I UM, SBMmi APRIL FOOL'S TABLOID MJ%SiDE I?!•' Volume 60 Number 46 ®I|Fiffltamt ^urriranF Tuesday, April 3, 1984

Ambler Moss Sky is Limit, Says New Dean

ByCHIQUI CARTAGENA Hun

llmosl ,i \u ,ir in transition and '; for .1 I dward I Foote ll announced ll Moss, ir a the ni » et.an for ti ol eif International Studies "Ambassador Muss brings ' ' a re­ markably successful background In diplomacy, govern­ ment, International relations and law,"said I oote In mak­ ing the- announcement last month Referring to Mosi as a "proven leader," Eoote added that "We are fortunate to have as a founding dean of our Graduate s, hool eef Inter­ national Studies someone "f such international stature " appointment as dean of GSIS begins effective­ ly this week. The first battle' will be' the word­ ing tee Mies- "There are only three' probli GSIS," a tone of confidence in his voice, "money, money and

Along with the- appointment as dean. Moss was tl o a] nted direc­ tor eef the new North-South Center, winch was e reated and established last year at UM The purpose of the Center will be' to provide an Institutional focus for International research and other programs such as task force studies, workshop! and seminars, all guided toward li i tnder- standing and cooperation between the private sector, governments and ed ucatlonal Institutions For many students, however, Moss' name' already rings a familial since, prior to his appointment, he- had held the position <>r adjunct profe . sor eef international studies for approximately one year at UM. He was the initiator and principal author eef I he' Mian The Miami Report is a consensus ol recon States policy toward Latin America and the Caribbean The' n i tions were made by leading business, education and either pre.: Miami anil were edited int.. book tierm by Mee.ss and Dl director of the Institute of Inter-American Stui Moss U'ft the' ambassadorship of Par..una in I98J and shorth after returned to the law practice with a Miami law term He junct professor al UM at the same time Moss iees I having distinct and yet complementary functio As dean oi GSIS, he will administer and co teaching and researe h faculty while at the same time promote tl ment of ne'w international education programs VK ith an emphasis studies, GSIS will try to adopt new approachs to the itional Miami Hurricane/JEFf GOTTLIEBrelation ! "Peer example" he says, "the Soviet program i i by adding a new angle of analysis; that of the relatioi Soviet I niori You deserve a break with Latin America and the' Caribbean " Ft. Lauderdale is a mvcca for thousands of college students who descend upon the strip during Spring Break. Another type- eef future development would be similar to that winch is For a photo essay on the traditional break, see pages 4-5 currently being pursued through the Middle Eastern Program Directed h\ Dr. Halm Shaked, the Middle' Eastern Si ram is trj lisii i program In cooperation with Tel Avi\ Universitj and Arab universi­ ties that will be concerned with analyzing the' relations between Latin America and the Middle' I asl "At US IS, our primary missieiri will be lee give the highest quality ed eation to students pre paring tor careers in public and private international Deli provides quality sandwiches affairs," saiel Moss "The1 new North-South center, however, will servi a the research compliment to GSIS As Moss points out, " I'hi' role of the' Center should fee' lo ci to help bring together here In Miami distinguished academicians froi By LOURDES FERNANDI / The biggest drawback to eating Union, is too small and it gets fee and bagels fremi over the weerld and leee.il, national anel International business and othe lleerri new Neu. J I ellle.r at the' Deli is that during its busiest crowded during ihese' rush hours. weekdays. professionals." times (noon to 2 p.m.), those order­ Also, there is no place' to eat inside Moss' am bite ui. like thai ol I oote, is to make Miami a foe us of inte ing may have to stand in line for as the Deli, though students can al­ ; debate and dialog sis and the North-South center will b Editor's noli- This is the eighth in leeng as 15 minute's. However, the' ways walk out to the Patio to eat Rating eateries means ol attaining this international dimension, according to him a series of articles e\ aluating the lervil I is efficient and fast, and the However, the Deli is also a good Hie- University ol Miami, however, cannot eln this alone, stresses different place-, tn eat on campus. employees — mostly work-study place to grab a sandwich and run Mo l"he expansion of the North-South center will invo ertium The? order uf the plat valuoled stude'iits — are friendly. during dinner time — when the and lime's uf evaluation were picked The .Miumi Hurricane will of universities in I far as the economic problem goes, I M and The Deli, located next to the Deli is usually empty. rate- the on-campus eateries on a GSIS will engage in a national fund raisin,' program li will also continue at random To muintuin consisten­ parking lot in back of the Student The Lakeside Deli also offers cof. cy, all places were reviewed during scale from one tee 10, with 10 applying fur federal grants ami researe h se holarships. an arena in which it iunch hour, none were notified being the highest rating, in the has been relatively successful ahead o/ time, and all meals were following four are'as: "I would like to see t Moss, "particularly paid fur in cash Variety — What choice does the in internationally-related field loss private endowments student have in what te. eat? tee create' academic chairs In particular fields are what have made Ivj Quality — How geeeed is the ; II colleges greal Relatively new arming campus food? ' The' road Is lung, bul the futun is bright, say - Moss " I he re are main eateries is the I akesicb' Deli, which Service — How friendly anel i o- positive factors which have made tins university uniqui in many w • serves landwle h.s Monday through ope'rativ e- are' the employees? l>e) he- sa\s "\s Miami e ontinues I i grow as a e enter of international trade, I Friday. All sandwiches are' made to they care about the' student? nance' and tourism, tin' sky Is the lin order Atmosphere — How clean is the' Patrons can order sandwiches eef cafeteria? Is it deceerate'd.1 Are roast beef, ham. pastrami, corned chairs broken, utensils missing, beef, tuna, egg salad, and the most or the ice cream machine Work­ popular, turkey Beside! the sand­ ing? wiches Offered, students can create Ratings: l-.'i peeeer; 1-5 aver­ their own three-ounce combination age; 8-8 excellent; B-10 superior for $2.25. Sandwiches come' with potato chips and a pickle. The Deli Lakeside Deli also sells ice cream sandwich.'s and small servings of potato salad and cole slaw. Variety 7 Of all the delis on campus (some Quality 7 of the cafeterias also have' dells), Service 5 many students prefer this one. I hey Atmosphere .1 cite the quality of food ees Its great­ Miami Hurrfcane/KARE.N MM .*** est attraction. A patron orders at the Lakeside Deli Lecture Series brings soap stars

By LOURDES FERNANDEZ 1 mma Samntl and Tristan Rog­ modeling after she was offered an found accent. I was promptly teeld Hurricane] Ne'ie S l.ejlleer ers will sp.'ak at the Ihis Cafeteria appearance in Vogue, to drop it at K p m The two play Holly and Three years ago she' came to the Born in Melbourne In lien,. Rog­ After si'veral date change's and Robert Scorpio, a married couple on United State's to \isil her cousin ers has worked as a drummer and months of waiting, Miami fans of the show. She dec;de'd to stay, and after a few lead vocalist in a rock group, a ABC's "General Hospital" finally Samms, who has been in the months in New York, she moved to model and an actor will be able to meet two of the show's cast for two years, is from Los Angeles, where she now lives He has had starring role's In the show's characters in a lecture England. She originally planned to Rogers, originally freem Austra­ Australian snap operas "Bellbird" i ' Thursday night. go into mi'dicine, but switched to lia, is the first popular actot and "The Beex," and has appeared in the indigenous Australian e HI In the' U.S television series "The Pro- the United States. tectors" and "The Adventurer." "I worked countless hours to de­ Admission is free to university velop an American accent," Rogers students, faculty and staff mem- Inside said, "but ironically, when 1 arrived ture is sponsored by Spring Break at ARC proudly displaying my new­ the St.iele nl Lecture SITUS A plieeto e-ss.iv on the annual tradition thai brings Im ml reds of students to Fort Laudi rdale l.-r a tun time /PAGES 4-5 STAR wins runoff Kerzner, with the' help of fellow Rating International Week By LISA GIBBS A comparative column on UM's International Week vs. Uni STAR members, won the runoff by Hurricane Associate V a margin of eight votes, with a total versity of Florida's Intesrnational Festival /PAGE 6 of 18. The STAR ticket picked up an­ A sophomore majoring in Human other UndeTgraduate Student Body Services, Kerzner has been Classy lady Government Senate seat in the run­ person of both the> Jewish A You picket! her best-dres*ed in a Htirrienne contest. New off for School of Education and Al­ tion for Dorm Students and t'nite'd Window shopping read nbout the lady Klinwood Brown /PAGE 7 lied Professions Senator. .U'wish Appeal She is also STAR candidate Robyn K deni assistant and a little sister at triumph.'el ovi r Ni w A| . Zeta Beta Tail. Rami Sibai looks at Syrian artifacts on display dm UM's bullish weekend didate Deborah Swirsky In the run­ The newlj i enators will Arab Day, part ol International Week. The week c, off held i riday in the Merrick be sworn in tee their position to a close on Saturday with a ' A neap of the weekend Beriea with the r.uversity of Sooth Building morreew'-. Senate mee ting Fkmda /PAGE 9 Page 2 Tuesday, April 3. 1984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE Newsbriefs Update tor, assistant program coordinators and area coor­ portant meeting b. Student Union 233 a, 7:30 Nursing students raise money for kidney patient Today dinators. The deadline for program coordinator and pm election of new officers for 1984-85. All STUDENT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION: Career assistant cooroinator applications to be returned is The Nursing Students Association, affiliated with the University of April 6 at 5 p.m. Applications for area coordinator H^rSTUDENTS-ASSOC.AT.ON: Nomina Week internships, alumni dinners and corporate "ons for next year's officers are being accepted Miami School of Nursing, is holding a charity fundraising car wash for Kris- mixer, April 3-5. must be returned by April 10 at 5 p.m. and appli­ ten Awad, the next-scheduled child kidney transplant recipient. Kristen is cations for SOS workers is April 12 at 5 p.m. Ap­ Eaton Hall North Lounge at 8 p.m. STUDENT RIGHTS AGENCY: There will be an diagnosed as having end stage renal disease. plications are available in the Dean of Student's PRE-VETERINARY SOCIETY: Meeting in Cox important meeting in Student Union 244 at 5 p.m. Kerstens mother is a graduate of the UM School of Nursing and was office. WESLEY CAMPUS MINISTRIES: "How Do We Science Building 252 at noon. Election of officers employed by Miami Children's Hospital before her daughter became ill. The Live in a Hungry World?" — a Faith and Life will be held. Please call Lisa at 446-9810 for moro NSA wants to have this fundraiser not only to help a sick child, but also to Forum with Rev. Charley Pipes, Hunger Coordina' information. Nominations will be open until today help an UM alumni in need through a very traumatic period. tor for South Florida and Everglades Presbyteries. at 12:05 p.m. Chairperson Michelle Stephans, a graduating nursing student has From 5-6:15 p.m. Supper included. HURRICANE SKIERS: Mandatory meeting in the scheduled this fundraising car wash for April 7 at the Gulf Station, 9841 OMICRON DELTA KAPPA: ODK certificates are Student Union International Lounge at 9 p.m. Top­ S W 88 St (Kendall Drive) from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. The NSA request a $2 now available for alll who have been initiated this ics: elections for new club officers, new driving donation Pre-sold receipts are available at the School of Nursing. 1450 semester. Pick them up at in Dean Weldon's of­ times and schedules, changes to be made in the Thursday Corniche, for $1.50. fice. 128H Gusman Hall, School of Music. club for the following year. Please call the boat STUDENT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION: Corporal, For further information, call 279-6607 RATHSKELLER ADVISORY BOARD: Positions driver the night before going skiing and check out Mixer at the Lowe Art Museum at 6 p.m. Meei available now for the 1984-85 board. Apply now all equipment from Campus Sports and Recreation valuable contacts and interesting people. I SB(» cabinet positions open in the manager's office second floor of the Raths­ ALPHA KAPPA PSI: Alpha Kappa Psi exam for all ALPHA KAPPA PSI: Alpha Kappa Psi will spon keller. pledges will be held in the Student Union at 5 sor a guest speaker from the business community Cabinet and other positions are now available en the Undergraduate STUDENT ORIENTATION SERVICE: SOS is p.m. All pledges must be there on time. at the regular member meeting in the Student Student Body Government Applications are available only today in Student now accepting applications for program coordina­ CARIBBEAN STUDENTS ASSOCIATION : Im Union at 8 p.m.. All pledges are invited to attend Union 240. Lifelines Health Fair begins Wednesday Faulty scanners cause problems Lifelines will be conducting its annual Health Fair (Lifelines Springs into Healthl this Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. By CATHERINE MALLINAS vember 1983 switched again, this darkly if the optical scanner is to all alike — most are made of clay, There will be free health and fitness screenings in the Student Union Patio Hurricane Staff Writer time to a new typewriter-signed function properly, he said. graphite and a minimal amount of lead. area All members of the university community are invited to attend. scanner, the Sentry 700G. Gillis explained that the Sentry Following months of delibera­ However, unexpected problems 7006 is less sensitive than the old The new pencil, the Koh-I-Noor. tion, the University of Miami decid­ have arisen under the new system IBM model — meaning that unlike is distinguished by a red band one' li!VI dean receives marketing •ward ed in January 1979 to replace the — especially in the Testing Center, the IBM, it will not correct scanner inch above the eraser. The pencils Testing Center's monstrous and according to director Rod Gillis. sheets in ink, or filled in with pen­ are available at the Bookstore- and Harold W. Berkman, associate dean of the UM School of Business malfunctioning IBM Scanner Sys­ Many instructors and users of the cils other than No. 2s. soon will be distributed to all the Administration is the first American recipient of the World Marketing Con­ tem with a National Computer Sys­ new scanning device complain that Technicians that were called in to schools on campus. gress award for leadership and scholarly contributions to the field of mar­ tem (NCS) Optical Scanning Sys­ the machine is not grading answer advise the Testing Center recom­ Tests are not the only area in keting. tem. The compact NCS system was sheets properly. According to Gillis, mended only that students mark the which problems arise. Gillis said he more sophisticated and trouble-free has seen many evaluations complet­ The ceremony, which took place in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, it is not the scanner that is making bubble sheets darkly with a No. 2 than the defunct IBM. the errors, but students and faculty. or use a special new pencil on the ed in ink. Such evaluations must he was attended by Canadian Minister of Defense, Jean-Jacques Blaise and Not content with the improve­ thrown out, thus making evalua­ over 150 international delegates from the U.S., Canada. New Zealand, A No. 2 pencil must be used to fill scanner sheets. They pointed out ment, though, the university in No­ in sheet bubbles completely and that No. 2 pencils sold today are not tions inaccurate. British Hong Kong, Scotland, Sweden and Turkey. The president of Mount Saint Vincent University, Dr. E. Margaret Fulton, presented the award to Berkman. Dr. Stanley E. Skopit, D.O. P.A. Berkman is the founder of the Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science and has authored 11 college textbooks and numerous articles. 666-5971 Over 400 colleges and universities in the Unites States, Canada, Europe, 6341 Announces the opening of on additional office, Australia and the Far East have adopted Berkman s textbooks. thin* Sunset Dr. for the practice of s Miaml Singer honorary lectures to begin ftdkol 5 Mln- from UM DERMATOLOGY & ALLERGY The English department has announced the inaugration of the Isaac center - • Acne — Complexion Treatment Bashevis Singer Honorary Lectures. The inaugural lecture will be delivery Personalized Health Care • Collagen for Scars and Wrinkles by Frank Lentricchia, Autrey professor of humanities at Rice University and • Physical Exams & Blood Testing • Diseases and Surgery of the Skin, Hair & Nails author of After the New Criticism. Lentricchia will discuss his new book • Birth Control • Hair Transplantation Criticism and Social Change April 12 in Learning Center 170 at 7:30 p.m. • Removal of Moles and Tattoos Lentricchia is the author of books on Robert Frost and contemporary • Diagnosis & Treatment of Sexually Transmitted • Testing and Treatment for Allergies critical theory. His most important work to date, the highly acclaimed DiSG3Se,PS After the New Criticism, a study of literary theory since World War II, has • Nutrition & Weight Control Being an Alumnus of the Univ. oe* Miami, Or. Skopit will extend a discount established him as one of the most incisive commentators on contempo­ • Sports Injuries to all U of M students and faculty members w/valid I.D. rary culture. • Skin Diseases Although Lentricchia's lecture is being funded by the English depart­ FIRST OFFICE VISIT NO CHARGE 7600 Red Rd„ Suite 131 661-8991 ment and Graduate Activity Fee Allocation Committee, it is hoped that the South Miami Hours by Appointment lectures will be subsidized by private donations in the future. Because of MC/VISA/AE accepted STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL limited funding, the Lentricchia lecture will be the only lecture presented this semester. The department hopes to expand the lecture series to at least two lectures per semester. Major novelist and poets, as well as liter­ ary critics will be featured in future lecture. CROWN DANCE CLUB | REFORM MUSICAL SHABBAT * Donations to the Isaac Bashevis Singer Honorary Lectures may be sent to the University of Miami , P.O. Box 248145. Coral Gables. OF KENDALL with Debbie Friedman 13901 S.W. 88 St. 385-3750 * UM Chess Team selected ¥ Members of the University of Miami Chess Team were recently se­ Never a Cover Charge lected through an on-campus elimination tournament. Qualifing were: ¥ David Monteelli. Bill Perez, Craig Hampton, Norhan Mohdyusof, Francis ¥ Perrotti and P.-mcia Olmar. with College I.D. The team is scheduled to compete this semester against representa­ * tives from several other Florida schools, including the University of Florida. ¥ Florida International University. Florida Atlantic University and Biscayne ¥ College MOO BIKINI CONTEST For further information, please contact UM chess advisor Professor * John Anderson at 284-2486. ¥ * EVERY SUNDAY ¥ Job interview schedule for this week ¥ Appointments can be made to interview with the following compa­ ¥ nies by contacting the Career Planning and Placement office in Building WEDNESDAY IS 37R or by calling 284-5451. The schedule for this week is as follows: ¥ Concert Performer S Composer Today: COLLEGE NIGHT ¥ April 6,1984 i • State Mutual Life Assurance(OK) Company of America, Coral Gables, ¥ Fl., business administration for marketing and advanced study opportuni­ ^(Dinner at 6:30 P.M. ties throught the Coral Gables office. Good communication skills required, U.S citizenship or permanent residency required. ^Services following Dinner I 1 tk&E 6RINK ] ¥ Cost is $5.00 for Sponsors, $6.00 for Non-Sponsors Wednesday: iwith this coupon! •e*RSVPbyApreH.ei i • The Limited, Inc., Miami. Fl., all majors (bachelor only! for entry-level positions in sales leading to management. ^I.KoSe^D, 665-6948 J — TEQUESTA BRYANT BUY HOT FRESH The University Inn DEALERS FOR GENUINE Owned and Operated by the University of Miami ™ee^_*__E_5_M™ VELVET CREME - o»«><""°"« Nslcnou«" RAM TURBOS, INC. D0U6HHUTS ititnt SINCE 197S \ RtpleW*o*J*' • ANTI REVERSIONARY HEA0ER SYSTEMS try MPIM» • SUSPENSION SYSTEMS - ALPINA OPEN 24 HOURS • TURBO and WEBBER SYSTEMS • MAHLE HIGH A LOW COMPRESSION PISTONS • SUPER COOLING RADIATORS 7 DAYS A • AUX FUEL TANKS (ALPINA 3,5 and ftMMM ) SSS8K»ppOINleVIENT l • TURBO 1 ' RACING GASOLINE WE EXPORT • SE HABLA ESPANOL WEEK Now accepting reservations for your promenades, acres of lawns and gardens. 2350 SOUTH 30th AVENUE family's Commencement visit. The Charter boat "Sea Ray" available for PEMBROKE PARK, FL 33009 University Inn eef Coral (rabies provides deep sea fishing Convention and banquet (305) 456-7259 every facility and excellent location — just facilities. Car rental on premises Knjoy IS minutes in em Miami International eeur famous Hurricane Harbor Restaurant Airport and very convenient to beaches, witlt Outdoor Dining lerrace serving attractions, and shopping centers. All 160 breakfast, lunch and dinner and Hurricane waterfront rooms arc cross-ventilated, air Harbor Cocktail Ixeungc, all eevcrlooking GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY conditieened and healed Two swimming the scenic Coral (.ablcs watcrwav peeeeK and sun decks, private waterfront Switchboard ( 909) 667-2994; Reservation Full Diagonal Part-time Employment 009)667-2437 and at the University Inn... Dynamic, International firm seeking several —Hurricane Harbor Lounge sharp people to fill positions in advertising, Try one of our Special Drink Nights MONDAY - Hurricane Night • SATURDAY - Late Night marketing, management trainees and All domestic beer 95c Happy Hour • YvT-DeNESDAY - .Ladies Night 11 pm-closc sales. $1000 + starting income opportunity. All drinks lor ladies 7S* Plus Live Entertainment 7 pm-closc SUNDAY U. of M. Benefits Include: • THURSDAY - Fiesta Night Appreciation Night - Happy All 'lequila drinks 11.00 I lour prices all ni^it with I'M 7 pm close student or faculty ID 6 pm-closc • four paid vacations • monthly bonuses • FRIDAY - I re epic.il Getaway Night - I'ina Coladas & Fruit Happy Hour Special: » Daiquiris 11.90 • major medical/dental All mixed drinks 1 for I • Free leis for ladies 8 pm-closc VELVET Plus Live F.ntertainment For interview, call CREME Live Entertainment Friday and Saturday IBIS Mr. Serrano at 382-1245 1122S.Dixie Hwy. Happy Hour Monday-Friday 5 pm-7 pm Free Hors d'oeuvres Start Now — No 667-6131 Experience Necessary — We Trajn Next to Burger King Unl s I nppoMie tlu I di M uhipus I Vjo Sourtl Dixit llijjm av ( oral Gabfcl 667 JSSi Tuesday, April 3, 1984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE Page 3 College Roundup Robert Redford, Class of 1959 National News Florida News Students take college to court more often The Despite precautions, UF spends more on energy Students are taking their colleges to court in increasing numbers Jbiierican recently, observers say, charging them with negligence in mishaps University of Florida officials say they must make a serious effort ranging from minor cuts to rape and murder. to lower UF's $750,000 monthly electric bill because "we are the worst Jkademyof It's all leading to higher education costs, strict new rules for stu­ of all the universities in the system," Physical Plant Director Bob dents, defensive administrators and even a sense of lost collegiality, Cremer said. • ^ TDranmiic they say. Cremer said that although UF implemented energy conservation But the cases continue anyway. A court recently made Ohio Uni­ programs during the 1970s, its energy consumption has increased every li Ms versity pay damages to a student who, while trying to open a jammed year. Last year, consumption increased five percent, giving UF an an­ nual electric bill of more than $11 million. dorm window, shattered the glass and cut himslf. Unparalleled in the training of In mid-January, a student paralyzed in a University of Denver fra­ UF ranks third out of the nine state universities for usage based on ternity house trampoline accident took his university to court, claiming building space, or about $1.22 for every square foot. The University of professional actors since 1884 DU was responsible for the accident. Central Florida uses $1.62 per square foot, and the University of South The "creeping legalism," as some administators call it, has affect­ Florida uses $1.38. Florida Atlantic University uses the least, about 98 A representative ot the ed all kinds of schools. cents per square foot. Academy will be holding auditions in "Universities," says Sheldon Steinbach, lawyer for the American UF Energy Coordinator Mario F. Rivera said he wants to reduce energy consumption by about seven percent this year — about a $500,- MIAMI on MAY 18th Council on Education, "are increasingly being held liable for the well- h>r 'he being of their students." 000 savings. The suits, he speculates, are "a part of modern society. We're an Physical Plant and UF police department officials have implement­ TWO-YEAR DEGREE PROGRAM increasingly litigious society." ed several programs using students to conserve energy. These students, .Beginning in Octot>er "Society is changing," adds Amos Link, an attorney who has han­ about 20 in all, walk around campus and look for people wasting ener­ and the dled campus negligence cases. "These atrocities may have always been gy. The most common problem is people leaving their lights on, Cremer said. SIX-WTOC SUMMER PROGRAM occurring, but people may not have been as conscious of their rights .Beginning in July and have not been doing anything about it." Students leave little memos in offices where they find waste, read­ Moreover, "the campuses are becoming as bad as the streets," says ing "Hey, don't be an energy hog. Turn out the lights." For an application and further Link. Gerry Schaffer, associate vice-president of administrative affairs, information call Colleges don't always lose the cases, of course. said too many conservation programs could limit students' and facul­ ty's accessibilitv to campus. (212) 686-0620 Dr. Ed Hammond, a Universiy of Louisville administrator, says a The American Academy o( Dramatic Arts 1979 Delaware Valley College case established that schools must make students aware if potential physical hazards and must apply "minimum 120 Madison Avenue, New Yeerk. NY. 10016 standards of care" in maintaining their campuses. — College Roundup is compiled by Lisa Gibbs from Florida collegiate But colleges are otherwise not responsible for the actions of third newspapers and Hurricane news services. parties, he savs.

