Twisted Tongue Magazine
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Short Stories Twisted Tongue Magazine Bugged – Matt Plass 2 Unbelievable – Brandon Sewell 14 Issue 8 Questions (A Personal Hell) – Nik Perring 17 The Last Good Captain – Joshua Allen 25 Blood Ties – S H Hughes 28 Welcome to Twisted Tongue issue eight. Packed with thousands Split Infinities – Rod Hamon 31 of words—larger than a standard novel—over 100,000 words. The Carol Singers – Peter Tennant 37 There should be something in this issue for everyone … if Board of Life – David Elliott 39 not, then let us know. Twisted Tongue is a magazine unlike any A Texas Story – Jesus Moya 42 other … here you will find works that are twisted and we don’t Heart and Soul of the Western Warrior – Tyler Keevil 43 mean ones with a simple twist. This magazine is for those 18 and Twist – William D Hicks 47 over. Ghost Wanted – Ted Stetson 53 Vincent’s and Miki’s Dreams – Gene Hines 55 In this issue, you’ll read some Christmas tales to chill you Kings and Queens – Paul L Mathews 60 with twisted Santa Claus’s, a disturbed Rudolph, creepy Carol Naked Physics – Kelly Jameson 68 singers and evil toys. And for those who can’t stand Christmas Holding On – Ken Elkes 72 we have a selection of Twisted Tongue’s spectacular regular Midnight at the Highcliff Rest – Drue Fairlie 74 pieces to thrill you. My Ugly Little Self – Lou Antonelli 76 This issue I’ve chose Shaun Hamilton’s short story You’d All the Young Dudes (And One Hippie Princess) – J Michael Shell 79 Better Watch Out as Ed’s Choice. The Curse – Brian Wright 83 Meet Neil J Hart and Eric Enck in our interviews. In our The Letter – Gary R Hoffman 85 You’d Better Watch Out… – Shaun Hamilton 88 articles, you’ll make the acquaintance of Peter Maughan and Alexander James introduces James Hazlehurst—Twisted Tongue’s Interviewer. In this issue’s art article I’m pleased to say Flash & Micro Fiction we have Steve Upham once again with more of his wonderful Hunter/ed – Mark Howard Jones 3 Passage To Spring – Peter Maughan 10 artwork. Flight of the Snow Cuckoo – Peter Maughan 11 Read more of Sarah Frost-Mellor’s Pale-Blue Murder and Bill Sikes – Peter Maughan 11 enjoy the first instalment of JwBennett’s Beneath A Weeping Portrait of a Pub – Peter Maughan 13 Willow. Seven Years Bad Luck – Sarah Jackson 15 Unfortunately the Sleepwalker comic will not be with us in Tiny Toy – Ted Stetson 16 this issue—I do apologise. The Deceit of Dreams – Frank Roger 30 Our thanks to all contributors … and of course, to you, our Unmoving – Timothy Remp 41 readers. Enjoy your twisted read… Poor Man’s Strawberry – Kim McDougall 46 Get Stuffed – Krystyna Smallman 51 He Knows When You’ve Been Bad Or Good… – Sarah Jackson 54 Editor – Claire Nixon All By Myself – C J Carter-Stephenson 59 The Butcher’s Nephew – Darren McCormick 67 Reading Team Yule Be Sorry – R S Pyne 73 Mind Purging 3 – Alan Smith 82 Claire Nixon Jack? – John A Silkstone 87 Deborah Rey Secrets – Yvette Managan 91 Paul Zealand Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – J A Kazimer 101 Michael Acton Proofers Poetry Nova Scotia (Highway) 103 – Mark Farrell 18 Deborah Rey The Bad-Man-in-the-Bedroom Nightmare – Mark Farrell 18 Paul Zealand Hansel und Gretel – Mark Farrell 24 Tim Reed Surgery For Lovers – Ash Lomen 30 The Carnival of Earthly Delights – Ash Lomen 30 Interviewer – James Hazlehurst Death Maiden’s Tale – Peter D Goodwin 35 Matricide – Oonah V Joslin 52 Articles – Alexander James Rudolph the Cannibal Reindeer – Ramona Thompson 57 Pink – Peter D Goodwin 71 Cover Image – Steve Upham The Greatest Sportsman – Peter D Goodwin 71 Novella Pale-Blue Murder – Sarah Frost-Mellor 94 Book Excerpts Beneath A Weeping Willow – JwBennett 96 Cuckoos of Batch Magna by Peter Maughan 5 Spritz by Neil J Hart 21 Articles Paths of the Forgotten—Book One ‘The Madison Chronicles’ People Between the Pages: Peter Maughan, Character Collector 4 by Neil J Hart 22 Curioser and Curiouser: And the More Curiouser the Better 92 Junkyard Dog by Sean Parker 36 Jingle Hells 102 Interviews Published by Claire Nixon in the UK. All rights revert to contributors An Interview with Neil J Hart 19 upon publication. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced An Interview with Eric Enck 63 without consent of the author/artist and editor. Any similarities to persons or places mentioned in the stories or illustrations to persons living or dead Reviews or actual places are entirely coincidental. Opinions expressed within these Unrequited by James Bennett 58 works are not necessarily those of Twisted Tongue. Competition Winners 104 Fiction/Poetry: © respective authors 2007 Artwork: © stock.xchng & respective artists 2007 Website: www.twistedtongue.co.uk Email: [email protected] TWISTED TONGUE 1 “He thinks the house is bugged?” Bugged “He does.” Matt Plass “Bugged by who?” “He doesn’t know. But he wants to sweep the house for bugs and apparently I … he wants an independent opinion. He elipe believes he is being stalked by persons unknown so asked me to ask you.” he hires a private detective. Three days later, the detective “Can’t he do it himself?” Fdelivers his report. Felipe makes him deliver it twice. “No, he …” “No sir, I can assure you, you are absolutely not being Loyal Alice stops, takes a breath for control and waits for the followed.” last drop of sarcasm to drain from her tongue. Then, voice But paranoia has an answer for everything. Not being neutral, “Felipe worries about radio waves. He won’t even use a followed? Ha! It only proves to Felipe that this detective, this mobile phone anymore. He wants you to do it.” cushion-faced, cop-lite, flatfoot, toy pig, must be in league with “I see. Do you think I should?” them. Not being followed? No, no, no, Felipe is unconvinced. “He asked me to ask you and I’m asking you.” And like all paranoiacs, he can’t be shaken by failure. I’m hearing this second-hand from Alice; wedged into a ‘ve been here before; in their bedroom. Once, I stayed over corner seat in the Station Café. Felipe and Alice live across town I after dinner, a second bottle of wine having lead to the from me in a muesli-enclave called Poet’s Corner. Poets my arse. friendly but firm confiscation of my car keys. The next morning, Felipe does something with money; makes it mostly from what I Alice and Felipe had left for work while I was still knuckling my can see. forehead under the guest duvet. Waking and shuffling to the God, but just look at Alice. bathroom, I passed their door and paused, the crack between I wish I could stop this. Having random sexual yearnings for door and jamb offering a tantalising wedge of private space. And another man’s wife is a compliment to both parties. Falling in I did what we sometimes do in someone else’s house because we love with her is just creepy. We aren’t even having a thing; Alice can’t help ourselves. I let my fingers, stiff with the morning, thinks of me as one of her best friends. Friends? Your friend, press against the panels of the door. I entered, hairs rising on the Alice? I got divorced not fucking neutered. Anyway… back of my neck, a bear in another bear’s cave. Now Alice is sitting across from me, coffees fetched and And now I’m back. And yes, this bedroom is still a meadow; sugared. She’s gnawing the ends of her hair, telling me that a rolling estate of lamps and scarves and brass. A great lake of a Felipe, never that tightly pegged down mind-wise, has plunged bed, as wide as it’s long. And in the bed an imagined Alice, into a kind of paranoid soup. engulfed in emerald blankets, drowning in sleep, one arm “It could be the new meds,” I offer. Felipe has long-term outstretched, wanting me to dive in and save her. conditions. I switch on the handset and immediately it crackles. “It’s getting harder. He’s spending more and more time in Alice calls nervously from the foot of the stairs, “Find his… in this world in his head.” something?” “He won’t talk to you?” “Maybe … hold on.” “Yes, yes, he will. It’s just I seem to be forever… “ Alice In my palm sits a very fat, smug toad: a D700 Multifunction hides behind a sip of coffee. She gathers her thoughts. Sweep Unit with a stubby aerial feeding a perforated speaker grill “I have this illusion of choice—scrabbling for the right in the shape of a half moon. The size of a child’s walkie-talkie, answer when I know I don’t have all the relevant information. this bloated packet of wires and battery set Felipe back £320 plus Everything is a test; it’s like a bloody game show—I have to VAT. shout out my answer before I get to see what’s in the box.” “It’s a pro-job,” he explained excitedly. “It eliminates false “He’s testing you?” alerts by using an R7 verification mode. I like to ask Alice questions; that way I get to watch her “It even sweeps for laser taps. Expensive, but what price for mouth move as she answers. She always takes a second to peace of mind, eh?” consider before she speaks. I think that’s the right way to answer Indeed.