Emotional Reactions of Children to Remarriage
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Loyola University Chicago Loyola eCommons Master's Theses Theses and Dissertations 1992 Emotional Reactions of Children to Remarriage Anita Jones Thomas Loyola University Chicago Follow this and additional works at: https://ecommons.luc.edu/luc_theses Part of the Education Commons Recommended Citation Thomas, Anita Jones, "Emotional Reactions of Children to Remarriage" (1992). Master's Theses. 3976. https://ecommons.luc.edu/luc_theses/3976 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Theses and Dissertations at Loyola eCommons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Master's Theses by an authorized administrator of Loyola eCommons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License. Copyright © 1992 Anita Jones Thomas Loyola University Chicago Emotional Reactions of Children to Remarriage A THESIS SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF THE GRADUATE SCHOOL IN CANDIDACY FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS DEPARTMENT OF ,COUNSELING AND EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY BY ANITA JONES THOMAS CHICAGO, ILLINOIS MAY 1992 Copyright by Anita Jones Thomas, 1992 All Rights Reserved ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks are given to Dr. Manuel Silverman who directed this thesis, to Dr. Gloria Lewis who provided invaluable feedback and suggestions, and to Dr. Scott Solberg for serving on the thesis committee. Thanks are also given to my husband, John, and to my parents for continued support and suggestions. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS . iii chapter Page I. INTRODUCTION 1 Importance of study 6 Outline for paper 7 II. ATTACHMENT AND LOSS 9 Attachment . 9 Separation Anxiety . • . 12 Reactions to death . • . 13 Reactions to divorce . • . • • • . • 16 SllltllllCl.1:}' • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 19 III. REACTIONS TO REMARRIAGE 21 Reactions by age • . • • • . • . • . 22 Preschool . • • • • . 23 School-age . • . • • • • • • • . 23 Early adolescents . • • . • . • 25 Adolescents . • . • • 27 Loss in stepchildren . • . • . 29 Dream for reunion • . • . 30 Loss of single-parent family . 33 Loss of visitation .... 35 Stepsibling relationships • . 37 summary . • . • . 39 IV. THERAPY WITH STEPFAMILIES 41 Treatment issues ... ·. • • . • . 42 Mourning loss . • • . 42 Remarried couple . • . 44 Clarifying expectations . • . 45 Divorced couple . • . 46 Modes of therapy . • . • . • • . 48 Family therapy . • . 48 Couples and group therapy . • • . 49 Individual therapy • • • . • 52 Techniques for stepfamilies . • . • • 52 Summary . 54 iv r ~- ?: V. CONCLUSIONS . • • • . • 55 Attachment and loss . • • • 55 Reactions to remarriage ...•.•.• 57 Therapy with stepfamilies . 59 Future research . • . • . • . 62 REFERENCE LIST • . • • . • • • 64 v CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION About one-half of marriages in the United states end in divorce, including families with children. Eighty percent of the men and 60 to 75% of women will remarry (Hetherington, 1989; Zill, 1988). Although some adults will remarry shortly after the divorce of the spouse, most will remarry between two and five years after the divorce (Zill, 1988). Garfield (1982) states that 80% of adults remarry after three years of divorce as it takes about two to four years to completely mourn the loss of the marriage. The adults are able to work through their grief, and remarry in order to receive personal fulfillment, and/or to improve their lives. Adults mourn when they divorce, whether or not they initiate the action. They experience anger and will argue with the spouse or blame them for the failed marriage (Garfield, 1982; Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980; Sager, c. J., Brown, H. s., Crohn, H., Engel, ·T., Rodstein, E., & Walker, L., 1983). Some adults are shocked that they are experiencing a divorce and will often try to deny the reality of the situation (Garfield, 1982). Most adults experience depression and sadness over the divorce. Others are able to experience the divorce as a new beginning and 1 2 are able to begin dating earlier (Garfield, 1982; wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). Many adults make the decision to improve their lives by remarrying. They may remarry to gain a partner or to have another adult involved with their children. Children experience loss in the divorce as well, and mourn the loss, but may not complete their mourning in the same manner or at the same rate as their parents. Children may struggle for many years to complete the mourning of the loss of the biological family (Papernow, 1984). When one or both parents remarry, the children may not perceive it as a positive experience or change in their lives. When a parent makes the decision to remarry, they decide on the