March of Dime* Martina Arroyo, Ruby Dee, Ada Louise Hwctable, Bess Prevent Myerson, lack Newfkld, Sylvia Porter md Pearl Primus Help l™84™o3 all spent their junior year' at Hunter College. OUR BATTLE AGAINST RESPIRATORY How about youl DISTRESS SYNDROME IH NEWBORNS HAS HELPED DARIES - AND THEIR FAMILIES - Junior Year Abroad Birth BREATHEAWHOLELOTEASIER. Deferts -in New York!

Take your junior year at Hunter College, studying and holding internships in your choice of THE ARTS (dance, film, theatre, music, visual arts), COMMUNI­ CATIONS (television, radio, journalismh URBAN LEADERSHIP STUDIES (political science, sociology and urban affairs), and EDUCATION OF THE GIFTED AND TALENTED (elementary and secondary). You'll be able &mz to stay at the College's low-cost dormitory and study at our mam campus on Manhattan's Park Avenue. "and their (reshnun, And the fees are modest. sophomore and senior yean loo. Deadline for applications for 1984-85: May 1,1984.

Please send ene information on limner Year Abroad-in New York1

Name

Address

Cetv Telephone

Status Icheck one) D Student • Faculty D Other_

Your field of specialization. Return as soon as possible to: Junior Year in New York, Box I069N, Hunter College, 695 Park Avenue, New York, New York 10021 212/772-5007.

When girls want a vacation filled with fun, sun and romance, they go to Fort Lauderdale...

Where all your dreams come true

CincIf you're a senior and have the promise of a $10,000 career-orientehd job, do you think it's difficult to get the American Express'Card? Guess again. It's rather easy. In fact, all you need is a $10,000 job. That's it. No strings. No gim­ micks. And this offer is even good for 12 months after vou graduate. Because American Express wants to show that we not only believe in your future, but we also believe in you now. But why do you need the American Express Card now.7 First of all, it's a good way to help you to establish your credit history. And you know how important that is. Of course, you can also use the Card for vacation trips, as well as for restaurants and shopping. And because the Card is reiogni:ed and welcomed worldwide, so are you. So call 800-528-8000 for a Special Student Application or look for one at Ir • i*rii.^>- i*----.^ • •' your college bookstore or on your campus bulletin boards. vmm- *»* • The American Express Card. Don't TO-STAR PICTURES™....* ITC PRODUCTIONS -ALLAN CARR PRODUCTION "WHERE THE BOYS ARE' leave school without it.' .USA HARTfWAN-RUSSELL TODD-LORNA LUFT-WENDY SCHAAL-HOWARD McGILllN., LYNN-HOLLY JOHNSONS J AlANA STEWART Look for an application on campus. ^^CHRISTOPHER McD0NAlD.™«DANIEL McDONALDXiT,:LOUISE SORELY,^JAMES A. CONTNER^SYLVESTER LEVAY P m DENIS PREGNOLAKT'^STU KRIEGER.» JEFF BURKHART"™1;,ALLAN CARRM 'SHY AVERBACK [wI3ffiHB3K . lUMUBllia nnieeoneenBgy • iwmieieeitm-iiiemReesleyi .a.Kteie,...",, STARTS FRIDAY, APRIL 6 AT A THEATRE NEAR YOU. Page 4 Tuesday, April 3, 1984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE

Fort Lauderdale:

Spring break — a time for At night, students take advan­ fun in the sun. Thousands of col­ tage of the traditional specials lege students flock from all over — college nights. Guys and girls the country to the famous Fort drive along A1A in bumper-to- Lauderdale Strip. bumper traffic and walk down The teaches are crowded, the the Strip, gawking and whis­ hotels and bars are packed, and tling at whoever strikes their the small shops and restaurants fancy. get more business than they can Breakdancers show their keep up with. Guys guzzle beer, stuff in front of hotels, vendors and girls participate in wet T- sell hot pretzels on the side­ shirt contests. walks and store windows dis­ play all kinds of spring break This year. Rolling Stone mag­ memorabilia. azine and Hawaiian Tropic pre­ The atmosphere is exciting sented a series of free concerts. yet laid back; fast-paced yet ca­ The Fixx, Modern English, sual. Everyone hangs loose and Heart, Mike Love, and Jan and concentrates on having a good Dean each played to about a time. On the Strip, having fun thousand sunburned, vacation­ doesn't take much effort — ing students. there's never a dull moment.

Meeting people on Fort Lauderdale is easy. Girls check the guys out (top); guys check out the wet T-shirt contest (above); the two-level approach to meeting someone (right); and the crowded approach to meeting people (below) ... esriay April 3 '984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE Page 5

Spring Break '84

• *> rt -• •*$M V i — ^eH_ ,eiye

... But there is more to Fort I,auderdale than meet­ ing people. (Top left) You can participate in belly- flop competitions (top left), beer chunking competi­ tion (top right) or bury your buddies in the sand (above). The serious parts come in when you get into fights and get hurt (below top right) and when you have to say goodbye (left).

Photos by JEFF GOTTLIEB The Miami Hurricane

Page 6 Tuesday, April 3, 1984

3ljr iffliami f^xtrriranr P.O. Box 248132 Coral Gables. Fl. 33124. 284-4401

Reward offered Paper theft doesn't deter our objective

Many of you did not get to see Friday's Hurricane. The reason was simple — early Friday morning some person or some group stole approximately 7,000 copies of the Hurricane and its April Fool's Day Tribyune tabloid. We have no proof of who is responsible. If those responsible thought that stealing the papers would prevent readers from seeing the Tribyune, or that the Hurricane would lose money, they failed to accom­ plish either. The Tribyune received great reviews from those that did get to see it. We also think that we have an obligation to present the news, despite threats and thefts. For both these reasons, we have decided to run the Tribyune again in today's issue. The theft, moreover, has not cost the Hurricane one cent. The tabloid is being reprinted at no cost or addition­ al effort. Nevertheless, the stealing of the Hurricane is no small matter. eEach issue of the Hurricane costs about $3,- 800 to produce. Therefore, the stealing of the paper con­ stitutes grand theft. We are offering a $100 reward for Tribune's purpose is political information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons who stole the newspapers. Anyone with information concerning the theft is By RONNIE RAMOS une is no exception. But to lie about purposes disgraces journalists asked to call either public safety at 284-6666 or the Hurri­ Hurricane Editor in Chief and embarrasses Republicans. cane office at 284-4401. Several dozen students have said that the editors of the Trib­ Many people have asked why I take such objection to the une cannot possibly be serious. "They are joking, right?" they ask. Miami Tribune. The answer is simple. When I tell students they are serious, the students can't believe it. I have no objection to the Tribune or to the Republican-orient­ After Watt's lecture in January, several editors of the Tribune ed opinions it runs on every page of every issue. I am a registered waited for Watt outside Gusman Hall with a huge banner calling '83-84 Senate Republican, as are more than half of the editors on the Hurricane. for Reagan's re-election in 1984. When Watt came out, Johns — But we are all journalists first. the person who wrote the news story — and company jumped up The problem arises when the members of the Tribune lie and and down, shouting for Watt to see how wonderful and pro-Repub­ say they are non-partisan and pretend to cover stories in an objec­ lican they all were. wasn't all bad tive manner. Their biggest lie is that their primary function is jour­ This from a self-proclaimed non-partisan objective organiza­ nalism-oriented. They are politically oriented. tion. Come on, be serious. Be decent and honest enough to say what Their editors are political science majors, not journalists (even you are. Don't lie to students; you only give Republicans a bad Half of the 1983-84 Undergraduate Student Body their advisor is a political science professor; much good that will do name. Government Senate will leave office tomorrow. The Hur­ when it comes to journalistic ethics). The Tribune has no concept of Even one of the Republican-oriented organizations that funded ricane has criticized the Senate on several occasions for the canons of journalistic ethics or procedures (their first two is­ the Tribune, the National Institute of Education in Tennessee, asked its lackadasical approach to several issues. sues didn't even have the date of publication). for its money back after seeing the first issue. One reason we criticized the senators was because The Tribune's pretense of journalistic objectivity is parallel to "Johns is just a Republican that has gone too far," said one of­ we hoped that the criticism would move them to react. In the Russians' pretense of serving the workers. Their labeling as ficial I spoke to at NIE. some cases, the senators did react. un-American everyone who doesn't believe in the Republican plat­ I am not against eliminating the Tribune. I'm only interested in During the second part of this semester, some of the form resembles the tactics of Joseph McCarthy's witch hunt of the identifying it for what it really is: a group of politically oriented senators showed they could take the initiative. Of course, 1950s. and politically interested individuals blindly following the Republi­ there were others, like Mark Eisenberg and Ken Berk, As a writer for the Hurricane, Tribune editor Mike Johns pla­ can ideologies and printing a tabloid that espouses that philosophy who decided to concern themselves with asking for beef giarized at least one national Republican newsletter in his editorial on every page. and stealing other senators' legislation for political rea­ column. Now he's regurgitating Republican ideology in his own There is nothing wrong with that. Just don't claim it's objec­ sons instead of working on USBG matters. publication — and claiming to be non-partisan. tive journalism. The best proof of this is that no editor on the Trib­ Fortunately, for USBG and the student body, they His publication has backed Reagan on everything from Rea­ une will ever become an objective reporter on any credible news­ will not be here next year. gan's cutting of student financial aid to James Watt to the opposi­ paper in this country on the basis of his work on the Tribune. The One of the bright spots was the Information Gather­ tion to the Martin Luther King holiday. National Enquirer might be interested, though. ing and Analysis System (IGAS). This organization, con­ John Naisbitt, in Megatrends, wrote that to follow one political Tribune editors do, however, have an excellent opportunity to ceived by President Mark Cheskin, has looked into issues party in the United States is a sign of ignorance because of the become politicians. Their work on the Tribune has helped in this and even presented legislation. President-elect Scott wide range of opinions in each party. Johns gives credibility to that area quite well. They've learned to throw out the party line and lie Kornspan has said he plans to make IGAS an integral part statement. about their real intentions. The Tribune even gives politicians a bad of USBG. Everyone is entitled to his freedom of expression, and the Trib­ name. Admittedly, IGAS has its problems — especially when it comes to drafting legislation — but it can only help USBG next year. Senators on the other USBG com­ mittees should take note of IGAS and realize that sena­ tors can come attack the issues on their own. UM's International Week better Although we will not go as far as Eisenberg went when he made the ridiculous comment that the Senate By LOURDES FERNANDEZ has covered every major issue, the Senate has shown this Hurricane News Editor semester that it has the potential to do much better next year. The Gators may have beat us in football, but when it comes to holding the best International Week, UM did a much better STAFF job. Both UF and UM held their The Miami Hurricane is published semiweekly during the regular aca­ International Week (UF stu­ demic year, and is written and edited by the undergraduate students ol dents titled theirs "International Ihe University ol Miami This publication does not necessarily represent Festivities") last week. While in the views and opinions ot the University's trustees, faculty, or adminis­ tration Gainesville for a journalism 1984 by the University of Miami seminar, I happened to stumble • 1984 by the University of Miami's undergraduate student body onto the UF festivities. During the day, these festivi­ ties consisted of a few exhibi­ RONNIE RAMOS RENE ROSEN tions on tables in the breezeway Editor in Chief Business Manager of the Florida student union. One exhibition consisted of pho­ tos of "Cubans in Miami" — I Managing Editor John Oudens guess anything out of Gaines­ News Editor Lourdes Fernandez ville is international. Associate News Editor Lisa Gibbs Other events included a few Assistant News Editor Teqeiesta Bryant speakers and foreign films. Opinion Editor Alexander Saitta Those events that seemed Entertainment Editor Wendy Shaffer Associate Entertainment Editor Liz Quirantes worthwhile — Turkish folk Week T-shirts and caps. Also, The week was well organized Week, as Ismail has said, was to Assistant Entertainment Editor Andrea Harum dances. Oriental culture night, there was always an event hap­ and well attended. Just as im­ bring together the cultures and Sports Editor Holly Beth Byer and Pan African night — were pening on the Patio at noon, portant, it was something that educate others as to the differ­ Assistant Sports Editors Manny Fernandez spread out all over the campus. when most students are around brought together a large num­ ent cultures. And in this COISO Peter Permuy The UF students did not seem the Union. ber of students, not like UF's has succeeded. I only hope that Photography Editor Jeff Gottlieb excited — they were barely in­ Another point goes to UM for pitiful displays. future International Weeks will Assistant Photography Editor Gina Molinaro terested — in the events of food sales. By having different The purpose of International be as good or better. Copy Editor Sheryl Stein International Festivities. To say groups sell food from their Erin Murphy the students were apathetic is to country, COISO .assured that Cartoonist George Lunt put it mildly. students could get a real taste of Production Manager Laurie Mervis At UM, Sabri Ismail, presi­ other cultures. Letters Welcome Assistant Production Manager John Coppolino dent of the Council of Interna­ Herald Manager Lisa Ross UM also covered many cul­ Circulation Managers Glenn Courtney tional Student Organizations, tures, with almost each day de­ Dick Wingrove and all the others that helped voted to a different area of the The Miami Hurricane invites its readers to write letters to the edi­ organized the Week must be world (Africa, Latin America, tor on subjects of interest to its readers. All letters must be legible Senior Advisor Sharon Clark congratulated on a job well the Caribbean, Arabia, and even (typewritten preferred) and signed. Student numbers and telephone Financial Advisor Raymonde Bilger done. COISO, which put on North America). numbers must also be given in order to verify the authenticity of the International Week with anoth­ writer. No anonymous letters will be considered. Staff Coordinator Arlene Watts Music was a big part of Inter­ Members of organizations, when writing on issues related to their er 18 groups, made sure that the national Week; bands and per­ organizations, will be identified as such. events were visible and central­ Salees Personnel Julio Pluee. Angee Vazejeeer. Lsejreea Merve*. Lisa Ross Lance Rese formers represented different Letters covering campus issues will be given priority. ly located, all taking place in the countries each day. The week All letters are subject to editing to conform to space and style re­ Post Offece Bon 248132 Student Union. ended Saturday with a banquet quirements. Unewwsity of Miami Submit letters to the Hurricane office, Student Union Room 221. Coral Gables. Fl 33124 UM students were interested. attended by student leaders and Many sported International administrators. Windy days got you up in the air? Kite-flying season is here Page 8

