MILITARY WOMEN AVIATORS ORAL HISTORY INITIATIVE Interview No. 12 Transcript

Interviewee: Colonel Nicole M.E. Malachowski, United States Air Force, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Place: National Air and Space Museum South Conference Room 901 D Street SW, Suite 700 Washington, D.C. 20024

SMITH: I'm Monica Smith at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C. Today is August 15, 2019, and I have the pleasure of speaking with Colonel Nicole Malachowski, United States Air Force, retired. This interview is being taped as part of the Military Women Aviators Oral History Initiative, and it will be archived at the Smithsonian Institution. Welcome, Colonel Malachowski.

MALACHOWSKI: Thank you for having me, Monica.

SMITH: Actually, you said to say Nicole.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: Is that alright?

MALACHOWSKI: Nicole, [laughs]

SMITH: Alright. So let's — MALACHOWSKI: I'm retired, so — SMITH: [laughs] That's great. Let's start with you stating your full name and your occupation.

MALACHOWSKI: So my name is Nicole Margaret Ellingwood Malachowski. My friends sometimes call me Fifi. I am a retired colonel from the United States Air Force, and currently I'm a motivational and inspirational speaker.

SMITH: Fantastic. What were your dates of service?

MALACHOWSKI: So let's see. I was commissioned on the 29th of May, 1996, from the Air Force Academy, and I was medically retired from the military on the 29th of December, 2017. SMITH: So 21 years of service.

MALACHOWSKI: 21years, 7 months, and 0 days.

SMITH: [laughs] You've got it exact. Your total flight hours?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, my gosh. You would ask me that. You know, that's funny. I should have that memorized. I think it's around 2,300 flight hours.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: 188 hours in combat, and I flew several, you know, different planes. SMITH: So let's list those. MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Sure. I mean, the very first thing I flew, right, was a glider at the Air Force Academy, and then went and flew the T-3 back when we were doing that at the Air Force Academy. T-37, the T-38 — the second — the two versions of the T-38, because I flew at IFF1as well, and then I flew the F-15E Strike Eagle2 and the F-16 C and D model. That sounds like seven different Air Force planes. Something like — six or seven, something like that.

SMITH: And your civilian planes?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah,I flew Cessna 152s. I think I got some 172 time, and that's really it. Yeah.

SMITH: IFF, just a —

MALACHOWSKI: Introduction to Fighter Fundamentals.

SMITH: Thanks.

MALACHOWSKI: So when you graduate pilot training, there's kind of a small course where you — it's a very short course between graduating pilot training and going to your primary aircraft.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: So your major weapons system, yeah.

SMITH: Do you hold any civilian licenses?

MALACHOWSKI: A long, long time ago, I did have my,I think, commercial rating coming out of pilot training that has since lapsed, and I don't have any civilian licenses now. Ironically, in high school, I never got my private pilot's license. I did solo, but never finished with the license because I ended up at the Air Force Academy, and —

SMITH: Had better things, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: The taxpayers, yeah, offered me a greater opportunity, [laughs]

SMITH: So let's talk about your road to the military, and let's start with where you were born. Was it Santa Maria?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I was born in central California in a place called Santa Maria, California to — I'm very lucky, I think, in that I was born, you know, into a family — my parents are still married, you know, more than 50 years. I had a very stable, loving household, and never wanted for anything. Right? I was never a kid who had to worry about having a roof over their head or food on their plate. And so I always make a point of that, because I was able to start out right from a very solid foundation, and I'm very lucky for that. And I think that that's one of the things that helped me, I think, be successful in my career. So anyways, in central California, my mom — growing up until about the time I was in high school, she was a stay-at-home mom, housekeeper. My dad, he had served and been drafted into the Army during the Vietnam War. He stayed stateside, served a few years in the Army, and then he went

1Introduction to Fighter Fundamentals. 2 The F-15E is central to this oral history, https://www.af.mil/About-Us/Fact-Sheets/Displav/Article/104499/f-15e- strike-eagle/.

2 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

off to college and became an architect and a construction — a general contractor. So my point is, I grew up as a kid on construction sites. So I was always taught, you know, to work hard. A lot of, I think, you know, discipline — I knew my dad would bring me on the sites and I would work, and then I would get paid money, and then I could, you know, buy and do things. So he had been in the Army, so I knew about that. Both of my grandfathers had served both in the Army and the Navy. So I grew up, I guess what you could say, is like that very stereotypical middle-class American family. I was raised knowing that the military was an honorable and a noble profession. We were the people who would go to the parades, and I would see people marching in uniform with the flags. And as a little kid, I loved that. I loved people. I don't know what it was. Like, just the synchronicity of people

[5:00]

marching and all wearing the same uniform and working together. As a little kid, I can remember like, feeling something. So we went to an air show when I was in kindergarten. And I often get asked for — I can't remember. It was somewhere in central southern California. But the point was, it was your typical — all the American families, you know, out — you know. Right? Funnel cake and soda pop and jets. Right? I mean, I was thrilled. And I saw an airplane come by. It was the F-4 Phantom,3 and that was it. I mean,I absolutely fell in love with the plane.

SMITH: Do you remember how you felt, like that — as it came by, just the a —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, I mean, when the — it came by at a low pass, right above the runway. Right? And we're standing along the fenceline. And I remember it was like a feast for the senses. Right? Because it was beautiful to look at. I could feel like my chest, like, rumble, you know, from the jet engine. And I could hear it. Right? It was so loud, because the F-4 was a loud plane. And then, you know, it has — the F-4 also had kind of the little bitty smoke trail, so you could smell, you know, the jet fuel, and the oil, and like, every sense, right, was stimulated. And I was like, this is — I knew this is what I'm supposed to do. And the beauty of it is I remember looking at my dad in particular — my parents, and saying, you know: I'm going to be a fighter pilot someday. And they didn't blink. They're like: you're going to be a great fighter pilot someday. And my parents were very good about with all of the — I have an older brother and a younger sister. Very good at that time with like: well, what does it take to become a fighter pilot? You know, what steps do you need to do? It was very, you know, kind of guiding me along. You don't just say you're going to be a doctor or say you're going to become a fighter pilot. Like, there is a journey and a path and hard work to get there. So what is it? You know, so even at the age of 5, 6, 7 years old,I was asking questions like, you know: how does someone become a fighter pilot? You know, how does someone become a pilot? But in the context of, like, women in aviation history, this was in 1979-ish, give or take. I mean, that was really right, when women were just starting to go into pilot training.

SMITH: In the Air Force. Right.

MALACHOWSKI: In the Air Force, yeah. And so it's just interesting. My life will kind of parallel some of these, you know, big changes as far as like where women are, you know, accepted in different parts of

3 The F-4 Phantom II is a twin engine, all weather, tactical fighter-bomber that was retired in 1996, https://www.holloman.af.mil/About7Fact-Sheets/Displav/Article/317295/f-4-phantom-ii/.

3 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

military aviation. So there I am, 1979. Women are just now in the Air Force going to pilot training,4 and I'm at this air show, falling in love with an F-4.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. And so it became very clear to my family that — I made it very clear. I was always a very like, I think, confident kid. And so I'm like: this is just what I'm going to do. Like,I know I'm supposed to do this. And so everyone in my family knew. And I remember at 12 years old, my — we had finally moved to southern California. My grandfather, who had served in the Army, had been the mayor of Ontario, California, for a very long time. And in fact, he was the mayor when Ontario International Airport was brought in. So he had always had an interest in aviation.

SMITH: What was his name?

MALACHOWSKI: Robert Edward Ellingwood. Yeah, a great man, and he had served his country as well. And so I remember him saying: did you know, you know, there's something called the Civil Air Patrol. And I'm like: what's the Civil Air Patrol? And he had kind of made mention of it. We talked, and then fast-forward a few months. I'm in the backyard with my dad, and this Cessna flies over. And underneath, it's got CAP. And I'm like: what's CAP? Google, google: Civil Air Patrol. So I looked up Civil Air Patrol and found out that you could join when you were 12 years old, and we had — I had to use the old phone book, right? I mean, I wasn't googling—

SMITH: Right. There's no internet, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Right? This is 1986, right? And oh, by the way, what else is out in 1986? Top Gun.

SMITH: Top Gun.

MALACHOWSKI: Right? So Top Gun is part of this. I'm going through the phone book, trying to look up Civil Air Patrol, because Grandpa had mentioned it. And me and my dad saw this plane. It was like it was supposed to happen. I gave them a call. They're like: yeah, you can join at 12 years old. And so I joined the Cable Composite Squadron out there in Ontario and Upland, and got my first little uniform that was way too big for me. Right? You know — [laughs]

SMITH: Were there any other young girls in CAP when you joined?

MALACHOWSKI: So, there were. And this is, I think, a fascinating story. There were gals in the different CAP units in southern California, and one of the people I became friends with around that age of 12 to 14 was Kim Campbell. So Kim goes by K.C. Campbell.5 She's a year behind me as far as graduating from the Academy and stuff, but her and I used to run around in our oversized, you know,Civil Air Patrol outfits as young gals. There weren't a lot of us. Now, I'm talking like — you know, the mid- to late-1980s. And we used to tell everyone we were going to be fighter pilots, because She wanted to be a fighter

4 Women first entered Air Force Pilot training in Sept 1976; class 77-08 graduated on Sept 2, 1977. Chip Ricks, Beyond the Clouds (Tyndale House, 1979), 112, 136; Connie J. Engel MWAOHI Interview, July 12, 2019. 5 Kim "KC" Campbell was an A-10 pilot who served 22 years before retiring as a colonel. Accessed Dec 11, 2019, https://www.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/117270/operation-iraqi-freedom-hero-shares-her-storv/:

4 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

pilot, too. And I remember just being motivated, right, by the fact that there was another woman there — young lady, [laughs] girl at the time, you know, who was interested in this. And we were able to kind of encourage each other and stick together a lot. We weren't in the same squadron, but we would see each other at different events.

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Fast-forward, we would end up at the Air Force Academy together. Fast-forward, I flew F-15-Es. She flew the A-10. And you know, she has an — she earned the Distinguished Flying Cross from her heroic efforts during combat over Baghdad. And fast-forward, she's now my neighbor in Colorado. And I just — here I am — we are, you know, literally 30 years later, two people, two women, who grew up through this kind of evolution, right, of women in — flying in combat.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: She's an extraordinary officer, you know, an extraordinary fighter pilot. And her and I were just, you know, joking two weeks ago. Now we've got kids, you know. We're soccer moms with minivans and you know: do you remember that time when we were like 12, 13 years old, and we said we were going to [be] fighter pilots? And you know, people used to laugh at us. We got the last laugh, so — [laughs]

SMITH: Well, back to CAP -

MALACHOWSKI: So Civil Air Patrol was huge. Yeah.

SMITH: Right. How many — like, how big was your squadron? MALACHOWSKI: Oh, gosh. SMITH: Or just roughly in —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, I mean, there was probably a dozen young cadets. There was also the senior component to the squadron, probably another dozen, you know, adults.

SMITH: And were all the instructors men, or were there any women present in the CAP architecture?

MALACHOWSKI: I actually think there was one or two women. The ones who interacted with the cadets as far as aerospace training, from what I recall — or at least the ones that influenced me — were definitely men. There was, I think, one other female cadet, but this is going just way back in my memory.

SMITH: Yeah. No worries. Tell me about your first CAP ride.

MALACHOWSKI: So yeah.

SMITH: Flight. I mean, flight.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. They had the Cessnas there, and you know, we got to go on the flights. I am trying — gosh,I've got to think back.

SMITH: Because you would observe first, and then...

5 MWAOHI Interviewee:Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...a period of time where you would observe, and then did you get to take flying lessons at some point?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I didn't take flying lessons while I was at that squadron.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: So when I was down in southern California, I did get one or two orientation flights. Obviously, it was super exciting. Right? I mean, like butterflies in your stomach taking off. And I remember taking off and just thinking I had so much — we had so much power in that, you know, little Cessna. And you know, we'd be taxiing by some of the bigger aircraft, or the jet aircraft. But it didn't matter because, right, this was our Cessna. You know? And I remember taking off and getting in the air, and they're like, you know: you have the aircraft. And I'm like: alright. I have the aircraft. And just, you know, trying to get a feel, you know. You have to really turn a lot, you know, the wheel a long way, you know, the yoke a long way to get the plane, you know, to maneuver. A long way from a Cessna to, you know, an F-16, right, where it's fly by wire.

SMITH: But a long way from riding in a car to piloting...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...an airplane as a pre-teen.

MALACHOWSKI: Absolutely. So I think that was exciting, and I think too, you know, the first few times I was able to even just for a brief moment, right, that they gave me the aircraft, I'm like: I can do this. I can learn how to do this. And if they're doing it, they had to learn how to do it, so why can't I learn how to do it?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: So there was — I hope not an arrogance, but I think there was a level of confidence. Like,if I work hard, and I study, and I practice, I can do this. So this dream I've had since 5, now at age 12, you know, it feels like a certainty, and I've got like, you know, friends in the Civil Air Patrol. And that was the beauty of it. Right? Joining forces with other young people who were focused on a goal. Right? Serving their country, patriotism, community service, aviation. I give a lot of credit to the Civil Air Patrol for, I think, keeping me, you know, focused and in-line. Because I think that's a hard time — back then, it's a hard time for kids these days, right, to get through junior high and high school without all the noise. Right? So Civil Air Patrol gave me something — that focus. I was around like-minded kids who were staying out of trouble, who believed in discipline. You know, we'd line up, and they'd have the inspections. And we'd say, "Yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am." So I think it helped shape — Civil Air Patrol was definitely something that helped shape my character growing up. But we didn't fly — I didn't fly a ton at that southern California Composite Squadron. But I want to tell a story. Right before I joined the Civil Air Patrol, I was down living in Upland. My grandfather had been the mayor, and he had a friend who had a Cessna. Ah, it might have been a Piper. Forgive me. But it was a single-engine, you know, small aircraft. And his friend said: I'll take your granddaughter flying. Because my grandpa was like: I'm really proud of her, you know? She wants to join the military and be a fighter pilot. And so, you know,

6 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

will you take her up flying? And we got into the plane for takeoff, and he's like: alright, you know — I don't even know if this was legal or if he was even qualified as an instructor at the time.

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But it didn't matter. He was like: you can go ahead and take off the aircraft. You know, push the throttle in. And I'm like — I remember just pushing the throttle slowly. I didn't know what I was doing. I was really nervous and really meek, and from the left side, he grabbed my hand and he just jammed the throttle forward. He says: the first lesson is, you fly the plane. Don't let the plane fly you. And we took off. And I'll never forget that.

SMITH: Do you remember who that was?

MALACHOWSKI: I don't, which is terrible. It was one of my dad's — my grandfather's dear friends. And I know that he had served in politics as well, in some you know, way, shape, or form. But that aggressiveness of — you're in charge of the plane. You fly the plane. And then I learned the aircraft only does what you make it do. And that's kind of an interesting metaphor for life too. Right?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: You're the one that's in charge of your journey. And so I mean,it meant a lot. And that phrase — here I am, almost 45 years old, and I still remember that moment. And I was shocked at how aggressive he was. But it taught me something as a pilot that you have to be aggressive and confident and fly the plane. And I remembered those words when I was at pilot training. I remembered those words when I flew in combat, and I remembered those words when I flew as a Thunderbird pilot.

SMITH: Awesome.

MALACHOWSKI: You know: you fly the aircraft. Don't let the aircraft fly you. So it was in those moments that I'm like: yup, this is going to happen.

SMITH: Before we get too far along,I want to make sure we mention the names of your parents.

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, yes. Yeah, my dad's Robert Ellingwood. My mom's Catherine Ellingwood — with a C. I have an awesome older brother, Josh Ellingwood. He's a lawyer. And I have a younger sister, Laura. Fontana is her last name now, and she's a real estate agent. Yeah.

SMITH: Alright. One of the things that I remarked about your story is just the continued support of your parents and how they always encouraged you to follow your dream. And anyone that got in the way of that, you know, was put at bay. And there's a sixth grade story of your veterans history project interview.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, we can tell that story, [laughs] Yeah.

SMITH: But then you move on from, you know, CAP and then you join Air Force Junior ROTC in high school. What high school did you attend?

MALACHOWSKI: So I was at Western High School in Las Vegas, Nevada, at this point.

SMITH: So you'd moved when?

7 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, gosh.

SMITH: 14, or -

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. Let me think.

SMITH: You don't have to remember the year.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, 10th grade. So I did 9th grade in southern California, and then I moved, and we went 10th grade in Las Vegas, Nevada. One of the things was they had an Air Force Junior ROTC at the high school. So I'm like: well, this is neat. You know,I want to do this. They also had a Civil Air Patrol. They also had Civil Air Patrol in the Nevada Wing there down at — near Nellis Air Force Base, and so it was — to me, it was like the best of both worlds. Right? So I continued with Civil Air Patrol. At that time, that squadron tended to not have as active or robust cadet program as what I had seen in California at that time. And Junior ROTC was kind of in my face every day at school. So there was a little bit shift in the balance, you know, of activity and of effort. And I remember Air Force Junior ROTC,I loved it. Right? We learned about aerospace. We learned about the Air Force. You know, we learned about, you know, American history and military history. These were things that had interested me since I was a little kid. And now, I get to do it at school, and it counts as one of my classes? And one of the things I know that people were — really had a hard time with in high school was wearing your uniform, right? Once a week, you had to put on that Air Force cadet uniform and come to school. And a lot of people hated it. You know, and you would get made fun of by some of the kids. I loved it. I loved wearing my uniform, [laughs] I don't know if I was a dork. I don't know what. I — but people didn't make fun of me, though. I'm not sure why. I was one of those kids that kind of had friends in each of the little subgroups. Right? You know, I had friends kind of across the way, and people knew that I was just — I was focused on becoming a pilot. I was focused on joining the Air Force. And I think people — I don't know. Kids even then could appreciate that. But I loved wearing my uniform in high school, [laughs] I was like: I'm joining the Air Force.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Everybody knew. Maybe it was obnoxious of me. I have no idea.

SMITH: You had a mission, and you were following your plan.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. I mean, I was, in a lot of ways, I think, maniacally focused, [laughs] Like, I didn't have a backup plan. I just knew this was going to — this was what I was going to do. And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes I look back, and I go: I wish I had relaxed a little more, maybe had a little bit more fun, because I was pretty serious. I was a pretty serious kid, because I had this goal. But in the end, I think it all worked out.

SMITH: Was it difficult for you to make friends, or for people — did you, like, super carefully select your friends?

[20:00]

MALACHOWSKI: I super carefully selected my influences.

8 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Absolutely. Because I think it's so important to stay in focus. I had a longer-term goal, and I wasn't going to have short-term sacrifices, right, that would distract me from that. I think I was very — I think smart in that respect. I liked people. I think making friends was easy for me. I consider myself a people person. I don't know. You can ask other of your acquaintances about that. I think I've always been a bit of a people person. But again, I always knew where my priorities were. And so I didn't hang out as much. I didn't do social things as much. Looking back, could I have done a few more? Should I have? Maybe. But at the same time, people like, for whatever reason, respected that, because I had a seriousness about me. [laughs] You know, so I was willing to say "hi," but I wasn't going to be the one that was out on a Friday night, because I was sleeping, because I had to get up at 5 a.m. to go fly. [laughs]

SMITH: Well, let's talk about that. So you also ran cross country.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes.

SMITH: And then you found time to take flight lessons at North Las Vegas Airport. So when did the flight lessons start?

MALACHOWSKI: So first, credit to the Civil Air Patrol, Nevada Wing, which afforded me the scholarship to pay for this. So flying is not a cheap hobby, [laughs] And again, my parents have always — had always provided, but that is an extra expense, so that scholarship made that possible. So I want to make sure that that is out there. I would supplement the scholarship by working at a plant nursery. I watered plants, and I was a cashier, and I remember I would ride my 10-speed bike. I would water plants, work the cashier at Star Nursery in North Las Vegas, Nevada, and I would take the money — because we'd get paid in cash back then. Right? And then I would ride my bike to North Las Vegas Airport, where I would fly in the Cessnas.

SMITH: What year in school?

MALACHOWSKI: This had to have been junior year.

SMITH: Junior. Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: And during the summer, or —

MALACHOWSKI: Junior to senior. Year round. Yeah.

SMITH: Oh. Oh, yeah. It's Las Vegas, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, it is Las Vegas. You've got good flying weather there. That's why Nellis Air Force Base is there. Yeah, that's kind of junior to senior year. And I remember going in and doing ground school and being so excited, right, about finally learning. I had learned the science behind flight because of Civil Air Patrol and Junior ROTC's aerospace programs. They teach you the fundamentals, right, of flight and why airplanes fly. But now,I'm getting into the navigation of it all. Right? How do you plan your altitude, your air speed, your fuel. What does that, you know, look like? And I just — again, I don't

9 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 know if I'm just like a super nerd or something, but this was exciting stuff, going to ground school. And finally got the chance to take to the sky, and my instructor — who was my instructor from Day 1— again, I'd had a few Cessna flights, you know, through Civil Air Patrol, and through my grandpa's friend, but this is where the flying really started in my log book. Right? Bill Cotter.6 Bill Cotter was my instructor's name, and I remember walking into the airport with my parents and saying: we're looking for an instructor. And everyone's kind of like — this was the first time I think I realized, you know, that not everybody was like: what is this 16-year-old girl — 15, 16-year-old girl doing at this airport, doing flying lessons? Because it hadn't really occurred to me. Right? I had been in this environment that was fully supportive. I had met a friend, another gal, who wanted to do this. I had parents who never blinked an eye about it. And I think this was the first time I was conscious of it. And they're like: well, Bill will do it. I remember people saying: well, Bill Cotter will do it. As if it was some big deal, like: well, the only one that will do it is Bill, [laughs] You know? So I met Bill, and he was an excellent instructor. Treated me like I was capable, expected me, right, to be capable. Held me accountable, right, to standards, and provided just a fair opportunity to fly. He always saw me as someone who could be a pilot. I never felt — I don't know. I never felt — he never made me feel different, even though everybody around at the airport did. Bill never did.

SMITH: How did they make you feel different?

MALACHOWSKI: I think it was just like — I don't know if it was just — they — there weren't — I hadn't — I didn't see any other women there flying, and there weren't women at the ground school. There weren't women stepping out of the FBO7 you know, to go fly.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: And I think my youth also — I think a lot of it — is it just gender, or is it generational age? So a lot of the folks in there were just older gentlemen, you know, in their 50s and 60s. And so now you're looking, right, the late 1980s. There's a 15-year-old gal walking in. I think it was just unusual. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: And maybe it was an intellectual curiosity on their part. SMITH: Were people staring, or —

[25:00]

MALACHOWSKI: Staring.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, chatting. Oh, you want to be a pilot in the Air Force? And they would laugh, you know, like — and I think it was because I made them uncomfortable. You know? Maybe it was their dream to be in the Air Force [laughs] and it never happened.

6 Unconfirmed spelling. 7 A Fixed Base Operator (FBO) is the commercial entity authorized to provide fuel and other services at an airport.

