New Repräsentative for Students BF Secretary Leaves!!
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Bare ^acts loth May '96 University of Surrey Students' Newspaper issue 878 New Repräsentative For In This Issue Students mally nin from the beginning of Liaison Officer's main task is to the Spring Semester to the end provide vita! feedback from UESDAY NIGHT of the following Autumn Se- non-campus students to ali posts T mester. So if any student is in- within the Students' Union. WILL BE A terested in standing for the This will ensure adequate repre- NIGHT of change position see Sharon Baker, Un- sentation within the Union of for the Union as two new ion President, or Alan Roy, Ents those unable to get in touch with posts are voted on to Officer. sabbaticals directly, or attend j^olutionise the place as The European Institute of GM's on Tuesday lunchtimes Health and Medicai Sciences due to transport problems, flR know it. was formed from several nurs- heavy lecture schedules and ab- ^^e posts are an Entertainments ing Colleges scattered over a normal term dates. As Sharon Chaiiperson and a Liaison sab- large area. Consequently there Baker, Union President, ex- Bird Squatters batici (a new post ahsen from are transport difficulties associ- plained 'The position will serve the introduction of EIHMS stu- ated with providing Union serv- ali students - especially those Page 2 dents into the main University). ices to these students. Until such based on sites other than on Stag The Entertainments Chairper- time as an academic building on Hill. It will also enhance the son is a post which, together site is allocated for EIHMS Professional Year Post." with the Union Club Entertain- teaching, the University has ments Manager, will organise agreed to help fund a sabbatical Sophie Rocks the entertainments for the Union post, "a Liaison Officer". The Formerly known as the after the demise of the Entertain- BFSecretary ments sabbatical. The position is for a StudenBt Fand woulSecretard nor- y v'iimimm wmmm > « «« Leaves!! ^^A Stunned silence tried lo come to terms with their descended over the incredible loss. 2. JLBare Facts staff as Emergency staff were quickly Birdcage the shocking news filtered on hand to administer first aid reviewed and transport the traumatised to into their conscious a hospit^ bar for treatment. Page8 minds.... Sophie is leaving!! The ceremony to mark her de- parture will be held at the end of Yes, they knew that it must one term, when al! the surviving BF day come to an end, but to have bods will gather for a moments this final irrefutable proof silence before performing the shoved in their faces at that fate- sacred Bare Facts leaving rìtual. ful Tuesday lunchtime GM was too much for many of them to Soppy Frocks cope with. Tears rolied down their cheeks as they desperately Union AGM 7pm fNbmtnationsfor ^ -ÄWiÄ« ö/v River Sports Day • Tuesday The return of the HONOURARY MEMSERSHtP l^th May floating banana are cCosing on CMonday Page 11 Cor\-t&cX' Sharon ßaker. Uni Fre&\den-t, wit-h your norninal;ion^ 13a Editorial Rob's Amazing Technicolour EditoriaL UUUUCHHH into some food, than it would certain brand of apple pie is while you're eating. That's if H! SAT HERE be to carefully prepare a dish reputed to be able to stay hot it hasn't solidified on cooling of succulent baked beans, for up to 24hours... Why else Oburning my delicately placed on a per- print "warning - the contents Take my advice, arm yourself mouth on another fectly browned piece of toast, may be hot" in 4 different lan- with a good hardback cook- delicious and Wished off with a dash of guages! A hot apple pie can book and barricade yourself in your kitchen. And remem- pre-cooked/reheated parsley (presentation is travel many miles especially everything to today's modem during the migration seasons, ber - don't be aft^aid to use the meal I quietly curse the gourmet chef). But seriously, and with the opening of the book if any processed food makers of this particular if you are not endowed with a channel tunnel its horizons tries to take advantage of you. brand of convenience microwave (and who is) it have been greatly broadened. Rob Dorey food and wonder what will take you Just as long to Communications Officer cook your frozen block of What these thermalbombs drives a sane(ish) man to have in heat they most cer- [email protected] stuff as it will to make a half PS. Sorry. Just thought I actually consider way decent meal - and the tainly do not make up for in touching the food size putting a stop to that age would share another gem of a chances are it will taste