Cold Open: In the last days of Anneliese Michel’s life, she looked more dead than alive. Emaciated. Face sunken in. Sharp cheekbones protruding from grey, pallid skin. Teeth chipped from recently biting a hole in a wall. Extremely dark, black circles around once beautiful and hopeful eyes.

This previously attractive young German college student was only 23 years old. And now she looked closer to 60. She should have been graduating, joining the workforce, dating, and enjoying her youth. She should have been figuring out what she was going to do with a long and happy life. Instead, she’d been undergoing multiple exorcism rituals a week for nearly a full year. She was bedridden and weighed less than 70 pounds - and it’s not like she was 3 feet tall. I actually couldn’t find a single reference to exactly how tall she was, but, based on numerous photos, I’d have to say 5’4” or 5’5”. And based on photos of Anneliese when she was healthy, I’d put her weight at around a very fit 110 pounds, maybe even 115 or 120.

But now, in the last days of her life, she was a skeleton with rice-paper thin skin. She looked like a demon herself. She looked frightened. Ethereal. She looked like the become the personification of torment itself. She’d lost 40 to 50 pounds off of an already thin frame. That’s what happens when you skip the food pyramid and instead exist on a diet of spiders, flies, and your own urine, licked up off the floor. Seriously. For a time this was all she’d eat or drink. Speaking like a demon as she did so.

Despite her emaciated physique, she possessed, in moments, an unnatural, almost super human strength. She destroyed rosaries, crucifixes, holy pictures, and once squeezed an apple with one hand until it burst. Another time she threw her sister across the room “as if she were a rag doll.” And Anneliese still possessed enough energy to speak slash bark at the priests around her in an inhuman and terrifying voice: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63oP-bftHGs Play 8:44 - 8:50 )

Anneliese would die on July 1st, 1976. The official cause of death? Malnutrition and dehydration. But what caused this recently healthy young woman to refuse to eat in the first place? Mental illness? She’d seen a plethora of doctors, none of whom were able to help her. Brain scans showed nothing physically abnormal with her mind. So what was happening? Was she simply suffering from a mental illness local doctors just weren’t knowledgeable enough to identify and treat? Or was something else entirely afflicting her? Something not of this world? Something dead. Something evil. We set this stage for both scientific and spiritual possibilities in this part one of a two part paranormal horror Suck, today on a dark and disturbing edition of Timesuck.

PAUSE TIMESUCK INTRO

I. Welcome A. Happy Friday Timesuckers! I’m Dan Cummins aka Senior Suckmaster Supreme aka Sgt. Suckmaster aka The Prophet of Nimrod.

And you - indoctrinated drinker of that sweet sauce known as the Cult of the Curious - YOU are listening to Timesuck. The 20th Bonus Episode! Long ago, at the beginning of this podcast, I made a deal to do a bonus episode for every 100 iTunes reviews and now I owe you beautiful bastards 13 more bonus episodes. And counting! One every 3 weeks is the most I can kick out and so we have another Friday bonus episode coming every 3 weeks for AT LEAST the next 39 weeks. At the rate you review pretty soon we’ll have them coming for over a year. And I appreciate those reviews so much.

The most recent review as I write this, written by iTunes user middle aged white woman, has a subject of “Bojangles Dance for me” and she writes, “My 12 year old puppy just passed away. I will name the next furry love of my life Bojangles! The Danimal!”

Well, Middle Aged White Woman, thank you for the five star rating and I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your puppy! When the time is right and you get a new fur baby, I will be honored to hear that the name Bojangles will be bestowed upon him and I’m certain he will be a mighty snuggle warrior!

Thank you for your continued support and for continually spreading the suck! Thank you all for those ratings, reviews, and subscriptions that keep Timesuck up in the comedy charts, where future Suckers can find it and be brought into the fun fold.

B. Atheist Charity: Alright - we’ve been on a heavy religious theme the past few sucks - unintentional - just worked out that way. But since it has worked out that way, it felt right today to throw a bone to our also awesome non-religious Suckers. One of our very own Timesuckers, John Bonner (Boughner), is a Board Member of the Nashville, TN Chapter of Atheist Alliance Helping the Homeless. Bandages, mouthwash, body powder, first aid kits, tooth brushes, hand sanitizer, gloves, tents, hoodies, and more that might not make much of difference in your day to day life but could make a HUGE difference to someone else’s. Lynze and I bought some backpacks and tents.

Sometimes a little help is all someone needs to get back on their feet. One couple, after getting some assistance from this organization, was able to scrape up enough money to purchase a small run down car, and get into section 8 housing. They’re no longer on the street.

The Nashville, TN Chapter of Atheist Alliance - one of 17 chapters in different cities - have a Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/ AAHHNash/ and their Amazon wishlist is pinned to the top of the page. That link is https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/ JBH9HJLC66HP

Both those links will be in today’s episode description. And thanks for coming to the show at Zanies last week, John! John’s awesome. He’s a Space Lizard AND, more importantly, he’s currently working on writing grants to get the government funding needed to start a reintegration program. This program will take in these folks, work with them on health, legal, addiction, and psychological issues, and then give them the life and job skills to eventually help them get their own place.

There are a lot of amazing kick-ass religious charities out there helping the less fortunate, so thankful that they exist. But there are so many that I think it’s easy to not realize that there are non- religious charities as well. So, if you’ve allowed theological bias to get in the way of helping the less fortunate get what they need to survive - now you don’t have that excuse!

Also - don’t feel bad if you don’t have the dough to donate. Or, if this just isn’t your charity. But it is a great charity, and if you DO donate, Nimrod will be most pleased. Hail Nimrod!

C. New stickers and new decals: Thanks to all of you Timesuckers who’ve been scooping the new Danger Brain designed stickers and vinyl decals up this past week and spreading the Suck! Danger Brain, Danger Brain, Danger Brain! I love saying the name of the Official Suck Designers. If Michael Motherfuckin’ McDonald is the bard of the Suck, they’re like the Suck’s Leonardo Da Vinci. Actually, there’s two designers at Danger Brain - Sebastian and Alfonso - so, they’re the Leonardo Da Divinci AND Michelangelo of Timesuck. And I’m not talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And, as long as they’re in stock, you get a free sticker pack with every order of more than $30!

AND - Danger Brain collaborated with a Timesuck fan who sent in some fan art to make a new limited edition Timesuck product that you’ll hear about a little later today. You’ll understand why I’m not telling you now when you hear it.

D. TOUR: Ticket sales are looking dynamite for Salt Lake City tonight and tomorrow at the new Jordan Landing Wiseguys. The early show on Saturday is already sold out, and, by the time you years this, it looks like the early show on Friday will also be sold out. Very excited for tonight’s and tomorrow’s shows.

And San Francisco Punchline coming up in less than a week, April 25-28th - get out there you Bay Area motherfuckin’ Timesuckers!

Next up is a live Timesuck podcast in Spokane on May 6th. Sunday night. Gonna be doing a live suck on a Northwest piece of shit - Gary Ridgeway. The Green River killer. The Space Lizards voted that in for the first topic on Monday and the rest of you Timesuckers will hear the studio version of Green River Gary on May 7th. Then it’s the Sacramento Punchline May 10th - 12th, and the Tempe, Arizona Improv May 31st - June 3rd. So many solid venues - not a shit hole in the bunch.

More tour dates at www.dancummins.tv. Kick ass original song making fun of the Westboro Baptist Church written and performed by musician and Timesucker Larry Hooper in today’s Timesucker Updates. Bonus episode 20, The Demonic Possession of Anneliese Michel, Part 1 of 2, right damn now! Begone Lucifina!

