in the universe. be dependent on the ampere. It will technology that we can barely dream of of these rods around the world in How do we do it then? Currently be based on the charge of an electron as of now. places such as Washington D.C. and there exists a function that relates the due to which e=1.602176634 x 10- Paris. Companies tend to use these function between the frequency of a 19. Will this change in definition rods in order to maintain consistency photon and the energy of that particle. will change something? Honestly in weight measurements. However, So E=P * F(frequency of the photon). speaking no, the point of the change scientist have discovered as of late that Many of us also know the famous in definition is not to shake things up. the weights of the rods have changed equation by Einstein which is E=MC2. All that changing the current definition over time. The French rod specifically Using that equation it is possible to say in this way would do is go remove the has lost 50 micro grams (that’s about that, mass=PF/C2. In this equation current dependency that we have on the same weight as a human hair). there is only one problem, namely that objects to universal and mathematical Though it may seem unimportant it as of yet we do not know the exact phenomenon. This theoretically can has changed the accuracy. value of F. So the scientists are doing help anyone anywhere to make precise Why would anyone change a perfectly work in DC in order to try to find a calculations and measurements good definition, especially for so small precise value of F. The scientist need to about objects. Eventually I hope that a change? Well the reason behind get the value of F right because other by changing this we are able to make this is that we need our numbers units too depend on kilogram. Mole is much more precise measurements to be accurate if we ever want have the substance that contains the same because that will facilitate the creation cool futuristic things we need to have number of particles as there are atoms and improvement of technology. I’m page 6 the paper december 5, 2018 Faker than 2020 Democratic Pres. Candidates, explained by Andrew Millman It’s too early, but someone tell these guys News Editor Truth extremely popular. She won reelection The Democratic presidential the Consumer Financial Protection by Andrew Millman for a third term by 34% in 2018, in a primaries are more than a year away, Bureau and is currently a Senator from state that Clinton only won by 1.5%. but here’s an early look at many of the Massachusetts. Along with Sanders, She’s super popular among people possible candidates. Special thanks she is a favorite among progressives Saudi Crown Prince (and that know her, but the problem is that to Wikipedia for a comprehensive list and has recently publicized several murderer) Mohammed bin Salman not many people know who she is. of 42 (!!!) possible candidates. important policy proposals. However, and Russian President (and 9. Deval Patrick is the former 1. Joe Biden served as Barack she was recently criticized by the murderer) Vladimir Putin recently Massachusetts governor is a relatively- Obama’s vice president for eight years Cherokee Nation for using a DNA test went viral for a very enthusiastic unknown candidate who’s been out and was a longtime Senator from to “prove” Native American ancestry. “bro high-five,” which both leaders of public office for Delaware before that. He currently seemed to take great delight in, at over four years. holds a significant lead in early the G-20 Summit. Donald Trump Despite his lack of polling, at nearly 30% in most, but was also seen in the background name recognition, this could largely be because of name of the video looking disappointed he’s close friends recognition. “Uncle Joe” a beloved that he was not included in the with former figure by many, but his handling of bonding moment between evil President Obama the Anita Hill hearings and his role in world leaders. Besides Putin, most and many of his passing the 1994 Crime Bill will come other world leaders have avoided former staffers are under scrutiny if he decides to run. Mohammed bin Salman because encouraging him 2. Bernie Sanders, a democratic of his role in ordering the murder of to run. socialist Senator from Vermont came t journalist Jamal Khashoggi. 10.Sherrod in second during the last presidential Donald Trump was so mad Brown is a longtime primary. His surprise success and about being excluded from the senator from Ohio. subsequent advocacy has pushed handshake that he attempted The media began the Democratic Party to the left on a an impromptu handshake with speculating about plethora of positions. However, while German Chancellor Angela Merkel, his potential he is currently second in polling to but she just rolled her eyes and candidacy after Biden, he is currently only polling in walked away. He tried to initiate it the midterms, the mid-teens, less than half of his with sixteen other world leaders in when he was the 2016 vote percentage, which could attendance and his wife Melania, only Democrat portend weakness for him as a 2020 6. Kirsten Gillibrand is a second before finally finding someone who to win statewide in Ohio. He’s a candidate. He’s the most popular term Senator from New York, who has was willing to accommodate him, progressive who focuses on economic politician nationally, but so was Hillary voted against Trump more than any of Japanese PM Shinzo Abe, who also issues. He’d be the ideal candidate Clinton in 2014. her colleagues, a dramatic evolution congratulated on his “big win” in for Democrats to try to win back white 3. Beto O’Rourke, an outgoing from being a relatively-conservative the 2018 midterms. When reached working-class voters than abandoned Congressman from Texas who almost upstate congresswoman. During her for comment, Prime Minister Abe the party for Trump in 2016. However, beat Ted Cruz in this year’s senate senate tenure, she has been the said “He is a very sad and pathetic the Democrats’ wins in 2018 were contest, has become a beloved figure most prominent advocate for victims man; I just wanted to make him largely because of young voters, among young people and activists. of sexual violence, even before feel better.” This act of altruism suburban women, and people of color, He wasn’t included in polling until the #MeToo movement came to prevented Trump from going on not the white working class. recently, but so far he polls better prominence. She was the first senator another Twitter rant against his Other Candidates to watch: Mitch than most. And, ya know, Abraham to call on former Sen. Al Franken to fellow world leaders. Of course, Landrieu, Julian Castro, Jeff Merkley, Lincoln also lost a senate race two resign for groping multiple women, Putin would have been excluded Eric Garcetti, Jay Inslee, John years before becoming president. but this has surprisingly caused many from rant because he is still in Hickenlooper, Bob Casey 4. Kamala Harris is a freshman wealthy donors to turn against her position of certain incriminating Great candidates that’ll never senator from California, but she has to forcing a popular colleague from material on Trump. run: Michelle Obama, Oprah, Chris already made a name for herself as office. Murphy, Michael Bennett an outspoken critic of the Trump 7. Cory Booker is a Senator from People who shouldn’t run but are/ administration, especially during New Jersey and former Mayor of might: Michael Bloomberg, Terry the family separation crisis and Newark. He is popular for his social McAuliffe, Andrew Cuomo, Howard the Kavanaugh hearings. She does media presence and various viral Schultz, Eric Holder, John Delaney, relatively well in polling, but she does headlines, including the time he saved Richard Ojeda, Michael Avenatti, not have the same name recognition a woman from a house fire. However, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Eric as some of her competitors. Some he has long been associated with the Swalwell, Steve Bullock, Bill de Blasio, progressives also really don’t like her, financial services industry, which may Al Sharpton, Tulsi Gabbard, Martin for reasons not really explainable. not be popular among Democratic O’Malley, Tom Steyer, Tim Ryan, Peter 5. Elizabeth Warren is a former primary voters. Buttigieg, Adam Schiff, Mark Cuban Harvard professor who helped start 8. Amy Klobuchar is a Senator from Minnesota, where she is december 5, 2018 the paper page 7 Peace & Justice is a Hidden Gem at Fordham by Robin Happel Realer Copy Editor The P&J Program isn’t just about sandwiches year I took a class on land rights Fordham likes to talk about faith Almost forty years ago, a Fordham Than in the Amazon, and this past fall, and mission, and for many of us the professor was arrested for breaking that class was the first thing on my occasional sticker or “Let’s Get JesuLit” into a nuclear weapons plant. Daniel mind when I interviewed indigenous t-shirt is enough to demonstrate our Berrigan, S.J. was already famous activists from the Amazon at a devotion. But in the teaching of Father Fact for his demonstration burning draft UN climate summit. I think about Berrigan, faith isn’t about where your by Claire Nunez records with homemade napalm, and Professor Castleberry’s class every head is at, or even where your heart is even in memory he remains one of time I see a story on the news about at. Faith is about where you are. And This past week, two undercover Fordham’s most famed educators, UN peacekeepers. While other you don’t necessarily have to handcuff police units clashed in Detroit. One eulogized in the New York Times and classes ask me what I want to do yourself to anything to be an activist. If unit was acting as drug dealers elsewhere around the world. with my life, the Peace and Justice you want to work on Wall Street, consider while the other was pretending Father Berrigan was ardently to be buyers-- do you know where opposed to the war in Vietnam – in his I am going with this? Well, one words, “our apologies, good friends, unit showed up to bust the other for the fracture of good order, the and it could have been seriously burning of paper instead of children… dangerous. Body cameras on both We could not, so help us God, do parties showed the officers verbally otherwise.” While he has passed on, and physically fighting. It is unclear parts of Fordham still retain his deep as to how the officers found out commitment to faith in action. In the the others were also in the Detroit words of Peace and Justice program Police Department. No one was director Dr. van Buren, “Peace and hurt or injured. But this was a Justice Studies might seem similar major flaw and laughable moment to other interdisciplinary programs at for the department. Well. it is for Fordham - but what makes it unique is people on the outside. This just its focus on issues of justice.” shows how flawed the department Peace and Justice Studies may is in Detroit. not be the most well-known program In 1986 (also in Detroit), one at Fordham, but throughout my four of these show-offs was proved to years here I’ve found its faculty to be deadly. 