2 One of the joys of producing The Trumpit is being en route to the printer, suddenly realising you’ve forgotten to include something and its too late! If anybody spotted the “deliberate” omission last month, you win a free copy of The Trumpit. We had intended to include a picture of the old folks enjoying afternoon tea and cakes on us at the Stonebridge complex in Idle – we cocked up – sorry. This month we correct this and also include the residents of Joseph Wright Court in Thackley too. Thanks to Idle Coffee Lounge and McCallans plus all contributors to the Bill Craven Memorial Fund. In last month’s issue we told of Bradford Council’s plans to spend over £15m of your money on pet projects thinly disguised as sport with sod all in BD10 – no change there then. We challenged the great leader, Hapless Hinchcliffe but, as with most of her kind, she ducked and dived like a modern-day Arthur Daley. As for any hope of local input, our very own Cllr Sunderland also seems somewhat reluctant to comment. The cost of the external report on which the spend will be based was £24,925 + vat so you might wonder why they need all those expensive Council officers when they rely on consultants so readily? Equally, it might have made more sense had they sent the ninety-odd councillors out into their wards to verify the accuracy of the report, were it not for the fact that many live nowhere near where they represent. Try to remember this next time the Council bleats about having no money. The Bill Craven Memorial Fund now stands at £768 and we have to confess to being surprised at the lack of applications from local groups; it is here for you to use. On another subject, we regularly get enquiries for a subscription service and, whilst there are only the two of us beavering away here, we are happy to offer this based on an annual fee of £20 which will cover postage of 11 copies in the UK. If you know of anybody seeking to keep in touch with the local community please email us. Inside, congratulations to the kids at Thackley Primary School on a good achievement. If you’re involved with a local school and need some publicity contact us here. Finally, thanks to Mission Control, wife of local character, Five Pints, for the cover picture of a view from Suicide Hill. We’d love to have your photos from this fantastic part of Bradford so please send them in.
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Men’s Forum Meetings each Wednesday, 10.30am, Thackley Methodist Church Hall. Coffee 10am for 10.30 start £3 charge for overheads August 7th Mrs Jacqueline Depelle (Pudsey) Twix Leeds & Bradford Past and Present August 14th Miss Stella Carpenter (Bradford) “Bradford Cathedral a place of beauty and history” August 21st Mrs Patricia Atkinson (Halifax) “Maud Lewis” August 28th “Members Own Choice” Sep 4th Mr Ian Dobson (Idle) “The Middleton Railway Leeds” Speaker Sec. Mr John Vickerman - 01274 618312 Email: [email protected]
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Gig guide Sun 18th Full Tilt + Bike Little known Facts About Sex Brewery Tap Show At Any Given Moment Fri 2nd Hard Shoulder Fri 23rd Leodis Sat 24th Gen 77 FACT:79,000,000 people are engaged in Sat 3rd Bourbon Haze sex - right now! Sun 4th Dori and the Sun 25th Idlefest 8 Outlaws Fri 30th The Z - List FACT:58,000,000 are kissing. Fri 9th 3 Riff Raff Sat 31st The FACT:37,000,000 are relaxing after Sat 10th Interiorz Department having sex. Sun 11th Matt Baxter Commercial Inn FACT:1 elderly person is reading The Fri 16th Suicide Blonde Trumpit Sat 17th Delirum Fri 23rd Shania Twain 5 As a regular reader of The Trumpit I am Ignorance of this, will invalidate your always interested in the articles on sport, home insurance. Some of these crooks particularly cricket and especially the might store these near to a target house decline of cricket in State schools, or area before an attempted break in, so if combined with the inept way that the local you see cable ties small or large and a council and government uses money on number of them please report it to the different strategies for sport. Police on 101 immediately. When I was attending junior school back Thank you, in the 50s, my English teacher not only Alec taught his subject but also helped with our cricket skills and formed a school team. Local primary schools now pay various In response to our picture in last months organisations to teach sport, teachers Trumpit, Tom Mandreit has filled in some being far too busy with all the of the names from local characters from bureaucracy that has been introduced by this Idle & Thackley fishing club picture. various governments. I recently had the opportunity to visit York CC to watch a county game, Yorkshire v Warwickshire. I had seen an article where it was suggested that Bradford Park Avenue might one day stage 1st class cricket. I personally don't believe that this will ever happen. The council needs to think carefully before "ploughing" even more money on facilities that are of little use and speak to the people involved with local sport to use their knowledge and expertise. I wonder if they will! Philip Marks Yes it is that time of season, we will be getting hot nights and some people tend Top Left ..Callum Evans. Top Right..Dave to put windows on what we call ‘Summer 'Heppy' Hepworth..Bottom Right . . Lock’; that is where you leave a window Ronnie 'Schoie' Schofield..Second Bottom open with the gap and lock the handle Left .. Barry 'Simmy' Simpson down. You have to put the key in and lock Taking a punt on middle .. The suave & it and then remove the key and put it out sophisticated John Wilky (Correct! Ed) of sight. It is easy for a burglar to gain access to properties with cable ties if you Regards, Tom. have not locked them properly on Thank you Tom and we think that Barry ‘Summer Lock’. It can take less than 15 “The Idle Barber” and cricket fan is to the seconds to flip the handle open with a far right hand side. looped cable tie and they are in.