PAUSE INTERLUDE

II. Who Are We Talking About Today? A. Anneliese & Wurzburg: Alright Timesuckers, who are we talking about today? The unfortunate star of this Suck is Anna Elisabeth Michel (“Michelle”) . A religious woman in her early twenties who went to Mass twice a week and was studying at the University of Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) , one of the oldest institutions of higher learning in Germany, having been founded in 1402 and situated, as you’d expect, in Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg), Germany, a city of roughly 124,000 people, over 50,000 of whom work at the Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) Frankfurt Factorium - the world’s largest sausage factory and distribution center. Over 10 million tons of bratwurst alone are pumped out of every year. Annaliese was studying, essentially to become a slaughterhouse quality control technician, with a focus in ways to make the execution process less painful for both calves and young hogs. To make quality bratwurst, you can’t let the animals live more than two years and the sadder they are the better the sausage tastes, which is why at the Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) Frankfurt Factorium, all young pigs and calves are forced to watch their parents get killed and then also wear a mask made out of the skin from their parents faces for the rest of their short lives, spent trapped in cages not big enough to let them stand up. Sadness + fear = flavor. And I’m gonna stop now before the few of you still listening also hit the stop and unsubscribe buttons. That was a horrific load of disgusting nonsensical bullshit.

No.

Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) is an ancient city settled in the 4th or 5th century by the Celts and site of a tragic WWII disaster. On March 16th, 1945, about 90% of this city was destroyed in just 17 minutes by fire bombing from 225 British Lancaster bombers during a World War II air raid. Damn. And in 2016, some dude was shot dead by authorities on a train in Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) after attacking four people with a fucking hatchet. Hatchet attack! That is intense.

Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) is also home of The Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) Residence - an 18th century palace that at one time was the largest personal residence in all of Europe and one of the few buildings that survived the fire bombing. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site and a baroque masterpiece with over 300 rooms. Looking at pictures, it looks like it’s roughly the size of a medium-sized shopping mall. The perfect home for the family thats’s wants to live under the same roof but also be able to go months without seeing each other.

Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg) is a picturesque, medieval looking city roughly an hour and-a-half’s drive East of Frankfurt. Very green. Lots of cool architecture. Not a place you’d expect a demon to find you. But maybe that’s what happened.

Back in the early 1970s, in Würzburg (Vurtz-Burg), things were pretty quiet and Anneliese was was studying to be a teacher. Her classmates later described her as "withdrawn and very religious”. Looking at pictures of her, pre-exorcism pictures, she was very pretty. And unbeknownst to her classmates, she was already struggling with a very private battle that would become very public when she started her college education.

Her family was super Catholic, but, when she started exhibiting strange, possession-esque symptoms right around her 16th birthday, they didn’t run straight to the Church. The first occurrence was passing out in school and shrugging it off as exhaustion brought on by vigorous studying. After going to bed that same day, just after midnight, she woke up and could not move. The ol’ sleep paralysis slash shadow people we spoke of in Timesuck 59 had struck! She awoke to feel a giant force pinning her down to her bed. It sat on her stomach and pressed on her abdomen and she could feel her warm urine spilling out from her body but was powerless to stop it. She could barely breathe. She tried to call out to her sisters but no sound would come out.

So, whether or not there was a paranormal force behind this - pretty damn scary! And then it happened again about a year later. And we’ll talk about all this again in the Timeline. For now, I just want to establish that a few strange incidents like this happened in high school, and that initially, her family didn’t think the problem had supernatural roots. They thought it was a medical issue and they took her to a neurologist referred to them by their family physician. Good job parents. Take that shit seriously!

And that brings us to what I want to discuss before we get into the horror aspects of this episode. The debate between the psychology community, and the shrinking field of demonologists and exorcists who believe the problem is paranormal.

B. Psychological Explanations of Demonic Possession:

So let’s start with a psychological look into exorcism. I’ve been a fan of the magazine and now magazine/website Psychology Today since I was a psychology student roughly 200 years ago. And they had some great articles about the modern psychological community’s explanation of demonic possession. I also found a fascinating 2016 Washington Post article written by a board- certified Psychiatrist and a professor of clinical psychiatry at New York Medical College who ALSO works with priests on identifying demonic possession.

1. Counter Transference: Let’s talk about counter-transference. Counter Transference is defined as the emotional reaction of the analyst to the subject's contribution. And how the analyst, i.e., therapist, reacts emotionally to a subject can influence the therapists diagnosis which can then influence the patient’s perception of what’s wrong with them.

For example, a therapist who feels irritated by a patient for no clear reason may eventually uncover subtle unconscious provocations by the patient that irritate and repel others, and thereby keep the patient unwittingly lonely and isolated.

There is also the concept of psychic infection - the spread of psychic effects or influences on others - which in the realm of demonic possession, can basically mean that if the analyst, in this case, a priest, thinks you’re infected with demons due to that priest’s worldview including demonic possession as a real thing that happens to people - you can start to think this as well. Their thoughts infect your thoughts. This is amplified by counter transference. If the priest reacts with fear to your condition - if the priest is fearful of a demon infesting your soul, you can then also become fearful of this as well.

And what are some of the symptoms of possession? Unusual strength, feelings of being attacked by an unseen entity, volatile emotions and profane outbursts - these are also symptoms of certain psychotic disorders. a) Dissociative Identity Disorder: Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder, is a condition wherein a person's identity is fragmented into two or more distinct personality states.

And some of your personalities may be stronger than other in a certain sense. DID can trick your brain into ignoring physical pain. A huge, rage-induced adrenaline spike plus a mind-body connection pain shut down can turn you into super you and make your strength suddenly seem otherworldly.

Schizophrenia - a mental illness defined as “a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation”, can include rare symptoms such as auditory and visual hallucinations, delusions, disorientation to place, people, and time, altered speech, paranoia, superhuman strength, superior insights, and catatonic behavior marked by still and motionless postures for hours or sometimes days”.

So, there are certain possession symptoms that overlap into symptoms of mental illness that have been proven to be curable, or at least able to be managed, with anti-psychotic medication and therapy.

Now - before I share some info from that doctor that ALSO works with priests on identifying demonic possession that SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME - let’s talk about how the Roman Catholic Church - historically the main go to exorcism guys - have defined Demonic Possession.

C. Catholic Church’s Definition of Possession: The Roman Catholic Church's official diagnostic criteria for discerning genuine demonic possession includes speaking in tongues or languages formerly unfamiliar to the possessed person, supernatural physical strength, and visibly negative reactions of the victim to prayers, holy water, priests, etc. But for the modern Church, physical and/ or psychiatric disorders must first be ruled out. The church teaches that demons can interfere in one of two ways with their victims, and I may suffer from the first one: Demons can cause an obsession, in which the demon fills the mind of its victim with evil thoughts. Aha! So that’s why I write so many fucked up jokes!! I have a demon filling my head with demon jokes, and that demon clearly thinks it’s funny to talk about the brutal Ukranian nightmare, Andrei Chikatilo. “What is big deal? Why it wrong to joke about soft shame cock? Why how is wrasslin’ bad? Why how is aggressive play-fighting with kid evil? I was try and keep Mother Russia strong by wrasslin’ out weak members of party!! Chikatilo Have So Much Love For Communist Russia that sometimes that love cum out of sad tip of shame cock.”

Damn it Demon! Begone Lucifina! Stop filling my head with your demon jokes! And stop filling my heads with thoughts of lingerie I want Lynze to wear around the house when the kids aren’t home. And about how she should be tied down to the bed when she wears some fishnet thigh-highs, tall, leather, high-heel boots with pinup makeup and hair and a corset and DAMN IT DEMON it makes it harder to podcast when I have a boner! It actually makes it literally harder which is a bad pun the demon also put in my head!!

….And I’m back! Sorry.

Obsession is one of two ways, according to the Roman Catholic Church, that a demon can affect your life. The other, especially horrible way, is actual possession, in which the demon physically takes over the human body.