2 officers were killed. be some of the most dedicated and This mistake, though comical, is diverse voices on campus. Some of program asks me who I want to be. a corporate social responsibility division obviously very embarrassing for my professors are retired military, and It challenges me to ask if I can do that works for reform, and invest in start- the department. They are currently some are ardent pacifists. Some have more for the causes I claim to care ups like Spes Nova. If you want to be conducting investigations to see devoted their lives to New York City, and about, in a time when many of us a lawyer, make your pro bono service how and why this happened. some hail from half a world away. They should be asking ourselves the something meaningful to you, more than Detroit has some of the worst tend to teach not just from a textbook, same question. just another box to check for the bar. police scandals to date, so but from their own experience. Most professors in the program Whatever path you take in life, I promise this big mishap is just another Professor Asha Castleberry knows carry their work far beyond the there is something in Peace and Justice tarnish on their already damaged how important it is to have female UN classroom. Dr. Rengifo helped found Studies for you. reputation. There have been many peacekeepers because she was one. Spes Nova, an innovative fair trade It hasn’t always been easy to fit Peace misdemeanors, sex scandals Dr. Erick Rengifo’s lectures on climate initiative that helps lift impoverished and Justice classes into my schedule, but and poor management in the change aren’t just graphs or charts, communities around the world out it has always been worth it. As Professor department. Many officials have but a heartfelt account of mountain of poverty, in addition to his work as Rodriguez told me recently, “Community been fired or resigned. snow melting around his hometown in a consultant. Professor Peleg, who Service and Social Action is a difficult Peru. teaches the intro and internship course, for the students and for me. It’s Hopefully the city can implement For Dr. van Buren and past directors, classes, is an expert on peace not that the subject matter or the readings better communication between the program draws its inspiration negotiations in his home country are complicated. But the students, and I precincts. This event is truly a directly from the Catholic social justice of Israel, and has spent much of as well, have to learn how to apply ideas reminder that it is necessary. and peace activism movement. More his life building bridges between to the messy reality of life.” The people than almost any other department at Israelis and Palestinians. And, after I’ve met through the Peace and Justice Fordham, its students are required to tragically losing his son in 9/11, program and the communities we serve perform service work, both for local Professor Orlando Rodriguez used – from artisans in rural Kenya, to women charities and international NGO’s. his expertise in Peace and Justice fighting for clean cookstoves and a safer Every lecture and every semester is Studies to help organize September future for their families – are something designed to prepare you for the type 11th Families for Peaceful I’ll carry with me always, in all of my own of work that will give you more than Tomorrows. messy realities. just enough money to live. Freshman page 8 the paper december, 2018 Next Year’s News Predictions: What Will Happen in 2019? by the paper staff Fun headlines we think may appear in next year’s news (AKA Psychics) *“thank u, next” Music Video Donny Vladimir Putin-Trump: Who Will October 2019 January 2019: Beats out “A Star is Born” for Oscar: Get Holidays and Weekends? *Breaking: Chad Kroger, Frontman of *New Study Shows 80% of People Bradley Cooper Pees Himself on Nickelback, Wins Nobel Prize in Literature Believe in Climate Change--Only 30% Stage (Again) July 2019: For His Hit Song “Every Time I Scream, of People Care *Multiple People Lose Appendages to Spaghetti Comes Out” *Jeff Bezos and Disney in April 2019: Fireworks on the Fourth of July *European Union Sues Facebook For Competition to Buy Everything Single *BREAKING: Chester the Cheetah *Avocado Market Plummets With New Major Privacy Breach Living and Non-Living Thing Sues President Trump Over Identity Fungus Affecting Trees *Beyonce Announces Retirement from *Nuclear Missiles Launched Into Theft *Moon Proven to Not be Cheese; the Music Industry Because of BECKY the Moon: War Ensues *Nickelback Has Top Billboard Scientists Wondering How This Happened *Fordham University Adds “Studying The *Elon Musk and Seth Rogen Song Shocking Nation *Rep. John Delaney Ends Presidential Blade” as a Major Invented New Strain of Weed: Weed *Winnie the Pooh Riot Takes Place Campaign after Realizing No One Cares *Surprising Absolutely No One, The Now Illegal in New York in China: 45 Stuffed Bears Injured *Wii Sports Theme Song Becomes a Pamphlet Faces Backlash Over Racist *Dieters Lose Their Minds Avoiding *Britain Sues EU For Making It Big Deal Again Because of College Paper Article Candy, Potato Chips, and Carbs Look Like a Good Idea to Leave It Video *“All I Want for Christmas is You” Tops *El Chapo Escapes Again, Where *Hangry Hippo Attacks Bird in Latest Billboard Chart as Christmas Season Now February 2019: Did he Go? Viral Video-- Hippos Don’t Eat Birds Starts Before Halloween *Moon War Ends After Scientists *Rebecca Black Performs at Agree it is Cheese-- Gouda Cheese Fordham Spring Weekend August 2019 November 2019 *Break-Up Anthem, “thank u, *Mike Pence Calls his Wife “Mother” *Turkeys Officially Categorized An next” by Ariana Grande becomes May 2019 during Speech; Everyone Uncomfortable Endangered Species: Thanksgiving National Anthem Following Millennial *BREAKING: Millennials Quit *Fortnight Dancing is Officially Banned Canceled Revolution Running Nation to do More Important From America’s Got Talent *Elon Musk Departs for One Man *President of China Xi Jinping Things *Kanye West Leads Protests in Mission on Mars Because He’s a Stupid Bands Winnie Pooh Merchandise *College Graduates Have Record Opposition to the First Amendment Fucking Idiot From Everywhere Amounts of Student Debt: How Do *BREAKING: Fordham Barman, Known *One Direction Announces Reunion Tour *Conspiracist Alex Jones Proven They Deal? as “Suits”, Announces Presidential Run Just a Few Years After Breaking Up Correct After Two Male Frogs Found *Bernie Sanders Says He is NOT *BTS Collab with T-Pain: We Never *Stephen Colbert Steps Down From Humping Running for President in 2020 Saw This Coming Tonight Show, Will be Replaced by Popular *Meet Putin and Trump’s Love- *Is Almond Milk Good For You? Twitch Streamer Ninja Child, Donny Vladimir Putin-Trump-- Nothing is Good For You September 2019 *Nintendo Announces New Game The Future is Stark *Britain Tries to Leave EU and *“Gen Z Worse Than Millenials,” Said System: Board Games. They Are Games Then Begs to Stay: EU Rolls Eyes Old People Everywhere Without Screens March 2019: *Father McShane Disappears For *BREAKING: President Trump Has June 2019: a Week in the Botanical Gardens and December 2019: Been Found As a Stale Cheeto Puff in *BREAKING: Jeff Bezos has Reemerges Mysteriously Stronger *“A Christmas Prince: The Royal Coup Oval Office Trained Every Bee in the World to *Carbs Declared the New Protein by D’etat” Becomes Netflix’s Most-Watched *BREAKING: President Trump Was Serve as an Amazon Prime Delivery American Dietetics Society Original Movie Ever Found Hiding Under Desk Pretending Drone *INVESTIGATION: Rachel Ray IS Becky *Elon Musk Realizes He is NOT on Mars to Be Cheeto to Scare Liberals *Genetically Engineered Chocolate With the Good Hair but That Grimes Just Took Him to Arizona *Pete Davidson Hospitalized After Milk Cows Now Exist; Prices Fall *“El Chapo” Found Living under White *BREAKING: Elon Musk and Grimes Big Dick Energy Runs Out Dramatically House Marry in Arizona Space Chapel *Conservative Marine Biologists *Winnie the Pooh Named the *New York City Council Bans Electric *Big Snow Storm Cancels Christmas and Argues Whales Are Not Filled With Official Mascot of Beijing Olympic Skateboards Because They are “Way Too Rudolph is Too Congested to Function Plastic, But Evolving to Have Plastic Games in Big Diplomatic Move Rad” *Christmas Uncancelled When Santa Organs *International Custody Battle Over Revealed as a Myth december 5, 2018 the paper page 9

Excelsior: A Tribute to the Creator of Heroes By Christian Decker News Editor Stan Lee himself was a hero to fans across the world When I was younger, my Saturday he had a whole bin full of them. Back during times where not everyone was never been lost on me. Stan essentially mornings used to be a lot different then then they didn’t have as many series being represented. With the creation started all the characters that we know they are now. There was no sleeping in as they do now, but he had piles of of Black Panther, one of the first and love, and even made his own twist till noon and waking up and feeling bad the Uncanny X-Men, the Avengers, black superheroes who was shown on popular DC characters like Batman about myself. No, there were only the West Coast Avengers, Alpha Flight, in a position of power, as a king of and Superman. Although Marvel and Saturday morning cartoons. Growing and even the original Secret Wars. I the wealthiest nation on Earth, Stan DC fans tend to fight over everything, up, my favorite to watch in the morning suppose that’s what makes Stan Lee created a character that black people that wasn’t something that Stan was a was the old Spider-man show they part of. He frequently collaborated with used to play on that old network Jetex, DC, and the amount of cool combined which actually doesn’t exist anymore. issues that spawned from those I found myself identifying with Peter collaborations were magical. Parker: every day average nerd who Perhaps the most wonderful thing somehow manages to accidently get about Stan Lee was his kindness and spider powers that turn him into the love for his fans. On many occasions web-slinging hero of New York City. For I’ve heard Stan talking about his as long as I can remember, Spider- appreciation for his fans coming to man has been one of my favorite see his cameos or just their reading superheroes. The lessons I learned his comics in general. I’m not sure from Spider-man would never have there was a person alive who had been possible if not for Stan Lee. more of an appreciation for his fan As most of you reading this know by base than Stan Lee. He just wanted to now, Marvel Comics co-creator Stan create characters that everyone would Lee passed away at the age of 95 remember, and everyone would enjoy. several weeks. I suppose it was to be I remember reading some comments expected, 95 is an old age and no one that Bill Maher made on his talk show lives forever. I think, however, most of criticizing Stan Lee and comic book us Marvel fans kind of expected Stan fans as childish. To him, comic book to live forever. He’s had a cameo in fans were pseudo-intellectuals, and almost every Marvel related movie, Stan Lee’s death certainly should not and it just seemed like something have received the attention it should that would just continue forever. Once have. Big talk coming from the white Avengers 4 comes out, that will be the so amazing. He was able to create in America could identify with and armchair liberal privileged asshole who last Stan Lee cameo ever. It makes me heroes and villains that would stand be inspired by. Consider the X-Men, said the n word on tv. What the works sad to think we won’t be able to see the test of time. With new writers and who tackled the challenge of being of Stan Lee have done for people, and that loveable old man randomly show artists bringing new takes and ideas to accepted for, and being proud of who making them feel special and loved, is up in my favorite superhero movies, but old classic heroes, the possibilities are you are and challenging the blind more than any second-rate late-night at the same time, it’s through these endless when it comes to story ideas, hatred of those around us. show host ever could. What the heroes characters that his legacy will go on. character arcs, and even completely Growing up with all these characters mean to us, and to me, is the hope that My dad was a huge Marvel Comics different takes on the character that provided a lot of role models