6 Joe King I laughed so much I nearly passed the sweets round
A widowed Jewish lady, still in very good shape, office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." Tel Aviv. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, A man in Ireland calls his son in London a few placed his blanket on the sand near hers and days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin began reading a book.Smiling, she attempted to your day but I have to tell you that your mother and strike up a conversation with him. "How are you I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and enough.” "Dad, what are you talking about?'" the turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you son shouted. "We can't stand the sight of each come here often?" she asked. "First time since my other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My call your sister in Leeds and tell her". Frantically, husband passed away three years ago and it is the son calls his sister, who explodes on the very lonely," she countered. ”Do you live around phone, "Like hell, they're getting divorced", she here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Haifa," he shouts, "I'll take care of this". She calls Ireland answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying immediately and screams at her father, "You are to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying "How did you know that was what I wanted? "The their own way.” man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?" As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really An after dinner speaker was in such a hurry to give a rat's ass anymore. If walking is good for your get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat health, the postman would be immortal. A whale down at the head table, he suddenly realized that swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly man said, "No problem." He reached into his nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try to exercise?? I don't think so. Just grant me the these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too senility to forget the people I never liked, the good loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another fortune to remember the ones I do, and the pair - try these. "The speaker tried them and eyesight to tell the difference. responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them. "The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With SECRET—what you tell to one person at a time. that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the SKELETON—bones with the person scraped off. dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to TOOTHACHE—pain that drives you to extraction. thank the man who had helped him. "I want to TOMORROW—One of the greatest labour saving thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your devices of today. 7 The estate agency business has seen huge changes since the turn of the century. Avid Trumpit reader, local lad and supporter of our Bill Craven Memorial Fund, Martin Lonsdale, offered me some thoughts on the past, present and future. Martin Lonsdale Estate Agents was established twenty-three years ago although Martin had no previous experience having an insurance background. Between the other Martin – Townend – the Idle and Thackley areas were covered for years by both and a “friendly” rivalry existed, the only real competition the choice of overcoats and sharp shoes. Although well before the advent of online agencies websites were not uncommon although the banks and insurance companies had also gone on a spending spree buying up local agents; big change was coming and fast. As the Millennium approached, it was a much less regulated world, well before the crash of 2008. Houses were sold largely through a combination of the printed press, local office sales particulars and the old-faithful, the sale board, an agent’s way of marking his territory like a stray cat. In 2000, the industry changed forever with the launch via City money of Right Move plc, a business today valued in excess of £5bn. Right Move is a web portal and gained scale rapidly as agents joined in their thousands fearing being left behind; the Amazon effect. In 2007 along came Zoopla, a similar entity since sold in 2018 for £2.2bn. These businesses offered buyers and sellers much more “reach” but over time, the price of membership has climbed to levels sufficient to prompt local agents to begin to question their true value. The market became even more congested in 2012 with the arrival of Purple Bricks whose promise of “No commission” always struck me as being somewhat creative; nothing is ever free. In fact, the seller pays a fixed fee up-front but if your house does not sell, there are no refunds. The business is under a bit of a purple financial cloud at the moment – see current press – but it has deep pockets. As if the market was not crowded enough, in 2015 along came Onthemarket.com, another portal but at a lower cost; this has a more modest current market capitalisation of around £60m. In amongst all this, local agents have had to find ways to survive as their “walk-in” trade waned in favour of the on-line shopper. The issues are common to all who operate on today’s high streets. Despite Bradford Council’s seeming desire to concrete North Bradford – as evidenced by an orgy of house building - this area remains one of the jewels in the crown. Whilst the two Martins have more competition than ever before, years of experience, hard graft and those sharp suits still count as does a local presence. Martin conceded that agents probably got too comfortable and, had the industry not been seen as a lucrative one, the on-line raiders would never have entered. There is a sense though that local agents are fighting back with plenty to offer. I hope so too as I can never see the day Purple Bricks will ever support The Trumpit. Local businesses help us all in so many ways and our high streets would be ghost towns without them. Shop local as they say. Footnote – Martin refused my pleas to bribe us for this article and said “You’ve already emptied my pockets enough…bugger off…try Mr Townend!” Mr Townend was seen locking his door and pulling the blinds down as I approached. 