Issue: 553 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk 01 February 2002 THE CAMBRIDGE STUDENT NEWSPAPER 20p where sold FASHION FILM SPORT Varsity talks to A look at the life A round-up of photographer and works of collegiate Rugby: Mario Testino Wes Anderson results and tables PAGE 12 PAGE 23 PAGE 30

There is no understated minimalism here; it’s high-octane, high-gloss fashion and passion all the way and it’s quite brilliant – Page 12 HOMERTON ON TRIAL Rob Sharp

Katy Long Roving reporter Katy Long infiltrates Homerton Bar

Franc Meechan, the Homerton Bar sonal mobile phone. This was confis- Magistrates commented that it was Manager, was acquitted yesterday cated, and she then appealed to “hard to believe that the Prosecution’s of assaulting a student at the Meechan to intervene on her behalf. evidence refers to the same incident as Homerton May Ball last June. A confrontation between Akhtar that of the Defence”, arguing that the en- However, concerns have been and Meechan followed, in which tire case had “cost the taxpayer a lot of raised about the way in which the Meechan admitted becoming angry, money” and could have been avoided prosecution of the case was con- telling Akhtar: “I’m going to knock your by mediation. ducted. fucking block off.” It was then alleged However, Akhtar and Wright have Corpus Christi Meechan stood accused of assault- that a second confrontation had oc- raised questions about the handling of ing Colette Wright, a Homerton student curred, in which Ms Wright had been the case by the prosecution service. and May Ball Committee member, dur- grabbed and flung to the floor by No objective evidence of the assault Playroom reopens ing an incident also involving CUSU Meechan. Defence witnesses claimed occurring was admitted by the prose- President Pav Akhtar, who was last that Wright had not been present cution. This was in spite of the existence year’s May Ball President. throughout the incident. During the tri- of photographs of bruising to Ms with Latin! – Theatre The use of mobile phones by bar al the defence counsel also cited a num- Wright’s body taken two days after the staff during the Ball had been restricted ber of minor criminal convictions that event. These photos had been handed due to fears over gatecrashers. On the Akhtar had picked up during his teens, to the police. In a statement from Page 26 night of the Ball, at about 3am, Akhtar in an attempt to undermine his evidence. Cambridgeshire County Police last saw a female staff member using a per- In acquitting Meechan, the …continued on Page 4

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News 02 NEWS 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Inside this issue…

pg 8 Analysis HOLOCAUST Anarchy in the UK Crisis in Kashmir? David Benson Molly Birch

Last Sunday marked National Monday saw the launch of a Holocaust Memorial Day. This was Cambridge student Anti- only the second ever Holocaust Capitalist Action Society. The Rowan Huppert Memorial Day, but it now looks set launch took place at King’s, and to become a permanent fixture in was attended by around 15 stu- the British calendar. dents. The concept behind Holocaust The society was founded by two pg 9 Perspective Memorial Day is as you would expect: King’s first years, Matthew Why is Holocaust to ensure the crimes against humanity MacDonald and Dan Meyer. Memorial Day important? committed during the Holocaust are MacDonald achieved notoriety as never forgotten, and never repeated. the Eton boy turned anti-capitalist pg 10 Editorial The day aims to provide a national mark who attacked a McDonalds restau- Homerton; admissions; of respect for Holocaust victims, and ex- Mrs Saltz talks at Queens’ rant with a chair in the 2000 May media plain what relevance the Holocaust has Day riots. MacDonald told Varsity Starbucks under threat to each new generation. It also seeks at the hands of the Nazis. She was just that the group is planning to meet to improve awareness of recent atroci- 12 when the war started, and was the once a week for “educative purpos- plans to open 40 outlets simultane- Inside Living… ties that raise similar issues to the only member of her immediate family es”, to discuss political ideas. They ously in Venice this summer. Holocaust. who survived. When asked if her story will also have “tactical” meetings, Anti-Capitalist Action (ACA) also Events took place all over the coun- became easier the more she told it, she presumably to plan how best to de- wants to set up a Social Centre as its pg 12 Fashion try last Sunday, not least here in replied, “No. It gets harder every time”. stroy global capitalism. HQ. They plan to obviate the prob- Clemmie Burton-Hill Cambridge. Mrs. Saltz, a Holocaust sur- The fact that the Cambridge events Meyer and MacDonald have run lems of funding this centre by ex- meets Mario Testino vivor, gave a moving account of her ex- were primarily organised by CUSU, a mailing list since the beginning of ploiting the squatting laws. As long perience of the Holocaust in the and only supported by Jsoc, emphasis- the academic year, used to circulate as ACA can find an empty building, Fitzpatrick Hall at Queens’. The talk was es the message that Holocaust Memorial news from worldwide anti-capitalist and guarantee that15–20 people will organised by CUSU, and supported by Day is equally important for non-Jews organisations to interested students. be present in it at any one time, they Jsoc. Pav Akthar, who chaired the talk, and Jews alike. John Lenson, the Although no definite plans have assert that they will have a legal right told Varsity, “It’s crucial that we under- President of Jsoc, told Varsity, ‘National been made for action in Cambridge, to be there. stand the Holocaust in order to under- Holocaust Day is of extreme significance members are looking to Anti- The primary aim of the group is, stand why we need to oppose racism, for the whole country. It is the respon- Starbucks Week for their first major in MacDonald’s words, “to increase anti-semitism, bigotry and prejudice, in sibility of every individual to ensure that publicity campaign. Proposed action the level of direct action against cap- whatever form it manifests itself.” tragedies like the Holocaust do not hap- includes encouraging a student boy- italism in Cambridge, and to edu- pg 14 Travel Mrs. Saltz displayed immense sto- pen again in the future, and to strive to cott of Starbucks, and offering free cate ourselves specifically about From Russia with love icism and resolve by recounting every build a more tolerant society.’ fair-trade coffee outside. To justify those corporations we take action detail of the persecution she suffered Turn to Perspective – Page 9 this action, they cited Starbucks’ against.” pg 19 Interview The Editor meets John Hurt Making the Grade Speakers’ Corner Inside Arts… Luke Layfield noying. If I’d have known earlier, I This week Labour take on the Conservatives could have gone off round the world.” pg 22 Film Examination boards were the fo- “I can’t see how the boards could Gosford Park – Altman’s cus of further criticism this week as have got it so wrong. In English, I picked Labour To r y latest offering reviewed it transpired that marking errors up 24 extra points in the re-mark. I won- Anne Campbell, Oliver Letwin, had cost a comprehensive school der whether enough training is given to MP for Cambridge Shadow Home Sec pg 24 Music pupil his place at Cambridge for people marking papers.” Local bands for local this year. Linda Baynham, Sixth-form Co- Should we keep section 28? No. Should we keep section 28? Yes. people Joe Swarbrick, who attended Peers ordinator at Peers told Varsity: “I won- Should there be fiscal incentives for Should there be fiscal incentives School, Oxford, received a condition- der how many out there who haven’t couples to stay married? No. for couples to stay married? Yes. pg 26 Theatre al AAB offer to read English at got parental and school support to push Should Steven Byers resign? No. Should Steven Byers resign? Yes. Latin! and The White Devil Pembroke. He learnt in August that his for a re-mark would have suffered even Is it fair that Jo Moore still has her Is it fair that Jo Moore still has her reviewed results gave him only three Bs for more”. job? Yes. job? No. English, History and French. OCR maintained that no request was Is access an issue that the Is access an issue that the Peers School appealed against Mr received until 7th September, and that University or the state should University or the state should ad- Swarbrick’s English and History grades. the paper was remarked within seven address? Both. dress? The University. However, the AQA and OCR exami- days. Peers school, however, informed Is it legitimate for America to now Is it legitimate for America to now nations boards failed to reach a verdict Varsity that although this is true, it was attack any of the following coun- attack any of the following coun- in time for the start of this academic not until the 21st that the grade change tries: Iraq, Somalia, Yemen, Sudan? tries: Iraq, Somalia, Yemen, year, forcing Mr Swarbrick into an was officially confirmed. A spokesman No, not at the moment. Sudan? It depends. unplanned gap year. commented: “We are desperately sor- Can state schools ever be as good as Can state schools ever be as good The Admissions Tutor at Pembroke, ry for the lad, but these things happen.” private schools? Yes. as private schools? Yes. pg 28 Literature Susan Stobbs told Varsity: “We try very AQA received a request for photo- Has New Labour’s stewardship of Has New Labour’s stewardship of Sameer Rahim finds Will hard not to disadvantage students copies of the exam scripts on results day the economy since ‘97 been sucess- the economy since ‘97 been sucess- Self too hard to digest whose grades are subsequently changed but failed to comply. It then took them ful or unsuccessful? A brilliant ful or unsuccessful? A mixture of by a re-mark. However, we did not eight weeks to correct Mr Swarbrick’s success. the two. learn of the change in Joe’s grades un- English grade. A spokesman said: “If Does the Tory Party have anything Does the Tory Party have anything Inside Sport… til the beginning of November and it we have fallen short of what was ex- to learn from New Labour on pub- to learn from New Labour on pub- was then clearly not possible for him to pected of us, we can only apologise.” lic relations? They could learn lic relations? Yes, lots. join us so late.” These events follow the revelations something from our mistakes Is Will Gallagher cabinet materi- pg 31 Blues Rugby Mr Swarbrick, who is spending his that another exam board, Edexcel, over the past few weeks. al? Absolutely. There is no New Blues Rugby Captain year out working in a sandwich shop, lost 20 candidates’ coursework and set Is Rich Burgon cabinet material? doubt in my mind. Interviewed will be the first pupil from Peers to at- an unsolvable Maths question in a writ- Most definitely. Are threesomes sexually immoral? tend Oxbridge for eight years. He said: ten exam, prompting the government Are threesomes sexually immoral? It’s not appropriate for politi- pg 32 Men’s Football “I have ended up having a year out, but to send a senior advisor to oversee the I think it depends on what hap- cians to comment on people’s Nottingham outclassed didn’t have any plans, which is an- board’s administration. pens during the threesome. sexual morality. Come to Arnold & Porter’s trainee solicitor recruitment presentation

Date: 7th February 2002

Time: 7.00pm

Place: Old Music Room St Johns College Cambridge

You are invited to attend this informal presentation to learn about Arnold & Porter, meet some of the partners and associates from the firm and enjoy a drink in with us at St Johns College.

We should be grateful if you could indicate whether you will attend this presentation by e-mailing: [email protected]. For more information about Arnold & Porter, visit our web-site at www.arnoldporter.com.

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Please apply for an application form to Sandra Felmingham , Graduate Recruitment Arnold & Porter Tower 42 25 Old Broad Street London EC2N 1HQ 020 7786 6202 A 01 February 2002 NEWS 04 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk NEWS IN BRIEF EVERYONE’S ON ECSTASY Fred Hodder memorial service A Memorial Service is will be held in Pembroke Chapel at 2.30pm on Oliver Duff rigorously tested and quality con- Saturday 9th February. trolled, while the latter could contain A report covered by the national anything.” Ukrainian opposition leader

papers last week claimed that as Stewart Morris Whilst Phippen does have some escapes ‘assassination’ attempt many as two million Ecstasy pills cause for concern, the attitude of most Yulia Tymoshenko, the leader of the are consumed in Britain each Cambridge students towards Ecstasy main opposition party ‘Fatherland’, week. These findings have re-ig- is far from ‘laid-back’. Paul Lewis, and reputedly the richest woman in nited the debate on drugs laws, KCSU Ents Officer, said: “I person- the former Soviet Union, narrowly with many groups arguing that the ally don’t think the use of drugs for survived a car crash on Tuesday. status quo is untenable in the light recreational purposes is as widespread Prime Minister Leonid Kuchma of the huge popularity of Ecstasy. in Cambridge as it is in other uni- sacked her as his Deputy last year Ecstasy use in Cambridge is very versities. after she organised opposition rallies limited. According to a recent Varsity “King’s Ents certainly do not en- to topple him, alleging his involve- survey, only 13 percent of Cambridge dorse or encourage Ecstasy use. That ment in the murder of a journalist. He students have ever tried Ecstasy. As isn’t to say, however, that we aren’t claims she is corrupt and that the crash few as 2 percent said they take it on a Cambridge students rave it up at Creation aware that some people attending our was an accident. Yet as Oleksandr regular basis. Students’ apprehension events may use Ecstasy. At our larg- Tuchinov, her Deputy, said: “There over Ecstasy is provoked by the per- officer and harm reduction activist as Ketamine, a powerful horse anaes- er events, and in recognition of the are too many coincidences in ceived health risks of the drug. Derek Williams suggested that thetic, described by an online dance likelihood that this could happen, we Ukraine.” Doctors warn though that using Ecstasy’s ongoing illegality presented magazine as “a drug which cooks you are prepared to deal with situations Ecstasy could be storing up a “time the greatest risk to users’ health: “Pills from the inside out and boils your which occasionally –although rarely– Mugabe given respite bomb of mental illness” as can also be contaminated or even out- brain like an egg…a certain death-pill arise from Ecstasy use.” Jack Straw’s attempts to suspend ‘Generation E’ gets older. Ecstasy right fakes. If they weren’t illegal, they for clubbers.” For the moment, the legal penal- Zimbabwe from the Commonwealth works by stimulating serotonin pro- could be made under proper condi- It is just one such ‘rogue-pill’ that ties for Ecstasy use will remain un- failed this week after African and duction in the brain, allowing greater tions in real factories. No matter how is thought to have caused the death of changed. Despite the willingness of Asian members of the depth of emotion, but in so doing dangerous MDMA is, the situation Lorna Spinks, a Sociology student millions of Britons to use the drug, the Commonwealth Ministerial Action damages the ability of the brain to pro- now caused by its failed prohibition from APU, after a night out at The doubts over its safety are such that Group voted against suspension. duce serotonin in the future. People is far more dangerous and destructive Junction nightclub last May. none of the major political parties will Britain also wants to impose syn- with low serotonin levels are likely to than it need be.” Mark Phippen, Head of the commit to legalisation. Professor John chronised EU sanctions on Zimbabwe suffer from long-term, incurable de- Though MDMA can have un- University Counselling Service said: Henry, a clinical toxicologist at St. if Mugabe fails to allow EU electoral pression. pleasant side effects such as nausea, “I am sometimes surprised that peo- Mary’s Hospital, London, warned that observers into the country for the Despite the uncertainty over the anxiety, insomnia and dehydration, ple who are wary about taking pre- it is still too early to dismiss the long- presidential elections on 9th March. damage Ecstasy can do to your health, it is not in itself considered very dan- scription medication such as anti-de- term problems that ecstasy usage may The intensification comes weeks af- many groups argue the current gov- gerous in the short-term. The risks are pressants can be so laid back about bring. He concludes: “We shouldn’t ter Mugabe drafted legislation that ernment stance on Ecstasy is too pro- multiplied though when it is cut with taking ‘street’ drugs, bearing in mind decriminalise it or encourage wide use would prevent foreign correspondents hibitionist. Local Green Party press far more dangerous substances such that the former have necessarily been until we really know it is safe.” living in Zimbabwe, and in effect ban criticism of the government in the press.

New Labour aims higher on Access Thatcher still alive, aged 76 It was discovered that Margaret Helen McKenna to be the newer ones. Cambridge has “Any campaign that encourages drop out of courses because of finan- Thatcher was still alive this week, de- a relatively low drop out rate. However, those from underprivileged back- cial difficulties and debt problems. spite having suffered a stroke whilst The government launched a cam- this difference might be explained by grounds to think more seriously about For potential candidates uncertain holidaying in Madeira. Sir Denis paign last week to attract more stu- students’ economic backgrounds. Higher Education is a good thing.” about applying for reasons concerning raised the alarm when he discovered dents into Higher Education. Newer universities attract more work- It has been suggested that univer- their background, the message from she was slurring her speech and suf- The campaign, ‘AimHigher’, will ing-class applicants, whilst older uni- sities are not solely to blame for prob- Cambridge University continues to be fering co-ordination problems. use magazines, road shows, radio sta- versities have more applicants from the lems with access and the fall in reten- an encouraging one. Director of Friends said: “You would not know tions and the internet to emphasise the middle-classes. Minister for Higher tion figures. The replacement of grants Admissions, Susan Stobbs, told Varsity anything had been wrong.” benefits of further education for school Education, Margaret Hodge, criticised with student loans has discouraged stu- that: “The statistics show that students children aged 13–18 as well as provid- élite universities like Cambridge: dents from poorer backgrounds from from all school backgrounds do equal- Robert M Nozick dies, aged 63 ing them with practical advice on the “Our top universities must also take applying. It’s also caused students to ly well here at Tripos.”˚ Most famous for Anarchy, State & university application process. It is tar- a long hard look at their student intake. Utopia in 1974, Nozick helped define geted particularly at those young peo- Over 85 percent of those who go to our the position of the American Right Homerton: Continued from front page... ple from families without a tradition of top universities come from the top three against the liberalism of John Rawls. going on to higher education. income groups. That means that less night, Varsity was told only that “with also told Varsity: “I’m particularly dis- The respected American political Celebrities such as supermodel than 15 percent of their students come regards to this case, all the available and appointed that I have been portrayed philosopher and Harvard University Naomi Campbell and Liverpool foot- from half the population. Background, relevant evidence was presented to the as having made up the complaint. I’m Professor died on Wednesday 23rd baller Steven Gerrard will front the not potential, is having an undue in- court”. worried that this may deter others from from complications due to stomach campaign. This has provoked criticism fluence on people’s life chances. In The Principal of Homerton College, taking a stance in the future.” cancer. concerning the relevance of these fig- America, the Ivy League universities who had met with Akhtar and Wright Homerton College has remained ures to education. Will Gallagher, invest in finding the most talented three days after the Ball to discuss pos- silent on the case: nobody was avail- New buildings for English and President of CUCA, described the young people. Universities here must sible action, was not called to give evi- able for comment late last night, while Criminology AimHigher website as “patronising and hunt out bright young people from dis- dence. Those witnesses who were called on Monday evening Dr Kate Pretty, Cambridge City Council’s Planning gimmicky”. advantaged areas.” by the Prosecution had no opportuni- Homerton Principal, was unwilling to Committee this week gave the go- There has been further criticism Despite the criticism it receives, ty to meet the barrister until minutes make any comment to Varsity. An in- ahead for building work to commence of the government’s higher education Cambridge is trying hard to increase before the trial. A statement from Pav ternal inquiry was halted due to the de- at Sidgwick on the sites of the Institute policy over drop out rates. Education applications from those students who Akhtar, Colette Wright and Donna cision to take legal action. Meechan has of Criminology and the Department Secretary Estelle Morris revealed last have not traditionally applied in the MacAleese, the other prosecution wit- continued to work at the bar through- of English. The new buildings, to week that drop-out rates have risen past. Organisations such as Target ness, was received last night by Varsity: out the incident. Michael Shuter, a be completed in 2004, will solve cur- from 13 percent in 1983 to 17 percent Schools and GEEMA send students “On the evidence presented in court, Cambridge student present throughout rent problems concerning lack of in 1998. This highlights the fact that ac- and representatives to schools through- we accept that the case could not be the trial, stated last night: “Despite the space and inadequate facilities. cess to Higher Education is not only a out the UK in order to attract interest proved beyond reasonable doubt. It not guilty verdict, I feel that the threats matter of getting into university; it is from under-represented groups. CUSU was clear that the Prosecutor had not of violence admitted by Franc under Fact of the week: Pepsi’s upcom- also a matter of staying there. Target Officer, Ellen Weaver, is pleased been acquainted with enough details oath are not acceptable behaviour by ing commercial to be screened dur- The universities that have the great- with the new AimHigher campaign. In about the incident...We are very disap- a staff member of a college towards a ing the Superbowl will cost the com- est problems with students leaving tend an interview with Varsity she said: pointed with the result.” Colette Wright student.” pany $63,000 per second.

