e freeze
Friday, March 31, 1979 James Madison University. Ilarrisonburg. Virginia No.44 nabbed in drug raid $25,000 worth of drugs found in office
BY LONNIE MICHAEL have been forwarded to the Wednesday night as Friday's BRANCH Virginia state police edition was being put Campus police, backed by laboratory for official testing. together. This was a tune Virginia state troopers, Campus police said they had when most staff members are arrested 20 James Madison been "following this case for in the office and it was University students, all of some time." believed then that most of the them high-ranking members "We knew for some time drug sales and drug abuse of The Breeze staff, and seized that there was a large drug took place. $25,000 worth of drugs in a raid ring operating on campus but "We caught them red- Jate Wednesday night. we didn't know just who was handed," said officers Police said the raid "broke involved," said chief Jay involved in the raid, who J the back" of a "major drug Crider. asked not to be identified. ring" that had been operating Last week, though, campus Another said "we caught them i( on campusthis year. It also - police were "tipped off by an with their pants down." He 7+*&m •«. t£*£V** , doubt. Breeze staffers had obtained Editor Dwayne Yancey was Six editorial staff members, "mass quantities" of drugs reportedly so stoned at the including editor Dwayne during spring break and were time of the arrest that he Yancey, were charged with attacked one officer with a felonies, including possession keg filled with bong water and of marijuana, cocaine and was arrested for, among other LSD with intent to distribute. More photos, things, resisting arrest and Those six, along with 12 assaulting a police officer. other staff members, were Armstrong "started also charged with a variety of see pages 2, 3 gobbling up all the pilb in misdemeanors, ranging from sight," according to one possession of marijuana to in the process of selling them, officer, and was rushed to resisting arrest and Crider said. RMH to have his stomach assaulting a police officer. Informed sources reported pumped. A hospital Bond for the 12 ranges from that The Breeze office has spokesman said at presstime $500 to $10,000. All but one long been considered a haven that he was semi-conscious MUG SHOT of Dwayne were being held . in for drug users but only and was being held in members, are accused of Rockingham County Jail as of recently did police have intensive care under police Yancey, editor of The Breeze. being ring leaders in drug He and five other staff presstime early Thursday "positive confirmation" that guard. operation.ptioto coorttty JMU poiic* morning. sales were taking place there "He's awake, but he keeps Editorial editor Cutch and that staff members were babbling 'intense' and Armstrong was listed in involved. 'excellent' and 'I love my critical condition in Campus police refused to dog,'" according to the Carrier will seek Rockingham Memorial deny reports that one or more spokesman. Hospital after reportedly undercover agents had been * Photo editor Lawrence swallowing "several hundred used in the investigation. One Emerson allegedly rushed capsules and tablets" shortly source said that staff into the darkroom and before being arrested. members bad sold drugs to frantically began to pour "a GOP nomination Ten pounds of marijuana, as the undercover agent, thus white powder" down the By OWL PYNE recruit Henry Howell to till his well as several ounces of a providing police with the dram, police said. They said James Madison University position at JMU. "After all, white substance believed to be "positive confirmation" they he insisted it was only D-76 president Ronald Carrier Henry and I are such ^ood cocaine and assorted pills and needed to make the raid. developer. today announced his friends," he said. tablets, were found in The Campus police and state "We'll let the state lab see candidacy for the Republican Elaborating on his Breeze office, according to a troopers raided The Breeze about that," one officer said. nomination of governor in the gubernatorial platform, he police spokesman. office, in the basement of the Other staff members were All of the confiscated items 1961 Virginia election. said, "Growth, that's the Wine-Price Building, late Continued on Page 2 Speaking before a group of ticket. We'll recruit people local cub scouts, Carrier said from Maryland and New his years here "have been Jersey, maybe even that very productive, particularly Northern Virginia place. We in the areas of expansion of can raise the population to athletic facilities, students, maybe ten billion by 1987. faculty, my house and "We're also planning on campus-community bringing in the special effects relations." crew from 'Earthquake' so we Asked to explain the latter, can pick up some federal Carrier responded, "Well, funds. With those we'll buy a take the rezoning issue. strip of land down the east Campus and community coast to Florida for a private people were getting together road. We can sell tickets to to reasonably discuss the college students. problem and come up with "The only other major solutions. It may not seem change I contemplate is like a success on the surface, buying a new Governor's but there was a lot of in-depth communication going on. mansion in a rural hamlet lieve me, the violence is outside Richmond, Short porary. Pump," said Carrier. "It "Running JMU just isn't a would help me to better fulfill challenge any more," he said my role as governor and give in reference to his decision to me more privacy." leave. "The biggest Carrier has chosen Coach complaints I get are about the Lou Campenelli to run as dining hall. It's not like the Lieutenept Governor. He said, old days when you could throw "Just as good as Lou is at up an athletic building and recruiting players, he'll be make everyone happy. Now fantastic at getting voters, we have to install a lot of they won't be able to resist. expensive vending machines Besides I couldn't imagine CAMPUS POLICE fingerprint Dwayne that arrested 20 staff members and seized in them." running anything without Lou Yancey. editor of The Breeze, following a drug $25,000 worth of drugs. right there beside me." Carrier mentioned plans to raid on The Breeze office late Wednesday night ' ' mtt> c6oriMy JMU polict Page 2, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April I, 1979 * Busted T increase in classifieds rates iContinued from Page It arrested and charged with It was learned that many of editor Theresa Beale was the controversial stories in labelled "a beginner" who from 50 cents to 75 cents per 25 so caught by surprise, or were simple possession include used only airplane glue and words. This was reportedly ^ so much under the influence of news editor Theresa Beale, The Breeze were written under the influence of drugs. cough syrup, with an done in order to finance drug drugs and alcohol, that they graphics editor Dean C. occasional Chelsea. shipments from Jamaica and had no time to destroy all the Honeycutt, sports editor Paul Dean C. Honeycutt was given five hits of "microdot Apparently early this year Colombia. evidence, police said. McFarlane, production The Breeze staff began selling Apparently, The Breeze "It was mass confusion," manager Pam Howlett, news acid," a form of the hallucinogenic drug LSD, small amounts of drugs in made many of its drug sales police said. "Nobody knew reporters Debbie Yard, Julie order to finance their habit. by advertising in its personals what to do so they just Summers, Kris Carlson, before writing his controversial Homecoming Later, as their use of drugs section. Recent issues have surrendered peacefully. In Maureen Riley, Patti Tully, increased even further, they included personals such as: fact, our biggest problem was Bruce Osborne, Kevin Revue review, according to one source. turned dealing into a full-time "Herbie-Scerb: Ctteck it out in clearing out all the smoke Keegan, and Vance business. . in the Bargain Basement." and cataloging the evidence." Richardson. Editor Dwayne Yancey, while often writing radical Business manager John The Breeze had nicknamed Police reportedly took out Reporters not in the office Vogt was originally unaware its office the "Bargain "a truckload of drugs and and not involved with the columns calling for the prohibition of alcohol, parties, of the drug activity but Basement," reportedly paraphenalia." alleged drug activity were discovered it when Yancey because of the low prices they Yancey, Armstrong, able to piece together the movies and other forms of following description of the entertainment, was actually kept asking him to write sold drugs for. This was one of Emerson, as well as checks for "Colombia" and many indications of the staff's managing editor Julie Crane, operation from police reports "one of the most notorious shortly before presstime drug users on the staff," "chemicals." heavy drug use. business manager John Vogt "I thought it was for the There was speculation that and feature editor Steve Sources said most members according to the report. of The Breeze staff were It said he usually wrote his Columbia School of The Breeze would fight its Snyder were all charged with Journalism and photographic arrest on the grounds that the felonies, including "heavy drug users." One said, puritanical columns after consuming "liberal doses of supplies," he was reported to search and seizure of . distribution. that "without drugs, it would have said. However, when newsroom files, where most of Police said they were the have been impossible for them quaaludes chased with Schlitz beer." offered a share of the profits the drugs were found, had "a x ring leaders of the alleged to put out a paper. They iust from the drug-dealing chilling effect" on the First drug operation, •- ^sjmply couldn't operatejinless Not all those arrested were i«l»* »»~ operation in return for * :**%■**. . other Mti* —...... - *»■ -v ^VaCafrflNf k News keeping me oouics-. ne reatmy' OrncSh lftvtir&A in the raid accepted. said they'd had enough of such "Business is business," he "constitutional cry-baby" reportedly told police after tactics. being arrested, "I just keep "If you ask me," said the books." Crider, "The Breeze took However, Vogt was freedom of the press too apparently responsible for the literally." Astroturf vandalized
By DIXIE CUPP "Greek Week" on purpose," Vandals struck again at said chief of police Jay Crider. James Madison University "If we knew, that would be a Tuesday night, this time big help. Of course, even if spraypainting "Greek Weak" they meant to spell it that on the astroturf. way, we still wouldn't know if Campus police said they had it was townie kids or The made no arrests in the Breeze, since they make so incident as of presstime but many typos anyway." said they were pursuing three leads-TKE fraternity, The. The Breeze staff had no Breeze staff and several local comment on being suspects in high school students. the vandalism. They were "We can't figure out if the reportedly "washing their vandals meant to misspell hands of the whole affair."
THESE PHOTOS were taken by an innocent bystander who just happened to be in The Breeze office at the time of the raid. At right, police lead out a stubborn Steve Snyder, feature editor, and a drug-crazed Theresa Beale, news editor. Police said Snyder was "hostile, offensive, and had bad breath" while Beale "submitted to all our demands." Above, editor Dwayne Yancey pleads for mercy from campus police. Police described Yancey as "a shifty- eyed wheeler dealer in the drug world but one who is looking out for number one when it comet down to life and death." MMM toy Lett Evtrtten* J \ THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 3 /• Photos found in The Breeze office substantiate drug charges
££?; ■#£&
TYPICAL BREEZE PARTY: Drags galore. Please note that Price t-shirt) and Cutch Armstrong (with ear ring) are still going while most staff members have OD'd, Dwayne Yancey (in Wine- strong. It was said they could stay high for months at a time. W»oio ky Lot! EvmtwM The Breeze drug survey
Editor's note: This announcement, intended for publication, was found in The Breeze office after the drug raid. It shows just how hardcore those guys were. The Breeze is compiling information on the quanity and quality of drugs available here. In order that this survey be a realistic indication of the drug supply on campus, The Breeze solicits your help. Please send us samples of your latest batch of goodies so they can be analysed by our panel of experts. Since this panel is rather large, a mere joint or capsule will not suffice. If sending marajuana, please mail no less than one ounce (28 grams). If mailing speed, downers or acid, approximately ten hits will do nicely. Cocaine will be analysed in whatever amounts are received; however, in order to properly evaluate cocaine effectively, at least half a gram is recommended. In order that you may remain anonymous, enclose a five digit number along with your sample. After allowing a couple of days for our thorough examination, give us a call for a free and confidential analysis of your sample's origin, potency^ lung expansion rating, and paraquot or other insecticide content. Drugs other than those mentioned above will be analysed on a first, come first served basis. Please no PCP (angel dust)-it tends to make Cutch very EDITOR AND. DOPE WIZARD Dwayne character who would probably sell you a bag of obnoxious. Yancey, right, makes a big deal with JMU flour and vitamins and say it's coke and speed. Mail your samples today to: Higher Education, care junior Simpson Orkney. Note that Yancey is No wonder Orkney is checking. of The Breze. Wine-Price Building. Campus Mail. grinning. That's because Yancey is a devious NMMAV U*r*vtr?1|m« Page 4, THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 New bridge cost at least $30 million mywg By A. STU DENT of the bridge alone, according Locating the bridge over a The new footbridge to officials in both companies. body of water would not have ■--7 spanning the distance When university officials been "satisfactory," he said, between the library addition were asked about the cost of because this would make the and the dining hall willcost at the new span, one replied, cost of construction least $30 million, according to "Who cares? I ain't paying "exhorbitant." an employee of the firm which for it." Plans for the bridge and the constructed it. The footbridge is designed rest of the library addition Investigations into the to reduce the distance were presented to and bridge's cost were prompted students have to walk betwen approved by the commission by protestations from Greek the dining hall and the library, for planning and housing residents, who were according to the architect development, according to worried that the new bridge involved. "Once the library Mundy, who heads the might outshine their own addition is completed, it wiu commission. Faculty, $30,000 causeway. According contain one of the closest administration and students to the anonymous Nelson restrooms to the d-hall. are on the commission, he Construction Co.(the official Students are in desperate added. The commission never James Madison University need of a shorter route to questioned the architects' construction company) these facilities after firoposal to put up this worker, the Greeks definitely consuming the d-hall ootbridge, Mundy said. have a right to be alarmed. quisine," said Bill Ferguson, "The commission doesn't Minimum cost of the bridge an architect with Right, fiddle with details," he said, was arrived at by adding the Joan's and Wickerson (the nstead, details are delegated cost of the two main official JMU architects). to the experts. laminated South American Aesthetic beauty was also a "I think the problem lies in rosewood beams, which were factor in the design of the your attitude, son," Mundy W million each, the cost of brjdge.Fergfcon said.^ TJ$e.% told tJH^rttn^cUtr.whon>bawP - .- <*,;#.>" 'qdesnone^abWl tK
At the top of another survey: THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 5 TKE more unique than ever By SALLY SURVEY In response to yet another survey, James Madison University students have overwhelmingly chosen Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity as the least grateful recipients of The Breeze party-survey award. "Those guys just didn't take it very well. It seems to me it was a great compliment. It drew attention to them (even more so than their cute red jackets) and made the administration see what a great asset they are to this campus," one surveyed student said.
We each
drink 20 kegs
- -■*- f— apiece
"Without TKE where would anyone who is anyone go to party?" one girl, who wrote "I love violets" at the end of the survey, said. Other students responding BREEZE REPORTER searches for Tau Kappa TKE brothers are reported to have drunk only 20 kegs to the survey wanted to know Epsilon president Warren Muench amomg debris left apiece. why the TKE brothers had not > from TKE's Saturday night keg party. Just a small party. written their thanks to the ■y Lo«t EveritofM Breeze. "Four measly letters and a Only one negative response Werner's Market delivery there were several burning and found him under it personal aren't much when was given by a student who boys, took 20 kegs to the Greek effigies inside the house and "He was still pretty upset you give someone that much identified himself as Jim row house Saturday night we didn't want to end up like and said he was going to send publicity and bribing Shorts Doak. He wrote, "Miss TKE president, Warren the last Breeze survey taker." some of 'his boys' to the Hall to write is pretty low," a Summers, you have to be high Muench threw them out The Breeze reporters Breeze to write some more student said. if you want my opinion in one Slling, "Where are the kegs returned two days later to the personals," the reporter "If they had really been of your slanted, unfair, -the other guys? You know TKE house to apologize for continued, "but after he their ruse to Muench. good guys they would have unwarranted surveys. You we each drink 20 a piece! And calmed down he kindly gave made the reporter who took are not fair plus you lie a lot." what are we going to serve our "At first we couldn't rind us a photograph of the new the survey a little sister. I Thank you, Jim. guests?" him amid the nibble," a TKE house. 'After a couple of hear that that's all she came To find out why TKE parties "He was very upset," a reporter said, but we saw one parties it'll look brand new' he are so popular, Breeze Breeze reporter said, "We pile of kegs with a sign on to JMU for," another student told us." said. reporters, disguised as didn't question him because them that said 'TKE is unique' CREEK WEEK 74 presents the first BABY SEAL 6EATIN0 CONTEST
< First Prize Trophy and 100 pelts \ Other prizes given to participating Greeks NEW FRAT HOUSE for Tau Kappa Epsilon will 'look Entry fee -- $10 per Me member team brand new after a couple of parties' according to president Warren Muench. 'It's the nicest house we've Be the first on Creek How to unmrrtlfulu flog defense**, baby seals ever had,' he continued. ■y Lo»t BvirH—i Page 6, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Half of JMlPs students die of bubonic plauge Classes will continue as usual, university sources say By ARTHUR ROOSEVELT GONZO Approximately 4359 James Madison University students died as (he first recorded outbreak of bubonic plague to hit the West since 1660 swept across campus last week. No class cancellation is forseen, according to University sources. . The outbreak was first reported by Health Center nurse Gina Nightengale, who has since died, and was embalmedjibefore she could be reached foMkxnment. JMU President Ronald Carrier, who since the imposition of Martial Law has refused to answer the phone, was also unavailable for comment. Student Government Association sources claim that the plague was caused by a LSD crazed Breeze staffer dropping an infected rat in the school's main water supply. Breeze sources denied this, JHE RAT BELIEVED-responsible for JMl's .plague outbreak have died from the disease. | .. *■ ' 1 ' x V* ( - " * happen every now ana Again,""* A'aS" interred on the Qoau vc„.c.o>* i»««re Man iM sf^nts you know?" with loitering or dying on a It is also rumoured that the Rumours were rife among location in Spain, could not be The first student deaths yellow curb. school will sieze the those few students still talking reached for comment. ( occured Friday night but went Officer Ronald Nimmler is belongings of the dead, to each other of a plan President Jimmy Carter, unreported until Monday the only reported Security auction them off, and use the proposed by Governor John reached in Washington, said, when the bodies started to Force casulty, killed while proceeds to purchase the Dalton to shoot the survivors "you want me to worry about decay and failed to get up for trying to rescue his guard dog University of Alabama of the plague so they wouldn't a silly little plague when I've class. "I thought that he had Mensch from crazed plague football team. sue the school for damages. got Anwar and Menacnem just passed out," said the victims. While eminant death drew Dalton called this a "bold over for dinner this week?", roommate of Ed Tannahill, a mixed reaction from the faced lie," and said that the and hung up. reportedly the first to die of With the massive drop in student body, the motto of plan was to gas the survivors the plague. student population, President most people was "Boogie 'till as they were de-briefed. As this story went to press, Campus Police clad in germ Carrier has ordered the you croak." The most recent no one was sure whether or proof suits were seen ticketing Admissions Office to increase dead were found wearing T Senator John Warner, not the student body would the dead as early as last next years freshman shirts bearing this hand currently playing a bit part in survive until finals week, or if Thursday. Most were charged enrollment by 397 percent. lettered logo. his wife's new movie, on they even cared.