For indoor recreation, the Rathskeller has some ideas in mind Page 8

Page 7 Tuesday, April 3, 1984 Brown 'suits' By PATRICIA GARRIGA won against it. Hurricane Staff Writer "I've always enjoyed dressing up, since I was five years old. But I never liked anything about me. I was UM's "best-dressed" employee, according to a Hur­ always too tall, too flat-chested, my eyes were too far ricane-sponsored contest, might look like a million apart," Brown said. bucks, but in fact, she spends very little on her winning "I would get dressed up with all these trappings. wardrobe. down to the last detail, but the last thing I would put Combing flea markets, second-hand shops and sale on was my self-esteem," she said. racks, Ellinwood Brown turns shopping into an adven­ As a student at UM in the '70s, she would try to turous treasure hunt. dress like everyone else. "But 1 never thought I fit in, "People spend $50 on one pair of jeans, and I can not here or anywhere else." she explained. put several outfits together for the same price," she She admits that alcohol was a phony ticket in social said. functions. It was during her first semester, when she To organize her closet, she has devised a "Hefty was 21, that she had her first drink. Bag System" — one bag for belts, one for sweaters, "I always could drink a lot. My tolerance for alco­ one for turtlenecks. "I dig in and see what I can find," hol was great. I could drink anyone under the table," she said. she recalled. "I remember one day at work, a girl saw me wear­ Drinking continued past graduation, following her ing one of my favorite hats. It was real cute, with to Germany, where she lived for four years, and later, streamers and a wide rim. It was pink. The girl said, throughout her wealthy marriage. 'I've always wanted to wear a hat, but I don't have the Her life began to follow a self-destructive path. Her guts to do it.' " Brown answered, "Why do you need marriage ended. But armed with $400 designer outfits, guts?" she sucessfully hid her downward trend. With her slender 5-foot-9 frame, short bowl-cut One day, on her way to a high society volunteers' hair, chiseled cheekbones and wide blue eyes, she could meeting, she stopped in a Quick Check to get a bottle pass as a high fashion model. of wine. She had raided her penny bank; there had Instead, she is the upper class coordinator in the ad­ been no other cash at home. She had just enough vising office for the College of Arts and Sciences. That change for a grape-colored port sherry. Is just where she wants to be, stationed at the front "I'll never forget this little old man in front of me desk. in the checkout line. He was filthy. He had the shakes. I Brown wanted to discuss more than clothes. In fact, did, too. He was dressed in rags, and he had this shop­ clothes camouflaged her life for several years. ping cart full of junk — a broken toaster, stuff from "We all prejudge people by what we see," she said. the garbage. He was buying the same port sherry — it "Nobody knows what's behind all that stuff, what kind was the cheapest one. He was paying for it with loose of pain could be there." change. His hands were shaking so much that he kept Miami Ilumcane/AIXA MONTERO Her pain came with alcoholism, and she credits her Ellinwood Brown makes statements about her unique personality in the clothes co-workers with seeing her through the fight she has Plecise turn to page 8/BROWN she wears and even the car she drives Yes bring in the new, but hang onto the old By BRUNO DEL GRANADO Nektar, Focus and others could bums, though eight went gold or During the band's last tour, in share of success with other bands. 90125 sounds clean and sharp. Its claim Yes as their major influence. Humcane Staff Writer platinum. '79, both Anderson and keyboardist The latest reorganizing of Yes nine tracks showcase Yes's talent During the late '70s, just as the Ah, but who of the original band Rick Wakeman split, leaving the re­ came about in late '81 when Squire and reassert the band's leadership I have been waiting to write rock decade was coming to a close is in the "new" Yes? The "anchor­ maining members with no choice and White got together to found an­ in progressive' music. The cuts that about Yes's comeback since 90125 and a new wave of musicians pop­ man," Chris Squire, has been the but to enlist the aid of Trevor Horn other band, which was supposed to best show the sound of the new Yes was released late last year. I was ped up everywhere, Yes decided to only member to appear on all 15 and Geoff Downes, who had been be called Cinema. The two soon en­ are probably it Can Happen and anxious to see if this comeback call it quits. With all their old fans Yes LPs. Squire, who co-founded playing together as the Buggies. listed Rabin and asked Kaye to join Changes Those two songs best would flop. But now, well into having grown up and the new gen­ Yes, is the bass player: he deserves Wakeman had joined the band the band. Kaye, whose only job had demonstrate- the members' ability to 1984, I can gladly say that this will eration not wanting anything to do the credit for reorganizing the band when Kaye left in '71. The lineup been playing in David Bowie's Thin work together. definitely be the year of Yes. With a with the "old geezers," Yes re­ again. then consisted of Horn. Downes, White Duke Tour in 1976, agreed; Top 10 LP and a current sold-out leased Drama, supposedly their last The other returning members are White, Squire and Steve Howe. and the four, again keeping things Future albums probably will best tour across North America to sup­ album, in 1980. the other co-founder and lead sing­ After releasing Drama, Yes broke in the family, asked former member show how Yes are keeping up with port them. It will be surprising if But suddenly, radio stations are er, Jon Anderson, who has ap­ up. Currently Howe and Downes Trevor Horn to produce Cinema's the times. If their future albums are this isn't the decade ot Yes. playing Yes once again and people peared in all Yes LPs except Drama; are part of Asia. Horn owns his first album. as good as this one, then we can ex­ Throughout the '70s, Yes were are beginning to talk about them, Tony Kaye, the band's original key­ own record company in London and pect Yes to be around for a few one. of the eeeeee.t popular bands In not in a melancholy sense. Yes are boardist; and drummer Alan White, produces most of the new music When Cinema completed mixing more years. According to Squire the world. Along with the Stones. back stronger than ever. who was rumored to have agreed to that is coming out of the United all their music, they realized that and Anderson, there is enough fresh Leed Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, Yes 90125 passed the platinum mark regroup with Led Zeppelin. The Kingdom. they didn't have a lead singer. Ac­ material to keep going for a few dominated the AOR airwaves. Yes barely three weeks after release, only newcomer is the guitarist, Tre­ Alan White, by the way, is not an cording to Squire, one night he sug­ more years. Welcome back, Yes! were the most profitable of all the and it is still selling well. The first vor Rabin. original member — he replaced Bill gested getting Jon Anderson to do "dinosaur groups." They were the single from the album, Owner of a To those who are confused by all Bruford as drummer in '73. Of the vocals. Anderson, who had kept If you are a Yes fan, there is still group that set the standards for Lonely Heart, reached the top of the the personnel changes that Yes current lineup, the only newcomer a chance to see them in their only progressive rock. Later, such charts, a feat that wasn't accom­ have had throughout the years, to the Yes saga is Trevor Rabin, a himself busy working with Vangel- South Florida show April 21 at the groups as the Alan Parsons Project, plished by any of Yes's previous al­ don't worry. You are not alone. South African who has had his is, agreed; the rest is history Hollywood Sportatorium. 'Academy' is no bust 'Reuben packed By CHRIS HOUGHTON Hurricane Staff Writer POLICE ACADEMY with meaty plot Directed by Hugh Wilson Starring Steve Guttenl>erg and G.W. Bailey After seeing and enjoying Ron Howard's latest comedy. Splash, I pre­ REUBEN, REUBEN pared for a long dry spell. Funny movies are usually few and far between, Directed by Robert Ellis Miller with about two or three gems coming out in an average year. "It will be Starring Tom Conti, Kelly McGillis and Roberts Blossom another four months," said I, "before another comedy worth its salt is re- leased." In Reuben, Reuben, Tom Conti is Gowan McGland, a renowned Scot­ My hopes didn't exactly skyrocket when the ads for Police Academy tish poet who hasn't written a line of poetry in five years. To survive, started saturating the airwaves. It looked like the next entry in the never- Gowan lectures for universities and ladies' clubs. The women on these lec­ ending series of Portey's and Animal House rip-offs. ture tours, in need of escaping from their middle-class households, add to I don't mind admitting that I was 100 percent wrong. Police Academy McGland's reputation as a womanizer. is a riot, the funniest comedy to hit town in almost two weeks. The poet is drifting through life in a rumpled suit with his face un­ The mayor of a large urban city declares that people will no longer be shaven, humbly accepting his fame. He acknowledges himself as "a legend denied entry to the Police Academy because of age, sex, height, weight or in his own time ' He willingly lives off adoring people's offers to pay for educational background. As a result, various characters never considered his drinks, dentistry and dinners. Invited out to a meal, he says, "I hope it's to be police material try to join the force. expensive." Wh.'n his hosts have left the table, he steals their tips for extra The Police Academy commandant does not want these undesirables in cash. his camp, but since he can't throw them out, he puts all his bad eggs under 'Krazy Hops' abound as open enrollment hits the 'Po­ Upon meeting a young woman named Geneva, Gowan realizes that he the care of Lt. Harris (G.W. Bailey). Harris is secretly told to harass the lice Academy' and standards fly out the window is drawn to her youth. Though Geneva respects him as a poet, she doesn't "scum," forcing them to quit. through the day. fawn ovt r iiim She is attracted to him, not his notoriety. The poet and the The main cadet, Carey Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), would love to This is Wilson's first project away from the network censors, and he college student learn from each other. Gowan provides the worldliness and lesave, but he has been given a choice; either join the police force or go di­ seems to be enjoying his freedom. There is plenty of seems to have come Geneva supplies the vibrant innocence. In the end, each is subtly changed; rectly to jail. If he quits during the training period he gets thrown in the from a Portey's movie. However, just as the jokes worked then, they work age and youth exchange their perspectives. slammer. But Mahoney doesn't want to be a cop, so he tries his darnedest even better now. The story is based on the novel by Peter DeVries and the play Spof to get kicked out for disruptive behavior. One reason Academy is better than Portey's is Wilson's superior cast. ford by Herman Shumlin. It is a slow-paced character study with only a The rest of the recruits are there voluntarily, but they are even far­ Nearly everyone is funny, but two people have to be singled out. subtle plot Una — Gowan's development ther out in left field than Mahoney. They are also quite stubborn in refus­ David Graf has a great role as Eugene Tackleberry, one-niu.. SWAT Behind Conti, the supporting roles are quite1 respectably played. E. ing to drop out. team. He has some of the movie's best lines, and a lot of the fum's ad cam­ KatheriM Kerr and Cynthia Harris are two of Gowan's adoring house- If the plot sounds more than a little like a pilot for a television series paign is built around him (he is the guy who takes the old lady's cat oul ol .<. ives. Roberts Blossom is the girlfriend's grandfather, apparently the only (tonight at 9, join the hilarious hijinks of those wacky cadets as they try to tree the fast way). level-headed person in town besides Gowan and Geneva. Kelly McGillis as stay in "The Police Academy"), it may be because Academy is directed and Stand-up comic Michael Winslow nearly walks away with the movie Geneva brings validity to her character as a young hul wise woman. co-written by Hugh Wilson, the creative force behind "WKRP in Cincin­ as Larvelle Jones, a mimic who can sound like machine gun fire, video As Gowan, Conti fits perfectly into the role of the drifting poet. It is nati." games, or anything else that's mechanical. Winslow is extremely funny his role that makes the movie stand out This film is not an epic, but Conti Wilson made "WKRP" one of the better sitcoms on television; he uses and is someone to look out for. creates a realistic character we can pity, detest or even admire. For those the skills he picked up at Mary Tyler Moore productions on Academy. Like With ample talent before and behind the camera, Police Academy is who value the Oscars. Conti well deserves his nomination "WKRP," Wilson's movie is well-written, well-acted, and basically about guilty of being the second funny movie this month. It makes me wonder Reuben, by the way, is an Irish sheep dog, Gowan's "compatriot " unglamorous people who work for a living. Neither policemen nor disc . . . has our yearly quota already been exhausted? Or does this year have a jockeys are glorified — they are just common working stiffs trying to get bumper crop of quality comedies? — Kenneth Ma/lin 'Children of Corn' is one of King's better

CHILDREN OF THE CORN cal schexel graduate and his girl- cornfield. Also, in this cult, people The performances also shift from Dlrerted by Fritz Kiersch friend pass through Nebraska and are sacrificed to the corn god upon eerie to silly When Franklin is un­ their 19th birthday. It is this evil Starring Peter Horton and Linda slowly learn of the strange doings derstated, he is a sinister little dic­ Hamilton in Gatlin. "religion" that causes the film to tator, bul when he rants, his high- run out of steam. When the story pitched squeals produce laughter Films concerning evil, murderous This children's cult is led by an concentrates on the murderous cuit from the audience The actor who children are not new. Whether it's eerie-looking youngster named plays Malechon gains as he is a earlier movies like The Bad Seed or Isaac (John Franklin). His hench­ and the deserted town, it is genu­ blood-thirsty kid. but when he's the more recent The Exorcist and man is Malechon, a freckled-faced inely creepy, even though at times The Omen, Hollywood always teenager who does nothing to pro­ it is just another mad-slasher movie. angry, he overacts, clenching his seems to have a eperverse affinity mote good feelings toward redhead­ teeth and jutting out his lower jaw. for this subject. So it should come ed people. But when the for as shifts to the evil Likewise, he produces laughter as no surprise that the current mas­ force In the cornfields, the film is from the theater audience. ter of horror should want to exam­ less intriguing. The corn god is seen ine this topic. Of course, it is up to the med But perhaps one shouldn't com­ Hot time school student to not only escape as a force that moves the soil like a plain Along with Cujo, The Dead but to rid the cornfields of the evil wave of carpe t and parts the corn Zone and Christine (not to mention The University of Miami Concert Jazz Band will present Adapted from a Stephen King lurking within them. Like any hor­ when someone walks through the to forthcoming Firestarter), Chil­ their fourth Annual Benefit Concert next Monday. The story (not a King novel), Children of ror movie protagonist, he is too cu­ dren of the Corn is destined to be concert will feature flugelhornist Pete Minge and the the Com centers on the farm town rious for his own good and likes to field As a result, the first half of among the top five Stephen King of Gatlin, Nebraska where one day, snoop around in dark, deserted the film is captivating with its evil movies released within the last UM-ECM small jazz group. The concert is scheduled to all the adults are casually slaugh­ buildings. in the heartland, but the second year. begin at 8 p.m. in Gusman Hall. All tickets are $5; The tered by a group of youths. We eveT"-'lv find out that the hiif r>irtirulirlv the ending, is sillv proceeds will benefit the band's 1984 European tour. — Kenneth Mazlin For more information, call 284-5813. ,, Thr".- \ I1" Page 8 Tuesday. April 3 1984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE ••*•••••••••*••••••••••••• Fun at the Rat • Go fly * Don't Be Stuck With An Empty • By LIZ QUIRANTES • Resume When You Graduate .. . • Hurricane Entertainment Editor • Are you suffering from the spring-break-is-over-and-there's-nothing- a kite . Get valuable, career related experience thru: • 'k-lorward-to blues'.' Well, the Rathskeller has a fun-packed week in By LYNDA BLACKBURN to > ure the mid-semester hum-drum. 1 • 1 Hurricane Stuff Writtt * My Brother's Keeper Community Tonight, as always, is Movie Night — and what he'itir w.iy lo get The' otficial beginning of spring •-our fee't tappin' and your fingers snuppin' than watching Jennifer Iieals 1 on March 20 has heralde'd in windy dance up a storm in Flashdani e at 7:30 and 10 p.m weather. What Iwtter use of a • Service Internship Program • After Viewing Flashdance you'll be ready to turn your own tomer- windy, sunny day than to spend it saulta on Wednesday for Dance Night. However, this week's Dance Night I • 1 flying kites'' You don't need a large Rainbow stunt kites are Xtra-ipeclal because Columbia Pictures is sponsoring the evening, giv­ bank account to ge'l starte'd. it Internships now available in: Contact: ing out fri'e caviar and McDonalds gift certificates, to promote its new re- There are several basic types of popular Moscow on the Hudson, starring Robin Williams — but wait, there's • kite's. Including delta, box. and this hobby. * • Political ActioActionn i m« I_IH • ci dragontail — even stuni kites lhat Are you wondering which kite is • Thursday night brings with it Been of the World Promo Night Part II. • Social Service do tricks the best? Linne said that the cloth • _ c—„• _„....,._ UM HILLEL According to Rathskeller Manager Lew yagodnik, last wee'k's Been of the 665-6948 1 Kite's On A String Inc.. a shop in kites "are more durable and ceeme * • Business World Part I was a huge success. The two lavorites were Carliberg (Ele­ the Grove, has kites suited to every in a variety of colors." He added phant Malt) from Denmark and Moosehead from Canada This week's 15 * • Communications and more budget (especially collegiate). There that cloth kites are "more artistic." international beers include Dos Equis (Amber) from Mexico. Fosters from are paper kite kits, plastic kites "The wind is much better on the • Australia, Kronenbourg from France, St. Paulie Light from Germany. starting al $5.50, and dragontail beach because you get the ocean Three Horse Delux from Holland, and Tsingtao from China The fun starts • kites from $7 Cloth and stunt kites breeze." said Linne, who flies kites Call now before it's too late 10 and beers are only 75 cents a bottle. begin at $14 and $16 respectively. all year round on South Florida Happy Hour has never seen so much sun as it will this Fridav Start­ In addition to kites and string, beaches. * Coursisuurse Credii/reunt may bue availablavaname + ing at 4:30 beach bums and sun worshippers alike can compete in the Donny Linne. the shop's owner, Add your own colors (wilh a Rathskeller's Best Tan Contest sponsored by Coors beer. Male' and sells hooks on kite flying, air toys, kite) to those spring is bringing out • ••••••••••••••••••••••a-** winners will be determined by audience response. First place v and wlndiocks, Drop by the Fuller and just GO FLY A KITE. You may receive $25, second prize is $15 and third prize is $10. "Entrai Street shop and ask Donny about be starting a new campus trend required to wear respectable beach attire for the contest V s said

