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1995 Amicus Curiae (Vol. 5, Issue 12)
Repository Citation "Amicus Curiae (Vol. 5, Issue 12)" (1995). Student Newspaper (Amicus, Advocate...). 402. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers/402
Copyright c 1995 by the authors. This article is brought to you by the William & Mary Law School Scholarship Repository. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers Class of'95 ten years from now, page 8
MARSHALL-WYTHE SCHOOL OF LAW America's First Law School
VOLUME V, ISSUE TWELVE MONDAY, APRIL 17, 1995 TWENTY PAGES Judge Aundria Foster speaks on juvenile justice By Henry Jardine responsibilities have meant many such custody - there is no way I Judge Aundria D. Foster of more cases. Recently, for ex can undo that harm." the Juvenile and Domestic Rela ample, Child Protective Services' With such, as she put it, an tions Court in Newport News cases in Virginia have increased "awesome and challengingjob," spoke on Wednesday, April 5 on in 1994 to 52,734 from 49,000 in Judge Foster more than war "The Role of The Juvenile Judge 1990. ranted inclusion in the Interna in Protecting Children and Pro Judge Foster's speech, how tional Judges Forum. Many in moting Healthy Families." ever, was not simply a listing of the audience wondered how Her speech began with an facts and historical events. She Judge Foster was able to main outline of the development of quickly moved to a discussion of tain a balance in her work, hav juvenile courts in the United her many heart-rending personal ing to solve so many seemingly States, from their inception in experiences with children and unresolvable cases. Her answer, 1899 in Illinois, and in Virginia their families. She r~lated inci reflecting the depth of her com in 1914, to present day. dents offamilies rack.ed by drug mitment was "I can deal with it, Judge Foster noted that the and alcohol abuse, incest, sexual because I am passionately deCli philosophy ofjuveni le courts has abuse, and emotional traumas. cated to the families and children not changed: to "focus on the Decisions about how to solve I work with." well being ofthe child ... . and not such problems are "very Judge Foster was the last in to treat them as young adults." weighty," admitted Judge Fos stallment in the International But the "responsibilities have ter; " if! grant custody [ofachild] -Nalull/! HUM lhonk! See FOSTER on 17 Judge Aundria D. Foster addressing students on her role as a evolved significantly." Increased to someone not able to handle juvenile court judge • Tuition costs to rISe 5.4 percent for in-state students By Shelley Evans general fee, which includes costs for coun at M-W, such as local area network and A new fee structure was approved on seling, student health and athletic costs, new faculty positions. Further scholar Inside Friday, April 7 by the College's Board of will rise from $1 ,748 to$I ,848 for both ship aid will also be a direct result. Using Amicus home brew contest 3 Visitors for the C;: ollege and M-W. The in-state and out-of-state students. tuition revenues and other support will Hardy's New Journal 3 cost of attending M-W for Virginia resi Associate Dean Connie Galloway said allow the College to implement some of dents will increase by 5.4 percent for in that the increase was determined by Dean the major components of its Strategic Prospective Weekend 3 state students and 7.3 percent for Thomas Krattenmaker, the Vice Presi Plan, said Sam Jones, Vice President for Chow down at the Chili Cookoff 4 out-of-state students. dent for Budget and Planning and the Planning and Budget. Habeas Corpus 5 The cost per year for tuition only will Provost. The new fees were "driven by Proposed tuition increases are within Smart Guy farewell 12 now be $4,152 for in-state students and needs to create revenue." Fiction: "Sabrina's Lover" 16 $14,400 for out-of-state students. The The increases will cover improvements See TUITION on 17 Party for the century kicks off at W&.M By Doug S. Onley "It is hard to maintain inten Social Security system, but be PAC 20/20, a bipartisan lob sity' among the college crowd, come suspicious when groups bying group dedicated to Social he admitted. But ' it's going to like PAC 20 0 begin proposing Security reform, has a dire warn affect every person, regardless reforms such as means testing or ing for future wage earners: earl of our political affiliation."' beginning benefits at age 70 (the in the next century, the system The event, co-sponsored b current age is 67). will "quite simply" collapse. the M-W Democrats and the Law "They also care about their "It's a fake pyramid scam," School Republicans, drew about grandchildren,' she said. "But Christian Klein, executive direc 100 students, near! all under when you get down to specifics. tor ofthe new group, told a group graduates. It also attracted the they're very, very wary about of students at an April 5 fund attention of The ew York Times, any kind of changes.' raiser at University Center. "Es- which is planning a story on gen Tim Singhel (3L), outgoing . sentially, what [retired persons] erational politics. chair of the Law School Repub are getting back is three times "I think [Social Security] is licans fearedPAC 20 o" might what they put in. Like an pyra one of the looming issues of our be a little too focused on genera mid scheme eventually it will time." said Betsy Kolbert, the tional warfare." collapse." Times reporter who co ered the "It' s not in our best interest to But Klein, a third ear law fundraiser. "Older people are declare war on those over 65 ," student at Catholic University, aware of it. but younger people agreed Christian Mastondrea said the time wasn't right to chal are less interested ." (I L), the new secretary for the lenge the American Association Kolbert. who recently at M-W Democrats. "They didn't of Retired Persons. one of the tended the AARP's annual con get themselves into this mess. ' -staffpholO most powerful lobb ing groups vention, said senior citizens are See PAC 20/20 on 19 Mr. Easter Bunny distributes more. than just eggs these days on Capitol Hill. not opposed to reforming the l\10nday. April 17. J 995 THE A~llCl'S CURIAE
From the Editor's Desk • • • \ 1t'll1ories havt' a way of be defined by my work on the i\1 -W held by many to be true, rass the girls on Tanyard . .. the the midst of things. that did not coming more pre ious as time Amicus. especially as a 3L. It Many thanks to the produc boys." Jas n, Joe, Susan, Peter , seem to be the case, I hope tu passes, \Ve say in song and COll ,was my wish to fill the paper tion and managerial staff Vice and all the Cros fire and Fea dents will continue to read and YersatJon that nothing can take with m re diversity, opinion and Dean Barnard for her story ug tured Commentary writers \\'ho discuss the Amicus and that it them :l\ray from us, But time fiction than in the past. And ifat ge tions (save for the Ambu had no idea what I had on my continues to have all impact on also giws us a f erspecti \'''' on the times the Wne seemed a little Ian e Chaser), and the co~e of mind when I stopped them in the this mall, insular community, past. harsh. just remember thar it wa writers that were aJv.:ays depend hallwa ' to hat, Finally, I wish tephen and' I realize now that a large part written by your fe llow students able, regardless of the subject In retrospect the three years the staff the bestofluck. Jremain of my law s hool career has been and so reflects a point ofview at matter. Of these, I will embar- have flown by. although while in in a ew York state of mind,
(h.lIJA L(j.1j[ fH 15 :IJWJ,' ~t<:( Editorial Policy BUr I MYJ fX»J!J AN' f3tJ£, The letters and opin I GOr NJ.1)8, ion pages of the Amicus , ffJ(,J..io UFt. Curiae are dedicated to M /If L£r6f I /4bI;J all student opinion regard- /IOWfO$" , less of forin or content. We reserve the right to editforspellingandgram mar, but not content. Letters to the Editor are not intended to reflect the , opinion of the newspaper or its staff. All tetters to the Editor should be sub I eM ORINt( t1OR£ WtJ I AIN'T &YVNA f?£ RICH, f3Uf (1'1 5'{iU- A LAWlER BAeE mitted by 5 p,m, on the IKtJON M..1H[ LMtR JYJE5, eVEN WlfH My J. V, NJ() I Got (lttl! r Wednesda prior to pub '(,AJf£ ,'U- BE PAYlN' f3NJJ.. LAW- SCI/OOL fJ))t.5, ~ &1( t/'(f£(rlYCu15s f!JW/. lication, We cannot print AINT fop 10 1- flY J((}Pf)If UWJS ff/~f I'D e£ fr/AW Ai r flONty (J'f NO W a letter without confirma /'f'1 MOWN' BAa< IN UNTiL- 205)" , , tion of the author's name, Wlf~ MY FOU
to attend our schooL Publica There is simply nothing better spirited and meant to disparage school, M-W will be better off as LETTERS from 2 tions are a good way to get a than seeing my name in print, no rather than simply poke fun at, a community when these indi are afraid or unable to be women, sense of the law school commu matter how much I get ripped specific individuals. This line is viduals are gone. This is not the or men for that matter. The only nity. Ifa prospective picked up a into. The only thing that upsets a delicate one' however, in the type of community I ha e come other journal that endured such copy of the Amicus what would me is that they didn't defame me Letter to the Editor and portions to enjoy and depend on over the abuse was the well' established he or she conclude about how enough. Where's the real dirt? I of the "Open Letter" regarding last three years. Law Re\ iew, by far the biggest women are perceived at this don't know why I like it, J just "Spring Rush ' the attempt at Before the Amicus prints dis kid on the block. What purpose school? do. satire seemed to cross the line paraging remarks directed at spe- does it serve to keep beating the Laura Sullivan, Katherine Joe Woitko (3 L) and becanle clearly hostile (for . cific individuals, I would hope little kid, before she even has a Chen, Vickie Tyler (ILs) instance "I think I speak for all that it takes into account the rela chance to grow? To the editor, of us when I say, 'Goodbye to tionship of the newspaper the The Amicus made such refer To the editor: I was disheartened to read ' psycho garbage."). In such a students, and the school as dis ences to "naked lady flashcards' .As someone who hates the portions of the Amicus' Ambu small, closely-knit community, tinct groups and entities that have and "scantily clad assistants" ata Amicus, I simply cannot tell ou lance Chaser issue on April 3, it is unfortunate that the writers to interact in ongoing ways.. I critical time on the Marshall how much I loved the Ambu 1995. While the Ambulance fmd it necessary to vilify spe want to emphasize that this is not Wythe Law School calendar. Last lance Chaser. Chaser is clearly a spoof and cific individuals. The implicit a matter of censorship, it is one weekend, prospective first-years I provided the editors of this certainly is to be taken lightly, it message in the pieces was that, of objection to. the poor taste visited William and Mary to help paper a release that allowed and is hard to do so when the tone of in spite oftheir accomplishments exhibited. them decide whether they viant encouraged my defamation. some of the articles is mean- and intergration into the law Julie Y. Patterson (3L) 6 Monday, April 17 1995 THE AMlCus CURIAE ---Law Watch--- By Jon Sheldon Town's Not Big Enough For Both By Ruthie Litvin Take Back The Night . Red Dog saloon owner Don Harris, of "The students here [at Marshall The \V&M police reported on Sunday, Juneau. Alaska, has prevented Miller Wythe] are more polite, more differen April 9. th at a female was arrested on Brewing Co. from selling their Red Dog tiaL" says SheriJohnson, this year" s Lee campus for a sault and battery when she Beer in Alaska. Harris claimed owner Distinguished Professor. "1 don' t no was "obseryed with her hands locked ship of th e trademark "Red Dog" as it tice any difference' in the quality of around a male's head while sitting on him applies to alcohol in the state. ' (USA response and preparation .. .! find most and shouting obsc~nities.·· (The Flat Hat, Today). students are prepared mo t of the time" April 14). Brown Violates Title IX Visiting from Cornell University where Punching Out Rooster "Predictable" Title IX requires "thata [federally funded] she has taught for 14 years. Johnson All late employees at the ew Ri ver Val- i.nstitution provide equal opportunity to adds that she is used to more combatiye ley. Va .. Volvo planr \" ere greeted by a both genders in any program it chooses to students. "1 wouldn' t be surprised if man dressed in a rooster uniform who offer ,. tated a federal judge in Rhode people here thought 1was more combat crowed and fl apped his wings at the late Island. Far more male athletes than fe ive'" comers. An employee. who was late for male are supported at the varsity Ie el at At Cornell. Johnson teaches Consti medical reasons. was being chided by the Brown. and thus the school discriminates tutional Law. Criminal Procedure, and a rooster when he lost his patience and against women. (Washington Post, March Death Penalty Clinic using cases of death punched the bird. The employee was 30). row inmates from South Carolina. he fired. The Virginia Employment Com- Crack, Cocaine Dis'parate Sentences is a graduate of the University of Min mission denied benefits based on miscon- The U.S. Sentencing Commission recom nesota with a degree in Sociology and Eventually Johnson plans to com duct. Circllit Judge Colin R. Gibb mended that in criminal cases crack be Economics, and Yale where sbe received pile all her race and criminal process reversed, however, stating that "while the treated the same as powder cocaine. Janet ber J.D. work into a book, response of th e petitioner violated his Reno is against any change in the law that Prior to her academic work. she Visiting M-W has given her addi employer's rules, it certainly should not treats one gram of crack like I 00 grams of worked as a public defender in New tional insight on some of the issues she have been unexpected .. ' ( J' irginia L;aw- . cocaine. She says that crack has a far . York for two years, primaril with crinli studies. " Intellectually this is an e 'cit yers Weekly: Lineberry v. Va. Employ- more de astating impact on inner cities. nal appeals. She continues to take death ing time for me here ... there is more ment Comm 'n). . (Washington Post, April 16). penalty cases on a pro bono- basis. Her going on related to constitutional and McDonald's Rewriting Personal In- Guatemalan Presidential Candidate to early experiences as a public defender criminal law than at Cornell... there are a jury Law Pay Damages clearly shaped her teaching and schol lot of people here for me to talk to," Last year McDonald 's was liab le for a Catholic nun Dianna Ortiz, a U.S. citizen. arly work. Johnson says. $640,000 coffee spill; now it must pay an~ight Guatemalans sued Gen. Hector It began when a Latino client who "Racial issues play-out somewhat "$375,000 for an auto crash injury caused Alejandro Gramajo under the Torture Vic was wheeling a T.V. in a shopping cart differently in the North and South," she by an employee who worked too many tim Protection Act. Under the act, victims through a neighborhood was immedi says. " Williamsburg clearl venerates hours at the restaurant. (USA Today). have the right to sue anyone I iving in the ately arrested for theft. "I thought...he the past," she adds, "although that is not Assault via Hot-Sauce U.S. for human rights violations that were had done the same thing I did [wheeling necessaril bad." But she says she found . Michael Towlie. a cook at Denny's in committed anywhere in the world. A a T.V. in a shopping cart]." But some treatments of slavery a little dis Lebanon. VT will be on trial June.6 for federal court'ordered damages of $47.5 Johnson 's actions were not deemed sus turbing pO"inting to the "smiling paper dons of s\a es' sold in the gift shops. assaulting two Velmont state troopers. million for the kidnapping, rape, and beat picious. But on the whole, Johnson says that Towne allegedly put taba co sauce on ing of Ortiz and the Guatemalans. (USA Johnson, who is teaching Constitu both she and her family are enjoying their eggs out of animosity; he says .it was Today). tional Law this semester, fOGuses much their time in Williamsburg and at the law an accident. (USA Today) . Banned From Church for Loud Prayer of her professional energy on the area o'f . Drunk Driving Priests claimed the "high-decibel" wor- equal protection, more specificall the school. In fact, there are a few ideas that Suspected drunk driving who refuse to ship of Cynthia Balconi and Joan Sudwoj function of race in the criminal justice she would like to take back with her including the Criminal Law Lunch.and allow a medical technician to draw blood shattered the serenity of the church when s stem. She has researched and written the Law and Literature course. can now be charged .