8 Way back when I had a proper job, the isolation of life on the road was tempered by my daily lunchtime treat courtesy of Day’s Confectioners at Five Lane Ends. Regardless of whether I was starving on my way back from an appointment miles away, the lure of her stale baguettes was always irresistible. Now before you think this cruel, this is part of the joy and the old gal gives every bit as good as she gets. With stomach rumbling it would be foot down all the way back home. The sandwich shop has come a long way since the early Eighties but Day’s will barely have changed. In Idle and Thackley we now have several excellent coffee houses serving fine food too. We also have the major players such as Greggs and Subway, plus numerous other outlets. Despite them all, little old Mrs Day rolls on; although I confess I was worried when Greggs opened nearby she never batted an eyelid. I called in the other day to deliver her supplies of The Trumpit and succumbed shamelessly to the offer of two free lukewarm sausage she was about to send to the local pigs. I cautioned her that bribing the free press was no guarantee of getting nice things written about her but she must be mellowing as it’s taken me twenty years to blag a freebie. Often, I take a bag of loose change from the car but never ever return with anything other than the plastic bag, save for an armful of cakes - “For your Mum!” - as she shoos me out of the shop, a little glint in her eye. Sharp as a tack this one. “Have you got any fresh baguettes?” I teased the other day. “No!” came the reply “but I’ve got a few here from last week that the mice haven’t touched!” “I’ll have the lot” I said as she calmly emptied my bulging bag of change. “You’ve not spent up yet” she said with the counted change in neat piles on the counter, a sort of No-Man’s Land between us, never any serious prospect of recovering my loot. And then she’ll go into overdrive. “How about a pack of vanillas - for your Mum?” The killer line again shamelessly added a la I’ve only one left/It’s a very special price/You know you want it. I hope this little shop is here for a long time yet, a last stand against the seemingly unstoppable changes on our shopping streets. Good things don’t have to change. A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbucks cafe discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we Greeks built the Parthenon" and arched his eyebrows. The Scotsman replies, "Well ... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Scotsman, nodding in agreement says, "Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars." And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!" The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women!" 9 Lesson 1: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and A man is getting into the shower just as the manager are walking to lunch when his wife is finishing up her shower, when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, herself in a towel and runs downstairs. “I'll give each of you just one wish.” ''Me When she opens the door, there stands first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she want to be in the Bahamas , driving a says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 speedboat, without a care in the world.” to drop that towel.” After thinking for a Puff! She's gone. “Me next! Me next!” moment, the woman drops her towel and says the sales rep. “I want to be in stands naked in front of Bob; after a few Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. personal masseuse, an endless supply of The woman wraps back up in the towel Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” and goes back upstairs. When she gets to Puff! He's gone. “OK, you're up” the the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who Genie says to the manager. The manager was that?” “It was Bob the next door says “I want those two back in the office neighbor” she replied. “Great” the after lunch.” husband said, “did he say anything about Moral of the story: Always let your boss the $800 he owes me?” have the first say. Moral of the story: If you share critical Lesson 4 information re credit and risk with your An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, shareholders in time, you may be in a doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the position to prevent avoidable exposure. eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like Lesson 2: you and do nothing?” The eagle A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in answered “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to sat on the ground below the eagle and reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, accident. After controlling the car, he jumped on the rabbit and ate it. stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The nothing, you must be very high up. priest removed his hand, but, changing Lesson 5 gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would remember Psalm 129?” The priest love to be able to get to the top of that apologized. “Sorry sister but the flesh is tree sighed the turkey but I haven't got the weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun energy.” “Well, why don't you nibble on sighed heavily and went on her way. On some of my droppings?” replied the bull. his arrival at the church, the priest rushed “They're packed with nutrients.” The to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth turkey pecked at a lump of dung and and seek, further up, you will find glory.” found it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The Moral of the story: If you are not well next day, after eating some more dung, informed in your job, you might miss a he reached the second branch. Finally, great opportunity. after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly Lesson 3: perched at the top of the tree. He was 10 promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot realise how warm he was. The dung was him. actually thawing him out! He lay there all Moral of the story: Bull shit might get you warm and happy and soon began to sing to the top, but it won't keep you there. for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Lesson 6 Following the sound, the cat discovered A little bird was flying South for the winter. the bird under the pile of cow dung and It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the promptly dug him out and ate him. ground into a large field. While he was Morals: lying there, a cow came by and dropped (1) Not everyone who shits on you is some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay your enemy. there in the pile of cow dung, he began to (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's Idle Post Office best to keep your mouth shut! You can now do your day-to-day banking at your local Post Office. It’s a free and easy way to access your bank account for personal and business customers Free cash withdrawals Take out up to your daily card limit from your bank account Pay in cash and cheque Deposit cash or cheques over the counter C Check your balance24 hour ATMBusiness banking Change giving service for businesses** *Some restrictions apply **Subject to bank participation Need Cash? Opening hours Monday– Friday 9am– 5:30pm Saturday 9am– 3pm Address: Steve “Simmy” Simpson and Phil”Frenzy” had a Idle Post Office, 2 Bradford Road, Paying good win down at The Working Mens Club on open Idle, BD10 9PP cash in? the box. The money had just been handed over and Tel: 01274 613561 Phil was keen to get on with the celebrations.