Surfer shirts and beach jackets will be given out througho " '^MmWk>' '* Finishing out this fun-filled week. Saturday is Neu Wa\ N "«•*. >«_•*.'• Iran Cartine, former WV'l'M general manager and disc ; r 1 i eening. "It's a hip n' happenin' night for UM Jtudents and alternative Saturday night dancing."Yagodnik M - N . Wave Nights have brought "interesting people" and he ad ... te i "dress to the max." "We've packed the Rat every time before," he i So one can see that this week is going to he a ip Keller, but remember, you don't have have the mid semes slum in on the fun. Wine & Liquor Sperone \sti Spumante 4.99 ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE Royal I'e Ne enilli' Champagne 4.99 8.49 BiMCt Scotch l.t. TUESDAY MOVIE NIGHT: 7J0 6 The Rathskeller is currently accepting appl • " Rathskeller \A ra> and Nephews Coffee 9.99 Advisory Board (RAB) members. RAB is resp.er - - - as the FLASHDANCE 10.00 interior decor of the Rathskeller and all enterta . m limine] Takara Plum Wine 3.69 "RAB is a very fun and cohesive group that — - iwwktoim- St. Pauli Girl Cs. 1.3.99 • ment new activities and rekindle successful e^iei - '• ;,\imk said. WEDNESDAY DANCE NIGHT 9:00 The board works closely with SEC. Bacchus -ee=ks to pro- 661-4082 with a Dance Contest . ide a cross-section of activities to appeal to all thi II id " body. FREE DELIVERY by Columbia Motion Pictures Applications are available in the manager s any questions 661-6008 e an be addressed to Lew Yagodnik or RAB Chairmar. Eric Spriggs. THURSDAY BEERS OF THE WORLD 8:30 UM's best dressed employee PROMO PART II BEAUTIFUL GIRLS Travel 'round the world with 15 international brews! MROWN/from page 7 BE A MODEL FOR A DAY etropping the coins. And there I was. right behind him The only difference between him and me was that he drank from his bottle in Ihe brown bag EXPERIENCE NOT REQUIRED right at the door, on his way out. I waited until I got te, my Porsche to have Swimsuit Modeling for National Distribution FRIDAY BEST TAN CONTEST 430 mine. It scared the hell out of me," she' said. AT HAPPY HOUR 7:00 But Brown continued her masquerade and eventually landed a job as a Initial Interviews and Screening fashion consultant in Utah. She1 also modeled part-time. But the bottle was $100 Cash to Male always waiting for her, she said, and she would crawl back to it. April 7th and April 8th and Female Winners!! She returned to Miami, where she was raised, and began to work at 9:00 AM-4:30 PM 9:00 AM-NOON I'M in 1980. But by 1981, her drinking began to overpower her complete­ ly. Her best outfits could no longer hide1 the fact that she was an alcoholic COCONUT GROVE HOTEL Brown realized that she needed help and was given the full support of her boss and co-workers in the Arts and Sciences advising office. She was 2649 SOUTH BAYSHORE DRIVE COMING EVENTS told she would be given as many chances as it took to overcome her prob­ lem. Desire South Florida students. Must be at "My last drink was on June 25, 1981, when I entered a rehabilitation SATURDAY APRIL 7th NEW WAVE NIGHT program. I spent five months in New Jersey away from my family, my least 18 years of age. frii'nds, my home' and my dog I came' to know Ellinwexid Brown. I began Bring Swimwear for test photos with Fran Cartine to see all those goexj qualities thai were1 there. I began to like myself," she said. Please direct any inquiries to She was asked to return to her former job at UM the day that she SATURDAY APRIL 14th GONG SHOW completed her rehabilitation program. P.O. Box 9032, Coral Gables, FL 33124 "1 was dyinti of a disease called alcoholism. Now, every dav of my life Apply in Manager's Office is a miracle. Clothes are part of my celebration of that miracle. I don't need them now, the way I did before, because I'm dressed on the inside." GLOSS PRODUCTIONS, INC. $100 CASH PRIZES T TODAY'S ATTENTION PRE-MED STUDENTS WOMAN IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO ATTEND OR HAVE BEEN MEDICAL CENTER ACCEPTED TO AN AMA OR AQA APPROVED CAREER • SAFE PAINLESS SCHOOL, YOU COULD BE ELIGIBLE FOR A FULL ABORTIONS SCHOLARSHIP WHILE ATTENDING MEDICAL • FREE PAP/PILLS 4#.# SCHOOL. MUST BE A U.S. CITIZEN, HAVE A VERY WEEK WITH EXAM HIGH GPA AND M-CATS. SELECTEES WILL • COMPLETE BIRTH CONTROL AND RECEIVE FREE BOOKS, TUITION AND $579 GYN MONTHLY. FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THIS APRIL 3-5 FREE PREGNANCY AND OTHER SCHOLARSHIP OPPORTUNITIES SEND TESTS with immediate results RESUME TO:

District Personnel Office GABIES ONE TOWER COOPERS & LYBRAND 8525 N.W. 53rd Terrace The Student Alumni Association (S.A.A.) ACROSS IROM I M. is sponsoring its first "Career Week" Miami, FL 33166 April 3rd through 5th. This special three day program was organized by the FLORIDA POWER & LIGHT CO. PHONE: or call (Toll Free) Student Alumni Association, not only 591-8734 for S.A.A. members, but all students; 665-4.357 1-800-432-3502 undergraduate and graduate. I.B.M.

"Career Week" involves a series of JORDAN MARSH ^_>_ ACROSS FROM Intern-for-a-Day Programs, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (during the HAIR UM day). Alumni / Student Dinners at night THE KEYES COMPANY and, finally, a Student / Corporate Mixer •*-i=^i=* on Thursday evening at the Lowe Art METRO DADE COUNTY I OFTHEGABLES.INC Museum, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. I I ' )ur hair deiiani ranae "The S.A.A. is happy to report all the MIAMI V.A. MEDICAL CENTER intern positions have been filled, from Ihe low-maintenance, I however, students are encouraged to i fofttrur huirculs of attend the Student / Corporate Mixer on PRICE WATERHOUSE i todam i active ana Thursday, April 5th. The Mixer will allow students to take advantage of an i mcceufttt nusineii people. i opportunity to make valuable contacts SOUTHEAST BANK N.A. I In lln high-faihion desiam of and meet people, says Gina Rodriguez. i //in IJurL and f-^arii President of the Student Alumni i Association. According to Career Week STATE ATTORNEY S OFFICE i Cone IH/. ie, ana near u Itat we can do lor uou. organizers. Daryn Macauley, Debbie $ i MEN'S HAIRCUTS 18 — WITH DISCOUNT = $12 Ramey, Amie Anthony and Jack Peck, SUN BANK OF MIAMI i $ $ some 30 businesses and corporations I LADIES' HAIRCUTS = 25 AND UP - WITH DISCOUNT = 18 AND UP will be represented at the Mixer. Among I 1c*»sUW them will be: XEROX I I H14 S. jbt*h JLV.. I CrjqaUes. D(a. PAUL MITCHEL | OPEN For more information students can call the Alumni House at 284-2872. T PI, 666-8521 SYSTEMS L"_ ! ._< 1 Thine Miami Hurricane ^