10 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: And so they're a little bit — I don't know. Just caught off-guard, I think. Like, who is this young gal walking in saying she's going to be, you know, a fighter pilot? You know, but that goes back — you know, speaking of that — to that 1986 kind of 6th grade-ish story. My teacher at the time had assigned every Friday, one kid in the class is going to stand up. They're going to say what they want to be when they grow up, and they're going to talk about the path to get there, like, what's required. This is a good thing for 6th graders to do, right? I think that's a reasonable class project. So you know, I'm halfway through — when we're halfway through the year, I get called. I stand up. I say I'm going to be a fighter pilot. And there was laughter. And I remembered the teacher, factually stating,you know,that that's not possible. Women can't be fighter pilots. So maybe you should sit down and we'll let you come back on another Friday, you know, to talk about it. And I was mortified. It hurt. Like, I cried. And I went home, and I told my parents, because I was in tears, and — because I was embarrassed. I felt like I was being judged and shamed. I don't think the teacher did it with malintent, because what I learned, unfortunately, at age 12 in 1986, was that it was against the law for women to be fighter pilots. I did not know this. Since I was 5 years old,I was going to fly the F-4. And now here I am at 12.I've worked seven strong years to do this. I've joined the Civil Air Patrol. I've been on my first flight. I've learned to fly — you know, fly the aircraft. Don't let the aircraft fly you. This is going to happen. And now you're telling me it's illegal? Like, there's actually — I mean, my little 12-year-old brain could not process this. There's actually a law saying that I can't do what not only I want to do, but I know and believe in my heart I'm capable of doing. And this was a devastating moment. And I remember my parents — we used to take epic summer family trips, just epic, a month or two at a time, because my dad was a general contractor. He could control that schedule. He had his own company, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. So anyways, we could take these epic trips. And that was the year that we came to the National Air and Space Museum, because my parents were very specific, and they wanted me — you know, to — well, let's go learn about it. This was their thing. Right? Let's go learn about that. And we were only supposed to spend like two hours at the National Air and Space Museum, but of course, we spent the whole day. And I had this notebook, and I was writing everything down. The Montgolfier Brothers, and hot air balloons, and you know, the whole thing, through Amelia Earhart and then up through history. And it wasn't even like I was taking notes. I was literally writing everything word for word [laughs] off the walls. And my whole family gave up the whole day. We spent from open to close at the National Air and Space Museum. But that's when, in the small corner, dusty, tiny, totally put off into the corner — which I look now, and I think: wow, Smithsonian, you can do better than that — I love you guys — was this little picture of the WASP, the Women Air force Service Pilots from World War II. So now I'm 12 years old, and I'm like: wait a second. You know, that's a fighter aircraft. That's — you know, that's Betty Blake in front of a P-51or whatever. Like, you just told me women can't fly fighters. But there were women in World War II. And so now, right, I'm being exposed to this whole history. And I'm being exposed to this whole evolution, you know, of women military aviators. But more importantly, I'm looking at them, and I'm thinking: women can serve their country and fly military planes. And in that moment, I said — after this whole tragedy of the 6th grade teacher and the embarrassment in front of my classmates and this horrible realization that there was a law against what I wanted to do — in that moment, when I learned about the WASP, I knew I could still serve my country. I could still fly planes. And if I couldn't be a fighter pilot, I wanted to be the pilot that gave them the fuel to get to their target. So I was going to be a tanker pilot. And with that, the flame got reignited. We moved — or at least, it was always there, but it got

11 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 bolstered — back again to the bright light it had been since I was 5. It dimmed for a second. My parents brought it back. The National Air and Space Museum, sincerely, and the WASP brought it back. And then I moved to Las Vegas, and that's where we get back to — sorry, the Civil Air Patrol and the Junior ROTC and Bill Cotter teaching me how to fly.

SMITH: That's awesome.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: We need to take a quick break.

MALACHOWSKI: Cool.

SMITH: I'm going to pause this.

[TAPE PAUSED]

SMITH: Alright. Before the break, we were talking about North Las Vegas Airport. You had taken us through a story about 6th grade, and then we're back at North Las Vegas with Bill Cotter as your flight instructor.

[30:00]

MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: And I — well, let's talk about your first instructional ride with him, and just how that went.

MALACHOWSKI: I think for me, there's — I was excited. People ask: well, were you nervous? I've never been nervous to fly, because I feel like that lesson I learned at 12, which was: fly the aircraft. Don't let the aircraft fly you — it taught me, like, understand the plane. Understand the systems in the aircraft, you know, until you can draw it and build the aircraft right on a diagram, because it's all in your mind. You understand the electrics and the fuel and the hydraulics. And I was just very like methodical in that way. Here's the science behind, you know, why planes fly. Here's what the pattern looks like. The discipline. Right? Study it over and over, so by the time you get into the plane, you're basically just enacting, or executing, all of the things that you learned. So I just went in there with like — I've learned what I needed to do. Now we're going to go fly the plane. So it was more just exciting, right...

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI:...to finally get airborne. You're done with ground school. You're done all your practice. There's the oral interview with your instructor. And you know, you're out there, and you're ready to go. And I remember some mornings, getting out there at 5 a.m., and it was freezing cold. The desert gets cold at night, especially in winter. And I'm in jackets, and there's the breath is turning into like, the fog, and me and Bill Cotter are out there warming the plane up, making sure it's de-iced, [laughs] You know, just the excitement of it all.

SMITH: What about your first solo?

MALACHOWSKI: So my — oh, my gosh. My first solo. I remember my first solo. My parents came out for it, and so did my high school boyfriend at the time. And Bill Cotter — you know, he was like: you're

12 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 ready. You can do this. I was a little bit nervous that time, because when — the first time I flew solo in that plane, it's amazing. Like, you start to hear things. Like, the plane starts to make noises, you know, you hadn't heard before. You're like: what's that? What's that? But it was just North Las Vegas Airport. At North Las Vegas, at that time, was not populated. So it was just flat desert, and all I had to do was, right, take off. And I went — and I go around the pattern, right, a few times, do the with-flaps, no-flap approaches. You know, all of that. And there's a picture my parents took as I'm taxiing out for my first takeoff. I'm just waving to my mom and my dad, because I'm just like: I'm going. You know? And that they were there — because, you know, I mean, they had always supported that dream. So it was an exciting time for them. Well, when I landed and we used the film and printed all the pictures, one of the pictures that came up is my mom just like this, bawling her eyes out, that my dad had taken while I was taxiing out. And it's one of those kind of just pictures that sticks in my mind. And I asked her, like: why were you crying? And she says: you know, I was just so proud of you. And I was scared, [laughs] Like, I was very worried about you as well, because you were — I was either — yeah,I was 16.1 mean, it was literally right around — I don't remember the exact dates — and right around my 16th birthday. And she's like, you know: am I doing the right thing by letting my 16-year-old kid...

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: ...go fly this plane? My dad, on the other hand, was like: yeah, you know, she's got this. My boyfriend at the time, my little high school boyfriend, was out there. And I remember waving. And we printed the pictures. And there's the picture of me excited and waving for take-off, and my mom in the next frame, [laughs]

SMITH: Bawling.

MALACHOWSKI: Just in tears. I had no idea how much I had stressed her out. But yeah, I took off, and I flew. And the air traffic control tower was a woman.

SMITH: Oh, great.

MALACHOWSKI: And I remember her being very — I was the only person in the pattern. I didn't have to deal with traffic or anything. And I was going around the pattern, and you know, she was just very encouraging. She was just like: that was a good one. Nice job. You know, stuff like that. Like, you don't actually hear, you know, nowadays or at a busier airport. There was no time for that. But she had heard my voice out there during training, and you know, you have to tell them that you're solo and on the radio calls and everything. And Bill Cotter was up in the tower. And she was just — it was a very — just very encouraging — I remember thinking, you know: she's probably pretty excited to see a young 16- year-old out there. But I did my patterns, and everything was going really smoothly. And I thought: well, I'll try a no-flap approach. I'll never forget this. So I'm coming down the no-flap approach on the straight in. Nobody else in the pattern. It's 6 in the morning. No big deal. And it should have been just completely vanilla. So I'm trying to remember like — all of a sudden I'm like, this angle of approach just doesn't look right. And so I'm just going to turn this into like, a with-flap approach, or whatever. So I just go on short final. This was just stupid, [laughs] This is one of those moments. Right? But I never made this mistake again.

[35:00]

13 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

And I just — instead of going around, which is what I should have done — I thought: well,I've got this. Right? Here I am, 16-year-old. I ain't got nothing. Right? I'm no-flap. This whole desert is flat. There's one tree. For 50 miles, I swear, there's one tree. And that tree is center-line, short final. So I'm about to come over this tree, no-flap. I decide to turn it into a with-flap. Right over that tree, and I immediately, with flaps, got this big bump, and I went back to no-flap, made it over this tree. Honestly, if people go: have you ever been nervous flying, you know, in the Air Force, in combat, or Thunderbirds — did you ever come close to crashing or dying? I'm like: no, not in the Air Force, but when I was 16 and I tried to go from no-flap to with-flap back to no-flap — anyways, I learned a valuable lesson that day. I immediately went around after making a bad decision. I finally fixed that decision. I went around. My heart — because I knew that that was — why did I do that? I had never trained that way. Why did I do something different? Why didn't I just go around? My heart was just pounding. I did a couple more patterns, and I landed. And I remember, like — I didn't say anything to anybody for a little while. Finally, I confessed to Bill what I had done, you know. And he's like, you know: you can always go around. He says: the second something doesn't look the way you've trained, you've got to go around. And again, there's another lesson from a young age that carried me through my Air Force career. I remember — fast-forward. My last flight in the F-15E Strike Eagle, as the commander of the 333rd Fighter Squadron — I'm a — I think we're still trying to get like, some sort of, I'm sure, training ride out of it. You know how you always had to make sure you were getting RAP8 counters or that the flight was counting. And I came around, just on a normal VFR9 pattern overhead. And I had a student with me. That's true. So it might not have been my last flight, but it was like, my last month flying the F-15E. And I had a student, and [laughs] I came around the corner. Like, you have got to be kidding me. I'm like: this ain't right. And I just went around. Like, I've got to go around. And I remember the student going, you know: could you have gotten it? You know? And I'm like: no, man. And it was a valuable lesson. But here I was, like that many years later, and I remember: if it doesn't look the way you've trained to, you go around.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: It doesn't matter how experienced you think you are, how good you think you are. You go around. And I went around. And the beauty of it is I taught that same lesson now to that young student.

SMITH: Exactly.

MALACHOWSKI: You know, and it comes kind of full-circle. But I'll never forget that darn tree on center line, short final, and the bad decision that I made.

SMITH: Wow.

MALACHOWSKI: I don't think I've ever publicly told that story until just now. [laughs] But yeah, sometimes you have to learn the hard way, and luckily, nothing catastrophic happened at that moment. But a lesson was learned.

8 Ready Aircrew Program is the system that counts events for Air Force aircrew to track their currencies; if a crew member is non-current in a particular event, she must fly with an instructor to regain currency. 9 Visual Flight Rules.

14 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: So what other things were you doing? You're flying at North Las Vegas Airport. But what else are you doing to bring your plan, your vision, your dream, to fruition [in high school]?

MALACHOWSKI: So I'm doing — studying really hard in school. I'm making sure — so by now, I had learned about different — I knew that you had to go to college. I knew you had to be commissioned in order to be an Air Force pilot. I knew there were different routes to commissioning. I had done the research and decided that the Air Force Academy, you know, was the path that I wanted to take. My backup plan, of course, was to apply to Air Force ROTC and get an ROTC scholarship. Tertiary plan, right, was Naval Academy, Navy ROTC scholarship. So that — right? That's the research I had done. Again, I told you I was kind of a maniacally focused kid. So I knew academics were very important. So I was president of the National Honor Society. Right? I was on the varsity quiz team. Right? You know, teenage Jeopardy! I was in the French Club. I loved French. I loved my French teacher. I loved studying French. And I did do the Junior ROTC, Civil Air Patrol, French — did cross-country running. So running was my thing. I liked the solitude of it. I know that sounds weird, but I always enjoyed just getting out there and competing against myself, which I think is kind of inherent to who I am. I'm not someone that's ever really compared myself to anybody else, and I think that kind of — it's not that I couldn't be on a team sport, like soccer, volleyball, or baseball, or something. But cross-country, like, is where I competed against myself. It was about always bettering my own time. Right? It was about, you know, trying to improve my own individual performance, not in relation to anybody else. And I think that's interesting. When you're a fighter pilot too, right,it's you and your plane, constantly trying, you know, to get better. And I worked. Right? I mean, I had a job out there. I did volunteer.

[40:00]

I did a couple little projects at the local children's library. I did a couple little projects at community service type stuff at the — there was a zoo in North Las Vegas. It was such a small and pathetic little zoo. But I think I helped — you know, helped some people rebuild a habitat there. So I was doing local, you know, community type stuff. But, yeah.

SMITH: So how did you get into the Academy?

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] So I learned about the Air Force Academy back when I was like 12 to 13 years old, that same time Civil Air Patrol and my first flight was going down, and the whole Smithsonian, WASP. I'm like: okay, now I need to figure out how to make this happen. And I remember at like age 12 or 13, writing to the Air Force Academy and being like: hey. I'm going to go to the Academy. What do I got to do to apply? This and that. And they wrote back, and they're like: you know, you're pretty young, okay, but cool, [laughs] I was like — they had the counselors — the address that you wrote to was based on the alphabet name. So whoever was, you know, from J to 0, right — or well, I was an Ellingwood back then, sorry. So whatever the E was, that's the person I wrote to. And they wrote back. And they sent me brochures and pamphlets. And that's when I was like: okay, I need to get this kind of grades. I need this type of SAT and ACT score. That's what I'm going to do. So there's your academic focus. I need physical fitness. I need to show that I'm a sport, so I was already doing cross country since junior high, and I

15 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

loved it. So there's my sport. You know, and I needed to show community service and activities, which through Civil Air Patrol and Junior ROTC — I mean, even when I was in Civil Air Patrol, right, I would work the local air show. I'd help provide security — yeah, in my uniform, at the local air show — or direct traffic. You know, but community service type stuff like that. And so that outline — I think one of the best things was, at age 12 or 13, 1 knew what was required. And the joy that the Air Force Academy wrote back to me, even though I was only 12 or 13 years old, when they didn't have to —

SMITH: You mattered to them...

MALACHOWSKI: Well, yeah, [laughs]

SMITH:...enough to — yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Even then, right?

SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: And you know, I just — that was the benchmark. Right? So there was a standard I had to meet. I knew what those numbers were. I knew what it looked like. I knew what the application looked like. I also, at that age — as a sophomore, wrote my — as a sophomore wrote my very first letters to my congressmen and, you know, senators, because remember, you have to get a nomination from your elected officials in addition to your application that you're sending to the Academy — you know, those two parallel processes. And so I didn't want to miss their interviews. I didn't want them to miss me. So as a sophomore, I'm just like: just so you know, late junior year, I'd like to be interviewing with you. And I kept in touch. And like, every six months,I would send an update to my senators and congressmen. And this is ironic, or serendipitous. I don't know. I got nominated by — at that time, in Nevada, Senator Harry Reid.10 Fast-forward. WASP Congressional Gold Medal was not getting the votes it needed in the Senate. I'm a White House Fellow, representing the state of Nevada, right? Representing the United States Air Force. I write to Harry Reid's office. I said: a long, long time — here's who I am, because now I'm post-Thunderbirds. I'm a White House Fellow. I said: here's who I am. Here's what I'm trying to do with the WASP Congressional Gold Medal. We did okay in the House. We're having some issues in the Senate. You're like, Ah, Nevadan. I gave you your commission. Come on over. That — decades later, right? And he helped out a lot on the Senate side. Yeah. Once he put his weight behind it, it kind of dropped like dominoes, which was really cool. So that whole Nevada connection. Right? You know, here we are, making something big for the Women Air force Service Pilots who had earned it, you

know, come true, was pretty neat. So serendipity, [laughs]

SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: So you get a nomination. You're accepted at the Academy. Class of '96.

10 Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) served in Congress from 1983-2017— first in the House, then elected to the Senate in 1986. He was the minority leader and the Democratic caucus chairman during his last term ( 2015-2017), http://bioguide,congress.gov/scripts/biodisplav.pl?index=R000146.

16 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Class of '96. Yes.

SMITH: So first day at the Academy — meet your expectations?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, yes. This is where the Civil Air Patrol and the Junior ROTC training, I think, helped and definitely like paid off, because most of the people who showed up that day—under the then-called "Bring Me Men" ramp—had never been around a military atmosphere.11 Right? They hadn't worn a uniform. They hadn't stood in formation. They weren't used to maybe being talked to in kind of a disciplined fashion. And I was. I felt like I was completely in — it sounds dorky, but completely in my element. I was lucky in that respect, right, because I wasn't — I wasn't scared or nervous. I was excited to be there. I was honored to be there, and I knew that each day was a step forward to achieving that goal that started when I was 5 years old. So things were a little bit,I think, easier for me as a cadet at the beginning, because I knew how to put

[45:00] things on a uniform. I could press, you know, the sleeves. I knew how to make a bed. I'd been to Civil Air Patrol encampments. Right? We had to make the fancy bed. And so those things didn't take as much time or frustrate me or stress me out as maybe for some other people. And I like to think I was like, helpful to my like, immediate roommate, because I could help them along and learn. And eventually, you know, that helped during that, you know — what's it called? Basic Cadet Training, BCT, at Jacks Valley and all that. That helped. And then once, you know, the school year started, we all kind of — it all kind of leveled out. And now, it's that academic rigor.

SMITH: Can you tell me about —

MALACHOWSKI: But I think it helped me in basic training.

SMITH: Can we back up to the "Bring Me Men" ramp? And I just am curious how that made you feel. I guess there was some controversy around it. It eventually got removed.

MALACHOWSKI: Right.

SMITH: And I — it's part of a poem.

MALACHOWSKI: It's part of a poem. Yeah. So the "Bring Me Men" ramp — I had known about it, because it's in all the brochures. It was kind of an iconic thing in a lot of the pictures. It's very symbolic, where the cadet wing marches up and down through that, you know, big tunnel. I don't think it — I processed it, or it impacted me at the time that I was there. I didn't read too much into it. I learned the poem. I'm one of those people, when it comes to stuff like that, that I'm more concerned about intent. And for me — I don't want to speak for any other women, okay? This is for me. I feel that the intent was always positive and supportive. I don't feel like that — those words are up there in a way that were intended to be exclusionary. As an alumni and a graduate, am I glad that it's evolved and, you know, as

11 A ramp leading from the Academy grounds to the Terrazzo that had the words "BRING ME MEN," an excerpt from a Sam Walter Foss poem, written above the ramp. The words were replaced to reflect the core values of the Air Force: "Integrity First," "Service Before Self," and "Excellence in All We Do," http://www.usafaclasses.org/1989/call/call.html.

17 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 society has changed and our expectations have changed, that the words on that ramp changed? I'm totally okay with that. But I don't want to go back and create, you know, any kind of angst there that wasn't there. I didn't have it. I don't think that the intent was exclusionary. I'm just so like — I was excited to be there, because being under the "Bring Me Men" ramp meant that I was one step closer to achieving my goal, so —

SMITH: What squadron were you in?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I was in Cadet Squadron 15, Mighty War Eagles. Interestingly, my year never changed. Usually, right, after your first year, you change squadrons, and you spend your last three years — or a couple times, they do the two-and-two — two years in the squadron, and then swap. Anyways, for our class, for whatever reason, we spent all four years in the same squadron with the exact same group of people.

SMITH: Tell me about your flying at the Academy.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes. I was super excited, between — to get through freshman year, or Cadet Fourth Class year, I think, like anybody. I was shocked. The thing that shocked me the most in the Academy wasn't the military expectations. It wasn't the athletic expectations. The academics. I thought I was pretty smart going into it. I had been academically focused, honors society, but by the way, so had everybody else. Right? Just extraordinary people. Extraordinarily talented people from all over our country. It's a beautiful thing. Right? [laughs] And it was nice to be around high-performing people. But I — academics were a lot harder than I expected. And so I — as a cadet, it was not uncommon for me to spend time in El, or Extra Instruction, specifically in anything that had to do with — to be honest, science and math. So getting through that freshman year and getting a lot of those core courses out of the way, you know, felt good. And I needed that relief that first summer to go fly gliders. And I chose to fly gliders. You know, you get a choice of summer activities. And of course, I fell in love with it. I had already been flying, right, for a few years, in Cessnas. So the concept behind flight and glider flight, and the science of it, made sense to me. I enjoyed it as an outlet from the pressure of being up on the hill in academics or the military environment. Right? You get to come down, put on shorts and a T-shirt, you know, and get into a glider and just soar. And so I enjoyed it. At that point, you have an opportunity to apply to become a cadet glider instructor pilot. Not everybody gets picked. I applied. I was chosen. I made it through the upgrade. I think that that first glider upgrade to becoming a cadet instructor pilot set a nice foundation for like [laughs] future upgrades. Right?

SMITH: When did that upgrade happen?

MALACHOWSKI: This happened my sophomore year, -ish. Yeah.

SMITH: So -

MALACHOWSKI: Second year.

SMITH: You finished the summer.

MALACHOWSKI: Finished the summer.

SMITH: In the — that's the initial glider program. And then during the year, you still get to fly glider.

18 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Right. Once -

SMITH: How often?

MALACHOWSKI: Basically — oh, boy. I know we would fly every weekend, so that's for sure. But — on Saturdays and stuff. You would fly during the week when other people

[50:00]

were going to their sport.

SMITH: Alright.

MALACHOWSKI: So I don't think it was every day. Forgive me. I want to say, you know, like three times a week.

SMITH: That's a lot.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, it was a lot of flying. It was wonderful. And you know, every time you take flight, right, you learn something new. Every time you fly an airplane, you get just that much more experience. Every time you do that, you get better. And the ability — you know, at the age of like 19, to be teaching other cadets and to go through that upgrade to become an instructor, that was the first rigorous, like — there was a syllabus, and you were being graded, and there was an instructor instructing you to be an instructor. It was serious. And then I — you know, I made it. And I'm an instructor, and I get my first student. Right? And like, here I am, at the age of 19, teaching some other person how to fly a plane.

SMITH: How did students receive you?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, my gosh. So this is so much fun. So students, I think, received fine. Right? Because the students I was with were from my generation. So they didn't know an Air Force that didn't have women pilots in it. Right? They didn't know an Air Force Academy that didn't have women at it.