better joke with the world. without one of those and not attempt to bum your old saying "Size doesn't mat- mouth off. ter". A fully grown packagus Perfect man, perfect woman j shiny firesuits used to put foodus will barely f^ the av- out oil fires or walk into and Father Christmas are in al No, pre-processed, ready-to- erage person with a mild at- lift when they spy a £50 note the exhausts of rockets eat food has an amazing abil- tack of munchies. How these on the floor. picks it during takeoff. ity to retain heat (probably things can be used to survive up????? The simple answer would be something to do with the on is a complete mystery to time - or the lack of it. We all lOhour cooking time usually me. Perfect woman, because the assume that it will be quicker associated with this type of other two don'texist. (Thanks just to throw a block of frozen food). In fact the most effec- Too hot to handle in the first Mum for that one.) stuff into the oven and wait tive heat storage system is place, and when they finally until it mystically transforms closely related to this food. A cool down you find there isn't even enough to play with Out On A Wing squatter was ing the box full of twigs and Bare^^ Facts evicted from the grass removed them without realising the disturbance it University of Surrey Students' Newspaper Aplace he had would cause. However, the grown to think of as starling didn't appreciate this Union House, University of Surrey, home, not due to damage interruption to its cosy life- Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH to the dwelling - but to style and retaliated by taking the inconvenience over the delivery duties of the Phone: (01483) 259275 postman, and scattered letters caused to the Royal Mail. Fax: (01483) 34749 all over the area. The post box has now been boarded up. Advertising: (01483) 259275 The squatter, a starling, made Email: [email protected] his home in a postbox on the http ://w w w. su r rey. ac. u k/U n i on/bf/ Isle of Man. A postman find- Editor • Rob Dor^ Music Editor • Steeve French Dolphins Conlributors: Sophie Rocks, Bagjus and Emily, jeff Blackham, Richard Bell, Catherine Bickley, Ben Pugh, Under a rainbow the dolphins play Campusport, Russ Clark, Lee Hopkins, The Sabs, and many more.... Weaving and singing they show the way Innocent, trusting, so childlike - strong! Beauty shall woo us through all the wrong. Smooth-skinned, mischievous, dolphins go Deeper and swifter that many know 8« Faca U an MifMndM cimnpap«, pubJtsSed bv th« Uflivniiy d Sucrcy Seidmo Union Brushing the coral in search of pearls Comnwilabeni ÓBc*. Theyteoi ii»iiuiJwW<fe»«pipwOTi»«i»»g<ih«Hte<ti«tdto«ijlboi»d«iitf<h»»>i«i«t,'''J*''°' Mention of dolphins softens the girls! lumi lini iMMm«t1n ilmi iiftln 1 rulmili) ntlimn Hnlnm" Uiilm orThi UnivinlircifSiinc^. Di» puhlk^fa« m»y not b* wyigJuod or Wi pan, aonà hi >tgciiia«*c fami, e» disrtpuwL wléioi' annm pemiiirion. Ask them of days gone, of whiter sand Wt nsarva Ih* righi is RfuM udì panniHion. Subntitkin IsnoeiMinMeeipiÀiiciiton M b si^j^KI lo th* rula Listen of Noah - there was no land laidatswn M«MM« ftm ctxHiUion. AH Ateiiu'ofu mufl Inchid* Voi* Nm and UnlonoiSUfl Norrfcg. ^lowyfwow nd riwdoryima •nklB wtnnolbe|iuWlth*dMkiMvcIhiiil(hlo<dl(idl>iin<biiara. Part of a peace call to bring us back C Bare Facis and USSV1996 Arch long discovered, a Man took the flack. They flip, "See that rainbow? Remember it too, When all seems uncertain, like hearts can get blue.' Brett Milner Features 13b Cheesy Quavers Part Two. A female friend of kill you. More often than not The results of what the boffins mine was discussing the prob- they cause absolutely no prob- over the decades have been two-parter this week. lems of contraception with me lems whatsoever. But the studying are that the combined Part One. During the last the other day and, of course, myth makers would have you Pill protects you against the week I had the 'luck' to be the alleged dangers of the Pill believe that the Pill is almost complications of childbirth, harangued by an arse-clench- came up. deadly. Bollocks. Compare the complications of abortion, ingly pro-feminist male. He the Pill with aspirin, which against cancer of the ovary and was banging on about pornog- The Pill, it seems, is over 30 causes major intestinal bleeds cancer of the utems. At rates raphy and how it degrades years old and is used by more on a fairly regular basis. This that more than compensate for women. Any argument that I than 200 million women will never be regarded as wor- the risk of dying from throm- tried to present to him to world-wide.