Various signs of demonic possession are: errors in belief, deceptions, falsehoods, lies, and confusion, “speaking a great number of words from unknown languages, or understanding them, making known things either distant or hidden, showing strength beyond one's situation, together with vehement aversion towards God, Our Lady, the Cross and holy pictures"

The Vatican guidelines stress that most behaviors that appear to be caused by demonic possession are actually triggered by psychiatric illness. However the church is not going soft on belief in Satan and his demons. Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Jorge Medina Estevez, stressed that: "The existence of the devil isn't an opinion, something to take or leave as you wish. Anyone who says he doesn't exist wouldn't have the fullness of the Catholic faith.'' He said that the devil's presence is seen in the widespread acceptance of "lies and deceit ... the idolatry of money ... the idolatry of sex..."The presence of the devil...explains the dramatic condition of the world, which languishes under the power of the malign one''

According to the memoirs of Cardinal Jacques Martin, a former prefect of the pontifical household, Pope John Paul II successfully exorcised a woman in 1982. She was brought to him writhing on the ground. Father Gabriele Amorth told La Stampa, an Italian newspaper, that the Pope has carried out three exorcisms during his 23 year pontificate. Amorth said: "He carried out these exorcisms because he wanted to give a powerful example. He wanted to give the message that we must once again start exorcising those who are possessed by demons... I have seen many strange things [during exorcisms]...objects such as nails spat out. The devil told a woman that he would make her spit out a transistor radio and lo and behold she started spitting out bits and pieces of a radio transistor...I have seen levitations, and a force that needed six or eight men to hold the person still. Such things are rare, but they happen."

D. Psychiatry Professor Believes in Demonic Possession. (Fuck!!): Now, I know there are a fair amount of skeptic Timesuckers out there. Still not convinced there is a snowball’s chance in Hell any of this stuff can be real? I hear ya. I’m a doubter myself. At least until the sun goes down and I’m alone and my imagination gets going and then all kinds of shit starts sounding all too possible. Likely even.

Well, I was getting a little bummed out about how scary this episode might be - in the sense that I was worried that exorcisms are obviously not possible because demonic possession is superstitious nonsense - and then I read an article written by a board-certified Psychiatrist and a professor of clinical psychiatry at New York Medical College, Dr. Richard Gallagher, who ALSO works with priests on identifying demonic possession.

And, while initially not a believer, after witnessing numerous cases of alleged demonic possession, he now feels that, while rare, it’s a real thing.

And this isn’t guy who studied at The University of Whackadoodles’s Power Crystal Campus. He trained in psychiatry at Yale and in psychoanalysis at Columbia.

And many years ago, a Catholic priest had asked him for his professional opinion, which he offered pro bono, about whether or not a woman the priest had been speaking with was suffering from a mental disorder, as opposed to a demonic possession.

Dr. Gallagher doesn’t give the date he was asked to do this, but he said it happened during “the height of the national panic about Satanism” Remember when we talked about that in the Mandela Effect episode, Suck #31? Based on that and how old he looks - I’m strongly assuming late-80s, maybe early 90s.

Based on all the false accusations surrounding Satanic scares, Dr. Gallagher was inclined to be skeptical. But then he met a subject whose behavior exceeded anything he could explain with his training.

He witnessed this woman who could tell some people their secret weaknesses, such as undue pride. Is that one seriously impressive? No. I know it’s not. Maybe she was just really good at observing the way someone speaks, their body language, etc - very detail oriented and highly intelligent and able to tell a lot about someone with very few clues. Those people exist and they’re not demonic. But this woman also knew how individuals she’d never known had died, including Dr. Gallagher’s own mother. She knew she’d died of ovarian cancer. I should add this is back when you couldn’t easily access everyone’s information on the web and that even if you could, it’s not like Dr. Gallagher was a public figure in any sense at that time.

Also, six people later vouched to Dr. Gallagher that, during other exorcisms of this same woman, they’d heard her speaking multiple languages, including Latin, completely unfamiliar to her outside of her trances. Dr. Gallagher concluded this wasn’t psychosis; it was what he could describe as paranormal ability. And he ended up concluding that she was possessed.

The incident really shook Dr. Gallagher up and he worried professionally what his peers would think of his conclusion. He’d later reflect on the incident, saying “Is it possible to be a sophisticated psychiatrist and believe that evil spirits are, however seldom, assailing humans? Most of my scientific colleagues and friends say no, because of their frequent contact with patients who are deluded about demons, their general skepticism of the supernatural, and their commitment to employ only standard, peer- reviewed treatments that do not potentially mislead (a definite risk) or harm vulnerable patients. But careful observation of the evidence presented to me in my career has led me to believe that certain extremely uncommon cases can be explained no other way.”

Scary! This well-educated dude, this highly trained student of the human mind now believes in demonic possession. And he believes at the height of his career. It’s not like he had all this education, didn’t believe in it, and then had a psychotic break, and has spent the last several years in a mental health facility as a patient, and that’s where he wrote this article. No - he’s a noted lecturer right now.

Also VERY FUCKING SCARY is that Dr. Gallagher has heard from the church that claims of demonic possession in the United States are on the rise. He says that the Vatican doesn’t track global or countrywide exorcism, but that according to the priests he’s meet, demand is definitely rising. According to priest he’s spoken to, the United States is home to about 50 “stable” exorcists — those who have been designated by bishops to combat demonic activity on a semi-regular basis — up from just 12 a decade ago. And this was told to him by the Rev. Vincent Lampert, an Indianapolis-based priest-exorcist who is active in the International Association of Exorcists. And he receives about 20 inquiries per week, double the number from when his bishop appointed him in 2005.

Ugh.

Dr. Gallagher has heard of subjects at exorcisms he wasn’t present at exhibit the extraordinarily rare phenomenon of levitation, saying “half a dozen people I work with vow that they’ve seen it in the course of their exorcisms.” He has witnessed subjects demonstrate “hidden knowledge” of all sorts of things — like what secret sins a person has committed or where people are at a given moment. And these are skills that cannot be explained except by special psychic or preternatural ability.

Not having witnessed stuff like this personally myself, I’m still a tiny bit skeptical, BUT, again, it’s not like he found his degree in a box of Cracker Jacks.

If some person I never met knew my deepest, darkest secret and announced it, I would freak the fuck out. There’s no denying something supernatural at that point. Like, if I never recorded my deepest, darkest secret in standup form and released it on my Feel the Heat album, the one you Space Lizards got when you signed up, that track called Feel the Heat, where I admit to burning my penis on a bathroom space heater when I was five because I felt like my snake dick needed to bite the grill - that was something I truly never told a single soul I had done in over 30 years. If I was at an exorcism and some demon was suddenly like, (DEMON VOICE) “Dan Cummins. How is your COCK?? Do you still wonder if you did permanent structural damage to your urethra when you wondered how hot the bathroom heater grill was and stick your dick on it when your mom left the bathroom when you were five to take a phone call and you hopped out of the tub, shut the door, pretended your penis was a snake and then decided your little snake weenie needed to bite the heater? Do you still question how solid the basic foundation of your mental health truly is!?!”

That’s true by the way. Not some story I made up. I wondered how hot the grill on the electric bathroom heater was and used the inside of penis to find out. Class trial-and-error experimentation. I’m sure we’ve all done something super similar.

But seriously, what if you don’t believe in any of this shit, but then witnessed an exorcism, and suddenly a strange voice emanated from some person you never knew prior to the exorcism, and shared a secret you had never told anyone? (DEMON VOICE) “Hey dog fucker! Still thinking about sticking it in a golden retriever like you did on May 12th, 1984 behind the Anderson’s shed because you just needed to know if it was possible and how it felt!?! HAHA!”

THAT one is not mine. Not trying to shame you if I have Timesucker Dog Fuckers out there. But maybe I should? I realize there could be a few of you who didn’t care for that example. I’ll tell you someone who really didn’t care for that example- BOJANGLES! That muscled, takes shit from no one, three-legged, one-eyed Pitbull mascot of Timesuck. Bojangles wishes EVERYONE was a dog fucker, or, even better, a dog fuck-ee, and he does NOT consider that term a derogatory description. This is actually the second time I had to record today’s Suck because the first time I made that joke he back- pawed me and bounced my head off the wall. When I came too he was gone and I ONLY felt comfortable making that joke again in his absence.

