1 Marriage Equality USA vision and mission We believe in a world that protects and celebrates families without regard to sexual orientation or gender identity. Our mission is to secure legally recognized civil marriage equality for LGBTQ families at the state and federal level through grassroots organizing, education, action, and partnerships. 2 The People’s Victory stories from the front lines in the fight for marriage equality 3 Copyright © 2017 by Marriage Equality USA Designed in San Francisco, CA by Brian Cox at Brian Cox Design. Published by Marriage Equality USA P.O. Box 121 Typeset in Filosofia (designed by Zuzana Licko) Old Chelsea Station and Meta (designed by Erik Spiekermann). New York, NY 10113 Printed and bound in Chicago, IL by Edward All rights reserved. No part of this publication Brother’s Malloy. may be reproduced in any manner without per- mission. All images are copyright of the artists, Distributed by INscribe Digital. reproduced with the kind permission of the artists and/or their representatives. Edited by Christine Allen, Judi Berzon, Kirsten Berzon, Zack Lyons, Alex May, Christopher ISBN 9781495639067 June Michaud, Liz Noteware, and Brian Silva. ∞ 4 The People’s Victory stories from the front lines in the fight for marriage equality marriage equality usa, publisher 5 Contents 1o Foreword 33 Billy and Molly Sittin’ – lieutenant gov. gavin newsom in a Truck … – billy bradford 11 Introduction – brian silva 36 Every Moment of an Action Is Important 14 The Walls, Did Indeed, Talk – kate burns – christine allen 39 This Is What DOMA Does to 17 MENY’s “Say ‘I Do’ Tour” People — It Shatters Their Lives – fred anguera – marvin burrows 19 Live Your Life Out Loud – 43 Yes, I’m About to Ruin My You Can Change the World Political Career – shelly bailes – geoff callan & mike shaw 22 Defining Marriage: Voices 45 Blazing an Equality Caravan from a Forty-Year Labor of Love Across America – matt baume – frank & joe capley-alfano 26 Ding Dong Prop 8 Is Dead 50 The Day I Found MEUSA and – kirsten berzon the Day That Changed My Life – sean chapin 29 The Long Wait Is Over – michael boyajian 55 Revolution – j. scott coatsworth 31 Kim and Maureen (and Bruce Springsteen): 62 Equality Is Not a Slogan – My Personal Introduction It’s Our Legal Right to Marriage Equality – michael farino – billy bradford 6 64 On the Road to Equality 90 It’s OK. I Love You. Nationwide – davina kotulski, ph.d. – stuart gaffney & john lewis 92 Jolly Ranchers and Puzzle Pieces 68 Homophobia: noun – kitty & cheryle lambert-rudd tim garcia 100 Partners: Out4Immigration 70 Gender Offenders Are and Marriage Equality USA Brides Gone Wild! – amos lim – gender offenders 102 Standing up by Sitting In 75 I Want to Lead a Gay – zack lyons Pride Parade – mike goettemoeller 105 A Movement Begins – cathy marino-thomas 77 There Are Gay People Everywhere: the Fight 107 The First MENY Wedding March for Marriage Equality in – cathy marino-thomas California’s Central Valley – baltimore gonzalez 109 I Love to Cry at Weddings – michael markiewicz 80 Our Red Cape Campaign – tracy hollister 111 8 the Play Brings the Prop 8 Story to Off-Broadway 85 We Are Not Going to Leave – brian maschka – mark “major” jiminez & beau chandler 113 Real Housewives of New York on the March 86 A Day in the Life of a – alex mccord & simon vankempen Love Warrior – davina kotulski, ph.d. 7 117 Love in a Time of Exile 147 Gus and Elmer – martha mcdevitt-pugh – michael sabatino & robert voorheis 123 Complaint Department and 149 Waiting in the Gallery Organizational Recruiter – michael sabatino & robert voorheis – molly mckay 153 The First Marriage Recognition 127 Walk a Mile in My Shoes in New York State – peter mesh – michael sabatino & robert voorheis 129 The Beehive Engagement 155 I’ll Look for Bill in Heaven – colleen mewing and Tell Him You Are OK – charlie scatamacchia 131 My Bird’s-Eye View of Kitchen v. Herbert 159 Testifying to Love – – jolene mewing Why I Was Arrested – will scott 133 To Have and to Hold – Joy, Pain, and Pride on Parade 163 My Sordid Lives – joy o’donnell – del shores 140 Tax Us? Then Marry Us! 166 May I Have the – ellen pontac Envelope Please … – brian silva 143 I Am Here to Inform the Nation About My Existence 170 I Am No Longer That Boy – mir reyad – scott smith 145 The Attractive Blonde Lady 172 Counter-Protesting – michael sabatino & robert voorheis the Opposition – leslie stewart 8 174 Westboro Baptist Comes to Town 210 From Innocent Parent to – leslie stewart Marriage Advocate and Activist – sam thoron 176 Aftermath – stephanie stolte 214 Think for Yourselves. You Are the Experts! 