\lith "resisting an they shouted their rosary prayers. Judge about such issues as race as a justifica . In a final comparison of Cornell and officer"the Michigan Appeals Court ruled. Bernard Scherer agreed, banning the two tion for detaining suspects, cross-race (USA Today). from praying loudly at two churches in identification and racial composition of Marshall-Wythe, Johnson commented Saying No But Meaning Yes Greensburg. Pa. (USA Today) . juries. "1 believe that an defendant is (unsolicited) that she was very impressed 49 percent of men and 42 percent of . T eacher Spews at Beldichek after O nly ' entitled to at least three jurors ofhis own with the law scho01 newspaper, the women reported that "they had at least Four Beers . race, ' Johnson says noting that she is Amicus. "Dicta [Cornell s law school once initially said no to sex although they In Austin,Beldichek Middle School definitely a minority when it comes to paper] is not so good ...yours · is more that viP,,",,,,,.mt 'had every intention to and were willing teacher Margaret Dolsky,45. was charged thorough and is put out more frequently. ' to engage in sexual intercourse. '" (Susan with public intoxication for drinking four Sprecher. "Token Resistance" V.31 N. 2 cans of beer in one class and then vomit Journal a/Sex Research (1994». ing in front of the students. (USA TodG)) Law World By John Crouch kinky sex was not defamatory because Judicial Rape it was expressly fa ked. the Lords said. Iranian executioners rape their unmar- (London Ti/lles). ried female victims as a matter of offi- User-Funded Courts cia I policy, because Islamicjudges baye Lord Woolfwill propose cbarging cor ruled th at \'irgin would go to hea\'en porate litigants S300 to S -0 a day for automati ally. eYen if executed. ac- ' long trial . instead of one-time filing 20% Discount'On Food For Students cording to reports collected by the Par fees. \10st of his proposals are likely to li:lmentary Hum:ln Rig hts Group. be adopted. (Lond n Tim s). Firing squ:ld member. 'draw lots to see It COllldll '/ Happen Here \\ 110 rape: \"hich Yirgin: then an Is- Prodded by a Parliamentar: commit- 1:1111 ic jud:re perfL rn ~ :l marriage. The tee. Britain' s C1 ild _ u != rt Ahenc_' Consider h 'ing y ur graduation ~d bration here \\ 0man is tranquilized. r:lped :lI1d shot. s:liJ it would pay reram ions to men it at the Green Lea£ . \\'here you'll find flexible Tll,? ;le\! day the' Judge sends her fan: . \HOllgl:- accused of being de3d., eat rental rices. onyenient location. 3.1 d as alv,avs i l~ th<:' marriJ;c .:<:'rti fl.:are :lnJ a 0',0 f 3eis. 311 to thers who suffered gre:lt I I friendly 5t ff. C ntact us to" details. . ;::. nt1:- . (LLlnd01: -:ill/,JS . di:,tres5 fronl its mi-takes. i:l addition r' I, Filke 5,:\ Pi\ :\ot Defamarilln paying d:lD1:lges fl"'r (he fin:1l1cia i h:i.nl1 I it h3S '::lusec. lLond i: [;I'Ie', . I ' Green Le.1fe Cafe • 2_0-3'+05 I THE AMlcus· CURIAE News Briefs Monday, April 17, 1995 7
Amicus Staff Selections for 1995-96 desk and the PBK box office beginning today. The box office will be open from I p.m, Congratulations to the new staff selections for 1995-96 on the Amicus. Editor-in and the phone number is 221 -2674. Chief, Stephen Kin~ ; Production Manager, Monica Thrumond; Managing Editor, Mike Grable; Business Manager, Martha Mensoian. W &M Botetourt Singers .Spring Concert The Botetourt Chamber Singers will present its annual Spring Concert at 3 p.m. Legal Skills Most Professional Awarded Sunday, April 23, in the Great Hall of the Sir Christopher Wren Building. Admission Legal Skills senior partners designated M-W Gambrell Professionalism Awards is free. forthis year. The awards will be given at the luncheon with the Law School Foundation Trustees. Orpheus Chamber Orchestra to Perform Receiving this award also makes these individuals eligible to receive the Spong The Orpheus Chamber Orchestra, with classical guitarist Pepe Romero as guest Professionalism Award, a small cash award given by the W &M Society of the Alumni. artist, will hold two performances at W&M on Monday and Tuesday, April 24 and 25. The recipients are Shelia Brooks, Courtney Collins, Laura Conner, Kimberly Both performances will be held at 8 p.m. at PBK hall on Jamestown Road. General Dustin, Thomas Estes, Amy Fedok, Matthew Hoffman, Ryan McDougle, Dawn admission tickets are $20 each and can be reserved by calling 221-3276. Iftickets are RaiIies, Jill Ryan, M. Andrew Sway.. and Wendy Vann. available, students with a valid ID will be able to purchase one ticket for $1 0 at the door the evening of the performance Bright Lecture Steve Bright, Director of the Southern Center for Human Rights in Atlanta, law National Trial Team Board Announced professor at both Harvard and Yale, and author of law review articles on the death Serving as National Trial Team Board for 1995-96 next earwill be Chief Co"Unsel, penalty and criminal procedure will speak on the crime debate and implications for the Krista A. Griffith; Finance Counsel, Alisa L. Pittman- Selection Counsel; Dave constitutional rights of criminal defendants in Room 127 at 12:30 p.m., Wednesday, Dawson; Vice-Selection Counsel, Rhonda Rivens; Administrative Counsel, Shawn April 19. Reception to follow. Overby; Developmental Counsel, Travis Farris. Brown Bag Lunch on Counseling Style Finally Arrives at W&M The issue of how to deal with clients, loved ones, and friends who have been victims Thomas Mallon, literary editorofGQ (Gentlemen's Quarterly); will be the ke note of sexual harassment, assault, abuse, or domestic volence will be discussed at a brown speaker at the 10th anniversary dinner of the Friends of the Library at the College o( bag luncheon on Wednesday, April 19 at 12: 30 p.m. in Room 239. . William and Mary at 6 p.m. Friday, April 28 in the Chesapeake Room A of the Scheduled speakers Cathy Clemens ('94) of tne Commonwealth Victims Assis University Center. tance Office and Kate McCord, Education Coordinator of Avalon: A Center for The event is open to the public and the cost is $35 per person. Reservations and Women and Children will address counseling techniques for attorneys and society's payment must be made by Friday April21 . Send checks pa able to the Friends ofthe views. Questions are encouraged after their presentation. Library to John Haskell, Associate Dean, Earl Gregg Swem Library , P.O. Box 8794, Professor Susan Grover and "Women in the Law" is sponsoring the event. College of William and Mary, Williamsburg, 23187-8794. Call 221-3050 for more information. Order of the Barristers Announced The M-W chapter of the Order of the Barristers announced the following individu Phi Alpha Delta Service Fraternity Officers Elected als have been selected for induction as'National Members ofthe Order of the Barristers Congratulations to the officers elected as P.A.D. officers for the 1995:-96 school for having exhibited excellence and attaining higb honor througb the art ofcourtroom year: advocacy: Carla N. Archie, Theodore William Atkinson: Walter Benzija, Bryan Alan Justice, Derek Dickinson; Vice Justice, Jan Starkweather; Treasurer, Angel Lyon· Fratkin, Charlie Johnson, Douglas Miller, William Pincus, Jonathan Charles Rotter, Clerk, Valerie Resnick; Marshall, Calvin Anderson; Historians, Laura Feltman and and Joshua Sacks. Rebecca Shinnick. W &M Choir and Chorus Present Spring Concerts . Bushrod Washington Moot Court Tournament Dates Set The College will present its Spring Concerts Friday, April21 , and Saturday, April for 2Ls . 22, at 8 p.m. in Phi Beta Kappa Memorial Hall on Jamestown Road. The 1995 Bushrod Tournament wi ll be held from Friday, September 15 through Tickets are $4 and can be purchased before the concerts at the Campus Center main Saturday, September 30. Attention 3Ls In Defense of the First-Year Men Annual Fund Pledge Now, we understand that some of And wouldn t it be nice to have a boy And if you' re worried that you ve D rive will continue through the student body are a bit miffed at the friend, like Boak, who will not only dazzle missed your chance at these sexpots, next week for graduating fust year guys' comments about their you with his uncanny resemblance to take heart: the undergraduate women third years. · Give gener female counterparts, but who can blame Shaggy, but will share your baby doll were equally blind to their charms, these men when their myriad ofcharm ously; the Annual Fund dresses, too? Bravo. And imagine how which means if you act fast, you may ing attributes are so often overlooked? handy it would be when you run out of still be able to snag one for summer! provides scholarship funds What woman wouldn' t want one of Velveeta to have the master of cheese Even the men with girlfriends are still a nd purchases library these shining beacons of legal man himself, Mr. Trent T. Williams, in the available. And if you' re lucky enough books. It also goes to pay hood for her very own? kitchen. Too much tequila in the house? to grab one of these treasures, you Why, just marvel at their height Never fear, Rose will be glad to rid you of won t have to worry about him sleep expenses ~or vis iting lectur ened level of discourse known as that pesky problem. Forget about men ing with your friends as each is unable ers, and the.National Moot Greenspeak which is unfettered by the who use up all of your soap. Greenspan to maintain the turgid state in the pres Court team.· weighty constrai nts of logic and se won' t touch the stuf f. Talk about low ence of intelligent women. Wh ich may Third years should also quential thought. And who could ever maintenance! put a damper on your sex li fe, but take note of a party sched tire oflistening to their glorify ing praise Think how comforting it would be to watching them pass around stained cop uled to celebrate the last of the object of their sexual desires: ha e one of these gems for your ery own ies of Penthouse and Tonya Harding Grocki's hair? Who wouldn ' t want a during finals you could rub his beer belly videos may pro e e en more fulfi lling. day of classes and the be man who weighs less than his cat, or and bald spot fo r good luck! And wouldn't With all this going for them, it"s ginning of professional suc drinks his own urine whi le standing on it be great to take one of these studs to understandable why it's so hard for cess. The party will be his head naked? Who wasn't't beside Beach Week? You could put sunscreen these men to be humble. Friday, April 21 at 4 pm on herself with desire when Rose s little . on his scalp and help h im affix the toupee That's wh; we love you guys! the infamous party patio. friend emerged from the Janles River? on his inflatable Grocki-doll. Jen and Anne 8 Monday, April 17, 1995 THE AMIcus CURIAE The graduating class of'95: Where will they be in ten years? Tony Agudelo--Currently living under lutioh to actually show up to a week of by the National Security Agency and not Larry Lockwood--Last seen riding some the old Boston Garden with the lepre Jurisprudence classes. allowed to talk for the rest of his life. spaceship with Joel Bieber. chaun. Mary Beth Dingledy--Gets married. Re Michael Homans--Wins Pimp ofthe Year Brett Loney--Seen in a bar, skeezin' on Ian Alberg--Hawking "Official Presiden mains Dingledy. 2005. ' women, using the pick-up line, "Hey baby! tial Pins" and "Secret Service Napkins" Scott Drabenstadt--Now dons a cape and Keenon Hook--Voted "Best Gut- Wanna ride the Brett Loney Baloney on QVC. protects the rights ofliberals everywhere Bustingly Hilarious' Person of the Year" Pony?" Rodney Archer-- Managing his theme as Captain Lefty. by the National Guild of Comedians; in Bill Lyden--Replaces Uncle Ben on rice park which he opened for his own amuse Alan Duckworth--Spontaneously com his acceptance speech, knocks 'em dead box. ment called "Rodney's World." busts. by saying, "Thanks." Brenda Lynch--The new Brenda on 23185 Carla Archie--Stars in first Kool-Aid ad- Llezelle Dugger--Like the Barbara Hundley--Stars in new TV se - Williamsburg. vertising featuring African-American pro Snuffleuppagus, Llezelle's husband fi ries, Charlie 's Blue Angels. Lee Marsh--Uh huh, uh huhhuh, heh heh fessionals in Essence Magazine. nally becomes real. He moves in with her Laura HU'nt--Burns out early; is spotted heh, uh huh. Steve Arner--the first American. League and they have four kids. hustling crack on Santa Monica Boule Erin Masson--Orients herself. Umpire to be thrown out of a game for Nicole Dumangane--Living in a glass vard. John Mateyak--Sets new Guiness Record drinking. bubble, phone number unlisted, gives an Heidi Hupp--Creates her own exercise for hoisting entire Dallas Cowboy John Ashley-- Makes up with Ali, breaks alias on her answering machine. video, called "Hupp To It!" cheerleading squad above his head. up with Ali. Robin Edwards--Remain·s a mystery. Re Kathryn Hutton--Receives Nobel Prize Mike Mattison--Secretary General of Ted Atkinson--Hosting his own variety portedly lost in space. for inventing a new sexuality. U.N., thrown out of office for affair with show called "Let's Poke Fun At People Edward Efkeman--Per order of the Vir- Nina Hval--Donates hair to science. Brazilian songstress who jilts him for We Hate;" he 's soon found dead, naked, ginia Governor, forcibly removed from Gre'g James-~Revolutionizes tinted eye Rush,Limbaugh but buoyant as ever, in a New Jersey the Law Review office by the Virginia wear industry and establishes own com Martha McGlothlin--When it's her turn swamp. National Guard. pany; fmishes stockholders' meetings with to be a munificent benefactress, leaves a Bob Barker--Suit still pending by that no Julie Elliott--Has to pay for her daughter's a resounding, "Keep on keepin' on! " big 01' chunk of coal in the Amicus 's good ungrateful model-type. wedding. Repents bitterly. Pamala Jeffries--Is rumored to be town stocking. Clay Batchelor--Chairrnan, Joint Chiefs Shellt;y Evans--Editor of N. Y. magazine agoraphobic. Actually she refuses to leave Jonathan McGrady--Makes McGrady & of Staff. entitled I'm Shelley, and You 're Not. her 'room because of addiction to ER epi Son powerhouse firm, renames town Ivan Bates--President. and C.E.O.of the John Fantauzzi--Last seen doing the sodes she missed during law school. McGradyville, steals Lake Helms back newly merged Bates-Motel 6. Fantauzzi strut into Medical Examiner's Charlie Johnson--Becomes great-great from North Carolina. Walt Benzija--Leaves the law to head office. great-great grandfather. Anthony Michaels--Gets Charles Manson band that covers Bruce Springstein songs. Chris Fields--Plans