CALENDAR OF EVENTS Greek W§ek 79 Saturday March 31st Opening Ceremonies 12:30 in X Lot and Parade. Greek Sing and Gamma Gamma Tappings - 7:00 P.M. in Wilson Hall. i Sunday April 1st Softball Tournament - Sunday ^Thursday Monday April 2nd Blood Drive 9:00 A.M. - 3:00 P.M. Tug of War on the quad 5:00 - 6:00 P.M. Parties Toga Party 6:00-7:00 and 8:00-12:00 A.M. Greeks Only Toga Parade - 7:00 P.M.-8:00 P.M. Tuesday April 3rd Blood Drive - 9:00 A.M.-3:00 P.M. Track Meet 7:00 Gatsby's Beer Night Greek Games Wednesday April 4th Game Night in the Campus Center 7:00-11:00 P.M. Meeting Rooms GREEK WEEK Thursday April 5th Tug of War Service Project Gamma Gamma 5:00 Start at Sigma Nu finish at Sigma Phi Epsilon - Time TBA Greek Party at Sigma Phi Epsilon Wear letters v Greek Sing Friday April 6th Greek Dance tickets on sale - 9:00 P.M.-l A.M. in Greek Office at Auto Auction Saturday April 7th Greek Games -12 P.M.-3 P.M. at Godwin field Greek Picnic at University farm 6 P.M.-12 A.M. Announcements
Greek Week T-Shirts on Sale Monday April 2nd for $3.00 This ad was bought and paid for by James Madison University's Interfraternity Council. -^Announcements THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 7 (these are for real, folks I)
Hot line NASA lectures Listening Ear is a The Physics Society of JMU is Theatre Job interview Spanish tutors confidential, no hassle, Complimentary tickets for A representative from Lucille Romanello and Mary sponsoring a Telelecture Wampler Experimental anonymous place to call to Series on April 2 and 9 to be University Directories will be Phillips will be the tutors of discuss frustrations, Theatre's presentation of on campus April 10. Contact Spanish for the month of given by NASA. The topic of Marat-Sade may be obtained emotional loss, anxiety, the first lecture will be the Placement Office for an April. One of them will be in questions about pregnancy, by donating an old bed sheet to interview. ^ the Language Center of Space Shuttle. The lecture on the production. Contact Robin dope, booze, sex, etc. The April 9 will be entitled Keezel Hall every Tuesday campus line is sponsored by Jackson at Box 1872 or call from 6:30 to 8 p.m. "Planetary Exploration." 434-3721. Psych club the JMU Counseling and Both lectures will be held in The JMU Psychology Club Student Development Center. Miller 109 at 4 p.m. will have a pot luck dinner on Sociology club It operates from 12 p.m. to 12 April 3 at Peggy Downey's. a.m. The number is 6444. Directions and signups are All those interestea in posted on the bulletin board of becoming a charter member Johnston Hall. New officers of the JMU Sociology Club will beelec ted. who could not attend the March 22 meeting should call Vote Sarah Clark at 5555 or drop a Worship service note to Box 613. There will be an interfaith worship service in tjie WUU ballroom on April 11 at 7 p.m. Art show The service features There wuT be an invitational VIRGINIA Cornerstone Band and a exhibition for outstanding dramatic presentation of senior artists at Artworks "The Man on the Center Gallery from March 25 to Cross." April 7. Opening reception is REESE on April I from 10:30-11:30. gg* ^"-etoryj JncandulMterviiW^ ^^,ifx^ ,. m,, \ Nedry speakal
-\f ' ■ t-"'TT By MUMS D. WORD Pete Nedry, President of Honor Council at James Madison University, broke his year-long silence last week by granting The Breeze an exclusive interview. In the following text, Nedry offers candid and concise responses to burning questions regarding the JMU Honor Council as well as himself. Q: Pete, why don't you be a nice boy and tell me the function of Honor Council? «. A: Because I don't wanna. Q: Well then could you tell me what' progress the Honor Council has made this year? A: No. Q: Have you been a good Honor Council president or a bad one? A: Don't put words in my mouth, buddy. Q: What about the Honor Council vice-president?. A: Don't try to drag her into this. This is my interview. Q: Are you aware that your silence and uncooperation with the press has caused the Honor Council to suffer from a credibility decrease? A: No, I mean yes. Wait a minute... Q: Pete, isn't it obvious to you that you've done virtually nothing to strengthen the Honor Council's reputation? A: I'm innocent until proven guilty. Q: Do you read The Breeie? A: No. .ft Q: Do you like reporters? A: No. Q: Do you like students to take up your valuable time with their problems? A: No. Q: Whenwillyougraduate? A: No. Q: Do you lute Italian food? A: No. Q: What's your favorite color? A: No. Q: Pete, tell me about your affiliation with the Nazi party. A: No comment. Q: Are you a conscientious objector? A: No comment. Q: Are you always this quiet? A: No, I mean yes. Q: Pete, why does your roommate tell reporters who phone you that you are out of the country; like the Bahamas for instance? A: I was in the Bahamas that time. Q: But you were seen that same day watching television in your dorm's main lounge. A: Well, ah, the show I was watching at the time was about the Bahamas. Q: How do you explain being in the Bahamas then? A: Hey look, I was really into the show. Q:That's pretty weak. Pete. A: Well, what do you expect? I didn't study for this interview. You should be in my debt since I was nice enough to talk to you in the first place. Q: Well Pete, on that note... A: I mean, all you people do is hassle me for not saying anything. Q: Thank you, Pete... A: And now since I ;have said something, you'll probably twist it all up so I come out looking like someone who won't shut up. Q: I'll be seeing you, Pete... A: I want to see this interview before it's printed. Q: Sorry, but we can't do that. It's against our policy. A: Well it won't be valid unless I sign an honor pledge for it... Q: Thank you very much, Pete. It's been a pleasure listening to you. A: That's easy for you to say. , . ...» . I . , . '. '« ^ 58 EGAp ,-?8&L ,— REBMETPEs .YADIRf .ezeerb eht * Construction here to include purple-gold dorm
By I. M. OVERWORKED courts that are being planned As a result of James will probably be located on the Madison University President quad, nearest Main Street, Ronald Carrier's projected sources babbled. student enrollment of 59,777 The part of the quad s by 1964, the Planning and towards Wilson Hall will not Development Commission is be used for the courts because V planning a few additional Saduation services are held facilities to handle the ere, Carrier said. However, possible overflow. plans are being considered to Funds for a new co-ed erect 101 rows of all-weather dorm; a new movie theater; concrete chairs on that part of 21 additional tennis courts; the quad, he said. The chairs and a four-level parking deck would be built by the art will be sought by the department and would be used University from the General for graduation, and would Assembly in Richmond this save the annual costs of rope summer. for that part of the quad every The co-ed dorm, which spring. would house 89 students and The proposed four-level would cost $567 million Crking deck would be located dollars, would be built on the hind Wilson Hall, someone lot behind Varner House, said. The facility should be according to unreliable able to accomodate 300 cars, sources. and would be strictly The dorm would be made of restricted to commuter purple brick, (due to the high students. costs of Milestone or red "We need the parking brick), and would be trimmed spaces," Commuter Student with gold wood-for school Chairman Craig Williams spirit. The rooms will be 13 by commented without being v&te - S^jfc^ concrete waluSnd yellow me location oi tne aeons shag carpets. The projected optimal, since repair of date of completion is January Wilson clock would be 1992. facilitated and made easier, If a shortage of dorm rooms Carrier said. "We wouldn't still exists, the administration have to wait ten years not may have to take further knowing what time it was just steps; possibly making a 2.0 because we didn't have no tall grade point average for ladders." regular students and a 1.5 Although these projects are grade point average for being considered, no new student athletes a prerequisite .additions or rennovations for on-campus housing. have been suggested for "That should clear out the Gibbons Dining HaU. dorms," Carrier said. When asked about food The new movie theater is services' plans for the being planned for the space future, When asked about behind the old-new theater, food services' plans for the almost acting as a "reversed future, Director Robert JMU'S COMMUTER TRAIN brings students from the new parking lot on the Shenandoah "Griff' Griffin said "he was double image," Carrier said River. The theater would hold 634 positive Gibbons was students and could cost 7 adequate for any JMU dining billion dollars. Unfortunately, needs." only silent movies and slide shows will be possible in the new building, since money for a sound system would have to come from "educational A SPRING THING funds" in Richmond, "and they ain't goin' spend no j money on educatin'," Carrier said. The 21 additional tennis LEE LEVI WRANGLER
Gas prices JEANS & CORDS to decrease $11.97 By DEWITT DAWGEE Geneva Oil prices will be reduced to the 1955 level, a ALL SPRING & SUMMER TOPS spokesman for the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries said today. ''The countries MENS& LADIES 25% Off unanimously decided that they were making far too much money," Ali Oilee said. For the United States, the lowered oil prices will mean a DRESSES & GOWNS 20% OFF return to 25 cents-per-gallon gasoline, the US Energy , Secretary said. 20% OFF In related news, Oilee SKIRTS announced that the members of OPEC have found new, unlimited sources of oil, which have the peculiar quality of not causing pollutants when burned. "Things really seem to be The Body Shop looking up," Schlesinger said cheerily. The lowered oil prices, 2 N. Main St. 'The Purple Building' Downtown Harrisonburg (Continued on Page 9) * Gas THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 9 i( oiiliniM'ri from l';m<' s> combined with the new recently installed thick In his public address" unlimited finds, will mean a insulation removed to allow tonight, President Carter will Editor announces return to Sunday afternoon for inefficient heating and comment on the recent oil drives in oversized Fords and cooling. phenomena, according to his Cadillacs for the family, "We're urging all press secretary. Schlesinger said, and cruising Americans to Keep their Included in Carter's address SGA candidacy and dragging for the younger thermostats at 85 degrees in will be a tax rebate for all crowd every evening. the winter and to blast the AC Americans who purchase By NUMERO UNO question when she caught Additionally, all goverment in the summer," Schlesinger "gas guzzlers" in the coming Next year's editor of The sight of Breeze reporter Bruce buildings will have the added. fiscal year. Breeze today announced her (Ozzy) Osborne's extended candidacy for president of the member. Student Government Beale shook his hand. Association. For her campaign platform, "I'm sick and tired of the Beale said she prefers wood SGA and The Breeze quibbling over plastic, with matchsticks every time I turn being her top choice. around, "Theresa Beale told a The aspiring candidate said strange mob of muckruckers she hopes to set her and brown-nosers assembled constituents on fire, and if not in front of Wilson Hall. them, then herself. "I figure the only way to Beale listed her first goal as solve the problem is to control president to be the adoption of both positions. Why would I faculty-run evaluations of want to fight with myself?" students. Professors would Noting that her complete 20-page reports on predecessors in SGA have each student every semester, complained of being in order to prepare other misquoted by The Breeze, Erofessors for each student's Beale said that she could be ehavior in the classroom. the first student body "It's about time our president to write and edit her professors knew who they are own words into print. teaching. I don't think it's fair "No longer will SGA for a teacher to go into a presidents have to eat their classroom not knowing what words; now tney'cbn print to expect," Beale told her «• , them,,' Beale said,/^Now I enthusiastic audience. "And ♦ £?co*fha and know that my readers will Breezewui tagree with me- know that what I've said is Oh, that's right I'm the really what I mean-but that's editor. Yeah, I guess will go not saying that I can't change along with it." Screwer's profiles: my mind in the middle of a Discussing current events, sentence, which could cause Beale said she plans to outfit me to misquote myself, but the ducks in full uniform on then I guess it's okay." Newman Lake for the Bruce Osborne Beale said that what she had university's new martial law meant to say was that she will plan. not do it all over again Beale said she proposes to HOME: Richmond, Va. Peter Sellers' non-Pink Panther movies. eight time. because she hasn't done it yet. rename the Health Center When asked if being editor "Hell Center" or AGE: 21 MOST MEMORABLE QUOTE: "I am OZ" of The Breeze and president of "Pandemonium" for short. BOOK: 1937 Almanac. SGA would cause a conflict of Student evaluations of the PROFESSION: interests, Beale said clinic will include such Director of Peter PROFILE: My left side LAST is best. "certainly not." questions as "Did you have Sellers' non-Pink "Since the SGA controls the enough toilet paper?" and Panther movies. ACCOMPLISHMENT: Finished reading the FAVORITE HIGH: students' activities fees and "Were the bedsheets white?" 1937 Almanac for the Dematha. The Breeze often dictates the Pointing to her watch, Beale HOBBIES: Watching students' interests, I'll be in a said she had to get it fixed and great position to govern the would have to leave. She said campus both financially and she would conduct a press intellectually," she said. conference with herself in The "What more could a girl Breeze office immediately Screwer's profiles: want?" after Tuesday's SGA election Beale answered her own, returns are released. Owl Pine Majority voice alias Pam Howlett officially heard
HOME: Terminal Hole, By BEN HADD WASP'S will make up most Va. Bigots, Straights, Non- of the White Student Alliance, believers, and Marxists according to WSA president AGE: Well-preserved 82 recently had the constitutions Adolph Hitless. One of the for * their respective group's main activities this PROFESSION: Aider- organizations approved by the semester will be lobbying the abetter, with possible Commission on Student University Program Board future in crime. Services. for fewer country rock "We're just trying to give concerts. HOBBIES: Hanging out equal time to the silent "Just because those with computers, eating majority," said Dr. William concerts only draw white pickles with ice cream. B. Fair, vice president for students doesn't mean it's the student affairs. The new clubs only type of music we like," MOST MEMORABLE are the Hetero Student Union, Hitless said. "We also like BOOK: "Basic the White Student Alliance, Boston, and Hall and Oates." Fortran" the Madison Agnostic The Madison Agnostic Fellowship, and the Young Fellowship will seek cover in LATEST Communists. an abandoned Mennonite ACCOMPLISHMENT: The Hetero Student Union church off Route 33, said MFA First computer assisted comprises all, those .students president Billy Graham. The pregnancy. ("Demon who still think "bi" is group plans to have the exit to Seed" was a fraud) something one says when the university's proposed leaving the room, according to Meditation Room dedicated to QUOTE: "Running on HSU president Don T. Lispe. themselves. empty is no way to go." Some of the HSU goals The colors of the Young include taking the word Communists group will be PROFILE: Edgy, "Homo" out of the English red, red and red, according to procreative language, Lipse said. YC chairman Lynn N. Marks. "There's no reason to keep The group is planning field ; FAVORITE HIGH: calling milk homogenized, we trips to the U.S.S.R., the Cliffs. suggest heterogenized. And People's Republic of China, who's to say the first sapien and Cuba for the summer was a homo," Linse bellowed ***"*■
.. .■.-.-.-:-.' To 'Super-Sutton Theatre': ~-. Latimer-Sc er Theatre to be renamed By BOB CHRISTOPHER by assuring that 'Must "Peers?" roles. (See related story, page in, fell to the floor. He was because I'll be directing, All of 102 lbs. (30 of which is In a surprising, though not 11). reported to be in satisfactory producing, and playing the rumored to be his glasses), totally unexpected move, the Reactions from the other condition. 4 lead in every mainstage show Sutton surprisingly admitted JMU Board of Visitors have members of the theatre from now on, I won't change. that his JMU acting career voted to rename Latimer faculty varied. The members of Stratford Players were asked for their I'll still be my usual, was "just a playful little Schaeffer Theatre "Super- Costume designer Pam thing." Sutton Theatre," in honor of Johnson seemed pleased, but opinion, but she had no magnanimous self.' comment. When asked if the name "My real interests," he JMU theatre phoenom Phoef wondered aloud about confirmed, "are advanced Sutton. The move was Sutton's inability to apply his Sutton, for all the hoopla in wouldn't have an adverse his benefit, modestly effect on his relationship with calculus and directing believed to have been own make-up, while technical obscene, homosexual,r.l plays.'.1..,. >> finalized under heavy director Phil Grayson shrugged off the name change his peers, Sutton replied pressure from JMU president, observed that "the only grid Ron Carrier, and the JMU that Sutton's ever seen is the theatre department. one on a football field." The initial impetus for the Dr. Tom King said he had action seems to have all the respect in the world for stemmed from a JMU theatre Phoef, then added, "I suppose review of last November's "A I shouldn't say this, but it Man For All Seasons" (The seems to me that the theatre Breeze, no.56,11-21-78) by Dr. doesn't need a name. People Ralph Cohen. In the review, know it's a theatre and it Cohen praises Sutton's seems to me that that's all eclect'c performance as the that should be necessary.