SMITH: Okay. What about the instructors that —

MALACHOWSKI: So I have to say, the instructors — the older, you know, men — older. Right? What were they, majors? Right? [laughs] Lieutenant colonels? At the time, they seemed ancient, right? No, very supportive.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: I can see their faces. I'm so sorry. I'm drawing — okay,I'm drawing a blank on their names, because I think they deserve credit. They invested the time and the effort into me. Again, just like Bill Cotter. Look, fly the plane. There's an objective measure. Right? There are objective measures for each phase of flight. This is the standard. Right? And I think this is where I learned, too — like, where you invest in a student, it's like being a mentor. Right? Like, they saw my success as a reflection of them being successful instructors. And I think that's important, right, because you know, fast-forward,I'm the 333rd Fighter Squadron Commander. We're an F-15E training unit. I'm a lieutenant colonel, with these brand-new lieutenants coming in. They have to meet me halfway, but it's my job as an instructor to teach them what they need to know. The responsibility is also on me. Right? And I think I learned that

19 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

lesson. These instructors — we're talking about just gliders at the Air Force Academy. They invested a lot of time and effort in making me into an instructor, and I appreciated that. So when I became an instructor now — here I am, I'm — God bless it, 110 pounds soaking wet. It was a long time ago, as you can see. I've had twins though. That's my excuse, alright? [laughs] But I'm 110 pounds soaking wet. So as you know, in gliders, that whole front — we were front cockpit, rear cockpit. The weight balance, center of gravity was very, very important. Anytime I would have to fly solo, I would have to put weights in the seat, because I didn't weigh enough. And sometimes, I wouldn't be able to take off and my queue would have to move because there weren't enough weights. Other people had to use them, and I needed like three or four. And so I'd have to wait until there were enough weights so that I could safely fly the aircraft solo. But when I was teaching, I always got matched with the football team. Think about it. The weight balance. So I remember — I don't want give away his name, because we're actually still friends to this day. In fact, he just — we just talked about this last year. One of the very first students I took up was a very popular, large, football player. A wonderful person then, as he is now. And [laughs] ironically, he was a White House Fellow, too. Our careers just matched. But we went up the very first time, and we were behind the tow plane. And we get up there, and we had done the ground school. He was prepared. He had all these numbers, and the answers right. And I'm — he's just massive, hulk of a man in front of me. And I'm having a hard time, like, seeing around him. Like, this is nuts. And the tow plane gets us up to altitude, and I'm like: okay. You know, you can go ahead and pull the knob and release us from the tow plane. So he does. And all of a sudden, he just completely — it's like: oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. We don't have an engine. We're not connected. What's going to happen? And I'm like: it's a glider. And he starts like, kind of getting upset. He's like: I'm going to get sick. I'm getting nauseous. And he's pushing forward on the stick. So now I've got this like, 250-pound hulk of an awesome dude, leaning forward on the stick, and I'm like: buddy. So I grabbed his — I ended up having to grab the back of his flight suit collar, and I pulled him. And I said: you can't lean on the stick, man! [laughs] I'm 110 pounds, this guy's 250, and he's literally having a moment, bless his heart, and — finally got him calmed down, but I'll never forget that flight, and neither has he. Just talked to him last year. He's an extraordinarily successful man in corporate America. And to this day, he's like: I remember that. I'm so sorry, Nicole, [laughs] But it was a great experience, because you know, you then get that person to solo.

[55:00]

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: You know, you take someone who is really literally flipping out, and then you get to stand there and watch them take to the sky and think: you know, I had a part of that. And to learn that at 19, the value of like, impacting other people and giving them a new skill and giving them confidence, that's cool. You know?

SMITH: That is.

MALACHOWSKI: That's a great characteristic for an Air Force officer to learn,I think, at a young age. Ah. He's such a great guy, by the way. [laughs]

SMITH:So during this time, you're telling people your plan is to become a tanker pilot. MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

20 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: But something very important happens...

MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: ...while you're at the Academy. The law changes.12

MALACHOWSKI: It did. Right?

SMITH: So tell me about that moment at the Academy, when the...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...combat exclusion policy — how did you all —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: How were you notified about it at first?

MALACHOWSKI: It was a big moment. A couple of things go into this. I remember my freshman year being a little bit arrogant. I don't know what the word — I would walk around, and I would say: I'd be a fighter pilot if I could. I'd be a great fighter pilot. And I'd tell the guys, you know — I remember being a smartass about it — excuse me — but like, that's one more spot for you, because if it was legal, I'd be flying that F-15E. And I had set my sights on the F-15E Strike Eagle, because it's what replaced the F-4.1 went to the Phantom finale flight, the farewell ceremony, at Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas, Nevada, the day it was retired and replaced by this beautiful F-15E, while I was in high school. So that F-4, as a 5- year-old, turned into an F-15E. And this was my goal. So on my little cork board at the Academy — remember, you could have pictures, and you had to have a push pin in each corner. Some people had pictures of family or their home in Wyoming. Man, I had F-15Es. Right? And I used to talk a big game. I talked a big game, man. I thought I knew everything. And I also remember my freshman year, I think, one of the — what the heck, this is the truth. Was he the Chief of Staff at the time? Maybe he had just finished being the Chief of Staff — standing up there and saying, you know: I don't think this is a good idea.

SMITH: General McPeak.13

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, McPeak

SMITH: [laughs] Sorry, I had to say his name, because —

MALACHOWSKI: I don't know the guy.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: But I remember sitting in Arnold Hall listening to him speak, and we're all like: wow, it's the Chief of Staff. And then, he goes on. He gets asked the question. You know, this is going on in

12 The narrator misspoke. The law changed before Malachowski arrived at the Academy. Women were excluded from combat aircraft by law until PL 102-190 was signed into law in Dec 1991; they were excluded by DoD policy until it changed in Apr 1993 (SECDEF Les Aspin), and 2013 and 2016 (SECDEF Leon Panetta ). 13 General Merrill A. McPeak was the Air Force Chief of Staff from Oct 1990-Oct 1994; he retired Nov 1, 1994, https://www.af.mil/About-Us /Biographies/Displav/Article/106137/generai-merrill-a - mcpeak/. 21 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

Congress, this conversation — should we lift the ban on women flying fighters? You know how I feel about it. And so here's the — our Chief of Staff. And I remember him being like: no,I don't think it's a good idea, da, da, da, da. And it just — ahh. And here I'm at the Academy and wearing your uniform. You're —

SMITH: And this is right after Desert Storm, women have — MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: Some women were shot down in —

MALACHOWSKI: Prisoners of war,I mean, come on.

SMITH: You know, POW. Right. So just in context for the time.

MALACHOWSKI: It was so -

SMITH: It's disheartening for you.

MALACHOWSKI: Disheartening. That's a great word. It was just like, you know, deflated. So of course, I was watching the congressional debates very closely. As you'll recall, the story of the WASP were brought up often as an appropriate example and a historical example of women's capabilities in war and in combat and with combat — or, at least, not in combat, but with combat aircraft, etcetera. And some of the WASPs testifying. And I think it's just interesting how my life like, kind of has followed, you know, a little bit of these — the WASP evolution and their story. I mean, they were so integral to this law and this ban on women flying fighters being lifted. And from the way I recall it — and I can't remember if it was like — you know how they used to talk about the morning news at the Academy? Now, I don't remember if it was like, in Mitchell Hall from the podium, or if it was just over the loudspeaker — I can't remember. But it was announced. Right? You know, the news of the day, you know: Congress lifts ban. And I remember in that moment thinking: [laughs] Oh. I've been talking a big game since I was 5, and now that I'm 18, I've been — 18, 19 years old — you know, I've been mouthing off a little bit about this. I have to walk the talk now. And I have to admit — now, you know, I'm a young kid, so there's an immaturity there. I look back now as a 45-year-old woman, and I think: oh, my God. But I remember thinking: holy cow. Like, this excitement that it could happen, but also the first time I ever felt nervous, because I have to do this now,right? Like, this is hard. It's not easy to get through pilot training. And at that time, you had to be at the top of your class in order to get a fighter. I know that's evolved over time, but then, it was. I mean, this was a highly competitive thing. And I'm thinking: oh, geez. And I remember a good friend of mine — who I'm still friends with today — a guy in CS-16.14 He had always been like, a total feminist and supportive of this stuff, and he

[1:00:00] came running over to me: Nicole! Nicole! You know, I'm so excited for you. It happened. You get to do this. You're going to be a fighter pilot. And I'm like: you're right. I am! And he hugged me, and it was so

14 Cadet Squadron 16.

22 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

exciting. And then I turned around, and I'm thinking: girl, you need to get to work. You need to get to work. And so it was mixed emotions, you know? But yeah.

SMITH: What was the talk around the Academy? You had supportive friends. MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: But what was the general talk during that time?

MALACHOWSKI: It was split. I think it was almost — in my opinion, it was split 50/50.1 remember being on a bus ride to some event, and I sat next to a gentleman in my class who — I can see his face. I don't remember his name, and frankly,I don't care to. [laughs] He was — we were talking, and it was, you know, the standard, you know: well, what do you want to do? I want to be a fighter pilot. You know, the law had just been — and he just goes off. Like: women shouldn't be flying fighters. And you don't know what it's like to be in combat. And I'm thinking, like: as if you do. Like — and I had got into this verbal argument that he started on this bus, until people told us to shut up. And I was embarrassed, I remember, and that was the — I learned in that moment, like: you know what? I don't have to justify myself to anybody. I don't need to get in these arguments. I don't need to defend myself. I don't need to waste energy or time on this. And because it was — I looked at that whole situation, and I was like: why did I even go there? What a waste. And that's where I learned there's going to be people along this journey who aren't going to be supportive, who are going to be naysayers. You know, so don't waste your breath on it. Right? Put your time and energy into getting that pilot slot, because the best way to prove to him that he's wrong in his assessment is to become a fighter pilot. And so you know, that was a valuable lesson, you know, that day. And it just kind of — you know,it just narrows the focus. It's just another little thing to help you break through the noise, right? Yeah, I remember that bus ride. SMITH: So let's fast-forward to Academy graduation. MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: You're bound for Columbus Air Force Base next...

MALACHOWSKI: Columbus Air Force Base, yes.

SMITH:...for pilot training. Any —

MALACHOWSKI: I originally was supposed to go earlier, but I was out running as a second lieutenant near my new apartment. I had casual status as a glider instructor, as a second lieutenant. How cool is that, right?

SMITH: So after graduation, somewhere.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, after graduation, waiting for pilot training, I got to stay on as a second lieutenant and fly gliders and teach, which I loved. I was out jogging, and I rolled and broke my ankle... SMITH: Ooh.

23 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI:...right before I was supposed to go to pilot training. So I had to roll back a couple of classes. I thought this was like, devastating. Right? Well, it ends up, if I had been in my original class, there were no F-15E Strike Eagles in the drop.

SMITH: Amazing how the — your timing [laughs] is perfect.

MALACHOWSKI: Serendipity. Well, it's interesting you bring that up. Timing, right? SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: I'm honored that when people look at my career, they consider it successful. Right? They say, you know: wow,you did something elite. You became a fighter pilot. You know,you became a Thunderbird. And I appreciate that. And I'm not trying to pooh-pooh the fact that I had to work hard for that, but I am honestly — I tell people, I'm the product of TLC: timing, luck, and circumstance. There were so many extraordinary women who came before me that would have been wonderful fighter pilots, better than me, who never were given the opportunity. Women who could have been Thunderbird pilots but were never given the opportunity. I'm not special in that way. Right? Like, I'm not better, but timing allowed me that opportunity. And with that came the responsibility of doing it right and doing it well. But you know, I look back on that — this whole thing, and I think, you know: I am a very lucky woman. People say: Nicole, don't call it luck. You know, you worked really hard. Well yeah, I still had to put the effort in, but let's at least acknowledge the fact that I was born at the right time,in the right set of circumstances, to the right set of supportive family. Right? The laws were changing at the right time. Yeah, TLC. Timing, luck, and circumstance. There's so many women out there that could have done what I did, better than I ever did, that weren't given the opportunity. I acknowledge that.

SMITH: But you are special, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] I don't know that. I don't know about that.

SMITH: We're going to take a break and pick up at Columbus, okay? MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. Okay.

[TAPE PAUSED]

SMITH: So we took a quick break, and we said we were going to start with Columbus, but I first want to talk about, I think, a mentor of yours... MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH:...at the Academy, Captain Sue Ross.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, Sue Ross.15 Sue Ross. Yes. So I think it was my freshman year. I had an English teacher. I actually forget his name. But she had been hired

[1:05:00]

15 Sue Ross is a USAFA graduate who served from 1983-2005. She was an Air Force KC-135 pilot who taught English at the Academy and retired as a colonel.

24 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 and brought on as an English instructor. And she was either like, monitoring our class or maybe had taught the class in his absence one day. But I just remember when Sue Ross walked in, she was a young captain, she was in uniform, and she had pilot's wings. And like, I think this was like, literally the first woman Air Force pilot that it had registered, and I think those beautiful wings on her uniform, and like — she was just so energetic, and such a great, you know, instructor. And I just clicked with her personality, and she felt the same way about me. And so as a cadet at the Academy, you're allowed to have kind of sponsor families and stuff. You can go to their house on the weekends and such. And so she reached out to me: would you like to come to, you know, our house for dinner sometime? And so I did. And now,I'm her neighbor in Monument, Colorado, 30-something years later. But yes. So Sue Ross had flown KC-135s and went on to become a full-bird colonel. So during my career, as I'm going through pilot training, as I'm going through F-15E training, you know, as I become a squadron commander, and I'm looking for advice and, you know, an influence, she was always there. And the good news there is she was there to encourage me, support me, offer ideas, but she was also there to give me attitude check, right, in a loving way, when I needed that. And she's still in my life, obviously, to this very day. But it meant a lot to see such a successful, you know, woman pilot. And she graduated, you know, number one out of everything she ever did. I think that was important. Right? I mean, when she came in there, she was like: yeah, I was number one out of pilot training, but I couldn't take a fighter because, you know, that darn law. You know? And so she was always like: yes, become a fighter pilot. Yes, you can do it. And I remember getting to pilot training and having a pretty — what I considered at the time a pretty devastating experience. I had failed a pre-check ride. And as people at pilot training at that time know, you know, you can have one bad day at pilot training, but you can't have more than one. And I had used my mulligan very early in the program. And it was very hard for my ego. It created a lot of self-doubt. I had made a junior varsity error. It was fully my fault that I had failed the pre-check ride. It was embarrassing. And at that time, statistically, you know, you fail a ride, you're pretty much probably not going to be in the top — right, you're not going to become a fighter pilot.

SMITH: Is this a failed ride, or a failed check ride?

MALACHOWSKI: Pre —

SMITH: Pre-check.

MALACHOWSKI: It was either the pre-check or the check. I think it was the pre-check. I have tried to go back and find my grade book, but I can't find it. But it was the second check ride, and I think it was the pre-check. You know how you had to fly with a check pilot before you could do your real check ride? So it was like, double jeopardy. I hated pre-check rides. I thought they were like double jeopardy.

SMITH: So this is contact phase. Mid-phase contact check.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, it must have been contact. SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: We were doing loops and rolls and stuff. Forgive me if I don't have — what's important is, I failed this ride, and I was devastated now.

SMITH: Right.

25 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Looking back, I catastrophized way too much. But at the time, I was like: great. I'm out of the running for being a fighter pilot. I've used my mulligan early in the program. I'm probably going to wash out and never become a pilot at — you know, at all. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI:I'm having this just existential, you know, crisis. And I was even thinking — I had these moments like: if I can't become a fighter pilot, why bother? I might as well just quit. I mean, these thoughts went through my head when I failed that ride, which is, in retrospect, ridiculous.

SMITH: Cause-

MALACHOWSKI: But at the time, I was 21years old. This was enormous, and —

SMITH: Because there have been many fighter pilots who have failed check rides, and are —

MALACHOWSKI: Of course. But when it happens to you, I think I was — you know, in that first group of women, who had an opportunity to fly fighters. They knew from day one of the class, and they went around the room: what does everyone want to fly? And when I said the F-15E, you know, there was a collective sigh from some people in the room, and both students and instructors. That's just a fact.

SMITH: So yeah, let's talk about that first day. You're class 98-03. Is that correct?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. 98-03.

SMITH: Okay. So yeah, you make the declaration: I'm going to fly an F-15E, and the snickers. Did you feel like there was a difference in the way people looked at you after that? I mean, it was day one, but — MALACHOWSKI: Well, there was — so there was a ton of support, too. I always have to remind — it's easy to focus on the couple of people, right, who maybe are chauvinistic or thought: hahggh, that's stupid. She'll never do that. The fact of the matter is, for my entire career, the vast majority of people were positive and supportive, or at least, neutral and not trying to actively, you know, get in my way. And I also like to remind people, for the vast majority of my career, all of those people who are instructing me, leading me,

[1:10:00] commanding, you know, all that, were men. Great men who invested a lot of time and effort into me as a fighter pilot and as an officer. But as a human being, the minority, those onesie-twosies, they can definitely, you know,get under — right, get under your skin at times, especially when you have the inexperience of youth. Right? So at 21, 22 years old, you know, with the vast majority of people actually supporting me in my class and the instructors, you know, the onesie-twosies could hurt.

SMITH: Did you have any other women in your class?

MALACHOWSKI: Sure did.

SMITH: What was the size of your class?

26 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. I mean, I want to say — oh, gosh. It was probably just over two dozen. I think there were three of us women...

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: ...at the time. I think we started with four, and one washed out. And we graduated. We got three of us — three T-37s. Yeah.

SMITH: How did you like flying the T-37?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, I thought the T-37 was a fun jet. But man, it was an old jet. So there was always — I mean, just trying to get the jet started was like the feat of the day. Right? I mean — and I remember like, you had to use like five or six different switches, like — you know, like — to get the jet started, [laughs] There was like — it was totally — total coordination, you know, just required just to start the dang thing. And it always seemed that something was leaking, you know, or [laughs] not working or breaking, because the — by that time, the T-37 was a pretty old plane. It's funny. Now it's an airplane on a stick in museums. Right?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: But yeah. I mean,I think flying the T-37 was fun because it was a jet. Right? The first time you fire that up and you hear a jet engine sound, you're like: yes. You think you're in an F-15E already. Of course, it's a Tweet,16 but you know, you're excited. I was excited by that jet sound. I was excited by the speed. Right? It was so much faster than anything I had ever flown. And for the first time ever, right, it felt relative to prior aircraft that it was maneuverable. I had — so I could set the wings and pull. Fly the aircraft. Don't let the aircraft fly you. So I was that person that was raging around the pattern. Instead of like this,I'd go whack, whack, whack! I was like — I loved the G's. Right? I would turn — like, I would square that corner, [laughs] you know? So it was a — it was a lot of fun, but it was also a challenge. Right? I mean, you have to really speed up your thinking compared to flying a glider, or you know, a Cessna, a T-3, whatever. But that's the point of it. I think the pilot training is a wonderful program because it's a crawl, to walk, to run kind of thing. And when I would struggle, I would just remind myself, right — look at all these people that have made it through pilot training. Right? Thousands of people have made it through pilot training, including women. There's no reason why you can't do this. So I tried to stay focused. That pre-check ride failure, that was pretty — I don't know. I had a bad day that day. And I catastrophized, and I literally had moments that day where I was like: I'm just going to quit. If I can't be a fighter pilot, I don't want to do it. And it's so — it was so immature. Right? But it was the context of the time.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: And I remember picking up the phone. And I was like: I have to confess to Sue. It felt like I was going into, like — you know, a Catholic confessional with the priest. I have to call Sue and tell her what I did. And I was in tears. And you know, she walked me off the ledge. Right? She was like: okay, let's get some perspective here. One, what is it you did wrong? Two, are you going to do it again? Three, get back in the jet tomorrow. And I'm like — I'm verklempt. How am I going to get back into the jet? You

16 The T-37 Dragonfly was nicknamed the Tweet.

27 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019 know? She kept talking to me, you know, until finally I got back in the jet, and you know, obviously the rest of pilot training went pretty well, so —

SMITH: Talk to me about the competition in your class. MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I mean, it's a — I think pilot training is competitive no matter what. Right? Everything is graded. The class is consistently racked and stacked. People are all — you know, there's a youth there, always knowing who failed a check ride, who had a good ride, a bad ride. Did some one fail a test? You're constantly assessing, you know, where you are. Because this is your future. Right? I mean, this is a big deal. This is your career. And you get a bunch of 21-, 22-year-olds in a pretty intense environment. And so it definitely was competitive. In those moments, I tried to remind myself, right, like: it doesn't matter what someone else got on their ride. What matters is what you're going to get on your ride today.

SMITH: Were you all talking smack to each other, or —

MALACHOWSKI: I think there was some smack-talk, but our class got along pretty darn well. There was onesie-twosies, but you know, I have some lifelong friendships from there. Our class leader was a guy who was a captain. Now, we thought he — we were second lieutenants, most of us. He was a captain. Neil Oakden.17 He went on to fly F-16s. He was so cool. It was so good to have someone who was a little bit older, like, keeping us in line, reminding us of perspective. He was totally supportive of me becoming a fighter pilot. I think sometimes, if the gentleman banter started getting a little — he would come in and just be like: no. Fifi — Nicole — they called me "Punk" — because he used to call me "Punk."

SMITH: What's the story behind that?

MALACHOWSKI: I had a little bit of attitude.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Come here, Punk.

[1:15:00]

But he said it in a loving way. He still calls me Punk to this day, because we're still friends.

SMITH: Did you have a nametag like that?

MALACHOWSKI: In fact, his wife — yeah. I think we did have nametags. Yeah.

SMITH: The different...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. But anyways, my point was, he was very supportive of me. It meant a lot socially, right, that the class leader was supportive of me...

SMITH: Sure.

17 Colonel Neil "Sprout" Oakden served from 1992-2017. He flew F-16C/D and commanded the 49th FTS, https://www.afcent.af.mil/Portals/82/Bio%20Photos/QakdenBio.pdf7ver-2Q16-01-13-143436-083.

28 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: ...and he was also mature enough to go: come on, guys. Knock it off. So that was very helpful, and that was honestly pretty unique in a young man in the Air Force back in the '90s... SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: ...in a fighter environment. Let's just be honest.

SMITH: Were there any other women instructors?

MALACHOWSKI: Yes. Okay, so I was super lucky. In T-37s, I was assigned to Kim Jamison.18 She was a captain. Her husband was also a T-37 instructor. She's a brilliant pilot, an extraordinary instructor. I'm still friends with her today. I don't know if they — if I was assigned to her because they were trying to do that mentoring thing and match a woman with a woman. It didn't matter to me, because she was just a really good pilot and a very good instructor. And she put a lot of effort into me. I think subliminally, you know, you'd have to ask her. But she cared about my success. I think it meant something that I was a woman who wanted to be a fighter pilot, and again, she was born at a time when that wasn't an option for her. And so she wanted — she kept a lookout for any kind of environmental weirdness, [laughs] if you know what I'm saying. I remember in pilot training, I told you, I failed that pre-check ride, but it was a one-downgrade U.19 So in retrospect, actually, the score wasn't that bad. The score wasn't something that like, completely like, dropped me, because the individual 50 grades were all "Excellents." I made one checklist error that just took a good flight and made it unsatisfactory. And you know, she talked me through that. She was like: you need to focus. Like, the grade's not going to be that bad. We're going to do better. And I came up on another check ride, and I got like a 16-downgrade "Good," which was horrible. Right? Terrible. It was like getting a C. And I didn't understand it, because I thought the flight went really well. It was my instrument T-37. And when we landed, she was like: what is — this is not you. What happened? I'm like,I don't know why he gave me goods instead of E's.I mean,I was plus or minus three knots on this, or two degrees on this. And I was like — I didn't know what to say. I was like, devastated. She went and talked to the check ride instructor. He held his ground. But I'm going to tell you a story here I've never told before. [Sighs], SMITH:Take your time.