overthrow of Jim Robert Kaplan--Charged with harassment out on parole. Winds up in bankruptcy court anyway. Heller's office and eliminate library ori- by a co-worker; complaint reads in part, Douglas Miller--Now known as The Vel Dale Betterton-- President and CEO, RJR entation. "frequently seen around the office wear vet Orator, Doug builds a house, argues Nabisco, getting all the free smokes he Dennis Foley--Gives up on the Blue Dev-_ ing nothing under his kilt. ' before the Supreme Court, raises $1 00,000 can get his h.ands on. ils. Terri Keeley--Runs in a marathon and for Public Radio, and cures cancer ... on a Matt Bissonette--Frustrated with the law, Russ Foster--Finally does burn 302 Grif just keeps going until she just keeps going Thursday. opens his own dance club. Bouncers are fin ,down with the pizza in the oven. until she feels like stopping. Lulit MiIIion--Thinks she married Ethio dangerously lenient. Bryan Fratkin--Coaches his son, Theodore Megan Kelly--Tans successfully. pian prince at McDonalds; realizes he is Susan Blackman--First non-English citi Fratkin, in the state swimming finals; of Bill Kennedy--Does anyone know where only a worker at McDonalds. zen to be declarea Queen. ficially changes name to Bryal). Alan he is? Please caH 999-CRlME. Kevin Miner--He and Justice Woitko pre Carla Blake--Convinces Keenon that Godwin. Lori Kerber--Conquers classroom agora side over the ABA's new All-Magenta . women shou ld attend the Citadel, and Toni Friess--Leaves the finn of Hunton, phobia . Wardrobe Com,mittee. enrolls. Williams & Friess for a few days and Erich Kimbrough--Declares himselfDic , Bill Mitchell--Accepring mail at c~el Eleanor Bordeaux--Best-selling author of pilots a Harley down to Daytona for Bike tator for Life. Orders death to all other 103. Elly-isms, which includes the internation Week; dons leather and instigates a lot of journal editors. Kirsten Mueller--Opens institute for ally known "Oh well," "Shock my shit," bar tights. Jean King--Starts yet another goddamn ' gifted: "I Don t Take Notes and Still Get and "BFD." Kerri Gilmore--Shocked and horrified journal. Straight A's. ' Caroline Boutwell--Makes major motion when she finds strangers in her closet who Lori Kline--New head writer for Aaron Chris Murphy--Elected Go ernor ofNew picture debut in the live-action version of talk to Entertainment Tonight. Spelling hit Williamsburg-23185. York on write-in. "Josie and the Pussycats." Louanna Godwin--Invents and patents an Brian Knight--Finally found by Liz Jack Luz Nagle--Lives on and colonizes small Chris Boynton--Stillliving in one ofivan' s appliance to replace male patterned hair son. Want to know what happens next? island off of Catalina called "Prohibido motels. loss. Subscribe to the Amicus Curiae! Jilipollas.' Erin Brewster--Has jersey retired in Thomas Gristina--Replaces Richard Bey Gretchen Knoblauch--Rents out a room Pam Nestell--Gets her paper back from Bushrod Hall of Fame. as host of popular talk show. to Professor Lee, reports him to EPA, Professor Collins - in pristine condition! Beth Bruns-- ow a circus freak at Bob's Joe Guarino--Director and Spokesman. goes insane. Sarah ewman--Continues to celebrate Desert Big Top in Flagstaff, Az. Pat Schroeder Presidential Campaign. Jake Koenig--Gets a tattoo, shaves his every holiday on May 27. ' Malaika Carter--Retaining her title as Blake Guy--Now only has to shave four chest and hits the open road; constantly Craig olan--Distraught after son mar "throw-down, get-funky, party-girl ofthe times a day. complains about how "The Man's" keep ries Peter Owen' s sister. Century" by hosting a New Year's bash in Wendy Hahn--Makes it official and buys ing him down. Christian 0 Connor--Helps Paul' s set up New York for 3,000. stock in W&M. Scott Layman--President, American As a Norfolk franchise in a blatant conflict of Kim Ciccone--Stars as stunt double for Paula Hannaford--The new Jan Brady in sociation of Motion Picture Arts & Sci- interest· disbarred, but eats well. Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice II: The Firm. the Off-Broadway hit. still running. ences; routinely rigs the awards so he can Lisa O ' Donald--Fired by Baker & ,Kerith Cohen--Starts her own bunny farnl. Margaret Hardy--Decides what to do with win-the pool. Finally gives Kevin Bacon MacKenzie after Playbo centerfold. Mike Cox--Wins $14.6 million dollars in Bill's decomposed body. the Oscar he deserves. And Ollis--He and Wendy leave the law the Virgin ia Lottery, but is bitter about the Linda Harris--Has switched careers ten Tom Leighton--Wins every case by using and open a Little League training camp fact that he has to pay so many goddamn more times. Now a beachcomber. The Killer Laugh at opportune moments; . Steve Otero--Hired by Mattel. taxes! Fabulously wealthy, but surly. Angela Harrison--Finds complete and breaks barriers by officially marrying the Richard Ottinger--'Rock Mountain High. Paul Creede'n--Still grooming paralegals utter happiness. one person he's always loved most. him Brooks Patten--Re els in her great sense at the "Creeden, So You Want To Be A Scott Helsel--Abandons his last friend ' self. of humor by opening finishing school for Lawyer School of Law." has a telephone receiver surgically at Dawn Leporati--Arrested for abusing the ) oung women who could learn a thing or John Crouch--Still writing unanswered tached to his vestigial ear so he can talk to opposition in her firm 's 1M team. two from her. letters to Mr. Smart Guy when his kids go his long-time girlfriend Jennifer Ramey Ruthie Litvin--Nominated as Justice on Julie Patterson--Winner of Wild Turkey here. They wise up and change their names all day, e ery da •. Israel's Supreme Court. Chugging Contest. - only to learn that Prof. Donaldson never Hope Herring--Evil warden ofstate prison, Jeanne LoCascio--Makes 10 year igils Fiona Pendrich--Goes bankrupt from her forgets a face. renamed Herr Herring. to her Williamsburg house. Still paying Bill Deemer--l'viade a New Year's Reso- Ken Hickox--Classified as a state secret . rent. See '95 CLASS on 12 TII F A.·lid·S (t'Rt' r Featured Co'mmentary :'-.1onday. \pril I'"'. 19)):' 9 Can the New Congress surVIve the old lnedia?
show de-constructing ne\~ 5 c y cans decide t respond to the Old program :md hift control 0\ r without exploring their under!. - Jonathan H. Koenig erage of national politics. Media· s persi -tent bi s. To con- spending tothe tates. If,-ollli\ e ing _ubst3nce (or lad. ther of!. In light of the e de\'elop tinuetheCh:lfeemetaphor.awild n a -teady diet of Old \ledil At wor-t. by accepting the Jt First Amendment scholar ments. are I ngstanding conser animal. e,'en in it- death throes, news overage, you may not re tIck of ongr .ssiol1JI Demo Zechariah Chafee, Jr. once re vative fears of '·Iiberal bias·· in can still inflict a );,reat lkal of alize that the Republicans ac 1I crats 3t tace value. the Old Medi3 ferred to the press as a "wild the media any longer warranted? hanll. 'othingdemonstrate the' ·a.!ly want to in crease - not engages in what p aker .a nimal in our midst - restless, Forbes ,\1edia CritiC, an excel destructive power of the Old . decrease - funding for the pro- Gingrich h3s called ··de picable gigantic, always seeking new lent new publication that sur 1edia more clearly than its re- gram . Becau eRepublicanswa t demagoguery .. · ways to use its strength.-· For veys "the be t and worst of pan e to the 1994 ele tions and a slmiller increase (4.5 percent) lsall th anti-Conu·act ··dema years, that gigantic animal has America· s journalism .. · entitles its biased coverage of the Con- than Democrats however. their goguery·' ha ing an effect on used its strength to support the its Spring issue "Can the Old tract with America. opponentsha ebeenabletochar- public opin ion? According to a steady expansion of government Media Sur ive the New Con At Christmas time, predict- acterize them as heartless budget lVashington Post ABC ev.s programs and the stead erosion gress - and the ew Media?" A ably, the covers of national news cutters. poll released in March. 1110st of traditional values. Today. thoughtful and well-documented magazines portrayed Speaker Minority Leader Gephardt Americans now believe th at ··Re however, the survival ofthat ani lead article by Ten)' Eastland Gingrich as the Grinch and as (following a photo op with stu publican lawmakers are going mal could be in peril. argues that the Old Media's pa Scrooge. The negative coverage dents eating subsidized Sloppy too far in cutting federal s cial Technological innovations tently biased coverage of the of Gingrich has continued, with Joes) declared that "we should programs that benefit children, and the emergence of talk radio 104th Congress will backfire, a measurable effect on public not be funding tax cuts for the the elder! , the poor and the as a po~erful political force have resulting in a public that is even perceptions of the man. Worse, wealthiest Americans by cutting middle class .. Respondents were undermined the role ofthe tradi more distrustful ofthe media than the networks and major newspa- school lunches for kids:· Added asked a number of neutral ob tionalor"OldMedia." No longer it is of politicians. Combined pers uncritically report the views Gephardt, "it s a dumb, stupid. jecti e questions such as " [Do must citizens rely on the likes of with the emergence of alterna (or at least. the soundbites) of bad idea.'· In a floor speech in you agree or disagree that Re Dan Rather and the editorial tive or "new' media, this could those who oppose the Contract. March. Congressman John publicans] will go too farin help board of The Washington Post mean that the days of Old Media They simply do not subject crit- Lewis of Georgia went even fur ing the rich and cutting needed for political news and analysis. hegemony are over. According ics of the Contract to the same ther. He admonished his col government services that benefit Alternative sources, ranging to Eastland, the Old Media is kind of scrutiny applied to the leagues: "Read the Republican average Americans as well as the from cable television to the self-destructing and will, in the new Republican majority even contract. They are coming for poorT (59 percent agreed). A Internet and Rush Limbaugh, process, do more harn1 than good though the burden of persuasion the children. They are coming majority also agreed with the have broadened the marketplace for the liberal agenda. should be on liberals, whose so- for the poor. They are coming statement "the more 1 hear about of ideas. The "new media" serve Unfortunately, I cannot join lutions to crime, welfare, and the for the sick, the elder! and the what Republicans do in Con a useful watchdog function by in this sanguine view. The Old economy have been tried and disabled." Lewis then accused gress, the less I like it." Could calling attention to the biases of Media remains a powerful insti found wanting. Republicans of trying to create this be because what Americans the old. Anyone who has lis tution. The proper question is As an example, take the de- conditions reminiscent 'of azi hear about the Contract (from tened to Rush Limbaugh's pro "Can the New Congress Survive bate over "cuts" in the federal Germany. These sound bites are ABC and The Washington Post, gram, for example, knows that the Old Media?" and the answer school lunch program. The GOP misleading and, at best, it is irre he spends a good portion of his depends partly on how Republi- wants to slow the growth of this sponsibleofthemediatoairthem See CONGRESS on 20 Life after law school: Writing law poetry pays off By Sean Sell ('93) the names ofthe fortunate few who passed. testants were out-of-towners there for the openings on the last show of the da . The "This is Jeopardy!" Hello, denizens So the third time was the charm. It was taping the day before but they didn t get two not called could return on a later day. of Marshall-Wythe. For those of you who Aprilof'94. Graduation from law school on. The rest of us were seated in the On the one hand, if I came back it might do not know me, or whose efforts to must have started my lucky streak al audience. We were told these shows not be against Jonathan. On the other forget me have been successful, I am a '93 though I was sure I had failed again. I would not air until the week of March 13. hand I reall wanted to go that day. grad. I recently had my fifteen minutes of know I missed at least 10 questions. Hear Whell Alex Trebek appeared, he Sure enough my name was called. fame on the above-referenced game show. ing my name as one who had passed was looked dapper as always in his Perry Ellis You might have seen the show which I thought it was my destiny. In col as surprising as acing a law school fInal. attire. He s good at what he does, but he' s aired on Frida , March 17th. Th ~t' s right, lege, my friends would keep score as we Or so I imagined. not someone you'd want to go to Paul's St. Patrick s Day. When I found out the watched. I almost always won. People I was on the eligible list for a year. I with. In fact, Alex is a schmuck. During date, I switched to my green tie. The luck told me I had to get on this show. So while received a call Oct. 18 announcing the breaks he spouted off about any number of the rrish was not with me. Or maybe it home in San Diego I found out the test taping on Nov. 30. Of course I had been ofthings that were on his 01 indo 0 one on was, considering Ireland s history. date, went up to L.A. and tried out. I studying for months: Shakespeare, presi the crew paid any attention to him. All the time I was studying I should failed. dents, the Bible, movies, foods starting The first show was not noteworthy. have been playing Nintendo to improve That was in 1990. I failed again in with q. I bought a map of the world for my The second show, however, featured the my thumb reflexes. That' s what it comes 1991 . The Jeopardy! test has 50 ques bedroom. I got a library card and checked first appearance of Jonathan Groff. Look down to. I knew a lot of the answers (or tions in 50 different categories. You sit in out all nine volumes of The Civil War. So for him in the "Tournament of Champi should I say questions), but I had a hell of a big studio with about 60 other people. I was ready. ons." Notonl didhe seem to know all the a time sounding that buzzer. Going into The questions appear on three TV screens Wednesday, Nov. 18 at 10 a.m., I answers, but he always seemed to ring in Final Jeopardy! I was in second place with the familiar biue backgr~und and arrived at the studio to meet the other fIrst. with $3 300 and the other challenger had white letters, read by Alex Trebek. You victims. Five shows were taped on that When the time came for Final Jeop $2,000. Jonathan had $12,800. have ten seconds for each and aren't yet day. Everyone was required to bring ardy!, the other two contestants scored The seconq and third prizes were an required to answer in the form of a ques three different outfits, in case they won less than half of what Jonathan scored. nounced.' Second place won a trip to tion. and advanced to the nexttaping. We were Those of us remaining in the audience someplace in Florida I had never heard of. The show coordinators don' t tell you all very friendly and civil; we were all were rudely awakened from our dreams Third place won three nights in Palm • how many you need to get right, and they expecting to go home rich. of fortune. We all hoped not to face this Springs. The category was philanthro don't tell you afterwards how many you Last show's winner was present, act machine. But it was inevItable. pists. I risked it all. got right, but a set number is necessary to ing quiet and unimposing. After three I watched him put away two more "In 1887, the remains of James Lick hours of preliminaries, taping of the first challengers, and then two more again. pass. After the Jeopardyl elves have a See LAW POETRY on 14 chance to grade the tests, they announce show fmally began. The other two con- There were now four of us left for the two 10 Monday, April 17, 1995 THE AMICUS CURIAE Crossfire • America the Accused! The anti-intellectual or the beautIful? Can America survive growing Message to America: Everybody ((Dumb and Dumber?" plays the Fool, or should