Page 9 ports Tuesday, April 3, 1984 UM falls 1 inning short of USF sweep By STEVE CONN, turned in by the USF starters, none want it.' That's one of the first were good for only three runs. Coach Fraser took advantage of the three-game' swi'ep. But South Flori­ JOHN OUDENS of whom made it to the fourth in­ things he said to me." "I picked up some pointers from situation and gave his bench some' da didn't MM- ii that way at all, even and ning. And nobody could complain Shields' steal was also his 25th of |Friday night winner| Dan Davies," batting practice. though UM managed to be up 12-7 PETER P. PERMUY about those UM hitting statistics: 44 the season, putting two ahead of said Raether. "If you go inside MIAMI 20, SO. FLORIDA 3 in the fifth. The< Hurricanes eventu­ Of the Hurricane Staff runs, all earned; 52 hits, 20 for James — who, Shields said, shows against them |USF batters| and ally ceellapsi'd. allowing the Bulls to extra bases; six players with at Shields the way. force them to hit with their fists, BULLS HURRICANES escape disaster r le bl ab r h be There's nothing wrong with the least a hit in each game — and "Calvin really pushes me. I al­ they will hit ineffectively." Allonso2b S 0 2 0 Shields cl 3 2 2 0 "We though! we had it . . . We Miami Hurricanes' bats. They spent three players with at least two hits ways get a kick out of watching Raether only complemented the Leleano rt 5 1 1 0 James rl 3 7 7 2 should have had the game." said eVeaenene cl 3 0 2 I Hart lb 4 4 4 4 the weekend raving the South Flor­ in each game. him. He's always going after anoth­ real show, a savage UM 22-hit at­ Carr 3b J 0 0 0 Mandel dh 4 3 3 3 UM Coach Fraser. "Our pitchers ida Bulls' pitching statistics; and on If you don't count the ninth in­ er base." tack that made it seem as though Horrnik dh 2 1 I 0 Lange 3b 3 3 7 5 couldn't hold them. We hit well Gali ss 4 1 2 0 Rowland ss 4 113 Friday and Saturday, large early ning of Sunday's game, it was a Shields eventually scored in the UM was taking on high schoolers in Waggoner lb 4 0 1 0 Lane ll 4 7 7 7 enough, but the pitching just wasn't leads were all the incentive UM perfect UM weekend. fourth, making the score 8-2. Mean­ an exhibition game. Enksen II 3 0 1 0 Soles c 3 0 10 good enough te>day and that's it." S Hemond c 1 0 0 0 Sacco 2b 3 7 7 1 starters needed to go the distance. while, Davies, who had given up The Hurricanes came out on top Tagllannl c 3 0 1 0 Knowles pr 0 10 0 Patenaude lasted only 3 i/3, giv­ On Sunday, though, Miami's MIAMI 11, SOUTH FLORIDA 2 another run in the top of the fourth, early, wiping out a 1-0 USF lead Jackson 3b 3 0 0 0 Gallo c 7 0 0 0 ing way to Rob Souza. But Souza w Hemond ph 1 0 0 0 Phillips rl 2 0 0 0 only stayed in for one inning as the pitching broke down. Starter Alain was settling down. Using offspeed with four runs in the bottom of the LaFilac I 0 1 0 Leake lb 2 12 1 Patenaude left in the fourth and Friday night's game, the first of pitches to set up a fastball that, he first. Key hits were a two-run dou­ Kriebel II I 0 0 0 Nelson ss 10 0 0 Bulls nailed him for four quick runs was followed by a succession of re­ three against a team the Hi rricanes said, "moves about 82 or 83 miles ble by designated hitter Darren Crane 0 0 0 0 Knighten 2b 0 0 0 to come within one. 12-11. Carter rl 0 2 0 lievers that couldn't control the hadn't defeated since 1983. was a an hour." Davie.; went the rest of Mandel and a two-run shot over left Ellena dh 2 0 0 F'or USF, long reliever Jerry Co­ Bulls, who finally turned a sure UM tense affair for the first 20 minutes. the way for his team-leading sixth center by Clark Lange. rnelias picked up the victory, going win into a defeat, evening the In the top of the first, UM starter win. The Hurricanes gave an encore in BULLS 100 100 001 - .1 7 *3 in a what has to be called a teams' season records at 27-15 — Dan Davies gave up a double to Davies, a sophomore lefthander, the second. USF starter Brian Os­ HURRICANES 470 04100.1 - 70 fine pe-rformance. considering the Tom Kriebel and two walks, load­ E - S Hemond, Sacco, Soils, Career DP - offense production of the day. and giving the Bulls a 5-2 win of was fighting for a starting spot at good had something to take home to South Florida I LOB - South Florida 10. Miami 5 their 1984 series with the Hurri­ ing the bases with two outs. Then the start of the season. In the ab­ Tampa after UM pounded him with 2B - Malnlnl 2, Gall, Horrnik, Waggoner, Mandel, Frank Kusso (3-4), coming in for South Florida shortstop Ralph Gali Hart, Shields, Lange HR - Lange (11). Rowland another reliever. Gus Meizoso, took canes. sence of Kevin Sheary — and in seven more runs on six hits. 131. Lane (51, Leake Hi lashed a line drive to the warning light of Rob Souza's disappointing Tom Sacco led off the inning IP H R ER BB SO the loss for UM after the deadly track in right field — where Calvin 3-3 record — Davies has made the with a single. Shields followed with BULLS ninth inning, which saw eight Osgood L, 3-2 IV] 9 II II James made a running, stretching best of an opportunity to put him­ another and Calvin James grounded Nickel ; . ' i e South Florida hitters come to the backhand catch that saved three self in the regular rotation. to knock in Sacco. Chris Hart's dou­ Pyles 2 7 5 5 plate. Eriksen 2 2 0 0 runs and ended the inning. "I wanted to be there," he said ble drove in Shields. Mandel gar­ HURRICANES The hit that broke the Hurri­ The Hurricanes took care of the after the game. "I'm not saying I nished his already hot stats with an­ Raelher W, 3-0 9 12 3 3 canes' back came with UM ahead. game's tension in the bottom of the wanted Souz to do bad, but I want­ other double (and third RBI), scor­ PB — Tagliarlnl. T - 2 50 A - 1.794 13-11. Frank Lebano sent Russo's first. Doug Shields led off with a ed to do good." ing Hart. Lange then walked, and SOUTH FLORIDA 16. MIAMI 13 pitch over the right field fence to double to left and scored on a single Perhaps Davies has come on Don Rowland, who had sparked take a 14-13 lead. That was all the to center by first baseman Chris strong as a starter because he'd Friday night's win, belted a three- The Bulls and the Hurricanes cer­ Bulls needed, though they went on Hart. Hart scored on a single by rather avoid the alternative. run homer. Phil Lane then showed tainly didn't have a pitchers' duel in to score one more in the inning. designated hitter Darren Mandel. "I hate relief pitching," he said. his old healthy form by whacking a mind when they came to the light Both Lebano and catcher Scott Mandel moved to second on a single "I've been a starter all mv life." solid shot to deep left field. on Sunday to finish the three-game Hemond led the way for the Bulls, by Clarke lange; and then both MIAMI 11, SO. FLORIDA 2 Osgood was unceremoniously re­ series. doing the most damage to the Hur­ Mandel and lange came home on a placed, having notched 11 earned The teams managed to score 29 ricanes. Lebano had four RBIs and double by Don Rowland. BULLS HURRICANES runs, nine hits, two walks and no Hemond went three for four with ab r | bl ab r h bl runs and pound out 31 hits as South South Florida managed a run in Alfonso 2b S 1 I 0 Shields cl 4 3 2 0 strikeouts. At 11-1. the Hurricanes Florida finally ended up 16-13 win­ four RBIs. the fourth on two walks, a ground- Kriebel II 4 0 3 0 James rt 4 0 0 0 had practically pocketed the victo­ Chris Hart and Doug Shields also eVeaieelnl cl 4 0 0 OHarl lb 3 3 J 1 ners. But the Bulls didn't have an out and a sacrifice fly by third base­ Carr 3b 4 0 0 1 Mandel dh 4 7 3 3 ry- easy time of it. had productive days in a losing ef­ man Tim Carr. But in the bottom of Horrnik rl 3 0 I 0 Lange 3b s :} o South Florida scored one in the fort. They each had three RBIs as Gal. si 3 0 10 Rowland ss 4 13 4 Trailing 1-0 in the second, USF that inning, the Hurricanes finished Tagliarieel dh 3 I I 0 Lane II 4 0 0 0 fourth. But for every harmless, hap­ jumped on UM starter Alain Pate­ UM knocked out 17 hits to USF's off USF starter Mark Rose with Waggoner lb 4 00 0 Soils c 4 112 hazard combination USF handed naude for three runs, one a Ralph H. three singles and their fifth run. S Heereond c 3 0 11 Knighten 2b 4 0 0 0 them, the Hurricanes returned the Carter II 10 0 0 Gali tomahawked home run that SO. FLORIDA lfi, MIAMI 13 Rose's relief, Rob Nickel, surren­ Sacco 7b 0 00 0 favor with 20 deadly jabs. sailed over the left field fence. dered Don Rowland's second two- Leake lb 0 00 0 UM took a breather in the third BULLS HURRICANI . Gallo c 0 00 0 UM, as in the two previous bl ab r h bl run double of the game, running the Phillips II 0 00 0 and fourth innings, but returned in games, then sent the USF starter to Alfonso 2b 0 Shields cl 3 3 2 3 score to 7-1. 33:11 37 II 13 10 the fifth for eight more runs, the showers early. This time, the Lebanorf 4 James rf 5 111 Malnlnl cf 2 Harl lb 5 12 3 Once Miami had amassed a six- BULLS Ml 100 000- stretching the lead to 19-2. victim was Glenn Walters, the in­ Carr 3b 1 Mandel dh 5 112 run lead, Miami fans' attention HURRICANES 403 101 20» - Lane opened the inning with a ning was the second, and the in­ Horrnik dh 1 Lange 3b 4 3 3 1 E - Mainmi, DP - Miami I. LOB - South Flor­ Gall ss I Rowland ll 5 14 0 turned to Shields, whose next sto­ ida II, Miami I 2B - Kriebel, Hemond, Gall, walk. Julio Solis followed with a ning's tally was seven runs. Waggoner lb OLaewll 1 I len base would be his 108th. one Rowland 2. Hart HR - Soils (3). SB - Shields single; Dale Knowles ran for Solis. Clark Lange (3 for 4) and Don Enksen II 1 Soles c 5 2 2 more than the UM record set by SACP - Carr S Hemond c 4 Sacco 2b 3 I I IP H R ER BB SO Sacco singled, scoring Lane and Rowland (4 for 5) started things off LaFilarf 0 Career II 1 00 Howie Shapiro from 1976 through BULLS moving Knowles to third. Shields with singles for the Hurricanes. _Leake ph 1 0 0 1979. Rose L, 23 2 17 7 0 7 walked, loading the bases. Total 4 14 40 I] 17 I? Nickel 5 5 4 4 3 3 Phil Lane, who hit the ball hard all The fans didn't have to wait long. Porcell! I 0 0 0 3 2 Chris Hart, hitting consistently, day with only one hit to show, sin­ BULLS OM 440 00! - It Shields led off the UM fourth with HURRICANES then singled to right, knocking in gled in Lange. One out later, Calvin HURRICANE5 173 100 100- I] Ue.ie.seev 6 1 9 > 7 2 6 7 E - S. Hemond, Carr, Patenaude, Soils. James a single, watched the count on WP - Nickel 2 PB - Hemond T - 2 45 A - Sacco and Shields and leaving James singled with the bases load­ DP - South Florida 1 LOB - South Florida el James run to 2-2. then broke for UN. James on second. Mandel reached ed, bringing in two more UM runs Miami 5. 2B — Eriksen, Mamenl, Alfonso, Lebano Shields 7, Mandel, Lange, sacco, Rowland, Soles Meeirnl Hurricane/ROBERT MANN second. James swung and missed; MIAMI 20, SOUTH FLORIDA 3 on an infield hit, again loading the and a 5-3 lead. 3B - Horrnik HR - Gali (111, S Hemond (5), Le­ USF catcher Scott Hemond's throw bases. Lange, yet another hot bat, The killer came on Darren Man- bano (I) SB - Waggoner, Shields. SACB Dan Davies won his to second bounced short and rolled The entire Miami baseball team Sacco. SACF - Lane, Shields lined a double to center, driving in del's line drive double, scoring two IP H R ER BB SO fourth complete game into center field. Jay Rokeach, the contributed to Saturday night's hu­ James, Hart and Mandel. Lange got more, but the inning wasn't over BULLS official scorer, gave Shields the miliation of the Bulls. Freshman to third on a throw to the plate, and Wallers 1 v, a Friday night for the hungry Hurricanes. A Cornelias W, 9-2 7 'n 9 5 5 I steal. pitcher Rick Raether hurled a com­ again Lane capped the inning with ground-rule double by Lange, scor­ HURRICANES NevethelesK, no UM fan could be Shields didn't seem to mind. plete game, and each UM starter hit a single that scored Lange. Patenaude 3 "i I 7 6 3 ing Mandel, was their last run of a Souia I 3 4 3 1 all that disappeiinted in the week­ "When they first recruited me," safely at least once. Behind by 17 runs, USF would long second inning. eVeelioso 1 tl 0 0 0 2 end's results. Dan Davies and Rick he said after the game, "Coach USF, coming in with only one have been wise to call the game. Russo L, 3-4 2Ve 2 5 5 3 At that point in the game, it Cash ii 1 0 0 C Raether turned in complete games, |Skip| Bertman told me, 'You can batter hitting under .300, managed UM might well have added 10 to 20 looked as though the Bulls were WP - Walters PB - s Hemond 2, Soles T certainly much more than anything take the stolen base record if you 12 hits off Raether, but the hits more. But the game continued, and headed for the losing end of a 2 SO A - 1,534 Orioles, White Sox will come out on top again By HOWARD BURNS games. This year, they may do it by 21. Hume urn? Editor Emeritus There is simply no team in the division that can stop this team from repeating. The pitching is too awesome. Lamarr Hoyt came into his own The defending champion Baltimore Orioles are the team to beat as American League by going out and winning the American League's Cy Young Award as the major league baseball kicks off its 115th campaign this week. league's best pitcher. Just about all of the starters on the team are capable As usual, baseball took its share of the sports headlines during the of winning the award, and one of them just might off-season. Peter Ueberroth was named to succeed Bowie Kuhn as com­ The acquisitions of Dennis Lamp and Bryan Clark, along with hold­ With Hoyt, there's Floyd Bannister, Richard Dotson, Britt Burns and missioner and will assume that position as soon as his current duties as or­ over Roy Lee Jackson, will be key to Toronto's success in 1984. While Tom Seaver. Awesome. He may miss New York, but Seaver will be pitch­ ganizer of the United States Olympic Committee are completed. Kuhn will probably not worth the multimillion dollar contract he received, Lamp can ing in the playoffs this year, something he couldn't have dreamed about as remain commissioner in the interim. pitch long or short relief and even start. Ex-Mariner Clark is a lefthander a Met. Several big-name ballplayers will be wearing different uniforms this with great potential. With Greg l.uzinski, Carlton Fisk and 1983 Rookie of the Year Ron season as a result of trades, free agency and front-office stupidity (the The starters are the heart of the team. Dave Stieb and Jim Clancy are Kittle supplying the punch, balls will once again be flying out of Comiskey Tom Seaver debacle in New York). among the best in the league. Stieb is coming off an off-season injury, but Park. After several months of negotiations, fireballing relief pitcher Rich reports are he'll be ready for the regular rotation. Luis Leal and Jim Gott Julio Cruz, Rudy Law and Harold Haines provide speed and defense. Gossage declared his freedom from George Steinbrenner's Bronx Zoo and round out the starting staff. Scott Fletcher and Vance Law on the left side of the infield are only ade­ bolted for the more serene surroundings of the San Diego Padres organiza­ There are some big bats in the Toronto lineup. Willie Upshaw and quate. tion. He will be joined in San Diego by Graig Nettles, the disgruntled third Lloyd Moseby have proved they can hit major league pitching, and the ad­ The White Sox will have to pray that newcomer Ron Reed's 41-year- baseman who received his freedom from the Yankees this past weekend in dition of Willie Aikcns to team with Cliff Johnson as designated hitters old arm doesn't fall off if the bullpen is to improve Only Salome Barojas a deal for a minor league pitcher. means more homers in Exhibition Stadium. has shown signs of meeting the need for a top relief pitcher, and he has Darrell F.vans led the majors in home runs playing for the San Fran­ The Blue Jays are an up-and-coming ballclub unfortunately caught in been erratic. cisco Giants last season, but Frank Robinson's ballclub ended up going no­ the middle of the toughest division in baseball. Start printing the playoff tickets in Chicago The White Sox are a cut where. This year, F.vans will get to hit the long ball over the inviting right 4. Milwaukee Brewers. New manager, but same team. above the rest of the West. field fence at Tiger Stadium for Sparky Anderson's Detroit Tigers. Rene Lachemann inherits a ballclub that still has enough firepower 2. Oakland A's. Possibly the busiest team in the off-season. The new­ Now that spring training has concluded, the forecast for this year's with the likes of Cecil Cooper, Ben Oglivie, Robin Yount and Paul Molitor. comers are Bruce Bochte at first base, Joe Morgan at second base, Ray pennant races has become only a bit clearer. The following is the first in a The key this year is the return to form of Rollie Fingers to team with Burris and Larry Sorenson on the starting staff, Hill Caudill in the bullpen two-part look at all of the teams in the order I predict they will finish. Part Pete Ladd in the bullpen. These two guys must be on their games if the and Dave Kingman as the designated hitter one is the American League. Brewers have any shot. With Rickey Henderson, Dwayne Murphy and Carney Lansford, the Last year's starters were led by Moose Haas, who may finally be real­ new additions will make the A's a solid second-place ballclub. American League East izing his potential. Pete Vuckovicli is hurt again, and that is a damaging If Steve McCatty, Rick Langford and Mike Norris can pitch light blow for Milwaukee. years better than injuries have allowed them tee in the past couple of sea­ 1. Baltimore Orioles In his first year at the helm of the Orioles, Joe The Brewers — a very iffy situation. sons, the A's will make it a close race It may be too much to ask. Altobelli managed the team to a world's championship. If you thought last 5. New York Yankees. The names change but the turmoil stays the 3. Texas Rangers. Doug Rader's ballclub played two seasons in 1983 year's team was deep, wait until you see this year's crew! same. Gone are Gossage, Nettles, George Frazier and Steve Balboni. Enter The first half of the year they were so good, and the second half of the Although concessions from the White Sox and Dodgers are not forth­ Mike Armstrong, Phil Niekro, Toby Harrah and Tim Foil. year they were incredibly bad. coming, the Baltimore pitching staff has to be considered the best in base­ The Gossage defection means that Dave Righetti goes to the bullpen. The extent of the team's off-seaseen moves were to trade a catcher ball. The starting staff of Scott McGregor, Mike Boddicker. Mike Flanagan Not only is the pressure on Righetti to replace Gossage, but there is also (Jim Sundberg) to Milwaukee for a catcher (Ned Yost) and acquire a and Storm Davis demonstrated its worth throughout last year's playoffs intense pressure on Niekro, Shane Rawley and John Montefusco to buoy a power hitter (Gary Ward from Minnesota). and World Series starting staff on which the only one who can really he counted on Is Ron The Rangers arc looking at last year's first half of the season and feel This year, Jim Palmer has rebounded from nagging back ailments and Guidry that if they can play that way for a whole season, they can knock off the will be a formidable fifth starter. Willie Randolph. Dave Winfield, Ken Griffey and Andre Robertson White Sox. The problem is that the Rangers have nut drastically improved In the bullpen, the Birds have two lefthanders and two righthanders are all solid ballplayers that will help keep the Yanks competitive. Steve their club while the White Sox may indeed be better. The Rangers can for­ that can do the job if the starters falter. From the left side, there's the ace Kemp Is going to have to hit much better this year to help the team, be­ get it. of the pen, Tippy Martinez, and the newly-acquired Tom Underwood. cause he's certainly no help in the field. If Omar Moreno can be kept 4. California Angels. Will somebody please le'll me how a team with From the right, Sammy Stewart and Dennis Martinez are the stoppers. happy, he too may help. such good hitters can have such mediocre pitching? Righthander Martinez has recovered from a bout with alcoholism and is All in all. this year's Yankees are weaker than last year's team, and it Reggie Jackson. Bobby Grich, Fred Lynn, Rod Carew, Brian Down­ coming off a good spring. will be reflected in their final standing. ing, Doug DeCinces — all have be>en all-stars and they play on a team that Shortstop Cal Ripken has played two years ot major league ball. In 6. Boston Red Sox. All hit. no pitch. couldn't even come close to a winning record. Amazing! his first year, he was named Rookie of the Year. In his second year, he was The Red Sox pitching staff is what did them in in 1983, and in the All I can say is if Tommy John. Ken Forsch and the rest of that mot­ the league's Most Valuable Player, playing every inning of every game. At off-season, thev went out and traded their winningest pitcher, John Tudor, ley group of so-called pitchers doesn't get its act together real, real fast. this pace, the Hall of Fame had better start clearing out space for the 23- to the Pittsburgh Pirates. What's left is a team that will score a lot but will Gene Autry ought to give the team away to the' Salvation Army. They year-old phenom give up more. know what to do with hand-me-downs With the likes of F-ddie Murray, Rick Dempsey (last year's World Se­ The pitching staff is not without its bright spots. Bob Stanley remains 5. Kansas City Royals. Some teams have bat day and ladies' day. The ries MVP), John Shelby. John Lowenstein, Gary Roenicke arid new addi­ one of the most underrated hurlers in the game, and if not overpitched, he Royals will have urine analysis day tion Wayne Gross, it is going to be tough to catch the Birds. Real tough can be unbeatable out of the pen. Mark Clear has to take some of the bur­ With all the drug problems in the off-season, it seems unreasonable to 2. Detroit Tigers. After a slow start in 1983, the Tigers went on a tear den off Stanley think of the Royals U a fifth-place team, bul Manager Dick Howser has to and challenged Baltimore right down to the wire The addition of Evans Dennis Eckersley. Bob Ojeda, Bruce Hurst and Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd keep things in perspective. The rest of the division stinks and the Royals from the Giants may be the missing link that allows the Orioles to be are being counted on as the starters. In the eastern division, they will not still have George Brett and Hal McKae caught. be enough. Gone are Jerry Martin, Mike Armstrong and Willie' Aikens In are Detroit's pitching ll what turned things around a year ago. Jack Mor­ The bats are tough Jim Rice (another underappreciated star). Wade Steve Balboni, Roger F.rickson and Jeerge Orta Whoopee ns, Dan Petrv and Juan Berenguer proved a weighty threesome, and the Boggs (365 in 1983). Dwight Evans. Tony Armas and newly-acquired The pitchers are getting old and the' fans are getting tired of the off- return of Milt Wilcox to the fold after testing the free agent waters makes Mike Easier are going to have to drive in runs at a world record pace for the-field shenanigans. This team. I'm afraid to say. is a triers the starting staff a better-than-average group. the Bosox to challenge. 6. Seattle Mariners This team's strengths are its outfielders There's The bullpen is where the Tigers suffered most of last season, but the Manager Ralph Houk is going to be a lot older in September. Barry Bunnell, Gorman Thomas, Dave Henderson, Steve Henderson, et cet­ addition of Willie Hernandez from the Phillies will help. Aurelio "Senor era. Outfielders are certainly needed to win a pennant, but by themselves Smoke" Lopez and Doug Bair are adequate holdovers from the '83 squad. 7. Cleveland Indians. Run. run. run they are not enough. First baseman Evans will be moving into an infield that features the The accent is on speed with this year's Indians. Ex-Brave Brett Butler, The Mariners say they want to win a pennant, so they go out and best double-play combination in baseball. Lou Whitaker at second base and ex-Yankee Otis Nixon and ex-Mariner Tony Uernazard have arrived on the trade two of their better pitchers in Bill Caudill and Bryan Clark. Who are Alan Trammell at shortstop have become fixtures In the motor city. scene to team with Julio Franco to give the Tribe a very fast team. The bad they trying to kid? Kirk Gibson, Larry Herndon and Chet Lemon anchor the outfield posi­ news Is that this team has no power whatsoever. Manager Del Crandall is a good baseball man and will get the most tions. All have the potential to hit for power and average, but have yet to The starting pitching is led by Bert Blyleven, Rick Sutcliffe and ex- out of what he has. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much. do so as a unit. Hurricane Neal Heaton. while ex-Yankee George Frazier is virtually alone 7. Minnesota Twins Another disaster area The Tigers have the horses to catch Baltimore, but a prolonged slump in the bullpen. The team made a decent trade by getting pitchers Mike Smithson and like last year's will prove fatal. They may be exciting, hut the Indians are still not ready to challenge John Butcher from Texas The pitching need was so acute that the Twins 3. Toronto Blue Jays. The surprise team of 1983. Manager Bobby Cox the big boys. had to give up one of their best power hitters, Gary Ward, to the Rangers is known for his leadership of young talent and has done a masterful job for the two pitchers with the Jays. The bullpen was Toronto's miin liability, but an off-season American League West Ron Davis is the team's best pitcher and John Castino is the best play­ trade with Seattle and some big free agen^bucks will help rectify the situ­ er. There is very little else. , ation. ' 1. Chicagee White Sox. Last year, the (fhisox won the West by 20 National League predictions will appear on f'idax. Page 10 Tuesday. April 3, 1984 THE MIAMI HURRICANE