06 NEWS ANALYSIS 01 Febuary 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk WAR AT ANY PRICE? Holocaust Shahpur Kabraji

Winter in Kashmir is usually a qui- et time of year. As the tempera- ture falls, the people of the valley make preparations for a long cold season, stockpiling plenty of food and heating material. Even the two armies that are engaged in a con- Gabbie Bradfield stant duel at points all along the ‘Line of Control’ (LoC – the unof- Old Memories, New Memorials: ficial border separating the Indian What does the new Holocaust and Pakistani portions of Kashmir) Memorial Day show about the bundle up for the duration of the way young British Jews feel about bitter cold. Not this year. After the the Holocaust today? attacks on the Indian parliament Sunday marked the second annual on December 13, Kashmir has Holocaust Memorial Day in Britain. once again been granted the in- This is nothing new to Jewish people ternational spotlight. The story of around the world, however – they this beautiful but tragically war- have been commemorating the torn province is one that is com- Holocaust since the end of World War plex, and little known in the out- Two. Yom HaShoah is the Jewish and side world. 600,000 troops in ‘occupied’ was the recalcitrance of the other that the other to make a false move. As Israeli version of the event and was When the Indian subcontinent was Kashmir, India has the largest troop- caused this. Sources in Pakistan say both are nuclear powers, this is a ter- instituted shortly after Israel declared partitioned in August 1947, every to-civilian ratio in the world. Kashmir that Musharraf, with no- one really to rifying prospect. The border at its independence in 1948. Yom Princely State was granted the right was relatively quiet till 1989, when vi- answer to, was willing to make bold, Wagah, near Lahore, is no more than HaShoah translates fully as “The to join either India or Pakistan. olence and cross-border attacks re- decisive steps in Kashmir, and that a white line across tarmac, and strate- National Holocaust Heroes’ and Kashmir was a particularly con- sumed with unprecedented ferocity. Vajpayee was held back by Indian bu- gists have envisioned many night- Martyrs’ Day”. The naming and tim- tentious issue, as it was considered the It is no coincidence that this was also reaucrats who pulled the plug on the mare scenarios involving a misfired ing of the day reflect the way that the spiritual homeland for many Hindus, when the Soviets withdrew from negotiations at the final hour. shot that could trigger a full-scale war. Jewish people tended to view the and had a Muslim majority popula- Afghanistan, leaving many Nehru’s specal religious bond to Holocaust in the immediate aftermath tion. By the terms of the Partition Mujahideen heavily armed, with the Kashmir has always been key to of the war. Essentially, they were agreement, Princely States were to help of Pakistan’s ISI and the CIA, India’s value of the province. To “In a land where ashamed of what had happened – join either of the two countries de- but no ‘cause’ to fight for. Kashmir Pakistan, the idea of a Muslim ma- symbolism is they felt that the Jews of Europe pending on whether they had a seemed the obvious choice. With jority population struggling against everything, should have stood up for themselves Muslim or Hindu majority popula- these fighters supporting the Kashmiri ‘Hindu’ oppression has always been neither side can be more, and not have let themselves be tion. However, in the case of cause, the situation entered an alto- worth dying for. The cold reality is led to the gas chambers ‘as lambs to Kashmir, the Maharajah, Hari Singh, gether more dangerous phase. that, 55 years on, the matter has be- seen to give into the slaughter’. Indian unwillingness to accept come one of national pride, more the other” In the early years of Israeli inde- Kashmir as an issue worth discussing than anything else. In a land where pendence, people were embarrassed “Occupied has frequently forced Pakistan to re- symbolism is everything, neither side Tony Blair’s visit has been little more to admit that they were Holocaust sur- Kashmir has the sort to other means for attracting in- can be seen to give in to the other. It than cosmetic, and no real headway vivors. When the Holocaust was com- largest troop-to- ternational attention to the Kashmiri is now a part of Pakistani Army leg- will be made unless the Prime memorated in the 1950s and 1960s, civilian ratio in plight. While Pakistan insists that it end that in 1965, the Indian Generals Minister offers more than words of people wanted to remember the he- only provides “diplomatic and moral” were prevented from making good calm to both sides. They are simply roes of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising the world” support to their fellow Muslims, the on their boast of drinking Scotch at not enough. President Musharraf’s and the creation of the state of Israel, Indians understandably find that dif- the Lahore Gymkhana by the week- recent words condemning terrorism the powerful new weapon the Jews was a Hindu with a Muslim majority ficult to believe. Pakistani and Indian end. The Indians too have their sto- have been well received but they are, had created to ensure that the population. In the turmoil of parti- troops have been exchanging fire ries, and the war of words continues. after all, just words. He has done Holocaust would be the massacre to tion, fearing for his life, the Maharajah across the LoC, with mounting casu- much to rein in groups like Lashkar- end all massacres in Jewish history. submitted to pressure from the Indian alties, for over 50 years now, and e-Taiba and Jaish-e-Mohammed, but As time went on, however, attitudes government and signed the there seems to be no end in sight. “Tony Blair’s visit even more needs to be done. On the towards the Holocaust changed. It be- Instrument of Accession in favour of However, there have been moments has been little Indian side, Foreign Minister Jaswant came clearer that Jews were no longer India. India and Pakistan fought the of optimism, and never more so than more than Singh and Defense Minister George at immediate risk of another mass first of their three wars over Kashmir at the Agra summit last summer. cosmetic” Fernandes et al must realise that they genocide. But it certainly didn’t seem in 1948; a war that was halted by Pakistan’s President Musharraf and are not in the same position as Israel to change the fact that mass murder the promise of UN action. A Security India’s Prime Minister Atal Behari is with Palestine or the US with was still going on all over the world. Council resolution on 21 April 1948 Vajpayee met under the shadow of The fear is that, as we saw over the Afghanistan. Military misadventures Slowly, the message of the Holocaust stated: “Both India and Pakistan de- the Taj Mahal to try once again to New Year, this could become more across the border will come at a ter- changed: from one of strengthening sire that the question of the accession bring peace to Kashmir. Yet the talks, than just a war of words. The Armed rifyingly high price which neither he one’s own defences to one of show- of Jammu and Kashmir to India or like so many others, broke down in Forces of both nations are at the bor- nor his government should be willing ing compassion to every human be- Pakistan should be decided through the final stages. Both camps insist it der with weapons primed, waiting for to pay. ing across the world. “The voice of the democratic method of a free and your brother’s blood cries out to me” impartial plebiscite”. This plebiscite 1947 ting themselves to exclusively peace- and political” support, but India ac- (Genesis 4:10) became the rallying has yet to be held. Partition of subcontinent.Muslim state ful means. cuse them of supporting “cross-bor- cry for people who gathered togeth- 1965 saw a second conflict break of Pakistan and largely Hindu state of der terrorism.” er to commemorate the Holocaust. out over Kashmir, resulting in the India created. 1971 The importance of the new Tashkent Declaration as confirmation Civil war erupts between East and 1999 Holocaust Memorial Day is its uni- that Indian and Pakistani leaders in- 1947-48 West Pakistan. India invades East Indian air strikes on Pakistani forces versality. It makes no distinction be- tended to solve the Kashmir question First Indo-Pakistani war after armed Pakistan in support of East Pakistani in Kashmir (whose presence was de- tween Jew and non-Jew, hero or mar- peacefully. Violence in Kashmir has tribesmen from North West Pakistan people,taking 90,000 Pakistani troops nied by Pakistan) leads to a third war. tyr. It is a day on which every man continued as Kashmiris attack Indian invade Kashmir. prisoner. East Pakistan becomes and woman in the country must re- security forces in their part of Bangladesh in December 1971. 2001 flect on the strange capacity for do- Kashmir, considering the Indians an 1965 In December,an attack is launched on ing evil which bubbles quietly and army of occupation. These groups Second Indo-Pakistani war.UN bro- 1989 the Indian parliament, killing thirteen ominously within the human psyche; have based their training camps and kers ceasefire and, in January 1966, Armed resistance to Indian rule be- people.Indians blame Pakistani-backed a day on which we make a commit- main supply areas in what Pakistan both sides sign declaration commit- gins in Kashmir.Pakistan lends “moral Kashmiri forces and tension mounts. ment to ensuring that individual calls ‘Azad’ (free) Kashmir. With ethics subsume that evil completely. Careers Service JOURNALISM, BROADCASTING, FILM, MEDIA MANAGEMENT, PUBLISHING .... WORKING IN THE MEDIA Wednesday 6 February 2002 6.00 - 9.00pm (doors open 5.30pm) Exam Halls, New Museums Site (Bene’t Street entrance)

TALKS PROGRAMME

Law and the media 6.30 Print journalism – becoming a reporter Olswang & Pinsent Curtis Biddle

Film training at the National Film and Television 7.00 ‘Who needs publishers? – it’s all on the web’ – the School (NFTS) publishing industry in the 21st century

The TV industry – jobs, training and getting in 7.30 How to become a published author – the role of the literary agent

‘Drowning or waving?’ the need for multi-skilling 8.00 Making it in magazine journalism and publishing in broadcasting

MEET THESE ORGANISATIONS AND GRADUATES adhoc Publishing Ltd, internet publishing company Oxford Brookes University, postgraduate publishing courses Basi Akpabio, BBC, creative director Pearson Education, international educational publishing firm Lydia Adetunji, Financial Times, trainee journalist Pearson Publishing Group, Cambridge educational publishing group Catherine Blyth, 4th Estate Publishing, editor Amy Philip, Headline Fiction, editorial assistant Peter Bradshaw, Evening Standard, Guardian, journalist, novelist Pinsent Curtis Biddle, law firm with media specialism Alexandra Buxton, freelance journalist Kathryn Phillips, Journal of Experimental Biology, News & Views editor & Cambridge Evening News writer The Cambridge Student PMA Training, postgraduate media courses Cambridge University Press Matt Potter, Bizarre magazine, managing editor, freelance journalist Cambridge University Radio (CUR) Princess Productions, independent TV production company Tanita Casci, Nature (Macmillan), editor Stephen Pritchard, The Observer, assistant editor, producer of ‘Escape’ CFTV, student television society Proquest, Academic & reference electronic publishing firm City University, postgraduate media courses Nicola Rogers, Cambridge University Press Office, web editor Sam Coates, The Times, reporter Georgina Ruffhead, David Higham Associates, literary agent (film, TV, radio Paul Copeland, Mentorn (independent TV production company), assistant & stage rights) producer Brian Skeet, film director and screenwriter Martin Cullingford, Financial Times, trainee journalist Skillsformedia, media training & advice organisation CUTE, student TV society Trafficlink, news & traffic provider for regional & local radio stations Louise Dow, BBC Cambridge, bi-media broadcast journalist Simon Trewin, Peters, Fraser & Dunlop, literary agent Egmont Childrens’ Books TVYP (Television and Young People), part of the Guardian Edinburgh Robin Forestier-Walker, BBC Parliament, broadcast assistant/researcher International Television Festival HarperCollins UK, major UK publishing group, part of News International Varsity Kunbi Jegede, BBC, reporter Imogen Wall, BBC World Service Faisal Islam, The Observer, economics correspondent James Weeks, Sky News, producer Kerry McKibbin, independent TV, radio, journalism, freelance producer, West Herts College, postgraduate media courses director David Wise, freelance TV director The National Film and Television School Angela Young, freelance print & radio journalism Olswang, law firm with media specialism More information on www.careers.cam.ac.uk Event sponsored by media law firms: 08 NEWS ANALYSIS 01 Febuary 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk AN INTERESTING ARTICLE ON CUSU John West

The students at this institution are reg- spoke recently to former Union ularly force-fed the notion that CUSU is Society president Jeremy Brier, a some kind of lunatic ‘quango’. Our rep- known proponent of disaffiliation. resentatives, we are told, are arrogant, Hugh Collins He said that those in favour of sev- incompetent and unrepresentative. ering ties with CUSU believed that Neil Ramsorrun But I like CUSU. This isn’t some it was not “value for money…” and rose tinted view born out of a bored that its campaign issues did not rep- cynicism; the facts are there in black resent the majority view. This line of and white. argument sits uneasily with the seem- I was able to get hold of the ing reality presented by CUSU’s ac- A culture has emerged where peo- CUSU audits for the last two years – counts. Not only is CUSU extreme- ple are told that CUSU is a laugh- and they make interesting reading. ly good value for money; it also has ing stock, and their claims are simply Last year, the student union’s an admirable campaigning record. accepted. Equally, the apathy of most turnover was £560,000. However, In its two key issues of access and JCRs towards CUSU’s attempts to or- despite the gleeful reporting of higher education funding, CUSU ganise university wide activities is key CUSU’s financial inadequacy at los- ends the year in a reasonably strong profitable ventures. Which largely ex- is widely supported. Delegates elect- to the failure of certain campaigns to ing £25,000 on the Creation venture, financial position…” His sugges- plains where on earth a turnover of ed by students to the student union ever get off the ground (e.g. central its deficit at the end of June 2001 was tion that internal management £560,000 comes from, because it cer- council overwhelmingly back its university students’ building). Even only £9,606. The issue is put in per- processes need to be reformed has tainly doesn’t come from college sub- stance year after year. In any case, when I investigated this article, I had spective when one considers the am- been taken up with zeal by his suc- scriptions. Indeed, subscriptions last last year CUSU spent a mere 1.33% hoped that CUSU would be a joke of bitious nature of Creation and the cessor, Stewart Morris, and his col- year added up to a total of £85,457. an institution – but an honest inves- fact that without it, CUSU would leagues, who have produced a co- Even Trinity, which pays more than “A culture has tigation reveals such a preconception have had a surplus of approximate- herent management guidance any other college, parted company emerged where to be woefully inaccurate. ly £15,000. Indeed, last year’s serv- manual which is still in its draft phase. with a mere £5,125. Which means, people are told On a day when you’re groped by a ices officer Martin Lucas-Smith wrote In the wake of Creation, it is easy essentially, that for all the services that don, and get help from the academic in his audit report that “…CUSU to forget that CUSU has had many CUSU provides – including free in- that CUSU is a welfare staff, think of CUSU. Or even ternal mail and funding for The laughing stock” if you just buy a bagel with a student For a fiver, you can have CUSU services or... Cambridge Student – each of the discount, send a letter to a friend at • 2 pints • Half a pay-per-view football match 17,000 students at this university pays of its budget on campaigning. It is Girton, go to a society meeting that you • A taxi ride to Girton • Formal hall ticket £5. A fiver. hardly surprising that the students of found out about at freshers’ fair, read • A trip to the cinema for one • BK large double Whopper meal Those most vocal in their denun- Magdalene and Christ’s rejected dis- TCS, or go to Life at a discount price, • Ten condoms at Robinson bar • A pair of M&S Y-fronts ciation of CUSU have been the lead- affiliation resoundingly when it came think about where that all came from • 23 cigarettes • Fifty text messages ers of the disaffiliation rumblings. I to a vote. and then think about disaffiliation. A 01 February 2002 PERSPECTIVE NEWS 09 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Why is Holocaust Memorial Day important?

Anna Gunn Memorial Day, aimed at remember- homosexuals and political dissidents; anything that could threaten democ- The Holocaust is one of the de- ing the victims of the Shoah, educat- all problems that still confront peo- racy. Be it political or religious fa- finitive tragedies of human histo- ing future generations and prevent- ple today. naticism, or indeed the anti-demo- ry. The monumental evil of ing anything similar from happening The vital question is: what does cratic tendencies of big businesses Auschwitz and all that it stands for again. the memory of the Holocaust mean and the corporate media, they all still casts its shadow today. Though The Holocaust remains highly rel- for us today? German reactions to the must be taken seriously. Similarly, it is hard to believe that anyone evant, if only because there are still Stunde Null of 1945 are interesting: when we witness abuses of human would deny its occurrence, we Holocaust victims – and Nazi perpe- “We didn’t know”; “Orders are or- rights, whether in Kabul or Baghdad cannot close our eyes to the fact trators – with us. It is easy to forget ders”. A denial, in other words, of or Guantanamo Bay, it is our duty to that some do, and that extremist the uncomfortable fact that the Shoah public responsibility for the slaugh- speak out against them. Right parties across Europe are occurred in the very recent past, and ter of millions of innocent people. Holocaust Memorial Day is im- once again gaining strength. within an industrialised Western Holocaust Memorial Day teaches portant because it reminds us of the It was 57 years ago last Sunday nation, but we need to open our eyes us two things: that tolerance is im- duty that comes with democracy, and that the Red Army liberated to the real possibility of a repeat oc- perative, and that individuals must the vital need for tolerance and un- Auschwitz. For the second year run- currence. The Holocaust is the most assume near-personal responsibility derstanding between people. Above ning, people in Britain will com- extreme example of of xenopho- for the actions of their governments. all else, it forces us to think about memorate this date with Holocaust bia, anti-Semitism and the hatred of We have to be critical and vigilant of what it means to say “never again”.

Simon Eder J M Butt Jewish CUlanu Centre Muslim Chaplain Muslim The Holocaust is the blackest period in Jewish col- The slogan we hear more than any during re- lective memory. Jews had previously faced inqui- membrance of the Holocaust is “never again”. sitions and pogroms, but in the Holocaust they came Muslims echo this slogan. For if such atrocities were face to face with the possibility of extinction. As a Ministry of Sound postcard to be perpetrated again in Europe, there are omi- Jew living after Auschwitz, I cannot help feeling that nous signs that Muslims might be a likely target. I would not have been here today if not for an acci- Indeed, in the wake of the ethnic cleansing in Bosnia dent of history. during the early nineties, the British Chief Rabbi com- The Holocaust was not only a Jewish tragedy. The Poles, mented that the horror of the Holocaust was already be- the gypsies, the homosexuals and the handicapped who, ing repeated. “Can we stand,” he asked, “a bare half cen- in Primo Levi’s words, also faced death “because of a tury after the Holocaust, in a Europe that has replaced yes or a no” should not be forgotten. The Holocaust was the word Judenrein with the equally repellant phrase eth- more than a catastrophe to any particular group because, nic cleansing, and not ask whether we were wrong to say above all, it was a human tragedy. never again? There are too many parallels between the What Holocaust Memorial Day gives us is the chance mood of Europe now and the mood 100 years ago, to reflect on the late Rabbi Hugo Gryn’s question: “Where and we have too much knowledge to ignore the line that was man at Auschwitz?” For previous generations the leads from hatred to Holocaust”. memory of this brutal past was too great a burden to bear. Neither can we be sure that the same will not happen Yet today we must realize that, as Archbishop Tutu puts again. In Austria, the Freedom Party is openly mis- it, “true reconciliation cannot be achieved by denying the trustful of the Muslim presence. past”. As the descendants of survivors, perpetrators or by- The dust is still settling after September 11th. Following standers, we must confront this black hole in our history. the horrific events of that day, there is no telling whether Today, the need to remember is possibly greater than Islamophobia, as this new manifestation of anti-Semitism at any time since the liberation of the camps 57 years ago. is known, is on the increase or on the wane. Persistent We inhabit a world in which deniers of the Holocaust or depiction by the media of a marginal, extremist, violent assassins of memory are on the increase. The human are- form of Islam is, however, decreasing. na is still beset by genocide and ethnic cleansing. Most Since September 11th, the media appears to have be- worryingly, September 11th seems to have heralded what come more aware of the dangers of depicting Islam in the historian Samuel Huntington had predicted: “the clash this demonic light. Articles frequently reveal great efforts of civilizations”. to show that violent, extremist behaviour is not typical What the Holocaust must teach us is that in a world of Islam itself. Hopefully, this trend will be consolidat- of many faiths, cultures, races and creeds, we must ac- ed in the future. We will then be closer to realising the knowledge that we are all created in the image of God. aim of Holocaust Memorial Day: never again.

Different perspectives: why we must never be complacent about modern racism

Listening to the harrowing story of Mrs used to remember everyone who has been mur- Holocaust Memorial Day is impor- 18. However, it continues to hire Combat 18 to Saltz, the Holocaust survivor who dered on the basis of their race, religion, sexuali- tant for many reasons, not least the provide “security” for events, and it is clear that spoke in Cambridge last Sunday and whose ty or physical/mental state. Two of the fact that Nazism still exists in Britain today. the BNP still lies firmly within the Nazi tradition. only“ remaining connection with her family is Government’s objectives for Holocaust Memorial This“ takes a variety of forms, most unso- In 1997, Nick Griffin described the party as a two photographs, I wondered how such evil Day are to “assert a continuing commitment to op- phisticated of which is the group Combat 18, “strong, disciplined organisation, with the abili- could ever have happened. What is it that pose racism, anti-Semitism, victimisation and geno- which has close links to football hooligan- ty to back up its slogan ‘Defend Rights for Whites’ makes humans want to murder others on the cide” and to “promote a democratic society which ism. with well directed boots and fists”. Many promi- basis of such superficial factors as race or re- respects and celebrates diversity.” Nazism may be more serious in its subtle nent members of the BNP and the National Front ligious beliefs? Racial and religious hatred continue to perme- forms. Its influence in Britain’s political ranks re- (NF), Britain’s other far right party, have crimi- Mrs Saltz was asked if she thought this kind of ate this society. Holocaust Memorial Day is part of cently gained media prominence when it nal convictions for offences ranging from bomb mass genocide could happen again. Her response the continuing effort to stamp out this hatred and emerged that Edgar Griffin, one of Duncan building to defacement of the Stephen was “Yes.” My thought was that history had already intolerance. However, the government should not Smith’s campaign workers for the Conservative Lawrence memorial. repeated itself – take Bosnia and Rwanda, who just pay lip service, because actions speak louder Party, had been expelled for answering a hotline Sean Hartnoll have suffered genocide in the past decade. Despite than words. It cannot pledge anti-racism whilst in- for the far right British Nationalist Party (BNP). the fact that over six million Jews, Slavs, Roma, troducing racist immigration policies. Nazism’s reach also seems to be spreading – last Next week’s issue: ” Sinti, blacks and disabled people were merciless- Even if just one person was made to think dif- November the BNP obtained 20 percent of elec- Monarchy: should HM Queen ly and systematically exterminated under the Nazis, ferently on this day, Holocaust Memorial Day is tion votes in various councils in Burnley. Elizabeth II abdicate? still we have not learnt. Holocaust Memorial Day achieving its aims. Under its new leader, Nick Griffin, the BNP If you would like to contribute email: is of great significance precisely because of this. is attempting to redefine itself as a “respectable” [email protected] It is of the highest importance that this time is Lola Adesioye, CUSU Anti Racism Officer ” party, having formally broken links with Combat 10 NEWS EDITORIAL 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Editorial

Homerton that the admission was of interest to the Across touches every one of the freaks public given the widely publicised 1 Strict man and good-time (7,3,4) Varsity salutes you Pav Akhtar. Too friendship between Cherie Blair and the Crossword girl at the theatre next to top Down often have you come under fire as a college’s President, Michael J Beloff QC, celebrity (14) 1 Punishment of standard girl union scapegoat, and so far have re- as it calls into question hotly debated is- 8 Girl before showers (5) (one in mass) (12) acted to circumstances with the deco- sues on Oxbridge entry. According to 9 Letter next to railroad rais- 2 Treat strange runes (5) rum we would expect from an intelli- the PCC, children of the rich and fa- es twitters (7) 3 Plot allocation (9) gent representative. Last term you were mous, including the children of politi- 11 Greek heroine to choose 4 Enclosed snake for em- refused service by a bar manager who cians, are a no-go area, and therefore in- artist (7) brace (7) has admitted under oath to threatening consistencies cannot be accounted for. 12 Fowl in Blake’s trellis (7) 5 Philosophising sculpture? you with physical violence. We know A coup for transparency. 13 Flexible article after half-life (7) how hard you work on behalf of this uni- (5) 6 After house of masters (5) versity. Varsity calls on Cambridge stu- Media 15 Sozzled soldier starts lecture 7 Chief insignia for celebrity dents to boycott Homerton bar, until at strange city (9) (9) Franc Meechan makes a formal apolo- When I got to Cambridge I tried to 17 Rotate stand for record 10 Choose half a cake sister! gy for his words or is removed from em- meet lots of people, and was concerned player (9) It’ll cure you (12) ployment. Beechan’s behaviour is com- about who I was seen talking to, sacri- 20 Tender job has no direction 14 Aiming to ruin sportscar - pletely unacceptable. ficing all my good friends to make my- (5) ingrate (9) self upwardly mobile. I joined every so- 21 Comprehensive uniform 16 Odd charmly man is tear- Admissions ciety, and now my CV is brimming with (7) ful (9) things that warm my soul. I’m looking 23 Deviant spirit in hard work 18 Throw a penny to second Last week the Press Complaints forward to a future of smiling inanely causes problems (7) songs (7) Commission ruled that an article pub- with glazed eyes, talking to people I 24 Force little tail-spin inside 19 Disease returns in addition lished in The Daily Telegraph regarding don’t like. We’ll come together again Answers in next week’s issue. (8) to the ends of the scale (7) Euan Blair’s admittance to Trinity one day, slumped over emaciated bod- 26 Low nanosecond reveals 22 Excuse I bail out (5) College, Oxford was an infringement ies, with rapidly deteriorating nasal sep- bottom (5) 24 Elliptical or circular space of his privacy. One would have thought ta. Here’s to the future of England. 27 The way the underdog wins (5)

as you suggested in your editorial. Letter of the week Letters to the Editor However, to give some indication as to who or what is the subject of an in- The winner of the letter of the week receives two free tickets ocratic’ are being disingenuous. terview (Arts, front page) is of course to the Arts Picture House CUSU Council, like any other parliament, is a slur on post-modernism, and I ap- Anna Gunn last week demanded a representative democracy (com- plaud your decision to retain a shroud I could not believe it purpose except to make its author feel a statement from CUSU Council re- pared to the ‘direct democracy’ of of mystery over the whole affair. when I saw the like the world’s biggest pimp when in garding its decision not to ratify the Open Meetings), and no JCR/MCR Finally, the substitution of the word abysmally named ‘Cornelius fact he (or she) is a pathetic, talentless anti-war motion. While no individ- representative should feel any shame “boots” for the original “latrines” in Cunning’s Adult Entertainment nobody with nothing better to do than ual is entitled to give such a statement about, nor have to justify, having vot- the words “you’ll be cleaning XXXX Review’ in this week’s Varsity. To in- watch other people have sex over and on behalf of Council, the democrat- ed in accordance with the wishes of ‘til you can’t taste the difference be- clude, without a shred of either irony over and over again. ic argument perhaps boils down to their constituents. tween shit and French fries” was a or conscience, a column giving back- Do you have any kind of quality simple arithmetic. Stewart Morris masterstroke of subversion (review, ground information on pornographic control policy at all? The Open Meeting had just over CUSU Services Officer “Black Hawk Down”). Anyway, who films is absolutely outrageous. Varsity has the potential to be a gen- 100 people in attendance (half of needs shit or French fries when you As anyone who has read my college uinely good newspaper. Because of ar- whom left after the anti-war motion SMUG can have tabbouleh? magazine, Pump-action Cock Dynamism*, ticles like this it is worse than Pump-ac- was carried). By comparison, if the Henry Volans will know, I am not exactly an advo- tion Cock Dynamism which has zero 56 JCR/MCR Executive Committees I must thank The Independent for its Peterhouse cate of rigorous censorship. However budget and a writing team of about 4 represented on Council had discussed decision to distribute free copies of its I feel that this article crossed the line. people. this motion only among themselves, weekly colour supplement to the stu- APOLOGIES ‘Adult entertainment’ is exploitative over 500 people would have been in- dents of Cambridge. There were, and sick and to see it written about with Yours faithfully volved in the consultation process. If however, a number of errors in last In Analysis last week “save the such obvious glee in a supposedly high- James Bench-Capon the motion was taken to college Open week’s edition. There are, for exam- pound lose your job” was said by brow publication, as though it were a Editor, Pump-action Cock Dynamism Meetings as well, this figure may have ple, well over fourty-four different Simon Radford and not Richard valid form of entertainment compara- been close to 1000. As such, those ways of spelling “Pav Ahktar” (much Burgon. Varsity wishes to apologise for ble to music or theatre, is just tasteless. *The name of this publication has been who label CUSU Council ‘anti-dem- like Willy Shagspur), and not just two any confusion this may have caused. As far as I can tell this article served no changed for advertising reasons.