Rich Roston "By asking less of ourselves, J.e. Thieme we are no longer reaching Hi there, boys and girls. Welcome to for the achievement which The Fool Mister Roston 's neighborhood. Today this nation needs to The 1001, dressedin ragged clothes, we are going to talk ·about the dumbing survive ... the diversity of stands dangerous~y near the edge 01an down of America. Can you say America? ab,vss. On his head are lour leathers: I thought you could. ideas which has served this white lor the suit 01 swords, red lor It's very exciting. I have been asked to country well has deterio wand;;;. aqualorcupsandgoldlor coins. replace Dan Rather as the news reader on rated into a pestilence of He carries a rough stick over his left CBS. Can you spell CBS? Nice try. It shoulder. On the end 01 the stick is a seems people are no lo nger able to under platitudes." pig's bladdersymbolizing Saint Roch, stand the stori es he reports, so they want lll'ictim Qlthe plague who wandered in me to make them even easier. Here, I producers just supply what the viewers the nilderne."is as an outcast. In the have written a story to practice with. demand. There doesn' t seem to be quite 1001 ' s right handis a stick. A smalllion Let's learn about Mister Bill Clinton. as much prime-time demand for Ted leaps fierce~1' on his leg and a wilted He is th e President of the United States, Koppel's incisive analysis as there is for a Dower with thorn.J'p etals is at his leel. A where we all live, and he works and lives current Hardcopy affair. There is nothing crocodile lurks in the ab,vss among in the same place. It is a big white house wrong with mindless entertainment (es pieces 01a broken obelisk. with a big fence around it. Would you like pecially after a law exam) but it would be Divimltory JJfeaning to work and live in the same place . ... ? refreshing if people occasionally de A newadl'enture. Enthusiasm. Ini Whew! It was only a dream. America manded some substance. tiative. Unlimited possibilities. Plea isn 't THAT dumb. At least not yet. But There are incredible dangers inherent sure. fools, both in history and literature. When we seem to be heading in that direction, in the dumbing down of America. For Passion. Frenzy. Obsession. Ma Dostoyevsky got married his wife made and that should cause concern in every one thing, "achievement" is becoming a nia. Fo/~v. Thoughtlessness. £lIck 01 him live with her boyfriend. Ben Franklin body. Requisite apocalyptic pronounce dirty word. Look at the public school Discipline. used to sit naked in an open window ment: No less than the future of our very systems; there is more concern about find Immaturity'. Irrationality,. FrivolilJr. during winter storms. Maria Theresa al nation is threatened. ing ways to keep kids from feeling inad Inconsiderateness. Delirium. Sponta most never left her bed after the age of It 's not really clear when America equate than there is about encouraging nei(v. thirty. Peter the Great was fond of walk started getting dumber, but there have them to strive for excellence. Is it any L e vi(v. Eyhibitionism. Unre ing among his people disguised as a been highlights in the past few decades surprise that SA T scor~~ are falling? It is strainedeXCes. 5. Carelessness in pronl- . woman. Leonardo De Vinci once roamed which must be mentioned. One good increasingly difficu\t . for conscientious ises. [nfaluation. around Florence with a large lizard to demonstration of the dumbing down of teachers to set even minimal acceptable Indiscretion. TendenG.v to start a which he had sown cloth wings and America occurred when Ronald Reagan standards, since the pressure to inflate project without carelu/~v considering called a dragon, Michelangelo in his old - was president. During his administration, grades and promote students requires that all the details. age was often seen fondling statues at the Reagan told the American people that he even mediocre students pass classes if at Reluctance to listen to advice Irom Vatican. The Medicis, the Bourbons, the would decrease government revenue all possible. The net result is that the other people. Romanovs and the Hapsburgs were all through a substantial tax cut, increase minimal performance which used to be The mes~ge of the fool is that every well known forthrowingwild cross- dress government expenditures through a huge considered average is now something to so often we all need the courage to be ing parties. The list also includes such defense build-up, and still balance the which the next generation aspires. Of dumb. In an age where our most taxing great names as Walt Disney, Ezra Pound, budget. Every person presumably under course, with fewer achievers, the average decisions concern which channel to watch, e. e. cummings, Oscar Wilde, F. Scott stands that ifan individual increases spend keeps falling which makes standards go what pair of shoes to wear, and which 99¢ Fitzgerald, Frederick the Great, Mark ing while receiving less income it will even lower, which lowers the average, ad cheese burger tastes the best, it is no Twain .. . ultimately lead to bankruptcy. Yet,judg infinitum. wonder that the soul of the fool cries out My personal favorite is Ludwig II of ing from the overwhelming election re Failing a student is virtually out of the to us. The fool is the vt:ry heart ofadven Bavaria. He built wild castles, one of sults, a substantial majority of the question, since it might make them feel ture. It addresses those in-stinctual and which the Disneyland castle was modeled American people were willing to believe "bad." No consideration can even be intuitive senses that defy abstract intelli after, and bankrupted the entire country. that what would lead to ruin on a personal given to the possibility that "bad" feeling gence. It screams to be satisfied, and He designed his castles with artificial level was like ly to succeed on a national might motivate the student to work harder ignores mankind' s seemingly useless pre caves and grottos in which he viewed level. to master difficult material, or at least to dilection for decorum. private performances of Wagner operas Another symptom of the dumbing acquire basic skills. This should be of To say that we live in strange times is floating on a mock Viking ship. At the down of America is the decreasing 'levels concern to all of us since this is the group no great feat of oratory skill. The world time he was thOUght ofas a complete loon, of newspaper readership. Fewer people from which the social, political, and busi around us changes so quickly as to make but today the man is revered as the father are interested in the in-depth reporting ness leaders of the next century will come. a dizzying array of choices no choice at of tourism in southern Germany. and analysis of the issues of the day that Can this nation afford to have leaders who all. Things like Beavis and Butt-Head, None· of these examples, however, newspapers traditionally have provided. have been taught to settle for average? Dumb and Dumber, and Forrest Gump quite capture what it is toda we find so Yet USA Today, which has done for news Another danger of the dumbing down satisfy those desires that defy the com enticing about the foolish . One book I papers wh at McDonald's did for eating of America is the gradual breakdown of plexity of modem life. To those of you recommend'as highly illuminating is Don out (all the calories, none ofthe nutrition), our political system. Fewer and fewer who are dissatisfied with having to wake Quixote. thrives. people even bother to keep up with cur up in the morning and do the same thing To really understand it though you This analysis would not be complete rent developments in this nation, and po day in and day out, I recommend escaping need to know some Spanish history. without mentioning the tremendous con litical discussions tum more on innuendo into something stupid for an hour or two. Charles V of the house of Hapsburg be tribution television has made to our dim and generalizations than on serious points Saying you don't have the time is like came king of Spain in the sixteenth cen ming national light bulb. With a few of policy. Rush Limbaugh garners a huge insisting that laughter isn 't necessary. tury and was followed to the throw!l by exceptions, most TV shows today dem following by speaking as an ideologue; Human beings require more than intellec his son Phillip II . During their reign Spain onstrate that almost all problems can be there is no need to intellectually analyze tual stimulation. was by far the· most powerful country in sol ved by either hurting or killing some ideas of either party when you can simply However, to say that the foolish and the world. They had gold from the Ameri- one, making a snide comment, or sleeping . idiotic is only escapist drivel ignores its with whomever is available. Television See DUMB on 20 potential. There have been many great See THE FOOL on 20 Monday, April 17 1995 THE AMICUS CURIAE II ••••••••••••••••••••••••••• ••• • •••• •••• ••• Ask Mr. Smart Guy : TOP TEN ACTUAL & INSIGHTFUL : • COMMENTS & QUESTIONS • Dear Mr. Smart Guy: just maybe, there were some things said in • • We are writing because we were deeply the " I L Rush" article that I m sure Neil • BY PROF. ROSENBERG IN ENVIRONMENTAL LAW • • disturbed by many of the items contained Lewis regrets having written. Perhaps if • 10. 'Groundwater exists, but we can't see it -- it's under our feet." : in the Ambulance Chaser a couple of we'd known then what we know now we • 9. "Air is ubiquitous ... air is different from water." : weeks ago, especially items that picked might think about changing it a little. "Y ou can't live without water." • on the Journal ofWomen and the Law . It That's fine and I've got no problem with • 8. • seems the Amicus appears a tad hostile to toning things do. n. Just the other day • 7. "Why do farmers use pesticides?" • the Journal of Women and the Law's Steve Chin and Doug Onley came in , • 6. "Who writes statutes?" • purpose. I understand that the comments huddling together like Hansel & Gretel, • 5. -'The bigger the project, the more likely it is to be considered a • were an attempt at humorous interplay; sniffing back tears about what I'd written • 'major' action." • but evidently the authors think they can in my column last week. I sat them down • • • 4. "The oceans cover 70 percent of the earth's surface." • print anything no matter how hurtful, no and told them that I'd try not to be so hard -'Transportation is a major contributor to air pollution." : matter how hateful, so long as they cloak on them in the future. Then I gave them : 3. it in the guise of satire. I hope the next a cookie and sent them back to the library • 2. , What does the first sentence of the statute say?" • • (Holdover from 1994) 'The average person consumes 25 gallons: time they put their pen to paper and try before the Ramsey-Sharifmahadian car • 1. their hands at humor, they will bear in rel-lamp cat fight could escalate, engulf • of water a day -- but we don't drink it all! " : mind that the person the are writing ing their carrels, too. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• about is a human being, not a cartoon. Butcomeon! Nicole! Babe! Notonly about them they don' t li ke. to bricks and hurled through my unopened , -- Nicole, Laura, Katherine & Vickie should you not complain, but you should windows. thank your luck stars! We didn' t even Dear MSG: I've done my part, and perhaps I've Dear Furious Four: touch you in this year's edition of the The autumn of your career is upon even had some small impact. r hope that With regard to the Ambulance Chaser, Chaser, an event made possible only be you. Who takes over? people now see their hidden flaws and some might indeed write to us that "the cause you ran to Public Policy, switching -- Devoted Reader embarrassing personal problems, as [.have sting may be a little stronger than the identities like some bizarre Dr. Richard tried my damdest to ferret them out and laughter," but those words were so Kimball so that we couldn't hunt you Dear De oted Reader: display them proudly for all to see. I hope goddamn trite when we read them that the down and take advantage of the well It is indeed true that the twilight of my professors realize that their unfortunate staff laughed out loud instead of being spring of material you' ve given us over day as a writer and student here is upon sense of style or enormously entertaining touched and humbled by your deeply the years with which to mock you sense me. And soori, a new bard will take over tics and habits have only endeared their felt, fmely honed sense of personal an lessly. You can run, but, dammit girl,you to try to bring a smile to your face and a students to them. And finally, I hope that guish over the injustice done to you. can 't hide. tear to your eye. As I prepare to move in the years to come, my fellow law stu Frankly, as we sat wiping tears oflaughter As for the 1L Weird Sisters over at the ahead, I can only hope that the new advice dents and my friends on the faculty and in off our face, mocking letters so blatantly Journal of Women and the Law, conjur columnist will keep true to the spirit ofthe the Administration reflect and see what it maudlin as to verge on absurdity, we ing up their incantations to ward off evil column and remember the advice my dear is that [ have truly accomplished here: couldn' t help but think that you'd have bad people who (shudder!) dare to poke ma gave me after I was caught giving a avoiding, through the grace of God, defa that whole angry-in-the-cause-of-righ fun at a bunch of uptight, humorless reac compliment to a playmate as a young boy: mation suits and beatings I so richly de teousness thing nailed down to a science tionaries by suggesting (the mind "Master Smart Boy, always remember: serve. by the time you four wound up alone and boggles!) thaUpurnal staffers take them It's easy to laugh at yourself. What's hard I r embittered on your local school board, selves and their rag a litt\e too seriously is laughing at others." I've never forgot Dear Mr. Smart Guy: fighting hard to get The Wizard ofOz out -girl, don't even get me started. I will say ten those nougats of wisdom, and can of school libraries because it refers to this much: we' ve beaten up on the Law only hope that I' ve lived up to them. One final question. Do you really 'munchkins' instead of the ' length-im Review pretty hard over the years, calling I've seen the future, and it is promis think that wherever you go and whatever paired.' One tip: next time you'll fmd you them lamp-bearing geeks and socially ing. Some bright lad or lass will come you do, I'm not going to track you down can boost your credibility if you try not to inept misfits, but not once have we ever forth from the placid second year class, or and rip out the beating heart that haunts sound like you've endured more suffer received a letter of complaint. I've said perhaps from the chain smoking, drug me every night in my sleep and stuff it into ing than survivors of the Holocaust be some cruel things about them, but they' ve altered first year class and perform the your fat mouth and watch you slowly die cause of something somebody wrote in a earned my sincere respect because at least honor-bound duty of hurling s~atological at my hands? fucking humor piece. they don't go running to their word pro insults at their so-called friends and class -- Jim Pennell Okay, okay, so maybe we went a little cessors with their tails between their un mates. bit overboard on the whole letter to the shaven, field hockey stick-bruised legs Maybe he or she will even maintain Dear Jim: editor about Courtroom 21. And maybe, every time some clown says something anonymity, as I have tired offan mail tied Uh . . . More Clip 'n' Save Marshall-Wythe Trading Cardsf. Collect them all!! Editorial chieftans of M-W's .spec ial interest journals ------~ p-.