• • ^ff top*' ' • » ' • w f-A^ • •
T^^ftT^^ Common Man and says "If Allen Lvndrup and Roger Phoef Sutton does not Hall were both unavailable for Siduate ahead of schedule, comment. Lyndrup was at timer-Schaeffer stage will home with a sick child, while PHOEF SUTTON is mobbed by the media over an hour before retiring to plan the have to be renamed for him, Hall was taken to the Health following the announcement of the I .a timer- schedule of mainstage plays for next year. since he keeps stealing it Center this afternoon, after Schaeffer Theatre name change. Sutton By Lost Evtriton* anyway." Apparently, those the chair he was leaning back patiently answered reporter's questions for in high places chose to heed Cohen's advice. The name change is believed to have been under discussion for several months before finally passing from the perfunctory stage. At the press conference Snydeshovs^cArts * p h announcing the name change, eoP President Carrier performed the ceremonial shining of Sutton's shoes, while telling him "Phoet, I've always looked up to you. I have a Dead to perform tremendous committment to the arts at JMU. I make it my business to see part of one Billbored Top play every year. Dr. Thomas Arthur, head of in G-S Theatre the JMU theatre department appear will be Paul was ecstatic. By BEAVER WEAVER "Why is Phoef Sutton so THE University Program McCartney. important?" an astonished Board has finally succumbed "Like, this will be a primo Ten Arthur replied to reporters' to demands of students to see concert of the mind," UPB questions. "You ask me why "The Dead" perform at chairman Suzanne McVay he is so important? I'll tell James Madison University. said. "When students you why he is so important? As part of their ever- stormed our office and He's silly, he's simple, he expanding entertainment • 1. "Hot Child In The City" - Ralph Sampson works." package, the UPB has secured demanded to see 'The Dead,' Arthur went on to explain a full-length filmstrip feature we just had to do something. • 2. "StumbliiT In - TKE Fraternity the ramifications of the name of a mythical concert This should make them change. featuring the late greats of grateful for the entertainment • 3. "Miss You"-TheShah of Iran '• "In exchange for letting us • 4. "A Man I'll Never Be" - Lou Campanelli (the theatre) use his name, 'Like, this uitt be a primo concert Phoef will be given a lifetime "Grease" - Gibbons Hall Staff \ enrollment at JMU," Arthur • i. confirmed. "We can't let a of the mind' • •• "Fat Bottom Girls" - JMU Dukettes \ gem like him escape to the real world." • i. "Hold The Line" - StateCorporatlon Commission \ Additionally, Sutton will be rock and roll music. we bring to JMU." exempt from all math and Heading the unprecedented The Filmstrip will be shown • 8. "Soul Man" - Buster Brown ! science requirements for the bill will be Elvis Presley. Also in the Grafton-Stovall duration of his stay at JMU. prominently featured will be Theater, she said. The show • »• "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? - Arnold Schwartzeneger \ In honor of the name Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, will last appproximately 15 change, this year's Keith Moon, Jim Morrison, minutes and will feature a . "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" - Duke II musical/'Oklahoma!" will be Bobby Darin, Duane Allman, cassette soundtrack. Limited • M re-worked and re-performed Ronnie Van Zant, Steve tickets will be available at the at the end of the semester, Gaines, Jim Croce, and Sid UPB office at $10 with a JMU with Sutton playing all 33 Vicious. Also rumored to ID, $5 without. \ V
THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 11 Phoef Sutton to play all roles in 'Oklahoma!' _ By WANDA JUNE about portraying the major As part of the ceremonies characters in "Oklahoma!" honoring the name change of "Jud shouldn't be too tough, JMU's Latimer-Schaeffer I'll just have to put on about 90 Theatre to "Super-Sutton lbs. before the show." he Theatre," in honor of Phoef revealed, adding that "the ■ Sutton, Sutton will play all 33 easy thing about playing roles in a re-make of this Laurie is that two of the other year's musical, "Oklahoma!" characters in the play are in r He will begin working love with me. That will make immediately with directof it a lot easier." Tom King and musical Curly would present a minor director John Belittle, so that problem, he admitted, the show can be performed as because "the person who part of this May's graduation plays that character has to be ceremonies. such a bad actor. Oh well, you Though somewhat have to be a good actor in apprehensive, Sutton seemed order to be a bad actor." to relish the challenge, saying Director Tom King thought that "it will be the greatest it was a good move. "I strain yet on my versatility." suppose I shouldn't say this," JMU theatre-goers will he said, "but it seems to me remember Sutton s dynamic like we don't need a lot of « performances as the sinister people to play Jhe different Malvolio in "The Twelfth characters. The' audience can Night," the gawky, adolescent tell from the program who the Emmett in "Fancies," and different characters are, so it the cold, calculating Inspector seems to me that one actor is Truscott in "Loot." This, all that's necessary." however, will be something King later admitted that *« Gallery show features the early Renaissance ceramics of JMU senior Willie Rensch9 seen here with one of his pieces entitled 'assemblage.9 Rensch said he envisioned 6the world in a state of temporary flux9 when he designed the piece. His exhibit runs through April 7 at the Harrisonburg dump. photo by Lost Everstone -» mr* i •> «»»»»'. »*v*»**»»»> - C' Page 12, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 '. Honeycutt blows it in The Breeze office By PESTY MIST quad with a Moving Finger), So often was he asked who also listed a number of appointed him God and for bequests to the university. what reasons he was so Among them were his appointed, Dean C. Honeycutt thesaurus, a hardback volume blew his brains out last night of party jokes and insults, a at The Breeze office, cross-section of a weasel's . apparantly anticipating an fallopian tubes, 13 buckets of explanation from his camel spit and a telephone Competition. answering device that greets In a letter entrusted to obscene callers with Lawrence Emerson, the obscenities and flagellations. photographer who captured Also left to the university the glorious moment forever were a file of Honeycutt's on film, Honeycutt left this reviews, some matches and a last will and testament: package of EsKay weiners, "It is my final wish," the which Emerson roasted note began, "that my enemies shortly after Honeycutt's might follow my suit in this gruesome demise. noble endeavor. It is also my "They were good," wish that, of those who do, at Emerson said, licking his least one be present to witness fingers as the body was that Holy explanation. removed from the office. "My critics, should they University Program Board take up my example, might Chairman David Imre was discover Who appointed me quick to agree. "Damn God. But for the life of me, I good," he said, licking his will never find out who chops like a jackal. appointed them Critics. Celebrations are tentatively "ILand when I net -an^ ,jjph«dnled_..tivinorroMi.- -«W- '•S$#1$M* "eSpIaTiatfon irom— my 'Eddie's Broken 'Spoke*' and Competition, I will not ask for Wilson Hall, where a new lease on Perfection Honeycutt's body will lie in DEAN HONEYCUTT was photographed in his demise Incarnate. I am growing tired state until its stench becomes By Lott Evtrttone of it. I think I will ask to be a unbearable. critic, and grant my critics a The body will then be sublease on Perfection donated to science, minus the Incarnate." brains, which, unfortunately, Honeycutt's note, which were mopped up by a maid rambled on for several miles and dumped in a laundry (it was carved all over the room sink. ELO plays concert to unaware students By CURLY M. HORTON A similar shorting out of Although unknown to most circuits at a nearby turkey students, the Electric Light farm caused an explosion and Orchestra performed here the appearance of snow, last Sunday to a capacity which was actually turkey crowd of more than 15 feathers. members of the University Crashing sounds which most Program Board executive students believed to be council and one reporter from thunder were actually caused The Breeze. by the UPB house committee UPB signed a contract with dropping more than 4,000 the band Saturday night after metal chairs that remained the Outlaws and Molly unoccupied because students Hatchett concert but due to were unaware of the concert. limited time was unable to To make up for monetary publicize the concert or print losses suffered on the Electric tickets. Light Orchestra concert, the The only evidence of the UPB plans to book Burtin ELO concert was a severe Cummins to play here this electrical storm mixed with Sunday, April 1. heavy snow Sunday afternoon, Other events planned for the which most students believed rest of the semester include a was a rare act of nature. trip to Iran and several However, the streaks of movies to be shown in the electricity students saw Warren University Union bolting over the JMU campus television lounge. Sunday were actually caused Spring Fever has been by the overloading of circuits cancelled due to a lack of caused by the band's high turkey feathers for stuffed electrical needs. animals used as prizes. The Breeze honored again The Breeze has been named In addition to winning in tne as one of the top 11 most libel category, The Breeze libelous newspapers in the was also cited for country by the Columbia Libel "outstanding work" in Insurance Agency. Distorted Reporting, The award as made at the Sensational Headlines, CLIA's annual convention last Creative Misquoting, and weekend in New York. Unfair Journalistic Practices. It marked the third time in The Breeze celebrated its the past four years The Breeze award at a Schlitz and has been named one of the quaalude party at Cutch most libelous newspapers in Armstrong's place in the country. Showalter Apartments. TheCLIA especially praised Editor Dwayne Yancey and The Breeze for its libelous editorial editor Cutch coverage of the Student Armstrong are believed to be Government Association, most responsible for The Greeks and administrative Breeze's reputation. ..-cn.»f(W;.>-Wmi»u«o.V >\t*i«WIfcl. secretaries. THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 13 Nude man charged with sexual assault ny mi. IDE with a fire extinguisher," A Dayton man has been Gulibal said. The officers arrested and charged with then proceeded to handcuff sexual asualt, indecent the suspect and escort him exposure, and disturbing the from the dorm amid the hisses peace after an incident in and boos of about a hundred Snorts Hall. The suspect, residents who had gathered on Harry S. Horns, was arrested fifth floor by this time. yesterday in a woman's It appears that many Snorts bathroom on the fifth floor in residents feel that Horn's Snorts. arrest was unnecessary "He According to Officer R. U. was just having a little fun," Gulibul, the suspect allegedly one resident commented. reached into a shower and grabbed a female Snorts "The girls certainly enjoyed it resident. Her screams (the incident)". Besides, he's brought five girls to her aid. got really nice hands," she ANTICIPATING INCREASING demonstrate the new security equipment to be By the time Campus police added. UNIVERSITY enrollment, campus police used for controlling large student crowds. arrived, the five girls were , No charges have been filed "running around naked, against any Snorts residents S'ggling, and manhandling although Officer Gulibul e nude suspect," according indicated that "some girls" to Gulibul's report. may face charges of 'lewd, Police managed to calm the crude, rude and sociably Journalism award renamed women bv "hosing them down unacceptable conduct" to honor three editors Cats change colors By YANCEWARD qualified by winning the West It was believed that -the and SNYDESTEIN By KITTY LITTER The chemical, a liquid, is . Virginia Highway selection committee changed The James Madison For the first time in three Department Journalism the name of the award composed of food coloring, University chemistry rubbing alcohol and airplane years, there will be no Carney- Trophy for their story on road- because only Armstrong could ^ienartment announced today ' r-r* • r ».r ,—■%*-. * ..... ??£* Tnai TT has 'nftf&eaea m Instead the selection Tfndleton County. Byrne (editor and managing sheOTbeP^beralfy applied to''''"" developing a chemical that the cat's body or the cat can committee, composed of "It was a real steal," they editor of The Breeze in '75-76) causes cats to change colors. Dwayne Yancey, editor of The said, commenting on the West were. ,. be immersed in the solution." The chemical causes a cat's He recommended that Breeze, editorial editor Cutch Virginia story. "How can our fellow Armstrong and feature editor fur to change color anyone using the chemical Alan Neckowitz and D. H. staffers look up to someone Eermanently without any should wear gloves as "so far Steve Snyder, decided to who won an award named name it the Yancey- Wendelken, advisers to The armful side effects. it hasn t been too popular with Breeze, opposed both the after someone they'd never It was first tested last week the cats." Armstrong-Snyder heard of?," asked Armstrong. Journalism Award. name change and the on a "crateload of pussies," The chemistry department recipients of the award. "Everyone looks up to us." according to department head is awaiting for goverment Coincidentally, the first Ironically, none of the three Dr. Bendy Graph, and was Yancey-Armstrong-Snyder permission to put the "These guys are only in the plans to go into journalism for "almost a complete success." chemical on the market under award will be presented to office after midnight," a career. Graph said the only problem Yancey, Armstrong and Wendelken said. "And then the name of "Fur Sure." Snyder. Armstrong will take over was that the scientists could So far, though, scientist they're always in the operation of the Christian not control would color the cat have been unable to find any Snyder qualified for the darkroom doing bong tuts." Broadcasting Network in would change to. He added award by "reaching new practical value to a chemical Roger Wells, another June, Snyder plans .to act off that anyone interested in a that causes cats to change heights in modular layout and journalism faculty member, Broadway ana Yancey plans purple and gold kitten should colors. being an all-around nice guy." had a comment but it could to retire to a farm in contact the chemistry Armstrong and Yancey "Who cares?," said Graph, not be deciphered. McGaheysville. department at (5670. "it's science." RESIDENCE HALL ROOM SIGN-UP FOR 1979 2 All students currently living on- campus who did not receive a re- admission card and housing contract should contact the Office of the Assistant Vice-President for Business Affairs, Wilson Hall, 113j QMSLTJ£ILL4S Camera Shop Portrait Studio Screwer's profiles: Complete Camera Supplies alias Dean and free Film on Kodacolor Trix ie Focks Honeycutt and B&W Film HOME: Piccadilly MOSn . QUOTE: "Whatever Circus MEMORABLE BOOK: blows your skirts up, big 20% DISCOUNT "How to Be a Total boy." FOR STUDENTS AGE: 14 Woman" on all caintrn xm»p PROFESSION. RiipplieN photo finishing and l>otli Erection and demolition expert LAST. PROFILE: Grea.t in ACCOMPLISHMENT: a one-piece color and black vK while or free film Rolled 12 drunken HOBBIES: Sailors, soldiers, Marines: midgets and 40 joints in FAVORITE HIGH: 79 E. Market St. 434-5314 anything that moves one night zdrazvuytye •», Page 14, THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 19W Greek Week ends in tragic mass suicide care what they do with the follow Sigma Nu's lead and and Sigma PhiEpsilon, the By STANISLAV8KI until Monday, although the remaining off campus frats, FLOURIDE deaths had occurred Friday depraved little bastard." take "similar rash actions." President Ronald Carrier "After all," said Carrier, "If were executed this afternoon Greek Week came to a night, and there had been as a precautionary measure to tragic end with the group visitors to the House as early has ordered the remaining Darrell's own frat would do Greek Houses closed down, it..." prevent them from following suicide of the Sigma Nu as Saturday. "I just thought Sigma Nu's lead. fraternity at a "Jim Jones they were playing pass out due to fear that they might The Brothers of Sigma Pi Party" Friday night. again," said Friar Preppie of Theta Chi. Surviving brothers, most of Campus police teams Screwer's profiles: whom were in the Health surrounded the house Monday Center with the plague, were afternoon after no brothers in . agreement that the were observed emerging for fraternity had "little else to lunch. Residents of the other do." Greek houses had noted a I.AA. Useless "Why, after Darrell had strange stench emerging from sent us down to Mary Baldwin the house that morning. to sack the school and practice "It was even worse than rapine and pilliage, the guys usual," said Cute alias Vance just developed a hyperactive Butbrainless of Sigma Cubed sense of adventure. That, and Sorority. "^ Richardson what with the plague going Relatives of the victims around, they just got mad and were not allowed at the simple cremation performed this HOME: Confederate did it." said survivor Attilla Capital of the South Smith. morning. One mother told The bodies of the dead The Breeze that "as long as brothers were not discovered the state pays for it, I don't AGE: 19 , , ^ «• "'■»<"' HOBBIES: collecting pipes MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: How to stay ahead. LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: made breakfast on a Sunday QUOTE: Get ahead; stay ahead PROFILE : somewhere in between apathetic and I'm not sure FAVORITE HIGH: verbally abusing preps at UVa. FOOTBALL RECRUIT and Only which one's the guide? student guide oa campus tour. VALLEY SPORTS Screwer's profile CENTER PaftlTully Sat. March 31 One Day Only 20% Off HOME. The Streets Entire Inventory of Philadelphia AGE: 20 (oldenough) PROFESSION: Local girl scout Russell Stover, Easter Baskets recruiter HOBBIES: cooking- and Candles pre In at brownies, sewing official flags of Red China. Bring it back HUGHES PHARMACY from Mexico. MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: Helter Skelter along with Chocolate rabbits, LATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: listed on the FBI's 10 assorted stuffed animals, Most Wanted List QUOTE: On my and Easter greeting cards honor I will try to do my duty to the drug profession and crime in the streets, to help other V Convenient location people become drug addicts and to obey the across from campus rules of die communist party. 