for me, we can make a difference in this world. reader when he was younger. I have never been done before. not that I didn’t have any real-life To Stan, we could all be heroes. remember when he first showed his Stan Lee managed to create ones. Although I’ve become more of a collection up in our attic. I kid you not, characters that everyone could love DC fan, Stan’s influence on them has page 10 the paper december 5, 2018 Taco Bell: An American Institution By Suresh Hanubal A haven for healthy yet broke foodies Staff Chalupa Chowhound Now imagine: its 2 A.M. and you’re thought outside the box in regards had anything else as delectable as the Taco Bell. It’s just America’s cheap desperate for something to eat. You to their menu items? Can’t think of Baja Blast? No? That’s because it’s “Mexican” food chain (hot take: could go to your local bodega and anything? That’s because they never literally nectar from the gods, and it’s Chipotle sucks, right?). It’s where get a sandwich for $5, or go the local do. In comparison, the food scientists only available at the Bell. Meanwhile, you go when you’re low on cash and White Castle or McDonalds and get employed by Taco Bell are constantly at other establishments of fine dining desperate for food. It’s really just something barely edible for a couple on the lookout for innovative methods you’re limited to only a dozen choices there for when you really need to bucks. Or, for just $0.99 you could get of food construction. In the last few at most, and you’re stuck with scarf something down at 2 A.M. and yourself a steaming and nutritious years alone, the Bell has brought terrifyingly boring drink options such nowhere else is open, right? Wrong. cheesy bean and rice burrito from us such wondrous creations as the as Sprite and Coke. Furthermore, Wrong on all fronts. I believe that Doritos as previously mentioned, the Bell is Taco Bell is something more than Locos Tacos, constantly evolving and adding new that, something more than just some Double creations to its menu. This sort of place you go when you’re hungry Chalupas, innovation that excites just doesn’t and kinda desperate. I don’t think it Smothered happen at other restaurants. deserves a bad or seedy reputation Burritos, In addition to all of the things at all. In fact, I believe that Taco Bell and Nacho I’ve previously mentioned, I firmly is an American culinary and cultural Fries. believe that Taco Bell helps build real institution. What other community. Whenever I patronize my Imagine: you don’t eat meat, but national local Bell, I always see a wide variety you’re in the middle of Kansas and chains have of happy and friendly folk. From the only places to grub around are even come families enjoying time together to high fast food chains. Do you just grab close in school and college friends gorging fries from McDonalds for the 20th their new on one of Taco Bell’s many fantastic time, or do you grab yourself a offerings? combo meals, the Bell always seems scrumptious full meal from the Bell? None. Taco to have the sort of atmosphere that The answer is clear. In the decades Bell stands helps build true happiness and before America’s recent obsession alone in its understanding between people. with health food, often the only ability to For these reasons, I find Taco place to have something more than your local Bell. It’ll fill you up, it tastes constantly think of new combinations Bell to be an American institution a light snack on the road was Taco great, and it’s available at any time of of cheese, tortillas, beans, meat, and worthy of attention for the culinary Bell. Now, you might be thinking, night. This is why the nation’s stoner vegetables. and cultural value that it provides “Wait! But how? They put beef in and college-aged demographics On this point, Taco Bell’s menu is to this nation. From its cheap basically everything!” But you’d be love the Bell. Because it’s super stunningly diverse for a place that prices, easy accessibility, menu wrong on this assertion, as Taco accessible and tastes great. constantly and consistently delivers customizability and diversity to its Bell allows patrons to sub any meat Imagine: you’re in the mood for good, cheap food. At the Bell you general atmosphere of welcoming ingredients with beans or veggies. some fast food but you also want to can get the Mexican Pizza, Cheesy and acceptance, the Bell has truly This customizability has allowed non- try something new. Well then there’s Fiesta Potatoes, Chalupas, Burritos, got it all. So the next time you’re in meat-eating Americans on the road really only one place to go, and that’s Tacos, Quesadillas, Gorditas, and the mood for some food, stop by your a decent cheap food option in the the Bell. Because think about it, dozens of other items. And that’s not local Bell. And as always, Live Mas. decades since Taco Bell’s launch and when’s the last time that Subway, even taking into consideration their nationwide spread. McDonalds, Wendy’s, etc. really fantastic drink menu. Have you ever december 5, 2018 the paper page 11 The Real Face of Santa Claus By Robin Happel This Christmas Eve, stay woke Copy Editor of Nicaea was, so you’ll have to ask in America called him ‘Sinterklaas,’ black Santa with an elf bouncer, in a priest or something, sorry. Today, which over time morphed into Santa the strangest possible interpretation It’s that time of year again – Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of Claus. In parts of Europe, the feast of “secret Santa.”) Black Santa has chestnuts are roasting on an open children, ships, repentant thieves, day of St. Nicholas and Christmas are always existed for those who know fire, Megyn Kelly is being roasted on breweries, and students, if you want still separate holidays, but in America where to look, in short, but it’s also Twitter, and Black Santa ornaments someone else to pray to during finals Christmas is mostly an amorphous possible to go your whole life hardly are once again gracing store shelves week. glob of actual Christianity, paganism, ever seeing him. in our corner of the North Bronx. How did a saint become Santa? random 19th-century poetry and, When I was younger, almost every What’s so magical about Black of course, portrait I saw of Santa Claus was Santa? Believe it or not, he’s actually unrestrained white. (Granted, I’ve lived a large more historically accurate than most capitalism. portion of my life in the rural South.) of our modern Christmas celebrations. Like historical Santa being black was at most a joke, Although Saint Nick the fire code- Santa, Black like when Kenan Thompson dressed ignoring reindeer wrangler is largely Santa in America up as Santa on Saturday Night Live, a figment of popular imagination has a rich history and the idea of Santa as a man (and the Coca Cola company), his of supporting from the Middle East was almost namesake, the 4th-century Middle those on society’s unimaginable. (Insert your own joke Eastern Saint Nicholas, was very real. margins. Long about TSA strip searching Santa And, if you hadn’t already guessed before political Claus here.) As Aisha Harris wrote in based on the words “4th-century correctness Slate a couple years back, there’s a Middle Eastern,” the real Saint and Starbucks tendency in America sometimes to Nicholas was not lily white. cups became see white as the default. Santa is one Living in what is now the southern buzzwords, the of our few cultural symbols that just coast of Turkey and what was then whitewashing radiates innocence and gentleness the Roman Empire, historically of Santa Claus – what does it say about us that it accurate Santa endured decades How did Saint Nicholas go from was a flashpoint during the civil seems so impossible to see a Black of persecution under the Emperor decking another priest to decking the rights movement of the 1960’s. In or Middle Eastern man that way? Diocletian (and later the Fox News halls? According to star charts, Jesus the words of one Southern Christian In a country that’s currently using team). Orphaned at a young age, was likely actually born in the spring, Leadership Conference minister, “if tear gas on refugee children, maybe he used his inheritance to help but the Church moved the celebration a department store cannot conceive we need a bit more of the Santa who impoverished children and travelers. of his birth to December since it was of a black man as Santa Claus for spent his fortune helping travelers Although he was imprisoned for his easier to pretend that pagans were 30 days, it most assuredly cannot than we do of the Santa who’s hauled faith, he survived to see Christianity cutting down trees and bringing them conceive of his being president or out once a year to sell used cars. become accepted throughout the inside to celebrate Christ than it was vice president for 365 days.” For Someday, maybe we’ll celebrate the Roman Empire and attended the to convince the pagans to stop doing decades, Jet magazine ran covers Santa who welcomes the stranger Council of Nicaea (where, allegedly, that. And, since the feast day of St. with various black celebrities dressed instead of turning them away - a he was thrown out for slapping Nicholas was already in December, as Santa, and the not-Cosby covers community organizer, not just another someone). After he died, manna combining it with Christmas felt like a are charming time capsules to a Christmas ornament. And I can only formed in his tomb, which maybe is natural fit. (Also, all of Santa’s reindeer world where black mall Santas were hope that, someday, Netflix will make why we leave out cookies? I used up are girls. We learn something new employed in Macy’s flagship store the Christmas movie starring Idris my very limited theology knowledge every day.) Much later, Dutch settlers and elsewhere across the country. Elba we all deserve. trying to remember when the Council (Today, Macy’s still has a hidden page 12 the paper december 5, 2018 Fighting Negative Energy with Yoga By Claire Nunez Yes, actually taking time for self-care works Editor-in-Chief do some core or leg stretches—this In the evening, I will try to go to a People always say, “take time for If you know me, you may not think makes it so much easier for me to sit yoga class in the gym or if I’m lucky, self-care!” Well, how many of you that I am a constant ball of stress. in a desk all day too. My joints don’t Chapel Yoga. Being with like-minded actually do it? Probably not that many. Well, I am not anymore. I have not people fills me with posi- I decided to make an effort to put felt stress like I used to for a very long tive vibes and gives us all time into myself every single day and time. It is a nice change of pace. Now the power to be. If I can’t it really changed my life. I cut out before you say I am just smoking a ton make it to class, I do a “bad” self-care practices like scrolling of weed, let me tell you I don’t smoke quick 20-minute routine through social media (these are bad the devil’s lettuce, nor have I reached in my apartment. I’m sure for me not necessarily you or anyone nirvana. I have learned to maintain the music is annoying to my else). my stress through a series of rituals in roommates and neighbors, Of course, there are days when work the morning and some at night. but at least it is soothing. and school are too hectic to take this As someone who has OCD, I need a I like to take time to force time, but even a shortened regimen is routine. No matter how small it may the bad energy out so I better than nothing. I made a promise be, a regimen keeps me grounded. It can have a restful evening to myself to take care of my physical took me some time to discover this, dedicated to whatever weird and mental well-being. I stayed true to but it has revolutionized my mood Netflix docu-series I am my goals and it