---.----- • -.------.. • • • I• • • • • • • • • •I • • • I • • •I I •...... I I I I • I • • I •I • '"' I •I I •I I • .____ L.- ----l...... - • STEPHEN KING I I JEFF REGNER I • KEVIN MINER • ~- •...... _ ...... ~------.. !\1'nday: ~ \pr il : -. Q "[HEA~UCCSCLRL-'.E F arelvell jr'om Smart GZlY This i th' time \ 'hen I ::.!y thank!> 3nJ \ r~ -w'et. bur ~eemed intent on ju~t \\ ith the fa r she ju I 5' id :;pcnn s llnple. bach. to th e:\.uninalion room. dis us h \\ I feel a ut gradu' ing. rm gettmg th :n:'u m. tlon and mo\ ing 0n . ['y nev.:r been ne to que_lion 0'- "There) ou 3fe." she _ays . ,md tells me g ind do that. but I want t make it -hI: l,,() ed 0 'r m) immtlIlization a1 10rs r nurst . I did \~hat I v.J old. Lei to it \\ hile -he fini hes up. he's taken . ·~rfectl) cle.lf hv\\ I feeL and rtu I ano told me. t ai) Jisma), th2t I had to me paint) ou a pictllre vf his alhr om: the vial0ut of the centrifuge. and is doing h;i\ e t tell. 0'J a little tale. ha\e thre shClts. She ..:ked the u:;u~l i~ht eel b)- !>ix. f t. sink, a mirror. ome in," \\ ith it. To t II y u the truth. True :: ry nght bdi re \\oe cam to queqi n', stuff lik ~ th31. lOiiet. and hundred - of little \.\-hlte tiles. J'm not really paying attention. AnY"'o'ay. la\ ' ch oL ea h f u had t ha\e a Th n sh> t \: a vml of m~ , I00d. and 'vt )-our m t limulating of el1\,iron she's talking to me, and grab' my cup. 11) ical exammation. Blood te~ts. ·hols. 'aid, "A ri~ht. I'm going to p ,t this in the ments. he s\.'~ irIs around in her chair to writ e on I e whole nine yar s. \.\'ben I got m_ -entrifu",e, Jnd ~pifl it around for a fev" o I'm follov,ing health care prO\. ider's her form. notices the cup. and what's e. aminatlOn form fr m W&M I \\oenl to m inute-." _ he pIa ed the \ ial in the orders. and oncentrating really hard be inside. and pauses. Then she looks up at ne fthose urgent or fi rst care place that centrifuge.r·ach dupandgrabbeda ' fiJI! cau 'e it i . in fact. ': O degre's in this little me and says. "I'm sorry. I meant a urine h:lv popp d up lik.e 7-EI"vens. I tol plasti cup. "\Vhil I'm doing that. '· she cerami room. After a couple of minutes ample." , them I nee d to have a phy ic L The) said. "1 \.\-ant )-ou to take thi up in to the there's a loud knock at the door. Upshot: I go back into the bathroom, to k ill) i n ~ rmation and ent me to on of bathr om and give me a sperm sample. "What are you doing in th re'?" asks feeling like Ned Beatty after the pig inci those little room where you're for d to In ide there' s a Ii I window off to the the nurse. and all of a sudden my dent in Deliv rance, and give her the sit on a cold table for fifte n minutes side. When you're fi ni hed.ju t lide the oncentration 's broken like glass. 'Tll be proper sample. I pray for her to finish. taring at jars of co ton and gauze until the little door open and put the cup in the out in a minute." m)- voice cracks, and she \\'ben she does, I grab the fom1 and beat doctor or nurse comes in . window. Then omeback and we' lI fm went away. a hasty retreat. And not once does s~e A young female nurse tarted to go ish ..... I had stopped under tanding her fter I finish. I put the little cup in the o er the form . She was er nice, and because my mind was too bus dealing window, clean up, and sheepishly shamble See FAREWELL on 15
_005. emment-funded orphanage with '95 CLASS from 8 five kids, white picket fence and place. a brand new black leather inte Rod immons--Frustrated that Laura Suddarth--Become inter ewt Gingrich. Raises every astronomical phone bills. rior Mustang tation \ ·agon. Episode I of Star Wars still not nationally renowned. one's Awareness, then brings Vanessa Peterson--Lea es law Am Rollins--Finds out Da e produced, he buys the rights from Erica Swecker--Totals that damn them into Compliance. practice to become a hand model. Dawson's really worth ... very George Lucas and does it him new car. Beth Weatherly--Exotic dancer Lori Petruzzelli--Disco ers cure little. self, casting his wife as the young Shireen Tabechian--Leaves Ver in the seamy underworld of for the common cold while on a Jonathan Rotter--Buys a real tie Princess Leia. mont to move into a trailer down Poquoson. wild shopping spree at Victoria's in celebration of completion of Timothy Singhel--Is disbarred by the river. Chris White--Hairdresser to the Secret. his Bill ofRights Journal note. for talking to himself, reading Kimberly Tolhurst--Starts dress Stars. Jeremy Phillips--Rots to death in Toni Russo--Loses mud wres the newspaper and shaking his ing and acting like someone half Matthew Whitworth--Serving Moot Courtroom jail. tling grudge match to Shelley head in court. her age. margaritas on the promenade William Pincus--WWF champ. Evans. Meghan Skelton--Loses her job Jennifer Tosini--Copyrights the deck in the remake of the Love David Pinkowitz--Proprietor of Josh Sacks--Killed by Postmas as a professor after her aging dog term 'Tosinis." Boat. the "Pinky's Palace" Bordello ter Doug Onley. bites the law school dean. King Tower--Starts his own Mark Williams--Divorces Loni and Casino in Atlantic City. Carter Santos--Finally loses his Duane Smith--First man to be monarchy. Anderson. Theresa Pulley--Finally gets used buzz. come pregnant through new tech Greg Turpin--Leading a crusade Joseph Woitko--Appointed As to being called Mrs. Atkinson. BiB Schulz--Whereabouts Un nology. Can only conceive girls. to abolish the Fourth Amend sociate Justice, United States Adam Rafal--loins fIrm "Rafal, known. George Snead--Now starring ment. Supreme Court. Following Jus Rafal, Rafal & Rafal. Puts Allen, Jon Sheldon--Extradited to three shows a night at Club A Tim Vanderver -- Divulges th.e tice Rehnquist' s lead, dresses like ' Allen & Allen out of business. Kenya where they' re still a little Go-Go in Newport News. Coca-Cola recipe. Stock plum a pro wrestler. Breaks neck after Manesh Rath--Told by Chief peeved over the goat-flinging Rhonda Spady--Sells her exer mets. tipping his office chair back too Justice O'Connor, ' Shutthefuck incident. Convinces them to abol cise videos on QVC. Jason Van Pelt--Continues to be far and falling out of the win up, Manesh." ish the death penalty. Serena Spencer--Selected as the excited while judging wet T-shirt dow. Beverly Rebar--First in her class Lara Shelesky--Still sleeping on new, updated face of Betty contests. Brenda Wolf--President of Barl to be re-barred. the Naugahyde. Is madea shrine. Crocker Lara Vukelic--Crowned Queen Bri branch in Pennsylvania. Jeff Regner--Homeless. Living Leslie Sides--Makes millions as Steve Staker--Moves the Sacra of Croatia. Steven Youngkin--Becomes fITst with his in-laws in a trailer by the model for Mattell' s new PC Law mento Kings back to Kansas City. Brad Wagshul--Completes his lawyer to conduct his law prac river. Student Doll. Sam Stecker--Arrested during a Florida bar application. tices soley over the Internet. Doug Reinhart--Manager at Ali Silva--Still recovering from soccer game for assault. Michelle Walsh--Starts her own Brett Zwerdling--Marries a hot Governor's Square. spending six months with six Doug Steinberg--Revamps the perfume dynasty. blond . W&M undergraduate at Andrew Richardson--Married, strangers on The Real World military into a nicer, friendlier Amy Waskowiak--Runs a gov- age 40. TRADING CARDS: EDITORS OF MARSHAll-WYTHE CULTURAL PHENOMENA r-.------, r------, r------, r------, I KEVIN MINER I I JEAN KING I I JEFF REGNER I I STEPHEN KING I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Too bad this pictu• re is not in I I It was difficult taking this pic- Advocating the cleanup of the I Uh oh. How did th is hap- I color. On the other hand, it's I I ture of Jean. True to form , she environment isn't easy . . I pen? Stephen is Editor of the I not like other students have I I could not stop jiggling her leg Now if Jeff and the staff at the Amicus next year, not a jour- I not noticed Kevin's infamous during the photo shoot although journal formerly known as nal. Is he planning to turn the I one-of-a-kind (we hope) ma- she made the staff sign a re- Prince would just clean up the newspaper into a journal for I genta shirts. lease not to be too sexist on hazardous waste dump site that academic credit? Well, good I With only another week left of her Trading Card. they share with the Amicus, luck. classes, it appears that Kevin's Jean has always yearned to then Jeffs pregnant wife would I Since this issue marks a tran- planned coup to oust the Dicta- combine her law career with be able to visit her husband's I sitional stage, maybe Stephen I tor Koch as Editor of the Ad- her love of sports. Lucky Jean M-W work environment in just wanted his picture in the I ministrative Law Review snagged a clerkship with Bora safety. We would· also like to paper, since it will never hap- I Journal has been unsuccess- Multinovich in New Jersey and mention the back wall of the I fuL The 2L staff of Law Review so has been forced to leave the office that is crumbling as 'a pen on the Sports page. (Who I hired the attack ninjas last fall. Without Balls team. result of toxic penum bral ema- said that ... , Neil?) I nations . ._------_ .. .------_ . ._------.. ._------_ .. THE AMICUS CURIAE Arts & Entertaimnent Monday, April 17, 1995 13
Music f or the Masses More of the satne frotn Shaw Blades and Cinderella By Scott Layman credentials. Blades was a driv Night Goes On" and "I Can't since this band has more talent effective. Shaw Blades ing force behind Night Ranger in Live Without You." Both are than most ofthe big-haired bands The lyrics are standard fare, Hallucination the 1980s. Shaw was respon basically carbon-copies of the of the late 80s. Cinderella al with most songs talkirig about a With Ted Nugent working on sible for -many of Styx's best Damn Yankees-style ballads. ways infused their music with a woman or the hardships bf life. asolo project, the remaining prin songs, like "Renegade" and "Too These guys· are not breaking taste of blues and emotion. Vo On the cliche-ridden "The cipals from Damn Yankees, Much Time on my Hands." any new ground musica-lly or calist Tom Keifer still has an Roads's Still Long," Keifer com Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades, Granted, neither ·of these bands lyrically, but for -the most part easily recognizable voice that is ments "Now I see where I come decided not to sit around idly and were musical geniuses, but both this is a decent CD. Blades and very distinctive.. from/ Now I see where I ami teamed up for this collaborative groups created solid pop and rock Shaw sprinkle the tracks with . On their fifth release Now I see that you never really effort. Blades and Shaw play songs. The duo bring some of many vocal harmonies. The.lis Cinderella does not break from know/ So you just gotta do the ing bass and guitar respectively their pop sensibilities to Halluci tener can sing along to most of their formula, but they still put best you can." share vocals on this CD as they nation, a CD filled with equal the songs without getting a head out a solid effort. If you can While there is nothing really do on their Damn Yankees' parts of ballads and mid-tempo ache. handle the screeching voice of exciting on this CD, one can do projects. The biggest difference rockers. Keifer, you may enjoy the CD. far worse when it comes to a hard between Hallucination and their "My Hall ucination," the first Cinderella: Most ofthe songs are full throttle. rock/metal selection. Cinderella previous work together is that single, is one of the best songs. Still Climbing Some of the standouts are "Talk mixes enough keyboard ~n d the volume is turned down a bit "Down that Highway" is a fun Although the heyday of glam is Cheap," . Freewheelin," and strings with the tough attitude to here. Perhaps this is because of tune that starts out slow and picks metal is gone, Cinderella is still the title track. The band does keep things interesting. But the the absence of Nugent. up to a foot-stomping tempo. rocking a\1ead in the unfamiliar slow down for the ballads " Hard discriminating buyer would be Both Shaw and Blades have Acoustic guitars play an impor territory ofthe grunge-filled 90s. to Find the Words" and "Through better off waiting for somethirrg decent voices and impressive tant role on the ballads "The This is probably appropriate the Rain," both of which are very else. Joys of -Basset's hailed; Jazzy and Tango unveiled By Kim Tolhurst and Lori Petruzzelli The menu offered a wide variety of done Kim requested a slab of blood red, Tango! " Kim exclaimed. "[ thought you After a semester of near hits and a lot luncheon values, from quiche to sand rare beef. 'Moo! " Lori remarked, com were dead." of misses eating where few dare to go we wiches. Of special mention was the build menting on the conqition of Kim 's meal, " Where have you guys been?" Lori say adieu to the dining community ofM- your own burger or grilled chicken sand or the source thereof. demanded. "You have a lot of explaining W. Wouldn't it make sense that as our wich. This selection ran under$5 and for We enjoyed our burgers. which were to do. We had to write your stupid column tour of duty here in the 'Burg comes to an . an additional.40 per item, you, could accompanied by a pile of peppered fries , the whole semester'" end, we discover a really decent restau- create a delicacy of your choice, from a pickle wedge, and lettuce and tomato. Then Tango explained the sad truth. rant, with good food and reasonable onions to bacon, mushrqoms to barbecue As for ambience, we dined on a glass " We weren' t dead--we'vejust been hid prices? Yes, Basset's. " sauce. showcase table, with all sorts of knick ing out. It's a real scary world these First do not, [repeat, do not be put off We both ordered the burgers, and took kn&cks (some would call them antiques, I days." Jazzy continued the thought, "You by the attached Christmas Shop that advantage of the occasion to express our ca·ll them junk). This proved to entertai n know, Newt, Kato, Mr. SmartGuy .. .Then screams of tourist trap with mediocre eat- individuality. Ok, if the truth be told, peer us while we waited for our food (i.e.: there was that little problem we caused at ery. For starters, our service ~as fast. pressure set in and we ordered our burgers What's that? What do you do with one of Nick's Pewter Plate." Alas, the truth. Before we were even seated, th.e waitress, with cheddar cheese and bacon. Kim, those?) Recommendation: for casual dining at with pen in hand and note pad extended, however, made her mark by ordering the While waiting to be served, a strange good prices, bring your appetite and bring was inquiring as to our beverage requests barbecue sauce as a topping. thing happened. Kim got curious and you Visa because at Basset's they don 't (note: refills are free). Whereas Lori ordered her burger well- peeked behind the curtain, wh ich sections take American Express (seriously); 207 off the restaurant from the bar. "Jazzy! Bypass Rd. ' Cofonia! 'Barber ana 'Beauty ...~
Wayne Lisa Ray Debbie . .