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11 I called around the other day on Help the Quite often when I visit my Mum, I will Aged duty with a proud offering to my grab the local paper as she still remains Mum of the first lettuce of the season. one of a dwindling bunch of loyal readers. “What is it?” she asked, poking the She still insists on diminishing my contents of the plastic bag, one or two inheritance with her daily delivery of curious, slimy escapees already visible. “news”, usually drug dealers, brain-dead “It’s a lettuce” I said as she inspected the drivers and proclamations from City Hall contents. “Could do with a wash” she that All Is Good. Prompted by a piece on replied not impressed by my organic the Bradford Odeon, undergoing a offering nor the extras. A few days later, I magnificent refurbishment thanks to a caught her helping out her old friend long campaign to save it from the Joan, recently widowed and, sadly, not in wrecking balls, she told me when she the best of health. I’d gone to deliver my used to go to the New Gaumont, as it was mate Duck’s birthday gift - Joan’s son - a known way back in her post-war tradition observed for almost fifty years childhood. now and another attempt to convert him She lived up the hill on Kirkstone Street, to the work of Bruce Springsteen. just a short walk into Bradford’s centre, I walked through the door to be the back to back terraces long since challenged, unseen, by my Mum. “Friend flattened and the cobbled streets – “they or foe?” she chirped on guard duty as I were bloody good cobbles…we used to entered the room to find her hauling Joan have a bonfire on them every year” - back to her chair, herself clinging to her covered over by the Bradford University walking frame, just in case my Mum gave complex. I remember the wide streets but way. The sight of two proud women most of all the mill dam at the bottom battling on gave me a lift; old age can be which was a source of curiosity for us all so bloody cruel but pride is priceless. as we played out when we visited our Joan’s microwave was not working so I grandparents, the old folk left to talk free sensed a chance to help which was from noisy kids. We played football utterly pointless as I have never rectified against the dam wall but if the ball went any misbehaving machine in my life. My over there would be hell on. To keep us Mum was equally useless too having out of the dam, we were told that anything never considered the point of a from the Loch Ness Monster to Moby Dick microwave. Aware of my limitations, she’d lived there; but we only had one ball. gone for the safe option and the kettle There were grand houses close by with saved the day as it so often does. What two entrances; the main one up for the was the point of going to the moon when residents and the servants left to take the the kettle had already been invented? steps to the basement; this really was 12 Bradford. My Gran was not so posh sunken baths! To bathe you simply although she did have an inside toilet. My removed the rug and floorboards to find a Mum can still recall the main source of hidden bath; pure luxury unless the family heat, a fireplace with a pot of water to one insisted on watching. Times have certainly side, always on the boil and an oven the changed. other side. Some houses even had
Tea and cakes on us at the Stonebridge complex in Idle A picture too from the Joseph Wright managers at the sites. Please encourage complex in Thackley with a tale too. One the oldies to write in; we would love to of the ladies told how her family house hear from you. was bought back in the 1930s on Simpson Grove, just off Leeds Road, where the fields are now covered in houses. They were apparently given long gardens with the plan that, in future years, Leeds Road would be widened; roll on almost a century and nothing. She also asked a very pertinent question; if the Council really are sincere about air quality, how come much of the local area is at gridlock with cars choking the air, the result of housebuilders given free reign? Thanks again to Charlotte and Mel,
Ageing: you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old." .
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13 Romance was in the air a few Sundays as old men were punched in ribs or cuffed ago at Quiz Night. Sat in the corner around their heads, drawn as they were to normally reserved for aged fossils, were the cooing and sighing going on in the two young lovers, oblivious to anybody corner. “Should bloody get a room” said else. They sat there gazing into each one old boy too close to earshot of his other’s eyes, ever more blurred as the wife. “It’s you who’ll be getting a room” night went on. The five of us in Saddo she replied “The bloody spare one, you Corner – Big Al, Five Pints, Patch, Uncle miserable old sod! When did you last kiss Andy and myself – sat wondering when me like that?” He considered the wiry the last time we’d ever had the whiskers on her chin and thought better of unabashed freedom of youth. Did they answering. know this was quiz night, the only excitement usually on offer being the In came The Fishermen; local dancing chance of a half-fresh sausage roll? queen, Geoffrey, was sporting a natty collarless shirt under his red school Young Bet stood behind the bar trying to uniform sweater. “What do you think remember when she was so young, chaps? It’s my new look…sort of Dandy?” tucking her belly into her elasticated he enquired as he took his place opposite jeans. “Aww…in’t it lovely?” she cooed as fellow rodders, Arthur and Charlie. “You she swung on the beer pumps dispensing look a bloody pillock! Good evening the usual sedatives to the inhabitants. Geoffrey, how are you?” replied Arthur in The young couple wrapped themselves his usual upbeat tone, focused already on together, lips caressing as Big Al licked the night’s pursuit of a