worked. I had to dedi- and stress levels. I wake up every watching (right now it is 3 cate myself to the whole being— magis morning and I drink a ton of water, Wives, One Husband— rivet- as some Jesuits would probably say. shower, moisturize, and stretch. This ing stuff). I also take time With a happy body comes a healthy is the most important part for me. to do that physical self-care brain and vice versa. My stress has Yoga has become a central tenant stuff I do in the morning: decreased by an incredible amount— I to my grounding. I am allowed to get as much energy caked in them. It moisturizing, drinking water, taking am constantly amazed. With a little connect my mind and body in these sounds weird, but I truly do believe cinnamon supplements (they appar- bit of dedication and discipline, I few minutes every morning. I start that negative energy gets trapped in ently make you skinny— hasn’t hap- changed my life and it feels amazing. with a quick sun salutation and then your body. Yoga sets it free. pened yet, folks. Stay tuned). Solving a Rubik’s Cube is Impressive .... NOT!! By Manas Vani Staff Rubik’s Truther So easy, Justin Bieber can do it “Harvard study finds people who in the world do you solve it? You are with the second layer with just two assessment of skill where logical can solve a Rubik’s cube are more reading the right article then. First, algorithms. The third layer is easy, reasoning is concerned, but for that intelligent than Stephen Hawking and you complete a single side. If you too. What do you need to do? Just use you need to know mathematics and Albert Einstein combined” insert pieces properly and according four more algorithms sequentially algorithms. Furthermore, solving the Everyone has seen the scene where (that are also cube blindfolded is incredibly difficult Will Smith solves the Rubik’s cube available on the (you don’t solve the cube with blindfold from scratch. That scene makes Will internet) and the same way). Or solving it in a world Smith come across as a genius and you will be done record time may show that you are advances the notion that someone with the cube. smart. How fast? I would probably say with a cube instantly becomes smart. Then is solving faster than 15 seconds. Even I do not This is how we treat people. Movies the Rubik’s qualify for that. I can solve the cube are partly responsible for it because cube easy? Yes in 30 seconds. Overall, solving the they connect intelligence with the and no. I would Rubik’s cube involves memorizing cube. On the other hand, I saw Justin answer yes for algorithms and recognizing them. Bieber solve the cube. So, we can just solving the Saying that someone is smart just assume that to solve the cube you cube. If you because that person can solve it is do not need to be smart. If you have want to master a sweeping generalization based on some common sense you can learn the advanced one easily-learned skill. how to solve in half an hour. Solving method, that The Rubik’s cube is just the top a cube does not instantly make is another of the iceberg. There are other someone smart, and that is coming story. Learning challenging cubes like the 5x5x6 and from someone who knows how to the advanced others that really challenge the mind. solve it. I have been solving the cube method mainly Give them a shot! for the last four years. I know how to to center pieces, you are done with involves teaching yourself and solve it in advance method. You will one layer. The easiest one. The second coming up with algorithms. There be disappointed after reading this layer is also easy. You just have to use are no proper sources to learn all the article that solving a Rubik’s cube is URU’R’U’F’UF or U’L’ULUFU’F’ (the possible sequences. extremely easy. meanings of these are on the internet) Solving the cube with your own The cube looks complicated, so how based on the situation. You are done method is difficult and is a fair december 5, 2018 the paper page 13

the paper’s view Ask Bob and Judy

So long, farewell! Giving advice to a lost generation

Hello paper readers, Q: Do you have any fun holiday traditions? This is my last time writing the paper view and it is a bit sad, but at Bob: Every Christmas Eve I go to the bakery and buy the same time, I am very excited to move on. Spending my last of many 18 dozen glazed donuts. I don’t eat them. Instead, I weekends in the grimey McGinley basement is a bit bittersweet. I learned grind them into a fine powder that I sprinkle in Ju- so much from all of the amazing editors and writers I’ve worked with since I was a freshman. I am seriously looking forward to having free weekends dy’s morning yogurt every morning for the next year. again, but I will miss creating such a funky publication and my sweet and With all this added sugar and saturated fat that she’s dear editors and writers. I am so proud of how far you have all come-- and I eating, Judy starts to gain weight. This keeps her am so excited to see where you will go with this publication. Everyone say hello to the paper’s new Editors-in-Chief, Jack and from nagging me about how I need to exercise, since Meredith! I am very excited to see what they will create, the stories they she’s roughly the size of an eighteen-wheeler by Me- will cover and the new editors they will bring on. Although I will miss morial Day. contributing to the paper, I am confident that it will still be the weird publication it has been since its founding. I am wishing them all of the best and support! I am proud of you both. Thanks for being funky and cool. Judy: New Years Eve is the one time of year Bob and I have sweet intercourse. I always try to make it ro- xoxo, Claire mantic with wine and cheese, but he always insists we “do-the-do” in the back of his truck to the tune of “Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.” I hate the song, but damn that big truck gets me hot every time.

Fun fact: when I came to my first meeting for the paper my freshman Q: What’s your New Year’s Resolution? year I thought it was The Ram! I didn’t know there was a difference between the two publications or even that there were two publications! And to think Bob: Maybe, just maybe I can make a real change and three years later, I would be an Editor-in-Chief with my girl Claire, writing my become a better person. I don’t mean by being kinder last paper view. I’m thankful for freshman cluelessness because without it, and more compassionate. I want more money, more I probably would’ve never found the paper and would’ve never made the weirdest and best group of friends out there. I’m so incredibly proud of this fame, more glory, more cars, and a wife thirty years publication and grateful for all the people who made it what it is today. Super my junior. That’s my dream. shout out to Claire for riding solo last semester while I was abroad and being Judy: Knit more, bake more, kill Bob, spend more time the best co-editor I could ever have! I am looking forward to a semester of free weekends, but I will definite- with grandkids. ly miss Tuesday night meetings in McGinley 2nd and the endless shenani- gans of the print shop. I’m so excited for Jack and Meredith to take charge and leave their mark on this awesome publication! It’ll be weird taking a step back, but I will always be a fierce supporter and reader of Fordham’s only free speech and student-run paper!!

love, Colleen page 14 the paper december 5, 2018 Driving through Woods on a Snowy Evening By Katelynn Brown A Formal Complaint by Katelynn Browne Features and Lists Editor onto a different highway. I called my let him know I’d probably be home which was so bad it forced people to Listen. Commuting is fucking hard. brother to let him know I was going to in a half hour, given the state of the abandon their cars and walk off the Aside from a years long difficulty of be home way later than anticipated. traffic. That’s when my car began to bridge. I heard from others that it took attempting to integrate yourself into Anyway, Google Maps was all like slide. I jammed by foot on the brake 7 hours or more to get home. And, the Fordham community, the commute hey dude? There’s a faster route. - I was still sliding; I jammed my foot I’m going to be honest with you - I’ve itself can be a goddamn nightmare. I And I was like… bro! That’s sick. So I on the parking brake, to no avail - my never been this pissed at the NYC and really used to think that dealing with followed Google into the woods... car continued to slide into the car in “That’s when my an hour of rush hour traffic was bad, At this point, it was already dark. front of me, while I was on the phone until one fateful November afternoon, And Google decided to take me with my brother, which I honestly find car began to slide. November 15th, 2018 - the day that deep into the woods like this was a hilarious, because I just yelled to him changed me forever.. goddamn horror movie and I was the that I was crashing and he was like I jammed by foot on What ensued beginning at 3pm villain’s victim. No streetlights. No Oh No. Anyway, the person behind me the brake - I was still that day can only be described in the following three words: absolute sliding; I jammed my fucking hell. Disgustingly aggressive foot on the parking snowflakes began to reign their terror upon me. At first, it didn’t seem too brake, to no avail - my bad: it wasn’t sticking or anything, so I made one of the worst decision of my car continued to slide life - I waited until 3pm to leave school. into the car in front of I called my brother at home and he said it hadn’t started snowing up in me” Westchester yet and so I embarked on my tortuous journey. Westchester governments in my life. It took me about 1 hour to exit The gist of what Mayor de Blasio the Bronx, due to a large amount of was saying goes as follows: “we didn’t congestion caused by unplowed and know it was going to snow this bad unsalted roads. At this point, I figured so we didn’t prepare at all. Also the it may take me about maybe 2 or 2.5 forecasts were fake news. It’s not hours to get home, which sucked, my fault; it’s all the stupid people but it had taken me that long to get who tried to drive home in a blizzard home a few times before and I figured during rush hour’s fault.” And that’s I’d be fine. (Foreshadowing.) I finally fucking bullshit. The snow started at 1pm. Rush hour starts at 4pm, and “I continued my slow gets really bad at 5pm.There should have, at a minimum, been salting. descent into madness” New York is a snow-prone area; it’s literally ludicrous that we were made my way to Yonkers, where the unprepared for a blizzard, and it’s toll man gave me shit for not having houses. Just straight up woods. Shit also crashed into me and that sucked. even worse to me that no one wants my EZ Pass out and he kept insisting was spooky, dude. I knew vaguely (Luckily there was no damage to my to take accountability for endangering I pay him $1.25, even though I had I was in Briarcliff or Sleepy Hollow, car, or to my person.) thousands of New Yorkers trying to an EZ Pass, but he was like “it’s too but in a much realer sense, I had Now, I was having a full mental get home to their families after a long late. $1.25” and I was rummaging no idea where I was for this entire breakdown. I literally got into an day of work or school. through my pockets looking for money hour, creeping at a steady 10-15 mph accident; I needed to use the I hope de Blasio and George and there was a car behind me and through winding roads that seemed to bathroom; I had been driving for Latimer (Westchester Co. Executive), I was really stressed and I’m pretty lead nowhere. I stopped twice to clear at least three hours; I wanted or whoever’s responsible for snow sure that’s not how EZ Passes work the snow that was steadily attaching desperately to be home and have a removal prepares well for the next but sure anyway he was such a dick itself to my windshield wipers with my cup of tea. I thought I was close, but storm. Regardless, there’s no fucking that I cried a little bit after. bare hands. I was losing my goddamn no! They closed the only road I can way I’m driving home in the snow I continued my slow descent into mind. use to get home for two hours. So I again anytime soon. I’ll sleep on madness. Eventually, I saw a place I knew. was stuck 5 miles from my house Keating steps if I have to. An hour later I reached White Plains, Ossining High School, the local high for two whole hours. Eventually, they which roughly marks the halfway point school one town over from where I reopened the road, and I got home. between my house and Fordham. I live. I cried again - this time tears of And that ended my journey. proceeded to get stuck in non-moving joy. I was 5 minutes from home. Or so I’ve heard similar stories from traffic at a fork in the road for about I thought. I drove cautiously down a people who commute to and from 30 minutes, attempting to merge steep hill and stopped behind another Manhattan. There was a massive pile car for a while. I called my brother to up on the George Washington Bridge december 5, 2018 the paper page 15