Diane Bobby Annis Williamsburg Crossing Shopping Center I
-Natalie Ha~thom~ ~ 'L 5251 John Tyler Highway, . Suite 22 ~~ ; SMH Bar Review course and the Public Service Fund provide chili, beer and ~ Walk-ins and Appointments; 220-8039 ~ entertainment from IL Tom Church at the PSF chili Cookoff 14 Monday, April 17, 1995 THE AMIcus CURIAE Cinema Cynicism , Rob Roy elicits praIse• for a sumptuous .production By Steven Youngkin tive note. up in their world. nate that he strikes you as the worst homo- "Sumptuous." While I was sitting in Fortunately, Hollywood decided to be All of the performances are superla- sexual stereotype. But you realize it is the theater watching Rob Roy, the word nice and released the first really good rive. Neeson brings the same skill and just an act that he does to throw his en that kept on coming back to me was movie of 1995. Rob Roy is the first movie professionalism that he exhibited in emies offbalance. He is, in reality, a cold "sumptuous." I'm not sure whether it waS I can unreservedly recommend. It is a Schindler 's List. Like Oskar Schindler, hearted, manipularive, master swordsman. the green fields, the costumes, the Scot lavish, impeccably well acted movie star Robert McGregor is not a saint. This is .a (The fact that Roth is able to make this tish music, the performances, the sword ring Liam Neeson (Schindler's List), Jes man who just wants to make a little bit of character mesmerizing despite his one fights or wh.at. All I do know is that Rob sica Lange (Oscar winner for Blue Sky) money and lead a quiet life with his wife dimensional nature is nothing short of a Roy is sumptuous. and Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction). Neeson and kids. Unfortunately, forces unknown revelation.) If this movie achieves any But, more on that in a moment. This is portrays Robert Roy' McGregor, a land to him, force him to become a braver and form ofsuccess , expect to see Rob Roy do my final review of the semester, of the owner living in 18th century Scotland. stronger man than he might have been for Tim Roth what Die Hard did for Alan year and of my law school career. I've He is a kind man who values his honor otherwise. Rickman--put him in the top echelon of been writing reviews now for three years above all else. He borrows money from Further, his and Lange's relationship actors that were born to play the villain. and it's a little saddening to think that I'm the Marquis (John Hurt) in order to buy is more than believable. Watching these Over the past several issues, I have going to have go back to boring a much some cattle. Neeson's money is stolen. characters playoff of each other, it be panned and trashed several movies. Even smaller audience with my opinions and Consequently, he is unable to pay the comes easy to accept that Robert would the two movies that I actually praised biases on movies. I just want to comment Marquis back. A battle ensues between do anything for his wife and that his wife (The Quick and the Dead, Dolores that it has been a pleasure and an honor Neeson and Hurt. would stand by Robert no matter what the Claiborne), I did with reservations. But serving as your movie reviewer. Granted, Even though the movie is set in 18th cost. . it's nice to finally see a movie in 1995 that the job was not always a pleasant one (I century Scotland, this is not a historical ' Special mention has to be made of is wonderfully made. still suffer cold chills from seeing The epic by any means. The story could have Tim Roth. In the two movies he did with Rob Roy does something that most Real McCoy with Kim Basinger), but the been set in the wild west and been just as Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp movies fail to do--it takes you to another joys of sitting through films like effective. By setting it in this period, Fiction), I was impressed but not thrilled. time and place. Of all the ways I could Schindler's List, Pulp Fiction and Age of director Michael Caton-Jones (This Boy 's He was good but his acting didn't make end my three-year-Iongjob, the nicest is Innocence have more than outweighed Life) gives it a sense of period and flavor him stand out in my mind. In Rob Roy, to say these four words: GO SEE ROB the more painful experiences. that would not have existed in any other though, that has changed. The man is ROY. Which brings me to this fmal column. locale. Like any good movie that is set in pure, sadistic evil. He arrives on My first column reviewed the movie a period and place unfamiliar to us, the McGregor's shore, shoots the dog,casually LAW POETRY from 9 Sneakers. I remember generally praising . speech, the costumes, the music and the walks up to Mary McGregor, punches her that movie as smart, suspenseful and a lot locations are at first fascinating but very hard, and then drags her into the house were interred in one of these he had en of fun. Since then, I have praised a quickly become familiar. Because you and casually rapes her. There is no warmth dowed." Is it me or was that the Final number of films and have also criticized are sobusy watching the actors, you don't compassion, or guilt in any of his actions. Jeopardy! equivalent of a Butler exam? I an even larger number. But I wanted to even pay attention to the stuff all around He is also disarmingly dangerous. missed it, but didn' t really care, because I end my movie reviewing career on a posi- them. The audience truly becomes swept When you first meet him, he is so effemi- really wanted that Palm Springs trip. The question was, "what is an observatory?" Outer Limits If you' re from northern California or an astronomy buff, you may have heard of By John Crouch Australian stock exchange. (London don Times). the Lick.observatory in San Jose. I hadn't. Imperial man-tasters Times). Not so inexplicable- tragedy I guessed a cathedral. The other chal Other despots employed food-tasters, but Scene "too cOJItrived" for Gump Keith Richards had this to say about Kurt lenger was an astronomy buff. He's go Catherine the Great had man-tasters, her Forrest Gump 's director left out one scene Cobain: "What's so tough about being ing to Florida. Jonathan risked $6,000. biographer revealed after a cache of her because it was "too contrived," but will lead singer in one of the biggest rock ' n' He guessed a statue, but he still WOll. skanky love-letters came to light. (Lon add it to the video version. It shows Gump roll bands in the world? ... After the cat Despite my loss, two wonderful things don Times). calling off police dogs attacking Martin tried to off himself in Rome, I was sur came out of it. The first occurred during Explosive gopher survives Luther King. (USA Today) . prised that the people who were supposed the time Alex chatted with the contes Three Ceres, Calif. elementary school jani Advanced legal skills to be taking care of him let him buy a tants. Some of you may remember that in tors caused an explosion, wounding 19, Miami courts set up a "voodoo squad" to shotgun and mope around for days." (USA law school I wrote poems based on fa when they tried to freeze a gopher to death dispose .of dead goats and roosters sacri Today). mous cases. (After receiving a recent with gum remover. The gopher .lived. ficed near the courthouse in attempts to This is where it all leads Amicus in the mail I see I'm not the only (USA Today). influence cases.(USA Today). Harvard students protested the one. Maybe John Crouch should go on But does he have a gold-striped Church "accidentally" baptizes Jew university's rejection of an applicant who Jeopardy!). I told the Jeopardy! people " Rehnquist Robe?" Cornerstone Baptist Church in Colorado beat her mother's head to a pulp, tried to about this distinction and, thus prompted, Japanese gas-attack cult leader Shoko Springs claims it "accidentally" baptized make it look like suicide, and lied about it I recited the following excerpt from my Asahara charges his followers the same Wayne Ausgotharp, 7, during Sunday on her application. To editorialize a bit, Palsgrafpoem on national television: price-$15,000 pervial-for his bathwater scnool. His mother had sent him there as I'lljust point out that these kids really are The proximate cause sets a sequence and his blood. If they can't afford that, an observer. (USA Today) . the leaders of tomorrow. They are the in place, they can kiss his big toe as he sits in state Attacked with a possum ones who will be making sure our country And so we must pause to inspect time on his "giant pink pouf." (London Times). David Jimenez attacked Shane Barry with lends an understanding, gentle, helping and space. "Housing officials" create homeless an opossum in Nashua. (USA Today). hand to ethnic cleansers, communist Should a cause intervene to affect the Spokane housing officials vowed to de Artistic violence China, and Nazi skinheads. They will result stroy Kathleen Henry's house if she Yves Klein's La GraIJde Bataille will soon be in charge of the institutions that It would probably mean a reduction in doesn't clean it up. It's so filthy that it soon be up for auction at Christie's. It was are supposed to conserve our ci vilization' s fault. . made garbagemen sick when they tried to painted by three naked, paint-smeared values - schools, churches, libraries and The other wonderful thing was that clean it. Simply leaving her alone with models who dragged each other across courts. The schools have told them to do since the show was televised Friday, St. the house apparently has not occurred to the canvas while Klein' conducted" their what feels good and not to make value Patrick's Day, it was a great excuse for a anyone. (USA Today). movements along with a small orchestra. judgements or impose their morality, and party. I invited lots of people. Everyone Fight fire with fire (USA Today). given them brownie points for subverting had a great time. Especially fun were the 20 Yale students streaked to protest Serbs' harmless fun squelched anything we take for granted - especially final credits where the parting gifts were Playboy's "Women of the Ivy League" Bosnian Serbs and Muslims have been when they find taboos so basic that the announced. That was my first time hear feature. (USA Today). going on British Arm radio frequencies haven't been questioned before. So none ing them. The entire party crowd cheered Whore stock goes public and mimicking the officers, confusing the of the atrocities in Outer Limits should when the Jeopardy! announcer's voice Melbourne' leading whorehouse, the troops. The Welsh Fusiliers put a stop to surprise anyone. And it'sjust going to get boomed that one of the gifts was Fruit of Daily Planet, plans to go public on the this b communicating in Welsh. (Lon- worse. Enjoy! (USA Today) the Loom women's panties. THE AMICUS CURIAE Calendar of Events Monday, April 17, 1995 15
Monday April 17, 1995 Williamsburg Theatre. Duke of Gloucester Street, 6:30 & 8:30 p.m. Blood Drive: Spons red by Alpha Phi Omega. Trinkle Hall in the Campus Movie: "The Godfather, II ," a special treat fo r all you DeN iro and Pacino fans. Center, I p.m . Williamsburg Theatre, DOG Street. 10:30.
Tuesday, April 18, 1995 Saturday, April 22, 1995 Movie: See Captain Kirk· ~ final showdown in "Star Trek: Generations;' UC Ear th Day: ario~ l s acti it ies around campus will be going on all day. They Auditorium, 8 p.m. include cleaning up the Lake Matoaka paths. general campus cleanup, sorting Chamber Concert: The Chamb r Music So lety of Williamsburg pre ents and recyclinb at the Vv &M Hall parki n'g lot, and planti ng at Tercentenary Hall. the Aeolian ChamQer Players. Arts . ud itorium. Williamsburg Regi nal . Sign up for events from April 1 through 21 at the table in the University L ibrary, 8 p.m. . Center. Baseball: v . Virginia Wesleyan. Cary Field. 3 p.m. Movie: "E. otica.'· Will iamsburg Theatre. DOG Street, 6:30 & 8:30 p.m. Men' s Tennis: vs. Ri hmond. 3 p.m. Movie: "The Godfather. 11." Williamsburg Theatre, DOG Street, 6 :30 & 8:30 p.m . Wednesday, April 19, 1995 Speaker: Steve Bright, Direct r ofthe Southern Center for Human Ri ghts in Sunday, April 23, 1995 Atlanta \> ill speak on the crime d bate and implication for the constitutional Movie: "Before Sunrise," starring Ethan Ha\ ke and Julie Delpy". Two good rights of criminal defendants. Room 124. 12:30 p.m. looking twenty-something types meet and hook up one night in Europe. Speaker: Learn about our b d 's performance when you work out in the heat. Williamsburg Theatre, DOG Street. 7 p.m. Kent B. Pandolf, director, rmy Research Institute of Environmental _ Say Goodbye to Father Kelly: The Catholic Student AssQciatioQ will be Medicine \> ill addre s this timely subject in Andrews Hall, 7 p.m. holding an appreciation reception for Father Kell on the St. Bede' s Rectory la\> n, 6:30 p.m . Thursday, April 20, i995 Town & Gown Luncheon: Our own Kay Kindred addresses the subject of"A Monday, April 24, 1995 Re ponse to Domestic Violence in Virginia," University Center, Chesapeake Movie: "Before Sunrise," Williamsburg Theatre, DOG Street, 7 p.m. Room, 12: 15 p.m. Tuesday, April 25, 1995 Friday, AprH21, 1995 EXAMS! Because we know you' ll be studying, stressing, nail-biting and
Movie: 'Exotica,' a 't\",o-thumbs-up ' Canadian movie that \> ill ha ' e .> ou doing anything but going to lectures mo ies and concerts, the calendar ends slightly confused until the very end. Takes place in an upscale strip club. here.
FAREWELL from 12 read it and appreciate it. [fthere are those your hearts. as to just how much ofa father you are. To who would prefer to use it as ammunition I want to thank Shelle, Evans for her Prof. Grover: thanks for supporting me e er mention what had happened. And well. they re just like that nurse whom I'll confidence and understanding, and for when the class went after me like dogs go this very nice very sweet young nurse is probably neve! see again but probably having the trust in me to push the lin e in after gravied kibble. To Prof. Schaefer: probably still telling this stor- at Christ tells that story every now and then. I think some ofthe things I ha e written, and for thanks for being a sport about the stuff mas parties. maybe it means that I' ve enjoyed my time believing that I would never cross it tossed your'way. To Nejl Lewis: I think Now, how does this all tie in to saying at M- W so much and feel that I have been intentionally. I'd also like to thank Dean you owe me some money, pal. Finally, a goodbye and all that? I don t reall, know. blessed with such good friends that I feel Krattenmaker, who wrote to Mr. Smart word to my successor: good luck to you, but I think itbas something to do with this: comfortable telling this little story. Or Guy three times this year, a Dean record, . my friend, and try to keep YO\lr anonymity. I wanted to gi e those people I've made maybe it's just that Lwould do damn near I believe. You' ve been like a father to the There's nothing like having someone fun ofammunition thattheycan use against anything for a laugh and this is my last little humorous child inside me. When from the Journal of Women and the Law me if the want. But it's more than that. shot (so to speak.) Whatever the reason, you see the test results I just got back from sneer at you as you walk by to give you a I also know that I have friends who will I hope its enriched your lives and touched the fertility lab I think you' ll be stunned sense that you' re doing alllll-right.