MALACHOWSKI: I wish I could find this guy. So one of the reasons I wanted to find my T-37 gradebook was I want to find this guy. And I flew a great sortie. It wasn't a 16-downgrade "Good." I can say that now, as a 45-year-old retired colonel who's taught people to fly the F-15E. What he did was BS. And I remember you would draw — you would like, draw out of a hat or whatever it was — I forget how — it was random how they would assign what base you would do your instrument to. And I ended up going to, I think, it was Montgomery or something. But it was — I got the worst approach, the one we used to call "the Widowmaker." Do you remember where you had to like, change TACANs like, three times on 20 the arc to final? It was the most difficult instrument approach. And I remember flying out there. And

18 Unconfirmed spelling. 19 A "U" (also "Unsat") stands for unsatisfactory, or a failing overall grade on a ride, determined from individual grades of a dozen or more items during the flight. A few of the items, if individually graded "U," require that the student be failed for the entire ride; that is the context for a "one downgrade U." 20 A TACAN is both a radio aid to navigation and a type of instrument approach. Arcing to final describes a lengthy arced path that is flown before a continuous banking turn onto the final approach course. Students learn

29 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

you know, once you get up to altitude and you do your above 10,000-foot checks, you know, you're just cruising. And I'm looking through the approach plate, because I know — I studied it. I knew it was going to be hard. And this guy's talking to me. And little things: where are you from? Whatever. And then he's asking me what I want to fly — F-15Es — and he starts talking to me about how women shouldn't be in F-15Es, and he's not supportive of it.

SMITH: In the jet?

MALACHOWSKI:I'm on arc to final.

SMITH: What?

MALACHOWSKI: I am in the middle of this three TACAN BS approach, which — and this guy is having this conver —

SMITH: He's trying to mess with your mind. Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: He's having this conversation with me right now. I'm thinking: you're such a jerk. Just grade me fairly and equally.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: I flew that approach. I didn't miss a thing. I did everything right. It was not a 16- downgrade "good." I say that now with full confidence. And when Kim Jamison — back to the point — was looking at my grade, going: what happened? And I told her: I don't know. I don't know. I never had the courage to tell her what had happened. I didn't know how to say that this guy was basically being a chauvinist in the middle of my flight, talking to me about something that had nothing to do with what we were doing at that moment. And it was frustrating, because I didn't want to stand out. Now, we're in the first class of women. Now,I'm going to come in, and I'm going to say: I got a bad check ride score, because this guy doesn't want women flying fighters. I didn't want to be that gal. I didn't want to be that gal, and I didn't know what to say to Kim Jamison. I've never told her this story. And like, what a jerk. That was the check ride that hurt my score

[1:20:00]

the most. Not the failed one, technically. I didn't know that at the time, right? I told you I was, you know — but I — that was the first time I was like: man, you can actually have people actively trying to put a barrier in front of you, and there's nothing you can do. No one else was in the plane. It wasn't recorded. It's not like it's a F-15E, and you can, you know, pull out the tapes, right?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: What am I going to do? I knew it then, but I didn't trust myself. I didn't know what to do. Looking back now, as a 45-year-old retired full-bird colonel who commanded a fighter squadron,I would have called BS. But anyways, that was the check ride I had to fight back from. And you know what got me into T-38s — there was only like six to eight of us that got to be the eight out of 21or whatever instrument approaches so that they can maneuver aircraft safely when flying without visual reference to the terrain.

30 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

that got to pick T-38s to get on the fighter track, because we used to split the fighter track. And I was like, sixth or seventh. I mean, I was — you know, what brought me up was my like, leadership and teamwork score. Yup. So —

SMITH: And despite all of that, you graduated in the top 5 percent of your class.

MALACHOWSKI: I did. So -

SMITH: So you...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...probably would have graduated even higher.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, maybe.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Maybe.

SMITH: Not that top 5 percent is bad. That's fantastic.

MALACHOWSKI: It was just a hard realization to learn: wow, this actually is a problem for some people, that women are joining fighters. Like, I'd wanted this since I was 5. It was natural to me. This was what I was going to do. And it was the first time I'm like: whoa. There's some serious issues that we might have to work through, [laughs]

SMITH: Right. Any other issues, obstacles that you saw during training? MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. When I got into T-38s, again, let's be honest. The vast majority of — they were all male instructors were so supportive. I remember my flight commander was super supportive. Joaquim Pareda?21 Something like that. He was totally excited that women had the opportunity — equal playing field, all of that. But not all the instructors that worked for him were. Come to find out in retrospect, there were like two T-38 IPs who basically were like: I'm not flying with a woman. So I kept saying: why do I never fly with these guys?

SMITH:Right.

MALACHOWSKI: Well, come to find out, a few months into this, like he had been having all the students over to his house for like, barbecues and stuff on the weekends. And like, teaching them about financial advice and investments. Like, stuff I would have been interested in. And I didn't even find this out until like, near graduation. I'm like, well, that all kind of — and it hurt. Like, it hurt to be excluded, you know, from some of the social stuff because of the gender. It hurt that — I think that there was, you know, one or two instructor pilots who it was pretty obvious didn't want to fly with the woman, because they had been fighter pilots, and in their minds, letting women in somehow made being a fighter pilot less cool. Which to me is crazy, right? Being a fighter pilot is awesome, and if you achieve that, we should celebrate that together. But to them,it was somehow lowering their status, I think, by letting women in.

21 Unconfirmed spelling.

31 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

But as I look back on that now,I'm so glad I didn't fly with those guys.I'm so glad I wasn't at their house on the weekends. And even some of the peers who flew at that time that knew this was going on, they look back and go: yeah, that was — sorry about that. You know, they've grown up to — and seen the evolution of women's capability in fighters and have become husbands and become fathers to daughters. Right? And they see this in a whole, you know, different way. But — SMITH: So tell me about drop...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...and getting the F-15E. What was the drop like for your class?

MALACHOWSKI: So there was a — there was, I think — we had a couple of Guard guys that had C 22 models and F-16s coming their way. And I think we had F-16s. I don't know. Did we have — we might have had a couple of A-lOs, bombers, and then FAIP.23 Right? There were some FAIPs in the drop, fighter follow-on. And there was one F-15E. And everybody in my class knew I wanted the F-15E so bad. The beauty of it is everybody else had their heart set on some other jet. And I graduated fourth in my class, ultimately. And the guy that graduated first, he was the guy that was slated for,I think, a Guard F-15C. Really nice guy. Super smart. And then the next two guys both had their heart set on F-16s, and there were more than two F-16s. And so when I stood up, number four — Joaquim Pareda, the flight commander — he was smiling. He was so happy for me. He really was a great man. He's like: alright, you know, Nicole Ellingwood — you know, stand up. [1:25:00]

And he — I think he had been a C-model pilot. He kept saying: you can't fly the family model. The F-15 had two seats. Don't fly the family model. So that was — he always said that in a fun way. That was the joke all the way through T-38s. And I stood up that day, and I said: I'm taking the family model! [laughs] And they put the big F-15E up on the board. And my whole class celebrated...

SMITH: That's great.

MALACHOWSKI: ...for each person, and they celebrated for me. I mean, like I said, these were great guys. They really were. And you know, the Neil Oakden, our class leader, was super happy. My flight commander was happy. Everyone — it was just — again, timing, luck, and circumstance. One F-15E. The people who graduated in front of me wanted something else. It just worked out. Yeah.

SMITH: Hindsight advice you'd give yourself before pilot training?

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Hindsight advice. You know, take it one day at a time. One ride or one check ride doesn't make or break. You know, don't catastrophize that. And you know, as far as the cultural change and, you know, the issues of the time, you know, I look back and I'm like: I wish I had utilized like, the Kim Jamison — maybe more. Maybe I should have, you know, confided and asked for help, then just trusted a little bit more. I had put myself kind of into this defensive mode, you know. All force shields up. I've got to get through. And it's a balance. Right? It's a balance. But it might have at least

22 F-15C. 23 First Assignment Instructor Pilot.

32 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

made me feel better [laughs] to share, because I carried a lot of that inside. And I have no doubt that that probably impacted my performance, you know, on some days, give or take, but — SMITH: But you graduate...

MALACHOWSKI: I graduate.

SMITH: ...fourth in your class.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes.

SMITH: Did you have any media issues? By that time, women...

MALACHOWSKI: No.

SMITH: ...had been flying...

MALACHOWSKI: Women had been flying for a long time, [crosstalk]

SMITH: ...fighters for five years.

MALACHOWSKI: Women had been flying fighters for, you know, a couple of years now. There weren't a lot. There was another woman who was going through T-38s in the class right behind me, who was going to F-16s in the Guard, so it was nice having her around. She was lovely. Also a great pilot, a great person. Worked her butt off. Anyways, I don't remember any kind of hoopla. No. Uh uh. SMITH: So you go to — you didn't have to go to survival training because of the Academy.24 Is that correct, or —

MALACHOWSKI: No,I didn't have to go to survival training. We did the water survival school, where they throw you out in the ocean, [laughs]

SMITH: Okay. MALACHOWSKI:But yeah. Nothing — SMITH: Any issues?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, the usual kind of stuff. Well, you had to go to IFF, so we had to do T-38s. SMITH:Tell me about that.

MALACHOWSKI: Introduction to Fighter Fundamentals. It's a very short course. It happens —

SMITH: Where is that?

MALACHOWSKI: That was at Columbus Air Force...

SMITH: Okay.

24 USAFA Cadets complete SERE training.

33 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: ...at the time. It is a modified T-38 that allowed you to drop — you know, practice bombs. You were introduced to basic dogfighting skills. I failed a ride in T-38s, because I had an afterburner blowout on takeoff that I didn't recognize. A clean kill. Deserved to fail it.

SMITH: In IFF.

MALACHOWSKI: In IFF. The instructor did the right thing. I messed up. Flew again. I don't remember it being — I think I was pretty middle of the road, average student, as I recall. I don't remember there being any issues that stand out. It's kind of a quick course.

SMITH: How long was this? A month, or —

MALACHOWSKI: I don't remember. Just a few weeks.

SMITH: A few weeks?

MALACHOWSKI: It was really short.

SMITH: Okay. Then you're off to Seymour, or —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So then I stop by and do some water survival in Florida, kind of driving cross- country, and end up at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. Yup.

SMITH: Yeah. That's your F-15E squadron.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes.

SMITH: First day.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, so F-15E squadron, 333rd Fighter Squadron, which is the squadron I'll end up commanding 15 years later. First day, definitely — this is now like, right — like you're starting to feel — I'm starting to feel the pressure. It's a big deal. This is going to be a fast-paced course. It's going to be a lot. You know, an F-15E is not a T-38. It's not a T-37. This is now, you know, the big leagues. I remember studying the aircraft and the complexity of it and going through the academics. The systems are very — to me were very, you know, complicated. Everybody in the class was wonderful. There was —

SMITH: How many people in your class?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, gosh.

SMITH: I know you were the only woman in your class.

MALACHOWSKI: No, no, no. I was the only woman pilot. We had two women WSOs.25

SMITH: Thank you for that correction.

MALACHOWSKI: Sure.

SMITH: The WSO world is —

25 Weapon System Officer.

34 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: We're an F-15E.

SMITH: [laughs] Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: You know, the fact of the matter is, the Strike Eagle was designed around the back- seater. The WSO is vital [laughs] to what we do and our mission in that aircraft. But anyways, there were two women WSOs Interestingly, both of them went on to go to pilot training and become

[1:30:00] fighter pilots themselves. They're extraordinary women. It was — SMITH: Can you say who they were? Just —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So Gina Sabric26 and Carey Hartline27 who's now Carrie Jones.28 Carey Hartline is now a group commander, full-bird colonel at a pilot training unit in Texas. And Gina Sabric is — she's either in the Reserve or the Guard, but she's out there at Hill Air Force Base, Utah, commanding, and she'll be a general like, [snaps fingers] rightfully so.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: She earned every bit of it. And she'll be a general very soon, I'm sure, flying — what have they got out there, now? What, F-35s? She was an F-16. She became an F-16 pilot, and then went on to F-35s. So I mean, I remember feeling — yeah, right. Academics. This is harder. This plane is more complex. Now, you're learning about weapons systems. It seemed a little bit, you know, overwhelming. By now, you've got to remember, the people go: how did the guys treat you? The guys in the class, they never knew an Air Force without women fighter pilots. This wasn't a big deal to them. It just wasn't. The other two women were good friends. We were fully supportive of each other. So as far as class dynamics, not a big deal. The instructors, generally speaking, tended to be on the younger generation side and didn't have much of an — you know, much of an issue. I remember when I would fly in the simulators, I couldn't get the seat far — high enough in order to see through the HUD, so they had to create a cushion specifically for me. The other two ladies were taller than me — in order to fly the simulators. It was about that thick, so any time I'd come over, the console instructors, who were wonderful — usually old, retired guys. You know, they would — Nicole, we've got your seat for you. It's all ready to go. So that was nice and supportive. And I remember though, it caused a little bit of consternation. They're like: wow, is she like tall enough? Is she going to be able to hold the brakes in the F-15? Because at that time, there wasn't like a — like the brakes, which you had to like, hold the brakes. And they were worried that I wouldn't be able to reach the pedals or stay on the pedals long enough. And so I remember I got — I got like, an extra ride, or they added a section to one of my very first rides to make sure that I was physically, you know, able to do it, which I was. But I thought that was kind of

26 Colonel Regina A. Sabric took command of the 419th Fighter Wing at Hill AFB, UT in Apr 2018, https://www.419fw.afrc.af.mil/About-Us/Biographies/Displav/Article/1493759/colonel-regina-a-sabric/. 27 Unconfirmed spelling. 28 Colonel Carey Jones, an F-15C pilot and squadron commander from Nell, assumed command of the 47th Operations Group at Laughlin AFB, TX on Nov 27, 2018. Jones is the 47 OG's first woman commander. Accessed 12/11/19, https://www.laughlin.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/1714416/new-c.omrnander-takes-the-47th-og- under-her-wing/.

35 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

funny. Now, the interesting part is, they pair a pilot with a weapons systems officer to go through training together, because it's a crew aircraft. Therefore, you succeed and fail on these rides as a crew. And they do it by matching like, you know, skill sets and all that, based off of paperwork. So what do you think happens when we get matched and the names come together? Ellingwood. Sabric. My WSO is Gina Sabric. And she was a far better WSO than I was a pilot. That is a true statement. We were crewed together, and when that happened, there were some people who were asking: can we do this? Like literally, some of the instructors are like, is it — like, they didn't mean it mean. I don't think anybody meant it mean. They were like, is this — I think some of it too was concern. Do we want to put this extra pressure on them? It was the natural way that the drop came based on our records. And they were like: can we do this? And I remember the commander and everybody at the time was like: this is what it is. Yes. So they didn't have an issue. I had some [laughs] great instructors, you know? So the older ones, the lieutenant colonels, it was more of a curiosity for them. They kind of wanted to sit back and

sometimes you could tell they were like: oh, this is weird, but okay, [laughs] You know? But when it came time to teach and instruct, they did an extraordinary job. And you know, Gina and I, we passed rides together, and we failed rides together. Sometimes I was the cause of that failure. Once, I think, she was the cause of the failure. I think she probably carried me on my back more than I carried her. But she was an extraordinary person to have. Very smart. We studied together. It was helpful. They used to call me — the instructors would call me "Average Ellingwood," because I pretty much, you know — I had a — I stunk at defensive BFM. I really struggled in that phase, and I remember I failed like two rides in a row, which was like: uh oh. But you know, came back from that. That was the one part where I dipped, and then we were doing some of the larger, like, air-to-air intercepts. That's when, you know, Gina had, you know, her issue. So when — we each had our moments. But they called me "Average Ellingwood," and that did not hurt my feelings. I was okay with that, because I was just trying to get through. But there were days I did better than others, and there were parts of the mission I was better at than others.

SMITH: Describe a — how the instructor monitors you in a defensive BFM flight, or any BFM.

[1:35:00]

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. I mean, for the defensive BFM flight, the most important thing is where your lift vector is. And the lift vector comes straight out of the back of your head. But when you're in a turn going, you know, whatever — 400-something miles an hour, trying to get the perfect break turn, and you're trying to look over your shoulder, that was so new to me. Right? That wasn't something, you know, I had done before. The fact of the matter is, I had no idea where my lift vector was. So my lift vector was always high. And I needed to learn to keep — you know, think of it as coming out of the top of my head. I don't think I really figured out defensive BFM until — I mean, if I'm being honest with myself and everybody — in a way that I was proficient, really, until probably like the beginning of my second squadron. I did okay to get by on defensive BFM in my first squadron, but then it was my second squadron that I had an instructor that explained it in a way — Mikey Whitehead. He explained it in a way that the lightbulb went off. And ever since then, I was like: oh, I can't believe I struggled with this. You know, and then it became, you know, more like riding a bike. But yeah, defensive BFM was my Achilles heel. And FTU, and probably through my first fighter squadron. And I know that's frustrating, but I think each fighter pilot that I've learned over time always has that one thing that's harder for them, and that was mine.

36 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: What were your initial impressions of the Strike Eagle?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, it's a beautiful plane. The F-15E is just stunning to look at. It is a beast. It is a machine of awesomeness, [laughs] It's the greatest fighter ever known to man. I mean, it physically is beautiful. The dark-gray color is amazing. The size of it is majestic. The sound of the engines. Right? But the capability. Right? The ability to do air-to-air and air-to-ground in a world-class way. I loved being in a two-cockpit fighter. I loved having a WSO. I'm the firm believer — right? That's two brains. You're twice as smart. And the more they start adding systems and upgrading software, the more you needed those two brains, because the capability of that aircraft is mind-blowing. And now, we're looking at the new fighters — F-22, F-35. I'm like, the capability is there for just one pilot in order to maximize them. Man, that's asking a lot of a human. We were able to maximize that F-15E every day because there were two of us.

SMITH: So you graduate.

MALACHOWSKI: I do. I graduate bottom third of my class, probably. I don't know that they — they didn't rack-and-stack, but I wasn't — I didn't win a single award. I had won awards in pilot training every now and again.

SMITH: Oh, I'm sorry. I should have mentioned those.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: So tell me what awards you won, so we get that on record, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, yeah. You know, I had won, I think, an award for like,the contact check ride — or pre-contact. One of — the one I didn't fail. The opposite one. I won, I think, the Daedalians29 award — again, the leadership teamwork — not Daedalians. No. There was a leadership teamwork award. I'm going to have to get back to you on those. I have the plaque somewhere.

SMITH: Alright.

MALACHOWSKI: But a couple little things. And T-38s, I think I — I think I got a formation award...

SMITH: Nice.

MALACHOWSKI: ...which is ironic, because I ended up becoming a Thunderbird pilot. So that was —

SMITH: I think that's foresight.

MALACHOWSKI: These were just little — I didn't win any of the big awards. I was not — no, no.

SMITH: Your skills were recognized. That's the important thing, [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] I was "Average Ellingwood." But it's good to be — you know, if you just kind of stay solid and get through there, it's okay not to —

SMITH: Consistency is good, [laughs]

29 The Daedalians is the premier fraternity of military aviators, https://daedalians.org/.

37 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: That's right. If that was everything,I was definitely consistent.

SMITH: So how long was RTU? I didn't ask you that.

MALACHOWSKI: It was about 10 months long. SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: And then your first assignment is the 492nd?

MALACHOWSKI: Yes, 492nd Fighter Squadron. The Mad Hatters, also known as the Bowlers. Lakenheath, England. It was my first choice. Super excited to fly the F-15, to be able to do it in Europe. You know, I'm a young first lieutenant now, at this point.

SMITH: When did you arrive there?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, gosh.

SMITH: Let's back up.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: Do you remember when you arrived RTU, just what month?

MALACHOWSKI: No.

SMITH: Time of year? No? Okay. Moving forward.

MALACHOWSKI: I think it was the spring, [laughs]

SMITH: That's okay. It's on the record somewhere.

MALACHOWSKI: Part of this — yeah. Yeah. I apologize.

SMITH: You get to Lakenheath. Oh, I have it here. Maybe 1999? [laughs] MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. Yeah.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: I think it's early.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. Either late '98, early '99.

SMITH: And this is when you're assigned your call sign. So I want to hear this story. MALACHOWSKI: Oh. [laughs] Uhh.

SMITH: I want to hear it.

MALACHOWSKI: Well, so -

38 MWA0H1 Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: If you don't want to tell it, we'll move on.

MALACHOWSKI: I think one of the fun things — you know, like we showed up — the group of us, we were just, you know, super duper excited. And when we got there, like, the whole base wasn't there, and all the planes weren't there. It was really like: what's going on?

[1:40:00]

And like, our upgrade was a little bit wonky, because we were having to use instructors from the other squadron, this and that. And it ended up that they had deployed for what would eventually become Operation Allied Force.30 Right? So — SMITH: The Balkans.

MALACHOWSKI: The Baltic air war. So we showed up at a time where there was actual combat operations going on. And so the reality of it all is right like — dang. Like, you can literally graduate one day — [laughs] and they tell you that. Right? But I think the reality of it was, you can graduate one day, you know, and be in combat the next. I didn't go straight into that war, but like, Gina Sabric, the second she got there. Boom. They had her flying in combat, and — which,you know, was extraordinary. About half of us ended up literally going straight into combat. I did not. I would deploy eventually, but that was as the war was winding down, and it was not — it was a little anti — I mean, it was combat hours, but it was a little anticlimactic. The beauty of a callsign, right, in any — for any fighter pilot is, it means 1., that you finished, you know, your MQT.31 Right? You've done your mission qual. You're technically qualified to deploy to combat. Right? You've met all the syllabus squares. But more importantly, what it means, right, is that the people in your squadron are willing to go to war with you. Like, we're willing to have you on our wing. Like, welcome to the fold. It's more — it's definitely a cultural thing. It's a big, momentous moment. There's certainly frivolity, and alcohol at that time, involved.

SMITH: Is there a ceremony?

MALACHOWSKI: There is a big — it's called a naming ceremony. SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Basically, each person gets brought out in front of the whole crowd. You know, a little bit of fear, sarcasm, and ridicule. It's all in good fun. And people usually tell stories about some mistake you've made, something stupid you said, or something stupid, you know, that you did. And then they come up with a callsign from it. The mayor — the commander of the ceremony, if you will — is writing these names down. And at the end, everyone votes. The loudest cheer, they circle that, and boom. That's your callsign. I like to tell everyone — I remind people that it doesn't matter what your callsign is. It's always making fun of something you said or did. It doesn't matter if your callsign's "Killer," "Maverick," or something cool-sounding. It's still making fun of you. And fighter pilots, you know, they

30 Also known as the conflict in the Balkans. Operation Allied Force countered the ethnic wars that threatened the Albanian population of Kosovo and NATO. Adam Hebert, Feb 23, 2009, Air Force Magazine. Accessed Dec 16, 2019, https://www.airforcemag.com/article/0309balkan/. 31 The successful completion of all Mission Qualification Training events is required before being certified "Mission Ready" in a major weapon system.

39 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

know that. So it's an honor to go through the naming ceremony. It was an honor, you know, to get a callsign. And we'll get there in a second. But back in the '90s, I mean, it was pretty legit. Like, the callsigns ceremonies now are a lot more tame. Sometimes, callsigns had, you know, innuendo in them that, you know, maybe wasn't the most professional. The Air Force, I'm happy to say, in 2019, has gone away from that while maintaining the importance of, you know, just the tradition and the camaraderie. But things have — am I saying this right? I want to make sure I'm — I'm just — it can be pretty — those callsigns can be a little bit debaucherous... SMITH: A little racy. Right.