1021 S.Main 434-8650 FAVORITE HIGH: Sex. — ^^^^mmmm ■ D-HAM, WORKERS celebrate the disappearance of food services director Robert Griffin. V'---' u-tlail director heheved abducted By HARRY SOUP There have been . Weyers Cave airport asking "He was starting to imagine 4-Thou shalt have no hair The director of food unconfirmed reports that for "the next flight out of that every one he saw was a under thy arms. services, Robert Griffin, has Griffin may have been shoved here" in an attempt to avoid reporter for The Breeze," 5-Thou shalt have no hair on disappeared. into a large vat of soup by an criticism of d-hall menus. sources said. "He just started thy legs. Campus police have refused irate d-hall employee and Others said Griffin had scribbling on a piece of paper 6-Thou shalt have no hair on to comment on their drowned. locked himself in a broom anytime he had to talk to thy chest. investigation into the matters Other sources say Griffin closet to avoid being anyone." 7-Thou shalt have no hair on but inside sources report that was kidnapped by food service interviewed by The Breeze. In recent weeks, Griffin had thy toes. they are working on four workers but that they have One problem hampering the even started believing he was 8-Thou shalt have no hair on possible causes: Griffin was been unable thus far to find police investigation is that it is God, they said. One example thy knuckles. murdered, kidnapped, has anyone willing to put up the not known exactly when he was his hair code, which he 9-Thou shalt have no hair on fled the country, or is in ransom. Griffin disappeared. referred to as the "Ten thy neck. hiding. "I've never seen him," said Commandments." 10-Thou shalt have no hair Regardless of what the They said Griffin was being one d-hall worker. "I've The hair code, written on anywhere. investigation turns up, food held somewhere in Gibbons always thought he was kind of stone tablets believed to have The rules applied only to services employees have dining hall tied to a checker's like God. You never see him. once been pieces of d-hall males. In fact, food services scheduled a large party stool with a piece of d-hall Someone just comes around steak, read: hired a hairy chested girl last tonight in d-hall to celebrate steak shoved in his mouth. and tells you what he's said." 1-Thou shalt have no hair on week who only shaves her Griffin's disappearance. "That ought to be cruel and Also, Griffin's mind was thy head. armpits on legal holidays. inhuman treatment," the "deteriorating rapidly," Food service workers have 2-Thou shalt have no hair on In an apparently unrelated source said. according to d-hall workers, thy face. matter, the D-hall digest calls recently protested a hair code It has been also rumored who blamed the malady on his Griffin instituted. 3-Thou shalt have no hair on for vegetable soup every day that Griffin was sighted at steady diet of d-hall food. thy arms. this week. Screwer's profiles: MIDWAY MARKET across from campus Schlitz 12oz. 1.79 DwayneYancey National 12oz. 1.59 Golden Ale 120Z. 2.69 HOME: McGaheysvUle, Old Mill. 16o>. 2.19 Va. (eight miles east of Budweiser 16oz. 2.35 nowhere) Miller 12 pack 3.99 AGE: 20 Check other specials. PROFESSION^ Frustrated pervert HOBBIES: Committing sex crimes, ogling at Cosmopolitan covers. MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: Graffiti on restroom walls. iro $ LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Washed his socks last Wednesday. PIZZA QUOTE: Mumbles incoherently. N£U> YORK STVIi PROFILE: Works best under pressure; once committed a crime 501 Off ANY PIZZA against nature; often found groovin' on Dolly w/ coupon Parton or Tanya Tucker through his new 38B Beer Now on Tap headphones. Sun.-Thurs. 11AM-12 midnight FAVORITE HIGH: Sniffing armpits, Fri.-Sat. 11AM-1AM ^4.5375 especially somebody else's. ...nftXJtocktl....Al»t.Carry Out Page 16, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 New beer named for Carrier By JOSEPH ANHEUSER of Wilson. leader raised a can in a MILLER Public Information Director ceremonial toast to the roar James Madison University Rich Murray said JMU was and laughs of the crowd. today announced plans for the the first Division I school to Carrier proceeded to down the distribution of a new beer to have a beer named after a beverage in a matter of be known as Ronnie, lovingly president. Officials at the seconds, ending the honoring the president of the state's other eight Division I impressive chug with a esteemed university. schools downplayed the tasteful burp. The beer will be processed breakthrough while meeting Pile choked on the initial at the new Coors brewery to, secretly in various slurp of brew and had to be be constructed in the broomclosets across the Old dismissed after spraying Shenandoah Valley and Dominion. varying amounts of foam over distributed by Gamby Duke's Grill has announced the Board of Visitors. Pile is Distributors of Harrisonburg it will make the beer available reported to be resting and will be available a most to students for a mere $1.25 comfortably at the JMU stores in the area, including per glass and $5.00 a pitcher. infirmary under the care of Werner's for $1.69 a six-pack. r*A real bargain," commented Dr Walter Greene. Dr. Ronald, Carrier Westly Ringgold, an ABC commented, "Its quite an Governor John Dalton was manager at the Grill. one of the more notable honor and I think it can do The Student Government *u>n but i^-jrease the Association sponsored a brief dignitaries and casually popularity of our campus. Its preview of the beer in the sipped a can of Ronnie irWe got a little kick to it and mingling with Carrier, and ballroom, using an advanced friends. His son,Ted, a JMU doesn't taste too bad either," six pack shipped via United ParcelSaryjce f rom the Coors sophomore, & also in sftpdance, refused the can of •V V 'A1 J 4«&tK2tt±»rt- brewery in Golden, Colorado. good ole purple and gold with Ronnie offered, wary of its 6.4 a replica of Carrier on the On hand for the occasion percentage alcohol. front and a rather sentimental was the man of the hour "I'm strictly a four beer pose of the late JMU mascot himself- Carrier, and SGA man when people know who I Ole Duke seated on the steps president nan-ell Pile. Each am," he said. DALE WEGNER CHEVY CITY SENIORS When it comes to value... J.M.U. comes to Chevy City EXTRA GRADUATION ) New & Used Cars ANNOUNCEMENTS ARE FOR SALE 434-6731 Downtown Harrisonburg IN THE BOOKSTORE Please see the bookstore for your needs and pick up orders that were not secured from the Herff Jones representatives last week. Screwer's profile "a HOME: None Aaron Cross AGE: 28 PROFESSION: Knave HOBBIES: Trying to get girls drunk, exploiting other races, experiments in animal IF YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE husbandry, and JBL L40S,SOUND US OUT. pointless waste. MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: Helen, the Nazi The L40 is one of the She-Wolf best two-way loud- speakers you can buy. LATEST Listen: ACCOMPLISHMENT: Clean. Accurate. Clear. Ate his brussels sprouts (Drive it on 10 watts without complaining and fill the room. Drive it on 70 watts and enjoy. QUOTE: "When I No distortion.) want any shit from And listen to this: you, I'll let you know!" |BL's are the most widely PROFILE: used professional re- Avaricious, insincere, cording studio monitors capricious with other In this country. people's feelings, Come on in and petulant, ambivalent, sound us out.\bu'll love perhaps a bit too what you hear. whimsical. HIS DRUG: The Pineal gland of a BRECKINRIDGE • hideous nameless beat, cut from its throat at midnight when the GET IT ALL. moon is holding water 229 N. Main or muscatel. S*' 433-2721 SSSSSSBBSM — ^ TOE BREEZE. Sunday, April l, 197& Page 17 Education building to be named Hall Hall By I. M. OVERWORKED "We just can't wait until The new School of J986, to use my, I mean, the Education Building will be building," Hall said. named after the vice "Otherwise we would have to president of student affairs put a lid on increased Dr. William Hall, the enrollment, and we don't want administration announced to do that." today. The name for the building The completion date for was announced at a ribbon- Hall Hall is set for May 1986, cutting ceremony outside Hall however the building will be Hall this afternoon by used for classes in the first University President Ronald and fourth blocks, because of Carrier. Carrier is usually the immediate shortage of responsible for most name- classroom space, Hall said. calling on campus. The building wil be used The name for the building is during these blocks since unusual, since most buildings Y- weather is generally good are named after retired or then, however in second and deceased University third block there would be employees. heating problems, since Hall When asked to comment on Hall does not have a roof or this, Carrier said: "We're too many wails yet, Hall said. wsorking on that problem." •vLHllvmiMt 1« .-•*)>< >//>>/ •*. a Unisex Salon - Our haircuts and Body Waves R.C Cola 8 pk. 16oz. 1.19 are designed for ~ . 1. ■ , P,us deposit Schlitz6pk. 1.59 Men and Women Paul Masson 3.49 with a style (Burgundy, Chablis, Vin Rose') Campbell's PorkftBeans 28oz. of their own. 2/1.00 Bobby Kathy Wayne A&P Apple Sauce 16oz. 3/1.00 Wayne's Master hair cutters for Men& Women Ann Page Macaroni&Cheese 57 West Market Harrisonburg, Va. 434-1617 Dinner 5/1#00 Screwer's profile Ann Page Canned Tomatoes . 16oz. 3/1.00 Dewitt Dawgee (alias Ann Page Spaghetti Sauce Kevin Keegan) 31b jar 1.49 Ann Page Pizzas 13oz. .69 HOME: Little Bend, New Mexico AGE: 69 Pet Ritz Cream Pies 14oz. PROFESSION. 2/1.00 Advanched prophylactic designer. Broccoli S .89 HOBBIES: Testing advanced Radishes 5pks./1.00 prophylactics. MOST MEMORABLE Green Onions 5/1.00 BOOK: "Billy Finds His Thing." Pineapples .99 LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Finding my thing. Box of Chicken .49fb. QUOTE: A hard man is good to find, but a hard London Broiljb. 2.19 woman belongs in the circus. Boneless Top Sirloin Steakjb. PROFILE: When horizontal, laughable. 2.79 FAVORITE HIGH: Sliced Assorted Pork Chops,lb. Wearing mismatched socks, on the wrong 1.39 ears. Gwaltney Great Dogs,lb. .99 w~mrnmmm*mmm+ *r , —-— ■— »1« J—'»—1 1 , . Page 18, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Flying hands invade campus administrators, that the happened," Cohen explained, fihotographing him for a Guard, have arrived at the By CONNIE CUBINE while resting at his home eature story at the time of the university to combat the A large number of "flying school was forced to close its doors forever. "One came in and landed on attack and got an exclusive flying hands. hands" have invaded the my head. I didn't feel it until photo. "We have the situation James Madison University "We shudder to think of a similar situation happening at it was too late." State police, investigators under control," said one campus, according to a Breeze photographer from the Federal Bureau of officer. "One attack is campus security officer. JMU," said Dr. Ronald Carrier, president of the Lawrence Emerson happened Investigation, as well as nothing, considering the size "I've never seen anything troops from the National of this university." like it, said Chief Jay Crider'.' university. to be in Cohen's office The flying hands, members Campus police at JMU have of the dreaded "extremitis— warned students to lock their avis" family, have not been windows at night and not to Screwer's profile spotted anywhere in the world venture outside during the for approximately five years, day, except in cases of and were thought to be extreme emergency. extinct, according to Dr. Already one faculty Leonard Einstein of the member has fallen victim to the fiendish hand. Dr. Ralph Debbie Yard American Museum of Natural Cohen, a professor of English, History. A display of the last was allegedly attacked display**W5££2 «rfJHaas- said. warning while grading papers HOME: Asbury Several years ago, the in his Keezell Hall office. Park, New Jersey hands wreaked havoc at King's Cohen was rescued by (Springsteen Territory) College in New York, killing nearby persons who heard the and maiming so many scuffle and came to AGE: 22 students, faculty and investigate. "I didn't know what PROFESSION: -*. . k—* '' •-• -\--- • \ m B 4 official SGA«Wjsg.ujjter . HOBBIES: Libel MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: D P. s letter to the editor and "Shooting The Breeze" by Doug Wessen ■ LATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Graduated from mind- reading course so as to better understand SGA presidents. QUOTE: "MI had it all to do over again, I wouldn't rua" PROFILE: Distorted, innaccurate, not to mention, inadequate FAVORITE HIGH: Sniffing the hot air in the SGA office. LIVE FLYING HAND attacks English professor Dr. Ralph Cohen. AT THE THE ELBOW ROOM SPRING HOUSE FRIDAY & SATURDAY .MARCH 30 & 31 your downtown coffee house Presents SIDEWINDER CHRIS WHITE and TUESDAY, APRIL 3 KAYT SHELTON DALDWIN JMU JAZZ SEXTET Soft Rock JMU FACULTY & STUDENTS LIVE ON STAGE Friday & Saturday Nights WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4 9:00 til Midnight LADIES NIGHT 433-8431 BILL BLUE BAND Draft 25* TONIGHT RHYTHM & BLUES Across from the Parking Deck Downtown Harrisonburg DOWNTOWN THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 19 Breeze reporter barred from meeting, jailed By RILED MORON the reporter was blocked the Rockingnam County neighbor 's trashcan after "If they don't leave us alone The National Guard was out of the meeting initially, jailhouse. being asked to close their car I'm going to resign!!" called in to drag an obnoxious, and persisted in "trying to "We couldn't c have anyone doors more quietly," Byrd threatened prestigous viscious Breeze reporter away listen through the door with a connected with- the media at said. committee chairman, Jacob from the top-top level secret glass," said John Byrd, our meeting when we were "These Harrisonburg Saylor. * meeting of the city-university committee chairman. So, he discussing such top-level residents are kept awake until Byrd was especially relations committee last called the National Guard, secrets, such as the JMU at least seven at night by the angered when the reporter night who escorted the reporter to students who knocked over a noise those off-campus college told him the Freedom of kids make," Byrd said. Information Act required that "Let's just keep those durn she be allowed in the meeting. Breeze reporters locked up for "The nerve of that reporter, Screwer's profiles: life," said Jean Grimes, thinking that piece of paper committee member. could save her," Byrd said. HOME: Godwin Hall Theresa Beale locker rooms AGE: 20 PROFESSION: Dukette Alcohol policy HOBBIES: Sticking finger in electric socket to curl hair; Watching to be liberalized the boys work out. By CURLY M. HORTON in a survey by The Breeze as MOST MEMORABLE Five administrators here JMU's biggest party dorm. .. —«»-.». *.. _ * BOQK: ( "Breezing filed a petition Monday nailing The five labeled the party as a 1 (11 UUg'il C/wSSge ■ KJ..--U .VFl tftUII.piClt-It.lUll... Jl .lW MV ; Pom-Pom"- university's experimental "I feel a complete change is alcohol policy. needed in the LATEST * The petition was filed after policy"(alcohol) said one of ACCOMPLISHMENT: the administrators attended a the administrators.' "The Developing a partial party Friday night in Gifford party I attended in a dorm sense of rhythm in all Hall, which was earlier cited supposedly known for wild extra-curricular parties was the most boring activities. MONDAYS I've ever attended," be said Another administrator QUOTE: "I always 4:00 - MIOfllTE complained about a lack of wanted to go to a big Great beer. school, but I guess being "The hosts had only bought a JMU Dukette is the Spaghetti two one quarter kegs of beer next best thing to being for a whole suite full of people. there." and Salad That ran out in 45 minutes and "AH In Gu Bat" when I offered a dollar to get PROFILE: Flighty another keg I was told it was but fun; loves to be •■■i $2.95 against regulations to collect exploited. money." Plus- Large Pitcher Two other administrators FAVORITE HIGH: were not allowed to enter the Reading Sartre at 3 leer (t* #z.) $1.75 party because their names did a.m. in the not appear on the guest 1 ist. Harrisonburg (fojz. Mug 75) A third faces judicial action cemetery. for drinking beer in a hallway. The administrators said ~ lllage they will attend a TKE party 2 SEXUAL AIDS* FILMS* ADULT BOOKS*SEXUAL AIDS this weekend in hopes that o conditions there are better. o * TRAPPER RON'S CD > HOUSE OF BEAUTY PORNO POST Q HAIRSTYLING, , < 00 iSl AND [SO o CO O 3 MERLE NORMAN in COSMETICS * u < SUMAAER SCHOOL HOUSING > X o LU All students planning to live in in > to university-operated housing for the * u * Tl CO Summer Sessions must complete r- 0 •* o and return a "Room Reservation in O Application". Summer Session * CO housing brochures, including the > application, are available in all D residence halls, The Office of < Residence Hall and Commuting 03 SO% Discount with JMU ID Student Services, Alumnae 103, O CO and at the Warren University Union o U.S. 33 East of Harrisonburg 3 main desk. in SEXUAL AIQS*FI1MS* ADULT BOOKS* SEXUAL AIDS"- ..... -..»*. »VJ THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 21 , ...... v ^.. \ •* V* Carrier's Dominion By FUNAN GAMES give JMU national The Shenandoah VaUey wUl recognition. It was also soon get its first amusement believed that Carrier agreed park. to turn JMU into an Coors Brewery, which is amusement park in order to considering locating in pick up funds denied him by Rockingham County, and the General Assembly. i«W.