Challenging Macho Values Challenging Macho Values Practical Ways of Working with Adolescent Boys Jonathan Salisbury David Jackson The Falmer Press (A member of the Taylor & Francis Group) London • Washington, D.C. UK The Falmer Press, 1 Gunpowder Square, London EC4A 3DE USA The Falmer Press, Taylor & Francis Inc., 1900 Frost Road, Suite 101, Bristol, PA 19007 This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2004. © J.Salisbury, and D.Jackson, 1996 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission in writing from the Publisher. First published in 1996 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data are available on request ISBN 0-203-39742-8 Master e-book ISBN ISBN 0-203-39772-X (Adobe eReader format) ISBN 0 7507 0483 7 cased ISBN 0 7507 0484 5 paper Jacket design by Caroline Archer Contents Acknowledgments vi Acting Hard—A poem by David Jackson viii Preface by Jeff Hearn ix 1 Introduction: Why Should Schools Take Working with Adolescent Boys Seriously? 1 2 The Secondary School as a Gendered Institution 18 3 Boys’ Sexualities 40 4 Sexual Harassment 86 5 Violence and Bullying 104 6 Media Education, Boys and Masculinities 139 7 Language as a Weapon 166 8 The Ideal Manly Body 189 9 School Sport and the Making of Boys and Men 204 10 Boys’ Well-being: Learning to Take Care of Themselves and Others 216 11 How Boys Become Real Lads: Life Stories about the Making of Boys 232 12 Playing War 250 13 Fathers and Sons 274 Bibliography 292 Index 298 v Acknowledgments The authors and publishers would like to thank the following for permission to reproduce materials used in this publication: ‘Smalltown Boy’: Words and Music by Jimmy Somerville, Larry Steinbachek and Steve Bronski © 1994. Reproduced by permission of Jess-E Musique Ltd/ EMI Virgin Music Ltd, London, WC2H OEA. ‘Smalltown Boy’: Words and Music by Jimmy Somerville, Larry Steinbachek and Steve Bronski © 1994. Reproduced by permission of Bucks Music Ltd, London, W8 7SX. ‘Smalltown Boy’: Words and Music by Jimmy Somerville, Larry Steinbachek and Steve Bronski © 1994. Reproduced by permission of Larry Steinbachek. Living and Learning (Cambidge) Ltd for permission to use material from Taught Not Caught, H.Dixon and G.Mullinar (eds) and Greater Expectations, H.Slavin (ed.). The Guardian for permission to use the article ‘Bare Faced Cheek’. SMASH (Sheffield Men Against Sexual Harassment) for permission to use their Sexual Harassment questionnaire and ‘The Lads’ cartoon. Richard Yerrall for permission to use material from his privately published Anti- Sexist Practice with Boys and Young Men (1989). Rykneld Support Service, Derby for permission to reproduce material associated with whole school policy on bullying. National Council of Voluntary Organisations for permission to use material from Boys Will be…, Neil Davidson, Bedford Square Press (1990). Prentice Hall, Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey for permission to use ‘Being a Boy’ by Julius Lester from Men and Masculinity, Pleck and Sawyer (eds). vi Acknowledgments Neti Neti Theatre Company for permission to use material in the bullying section. Mike Davis of Hackney Downs School for permission to use material from their ‘Skills for Living’ course. David Pickersgill for his preparatory work in the sexual harassment section. Val Lindley, Head of Lower School and Dance Teacher at Redhill Comprehensive School, Arnold, Nottingham for her contribution to boys and dance. Derbyshire County Council for permission to use material from their HIV/ AIDs pack. Max Biddulph for advice and assistance in the Boys’ Sexualities section. Bob Vincent and Mike Wilkinson for his reading of the text, advice and encouragement. vii Acting Hard He wants to be the giant King of Hard smirking beneath his back-to-front baseball cap. Proud of his blood-grazed knuckles he tries to push his fist through another locked door. Sprawls insolently across three seats on the bus home. Knows that he was born to own space. He threatens to jump out of this poem to head-butt YOU. But this giant King of Hard is afraid to take off his bomber jacket before the hissing showers. He knows they would rip his towel away, sneer at his hairless dick. He sees their jeering faces in his Dad’s shaving mirror—the place where he practises looking mean. This King of Hard has jelly feet. He tries to put his shoulders on again and the upturned cap that hides his eyes. But it’s too late; the iron lung is cracking. These are real, human tears that are scalding his cheeks. Now nothing can stop the dark, wet stain from seeping right through his ‘Red Devils’ football strip. David Jackson viii Preface There are good reasons, albeit different ones for women, for men, for girls