gallon of ale as the cheesy Quavers from his gnarled old quiz winners. Charlie gripped his pint of fingers. The Odd Couple, their normal Carling whilst sneaking a sly glance at the spots so close to the action, simply did youngsters tightening their respective not know what to make of it, chancing grips; the cold beer started to shake and sneaky glances instead of the usual foam, as did Charlie. Geoffrey turned his fixation on their Nokias. Young Bet was head to witness the goings on. “My God is reminiscing, bad news indeed for Giant she stuck to him? That’s a hell of a Geordie, arriving belatedly with his tongue she’s got!” he said as a wide smile extending snooker cue. “Get us a pint broke out across his greying whiskers now canny lass!” was not the right proving young love can soften the oldest greeting but how could he have known? of hearts. “When did we last do that?” she hissed, By now even Big Al was getting aroused jabbing a finger towards the young lovers though fortunately Luckless Linda had as she pulled away. Sensing he was made her escape back to Baildon a few simply in the wrong place at the wrong hours earlier; there would be no rumble in time, he sensibly backed away hoping his his jungle tonight. More beers were love would be calm before the night’s end, ordered, the two young loves were here simultaneously wondering whether he for the night. “She’s grabbled his tally- should solve the problem by simply waggle!” whispered Arthur, breaking his ejecting the young lovers. Mick the Quiz pencil in the process, as Charlie nearly tried to restore order with his dulcet tones dropped his pint. Geoffrey turned slowly 14 before musing “My word she has indeed, I the alarm of the young lovers. bet he doesn’t’ need a pill!” Realising – at last – they’d been rumbled He vanished off to the gents, coming back they scarpered into the night air, still dancing a dance, smelling sweetly of clinging to each other, happy to have Aldi’s finest handwash, having dabbed escaped this strange little pub full of old some on his neck and chest. “Best smell people with pencils and no lead in them. good for the missus” he said “I’m in the And life returned to its normal ebb and mood for some action” wiggling his hips to flow... TOP TIPS for the HOLIDAYS
Why you should always put a coin in the freezer before you leave home for an extended period. Have you ever come home from vacation, business trip or maybe a weekend away with the family, and noticed your digital clocks flashing the wrong time? You quickly realize that you had a power outage while you were away, but it's basically impossible to tell when it occurred or how long it lasted. It's, therefore, also impossible to tell just how long the food in your freezer may have thawed, gotten destroyed and then frozen again. Or is it? In connection with Hurricane Matthews, which recently swept over parts of the eastern United States, a woman named Sheila Pulanco Russell shared a clever trick on her Facebook wall with anyone who was forced to evacuate their home. But the trick is certainly also good to know in case of any prolonged departure from your home and it will ease your mind about whether or not the food in your freezer is good to eat - or best be thrown out right away. The trick lies in the magical combination of three simple, but effective, tools everyone already has at home: a mug, a coin and some tap water. You put a cup of water in your freezer. Freeze it solid, then put a quarter on top of it and leave it in your freezer. That way, when you come back after you've been evacuated, or have been on vacation, you can tell if your food went completely bad and just refroze, or if it stayed frozen while you were gone. If the quarter has fallen to the bottom of the cup, that means all the food defrosted and you should throw it away. But if the quarter is either on the top or in the middle of the cup, your food may still be OK. It would be a great idea to leave this in your freezer all the time. Then, if you lose power for any reason, you will have this tip to fall back on. If you don't feel good about your food, just throw it out. The main thing is for all to be safe. Simple, effective and definitely a money saver, because you don't have to toss loads of food unnecessarily. Please share this nifty trick on to all your friends. My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well. All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me. Finally I asked her, "Why are you staring at me? "Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response. The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish." 15 Dementia Awareness What is dementia? Dementia is a condition that includes many symptoms including memory loss, mood changes, difficulty carrying out everyday tasks, difficulty with speech and decision making. Dementia is most commonly caused by Alzheimer disease but there can be other causes such as vascular dementia. If you or someone you know are becoming increasingly forgetful and it is affecting your daily life then you should seek help from a GP. Dementia is more common in older people and it is estimated that 850,000 people have this condition around the UK and that 1 in 14 people over 65 will develop dementia. How is dementia diagnosed? Getting a diagnosis can help prepare and plan you and your family for the future. Arrange to see your GP who will ask you about your symptoms and give you aa physical examination. You should if possible, bring someone you know very well along with you as they can describe any changes they’ve noticed and help remember what was said at the appointment. Other conditions can cause memory loss so to the rule these out the GP may consider blood tests. You may also be asked to complete a cognitive test to see any problems with your memory or understanding. Dementia can be difficult to diagnose so your GP may refer you to a specialist such as a physiatrist or neurologist who are experts at diagnosing and managing the condition. 