^ James Madison University "The concessions alone will have entered into an more than nay for the seating agreement to transform JMU at the football stadium," one into "Carrier's Dominion,'' an insider said amusement park a la King's Even as an amusement Dominion and Busch Garden. park, JMU will continue to That surprising operate as a university. announcement was made "We see no conflict between yesterday morning by JMU academics and an amusement President Ronald Carrier and park," Carrier declared. "Our >. Coors president Adolph Coors. students are too dedicated to Turning JMU into an let something like an amusement park is believed amusement park on campus to be part of Carrier's plan to interfere with their studies." - Page 22, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 JMUwill convert to turkey farm and brewery JMU president Ronald scholarships and new breweries and turkey farms retained to staff the new By AYE SEDDIT institution along with local Carrier declined, saying James Madison University facilities have been going out may seem strange at first," merely, "Until the details are of sight. Now with the change admitted Dalton, "but intense people. "We believe once they will be converted to a turkey get to know each other all worked -out I'd prefer to farm and brewery by the state to Division I football it will be studies have shown the two reserve judgement. However, even higher - cutting down on almost consistently campus-community problems over the next few years. will be resolved;" said I will say I don't think the Asked about the decision, food and raising hookstore cohabitating. It appears to atmosphere will be too prices just didn't make it. work for both." Dalton, "one way or another." Governor John Dalton replied, When asked to comment, different." "It wil be such an easy "We don't expect this to be a Many students will be transition, those people really future trend for Virginia know their beer and turkeys.' colleges, though. VPI seems another natural for the According to Dalton, the Screwer's profiles: *\ academic buildings at JMU change, but the final decision are highly suited to the birds, hasn't been made yet," he while some of the living said. "After all, no one has quarters have already been said Tech is a failure." equipped as breweries. "At This will be a first for the Steve Snyder least there's so much beer state, which has largely kept flowing, that's the only out of private industry. However, Dalton says the HOME: Gaithersburg, rational explanation," he MD said. state views it as a "promising experiment," likely to "This will be much more AGE: 34 lucrative for the state than a succeed. "The combination of college." said Dalton. "Those PROFESSION: Happy- go-lucky HOBBIES: Going to New sucker machines classes and beer parties, watching 'Mary Hart man,' and staying to be placed in dorms in school By DEWi i. uafflfofi* > <& New prophylactic vending colors of the little suckers," BOOK: 'Nobody's machines will be placed in all Robert Griffen said Perfect'-Denny campus men's and coed posthumously. McClain dorms beginning next Food services and the semester, according to the Health Center are jointly LAST director of food services sponsoring the placement of ACCOMPLISHMENT: before he disappeared. the machines, which are being Avoided Duke's Grill for "The new machines will added for student a day. dispense all sizes, shapes, and convenience, Griffen said. QUOTE:'Hey, let's go to Duke's.' STOP IN PROFILE: Myopic, consistent, and often a STOP STPI- bit tepid. Grooves to FOOD STORE' jazz. Digs the theatre and hanging out at Duke's Grill. Jogs to * Weekend Specials * and from classes. FAVORITE HIGH: Old Milwaukee Doesn't get high. 12oz. bottles 6 pk. 1.69 cans 6 pk. 1.79 Screwer's profile New Busch 6 pk. 2.09 Rolling Rock 4.49 Scott Worner Budweiser 12pk 3.99 * Complete line of Wines * Good Monk Liebfraumilch . 2.65 HOME: Blacksburg, Boones Farm 1.69 Virginia AGE: 20 * Hot Sandwiches * PROFESSION: The Hot Pizzas (You fix here) Father of Madisonman HOBBIES: Eating off sausage & pepperoni 1.89 other peoples D-Hall Also: Gas, Oil and trays. MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: "Superman 24 hr. photo service meets Cosmo-man". Hours: 6 am- 1 am LAST 7 Days a Week ACCOMPLISHMENT: Nothing. I'm still a 1050 S. Main St virgin. Catering to JMU's Every Need QUOTE: "Fill whats empty, empty whats full, and scratch when it itches! fea PROFILE: FAVORITE HIGH: 16 "1 \ » 335B9 fSStt feet Kr.r.v -.-.-. •,..».:; ^WAWV.'.Uv.v.'.UM * y, >. •■ »4**"A««* TTTT* «♦.«».» « * « 4 . < ♦ • THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 23 Carrier's home utilized to ease overcrowding By POST MORTEM meeting a three-part plan was resident students as part of President Ronald Carriers outlined to use the area as an The new parking area is in the long run," said Carrier. house and grounds will be the computerized system. For designated for the back yard. A larger private tennis extension of the dining hall students without a dining hall utilized to alleviate service, parking lots and Nelson Co., the contracters, court is also in the plans to be overcrowding problems on contract the cost will be $7.25 estimate an additional 2137 constructed near the house, dormitory accomodations per meal to be donated to the spaces for JMU in the double campus, he announced today Dining facilities will be using the old artificial turf. During the Bored of Visitors Carrier Retirement Fund decker lot. Most of these will located within the map«inn for (headquarters in Florida). be assigned to students living A $6.3 million bond has in the new complex, but the passed the Virginia shuttle service wil be legislature, given strong Screwer's profiles: expanded for commuters as support by Governor John well. Strong lobbying by the Dafton. While this is Com muter Service somewhat higher than the $4.8 Committee at the meeting is million contractor's estimate, thought to be the reason for the treasurer assured Riled Moron the decision. However, no questioners, "This is no alias shots were fired. problem." Dormitory accomodations Or. Carrier will remain in Maureen Riley will be located both in the west the east wing of the house, "In wing of the house and a high- order to establish close ties rise constructed on what is with the students." HOME: Any corner. currently the tennis court. Five guard dogs are also "The sacrifice will be worth it included in the bond. AGE: 7 ' PROFESSION: Child hooker and resident Breeze patsy. JMU professor co-authors VlHQBBIESf 1 ~ ~ ; c stuffed animals. '*" **■ \**>vt ibntidhof Uputi L Jbnr ^ MOST MEMORABLE Dr. Cameron Nickels, BOOK: "Alice in John O'Neill of Hamilton associate professor of English College was Dr. Nickel's co- Wonderland" at James Madison University, author. has co-authored an article The ' article will be LATEST titled "Upon the Attribution of ACCOMPLISHMENT: published in the periodical 'Upon a Fart' to William Byrd ' 'Early American Reading "Alice in of Westover." Wonderland." Literature." QUOTE: "The Little Engine That Could, Couldn't" PROFILE: Cute as Looking for ERIE? Goldie's locks, pure as snow white, cuddly as Look to: Harley Showalter the three bears and as full of hot air as the Insurance Agency, Inc. three little pigs' wolf. FAVORITE HIGH: We have the superior insurance Johnson's Baby service to go with the superior Shampoo. insurance products of the f*tfV ERIE INSURANCE ERIE CROUP NSUIUNCE 53 Kenmore St. tOLBii conn GROUP (near DMV) Family Steak House Harrisonburg, Va. 434-5931 & 1580 South Main Horn s Mini Market 434-8030 Phillips "66" across from Valley Mall • Beer by the keg or case* April Fool's "Try Our 29 Item Salad Bar" ' Keg Delight USDA Choice Meat % Keg Old Mill Cut Daily-Never Frozen $21.50 Come By & Give Us A Try VA kegSchlitz $16.50 'We have a steak in your future' Old Mill 12 oz. Bottles $1.59 College Special w/ID 1Q, off Fri-Sat only JMU Checks honored 7>00 til close;Mon,Tues,Weds. anY menu 'tern. Party snacks & ice Open until 9:30 pm nightly Sports Page 24, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Campanelli sells soul for Sampson By BAQIF GAMMON Beelzebub. "But once we There's something about the players down there," two-choices in next season All In the latest in a series of convince his coach we mean way he conducts himself on Campanelli said of the U.S.I. Souls Draft Sources close moves to sign Harrisonburg's business, I don't think we the court that really tipped us program. "They've, signed to the team's management Ralph Sampson to a letter of should have too much trouble off. Maybe it's the way he Darrell Dawkins, Maurice believe the U.S.I, will draft intent, JMU head basketball getting Sampson to sign with talks, or maybe it's they way Lucas, Kermit Washington, Indiana State All-America coach Lou Campanelli signed Lou." he runs the four corners that Marvin Barnes and some choice Larry Bird after.his an eternal contract with Satan When asked about the let us know he's our kind of other name players. But what pre forma nee in the NCAA Incorporated. controversy of signing guy." really tickles md to death is championship game, because Satan Inc. spokesman I.M. Campanelli ten days after the No details of the contract they've signed my man he showed that he's not even Beelzebub said Campanelli University of Virginia's head have been released, but Sherman (Dillard). He's perfect. signed late yesterday man Terry Holland signed sources close to Campanelli really great." What's Sampson thinking afternoon after exhausting all with S.I., Beelzebub said, say if Sampson signs with The contract also reportedly about all this planning? He other possibilities of "I've talked to my boss. We've JMU, Campanelli has agreed provides for a nice retirement only had one thing to say: "To signing! the 7-foot-3 star. decided to release Holland to coach Si's collegiate for Campanelli. The New the devil with Campanelli." "I didn't know what else from his contract, because basketball team the U.S.I. Jersey native will reportedly JMU offica Is are taking this to do," said Campanelli. Lou's more of our type of guy. Satans, for the next one receive fire insurance, and a remark to mean Sampson "I've tried everything else. "Lou's got what were thousand years. soul to be named later. plans to sign with the Dukes I've prayed to God, Buddha, looking for in our assistants. "They have some good The Satans also have the top within the next few days. Allah, and even Ra and a Hindu cow. Who's left, besides Satan?" V ' Campanelli's move was the latest is a series that includes Assistant coach caught writing letter painting his body black and Impersonating the hoopster's Here we go again blasting promising recruit father, signing the every other member of the Virginia State By L'OUD de MOUTHE president. In a related announcement, issue containing the letter set AA championship team James Madison University The Society for Prevention former News-Record sports new Banner records for tongrant-and-aids, and came under fire for improper of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) editor Bob Morgan has been circulation with an unusual cutting off his right arm in handling of prospecitve has lodged a formal named Sports Information amount of requests from hopes of showing his sincerity. recruits when the Valley complaint, charging Thurston Director at York which outsiders. "We're having a little Bananna printed a letter with disrupting and previously had no need for JMU also announced York trouble getting an interview written by. Duke assistant threatening an animal's one. has been dropped from the set up with Sampson," said coach John Thurston to the emotions. The Banner reported the 1979-80 basketball schedule. prized basketball wonder, Ralph Sampson. Sampson never received the What they original letter which was discovered by an avid sports fan and Rockingham all really sanitation engineer. Biff Jon Cramden whose designated %j university had to say territory includes Godwin DUKES BASKETBALL Hall. Cramden, a resident of (703) 4334462 4334(16 By JEFF BULLIS Elkton, thought the local paper might have some use Harriaonburg. Virginia n»» They said it: for the letter and gave it to the Lou Campanelli, JMU head Valley Bananna. basketball coach, on the quality of next year's Cramden also made a copy schedule: "We might have to of the letter and mailed the 7-3 add larger handicapped center one of his very own. spaces to the Godwin parking The Bananna had also lot to accommodate the reported Sampson's surprise opponents' team buses." signing with York College WHAT T 7t*M 0} W AM 7AE WV 10U ScWtt TiftoA* *)* ^ Sherman Dillard, on failing under its local column— What's Happening. Thurston, V* to mike the pros: "If Indiana had five fewer guards and I stranded at an Elkton gas I H/ue £i*K co^e ACMs. TO M*:W*^™*. could dribble, I'd have made station after running out of the First cut" Ss while lost on Route 33, Bucky Knox, JMU football ppened to read the column star, when asked if JMU's which prompted the letter that transition to Division I engineered the controversy. Jt+A7 rVOULD ee 0/VLf A rftfTTd* (7rC6*W*»W-SE*Sfc. football would necessarily Thurston said the letter was mean that the intellectual of no consequence because it Co^orv -St/use 4LSO WOULD *** totaATLO TM47 vuu* capacity of new recruits was only his first draft. "The would decline, replied second one was much nicer," 0c6 WOULD HAI/E vUncft us JU5T *s SHe DlO K^TOCK) t thoughtfully: •ill drink to noted Thurston who refused to that!" comment on the possibility of Vl«frIA/24TECH. 4FTEK ALUYOV »'0^b THL/l/K Tfle 0<* Dave Wyatt, member of the the final draft being mailed ryouLO vxsjT mtryotistoD Mi w* A*.£, CHOICE ALL ytM WEO's, on winning this year's out. men's intramural basketball championship: "Well, it Lou Campanelli said he had Bu7 THAT OtnOJSL-y *v« lUST A GX& FZA. *1 W **t *«* seen the letter before it hit the u wasn't as satisfying as the win trash can and ultimately VOufi GC6 A /v\IU-6c^f M fle> «>* ^ umMtt! Stmt. in '68." Cramden's gloves. "Why do Biff Anderson, last year's you think he was doing a JMU Mr. Intramurals, said: "I'm glad someone else could second draft," exclaimed the win the title this year, even if I red-faced Duke Coach. did have to graduate in order Sampson playing in Pizza to give up the crown." Hut-McDonald' s-Peps i-A lka Ralph Sampson, on his Seltzer- All-Star Classic could chances of coming to JMU: not be reached for comment. is** T»M* m< VISITS 7^;^,TH« w«fc "I'll reserve comment on that Coach Roger Bergey, serving until after I ask my buddy Jel as spokesman for Sampson, Bullis about the Madison said "What letter?" .FWT TfiUl-.t T*4^T«- **r Of T coaching staff's literary Dr. Ronald Carrier offered 4AT -US7 AflOoT *•«*" w «r- .- achievements." a personal apology to John Thurston, assistant Sampson's dog, Fifi, in the basketball coach, on the JMU recruiting process: "The form of a free tour of campus price of stamps going up has and a Gibbons Hall Dining really hurt our efforts." Contract. Jerry Outright on javelin "It's unfortunate that this catching: "What a pain in the had to happen— again," ass, well in the hip maybe." commented the JMU DUKES BASKETBALL THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 25 Thinking of gridders as hitters, not as homos By RED RUFFANSORE ROUGH'S Hello again everybody. I SPOT know this is my first article since last year at this time, but this story is REALLY important. A friend of mine brought by this photo (at the right) and I was shocked. I couldn't believe things like that took place on the football team, much less on the field. Now, I have been reading all this stuff about homosexuals and homosexuality in the paper this year, but I figured it was some skinny'ubrarians this season because, as he or something; certainly not said, "Even if I make a rugged gridders. commercial, so what. It I always thought of football wouldn't matter anyway." players as hitters, not homos. Just think, some huge lineman might perfer ballet to. breaking somebody's nose on Hooterville, 10 a power sweep. Then I get this photo. I'm Picksley, 9 not making any insinuations about what's going on, mind In the more local sports you but it looks , prr-e-t-t-y scene, late results from the suggestive to me. Just look at state basketball the coach's hand on that guy's championships are in, and I leg. It's enough to make got to cover the spectactular somebody want to throw their event. lunch up on the table. And folks, what a game. You know, if those guys feel Hooterville defeated this is what their calling Picksley, 10-9 on a 15-toot demands,'I guess we should jumper a t the buzzer by Bflty- let them alone. But my • Jo, on a pass from BobDy<9o, complaint is, "What about the who took the inbounds pass kids on the street, the orphan from Billy-Jo. in the candy store, the little Uncle Joe, coaching the boy in the lockerroom. the Hooterville Hies, designed the player's son, the fan at home, play during the timeout with the old ladies in the Home." one second to play in the What will they think. game. Could you imagine Warren "We don't usually have Beatty playing a queer THAT much excitement quarterback instead of our around here all year," he hero in "Heaven Can Wait?" quipped. "Usually, the peach They'd have to change it to basket falls off the water "Cornerbacks Can't Wait." tower long before the first half What if CBS went into the ends. But Mike took some winning team's lockerroom time from crop-dusting to after the Super Bowl and hammer that baby into the televised pictures of grown water tower real good." men hugging and kissing and Time was called early in the stuff like that there. second half when the But I still can keep an open Cannonball Express, a train headed for Petticoat Junction, FOOTBALL PLAYER and "very good coach said. It is suspected the homosexuality mind about these faggots. friend" coach see what the problem is during a craze on the JMU campus may have first Whatever they want to Page 26, THE BREEZE, Sunday. April 1, 1979 HHS on basketball slate next year; play 24 home By BIFF BARF comment but didn't say James Madison University anything. Atheltic Director Dean Ehlers Assistant coach John announced today that Thurston was also reached for Harrisonburg High School comment but did not say was among the teams added anything worth printing. to the 1979-80 basketball Thurston did promise to write schedule. a tetter to be Bris editor Ehlers announced one Dwayne Yancey's mother. addition in a lengthy press Ehlers also said he had conference on the future received a written but non- schedules for JMU's three binding committment from major sports held in Godwin the Anthony-Seeger Hall yesterday at 3 a.m. Woodchucks basketball team "We thought the additon of for a game in possibly 1981 or HHS would increase the 1982. The committment, a basketball interest in the area finger painting by 3-8 forward and plus, it's another Nicky Clatterbuck, was guaranteed win," commented initialed by coach John Ehlers. Ehlers denied the Wooden who has come out of graduation of hearalded plue retirement to begin the Streak giant Ralph Sampson program at A-S. had anything to do with the Recreation League addition. champions Ed's Texaco and Ehlers also announced that the Walla Walla Panthers are next year's schedule was also possible future opponents I ' complete and the pokes will according to Enters. play 24 of 26 games at home in In a related announcement, Godwin Hall. Among the Ehlers stated the football teams on the schedule include team will continue to beef up newcomers Norfolk its schedule. In addition to the Shipbuilding Academy, full Southern Conference Northern Virginia Community schedule, JMU has added for College, as well as the old 1981 Penn State, Alabama,' reliables of Salisbury State, USC, Notre Dame and Ohio the University of Balitmore, State, all away games. Baptist College and York JMU football coach Challace College, which finished first in McMillin said he would "wait the AP poll and third in the to see the films'' of Ehlers'' UPI for worst team of the press conference before year. commenting on the planned Lou Campa nelli, opposition. vacationing in Weyers Cave, Ehlers reported there is no COLLEGE RECRUITER offers bribe to Ralph such an event, refused to sign, bat did take the could not be reached for truth to the rumor that Sampson. This Fort Lauderdale coach offers money anyway. Notice shifty eyes\of shady comment about the proposed baseball coach Brad Babcock Sampson $400 to sign at his school. Sampson, coach. slate of teams. had planned to