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Kari Catton Big Dog Publishing Kari Catton Big Dog Publishing A Tree in the House 2 Copyright © 2016, Kari Catton ALL RIGHTS RESERVED A Tree in the House is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and all of the countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention and countries with which the United States has bilateral copyright relations including Canada, Mexico, Australia, and all nations of the United Kingdom. Copying or reproducing all or any part of this book in any manner is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this book may be stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or videotaping without written permission from the publisher. A royalty is due for every performance of this play whether admission is charged or not. A “performance” is any presentation in which an audience of any size is admitted. The name of the author must appear on all programs, printing, and advertising for the play. The program must also contain the following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Big Dog/Norman Maine Publishing LLC, Rapid City, SD.” All rights including professional, amateur, radio broadcasting, television, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, and the rights of translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved by Big Dog/Norman Maine Publishing LLC, www.BigDogPlays.com, to whom all inquiries should be addressed. Big Dog Publishing P.O. Box 1401 Rapid City, SD 57709 A Tree in the House 3 To all of our pets who do not understand why we “Stand-Ups” do what we do. A Tree in the House 4 “A Tree in the House” was performed by Mid-America Playwrights Theatre (MAP) in Springfield, IL, 2001. RUSTY: Douglas McDonald CHIEF: Pat Anderson A Tree in the House 5 A Tree in the House HOLIDAY. Looking for a warm, fuzzy holiday play? This collection of three short plays definitely fits the bill! In “A Tree in the House,” an older dog explains to a puppy why his owners have brought a tree into the house and decorated it with chew toys. In “The Christmas Pickle Tradition,” zoo animals vote on whether the Prairie Chicken’s unusual Christmas ornament should be displayed on the Christmas tree. And in “Muletide Season,” a merry mule who calls himself the “Muletide King” tries to spread some muletide cheer by singing muletide carols and delivering a muletide log. These plays are easy to stage and are sure to charm audiences of all ages with their holiday cheer! Performance Time: Approximately 30 minutes. A Tree in the House 6 A Tree in the House (2 flexible) RUSTY: A lively puppy who wonders why his owners have brought a tree inside the house and decorated it with chew toys; flexible. CHIEF: An older, worldly dog who knows all about Christmas trees; flexible. Note: Actors wear dog costumes and stand on two legs. The Christmas Pickle Tradition (7 flexible) BADGER: English badger who is wise and called upon to help decide whether the Prairie Chicken’s ornament should be placed on the Christmas tree; flexible. GERMAN SHEPHERD: A German Shepherd from Germany whose Christmas ornament is an apple; starts every sentence with a slight hop to attention; flexible. PANDA: Forgetful Chinese panda whose Christmas ornament is a brightly colored paper chain; flexible. TARSIER: Small monkey with a long tail and large eyes from Philippines whose Christmas ornament is a paról; flexible. PRAIRIE CHICKEN: Loves her pickle Christmas tree ornament; flexible. KANGAROO: Kangaroo from Australia whose Christmas ornament is a seashell; flexible. MOMONGA: A small flying squirrel from Japan whose Christmas ornament is an origami swan; moves with quick movements; flexible. A Tree in the House 7 Muletide Season (1 M, 3 flexible) MULE: A mule who calls himself the “Muletide King” and likes to spread muletide cheer by singing muletide carols and delivering muletide logs; male. COW: Christmas cow; flexible. GOAT: Christmas goat; flexible. BOAR: Christmas boar; flexible. A Tree in the House 8 Setting A Tree in the House: A backyard. Muletide Season: A Christmas manger display. The Christmas Pickle Tradition: A zoo. Props Muletide Season: Christmas tree, manger, log strapped to Mule’s back. The Christmas Pickle Tradition: Bare Christmas tree, apple, origami swan, 2 strands of brightly colored paper chains, seashell ornament, brightly colored paper star, pickle ornament. A Tree in the House 9 “It had all those chew toys all over its branches. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” ―Rusty A Tree in the House 10 A Tree in the House (AT RISE: Rusty, a young pup, is connected to a leash that leads backstage. Chief, an older dog, roams free. Rusty starts to bark ferociously in a high-pitched bark. Chief enters slowly, sniffing around as he goes.) CHIEF: Quiet, Rusty. It’s me! RUSTY: Chief, Chief! It’s you! I wasn’t sure! But I’m glad it’s you, Chief! (Rusty and Chief greet one another with some dog sniffs.) CHIEF: Settle down, there, Son. Just settle down. RUSTY: I can’t! I can’t! It’s so good to see you! CHIEF: You just saw me yesterday. RUSTY: What? That long ago? Hi, Chief! Hi, Chief! It’s good to see you today! CHIEF: How’s the potty training going? RUSTY: (Sheepishly.) I forgot this morning. (Enthusiastically.) But I am remembering more and more! CHIEF: Are your Stand-Ups nice to you when you forget, or do they bring out that dreaded rolled-up newspaper? RUSTY: Oh, they just pick me up and whisk me outside. The female Stand-Up keeps reminding me, and reminding me, and reminding me, and reminding me! CHIEF: It’ll get better, Rusty, it’s only been two weeks. RUSTY: I’ve been here only two weeks? Two weeks? Is that all? Feels like three months! But I do have great affection for my Stand-Ups! They’re very nice. Very nice, indeed! CHIEF: Do they feed you and take you for walks? RUSTY: Every day! Every day I go out and smell the smells. I love to smell the smells. I play with this chew toy, too. It’s round and they throw it. CHIEF: It’s a ball. RUSTY: (Pronouncing carefully.) Ba-a-all. A Tree in the House 11 CHIEF: You fetch the ball and bring it back to them. RUSTY: What? What? Is that what I’m supposed to do with a ball? Bring it back to them? They yell at me when I pick up the ball, and I’m not sure what they are trying to say. I get so confused. CHIEF: If you want those Stand-Ups to praise you wildly, just fetch the ball and bring it back to them. RUSTY: I will, Chief! I will! I just love it when they praise me! They rub me all over, and say kind things to me, and they do this goofy thing with their mouth. CHIEF: It’s a smile. They’re smiling at you. RUSTY: A smile. It’s a good thing, right, Chief? CHIEF: A very good thing. RUSTY: We can’t smile, Chief. How come we can’t smile? CHIEF: Because we aren’t Stand-Ups. (Rusty ponders this.) RUSTY: Makes sense. CHIEF: How are those little Stand-Ups? Are they nice to you? RUSTY: Oh, they’re the sweetest things. They tug my tail, pinch my ears, and rub my belly all day long! They’re the best! The best! But the big Stand-Ups did do a really weird thing last night. CHIEF: Yeah? Like what? Move your dish to another spot? I hate that! RUSTY: No, no! They brought a tree in the house. CHIEF: (With a loving sigh.) A tree in the house. Is it that time of the year already? RUSTY: What does that mean, Chief? What does that mean? They stood it up in the living room and got out these boxes of wonderful chew toys. [END OF FREEVIEW] A Tree in the House 12 “I vote that the Prairie Chicken’s decoration does not go on the tree this year.” ―Tarsier A Tree in the House 13 The Christmas Pickle Tradition (AT RISE: A zoo. All animals gather around a bare Christmas tree.) KANGAROO: Gather ‘round! Gather ‘round, all you animals! MOMONGA: (Indicating tree.) Look! Look! PANDA: The zookeeper put up the tree! ALL: Ahhhhhhhhh! MOMONGA: (Clapping hands in rhythm.) It’s time! It’s time!! PANDA: (Clapping hands in rhythm.) It’s time for what? (Animals make noises and push closer to the tree. Panda is confused.) KANGAROO: Settle down, everyone. Settle down. You will all get your turn. TARSIER: What is everyone so excited about? It’s just another Christmas tree. GERMAN SHEPHERD: (To Tarsier.) A tree tradition that we started—us Germans—in Germany. We were the first to bring the— KANGAROO: (Ignoring him.) As you may remember from a year ago— GERMAN SHEPHERD: Seems like seven years ago to me. KANGAROO: Yes, Mr. Sheppard, we understand your issue, but we all get to decorate the tree with our own special ornaments, remember? PANDA: No. KANGAROO: Could someone help Mr. Panda remember, please? (Momonga whispers something into Panda’s ear.) We all have to decorate the tree together. Now, who wants to go first? GERMAN SHEPHERD: Well, we know who’s going to be last! (All laugh except Kangaroo and Prairie Chicken.) A Tree in the House 14 PRAIRIE CHICKEN: Hey, you’re all laughing at me, aren’t you? GERMAN SHEPHERD: We all know you get to go last.
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