16 Living with dementia Dementia can affect all aspects of a person’s life as well as people around them. If you have been diagnosed it is important to remember that: you are still you, everyone experiences dementia differently and focus on the things you can still do and enjoy. You should also stay socially active, keep in touch with people and engage with them such as going walking, leisure activities and going cinemas. You can also join a local dementia friendly group perhaps at a café or community centre. You should also look after your health, for example keep physically active and eat healthy. Go for regular dental and eyesight checks and also get enough sleep. Depression can be common with dementia so it is important to speak to a GP if you thing you might be depressed. Many people with mild to moderate dementia can live at home if they have adequate support. As the condition worsens and becomes severe, many people decide to move into care homes for extra support. Where to get extra advice and support They are several Charites that can offer advice and support. The main one is Alzheimer’s society which has information on the different diseases causing dementia, living with dementia and where to find help and support near you. It also runs a
Now that I'm older here's what I 've discovered: 1. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran. 3. I finally got my head together and now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it? 7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser. 8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant; the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. 9. I wish the buck really did stop here . I sure could use a few of them.10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom. 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees. 15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.17. The only difference between a rut, and a grave is the depth.18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 20. HAVE I GIVEN YOU THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE? 17 Joe’s Jottings
I usually comment on the weather for the last month at the beginning of the piece but this month The Skirt and I will be experiencing hot sun for at least half of the month as it will be spent in Mallorca. I shall be mainly snorkelling, eating , sipping the odd gin and tonic and enjoying The Skirt’s company for this well earned break. So it’s off to The Don Pedro for a bit of R and R. Meanwhile, back at the ranch I’ve been trying to get to grips with the state of the garden. I’ve only managed to plant up one bed and that was with left overs from the hanging baskets and pots. In addition to these I put a few seeds in, donated by an old friend of The Skirt’s who sadly passed away last year. At his funeral he left a packet of seeds for everyone to plant in his memory; we are now awaiting the results with bated breath. In addition to Ralph’s seeds, I put a few other bits and pieces in including some beetroot and salad leaves; the beetroot leaves are very distinctive right from being tiny seedlings and they seem to be coming on nicely. Uncovering the bed, which has been covered with weed suppressant for at least twenty years, has allowed weed seeds to germinate having laid dormant for years. It’s a shame that the seeds you buy from the shops don’t last as long. The long hot days of summer are just at their peak at the moment and the last thing we need is reminding about Autumn and the approaching cool weather. But this is an idea time to be thinking about the over winter crops. If you like spinach (and I love it) now is the time to start planting some seeds. The thing about spinach is that it doesn’t like hot direct sun preferring cooler shadier parts of the garden and virtually anywhere in late summer. The sun makes the plant bolt or, to put it another way, it starts to produce flowers. When this happens, the leaves turn bitter and are unpleasant to eat. If you catch a plant when it is just about to bolt pull it up, strip the leaves and place the remainder in the compost bin. Spinach freezes really well, so if you end up pulling several plants up just freeze what you can’t use immediately. In an incident near Trumpit Towers last week. the equilibrium and peace of the neighbourhood was disturbed by an errant burglar alarm. On and on went the noise EEEE-RRRR, EEEE-RRRR, EEEE-RRRR!!! Finally the neighbours gathered in the street to first ascertain if the said house had a burglar and if not, could the thing be turned off. It was decided to ring the lady who to protect the guilty I will call Elizabeth. 18 A neighbour rang Elizabeth and told her that her alarm was ringing and did she have the code to turn it off. "My alarm doesn't work " she protested. "In fact it hasn't worked since I've been in the house". Eventually Elizabeth arrived home and soon after, the hideous noise abated. Fifteen minutes later it started again so an electrician was summoned and he started to remove the offending article. It made a dull thud as it plunged to the ground from the security of the house side. Then it new plants, preferably with recycled water started again. or stored rainwater. 5. Collect seed from EEEE-RRRR, EEEE-RRRR, EEEE- garden plants. 6. Harvest sweetcorn and RRRR!!! Even when disconnected it other vegetables as they become ready. continued to whine. EEEE-RRRR, EEEE- 7. Continue cutting out old fruited canes RRRR, EEEE-RRRR!!! The sparky hit it on raspberries. 8. Lift and pot up rooted with a hammer. WOAREE-RRRR, EEEE- strawberry runners. 9. Keep ponds and RRRR, EEEE-RRRR!!! This time he water features topped up. 10.Feed soil jumped on it. WOAREE-RR,WOAREE- with green manures. RR,WOAREE-RRRR!!! Several swift blows and stomps later and the noise finally stopped so he turned to retrieve his ladders. WOAREE-RR,WOAREE- RR,WOAREE-RRRR!!! Out came the sledge hammer and he whacked it real good WOAREE-RROOOUU.... Like at the end of Terminator the machine died, much to the relief of the slaves toiling away in Trumpit Towers. Finally, I wouldn’t like to be spreading any malicious rumours around but it’s come to my attention that Big Al’s garden is looking very tidy at the moment. I wonder if he has finally got the gardening bug. (No bloody chance! Ed) Top ten jobs for this month:1. Prune Wisteria. 2. Don’t delay summer pruning fruits trained as restricted forms. 3. Deadhead flowering plants regularly. 4. Watering! - particularly containers, and