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'** BASED ON 11 OR MORE COPIES OF 1 OR MORE ORIGINALS Classified Advertising ANNOUNCEMENTS SERVICES HELP WANTED PERSONALS HURRICANE CLASSIFIEDS POLICY Get a )ump on your future SAA Career Week Classified rtds may Or brought in tn OUT < Hk I, room JOB WINNING ADVERTISING SALES looking for energetic, S2I1 ot the Student Union or mailed m to P O Bo* and Corporate Mixer _____ 240137. Coral Gabies. TL 33124 No ads well be taken PROFESSIONAL RESUMES outgoing people to sell advertising to local over tbe phone Classified ads must be in by noon Custom designed resumes emphasizing your Ac­ nightclubs Flexible work schedule. Excellent Rathskeller Advisory Board (RA B l positions Tuesday it they are to run in Friday s issue, and by March of Dimes woge incentive. Coll 426-4858 Contemporary noon Friday if they are to run .n Tuesday s issue ademic Training and personal potential GET for 84 85 Apply in Rathskeller Manager's of ••••BIRTH DEFECTS FOUNDATION •MM Prepayment is required tor all classified ads Rates THE COMPETITIVE EDGE) Expert writing, Marketing dp are SO 10 word, SO 15 word it m boldtype Minimum charge |I00 Special layout or placement of ads is word processing (Gables ond Miami only), CRUISESHIPS HIRING! $16, $30,000! Canb.be- Soph Head: After C.H. I think we can definitely not guaranteed. r»or are cancellations or chantjo of quality printing Gables 441 1667; Miami ropy after deadline No refunds will be given tor can an, Hawaii, World call for Guide. Directory, say we know where the Beef is!! Next year is 757 7700, North Miam. 966-7742; Fori Louder- ceiled ads Refunds or credit will be given if the ad Newsletter 1 9169444444 Xumiamicfuise going to be a blast Love, JUES. MIAMI WORD PRO, INC. doesn t run at all on ll| v neduled date If the ad curs dole, 583 2726 EXPERT WORD PROCESSING t*tore its scheduled date it will be run again as Wanted Pub I if Relations Trainee. $5 00 per Find you future. SAA CAREER WEEK April SUPPORT scheduled at no charge tn the event of an error, we Ditcover the Britian moit tourists R6sum6s Reports a/# responsible only for thr first mcorrecl insertion, hour, Great Commissions 754-0004 35 and only if, tn our opinion there is a loss of value In mini Skipper a hirod boat ovor 1500 Manuscripts Theses HURRICANE this case, no responsibility l| assumed beyond the miles of riven and canals throughf DRAMATICS COUNSELOR needed for ere NCAA Basketball finals in the Rahskeller. cost of the aditselt 54/page or $16/hour England, Scotland, Woes. For a very attve arts summer day camp; to teach classes sewn, '50 hot dogs, $1.00 drafts ADVERTISERS as well as direct musical theater productions. Call: 382-4184 FIVl WEEKS WITH BRITISH ARTISTS IN Inexpensive and unique accommoda­ Get a |ump on your future SAA Career Week also MU5IC COUNSELOR able to do ac RURAL ENGLAND JULY 2-6-AUGUST 30. tion in England, write for a FREE bro­ ond corporate mtxer. compamment ond teach classes $1075 SIX STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK chure. U.K. Waterway Holidays, PO MIAMI WORD PRO, INC.'S PERSONNEL SPECIALIST CALL 595-7145. Danny (Little l> Start sleeping with one eye CREDITS DETAILS. ROCKLAND CENTER fOR Box 0094, Gainesville, Fl 33605. open. I know you were in on it WILL WRITE YOUR RESUME INTERNATIONAL STUDIES. 149 College Rd., TELEPHONE SALE5 Exponding National Suffern, NY 10901 TYPING Company needs sharp, clear speaking individu­ "FLASHDANCE" 7 30 & 1000 Rathskeller, to als either experienced or eager to tram, to set night. We Have The lowest Airfares To Europe ond CALL MRS EllERT, eSA7 2052. FOR EXPERT appointments over the phone for our outside See you at the SAA CORPORATE MIXER Across America' for free Color Brochure, TYPING OF PAPERS, THESES FOREIGN STU­ Years Of Professional Recruiting Experience sales force April 5th Lowe Art Museum 6:00 pm Write to Campus Travel, Box 11387 St Louis, DENTS HELPED WITH ENGLISH AND SPELL For interview call 382 1729 MO 63105 ING Senator Banana, Congrats!! I always knew you Will Be Used To Turn Your Qualifications SUMMER CAMP JOBS. Sister Brother were o STAR!! Good luck and best wishes' THE HOMECOMING CHAIRPERSON PO­ FREi PICKUP, DELIVERY. AND EDITING Camps, Waynesboro, Pennsylvania, June 21 Love, The Ditch Witch SITION HAS BEEN FILLEDI BV PROFESSIONAL WRITER. CALL August 17 Qualified specialists to teach any of Into The Resume That Businesses Look For 7DAYS/NIGHTS, LOW PRICES. NCAA Basketball finals in the Rathskeller. 7' RETAIL MANAGEMENT following: Tennis, swimming (WSI), Archery, 444-8400. screen, '50 hot dogs, $1 00. CAMELOT MUSIC is a rapidly expanding na Gymnastics, Theatre Director, Dance, Arts 4 FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL: 382-4184 tionol record and fa-p* retailer We ore seeking RESUMES-Prolesiioncel quality ireclejdee persoreal Crafts, photography, ham radio, N.R.A. riflery Pepito, lost in the crowd . everyone was to college graduates or individuals with retail interview, composition, layout, editing and 25 instructor, trampoline, rocketry, science, pio­ be seen Where were you' management experience excellent copies. OTHER SERVICES include neering. Nurses, tnpmaster. Pianist, Contact: Di­ See you at the SAA CORPORATE MIXER CAMELOT OFFERS word processing and aueomatec cover letter rector, 261-1500, 1531 SW. 82nd Court, April 5th Lowe Art museum. 600 pm, PROFESSIONAL TRAINING PROGRAM service For tost service, low student rates, call Miami, FL 33144 Sorry, but you guys deserve the SWINE title FIRST YEAR SALARY POTENTIAL $13,000 653 7887, BEVERLEY KAGAN RESUMES WATER SAFETY INSTRUCTOR to direct back. EXCELLENT INSURANCE AND BENEFIT PACK Typing, Expert Ediemg, Term Papers, Theses, aquatics program for summer camp vicinity Red AGE Rathskeller Advisory Board positions for 84 85 low. Resumes, Casseetes. 15 Years Experience Rd and Corol Way. Red Cross Certification es­ PROFIT SHARING AND RETIREMENT PRO Apply in Rathskeller Manager's office Typing tor Faculty ond Students Coll Mrs Hart sential 266-4660 GRAM «48O508 TREASURE BEACH, That was dumb to agree to ze CAMP COUNSELORS General and Special ll you are interested m a challenging career me hugging the phone with advancement opportunities in music and Professional Typing Cheap, lose, accurate ty counselors for beautiful Central Florida sum­ Term papers editing IBM Elece.er 661 0904 Doting Game by USBG 9.00 pm, Saturday in video retailing A Camelot representative will be mer camp Olympic swimming pool, 3 mile the Rathskeller 7 '&h interviewing on campus Tuesday, April 3 be­ TERM PAPERS TYPED, EDITED. SPELL­ lake, riding, sports, etc June 10-August 11 Of tween 8 30-noon and 1 30 5 00, and Wednes ING CORRECTED, ACCURATE. SEASON fice across from U ol M campus Call for GIBBONS: doy. April 4 between B 30 and noon ABU IBM. 444-2387. interv.ew-666^4500 I think you really need to get yourself a ca' — W.I but whatever you do, never take a bus ogam All the members ot Alpha Kappa Psi wont to TYPING SERVICE University Inn Oh, when are you going to ploy squash with wish the best o( luck to lorry. Ann, Beulah, OVER 30 YEARS EXPERIENCE RESUMES • Owned ond operated by the University of Enrique? Lorelei, Joanie, JeM, Isabel. Dave, Linda, Helen SPECS * DISSERTATIONS • TERM PAPERS ' Miami and Sylvto You ran a'l do it' STATS * REPORTS * CASSETTES • MAILING/ The University Inn is seeking waiters and wait GEORGE HAJ CUTLINE OF THE WEEK LETTERS * NOTARY 448-2152/ 442 0946 * resses. Front desk personnel/maintenance help George finally goes all the way Greek What is FOR RENT 3011 SW 15 STREET * PROMPT SERVICE ' on a part time basis. Call 667-2554 & ask for this world coming to' JENNIE MYERS General Manager Room in quiet residential area Near UM Inex- NEED CASH' EARN $500 plus, each school pensive Phone 6671316. EXPERT TYPIST: attractive resumes, repetitive letters popen . . FAST, ACCURATE, REASON year, 2 4 (flexible ) hours per week placing ond 2BT FRATERNITY RENTING ROOMS FOR SUM ABLE 667 7160 filling posters on campus Serious workers only, A/C Storage Spaces MER HOUSING. KITCHEN FACILITIES FIRST we give recommendations Call now for sum' Professional editing ond word process­ From as low as COME FIRST SERVE. CALL 667 6868 mer & next fall 1-800-243 6679 ing. Masters degree and 30 years experience What's a Girl from the Long Island Suburbs Young professional couple wane eo HOUSE Special help lor foreign students ond those with SIT or SUBLET aportmen. tor the summer poor English skills Reasonable rates. $ (Five Towns) do after graduating from Approx May 1 5 Aug 15 Reliable, excellent ref PERSONALS per 2745762 •rentes ColM°l°) 383-3918 eves 6 month college? She has her daddy buy her a TYPING EDITING WORD PROCESSING ART STUDENTS: If you believe you got art Wall, to UM 1 ' 1 M Mariposa Condo gas. ALL AROUND GENUIS. 854-7928, inapproapriate grade tn prf. Willig's class, Women's Clothing Store. hoe waeer garb colleceion FREE Furnished it 856-5497 LANE. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR GRADE no (I Store It — U Lock It preferred S450 mo 665 277? maner how long ago you took the course Call U Keep tho Key For Rent Mouse en South Groeee. Summer only 284 6334 COME SEE IT! [May 5 Aug 20) 441 2672 before_9JX> pm HELP WANTED • 2 Minutes from the LOEHMANN'S PLAZA IN KENDALL FOR SALE AIRLINES HIRING! STEWARDESSES, Doting Game by USBG 9:00 pn Saturday in Reservotionistsl $14-39,000. World­ the Rathskeller airport Southwest 117th Av. MINOLTA CAMERA SYSTEM body, 3 lens­ wide! Call for Directory. Guide. News­ on the corner of Sunset Dr. Find your future 5AA CAREER WEEK April • Open 7 days o es, flash, oil filters, etc. $300.00, letter. 1-916-944-4444, XUMIAMIAR. 3-5. weeek 9 om-o pm 661 -7424. Advertising Sales looking for energetic, Senator Bonito: congrats you bag!! I hope that MIAMI HURRICANE Nonprofit Org^,i^,o, Six week old puppies Dobermon jhepord outgoing people to sell advertising to local • 24 hour clectreDnic U I PoVgt you'll still have time for cookm in your kitchen!! University ot Miami nightclubs, flexible work schedule Excellent PAID mix 446-4020 ._ love. Jiles security Miami FtorKM wage incentive Call 426 4858, Contemporary P O Boi 248132 P.-rrmi Numtef m PENNY STOCKS Interested in penny stocks? Marketing Happy Birthday Ho|i!!! ______Coral Gables, Fla 33124 Call John ot 893-5000 SUPER SALES PERSON Expanding NaTion SENATOR KURETSKI I See, I spelled it right!): Airport Mini Storage ROOMMATES al company has immediate openings for bright NOW do you believe If Congrats John, lots 3333 N.W. 38th St. confident perjon to be fully trained in direct of luck too!' Love, S A Female roommate to share N ol large. *"' sales of our rt-« fnrrgy Savings Product Unbe Bochelorette #2, "Where will you be Sot nite (IM lit. aa4IW lift SL) r For Authorized Use Only nutted 2 bedroom apartment, pool, near UM, lievable incorr-- Great hours. For your personol at 8:00 pm ' At the Rots Dating Game, silly Phono: 633-3330 $225.00 month storting May I. 661-0882 interview call 38? 17?9 boy! T1 J T1 'J MiamiMiami News that comes in stolen plastic milk carton crates ihe I nbyune APRIL FOOL'S EDITION A STUDENT PIECE OF TRASH AT UM BY COLLEGE REPULSIVES Tuesday, April 3, 1984 'We've withheld everything else' UM withholds next year's tuition

By ANONYMOUS the bills stop coming. tee it will appoint a student and not We can play the game too USBG, unaware that it was abol­ tell the administration who it is. ished by Foote four weeks ago, is When asked how the student 'The president wonders why we even The University of Miami, follow­ vehemently protesting the action. would vote without showing him/ ing decisions to withhold informa­ Legislation has been introduced herself at the nonexistent commit­ tion about the budget, enrollment that would force the administration tee meetings, Sens. Mark "1 know I give out such information.' and the admission standards, has to notify the students on their last don't look it, but I am an honors — Provost William Leo, decided to withhold next year's tui­ billing that it is the last bill. "This student" Eiscn and Ken "Interna­ responding to enrollment tion. would be a fantastic victory for stu­ tional Week doesn't mean any­ and tuition questions Provost William Lee, who made dents," said USBG President Bark thing" Jerkc (collectively known as the announcement at a secret public "I beat Arelia" Checkers about the USBG's "Bobbsey Bozos") said, "By meeting said, "The President won­ bill. secret ballot, of course." ders why even give out such infor­ The administration, meanwhile, "What budget committee?" mation." Lee had made the same Is thrilled with the new plans. Offi­ laughed John Stofan when he statement when questioned about cials can raise tuition repeatedly showed up for his one day of work enrollment earlier in the year. throughout the year, instead of only this month last Monday. "Now that Sources within the administra­ showed up. UM will bill students every once a year. USBG is petitioning to there is no budget, UM will make it tion confirmed that administrators Other campus papers have been month for their tuition. According slow to pick up this obvious com­ be included on a nonexistent budget up as they go along. Besides, they had decided to inform each other of to Vice President of Student Affairs committee. are so determined to keep it secret, munist plot (the hillings will be Willy Butler, students will know the tuition hike, but kept the loca­ made on red paper) and are un- As a retaliatory measure, USBG they have even told each other tion and time secret so no one they have paid their tuition when said if it is allowed on the commit­ what the budget is." American because we sav so. Probation College created

By ZACK HACKNEY from Lowell Poindexter, president of the Honors Stu­ I get off worh at eight dents' Association. The Office of Residence Halls stunned the UM com­ "They promised," he said. "It isn't fair. I'm telling munity yesterday with the announcement that long- my father." touted plans for an Honors Residential College had Thanks to months of Honors College planning. RHO been scrapped in favor of an Academic and Discipli­ doesn't have to start from scratch on the new project. nary Probation Residential College. The Probation Residential College, to be modeled after a similar project at the University of Nebraska at Piss "Basically, it's a matter of where our bread and Hole, will occupy the Pentland Tower of the 1968 butter is," said Residence Halls Director George Shoff- Complex. Residents will have the full advantages of ner. "Honors students — most of whom are on scholar­ electric power, central air conditioning and running ship — balked at paying $900 or more for living in the water; however, wide-range video cameras, one-way residential college. But students on probatiem, well . . . intercoms and electrically wired furniture will see to it Shoffner added that student enthusiasm for the that students turn off the TVs and get to schoolwork project would likely be enhanced by an administration for at least four hours each evening. requirement that all students on academic and discipli­ Alcohol, sex and sharp silverware will be strictly nary probation must apply for housing in the new col­ forbidden. lege. Further plans call for William Sandler, dean of stu­ Administrators would not confirm that require­ dent personnel, to live in a suite on the first floor of the ment. Said Provost William Lee: "The president won­ building. The suite is to be equipped with direct phone ders why we even give out such information." lines to the President's Office, UM Public Safety and The RHO announcement brought stern criticism the Air National Guard. Hit the books, young man

By NAME WITHHELD istry said tnat suicide attempts fell their lives at the Orange Bowl, then At request of family off markedly after March exams. we teachers have to lower the The report argues that the boom. 'The game's over, people.' A Faculty Senate committee this Schnellenberger ads — run every 'Do your reading.' 'I don't care if week released a report attributing a 10 minutes on the cable channel — Channel 7 is running a special on startling March improvement in were the only detectable campus in­ Orange Bowl wrap-ups — be pre­ UM students' academic perform­ fluence introduced during March. pared for a quiz next time.' " ance to the airing of football Coach "That's gotta be it," the report Steinman was still talking when Howard Schnellenberger's "Hit the states. the Tribyune reporter left the room. books, get the grades" advertise­ Dr. Manuel Steinman, chairman Scnellenberger, who was tied up ments on the new campus cable of the Faculty Senate, said the Fac­ shooting endorsements, was un­ television station. ulty Senate stood behind the report. available for comment. UM administrators denied ru­ The cable station began airing on "Damn right we do," he said. mors that Schnellenberger had been Cheskin struts his stuff March 1 5, the day before UM pro­ "Students don't listen to us. They invited to be the guest speaker at fessors began reporting an unprece­ listen to what's-his-burger, espe- next month's commencement. dented rise in test grades. The Eng­ ciallv after the championship. What do USBG Lame Duck Presidents really do in their lish department reported a compos­ "ft isn't easy for us, you know. Provost William Lee said, "The ite average of 94 for the week of Look at me when I'm talking to president wonders why we even spare time? The Tribyune takes you behind the scene March 19; the department of chem­ you. Students spend the time of give out such information." to show you the REAL Mark Cheskin [ e^e^eBeMHM.«.*B—_—eae_e^e^e^e^e^e^e^e^eMB______B—___MMHHMI^^^^BB^WHi^^Me_____MM Rumors Blind Date So he's dead, who cares? Who knows when? Art Greenspann, a UM alumni who made it big in the earthworm Meeting of UM Student Leaders: No one showed up business, died two months ago of the dreaded foot fungus. A provision in Kevin Morris Fan Club: The meeting will be held at the back of the nearest Fotomat. his will left $3 billion to the university for the construction of a School of Where's the Beef 7: Mark Eisenberg and Ken Berk will be holding the first meeting soon. Hear Eisenbeig ask Horticulture. are all these hot issues on campus?" Greenspann graduated with a degree in Landscaping and Architectur­ Photography Staff Meeting: The photography staff of the Tribyune asks: "Has anyone seen the photograpl al Planning and moved to Oregon to grow Christmas trees after his 1983 tor?" graduation. It is said that his dying words were, "Tell them to name a tree after me." Friends and family said Greenspann wanted the university to be able to plant shade trees everywhere. An full maple tree will be planted on the grounds of the Greenspann School of Architecture after its 1985 open­ Who wants to know when? ing. Communist Student Fellowship: All leftists welcome. Rides available to off campus meetings. Monday will be a somber holiday honoring the late plant benefactor. Open Door: Closed until further notice. Student groups plan to carry palm fronds to class to symbolize their empa­ Rathskeller: Sad and Sorry Hour at the Rat from 4-7 p.m. Bring Kleenex. thy with the cause Green supported throughout out his education here at Hillel: "Ham and Eggs Brunch" to be held Sunday morning at Hillel. Semi-formal attire is required. All the eh. UM. The clarion bells will be ringing throughout campus to the tune of and matzah ball soup you can drink with youi $10 doiieition at the door. Saving Grace at 6 p.m. The theme for the day will be "Every Day is Arbor Philosophy Colloquium: Phyllis Gorge will lecture on "Assistant Sports Editors — Men or Myths?" at 10 p i Day at the University of Miami." girls' bathroom. Scholarships for your good limes