Anyway - what I’m saying is, when it comes to stuff like exorcisms, I feel like a lot of people are in the “I’ll believe it when I see it” camp. I’m one of ‘em. Similar to UFOs, cryptozoology, and the rest of the paranormal world. And I haven’t seen any of this stuff first hand. But, this week, the more I look into this, the more I start to think, “Maybe.” And this past week, when the sun’s been down for hours, and Lynze goes to bed, and Kyler and Monroe are with their mom and stepdad this week, and it’s just me, and my laptop, and the dark, I think - fuck! Maybe is starting to sound like probably.

Okay. I think the stage has been set now for the possibilities of what demon possession may be and who it may have occurred to - Anniliese Michel.

But first - a little word from today’s sponsor! Timesuck is brought to you today by the 2018 Pootie & Juju Con. Held in lovely La Jolla, California, just outside San Diego, the 2018 Pootie & Juju Con will take place May 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th, 31st, AND… also on June 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and the 4th through the 15th at the La Quinta Inn and Convention Center.

There will be Pootie and Juju voiceover artists, from the classic 1960-1965 Saturday P&J morning cartoon series, “Pootie & Juju’s Magic Twinkle Hole!”, Max Wigabee & Danielle Vaga- hooten, the voices behind all those classic P&J phrases for a new generation of kids: “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!” “Too little too diddle, Pootie!”

Also, attending will be the grandson of Pootie & Juju creator, Jamal Johnson, who will have his grandfather’s ashes, the great Reverend Doctor Antoine Jackson Esquire the 3rd on display for the entire event. So much fun!

There will be trivia nights! Neon bowling! Tilt a whirls! Knife fights! Pudding wrestling! Jello shots! Costume parties! Q & A’s with everyone from Clint Eastwood, who voiced one of the animated series most notable villains, Kitty Von Tweedle- Biscuit, who had her own popular catch phrase, “No one slops MY dingle hop! Not EVER!”.

Forest Whittaker and Sara Barelles will also be in attendance because they seem COOL AS SHIT!

So, go to Pootie and Juju dot biz dot net dot com dot nitwit and order your passes today. Only $17,996 per pass. Reference Timesuck and get a free Pootie and Juju Coffee mug!! Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!

Okay. So, obviously that was nonense. However! We really do have Pootie and Juju mugs in the Timesuck store now. Like, for reals!

Timesucker Nate Smith sent in some Pootie and Juju artwork awhile back that we put on Instagram and then Sebastian and Alfonso at Danger Brain incorporated that work into a kick ass, old diner style Pootie and Juju limited edition coffee mug. They say “Put it in your lunchbox Shirley!” on the back and “Cult of the Curious” on the front. They’re $15 each and it is a limited edition mug. Only 200 exist and when they’re gone, they’re gone! So if you want ‘em, grab ‘em quick!

So NOW… let’s get to know Anneliese Michel with a Timesuck Timeline.

PAUSE TIMESUCK TIMELINE

III. Timesuck Timeline A. September 21st, 1952: September 21st, 1952 - Anneliese is born Anna Elisabeth Michel in Leiblfing (Leeb ul fing), Bavaria, West Germany, a little town of 4,000 people an hour and 20 minutes drive Northeast of Munich where her mother’s parents lived.

Her parents actually lived in Klingenberg am Main, a little town of 6,000 people four hour’s drive Northwest of Leiblfing (Leeb ul fing) and less than 45 minutes from Frankfurt where she would be raised and where her father, Josef Michel, owned and operated a whoopee cushion testing facility, I mean saw-mill. Such a better story if dad own and operated, not just a whoopee cushion factory, but a whoopee cushion “testing facility”. Oh well. Damn facts!

Anna was the second child of her mother, Anna Furg. Her older sister Martha died at the age of 8 from a kidney ailment. Anneliese’s mother, Anna before meeting Josef, had worked in the office of her father's whoopee cushion testing facility. Nope. Saw Mill again. Lotta wood in the beginning of this timeline.

Anneliese's father, Josef, was raised in a VERY Catholic family. His mother desperately wanted him to become a priest. Three of his aunts were nuns. Josef himself considered becoming a priest but, while he got good grades in everything else, he wasn’t good at Latin, so, no Mass for him.

Instead, he took over the family business - testing those fart balloons! Nah, he took over the sawmill. Spent his days working with some hard wood instead.

Then, at 22 years old he was drafted at the outbreak of the second world war to fight for Germany. Which, is a pleasant way of saying he was a Nazi. Isn’t it amazing how different words, describing the same thing, conjure up such different images. He fought for his country in the war comes across as honorable as Hell. “He was a Nazi” - not so much. I do feel sorry for the Nazis who were just young men getting drafted into a war they didn’t start or even agree with.

Anyway, he fought first on the Western Front, and Belgium and France, and was then sent to Russia. Toward the end of the war, Josef became a prisoner of The Americans. He was released in June of 1945 and went to Munich to attend a school for construction work in 1946. In the summer of 1948 he passed his master's examination and carpentry and then he took over the family business in Klingenberg and married Anna two years later.

And Klingenberg was a very religious and superstitious town. In school, Klingenberg children would learn about Dr. Faustus, a brilliant swindler, who according to early versions of his tail, passed through Wurzburg - that small city of 126,000 we talked about earlier, located roughly an hour East where Annalise would later attend College, many times.

This Dr. Faustus made a pact with the devil, who in the end murdered him, tearing him limb from limb and battering his brains against the wall. Fun kid’s tale. I’m sure the kids LOVED it.

(German kid) “Could you tell us more of Dr. Faustus, Poppa! Please - more of da arms been un ripping from das body and of un brain das smashed and un flattened on wall! Please Poppa! It helps me sleep!”

Students also learn of Witches in Klingenberg - here we go with the fucking witches again - who have evil powers though they can use to curse others and the curses can last long after the witches die, and they can make people innocent people sick or rob them their sanity, and it cannot be cured by any doctor. And there would be those in Klingenberg who would believe and those who still believe that Annalise was a victim of such a curse.

Remember earlier, when I was on the, “This possession thing might be real!” train? Well now all this witch talk just made me jump off that train. Might believe in possession, definitely do not believe in witches. Witch talk to me always rings of such superstitious ignorance. Like, if I was having drinks with someone who seemed sane to me at a bar, and suddenly they leaned over and were like, “Dude, I know this sounds crazy, but, demonic possession is real, I’ve seen it.” I wouldn’t immediately question that person’s sanity. BUT - if someone was like, “Hey, I need your help. There’s a witch trying to curse my family.” CUCKOO! CUCKOO! Get the fuck out of here.

After Annalise was born in 1952, Anna gave birth to three more girls, Gertrude Maria, Barbara, and Roswitha Christine. Anneliese's sisters were fit and healthy children but Annalise was not. She was sickly. She caught the measles - like an asshole who doesn’t care how that inconveniences one’s parents when she was very little. Bush league!

B. 1957: In 1957, when she was four and five, she caught both the mumps and scarlet fever, again - like a selfish asshole.

Her grade-school recommended to her parents that she kept home an extra year before starting kindergarten to her small size and sickly nature. When she did attend kindergarten she was an easy target for bullies and was often pushed around by more aggressive children who had the decency to be strong and confident. Kids who fucking get it.

C. 1965: By 1965, when Anneliese was 13, she already had two kids and was working on her second marriage. She struggled with a methamphetamine addiction and was rumored to have bludgeoned a local hobo to death with a steel rolling pin and then hidden his body under a plaque honoring the mayor in the town square. Wait. No. That doesn’t make any sense at all. Wrong story.