The A Team : If you would like to contribute to Varsity, turn up to a section meeting (times below) at the Varsity offices (unless otherwise indicated) or email a section editor

Editor: Rob Sharp [email protected] Chief News Editor: David Benson Business Manager: Ed Hall [email protected] News Editors: Oliver Duff, James Hayton, Katy Long (Mon 4 pm) [email protected] Technical Director: Tim Harris News Analysis Editors: Hugh Collins, Neil Ramsorrun (Fri 4 pm) [email protected] Company Secretary: Diana Tapp News Perspective Editor: Anna Gunn (E-mail for details) [email protected] Deputy Editor: Will Bland [email protected] Living Editor: Anushka Asthana [email protected] Director of Design: James O’Connor [email protected] Science Editor: Tim Jarratt (Mon 6 pm) [email protected] Snr Design Consultant: Will Hill Fashion Editors: Clemmie Burton-Hill, Mike Dixon (E-mail for details) [email protected] Design Consultants: Debbie Barrow, Claire Parker, Gemma Partridge, Gary White Interviews Editor: Jack Thorne (E-mail for details) [email protected] Production Manager: Jim Minter [email protected] Satire Editors: Joe Craig, Ali Smart [email protected] Online Webmaster: Alex Mathy [email protected] Food Editors: Johan Duramy, Charlie Rahtz [email protected] Online Editor: John Mills [email protected] Travel Editor: Julia Mason (E-mail for details) [email protected] Photos Editor: Kieran Drake [email protected] Arts Editors: Sarah Savitt, Dave Thorley [email protected] News Photos Editor: Carolyn Lund Theatre Editors: Fiona Kelcher, Mark Richards (E-mail for details) [email protected] Sport Photos Editor: Rowan Huppert Film Editor: Howard Gooding (Thu 5 pm The Anchor) [email protected] Senior Page Setters: James Southgate (Technical), Tom Walters (Design) Music Editors: Jonny Anstead, Ed Maxwell (Fri 4 pm The Eagle) [email protected] Page Setters: Christian Ashby, Suli Chen, Simon Dangoor, Phil Earis, Tori Classical Music Editor: Sam Hayes (Wed 5.30 pm Eagle) [email protected] Flower, Wenjun Hu, Sean Parris, Laurence Tailby, Fran Turner Literature Editor: Sameer Rahim (Mon 5.30 pm) [email protected] Subeditors: Daniel Crompton (Chief), Sophie Davies, Gavin Kermack, Visual Arts Editor: Hannah Barry (Tue 5 pm The Vaults) [email protected] Emily Norton, Helene Williamson Sport Editors: Nick King, Ben Speight, Francis Booth (Fri 3pm Maypole) [email protected] LIVING

FASHION 12 HUMOUR 18 “I think he can see beauty in every- Justify your face. one.” Varsity meets Mario Testino.

SCIENCE 14 INTERVIEW 19 Why should we care about the Rio John Hurt on rabbit animation and Earth Summit? Richard III.

TRAVEL 14 FOOD AND DRINK 20 St Petersburg – gangsters and white Secrets handed from mother to nights. daughter. 12 LIVING FASHION 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk The adventures of Mario

Clemency Burton-Hill meets Mario Testino on the eve of his acclaimed retrospective show

Picture the scene: It’s London, early ’80s, stars, supermodels, popstars, design- ion, the Peruvian is both a few steps in the hallowed halls of Vogue House. A ers and editors. The scene of this ma- and a million miles away from his first cocky young South American strides into nia is the National Portrait Gallery on doorstep. This is the man who the fashion office and suddenly there’s a the eve of a huge retrospective of changed the way the world saw flurry, as various fashion editors rush to Mario Testino’s portraits. Princess Diana, who Madonna hide themselves behind rails of clothes begged to have photograph her, who and underneath desks. Kate Moss and Gwyneth Paltrow con- “Tell…me…when…he’s…gone!” one of “He sees me sider a best friend, who discovered them hisses to a colleague. It seems that for sexier than Gisele and this is the man who has months, this fellow has been bugging the every fashion editor in the world sali- girls at Vogue to let him take fashion pho- other people...I vating and clamouring for his work. tographs, and they’re just not having any think he can see To say his photographs are like gold of it. dust is an understatement extraordi- Cut to London, early 2002. A flur- beauty in every- naire: in fashion terms, they are sol- ry of a quite different nature is hap- one.” id gold. pening just off the Charing Cross Kate Moss The new exhibition at the National Road, only a mile or so from Vogue Portrait Gallery, sponsored by House in Hanover Square. This time A penniless twenty-something Burberry and Dom Perignon, in as- the hissing is one of “Mario! Mario! Testino, perhaps on his way home sociation with Vogue, brings this into Over here!” as hundreds of press pho- from having been shooed out of the sharp focus. Charles Saumarez-Smith, tographers swarm like wasps around Vogue office, used to wander into the the Director of the gallery, sums up that same South American and his en- same gallery and dream of the future. the Testino effect when he admits: tourage of A-list Hollywood super- Now, as the most wanted man in fash- “I wish we did exhibitions like this all the time… It’s not often we have sponsors like these falling over them- selves to be part of something.” All I can say is, who wouldn’t want to be part of Mario Testino’s world? A world in which, as British Vogue edi- tor Alexandra Shulman said, “every- one is beautiful and life is always fun.” It’s hard to put into words quite how extraordinary his photographs are in a gallery. We’re used to seeing them screaming out from magazine covers, books, billboards and albums all over the world – and we know Kate Moss, The Face, 1996, Paris they’re fabulous. Yet the ubiquity of his images does not prepare one from She is Mario’s favourite model, “for phy was seen as a magical medium, the physical shock of seeing them for a variety of reasons”. As well as find- capable of anything, and so powerful real. ing her incredibly beautiful, Testino that many feared it would replace The first room of the exhibition is says she’s “full of style and humour”, painting. In the Twentieth Century, a kind of introduction, entitled ‘Out and he holds her opinion in very high at least until the influence of Beaton, of Fashion’ as a means of forging a esteem. Her room represents his idea photography’s reputation was chal- link between Testino’s fashion work that portraiture is “all about knowing lenged as painting regained superi- and his development into portraiture. someone”. Rather than just one pho- ority as an art form. Testino, then, With two wall-size black-and-white tograph, which might catch the sub- stands at an interesting moment in the images of Christy Turlington and stance of the moment beautifully, but history of photography. With all the Naomi Campbell presiding over a nothing more, Kate’s room brings to- mind-boggling developments in dig- feast of smaller colour offerings, in- gether 13 pictures taken over ten ital photography of the last decade, cluding Gisele Bündchen and Linda years, in which her development as a he nevertheless hand-touches every Evangelista, we see the photograph- person and her “changing mind” are print, and goes about his work in a er’s increasing fascination with cap- as perfectly expressed as her physi- meticulous, old-fashioned, craftsman- turing the essence of a person’s char- cal changes. like way. The only concession made acter, as well as their surface beauty. For Testino, the idea of reflecting a to technology in this circumstance Nowhere is that underlined more persona is infinitely more important was a digital blowing-up of the prints, Meg Ryan, Vanity Fair, 2000, Los Angeles clearly than in the ‘Kate Moss’ room. than merely documenting what he so that it is possible to have the huge calls “plastic beauty”. His models play wall-size images of Christy, Naomi, roles, and with his guidance, they play Kate, Madonna, Diana, Gwyneth, them well. Diana, as he says, was born David Ginola and Catherine Zeta- into a rôle; Madonna has created rôle Jones, both perfectly sharp and utterly after rôle for herself; and Gwyneth is mind-blowing. They are worth it. an interpreter of rôles other people Testino admits to an obsession with bestow on her. He works effortlessly a certain sort of female beauty, which around them. A heightened sense of he attributes to the role model of his theatricality is a reflection of the side mother, with her immaculate ele- of him which will always remain a gance in language and appearance. traditionalist, no matter how much of Even with Gisele’s cleavage fore- a rebel he might seem. Testino’s ear- grounded in glorious Technicolor, or ly way of working was almost primi- Naomi’s breasts dangling provoca- tive: like the photographers of the tively over a naked Puff Daddy, at no Nineteenth Century, he used only point is there a suspicion of sex for daylight, and maintained a highly for- the sake of it. His pictures are ago- mal dramatic element to his work. nisingly sexy and sometimes erotic, His major influence is Cecil Beaton, but they manage to be so in a hu- whose NPG exhibition in the 1960s morous, laid-back way. In his most was a seminal moment in the history highly charged pictures the subjects of fashion, photography, and art. In are often fully clothed (my personal Diana Princess of Wales, Vanity Fair, 1997, London the Nineteenth Century, photogra- favourite: Kate Moss in a neck-high A 01 February 2002 FASHION LIVING 13 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Elizabeth Hurley, British Vogue, 1999, London Burberry mackintosh and not so than most people get to know in five much as a flash of skin). years. And it’s easy to see why peo- The billion-dollar question is how ple relax in his company: he has a on earth Mario Testino manages to certain sparkle which is immediate- get as much as he does out of the ly endearing, and a bewitching mod- people he photographs, given that esty. He says, for example, about the they are essentially at their most vul- sea of press faces hanging on his nerable in front of the camera. He every word: “This is quite nerve- claims his biggest privilege is the wracking. I’m so touched that you’re ability to be informal with his sub- all interested!” He also stresses that jects, which is the basis of the Diana it has not been easy; it’s taken him a long time to get from the dream- “I always feel ing Peruvian boy who had to share his cornflakes with his cat, to the when I look at National Portrait Gallery, and every- thing in between. In this, however, his pictures, there is no trace of a conventional that I’m sort of jaded celebrity edge; and maybe it’s his heart-warming Peruvian accent being let in on or just his sheer honesty which pre- something.” vents his guide to life from being a sickly cliché: “If you want something Gwyneth Paltrow in life, you just gotta go and get it, because no-one’s gonna give it to studies. Having at first decided it you.” would be much more interesting and One senses there’s an awful lot of effective to photograph her as a Mario Testino in both his photo- proper Princess, tiara and all, he graphs and the exhibition as a then scrapped that idea, made her whole. Kinmouth says he decided to kick off her heels (literally), and de- paint the walls in bright, bright cided to photograph her as if she was colours and cram images together a close friend. When asked the ways on the walls in a reflection of the way in which he makes his subjects re- Mario hangs his own art collection lax, he giggles cheekily and pro- at home. There is no understated claims: “I’m just me!” Later, he adds: minimalism here; it’s high-octane, “I have a little angel who helps me high-gloss fashion and passion all get it 80 percent of the time”. the way, and it’s quite brilliant. According to his close friend and collaborator, Patrick Kinmouth, it is Mario Testino: Portraits is at the a well-known fashion fact that in a National Portrait Gallery from 1 Mario sitting, he will know more February – 4 June 2002. For more about his model within five minutes information call 020 7312 2463. Robbie Williams, British Vogue, 1999, London 14 LIVING SCIENCE/TRAVEL 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Sustainable Engineers Another Earth Summit – who cares? Helen Hendry addresses apathy on Rio+10 Cambridge University Engineering Department (CUED) has announced Ten years on from the Rio Earth Summit, If Rio was a disappointment, what the launch of a new MPhil course in world leaders will meet once again to discuss hope is there for Rio+10?

Environmental Engineering and the global environment, this time with Jarratt Tim Rio+10 could mark the success or fail- Sustainable Development. Starting in Johannesburg as the host city. But why should ure of world leaders to take ultimate re- October 2002, the course will be taught we, apathetic and cynical Cambridge stu- sponsibility for the global environment. in conjunction with MIT in the United dents, care? Does the state of the environment Renowned conservation scientist, Dr States under the auspices of the really affect our everyday lives? Here is a short Norman Myers, recently asserted: Cambridge-MIT Institute. Modules will guide, so you can make up your own mind. “September 11th may have broken the range from specific engineering issues to What was the Rio Earth Summit? old mould of looking at the world as 200 more general topics, such as examining The United Nations Conference on that aim to meet economic and envi- Are things better now? little independent management pack- how concepts of sustainability can be in- Environment and Development was ronmental goals simultaneously. All the environmental catastrophes ages.” It will be revealing to see how the troduced into companies. held in June 1992 in Rio de Janeiro. However, legal and political wrangling that existed in 1992 have either persist- United States, one of the world’s great- Sustainable development is be- World leaders gathered to tackle envi- about who should do what and who ed or worsened and new ones have aris- est environmental offenders, behaves, coming an increasingly important ronmental problems and, for the first should pay has hindered efforts to make en. Environmental problems are not re- given their historical lack of commit- business consideration as govern- time, brought global attention to the idea significant progress. stricted to developing countries which ment to environmental protection. ments around the world implement that environmental protection must be What does Rio+10 hope to accom- we treat as ‘out of sight, out of mind’. So? regulations on emissions, recycling, integrated with issues such as poverty plish? Scientists are currently investigating how “Think globally; act locally” was a water quality, etc. The onus is on the and under-development. Decisions will be made on how future changes in climate may already be lead- major theme that emerged from Rio, next generation of engineers to have Success or failure? efforts should be directed. However, ing to the breakdown of the Atlantic encapsulating the need for each one of a holistic view so that efforts to im- Several major conventions came out part of the purpose is also retrospective. Gulf Stream, without which the British us to do our bit, no matter how small. It prove the lives of those here today of Rio, which aim to defend the natural This will involve assessing progress since Isles could turn into the snow-covered is likely that having an ‘eco-conscience’ are not at the cost of degrading it for world through new conservation and ’92 and establishing what lessons have tundra that exists at similar latitudes will soon become more of a necessity future generations. sustainable development programmes been learnt. elsewhere on Earth. than simply a fashion accessory. The new course is part of a bigger drive within CUED towards greater understanding of the environmen-

tal impact of engineering. To this Jarratt Tim end, the department has launched a Centre for Sustainable Development, headed by Professor Peter Guthrie. The aim of the Centre is to act as a focus for research and teaching both within the university and industry at large. www-g.eng.cam.ac.uk/sustdev www.cmi.cam.ac.uk

Tim Jarratt

From Russia with love Sarah Growcott flies Aeroflot St Petersburg is a fabulous city. While be- of vodka and a taste of genuine Russia is not a place to go to un- Winners! coming an increasingly modern metrop- Russian cuisine – borsch, blinis, caviar prepared. Learn a few Russian olis, it also continues to retain its cul- and more. It also ensured that I did- phrases as most Russians speak lit- The following lucky people will have tural history. Known as the ‘Northern n’t miss out any worthwhile sightsee- tle English. Be aware of the dual pric- no excuse to get lost on a trip to Venice’, being built on a network of canals, ing – allow a whole day to explore the ing system. Well pronounced Europe. Eve∑ryone else will just have St Petersburg is home to the Winter Palace, Russian Museum, which charts Russian phrases can lead to fantas- to buy a compass. the Hermitage Art Gallery and the mag- Russia’s artistic history from ortho- tic bargains – £1.50 to see Swan Lake Jack Nichols nificent Byzantine ‘Church of Spilled dox icons to socialist realism. Also at the Alexandriinsky, for instance. Gemma Easter Blood’. worth a visit are the extravagant Inside the city, the only trans- Kitty Chan The difference between the tourist palace and gardens of Peterhof, port worth using is the excellent Elizabeth James and traveller couldn’t be more known as the ‘Russian Versailles’. metro system. It’s clean, efficient, Esther Yu pronounced. Crowds of Americans Take the ever reliable Rough Guide, the stations look like small palaces They have all won copies of the Lonely in tour groups are led round by the plus a decent map. and, at only 5p a trip, it’s very cheap. Planet Guide to Europe on a Shoestring. nose and charged extortionate prices. For journeys out of the city, take a Congratulations. By being in the know you can save a taxi (avoid Russian buses at all costs) lot of money and get a much better and have lots of American dollars impression of the country. The best handy to pay the driver. Always Travel Tips way to experience the real Russia is Growcott Sarah keep your documents on you in case with The Host Family Association of spot checks by the corrupt po- • www.cheapflights.com is our favourite website and,unless you are heavily into ([email protected]). For $20 a lice – I even met someone who porn, it should be yours too. night, I stayed with a lovely couple, bribed their way out of custody for • How do you get complimentary champagne on a plane? Go first class,you tight experienced genuine hospitality and the price of a Big Mac and Fries. bastard! was able to listen to memories of And there was so much more. I • Always arrive for check-in half an hour before the plane leaves. After all, why Russia’s turbulent past. HOFA will could go on – seeing a communist should you be the one to wait in a queue with all the crying babies? also pick you up from the airport. This protest, getting stranded in • It’s never the best time to visit Wales. is worth knowing, as there is no pub- Novgorod (I told you not to take the • Don’t travel around Cambridge on a bike. It’s annoying and sad. lic transport into the city and taxis bus!), eating beetroot soup and ac- • Don’t skateboard. Unless you’re seven. charge over $100 for a ten-minute trip. tually liking it. Love it or hate it, • Never wear your ‘keep it in all day’ metal-plated Ann Summers vibrator when Living with a family in St Russia guarantees to be one hell of flying.They’re very good but they set off the metal detectors. Petersburg meant a generous supply Take a trip out to Novgorod an experience. • Join us in the mile-high club by having sex with a loved one during a flight. A 01 February 2002 LISTINGS 15 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Christs College, New Court Theatre. Wednesday Christ’s Films Gonville and Caius 8pm. £2. King’s LBG Night: Sunday 3rd Feb Robinson Films: Popular mixed social with cheese mu- 8pm &10:30pm May Ball A Knight’s Tale. sic. Undergrads and postgrads welcome. MIKE BASSETT: ENGLAND Listings Robinson College King’s College, Cellar Bar. MANAGER 2002 10pm. £2 9:30pm. Robinson Films: Thursday 7th Feb Earlier Start 9pm HEAT Auditions for A Knight’s Tale. Misc Film Robinson College New Court Theatre, Christ’s Entertainment 7pm. £2 Friday Arts Picture House £2 inc. raffle for wine E-mail Lucy (lmd 29) St John’s Films: Queens’ Ents: www.christs.cam.ac.uk/cfilms GOSFORD PARK (15) 137mins Moulin Rouge! (12). 7pm and 10pm. Jingles! Once you bop, you just can’t Fri 1st - Sun 3rd Feb:12.00,2.45,5.30, http://come.to/johnsfilms. stop. 8.15 St. John’s College, Fisher Building. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Mon 4th - Thurs 7th Feb:12.30,3.15, 7pm. £2.00. 9pm. £5. Smørgåsbord 6.00, 8.45 THEFT presents Bread and Roses: Ð 2002 Ð A MA SOEUR! (18) 86mins A film by Ken Loach. http://go.to/theft. Saturday The New Writing Festival for Fri 1st - Sun 3rd Feb: 1.10, 5.50 Trinity Hall, Lecture Theatre. Cambridge University Judo Club: the theatre are holding Mon 4th - Thurs 7th Feb: 2.10 (not 7:30pm. £2 Open to all men and women. Tues),6.50 TRINITY FILM: Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. AUDITIONS LAST ORDERS (15) 109mins THE FRENCH CONNECTION 6pm. on the weekend of the 2nd +3rd Feb Fri 1st - Sun 3rd:2.20 (Sun only),3.20 Classic police thriller starring Gene The Cambridge Union: 2–6pm (not Sun), 8.00 Hackman. Borders Pub Quiz, win £100 of CDs. in i6 Mon 4th - Thurs 7th:1.30 (Mon only), Trinity College, Winstanley Theatre. Members only Corpus Christi College 4.20, 9.00 9pm. £ 2.00. In the Bar. MONSOON WEDDING (15) 8:30pm. For info contact: hsw21 or ejkl2 119 mins Monday The Pembroke College Winnie- Fri 1st - Sat 2nd:2.30,7.30,10.00pm TRINITY FILM: The-Pooh Society: Churchill Sun 3rd: 4.30, 9.00 THE FRENCH CONNECTION Elevenses Meeting - including a little AUDITIONS GODS invites Mon 4th: 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 Classic police thriller starring Gene smackeral of something (http://www- FOR A PRODUCTION OF applications to Tues 5th:2.00, 4.30 Hackman. tu.pem.cam.ac.uk/pooh/). TOM STOPPARD’S Weds 6th:2.00, 4.30, 8.50 Trinity College, Winstantley Theatre Pembroke College, Room M1. 1. Direct in the Wolfson Thurs 7th: 12.20, 8.50 9pm. £ 2.00. 4:30pm. “Rosencratz and Theatre, Churchill College, ENIGMA (15) Wintercomfort for the Homeless: Guildernstein are dead” Early Lent term Sunday 3rd Feb: 12.10 Tuesday Annual Street Collection - volunteers TO BE HELD IN THE 2. Co-funding for an Fri 1st and Sat 2nd: 10.40pm CCCP: needed urgently. DOWNING COLLEGE PARTY ROOM Edinburgh Production 2002 SOME VOICES (15) Clerks. Trinity Hall, SATURDAY 2ND & Tues 5th Feb: 1.30 McCrum Theatre, Benet Street, Next 10am. Deadline: Friday 8th February SUNDAY 3RD FEBRUARY, Queries/Applications to: Ewan THE WICKED LADY (PG) to Eagle pub. 10AM UNTIL 3PM Scott, ebs24, Churchill Tuesday 5th Feb: 9.15 8pm. £2. Sunday NOWHERE TO HIDE (18) Samatha Meditation: Fri 1st and Sat 2nd: 10.50pm Wednesday Meditation classes for everyone. No FANCY WRITING FOR MONSOON WEDDING (15) Churchill MCR Film Soc: charge. Entertainers Fri 1st and Sat 2nd: 10.00pm WHAT WOMEN WANT (also late Darwin College, Old Library. A UNIVERSITY-WIDE SHAKESPEARE ON FILM: show 11pm) 8pm. musicians PUBLICATION? A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S Churchill College, Wolfson Hall. Soraya’s 8-week Beg. Oriental DREAM (PG) Gender Agenda, the CUSU 8pm. £2.00 Belly Dance Course: bands and djs Sun 3rd Feb: 3.00 Learn how this beautiful ancient dance Women’s Union Magazine RICHARD III (15) Thursday can get you in shape and be fun! INTERESTED IN PLAYING AT THE Thurs 7th Feb: 3.00 Central European Film Club: Cambridge YMCA, Pye Room, PROVE THEY WERE WRONG WHEN PEMBROKE COLLEGE THE EYE OF VICHY (PG) Paris, Texas (1984) by Wim Wenders info:[email protected]. THEY DIDN’T AWARD YOU THE MAY BALL Fri 1st Feb: 5.00 Caius College, Bateman Auditorium. 6pm.£36Students,£40non-students. WHITBREAD PRIZE! PLEASE CONTACT HENRY BOWEN WEAPONS OF THE SPIRIT (PG) 8pm. Email Chris Holly (cah44) to AT [email protected] OR ON Sat 2nd Feb: 5.00 Christ’s Films HEAT: Monday 07765 467313 write for the Lent term issue BLANCHE ET MARIE (15) Pacino & De Niro head to head - best Ballroom and Latin Dancing Sunday 3rd Feb: 7.00 movie shootout of all time. Absolute Beginners Class: TERRORISTS IN RETIREMENT Christs College, New Court Theatre. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. (PG) 9pm. £2. St Alban’s School Hall, behind the Weds 6th Feb: 7.00 Robinson Films: Catholic Church, Lensfield Road. LIBERA ME (12) Schindler’s List. 7:30pm. Thurs 7th Feb: 7.00 Robinson College Barbara Harding Yoga: 9:30pm. £2 Beginners class- all welcome. Friday St John’s Films: Newnham Old Labs, The Cambridge Union: Ghost World (15).http://come.to/johns- 4pm. £3.50 for a term pass, £5 drop ‘Wall Street’, Michael Douglas corrupts films in. THE CAMBRIDGE INTERNATIONAL young broker Charlie Sheen St. John’s College, Fisher Building. Belly dance: CONCERT SERIES 2001-2002 The Blue Room. 9pm. £2.00. Belly dance for intermediates. Powerful 8pm. art form. Improvisation and choreog- A SERIES OF SIX OUTSTANDING ORCHESTRAL CONCERTS LesbBiGay raphy. MONDAY 4TH FEBRUARY 2002 7.30PM SUNDAY 21ST APRIL 2002 7.30PM Sunday King’s College, Chetwynd room. NETHERLANDS CITY OF BIRMINGHAM Monday SYMPHONY SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA STUDENT Christ’s Films MIKE BASSETT: 6pm. £conc CONDUCTOR Sakari Oramo DISCOUNT ENGLAND MANAGER: CUSU LesBiGay: Belly Dance: ORCHESTRA SOLOIST Tabea Zimmermann (viola) CONDUCTOR Jaap van Zweden SCHUBERT Symphony No 8 in B minor, Ricky Tomlinson (The Royle Family, Mixed Weekly LesBiGay social. Belly dance for absolute beginners. SOLOIST Melvyn Tan (piano) ‘Unfinished’ HALF PRICE RESPIGHI The Birds KURTAG Viola Concerto TICKETS ON THE DAY Cracker) ‘He Knows FA About Grad Pad Relaxing and fun. CHOPIN Piano Concerto No 1 in E minor SMETANA Four symphonic poems BRAHMS Symphony No 4 in E minor from Ma Vlast OFFER EXCLUDES £5.00 TICKETS Football’ Comedy hit. 9pm King’s College, Chetwynd room. TUESDAY 7 TH MAY 2002 7.30 PM FRIDAY 8TH MARCH 2002 7.30PM Christs College, New Court Theatre. 7:30pm. £conc. ST PETERSBURG ALL CONCERT TICKETS Tuesday BOURNEMOUTH SYMPHONY £24.50 £20.50 £16.50 £5.00* 10:30pm. £2. CU Yoga Society: SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA * RESTRICTED VIEW Christ’s Films MIKE BASSETT: Phoneline: Iyengar yoga with Philippe. ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR Alexander Dmitriev ENGLAND MANAGER: Confidential LesBiGay phoneline. Lucy Cavendish College, Oldham CONDUCTOR Yakov Kreizberg ! SOLOIST Igor Tchetuev SOLOIST Alfred Brendel (piano) TCHAIKOVSKY Fantasy overture: Romeo and Juliet Ricky Tomlinson (The Royle Family, (7)40777 Student Bar. MOZART PianoSOLD Concerto OUT in C major, PROKOFIEV Piano Concerto No 3 in C K503 KHACHATURIAN Ballet suite: Spartacus Cracker) ‘He Knows FA About 8-10pm. 5:15pm. £3.50 or termcard - 4 ses- BRUCKNER Symphony No 4 in E flat, TCHAIKOVSKY Symphonic fantasia: BOX OFFICE 01223 357851 ‘Romantic’ Francesca da Rimini www.cornex.co.uk Football’ Comedy hit. sions for 10. 16 LISTINGS 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