Scholarships are available for students who found that keeping the Who cares when? federally-required 2 0 GPA too much of a hassle while attending socially- Bored of Trustees: Meeting time, place and topic of discussion are being withheld from students Said Prove active universities and colleges. The 'Beer Drinker, Lobby Rats, Partyiers liam Lee, "The president wonders why we even give out such information." and Suntanners Scholarship Fund" will provide one short book and free Athletic Scholastic Society: ASS will meet at Pizza Hut to discuss the latest in jock straps. passes to all local happenings for qualified applicants. Applicants meeting Kill the Editor Club: Presidents Kevin Morris and Mike Johns urge all interested students to join. Bring gun ane a special needs limit will also receive training in social drinking and hob­ der. nobbing. Kill George Haj Club: USBG urges all interested students to |om. Bring silver bullet and tear gas. Applicants must either have a GPA lower than .8 or be in their sixth year of a four year program at a accredited college or university. Students attending |unior colleges are welcome to apply. Freshmen are specifically forbidden to apply since it is felt by the scholarship board that freshmen don't really know how to waste time constructively. UM wages ivar on drugs For applications and other information, please write to The Beer Drinkers, Lobby Rats, Partyiers and Suntanners Scholarship Fund, 5566 Lua Moi Avenue, Soui Kawii, Hawaii 44065. Please include $22.50 to By Paula Pawkins There are, at present, no effective nology to the latest in •ophistii cover postage and handling cost Local phone number 284-2211. Not very spec ial lo the Tribyune fixed surveillance systems in opera­ surveillance: helium-filled ball tion in these channels Public Safety equipped with state-ofih Intercepting illegal drug traffick­ patrols these areas, but they do so radar. These balloons could be Johnny comes murcliiii"; home ers through the use of air and sea without the benefit of long-range ered to floating oil rigs on Lake patrols is an important element of surveillance. Intercepts, when they ceola. Tribyune editor Mick Johnny recently returned from a fact-finding trip the University of Miami's war are made, occur through chance Radar balloons hover al in • to the Soviet Union as a member of the Leftist Editors Fabricating Togeth­ against drugs. "visual acquisition" of targets. tude of about 3,000 feet and hi er (LEFT), a group promoting lying in print for a living, in an effort to raise We know that UM is a magnet From lime to time, aircraft-borne look-down radar range of 80 I the consciousness of the typical American student about the true level of for illegal drugs, and we know that radar systems owned by the U.S. in any direction. Ths rani;' leftism in the world. about covers the two While touring Moscow, LEFT took a break from the busy task of through which drug traffu searching out things to lie about and raise their status level on their re­ Washington Watch is routed. spective campuses to pose for pictures with some of the Russian people The balloon technology developed and has been prim pretending to be oppressed. drugs from several South American military — such as the President's many governmental and romi Johnny said the tour of Russia left him feeling very enthuastic about countries are transported by means Office's AWACS — have heen em­ cial applications. Thi'se are' nol American's care for the sick, poor, stupiel and otherwise disadvantaged in of small to medium-sized aircraft or ployed in patrolling for drug smug­ pensive experimental lysten s other countries. Johnny said with a few more lies, people will start to be­ ships over established routes to the glers, While Ihis technology is more they are readily available1 ofl lieve these people are actually suffering when everyone knows that Johnny shores of UM. along the lines of what we would shelf at reasonable prices did away with suffering in his other life. These routes force the drug traf­ expect to be using to catch smug­ We cannot afford to relax Johnny was said to have told the truth only once in his life. He was fic to pass through two "choke glers, these missions are very ex­ vigilance in the war against di said to have admitted not caring what happened to anyone as long as he points" — Mahoney /Pearson dorms pensive and are not available full- On the contrary, we must build got his name in the paper. and the 1968 complex, according to time. defense. Radar balloons could Provost William Lee, who added, Next month, Johnny plans to visit San Francisco in an effort to rid To fight traffickers more effec­ valuable new weapeen, and "The president wonders why we tively, UM needs a system that should bring them into Ihe le the city of the gays, women, liberals and other scum that inhabit the even give out such information." earth. weds human aviation's oldest lech- without delay.

This is for all \ou gigolos Famed motivational psychologist, Wyy I. Nono will be speaking be­ UM professor arrested fore a Human Sexuality class an effort to combat the "gigolo burnout" that sometimes strikes men and, more recently, college age women. Nono will speak on his research in the field of physical and mental fatigue and the ways college students can build up their endurance through stress training and lifting light weights. on charges of sedition The lecture will be held in the Allen Hall, room 749 at 7 a.m. Light beer and popcorn will be served. By PUBLIUS President wonders why we even tion lab to eastern-bloc counm The lecture is sponsored by the Psychology Department and the Tr&yuit* Stall Writer School of Continuing Studies. give out such information." can't comment on this for the ti He would not give any further being, however, I would like to The journalism world was comment. press my condolences to Dr Mie MiK Im men only need apply shocked today by the arrest of Or. ra's family. Upon his arrest our fi Dr. David Gordon, chairman of Edmund Midura, a mellow journal­ thoughts were to his student1- Applications for the position of Bit) Man On Campus are available ism professor at the University of the Communication Department did comment however. their lack of an instructor H now in the Office of Leaelers and Other Such Minor Gods on the third floor Miami, on charges of promoting ever, I'm happy to report thai of the Student Union. communist sedition. "It's important to let the commu­ nity know that certain UM adminis­ has already been replaci'd," <"»••• • Applicants should have attempted to kill or maim another human Midura, who was hauled away in added. irons by federal marshals, was trators and communication faculty being (animals don't count, but bright-eyed freshmen do) within the last have known about Midura's under­ year Or have run for USBG Other qualifications include the ability to drive heard screaming unintelligible slo­ gans in Polish. handed dealings for quite some and I 14-wheeler while chugging beer in cans opened with your teeth while we have coordinated our operations Midura was arraigned tudu When Provost William Lee dis­ noon in federal district court Jui lighting a Marlboro cigarette and chewing and swallowing tobacco (don't covered that all the major television with the FBI," Gordon said. tell us this is a run-off sentence). Joseph Webster threw the bool networks had interrupted program­ "There have been rumors that Midura, ordering him to retniii ming to broadcast news of the ar­ Midura is also guilty of selling the jail at Krome Ave. in lieu — TOOTSIE BURNETTE rest, all Lee could say was, "The word processors in the communica­ $500,000 bond with surety. Page 2 Tuesday April 3, 1984 THE MIAMI TRIBYUNE Sharvy continues to haunt; switches over to Music School

By MARIA CRONISE When asked to comment on the placed, well-informed sources in Trib\une Entertaining Editor matter, Provost William Lee said, the Office of Public Safety said, "The president wonders why we however, that the office may not be William Hipp, dean of the music even give out such information." used after all because several bomb school, today announced a major Sharvy's reaction to the resigna­ threats have been received. music school fund-raising drive tion of the music school faculty was Upon hearing of the bomb which, if successful, should net ap­ one of calm resolve. "I think their threats, the former music school proximately $22 million. resignations will make my job as faculty, now headquartered at the Richard Sharvy, former philoso­ chairman of fund-raising much easi­ Rat, said the phone caller who phy professor at UM, was named er as part of the anticipated funds made the bomb threats should be head of the drive. His nomination were set to be ear-marked for sala­ given the Congressional Medal of draws to a close speculation on ry raises." Valor. Sharvy's future at UM after his Sharvy's former philosophy of­ When asked to comment on these contract as a philosophy professor fice which he kept throughout his late-breaking developments, Lee was not renewed last year. status as "professor in limbo" has simply responded, "The president In his acceptance speech, Sharvy been designated as the office for the wonders why we even give out stated. "I would just like to say that fund-raising campaign. Highly- such information." I plan to raise enough money to keep the music school at the level which I have always considered it to be." Sharvy's nomination resulted in the resignation of the entire music school faculty and a plethora of phone calls to UM president Tad Foote's office from angry parents of music students. Foote, according to highly-placed and well-informed sources, reportedly left on "an ex­ tended vacation" shortly before Sharvy's appointment was an­ nounced Foote's secretary. Bunny, could provide no information to the Tri­ byune on Foote's whereabouts other than that he was at "an undisclosed Miami Hurrieane/MR. BOO location at least 4.000 miles away." Gusman Hall after the major fund-raising drive Who Doesn't Read the Tribyune

Tuesday April 3 1984 THE MIAMI TR.BYUNt Paeje 3 For those who missed it throughout April Fool's Edition the other sections

Page 4 Opinion Tuesday, April 3, 1984 Letter from USBG president recounts tuition talks the editor Haj: "Iron Arrow should not istrators, so will they be mad if By MARK CHESKIN What I've REALLY wanted to say be let on campus until they I take a stand?" admit women. I'm hot on the What do I think? This is an­ Why should tuition go up? trail of the story." other example of how the ad­ I was sitting by my pool the other day, sipping a Who the hell knows. I cer­ Let's ask President Foote ministration doesn't care about martini and contemplating limited nuclear war, when the tainly don't. Let's ask President again: students and we should have the impulse hit me to ask my butler, Leroy, "What is it that Tad Foote. Foote: "This place is far bet­ tuition-hike fee revoked. you people want out of life?" Foote: "The University of ter than it was three years ago Let's ask old-time politico "Doan know, Suh," he replied, eyes looking properly Miami is a Global University in (before I arrived) and we need a Ritchie Lucas: at my feet. "Jus' welfare and other-type handouts. Ah a Global City and a tuition in­ tuition rate to reflect this." Lucas: "Statements vary guesses." crease is needed to demonstrate Let's ask Dr. Bill Butler: while conflicting stories exist. His answer didn't surprise me. Gonzalez, my Chica- this to my friends at Yale." Butler. "President Foote real­ Let's ask Hurricane Editor in no, was busted for food stamp fraud just last week, ly listened to your requests .... Chief Ronnie Ramos: thanks to my illustrious surveillence of his off-duty life. Let's ask Provost Bill Lee. What were they again?" Ramos: "Honors is very im­ "What's the matter?" I asked. "Don't I pay you Lee: "Foote is a great leader Let's ask Provost Lee again: portant to all of our degrees and enough?" and this is a great place to be. Lee: "The president wonders since Dr. Ash told me this, it "Ah spose," said Leroy. "Ah've learned to do with­ We are easily better than FIU. why we even give out such in­ must be true." out underwear, anyway." There's no comparison." formation. Have I said this be­ Now, then. I'm willing to make a compromise on Let's ask a USBG senator: fore?" Mark Cheskin is USBG's lama this Martin Luther King thing. Once a year, the TV net­ Senator: "What tuition in­ Let's ask another USBG sena­ duck president. He wrote this works can broadcast a special program in King's honor. crease?" tor: late one night and never They can do it anytime they want, except during an Ea­ Let's ask ex-everything Senator: "Is tuition an issue? I intended for it to run. He gles or Phillies broadcast. How about instead of "The Jef- George Haj: don't want to upset any admin- probably means every word. fersons"? — Mick Johnny So I wasn't made president, Lieby a war I'll get to be a leader yet In recognition of that By GEORGE EL-HAJ outstanding public co­ The Palestinian Prophet median David Lieber man, who also works Election time has come and gone, boys and girls, and those part-time at the Univer­ THE TRIBYUNE bozos over at the Undergradu­ sity of Miami as the Vice ate Student Body Government President of Business office will finally be replaced. The Tribyune is is published as a satire for April Fool's Day. by Ihe staff and Finance. ot the Miami Hurricaneand is intended to poke fun None of the materi­ Yes, the new heads have been al should be taken seriously Any relation between Ihis paper and any elected — by those of you con­ Lieberman is the king of other campus papers isa shame because there shouldn't be one like this issue. cerned enough to go out and comic answers to serious make your voice heard (oh,let's The El-Haj contemplates another prophetic column which is sure to questions. For those who MICK JOHNNY FRANCES MERCENARY cut out the BS — you only voted so you could get those monkeys not get him any trouble: "I pray for want a guideline for Editor in Chief Business Manager peace after I write.' off your back). the contest below are Now, for the answer to the Picture this: me sitting around two Lieby Classics: question none of you have been rapping with President Foote Managing Editor G. Gordon Liddy Will there be student News Editor John Mitchell waiting for, Why the hell and having a generally good Opinion Editor Howard Hunt wasn't I elected USBG Presi­ time. Me sitting around with rates at the UM-run Entertainment Editor Larry Flynt dent? OK, so I wasn't on the Provost Lee and having him tell University Inn? Outdoors Editor James Watt ballot. That's no excuse. Barry me confidentially, "The presi­ Film Editor Ronald Reagan "I'll get a mohawk if elected" dent wonders why we even give LIEBY CLASSIC: We Living Today Editor Roman Polanski Kimmel got one write-in vote. It out such information." were thinking about Sports Editor Lou Saban isn't fair, folks. I've wanted this But, hey, that's OK. Next renting the rooms out Yachting Editor Bebe Reboso position for a long time now. I week are elections for United Photography Editor Brian de Palma wanted to be Head Honcho, Big Black Students. I have it from for the hour to those Copy Editor Jim Honochick Man on Campus, Dictator, etc. with a UM I.D. Circulation Manager William Hearst my sources that they're a pretty (sorry, K-man). It's about time I (how should I phrase this?) ran. After all, I know all there is How can we get more Senior Advisor Richard Nixon Loud Voice on Campus group. to know about USBG. I am the So, for all you voting for the endowment money for Financial Advisors Spiro Agnew man for the job. Ed Meese new UBS president, remember: UM? Staff Coordinator Larry MacDonald I could have been someone. Vote Boy George. LIEBY CLASSIC: We Attorney John Dean need to have more fu­ George Haj Is the past managing editor of the Hurricane and has been offered USBG's vice president and speaker of the senate nerals. We need UM positions various times. He currently holds no leadership position on alumni to die. campus. April Fool's Edition Let's end RED blood tn our life­ time

Page 5 Tuesday, April 3, 1984 BLOOD PRESSURE Tad cuts Foote-loose in flick By MARK DARK RED take on the starring role in a was run by Henry King Stan­ Tribyune Staff Writer new derivative, exploitative, ford for 20 years. During his low-budget dance flick that'll reign dancing and music were UM President Tad Foote is show off my buns ... and of prohibited on campus. That is the star of Footeloose, a new Co­ course the kids come first!" until Foote came along. lumbian release. Of his starring "The UM students?" I asked. At his inauguration, Foote role, the president exclaimed, "No," replied Foote, "my own was sworn to fun and loyal to "Now my life's fulfilled. Acting kids." none. All students paying their is something I've wanted to do The director of Footeloose: the activity fees were issued a as long as I can remember — Movie, Elmer Fudd, wanted to walkman and a copy of Denny since I was 37." use John Travolta as Tad's stunt Terrio's latest book How to When asked why he choose to dancer. Tad vehemently re­ Dance — Even if You're White. do the movie now, Foote verbal­ fused, insisting, "If Jennifer Every night was declared ized, "I knew it was time for Beals can do her own work, I dance night at the Rat, and sel­ my salary increase. It was ei­ can do mine." dom was Tad not seen there ther raise tuition some more, or Nevertheless, everything did strutting his stuff. Dancing from work out for the best. Foote de­ class to class quickly replaced cided to let his newly-found the trends of roller skating, bik­ friend Travolta act president of ing, and skate boarding to class. the UM, during his three week "I'm so Footeloose," sings hiatus. Foote at the climax of the "It was almost as fun as movie, "and I want everyone to doing Welcome Back Kotter ex­ be Footeloose too. Even if it cept it was harder to find a means raising tuition to make parking space," murmured Tra­ you students sing a different President Tad Foote (left), our hero, has fun with volta. "I thought it was good for tune!" past president Henry King Stanford, the enemy me to get to be president of a This is just a small example of ments (considering of course found on campus. However, this university since I never got to the witty dialogue and fantastic that Travolta will continue to has not yet been confirmed, and go to college myself. It was music and dance scenes this help out in the executive's of­ Provost William Lee said, "The kinda like being guest host on movie reeks. There's no doubt in fice). president wonders why we evetv Johnny Carson or somethin'," this critic's mind why Tad Foote Foote has been asked to star give out such information." related Travolta. earned himself an Oscar nomi­ in the musical sequel Big Foote­ This film definately makes The story is based on Foote's nation for best actor. loose narrated by Leonard my must-see list. You can't af­ In real tile, Foote's stardom has afforded him life and was written with him in Foote enjoyed his new career Nimoy. This story is about a ford to miss Footeloose: the the Hollywejod drug lifestyle he's always mind, according to Fudd. The so much that he plans to head university president who is Movie because you might not be dreamed of movie is about a university that both the drama and film depart- hunted down by many but never able to see him in person.

r\-e*\J*rd Retejwpn o*Ks A.J. comes back home ' I . rtee el i MM < • By LOOSE SPLEENSTEIN and SANDY BEACH believe that they, too, can sell millions of al­ .... led i- ' Tribyune? Staff Writers bums." And as he daringly removed his sunglass­ es, he added, "And you know I wouldn't take my ll-,- 'u.el't- A.J. and the Foyts played to a sold-out crowd sunglasses off for just anybody." C I , , Ke ,1 I in the Orange Bowl last week. And no wonder — I Want A New Rug rocked the audience of e. ,,-t t'.. with the success of their debut record, "The teeny-boppers and racing enthusiasts, while I South Dixie Highway Album," which spawned Love Jackie Stewart made the crowd scream for seven hits out of eight cuts on the album, the more. During Heat It and Born to Change Oil, VeacHeloeettc-*^ band was on Its home turf. however, the band seemed to be losing energy; I'olly Porton reple'