Edited by Stan Chess CROSSW· RD®Crossword Puzzle Created by Richard Silvestri ACROSS 40 Head 0/ the OOW~ 30 Gantry of 1 Toy·pistol' Secret 1 Without fiction anvno Squadron preparation 32 Reuters rival 5 A heap 44 You, once 2 Precinct 33 Standar~ 9 Struck an 45 Comic lead·in 3 Stud holding deviation attitude 46 Tab/edoth 4 Plumber's tool symbol 14 Algerian port substiMe 5 Educated folks 34 One of the 15 Agenda 47 Joining alloy 6 Soul singer Aliens segment 50 Sit a spell Redding 35 Unkempt 16 Maty 51 Whatever 7 Wallet items 38 Desperately Richards' best 52 Neighbor of 8 Slap on urgent friend Col. 9 PDQ 41 Cartoonist Key 17 Slat Wars 54 He ran against 10 Riverfront 42 Be al odds princess DOE Stadium's river 43 Eyewitness 18 Point al the 56 Henry Fonda 11 The man from 48 Sign for a hitch dinner table? movie U.N.CLE. 49 Gun the motor 19 Tended 10 the 64 Kerman native 12 Delightful 53 Harried Tin Man 65 Swordplay region 55 Sundae 20 Koesdern vel memento 13 TV's Major lOpping 23 Scrrup site 66 Newspaper 56 Small combo 24 Hogwash section, brie ny 21 Sweetheart of 57 Berlin casualty 25 Con&-bea~ng 67 Gram :he 1976 of 1989 tree elevators' kin O'ympics 58 Cain's nephew 28 Steady 68 Albany·Buffalo 22 A Smotners S9 Piece of land 31 Cat, perhaps cana brotner 60 Catch cold? 3S The Coi.ege 69 As far as 2S Friday recpes: 61 Act glum Wirow a.;:hor 70 Compose- 26 Potato type 62 Distaff end.n;;; 31 "_ yO:J so!" GU5mv 27 Dnve ba::i,. 63 Recess 39 POCKeted 71 Kino of VISion 29 Ta'lker 64 Suffix with Do)' Q1;32 CrOSSwtlf6l.1.aga;:I!"Ie Inc. breac. 12 loo~ too soon weiQh_ or ;;:J~ 9C0l' 6e~mcre , N' 117i • (516) 6:'9·860.S 16 Monday, April 17, 1995 THE AMlCUS CURIAE Fiction Sabrina's Lover By Michael Maschio gently pulls rum down. He unbuttons her there, weren't you?" Sabrina thanks God for Aaron's love. blouse, unfastens her bra and kisses her Sabrina bows her She is standing in the doorway of Aaron's neck, her nipples and her stomach. She head. Hereyes become office, her heart racing, her legs locked rests her head upon some papers, closes tearful. and her breath held as she raises her hand her mouth and looks up. "Did you let him to press her knuckles against her chest. Then, when their lovemaking is over, raise your skirt?" She concludes that Aaron' s face is beau she sits up, cleans herself with tissue, "I didn't make love tifuland easily feels beautiful herself. She crosses her legs and fmally tells Aaron, to him." exhales. "Did you finish reading it?" "All right, go ahead " and waits for him to " Oh yes you did." The week before she gave Aaron a turn on the lights. They notice how un 'But he' s just like Sherwood v.Walker copy ofthe New Testament He hasn' t kempt they are. They smile. Then Sabrina me, Johnny. He' s the 66 Mich. 568, 33 N.W. 919 sa . . !" Ieacf it, but says, "Yeah, I did, : and no stands, feeling embarrassed or ill at ease MORSE, J: Replevinfor a cow. " No one's like tices- that her blue eyes are smaller and to be so happy, shakes out her hair which A black angus, in a pensive mood, you!" Johnny shouts. darkerthan usual and that her eyelids and falls on one side to her shoulder, and then determined to augment his brood. Then he lowers his clieek-crests are puffy. Aaron is a legal exhales, ' l have to get dressed for the He stated his case to his belle, "Rose Second temp. Minutes before he was let go by a party." voice. "Look at you - ofAberlone, " who was reckoned, junior partner. Now, thinking less about Aaron slides the chair away from the You don't even know by those in the know, to be barren as sand door. " I really liked that." how to take care of flis future than about the moment, he and certainly destinedfor nothing more grand gestures-to Sabrina's BiDle. " I understand "Shsh," she says. " I really did. You yourself." than a short-lived career in pot pies, Irish stews, wnatyou were saying." "You don't know just, you make me feel so ... so good." saddlebags, corsets and high-button shoes. Sh~steps overto him and lets him hold him," she says weakly. She kisses him -- mpa! Then she leaves They accomplished their task by the standard procedure, lierfiips. ftTs nine p.m. and they' re late for with her interoffice envelope, rushes back " You can' t replace but failed to give notice to Walker, their breeder, lire law firm's Christmas party. Through to her office, closes her door -- bdumn! me." who sold Rose to Sherwood at a near-total loss, Saonna's blouse Aaron kisses her stom and quickly takes off her skirt, only to Sabrina cries. A wk for less than one-tenth of original cost, cmh . He mentions, "But the woman at the stop abruptly as she sees the ghost of her wardly her neck turns telling the buyer, "I begrudge her her f eed, cave _.. " brother, Johnny, sitting in her chair. His as she presses her for she's probably barren; I can 't make her breed. " knuckles against her 'Mary Magdalene." eyes are dark and his face is bl Amicus computer-like rankings The best and not-so-best of 1M sports '94-'95 By Neil Lewis up Women's champs to be With Wendy I-lahn "solo;" runner-up Jon Mahan and his Capt. Kirk struggling--you should see who Hey Kids! It's end-of-semes out Balls. 3L Sam Ste£ker "for details." retro-cut (with pointy sideburns!) they have playing defense. ter award time. It's time to re Best Male Basketball Player: Best Passer--basketbaIl: 2 in February. They've won one game by ward those great teams, 3L Russ ' T" Foster; runner-up quick 2L Darren 100 yards" Best Thrown Game: 3L Steve forfeit, and lost one game by individuals, plays and players lL "Jazzy" Jeff Almeida. Rushing. "Pop" Arner swallowing his forfeit. They've won one game that made this semester in Best Female Basketball Player: Best Passer--soccer: 3L Wendy . whistle and giving a hockey play by slaughter rule 5-0, and lost intramurals one of the best ever. 3L Erica 'Cashmere" Swecker; Hahn. off game to his boss Joe Tighe one game by slaughter rule 5-0. No offense was intended and no runner-up I L Amy Mang "the Best Passer--floor hockey: 2L "one on" and his Cal-Gary Isles It's not an episode of Seinfeld pouting will be tolerated. drum slowl ." Fred "Twinkle Toes" Gerson. over the obviously superior Ice it's The team formerly known Best Columnist: ZL Neil "what Best Male Hockey Player: 2L Best Offense--basketball: 3L Monkeys. as Prince The·team's press re a surprise" Lewis; runner-up 3L Dan Mc "truck" Inerney; run Russ Foster. Most likely to Not Play Floor lease crows about the injuries --. "Thunder" Ali Silva. ner-up 1 L David Hausman Best Offense--soccer: 3L Blake Hockey Because of a "Phan they have suffered this season. Best Basketball Team: Men's , Dressing." Guy. tom Injury": I L Yvonne "Bas Maybe they' re not getting the B-2 champs 3L' s 50%; runner Best Female Hockey Player: Best Offense--floor hockey: 1L ketball" Jones. whole purpose ofthis sport thing up co-rec B champs Co-Dream 2LAmy"iftheshoe' Fitzpatrick; David Hausman. Best Decision: 3L "Jim" Kerri -it's not to collect bruises but to ers. runner-up 3L Carla Simon" Best Defender--basketball: 2L Gilmore deciding to forego the win games! Pain has been suf Best Floor Hockey Team: Blake. Darren Rushing. women's basketball dynasty 3- fered by I L s Michelle LaRose Men'sBl Finalists lL'sHansen Best Male Soccer Player: 3L Best Defender--soccer: ??? peat with hoops because she was "by any other name" and Elise Brothers; runner-up Women' s " E-Z" Blake "Oven" Guy; run Best Defender--floor hockey: nine months pregnant, and then "paper" Milstein--sprained Finalists IL's Gimpettes. ner-up 3L Andy Ollis "fair in 2L Dan McInerney. giving birth to a beautiful, healthy ankles, Amanda "the Radar Best Soccer Team: Co-Rec love and war." Best Trash Talkin': _L Billy child. Range" Kessler--pu lled quad, Champs to be Daisies, runner- . Best Female Soccer Player: 3 L "it's not just a name, it's a license Best Basketball Wife: Helen " Hans" Cristin "Anderson" plate" Kearny ·'Mrs." Foster. I'm telling you it Zeisler--dislocated rotator cuff, Most Prolific Hockey Player: can't be easy. and Alison " Doctor" 2L Jim "Jungle ' Love, with 21 Best Choice in not Playing Any Rosenstengel~-aggravated foot games played during a four game Sports At All: 3L Ted Atkinson injuries suffered " mo~".ng" at season and three games in the "of Sam." He probably just the LIVE concert. The five goals playoffs; runner-up 2L Dan would have been hurt. scored all year by Prince go one '"don't" Hessel '·me." for scoring MostInjury-ProneTeam: The each to Milstein and an the goals for a team (not his) Team Formerly Known as Rosenstengel, and three to Psych and helping them win the B2 Prince traitor Kathy "Lee Gifford" championship. Enjoy those T Soccer highlights Karageorge. shirts, guys. The women' s powerhouse Hockey highlights Most Likely to Commit an Of-. Without Balls destroyed the The only team to come back fensive Foul in Basketball (or imaginatively named MBA 4-0 with T-shirts were the Mighty in any other sport): 1L Justin in a game that wasn 't as close as Dorks (featuring Jim Love) "case' Gillman. the score would have you be bending the rules all the way to Most Likely to Head The Ball lieve. The main issue confront the B2 championship. They beat With his Nose: 2L Mark "H." ing those who watched the game the undergrad Firetnicks 4-3 in Ross " Perot". . was: " What the heck does 3L overtime, with all four goals com Best Temper Fit: 3L King " Break of' Dawn Leoporati have ing from illegal players. In the Tower "of babble," for getting on the bottom of her shoes that game before that they beat the tossed out of the first game of the makes her fall down every time Brown Hornets 3-2 with all three b-ball season with a full eight she kicks the ball?" Maybe she goals coming from illegal play minutes left in the first half. His needs a new nickname--Skates. ers. Does anyone sense a trend team only had five guys to start Two goals were scored by VIMS here? There has to be a limit. I with. traitor Amanda McKinney did play on two teams in the . II Most Likely to Pass Out Dur-. "shoes" and one was added by basketball playoffs because Take a study break! ing a n Athletic Contest: I L 3L Ali Silva. Solomon'S Child lost their cen . Scott "three packs of Camel no The Daisies continued to find terto injury--believe me the team Call Domino's, relax and enjoy. filters a day" Boak. no challengers in co-rec ball as gained no advantage by my play . Most Likely to have Zeus . they won their third game 12-0. But playing on every team in 229-8885 220-3770 Tatooed on His Chest Upside Their fourth opponent didn 't both the regular season and the Down: 1L Jeff Almeida. Serving William & Mary Serving Colonial Williamsburg even bother to show up. Who can playoffs is way beyond accept- Best Stick Fight: 3L Mary Beth blame them? able. I wonder why the . Ir------7------~ Sub I Lunch I "talkin' about my" Dingledy vs . The hybrid IL-2L-3L team undergrads don't like law school I Meal 1 Special I Brian Peco, after Peco had swung Continuity ended their season teams. his stick at her face as she was in the A league at 3-1, finishing 2L Wendell "Apple" Pai's 99 99 covering up a puck. Luckiiy for up with a 4-0 victory over undergrad te:lm Whalers deserve : $5 : $6 : Peco, Mary Beth was held back. Lambda Chi in which 3L's Guy some mention for winning the I '1 I Most likely to be caught "in and Ollis, and IL's John Osborn B 1 championship by beating the ------fl agrante delicto" in a bumble I GET A 12" SUB OF YOUR I A MEDIUM 1 TOPPING PIZZA I "to be mild" and Dan "Chip" heretofore (good law word) un I CHOICE, A BAG OF CHIPS AND I AND 2 COKES OR DI ET COKES. I bee outfit: 1LKen " Deficit Pringle scored. defeated Hansen Brothers 4-1. I A COKE OR DIET COKE I Offer valid 11 a.m.-4 p.m. I Buster" Greenspan. Fuck the Draft continued ' The W ha lers stomped law UgJ.jest Shoes: 3L Russ Foster ' ~ their dissapointing season, drop school teams all through the play I vomit c?lored Nike Outlet spe ping to 0-4 as they got beat 1-0 offs dispatching Dogged by Love I cials. by an anonymous undergrad . Worst Haircut: 2L "On the". team. It's no wonder th is team is See RANKINGS on 20 Monday. April 17. 1995 THE A!-.!h..\" CLRl-V: 19 A Duck out afwater • Baseball's back, but Duckworth's In denial By Alan Duckworth won't ev n b a .500 t am. The) had t rid Pro Basketball ing n sty comments about Malone in the This is Duck's favorite tim of the themselves of all their go d pia) ers be The West i~ ju t getting wilder. The press, Malone simply went out 011 the year. There are lots of professional SpOl _ ause they were t 0 expen ive. Se ond. a Suns and Sonics are battling to til and ourt and dominated Coleman. What to follow and no silly amateurs to rob the trile i- possible again thi ' ) ear. The nail forthe Pacific division title. The Jazz bett r way to shO\.,· up a loud-mouth': big boy of the attention thatthe)- deserv . players are already t3lking about it. If the are making·a late run at the Spur for the Robinson and Shaq can get their trophies The NFL draft is comin"" up on .'\pril 22 owners don't cave into the player . then ' Midwest division title. Anyone f the later. Now, tl1e award should be delivered and 23. (E, ams. What, me WOlT)'')). The the I layers. under Don Fehr, are likely to -four team could still end up \-"ith the best to the Mailman. NBA preliminaries (called the regular walJ... out again. Particularly nm·'· that the record in the BA. This was the year of Pro Football eason) are rapidl coming to an end . . owners are showing a little fiscal respon West Coast basketball in the college ranks. The FL draft is rapidly approach ing. bunch of bums are fi nally coming back to sibilit)', which is driving mediocre play Can up-tempo basketball win the NBA Fortunate ly, once again, my beloved \. ork. Let's address those i sues in re ers' saIaries dramatically do\vm ard. Wait title as well? Both the Suns and the Sonics Redskins have a high pick.. Unfortu erse order. until the pia, ers fil e collusion harges play versions of an up-tempo offense. nately. the reason for the high pick is that Baseball against the owners. Three cheers to the Even the Spurs and the Jazz like to run the the Redskins sucked last year. Now the The unthinkable has happened. The LRB and Judge Sonia Solomayor for fast break. Well. with David Robinson Redskins have the founh pick in the draft. pia ers ha e won. As I said in m, last bringing at least a temporary peace to and Karl Malone as finishers, who can If they don 't trade tl1e pick, the most likely issue, U.S. DistrictJudge Sonia Solomayor baseball. blame them. se lecti on is Miami defensive tack. le War ruled in fa or of the players, granting an Normally, at this point, I would pro There are three worthy andidates for ren Sapp. orv Turner, however, covets injunction returning the game to the same vide a pre iew ofthe. up coming ba eball M P this year. Shaq, tl-.:: Adm iral and the Penn State running back Ki-Jana Carter rules it had last year. Then the players season. However I am on strike from Mailman all deserve consideration. My and is trying to trade up to the top spot so returned and the owners were forced to baseball until a labor agreement is reached. vote (as in had one) goe to Karl Malone. that the Redskin s can draft him. Wh ile I accept them, or risk massive dail, losses. I refuse to in vest emotionall y in the game He" in s overthe other two contenders out love Carter' s all-around talent, ru nning Now, everyone outthere is thinking, wh again whi le there is still a good chance of seniority. I couldn ' t fi nd another good back is not a great area of need. is Duck complaining? He, like almost that the players will walk out. Because I fa ctor to separate the three contenders and One look at the defensive line, and the e eryone else, has missed baseball fo r the refuse to pay attention to major league Malone, after eight consecutive MVP need for Sapp is apparent. He can provide 232 day, 10 hour and 14 minute strike. baseball, I dare not preview the season. caliber seasons in a row without a win , the defensive anchor for the Redskins for The problem with the return to base College Basketball finally deserves the award . Besides, he the next decade. Besides, the Redskins ball is two-fold, First, the owners are still I had to quickly mention the biggest deserves praises on a couple of other have very little that they can afford to give getting screwed and the game can' t sur basketball return of the year. Yes, th at's grounds as well. First, he is one of the up to trade up. The team needs as many vive indefinitely with the owners being right, Jerry Tarkanian is back. He is now most durable players in the game. having draft picks as it can get to rebuild. But, continually screwed. Look what has hap coaching Fresno State. Actually, any missed four games in his career. Second, then again , Norv Turner and Charlie pened since the strike ended. The rich program with Tarkanlan coaching prob- . he is one of the classiest players in the Casserly are paid a lot more for their have gotten richer and the poor ha e been abl, qualifies as a professional program game. Every night he simply plays the opinions th an I am for mine. And yet, hosed. The Expos had the best record in anyway, so I am not really discussing game as hard as he can. Even earlier this Casserly did trade up to draft Desmond baseball last year. Now, they probably amateur athletics. season, when Derrick Coleman was mak- Howard. Goodbye, Farewell and Amen. Klein said. To date, the group PAC 20120 from 1 ADMITTEES from 3 leas, this time to learn about the York. She estimates that more has raised about $1 700 all from law sc:hool's many organizations. than one-half of those who at Brady Gintert, a senior at funds-starved college students. After ilie general orientation, Caroline Boutwell , represent tend th e admitted students week- W&M and the regional director " We'll be able to [show] the admitted students were invited ing PSF, commented that they . end end up enrolling at M-W. for the new youth group, was politicians we' ve raised contri to partake of small grouJNIues all seemed nice and purchased The event was "a terrific suc more candid about the possibil butions .. . in three and fi ve dollar tion and answer sessions with lots' of gift shop p~raphernalia. cess" according to SBA Admis ity of twentysomethings and chunks," he said. "Our money, law school students and alumni. Finally, rounding out the day, sions Committee co-chair Jon sixtysomethings coming to po we hope, will speaka little louder Christian O' Connor hosted one students were offered tours of Mahan, an opinion shared by litical blows over the issue. than its actual value." group, and he commented on its the main ca mpus and the Dean Shealy. 