No, by the time she was 13, she had become a normal healthy kid. Yeah, that feels a lot more right. “She was like the rest of us,” one friend and fellow classmate, Maria Burdich, told a court investigator after Anneliese’s death. She was a jolly girl, participating in the usual school girl pranks and jokes, LIKE BLUDGEONING HOBOS! No, of course that’s not right. Anneliese’s father would later remember her at this time as being a happy child, glowing with joy.

She played the accordion, which as it turns out is EXACTLY HOW YOU GET POSSESSED BY A DEMON! The accordion - the Devil’s Hand Piano - second only to the Key-tar in terms of being a musical conduit to the Dark Lord.

But for reals - she played the accordion, an instrument Weird Al and Weird Al alone has made cool. And she took piano lessons. She was a good student getting solid grades. She was especially good at Latin - her mother Anna recalling that her daughter was able to recite Latin vocabulary assignments with breathtaking speed. This was a big point of pride in her super Catholic family. Her mother hoped Anneliese would become a school teacher, a prestigious and wholesome profession for a woman of that time in that area. Anna Lisa's father also took pride in his daughter's grades as he would often brag to his friends in the Local Tavern. He believed a solid education would get her married to a better type of husband. Funny that these thoughts were held in the late 60s. The counter cultural revolution of America clearly hadn’t hit little Klingenberg yet.

Part of this old-fashioned mentality was the area they lived in, another part of it was the uber-conservative household of the Michel family. The Michels were very strict with their daughters the family all went to church together every Sunday and on various weekday evenings at home they would all say the rosary together.

They were so conservative that the Anna frowned on her daughters taking local co-ed sports classes at the local Club and attending the occasional school dance. She was very concerned with her daughter’s purity. What a terrible way to live! Basing your daughter’s worth on their intactness or lack thereof of their hymen. Ugh.

While Anna couldn’t keep Gertrude Maria, Barbara, and Roswitha Christine at home - she did manage to keep Anneliese away from boys and dancing by convincing she was still too frail and sickly to be galavanting around town. Leave the galavanting to Gertrude - she’s destined to be an Old Maid anyway! Remember that hot girl from college name Gertrude? Exactly!

Actually, I’m sure there are some beautiful Gertrudes out there. If you’re a Gertrude listening - just ignore me. I’m crazy. I say crazy stuff. You know that.

Poor Anneliese really did have a lonely and secluded adolescence. Her sisters would recall finding her crying in her room about yet another time that she had been forbidden to go dancing.

D. 1968: In September of 1968 Anneliese, around the time of her 16th birthday, shit started to get worse for Anneliese. We mentioned this earlier. She blacked out at school - she was able to start attending the University of Würzburg early due to her solid grades and and initially she shrugged it off thinking she was just exhausting from studying too much.

And, again as I said before, that same night shortly after midnight, she woke up and could not move. A giant force was pinning her down. If pressed on her abdomen and she could feel her warm urine spilling out. She could barely breath. She tried to call out to her sisters but couldn’t make a sound and it was as if her tongue was paralyzed. “Holy mother of God,” she thought, “ I must be dying.”. But by the time the tower clock of the church sounded the quarter- hour, everything was over. All her symptoms were gone and only her tongue felt sore.

She was so exhausted she could hardly move but was able to get up and change the linen on her bed. The next day she told her mother that she was too tired to go to school because she was very sick the previous night. Her mother let her stay home and had her explain what had happened. They were worried for a bit but then it didn’t happen again and life went on and everything seemed okay. The only thing that had changed was that she was suddenly REALLY good on the accordion! She had suddenly mastered the Devil’s Hand Piano and mother Anna new in her heart of hearts you could play those minor scales with such passion and vigor if you’d sold your soul!

No. That’s ridiculous. Everything seemed legit and Annalise continued to go to school as before and lived the same life. She started playing tennis, Christmas came and went, she completed final exams and made it to summer vacation without any other strange incidents.

E. August 24th 1969: August 24th 1969 - the same strange, paralyzing occurrence struck again, exactly as before. There was the brief blacking out during the day and in the middle of the night the frightening paralysis with the arms completely stiff, the inability to breathe, and the feeling of attempts to scream and call out for help, but being unable to do so.

After letting Anna know about this second occurrence, her mom rushed down the street to their family physician and within an hour she and Annalise had boarded the train to Aschaffenburg (Ah-shoff- en-burg) to consult with Dr. Siegfried Luthy, a neurologist. So, you know - they were taking this shit seriously.

The doctor ran a bunch of tests and asked a ton questions. As he told the criminal investigator who would come to his office to interview him years later on February 9th 1977, he couldn’t find anything wrong with her.” He did remember being somewhat concerned with her supernatural accordion skills when she played “Ach, Du Lieber Augustin” front to back and then back to front, double time, in two separate keys simultaneously.

Seriously though, he couldn’t find anything neurologically or psychologically wrong her. He asked Anna and Anneliese pair to come back on August 27th for an EEG, which they did. And still. - nothing.

Based on only the reports from Annalise and her mother about her convulsions, the doctor judged that it was “ probably” a case of cerebral seizures of the nocturnal type, with the symptoms of a grand mal epilepsy.”

This sounds worse than it is - there are varying degrees of severity concerning epilepsy, and the having some form of it is actually really common. About 2.9 million Americans have epilepsy.

F. Fall of 1969: In the Fall of 1969, things started to slowly but steadily go downhill for Anneliese. She started to miss classes on a more regular basis for not feeling well.

One of her sisters remembered how Annalise started complaining about a sore throat that Fall and her tonsils eventually had to be removed. Soon after that she contracted pleurisy[ploo r-uh see] - an inflammation of the pleurae [ploo r-uh] which impairs their lubricating function and causes pain when breathing. It is caused by pneumonia and other diseases of the chest or abdomen. It makes sense she’d get this because she did also come down with pneumonia, complicated by a tuberculosis infection. She was so sick at this point, at the tail end of 1969, that she had to drop out of school.

She was confined to bed at home and was prevented from even going to mass on Christmas Eve or getting out of bed for her sister's birthday on Christmas. When she still wasn’t feeling any better in January, she was transferred to the hospital in Aschaffenburg (Ah-shoff-en-burg).

G. February 28th, 1970: On February 28th, 1970, she moved to a clinic in the mountainous southern region of Bavaria this was a sanatorium that specialized in bronchial and lung diseases of children and juveniles.

H. June 3rd 1970: As of June 3rd, 1970, she was still sick. Still stuck in the sanatorium. How much would that suck? And then she was struck a third time by the mysterious Paralysis. The stiff arms, the struggle for breath, the warm urine - which does seem at least better than cold urine. You still pissing ice - you’re in a real world of shit.

However this time she was able to at least get a scream out and people ran to help her. A few days after the seizure, Annalise was sitting on a chair beside for bed and started praying the Rosary. And the praying seemed to help. But then shit got real weird.

As she prayed her hands cramped up like when a cat stretches its claws and suddenly some other patients at the sanatorium noticed that her eyes turned black, which, you know, is something you’d definitely notice.

Annalise didn’t believe the other patients, as she still felt uplifted from her prayer. But then she got up and looked in the mirror and noticed that her eyes were definitely darker than usual. And what was also odd was that she suddenly looked extremely healthy otherwise. She looked rosy-cheeked and extremely healthy like she’d just been miraculously cured. She felt great.

I. June 16th, 1970 On June 16th Anneliese was sent to doctor Von Haller, another neurologist and specialist in demonic accordion abilities in order to figure out “just exactly what the fuck is going on here.” Now, that is a quote, but it’s not Dr. Von Haller’s. It’s mine.

Dr. Von Haller recorded an EEG on her brain noggin’ that showed a regular Alpha pattern with scattered Theta and delta waves, nothing pathological. He recommended anticonvulsant medication for her seizures and while she take medication for this, it is not known exactly what type of medication she took.