and for boys themselves, why boys and young men should be challenged and changed. Many girls and women, whether they are sisters, students, friends, mothers or partners, would like to reduce the power of boys and young men, to increase their safety from them, and where appropriate to improve their relationships with them. Perhaps surprisingly, the reasons why it might also be in boys’ own interests for boys and young men to change are rather similar— equalizing power, increasing safety, improving relationships. For example, it is well documented that young men are particularly at risk of violence from other young men. From the point of view of men, challenging and changing boys and young men, whether we are brothers, friends, fathers, or whatever, is also a matter of concern. In addition, many men carry with them sadness from their boyhood that they would like to shift in themselves and see shifted in others. For some people, all these issues are complicated by the ambiguous authority that comes from being a teacher teaching boys and young men—and of having to face the question ‘What on earth do I do with these boys?’ So how did we get here? How has it come about that the need to challenge and change boys and young men is being increasingly recognized? Like many stories of this kind, this is a long one. Boys and young men have often been seen as a breed apart, as naturally quite different to girls and young women. In the late nineteenth and early twentieth century there was a clear emphasis on the separation and segregation of boys and girls. And although it is easy to overstate the operation of such ‘dual spheres’, there was certainly a strong pursuit of ‘natural’ separation, so that boys could be and could become boys. That was the way things were in schools, in religious and paramilitary youth organizations, and even in many workplaces. This ‘natural’ regime with its own firm distinctions has remained with us since. Indeed my own schooling in the fifties and early sixties was strictly based on the idea of boys becoming the way they should be, through sport, study and segregation from girls—a strange and inconsistent mixture of nature and instruction. However, by the sixties there were movements towards mixed schooling and mixed youthwork. Interestingly, this mixing was accompanied by the creation of ‘youth’, ‘youth culture’ and the ‘youth problem’, in which the naming of boys and young men was liable to be lost. Despite the fact that ‘youth culture’ and the ‘youth problem’ usually stressed what boys and young men did, ix Preface they usually remained unnamed. ‘Youth’ was a word without sex or gender even though it generally meant male youth. This second regime also continues— so that talk of ‘youth’, ‘youth problems’ and even ‘youth crime’ often fails to really address boys and young men. Accordingly, male youth can be all too visible yet rendered invisible. Both of these regimes—the supposedly ‘natural’ and the supposedly ‘neutral’— have been challenged by feminist and pro-feminist interventions. They have reminded us that the experiences of girls and boys are different, gendered and pervaded by power. In this context, there has been a return to girlswork and then boyswork. Similarly, Challenging Macho Values challenges both of these regimes and the approaches to boys and young men that are associated with them. Boys and young men are named as such, but not so as to suggest that they are fixed and unchangeable. Challenging Macho Values is designed for teachers, youth workers and all who work with boys and young men. It combines commentaries on the key issues and lots and lots of practical suggestions for doing boyswork. Most of these exercises can be put into practice with a minimum of resources and equipment—they rely above all on the experiences of the boys themselves. The topics covered include sexuality, harassment, violence, bullying, media images, language, the body, sport and much more. Challenging Macho Values is equally useful for working with boys and young men who are stereotypically sexist and aggressive, and those who behave in other ways; those who use violence and those who don’t; those who are more or less successful; those who are black or white, heterosexual or gay. The boys- work that is described draws on a general awareness of sexism and anti-sexism and a specific awareness of power, safety and relationships. Boys and young men are no longer just the way they are. Read on. Jeff Hearn University of Manchester x Chapter 1 Introduction: Why Should Schools Take Working with Adolescent Boys Seriously? The Theory One of the authors can remember a particularly striking lesson in a working- class comprehensive school in Sheffield.