The Globe Cafe: MAKE A DIFFERENCE for international students, relaxed and We invite you to join our team of informal chat with Pancakes. volunteers, to run an exciting, energetic, 9 Victoria Street, Just off Christs child-centred programme (son-rise) for Pieces. our 7 year-old, mildly autistic daughter. Listings 7pm. We would like to ask you to volunteer 3 – 4 hours per week. Wednesday No experience is needed – Amnesty International: travelling expenses reimbursed. Misc (contd) Make the call – Make a difference Letter Writing Meeting. Telephone: 248622 CUTAZZ: Trinity College, Junior Parlour. Beginners tap. 7pm. Robinson College, Games room. CU Yoga Society: 6pm. £2.50. 8 week course with Shuddassara (for- MONDAY 11 FEBRUARY CUTAZZ: merly Nancy). Intermediate/advanced tap. Newnham College, Old Labs. Robinson College, Games room. 7:15pm.£20 7pm. £2.50. CU Yoga Society: Jewish Society: Yoga with Shuddassara. Studies with buddies - Classes ranging Newnham College, Old Labs. from talmud and philosophy to hebrew 5:30pm. £3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 poetry. sessions). The CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge Street CUSU Council: (between Oxfam and The Galleria). Decision-making body of CUSU, every- 7pm. one can have their say. Latin Dancing Corpus Christi College, McCrum lec- Absolute Beginners Class: ture theatre. St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation 8pm. Street. Quiz Society: 7pm. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Intercollegiate Championship: Catz/Trinity, Caius/Corpus, Peterhouse/Selwyn, Christ’s/Darwin. Tuesday Christs College, Lloyd Room. Ballroom and Latin Dancing 7:15pm. Absolute Beginners Class: STUDENT OFFER! HALF PRICE TICKETS AVAILABLE ON THE DAY! £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Thursday

7.30 PM TICKETS £18.50 + 50p credit /debit cards St Columba’s Church Hall, Downing Cambridge University Judo Club: Place. Open to both men and women. 7:30pm. Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. Barbara Harding Yoga: 8pm. BOX OFFICE 01223 357851 www.cornex.co.uk Beginners class- all welcome. CU Yoga Society: Newnham Old Labs Iyengar Yoga with Yvonne. 7:45pm.£3.50 term pass,£5 drop in. Girton College, Wolfson Court. Cambridge University Judo Club: 6pm.£3.50 or termcard for 10 (4 ses- Open to all Men and Women. sions). Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. Greek Dancing Club: 8pm. Come have fun by learning to Greek This House believes that CU Yoga Society: dance! Beginners welcome Iyengar yoga with Yvonne. Darwin College, Common Room. Free market capitalism is responsible for Pembroke College, New Cellars. 5pm.£2 / class or 15 / term. continuing global poverty 5:30pm.£3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 Salsa Dancing - Absolute Beginners sessions). Class: THURSDAY, 7th February at 8pm in the Chamber CU Yoga: £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Iyengar yoga with Pavara. St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation Pembroke College, New Cellars. Street. 7:15pm.£3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 7pm. sessions). Salsa Dancing - Absolute Beginners CUTAZZ: Class: Advanced Jazz. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. United Emmanuel Reform Church, St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation Church hall. Street. 8pm. £2.50. 8pm. CUTAZZ: Beginners Jazz. Music United Emmanuel Reform Church, The best sandwiches Church hall Friday 7pm. £2.50. CUSH: Jewish Society: Darwin ents collaborate to support in Cambridge Spirituality Slam. Cambridge homeless - music, great at- The CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge Street mosphere. and if you love coffee, (between Oxfam and The Galleria). Darwin College 8pm. 9pm.£2. then you’ll love O’Brien’s Queens Art Society: Kettles Yard: Life drawing class Everyone welcome LUNCHTIME CONCERT. Free con- (materials provided). certs programmed by students. Queens’ College, Erasmus Room. Kettle’s Yard, 7pm. 1:10pm. Quiz Society: The Junction CDC: 43 Regent St. 6 St. Edward’s Passage Fun pub quiz. Free entry. All welcome. Boogie Wonderland: 70s and 80s Disco Brain optional. Extravaganza 10 -2am. Cambridge Arts Theatre Newnham College, Bar. The Junction 8pm. 10pm. £3.50/5.50adv and after 11. A 01 February 2002 LISTINGS 17 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Saturday Thursday Kettle’s Yard: AUDITIONS FOR Acoustic Routes: Kettle’s Yard: LUNCHTIME HOUSE TALK. by Acoustic music concert. See SUBSCRIPTION CONCERT. Michael Harrison. “HAROUN AND www.acousticroutes.co.uk. Kungsbacka Piano Trio. Kettle’s Yard THE SEA OF CB2, Norfolk Street, King’s College 1:10pm STORIES” 8:30pm. £3. 8pm. £8.50 for five concerts. Homerton College Cambridge University Music The Junction CDC: (Paston Brown Room) Club: Kanda Bongo Man: Irresistable shim- Theatre FRIDAY 1ST FEB 2–6 Bartok,Schumann,Mozart pno con- mery Zairean dance. SATURDAY 2ND FEB 2–6 certo,R.Ticciati. Kreisler-Manfred The Junction, . 8pm. £8/9. Friday Week 8 Production Ensemble.Conductors - Matilda C.U. Gilbert & Sullivan Society: Producer, crew etc also needed Hofman/Dominic Grier. Talk “Iolanthe”, CONTACT:TIM WILSON TJW39 Newnham College, Clough Hall. The 2002 Freshers’ Show. 8pm. £5/£3,CUMC members free. Friday Christs College, New Court Theatre. eclexia (8:30pm - 1:00am): CICCU: 7:45pm. £3/£4. 3 rooms of music (100% cheese ,100% ‘LIFE- who needs it?’ talk. Free cakes Fletcher Players: dance, chillout room). from 7.30pm. A quartet of new adaptations from the University Centre (granta place, St Andrew the Great, Opposite writings of gorey, carver, lorca and invites mill lane), No entry after Christ’s. lewis. applications for their 10:30pm. 8pm. Corpus Christi College Playroom Mayweek Production 8:30pm. £5. 7:15pm. £5/4. Application Deadline 17 Queens’ Ents: Saturday The Junction CDC: February DAMAGE - a night of dark funky CICCU: Een Hond Begraven/Burying the dog: Please P’hole Application drum’n’bass. ‘LIFE- Who needs it?’ talk. Free cakes Nazis, dogs and flags. to Katie Green at Queens’ Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. from 7.30pm. The Cambridge Drama Centre, 9pm. St Andrew the Great, Opposite Covent Garden, off Mill Road. or Email keg28 for details The Junction CDC: Christ’s. 8pm. £10/8. Good Times: House Music 10-3am. 8pm. The Junction Saturday 10pm. £8/9. Sunday C.U. Gilbert & Sullivan Society: The Saraband Consort (on peri- CICCU: “Iolanthe”, The 2002 Freshers’ Show. ARE BUSINESS ETHICS od instruments): ‘LIFE - Who needs it?’ talk. Free Christs College, New Court Theatre. Madrigals of Love and War: music of cakes from 7.30pm. 7:45pm. £3/£4. Monteverdi, Strozzi, Luzzaschi. St Andrew the Great, Opposite English Faculty: John Barton IRRELEVANT TO THE Benjamin Bayl directs. Christ’s. (RSC) Jesus College, Chapel. 8pm. Acting workshops on Shakespeare. 8pm. £10,£6 (concs),£4 (students) Morning and afternoon. REAL WORLD? from www.sarabandconsort.com or Monday ADC Theatre on the door. CU Italian Society: 10:30am. £10.00. WEDNESDAY 6TH FEBRUARY, 8PM Trinity College: Conversation evening Fletcher Players: The award winning London Adventist Savino’s A quartet of new adaptations from the THE CULANU CENTRE Chorale present another gospel con- 8pm. writings of gorey, carver, lorca and 33 BRIDGE ST. cert! The Cambridge Union: lewis. (BETWEEN OXFAM AND THE GALLERIA) Trinity College, Trinity College Talk by Lord Wakeham, Chairman of Corpus Christi College Playroom Chapel. the Press Complaints Commission 7:15pm. £5/4. 7pm. The Union Stephen Fry’s Latin! : SIR STANLEY KALMS (CHAIRMAN OF 8pm A play in two unnatural acts. Monday Impossibly, outrageously hilarious. DIXONS) Binoculars: Tuesday The Playroom, Box Office: 01223 DR MICHAEL SINCLAIR Live, original music performed by a CU Student Pugwash Society: 503333. singer and guitarist. General Sir Hugh Beach: Terrorism 2pm. £4 RABBI JULIAN SINCLAIR Trinity College, Bar. and Intervention (Former Director, 8:30pm. Council for Arms Control). Sunday Cambridge University St. John’s College, Palmerston The cast of City of Angels present: VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION: £2 Troubadours: Room, Fisher Building. an evening of intimate jazz and mu- Rehearsals of vocal and instrumental 8:30pm. sical cabaret. medieval music. Inter-Disciplinary Group,Faculty ADC Theatre Bar Actors and Actresses Urgently Jesus College, Octagon Room. of Divinity: 7:45pm. £3. EXHIBITION 7:30pm. Rev Dr Malcolm Guite and Miss Required for a Brand New Clare College Music Society: Alexandra Woern on “Poetry and Tuesday Murder Mystery: FLIGHTS OF REALITY Francesca Thompson on recorders and Transfiguration”. My Mother Said I Never Should: until 3 March Nick Rimmer on piano. Faculty of Divinity, Lightfoot Room. A play about mothers, daughters, child- DEATH BY MIRRORS Charles Avery, Matthew Ritchie, Keith Clare College, Chapel. 4:30pm. hood and adulthood. Is there a gener- Tyson, Grace Weir and Keith Wilson 1:15pm. The Cambridge Union: ation gap? To be performed 6th-8th March Talk by the remarkable Seamus Heaney, The Playroom ‘seductive contemporary work Tuesday winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature 7:15pm. £4. Howard Building creating competing visions of an alternative universe’ The Guardian Jewish Society: In the Chamber. Downing College Minims Choir - songs ranging from 1:30pm. Wednesday Contact Helen (hab32) for details Gallery open Tues-Sun 11.30-17.00, free modern day hits to jewish classics. My Mother Said I Never Should: Everyone welcome. Thursday A play about mothers, daughters, child- The CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge CamFed/African Studies Centre: hood and adulthood. Is there a gener- Street (between Oxfam and the International Series on ‘Education & ation gap? Galleria). Development’. The Playroom EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 6:30pm. Trinity College, Winstanley Lecture 7:15pm. £4. Hall. Solve your accommodation problems by calling Wednesday 5pm Thursday Carole Smith/Anne Goring on 01620 810620 The Junction CDC: Jewish Society: My Mother Said I Never Should: The Hives: Swedish punk rock - Your Lunch and Learn - Take time out for a A play about mothers, daughters, child- email address: [email protected] New Favourite Band, allegedly. free bagel & interesting discussion. hood and adulthood. Is there a gener- The Junction King’s College, The Chetwynd ation gap?. or write to 8pm. £9/8. Room. The Playroom Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE 1pm. 7:15pm. £4. 18 LIVING BEARDS 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Candid Tortoise “Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.”

By Joseph Craig and Ali Smart;Artwork by Christine Haseldine

Bin Laden, Bin Job Searchin’ Jesus Webchat

Osama applies for the post of news- ample of a time when you over- After last week’s interview The Messiah went with Britney. I’m calling it The Even J: It’s fine, so long as both men are con- reader at CNN’s London office. came difficult obstacles to achieve online at www.varsity.co.uk/secondcoming Newer Testament. senting adults and one of them is a a goal. to answer your questions. Q: Hi there Jesus, good to see you back woman. Interviewer: Good afternoon. O: I used to have problems with on the circuit. What do you think will Q: Who do you think will win Pop How was your journey here? alcoholism but now I’m down to Q: Hi, I’m a real fan. Are you planning be the fashions for this Spring? Idol? Osama: Not good. The the occasional half of cider. on releasing another album any time J: Sandals. Definitely sandals. Not sure J: No matter what Pete Waterman says, Underground is a nightmare – I I: Any favourite brands? soon? about socks though. I still think I have a chance. was stuck down there for days. O: No I make my own; I’m J: I’m going into the studio sometime Q: Hello Jesus, what do you think about Q: Is the Pope Catholic? I: You’re here now though. Give hooked on the idea of crushing big next month to start work on a project homosexuality? J: Well, do bears shit in the woods? an example of a time when you apples. proved yourself to be an innova- I: Understandably. Give an exam- tor. ple of a time when you were in a O: I once came up with a plan to position of responsibility. send a dump truck into the top of O: Well, the FA contracted me to Justify Your Face the World Trade Centre. demolish Wembley stadium. I: But how would you get it up I: But it’s still standing, isn’t it? Match the faces with the responses: who said what when asked “Justify your face”? there without a plane? O: Unfortunately I got the wrong Email your answers to [email protected] – first set of correct answers wins a date with the face of your choice. O: The plane wasn’t a problem, twin towers. I always said it would a b c d e but you know what? We forgot the end in tiers. 1. “I’m a Scientologist.” bloody dump truck. I: Not to worry. Give an example 2. “I’m allergic to sanitation.” I: That’s a shame. Give an exam- of a time when you worked in a 3. “The night before I was born, ple of a time when you showed team. my father broke his nose. I in- leadership. O: The other day me and the nine herited it.” O: I organised a benefit concert for other guys on the FBI ten most 4. “You should see my sister.” Saddam Hussein. We called it wanted list got together and or- 5. “I’m his sister.” ‘Sheikh, Rattle and Roll’. ganised a car-pool; we just don’t 6. “This morning I stepped on my I: Was the event a success? feel safe flying any more. dog.” O: Yeah, everyone got lashed. I: Yes, there’s a lot of deep-vein 7. “You’d look like this too if you I: Oh good. But can you face up to thrombosis going around. survived on a diet of second potential setbacks? Anyway, what would your friends hand phlegm.” O: Certainly – I’m not one to hide say if I asked them about you? 8. “I’m actually 73.” my head in the sand. Or in a cave. O: They’d probably tell you about 9. “I think I’m Jo Brand.” I: And where do you see yourself my nickname – ‘Gillette’. 10. “I’m trying to capture the zeit- in ten years’ time? I: Oh, is that because of your fine f g h i j gest of a generation by filing my O: Head of the IRA. beard? tonsils.” I: So you’d describe yourself as O: No, it’s because I’m the best ambitious? Oman can get. O: Oh, certainly – but I don’t see I: Excellent. One minor point, myself as limited to terrorism. I though – on your CV there isn’t a Diary of a Diary HATS OFF TO… The Missing File want to push my network more contact address. Kate Moss, who this week abandoned in the direction of butchery. O: I’m in the book. the fitness regime that saw her take I: How so? I: What book? up Anachronised Swimming. She ad- O: By selling meat. I hope to start O: Anything by Tom Clancy. mitted: “I tried it for a while but was late a chain of butchers called Halal I: Finally, do you have any ques- for every practice”. Qaeda. tions for us? PISS OFF TO… I: Marvellous. Now, give an ex- O: Yes, what floor are we on? The actor Dominic Smallman, who stunned audiences at the National Theatre by introducing bestiality to the London stage. The incident involved HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FILE? the back end of a pantomime horse. LAST SEEN ON HIS WAY Dead Pets’ Society “Feb 1st: Day out in Cambridge.” HOME TO THE CABINET.