basis of their own personal well-being, and often with little or no consideration for the children (Hetherington, Stanley-Hagan, & Anderson, 1989). Estimates show that 25 to 35% of children will live in a stepfamily of some form (Hetherington, 1989; Brand, E., Clingempeel, W. G., & Bowen-Woodward, K., 1988). The prefix "step" in the original derivation means loss from bereavement (Dukes, 1989; Rosenberg & Hajal, 1985; Herndon & Combs, 1982). When the word stepfamily was first coined, stepfamilies were formed through the death of a parent, usually the mother. Today, stepfamilies are formed from divorce as well as death. The word "stepfamily" brings images of evil stepmothers as in the fairy tales 3 'Cinderella' and 'Hansel and Gretel' (Poppen & White, 1984). There are other words that have been coined such as 'remarried families, reconstituted families and blended families to remove some of the negative stigma from stepfamilies and to help them be seen as another family type. The fact that stepfamilies are created mostly from divorce complicates the situation. The parents divorce, but children are unable to emotionally divorce from their parents. Stepfamilies can include both biological parents and/or biological siblings, as well as stepparents and/or stepsiblings. The challenge of living in a stepfamily for all members is the addition of people to the family, as stepfamilies require that people join with each other to form one unit or family (Hetherington, 1989; Rosenberg & Hajal, 1985). Unlike a biological family, stepfamilies do not share previous history, traditions or habits (Schwartzberg, 1987; Poppen & White, 1984; Herndon & Combs, 1982; Miller, 1985). They must negotiate rules and roles, and must work out living arrangements and visitations (Rosenberg & Hajal, 1985). Living in a stepfamily can often be a positive experience, but initially, it is often a difficult experience. The research that examines the psychological effect of children living in stepfamilies is conflicting. Ganong and Coleman (1984) conducted a review of the empirical research 4 f on stepfamilies and concluded that most of the literature ~ ! did not find significant differences in the adjustment of children in stepfamilies when compared to intact nuclear families. They conducted a follow-up review with both empirical and clinical research and found that the two types of research yielded different results (Ganong & Coleman, 1986). The empirical research in the second review also found that stepchildren did not differ significantly from children in intact families. The clinical research was focused on case studies, literature reviews and clinical impressions. The findings seemed to indicate that living in a stepfamily was stressful and caused significant problems for stepchildren (Ganong & Coleman, 1986). Although the review has some flaws, it accurately describes the problems found in research in stepchildren. The conflicting conclusions in the research may be because of the various aspects of stepfamily living that have been examined. Studies observe school performance and academic performance, acting out behaviors in the home as rated by parents, both the quality and quantity of visitations with non-custodial parents, and effects on the marital relationship. Ganong and Coleman (1986) in their follow-up review stated that research had focused on: psychological adjustment, including effects on self-esteem, anxiety, psychosomatic symptoms, and loss; family relations, including the relationships with both biological parents and 5 stepparents, sibling relationships, and conflicts of loyalty; social behavior, including acting out and behavioral problems; cognitive functioning, including academic performance and intelligence testing. Despite the variety of topics studied on stepchildren, no general conclusions can be drawn on the effects of living in a stepfamily. Although the research is inconclusive, empirical researchers as well as clinicians tend to agree upon the effect of loss in divorce as it relates to a child's psychological adjustment, and relationships with family members. The parental divorce brings on the loss of the nuclear family, and affects the relationship with the noncustodial parent. Divorce can also bring physical changes such as moving and/or attending a new school and financial resources may be lessened. When one or both parents remarry, children can again experience a sense of loss. Throughout marital separation and divorce, children dream that their biological parents will reunite and remarry. After remarriage, children experience the loss of the dream of reunion. Children may spend significant time living in a single-parent household. Children develop a special bond with single parents that is lost or broken when the parent remarries. Children may also experience a loss of visitation with non-custodial parents. If the stepparent also has