MALACHOWSKI: ...at the time. Anyways, my callsign story is definitely like, not my true story. Do you know the true story? It's not safe for work. I mean,I'm happy to, you know, share it, but — [laughs] SMITH: Up to you. This is your record, so... MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...if you want it in there.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, should I tell it? Okay, [laughs] So brand-new lieutenant. We showed up. You normally would start flying through your syllabus upgrade, but because the buildup to the war and everything was going on, we went weeks to months without flying. We couldn't even fly simulators. There were no instructors there. So now you come out of this F-15E RTU, where you're "Average Ellingwood," but you finally made it. And you show up, and now your skills atrophy a little bit, because you're not getting right into the program. And we started to bump up against, like, a syllabus thing that basically said: if you go this many days without flying or doing the simulator — emergency procedure simulators, you like, could have to go back through another FTU experience.32 Now, we're sitting there going: oh, my gosh. Like, help us out. Well obviously, once somebody saw that in the reg, they're like: geez. We really need to get these people in an EP sim, one flight, rehack the clock for another whatever that amount — period it is.33 So they ended up like bringing instructors back from the deployed location. And I don't really remember, you know, how that all worked out. But the very first thing in order — before you flew was you had to do an EP simulator, an emergency procedure simulator. No pilot likes emergency procedure simulator. I don't care how experienced you are. They always stink. So I had gone into the simulator, and at that time, the F-15E simulator came down.It was all blacked out. You had a headset on. All you saw was the HUD.34 There was no like, surround visuals like there are now, and all that fancy stuff. And everything you said was hot-mic'd to the room. And the room consisted of, you know, the civilian operating the equipment, but also the instructor. Right? And everything you say is out loud on this speaker. Well, you do the whole — I bet you can't start/taxi/takeoff.35 Right? We're getting out to the end of the runway finally to take off. I'm thinking to myself: this is my first opportunity, [1:45:00]

32 Flying Training Unit. 33 Meaning the pilot's currency would be maintained. 34 Heads-up display. 35 Meaning the instructor dials in a succession of ground emergencies in the chocks, during taxi, and during takeoff.

40 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

you know, to show everybody that it's okay, and you know, that I'm here, and I'm going to be fine. And I am really gnat's ass on the checklist. And I'm looking down, and I'm like: okay, I've done this. I've armed my seat. Taking the time, and all of a sudden, I look up, and in the HUD, he had failed my brakes a long time ago. The brake switch. And I am like, rolling off the runway, and like now, I'm going through virtual reality buildings. Right? You're laughing, and I'm — so am I. And in that moment,I just — SMITH: [laughs] I'm laughing in sympathy, because...

MALACHOWSKI: I know.

SMITH: ...yeah, every pilot's been there. MALACHOWSKI: Been there.

SMITH: So -

MALACHOWSKI: And there's no motion. There was no visuals.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: It was just, you know, a slow cross-check. And I mean,I hadn't even taken off in my simulator event. The first thing, my first opportunity in front of my new fighter squadron — and, you know,I had a little extra pressure because I was a woman, and I wanted to make sure that they knew I was capable. So I messed that up. And as soon as I did it,I got really mad at myself, and I just yelled out. And I did the right procedure. I was just so mortified that this had happened. And I was young, and you know, competitive. And I just said: I'm an f-ing idiot. FI. Out loud, because that's how I felt at the moment. And it was hot-mic'd to the whole room, and the instructor on the console, he says: a what? [laughs] And I said: an f-ing idiot, again, out loud. FI. FI. Spells "Fifi." But I immediately had two emergency ground egress, right? I had to shut down and go through the whole egress procedure. So now I'm opening the canopy and like, there's the console operator. And he's like: wow. And there's the instructor, and he's kind of like, laughing. You know, like, [laughs] wow. And then the canopy kept coming up, and [laughs] there was a — I think it was the vice wing commander, and he was giving a tour...

SMITH: [laughs] Dang.

MALACHOWSKI: ...to I think a Cub Scout or a Boy Scout troop.

SMITH: Oh, no!

MALACHOWSKI: And one little kid yelled: hey, she's an -idiot!

SMITH: Oh!

MALACHOWSKI: And in that moment, the instructor is like, "Oh" — so fast-forward, I get through the syllabus. Now, interestingly, it played in my favor, because as the story went, you know — McGhoul36 was his callsign. He basically was like: hey, you know, she got mad at herself. She did the right

36 Unconfirmed spelling.

41 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

procedures, and she cusses, so it must be okay, right? Like, she's going to fit right in. It actually played a little bit in my favor, because they realized, you know,I was at least concerned about being aggressive, holding myself to a standard. For most of them. Not everybody in the squadron was happy I was there. Let's not make any mistakes, but for — SMITH: How did you know that?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh. [laughs]

SMITH: How did they make that known to you, is really the question I'm asking.

MALACHOWSKI: So anyways, the — hold on. At the naming ceremony, there were lots of stories told. When McGhoul told that story, everyone was just like: haha, you know — they're like: Fifi's great, because she looks like she's young and nice and innocent, like a cute little dog, but if you [bend] down to pet her, she'll bite you. You know? So we're going to call her "Fifi."

SMITH: And they didn't know anything about the WASP.

MALACHOWSKI: No. Didn't know anything about the WASP. SMITH: Fifi, Fifinella.37

MALACHOWSKI: And interestingly, at that moment, I didn't even make that connection. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: I wouldn't make that connection until I became a Thunderbird, which is ironic, because I should have, but I didn't. So now, getting into the squadron dynamics. Again,I want to — the vast majority of people were supportive, or at least neutral to the point that they weren't actively trying to whatever.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: The ones that didn't — which I could count on one hand — it was just the social ostracization. It was not uncommon for me to be passing someone in a hallway and me saying: hey, you know, good morning, or hi, and them not — just stare me down or not talk to me at all.

SMITH: Give me an idea of your squadron size.

MALACHOWSKI: A couple dozen people. I mean — SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: What, like, there's 24 Strike Eagles in a squadron. 24 crews, 48, 50, you know. I don't know what those actual numbers are, but I had a great squadron commander, who was tickled, who I'm still friends with to this day. Who was happy — totally fine to have women in the squadron. WhenI

37 During the 1940s, the WASP received permission from the Disney Company to use Fifinella —"Fifi" — as their mascot, http://www.wingsacrossarnerica.us/wasp/fifi.htm.

42 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

arrived, there was a woman WSO, Deanna Violette.38 An extraordinary WSO, and a phenomenal officer, a trailblazer in her own right. And it was nice to have her around.

SMITH: Did any other women pilots come... MALACHOWSKI: As I was - SMITH:...or WSOs come while you were there?

39 MALACHOWSKI: As I was leaving, another woman pilot came in, who I adore, [laughs] Christine Mao, the first woman to fly the F-35. SMITH: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: So again, a trailblazer in her own right, and just a really fun person to be around. But we didn't overlap much. But we've stayed friends,

[1:50:00]

and are friends to this day. Yeah,it would be the social ostracization. You know,I remember — you know, like, we would go on pub crawls. That was a big thing. Right? The squadron would go out and do events, and we'd go on pub crawls. And it was weird, because that small handful — it was always this idea that if a woman could do it, it's somehow lowering my — like, my status, which I just — I still can't — I don't process why that is. I mean, go be an awesome fighter pilot yourself. That's fine. My presence shouldn't lower your awesomeness. You know?

SMITH: It's like the Master's at Augusta. You know, it's the boys' club.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, I think it was -

SMITH: And then, we're opening the door.

MALACHOWSKI: And this idea that, you know, we're not going to be able to cuss or sing our songs. Yeah, the kind of macho thing. But again, it was not the majority. SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: So I tried to focus, right, on the positive people. My squadron commander was supportive. I had instructor — you know, instructors who were majors and lieutenant colonels who were very supportive. And that meant a lot. One of the instructors, interestingly — Will Reese — was the lead weapons officer. So he had gone to Weapons School. This guy wore the patch,40 right? So this is a big deal. He's the Man. And he — I had met him in high school. When I was at Western High School in Las

38 Deanna Violette, as a Lt Col, became the first woman to command an air support operations squadron ( 2009), https://www.acc.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/201S89/first-female-takes-reigns-of-air-support-operations- squadron/. 39 Lt Col Christine Mau, a veteran F-15E pilot, became the first woman F-35 pilot in 2015; she retired in 2017, https ://www.eglin.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/813984/first-female-f-35-pilot-begins-training/: https://airandspace.si.edu/stories/editorial/life-female-fighter-pilot. 40 The Air Force Fighter Weapons School patch.

43 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

Vegas, Nevada, as a sophomore, he was a brand-new first lieutenant flying the F-15E. And he came back to talk about life in the Air Force, and pilot training, and flying the F-15E. Fast-forward, I show up in his squadron. Fle's like: hey, do you remember me? Welcome. It's great to have another Vegas person.

SMITH: Awesome.

MALACHOWSKI: And his wife, Sue, was fully like — this is awesome. And she was one of those people that like, led a lot of the social stuff, so she made sure I was included. And how serendipitous that Will Reese would be the lead instructor in my first squadron. So again, I had kind of a little bit of social protection there, which was vital and which I'm grateful for. And I'm still friends with them to this very day. So kudos to him for being welcoming — holding me to a standard. It wasn't like I — you know, I was given anything but...

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI:...an opportunity to learn fairly was afforded to me. But for the small handful,it was usually a stare, or not talking to me. Just literally — I mean, there was a person who went an entire year that didn't talk to me. You're like... [laughs]

SMITH: Oh, my gosh.

MALACHOWSKI: ...this is so childish.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: I can't even. But it doesn't matter. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: It just didn't matter, because I focused on the good people. And I remember at one point, I was — when I was leaving the squadron, you get to do like, one cross-country, and you get to pick where to go. And I wanted to Souda Bay, Crete, on the island of Crete take a two-ship of F-15Es, go cross-country from England to Crete, spend a few days. And at first, I was worried, because you needed a senior person to like, go with you. And I was like: God. Like, what if I ask and like, no one wants to go on my cross-country? And I know that sounds really bad. I actually — and that wasn't a problem, man. I walked up to the guy who had been just like, one of my favorite instructors, Hans Kanaihans,41 and like — do you mind being the instructor for my flight? He's like: let's go. We had a blast, [laughs] It was great. Two Strike Eagles into Crete. Come on.

SMITH: How fun is that?

MALACHOWSKI: I'm a freaking first lieutenant in the Air Force. My life is good. Yeah. Somewhere in there, I deployed a little bit.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

41 Unconfirmed spelling.

44 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: I was going to talk about the Kosovo deployment... MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...and flying with the NVGs.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes. So I had very minimal flights during Operation Allied Force. We would have to look that up. I mean, probably less than 10. And I came in at the end of the war, so there was no air-to-air action, no surface-to-air, like, missile. I think we had some — you know,I had some time, you know — SMITH: Ground fire?

MALACHOWSKI: Indications going off, but like, no.

SMITH: Indicate — radar indications? MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. But it was — it was — I want to be clear that that combat time was very anti- climactic from a combat sense. However, for me, you know, you're still carrying live weapons. It was the first time I'd carried live weapons. Right? I mean, I'm a young first lieutenant, and you know, I am actually in a combat zone, getting combat hours. And so, you know, you feel all of that intensity. But the very first night — I was flying at night — the very first time I flew at night in combat was during Allied Force. And they're like: hey, we've got these like, new things. Like, they're NVGs. Night Vision Goggles. We're going to put these on, and like [laughs] — there was this really quick academic — quick training. They taught me how to focus them, you know, in the dark room. And the next thing you know, like, I've got night vision goggles, and I'm taking off for a combat mission in Allied Force. And I'm thinking to myself: well, this is weird. And so of course, you know, a little bit of extra — you're like: okay, this is new. I'm going into combat. I don't really have a lot of experience with these NVGs. And they knew that too, so they decided to put a senior instructor in my back seat, which happened to be the squadron commander, [laughs] So here I am, taking off. NVGs for the

[1:55:00]

first time at night in combat with the squadron commander in my back seat, making sure I didn't mess up.

SMITH: And he has no NVGs on, right?

MALACHOWSKI: He had NVGs.

SMITH: He did?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: But he had already gone through that training as well.

MALACHOWSKI: He was just old and crusty. He could do anything.

45 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired . By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: [laughs] Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: He was skillful, [laughs]

SMITH: Were you ever aware — other than the radar indications — of taking enemy fire?

MALACHOWSKI: No.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: No.

SMITH: Alright.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, like I said, my combat in — it was combat time, and I appreciate that. But no real — no action, no.

SMITH: So after that, you go to the 336th?

MALACHOWSKI: Right.

SMITH: Is that -

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I go from England back to Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, 336th Rocketeers.

SMITH: You upgrade your — you upgraded to two-ship, then four-ship — MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, two-ship flight lead, four-ship flight lead, instructor pilot, while I'm there.

SMITH: Tell me about that upgrade, briefly. One or the other — pick one — about what it entails.

MALACHOWSKI: The — so I think the instructor upgrade is probably, you know, the hardest one. I think for two-ship and four-ship, once you hit a certain amount of hours, you go through that. That doesn't mean that there aren't hardships. I found the two-ship upgrade to be pretty easy. With the four-ship, I'm a — we had just brought on OCA as a mission. Offensive Counter Air — so we were doing 4v4s, which really, the Strike Eagle community hadn't done before that. Now, they're old hat at it. But at the time, it was new. And again, I struggled with that. I think I failed one or two flights in my four-FLUG upgrade for that v4.

SMITH: What did you call it? "Four-FLUG"?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, Four-FLUG. Four-ship Flight Lead Upgrade.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: FLUG. Sorry.

SMITH: No, it's okay.

MALACHOWSKI: So anyways, I got through that. And that kind of happens at the natural like, time and based on experience. And you're in the queue. But what happened when I went into the instructor upgrade was a little bit different. At that time, the lead instructor was always a guy by the name of Mick

46 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

Jaggers,42 and he was a captain. And another guy, Mikey Whitehead,43 who was a captain. These were the two like, top — he was a pilot. They were two top pilots, anyway — or, two top air crew pilot WSO. And so they hold social status, too. Right? Because they're both patchwearers.44 They graduated Weapons school. You're in a combat fighter squadron. They earned that right in that respect. And I had come into the squadron, and there were people in the queue in front of me who had more hours and had been in the Rocketeers longer for the instructor upgrade. And like, one day, Mick comes up to me. He's like: hey, we — we're going to go ahead and put you in the instructor upgrade. And I'm like: I do not want to go into the instructor — I'm not ready to be an instructor. And I remember saying that to him. Like, you must be like, mistaken. You know, like, I'm not ready for the upgrade. There's other people, you know, who are totally ready for the upgrade. You know, I think I just need some more time. And he's like: no, yeah. You're going in the upgrade. And I'm like: no, I'm not. And I remember — SMITH: Back and forth.

MALACHOWSKI: Mick and I are still friends to this day, and we have recently, within the last year, talked about this.

SMITH: But he saw something in you that —

MALACHOWSKI: That's what was interesting. So of course,I countered. I said: aha, Mick, you made a mistake. I don't have enough hours. There was a minimum number of hours in order to go in the upgrade. So I can't go in the upgrade. And he goes: aha! I already have the waiver, and it's in your gradebook. [laughs]

SMITH: [laughs] Everything's waiverable. You just have to know how high to go.

MALACHOWSKI: And I'm like, no. I said: I'm not ready to start. And he said: look, you know — I remember saying to him: I'm not the best pilot in the squadron. And I remember him saying: you're right. You're not [laughs] the best pilot in the squadron. He said: but, you're ready for the upgrade because of your characteristics and your personality and the way that you approach problems, and the way that you talk with people. That is what we need in a good instructor. And I was like: oh. And I fought him. I said: I'm not ready. And so a week went by. Two weeks went by. And he was like: alright, Fifi, let's do this. And I said: I'm nervous. What if — you know, what if I fail? He's like — and this is again, Mikey Whitehead and Mick Jaggers. Great men. He said — Mick said to me: it's my job to get you through the upgrade. Mikey said: it's my job to teach you what you need to know to get through the upgrade. It's on us to do this. If you put in the effort, we're going to put in the effort. And I failed two rides, and I also remember OCA — Offensive Counter Air, the hardest ride — remember the one I failed in four-ship? The one at that time, our community wasn't very good at. It was the one ride, I think, everybody — the instructor OCA ride, you're just like: oh, man. This is the hardest one. But I flew with the — now, the incoming at that point, new Weapons instructor. I remember when I saw that ride go up, and then I got the hardest instructor, I was like: you've got to be kidding me. And I got my highest grade and my highest pass. And I remember that instructor looking at me, and he goes — in the debrief, after I finish

42 Unconfirmed spelling. 43 Unconfirmed spelling. 44 Fighter Weapons School graduates.

47 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

the initial debrief, he then debriefed me. And he's like: I've got one or two little things, and I got an overall score of a 3, which was

[2:00:00]

above average. Yeah. That was cool. But I was able to do that because Mick Jaggers and Mikey Whitehead followed up on what they said they would do, which was that they taught me what I needed to know.

SMITH: When did you finish that upgrade?

MALACHOWSKI: Before September 11.

SMITH: I know that. I was just curious.

MALACHOWSKI:[laughs] You know,it's weird how like, the whole career is September 11, 2001 — there's like, bifurcates.

SMITH: Yeah. Months before? MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, months before. SMITH:Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: I think so.

SMITH:So on September 11, you were at the dentist.

MALACHOWSKI: I was at the dentist. SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes, and they have TVs up in the corner that you can watch while you were like, getting your mouth done. And somehow,it came through — the admin people came in. They're like: everybody needs to go back to their squadrons. You know, they're doing accountability. And I'm watching what's going on in the news, and you know, you pretty quickly are like: okay. Putting two and two together. I mean,it’s all happening, you know, real time. So he finishes up, I get back to the squadron. Everyone's standing at the ops desk, you know, watching the TV. And you know, we watched it, heart pounding, jaws agape, like every other American at that moment. I remember, you know, we were told to stay on base. Stay in the squadron. And you know, that whole time just becomes like, quite a blur for all of America, doesn't it? SMITH: Yes. Your first flight after 9/11... MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...what was that like?

MALACHOWSKI: So obviously, they ended up launching what we now know, right, as Operation Noble Eagle, which was the protection of the,you know,major cities at that time, specifically along, you know,

48 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

the eastern seaboard.451 remember thinking how weird it was that they were loading live weapons, you know, on an American airbase, in America, to launch to cover America.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: As that was initially begun, you know, they didn't have plans, procedures, processes, SOPs, for that. And so they were very strict on who they sent up those first few days. And it was a very select — it was all the patch-wearers,46 the more experienced people, which made complete sense. And I remember working initially like, in the mission planning cell that we stood up literally, right, within hours. And you know, working flight plans, or you know, whatever was, you know, administratively was going on. Half of the squadron was doing that — the younger half. The more experienced half were the ones who went into crew rest and then, you know, over the next few days and weeks, Operation Noble Eagle genned up. And I do remember my first flight. I actually — I want to make sure I don't say anything that's classified, but I went to a major city on the east coast, and I remember going out to the jet and just pre-flighting live missiles. Like — it was — ewwgh. I don't even know how to explain it. Just a very odd feeling. I mean, we felt like every other American, but I also — I mean, it was a very serious time. And I was so short,I had never pre-flighted — I had never pre-flighted, you know, live air-to-air missiles, and...

SMITH: Because —

MALACHOWSKI: ...they had to bring out a stepladder. You know, because usually — you know, with the training stuff, I'd let the taller WSO do it, and maybe sometimes we were both supposed to be looking at it. And I'll be honest with you, like, sometimes if there wasn't a stepladder — but now, when I would get out there — just like they would move the cushion in the simulators, they would move this ladder around. So anytime I was there, they had a little stepladder. And I would definitely make sure everything was right. My WSO would do--[laughs] everyone is — at this point, right, it is checklist discipline, you know, to the T. And I remember taking off, and the thing that was so weird, other than having live air-to- air missiles over your country, was — so quiet. Eerily quiet. It bothered me. Silence on the radio. No civilian airliners flying. Nobody talking. Just launch, and you get cleared direct, wherever you're going. And you're like: this is not normal. Eerily quiet. Ugh. Didn't like that. SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: But we did Operation Noble Eagle. I remember Christmas, December 25, 2001, my husband andI — we're now married, so I'm now Captain Malachowski, and he's a WSO in the sister squadron, the 335th. And by the way, I met him in England. So the best thing that happened in the 492nd was meeting my husband. But fast-forward, you know, most everybody else was married and had kids, and it was Christmas Day. So I remember my husband and I volunteering. They took volunteers for Christmas. You know, they had a schedule, but they realized: okay, if there's volunteers that can fill Christmas, then you know, that's —

45 Accessed Dec 16, 2019, https://www.afhistorv.af.mil/FAQs/Fact-Sheets/Article/458956/operation-noble-eagle/: https ://www.laf.acc.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/289687/operation-noble-eagle-mission-wonc - fpase/; https://www.globalsecuritv.org/military/ops/noble-eagle.htm. 46 Fighter Weapons School graduates.

49 MWAOHI Interviewee:Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

[2:05:00]

let's take it. And my husband and I, we made a decision to volunteer, because we didn’t have kids, that we would fly on Christmas Day. And he was leaving the CAP as I was entering the CAP.47 And we said "Merry Christmas" to each other on the radio. And we actually have the patches we wore that day and we have them framed. December 25, 2001. But that was the day that we were both, you know, serving our country on Noble Eagle. And it was a good memory.

SMITH: From there, you went to Korea, and you were an ALO.48 So just briefly, I want to talk about how that particular assignment actually set you up or prepared you for Operation Iraqi Freedom.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes, total — okay, so at that time, there weren't a lot of ALO spots, and a lot of people said: don't go do it. It's a career killer. You know, no one wants to be an ALO. You just became an instructor. You're going to leave the community. It was kind of, in a lot of ways, maybe looked down on. The reason we did it is my husband and I were both offered an opportunity to go to Korea at the same time. He would be down at Osan. I would be up with the Army near the DMZ. And joint spouse49 in the military was hard then, as it is today. And so you don't pass up those opportunities, right, to stay — you know, to stay together was more important at that time, and we both were like: you know, we're going to do it. And it was one of the best moves of my career. So I ended up near the DMZ at Camp Red Cloud, 2nd Infantry Division, 604th ASOS,50 working with a whole bunch of enlisted JTACs.51 Now —

SMITH: Say the - JTAC?

MALACHOWSKI:Joint Terminal Attack Controller. SMITH: Thanks.

MALACHOWSKI: So they're the awesome Americans who are embedded with Army units or ground maneuver units, who help them coordinate and call in Air Force airpower — close air support, is probably what you want to think. I was a captain. Up until now,I had been in squadrons of only officers. We were all fighter pilots and WSOs. We thought pretty highly of ourselves. Right? And all of a sudden, I'm exposed to like, the real Air Force. The people who make the Air Force work. Our enlisted. And it was such a maturing moment. Right? These totally skillful, super patriotic, awesome enlisted JTACs. And a couple of them took me under their wing. Rob Skaronsky52 [laughs] and he's like: I'm going to make you a great ALO, and I'm going to teach you to be a JTAC. And I'm going to put you through your upgrade. Then he did. And he held me to the standard. And he's like: you know, when in Rome, right? You don't just come in here and wear your flight suit and act like you're the fighter pilot. Oh, no. You're going to build combat expedient antennas, [laughs] And you're going to drive Humvees, and you're going to

47 Combat air patrol. 48 Airliaisonofficer, https://www.acc.af.mil/News/Features/Displav/Artide/204174/the-road--to-becoming-an-air- Msqn:pfficer/. 49 Join Spouse assignments allow spouses to serve at the same installation; it is often called "joint spouse." 50 th 604 Air Support Operations Squadron, https://www.globalsecurity.org/militarv/agencv/usaf/604asos.htm. 51 Joint Terminal Attack Controller, https://www.af.mil/News/Article-Displav/Article/601345/usaf--weapons-school- itac-graduates-to-receive-hallowed-patches/. 52 Unconfirmed spelling.