What Netflix Original Xmas Movie Should You Watch? by Colleen Burns This is some jolly investigative journalism, people Co-Editor in Chief probably a week, prince saving female Prince a run for its money. It’s basically party girl turned caring philanthropist If you love rom coms, cringe humor, lead from wolf attack, betrayal by a non a combination of The Parent Trap, The transformation is unbeatable. She Christmas, and trash TV, then you’re immediate family member, dramatic Princess and the Pauper, What A Girl learns how to help others and that’s probably obsessed with NOCMs fallout about lying, dramatic makeup Wants, and Cake Wars. The general plot what’s really important! I will say that (Netflix Original Christmas Movie, like about true love, and more. revolves around a Chicago baker who at first, you may think that love interest DCOM except I made it up). NOCMs switches places with lookalike Duchess Jake Collins played by Jake Lacy is not are cheesier than mozzarella, riddled A Christmas Prince: The Royal of Montanaro, both played by Vanessa hot. As you watch the movie, you will with cliché after cliché, and are actual Wedding Hudgens. During realize that he’s actually totally cute! trash (and sometimes, objectively bad) I won’t lie to you: their switcheroo, movies. But it’s the kind of trash that the sequel is kind both women The Holiday Calendar we love and crave. Don’t tell me you of disappointing. end up falling This movie EMBODIES Christmas don’t love mocking these movies and I was expecting in love, making magic, as the anti-Christmas being snarky! Don’t tell me you’re not huge Meghan switching back protagonist obtains a magic Advent invested in these characters because Markle vibes from rather difficult! calendar that predicts what each day it’s been 45 minutes and you haven’t the trailer, and I was mildly will bring her. This is the perfect modern stopped watching! Don’t tell me these that just was not disappointed that day Scrooge movie and will make you movies are highly predictable and delivered. Instead Vanessa Hudgens want a magic Advent calendar of your unrealistic because that’s the damn of a romantic didn’t sing at all own. If that isn’t enough incentive to point!! Good, now that we’re all on Christmas movie, I in this movie— watch, then you should also know this the same page, which Netflix Original got a movie about seriously missed movie definitely has the hottest cast Christmas movie should you watch the economic opportunity. compared to other casts in the holiday next (or re-watch)? depression of However, this rom com genre. Aldovia and movie gets an A Christmas Prince secret financial A+ for Christmas Christmas Wedding Planner A Christmas Prince is the holy grail crimes causing it. magic, which I’m only going to say this once: this of Netflix Original Christmas Movies. While I appreciate honestly should movie sucked. Did I sit there and What makes this movie so grand is that the attempt at a more substantial plot, be a major tenant of all NOCM. watch the whole thing? Yes. Would I the writers decided to take inspiration there were many scenes and dialogue do it again? Probably not. Do I regret from all your favorite movies and fit in the movie that are recycled from the Christmas Inheritance watching it? Never. The general plot is a every trope possible in 92 minutes first one. I’m clearly all about reusing You should watch Christmas girl planning her cousin’s wedding. The while still creating a cohesive plot: clichés here, but did they need to go Inheritance if you’re just starting out in bride’s ex-boyfriend, who is actually a lying about identity, being a struggling toboggan sledding in both movies? this new holiday rom-com genre. Maybe private investigator, comes back into writer, being a clueless American, male ALSO, I was extremely let down by the you’re not used to the cringe humor town to seemingly congratulate the lead has misleadingly bad reputation, wedding. To be frank, Amber’s dress yet. Maybe you need a little time to fully bride but was really hired to investigate spunky little sister, British accents in a sucks!! Totally still watch the movie, appreciate the brilliance of A Christmas the groom. But wait, there’s more! He fictional country whose name ending but don’t hold it to the impossible Prince. If that’s the case, then you should ends up falling in love with the wedding in the letters “ia”, #imperialism, standards set from the first one. definitely watch Christmas Inheritance, planner. The ending of this movie is deceased father forcing prince to which I found to be a truly beautiful beyond ridiculous (even for me), and become king, deceased mother to The Princess Switch and, at times, tear-jerking movie! The there is a great lack of Christmas magic make him relatable, discovering The Princess Switch is practically the spirit of Christmas and overall notion and spirit. That’s just unacceptable; hidden family secrets, falling in love in only other NOCM that gives A Christmas of kindness combined with the rich watch at your own risk. page 16 the paper december 5, 2018 It’s Time to Wake Up to Wake Child Events by Gabby Curran This college band is worth a listen What: Adults Only Copy Editor it sooner (then again, my listening “Don’t Fall in Love.” Unfortunately, as “Bar Car Nights” at the How often do you listen to your to “Friday I’m in Love” by The Cure they are a student band and are still Botanical Garden Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify? at least three times a day, whether it in school, they can’t dedicate all of If you’re like me, not often at all. Why is actually Friday or not, does get in their time to recording new songs and Where: The Botanical discover new music when you can the way of going out and looking for releasing them accordingly. Looking Garden listen to your favorite album from new music to listen to). I don’t think at their timeline, it seems that their When: Fridays and 11th grade on loop for three weeks I’m exaggerating when I say the song release schedule is rather spaced straight? A few weeks ago, however, I isn’t like anything I’ve ever listened to out. “In the End”, “Hangup Blues”, Saturdays at 7-10pm, took a chance and decided to check before. It combines captivating lyrics and “Kathaleen” were all released at from Dec 7th to January out what Spotify’s shadowy algorithm with a killer baseline, hard-hitting various points throughout 2017, while 15th thought I would like. Now, I don’t make percussion, and a hypnotizing and “Don’t Fall In Love”, their latest single, a lot of good decisions; in fact, I make ambient melody played on an electric came out in April of this year. How Much: Use your a troublingly low number of them for guitar and a synth (at least, I think it’s All things considered, though, all Fordham ID and get in for someone who is allowed to vote and an electric guitar and a synth; on the four songs are absolute bangers in free!! decide on the future of this country. off-chance that Wake Child is reading their own, different way. “In the End” But listening to my Spotify Discover this, please bear in mind that I don’t has a much fuller and heavier sound Why: There’s bars, fire playlist, however, was one of these rare study music and haven’t taken lessons than “Kathaleen”, while “Hangup pits, ice sculptures, and excellent life choices, because it on the subject since high school). Blues” has a much more bluesy feel acapella groups; i mean introduced me to the as-of-yet little- Wake Child’s website states that they to it than either of those songs. “Don’t known about band Wake Child. recorded “Kathaleen” at an old cabin Fall in Love”, for its part, is jazz meets what more can you ask Created by three students at Berklee in the Catskills, which definitely fits progressive rock––kind of like what I for? I’ll tell you what you College of Music in Boston, Wake in with the haunting yet mellow and imagine a collaboration between Kurt can ask for: a late night Child is an indie band that fuses Cobain and Louis Armstrong alternative rock with psychedelic would sound like, if they’d showing of the Train Show. sounds and jazzy rhythms. gotten a chance to meet. It’s the whole Christmas The band’s members––Danny All four songs have similar, package how can you say Silberstein, Terrell Hines, and Austin yet very different, feels to Max––hail from California, Georgia, them, from their lyrics to no? and Tennessee, respectively. Their the instruments used to musical backgrounds are just as the overall ambience that What: Zombie & horror diverse––Silberstein, a singer- they create. It’s a rather songwriter, has a solo EP out from remarkable feat, to release convention before he founded Wake Child, four songs with four different Where: The New Jersey entitled “Static Noise and Other auras in the span of a year Convention and Exposition Miscellaneous Sounds”; Max, a and a half, and it makes it all guitarist, is reportedly more of an the more stunning to me that Center in Edison, NJ improviser when it comes to his none of the band’s singles When: Dec 8th-9th music; and Hines, a former gospel on Spotify have broken a How Much: $50 on drummer, draws much of his million plays yet. inspiration from the psychedelic So, if you’ve got a break Saturday, $40 on Sunday jazz and modern trap genres. The between listening to Britney (but if you go on www. band considers its sound as “[a Spears for the 80th time of events12.com you can get synthetization of] the hometowns the day and Ariana Grande of California, Georgia and for the 120th, Wake Child is a ticket for $9.50!) Tennessee into a melting pot of absolutely worth your time to Why: If you still like the Psych/R&B brilliance [with] bluesy check out. They’re also very Walking Dead then theres guitars and effortless harmonies.” This easy-going vibe of the song. I must receptive to feedback––my boyfriend wide assortment in backgrounds and have listened to “Kathaleen” at least a and I reached out to them via email to a whole convention musical education definitely shows in dozen times the first day that I heard ask if they were planning on releasing waiting for you in New the various, eclectic elements of their it; there was a weird, unknown quality anything new soon, and they responded Jersey. Take a break from songs that they somehow manage to about it that kept me hitting rewind within a matter of hours. And though piece together flawlessly. every time it ended. they’ve only got four singles out for finals to meet Norman The first song I heard from them–– My