versations are as short as a Hello maga- had to be put down after losing a con- However, contrary to your expecta- der what it would have been like in child- zine spread on the house of a Big Issue tact lens and mistaking his owner’s tions, you are genuinely touched by the hood, had your parents not refused to seller. Every afternoon, you two wooden leg for a tree to be urinated scene. You’d previously always felt spend some of your mother’s immoral share the responsibility of loading the against. The aged lady was never fat- that your being moved by the death of earnings on a pet. It seems clear that, carcasses onto the van and transporting ed to have any luck with animals, ever an animal was as unlikely a phenome- in spite of your previous cynicism, there them to the pet cemetery. Today, how- since the time her homing-pigeon went non as a mechanic exhaling as he gives is a loving bond that exists between ever, Alan’s left work early, presumably to the baker’s for a loaf of bread one you a quote. Yet, on this occasion at humans and animals, which perhaps not to indulge in some tantric masturbation morning twenty-five years ago and nev- the pet cemetery, a couple of tears are even you can resist. – tantric not so much in the sense that er returned. making their way down your face. You feel as if you’ve stumbled it’s steeped in Buddhism as that he’s Thankfully, you are wearing Admittedly, this has probably got much across some sort of rite of passage by ac- At times like this, you wish you’d acted upon been doing it non-stop since he was six- a nametag and a fluorescent, pink shell- to do with Mrs Piddleston’s onion cident and decide to act upon it instant- your anti-Oedipal complex – though the male teen. So, while Alan swans off to help suit, so she doesn’t recognise who you breath, but you sense something greater ly. After work, you’re going to go home bonding with Daddy wouldn’t have been too make future ophthalmologists rich, you are. After all, you can’t think of anything is also at work. and find out if there is more to your re- much fun, you’d gladly have your mother are lumbered with the stars from the worse than having to console a mourn- You feel a different person from the lationship with the inflatable sheep than dead right now. After all, it’s thanks to her scenes of Pet Rescue that the editors had ing old woman, especially in this in- one you were an hour ago, who would first meets the eye. You never know – that you’ve been landed with an infernal hol- to cut. stance when you’re faced with the un- gladly have thrown a drowning man you might also bond with each other on iday job at the local vet’s surgery. Upon arrival at the cemetery, you no- godly sight of Mrs Piddleston pulling both ends of the rope. Indeed, as you a platonic level. It’s your task now to get You’ve ended up working with Alan, tice poor old Mrs Piddleston, paying re- her facial hair in grief and stooping over witness the lady’s lamentation, you sense home as soon as possible, feign a a pleasant yet insipid fellow, whose con- spects to her erstwhile guide-dog, who to beat her breasts at knee-height. a gnawing at your heart and even won- headache and see what happens. A 01 Febuary 2002 INTERVIEW LIVING 19 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk YOU HURT ME Sharp shooting as Editor Rob writes a Dear John

er he is. I make soothing, affirming I move on to theatre, and hope to shot, had to make it in four weeks, a has qualities, if you’re very good- noises in response. “He remembers win the chance of a job with John by ninety minute movie, lots of devel- looking and very talented there’s no everything about the films, you know. demonstrating my encyclopaedic oping shots without cover, and that reason that you shouldn’t use it.” Rob Sharp He has my father’s memory.” knowledge of the stage. takes a lot of courage. Either you The minute John ceases speaking Mmmm. But let’s move on to Weren’t you in Richard III? What do close-ups or you do developing a siren sounds and a large metal cage Destination Interest, John. Let’s talk did you think of the Scottish Play, shots. If you’re good with the cam- falls down from the ceiling and cuts rabbit animation. huh? era you can just about get away with him off from the outside world. As I “Watership Down was quite ad- I look about myself and raise one doing it for that length of time.” plan who I will interview next to fur- vanced in terms of animation, Martin eyebrow in a fell swoop of facial dy- You worked with Lynch, John. ther my journalistic career, he es- Rosen was very talented. I also did namism. Union hacks fall about Wanker? capes Cambridge, back to reality, via the television version which I wish I laughing at my funny, ha ha. “I loved Mulholland Drive, I don’t a sneakily concealed secret passage. hadn’t done, I did it for Martin. I “Well, I like to value my TV work think there’s any question about what think he did it for the money, and it as highly. It’s all gone in a different Lynch is trying to do with that. I think was grossly inferior to the film ver- direction, as now TV has become al- that I much prefer working with film A John Hurt season should in- sion as they put in extra scenes. most unwatchable, except for watch- people, whose passion is film, and I clude (and he’s A Man For All When I saw the animation it was ing old films. FilmFour still has some prefer the people who manage to do Seasons) much more Disney, I hated it. But I good stuff, I’ve just done something both, like in American Beauty.” John Hurt. British actor, classified “odd- really enjoyed working with the likes for ITV, a film called Bait....blah, And do you see yourself behind of (i) Love and Death on Long ball” by Halliwell’s Film Guide. Star of of Madden and, of course, Ridley.” blah, blah, alienblah, filmblah, di- the camera any time soon? “I’d Island. Love Hurts, there’s no Love and Death On Long Island, A Man I snigger and raise my eyes to the rather head an independent produc- death, and he shouldn’t have gone For All Seasons, 10 Rillington Place, The ceiling. Yeah, excuse me for being John orders a coffee tion company. Essentially I’m an ac- to Long Island: in fact he should Naked Civil Servant (TV), Lord of the rude John, but I’d just like to steer tor, it’s different manipulating actors have stayed at home and cut out pic- Rings (animation), Crime and you back to Watership Down for a mo- and I get a milk with and I like making characters. I like tures of Jason Priestley. Punishment (TV), Scandal, The Field ment. He ignores me, hilariously pre- being absolutely involved in a film. and Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (TV). tending to have ignored my request, straw. Soon we’re It’s the director’s vision, directing is (ii) Heaven’s Gate. John Hurt stars Helped make the careers of Ridley Scott and starts talking about production not my talent nor is it something I’m in a epic Western that sent United (Alien), Oliver Stone (Midnight Express) values. both sipping happily particularly interested in doing.” Artists to the wall. There was no and David Lynch (The Elephant Man). “When a film is adapted it’s not just Do you have loads of houses with gate. Double Academy Award nominee. the director’s vision but it’s also the from our respective a pile of bitches in each? “I have one Ameliorated United Artists with the production company’s. If they’re in in Ireland and a couple of houses (iii) Alien. John bravely sacrifices biggest flop of all time, Heaven’s Gate. cahoots with the studio you haven’t drinking vessels. that have been given away to ex- himself to the greatest movie debut I’m about to start interviewing Ian got much chance.” wives.” of all time. An alien, growing inside McKellan, and he looks like John I remember something. “Didn’t rectorblah, agentblah, blah, blah, Where would you see your home? him, smashes through his ribs. Hurt. The likeness astounds me as I you do Crime and Punishment for blah... and that’s an off-putter. Unless “Ireland will be home until I die.” I Sensational. Scandal. slump down next to one of the great- the BBC?” He starts coughing up a they blow it up to 35mm and show it look sideways and think about edg- est actors of a generation, sunken into lung, and I take the opportunity to in the cinema.” ing slowly towards the door. What (iv) Jim Henson’s The Storyteller. a leather armchair, as he stares at me steal another Camel Light. “Yeah, I Are you some kind of arsehole, advice would you give to those go- John Hurt spent two years on owlishly from behind crazy specs. played Raskolikov.” Nice. when deciding what films to do, ing into acting? “Don’t think about Channel 4 starring opposite a pros- Maybe I think this because all British A lithe female Union steward saun- John? being an actor, be an actor. If you thetic dog. actors of a certain age end up look- ters past and offers to get us drinks. “If I felt that a film was too skint to have a passion for it, you have to fol- ing like John Hurt. But the alterna- John orders a coffee and I get a milk make the film that was really there, low it. If you want to do it for fame (v) The Elephant Man. Hurt plays tive, and more parsimonious, expla- with straw. Soon we’re both sipping I might pass on it ‘cos it won’t work. and fortune then don’t ask me be- the Hunchback of Notre Dame. He nation suggests that I’ve fucked up happily from our respective drink- Also if they say you’ve got to make cause I have no interest. I would say wants to sleep like a man (with somehow and am actually sat talking ing vessels. it in six weeks and it’s clearly a nine I have no interest in you, either.” Esmerelda or Anthony Hopkins to John Hurt. I start helping myself What’s your motivation behind do- week movie then I would also pass. “I’m having a meeting tomor- presumably) and so he dies. to his fags and make a couple of mi- ing television work?, I ask. “Well, I If there isn’t the time, you’ll finish row in terms of exactly where we’re nor changes to my notes. Everything have done a lot of TV, but it was vi- with a series of close-ups. Like the going to take certain issues. I feel us- (vi) Harry Potter. Wand salesman. will be fine. brant when I did it in the sixties and last one I did with Nick Renton, he ing my position to do good is not at Not very interesting. Harry Potter, John. Expliquez-moi. seventies. The BBC alone was doing was a good master of the developing odds with what I believe. Everyone “I think Rowling’s a good writer 600 hours of one-off television per and captured the imagination of a annum, that’s an enormous generation and got people reading amount....” again. Both my agent and my chil- John pauses and a Union hack dren would never have forgiven me coughs and politely asks me to stop if I’d have passed on it.” He starts blowing bubbles through my straw. talking enthusiastically about his son, I gratefully oblige. and how much of a voracious read- “Sorry, yes, that’s 12 hours a week. We had writers of David Mercer’s quality.” Yeah John, I hate the way the BBC has dumbed down recently. Dyke’s a fat fuck. People around me cheer and applaud, raising their fists in the air. Someone dressed in Soho media streetwear starts waving a red flag on the end of a six-foot pole. “Everything went on tape then, it wasn’t filmed, it was like a stage-play but it wasn’t a stage-play, almost a film.” Yeah, and now it’s as though they’ve become film producers, John. “TV channels have almost become film producers. Not completely but they will often find the last two hun- dred and fifty to five hundred thou- sand pounds, which enables the film Hot lesbo action in John’s tip for best picture, Mulholland Drive to be made.” 20 LIVING FOOD & DRINK 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Leg 2 – Italy

Johan Duramy & Charlie Rahtz

Bologna, 13th July. The Frenchman and “Eh! Mario! Va Napoli, bastardo! I find ourselves in the midst of a teeming Now, look, English, la Mama mia has market on a scorching Italian Tuesday. The growed these tomatoes like her own Eating Out wafting smells of fresh basil, formaggio, children, si?! Now see, Mario, his La Mimosa *** rosmarino and roasting chickens leave tomatoes, they are…eh...dirty, you me salivating like a Pavlovian dog. A foun- know?” Rose Crescent is not a Tuscan main tain sparkles, with a cluster of small boys “HEY! Like your Mama, Salvatore! street and the traditional hubbub of lounging beside it, looking almost as dif- Now, here – French, come, come! You the via is sadly lacking from fident and suave as their adolescent old- want to make the sauce ragu, no? My Cambridge’s centre. However, the er brothers. We stroll cheerfully between brother, he is a butcher famous. Hey! fare of La Mimosa is surprisingly the stalls but soon become embroiled in a Francesca! Go take these English to pleasing. Aside from the Italian stan- fight between two vendors eager for our see Bruno... and put away i tui seni, dards, they pull off some delightfully custom… uh? Come on!” ambitious meat and fish dishes. La “Si, certo! I sell you these pomodori The noise and commotion contin- Mama, she would be proud! Although for to make the sauce ragu molto de- ue and we eventually escape to a café a little pricey, La Mimosa does make licioso, capisce? E molto importante in the square where the terse owner a good meal, and the desserts are par- to have ingredienti the most, how you and his haughty wife bring us penne al ticularly tempting. The lunch set say, fresci, si?” pesto, a rustic red Chianti and some menus are also recommended, and “Hey! You! English! Venite! Come fantastic gelati to finish. We lean back much more affordable. The restau- here! I can to you sell tomatoes for in our chairs and turn our faces to the rant is especially suitable for large price much more cheaply, eh?!” sunshine, smiling. La vita è bella. Christine Haseldine groups where they offer a set menu, The Vineyard Café excellent music and the chance to dance the night away. La Mimosa is at its best in summer when you can Recipes of the week lounge outside, but don’t wait until then to sample the experience! Secrets handed down from mother to daughter

Add 3 quarters of a pint of double Shopping cream, 150g of grated parmesan, salt and pepper to taste, and then stir in Il Sainsburio’s the yolks of 4 eggs. A lazy Italian Once again, an obvious favourite. studying in Cambridge, missing his Thanks to Jamie Oliver’s influence, Navin Sivanandam Navin Sivanandam wife’s skilled at separating of the yolk it stocks a wide range of quality Italian from the white, should use 3 whole ingredients. eggs instead. Boil 400g of tagliatelle (spaghetti The Market or tagliolini will also do the trick) in For fresh vegetables and spices, the salted water until al dente (still firm). market is often better value than Drain the pasta well, return to the pan Sainsbury’s. (Ni-i-ce olive stand…) and stir in the sauce immediately. Tagliatelle Carbonara: (4 people) The eggs will cook with the heat of Cambridge Cheese Company After a hard day working down at the the pasta. Facile, facile! Great, but only recommended if Versace Emporium, a good portion of Chopped parsley can also be you have expensive tastes. Tagliatelle Carbonara will fill your hun- added to the sauce, and Jacob gry stomach to immense satisfaction. Kennedy (chef at Moro, Maquis Budrio, Nr. Bologna Winter Bruschetta with and cook over medium heat until all Firstly fry 400g or so of finely (London) and Boulevard (San Great, but only recommended if Mushrooms & Chicory: (4 people) the mushrooms’ water has evapo- chopped pancetta (or bacon) in 2–3 Francisco)) also recommends adding you have a personal Learjet. Quando Cambridge fa molto freddo, try rated. tablespoons of olive oil until crispy, some baby courgettes, thinly sliced this winter take on a summer classic. Meanwhile, toast 4 thick slices of stirring constantly. Place into a bowl and sautéed briefly over high heat First, slice 2 large heads of chico- ciabatta bread (or 4 diagonal slices with all the fat. with a little chopped garlic. Music to cook to ry or treviso (red chicory) crosswise of baguette), rub gently with a clove Paolo Conté, The Best of Paolo and blanch (boil briefly, in cooks’ of raw garlic and drizzle with a little Recommended white wine for this meal: Cono Sur. £5.99 at Wine Racks Conté ***** £11.99 (Amazon) jargon) for four minutes in boiling olive oil. salted water with the juice of half a Add a squeeze of lemon and some The Best Of album of this “sophisticat- lemon. Drain and squeeze dry. chopped flat leaf parsley to the pan, Gray and Rogers,The River Café Cook Book , **** ed primitivist” touches the Italian spir- Slice 3 cloves of garlic and fry and spoon the contents over the £14.00 paperback (Amazon) it within us all. As you listen, you can them in 4 tablespoons of olive oil un- toast. feel your hair grease up and your charm til lightly browned. Add the chico- Finish by adding 4 sliced sun dried Originating from the River Café restau- Overall, highly recommended for quadruple, and you know that le belle ry and fry for approximately 5 min- tomatoes or 4 slices of prosciutto rant in London, this cookbook provides anyone wanting to entertain al bambine would fall at your feet if only utes until the chicory colours. The crudo (Parma ham) on top of your the reader with a guide to rustic, un- Italiano. you could get away from that jazzy garlic should not be allowed to burn. Winter Bruschetta. Non è bella, but it complicated Italian cooking (cucina rus- rhythm and finish cooking that pas- Add 4–5 sliced portabello mush- tastes delicious!! A little crushed tica). Referred to by some as one of the ta…With a wide variety of songs and a rooms (or around 250g chestnut or chilli will compliment this dish beau- culinary bibles of the 20th Century, it seductive depth, this is recommended field mushrooms), salt and pepper, tifully. certainly provides excellent and simple especially to those who enjoy smoky recipes. jazz clubs and nurture hidden roman- The book covers a wide breadth tic ideals. Tip of the week of dishes, from the slightly compli- cated-looking Ligurian Fish Stew to “Never cook tuna steaks right through. the simple but delicious Calamari ai Ferri con Peperoncini (Grilled Squid Always sear the tuna, leaving it raw and pink with Chilies). Special mention goes to the Bistecca di manzo con Rucola in the middle. If you’ve got ethical (Steak with Rocket), which makes use of raw steak. Their vegetable sec- objections to eating raw fish, save your tion is particularly huge with some classic recipes like Vignole money and buy canned tuna.” (Marinated Grilled Vegetables). LITERATURE THEATRE MUSIC CLASSICAL FILM VISUAL ARTS 26/7 24/5 22/3 29 28 23 said thathe myquestions mean thatsourcesclosetoHenry Rollins was stupid.AndwhenIsay close toHenry Rollins saidthat hesaidI was stupid,Imean,ofcourse,that sources silent treatmentatthat.Andithurts. ment –andtheelectronicallysimulated course. Henry’s givingmethesilenttreat- won’t engageinfourth-handemaildis- He saidso.He won’tspeaktome.He never metmebuthethinksI’m“stupid”. one oftheseisHenry Rollins. titanium skeletons.My currentfavourite hogany. They’vegotmusclesof marble; were hewnfromthereddest,rarestma- the flashesofahungrypaparazzo,they Born withmirrorattachments todeflect These famouspeopleareunbreakable. you-with-my-scissor-hands” diffidence. tain “if-you-say-anything-to-me-I’ll-stab- have acertainpoise,verve,cer- The peoplewhoarebestatbeingfamous TOUGH ANDUNTOUCHABLE When IsaythatHenry Rollins saidI Henry Rollins doesn’tlikeme.He’s that, Ireally were stu- about mydick wasagirlwhosaid‘God Checkmate. “ThelastcommentIheard pensate forhaving,ahem,atiny penis?” build yourpunychildhood bodytocom- And then,amortalstroke:“Did youre- factly, “So you’reruledbyyourdick?” then?” theydemanded.Andmatter-of- muck. “Presumably youjerkoffalot assailedhimwithanairraidof NME itively revelsinfilthytalk.In1997, the incredible hulkwantsmetotalkporn. muscles,” something“moreadult”.The rious questions,”“notchatting abouthis Rollins Towers thathe’dprefer“morese- being abigbloke.Word arrivesfrom bloke, Ihadbeenwonderingwhatit’slike Henry’s laiddownthelaw. Myself asmall me. mous persononcesaid…”Fuck it.Sue whole family”.AndwhenIsay“asafa- “you insultmyquestions,you pid. But,asafamouspersononcesaid, And, myresearch suggeststhathepos- Meanwhile, back attheinterview, do growup,Iwanttobejustlike him. himself inthestudentmedia.When I tect thegreatuntouchable fromsullying eggs. Hispresspeoplewillinglylietopro- Henry likestosurroundhimselfwithgood the evening.And,likeMrsThatcher, reception andthenbetterwaystospend provincial visits:bigentrance,rapturous was strangelylikeoneofWilliam Hague’s minions. From thence,thewholeaffair tweeting andwoofingfromhisfourscore rassingly, minustrousers)todelirious the lot,really. Rollins appeared(embar- swallow adinosauronce,you’veheard markable –whenyou’veheardamarine at theJunctionthisweekwasnonetoore- cles. Noble Rollins, notchatting abouthismus- was nicetoyouhoney,’”enthusedthe ARTS And TheRollins Band’sappearance

Text: Dave Thorley; Artwork: Shelley Keight 22 ARTS FILM 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

College Films

Ring + Requiem For A Dream Go on, scare yourself Queens’/3rd/8–10.30pm

GOSFORD PARK Other Films (this week reviewed by the United States Conference of Chris Turtle reviews Altman’s latest Catholic Bishops)

Heat Excessive violence, restrained bed- room scenes and much rough lan- guage. Christ’s/7th/9pm

Rocky The bloody brutality of the prize fight game is abundantly evident. Caius/1st/9.15pm

Shine Domestic violence, a fleeting bed- room scene and brief nudity. Caius/6th/8.30pm

Ghost World Gosford Park: a period drama witless script and charmless characters Why is Lord Stockbridge’s valet (Clive posed with the main action. In fact, it is Implied sexual encounter, brief vi- set in a country mansion, dur- ensured it flopped, but thankfully, with Owen) so secretive about his past? And in the blurry periphery of the screen olence, a few crude references and ing its owner’s annual pheas- its understated humour and perfectly why has Ryan Philippe been cast in the that recent Cambridge graduate Trent frequent profanity and rough lan- ant shoot. Far from being a crafted cast of characters, Gosford Park role of a Scotsman? Ford shines. While I never quite gath- guage. tedious costume drama, avoids such pitfalls. Not that the toffs aren’t given the ered what relationship his character, John’s/7th/9pm Gosford Park provides an To return to the plot: in 1930, an as- chance to shine as well. The eccentric Jeremy Blond, bore to the McCordle entertaining, fascinating sortment of upper-class types comes to characters – the übersnob Countess of household, the presence of this unctu- What Women Want insight into the seedy under- the home of Sir William McCordle Trentham (Maggie Smith), cantanker- ous drone is felt constantly, and the A sexual encounter, fleeting recre- belly of aristocratic life. And (Michael Gambon), ostensibly to kill ous Sir William, and his sexually frus- ridiculous side of the dramas which un- ational drug use and sexist remarks. Helena Bonham Carter and birds. However, it soon becomes clear trated wife (Kristin Scott Thomas) – fold is emphasised by his apparent Churchill/6th/8–11pm Emma Thompson are nowhere that secret pasts and old scores are lurk- might easily have made this Jeeves and obliviousness of them. to be seen. ing in the background, especially where Wooster: The Movie, but strong, subtle For all of its wit and charm, it is Clerks However, you’d be excused for hav- the servants are concerned. In fact, as performances and a comfortable bal- Gosford Park’s transcendence of the cos- Extensive graphic descriptions of ing further reservations upon noting the the film progresses, we realise that the ance between the actors ensures that tume drama genre that really sets it oral sex, positive view of teenage film’s similarities to director Altman’s staff – and not the lords of the manor the action never descends into farce. apart. Through its complex network of sexual relationships, off-screen earlier Prêt-à-Porter: it takes an all-star – are the focus of the action and the Altman’s directorial skills take no plots and sub-plots, this film cleverly necrophilia, brief drug abuse and cast, puts them all in a particular build- source of much of the suspense. Why small part of the credit: many scenes get examines the co-dependency between constant rough language. ing and then weaves various sub-plots do the housekeeper (Helen Mirren) and their charm from carefully orchestrat- rich and poor, in a way as relevent to- Corpus/5th/8pm around them. In Prêt-à-Porter’s case, a the cook (Eileen Atkins) not get on? ed goings-on in the background juxta- day as it was seventy years ago. THEY’VE SLEEPY HOLLOW-ED FROM HELL Mike Drew details the problems of adapting Graphic Novels

Beautiful By removing the flashforwards/backs moody setting and psychotic schizo- ing the trench-coated English occultist inal ideas. They took the names and boiling skies of the novel, the justification for the phrenic Batman captured Frank into American Nick Cage and giving lost the concept. The ABC warrior and blue- line “men will say I gave birth to the Miller’s Dark Knight almost perfectly. him a female cop partner as they bat- was a nice robot, but it had no per- drenched Twentieth Century” is removed. Miller’s (whose output also features tle demons in New York. DC’s Vertigo sonality or identity, which was the London Instead of metaphysical transcen- the neo-noir Sin City) creation was less subsection is being sorely abused. whole point of the ABC warriors. night; but dence, the Moore Ripper is reduced Dredd took his mask off, thus ruin- no longer to dribbling insanity. The basic ele- ing the point of Dredd. Who he was the disturb- ments of conspiracy and ritual in the was not as important as what he rep- ing stark plot are maintained but become sec- resented, like Moore’s V for Vendetta. images of ondary to the ‘thrills’. The characters After the symbol, any mere man the original. are no longer real, and the plot is no could only be small. Stallone want- Masonic longer paramount. This has been ed to be seen and known; his star sta- geometry filmed as a modern serial-killer film tus sat poorly with Dredd. It did not

Joe Harris replaced by in the style of The Cell, and so feels look like the comics. romantic city images. Johnny anachronistic in the same way that A The big problem that X-Men re- Depp’s intriguing accent – Knight’s Tale does. The Ripper’s name vealed was that you can’t look like sort of Depp does John has been used to make it ‘cool’, but the comic, but if you don’t, people Sessions doing Caine. This like so much Hollywood British his- complain. By adapting an existing film is not good. Abberline tory, it has to please the palates of ig- world, the filmmaker enters into an has been totally reinvented norant bastard movie audiences. agreement to put that world on the as a floppy haired psychic This is by no means the only vic- Abberline Johnny Depp screen. If an adaptation cannot be who has drug-inspired tim of film adaptation, however. well served by the third sequel, which Thankfully Terry Gilliam has refused true to the original because it would dreams. The violence is sani- There has been a long tradition of took the dark edge off in favour of to make Moore’s Watchmen, unless look wrong or stupid on the screen, tised, and the corpses are comic conversions, with detective stars and special effects. Tank Girl fol- he’s given six hours. it should not be made pretending to drained of reality along with comics particularly abused. Burton’s lowed, and now Preacher and Hellblazer Monumental cockbuster Judge be a new film. It should not be made their blood. first Batman was a masterpiece. A are being discussed – the latter chang- Dredd destroyed John Wagner’s orig- at all. A 01 February 2002 FILM/CLASSICAL ARTS 23 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