'Either tell me this is a young Gintert said a head start on diversity and wide range of ages. gradplex. Shealy would like to express person's tax or that this is a sys the issue is the key to ensuring Prospectives were given a All th ose who helped with her ilianks to Amy Fedok and tem in which everybody's going the future integrity of the fund, break for a lunch buffet on the the weekend received positive Jon Mahan (2Ls), co-chairs of to get something back " Gintert whatever form it is in. patio, and then were introduced feedback. Dean Shealy noted the SBA Admissions Commit said, adding that many college "We have time to discuss it to the wonderful world of Court that while many schools offer an tee, 3L Vanessa Peterson and 2L students are "blinded by the idea right now," he said . " We' re not room 2 I by none otherthan proud open house for accepted students, Kenya Parrish, and to all the stu that we're going to get every yet at that apocalyptic point parent Professor Lederer. A M-W's weekend offering is bet dents who helped make the event thing back." where we either change it today Moot Court argument helped ter organized to give informa possible. . The numbers are hard to dis or it s gone tomorrow." highlight the courtroom's many tion. She also thanks the Deans, miss. According to a recent ar " Social Security reform is special features. While most of those who at the faculty, alumni affairs, and ticle in The Econom ist magazine, something that has to happen," At 2:30 p.m., accepted stu tended were from Virginia, the entire W&M community for the average recipient receives 50 added Singhel. "Both the Demo dents were once again able to Shealy also met people from welcoming and hosting the ac percent more in benefits than he crats ~dRepublicans areupthere wander among the bees and aza- California, New Jersey, and New cepted students. or she contributes in a lifetime, [in Congress] saying we' re not even factoring in a two percent going to touch Social Security, ADVICE from 4 PASS. I recommend the Ameri * Get drunk. The I Ls, appar interest rate. that the system is fine. It's like can Studies department for any ently, don 't need to hear this, but "I see my role as creating the great Oz. It looks wonderful, Cynicism aside, we really can one seeking a compl~te break the :?Ls do. It 's a great stress political will for change, to let but when you pull back the cur make a difference, and if we from legal education. I hear that reliever. To me, it's a greater sin politicians know Social Security tain, it's just one little guy who don' t, then why are we here on drama,: literature, business and to gb through life stressed-out is not the political third rail," can' t do much." this earth, just taking up space? language courses are good, too. and unhappy with tight undies, * Takean undergraduate class. * Get involved in law school than to get hammered every now technical language, an will not I deeply regret that I waited until activities. Too quickly, the time and then and let it all hang out. INTERNET from 3 necessarily be written exclu my third year to take a class on you are trapped here will pass. * Read the Tao Te Ching. This footnotes than most law review sively by law professors . Hardy the mai n campus. It's mind-ex As I look back on my 1,000 days is more on the personal side, but articles. Also Hardy explained fully expects to receive articles panding, refreshing, and usually here, the best and most satisfy I recommend it to everyone. It's that he wants JOL to be as acces from political science and com EASY! You meet new, interest ing memo ries - with my under no cure-all, but it is a source of sible and understandable to as puter science professors. The ing people. You get law school wear on - are from extracurricu lar wisdom and peace, separate from many people as possible. Ar first issue of JOL is due to arri e credit fo r the classes, which go events. I regret that I did not get the common philosophies of the ticles will not be written in highly this May. down on your transcript as a more in volved. Judeo-Christian world. 20 Monday, April 17, 1995 THE AMICUS CURIAE 3/4 tbsp. cloves DIRECTIONS: Cook & eat. "smoky" flavor); lLJeannieJor- who won fIrst-place awards in CHILI from 4 3 bay leaves Other contestants, and their dan, "Geronimo's Revenge"; lL the past two contests. Sources recipe: 3 tbsp. chili powder chilis, in the CGokoff were: 4L Tina Papamichael, anonymous reported seeing Kennedy on the 3 Ibs. of hot sausage 112 tsp. paprika Paula Hannaford, "Black Death chili; 2Ls Chris Johnson and Ann grassy knoll behind the school 4 onions 112 tsp. cayenne Vegetarian;" lL Amanda Davis, 'Junior' s Finger Back with a high-powered crockpot, 2 green.peppers 3 tsp. cumin Kessler, anonymous chili; · I L Chili"; lL Mario Pacella, but such reports could not be 4 stalks of celery 3 tsp. oregano Joni McCray, "Mac Attack"; 3L ' Bufallo's Pre-Superbowl confIrmed. JudgessaiditwOlild 3 cloves of garlic 2 red chilis Jeremy Phillips, 'Tract Rooter" Meal;" and 3L Jon Sheldon, "Hot be nearly impossible for one per 16 oz. canned tomatoes 2/3 cup molasses (which included a protein pie Brown Ale" (a peppery, flavor- son to fIre offthree winning chilis 16 oz. tomato sauce_ . 4 oz. red wine chart); 3Ls Caroline Boutwell, ful entrant in the beverage cat- in as many years. Thus, they 33 oz. black beans 1 dash of vanilla Lori Kline, Mary Beth Dingledy egory). believe Kennedy was involved 1 tbsp. salt 4 oz. of melted cheese and Jennifer Tosini, "Blue Light Sorely missed at this year's in a conspiracy with one of the 112 tbsp. pepper 6 oz. tomato paste Special" (which had a delicious. cookoff was 3L Bill Kennedy, winning entrants. federally-engineered school lunch pro CONGRESS from 9 concern, but no amount of shrill condem night than to take three hours out of their nation will make it go away. Gingrich gram is inefficient because it artifIcially afternoon to listen to Limbaugh. One among others) is distorted and unfair? should use his fIfteen minutes of fame - lowers the price of all school lunches and network proudly proclaims that more In fairness, Republicans themselves not to whine about liberal bias - but to gratuitously subsidizes lunches for Americans "get" their news from it than are partly to blame for the fact that they challenge the assumptions of his oppo wealthy and middle class children). from any other source. are now on the defensive. Republicans nents and to set the terms of debate. After More than the success of the Contract Even discounting for advertising hype, have never been adept at cultivating con all, given the magnitude oftheir victory in is at stake. When President Clinton runs it is probably true that most Americans tacts in the Old Media or at utilizing the November and the manifest failure of for re-election in 1996, he will be able to still turn for news and analysis to the Old Media to advance their own argu various Great Society programs, Repub argue that he is a compassionate and rea gigantic, powerful animal that is the Old ments. Instead they have tended to be licans do have the moral high ground. sonable counter-weight to the "mean-spir Media. This ponderous creature may yet moan liberal bias and engage the debate Instead of responding defensively to ited" Republicans in Congress. crush the fledgling GOP Revolution, un on terms set by the other side. Speaker the "Gingrich as Scrooge" theme the There is every reason to believe that less the Republicans adoptsome new strat Gingrich's attacks on the media are illus Speaker should assert the practical vir his allies in the Old Media will reinforce egies for dealing with the media. trative. He recently condemned the press tues of shifting control over programs to this message without inquiring too deeply Republicans should not dismiss the power for its coverage of the school lunch issue, the states. On the school lunch issue and into its substance. Voters who want to be of the Old Media (as Eastland does), nor saying that the Washington press corps, welfare reform, the Republicans ought to more fully informed will have to tum to should they convey the impression that lobbyists and liberals have been "shame point out that state and local control over the alternative or "new" media. But will they are afraid of it (as Gingrich implicitly lessly lying and exploiting children" to spending will likely result in more effi they? does). A more subtle approach is called save bureaucrats' jobs. cient targeting of aid to the "truly needy' The great mass of Americans fmd it for; one that will tame the beast and allow Old Media bias remains a legitimate (they should argue, for example, that the easier to tune in the network news every Republicans to drive the agen~a. background and intentions of a DUMB from 10 done without having to show how volatile issues such as abortion couraging participation in and candidate. The candidates re it can be done. As a result, gov and, while their feelings are un understanding of the political brand democrats with the scarlet spond by keeping their speeches ernment does less and less with doubtedly sincere, it is impos process. The dumbing down of "L" ofliberal and emblazon Re and statement issues as simple as more and more, and, because so sible not to wonder whether they America threatens both. of these. publicans with the shining "c" possible, which might nbt be so few people' are willing to learn know that the Supreme 'Court By asking less of ourselves, we of conservative. bad except that the resulting about and understand the issues, makes decisions based on con are no longer reaching for the Political campaigns rarely policy discussions. are like a elected officials fail to seriously stitutional interpretation rather achievement which this nation address the issues, and almost Porsche with no gas; it looks address the nation's problems. than public sentiment or personal needs to survive. And because n-ever with any specifIcs, since great and costs a lot, but it won't Few Americans even take the feelings (okay all you IL's, you people no longer make the effort they receive greater impact from get you to work. time to understand how our gov can stop chuckling now). How to participate in the political pro negative advertisements calling Every candidate jumps on ernment works. How many can our society continue to up cess, the diversity of ideas which their opponents whatever deroga easily identifiable bandwagons people (besides, of course, M-W hold the American form of gov has served this country well has tory name happens to be in vogue with popu larnames such as "defi law students) understand the role ernment when so few of its deteriorated into a pestilence of at the time. Voters remember cit reduction," "tax cuts," "wel and the (theoretically, at least) members really understand it? platitudes. Unless there is a these accusations whether sup fare reform," and others which apolitical functioning of the Su America has thrived since its change, 'the dumbing down of ported or not, since that is easier allow them to speak in broad preme Court? Groups often dem inception by stimulating and re America may lead to the despair than actually learning about the platitudes about what should be onstrate at the Supreme Court on warding achievement and en- of America. team out" Cal-Gary Isles 5-3. 2L's Todd Sherer "Energy" and Amy night, and what do you get? Buppkiss. RANKINGS from 18 2L team Co-rec team The Joke (fea Fitzpatrick) after a tied game and over • The creatively named team MBA torched (featuring Jim Love) in the first round 6- turing Jim Love) made some noise in the time. the hapless Joke 2-0 in the final and 2 ("we got tired" whined Dog coach 2L playoffs dispatching 3L team Sticks in Advancing to the championship squashed their dream of Co-rec glory. Jeff LaMontagne about how they blew a the Crease 3-1 behind the strong goal against the only team they had lost to in Better luck next year guys and gals. At 2-0 third period lead), and in the second tending of American Studies 'Broom" the regular season--they choked. You least you have a next year. Poor Steve round dispatching Joe Tighe's "included Hildy Coleman and then out shooting the work hard you sacrifice all season, 2L Arner is going to have to live with his to make fun of them but they knocked my # 1 seeded Motion Lotion 2-0 (goals by Dan McInerney cuts down to 12 beers per defeat in the first round for the rest of his life. of never developed devastating his ex and their parents before them thought that THE FOOL from 10 Writing this column this year was a p~ctations. the world was on an upward path toward joy and a pain--thanks to all those who cas science and technology from the Instead of living with his dissatisfac greater and greater prosperity. made my life easier notably Andy Ollis Moors, intense spiritual faith from Rome, tion he became the fool and went out into This all may sound a bit pessimistic. and Brad Wagshul of Men's C. Don't and more military power" than anyone the world to enjoy his life. Though every Spain only recently really looks like it is worry Brad, although I probably won't before them. The people of Spain felt one thought he was mad he was by far starting to recover. Take it as a warning. write this column next year, I will keep they had everything to look forward to, happier than anyone else. That's the trick If you ignore the fool too long, if you the legend of Men's C alive by telling and yet within a generation everything to a fool 's paradise. It is a paradise for allow reason and intellect to completely horror stories about your games to the had fallen apart. fools. The rest of the world doesn't mat overwhelm mirth and pleasure, sooner or incoming first years. And if anyone ever It was during this time of great disap ter. later the fool will take over. He will come asks me "what's the worst basketball pointment that Cervantes lived and wrote. I think one can draw many parallels not to make you happy, but to blind you team you' ve ever seen?" There will be Don Q~(ixOle addressed the disappoint between Spain then and the United States from your own dissatisfaction. That's but one answer. Men's C forever! ment of the people of Spain. It is the story today. After World War II we had more wh., we desperately need the courage to of an old man who in his youth dreamed power prestige, and optimism than any be dumb; otherwise we risk actually be of being a knight. The world he dreamed country had ever had before. My par.ents coming dumb. 27 DAYS