interest piqued, I headed to now, they’ve apparently got a fifth in the Reedus and ask him the song that appeared on my Discover the band’s Spotify page and was works, set for release in early 2019. As about Death Stranding. Weekly playlist––was their third single, disappointed to find that it had only for me, I’ll be replaying “Kathaleen” in “Kathaleen.” It was released over a released three singles other than lieu of The Cure while I wait. year ago, in early November 2017, “Kathaleen” in the past two years– and I was surprised that I hadn’t heard –“In the End”, “Hangup Blues”, and december 5, 2018 the paper page 17 Why Should You Watch Skins? It Is a Good Show. Shows by Olivia Langenberg Self-proclaimed anglophile tells you why. F&L Editor What: Los Nutcrackers: girl who gets a new stepdad every few sucks and I hated everything about I had a huge obsession with anything A Christmas Carajo months. Tony’s best friend Sid, played his relationship with Effy. Anyways.. related to the UK when I was a teenager. by Mike Bailey, is pretty much the the second generation features the Where: Bronx Academy I was pretty dedicated—I proudly opposite. He’s super lazy, unmotivated, absolute best lovers of the entire show: of Arts and Dance, 2474 described myself as an anglophile and awkward. The rest of their friend Emily and Naomi. It’s really touching (ew), I wore head-to-toe Union Jack Westchester Ave group is a jumbled mix of misfits. We’ve to watch Emily come to terms with her flag apparel, I told everyone London got Jal, a talented clarinet player that feelings for Naomi, as well as the two’s When: Fridays and was my favorite city (even though I’d everyone else thinks is a prude, Chris, fears about being in a gay relationship. Saturdays from Dec.1st never been there), and I watched a lot self-described as “inadequate” and Other than these characters I’ve just of British television. I had an account to Dec.15th at 8pm definitely addicted to drugs, Maxxie, mentioned, I don’t care much for the with E4, which is a British television rest of the group, which might be why How Much: $25 channel, complete with a fake UK Why: Its a comedic address, just so I could watch all the shows I saw screencapped on Tumblr. LGBTQ+ take on the While I do look on this phase of my Nutcracker and A life in shame, I am proud of certain Christmas Carol, whats things—one of which is the television show Skins. not to like? Skins first aired on channel E4 in 2007. It was considered quite controversial What: John Waters at the time because it showcased sex, drugs, mental illness, eating disorders, Christmas sexual orientation, death, substance Where: City Winery, 155 abuse, and awful family dynamics. The Varick St, in NYC series ran for 6 seasons with a new cast every two years. My fellow Skins When: Sunday, Dec. 9th fans know each cast respectively as at 8pm first, second, and third generations. How Much: $50-$125 The second generation cast is the most romanticized, with Effy Stonem Why: John Waters does as the face of the generation. Even if a crazy Christmas Show you’ve never seen Skins before, you an openly gay dancer, Anwar, a Muslim I don’t romanticize this generation as every year, and he absolutely have seen gifs and images that is obsessed with sex, and Cassie, much as Tumblr does. of Effy all over Tumblr. directed “Hairspray” so a sweet quiet girl struggling with Should I even include a paragraph One of the reasons I like this show so anorexia. Each episode focuses on one about the third generation? I won’t. it’s worth checking out! much is the fact that each cast is filled of the characters, exploring whatever It’s not awesome. I appreciate the with nondescript British teenagers who personal issues they’re dealing with androgyny of Franky, this generation’s haven’t really acted in anything else. What: Micro-Nut Cracker in juxtaposition of going to college Tony and Effy, but there isn’t a lot more There are a few exceptions, as Nicholas and getting fucked up all the time. The I can say here. Instead, I’ll talk briefly Where: 21 Snyder Ave, in Hoult and Dev Patel have gone on to second season with this cast is shaken about Skins season 7, which I actually Brooklyn be rather recognizable, but I have a by a car accident involving Tony and a watched in real time as it aired in 2013. tough time remembering any other When: Sunday, Dec. 16 really heartbreaking death of one of the Apparently there were talks about a shows/movies the rest of the cast is in. group members. Also… Daniel Kaluuya movie spinoff, but instead the creators at 2pm and 4pm Something about that makes them feel is in this generation. If anything, watch shot 6 episodes following some of the How Much: $10 more real to me, and I am so attached the show for him alone. (Side note: my most lovable former cast members: to these characters that it’s honestly Why: Apparently this biggest qualm with Skins is that a main Cassie, Effy, and Cook. Watching them embarrassing. cast member dies every generation. in their adulthood is kind of amazing show is only 16 minutes, The first generation cast is my My heart cannot take it.) after seeing their messy lives in college. but manages to fit a personal favorite, and I’ve been The second generation focuses on There was an absolute garbage U.S. rewatching those seasons over the modern citique on Tony’s younger sister, Effy, and her remake of Skins in 2011, which was past month. Tony Stonem, played by random group of friends. Effy was cancelled after one season. Obviously, consumerism into its Nicholas Hoult, is perhaps the “main” featured intermittently throughout this showcases how superior UK bitesized runtime character. He’s an absolute tool—the the first generation, which makes television is to U.S.. if you ignore guy you simultaneously have a fat crush her the longest running cast member Shameless. While I’d like to say I’m on and want to punch in the mouth. He’s on the show. Effy is super open with less of a wannabe-Brit these days, I just witty, manipulative, and a total ladies’ her sexuality, but inevitably ends up can’t hide my obsession with Skins. It’s man, even though he’s supposed to be in a love triangle with Freddie and good. Watch it. in a relationship with Michelle, the hot Cook. Unpopular opinion: Freddie page 18 the paper december 5, 2018 Hasan Minhaj’s Patriot Act Stands Out Among Other Political Comedies by Zahir Quader Prepare to laugh and learn Staff Funny Guy Patriot Act is still relatively new and has to the comedic form he uses. Other world today. Hello, dear readers, it’s ya boi the big not had many episodes air yet, but the comedians go for the explicit and in- In a world saturated in Z coming live from the Arts Section to few that have range from Supreme to your-face approach that is saturated tell you about the wokest, brownest, Saudi Arabia. with the toxic masculinity that sparked political comedy shows, it is and most fun political comedy show on Patriot Act’s episodes give a fresh the #MeToo movement. He is also not truly a standout feature. Netflix. Hasan Minhaj’s Patriot Act. take on many issues in our society from a stick-to-the-script surface level kind Not only does it have the first brown Hasan Minhaj has been a prominent Amazon’s cut throat business practices of guy. Minhaj’s comedic style does not host of a comedy, but its unique sight on television for years, appearing to detrimental immigration policies to only use humor in a relatable and fun style and energy is refreshing and on TV as a Daily Show correspondent the monetary value of hype Minhaj is way that integrates both his cultural new compared to its many other and a hype bro in Pizza Hut commercials. leaving no topic unaddressed. Besides background, popular culture, and a counterparts. While many may say it His hit comedy special Homecoming his woke brownness and raw charisma, dash of wokeness, but he can get real is more of what we already see on TV, King also recently premiered in 2017 Hasan Minhaj is a true standout in at times as well. He has spoken about as Hasan pointed out “He is the brown on Netflix. Born to Indian Muslim political comedy. heartbreaks of his past, near death one.” parents in 1985, he was raised in As the child of immigrants, experiences, and racial prejudices he It is truly a wonderful experience for Davis, California. His upbringing greatly has experienced throughout his life. people like me to have a comedian influences on his work. Minhaj is a sort of cultural In Patriot Act Hasan Minhaj tackles who we can relate to socially. Someone Patriot Act is unique when it comes bridge. real issues in a way that other people whose appearance on the stage says to the informative political comedy He can understand and relate to in his position do not. He adds his maybe a guy like me could be up there show in more than one way. For one the plights of immigrants while at the special spin and perspective to issues one day. Essentially, Patriot Act can be thing, it is the first brown and Muslim same time be fully connected to the that no else in the industry can. The summarized as the newest, brownest, Late Night Host. Minhaj is unique in experiences of growing up in America. way he speaks is relatable and he and wokest show on Netflix and if it’s this genre not only for his fresh takes Patriot Act is a series that educates serious issues easier for mainstream not your cup of tea you can always on the issues, but also for being able people about contemporary issues audiences to understand. follow Hasan’s advice and “watch a to bring elements of Desi culture to a that they might not else be aware of Patriot Act is a groundbreaking show. better version, with John Oliver two wider audience who otherwise would because knowing is half the battle. It breaks barriers and enlightens minds weeks later.” not be exposed to these elements. Minhaj is a standout when it comes about the various issues plaguing our Some Words On “Some Rap Songs” by Noah Kotlarek Here’s an in depth listen to Earl Sweatshirt’s new album Staff Rap Star Earl describes the beats as, a “snake It sounds like has the “typical Earl” with antidepressants, ignoring his Earl Sweatshirt, an Illinoisan raised eating its tail,” achieving a fidgety sound. It’s the most lyrically technical mother’s advice, and mood swings. in California, has returned with his feeling, which is surprisingly relaxing, and impressive track. It’s the one you The track closes with him accepting new album Some Rap Songs, and like a strong wave quickly crashing would have someone who is unfamiliar that he must take heed to his mother’s in fact his album is some rap songs. over and over again into a dock. The words and that he must change his It has been a little over three years production does not feel refined either. self-destructive ways. since he released his previous album, Listening to it with earphone does “The Bends!” is about adapting to IDLSIDGO, in 2015. Some Rap Songs not feel like listening to it but rather circumstance and taking ownership has been delayed many times. Many walking by a 2010 cellphone inside of your life. Earl raps, “Bend, we don’t fans were expecting it to drop in June a tin lying on the street in the rain, break… it’s the puppet master, all but the death of Earl Sweatshirt’s distorted. This is not a bad thing. It’s the strings in my hand.” He also the father, Keorapetse Kgositsile, a South a unique and novel sound, refreshing emphasizes the importance of staying African poet and activist, in January really. close to his family because “we all we slowed production. The album requires a few listens got,” “peace to my mans (his father), Some Rap Songs was released on before it grows on the listener. At first gotta go be with your fam more.” the November 30, 2018, though a it the album seems underwhelming. with Earl listen to. Here