A few days later, a few days after the whole claw hand black eyes experience, Anneliese tried to pray away her pain once again and this time when she tried she suddenly she saw a huge cruelly grimacing face that left her terrified. After seeing this face, she was terrified to pray again.

She grew more and more despondent, and she was kept at the sanatorium for another 6 weeks after the EEG. She became more afraid of prayer, because each time she’d try to say the rosary in the evenings, which used to be such an important part of her faith, she’d see that demonic face again. The terrifying face that she began to fear was inside of her.

So, basically, things are going really well for her right now.

J. August 11th, 1970: On August 11th, Dr. Von haller checked her EEG once more and still found no irregularities. He asked her how she was feeling lately and all she mentioned was that she was dizzy sometimes. She didn’t mention the whole “I see a demon face every time I try and pray situation.” And then on August 29th she was allowed to go home

Her sisters found her changed and moody but Anneliese just blamed it on exhaustion.

K. Fall of 1970: In the Fall of 1970, Anneliese was able to return to school. She was now older than the rest of her class as she had missed a lot of school due to the whole being stuck in a sanatorium haunted by visions of a demon face. She felt dejected and alone because she was the new girl again. She earned only average grades and still didn't feel very well. Her mother continued to be anxious and worried about her daughter's health.

L. October 6th 1970: On October 6th 1970, her mother took her to a specialist for lung disease - Doctor Reichelt. He asked her questions about her seizures and they mentioned to him that she'd had another one recently coinciding more or less with the start of the new school year. Anneliese's lungs checked out fine, but the doctor did find some circulatory problems and wrote a referral to an internist. Going to all these different doctors definitely took a toll on Anneliese. It made her feel odd and different from her peers - like an outcast. It was difficult and stressful for her mother as well as she had to take off of work a lot to spend days at the doctor's with her daughter. Who would test those whoopee cushions if not for Anna!?!

Sorry.

Anneliese would later say she fell into a deep depression around this time. She became apathetic and lost interest in life around her. But, at least for a few years, there is no more talk of demonic faces. M. June 1972: In June of 1972, Anneliese has another seizure. She’s totally spent for four days afterward, dreading when the next event to occur. She has a few minor seizures in the days and months afterwards. Her mother Anna becomes increasingly worried again about her health.

N. September 5th 1970: On September 5th, 1972, once again Anna and Anneliese make a trip to the neurologist. The doctor would later tell an investigator that during this visit, Annelise admitted been some suffering through some pretty serious seizures. The doctor prescribes the anticonvulsant Zentropil and Anneliese starts taking one tablet in the morning and two at night. She starts feeling better but her accordion skills rapidly deteriorate. Interesting.

Anneliese comes back for regular check-ups on January 18th, 1972, March 27th and June 4th and 6th of 1973. Though Annalise was experiencing anxiety and stress do to her school exams, the seizures, according to her doctor’s medical records, went away under the new medicine regiment until November 8th 1972.

Annaliese and her family would later say that the seizures did not go away, and that in fact, she also began experiencing something new and disturbing - she started smelling a horrible stench that was not perceived by others.

Little did she know her family had begun testing A NEW SCENTED WHOOPEE CUSHION! Jokes on you Anneliese! You thought it was Hell you were smelling. No Ma’am! Just a new rancid bean and rotten egg cocktail cooked up at the family testing facility!

O. Spring 1973: In the Spring of 1973, life throws a few more turds on the shit sandwich that has become Anneliese’s existence. New, disturbing things begin happening. Annalise begins to hear knocking sounds in her room which no one else notices. She’s checked out by the family physician to see if her ears were going bad but her hearing tests check out as totally normal.

But then her mother, Anna, begins to hear things to as does the rest of the family. They hear a wrapping on the wall or the sounds of a chair falling over inside the Wardrobe closet. At this point Anneliese's mother begins to suspect something Supernatural but Anneliese’s father doesn’t want to consider this possibility. Not yet. He believes his daughter is just very sick.

And then the ol’ demon face comes back. How fun would it be for that to start happening to you? Just see a demon face pop up from time to time? And now, there’s multiple faces showing up. Holy shit - it’s incredible that she didn’t throw herself off the roof. Seriously. I’m not making light of suicide, I just don’t know that I would be able to handle seeing that shit. Can you imagine trying to fall asleep at night and then suddenly demonic faces start appearing around your room. Monsters watching you day and night? That would drive anyone mad.

And it’s happening to Anneliese. She’s now seeing multiple ghastly distorted faces and much more frequently. She could be making her bed or playing piano or even just looking out the window and would still be horrified by their appearance. she had told her mother that the faces looked like Devils with horns and that she believes that they’re coming for her soul. They’re telling her that she’s damned and that Hell awaits.

This creates a lot of tension in the Michel household as you’d expect. Her mother Anna is becoming more and more convinced that this is the work of the Devil. Her father, Josef, thinks, essentially, that it’s all in her head. He thinks it has something to do with her epilepsy. Turns out the truth is that it’s actually Gertrude! She’s been scaring Anneliese by popping out of dark corners and freaking Anneliese the Hell out with nothing but her naturally hideous Gertrude face. When viewed close up, it’s indistinguishable from the face of a demon.

Again. Sorry to any Gertrudes.

No.

Mom became very convinced this was all the work of Satan when late that Spring she walked through the living room and “saw Anneliese looking at the mother of God. Only it wasn't with respect or with a duration. Her face was like a terrible Mask, full of hatred. Her eyes turn black, jet black. And her slender hands you know how delicate her hands are, well they switched and seem to turn into sticks pause with claws. I tell you, it was awful. I was so scared, I rushed up to the office and try to calm myself by writing out some bills. Only I couldn't. My hands shook so, I couldn't hold a pen. And I could not see the letters on the typewriter.”

How do you go try and pay Bills after that? That was my first thought reading that. But, upon further reflection, it does make sense to me. How could you not go to some kind of place of denial and try to convince yourself it never happened. Or at least not think about it.

Like, if I walked into the living room, and saw Kyler and Monroe crawling across the ceiling like a couple of demonic spider monkeys, I think there’s a very good chance I would just quietly turn around and walk the fuck out of the room. I’d go try to convince myself that I just hadn’t been getting enough sleep and that I for sure didn’t see my kids scurrying about on the ceiling like a pair of giant Devil Cockroaches.

The Michel family now becomes unified in their belief that something supernatural is clearly at work, and they begin to look to prayer for guidance. And it doesn’t help. Instead, Anneliese begins to suffer a new kind of hellish torment, one that grows worse and worse. She talked about it in a conversation that her father recorded with her a few months before her death on February 1st 1976:

“ it was especially gruesome at the time of my exams. Oh you cannot imagine that most thoughtful dread. It is a terror that goes through all my limbs and settles there. It’s a feeling of thinking you are right there, in the middle of hell. You are totally, utterly deserted. You can call all you want for help, to the mother of God maybe, but they are all deaf. I think that's how it must have been for the Savior on the Mount of Olives, where they say he was beset by the shudders of death. Although I think for him it must have been even worse, for, after all, he had taken all the sins of the people on himself, the sins of all the world….”

So, you know, she’d not in a real good mental place. She feels like living in Hell, she’d seen Demon faces, she’s getting caught by her mom staring a picture of Mother Mary with black demon eyes.

And then, on top of everything, she gets sick again in the Spring of 1973.

She comes down with the German Measles, which are just like regular measles except they’re incredibly anti-semitic and are constantly trying to start world wars.

No, German measles, also known as Rubella, is basically a milder form of measles, but still terribly unpleasant. It’s typically a disease encountered in early childhood.

And because this childhood disease came so late for Anneliese, her parents consulted a family physicians once again. They went to a new doctor this time, Dr. Kehler. So many damn doctors. And Anneliese confessed to this new doctor that she felt she was growing more and more depressed and that she’d been having suicidal thoughts but felt like she was just too much of a coward to go through with it.