– a matter of mood, posture, and a know when the sadness ends and the half-cracked smile. It is always the comedy begins. briefest gesture, the smallest detail, Anderson’s latest film, The Royal WES ANDERSON or a seemingly throwaway half-line Tenenbaums, is manifestly his grandest that imparts a crucial element of their project to date,with a budget near- emotional lives. He never lingers over ing $25 million, a New York setting, Nick Forgacs gushes like a fanboy the causes of his characters’ sadness, Beatles songs on the soundtrack and but zooms in on the nuances of its ef- three Oscar winners in the cast. Last month, the Lincoln feature Rushmore was first released fects. There’s no room in his world Anderson’s concerns, however, re- Center in New York hosted an in the cinema, I went to see it five for long-winded expositions of tor- main the same as before: loyalty, for- evening devoted to Wes times. There was something about its tured childhoods, because every giveness, and the reconstitution of the Anderson’s work, Wesworld. wistfulness that I wanted to absorb so space is taken up with scratched old eponymous family after ‘two decades The event was almost exclu- something in its intense yearning and records, forgotten childhood board of failure, betrayal, and disaster’. The sively attended by adoring world-weariness I wanted to feel over games and other tokens of time and three children of the long-separated fanboys decked out like their and over again. loss. Royal Tenenbaum and his wife hero: all vintage cowboy What makes Anderson’s films so Etheline, only prodigies, are now, in shirts, swept-back hair and special is the individuality of his char- “ The event was almost their late 20s, like exiled royalty, thick round clear-framed acters. He presents them with the exclusively attended by yearning for a lost grandeur that nev- glasses. meticulous care of a collector ar- adoring fanboys decked er really existed. These are Anderson’s It’s a level of devotion that might ranging his most prized items in a out like their hero: all best characters yet: the sullen Margot, band from start to finish who is the seem excessive for a filmmaker who glass case, shooting them alone in the vintage cowboy shirts, a former-playwrite now unable even focus of these. In one scene the cam- has only just released his third fea- middle of his wide, carefully com- swept-back hair and to leave her house, who spends all day era watches through Richie’s eyes ture, but there is something particu- posed frames as if they were sitting thick round clear- hiding in the bathroom, watching tel- as the unattainable Margot, protect- larly rare and alluring about the jux- for a painting. The method is formal framed glasses. ” evision; former business whiz Chas, ed by her fur coat and striped tennis taposition of comedy and melancholy and precise, and yet the moment cap- who, following the death of his wife dress, eyes shrouded in mascara, hair in Anderson’s film. When his second tured is always impossibly precarious The pathos of Anderson’s charac- in an accident, has been left so para- pushed back with a clip like a twelve ters is stored in a world of the hand- noid about the safety of his sons that year-old, alights from a bus. As she made and the make-believe in simple he wakes them up in the middle of the begins to walk towards him, looking things like old shirts worn backwards night to practice fire drills, and for- at once stricken and hopeful, the film in painting classes, a world of private mer tennis-ace Richie, who sails round swoons into slow-motion and goes revenge, and secret diaries kept by the world on a battleship having silent for a moment, until Nico’s re- torch-light. He harbours protective- cracked up on court in the middle of gret-soaked ‘These Days’ sweeps in. ness towards his characters, never be- a championship final. In another we watch him ride alone ing condescending or going for a Perhaps most importantly, the film on a graffiti-ravaged bus, staring out cheap laugh at their expense, but manages to reach the same tragi-com- of the window as Nick Drake’s plan- maintaining their delicacy and hu- ic peaks as its two predecessors, and gent ode ‘Fly’ soars in the back- manity. We’re engaged in the rhythm it is Richie, permanently hidden be- ground. There is no other director of their lives, even while we laugh at hind his shaggy Björn Borg hair and working today who brings us mo- their excesses, and as such I never beard and sporting a symbolic head- ments quite like these.

LISTINGS ISIS twice as nice Friday 1 February New Court Theatre, Christ’s, 7.45pm. Gilbert and Sullivan Society King’s struts its stuff Freshers’ Show: Iolanthe. Second performance on Saturday. Saturday 2 February and audience through some slightly The Concerto for Piano and Trumpet is hairy moments. A lesser orchestra un- a riotous example of Shostakovich’s Bateman Auditorium, Gonville & Caius, 1.15pm. Oboe Recital: Joanne der another conductor could easily have natural, fresh exuberance. Tom Kirkbride. Admission free. come unstuck, but ISIS clearly enjoyed Stothart (piano) and David Gange St. John’s College Chapel, 1.15pm. Organ Recital: Christopher Whitton. the piece so much that any little slips just (trumpet), familiar to regulars at the Admission Free. Sunday 27th January was tripped past. Tau Wey’s solo was in- Radegund, had just the right touch to Jesus College Chapel, 8.00pm. Madrigals of Love and War. Works by Cambridge’s much-hyped spiring. A relaxed yet precise per- bring out the irreverence of the piece, Monteverdi, Luzzaschi and Strozzi. Saraband Consort (Ben Bayl). ‘piano day’. ISIS presented a former, Tau was a joy to hear, and his along with the technique to carry off Tickets: £10/£6/£4. showcase of the best of playing brought alive sections that are the trickier sections with style. The Clough Hall, Newnham, 8.00pm. CUMC Chamber Concert. Works Twentieth Century concerto- often glossed over on recordings. crazy finale was justifiably well received by Mozart, Bartok and Schumann. Kreisler-Manfred Ensemble. Robin writing, and King’s Music The second half of the concert was by a packed house. Ticciati (piano), Mathilda Hoffman and Dominic Grier (conductors). Tickets: Society demonstrated to us just even more impressive. Steven Rajam’s After such a successful concert, ISIS £5/£3. how many pianos they can hire conducting was precise and the orches- has proved itself to be a formidable with their budget. tra well-controlled at all times, as was the player on the Cambridge orchestral Sunday 3 February King’s, from whence hail many of playing in Poulenc’s Concerto for Two scene, defying sceptics who had last the University’s finest pianists, deliv- Pianos. The two soloists, Mat Trustram term given it an undeservedly luke- Selwyn College Hall, 8.00pm. Friends of the University Library Concert. ered no less than it promised: superb and Matthew Pritchard, had an excel- warm reception. Togetherness and Works by Purcell and Corelli. Selwyn College Chapel Choir, instrumental individual performances and well-bal- lent rapport with each other and the control were balanced perfectly with award holders. Tickets: £6/£4. anced, thoughtful ensemble-playing. orchestra, and played with considerable sensitivity and musicality. This suc- Old Library, Pembroke College, 9.00pm. Cello Recital: Jenny Hodgson However, ISIS’s Twentieth Century vitality. It was clear that every player cess is a tribute to the vision and hard Recital Room, Churchill College, 9.00pm. Piano recital: Ben Arnold. in Black and White provided just as much, was heartily enjoying the comedic charm work of its players, committee, and Works by Brahms, Debussy, Ravel and Messiaen. if not more, riotous pianistic entertain- and beauty of Poulenc’s masterpiece. musical director. ment. ISIS’s performance of Ravel’s G Wednesday 6 February Major concerto was Sadaharu Muramatsu’s Cambridge conducting Clare College Chapel, 10.00pm. Carissimi: Jephte. Clare College Chapel debut. He tackled the unenviable task Choir (Tim Brown). Admission free, donations invited. of coordinating the fiendish orchestral writing and the florid solo with panache Thursday 7 February and skill. The concerto was full of beau- tiful moments, particularly in the sec- Robinson College Chapel, 7.30pm. Concert by Instrumental Award- ond movement. The outer movements Holders. Works by Schubert, Ligeti and Ravel. Tickets: £5. had an energy which carried orchestra 24 ARTS MUSIC 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Pete Waterman left school un- ed to be an idol. I am not going to be The Official Canine Top 40 able to read or write. He named one. People from Cambridge either be- his eldest daughter Toni Tuesday come theatre directors or city 1. Collie Minogue 23. The Red House Pointers because he was only able to see bankers. Bugger. The reason why we 2. Great Dane Bowers 24. Led Setterlin her mother on Tuesdays. Simon don’t produce idols has nothing to do 3. Stereolabrador 25. Macy Greyhound Cowell refused to sign Take That with intelligence – of the remaining three 4. Terriervision 26. Shampoodle because “the lead singer is too finalists, two went to very 5. Shirley Bassethound 27. Shih-Tzusie and the fat”, he has become known as good universities, Edinburgh and 6. The Beagles Banshees ‘Mr Nasty’, but thinks it’s nice to Exeter. We don’t produce idols because 7. Scottie Dog Walker 28. Sheepdog Mac be honest. Nicky Chapman is we are too good at artificial humility. 8. Hüsky Dü 29. Linkin Bark faintly annoying. Dr Fox is gen- Perhaps you all got the shit beaten out 9. Jarvis Cocker Spaniel 30. Lhasa Apso Solid Crew erally ignored. Ant and Dec are of you at school. I didn’t, but I seem to 10. Mastiff Attack 31. The Afghan Hound reasonably funny. All the re- be taking the same artificial humility 11. Spaniel Bedingfield Whigs maining three contestants in Pop drug. Perhaps that’s why no-one is 12. Black Boxer Recorder 32. Air-dale Terrier Idol can sing – very, very well. watching this series. You should be. 13. Brittany Spaniel Spears 33. Samantha Foxhound One is posh and has a large chin. Mathew Parris said something very 14. Corgi’s Zygotic Mynci 34. Alsatian Dub Foundation One comes from the Glasgow cool about the very first Big Brother. 15. Morchihuahuaba 35. Jon Bone Jovi hood and says stupid things and He said it was like an Eden, which we 16. Retriever Nelson 36. Eurasier seems to have no personality, got to control. Obviously other 17. Michael Dachshund 37. Goldie Retriever only ambition. One, he of the people liked his phrase as much as I did, 18. Ian Van Dahlmatian 38. Great Dane-i Minogue stuttering stammer (it doesn’t because there’s a new reality 19. Dooberman 39. DJ Pied Piperro de Pastor seem very consistent), fake tears show on Channel 4 called Eden. It’s shit. 20. Kid Rockweiler Mallorquin (like he cared about podgy Zoe) Pop Idol isn’t. Pop Idol is producing the 21. Saint Bernard Butler 40. Dogbreed You Jack and fake foster brothers is going right winners. As someone that has al- 22. Dingo Star Russell Emperro to win Pop Idol. These are facts. ways supported losers (most recently Jack Thorne reports I love Pop Idol. Not as a wannabe Richard on Survivor, I was certain he ironic student, but as a student was going to win, and Bubble on Big wannabe. It satisfies my reality TV hit, Brother 2, I was certain he was going to P-P-POP IDOLS and yet is a talent show. I’ve beat Paul), I am looking forward to Cambridge reporter always wanted talent, I’ve always want- celebrating Gareth’s triumph with him.

The Lost Boys @ Clare Cellars, Monday 28th January 2002

Having missed last week’s grand re- see what was going on, and gone were and bass over a much improved sound opening, this was my first time in the the slightly-tacky-but-still-quite-cool system. To my delight, there’s still no newly refurbished Clare Cellars. pieces of graffitied chipboard that lined air-conditioning so that hot, sweaty Leaving aside the night itself, descend- the chill out room – replaced with frost- Clare Cellars atmosphere remained in- ing the steps into the bar, I realised that ed glass and questionable turquoise tact. This and the equally popular old the same evil organisation currently colour scheme. I held my breath as I skool DJs in room two ensured smiling ripping apart every dark dingy cosy old entered the main room, but luckily faces everywhere. Clare has survived pub in Cambridge and replacing them these evildoers had been refused entry the attack of the Society for the with identical bright soulless wine bars and all I found was a few hundred peo- Proliferation of Soulless Wine Bars and had attacked Clare too: they’d fitted ple dancing their socks off to The Lost still has that vibe that keeps it at the top lights in the bar so you could actually Boys ripping out hard-rave-tinged drum of the Cambridge Ents tree. Mark Shilton Pretty Vacant @ CC’s, Monday 28th January 2002

Out in the sticks beyond the Grafton There are the original songs – “every at the girls onstage, or on the CCTV Centre, nestled among the two-up-two- band has a love song. For Guns ‘n’ screen, depending on where they’re sit- downs, you’ll find Citizen Cane’s Café- Roses, it’s ‘November Rain’; I guess this ting. One of them goes up afterwards Bar, or CC’s for short. Tonight, the band one’s ours” – and then a presumably to ask for autographs. Watching this in question are called Pretty Vacant: ironic covers set, ending with a kazoo must be a bit like being an extra in a Miss Black America three young ladies and a young gen- solo on a rendition of Tina Turner’s an- David Lynch film. If anyone ever In the first of our reports on local bands, meet Miss Black America, who, since tleman who, despite the name’s con- them ‘Simply The Best’. The folk in the thought the Cambridge rock scene the release of The Adrenaline Junkie Class-A Mentalist EP last year, have been at- notations, apparently believe in the café, a demographic of rockers in their lacked variety, I assure you from sor- tracting a flurry of national attention. power of soft rock to heal the world. late thirties who last washed back in ’86, ry experience that this is emphatically Their set is divided roughly into two. are very appreciative, ogling with glee not the case. Name: Miss Black America David Nowell-Smith Class: Subclass scum Fatpoppadaddy’s @ Fez Club, Monday 28th January 2002 1. Explain yourselves please. Hailing form as far afield as St and very thin Daz. “Well, let us judge I thought as I stared at my empty bot- We’re doing what no one else is doing. We invented Miss Black America Edmund’s College and Anglia him on his DJ-ing and not his wit, my tle of Heineken, prompting one of the because we thought the world needed us. Polytechnic, Daz, Brandon, Christian flame-haired companion suggested.” quartet to get me yet another. As the and Pete are the Fat poppadaddy DJs. And the music? “We wanna challenge brews flowed and many a delighted 2. Your biggest achievement so far? Staggering around the draped and people by introducing them to new fresher danced past, the sounds var- We haven’t achieved anything yet. We’re not on the cover of the NME or dingy Fez club on Monday night, I sounds, man,” was Brandon’s reply, as ied seamlessly from funk and soul to in- the Sun. (Varsity: you had two tracks in John Peel’s festive 50!) Yeah, we’ve tracked down these four denisons of the Jurassic 5 played on in the background. die and rock and roll. My fair lady’s re- been on John Peel, but we’re still nobodies really. dark. Why ‘Fatpoppadaddy’s’? I mused. ‘’We’re united by a common belief in quest for Cher’s ‘Shoop Shoop Song’ “Cos we’re all fat” quipped the very tall music and in each other.” Deep, man, was swiftly despatched by Christian: 3. Who have you been compared to? Are you pleased? “It’s not generically within our bound- The Manic Street Preachers and the Clash. We’re pleased with both compar- aries,” he boomed in a quasi-legal man- isons, although we don’t agree with the first. ner. And the future? I asked, now des- perate to swing my pants to something 4. What’s the best thing to come out of Cambridge? within their musical canon. “To see The occasional dead student… Fatpoppadaddy’s nights up and down the country.” Well, with residencies at 5. What gigs have you been to recently? Fez and Po Na Na and aspirations to Not many – can’t afford them. Last ones were Bring out the Freaks in Dudley, take the Ball scene by the horns this Blue Ghandi and Dawn Parade in London. summer, these chaps might just suc- ceed... as long as Daz takes it easy on 6. Where can we see you next? the gags, that is. Cambridge Boatrace, this Saturday 2nd February, headlining the Anti-Nazi Daz, Christian, Pete and Brandon; thin and funny. Ed Maxwell League night. A 01 February 2002 MUSIC ARTS 25 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

REVIEWS

Techno siblings Tom and Ed are trying to move on. Whereas once they were amongst the frontier men of all things Chemical blockrockin’, they are now desperately playing catch-up, hanging on to the finely tailored shirt-tails of others. Firstly, the Daft- Brothers Punk-by-numbers of ‘My Elastic Eye’. Then the Ibiza-type euphoric nonsense of ‘Pioneer Skies’ and then the Detroit disco funk of ‘Denmark’. The songs are good, but have been done better elsewhere. Even the added vocal contributions of Beth Come With Us Orton and Richard Ashcroft seem flat in comparison with the singers’ previous collaborative outings. The Chems are most successful when sticking to what they know, as the thunderous opening trio of ‘Come With Us, It Began In Afrika’ demon- strates. “Did I pass?” asks Ashcroft on ‘The Test’. “ Could do better,” would be the report card reply. Martin Hemming Out Now

Ah, so here’s another American band following that old rock’n’roll template, signed to a major, and peddling “ethe- Black Rebel real rock” and “burning white noise” to the masses under the guise of cult heroes. Get back to America, BRMC, we know Motorcycle Club your type! Named after a biker gang in a 1950’s Marlon Brando film? We’ve got your number, young upstarts! But wait! The opener, Love Burns has finally kickstarted, and is stomping uncontrollably around the room – it must be an ex- ception! No! Whatever Happened to my Rock’n’Roll has taken over, playing havoc with my hi-fi’s bass capabilities and B.R.M.C. sounding faintly like an American Gay Dad… except that THIS IS WICKED! No, there is no explaining it: massive, retro-sounding, feedback-lathered rock’n’roll should no longer be relevant, should no longer work for the modern, dis- cerning British listener. But if you buy this album, you’ll see that, against all the odds, it does. Jonny Anstead Out Now

“Everybody loves the sound of a Hammond Organ”. So proclaims Sir Tristan Longworth on the in-sleeve. On hearing the HammondStreet title track, Itchy Feet, I have to say I’m right there with him. Transported back to those days of brown corduroy and cars which you can only get into through the window, the first 15 minutes of this album are pure nostalgic bliss. Unfortunately, the bliss quickly turns to boredom as you begin to realise that there will be no end to this Hammond widdling. I’m about to contem- plate hari-kari when relief finally comes in the form of Reuben Wilson. They say the old ones are the best, and this compila- Acid Jazz Compilation tion definitely takes a turn for the better when it wheels out the true ’70s masters. We are only treated to one other old- school track before being plunged back into the world-of-widdle with a cover of… (wait for it) Smells Like Teen Spirit. Expect Out Now to see elevators cueing up to buy this one the second it comes out. Justin Read

Kid-friendly debut by ugly young Texan metal clones. See them try to look and sound like loads of bands they like, from Drowning Pool the Deftones to Coal Chamber, and fail to seem really scary or depressed. Those tattoos look like they’ve been drawn on in biro. Producer Jay Baumgardner (Papa Roach, Orgy) is a one-trick pony, and metal fans will find nothing new. The press release says that single ‘Bodies’ has been used as the theme to the WWF Summer Slam 2001. It’s hard to see how Sinner this could increase their street-cred. The whole thing is a collage of nicked, slickly-executed metal ideas, squeezing yet more milk out of the metal cash cow. There’s a depressing lack of subtlety about this kind of band, doing the very mini- mum to convince fans that they are offering something new to the world. The Starsailor of metal. Nathan Oxley 4th February 2002

PREVIEWS The Booty-ful People Dees week iz many tasty treats for night time time in Cambridge. Read In October 2001, somewhere in the bounce? hon and find ow wot I’s reccomen’. Cambridge underground a burgeoning The booty bounce, or booty On Tonight why no czech out mass of lithe young bodies had a dream - bouncing, is the most scandalous Inglis Band wot is playing in tired of sitting on fellow students’ floors form of dancing there is. You see peo- Newnham Bar - free entry so you eating economy digestives, they decided to ple shaking their asses, rolling their save money for Kebab later, innit! put the hip back into the hop and start hips or hopping round with one leg Saturday I go to Boat race pub for throwing some serious parties. Ladies and cocked. And the best thing about it pack of pork scratchings and catch gentlemen, the booty bounce has arrived. is that you can do it together. Booty Bury good band Miss Black bouncing is all about bending your America - they crazy guys, no! We caught up with the founder partner over, it is about spreading the Sunday iz day of Lord, right, but af- members of the self-styled Booty love. ter Church and homework - you boyz crew, keen to find out where this and gelz poppadom down to Portland fresh scene was headed. What’s so cool about it? arms - Ezio is plays dere - mmm - Yo peeps - what is the booty It’s just the ultimate style of danc- da sound of Rock-Pop isss wot we like! ing: it brings people together, it draws Each Monday night, my fav’riot friends closer than they would ever customer, they always go to Fez club have imagined. So what’s fly on the booty- Booty Party. And for those ladies that for Fat Poppadaddy. And hafter- clothing tip? reckon they’ve already got the dope wards - kebab a my place, no?! So how’s the ‘movement’ pro- Ladies wear your shortest booty moves, you can get your freak on Wednesday - big nite for al of you gressing? shorts, fellas wear your big pimpin and audition as podium dancers. indie kids wot has photo on my walls Already there is an intercollegiate, clothes and sport your doo rags. Bounce down to the Bowett Room, - iss Hives at Junction of coss! 40 strong, self styled ‘Booty Crew’ Queens’ College between 5.30 and Thursday? Hmm - you party peeps that operates in Cambridge. This Well, here at Varsity we say 7.30 on 5th Feb. Sorry fellas, male is pretty pooped, no? Don’ worry - I’m term they announce their first event, “Oochie walla walla, oochie bang dancers are already cast and prac- a survivor - is my destiny, of coss. So Miami Booty Party at Queens’ on bang…”don yo doo-rags, y’al, and tising the one leg cock as we speak I go Junction for Kanda Bongo Man Saturday 16th of February. get yo asses down to the Miami no doubt, and we-out. - iss African Soukous music with hyp- notic intensity. Ahh week is over... mus’ be Kebab time - and remember Hear the music editors’ best tracks featured at Gardenias on Friday and Saturday nights from - extra chilli sauce is no extra price! 11pm. And there’s more... win a kebab by completing this song lyric: ‘I wanna know what Vas is the proprietor and managing di- love is....’(e-mail your answers to [email protected]. Remember, the first five correct rector of Gardenia’s Restaurant, Rose answers pulled out of a hat will win a Gardi’s kebab!) Crescent. 26 ARTS THEATRE 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Trumpington resurrection