play every equipped with a camera in his collar for just Photo by David Andre Assistant coach Ernie Division I team in the country Nestor was reached for next season. McHale on McHale: spent whole life in sports By PAT McHALE heavily, in fact, that I carry Actually, I'm only the final Yes, I hit the trials (sic) surely you've at least heard of Since my name's been in 185 pounds on my five foot ten- word on 90 percent of all across 1-81 every day. Even my now-infamous (that is the print a lot this year, I thought inch frame. But I can still sports. though I usually speed, right word, isn't it?) slogans: I'd take time out to tell all you shoot with the best of them. In Perhaps you've noticed one luckily, I haven't been "I am Doc." devout fans of mine a little bit fact, just last night, I was still of my greatest charged with contempt of "There's no problem too big more about me. awake after 15 shots of accomplishments, co-writing court yet. to run from or drink off." I was born in Springfield, Virginia Gentleman whiskey, the "Fool and Me" comic strip You may also have spotted "Give me the ball, VA, a quiet little fishing and I'd be the last one to be occasionally with Dave me in the pool hall. I feel it is horsebreath." \ + village at the intersection of accused of being a gentleman. Hagen. (I'm Me) my moral and patriotic duty "Never let thinking get in two major inland highways. As I was saying, I'm pretty Of course, what I'm best to instill life into America's the way of your drinking." You might say my life has well-known in JMU sports. known for is my unselfish- floundering economy by "I like Ike." been somewhat of a paradox You've probably seen my nature on the basketball hustling all the suckers, And did you know that I'm from the beginning. In fact, it name many times in my court. I'm so unselfish, in thereby keeping their money so fast I can be in nearly every took two doctors to deliver roommate's, Bruce (Ozzy) fact, that I always tire myself circulating. I also sell place at once? To prove it, me. (Get it? Pair of doc's). Osborne's, articles. That jerk out by letting my teammates neckties at all tournaments. just look behind you and I'll be My whole life I've been really thinks I'm an authority have a rest on offense. If you've missed out on all of there. heavily involved in sports. So on every sport under the sun. I also jog, believe it or not. these aspects of myself, then Too quick for you! TRAGEDY STRUCK when two cross country teams collided. The survivors. Anyone interested in trying out for the cross country meet was mapped out incorrectly, according to one meet official, team should sign up now. Photo by Lost svtntoo^ and the participants ran into one another head-on. There were no BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 27 * Well; it'8 lat* at ni8ht and the news PeoPle need this hole filled. Once again they come to me. I don't know too much about these fancy machines, though, so I have to type my story regular. Boy, will the editoUbe pkxuA mad. Now, what should I write about. It really doesn't matter, though, since studies show that only a few people read these back pages anyway. But I guess I should write about sports since this is still a sports xt page. (I wish I could find the White-Out around here) • I HI* sports. They're fun. I like to a watch them. I like to play them. My friends like to play them, too. Screwer's profiles: i Liz Taylor alias Kris Carlson HOME: Grandolestate of Virginia. AGE: 44 PROFESSION: Marrying. HOBBIES: Husbands. MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: "Once is Not Enough," by Jacquelin Suzanne. LATEST EVEN THE TAR HEELS of the University of N *ih Carolina ACCOMPLISHMENT: can't fill Godwin Hall for a basketball game. "Bat they're a Getting husband elected major-college team," the coach pleaded with fans headed for the to U.S. Senate; eating exists. No one knows the final score. chicken without choking. = QUOTE: "Diamonds are a girl's best friend." Ijair mates sex make* no dtfftnnc* PROFILE: Craving to remain in public eye NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY even though she's too old and fat and nobody HatrCuts, Parmanants, Color really cares anymore. FAVORITE HIGH: 433-8458 Seeing herself on Saturday Night Live. 381 N. Mason Harrisonburg .L Your Hair Can Make "The DIFFERENCE" DO IT at the HAIRMATESI CO NAVY OFFICER. YOU GET RESPONSIBILITY THE MOMENTYOU GET THE STRIPES. A lot of companies will offer you an important sounding title. But how many offer you a really Delicious Steaks & Tasty Seafood important job? Complete with In the Navy, you get one as soon Choice of Potatoes, as you earn your commission. A Texas Toast, Sour Cream, job with responsibility. A job that All you can eat Soup & Salad Bar requires skill and leadership. A UNLIMITED BEVERAGE REFILLS job that's more than just a job, because it's also an adventure. 829 E. Market St. Navy Representatives will be on hand 3-5 April 1979. wmammmmmammmmmm—m—mm—mm ■M \ . i W . i TT-T- ...... , .'.... Page 28, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 The Breeze darkroom imports Bavarian dark BY HORN E. ASHELL This was not accomplished University to have such high- "Not The Breeze, however. Emerson (they're twins) and (Editor's note: This is the first easily, however. In order to quality Dark in its room. We do everything first class. give them elevator shoes, but in a series called "Meet The gather Bavarian Dark, one Most darkrooms have to In fact, to go along with our no one knows that\ the Breeze." Today's topic is The must spend weeks in the Black rely on synthetic Dark, not imported Bavarian Dark, we Auschwitz twins really ai Breeze Darkroom.) Forest acting like an elf so real dark but an illusion of kidnapped two Bavarian from good ole' Luray. that the dark will come out. Dark created by boarding up Elves to operate it. Teaching them how to The Breeze has one of the Those well-versed in Dark- windows and painting We did have to change their pictures was a little m most advanced Darkrooms in catching are well-aware that everything black. names to Emerson and difficult. the State of Virginia. most varieties of Dark only Rather than settling for come out about every 12 domestic dark, the School of hours. Thus, the Dark-catcher Screwer's profiles: Fine Arts and must be very alert, or the Communications had the Dark will catch him napping finest Bavarian Dark and will just slip by quietly imported from the Black while he sleeps his life away. Forest to be installed in The You can see, that it is quite a Breeze Darkroom. coup for James Madia Cutch Armstrong HOME: Virginia Beach, Va. We *an» to euro AGE: 22 PROFESSION: Unemployed television wizard. homosexuality HOBBIES: Getting as little sleep as humanly v-» possible. MOST MEMORABLE within year lifetime BOOK: Spider-man 192 LAST ' C.ill r.5fio to make your pledge or send your ACCOMPLISHMENT: contribution to Box M-44. campus mail. Getting struck by lightening \mrrican Homosexualitv Society QUOTE: 'Lick my bag." PROFILES : Completely beat Is very friendly and holds no grudges. However, he has not been known to forgive and forget. FAVORITE HIGH: Avoiding Liar's Club parties. Single (1/4-lb. hamburger) & a 12 oz. Pepsi Screwer's profiles: Julie Summers high, drinking lots and HOME. GRKM lots! be a TKE, you can be C206A anything." MOST MEMORABLE AGE: approximately BOOK: "How To Be A PROFILES: TKE and Survive" "Slanted, unfair, unwarented survey- PROFESSION: LATEST taker, unfair, lies a lot." Aspiring TKE Little ACCOMPLISHMENT: . Jim Doak Sister Date with Warren ■aw Muench FAVORITE HIGH: HOBBIES: Attending Attending TKE parties TKE parties, getting QUOTE: "If you can v^vwivwiyiv^vYflnrMnnwivfta^^ -%*L ,- REBMETTPEs .YADIRf .ezeerb eht .* EGAp WERNER'S 7 DAY MARKET TW tart| talus, *•»' Unit Wh< Ctfer All world wars said ended *I5S. HWiSt. 434-W5 By DEWITT DAWGEE have mysteriously supreme, Waldheim said. All wars, belligerence, and disappeared, Kurt Waldheim In honor of the world-wide "Party Package Specials" insurrections in the world said. peace. President Jimmy have ended, according to the The African conflicts, the Carter ordered a national Ice Michelob 1.99 Secretary General of the Sine-Soviet border disputes, Cream Day, to celebrate the United Nations. and the SGA-The Breeze war, new and happy day," Carter Budweiser & Busch Longnecks' All tensions between states have all ended. Peace reigns said. (case 24) 6.99 Budweiser'Natural Light' , Screwer's profiles: Tuborg Gold-'Beer of Kings' 1.79 Schlitz 'World of Gusto' 1.49 Lawrence Emerson Blue Ribbon Suitcase 24 6.25 Schaefer 1.39 Labbatt's Blue Canada's no.l 2.49 Heineken Light & Dark 3.39 Pabst Extra Light 70 cal. 1.89 Stroh's 16 Oz. Longnecks Boomer case 24 6.99 Old Mil & Blue Ribbon Longnecks- case 24 5.99 . "Party Keg Specials" Blue Ribbon 7% gal. 14.50 Blue Ribbon 15 gal. 21.95 Budweiser 7'/a gal. 17.95 Budweiser & NEW 'Busch' 15 gal. 29.00 HOME: Going mobile. BOOK: "Fear and see your eyes in the Loathing in Luray, Va." 1 Old Milwaukee 15 gal. 23.00 PROFESSION: Punk darkroom." rock photographer LAST PROFILE: Lewd, Heineken (advance order 49.95 ACCOMPLISHMENT: crude and always in the Who the hell you think mood w/ deposit required) HOBBIES: Nude insect made all these damn photos, cutting classes ridiculous photos? "The Little Wine Cellar" FAVORITE HIGH: MOST MEMORABLE QUOTE: "They can't Toots. Riunite Sup. Mag. Rose Lamb ■White 1.5 4.99 «* Riunite no.l Import 2.79 Scr ewer's profile Good Monk Liebfraumilch 2.49 Blue Nun Liebfraumilch 3.79 Mark Sutfon Paul Masson- Rose-Burg-Chablis v ' 1.5 Its 3.6$ HOME: A certain Taylor Calf. Burg. 3 Its 5.99 hotel on Rt 33 Lancer Red & White 3.69 AGE: Don't even bother to guess Boones Farm & Ripple 1-39 PROFESSION: Gallo Calf. Burg. 3lts. 5.99 Condom Inspector, Movie Star ■ HOBBIES: Hearing Eggs grade A extra Lg. .89 Loss, Deviant Sex Bacon Jamestown Brand 1.29 MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: "A Mothers Orange Juice 100% Pure .69 Forbidden Passion" QUOTE: "If you're Mrs.SmmYs Fancy & Fruit Pies 1.49 too stupid to appreciate it then just never Coke Cola quarts 4 qts. for 1.00 mind." Icecream '/a gal 1.19 PROFILE : Catatonic depraved, Premium Saltines lib. box .59 needs a haircut * Graham Crackers .69 HIS DRUG: Carbons or draino or guineas Pretzels-Large or thin Snyders .89 stout "Burn Prevention through LATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Education Day" Wed. April 4 Talked for 2 hours and Call 434-6895 made sense Virginia Fire Prevention Assoc. Doonesbury By Garry Trudeau Classifieds %afr AL$0,S1NCEYOUASK,IMFB> JIMMY, COUP YEAH, "M UPWITHIWIN6WARTANP YOU9NOA SOME80PY MiUFE TRIVIALIZED BY CON- QUICKTUNBRTR 6ETH/MA STANTEXPOSURE. ITS TIME OUR EYEWITNESS 6UI7AR! TO RE6AIN MY SELF-RESPECT. / VIEWERS? For Sale / FOR SALE: One bedroom Squire Hill. Sublease with options to renew. Carpet, Drapes, Dishwasher, AC, pool, tennis court. Available May. Call 434-0750. TYPING SERVICES: Over 10 years experience. Pica - .75 per page, Elite - .80 per page. You furnish paper. Call Mrs. Price 8 79-9935. JIMMY THERE'S THATS ABSURD. TMREW1H6BE- THERE'SA WHOLE WORLD OUT T\0E AURJ6HT, N0CU.IFY0U JTMMY.WHENDO ARUMORIHAT THIS IS THE CAUSE I NO LON6ERUANT TO 60 I WANT TO FW OUT ABOUT. I WEL- PONT MIND, WTHINKYOUIL YOU'RE RETIRING LASTQUBS- THR0U6H THE MOTIONS OF BEIN6 A COME THE CHANCE W PROVE THAT tPUKBTO BEMAKIN6Y0UR FOR SALE: Dorm size OVERAPISFVTE 7TOV.. \ POCK STAR WHEN I'PRATHERBE LIFE WITHOUT CELEBRITY ORHYPE 6ETSOME: COMEBACK? refridgerator. In excellent S0METH1N6ELSB. \ „ , HAS VALUE! condition. 170 or best offer. \ Call Denise at 434-6638. For Rent AVAILABLE TO SUBLET-2 rooms May-Aug. 2 rooms June-Aug. at 5-bedroom house 642 S. High Str. Call 434-7531. Rent negotiable. 'MARVELOUS''MARK USTEN, SLACKMEYER HERE, AND JIMMY? "MARVELOUS: A MIDTERM? Y0UMEAN, FOR RENT-Completely fVEOOT ROCKER JIMMY Y0USTILL iViOVBTO YOUMEANUKB furnished 2 bedroom THUDPUCKERONTHEUNE. THERE? TALK, BUTtVE ACOUB6E THATS ONE OF US HAVE ME. Townhouse for rent May- WHY PIP HE RETIRE? WHAT GOT A 816 MID- MIDTERM? RIGHT. August. Sun deck, swimming ARE HIS PLANS? LETS TERMTOmV.. \^^=\ FIND OUT! pool, cable t.v., within / walking distance of campus. Excellent summer living arrangement for up to 4 students with common interests. References, lease, and security deposit required. Until Apr. 6 call 302-478-1813 after 5 p.m.After Apr. 6 call 433-1871 after 5 p.m. I (111111J 11111111 111111111 111111111111111111111111M1111111111111111111111»IMI» 111111M11111111M111111 11M11111 111MIJ111111111111111111MI f 111MI f t II1111II111111 Wanted Spring is Happening at WANTED: Two males to sign lease in 3 bedroom apt. 4 blocks from Campus. On Image Boutique's Campbell Street off of S. Nelson. 434-2923. Grand Opening FEMALES: Private rooms! Sublet May-August. In beautiful house on Mason, 44 April 5-14 blocks from campus. Washer, dryer, UTILITIES INCLUDED, $90.00 month. Kim 4825, Anne 5021. New Spring Fashions Lost Juniors & Disco LOST: 1 silver, mens digital watch (Armitron). Reward Live Modeling offered. Call 5977. Refreshments LOST IT. Night of Outlaws Concert. Set of keys on red keychain. Please call 434-1242. $50.00 Door Prize Personals 4- $25.00Gift Certificates LIVELY UP YOURSELF: Vote ALVIN WALKER for SGA PRESIDENT on April 3. Hours: 9-5 pm VOTE FOR CONTINUED Thursday and Friday 9-9 HARD WORK AND EXPERIENCE in Student Government-ELECT CHUCK 56 S. Main k > CUNNINGHAM for Administrative Vice- (Formally University Square) President. ■ (Continued on Page :tl) JfoHHIHlllllltllltllHWIIWMWMIiWm I THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 31 cT MAUREEN. DEE, PAULA. Fool 'n' Me By Scott Worner PAM, AND THE REST OF THE SIGMA NU LITTLE SISTERS: Just want to thank 1 you for your suport and help on the astroturt! Softball is our favorite sprot! ELECT A VERY RESPONSIBLE AND DEDICATED CANDIDATE- vote for Chuck Cunningham as S.G.A. Administrative Vice-President. HEY GANG! It's gonna be another great weekend. Are ya ready?! LOVE, SWIFTY. TO THE ALHAMBRA BEACH BUMS-KNOCK ON Roommates By Mark Legan WOOD. Dan-The next tour leaves for Ft. Lauderdale at 9:30. Akers-H.Q. Streaking Queen. Terry-What's sodomy? Martha-Are you S> AIAP ft**} hungry.... David-The first male Helen Keller. Sally- Travels 1,100 miles to take a picture of a fake rabbit. Bob- Maybe nobody knows who you are. Melissachris-Has anybody seen...Jeannie-I am soo tan-pass the hipney juice. Leslie-How's your stock in the phone * companyh doing? Mary-But nooo don't hurt Lucky's feelings. Cindy-I'm cute, clean, corrupt and conniving. Karen I'm blond, bronze, buxom and beautiful. MIKE BAKER: Here's hoping your day is fantastic- Happy Birthday! Love, Sigma Nu Little Sisters. Wings By Tom Arvis MOM & DAD -Thanks for the memories. IF ME. fHOi/J COM THC/fVAUS/J 7tW5 USUALLY/r THAT you '/?£ RE/WWl J_^BRE IT &JDS can er rne mp. TRINA:Hi, how are you? BREEZE ? Just foolin' around up here.D t K.B. AND K.A.-You don't have to graduate before I finally get" around to communicating underground. Hope both of you have a great summer. VisH me in the capital city sometime.-- Mutual roomie. U.VA freak-You try so hard to be prep, with your white Madisonman By David Hagen button-down envelopes and your dirty Bass Weejuns. Hey, but I love you anyway. Woodstock Hey AtoDisoiiMAtf > u&*£l$ ^MAAH... f*£ 3Reez.£ is tw-rHu46r BUT IH^SM ... £Pitofc»M,S , SPQR.T6 , KNOXVILLE TENN.-- S^r-A. 6*^cridMS ,-R£Vi6V4S Sunday night was a gas, for sure. Too bad you have to get this by mail. WE AIM TO PLEASE. WAR IS STILL OVER-we need a new cause- badly any suggestions * please call Ron and he will let us know. JOHN AND YOKO. SKELLY * SAARI -Get ready to eat those ice-cream Classifieds LESLIE-Who never got a FELLOW ANIMALS-here YOU IGNORANT SLUT. You sandwiches with the peanut (Continued irom Page :W> personal. Here it is. Hope you it is, your annual personal want a personal that's butter on it because the enjoy it a lot, even if it isn't when we need space to fill in supposed to be romantic but "stars" will be out in the sky's ELECT CHUCK that much. Really do intend to this paper and I happen to be I'm not in the mood right now. of M t M. You have my word CUNNINGHAM as S.G.A. take you out some time. here. Get set for the wipe-out, Be happy you got a personal at on this. Charlie. Administrative Vice- CANDIDATE. cause it's really going to be all and stop bugging me about President. Vote for one. PUNK ROCKER these damn things because DEPENDABILITY. I'm mad as hell and I'm not TO WHOM IT MAY LOOK TOWARDS THE PEOPLE OF JMU -Be going to take it anymore. CONCERN-I'm really serious FUTURE, VOTE WATKINS prepared, cause Cheap Trick Besides, it's after midnight. about this graft and BROTHERS OF SIGMA NU- FOR LEGISLATIVE VICE- is heading to the top of the We all gonna let our hair hang corruption thing If you Good luck in Greek Sing, PRESIDENT, State lobbying charts...... and the down. HA HA. don't vote for me I'm just Break-a-leg, and knock 'em to better facilities at JMU and world.....hate to say that I told gonna bepissed dead! Love your Sigma Nu insure student priority at you so, but I told you so. ELECT ALVIN WALKER for off.totally so Little Sisters. University functions. MARK M SGA President. there. THE CANDIDATE. Page 32, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Construction workers commended on job By OWL PYNE It's nice to know they care and Bluestone residents around are willing to take time off the educational building site work to show it," said one co- held a special meeting last ed. night to publicly commend the Several instructors construction workers for their interviewed who teach in the helpfulness "above and area were equally beyond the call of duty." enthusiastic. Said one, "None The workers have aided of my students fall asleep in residents in "keeping hours class anymore, it's really appropriate to the educational amazing." atmosphere," stated Susie "I no long longer have to jog Simple, conductor of the to work since my lungs get meeting. "They've been very plenty of excercise in class," good about moving the cranes said another. in no later than 6:00 a.m. and One health center employee initiating wake-up calls over was more dubious, "The lungs the buzzer system around 1:00 have been in good shape, but a.m. as lot of kids have been "This may have slightly showing signs of premature interfered with study hours, deafness. It's even worse than but it's parties we're those rock concerts." concerned about," said "What rock concerts?" Simple. "Now everyone must asked one patient. wake up .earlier, no one 'can afford to party." The meeting concluded with Further discussion was N-complex residents given to the worker's expressing their hope that a thoughtfulness towards new building could be started female students. "They're in their area so they could always paying compliments, share in the benefits. whistling .and training Dr. Carrier said he was sure binoculars on the windows. he could work on it. Peace at JMU: A T1GHTLIPPED Craig Williams, commuter university adminstrator and unknown Pile, Yancey embrace student chairman, accepts bribe from accomplice. at Camp Hillcrest ^ % e Feature Editor's note: Just a few session of the SGA, and Pile Reasonably Priced Food hours after Carrier's will visit the Breeze office "in announcement, of a the near future," Carrier •••••*•••• "framework far peace," The announced, grinning from ear * 50 Item soup and *• Breeze staff was arrested in a to ear. drug raid, for which the SGA Pile now must begin the * Salad Bar * claimed credit This story uneasy task of convincing his •*•••••••• however, had already been Executive Council to support typed and laid out on the page. the Camp Hillcrest accords. The full SGA is certain to go Steaks, Seafood, Chicken By VANCE RICHARD SUN along with the Executive Sandwiches and Spaghetti Agreement was reached Coucil's decision. Observers yesterday on "a framework agree that Yancey will have IFAMLT aSSTAUUlTT Lucheon Buffet for peace" between the no problem getting the student government and the approval of the Breeze staff Private Meeting Rooms student press here that could because there is only a 4JW505 mean an end to the hostilities minuscule opposition party in Available that have existed between the the student press. two bodies for over three Diplomatic sources say that Port Road & 1-81 years. Carrier has pledged his full Beside, MIXED BEVERAGES The breakthrough came support for Yancey's Howard Johnsons after four days of intense demands for "full autonomy NOW AVAILABLE negotiations between Student for the student press," and Government President has also promised Pile that Darrell Pile, Breeze editor JMU will increase aid to the Dwayne Yancey, and SGA by $5 million over the • After Enjoying A Delicious Meal University President Ronald next three years. Carrier at Camp Hillcrest. Both Pile and Yancey Just days ago it looked as if a%tf D?fl '^GO BELOW to the : expressed their deepest the negotiations were iOS2^--~-J5yjyy °Pen Thurs.