P. Summer of 1973: In the Summer of 1973, her Father came up with something new to try. He’d take her to San Damiano, a church and monastery near Assissi, Italy. Built in the 12th century, a miracle in which Saint Francis' heard Christ occurred in 1205 in this church. Here’s the miracle has recored by this Church:

“One day out in the countryside to meditate. Finding himself near San Damiano, which threatened ruin, old as it was, driven by the impulse of the Holy Spirit, he entered to pray. Kneeling in prayer before the image of the Crucifix, he was invaded with a great spiritual consolation and, as he affixed his tearful eyes on the cross of the Lord, with the ears of his body he heard a voice descend to him from the cross and say three times Francis, go and repair my church which, as you see, is all in ruins!. On hearing that voice, Francis remained astonished and trembling, being in the church alone and, perceiving in his heart the power of divine language, felt kidnapped of his senses. Finally returning to his senses, he girded himself to obey, concentrated everything on the mission to repair the church of walls, although the divine word was referring principally to the Church which Christ purchased by his blood, as the Holy Spirit had made him understand and how he later revealed to his fellow monks.”

Afterwards Saint Francis took action to physically repair the structure of the San Damiano church, although he eventually realized that God's message to him was to restore the entire Catholic Church as a whole body rather than literally repair one stone structure

And ever since, various members of the Catholic faithful have claimed to be healed of various ailments by visiting this Church. So why not give it a shot? I get it.

And, as you’re probably guessing, this didn’t work out too well. This is what happened to her when she arrived:

“Annalise was unable to enter the shrine. She approached it with the greatest hesitation, then said that the soil burns like fire and she simply could not stand it. She then walked around the shrine in a wide arc and tried to approach it from the back. She looked at the people who were kneeling Area surrounding the little garden, and it seemed to her that while praying they were gnashing their teeth. She got as far as the edge of the garden, then she had to turn back. Coming from the front again, she had to avert her glance from the picture of Christ in the chapel of the house. She made it several times to the Garden, but could not get past it. She also noted that she could no longer look at metals or pictures of saints they sparkled so intensely that she could not stand it..”

Witnesses around her, even the ones traveling in their group observed her behavior as crazy. They noticed that she refused to drink well water that was supposedly miraculous, like it was bad or something. They witnessed Anneliese's father buying her a medal but she wouldn't wear it. She claims that when it pressed on her chest she couldn't breathe. Annalise could not help but notice that people talked about her while on this trip. But neither was she able to change the way she was behaving. She would say that her will was not her own and that someone else is manipulating her.

And then on the bus ride home. Shit got way worse. Anneliese mocked Frau Hein, the organizer of the trip on the bus. She spoke with a voice like a man’s. She simply wasn’t Anneliese anymore. She tore off a religious medal that Frau Hein was wearing. And, worst of all, she exuded a stench like Frau Hein had never smelled before, like burning shit. Everyone in the buss could smell it.

Man. “Burning shit”. I’m having a hard time coming up with a worse smell than that. Maybe burning shit that someone’s eaten and then thrown up and then set on fire again? Is that worse? Or just more gross to imagine?

Finally, after all of this, in late 1973, the possibility was brought up that maybe it was time to speak with a Jesuit Priest about the possibility of demonic possession.

And that takes us out of this timeline.

PAUSE TIMELINE OUTRO

IV. Initial conclusions

A. Bit of a tease, I know, Timesuckers. But, only a few days until we dive into Annieliese’s family contacting an exorcism and in-depth look at that exorcism.

I didn’t expect this possible possession to be such a slow build! I always thought that these things came about pretty quickly. Guess not. Let’s see what other people think about demonic possession by taking a quick peek over at the Idiots of the Internet.

PAUSE IDIOTS OF THE INTERNET INTRO

V. Idiots of the Internet A. It made sense to go to a video regarding Annelise Michel’s exorcism today, so I found a Buzzfeed video titled, “The Chilling Exorcism of Anneliese Michel” that has almost 9 million views.

So many weird comments. Like this one from Super Supernova:

“Since when did the demon learnt how to swear?”

Haha! I love that a demon’s use of profanity is what they’re hung up on.

“Look! I get demons existing. That makes sense to me. Total sense. What I don’t get is the potty language? Where are they gonna learn how to curse? Hell?”

Um, yeah. That’s probably exactly where.

Another person gets hung up on something similar, User Ice Tea asking, “How did the demon learn German?”

Again - why are you applying silly rules to the supernatural. If some creature from another realm can pass over into this one, I’m gonna guess it can probably also pick up a language.

Zombiehunter 1376 dropped my favorite comment of the thread: “There should’ve been snickers back then”

A demon possession Snickers commercial would be fantastic.

B. Crysty Loves Starbucks asks an unanswerable question. Those are always fun. She asks, “So when she died....did she go to hell with the demons?”

Do people ask shit like that expecting an answer? “Yes, Chysty - yes she did. You actually go to the 14th level of Hell if you die during an exorcism. You go for 500 years and then get your salvation case evaluated in Heaven.

How could anyone have that answer?

C. Terinka14 asks what I think is the smartest question in the comment feed. “I wonder if this ever happens to somebody who was NOT raised in a stricly religious household. Like, if somebody who never grew up even knowing there is such thing as religions and “demons”?

I wonder that too! Are demonic possessions limited to people with a familiarity with religion? If so, that would cast doubt on it’s reality. I gotta try and remember to look into that in part two.

And we’ll end on Steeleperfect’s comment, the funniest one in the threat to me, “I immediately thought, "Who knows what burnt feces smell like?"

Great point! How DOES one know what burned shit smells like? I’ve smelled shit, and I’ve smelled a lot of burning things, but I’ve never smelled burned shit. That I’m aware of.

Now, a part of me wants to go burn some shit and smell it. Maybe I could make a video. Make myself a true idiot of the internet.

PAUSE IDIOTS OF THE INTERNET

VI. Conclusions A. Alright. We’ll dive further into the comments on Monday as well. As far as current thoughts I have on all this - jury is still out.

I find it interesting that she has seen A LOT of doctors so far. And that none of them seemed like they were able to able her really at all.

I also find it interesting that she was raised in a very religious household. If she hadn’t been - would she have experienced any of this? If demons are real, do they only pick on the religious? That seems pretty unfair. Why not fuck with some atheist? Wouldn’t their soul be easier to take, anyway? There would be no God for them to cry out to for protection. Are some souls worth more than others to Satan? Does taking a righteous soul piss God off more than just takin some dirtbag’s soul?

So much to think about. And still so much more research to do! Looking forward to finishing it. For now, let’s reassess what we’ve already learned, with some top five takeaways.

PAUSE TOP FIVE TAKEAWAYS INTRO

VII. Top Five Takeaways

1. Number one: Anneliese would die on July 1st, 1976. The official cause of death would be Malnutrition and dehydration. But what really happened? Where are you leaning right now? Possession? Or mental illness? Or both?

2. Number two: Board-certified Psychiatrist and a professor of clinical psychiatry at New York Medical College, Dr. Richard Gallagher, ALSO works with priests on identifying demonic possession and after witnessing several possessions himself, not believes in demonic possession. How scary is that?

3. Number three: In addition to possession, demons can allegedly also attack humans in a way known as obsession in which the demon fills the mind of its victim with evil thoughts, so, I may have a demon to thank for some of my best material as both a podcaster and standup comic. Thanks Lucefina!

4. Number four: As her condition worsened, Anneliese started to smell like burned shit. What does that smell like and am I ever going to know for sure and how much will I regret it if I do? 5. Number five: New info! The Vatican is to hold a training course for priests in exorcism right now! It started on April 16th and ends tomorrow the 21st. It came about amid claims that demands for deliverance from demonic possession have greatly increased across the the world. The Vatican-backed International Association of Exorcists, which represents more than 200 Catholic, Anglican and Orthodox priests, said the increase represented a “pastoral emergency”. According to a priest from Sicily, the number of people in Italy claiming to be possessed had tripled to 500,000 a year, and an Irish priest has said demand for exorcisms has “risen exponentially”. Apparently, the demand for exorcisms is skyrocketing worldwide. So, while you yourself may not believe, more and more people clearly considered demonic possession a real and current threat.