The affair of the Arse poetica Playroom has at- tracted much atten- tion over the last Ben Power reviews Latin! year. Corpus Christi College authorities, Farrelly handles these moments ex- lets just say the words ‘phlegm’ and wonderfully black script. If the evening in the shape of pertly. Skipping around the tiny per- ‘spunk’ feature highly. has a fault, it’s the nature of the piece Senior Tutor Chris formance space like a predatory The detail and timing of his per- as a series of virtuoso turns for the gift- Kelly, have made “The gravest crimes a boy can Charles Hawtrey, his unexpected formance is matched by that of Tom ed performers. One would have loved the affair a classic commit: armed robbery, brand of clean-cut-camp grows in- Noad as the ancient and deliciously to have seen Noad and Farrelly to- tale of a super-villain genocide…and masturbation!” creasingly hilarious. The darker mo- perverted Herbert Brookshaw. Noad’s gether for some of the comedy, rather attempting to sell Welcome to Chartham House ments in the piece’s second ‘unnatural’ gift for capturing the moustache-twitch- than their joint scenes mainly provid- the theatre for use as Preparatory School. Halycon hall of act are equally well handled, as the ing eccentricities of older characters is ing plot exposition. That said, this is a a shop – resisted learning, foul den of sin, and the set- moral vacuum at the play’s centre on full display, as is his peculiar tal- treat of a performance, two perfectly only by the plucky ting for Stephen Fry’s shocking and becomes obvious. Neither Fry nor the ent for enunciating clearly with a pipe cast actors uniting with Fry’s barbed- but weakened he- uproarious one act play, Latin!. The production attempts to back away from in his mouth. He commands the space wire dialogue to bring down the edu- roes, the Fletcher brand spanking new Playroom cer- the monstrosity of the theme, choos- with as much efficiency and effective- cational establishment. Activated Players. Kelly is resplendent in his tainly looks the part, and on this dark ing instead to confront it head on, tak- ness as his fellow cast-member, per- Image is a company which is clearly role as the ultimate villain; in the era January eve, having been simply baf- ing the plot so far into the comically fectly timing the growing hilarity getting better and better, conquering of ‘nasty’ Nigel Lythgoe and Simon fled by the Corpus Master’s speech at ridiculous that it feels hard to get out- caused by his ‘Chartham House Edinburgh and now re-launching Cowell appealing to the lowest com- the launch reception, it was a wel- raged about anything. The eternally- System’ explanation speech, and cap- Cambridge’s most exciting venue; the mon denominator, Kelly is perfect. coming haven. boyish Farrelly, lining up his toys as he turing a lonely sadness in the play’s fi- next question is simply, whither now? Absurdly posh, opinionated, arro- We had gathered to watch Activated tells the audience of his introduction nal scene. gant and unaccommodating, he is Image (Fringe First Nominees in to “the British public school spirit” is The energy and verve displayed by Latin! is on at the CCC Playroom today at fully complicit in his own demoni- Edinburgh with the fantastic Amy Evans’ effortlessly excellent and, without want- both actors makes this well worth see- 9:45pm and tomorrow at 2pm and 9:45pm. sation. The ending, however, is bril- Strike) perform Fry’s first play, a dark, ing to spoil that particular anecdote, ing before one even considers Fry’s liantly engineered; those of us who highly theatrical two-hander exposing were expecting the drama to live up the vice and hypocrisy at the centre of to the formula of its genre, where the the English public school system. villain is utterly undone, were dis- Dee Miller Adam Barnard and the highly-ex- appointed. Kelly himself was able to perienced cast and crew deserve much claim credit for rescuing the praise for the sheer detail of this pro- Playroom from its ‘plight’, and at- duction. The Playroom is an unfor- tended Tuesday night’s opening giving space, and, despite some minor preening like a peacock. By failing technical problems, this first night was to destroy the villain completely, the smooth and seamless. There was a con- door is certainly left open for a se- fidence about every aspect of the pro- quel. duction, which was required, given that the first scene turns the audience itself into the boys in indiscreet schoolmas- Preview ter Dominic Clarke (Mark Farrelly)’s Latin lesson. It was a pleasure to watch Iolanthe the collective embarrassment of the Gilbert and Sullivan Freshers’ Corpus hierarchy as their books were Show thrown back at them and their home- Christ’s, 1st – 2nd @ 7:45 work insulted, and even more de- lightful to realise that Madison, the boy Faustus who scored only 4% on his final exam, Clowning and the Devil in this was represented by none other than modern re-work Corpus Playroom alumnus Hugh Homerton, 4th @ 8 Bonneville. Sexual Perversity in Chicago Pembroke, 5th – 9th @ 8

Black Comedy, Peter Schaffer Dark satanic thrills Sixties farce ETG Homeshow ADC, 5th-9th @ 7:45 George Sandison is of the Devil’s party Due to unforseen circumstances, this replaces Flight Director Jonathan Higgs ways successful. Sequences such as the (Delwyth Jones), the passionate car- seemingly cast purely for physical ap- describes The White Devil as a conjurer’s vision were handled well: nal nature of the play is realised, and pearance. Whilst some juggled their My Mother Said I Never Should, “volatile kaleidoscope of dif- however in smaller incidental traits the sight of her adultery with the Duke various roles proficiently most seemed Charlotte Keatley ferent modes of performance” such as the music, the actors were leaves you physically uncomfortable. to falter providing little impact for any Twentieth Century women and he does not shy away drowned out, and lighting sometimes The well-handled gender inversion of of their characters. CCC Playroom, 5th-9th @7:15 from this in his production. seemed inane given the action on Lodovica (Tiffany Sherrington) brings Although this production starts very Whilst easy to notice these stage. a fresh vehemence to the closing re- well, the second half begins to lose Spoonface Steinberg, Lee Hall traits and then ignore them in Major parts and sequences were very venge. Monticelso (Antony Leyton- pace. Noticeably, after Francisco All proceeds to East Anglia favour of an easier job, Higgs well handled, to the detriment of the Thomas) was powerful when speak- leaves, the final minutes seem con- Children’s Hospice and the has provided a bold and inter- lesser parts. From the outset there ing, but possibly uncomfortable with fused and melodramatic in compari- National Autistic Society esting play. were some very strong actors, no- being idle on stage. Flamineo, (Ollie son to the intensity and control of ear- ADC, 6th-12th @ 11, (Saturday Contemporised by the costumes, ticeably a nicely sullen and childish Rickman) provides the most dynam- lier scenes. Despite minor technical matinee @ 2:30) fairly anonymous variations on Duke Bracciano (James Purdon) ic of the performances and whilst this flaws, and a few weaker performanc- leather, shirts and waistcoats, and one countered by the excellent Francisco fits the first half very well, in the sec- es and design choices, this is a brave Fighting the Tide of the best (and more unlikely) sound- (Dan McSherry). Purdon plays a snap- ond half it becomes invasive and in- production which promises much. History and theatre magic, rooted tracks, we are also drawn back by the pish and forceful Bracciano with the congruous with the shift in tone that in the tale of an Arctic trawlerman. overshadowing arches framing the sense of contempt required to play has occurred through the play. The White Devil is on at the ADC Mumford Theatre, 8th @ 7:30 stage. Technically, this is an interest- against the unfaltering Francisco. However, the central core of charac- today and tomorrow at 7:45pm. Tel: 01223 352932 ing and stylised production, if not al- Supported by the bitter Vittoria ters, are let down by others, some A 01 February 2002 THEATRE ARTS 27 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Playing around Carry on Kampfing Preview by Fiona Kelcher Andrew Haydon sees the Playroom re-open

The Playroom’s gala reopening upon the meaningless fripperies of a the task is conducted is a credit to cast show Making Space is rather decadent inter-war art scene, realised and director. fun, and not the reliable war- with sardonic enjoyment by director Ed What is exciting about this disparate horse that might be expected. It Lake, still feels oddly relevant even if collection of pieces is not only the vari- comprises four adaptations: a some of the specific references may lose ety, but also the unusual sources of that short story by Raymond the unwary. variety. By adapting these writers – not Carver; poems by Federico The last piece, the Epiplectic Bicycle, is canonical and not usually associated Garcia Lorca; part of a novel by perhaps the most ambitious and strange with theatre – the Fletcher Players con- Percy Wyndham-Lewis; and a of the evening’s quartet. It retains much firm a real desire to carry on unearthing tale by children’s comic artist, of the visual humour of the original chil- interesting work rather than opting for Edmund Gorey. If there is a dis- dren’s story and transfers well from the easy, safe, established money-spinners. cernible thread it could be the page to a kind of physical theatre ex- As a result Making Space, besides being examinations of manipulative ercise that is both simple and imagina- fascinating entertainment, is cause for relationships and ideas of con- tive. Four Edwardian urchins act out the optimism for the future of the Playroom Alon Zieve finement which can be seen in story, told by a sadistic narrator who de- – an experiment which deserves our each play – perhaps, as one wag lights in the discomforts of his actors, of continued full support. It’s hard to pull off the line, began to feel I would have been better commented, a reflection on the riderless bicycle that spirits two hap- ‘Hitler, why don’t you sit placed in the ADC carpark. These pow- recent wrangling over the less children away on a long adventure. Making Space is on at the Playroom down?’ but this is what Mein erful performances were succeeded at Playroom licensing. The assurance and panache with which at 7:15pm until Saturday 2nd. Kampf, timed to co-incide with times, but the sustained loudness swift- In What We Talk About When We Talk National Holocaust Day, strug- ly lost impact and swallowed the script’s About Love, Mel, a heart surgeon, (Will gles to do. George Tabori’s more subtle comic potential. Acting Lowe) sits around with his wife of 4 script explores the lesser- comedy to an empty auditorium is al- years and two newly-wed friends, their known side of Adolf Hitler – a ways difficult, and it may be that an conversation swinging between talk of young, arrogant artist living in audience’s presence will allow this clear- love and talk of death.The mordant hu- an academy run by Viennese ly talented cast to better exploit the play’s mour of the excellently adapted script Jews. unsettling comic potential. is well staged under the feline direction The set was created by two stepladders High praise must be reserved for of Anna Jones, who brings a spareness and coiling barbed wire. Think mini- the costume department. When Hitler and wit to the building tension of the malism, trenches, and a Viennese acad- comes onstage, you won’t have prob- story. emy in one dark space. lem recognising him. Adrian Ellis’ collection of Lorca po- Mein Kampf’s cast was talented and ems under the title Dawn in New York fine. So fine in fact, that booming Mein Kampf is on at the ADC at 11pm sees a pair of unnamed figures (Tamsin Shakespearean voices boomed off in until Saturday (except on Friday). Astbury and Richard McKinley) beau- Act 1, and boomed continually, until I tifully lit against a series of striking pho- tographs of Manhattan. There are many beautiful moments as the actors speak over one another, over their own pre- Marlowe Script Lab recorded voices or simply over the odd- ly poetic whirr of the two projectors with Leading new writing direc- this programme is last year’s failiure which they share the stage. tor John Tiffany (from the- of the Other Prize (a Marlowe new- By contrast, The Bloom is Gone is im- atre company Paines Plough) writing competition, the winner gets mediately more scabrous and excori- arrives for a workshop and staged and £750) to find a play good ating. Zagreus, a vicious, elderly ho- to discuss Cambridge scripts. enough to award to. Nicholas mosexual in the manner of Quentin This is the first of its kind in Hytner claims this is because we Crisp, has sent his ‘protégé’ Dan Boleyn a term of professionally led don’t spend enough time discussing to the studio of Melanie Blackwell, a Sundays. This week the drama and spend too much doing it. faux-bohemian paintress, to see first script is Dave Minto’s Jonny Free entrance. Free wine. All are hand the affectations and wiles of one Marco. ridiculously welcome. of what he calls the ‘Apes of God’. Cambridge script-writing isn’t very Wyndham-Lewis’ cynical, rageful gaze good; one of the main reasons for McCrum Lecture Theatre, by the Eagle. Playroom renaissance

Red and white wine. Orange juice. There will be an executive committee – con-  Sparkling water. The opening of the sisting of one student from the Fletcher Players, % recently refurbished Corpus Christi two Corpus fellows, and three Arts Theatre rep- College Playroom was a lavish affair, resentatives – that decides the program, but, with the cream of Cambridge theatre as Corpus fellow Chris Tilmouth insists, “there  toasting the renewed success of the is no sense of censorship.” BOOKSHOP best-known studio theatre in the city. It may be thought fitting that the theatre’s After its closure just over a year ago for new acronym – CCCP – should carry with it for all current members ‘health and safety reasons’, the future of the such historical and revolutionary weight, giv- of the University of Playroom was in grave doubt – until a deal was en the myriad stories of valiant theatrical free- Cambridge – simply show struck with the Arts Theatre whereby two full- dom fighters struggling against Tsarist col- 1 Trinity Street, your University Card time health and safety officers would be pro- lege authorities, but whatever the true story Cambridge, CB2 1SZ We are open Monday to vided in return for the use of the theatre out of behind its renaissance, the war (pace Dr Telephone 01223 333333 [email protected] Saturday, 9.00 am–5.30 pm term. This use promises to have the emphasis Trumpington) seems to be over. The first two and 11.00 am–5.00 pm on on “youth drama, new writing, and non-main- offerings augur well, and it only rests to see Sundays stream performance that complements the Arts whether Cambridge theatre can live up to Theatre’s existing special-needs strand.” the space. 28 ARTS LITERATURE 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

PREVIEW

A shooting star Tuesday 5 February Top biographer Georgina Ferry and John Sulston, part of the hu- Stephanie Cross reads Jay Basu’s future man genome project, are speaking at Heffers Bookshop this Tuesday. gazing which plagues so many young as a writer that these lapses do not de- briefest of moments, suddenly assume They will talk about their new writers’ prose. In fact, Basu’s deft- tract from the whole. The economy of a new and haunting significance: book The Common Thread. Are sci- ness of touch and assured style is more detail with which he unfolds his tale “…the image entered his mind and lin- ence and ethics incompatible? in keeping with that of an established leaves the reader wanting more. This gered: a dress draped over a chairback author. Whilst his Cambridge back- is nowhere used to greater effect than in an empty room, two small shoes be- “The stars can wait, boy – ground is bound to lend itself to com- in the pages following the terrible low it, both pointing a little sidewards, that’s all they ever do.” But parisons with Zadie Smith (Basu grad- climax of events, when the discarded as if soon to begin a journey of their In the opening pages of the book human lives are never still, uated in 1999 after studying English clothes of a dead woman, seen for the own.” the protagonist, Gracian, is kept from and in this striking debut at King’s, and, like his contemporary, further observation of the stars by his novel the events of a few made his literary debut in the presti- brother’s fears. Shut up indoors, away months in winter will change gious May Anthologies), Basu’s style is from the skies, he feels that “some- a family forever. distinctly his own, consistently spare thing too large to see whole had come Set in occupied Poland in 1940, this and precise. to an end, before he was ready.” This is the tale of one boy’s fascination with However, the novel is not without could be a metaphor for this short the stars and the histories that are writ- its flaws. Occasional turns of phrase novel, as Basu’s talents are hinted at ten in them; and of his relationship seem awkward: the snow-covered rather than fully displayed – but with with his older brother, a sibling to Polish landscape is described as “vir- work on a second book well under- whom he is linked by a mysterious and ginal”, and we are told of the “heav- way, expect to hear a lot more of this ultimately tragic bond. It examines the ing chest” and “burning throat” of a particular rising star. fundamental problem of maintaining running boy. Equally, the fragment- life and dignity in wartime. ed narrative at the beginning of the The Stars Can Wait by Jay Basu The Stars Can Wait is twenty-four book risks inducing frustration rather Jonathan Cape year old Basu’s first book and demon- than the intended suspense. £10.00 strates an admirable lack of the navel- However, it is a sign of Basu’s skill KILLING CRIME TIME Not clever enough Lucy Yates rates a thriller Sameer Rahim finds Will Self too hard to digest

When I arrived at the pub at response would be to people who five o’clock Val McDermid, accuse crime fiction of being easy Amongst the gargantuan col- famous crime writer, was escapism, she positively bristled, “I lection of Martin Amis novels already sitting at a table by would ask them if they had read any in Borders, a stray copy of the window, drinking a contemporary crime fiction. There’s Will Self’s Feeding Frenzy pint. Emboldened by this a lot more to it than that. Crime writ- was neatly propped up. Sadly appearance of student-like ing is important; with people like for Self, this bookstore pene- behaviour, I leapt straight Ian Rankin and Stella Duffy, it has tration has never quite trans- into a related topic – univer- developed into a form which reflects lated into the literary domi- sities. I asked how she felt the way in which we live. “It does- nance he so obviously craves. about the way crime fiction n’t necessarily have to be a happy Feeding Frenzy brings together Self’s can often be viewed with ending; if you look at Hamlet it ends journalistic work over the past six years contempt by academia. brutally but there is a sense of res- which includes opinion pieces for the In a voice with a hint of her Scottish olution. One reason why we go to Observer and the Independent, his archi- origins, she replied, “I was very con- literature is to try and make some tectural musings in Building Design and, scious at Oxford that crime fiction sense of the world we live in.” most famously, his acerbic restaurant was something the dons read in their So, with that, Val put on her coat reviews. The title of this collection is spare time. The problem is really and said good-bye. She disappeared also a reference to the media frenzy with literary criticism, where crime out into the misty, dark night, just which ensued after Self was caught in- novels are still shunted off into a lit- like a character in a crime novel; or jecting heroin on John Major’s plane tle corner of the reviews page.” maybe this is exactly the sort of lazy during the 1997 election. He uses his Val is a writer whose experience cliché that she is trying to move platform to settle a few scores with his in journalism has taught her to look crime writing away from. former editor Alan Rusbridger whom on writing as a craft. Unencumbered he accuses of indulging in a “broad- by false modesty, she doesn’t suffer sheet tabloid story”. from any of the other problems Self doesn’t want his life to be a soap riating attacks on Tony Blair and the praising Wittgenstein. He turns him- which beset authors. opera. After reading this obese vol- New Labour Project. self into a celebrity intellectual, ped- “I’ve never had writer’s block., ume the overwhelming impression is Familiar surrealistic riffs make a dling clever prose to assuage the guilt Even if your lover’s just left you, the of a man deeply insecure about his welcome appearance: Self and his of middle-class readers who feel smart cat’s died and you’ve crashed the own ‘literary’ status. wife doing acid in a restaurant, Self by reading him. car, you can still write 1500 words. Perhaps this is why, although Self contemplating the end of the world as If he made his writing more clear, This is the most important thing I describes this volume as “obese”, it a traffic jam turns into a hellish ordeal. more effortless, he would become a learnt from journalism. I regard writ- seems curiously slight. He even in- But there are too few of these gen- better writer. Sadly this collection ing as a job.” cludes the 200-word pieces he some- uinely funny and original pieces. As shows that Will Self is clever, but I switched back to more general times does for the Today programme. you read these pieces they have the not clever enough. territory. Why does she write? “I Whilst these can be witty in the mo- feeling of being over-wrought. think it’s a form of mental illness. I ment, Self is scraping the bottom of a The tiresome use of linguistic ar- wrote for years before I was pub- shallow barrel by reprinting them. chaisms, the convoluted prose, the Feeding Frenzy by Will Self lished. I’ve told myself stories ever Having said that, Self certainly has an self-conscious attempt to be so bloody Published by Viking since I was conscious of what a sto- eye for the absurd in public life and clever becomes infuriating, here’s Self £16.99 ry was.” When I asked her what her some of his best pieces are his exco- critically reading Roger Scruton or A 01 February 2002 VISUAL ARTS ARTS 29 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Babylonian incinerator? Liz Mallett examines the local paragon of hotchpotch

To be fair, the Reading Room is cer- tainly an impressive space, with its el- egant windows and painted roof, yet moving into the West Room is Hannah Barry like passing from an Anglo-Saxon banquetting chamber to a Cold War bunker. Similarly, if you stray from Even those who have never the well-lit central corridors with their been desperate or curious suitably archaic wooden bookshelves enough to visit the University and cast bronze portals to find your- Library cannot fail to notice self lost in the gloomy recesses of the that imposing brick tower South Wing, you’ll notice the contrast which seems more industrial appearance. At best, it has an austere ing Freudian to notice something entrance foyer, with its flagged stone between the areas which are meant elevator shaft than dreaming and functional nobility, at worst, it de- rather phallic about the University floor, dripping chandeliers and paint- to be seen, and those which are mere- Cambridge spire. serves the comparisons with Stalinist Library; if size alone mattered, the ings of various royal or eminent peo- ly functional. E.M. Forster`s scornful description of and Nazi architecture which it often UL would have nothing to worry ple seems to promise something im- Metaphorically, a visit to the UL this “Babylonian incinerator” shows receives. about. posing. The underground locker has been compared to a stroll around the UL was not everyone’s favourite The UL manages simultaneously Once inside, the UL feels like a room into which you are then di- the world mind. If we apply this addition to the Cambridge skyline to evoke the feeling of an East strange mixture of decaying art deco rected, before the ritualistic swiping metaphor to what the UL actually when it was built in the early 1930s. London factory and the state head- – grandeur and industrial severity fur- of the UL card under the slightly sus- looks like, it seems that this wonder- But perhaps it is a little too easy to crit- quarters of a 1930s dictator. nished with heavy gilded doors and picious gazes of the librarians, is anti- ful world mind does not have a very icise the UL’s rather brutal external Moreover, you don’t have to be a rav- badly worn seventies carpets. The climactic. consistent personality. The all-seeing I IN THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND Prêt-à-porter Lindon style cludes a large body of work produced I want the people in my pictures to stare especially for Devil’s Playground. back”, says Goldin. In her self-portrait, Fashion is ibility would rub off on Tom Ford’s Coherent, and yet never opaque, these after being beaten up, Goldin looks not art, as own collections. This week Mario 200 photographs range from the Boston straight into the camera, her red left eye any fash- Testino is coupled with the Victoria Years, a black and white sequence of ear- echoing her deep red lipstick. No ion design- and Albert Museum’s upcoming ex- ly photographs taken between 1969 shame, amd so pity on the part of the er from hibition Men in Skirts and the recent- and 1974, when Goldin shared a flat viewer. Nothing grotesque or staged, Giorgio ly closed Radical Fashion, bringing to- with two transvestites, to the new Devil’s her work is the record of friendships Armani to gether the work of designers from Devika Singh Playground series of still lifes, landscapes and human relationships. Goldin’s af- Issey Miy- Westwood to Gaultier and testifying and surreal images. Goldin takes us firmative photography is never gloomy. ake with to the prevalent trend in marrying the Nan Goldin photographs have from the lost glamour of Hollywood to On the contrary, there is a very emo- the slight- two art forms. At the V&A, Helmut often been described as scan- the images of Misty and Jimmy rein- tional and human side to her pictures.