181 Six Green Turtles and – anne tischer a Brown Giraffe – david “bearded iris” 217 Our MEUSA Family cameron strachan – joseph vitale 185 Keep Your Mouths Closed and 220 We Are No Longer Asking for Don’t Look Too “Churchy” Tolerance. We Are Americans. – rev. dr. roland stringfellow – jokie x wilson 190 Making Waves in the City 223 I’m 77 Years Old and I Can’t Wait! of Brotherly Love – edie windsor – robert sullivan 225 Freedom to Marry – the 193 People, All People Belong Journey to Justice to Each Other – laurie york & carmen goodyear – imam jamila tharp 204 Two Marches: the Brooklyn Bridge and My Sunset – david thompson 207 We Must Sit in the Front of the Marriage Bus – jan thompson 9 Foreword – lieutenant governor gavin newsom The story of marriage equality is often told as a series of major events. The big court case. The nail-biting vote. The politician taking a stand. The truth is that as important as those are, the real road to victory was paved with the unsung, everyday deeds of hundreds of thousands of brave, ordinary individuals. Grandparents. Siblings. Friends. Coworkers. Neighbors. Those who created the conditions that enabled millions of honest conversations to take root around family breakfast tables nationwide, breaking the silence on the unmentionable. These individuals, many who found training, support and a home for their activism in Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA), were the back- bone of changing the hearts and minds of a nation that had told them their love, commitment, and families were not good enough to be recognized. I was fortunate enough to have seen first hand a few of the stories and events recounted in The People’s Victory. From the marriages we performed at City Hall during 2004’s “Winter of Love,” to watching the justices of the U.S. Supreme Court, these events reminded me how profoundly LGBTQ people deserved the right to marry the person they loved. Throughout those years, the grassroots volunteers in MEUSA and elsewhere showed us that no change worth its salt happens on its own. It takes organi - zation and working slowly, one person at a time, to build momentum and a critical mass for change. The grassroots movement’s success was in listening, teaching, and trusting individuals and local communities to do what was right for them. They faced defeat and loss head on, learning it was often two steps forward and one step (or even two or three) back before success was achieved. The People’s Victory is a mirror for each of us to see our own power to fight for justice and create the change we want to see in our world. Marriage equality was the vehicle for these authors – but what will yours be? I hope these stories inspire you to resist, to fight, to win, and in the end write the next stories in our continuing push for a more just and perfect union. 10 Introduction – brian silva The story of marriage equality is the story of you. In creating The People’s Victory, we wanted to show the world the power of everyday individuals to bring about monumental change. The blockbuster and headline grabbing moments have (rightfully) been covered in books, televi- sion, and even film. But as a grassroots organization, Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA) has always believed this fight for hearts and minds was something only achievable when everyday people not only believed they had the power to make change, but acted on it. In fact, millions of you did. Some, like Edie Windsor, took a small action at a Marriage Equality New York (MENY) meeting that eventually helped lead her to become a household name with a winning case at the United States Supreme Court. Others, like Leslie Stewart, balanced out a local news story by being the only pro-mar- riage sign at an opposition event. At the heart of these, and all of the stories contained in this book, is that each author made the choice to act! Taking action is the crucial part of any social justice movement. We can no longer assume or hope others will stand up and act for what is right; we have to be those people. While the vehicle for this social justice journey was marriage equality, our vision for this book is for readers to find inspiration, power, and the will to work for whatever social justice issue they are passionate about: from women’s rights and the environment, to racial and economic justice. The fight to be treated equally in marriage cannot end at the altar or county clerk’s office. Those forces seeking to deny same-sex couples equal marriage rights for so long are the same people, ideologies and resources working against anyone who is pushing our country to be more fair and just. The People’s Victory elevates and honors the everyday heroes of social justice who make the brave decision to no longer sit idly on the sidelines of history.