19 Fast Idle
being bikes on show there will be a Tombola so if anyone has any unwanted gifts they can donate please take them down to The Brewery Tap for the attention of Nicky. They seem to be getting big on the charity in August because as well as the bike show , the following week—Bank holiday Sunday - is Idlefest 8 featuring five bands during the day including Red Spektor, Psychlona, Black Falcon, Crash Scene Flowers and Chapodio. So go along and support you local biker pub. At the time of going to press, local Senior TT Also local to Idle is The Norsemen champion Dean Harrison is back on the top motorcycle club who are having their 30th step in The Isle of Man. This time he is racing anniversary bash on August 17th at Victoria at The Southern 100 Road Races held around Rangers up Harrogate Road (BD10 0HT). It Castletown, the ancient capital of the Island. starts at 7.30pm they have music from the Unlike The TT, The Southern 100 are “Mass band “Sciatica” and a bit of grub on as well. start” races similar to circuit racing. Dean Everyone welcome. romped home in the Superbike beating multiple TT winner Michael Dunlop by ten It should make a good biking week as up in seconds, a good win in a Supersport race. Baildon the annual bank holiday Harley Davison rally will be in full swing with plenty The Brewery Tap is holding it’s annual Bike of bands, custom bike show, attractions , the Show this month. The show was originally ride out and a great atmosphere. started by The Idle Trike club which disbanded some time ago. However, the Safe riding all! tradition of a custom bike show and bands has remained with prizes in four categories and used as a bit of a charity fundraiser over the last few years. The chosen charity of The Brewery Tap is the West Yorkshire Air Ambulance, chosen largely because several patrons have required their services after coming to grief on their motorcycles. Some have even featured in the documentary about the flying medical teams and The Tap has raised over £3000 for the cause. This event will be held on August 18th and will feature the band Full Tilt. As well as there
20 Thackley Primary School entered the recent Dragon Boat Festival held at Roberts Park in Saltaire for the very first time; it was a marvellous spectacle for all ages. With vigorous coaching from Capt Patterson - aka The Head – and his swashbuckling staff, the kids gave it everything, finishing a very creditable second place in the primary school category. Congratulations to all who took part and, on behalf of those who supported the kids, the very best of luck to go one better in 2020. Maybe The Trumpit’s Community Fund might sponsor some t-shirts next year Capt Patterson?
Off to a flying start
Edging ahead
One! two! three! four! One! two! three! four! “Put yer backs into it!”
Cruising now!
Those who risk nothing, do nothing, Achieve nothing, become nothing. DJ 21 Gone Fishin.. With Idle andThackley AA
Summer Yorkshire River Venue Suggestions The more productive river areas to fish in summer tend to be the faster flow areas which are also close to where fish will have spawned in the close season. Fast water areas of the R Swale for example can produce large catches of chub and barbel on maggots,casters, luncheon meat and bread but early season you do need to fish right in those fast water areas. For barbel the use of hemp seed with your feed can also help increase catches. Northallerton is one of the best areas early season higher up the R Swale but Topcliffe , Asenby , Cundall , Thornton Bridge and Helperby also produce large weights of chub and barbel in the faster water areas. The whole of the river Nidd from Knaresborough downstream and in particular the Bradford No 1 AA length at Cowthorpe is also a good early venue for large catches of chub barbel and dace. The faster reaches of the lower Wharfe in the Boston Spa and Tadcaster areas also produce good catches of chub and large early season barbel with some well into double figures. The R Ure at Ripon also produces some big early season weights of chub from fast water and streamy pegs. Weir pools on all rivers have always been early season hot spots to go for and there are several on the Calder for chub and roach with the best examples being Lillands and Mirfield areas. The weirpools on the River Aire at Saltaire also produce good early season weights of chub and grayling and barbel. The River Ouse provides the best opportunity for big catches of large river bream early season but the shoals tend to be tightly packed and are not easy to locate without up to date match or local tackle shop information but Poppleton is usually one of the best areas. The Ouse between Nidd nab at Nun Monckton and Swale nab near Myton are also usually very good venues for summer barbel. One of the best ways of identifying the early season hot spots is to read angling reports, monitor recent match results and make enquiries at local tackle shops which can all provide valuable information about areas baits and pegs to fish. Swainby R Swale Match Results 26.6.19 The river was just a few inch up. For the first match of the season. Winner Matty Prudhoe caught 2 chub on maggot weighing 7lb 2oz from peg 47 Second was Steve Stimson with 1 chub and