PAUSE TOP FIVE TAKEAWAYS OUTRO

VIII. Final announcements. A. The Demonic Possession of Anneliese Michel part one - now in the Suck pile out back by the Suck shed. Stage set for a creepy ass Monday episode.

I look forward to it immensely.

B. Thanks to Harmony Vellekamp, Jesse Dobner, Lynze Cummins, Josh Krell, and the entire Timesuck team for their help and huge thanks to the Lillie Twins - Rebecca and Sarah - those OG members of the Bojangles Research department for crushing it on the research yet again.

On Monday we dig into the meat of the story, all the exorcism details that became the basis for the 2005 horror film, the Exorcism of Emily Rose. Shit. Gets. Crazy.

C. And now, let’s find out what you Suckers have been thinking on this past week, AND, hear an awesome WBC song by Timesucker Larry Hooper with some Timesucker Updates!

IX. Timesucker Upates A. Hilarious Westboro Baptist Church update and quick Norse Mythology update from Swedish Sucker David Freundt.

David writes in saying:

Greetings from Sweden oh thee lord of the suck, commander of the space Lizards, fondler of Bojangles nuts. He who commeth the likes of ten, commeth of wisdom onto our brains and into our minds. First of all, thank you for a great podcast! It is a saviour on my commute to work and on walks through the forests surrounding my home. I love learning new thing and your podcast is always interesting regardless of the topic. I listened to the WBC episode and I remembered that a few years ago, when a Swedish minister (Åke Green) was convicted of hate crimes/hate speech for claiming gays to be a cancer on society (he was later deemed not guilty by our supreme court), the WBC started protesting against Sweden. They had "God hates Sweden"-signs, signs with pictures of our princess and the Word "whore" written over her and other priceless classics. The reason I wanted to tell you this is not because they protested Sweden, that fits their M.O. perfectly. No, the funny part is that it's hard to protest Sweden in the United States. I mean, where do you go? Who cares? They ended up picketing outside of an electronics store selling, among other things, Swedish vacuum cleaners of the brand Electrolux. (sidenote: Fucking fantastic vacuum cleaners.) I can't imagine how the store owners felt trying to wrap their heads around this or how the WBC thought it would make us less gay- loving in Sweden. Thought you would be as amused as I was upon hearing this. I hope you make it to Scandinavia on tour sometime, it would be great to catch you live. Keep spreading the suck! David Ps. On the Norse Mythology show you talked about Snorre Sturlarsson from Iceland. Today however, in Sweden, the word snorre is mostly used as a slang term for dick. This is important information as penises are almost always funny unless sent to unsuspecting people on snapchat!

B. Keeping with the international theme, we have a Timesuck 80 Gun update from UK Timesucker Start McIntosh.

Sorry, I just wanted to get your attention because I'm sure you've had many an e-mail on this subject.

Firstly, please allow me to say, Greetings oh exalted Lord of the Suck, I am embarrassed to say I have only followed the great Nimrod for the last 6 months, but my eyes have been forcibly opened by Bojangles and seduced by Lucifina's wiley charms.

I would like to congratulate you on the America's Guns, a well balanced argument for and against, and the first time I have heard anyone, in any position, explain rationally that it may not be as simple as throwing all the guns into the sun like Superman 4 and living in the rainbow utopia they believe will suddenly exist. For that matter, the weird militia standpoint that staunch supporters of the 2nd amendment think will protect them from laws put in to play by the government.

Anyway, the reason I write is because I was once a shooting enthusiast, taking part in pistol and rifle competitions all over the UK from the age of around 13 to 21. I was pretty good at it and especially for the age of 18 to 21, i really felt like I had found the hobby I always wanted to do, ploughing time and money into the sport. Then, the Dunblane massacre happened, 16 kids at school and their teacher murdered by Thomas Hamilton, legal gun owner. Gun laws in the UK were already tight, especially after the Hungerford incident in the 80's: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hungerford_massacre

You had to be vetted by the police before you could be provided with a firearms licence. All guns and ammunition had to be detailed in advance on your licence. This meant, you want a 9mm, it had to be authorized to be on there along with the maximum amount of ammunition you were allowed to hold. You had to have a secure place to store both guns and ammunition separately that also had to be vetted in advance by the firearms officer assigned to your case.

Post Dunblane, an inquiry was set up and the decision made to tighten the gun laws in the UK massively. You were to told to attend a police station on a particular date and hand all and any guns and ammunition you had which would then be destroyed. and the government gave you small compensation, which was probably about a 10th of the amount I spent int he first place.

The reason I am telling you this is that gun crime rates did not change because law abiding gun owners were forced to give up their sport. Criminals can still get their hands on firearms if they want to regardless of the mandatory 5 year prison sentence for possessing an illegal firearm. It also did not stop a Cumbrian taxi driver killing 12 people on a shooting spree in 2010 using a legally owned shotgun. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumbria_shootings

While we can remove the tool that assists the killer, it never takes away the want to kill in the first place.

Anyway, that's enough from me, I love the suck and I wish I could attend one of your events but being way over here in Scotland makes it difficult and the constant threat of Chikotila finding me and making me his personal finger puppet means I have to stay under the radar.

I am proud call myself your humble servant

Keep on sucking

Stuart McIntosh C. And we have a pair of Lost Books of the Bible updates from American Timesucker Juan Martinez.

Suck Master Flex,

I tried to let it go, I did. I was just going to gloss over it but if I don't send this update my head might explode.

You mentioned the "Catholic Church" more than once and I think it's important to note that in the context of the early Church Fathers, that it did not mean Roman Catholic as we know it today. Catholic in that context meant "Universal" the Eastern Orthodox Churches, who by the way are vehemently opposed to about 95% of what the Roman Catholics preach, still recites the Nicene Creed. The creed is incredibly long, longer than I'm sure you care to read, but it basically says "I believe in one God ... one Lord Jesus Christ ... (we skip A LOT here) in one Holy Catholic and apostolic Church."

Prior to 1054 there was only one Church. The Romans and the Orthodox, for lack of a better word, "factions" split over the way Rome said the creed (the filioque if you want to look it up) both sides excommunicated each other and didn't reconcile until the 1960's but they still aren't a CATHOLIC church in the correct sense of the word.

Sorry that got long winded, I'm just really passionate about the Orthodox teachings and I love gaining and sharing knowledge.

Suck it, Juan Martinez

D. And also, of course, some pronunciation help regarding the Biblical son of Isaac mentioned in both the Bible and the last books. Juan writes,

“Master Sucker!

That name you where struggling with Esau. Is pronounced E-saw. It's a weird ass word for sure but thats the correct pronunciation.

Suck on that

Juan Martinez

E. And now - that Larry Hooper WBC song. Larry sent me an email with a subject title of “I WROTE A SONG ABOUT THE BASTIDS AT WBC” and it said, “So I wrote a song about the Westboro baptist church. It was on a cd I put out back in 2011. It’s not a love song.

Hope you like it!! Suck it out!”

I more than liked it. I loved it. It’s called Heaven or Hell (a song for the Westboro Baptist Church) and if you like it, head over to www.hoopersongs.com or find his stuff on iTunes and elsewhere - he’s got two full albums on iTunes - Between Here and the Stars and No Turning Back.

And this little ditty will take us on how of today’s Updates. Thanks Timesuckers! Hit it, Larry!

SONG FOLLOWED BY TIMESUCKER UPDATES OUTRO

X. Goodbye! A. That’s all today Timesuckers and Space Lizards! Hope it got you excited for Monday’s episode. If you smell like burned shit, go see a doctor and maybe a priest and a pastor as well. And keep on suckin’!

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