50 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

sleep on the ground, you know, with the rest of us. And it was awesome. He taught me everything I needed to know. There was onesie-twosies of the old-school guys that didn't appreciate me being there. Once again, right? But the vast majority were super supportive, and I did the exact same thing I had done prior — is I gravitated towards the helpers. Right? Go where you're welcome and where you're wanted. And there were plenty of, you know, like the Rob Skaronskys of the world who were offering that. And I learned about the Army. Right? I learned what it was like to call in airpower from the ground. I realized what the JTACs and these soldiers and the Marines were going through, and what it looked like from their perspective. It was the flipside of the coin. Right? It was the flipside of close air support that I had been trained to do from one direction, and now I'm learning about it, you know, the other way. And so fast-forward, when I — and further, I became a better officer. Right? I grew the appreciation I should have always had for our enlisted force. I grew an appreciation for the joint fight in the Army that I probably should have always had, but I finally, you know, saw in action. Loved the Korean people. Loved the culture. Loved Korean food. Taught English in downtown Uijongbu to a group of 30-year-old Korean moms. I didn't speak any Korean. They didn't speak any English. But you know, got — I just — I'm saying, got embedded in the culture. It was a fantastic year. Fast-forward, right? Now I'm going to end up back through transition course and back at Lakenheath. So remember: Nicole, don't do it. Your career's over. You'll never come back to the Strike Eagle community. Well, my husband and I both get an assignment back to fly F-15Es in sister squadrons. This time, I'm in the 494th Fighter Squadron in England. SMITH: Because you can't be in the same squadron, or —

MALACHOWSKI: You technically can be in the same squadron. The only restriction that I'm aware of is that spouses cannot be in the same aircraft if they have

[2:10:00] children. That's the actual... SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: ...only rule. That's left over from, you know, World War II or whatever. Right? We asked and preferred to be in separate squadrons. In today's Air Force, there's plenty of spouses married in the same squadron And I don't . have a problem with that, because I — people are professionals, [laughs] We need to treat adults like adults. And when you do that, they behave professionally. But that's another story. We were in sister squadrons. I was in the 494th. This was just a wonderful environment. Now, we've come a long way, right, from that 1980 — 1999 F-15E, and just now, we're talking about what, 2004, 2005, something like that. The difference in just accepting women and flying fighters and women in leadership roles or, you know, as flight commanders. It was like night and day, just in those few short years. And so when I showed up there, they're like: awesome. Like, you are a two-FLUG, four-FLUG instructor. So we'll get you through the instructor upgrade really quick, and we'll make you a flight commander. How about that? And I was like: whoa, man. [laughs] That's happening a little bit fast. But we did it. There was a peer, maybe just a little bit older than me. He was a major, and I 53 was a captain, I think. Curly Rowk. He goes by "Curly." He's like: I'm a flight commander. I'm going to be leading. I want to recommend you take my position. You know, and it was just very — it was

53 Unconfirmed spelling.

51 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

awesome, because now at this point, I'm about to approach those kind of like, senior captain — getting ready to pin on field-grade officer rank and like — I don't know. It was like a switch. When you went into the 494th, all of a sudden, it was like I felt like: okay, I now have the experience. I don't feel like I'm scrambling for anything. Like, I have the experience. They believe I have the experience. I'm in this squadron.There's name recognition, for better or for worse. Right? I have — people know Fifi. And I felt comfortable. I loved being in the 494th. And so I did. I became a flight commander. It was the first time I got to like, you know, supervise, you know, other lieutenants and captains who were coming in. And it was fun teaching them, especially teaching them about being in England. Because remember,that was my first assignment. So I was like: make sure you guys do this and that. And I have fond memories of it. I hope that I was [laughs] you know, a good flight commander. And that's when we would get called to Operation Iraqi Freedom. I didn't get — I don't know how many stories I got. It really wasn't a lot. Our deployment wasn't very long, at that time. I was a flight lead, and I had — you know, was a flight commander at that time. So I led people in and out of combat. Everyone was perfectly qualified. I think our squadron did wonderfully. We didn't have a lot of action. At that time,it was just calm. Right? The Iraqi Air Force never flew against us. Right? There weren't, like, major surface-to-air missiles. Sometimes there was like, small AAA, or people like, you know,trying to shoot at you, and they hadn't — you know, no hope. But my point being, it was very anticlimactic from a combat perspective. My combat sorties, just like in Kosovo, were mild. That said, you have to be fully prepared. You're still carrying live weapons. There's still Americans and allies on the ground who need your help. So several times,I got called to what was referred to as a TIC, a Troops In Combat situation to perform close air support. That is, of course, a high-risk mission. The second you get called towards a TIC I — at least, for me — right, you can feel the heart rate go up a little bit, because you're like: alright, we're now talking about the possibility of employing weapons within close range of Americans and allies. So it is the highest focused kind of thing. And so when you get called over to those, you know, there's an intensity. And I remember feeling my heart, and you could hear yourself breathing in the mask. And I'm like: okay. Just go back to your discipline. Right? Go back to the nine line.54 Go back to what you've been taught. This whole time I've got, you know, a wingman, because now I'm, you know, the flight lead. And in my case, every time we got over the TIC, it had resolved, and it usually was because once the enemy would hear airpower coming in, they'd hear jets, or they'd see it, and they're like, you know: I'm out. And that's great. Right? That's effective, [laughs] I mean, if presence is enough to get the enemy to disengage, that's cool. But I remember just being so much better and so much in tune more quickly with the CAS55 situation because I had been an ALO, because I had been a trained JTAC. Sometimes in the communication, right, I knew exactly what to ask, that I wouldn't have known had I not been trained by the awesome SGT Rob Skaronsky. Right?

SMITH: I don't know if you can answer this, but can you give me an example? I'm not sure you'll be able to answer, but — and if not — MALACHOWSKI: I'd have to — I'm sorry. Nothing like — SMITH: Yeah.

54 A list of nine pieces of information relayed to the aircraft. 55 Close air support.

52 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: And it's just a feeling. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: Nothing pops into the top of my head. Maybe it was just the confidence. Maybe it gave me an extra level of confidence, which buys me time. Right?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI:I can do things quicker, make decisions quicker,

[2:15:00]

direct my wingman quicker than maybe I would have, had I not had that experience. Maybe I just quickened the decision loop.

SMITH: And you know what they were doing [on the ground]. MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: It's like you have that whole world [in focus].

MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm. Becoming an ALO was a turning point in my career, for professionalism as an officer and skill as a fighter pilot, hands-down.

SMITH: Can you tell me what nine-line means?

MALACHOWSKI: Nine-line is basically the nine pieces of information. They're in a very particular order that the JTAC gives to the pilot in order to employ weapons safely. So it has everything to do from where the IP is, the type of weapons we want to drop, the type of fuse that you need, the coordinates. It's in a very particular order. So when you show up, you don't have a lot of time to go, like: hey, Bob. How's it going down there?

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: No, it's like: standby, nine-line. Nine-line ready to copy. Line 1, X. Line 2, Y. Line 3: Z. And then, boom. So — because time in a troops in contact situation is of the essence. And I remember once being over — getting called to a TIC situation over Samarra, Iraq. And this was the one where they checked in, and I could hear small arms fire in the background. So I'm like:these guys are actually actively getting shot at. Like, we need to get over there. We need to get this nine-line. WSOs working their butt off. Wingman's hanging on. It's — you know, we're doing the best we can. Of course, as soon as we get over there, again, there's no TIC anymore. The enemy disengages. Which is fine, right? That's effective. But I remember being on the radio, and all of a sudden, once it stopped, the JTACs comes on, and he goes: is that Captain Fifi? And I recognized it as one of the JTACs that I had worked in — worked with in Korea. And that was a really like, special moment. I was like: yeah, man. It is. How are you doing? And we had a little conversation [laughs] for a second in combat. But there they were. Right? These Americans, on the ground. Being a fighter pilot is cool. Okay? But it is nothing like what those folks — our Marines, our soldiers, and our airmen — our battlefield airmen — you know, are doing on the ground. They see it, smell it, taste it, feel it, in such a more personal way than a fighter pilot. I'm not

53 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

trying to downplay how helpful fighter pilots can be, but in this war — alright, this last 18 years, they're the ones bearing the brunt. And so like, when his voice came on the radio, it just became — I almost had like, a little motherly instinct. Like,it just became so personal. Right? Like, these are my guys. And we're in this together. And we're all going to come home together. You know? Ah. I remember that. "Is that Captain Fifi?" Oh, my God. "It is, man. Thank you for teaching me."

SMITH: So a different — a completely different experience from Kosovo.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. I mean, in Kosovo — my gosh. I was just happy to get my gear up on takeoff. Let's be honest. I mean, I — I was young and inexperienced and hanging on. In Iraq, I felt like I was qualified and experienced, and I was confident in being there.

SMITH: So at some point during this time, someone encourages you — puts a little bug into your ear about becoming a...

MALACHOWSKI: Thunderbird? SMITH: Thunderbird.

MALACHOWSKI: Well, interestingly, there's a lot of things that kind of play into that, and I don't know what order they come in. But you know, as a young kid, 5, at an air show, I became familiar with the Thunderbirds pretty early. I wanted to fly the F-4, right? But I knew the Thunderbirds and the Blue Angels existed, and I'd seen them. I thought they were neat. But it didn't stick. When I got into high school, and we moved to Las Vegas, or near Nellis Air Force Base, home of the fighter pilots. So now, I get to watch all the red flag launches. Right? I see F-4s flying. I see them get replaced. I see F-15Es. F-16. B-52s. Stealth fighters. Like, it was a great place to live, considering what I wanted to do. And of course, Nellis is home of the Thunderbirds. So in high school, I used to watch the Thunderbirds. I thought they were neat. But I wanted to be a fighter pilot.It wasn't that I ever thought: ooh,you know,I want to be a Thunderbird. I guess I always thought it would be cool, but I knew — I guess in my — there's steps. Right? You can't be a Thunderbird until you're a good fighter pilot. Right? Like, so I always remember, I've been very methodical about, you know, the stage and the steps. So you know, there were times I had thought maybe after my second fighter squadron, the Rockets,I think the Thunderbirds came through in an air show, and I thought: huh. I wonder if I could do that someday? And I'm like: nah. And the more I thought about it, the more I would push it out. Right? That's too big of a dream. Other people become Thunderbirds. You're already lucky to be here. You know, why do you want to push your luck, kind of a thing. And it was also the whole — don't go to the Thunderbirds. If you go to the Thunderbirds, you 'll never come back to our community. You'll leave the F-15E to the F-16. You'll go to the Staff,56 and you'll be lost to us forever. Right? The same thing people told me with ALO. But I remember I was midway through my career. We were coming up on a PCS.571 didn't really feel like going to the Pentagon or staff

[2:20:00]

56 The Air Staff at the Pentagon. 57 Permanent Change of Station.

54 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

yet. So honestly, I was thinking: well, you know, what could I do? And like, every year, I'd — you know, prior couple of years that I had entertained the thought of applying. But every year, right, I deleted the message. Because do you really want to be that one, Nicole? Do you really want to be the first one? Do you really want all that comes, you know, with that? You probably won't get picked. The Thunderbirds is for somebody else ehhh in your mind. And then I came back. I'm trying to think — I'm trying to think like, exactly what order it happened in, but long story short,I had that — when I got to the 494th Fighter Squadron, I felt more comfortable in my skills and who I was, and yeah. You know, and I was accepted much more, you know, in the community for having, you know, some level of experience or skills. Again, I have the handful of naysayers, but generally speaking, I was supported by folks. Again, I never have been the best pilot in a squadron. I think I stayed "Average Ellingwood" the whole time, but I was consistent and dependable. I'll tell you that.

SMITH: But you do —

MALACHOWSKI: But all of a sudden, yeah. The message came out, and I read it detail this time. And instead of deleting it,I was like:you know,I actually meet all of the qualifications. Like, at that time,I was like ten hours short on hours, but by the time I filled out the application, like, I can get that in a week. So I looked at it, and all the other qualifications were there. And I couldn't get it out of my head. And I'm like: God, it's going to be so hard to like — it's hard to go in front of your peers and go: I'm going to apply to be a Thunderbird. Because, eh, you know, one, they're like: why do you want to go fly the F- 16? And two, they're like: Thunderbird? You want to wear those tight, fancy flight suits? And whatever. That's not combat. You know, there's some of that joshing, you know, that goes on. Most of it is in good — you know, in good faith. It's just making fun of you. And I hadn't really — it I know this sounds stupid, but I hadn't really fully considered the fact that they hadn't had a woman Thunderbird pilot. It wasn't playing majorly into my thinking. And I remember waking my husband up, and I was like: dude,the message came out. I'm qualified. I don't know why, but I think I need to apply. Like, do you think I should? And do you think I'd be a good Thunderbird? And of course, he was fully supportive. So I went in the next day, and I let the cat out of the bag. And that was really hard. And generally speaking,I was met with a ton of support. Like, people would be like: wow. You know what? You would be a good Thunderbird. And you know, you would actually be the first woman. And that's when it first hit me, because it didn't make sense to me. Right? We had had women flying fighters since the early '90s. How is it possible it's 2005, and there hasn't been a woman Thunderbird pilot. It just didn't make sense to me. But you know, the people got me thinking about that a little bit more. And my squadron commander at the time, Trash DeBree,58 very supportive guy. He lined it up so that, you know,I was able to get like, letters of — I worked projects for the wing commander so he got to know me, so that when letter of recommendation time, you know, happened, everything — he put me in the right spot so like, when the Third Air Force Commander59 came through, he's like: oh, Nicole will take you on an orientation flight. So you know, he was very instrumental in helping me raise my profile in a way that would be required to maybe have the recommendations you needed. So I put the package together, and I remember this whole time, people are like, supportive, but at the same time, they're like: you know,

58 Lt Col Daniel DeBree commanded the 494 FS from May 21, 2004-Apr 17, 2006, https://www.afhra.af.mil/About- Us/Fact-Sheets/Displav/Article/433507/494-fighter-squadron-usafe/. "Trash" is likely his call sign. 59 The 3rd AF/CC commands more than 30,000 airmen across Africa and Europe, https://www.usafe.af.mil/About- Us/3rd-Air-Force/.

55 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

it's hard to be a Thunderbird. You know, you probably won't get picked, Nicole. You probably won't come back to our, you know, community. Are you sure you want to do this? You know, Nicole, they haven't had a woman Thunderbird pilot before. You know, do you really want to do that? And so the self-doubt grew. I remember putting the package together, and I remember like, showing the staff. Like, I'm putting in. They're like: other people are applying. I'm like: of course. Other people are qualified. And they're like: we have to rack-and-stack you. And the first 0-6 in your chain of command had to write a letter. And he only has one, you know, number one recommendation to give. And I remember this person saying — I don't remember — and it's funny, because I don't specifically remember the person. And I was talking to my husband about this just this last year, because I try to remember the details, but it's like, so long ago. But what happened was basically some random person on the staff, who was collecting these things, was like: you know, it's hard to be a Thunderbird. You probably won't get picked. There's lots of other people applying. And he only has — they haven't had a woman Thunderbird pilot before. And he only has one number one recommendation to give, so we don't really want to waste it. SMITH: Ooh.

MALACHOWSKI: And I remember those specific words. And I remember coming home and telling my husband that. And my husband, to this day, remembers that moment. Because what I did was I actually decided not to turn in my application. So I almost never became a Thunderbird, because of that moment. And as I look back with the maturity and the experience of it all, the person was not seeing it with malintent at all. It was more like: ugh, is the Air Force really ready? The cultural paradigms, right? Other people's expectations of what the Air Force was or wasn't ready for, and what they thought you could or couldn't be capable of doing.

[2:25:00]

It wasn't — I don't ever want it to be like that it was a horrible, like, person attacking me. That wasn't how it was said. It was just said so under the breath, so nonchalantly, that it just knocked the wind out of me. And I thought: who am I? You're right. I felt embarrassed that I had even considered applying. I felt almost ashamed that I had put my application together. And I remember walking — and telling my husband, because he was in this squadron, but we were in the same building. And I remember deciding like: okay. I'm just going to go to the O' Club. I'm not going to say anything. No one's really tracking this anymore anyways. And I'll just let it go. And I felt stupid. I literally felt just embarrassed that I even though — I know this sounds crazy now [laughs] in retrospect, but I'm telling you at the time — and I went over there to the O' Club and had a beer,to lick my wounds, like any fighter pilot would. And the wing commander walked in, General Mark Matthews.60 This guy is like six-foot-three, like the poster child of a fighter pilot. He's a brigadier general. It's a big deal. And for whatever reason, he starts chatting with me. I think we had had a turkey shoot61 that day, and I led one of the four-ships, and I think we got like, you know, second to last place, or whatever, [laughs] Like, you know, he was just talking to me about it.

60 th Maj Gen Mark T. Matthews commanded the 48 FW from Aug 2003-Jun 2005; he retired in Jan 2011, https://www.af.mil/About-Us/Bio6raphies/Displav/Article/104656/maior-general-mark-t-matthews/. 61 A challenge event that bolsters teamwork, https://www.stripes.com/neWs/europe/the-closest-thing-short-of- actual-combat-air-force-f-15s-conduct-turkev-shoot-over-england-l.601149.

56 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: A turkey shoot is just —

MALACHOWSKI: A turkey shoot is like a...

SMITH: Competition?

MALACHOWSKI: ...friendly competition within the squadron for air-to-ground. And he was talking to me, and in that moment, my squadron commander comes running over, Trash DeBree, who had been trying to kind of help me. Right? And he's like: oh, general, did you know, Fifi is applying to be a Thunderbird. And I'm like: oh, my God.

SMITH: Now you have to.

MALACHOWSKI: What do I do? This — oh, this like, awkward moment. It was like time slowed down. And General Matthews was like: oh, that's awesome, Fifi. You know, you'd be a great Thunderbird. How's your application going? And this whole time,I'm just like — it was like slow motion.I mean, my stomach felt sick. Here I have people believing in me and supporting me, and you know, I just — all this transpired in just a matter of hours. Right? It was just a mix of emotions. And all of a sudden,I look up at General Matthews, and it's funny, because I'm still friends with him. He pinned on my full-bird rank when I was at the White House. So he's still in my life. But I looked up at him, and it just started coming out of my own mouth. Right? I'm like: you know, sir, it's hard to be a Thunderbird. I won't get picked. They haven't had a woman Thunderbird pilot before, so I don't want to waste anybody's time. And I'll remember — like, time stood still. He looked down at me, and he gave me the look. Like: excuse you? Like, who are you? Like, aren't you a fighter pilot? He looked at me, and I remember, he grabbed my shoulder, and he squeezed it. And it was weird, because I mean, it like kind of — he squeezed it, like: enough, young lady. Stop with the negative talk. Almost like a dad would. Right? And he looked down at me, and he said: Fifi, nobody wants to lead a scripted life. It's been my life personal mantra ever since. In my personal life, in my professional life, for any success I've had since then. Whenever I get that feeling that says: you're not good enough. You're not enough. Other people are going to make fun of you. What if you fail? All those things that any human being gets, I literally sometimes even say out loud. "Nobody wants to lead a scripted life." What was the worst that was going to happen? And that was what we ended up talking about. What,I end up flying F-15Es? Like, [laughs] whoa, that's horrible. Stay with my squadron in England? This is great. But in that moment, right, he made it okay for me to dream big. He made — he said that it was okay to let go of other people's expectations. He gave me permission with those words, right, to change the Air Force paradigm. You know, what an extraordinary gift Mark Matthews gave me.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: And it's funny, because when I talk to him, he — and I talk about these lessons with people He doesn't remember that moment. He remembers telling —

SMITH: We've got to move on. I'm sorry.

MALACHOWSKI: Oh. Yeah, he - yeah.

SMITH: But — [laughs] we do.

57 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] He doesn't remember it. But I ended up applying, and I ended up sending my application in. We deployed to Iraq. While I'm in Iraq, I get a phone call — or an email, sorry — that says: you've been selected for the semifinals. You need to report to the United States at this air show in three days, or whatever. I'm deployed to combat. They're not going to let me leave combat. Well, I tell my squadron commander. He's like: no way! You made it to the semifinals. I'm like: yes, but we're deployed to Iraq. We're deployed to the Middle East, flying over Iraq. What do we do? I can't go. I guess this just isn't my year. He's like: oh, no. Let me see if I can work this out. It ends up that the deployed group commander — so the first full-bird colonel — in the chain of command had previously been Thunderbird One, the squadron commander of the Thunderbirds. He tells my squadron commander: she can come and do a pretend interview, a mock interview, with me. If I think she has a shot,I'll work this out. So the next day, my squadron commander moved my schedule around. I'm in my flight suit. I'm trying to clean the dust off of my desert boots. I go in, and I have this conversation with Colonel John Venable,62 who is a very serious man, in my opinion. And at

[2:30:00]

the time, it was — it was certainly intimidating. And he sat me down. We talked about the Thunderbirds. He asked me some questions, and he started really digging in on this woman — first woman Thunderbird thing. And I hadn't considered this. I hadn't thought through it. I hadn't thought through what my answer should be, how I should feel about it.I hadn't thought through how this would be received within the Air Force — the extra pressure, the interest from the American public. He overwhelmed me. I walked out of there thinking: okay, well, [laughs] I'm never going to be a Thunderbird. The next thing I know, I'm on a plane to the United States. My husband's in England, packing up my regular Air Force clothes — because I've got desert gear, so I'm going to show up at this interview. I can't be in desert gear. I'm supposed to be in a green flight suit or blues. And he ships those to the United States, and I meet with the team for the semifinals. It ends up that John Venable, who I don't know well, did a great job preparing me for the questions. Mm hmm. SMITH: So you show up, November 2005, and you start your — MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So I did this — well, I did the semifinals, and then I made it to the finals, and then I ended up getting shipped back. So I go from combat to interviewing and applying and flying with the Thunderbirds, back to combat.

SMITH: Because you get a flight.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: When you go to the air show —

MALACHOWSKI: When you're in the finals, you get a flight.

SMITH: Right.

62 Air Force Colonel John "JV" Venable logged over 4,400 hours in F-16 and OV-10 aircraft, serving from 1981-2007. He became the 379 AEG/CC in 2004, https://www.heritage.org/staff/iohn-venable: https://www.usna.edU/LeadershipConferencp/A:( hive/?013/Prine11st%20 %7QVenable.php;

58 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, which was extraordinary.

SMITH: And you flew with — did you fly with Three?