-Sat. gratitude to Carrier who acted completely deadlocked with as a "full partner" in the Yancey accusing the SGA of talks. hardening its position and Pile G&f/s* r-V\<^ TM$ week: In a dramatic gesture of saying that the Breeze didn't sincerity, Pile and Yancey, "really appear to want once mortal enemies, peace." embraced each other after Officials close to the Carrier announced the negotiations claim that agreement. Carrier's public statement ** RASCAL The Camp Hillcrest that "the people of these Framework for Peace at JMU organizations are ready for calls for a treaty of peace peace but their leaders don't between the two belligerents, appear to be negotiating in LARGE cultural and diplomatic good faith," apparently exchanges, open borders, and caused the breakthrough. future discussions on full "Now is the time for peace;" DANCE FLOOR autonomy for the Breeze staff Carrier said, "tomorrow that could lead to the could be too late." 9-2:00 a.m. > formation of a free press. Within 24 hours after As a show of goodwill, Carrier's dramatic statement, Yancey will address the next agreement was reached. • ^Welcomes all MADISON Students* • . F THE BREEZE, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 33 ltllllllltfl«lllltilttlll«tlllllllll Itlllllllltltll IlllltlllJIItlllllllllllll lltlllllllllllllltlllllll ■■ltlllllllllllllllllll Illllllllttlllllllllll lllfllllllllltltlltllllllltltllllllll ■ItlllllllitttllMllllit tl*lllltllllllllllltlttllfl*lltlttltllt« t ' Good men are hard to find... fLTS! \T*GP fffA'PS Do the guys you meet have bad breath and worse manners? Do they order pizzas with plain cheese on your half and pepperoni on theirs? Do they constantly brag about their accomplishments as SGA president? Whoops! Looks like you havenh tried Snaps! Presenting... Faulty Snaps' Line of Escorts for 1979 (from left to right): = § 1) Tex Orgon-A Iran's man. Tough, uncompromising, he knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. If he doesn't like the way you talk, he'll smash you in the face. If he doesn't like the way he talks, he'll smash himself in the face. 2) Bertie Dodger-Impish, nimble, full of boyish charm. If you're tired of the stand-offish type, ask for Bertie. Even if most guys don't appreciate you, you can bet Bertie will. Bertie has a hormonal imbalance. 3) Dana Fancey- Dana's fun all the way. He only dressed up in woman's clothing for a gag. Unfortunately, this particular gag started in 1975. 4) Marlowe Phor-Eyes-He's intellectual. He's superfetated. He's a bit too whimsical. Enjoys discussing the great 20th century authors, such as Rod McKuen and Jacqueline Susanne. 5) Emil Bag-Emil is a man of many moods. He has what we call a vibrant, unpredictable personality. Others call it advanced schizophrenia. 6) Faulty Snaps-The man himself. Leader of the Chaps. Only the^cream can enter h.s crop. I ' Yeah, good men are hard to find, hliap 8 VJiapS are even harder. Page 34, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Vi Editorial Editorial &> B~s7] nitiiiii ■IIIIIIIIII iiiiiiiiiiiitmii Cocaine Commentary I Illllll lllllllllliMIIIII 9 The Breeze is published whenever we feel like it and whenever 'I had this little powder we have enough drugs to stay up all day and all night and all the next day. HI We are guided by some of the oldest principles in the journalism iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiMiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiHi By 1 loo w n Y angtze iiRHiiiiiHiiHininnHi* business-If it fits, run it; If it don't fit, cut it till it does; If it still Oh, wow man, like I'm so know? wow, man, it's like chewing don't fit, it probably wasn't worth running in the first place. high man, and I'm supposed to Like right, now Iewonslkdi lima beans We reserve the right to distort, libel and sensationalize fill this space, man, and I got and everything's starting to trrisowi 393k dokwopqw e whenever the mood arises. Not to mention our policy of printing 15 minutes to do it in, man, feeliksldkwlkc andk i don't cxfqkrtmtkb Jl-w-wk skw stories we know are complete fabrications and downright lies and I don't have nothing to think i can finish this, whenever it suits our own sordid purposes and whenever we have write about man, but they Just manskeiwod, cause likelsikw, slei2k3jsald 12VfeVfa waw oh a gaping hole on the page that needs to be filled. grabbed me and said you fill it and then, akdlwkje, wow man, iweij209dung84 We reserve to attack student governments, deans and vice man. KKSLDksjd 33nkldl nerdy9eesldkd presidents, their secretaries, wives and children, midgets, You see, I'm so high, man dksje9phoef2k2mu ks w92ms d303and-wqwpq barbed homosexuals, financial aid officers, football players, campus cause I had this little powder, s9ik piekslwoh wow man, wire;2p3k skejwow.cats police, Greeks, Armenians and other ethnic minorities. As a man, and I took a copy of The zse45gl feel high, man and oh paw":whacko, man, pronto, sidelight, we are not above destroying the careers and Breeze, man, and rolled it up, wow man, i see starzkskwld porcupines2w92jd. And like, reputations of anyone who bad mouths us. and snorted it up my nose, 393hi trina2irsjr fc jolsd9 890s c oh wow, man drugs is where We don't print photos of homecoming queens or closet queens, man, and pretty soon, man, I 984,mjcamelspit& r98ei 45034 it's but we will, however, print photos of ourselves whenever we have was feeling sort of high, ya dsdklke liowopw, and like oh at.elwkjelwkejel... .bzzzzzzz. nothing better to put there. We reserve the , right to devote entire pages to trivial Dear Crabby: accomplishments by -staff members or events that have absolutely nothing to do with anything, even if it means ignoring everything on campus. We reserve the right to publish vicious reviews by Dean C. 'This cow college eats' Honeycutt, controversial columns by Dwayne Yancey and tasteless cartoons by Scott Worner. Dear Crabby, situation to you. Crabby. Are you kidding- We reserve the right to change a quotation when we can think I'm lonely and depressed. I can't seem to what a bag you are! I'm really paranoid about up something more scandalous. We do not quote anonymous make friends at JMU. They all make fun of me what could happen to me if I remain in this sources. However, once in a while we will make up a few, just to and say nasty things about me. When I leave two-faced condition. Actually I don't give a keep everybody on their toes. the room, my suitemates shert-sheet my bed damn. We reserve the right to donate free ad space to staff members and hide my underwear. One time while I was Janus Gemini running for SGA office while charging all others. sleeping they put my hand in lukewarm water We reserve the left, as well. with disastrous results. I still can't get the Dear Janus, We accept letters to the editor, however we reserve the right to stain out of my mattress. Blow it out both cheeks. edit beyond all recognition any letters that don't reflect our own I don't understand why they do such bad narrow and slanted opinions things to me. They verbally abuse me behind Actually, we reserve the right to print anything we damn well my back and to my face. They even say bad Dear Crabby, please because we're here at 5 a.m. and you're not. If you don't things about my mom. I'm in trouble. Or rather my girlfriend is. like what we print, don't read it. And if you don't like our Is it because I don't drink beer? Is it because You see, we had this great night last headlines, come up here at 5 a.m. and write them yourself, buddy. I don't use drugs? Is it because I am in a September. I took her out to an expensive The Breeze office is open 24 hours a day but we're not going to fraternity? Is it because I am a homosexual? restaurant. Then we went to a Kiss concert. tell you where it is. We don't want anybody breaking up our party. Peter Petty After that, we went back to my dorm room Fan mail may be addressed to The Breeze, Wine-Price because my roommate was out of town for the Building. Hate mail and letter bombs should be sent to Box M-44, Dear Peter, weekend. Then we drank about five "rum and Warren University Union. Transfer to Hampden-Sydney as soon as cokes'" before we went to bed. possible. It felt so good but I didn't mean for it to go off! But seriously, folks, it was all In fun. Or at Itast It seemed that way at tha time Dear Crabby, What do I do Crabby? I mean she's not even Dwayne Yancty once again boat everybody In column Inches. I am schizophrenic. No, I'm not. I can't 18 yet. I don't want to get married because But than he's been doing that aver since he was a freshman. He was Nye Eve, Durl they'll cut off my scholarship. Dung, Missy Quote, Doowaln Yangtze. Dixie Cupp. Yanceward and Snydesteln, Kitty seem to make up my mind about anything. Oh, Litter, Lonnie Michael Branch, Funan Games and Harry Soup. yes I can. Worse than that, the coach says I'm a Cutch Armstrong was Duke, Mums D. Word, Richard Cranium, Beaver Weaver. Don't get me wrong. Yes, misquote me. I disgrace to the Dukes. Dear Crabby, and wrote Blllbored's Top Ten. as well as most of the letters to the editor. really like James Madison University. This Philitup Mack Kris Carlson was I. M. Overworked. Dan McNiet was Joseph cow college eats. The people are really nice Anheuser Miller. Part! Tully was Curly M. Horton. Maureen Rlley was Riled Moron. Vance Richardson was Vance Richard Sun, Bug Ida, and wrote The Breeze drug and understanding. They all have zits. Dear Philitup. survey. Mark Sutton was Stanlslavaski Flourlde and Arthur Roosevelt Gonzo. Pam The thing I like best about them is their Looks like you blew it. Don't come crying to Howie" was Owl Pyne, Post mortem and Aye Seddit. willingness to socialize with different people. me buddy. If you'd purchased my book, "Pre- Dean Honeycutt was Pesty Mist. Julie Summers was Sally Survey Bruce Osborna was A. Stu Dent. Debbie Yard was Connie Cublne. We know who Then why are they so many cliques? adolescent Contraception," you wouldn't have Horn E. Ashell is but won't tell. She'd lose her job. Regardless, I feel the need to confide my this problem at all. Get out of my life. Theresa Beale was Numero Uno. Kevin Keegan was Dewitt Dawgee. They were both Ben Hadd. Lawrence Emerson was Lost Everstoned. Steve Snyder wasE. Litella. Snyder and Phoef Suttonwere Bob Christopher and Wanda June. 'Faculty Fetish The Wine- Price R A's were the Marx Brothers. Sports, as usual, won't say who did what. Special thanks to Lawrence Emerson, Cutch Armstrong, Greg Rose and Darrell Pile. Please note that this Is the largest April Fool's Issue ever. Todd chews on ticks ■By Richard Cranium George likes to eat the {try open his mouth which is on women's bathroom walls. adhesive tape which he pulls ock jawed Walter plays frisbee with I minded l!»I2 off cracked softball bats. John gets off by eating squid his Leif Garrett albums. Todd enjoys chewing on Vicky prefers to have casual James Madison said nothing worth repeating. ticks. sex with near-extinct animals. Alice gets off caressing Roger likes to lick electrical BOSS MAN recapped tires. sockets. Dwayne Yancey Rex prefers a tense game of Alan delights in taking RESIDENT SERVANT EMBEZZLER Pick-up-stix. baths in stale beer. Julie Crane John Vogt Susan is only pleased when David is definitely a she thumbs through her paint pegboard man. Inaccurate articles edltor-Pam Howleft chip collection. Raymond likes to sharpen Tom likes to make obscene Flair pens in his garbage Mlsejaotes editor-Theresa Beale phone calls to his wife. disposal. He furthers his Distorted articles editor-Mary Brooks Bill delights in copping feels pleasure by sniffing the in the Produce section of a remains. Cheap shots editor-Lawrence Emerson nearby supermarket. Jesse drinks tobacco juice. Llbelaes articles editor-- Cutch Armstrong Robert likes to get mail so Anne likes to look over other much that he won't speak to people's shoulders when they Scurrilous attacks editor -Steve Snyder anyone unless they mail their are strangling porcupines. Vlciout attacks editor-Dean C. Honeycutt half of the conversation to him Jeff likes to tell everyone first. how high he. is. When no one Complete labricatleas editor-Guy Key ton Jean is in heaven when she listens to him, he retreats to a Downright lie* editor-Paul McFarlane gnaws on her vast collection of corner and sucks on his house spiral notebooks. To further key. Adviser- William Randolph Hearst her pleasure, she imitates the Francis watches termites sounds they make. eat their young. Lawyers- Fisher. CeMman. Phillies and Smith Don likes to take Elizabeth enjoys smearing NEWSROOM Unlisted DRUG DIALS- 431-SU7 photographs of his vomit. mayonaise all over her John White space . BUSINESS OFFICE- 43J-4SH Julius prefers nibbling on Travolta photo collection. rusty tin cans He also likes to Harold likes to write graffiti . i . r i i .■■■.. . .i ■ .!%<•>>%.• • •V4MMMMM ■WWWW *rr*fr».*rfp.-.•.» .'..»•"■*•"•' • ' THK BKKK/K, Sunday, April 1, 1979 Page 35 'Student Government succeeded this year' [ Readers' Phlegm j To the editor: in the areas of booksales and I've been asked to inform dances. Make no mistake your readers of what an about it~these are 9 outstanding job your Student achievements which I would Government Association has be proud to have 'Greeks serve the public done so far this year. accomplished. The Madison College SGA is not a "no teeth" government I will go on the record by To the editor: Actually it's because we are increase the amount ot money as The Breeze implies. In saying that Pat and I would be You may have been public service organizations. th*»y have to spend in fact, I've been told that your Koud to have any of the wondering why JMU Let me explain. You see, we Harrisonburg on SGA president is presently adison College SGA officers fraternitites have been had this big party at the replacements for damaged "chomping at the bit" in an as our children. They have destroying all the new beginning of the school year, parts. attempt to get even with the the ideals and tactics which Lakeside dorms. It _ not And at this party, we began_ All of this puts more money have made me a fan of really because we party all to wonder how we could serve into circulation, and in turn, newspaper's biased coverage. millions. After reading your campus the time or that we are James Madison University helps feed and clothe more and the Valley area at the newspaper, I can see' clear Richard !Y1. Nixon socially irresponsible, Valley children. Simple huh? and significant achievements although that's what The same time. San Clemente, California Breeze would like to think So we decided that we So the next time you see a should tear up the new dorms Greek destroying his dorm, as much as we could. This feel free to join in and help us 9 way we could give the help the Shenandoah Valley. Buildings and Grounds 'The Breeze full of smut Swanson Johnson II workers a feeling of Sigma Nurd importance, as well as To the editor: students become -smutted President of Academic Greek Row We are incensed! This beyond recognition. Affairs, Dr. Tom Stanton; tabloid has finally stooped to Gravely, we feel this will the lowest form of literature. sibly even all the way up to lead to a rapid decline in an C. Honeycutt if We are talking ' about morals. If The Breeze necessary! Graduation by pornographic journalism. continues this disgusting What with the suggestive expression of obscene The Marx Brothers comic strips, the unedited material that contians no Groucho personals, and the insidious artistic merit, we shall be Harpo satellite unsafe articles by even the paid staff forced to make formal Chico members, we feel it will not be complaints to the Dean of Fine Zeppo To the editor: out how to reverse that? Has long until the brains of the Arts and Communication, Dr. Gummo What's all tms nonsense I NASA even been contacted? James Madison University Donald McConkey; to the Vice Karl keep hearing about Enough is enough! Let's graduation at JMU? All graduate our children in a semester we've had to listen safe, sane manner and leave to all this bickering about the space flights to the 'Wahoo Fever' hits JMU graduation en masse or potheads. graduation one at a time. To the editor: University campus. E. Lltela no socks, please check in the That was bad enough. Now I Elkton. Virginia Oh my God! A new disease is It's "Wahoo Fever." It came JMU Health Center as soon as hear there is a ridiculous idea rapidly spreading throughout from Charlottesville a few possible. going around about the James Madison years ago and is infecting Greex R. Beat graduation by satellite. I hundreds of freshmen every Newman Lake must protest! The Breeze year. With about 2000 students Griffin dead? It's a damn sha.me too These graduating, the cost of all unsuspecting students came those satellites would be 'biased? To the editor: to JMU under the impression Coors astronomical! Asa taxpayer, How come The Breeze that they would retain their I demand to know where the To the editor: never" writes about Robert normalcy. But instead they money is going to come from Talk about a biased Griffin, the head of JMU Food have all fallen prey to this backed to buy all those satellites. newspaper. Services? I've heard he's dreaded condition. To the editor: Furthermore, I seriously Can you tell me why you ignoring the press but can you I am writing to voice doubt that many parents send your straight reporters at least tell us if he's alive? Doctors have stated that the my support for the would approve of their to write gay -news and your If he's not, let us know that only way to cure "Wahoo proposed Coors brewery children flying around out in gay reporters to cover too. We will want to have a Fever" is to stop it before it near U.S. 340, south of space waiting for their name straight news? party to celebrate. starts. So be on the lookout. If Elkton. Virginia. to be called. And what about The Breeze should be used you get an incurable desire to the gravity of the earth that to line bird cages. Herman Haggins. Adolph Coors wear LaCoste shirts, khaki Golden. Colorado keeps those satellites out in Anita Bryant Kevin Turk pants or Topsiders with space? Has anyone figured Dade County, Florida 'My words will live again' By DUKE THE WONDER DOG statements are beefed up in print in order to So you thought you got rid of me, huh? No make them appear literate. That's gratitude such luck. Just because you poison my Alpo for you. doesn't mean I'll keep my yap shut. My trained ears tell me that JMU seniors Since my premature death, I have been may be forced to graduate "en masse." Well, I corresponding "via the Underground" with did my homework and discovered that "en #f1> The Breeze staff. They have filled me in on lots masse" means "yer Mama" when translated of graft, corruption and general all around from Mongolian. Now it seems to me that bonehead plays. But whenever I tried to when the Administration tells students "en comment on the situation, the paper masse," they are really saying terrible things suppressed my columns. about their mothers. Now I'm not one to But now with the responsible guidance of the provoke riots but I sure as wouldn't take that Student Government Association .