By ERIC "SCOOP" ERIKSON out of there before sum'em ter­ side has been seen outside the Utaff Writer rible happens. Summer was da building probing the ground for time de ancients performed dere no apparent reason. Rumors In a startling "scoop" The Tri­ sacrifices. We could be in for a that this is true have been circu­ byune has discovered that the ... a scene here like from Pol­ lating from administrative newly-built School of Continu­ tergeist — wit coffins poppin' of sources leading Provost William ing Education, Allen Hall has de ground revealing dere dead!" Lee to say, "The president won­ been constructed on the site of ders why we even give out such an ancient Indian burial site. Re­ "Rubbish! Pure rubbish!" re­ information." search into the area has also re­ plied President Tad Foote. vealed that after the tribe aban­ "Allen Hall is as safe now as it Sections of asphalt making up doned the plot, early Miami set­ ever was. Besides, we have the paths around UM have also tlers used the area as a grave­ thousands of students coming been exposed for what would yard. here for the Summer session — appear to be dubious reasons. We can't close the building Why are mounds being enclosed Strange happenings have now!" been reported in and around the with rock walls around Allen Hall? Why indeed. area of Allen Hall. An unnamed Jackson later told us "I come student said, "People may think out here late at night to clean up I'm crazy, but one evening I was and I've seen de fountain spout­ Are they afraid that if set walking through the courtyard ing liquid dat I can only describe loose, they may do something when I swear I saw the figure as blood red . . . It's horrible. If terrible? And why have all the of a large Indian." She reports dat's not an omen I don't know attempts at landscaping the mis­ that the vision gave her his what is!" understood Hall been to no avail feather and made reference to as the vegetation has all with­ Iron Arrow's banishment from Other students corroborate ered and died? campus as a big mistake. the color change of the foun­ tain's water. Some even said Another student told The Tri­ they saw a white froth emanat­ We dare not even guess at the The Tribyune goes Sesame St (top row, left to right) Bunsen, byune that he was studying in ing from it. answers to these questions. The Honeydew. Uncle .Deadly, Wal­ one of the rooms of the contro­ dorf, Statler. Link Hog throb, Dr Tribyune, however, will pay a Teeth, Beaker. (2nd row, left to versial hall when the door Apparently, the administra­ $100 reward to anyone willing right) Lew Zeland, Animal, Floyd Pepper, Powlf (3rd row, closed by itself. tion has called in outside help to spend the night in the build­ left to right) Rototn, Foiiie Bear, Miss Piggy, Camilla, (bottom, that is familiar with the occult. ing's triangular courtyard to left to right) Oonio, Kermit, Janitor Moe Jackson implored Scooter A large yellow machine with settle the mysterious allegations "We've got to get those students the words "Ditch Witch" on the — if they dare! A blast from the past

By Little Herbie We plan on putting on the death scene from Tribyunv Stall Writer Terms of Endearment to bring tears to their eyes," Conscientious UM students can relive that " said police chief Porky Fuzzpeach. foolish, amusing decade" next week as the Fra­ TUESDAY- Sixties Week gets into high gear ternal Association of Revolutionary Terrorism with a full-scale race riot scheduled for high noon (F*A*R*T). in conjunction with Bomba Fuzza on the patio. The weather will be hot and humid, Tau fraternity, will present "Sixties Appreciation tailor-made for short fuses. Suggested topics for Week." Those who find the eighties a boring civil unrest are: forced bussing, the Martin Luther snoozer of a decade should enjoy the social unrest King holiday, and the lack of black videos on these groups have planned. MTV. But Manson points out that it doesn't have Bomba Fuzza Tau president Chucky Manson to be a black vs. white riot. "Cubans, Iranians, • ANSWER trivia questions from the Tribyune'. feels that the values of the sixties have been lost Malayans . .. they're all invited," said Manson. in today's society. "People are such sheep nowa- WEDNESDAY — Remember when fun-loving • TEST your patriotic knowledge! dayb.They vote, register for the draft, bathe ... a college students used to abuse returning Vietnam real bunch of wimps," growled Manson. vets, calling them baby-burners, pushing them • WIN a trip to Central America and lunch with Manson has a theory on why there was so even farther over the edge of insanity than they Jesse Helms! much hatred in the sixties. " The reason people already were? You can relive those wonderful were so angry is because of the rotten TV shows. days on Wednsday, which is Spit On the Armed There was nothing else to do. If all you had to Forces Day. Air Force ROTC members will be watch was My Three .Sons and Bewitched, you'd easy to spot on this day, and civilians not wanting But seriousy folks riot too, believe me," expounded Manson. to get soaked are advised not to wear blue. " I think SA week will be a lot of fun," he THURSDAY — is Kent State day. Public By ANDREA HARUM er who not only worked at the continued, "for only by experiencing the past can Safety will shoot those students with outstanding Assistant Entertainment Editor Rat during his undergraduate we hope to predict the future. As the famed Rus­ ticket fines. Those with ordinary ticket fines will years, but also served on the merely be clubbed with a nightstick. The chance for which you've sian Marxist provost William Lee said, ' Vas im- been waiting has arrived. The board. portantnik premier dunnoski hvy evyen usguyski FRIDAY — The noonday recess will feature Rathskeller Advisory Board has "The Rathskeller is the UM's ouet handlinking szuch yinformeshonoff.' " the world-famous University of Miami singers, vacant positions on the board own private night club and it's Here's a calendar of the week's events: whose music is known and loved in elevators and is screening prospective ap­ fun to take part in its program­ MONDAY — In the spirit of sixties college throughout the world. The well-traveled group plicants. ming," remarked Yugodnik. will lend their sacharine tones to a medly of six­ life, President Foote's office will be open for stu­ RAB is the planning commit­ Those interested in applying dent takeover. Those organizations wishing to ties hits, including Purple Haze, Brown Sugar, and Why Don't We Do It In The Road. tee for the Rathskeller. "The for a position on the Advisory bring the university to its knees should make an Board has everything to do with Board should Inquire at the appointment with Foote's secretary. Later in the afternoon, Sixties Week will the Rathskeller. It books all en­ manager's office in the Raths­ Once the office is secured by a group of agita­ come to a close as a disgruntled student body will tertainment, plans movies, pro­ keller, on the second floor. tors. Public Safety will drive them out. " In the set the Tribyune office on fire. "We think this will mos, bands, and special events," When asked to comment. old days, we would have teargassed the scum, but bring the whole school together .. . there aren't said Lew Yugodnik, "it even de­ Dean William Lee said, "The now with our hands tied by those liberal Jewish many people on campus who haven't fantasized cides the Rathskeller decor." president wonders why we even homosexual politicians, we'll have to improvise. about torching the Tribvune," said Manson. Yugodnik is the present manag­ give out such information." Page 6 Tuesday. Apeel 3. 1984 THE MIAMI TRIBYUNE The way we'd like to see them

Sports Page 7 Tuesday, April 3, 1984 Why Nebraska will never win

By JIMMY THE GEEK into those tiny envelopes. Miami Hurricane assistant sports citizens, will be offered a spot on the guy starts at quarterback in the Tribyune Sports Misinformation Editor By the way, where is Nebraska? editor, to handle the signal calling the baseball team. USFL and he went to Ronald Rea­ Have YOU ever met a Nebraskan? I this year. To boost anemic attendance at gan's third birthday party. Be real! Okay folks, let's get real. I mean think they just put the state on the Fernandez has an excellent back­ women's basketball games, the la­ Walker would probably have we all knew UM was going to win map to make North America look ground in football. He remarked," I dies are going to play topless. Talk been a second or third stringer on the Orange Bowl. Why? Leave it to bigger and intimidate the Ruskies. almost made my high school's foot­ about excitement. There are prob­ the Tampa Bay Buccaneers where an imbecile to ask such a question. So Johnny Carson says he is from ball team in my senior year, and lems to be ironed out, however. One he would have racked up a .26 yard God never intended for Nebraska to Nebraska: he could be a CIA agent. I've improved since then. Last excited fan tripped over the stands per carry rushing average. He win championships. Regardless, the Cornhuskers are weekend, I scored two touchdowns and broke his nose. Public Safety would probably have been used Face it, Nebraska is a boring going to be bad, real bad, this year. at the beach. I also went to a Dol­ refused to disclose the victim's sparingly behind John McKay's place. What the hell is a Corn- They played the Iowa State Sisters phin game once, and I know what a name. close personal friend, kicker Hill husker anyway? Last time there of the Poor and trailed before half- football looks like." On a sadder note, a University of Capece. was excitement in Nebraska was time. They resorted to one of the Fernandez will join another as­ Florida sports team was struck by Georgetown has just reached the when Waylon Jennings and Willie cheap tricks they used in the Or­ sistant sports editor in the back- tragedy. During a water polo prac­ Final Four in basketball, anel,, the- Nelson stopped In the place for a ange Bowl and shot the halftime field. Peter Permuy will replace tice, the team's horses drowned. school does not want to see another concert. It was attended by two gun early. The Sisters ran off the Alonzo Highsmith at fullback. Per­ The school declined comment on championship slip away. You will goats and a cow. field. Nebraska scored four plays muy also knows what a football whether sea horses would be used recall Fred Brown, once a standout The people in Nebraska like to later to close the margin to 63-6. A looks like. next year. guard and now a sitdown on the watch the grass grow when they two point conversion attempt He and Fernandez face problems The Howard Cosell Worldwide left side of the bench guard, threw aren't watching the paint dry or the failed. Doesn't it always? in meeting eligibility requirements Fan Club came to Miami for a con­ the ball to the wrong team in the cows graze. The University of Miami athletic as they have a combined IQ of six. vention. He and Cosell met in the final moments of the school's The people in Nebraska go to the department surprised the football They are also being investigated by back of a Westchester Fotomat NCAA championship game with ice cream parlor and refuse to order world by hiring Howard Schnellen­ the NCAA Fools Committee after booth. North Carolina two years ago. to prove that they can be as rebel­ berger to handle the coaching du­ the Puerto Rican Rum Runners of Herschel Walker feels that the Brown was sent to Miami to lious as Californians. Kfds are flog­ ties at every sport on campus. Sam the newly formed Puerto Rican USFL may reach parity with the brush up on his last minute skills. ged for talking too loud in the li­ Jankovich cited the coach's stand­ Football League offered the talent­ NFL — anytime in the next 400 He met with Bernie Kosar who ex­ brary. out job in football as the reason for ed duo, the terrible tandem, the years. Walker said that he might plained that you throw the ball te) They recently had a contest in the move. wizards of whoopie, billion dollar not have done as well in the NFL as your own teammates. Iowa. They had a raffle, and the When asked about the surprise contracts. They were expected to he is doing in the USFL. ET was signed to a four year first prize was a weekend in Ne­ move, Provost William Lee replied, teach the Puerto Ricans what a What Walker really meant is that scholarship for the UM basketball braska. The second prize was two "The president wonders why we football looked like. the USFL is the most dismal collec­ team. The lovable extraterrestiul weekends in Nebraska. even give out such information." Baseball coach Ron Fraser de­ tion of football talent ever assem­ will join Ricky Blanton and Julius Why don't Nebraskans drink Schnellenberger has demoted clined to comment on whether F'er- bled outside of Iowa. Where else Erving as the first basketball play­ more Kool Aid? They can't figure Bernie Kosar to second string. He nandez, who is also a .223 lifetime could a man on social security like ers on the new team. ET**. c- out how to get two quarts of water has chosen Manny Fernandez, hitter in a softball league for senior Greg Landry plav football? I mean marked,"OUUUUUUUUUCH." Scrummania hits Florida; Who could possibly care?

By HARRY HIBERNIAN porters asked Provost William Lee Tribyune Rugger what he thought Scrum was. "The president wonders why we even Have you ever found yourself give out such information," replied reading a newspaper and found that Lee. you don't know what some of the Tribyune editor Howdy Doody words mean? proclaimed that Scrum is the dirt at Well, one of the Tribyune's objec­ the bottom of his bathtub. tives is to answer your questions. It seems as though we will never So if you have a question, write to be able to find the true meaning of us and we'll try to answer it for Scrum. The Tribyune has searched you. far and wide to get the answer to One of the most frequently asked this very complex question, but so questions about the sports section is far all we have been able to find is what is Scrum? Many people have people who definitely do not know written to and called the Tribyune the true meaning of Scrum. about it. No one has yet come up In a last ditch attempt, the Tri­ with an intelligent answer to the byune went to Tibet to talk to Yogi question. Zen Jorge Luntino, the famous Many unintelligent answers have Tibetian existentialist who once an­ been given, though. According to swered the question, 'what is an I?' one coed, Scrum is a guy who has Yogi Zen Jorge Luntino tried to long hair and patched jeans. help the Tribyune. He told the Tri­ A valley girl answered that byune that Scrum was something Scrum is totally tubular, man! But found in the washing machines at we all know that valley girls don't the Hecht Athletic Center's equip­ know what Scrum is. ment room. One professor said Scrum was a Well, it looks as if even the yogi residue left behind by a car with a couldn't help us this time. Maybe Miumi Hurrfcane/AIXA MONtTKOl poor exhaust system. there just really is no such thing as Rumor even has it that Scrum Scrum. At this point, the Tribyune Athletic Director Sam Jankovich congratulates Dr. William Butler after Butler signed] really has nothing to do with sports really believes there is no such on as UM's first member of the newly- revived men's basketball team. Butler has de — that it is actually a Nicaraguan thing as Scrum, but if you seriously leftist group. (There will be a full feel that you know the true mean­ cided to leave his job as Vice President of Student Affairs and live out his fantasy tdl expose in the next issue.) ing of Scrum, please call or write to be a college basketball player. One of the Tribyune's roving re­ us and let us know. Bolly Ball hits UM like a Bomb • • have to be resurfaced after each By P11YI.1 IS GORGE night of play due lo the fact that I Loco Keeitue h\ I nod Chicken they are not constructed to take the constant abuse of plummeting A new cra/e1 has hit the Universi­ bowling balls," explaine'd Be>b ty of Miumi campus: Bolly Ball. It's Wyner, director of men's intramu­ a game that combines strength, skill rals and imagination Bolly Hall is Provost William Lee was asked if played een a volleyball court, ac­ there Will he' room in the UM bud­ cording te) volleyball rule's, but with get for the new Holly Ball program, a bowling ball instead of a volley­ "Ihe1 president wonders why we ball. even give' out such information," re­ Holly Hall is one' e>f rsR Director plied I ee. Norm Parsons' brainstorms Par­ The Bolly Hall program is expect­ sons was looking feer a game' lei de­ ed to generate so much support thai velop his golfers' swinging strength it will ebe added to the varsity ath­ and came up with Bolly Ball. letic preegram within two years. "We will hold Holly Ball tournu- "I plan to bring Bolly Ball to UM tru-nts four times a year to help in a big way. I guarantee within raise money for the' expansion of two years we will have Holly Hall the I.ane' Center," said Parsons. as part of our outstanding athletics Since Parsons conceived this program," re'inarked Jankovich wondrous game, it has swept the1 over the phone Wednesday night as country with phenomenal populari­ he was off searching for a champi­ ty. It has even spread to the onship Holly Hall coach for the fu­ U.S.S.R. Ihe Russians find the ture preegram. game' to be rather intriguing and Former UM basketball guard are planning to have' it adile'd tee Ihe Rick Harry Is rumored to he inter­ slate of events for the 1988 summer ested in the job. Olympics in Seoul, South Kori'a. News flash: Dr. Jerry Askew has Bolly Hall has even been added to been fired from his position as as­ the list of intramural sports for this sistant tee the vice' president. spring. There will be- Open, Closed But wait Sam Jankovich has just and Co-Re'C divisions. heard the news and has placed a Competition is scheduled to begin call to Askew to offer him the job this wei'k. Forty teams have al­ as UM He'ad Holly Hall Coach. ready signed up leer the new league' "I'd love to be the new Head A manager's me'iting will be held Bolly Ball Coach," replie'd Askew. today at 5 p.m The entry fee is $1,- "I used tee play a similar game back Future captain of the UM Bolly Ball team Holly Both Byer spikes one over the 000; the money covers the resurfac­ in Ahoskie1, North Carolina when 1 net ing of tin volleyball courts after was just a little fella. I couldn't be Askew will travel the country each night of play happie'r, I've- always wanted to get next fall recruiting top players (or "The e'xtra fee is required be­ hack intee the* speerls world and this the new UM team that will debut in cause the volleyball courts will just opened the deeor (or me." the 1985-86 Hollv Ball season. Gel to know your spleen

By SHI UYI Sl'i II NSll l\ to learn about is a very delicate an- to blood cells. It's also near your atomical part thai Is affected by stomach, a common target In certain strenuous activities like sports Spleens are bursting all over Lately, many sports-related inju- bus,.bull, foot hall, hockey, lacrosse, the place, and yel no one is talking rics have come to the forefront ol bolleyball — the list Is endtess. <\mt Why? the news Nut a et ... by with- the illness is so common. National Understanding Towards out some professional athlete hurt- The illness is injured spleen, Spleens Is trying to discover why ing his legs arms fingers or toes: Wheel is the spleen, vou might no one is talking Nl IS president thev are the injuries that have been ask I hi.-, little-known but often In- Sue Mi said. "There are people out brought out of the closet. Jured organ is vascular and con- there in pain who should have help However, what the public has yel cerned with making and holding on No one knows what to do. They „t kneevv that it's tin- spleen, but peo­ ple just don't dise uss their spleens. They say. 'Oh, It's just a stomach­ ache,' or something like that But Ewe know. "The spleen is too delii ate not to be taken care' of," she said. "That's s . why we- are- promoting better understanding ol spleens. II Borne- one has an Inflamed spleen, don'l make- him eir he-r continue in strenu­ ous ai tivitv, like racquetball or bol­ leyball." If you have a twinging pain on your It'll Side, don't blame it een -^H^ yieiir stomach. Mi said. It Is proba­ bly your spleen. "Don't lei an in­ flamed spleen go Don'1 continue in athletic activity See a doctor c .<-1 a spleen brace, and warn others ,,f thi' dangers ol Injured spleen," she sai.1 Nl IS i. promoting Spleen Awareness W, i k In So ith I lorida Vj

v Mi. Some of the future Holly Ball teams members react to )leen' is nol a \> Head Coach Ron Fraser plays ball Spleen injuries Paige B fue i I i> April 3, 1984