MALACHOWSKI: Scottie is — no. I flew with — he was the lead solo pilot at the time, Scottie Zamzow63... SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: ...who had been an F-15E pilot. So I knew him from prior — so it was wonderful, and he took me on my first flight in the red, white, and blue jet. And it was great. So I go back to Iraq, and then when we come home, we get two weeks of leave. My husband takes me on a Baltic Sea cruise.

SMITH: Right. And you get the call.

MALACHOWSKI: And we're in the middle of a fjord in Oslo, Norway, when the Commander of ACC64 calls and offers me the job. Crazy. That's a whole story for another time. But Iend up having to leave England, go to the centrifuge — because now I have to qualify in the 9G centrifuge. The F-15E is only a 7.5G centrifuge. So I'm instantaneously working out a lot and lifting weights, because I'm like... SMITH: Oh, my gosh.

MALACHOWSKI: ...oh, great. You know, first woman Thunderbird pilot G locks, you know, at centrifuge. That's not going to happen, Nicole.

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: So boom, boom. Hydration, working out, 9G centrifuge. SMITH: Where is that? MALACHOWSKI: That was in — I want to say — was it Holloman, New Mexico, maybe? SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Painful. Props to all the F-16 pilots out there that had to pull 9Gs a lot, because it's — SMITH: What's the duration that you have to pull [9Gs]?

MALACHOWSKI: The number of seconds? I don't recall. SMITH: Yeah. Okay, because —

MALACHOWSKI: Made it through that profile, then go down to Luke Air Force Base to transition to the F-16. So some pilots joining the team were F-16 pilots. I had to go through a transition course from the F-15E to the F-16. It's actually called the Thunderbird TX course, and it is short. Less than 10 rides, I think. I don't recall specifically, but it happens fast. The good news is, as a Thunderbird — at least for me — you're not employing the F-16 as a weapon. You're flying it basically in airshows and with instruments. So I didn't have to learn too in-depth about the weapons system, you know, itself. Right?

63 Colonel Scottie L. Zamzow is a command F-15E and F-16 pilot, https://www.lakenheath.af.mil/About- Us/Biographies/Displav/Article/727496/colonel-scottie-l-zamzow/. 64 Air Combat Command.

59 MWAOHI Interviewee:Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

So I got through that transition course. It was just me, and the other person in the course was my squadron commander, the guy who was becoming Thunderbird One. And in November, yes. Show up at Nellis and get ready to do the Thunderbird training thing.

SMITH: Alright. So you're Thunderbird Three.

MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: We're going to speed through that, because I want to make sure...

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Yeah.

SMITH:...we get to that —

MALACHOWSKI: A lot of that's - yeah.

SMITH: Yeah. So do you need a drink?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah,I'm fine. Am I looking okay?

SMITH: You're okay? Okay. Yup.

MALACHOWSKI: Here, let me have a sip.

SMITH: Yup, yup. I'm going to pause it.

[TAPE PAUSED at 2:33:53]

MALACHOWSKI: As far as like, the Thunderbirds,I know that a lot of that's already been recorded in interviews. So it was an extraordinary experience. It was a huge responsibility. There was no way for me to ever be prepared for the amount of outside attention and media. I was blissfully naive. That was probably a good thing. People ask: did you feel a lot of pressure? Were the guys on the team, you know, hard on you, or whatever? The guys on the team that I flew with were not hard on me. They were awesome. So the 2006-2007 team. The people were great. The only pressure I ever felt was this: I knew that I had to do this and perform as the first woman Thunderbird in a way that not only opened the door but kept the door open. So the responsibility I felt was, in fact — and the only pressure I felt was the one I put on myself to do it in a way that the door stayed open for other women behind me. I was very concerned about that. No one else made me feel that way. I felt that way.

[2:35:00]

And so that was something I tried to do well, so that I wasn't the first woman Thunderbird that messed it up for everybody else. I wanted to be the first woman Thunderbird that did a good job so that over women could come along behind her. SMITH: And...

MALACHOWSKI: I liked it.

SMITH:...another one did. [laughs]

MALACHOWSKI: Well, yeah. There was many — there has been many women —

60 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: A handful of women since, and the current team has — they're posing solo, I think, is a woman this year, which is extraordinary. It's great.

SMITH: It is.

MALACHOWSKI: It represents our Air Force the right way.

SMITH: And you, as the member of the 2006 team — got to fly the dedication of the Air Force Memorial?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, that was a pretty big deal. Obviously, the Air Force, kind of being the youngest of the service there, it took us a while to get our own big memorial in Washington, D.C., just outside the Pentagon. It was an honor to be a part of that team. Interestingly, that wasn't one of our — that was probably one of our worst flybys. It didn't look like it from the ground. But we had quite a — without going into full details, it was quite a difficult flyby when it shouldn't have been. We maximized our skills that day in a pretty late and aggressive turn in order to make it happen. The commander wouldn't have done that if he didn't know we could hang on, so I don't want to, you know, make it too dramatic. But I remember it as — should have been an easy flyby, [laughs] and I just remember it as being probably the hardest flyby, you know, and one of the most in tension, high-pressure, high-vis situations. Right? I mean, the president's down there, the Secretary of Defense, and as importantly, right there at the bottom of the memorial, they had a WASP — Women Airforce Service Pilots, that they had brought in. And I know that having talked to some of those WASP after,that was very meaningful for them, to see the Air Force dedicate that memorial — which included the legacy of their service, of course — but it meant a lot to them that there was a woman up there. And then when we came around for the second pass, we did the "missing man," the standard formation where the number three pilot pulls up, and I'm the number three pilot. So I'm the "missing man." And so the WASP got a kick out of that as well, just the nuance of the — or the idea that the "missing man" from the formation was flown by a woman. Never would have thought in their lifetime they would see that. And so it brought them joy, and that brought me joy.

SMITH: That's great. You've mentioned before that you also interacted with the Tuskegee Airmen,and they generally asked you about flying rather than... MALACHOWSKI: Mm hmm.

SMITH: ...being a woman pilot, which was—

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. What a privilege. Right? Anytime, you know, an opportunity to speak with the greatest generation, and certainly, there's — you know, just — and I think for me, an added level of just respect and admiration for what the WASP did and the Tuskegee Airmen did — I mean, the cultural barriers and norms that they had to overcome was extraordinary. And the beauty of it is — yes, anytime I talk to a Tuskegee Airman or WASP, we talked about flying. We never talked about a woman pilot or what other people thought of woman pilots, but that's because they get it. Right? They'd gone through that, you know, as minority aviators themselves, and they knew that, boy, she just wants to talk about the job. And that's what they wanted to talk about, too. I mean, Tuskegee Airmen. I could talk about P-

61 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

51s and stuff all day long. Right? I mean,it's just a lot of fun. And what a privilege. Right? What a privilege.

SMITH: What was your plan — your career plan? So you've been a Thunderbird. You've had two tours as an F-15E pilot.

MALACHOWSKI: Three.

SMITH: Three, I'm sorry. Yeah. And then you — you know, you've deployed twice. Then you become a White House Fellow.65 What did you envision your career trajectory at that point?

MALACHOWSKI: Following the White House Fellowship? So I had one dream and goal as an officer from the time of my first fighter squadron, and that was to be a fighter squadron commander. In my opinion then, as is my opinion to this very day, that is an honor and a privilege. That is the height of being a fighter pilot and an officer. A lieutenant colonel, commanding an F-15E fighter squadron, taking care of people, flying the jet. It does not get better than that. You can get to that and get a 20-year career, you know, get your pension and all that, but the honor and the responsibility of being a squadron commander, that was it. That was — if I could have picked the highest goal, as a second lieutenant, first lieutenant, captain, major, brand-new lieutenant colonel — it was to be a squadron commander. Anything beyond that would be icing on the cake.

SMITH: So you're at the —

! MALACHOWSKI: White House.

SMITH: You're at the GSA. That was your assignment. And then tell me how you got from there to becoming a legislative liaison.

MALACHOWSKI: I ended up not going to the legislative liaison.

SMITH: Oh, you didn't? Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah, because — how did that all go down? I got pregnant, and it was a rough pregnancy. And I — yeah, there was a really weird like, career detour, and it all worked out.

[2:40:00]

And I became a squadron commander, [laughs] So do you want to talk about the White House Fellowship, or no?

SMITH: I want to talk about how the WASP Congressional Gold Medal legislation got... [laughs] MALACHOWSKI: Sure. SMITH: ...crafted.

MALACHOWSKI: So I hope in this first part of this interview, my love and admiration for the WASP has come through, my understanding of the importance of their legacy has come through, the fact that they

65 White House Fellow Class of 2008-2009, https://www.whff.org/class-photos/.

62 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

laid the foundation for everything I was able to accomplish as a woman fighter pilot, has come through. So I find myself a White Flouse Fellow. I'm mid-career as a major. At the very beginning of the fellowship, I got asked to come speak at a WASP reunion down in Texas. And I gave my speech, and it was wonderful to spend time with these ladies. And at the end of the day, some of them hung around for the reception, and we having some adult beverages.

SMITFI: What year was this?

MALACHOWSKI: 2008?

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: So it's like, 10,11o'clock at night. There's some gin and tonics flowing. Some of these WASP can really hold tight. And the conversation turned to the fact that, you know, they were all so proud of serving their country. They were all so proud of the opportunity to be WASP. And there was an underlying current that was just like: man, I just — we just wish that it was in the history books. Like, we don't need credit or recognition, just that — can we correct the record? Right? Can we make the historic record accurate, that we existed? We were here. We — you know, this was done. And there was, you know, this little — and they're very tough ladies. Right? They don't want to, "poor me," none of that. Right? But you could feel it. And I ended up meeting Nancy and Deanie Parrish.66 Deanie Parrish was a WASP. Nancy Parrish was her daughter. And I got kind of pulled into the corner talking with them, and I found out that they ran an organization called Wings Across America, which had a great website and some wonderful archives. And there's several WASP ones out there. These were just — this is just what happened in my world. And I was really impressed, and I'm like: I need to go check out that website. You know, it's great. And then Deanie, the WASP, she starts saying, you know: we're trying to figure out, you know, some way to get some kind of acknowledgement that we can correct the record. And you know, we've thought about Presidential medals, Congressional Gold Medals — and she went on and on about the things that they had thought about. And I'm like: yeah, no, that's a really great idea. And then at one moment, she looks right at me, and she goes: wait a minute. You're at the White House. Why don't you do something about it?

SMITH: [laughs] Put you on the spot.

MALACHOWSKI: On the spot. And I take a big swig of the gin and tonic that one of them had handed me. Nancy looks at me, and she's like: what do you think? And so I've got Nancy and Deanie Parrish staring at me, and I'm like: well,I don't know. Let me — I don't know.I've never thought of this. And so with that — and knowing that they had the information, right — they had the history, the archives, the connection with the current living WASPs and the families of the WASPs, and I had access. And so I went back, and I did some research. And I thought about the example of the Tuskegee Airmen, who had rightfully earned the Congressional Gold Medal, just that year prior, or a few years prior. And I called the National Archives, and I started talking about — how are the bills written? How did this happen? I

66 Deanie Parrish (Marie Odean Bishop Parrish) graduated from Women Airforce Service Pilot Class 44-W-4, https://www.af.mil/News/Features/Displav/Article/143661/wasp-shares -her-world-war-ii-experiences/: http://www.wingsacrossamerica.us/deanie.htm: https://twudigital.contentdm.oclc.org/digital/coHection/p214coll2/id/4638/rec/38.

63 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

connected with the Tuskegee Airmen Association.67 How did you guys make this happen? I'm thinking of doing this for the WASP. By the way, the Tuskegee Airmen were like, [claps] yes, the WASPs should — you should do that, [laughs] They were so supportive. And I ended up getting copies of like, the information they had used. And I started putting, you know, this idea together. I'm like, okay. I've got — tick, tock. I've got about 10 months left as a White House Fellow, because a White House Fellow allows you access, and it opens doors that normally wouldn't happen and will never happen again. So I have this short moment in time. Maybe we can correct the record. And with my access to the door, my boots on the ground in D.C. and the information, the history, the data, of Wings Across America, Nancy and Deanie Parrish, we can get this done. And so I sat up in my little condo in Alexandria, Virginia, on the fourth floor. And I just started gathering information. I go back and forth with Nancy, and I started drafting what became Senate Bill 614. And once I got that drafted,I thought: well, how do I get this over to Congress? And I had met with a couple congressmen, kind of randomly. And one day, a fellow White House Fellow was really interested in this. Her name's Sarita James.68 She's an amazing woman. She's a CEO of a tech company right now. She says: I think this is really neat. Tell me more about the WASP. Because she — a civilian. She had never heard of it. So I told her all about it, and I showed her the bill. And she was like: so how's it going? She's like: do you have an executive summary? And I'm like: what's an executive summary? She's like: okay, let's meet. So she's like: here's how it goes, like, in corporate America. So she helped me draft this like, one-pager,

[2:45:00]

just the elevator speech, because when you're trying to deal with Congress and get through layers of congressional staffers — boom, boom, boom. And then she said: what you need to create is this executive summary, a draft of the bill, but right in the middle, you need to do another page. Each — you work with Nancy and Deanie. Each time you go to a congressman, you highlight the story of someone in their district. There's a WASP in every state. She says: you have to make sure that the feather is in their cap. She goes: and you need to make it easy for them. So they don't have to do anything. You walk in and go: here's why it matters. Here's why it matters specifically to you and your district, or whatever. And here's the bill. You don't even have to write it. Sarita James. Corporate America, helping out the military, gal. So that's what we started doing. And as one congressman we would meet, you know, doors would open, and then it ends up that I had a cousin who has a friend that works with the Texas — at the time worked with the Texas farm lobby, and so this — two things are going to happen here. I'm going to get introduced to him, Steve Pringle, an amazing personality, and he was the key to getting a senator. At that same time, things were going really well with Sarita's idea. The White House Fellows had lunch with 69 General Colin Powell. And I happened to be sitting right across from him at the table, and we get to go around the table and ask questions. And I didn't bring up the specific idea and get into the details of the WASP and the Congressional Gold Medal I was working on, but I said: what happens when you like — you have a great idea, and you're trying to pass it in Congress? He was like — I don't remember how I asked the question. But he looked right at me. He says: what you're missing is you don't have a

67 Tuskegee Airmen, Inc. 68 https Reorgewbush :// -whitehouse.archives.gov/news/roleaspf /7008/06/20080626-25.html. 69 Selected as a White House Fellow in 1972, General Colin Powell became the twelfth Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the National Security Advisor, and the 65th Secretary of State, https://www.biography.com/political- figure/colin-powell.

64 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

champion. He goes: you're a champion. That's great. He goes: but you're not the one that's going to get this done. He goes, great — I'll never forget this. He said: great ideas need champions, and you haven't found your champion. So I went back to the drawing board, and Sarita and I are like, thinking about this. And Deanie and Nancy have given me all the information. And that's when, accidentally, my cousin knows Steve Pringle, who happens to be dear friends with Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison of Texas, at that time. All of the WASP trained in Sweetwater, Texas. That's the feather in the cap. He manages to get me a meeting with his — her military aide, a guy — Colby Miller — and he’s totally into it.I mean, the — he's like: this is great. Because one, I think he sees the historic value and the good in it, and also, he sees: wow, this is going to look really good for Texas. I mean, right? Great ideas need champions. And he started working it. It ends up that she had a military officer on her staff, a gal in the Army. So we started just generating this plan. And that's when I learned about politics and Capitol Hill. Okay, who do we go to next to get on board? Who is going to have — who do we go to in the House? Ah, let's make this bipartisan. Let's find a Democrat. And now — you know, these things I didn't know that they were teaching me, right, about politics. And so there was another civilian gal who worked with the Navy who got on board, and between like, Colby and these two ladies and Steve Pringle and Nancy and Deanie Parrish, the plan just started unfolding. And we would schedule these meetings. So I would work all day at the GSA or on my lunch break,I'd put on my commuting shoes, and I'd be over, going: here's Nebraska. Here's your WASP. Here's this. Here's that. And the House bill ended up going really fast. And the beauty of it is once we started getting traction, now this is where the WASP themselves, their families, the — what they call KOWs, the Kids Of the WASP — like,they finally came into full play. They'd always wanted this. Right? But nobody had access. All I did was get the door open, because they had the information and the power. So once we started getting votes, and that start — or, you know, started getting people to sign onto the bill, now they're flooding the phones. Right? And this is a feel-good bill. Who doesn't agree with this, right? I mean, this is the right thing to do. So it is bipartisan, and it is a patriotic thing to do. It was an awareness campaign. So now, you mobilize. You've got just enough momentum to mobilize the WASP and the Kids Of the WASP and their families. They start calling. Now, everyone's throwing it out on the — you know, in the network. And next thing you know, right, the House vote gets done. The Senate bill's stalled. We were just a couple short of people signing on. That's when I accidentally — I'm like: well, I'm going for Harry Reid. I'm from Nevada. He nominated me to the Academy a long time ago. I'm a White House fellow. Maybe, just maybe, his staff will meet with me. And that's all I can ask. I walk in. He welcomes me. And he says — we talk about Nevada, and we talk about my career, and he congratulates me on being a Fellow. And he goes: but I understand you're here for a bill. What is this bill? You know, and his staffer does a brief. And then I'm like: here it is. And here's the Nevada WASP. And you know, he's like: yeah, why isn't this done? He looks at his staffer. He goes: why isn t ' this done? And she goes: well, sir, uh, uh —and he goes: yeah, let's get this done now. And she left, [snaps fingers] And within a few days,

[2:50:00] it was done, [laughs]

SMITH: Amazing. Amazing.

MALACHOWSKI: So he broke the road block. It was just the momentum. We had momentum through the House. We got momentum to a certain point, and then he just knocked it over the edge. Yeah. And

65 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

at the time, I was told it was the fastest bill to law from the time it went — and voted on to the time — like,it was all signed — in history. And I was able to be in the Oval Office when President Obama signed it, with several WASP and some other wonderful women from the Air Force present,to witness this.70 SMITH: And then the award cere—

MALACHOWSKI: Thanks to the champions, the senators and the congresswomen who made it happen, and thanks to their staffs, who made it happen. I was just the person who was boots on the ground. Without the information from Nancy and Deanie Parrish, without the staff and the military members, this would have never — and the families.It just took a team, right? SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI : Everybody joining forces. Once we got some momentum — whew. And then it was, at the time, the largest ceremony ever held on Capitol Hill.71 SMITH: Amazing.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: How many hundreds?

MALACHOWSKI: Well, that's a great question. I don't know how many. SMITH: I — we can look it —

MALACHOWSKI: It was big. [laughs]

SMITH: Really big.

MALACHOWSKI : Yeah, and I got to speak at it, which was super cool. I was pregnant with twins and in a wheelchair, [laughs] with a broken leg. SMITH: Oh, my goodness.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: But you were there, and you — it would not have happened without your foresight. MALACHOWSKI: Well, it took - SMITH: It took a lot of people, but —

MALACHOWSKI: Well, it was Deanie Parrish's idea. Right?

70 President Barack Obama signed S.614 into law on July 1, 2010. A photograph taken in the Oval Office while the President signs the bill into law included WASP Bernice Falk Haydu, Elaine Danforth Harmon, and Lorraine H. Rodgers; Lt Col Nicole Malachowski stands on the far right, Air Force News Service, July 2, 2009, https ://www.af.mil/News/Artide-Displav - /Article/119851/wasp awarded-congressionaLgold-medal-for-service/. 71 The Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) received the Congressional Gold Medal at a March 10, 2010 ceremony in the Capitol . More than 200 WASP attended, many in their World War ll-era uniforms. https ://archive.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx7id--S8279

66 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: Yeah. Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: And she called me on it. Like, why don't you do something about it? And I was like: gee. And I thought: well, maybe I could do something about it. I got a year free from the Air Force.

SMITH: There you go.

MALACHOWSKI:I might as well try. [laughs]

SMITH: Well, look. Let's — we're kind of running [laughs] out of time. I need to ask you a couple more questions about mentors.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes.

SMITH: Who were your mentors, that you consider —

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. I mean, I think I told stories about them.

SMITH:I think so.

MALACHOWSKI: Obviously, you know, growing up, the support of my parents, you know, was vital. The fact that they never — they never, you know, looked down on my goals. It was always very rhetorical. Like: okay, well, what do you need to do next? You know, my dad definitely had a certain standard. If you're going to do something, do it well. And if you need to do something well,it means you have to pull up your sleeves and work. And I worked on this construction site. Right? I learned about sweat and time and effort and commitment. And that's what it took. So you know, growing up, they were big — I was — Grandpa Ellingwood, the mayor of Ontario, you know, him telling his stories about service in the Army and in Korea, was vital. Him introducing me to Civil Air Patrol, him introducing me to the friend that taught me to fly. And then, of course, you know, Bill Cotter believing in me as a young 16-year-old gal to fly planes. Sue Ross who, let's be honest, right — in all intents and purposes, talked me off the ledge from quitting in pilot training. And to this very day, she commissioned me. I chose her to commission me as a second lieutenant. She has been in my life consistently until this very day. And now, I live three miles from her. She helps me with my speeches that I give now in my new career as a motivational speaker, because who knows me and my story as good as me? Sue. And she holds me accountable to not just the good things. She's like: you have to tell the whole story and the whole truth — when you failed, when you struggled, when other people got in your way. She's like: you have to own your story. There's nothing wrong with that. And she still empowers me to this day. There's some things you probably even noticed on this interview that I hesitate, you know, to talk about. But Sue's always encouraging me to speak the truth and the full truth, and to be okay with that. And she's just a very strong woman. Mick Jaggers. Right? That guy who said: I am in charge of making sure you pass. It's on me to instruct you. What a valuable lesson. He was the very first person to bring me into a corporate company after I was medically retired from the military, to give a speech. He gave me my very first testimonial and my very first piece of video that I could then use to grow my business and supports me to this very day. Mark Matthews, the general, who doesn't even remember that moment with me. I mean, what an impact that is. Right? You never know what your words mean or can do to somebody else. He's stayed in my life. And when I was working at the White House as the executive director of

67 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

Joining Forces, directly for Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden — when she found out I had been promoted to full-bird colonel and didn't have a ceremony,

[2:55:00]

she was like: what? What? Because no one else was military. I had been promoted, you know, on paper back in the Pentagon. Like, who cares? And I wore civilian clothes. And a big ceremony is not like, my big thing anyways. And the more important thing was I was serving the First Lady and the Second Lady at the White House, on behalf of servicemembers, veterans, and military families everywhere. Like, I don't need a ceremony. Like, that's honor enough or privilege enough. But [laughs] the master guns — Master Gunnery Sergeant who was the senior enlisted at WHMO, the White House Military Office, Master Guns Mahoney — he found out, and he's like: no, ma'am. You're doing your full-bird colonel. That's — [laughs]

SMITH: That's right.

MALACHOWSKI: You're having the ceremony.I said: no,I'm not. Well, he snuck around — long story short, the First Lady's chief of staff,72 and then the First Lady found out, and they were like — the First Lady — you know, and the chief of staff were like, you know: we respect the military. These young people who work in here, right, all these interns and the other people on the staff that are all civilian, they need to see stuff like this, and it's — you're educating them when you let them be part of this. And so they kind of made — they're like: we understand it's not about you, but do you understand — like, don't hold back this event and this moment that these people could experience. Right? This is about civil/military connection. And I was like aghh. You know, and that's why we're here at Joining Forces in the White House. I mean,the First Lady and Dr. Biden73 authentically, genuinely cared about servicemembers, veterans, and military families. And so me trying to skip my promotion ceremony was not going to go over well. So the First Lady graciously said: well, how about if you just invite all your friends and family here, and you know, we'll do the ceremony in the White House? That was kind of a — [laughs] that's kind of a hard thing to turn down.