a few bits for weight of 4lb 5oz on sweetcorn from peg 45. Swainby River Swale Open Match Programme 2019 Future 2019 match dates are 11th August Old Pals Trophy J Cragg Mem, 25th August Stanley Wood Shield, 8th Sept Brian Waddilove Cup, 29th Sept -A Pedley Memorial, 6th Oct Abe Drury Rose Bowl, 20th Oct, 17th Nov , 1st Dec , 15th Dec and 29th Dec. Leeds and Liverpool Canal Report Apperley Bridge. Pike to 5lb off the railings below the locks. Catches of skimmers, roach and perch from Harrogate Rd end. Bream and large carp seen early morning opposite marina mouth . Day Tickets for canal (£3 Adults with Juniors £1.50) and Membership books are available from Eccleshill Angling Supplies. Contacts- If want any further information Phone 01274 615016. Email [email protected] 22 van that cost just £35. Yorkshire were to play Matabeleland. Moving swiftly to the present, Thackley’s However, the team from Zimbabwe had season starts on the first Saturday of to cancel their tour and the game did not August, at the time of writing the fixtures go ahead. Yorkshire International have have not yet been released. However, in said that they would be looking to arrange an attempt to start the season on the front to play a game at Dennyfield later in the foot, the Dennyboys have already (12th season. So there is still a good chance of July) had three friendly matches, winning seeing international football for the first one, losing one, the other game finishing time at Thackley. all square. I am not sure just how The Thackley committee have decided important the results of pre season that each season they will sponsor a matches are. Every team wants to win charity and have selected #itsoktotalk for their games, that is for certain, no team the current one. The first fund raising goes out looking for defeat. The main event is on Sunday 11th August starting at reason for playing these games is to noon. The event will include a football increase fitness levels, try out new match plus much more and is in memory players and strategies, victories are a of Gary Worby. There will be food and bonus but obviously improve moral and drink, a bouncy castle, face painting, player motivation. everything that goes into making a family From a squad point of view, I believe all fun day. The big attraction for all you of last season’s regular players have sports fans is the signed sports returned and there has been a number of memorabilia auction with shirts signed by significant additions. Two players have Petrov, Bellerin, Jill Scott, Rivaldo plus returned following a couple of season’s others have been promised. There is also away. Josh Snowdon has been at Ossett the chance to pick up some Soccer AM Town, Scarborough and Clitheroe and show tickets. All proceeds from the event Andy Wood playing for his local side, both will be going to #ANDYSMANCLUB. We were highly thought of before their are hoping that all Thackley will come out departure and will definitely strengthen to support this worthwhile cause. the squad. A couple of players have joined from local rivals Eccleshill United, last year’s skipper Charlie Flaherty and Ben Grech-Brooksbank. The Eagles have recently had a change of manager, last season’s man in charge, Sean Regan, surprisingly decided to step down in May to look for challenges anew. Lee Elam has been appointed as his successor, he is well known in local football having played for Halifax, BPA, Harrogate Town and latterly Albion Sports. He started his career at Southport making over 100 appearances before moving on to play for a number of other football league clubs. It often happens that players move clubs when there is a change of manager. As reported in last month’s ‘Trumpit’, Thackley were looking forward to staging their first ever international in July when
23 August – A View from Muppet Hill. who we trained with twice a week, that Before I start on this month’s happenings was when training was training!! The from Muppet Hill I would like to refer to session started with a cross country run, some correspondence received by the through Buck Woods, along the canal and Trumpit’s Steve Wilson from his UP Ainsbury Avenue to the ground. That namesake and former Thackley resident would be enough for anyone these days now living in Scotland. It refers to one of but not with Peter Thackley Football Club’s stalwarts from Glover in charge, the the past Roger Horsfield. slate hill was still there at the back so The correspondence starts with reference we ran up, down and to the adjacent photograph:- over that as well ‘I have not posted this before but this is before we even got to me and Roger Horsfield in September see a ball. No wonder 1958 when Roger was ball boy for we were so skinny Thackley AFC. Roger spent a lot of his back then’. young years at the football club and will Steve Wilson used to be remembered by many when the club live on Harehills Road and now lives in built the new clubhouse and Roger was Scotland, Roger lived on Park Road and bar manager for many years. in the cottages at the side of the We grew up together and Roger was my Commercial. You can read more about best man in 1971. Alas he is no longer Steve Wilson in a newly published book, with us. “Morocco or bust”, when Steve set off on Me, I was a regular with the second team holiday to Morocco with six other and had a few run outs for the first team Thackley lads in the summer of 69 in a
Mitton Group Stadium at Dennyfield. Ainsbury Avenue, Thackley, Bradford Fundraising Day in memory of Gary Worby Sunday 11th August 2019 from 12 noon onwards Football match Raffle and Signed Shirt Memorabilia Auction Plus all the other attractions associated with a family fun day All proceeds going to #ANDYSMANCLUB #ITSOKTOTALK Free Function Room for Hire (terms and conditions apply) Free Wi-Fi www.pichero.com/clubs/thackleyfootballclub
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