(since they from anybody, let alone a bunch of public have taken over this rag), my words will live "servants." Following a hunch, I traded WG, aka "the Docta," home one night Lo and behold! What Duke Speaks did the ol' Duke see? Well it would be too horrible to repeat here. Let's just say I again. wouldn't be caught dead letting him touch me A little bird indicated to me that TZ, JC, JG, with that cold thing, 'Nuff said. and DM have recently tried to bite the hands By the way, if you've been looking'for my that feed them by being bad sports among grave, it's under the big oak tree behind the other things. Well let me tell you, if the ol' Madison Memorial Library. Just for the Duke was still in the flesh, I would have bitten record, they're not cutting down that tree for something off of them. And it wouldn't have the new library addition. The real reason is to been their hands. bury my corpse in concrete and eliminate me Speaking on mental Underachieves, RG, also forever. known as "Hungry Jack." Well it ain't gonna happen if the students of It seems that the JMU "Miffia" has had a JMU dig me up before I get plastered. Make difficult tone controlling their publicity paper sure you plant me near the Security Office. •«, My sources tell me that DP, CH, DM, LL and There are a few tires I want to water. ARF DH are enraged by the fact that their actual ARF m M --. \T Page 36, THE BREEZE!. Sunday, April 1, 1979 U. » MNATOW *<^£« JBtenator ^Jesse ^rfelnte The Breeze reserves ■ AIWNOTON DC toe 10 Dear Friend: the right to edit I have been asked to write to you because.of your deep concern for your country. I am gravely disturbed, and I think you are too, about the very real possibility of a relative handful of SGA letters to the editor. bosses seising control of America's government. Their thirst for power is not representative of either the American people or the hardworking members of the ctudont body, whose dues are used (often improperly and unlawfully) to finance the activities of these bosses. Let 'me say at the outset that this letter should not be construed as an attack on the SGA. What I oppose — and I hope that you oppose it also — is the abuse of power by Some letters need SGA bosses. I know you are busy. I know also that you are constantly bombarded with solicitations, polls, and exhortations of every kind. Frankly, I was reluctant to add to your burdens — realizing that you may very well have the inclination to toss no editing (right). this letter and its enclosures into, the trash can. You may do precisely that anyhow. But before you do, I urge you to read the enclosures. Carefully consider what is afoot in America. After doing that, I hope you will decide to (1) complete the poll and re- turn it in the enclosed envelope, and (2) sertd a contribution to Americans Against SGA Control of Government to help them prevent a takeover of America by SGA bosses. Needless to say, I do hope I'll hear from you shortly. However there are Sincerely, ^•Zj Jesse Helms United States Senator others which need JH/hb Enclosures Prtputd itmd Dumbmcd fc» a little help (below) Public Smut KtuarckCouncil Fr> /cc^C /z i r«js fS^nArtt; frfafr+ixX /*y*MH>ief To the editorsi Sf P4RZELC P'LC /j" -mv/rfloent^—WormallJ I don't bother toLwrtty and(express/my opinion concerning/ 'prfi/i -fo (The Student Government Association has an unusual!*,.successful first MHiter. Despite a very critical Deceaber news analytic bv our shsoejil. news- I 'articles you prlntyhowever, the story by Mr. Honsycutt should not beAmk«n/-f»Kg rf v paper editor. DwayTU) Vancey, I have found that the SGA senators, o'ficers, and students at large have accomplished as such or more In one semester than what ^J"*-TI ^|nie stor/ls written poorly, but make no alstakes./hls) content Is nof^*?***? I*** any or the past three SGA administrations accomplished in anv one vear. Possibly v / an interview between rfif^ Vancey and myself could have helped him to more accurately / ln que stlon, ratftSrine prose. I've seen ^h ^"Vt t>itfn' and 1* exemplifies ieusre. / ^-«awf<*/>«^ " ' ,1 7 write about some of the followinq SGA prolects and accomolishments. " yftA Srre [ •—' l)1ll?iui/ltf'\ the prose of someone who Is.trying to d'earn) writing. Star specifically, the .'' , /Beginning this past summer, the SGA'a malor success was in stoopino a drastic chance in parking fines from the then SJ.00 per ticket up to $10,i $20, "* $30,/and/ la rto phatic 10MB J- »*• ' font- u>h« ^ ^ ° "" * **"- ftfffiV^Sffi&B ., towing. As you '•in see, this proposal which was the result of several months study on the part of the Parking Advisory Committee would have caused a student Un:~M should be learned to/"naki effective proaee-i economise one's words. Sentences, .•to pay a total of S60.00 in parking finea bv his/her third ticket. Since an , \ljr~~ w*>^ t*7/7(flflS^6t'^^ne• \K>*.'».>.',v^=V'.'»v '■■/■I'IU; >•, .•■'.ws*. /TK * ! 5* C/5 U N u u * * mm ■+ mm &m v flu; in) IMl *HCD«i i *«• « IH4WU Wsw# Jlfl »4P*«r 40 if.frST? i$£ SI *W«SB ■WHeH & f| 25 I) i . fig a Is ff K € 58 5 S *FI* * ( 40 *I*M«|«« flff 1 &* C w Kfcl Page 2, DE BRIS, Sunday, April 1, 1979 w;w * <( ontiniucl rrom Page I) Carrier has been looking for Carrier would use his new coming in here and "any excuse" to raise an had sealed off all entrances to charges and mass judicial spraypainting everything. army to suppress community campus and began making army in order to march down dissenssion over JMU's council hearings were being Why can't they be happy to Richmond and lay seige to drug raids in each dorm. held on the quad. writing on bathroom walls? expansion. By mid-morning, Spotswood the General Assembly. "Just wait un jean Grimes The whereabouts of the Carrier said some may "I'm tired of lobbying and Hall had been burned to the remaining 5500 students was complains about noisy college ground. criticize his actions as "going arm twisting," Carrier kids again," he was reported Unknown. overboard" or "going off the reportedly said. "I say we to have said. "We had no choice," said "The campus is deserted," deep end" but declared "so crack a few heads together Jay Crider, chief of campus reported one officer. "And it's what? When you wield as Carrier announced his police. "All of 'em were doing and see what happens. I can decision to declare martial not even the weekend yet." much power in this state as I see not giving us the money drugs. It was Sodom and In a related development, do, you can do what you law on WMRA's morning Gomorrah in there. we need to finish the library newscast. However, the the entire Harrisonburg High please." addition but what God- declaration had to be repeated By day's end, campus police School student body was being Sources close to the fearing, red-blooded had arrested approximately held for questioning on over the Warren University 2500 JMU students on drug president said Carrier has American would vote against Union paging system and in vandalism charges. been "very testy" ever since seats for a football stadium? Scooter's Nooze before anyone the General Assembly voted Who gave these elected was aware of the dramatic not to fund additional seating officials the idea they could development. at Madison Stadium run the state anyway?" Immediately after Carrier's The same sources said It was also believed announcement, campus police • SGA ((on tinned from Page l> machine, Pile said. "Of course, running both the The money saved would go SGA takes credit for raid SGA and The Breeze will take toward "more important up a lot of time," Pile said. things, like subsidizing In approving Pile's new campaign expenses for SGA By MISSY QUOTE body. They did drugs, and served as an undercover position, the SGA voted Pile a candidates," he said. The Student Government they didn't wear knit shirts or agent and bought drugs pay raise that "puts him in the "People don't care what Association has taken credit polyester slacks, and none of "strictly in the line of duty." same income tax bracket as The Breeze looks like for the drug raid on The them, except maybe Julie "We merely simulated Big Ron," according to one anyway," he said. "They just Breeze office that resulted in Summers, ever even went to a smoking pot," said Harris. senator. want to make sure they have a the arrest of 26 staff members frat party, I bet." "We didn't inhale." As a result, Pile announced good SGA like they have and the seizure of $25,000 Pile also revealed that SGA Ledden was busy typing the that the paper will only come now." worth of drugs. administrative vice president minutes of the last SGA out once a week and that issue In another money-making SGA President Darrell Pile Dave Martin, legislative vice meeting, which will be the would be devoted entirely to venture. Pile said the SGA said he tipped off campus president Charlie Harris, next issue of De Bris, and was coverage of SGA meetings. would auction off the $50,000 police that The Breeze staff treasurer Don Haag and unavailable for comment. "We consider that an worth of equipment The was involved in "heavy drug secretary Leslee Ledden had Haag noted that while they adequate amount of Breeze owned. use." been undercover agents in the used student activities fees to coverage," he said. "And SGA treasurer Don Haag "We knew they were into police investigation of The purchase the drugs, the besides, everybody knows the "did such a good job with the drugs," Pile said. "Why, just Breeze. money went for a good cause. only reason people read The book sale I thought I'd let him look at all the stories they Martin, Harris, Haag and "We got rid of The Breeze," Breeze is to read about SGA. try his hand at an equipment wrote." Ledden had bought drugs he said. We're the only important sale," Pile said. Pile denied that he turned in Vrom The Breeze, thus "The only better ways to use thing on this campus. After taking over The The Breeze because of providing police with the proof SGA money," Haag said, In order to save money, Breeze, Pile said his next goal unfavorable coverage. they needed in order to raid "would be to subsidize upcoming issues of De Bris would be to become editor of "It was my duty," he said. the newspaper office, Pile campaign expenses of SGA will be typed bv SGA the Chrysalis. "I've always "The Breeze was not said. candidates or build more frat secretary Leslee Ledden and been a big fan of the representative of the student Martin stressed that he houses." run off on a mimeograph Chrysalis," he said. {MARK SUTTON * * * YOUR NEXT PRESIDENTi ■ QUALIFICATIONS: » High School Newspaper Editor (he got fired) High School SGA Vice President (he quit) Cub Scouts Hitler Youth GOALS: 1 abolish alcohol policy 2 abolish visitation rules 3 abolish security 4 free beer in d-hall 5 legalize on campus drug use 6 abolish 55 MPH speed limit 7 abolish all other SGA offices 8 SGA sponsored party every week 9 establish complete autocracy WRITE IN * * 10 come to work wasted every day SUTTON IN 79- IT'S YOUR FUTURE * * J Page 38, THE BREEZE. Sunday, April 1, 1979 Upcoming Events UNIVERSITY PROGR4M BCHRD Friday, March 30 fhe Renter #ttlc 7:30 & 10:00 p.m. TONIGHT: FRIDAY 1 Saturday, March 31 . 7:30 p.m. "THE I CRITTON The Last Waltz Grafton/Stpvall HOLLOW II Started as Or John STRING aOmcert Enc Clapton Muddy'A Theatre Ne>l Diamond Paul Butterfieid Bob Dylan The Band Ronnie Hi iv Mitchell Ringo Sta" BAND" Neil Young Ron Wood ylouHams Morrison 8:30 pm .50 ■ UHeeame it Celebration $1.00 with I.D. JACK JOHN WHITE BUSCH PRINE BILLIARDS GARDENS EXHIBITION WITH Tom Parks APRIL 8 Friday, March 30 Friday, April 6 1:00 p.m. Wilson Hall FOR DETAILS 8:00 p.m. CALL 6217 W.U.U. Lounge UPB 24-HOUR 6504 ACTIVITIES LINE , 1 ^■w^Nn^m,^ w^V'*^"^^" »^^««n%i HA ^'— A'^'A'"*^"—^»'»^t" ««^' «i^' By NYE EVE will have unlimited powers of By DURL DUNG when the drug raid occurred. He said that by running both James Madison University search and seizure. The Student Government The SGA completed the the student government and President Ronald Carrier Also, only students, JMU Association has taken over remaining pages Thursday the student press he could declared martial law employees and those making The Breeze. and Friday, thus delaying assure that "students won't yesterday. deliveries will be allowed on James Madison University publication until today. read distorted and misleading The move came as a last campus. President Ronald Carrier Among the immediate articles about the SGA. Now ditch attempt by the Violators will be shot on instructed the SGA to run the changes the SGA I'll never be misquoted." administration to curb the sight. campus paper Friday implemented was to change Pile said having the SGA soaring incidence of "After all, this here is the morning, as part of his the name of The Breeze to De take over The Breeze was "a vandalism and drug abuse on next best thing to war," said declaration of martial law. Brfe, much better idea" than his campus. one officer. The announcement followed earlier suggestion that SGA The immediate cause of the Carrier promoted vice a raid by police on The Breeze expand Scooter's Nooze, the declaration was believed to president for business affairs, office late Wednesday night commuter newsletter, in have been the vandalizing of Col. Adolph Phillips, to that resulted in the arrest of20 Related story, order to have "factual" the astroturf and a police raid general. He will lead a staff members and the seizure coverage of SGA. on the Breeze office that combined armed force of of $25,000 worth of drugs. "This way we get to have arrested 20 staff members and campus police, ROTC and the Campus police said The see Page 2 The Breeze office. Now we seized $25,000 worth of drugs. security cadets. Carrier also Breeze staff had been running (the SGA) can have our own (see stories, back page) ordered SGA to take over The "one of the biggest drug little castle on the hill," he Carrrier was reported to Breeze, (see other story, this operations in this part of the "We thought it was kind of said, referring to The Breeze's have been "emotionally page). state."(see story, back page) cute," said Pile. "And besides location in the Wine-Price distressed" over the astroturf "It's high time we "The SGA is the only that's what we always thought Building. incident. When informed of stamped out drug abuse on responsible group on the paper was anyway - SGA has reportedly always the raid on The Breeze, he was this campus," Carrier said. campus," Carrier said in debris." been jealous that The Breeze said to have "gone to pieces." making the appointment. Pile seemed pleased with had a bigger office and more "I'm sick and tired of these phones and typewriters than it "I haven't seen him like this druggies being allowed to run "They're not drugged out his new position as both SGA since Duke died," said one hippies like that Yancey boy president and editor of The did. wild and free all over campus. Pile admitted that he was Wilson Hall insider. Why can't they be satisfied (Dwayne Yancey, The Breeze Breeze. "Carrier has been very editor). And besides, Darrell "Now this is the type of good "a little nervous" at becoming with getting drunk like they do editor of The Breeze. "I'm not impressed by The Breeze this at U.Va? I'm also sick an Pile (SGA president) has such working relationship I've been year, especially with them a way with words." trying to get between the SGA used to all this responsibility being ranked as one of the top tired of these townies kids The March 31 issue of The and the press all year," Pile and power," he said. 11 college newspapers in the Continued on Page 2 Breeze was being put together said. Continued on Page 2 country," the source said. "He thought they were the most responsible group on campus." The source denied that Carrier's favorable opinion of The Breeze stemmed from the fact that the paper has often attacked the Student Government Association this year but not once has lashed out at Carrier, and even devoted full page coverage in •v •-• • four consecutive issues to an interview with the president. While an official statement released by his office described Carrier as "shocked and dismayed" at The Breeze's arrest, the source said Carrier '"actually went beserk." "He figured that if a group of fine, upstanding students like The Breeze staffers could be involved with drugs, then the whole campus must be high," the source said. "And if you're on drugs, you can't play football, and if you can't play football, why are you in college? That's why he decided to crack down. It's as simple as that." Under Carrier's declaration of martial law, all students must wear their JMU ID "prominently displayed" on their clothing and must be able to recite the Madison Fight Song and Honor Pledge if.stopped by campus police. Visitation has been suspended and no one will be allowed outside their dorm between sunset and sunrise. A beefed up campus police force will patrol each dorm in DARRELL PILE, SGA President and now editor of The Breeze as clean-up campaign. Pile pronounced the clean-up drive* "a search of "drug activity" and well, surveys JMU campus following recent SGA-sponsored complete success." - „„,,„ by Lo$» tv.ntont t