SMITH: [laughs] Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Right? How gracious. She's just a — gracious, gracious woman. Extraordinary. And Dr. Biden. Both of them are just two thumbs up. Anyways, I could go on. SMITH: You're - yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: You were talking about Michelle Obama...

MALACHOWSKI: And Dr. Biden.

SMITH: ...and Dr. Biden.

72 Tina Tchen served as First Lady Michelle Obama's chief of staff. 73 Professor Jill Biden is the wife of former Vice President Joe Biden.

68 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: I mean -

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: And their mission at Joining Forces, you know? The thing that they entrusted me to do for them was just a beautiful mission. I mean, here I am, a full-bird colonel working in the White House, being able to assist on policy that impacts my tribe. There's no higher honor. Right? So anyways, where was I going with this? Oh. So the Diplomatic Reception Room, right there in the center of the White House, is where I had my ceremony. My parents came in. Obviously my husband and you know, my kids were there. The staff was able to witness a military ceremony, and Michelle Obama pinned on my rank. SMITH: Wow.

MALACHOWSKI: And the — she gave a beautiful speech. It was very nice of her to give that much of her time and her house. And the presiding officer was General Mark Matthews. SMITH: Wow, fantastic.

MALACHOWSKI: So when I got promoted to 0-6, there was no question that Mark Matthews was going to be the one. And the ironic part is, he stood up there, and he — while he doesn't remember the exact moment back in the bar, he says: I remember talking to Fifi. And he said: do you remember this? And he looked at me in the ceremony, in front of Michelle Obama and everybody. And he said: nobody wants to lead a scripted life. And I said: this is in my notes! Because I'm speaking next, and I was going to say the exact same thing, you know, and here we are, however many years, whatever, later, in the White House. And Mark Matthews is still a role model to me as far as the mentoring. He's someone I am still in touch with as well as his extraordinarily talented wife and their kids. So those are my mentors and my role models. Now, let's not forget, right, all these other women who slogged through with me. Right? SMITH: Well, that was another question.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: So -

MALACHOWSKI: Kim Campbell. Right?

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: She's someone I just absolutely admire and look up to, someone like a Christine Mao. You know, she led the first all-female fighter formation in combat. Now she's with — you know, then became the first woman F-35 pilot. These were — Deanna Violette, that first WSO in that very first squadron who took me under her wing, you know. These are people that are role models to me. Right?

SMITH: Who was the first woman fighter pilot that you met?

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Oh, yeah. I should talk about her, too. So the first woman fighter pilot for our country was probably the first woman fighter pilot. I don't know.

SMITH: That you met. Like, when was the first time you met another woman fighter pilot,if you can —

69 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: I think it was my first fighter squadron. She was in the other squadron, Carrie Kane.74 SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: And I thought she was so cool, because she was a two-ship flight lead. And I was like, brand new. And I'm like: she's a flight lead.I knew about Jeannie Leavitt.75 So Jeannie Leavitt was the first woman fighter pilot

[3:00:00]

for our country. Interestingly, she flew the F-15E. I remember my junior or senior year at the Air Force Academy, she came through on a panel as a first lieutenant. Right? By now, the law had changed. I had been talking the big game. Right? And I was so excited.I was like:I'm going to go see Jeannie Leavitt, the first woman fighter pilot, speak, you know, at Arnold Hall or whatever. And I ended up getting mono, and I was quarantined, and I missed it. But my friend, Mike Thomas, the guy who was happy for me, went up and got her autograph. And I had an autograph written to me, signed by Jeannie Leavitt. So now, it's fast-forward. My very first squadron was the 333rd Fighter Squadron. The squadron I commanded was the 333rd Fighter Squadron. Guess who commanded the 333rd Fighter Squadron two commanders in front of me? Jeannie Leavitt. SMITH: Jeannie Leavitt.

MALACHOWSKI: When I was the 333rd Fighter Squadron commander, who was the wing commander? SMITH: Jeannie Leavitt.

MALACHOWSKI: Jeannie Leavitt. First female fighter wing commander. She's always been supportive of me. She's also — expects standards. Right? She expects — I mean, she's an extraordinary aviator. I mean — right? But she had mentored me and supported me, and that, you know, certainly meant a lot. And you know,I do keep in touch with her as well. SMITH: Okay, so...

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: ...forgive me for omitting in your career [laughs] your command of the 332nd — MALACHOWSKI: 333rd.

SMITH: 333rd.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes.

74 Unconfirmed spelling. 75 Maj Gen Jeannie Leavitt is the military's first woman fighter pilot. Other women have been checked out—and even instructed—in fighter aircraft, but they were prevented from obtaining a combat-ready qualification;Leavitt was the first military woman certified to pilot and employ a fighter aircraft, https://www.af.mil/About~ Us/Biographies/Displav Article -general - / /1952656/maior -ieannie m-leavitt/: https://www.flyinRmag.com/nbaa ~ bace-air-force-kevnote-speaker/.

70 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH:I'm messing it up all over the place.

MALACHOWSKI: That's okay.

SMITH: My apologies.

MALACHOWSKI: We're leaving the best for last. SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: Because if you ask me, in my career, what was the most — you know, people go: you've been a Thunderbird. You were an ALO. You've worked at the White House twice. That must be it. No. Hands-down, the greatest, biggest honor, single most meaningful and important thing I think that I ever had an opportunity to do was to command the F-15E squadron. I — and it was an F-15E training squadron. We're considered a fighter squadron. We do it a little bit differently than Vipers and the other thing. But to have brand-new second lieutenants, right, walk in and to take them up on their first flight, and say: you have the jet, that is extraordinary. And then to watch some of them go on to be — you know, nowadays, I look at them, and they're graduating from weapons school, and they're becoming squadron commanders right now. And it's just — I don't know. Of all the squadrons I was in, it was the best group of people. Everybody was high performing. Everybody was kind. Everybody was fun. The spouses and the families were involved. It was like — I mean honestly, you could hear harps play, and you know, the angels' wings. I mean,it was just a beautiful assignment. Sure, we had our moments, and we were undermanned, under-resourced, right, being asked to graduate a certain number of students on time. And the positive attitude, and just the sheer skill of these guys. There was one woman, Mach Weidner, who by the way was always in my top two or three instructors.

SMITH: Say her first name again?

MALACHOWSKI: Well, her callsign's Mach. Heron is her first name, H-E-R-O-N, Weidner.76 Extraordinary officer. Extraordinary instructor. You know, that's the last time you get to fly as an officer that age.I mean yeah, full-bird colonels and generals fly, but let's be honest, not often. They lose their proficiency. I mean, you are — you get to fly, but more importantly, like, you get to lead enlisted people. Right? You know, as a young fighter pilot, like I said earlier, you're like — you're kept away from the [laughs] real Air Force. And like, I had enlisted folks, and I worked with them. And the beauty of their contribution and their skills was — opened my mind and my heart. And then the ability to like help people reach their goal or their dreams, the ability to help families when they had hardships. And like, you're close enough that you can make things happen. You know, you become a colonel and a general,there's all these layers. That — squadron command is the last time, and you can be that final shit-screen, right, to protect them from some of the bureaucratic BS that rolls downhill. Like,I love that. I'm like — you know, if I go out and get fired, I want to go down in like, you know, defending my people. Like, there's just this — yeah. To be entrusted with that, that's an honor. I mean, I could go on.

SMITH: And at the same time, you're raising your own family. You and Paul are raising your kids.

76 Heron Weidner was an F-15E WSO before leaving the Air Force in 2017, https://www.waspscholarship.org/heron-weidner-bio.

71 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: And so -

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. And you know, people sometimes forget, and they had forgotten — you know, I'm a military spouse. You know? I was — the hardest time in my career — I got asked: [3:05:00]

when was the hardest time? It was when I was the commander of the 333rd. I was commanding the 333rd Fighter Squadron. My husband is deployed to combat for ten months, and I'm raising one-year- old twins. Whew. That's when I learned it was okay to ask for help and accept help. So I let people drop off food and casseroles. I let people mow the lawn. I let people watch the kids while I took a nap. That was the only way I could be a mom, a wife, a fighter pilot, and a squadron commander, was to just,one, not try to hide any of those parts of myself.

[Phone interruption, TAPE PAUSED at 3:05:35].

Yeah, fighter squadron command, hands-down, the single greatest assignment. The one I look back on the most fondly, the greatest privilege and honor, and it's because you're at that moment where you can actually make decisions and positively impact people's lives, but you're not so far removed. Right? Which is why my goal, honestly, was never to be a full-bird colonel or a general or any of that. It was to be a fighter squadron commander. And I got to do that. And that was super cool. Obviously after that,I went to Naval War College. Naval War College. I'm happy to put this on the record. I have never experienced in my life the level of chauvinism, any time in my career that I did at the Naval War College. I was thinking to myself: I'm a full-bird colonel select at the time. I have all of this credibility and experience that I've built up over time, and I can't — I could not believe it. The Naval War College had a major, major — and I can't even believe I'm saying this, because I was somebody — I never really got into all of that. You know, I just tried to do my job. It was so palpable at the Naval War College, and here I am — what is this, like 2010 or whatever? '11, something like that. It was mind — [laughs] SMITH: In terms of — because my — MALACHOWSKI: The instructors, the culture. SMITH: Were there any unwelcome advances, or was this more — MALACHOWSKI: Unwelcome advances, you name it.

SMITH: So -

MALACHOWSKI: It was — I don't know if it's the difference between the — I don't want to like — I love my Air Force. It made me appreciate my Air Force. It made me appreciate how they had accepted women. And I'm not talking — this was long ago. I am so glad to see that today their new War College president, for the first time in history, is a woman.77

77 Rear Admiral Shoshana Chatfield is a Naval Aviator who flew the SH-3, CH-46D, and MH-60S; she is https:/AA/ww.navy.mil/navvdata/bios/biQ.asp?biolD=88Q.

72 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

SMITH: A woman.

MALACHOWSKI: And the first time I saw that in the news, I looked at my husband, and I said: thank God. Like, hallelujah. Because that's what they need. I have —

SMITH: And she's a pilot.

MALACHOWSKI: Yes. I had a very — so it became clear to me in the first one to two months at Naval War College that anything I had fought before like, paled in comparison to that. And so I — SMITH: Give me a couple of examples.

MALACHOWSKI: [laughs] Yeah.

SMITH: Just -

MALACHOWSKI: I mean, you know, things from like: oh, well I can — I could tell — things like: "Well, you've obviously been so successful because you’re an attractive woman." Because that's totally conducive to my academic environment. Or, yeah —

SMITH: Coming from whom? An instructor or a peer?

MALACHOWSKI: Oh, yes.

SMITH: Wow.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: From peers, not in my service. Things like: well, with an ass like that — I'm a full-bird colonel. So I'm with colonels. And I'm thinking to myself: whew, okay. And they didn't laugh it off. They think they're being funny. I'm like, this — I'm a graduate, a fighter squadron commander. I do not have time for this shit. And the thing is, is like, I didn't put up with it. I would — the difference between me putting up with some of the chauvinism,right,that I saw in pilot training,or some of the barriers I saw with the small handful of people, to how I behaved — because now,I have experience and credibility. Right? When you're learning and coming up as a young woman in a male-dominated environment, it's always a trade-off. You're always like, ugh. Ugh. At this point,I'm like: whatever. And there was a — yeah. Let's see. We were doing the Socratic method, and I remember the teacher teaching something, asking a question — I answered it. He looked over at a guy from another service, and said: so what do you think of Nicole's response? And he goes: I'm sorry, what? And he goes: Nicole's response to my question. Like, what's your counter, or you know, do you agree or disagree? And he's like: I really wasn't listening. I'm not used to listening to women talking about operational matters.

SMITH: Wow.

MALACHOWSKI: And that was the moment that I decided I was going to become the number one graduate. And two to three days before graduation, so fast-forward ten months or whatever, I found out I was the honor graduate for the class. So I was like, number six academically, but overall — leadership, teamwork — I worked with the — I volunteered to be a mentor with the

73 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

[3:10:00]

international fellows. So I would take all the international students and their families and do activities. And anyways —

SMITH: Can we back up?

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: What was the instructor's response...

MALACHOWSKI: Nothing.

SMITH: ...to that comment?

MALACHOWSKI: Nothing. Let's take a break. Not only did the instructor not say anything — [points around the room] he didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't. And that's the issue. SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: Most of the guys are good guys. This is what we need. Right? When you, a good guy, see that, can you speak for me? Because he basically said that I don't exist, and my words don't matter. So me sticking up for myself is not going to do any good. I need an interlocutor, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, were the interlocutors, [laughs] And that's kind of — and after that incident, a Marine came up to me — a really great guy — and he said: I'm really sorry that happened. That guy was a really big jerk. And I'm like — I said: can I ask you something? I said: why didn't you say anything? He goes: well, we all know your background and your resume, and you're tough. It doesn't bother you. And I'm like: but it's not about me. Right? It's about the women he's going to go command. Right? It's about — and I said: I needed you in that moment. We, the women in the military, needed you. And he said: I never thought of that. Thank you. You know, but it's been great, because I've kept in touch with him, and he has, you know — he is making the Marine Corps better every single day. [laughs]

SMITH: But what about the school, because there was the environment that clearly it wasn't an environment where you would bring that forward to anyone else, because if the instructor is not even willing to address it —

MALACHOWSKI: There was an incident that happened with another female student in the other class, and she came to me for advice.I gave her good advice, and I don't want to go too into details on it. But long story short, the way the interview went was: "Well, we want to make sure you're not unduly influencing her to file a complaint of sexual harassment." I'm like: "I'm sorry, did you hear what happened?" And anyways,it ended up being found in her favor, and this person got in trouble for what they had done. But I'm not backing down. I'm sitting there going: Naval War College, [laughs] you guys. I feel bad saying this, but this is the God's honest truth. And so like I said, I made the decision. You know, I was going to just have a good year and relax, and maybe not put in a full effort. But anyways,I ended up being the honor graduate. It was kind of cool, because it was the first time in Naval War College history, for like 200 years or whatever, that they had ever had an Air Force honor graduate. So I was proud. You know, put the Air Force on there. And this is going to sound — this is probably immature.I'll just admit it, though. Two days prior, our house is already packed up for the PCS move. And I never wear my blues

74 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

skirt. I'm just a slacks lady. But I looked at my husband when I found out, and I said: Unpack the boxes and find my skirt. I'd never worn my blue skirt, [laughs] I mean, in years. And I'm like: I want to wear my skirt on stage, [laughs] Which is totally trifling, I know, but I did.

SMITH: Why was that important to you?

MALACHOWSKI: To them, that femininity was a threat. And this was a very visual symbol of my femininity and my strength, as I took the award, smiled with my pictures, and looked right at him. I didn't win that award [laughs] — who care — nobody gives a crap who's the honor graduate of War College. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. But in that moment,I was just making my little statement, [laughs] Because at any given— I'll put my resume next to yours any day, dude. Mine stacks up. It's cool, I'm confident. Why you're not, I don't know. Like, that's on you. But it was maybe immature of me, and maybe it was a little bit in-your-face. But I — and my husband was like: good point. Because my husband had been aware of all of this. Right? Because by then, he's retired. He's a stay-at-home dad. I come home, and I'm telling him about some of these things that happened. And he's unpacking the boxes. He's like: I'm going to find that skirt for you! [laughs] Yeah. So the Naval War College — it was a — I didn't enjoy my time there, no.

SMITH: I'm sorry.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: That's alright. But I'm glad you said what you said. And I also have a question for you I i . This — haven't asked this of anybody else. But what is — what can the services do to address people at that level with views like that? What is, in your opinion — what do you think would be beneficial?

MALACHOWSKI: Well, I mean — part of it, right, is ensuring that we're doing the right things to bring women into these senior leadership positions. Right? I'm curious. Would he have made that comment if the president of the Naval War College was a woman? I don't know. Like, you know, whatever the barriers are — and I'm not sure we've fully identified them — whatever the barriers are to, you know, women staying in these longer careers and attaining these higher ranks, we need to

[3:15:00]

really start, really — call it inclusion, or diversity, or whatever it is. We need to really, you know, get on that. There's so many strong qualified, you know, women out there. But what is — what are — what is actually stopping that, you know? Everyone's got different theories, but can we figure it out and kind of — you know what I mean? And once you put people in the position of authority and in positions of leadership, right, people start to see: oh, well, that's normal. Or, that person's capable. Or, that gender is capable. I mean, cultural change is hard, and cultural change takes time. And one of the things that I see is like, this Millennial generation,that's coming into the leadership positions, and then Gen Z behind them — I love it. I'm a huge fan. Unlike other people, I guess, bring me the Millennial, and bring me Gen Z. Because it's almost like, born into them. They're raised in just a different light. It's not like Gen X, which is: okay, let's make sure there's 20 percent women, 20 percent African American, 20 — okay, check. Great. We're now diverse. Like, that's so — that's so basic and top-level. That's not what diversity of thought or diversity of experience is all about. And I look at people trashing Millennial and Gen X-

75 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

ers,78 and I laugh. I'm like, they get it. They're just born, I think, in a different culture, and they look at human beings based on their capabilities and skills. And so I think my point is, as they move up, I think you're going to see, you know, some of that cultural change, you know, start to happen. So I think it's going to happen naturally. As American society has changed, so will the culture, I think, within the military change. I mean, this whole war — what, are we going on 18 years now?

SMITH: Yeah.

MALACHOWSKI: That's on the backs of Millennial.

SMITH: Right.

MALACHOWSKI: You can talk smack about Millennial all you want, but look what they've done for our country the last 18 years. So, just saying, [laughs]

SMITH: We're getting to the end of the interview, Nicole. And I just want to ask — well, I have one more question, but I want to ask: do you have anything that you want to add to this interview regarding your aviation record or your military record?

MALACHOWSKI: Aviation or military record? I wish I was still in.

SMITH: Mmm. Why? What do you miss most?

MALACHOWSKI:I was medically retired.

SMITH: Okay.

MALACHOWSKI: So I started getting really sick. I started getting sick when I was commander of the fighter squadron. A couple years go by. I keep getting worse. I'm working at the White House for Michelle Obama and Dr. Biden, and I get to a point where I can hardly read an email or speak. They wanted me to stay on past my year to the election, and I had to turn it down. I'll tell you what. Turning down [laughs] Michelle Obama's chief of staff is — it's a hard thing. But I was sick, and I got pretty severely sick and unfortunately had to be medically retired. So I fought it. It caught me offguard, but I hit a point where talking with my husband and my family and my doctors that it's over.

SMITH: Why did you — did you have to be medically retired, or could you have —

MALACHOWSKI: Just retired normally?

SMITH: Yeah. What was the difference?

MALACHOWSKI: So the reason that — it's a very important point, because I was beyond 20 years when I got sick. The importance that I suggest to people who are beyond 20 and get sick is to always go through the MEB, because they can't put you out on the street [laughs] and retire you until you're stable. And so I needed a few months to stabilize my health. During that time, I'm still getting pay and BAH for my house and all that. So the Air Force does a good job. They have that. They're actually — all the services. DOD is a protective mechanism. Right? But further, during that time, the Department of Veterans Affairs

78 Malachowski probably meant "Millennials and Gen Z-ers."

76 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

will actually do all of your disability pay and stuff and everything before you're actually medically retired. So everything is set up for your healthcare, for any disability pay. It buys you the time you need to come up with a plan. If you have been very, very sick, dealing with an illness or an injury, right, and then all of a sudden you're retired, you need — where's my job? What am I doing next? Do I have the therapy I need? Do I have my doctors in the civilian world set up? Right? So the preference that I offer to anybody who's beyond 20 years is to definitely go through the MEB process. And that's what DOD wants, and that's — Congress put that into some different laws, that that's there for you. So always [laughs] use it, because at the time, I was actually

[3:20:00]

medically retired,I was still having a hard time like, walking, talking, normally. I mean,I could, but generally speaking, I was in bed 20 hours a day. I'm about to lose all that income. You see what I'm saying?

SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI: So yeah. The MEB, as painful as it was — because it is a painful bureaucratic process that needs to be fixed — as painful as it was, it was the right thing to do, for me, my health, and my family.

SMITH: And you've been a spokesperson for tick-borne illnesses.

MALACHOWSKI: Right.

SMITH: And -

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah. So nowadays, I went from flying fighters to fighting ticks, [laughs] which is ironic. But once I got healthy enough — I can't really work a full-time job. I have, you know, some illness issues, and I have some trouble reading and writing. So I was a little bit disappointed. I'm like: who's going to hire me? What am I going to do? And I'm like: wait a minute, Nicole. Start your own business. You don't need to work for anybody. So I did, and the beauty of it is it pays the bills, and it opens up free time — the free time I spend reconnecting with my family, because my kids lost their mom, essentially, for two years. And my husband was my caregiver for two years. So spending time with them, putting my health first — because I'm still in treatment. I probably always will be. And the remainder is fighting on behalf of those tick-borne illness patients and their families that don't have a voice. So I have a platform that I can speak from, and that's what I'm going to do. I think it's interesting now that I've been retired, whatever, a year and a half, it's the best thing that ever happened to me, because I think I'm impacting more people, more quickly, and in a positive way than if I had stayed in the military, which is ironic.

SMITH: It is, but -

MALACHOWSKI: But man, I miss flying, and I miss leading people. But —

SMITH: It's not scripted.

MALACHOWSKI: It is very un — I have not led a scripted life. That is true. SMITH: Yeah.

77 MWAOHI Interviewee: Colonel Nicole Malachowski, USAF, Retired By: Lieutenant Colonel Monica Smith, USAF, Retired Date: August 15, 2019

MALACHOWSKI: Mark Matthews was right. But I sit on several government panels as a patient advocate. I'm on the board of the Dean Center for Tick-Borne Illness up in Boston. I'm on the nonprofit board of directors for the Live Lyme Foundation. I'm currently, literally — as of yesterday still in talks with the Department of Defense Health Agency. We're working towards creating some education and awareness, not just for servicemembers, but also for our clinicians, to make sure that something like this doesn't happen again.

SMITH: Awesome.

MALACHOWSKI: Yeah.

SMITH: How do you want to be remembered?

MALACHOWSKI: How do I want to be remembered?

SMITH: Yes.

MALACHOWSKI:I guess, you know — I guess it's up to other people to decide how I'm going to be remembered. Right? But how would I want to be remembered? Well, hopefully as helpful. You know, I've had some extraordinary opportunities, and I want to always use those to help other people. Kind, helpful. That's about it.

SMITH: Well, Colonel Nicole Malachowski,it's been my honor to interview you here at the Smithsonian. And I just want to take this time to thank you for your service, for your tremendous leadership... MALACHOWSKI: Thank you.

SMITH: ...and thank you for taking the time to record this oral history interview.

MALACHOWSKI: Thank you for having me. It was my pleasure to serve. You heard. I had a great career, so no regrets. Thanks for having me. SMITH: You're welcome.

[3:23:27]

[END]

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