he discusses “Riot!” is both the final and brightest leaked on Reddit a day before. The Unlike his previous album which was how he has cleaned up his alcohol and tune which sounds like it could be the album consists of fifteen tracks, most featured tidy beats and precise, clear, drug problem. It’s the most “likeable” credit score for a movie. It features under two minutes. The album is a and sharp vocals, Some Rap Songs but not most unique. The introductory upbeat drums and upbeat trumpets. quick and nostalgic but cheery listen. is loose. Half the time, on the slower beat in the song is reminiscent of a ‘Tis worthwhile give “Some Rap The beats are simplistic, repetitive, songs, it seems Earl is falling asleep Joji track. “Ontheway! (feat. Standing Songs” a listen or two. Its lackluster and unclean. If the album were an halfway through the line. Frequently, On The Corner)” brings a smile to properties are what makes it special. object it would be a dark wet clay pot Earl’s voice seems like it is going in four your face. It’s a hopeful song and You’ll hear sound that you haven’t before it is smoothed out and put in different directions further distorting the background instruments reflect heard before. Though it covers some kiln. The tracks are not grandiose, the tune. it. Throughout the track the beat is tough topics you’ll have finished the braggadocios, nor refined. It feels Track 4 and 5 are the most standout. bright but the beginning lyrics are album feeling relaxed. Everything will earthy, like magma bubbling from “December 24” is Earl’s safest track. depressing. He describes his struggles work out. crust or steam coming off a geyser. december 5, 2018 the paper page 19 The Common Man’s Top 10 Christmas Movies by Jack Archambault Merry Crimbis! Happy Chrystler! Opinions Editor running around, but keeping track of bring toys to the good little girls and his poor ass from another country, and Every year at Christmas, my oldest five kids should not be as hard as they boys of Sombertown, the star of the Uncle Frank looks like he’s just happy sister insists on watching White make it seem. Santa should give Mrs. show is the tyrannical Burgermeister to be free of the little jerk. Kevin was Christmas, and every year I watch the McCallister a nice leash for Christmas Meisterburger. Throw in some catchy well within his rights to trash the house first 40-ish to keep her son on. songs and this is a must-watch every and have a ball. I would have done the minutes, get Christmas. same thing if I had his family. bored at the 9) White Christmas part where 7.4/10 Bing Crosbys 5) It’s a Wonderful Life 3) National Lampoon’s Christmas Bing Crosby White Christmas’s biggest crime is 8.3/10 guys who are bummed out Vacation and Danny its gross misrepresentation of Vermont because they didn’t take their friend 8.9/10 holiday bonuses Kaye arrive in winter. I spent five days in Vermont Sam’s advice and invest in plastic The first time I saw this movie was in Vermont, last winter. The temperature never got “What if you were never born?” is a in art class in 10th grade, and my and make my above zero, and it snowed four out of the very different question than, “What if art teacher got a little too excited at way into the five days. Of course, if you only watched you killed yourself?” It’s a Wonderful the part where Clark Griswold buys kitchen where I eat snacks, rejoining White Christmas, you would think that Life attempts to answer the former women’s underwear at a department the family every ten minutes or so when Vermont around Christmastime is the when it should be answering the latter. store. He was standing in the back of a song that I like comes on. But despite tropics, which simply isn’t true. Still, I saw it for the first time last year, the class, muttering, “Yeah, Grizz is the the fact that I’ve never actually seen the and it was one of the few movies that man,” under his breath, and I’ve never movie all the way through, Christmas 8) A Charlie Brown Christmas has ever made me cry. That should been more creeped out in my life. wouldn’t be complete without it. And 7.8/10 Linus monologues count for something, right? It does – this is what makes a great Christmas As Charlie Brown fails to find joy during fifth place on this list. 2) Elf movie great. They might not all be the holiday season, Linus reminds 9.3/10 South Pole elves critically acclaimed masterpieces, but him, and all of us, that Christmas is a 4) Home Alone Are you sensing a trend? I like funny at their best they inject us with an time for generosity and reconciliation. 8.5/10 filthy animals things. Sue me. Also, for anyone unmistakable feeling of holiday spirit. Despite my best efforts, however, I’ve On the topic of Kevin McCallister interested in dying this winter, try the It just wouldn’t be Christmas without always found myself relating more to wishing his family would disappear, let Buddy Breakfast: spaghetti, maple them. So, without further ado, here are Sally, who sees Christmas as a time for, me just say that I get it. The poor kid is syrup, sprinkles, mini-marshmallows, the top ten Christmas movies for the “Getting all you can while the getting is treated like dirt in his own home. His chocolate syrup, M&M’s, and frosted common man. good.” oldest brother, Buzz, is an unrepentant chocolate fudge Pop Tarts. Yum. P.S. For the purpose of these bully, as are his other brother, rankings, Die Hard is not considered a 7) Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Jeff, his two older sisters, his numerous 1) A Christmas Story Christmas movie. Christmas (the one with real people) cousins, and his uncle Frank. In one 10/10 Red Ryder BB guns 8/10 roast beasts excruciating 50-second sequence, The holy grail of all Christmas movies. Honorable Mentions: The Santa Undoubtedly the greatest film Kevin is told to eat Buzz’s barf, learns he The undisputed champion. The winner Clause, Miracle on 34th Street, adaptation of the Dr. Seuss classic, this has to share a bed with his bed-wetting of the major award. No movie has more Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A movie gives us the Grinch backstory cousin, Fuller, is called a “little jerk” memorable lines, iconic scenes, and Christmas Carol we need. It also left the door open for (by Uncle Frank) and a “disease” (by relatable characters than A Christmas perverts online to speculate about what Jeff), and is banished to the attic by his Story. I was nine when I saw this movie 10) Home Alone 2: Lost in New York a 50 Shades of Green story featuring mother. If that happened to me, you’d for the first time, and I laughed so hard 7/10 Kevins Martha and the Grinch might look like. better believe I’d wish for my family to I got stomach cramps. 11 years later, Mr. and Mrs. McCallister should disappear too. To make matters worse, the result is the same. Try to watch not be allowed to be parents. Most 6) Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town when the rest of the family finds out this movie and not be overcome with people don’t lose their house keys as 8.1/10 Zingle Kringles that they left Kevin behind, his mom simultaneous fits of laughter and often as they lose their son. Fun fact: This is the greatest origin story in is the only one who seems to care. His waves of nostalgia and excitement for they only have five children. It seems the history of origin stories. But as dad appears pleasantly bewildered, Christmas morning. I triple dog dare ya. like more because of all the cousins great as it is to see young Kris Kringle Buzz and Kevin’s other sisters roast page 20 the paper december 5, 2018 junior year of college, told through spongebob memes

me realizing that my final papers won’t “yeah, mom, everything is going super well” write themselves

me showing obscene amounts of me leaving a party after drunkenly affection to everyone i know embarrassing myself me realizing i have an assignment due in 10 minutes

how i look at myself in the mirror when the subway makes me late for work after not showering for 3 days for the third week in a row me trying to take care of myself december 5, 2018 the paper page 21

Hello paper pals - what is up? generation just doesn’t know how once told a local reporter he’s Bradley wants to look at me How are you doing? I hope good. to live in the moment anymore.. “been around for a lot longer than The best movie of 2018, “A Star Now that that’s out of the way, we know.” At least for now, the is Born,” also produced some of we asked our editors one of the Can I please have a cat me, NHL is enough to contain him. But the best memes of the year. My most important questions of the thank you? someday, I think we all already personal favorite captures the year - what is your favorite meme I love cats. So naturally my favorite know that he will escape. scene where Bradley Cooper calls of 2018? meme of 2018 involves cats. It’s out “hey” from his car window to the Polite Cat meme! It’s 100% a MARK ZUCKERBURG. Lady Gaga as she’s walking back I Kissed a Gorl fake chain of texts but who cares Honestly, I was a pretty big fan of to her house and she asks “what?” My favorite meme of 2018 has because it’s funny and cute. A the Mark Zuckerberg memes that His response, in his grizzled faux- to be the one with Gru from person receives at text from the ensued during those hearings. I western voice, is “I just wanted to Despicable Me as Ru Paul. I think landlord saying “It is clear in the liked watching him inhumanly take take another look at you.” This is this is just really hilarious because lease: no pets are allowed in a sip of his water while looking a perfect movie scene to turn into Despicable Me is garbage. I love the apt. Sorry.” Then the person like the Brain from Pinky and the a meme, because it is both super when anything that has the word send back a really quirky (maybe Brain. The memes that made fun romantic and also really corny. “girls” in it is replaces with “gorls”. photoshopped?) picture of a cat, of the fact that he is not human, Variations of the meme include Like, Katy Perry’s “California Gorls” and the landlord gives in and and he definitely an android were substituting various people such is hilarious with girls replaced. It says, “OK I will make an exception very good. There was a pretty good as Gritty or It replacing Lady Gaga is something you really just need because he looks very polite.” one where someone compared or, changing what Cooper says, for to look up and listen to because Don’t we all deserve a landlord Zucc to Lt. Data (an android from example, asking Lady Gaga “ain’t my writing about it will not do it who understands the superiority Star Trek: the Next Generation). you that rah rah bitch?” merging justice of cats? Meow. I love cats. two great Lady Gaga memes. TIK TOK (by Ke$ha?) #YOLO Gritty Say what you want about Tik-Tok, We begged Marty to write this No other meme combines Gritty is my favorite meme of a platform who’s entire user base I don’t do memes. I’ve never really nostalgia, sarcasm, and the 2018. Honestly, I don’t even think is so ironic that it actually bent “done” memes. “Meme culture” bitter cynicism our generation of Gritty memes as memes at this over onto itself like a mobius strip seems to move so terrifyingly feels towards Baby Boomers as point since they feel more like and became unironic again, but fast that I’ve only ever felt brave seamlessly as the “Not a Cell Phone prophecies. He is the best part goddamn if there aren’t some enough to take apprehensive in Sight” meme does. If America’s of our cursed timeline. Gritty is spicy memes on there! From the peeks into this whirlwind of elders are so eager to return to the beast W.B. Yeats describes “Good Girls Like Bad Guys” meme information. In one of these rare a time when technology wasn’t in “The Second Coming.” to the iconic “HIT OR MISS, I instances, however, I found “they prevalent, then why not apply Philadelphia’s adulation of Gritty GUESS THEY NEVER MISS, HUH?” did surgery on a grape.” Never such a deeply condescending is like if Crete suddenly decided to Tik-Tok has become a goldmine have laughed so uncontrollably at phrase to the Cambrian Era? Why start merchandizing the Minotaur. for memey garbage and I’m here something so stupid. Somehow, it not admire a tribe of trilobites (a He doesn’t even really have to for it. It’s hard to choose a favorite, makes the grape more fleshy and tribobite, if you will) admirably... be a sports mascot - he’s like just like it’s hard to choose a hero human when it’s being dissected living...doing nothing...without the Platonic ideal of 2018 itself, in Overwatch, just don’t choose with human tools. And that shit checking their Instabooks and slumping towards Philadelphia to Tracer, because I’M ALREADY makes my skin crawl, but also, it’s Snapgrams? God dammit, this be born. A representative of Gritty TRACER just a grape! Just a fuckin grape! page 22 the paper december 5, 2018 “BAD!” The Capitol Studio Sessions XXXTentacion Jeff Goldblum David Kennedy Katelynn Browne