Joe Harris est instinct Lang chose not to exhibit any clothes dalous or tasteless. Yet there is venting themselves through poses or Face to face with sections such as First for self-preservation will tell at all, producing instead a film in- no need to praise the pictures heavy make-up. Love and Fever, the visitor is over- you. But that doesn’t mean stallation to play continually in a spe- of one of America’s leading “My desire is to preserve the sense whelmed by the extreme poetic sen- that they don’t wish that it cially-constructed minimal box, as if photographers. Goldin seeks of people’s lives, to endow them with suality of Goldin’s emotionally charged was. he were on the Turner shortlist. to uncover the truths of human the strength and beauty I see in them. photographs. Shot mostly in interior Designers have all spent too long suf- These designers are pushing at an relations, life and death, by spaces, the intensity of her images is fering that exquisitely painful sense open door. Fashion is the perfect cul- recording the artistic under- emphasized by close-ups and croppings of inferiority that comes from be- tural form for the severely limited at- ground of London, New York, and the use of saturated hues and arti- ing patronised by people who make tention spans of our times and it is ex- Berlin and Paris. ficial lighting; a style that has deeply in- less money than they panding to fill a vacuum At the Whitechapel Gallery, we enter fluenced contemporary photography. do not to relish the Fashion is the left by the shrivelling in- her visual diary. The show marks her Devil’s Playground is sensual, provoca- prospect of taking over perfect cultural terest in older art forms. first European retrospective, and in- tive and controlled at the same time. the cultural high form for the Fashion suits our re- ground. Fashion is par- severely limited stricted tastes. Pushing asitic. It depends on attention spans fashion into the cultural other art forms for its of our times landscape has become New talent: retrospective review imagery and its identi- part of the business ty. And it’s been so successful at it strategies of the conglomerates, which Amongst some of the most Moore’s endearingly personal assem- was a varied and optimistic show with that it has begun to replace them. are continually strengthening their prestigious lairs of fine art blage photography such as My Favourite a pleasant sprinkling of voyeurism. There has never been a time when grip on the fashion industry. It makes dealers, in deepest W1, James Things, all promised a varied experi- Bringing such a show to the capital, fashion has done more to suggest that clothes appear to matter. Lindon secured the basement ence for casual observer and connois- and not confining Cambridge work to it might be art. Last year Armani, There is now nothing minor about gallery of Air’s Dover Street seur alike. Cambridge climes, serves both to dis- preparing for a stock market float, the ‘minor art’ of fashion, which space to show some of Most importantly perhaps, the pieces pute elitism and to encourage con- awarded himself the privilege of a ret- mainlines on sex, status, and celebri- Cambridge’s most interesting all vehemently remonstrated against noisseurship. Great work should be rospective that took over the great ty. And it is this combination that has student artwork. the widespread assumption that shown in the best places and, indeed, spiral at the NY Guggenheim, a space turned fashion from a craft into a ma- Ollie Cooke, Lucy Moore et al demon- Cambridge students are somewhat self- where people truly appreciate what once better known for its collection jor industry, conferring a huge strated a distinctly eclectic, non-con- absorbed, and unaware of a world out- they see. Why not, then, in the most of radical art from the early 20th amount of clout, both financial and formist and determined outlook. side the rather odd atmosphere that de- appropriate place of all, London – bur- Century than for displays of frocks. cultural, on those who control it. Cooke particularly impressed with his fines University life. Not only did they geoning arts capital of Europe, and per- Gucci has put up the money need- Fashion has the ability to press all the Auerbachian three-dimensional ap- achieve this via their innovative use of fect location for a dose of intellectual ed to take Richard Serra’s giant, rust- buttons of contemporary life. And proach to painting, as did Erin Tsafrir, materials, which thankfully spelled anti- theatre. An impressive, and indeed – I ing steel spirals to the Venice it is this convergence between high who addressed the problems of a lit- craft, but also in their stubborn obser- refuse to employ that overworked Biennale, presumably in the hope culture and popular art that gives eral translation of the 3D in photog- vations: of the beautiful and the ugly, Hoxtonite utterance edgy – innova- that some of Serra’s heavy-duty cred- fashion its power. raphy. These together with Lucy the exciting and the mundane. This tive event. 30 SPORT 01 February 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk RUGBY SPECIAL A round-up of college rugby from the Varsity Sports Team

uled to be concluded by 12th ly lead the chasing pack of three, of the foot of the table between them- DIVISION ONE February. Rooted to the foot of the whom Girton managed a creditable selves and bottom-placed DIVISION THREE table are Magdalene, who may as 28˜5 victory over Churchill. A brace Pembroke. These two sides seem This division is still up for grabs, with well start preparing themselves for each from Nick Jenner and Jon too far behind Christ’s to be able to Sidney sit proudly on top of the table the competition between St John’s Second Division rugby next year. The McIntosh ensured that the visitors escape relegation, despite having and an impressive points tally of 340. and Downing looking ever more in- final relegation spot will be decided were unable to establish daylight at several fixtures in lieu. They have the honour of being the teresting as the season draws to a between Catz and Fitz, though after only undefeated side in the three di- close. The recent defeat for Downing victory in their recent and crucial clash visions, a record which they will en- at the hands of an improving Emma it is Fitz who now have better chance deavour to defend against a strong side means that the present title-hold- of survival. Still, it would take a brave Caius side next Tuesday in a match

ers are no longer favorites to win the man to bet against Catz going down Rowan Huppert which will effectively determine the league this year. John’s did their with several fixtures still left to play. final destination of the title. Despite chances no harm by defeating arch- their current position in second place, rivals Jesus on Tuesday, and a victo- Clare now appear out of the race ry in their final league game would be DIVISION TWO after going down to Sidney 34–0 last enough to see them first past the fin- week, but should hold off the chal- ishing-post. Should they lose, Trinity Hall’s meteoric rise from lenge of Kings to hang on to mid- Downing must win their final two fix- Third Division obscurity to the top table respectability. The wooden tures to snatch the title. The final of the second looks set to continue spoon seems like it could well be stages of the season will see Jesus, after their recent victory over decided on whichever side concedes Robinson and Emma, all three seem- Queens’. They are now surely the greatest number of walk-overs, as ingly safe from relegation, battling for favourites to gain the title and the both Anglia and Corpus are yet to positions behind the top two. The fi- first of two available promotion notch up a victory. This is despite the nal standings will depend to large ex- places. Big brother Trinity are best Polytechnic side possessing a dan- tent on the differing fortunes in placed to join them, only one point gerous half-back pairing, an asset Cuppers, which has started this week, behind Queens’ and with a game in which may well see them push and the first round of which is sched- hand. Peterhouse–Selwyn narrow- Will Lowe of Jesus sizes up John’s centre Huw Lewis-Jones Corpus into bottom place.

BOAT RACE BUILD-UP League Tables, Results & Fixtures Tim Jarratt For Cambridge rowing, the period just before Easter means one thing – boat races. After months of train- Men’s Rugby Men’s Football Men’s Hockey Water Polo ing and abstinence from life’s pleas- ures, the Cambridge crews will be Division 1 Division 1 Division 1 Results unleashed on Oxford. The light- PWDL F APts P W D L F A Pts P W D L F A Pts ST JOHN’S 2 CHURCHILL 3 weights race this year in Henley on St John’s 13 11 0 2 370 64 46 St John’s 43108010 Emmanuel 751119411 Downing 12 9 0 3 287 83 39 Jesus 43011429 Pembroke* 64112178 ST JOHN’S 7 CHRIST’S 0 Sunday 24th March, while the men’s Robinson 12 7 0 5 210195 33 Fitzwilliam 3210617 Caius 53201768 CHRIST’S 0 CHURCHILL 9 Blue Boat and Goldie compete six Emmanuel 12 7 0 5 291203 31 Queens’ 52121067 St John’s 64021688 ST CATS 1 ST JOHN’S 9 days later. In this the first of three Jesus 11 6 0 5 142167 29 Pembroke 51221105 Christ’s 64021058 ST CATS 7 CHRIST’S 5 previews, we look at CUWBC. St Catharine’s 12 4 0 8 175275 23 Girton 3111254 Cambridge City 531113137 The squad started the campaign Fitzwilliam 11 4 0 6 146189 21 Trinity 3102843 Robinson* 622225185 well. Many rowers returned from last Magdalene 13 0 0 13 63 505 11 St Catharine’s 1001020 Jesus 52121065 Division 1 year’s crews and there was also a large APU 30031180 St Catharine’s 5113393 P W D L F A Pts influx of keen talent. Sadly, several of Long Road* 100102-1 Queens’ 40132121 Division 2 Churchill 6411281013 the Blues have had to withdraw, but the PWDL F APts *deducted 1pt Fitzwilliam* 6006123 -1 St John’s 7403383012 coaching team, lead by George Maitre, Trinity Hall 11 9 0 2 173125 38 APU* 5005127-1 Addies 4400261312 has formed a close knit unit. Queens’ 12 6 0 6 145129 30 Division 2 Leys U19 4310351010 Trinity 10 6 1 3 207105 29 P W D L F A Pts Division 2 St Catharine’s 521221157 Three women’s boats will compete: P’house-Selwyn 11 5 2 4 185104 28 Homerton 440017412 P W D L F A Pts Christ’s 620417396 the women’s Blue Boat, Blondie and Girton 10 5 0 5 140104 25 Downing 531114710 Trinity 641123149 Selwyn 512211185 the lightweights. Selection for the latter Christ’s 950414415124 Emmanuel 631291210 Downing 64111469 Caius 511314174 is complete, and an announcement on Churchill 71155713211 Darwin 33001729 Trinity Hall 5410718 CULWPC 602413322 the two heavyweight crews is expected Pembroke 81072622710 Magdalene 3210407 Sidney Sussex 44001278 Robinson 20025100 soon. Two members of CUWBC also Churchill 3122985 Clare 62221496 have their sights set higher. Sarah Cottell Corpus Christi 52211276 Division 3 Clare 3112384 Division 2 and Ruth de las Casas are aiming to be Robinson 41039163 Magdalene 42111735 P W D L F A Pts P W D L F A Pts picked for the GB U23 team and to date Caius 41036133 Selwyn 5 2 0 3 6 19 4 Trinity Hall 440026212 Sidney Sussex 77003404228 their chances look good. Impressive Clare 640216910918 Fitzwilliam II 50052170 Peterhouse 51136103 Trinity 22002136 performances at the national long dis- Caius 54011416617 St John’s II 60246152 Queens’ 2101793 tance trials and at the indoor rowing King’s 52037218011 Division 3 Girton 71159212 Peterhouse 2101663 Corpus Christi 6006563035 P W D L F A Pts Churchill 50057210 Emmanuel 1100433 championships have caught the eye. Anglia 3003221002 Selwyn 541022413 Leys U16 20026130 Provisional heavyweight A and B King’s 541022813 King’s 20020100 crews, along with the lightweights were Courtesy of Ben Poynter Division 3 Corpus Christi 6312141110 P W D L F A Pts Sidney Sussex 30031280 entered into the Head to Head held last APU II 520312126 Jesus II 550016010 Saturday on the Cam. This was the first Sidney Sussex 420210116 Caius II 4 3 0 1 10 3 6 Courtesy of Jon Smyth racing of term and although the boats Blues Rugby Long Road II* 42029115 Queens’ II 5212895 outclassed the opposition of some Queens’ II 3111544 Pembroke II 3201534 mediocre college crews, none of them Fixture St John’s II 511310144 St Catharine’s II 4112363 Any league secretary handled the conditions well, which is a Trinity Hall 51139204 Emmanuel II 2101322 concern given the fickle nature of the Christ’s 61055233 King’s 2101342 wishing to have league Henley reach. However, there was BLUES V ARMY Girton II 70070210 tables published in Varsity Courtesy of : plenty of power and that, harnessed Wed 6th Feb (1900) Sport should contact: Pete Edwards, Stuart Seldon & Alex with more precision, should see im- Grange Road Bennett Courtesy of Dave Emery [email protected] provements in the coming weeks. A 01 Febuary 2002 SPORT 31 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

WATER POLO From All Black to True Blue Continued from back page... Such drama is hard on the nerves Francis Booth talks to the new Blues Rugby captain and a few calming ales were re- quired that night. Alas, the calming At a university where preconcep- peared for Otago in the NPC How well he succeeds will matter influence of alcohol never makes it- tions about sportsmen abound, it throughout the period 1995 – 2001, most in just under a year’s time, self felt with Sangría; the tale of was both refreshing and reassur- and played Super 12 Rugby for though the fact that that one game will Saturday night, however, is beyond ing to meet up with the recently Waikato Chiefs and Otago effectively determine how his tenure the scope of this article and, to be appointed Blues Rugby captain, Rowan Huppert Highlanders, where only injury and as captain is remembered is some- quite honest, is best left untold. Duncan Blaikie. Half-fearing, if the presence of one Josh Kronfeld pre- thing which the New Zealander re- With more than a couple of play- you will pardon me and my moral vented him from playing more regu- flects upon ambivalently. Sharing the ers totally missing in action high horse, an hour in the com- larly. Not a bad CV, you might say. disappointment of 50,000 in a drab (Tadpoles’ president Gomersall pany of an arrogant Blue or beer- Despite this wealth of experience, 2001 Varsity Match, Blaikie would leading from the front as usual) and swilling bore, I was relieved to the Hughes Hall student, currently dearly love to provide a spectacle, but most others suffering the after-ef- chat with someone extremely ar- reading for an M.Phil in Medical feels the pressure to end a series of fects of a beer or two, the Sunday ticulate and down-to-earth. Science, is finding the job of captain- three defeats above all else. When matches were not expected to pro- Duncan James Oke Blaikie grew cy far more challenging than he had questioned as to the style of play he vide much of a spectacle. However, up far away from the Fens in the land at first anticipated. As a relative new- prefers, he is forced to concede that it this time it was the Cambridge men, of the Silver Fern. He was born in comer to Cambridge, he is indebted is the one that wins matches. keen to demonstrate the ability of Hamilton, New Zealand, where he to the previous captain, Mike Count, their livers to cope with alcoholic learnt his rugby at Otago Boys’ High. for guiding him through the first few “ The great legacy hardship, who were out of the traps There he made his debut for the weeks of his duties. Given that both of Cambridge rugby first, bagging three early goals off school 1st XV as a fifth-former, and Count and his predecessor, Mike some wonderfully destructive recalls with endearing candour how Haslett, had come up through the is something of smash-and-grab counter-attacking the nerves of the occasion got to him. ranks as undergraduates, did he feel which the Light play. The BUSA champions, stung Some ten years later, he would run out conscious. In whatever capacity he at all out of touch as a graduate who Blues’ most recent and determined to finish the week- onto the hallowed turf of Twickenham may appear as captain, he is anxious had been here only one term? This po- son is perennially end on top, raised their game and in a similar state of anticipation. not to tread on the toes of over a hun- tentially thorny issue was handled with fought back. After an extended pe- Having watched the Varsity Match as dred years of tradition, though per- great honesty; while still confident of conscious. ” riod of parity, a long weekend of a child back in New Zealand, where haps few would begrudge a back-row what he could bring to the side, Blaikie training and matches took its toll on the Boat Race was also broadcast, forward of his pedigree doing so. In confessed that he had much to learn For the moment though, his the Cambridge team as they left he was keenly aware of the enormous 1993, Blaikie made his debut for New in a role which bears arguably more thoughts can remain focused on the their battered Texan keeper Miller tradition surrounding the event, and Zealand Schools, before going on the responsibility off the pitch than it does development and nurture of a prom- unprotected on too many occasions, aside from the obvious disappoint- following year to represent a National on it. It is, however, most definitely on ising side. It will be against a strong thus allowing Cardiff to claim a ment of the result, immensely enjoyed U19 side which included, amongst oth- the pitch where, pardon the cliché, he Army XV on February 6th that series win. being a part of it. ers, Carlos Spencer, Isitolo Maka, and likes to do his talking. While not en- Blaikie will next represent a proud An unmemorable ladies’ match The great legacy of Cambridge rug- current All Black captain Anton tirely averse to handing out the occa- rugby tradition; a challenge he will ended in similar fashion, allowing by is something of which the Light Oliver. Spending several years with sional verbal rebuke, he is a firm be- relish then, for the rest of this season, Cardiff to level the two-match se- Blues’ most recent son is perennially the New Zealand academy, he also ap- liever in leading a team by example. and beyond to Twickenham. ries. Fellowship of the Rink John Rutter

Having acclimatised to the alti- MEN’S ICE HOCKEY tude and freezing temperatures, the side next took to the ice to face the Richard Dunn La Plaiv juniors, a team assembled from the top young players of the The start of 2002 saw the valley. This promised to be a spec- Cambridge University Ice tacle, and the match had an almost Hockey Team complete a suc- carnival atmosphere thanks to the cessful tour of the Engadine val- screams of the hundreds of specta- ley, near St. Moritz, Switzerland. tors. Second-line centre Guilbert, The Light Blues returned to Zuoz, with the help of winger Peppin, home of the Lyceum Alpinum proved to be the difference in the School and hub of Swiss hockey, contest, and the Swiss side soon wea- for a character building week of ried from the physical play. tough training, and gruelling Cambridge’s first line took ad- matches. Under the very capable vantage of La Plaiv’s exhaustion and supervision of the former bucketed a plethora of beautiful Austrian National Team coach, goals to lift the Blues to a massive Franke, and team coach Harris, 12–5 win. Not all news was as sweet the squad were drilled hard in as the smell of victory however, as the optimum conditions provid- six-foot-seven defenceman Sean ed by the Alps. Cashin suffered a fractured kneecap The first game was played against after a malicious and vicious illegal Let’s get ready to rumble: the Blues face-off against their Swiss opposition the Lyceum squad, a team of young, check from behind. fast Europeans. After a somewhat The tour culminated in an epic the Blues came out sluggishly, man- fencemen John Rutter and Curt This year’s tour of Switzerland shaky and nervous start, the Blues match played against the La Plaiv aging only a single goal; at the end Schmitt, with goaltender Paul “The builds on a tradition of more than 75 eventually found their legs, and be- senior team of the Swiss National of the first period, they found them- Wall” Galbraith putting on a puck- years and will prove to be priceless gan to dominate the play as enforcers League. The semi-professional team selves four down. stopping clinic between the pipes. for the team as they strive to retain Hughes and Millar put in some came into the game with a daunting However, inspired by the words However, despite a well-fought third, the Patton Cup for a second year run- crushing checks. The team cruised unbeaten record and had not been of Captain Andrew Ashcroft, the short bench of the Cambridge ning in the up coming Varsity match. to an 8–1 victory with first-line for- held to single figures on the score- Cambridge began the second peri- team began to show in their play, The team travels to Prague in wards Kunduri, Murawsky and board all season. Perhaps recalling od with renewed vigour. Improved and the game ended with the Blues February to take part in the Clubs Ashcroft slotting a punishing seven their strongly-contested losing bat- offence was complemented by a succumbing 4-8 to the hard shooting World Ice Hockey Tournament, goals. tle a year earlier to the same squad, stand-up performance by veteran de- Swiss. where we wish them the best of luck. TRENT ALL NOTTED UP

MEN’S FOOTBALL Employing a strong 4-5-1 formation, big number nine found space in the box the Blues were always going to win the and forced a good save from Heath. Ben Speight & Luke Layfield midfield battle, and Trent were limited However, the Blues defence, marshalled to resorting to a series of aimless balls by Mike Brett in the centre, was too well

BLUES 2 Rowan Huppert over the top for their strikers to chase. -organised for the Nottingham pressure Angus (pen), Harding For the duration of the first half, the to tell. Chances fell to Walsh and Nottingham team could only offer a de- Harding but again the net didn’t bulge. NOTTINGHAM TRENT 0 flected shot and a speculative drive from Eventually though, Angus, whose hard distance. The Blues were dominant, with work stood out, squeezed in a cross, Paul Dimmock’s team were never Paul Dimmock seemed to be every- which left Dave Harding to fire the ball really troubled by a physical where, dictating the play. Despite hold- into the roof of the net from close range Nottingham Trent side in a game ing the majority of the half’s possession, and kill the game. they should have easily won by the incisive ball seemed was evidently The previous day, the Blues were more. Trent could not match the lacking in the final third. It seemed at nowhere near as dominant or impres- Blues’ fast-paced passing style and one point that the set pieces Paul sive. It would be very easy to be overly barely created any chances. The Dimmock delivered might provide an- critical of their performance, though. Blues’ goals came from Angus at the other opportunity to extend the Blues The side had no recognised first team start of the game, and Harding late lead, such was the havoc they caused in players and were overrun by the on. The only worry for Dimmock’s the Trent penalty area. However any Amateur League representative team. men is that they were unable to cre- chances that came the Blues’ way were The opposition had numerous chances ate chances from long periods of not converted. to score but they were somewhat inex- possession. The game the day before Midfielder Tim Hall during the Blues victory. After the break the opposition were plicably squandered. It was a penalty against the Southern Olympic more threatening, finding space down award fifteen minutes from time that League representative side was a Against Nottingham Trent, scoring just two minutes into the match. the right and putting a number of dan- made all their possession count. Once completely different kettle of fish. A Cambridge made their intentions very Angus intercepted a short back-pass gerous balls in behind the Cambridge the spot kick was knocked in by Steve severely weakened team was out- clear early on. Andy Angus, a lone fig- from the left back before rounding the rearguard. After 67 minutes played, the Hurd, they completed victory with a bril- classed by much more experienced ure up front in the absence of injured keeper on the edge of the area, cooly Blues were almost made to rue not mak- liantly taken goal from their impressively opposition, eventually losing 2–0. striker, Goran Glamacok, opened the slotting the ball into the net. ing their first-half-chances count. Trent’s creative midfielder, Peter Eguae. WARNING: SHEEP IN WATER Rowan Huppert WATER POLO Despite their recent four-hour into an early lead, after strong play and minibus journey, it was not Cardiff, but two lovely goals from club president CAMBRIDGE V CARDIFF the Cambridge men who failed to get McFarlane, the Cambridge defence off the bus in the first fixture of the held firm, but were unable to consis- Buzz Hendricks weekend. Cardiff raced into the lead, tently repel the relentless Welsh assaults. leaving Cambridge captain Russ Fuller Cambridge keeper Wilkinson was of- Last weekend saw Cardiff to pick up the pieces with a hat-trick. ten called upon, saving many efforts on University’s water polo squads hand Tennis Blue Harris scored an outra- goal and setting up lovely counter-at- over their crooks and leave their geous long-range bounce shot straight tacks for captain Ashe and Maltese im- flocks to make their way, cross-coun- out of the LTA manual to grab a con- port Vincenti to net. Despite heroic de- try, to the plains and steppes of East solation goal, but it was not enough, fence, Cambridge were down by two Anglia to take on their Blues coun- and a fairly violent affair finished 7–4 goals with the end of the match ap- terparts for a double-headed fixture. to Cardiff, the Welsh having shown proaching. End of story? Not on your With all four squads (mens’ and more aggression and desire through- life. ladies’ from both universities) fac- out the game. With a never-say-die attitude that ing stiff competition in the quarter- At the end of last year, some anony- Han Solo would have been proud of, finals of BUSA this weekend, this mous club officials had confidently ex- Cambridge clawed their way back into was to be no picnic, but a good pressed the opinion that the ladies’ team the game, a shattered Gemma Hindson chance to get themselves into a se- would get hammered this season, due swimming clear in the dying seconds riously competitive frame of mind. to the loss of some of their best players. to ram the winning goal past the goalie Cambridge were up against it, as On the evidence of the first ladies’ and claim a thoroughly deserved hat- both Cardiff squads are current game, those pessimists should currently trick: Cambridge 7:6 Cardiff. BUSA defending champions. be eating their words. Having raced Continued page 31 BLUES CAPTAIN BLAIKIE INTERVIEWED – Page 31