So, full disclosure, I was never a fan of X, his passing didn’t really change that, In the words of Jerry Seinfeld as Barry and the heinous abuse allegations had B Benson in the hit cinematic master- something to do with it. It’s hard for me piece, Bee Movie, “do ya like jazz?” to hear him say “I gave her everything” And to answer my own question, I do on a track, and not immediately think now. Jeff Goldblum’s jazz album The Dummy Boy in the first place: rapping with such un- he’s being dishonest and immature. Capitol Studio Sessions is an absolute 6ix9ine restrained venom that listeners have That said, I also don’t want to spend delight. I’ve never really listened to my 250 words congratulating myself Jack Archambault no choice but to get hyped. Songs jazz of my own volition, but I have to from his first album like “BILLY” and for frowning on a dead person so I’ll try say I really enjoyed listening to this al- “KEKE” actually probably definitely to focus on the music. bum. The melodies were smooth and go too hard, but that is what makes Posthumously released, but calming, making the listening experi- 6ix9ine 6ix9ine. When I listen to him, supposedly finished while he was still ence feel like I was a woman of the I expect to feel like I have fire coursing alive, “BAD!” is a good example of a highest class. This is the sort of album through my veins and like I can eat a characteristic XXXTentacion track. you play while taking a bath, glass of bucketful of glass shards. On DUMMY It’s got an infectious hook, druggy, wine in hand, candles glowing around BOY, he achieves this in small doses depressive atmosphere, and it’s you in your $1.6 million home. with “TATI” and “KIKA”, but all too incredibly short, two choruses, one The only thing I wasn’t a fan of was often he is either overshadowed by verse. X’s strengths are in the hooks the weird old-fashioned dialogues that the artists he features or spits inco- and his line delivery, which in this occured from time to time between herent nonsense. For example, the instance are taken to a whiny pitch Goldblum and the female singers - Tekashi 6ix9ine’s sophomore album last 45 seconds of “WONDO” feature that might sound better coming from they’re meant to be flirtatious and DUMMY BOY is bad, but that’s probably TrifeDrew yelling, “DVDs, porno tapes.” Trippie Redd, not his best. playful, but honestly I found them to the least of his worries right now. The Nonstop. On a two-minute song. That It doesn’t help that “BAD!” is another be really uncomfortable! I therefore rapper, who currently faces life in means that 37.5% of the song is devot- song where X seems to be complaining was not a fan of Come-On-A-My House prison on racketeering charges, fails to ed to shouting about DVDs and porn, about a woman. X’s lyrics are pretty which was way too overtly sexual in rap with the type of unabashed vitriol which is not exactly a great look for a simple, but he emphasizes rudimentary tone for my comfort. I’m not here to that was present on his first album, guy who was found guilty of using a wordplay to make his observations listen to someone seduce Jeff Gold- Day69: Graduation Day. Instead, he child in a sexual performance in 2015. sound cleverer than they are. For blum? opts for quieter tracks that are heavy on In an interview with Angie Martinez example, on this track the woman is Regardless of these very minor features in what I can only assume are about “FEFE”, 6ix9ine said, “I didn’t “bad” and “profane” like a “bad word.” complaints, all of the musicians were attempts at capitalizing on his sudden put no effort into that shit.” With What that’s actually supposed to exceedingly talented, especially the fame and becoming a mainstream DUMMY BOY being as bad as it is and convey about this woman, and how X trumpet player and all the vocalists success. his life going up in flames, it might not feels about her, I don’t know. Perhaps, featured on this album. If you’re look- Take “FEFE”, a collaboration with be a bad idea for 6ix9ine to change like cursing, she’s alluring because ing to feel relaxed and bougie, give Nicki Minaj and actually one of the his tack and start trying just a little. she’s somehow forbidden? The verse this album a try! You’ll be sure to feel better songs on the album. 6ix9ine is only four lines so he didn’t really smooth as fuck. and Minaj take turns rapping over Favorite Track: “KIKA” give himself the space to elaborate. On a soft beat in a marked change of the whole, the track is just pointlessly Favorite Track: “It Never Entered My pace from 6ix9ine’s usual aggressive, bitter. X made good on his promise to Mind” punchy style. Released as a single spread bad vibes, and I don’t have any over the summer, “FEFE” climbed to use for them right now. number three on the Billboard Hot 100. Unfortunately, most of the songs on DUMMY BOY feel like cheap attempts to replicate its success. On a couple of occasions, 6ix9ine goes back to what made him popular december 5, 2018 the paper page 23 Dicaprio 2 Medium Rarities Favorite Track: “Cannibalistic this album still managed to hit me like JID Cattle Decapitation Invasivorism” a freight train, and I’ve been dancing Jack O’Brien Christian Decker and crying for days. The album is wrapped up with “I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)” which is so powerful that I can’t even write anything more about it. This album is a complete masterpiece, which excites me as a huge ’75 fan because they are already A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships working on a follow-up album Notes The 1975 On A Conditional Form, due early Olivia Langenberg next year. I cannot wait to see A Brief Inquiry live in January and ultimately float outside my body.

DiCaprio 2 by upcoming Atlanta rapper After getting into extreme metal for a Favorite Track: “I Couldn’t Be J.I.D is a strong follow-up to his last while, Cattle Decapitation has quickly More In Love” full length project The Never Story that become one of my favorite bands. mixes the hard hitting trap instrumen- This vegetarian (yes, I know it’s great) tals of his Atlanta contemporaries with goregrind/death metal outfit has a hyper literate, impeccable flow. I released a compilation of unreleased cannot undersell how good J.I.D is at tracks from their vaults. It contains a riding an instrumental. His lackadaisi- massive 23 songs, but only clocks in cal, almost nasally flow allows him at 34 minutes. Most of the songs on to weave in and out of a track effort- the album are shorter than a minute. The 1975 released their third album lessly. Despite originating in Atlanta, it In fact one track, “The Recapitation this past weekend, and somehow is clear that J.I.D’s most direct influ- of Cattle”, is only 4 seconds long. it manages to have an even more ences include the other lyrical savants It’s a really cool thing to listen to the pretentious title than their previous Shitty of our generation such as Kendrick, album and see how their music has I like it when you sleep, for you are Vince Staples, and his cosigner J.Cole. progressed since their inception, from so beautiful yet so unaware of it. But Cole is also featured on the record Off very short songs to a longer and more Holiday don’t worry, they know that. A Brief Deez in which the duo spits lightning sophisticated production. Each has Inquiry Into Online Relationships has fast bars over a quirky, jackrabbit its merits. I like hearing the angry been receiving rave reviews, with Playlist instrumental. and quick bursts of rage against the some calling it the best album of the While the subject matter of J.I.D’s human race on songs like, “Birth. year. While admittedly, The 1975 is my lyricism is oftentimes par for the Cancer. Death.” and “Chili Dispenser” favorite band, I’m going to agree. 1. Dominick the Donkey course as it pertains to “lyrical rap- along with the demos of songs that This is the most daring and pers”, the artist truly shines through made their albums, such as“Human emotional album from the band to - Lou Monte his fusion of old school, boom-bap- Jerky- Demo.” date. It explores a different genre in esque production and more modern Another odd twist is that the almost every song, from soft acoustic club bangers. While I don’t expect album contains tracks all in Spanish in “Be My Mistake” to typical pop in 2. “Jingle Jingle (Santa that this record will get much radio air like “Tripas de Pepe,” “Vino de lo “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME” to the time, J.I.D’s heightened notoriety from Sanguifero,” and “Queso de Cabeza,” jazz-inspired “Sincerity Is Scary.” Party)” - his presence on the XXL freshman which is something I’ve personally Frontman Matty Healy is the band’s cypher has landed him the opportunity never heard before, but think is a Stephen Colbert lyricist, and he has never been shy to ramp up his projects production really cool touch. My favorite tracks of talking about sex and drugs. He value which can certainly be appreci- on the album are the later tracks pushes himself in A Brief Inquiry ated. While subject to change, I would because they showcase the stuff I 3. “Santa Claus is with incredibly raw vocals, exposing certainly say that my current favorite love about this band: the technical his battle with heroin addiction, Coming to Town” - on the album is Westbrook, featuring prowess, the awesome quality, Travis loneliness, and fear of the digital age. A$AP Ferg. The track, while not offer- Ryan’s disgusting guttural vocals, “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” Bruce Springsteen ing as much substance as the other and the weird pseudo-clean vocals is reminiscent of “UGH!” from their tracks, perfectly encapsulates J.I.D’s that sound surprisingly amazing. previous album, in which Healy sings a potential mass appeal. Definitely Personally, I think the track that love song about heroin. “I Couldn’t Be 4. “The Hanukkah worth a listen. shows this best is the final track, More In Love” was recorded the day “Cannibalistic Invasivorism.” It sounds Song” - Adam Sandler before he entered rehab, and listening Favorite Track: “Westbrook” a lot like a track that belongs on the to it is absolutely gut-wrenching. album Monolith of Inhumanity, which What is particularly interesting about is considered to be one of their best. A Brief Inquiry is its emphasis on 5. “I Saw Daddy Kissing The structure of Medium Rarities is instrumentals rather than lyrics, which brilliant, too, in how it progresses from Santa Claus” - Rupaul strays somewhat from The 1975’s older to newer sounds. previous material. Somehow, though, page 24 the paper december 5, 2018