KIDS— Special

MAKE Yep, tacos at the counter counts as family . FAMILY DINNER HAPPEN

A SOUP-TO-SWEETS GUIDE!

Like it or not, dinner with your kids may be the single most important thing you do as a parent. Research shows that children who sit for regular family are less likely to have behavioral problems, and that the ritual may also protect against future eating disorders, substance abuse, obesity, and depression. But in this era of packed schedules and working moms and dads, communal dining can feel close to impossible. Whether you’ve got a picky kid, are intimidated by your oven, or have zero time to (or eat!), we’re here to revamp your routine so you can serve delicious and get your crew to linger at the table longer. Pull up a chair!

by ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY / photographs by PRISCILLA GRAGG

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YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: Another way to keep kids busy and out And don’t discount of the is to play . Have for dinner. “Scrambled eggs, , and You work, then pick up from them make paper (with drawings something green is a great —and you day care (or shuttle the kids or written descriptions, depending on can have it on the table in ten minutes to afternoon activities), their age) and place cards. They can flat,” says Jenna Helwig, Parents’ and there’s no time to cook. name the restaurant and set the table if director and author of Baby-Led Feeding. And you’re all starving they’re old enough. Then let them take “Dinner doesn’t have to be fancy. I always as soon as you get home. everyone’s order. (There’s one thing on keep a good jarred pasta sauce around, the , folks—hope you like it!) too, because that can save the day.” And To make less stressful, plan hey, she has a culinary degree. Remind yourself that you’ve just got for the craziness. Think ahead about to make it through 15 or 20 minutes of which weeknights will be hectic so you YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: hangry whining. While you’re boiling can decide when to make something the pasta water, appease your kids with simple, when to get take-out, and when Either you or your partner—or vegetables. Parents contributing editor to sit down as a family for homemade both of you—gets home Sally Kuzemchak, R.D., author of The 101 fare, says Caroline Campion, a mother from work on the late side, and Healthiest for Kids, has a “veggies of two and coauthor of The Dinner Plan. the kids are hungry earlier. only” rule the hour before dinner. “The Do as much dinner prep over the kids can pick something out of the weekend as you can. “Cook six chicken produce drawer or even eat the veggie breasts in the multicooker and shred You don’t need everyone together at that I’m serving, but there’s no other them up for quesadillas, BBQ chicken every meal to make it count, says Anne snacking.” Molly Janik Gulati, a mom sandwiches, or to toss in a quick soup Fishel, Ph.D., director and cofounder of two in Summit, New Jersey, has a using canned broth,” says Kuzemchak. of The Family Dinner Project, an “crunch contest.” She fills a plate with “And brown taco meat ahead of time to initiative that provides families with raw vegetables and challenges her kids use for last-minute tacos.” When her online resources to get them to the table. to see who can make the louder crunch children were younger, she was in a “All you need is one adult and one child to when they bite into them. Or they can freezer-meal group in which friends call it a family dinner, and there’s nothing decide which veggie (peppers, carrots, shared extra portions of whatever they wrong with making it a moveable feast cukes) sounds the loudest. Plate them cooked so each of them always had where you sit twice.” Meredith Shanley, up in the morning before work. something to pull out in a pinch. a mother of two from Baltimore, sits with her kids while they eat, and then when her

Cloth napkins husband gets home, the make a meal feel kids sit again—bathed and special. ready for bed—and on fruit while she and her husband eat. When Meg Cevey, a mother of three in San Diego, works late, her stay-at-home husband eats with the kids and saves her a plate. “I’m a big advocate of feeding kids early, when

they’re hungry,” says Hey, it’s a cleanup Kuzemchak. “They’re time-saver when more receptive to what the dog gobbles the you’re serving, and if you broccoli that falls on the floor. let them get too hungry, they’ll pass that window and go into meltdown mode. They can have a snack before bed if they’re hungry again later.” Campion suggests putting some “staggered

meals” in your repertoire. WARDROBE STYLING BY JENN BONNETT. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY DONNA GAST. PROP STYLING BY MICAH BISHOP.FOOD STYLING BY FANNY PAN FOR LULU ARTISTS COLLECTIVE. STUDIO TEACHING BY SHARON FLANNERY.

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“These are easy meals that steak can be sliced up can be served at room for today’s fajitas or temperature or reheated salad—the possibilities as diners trickle in.” Her are endless.” favorites: tortilla soup with Go ahead and steal lots of DIY toppings, Helwig’s hack: Use frozen Asian chicken salad, and fish sticks for fish tacos, slow-cooker pulled pork. or heat up frozen Asian Still, aiming for one or dumplings to serve with two all-hands-on-deck rice and roasted broccoli. meals a week is a solid goal. Pashman always keeps “Even one dinner a week is frozen vegetables on hand better than none,” says for hectic nights. “They’re Dr. Fishel, coauthor of Eat, just as healthy as fresh Laugh, Talk: The Family veggies, they don’t go bad, Dinner Playbook. And and you can defrost them in here’s the best news: All the seconds,” he says. “Throw research shows that some corn or peas on the breakfast counts too. “In side of anything, even a slice many ways breakfast is of pizza, and you’re killing it better than dinner because Pizza and on the parenting front.” it takes place when the kids salad is a Fortunately, the benefits are rested, as opposed to in well-rounded of family dinner are exactly the evening when they arrive meal! the same whether you at the table on the verge of spend four hours cooking mental breakdowns,” says or you churn something out Dan Pashman, a father of two in ten minutes. and host of the James Beard Award–winning podcast The YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: Sporkful. Your family meal can even That said, if serving the same old be an intentional snack that you sit dishes on repeat feels, well, repetitive, Your baby makes a huge . and have together later in the evening, kick your weekly staples up a notch. “I Your preschooler keeps pushing back from computers and love using all the taco components as the dropping his fork and asking homework, adds Dr. Fishel. “You table runner,” says Mary Giuliani, a for water. You can want to incorporate food, fun, and celebrity caterer and author of Tiny Hot barely sit down for a second. conversation about things that matter, Dogs: A Memoir in Small Bites. “Set the but the meal itself is going to look entire meal on the center of the table, different for different families.” with all the sides in little bowls. I call it a First, know this: You’re not doomed to be snacktivity—an interactive way to serve eating at 5 p.m. in a puddle of spilled milk

YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: food that also serves as décor! That way for the rest of your adult life. As with all you can build your tacos without leaving parenting challenges, this is a stage and You’re not a great cook the table, and it also looks pretty.” it will pass. “Of , dinner five years and end up getting take-out Another idea: Turn a boring potato down the road won’t look the same as or fixing the same side into the star of a baked-potato bar. when your kids are in their high chairs few things all the time. “Set it up -style with the potatoes throwing chicken on the floor,” says first, followed by bowls of butter, Dr. Fishel. (It gets way better—hang in cheese, bacon, sour cream, tomatoes, there.) In the meantime, continue to You’re in luck: Kids thrive on routine. and chives,” says Teri Kindelmann, a lay the groundwork for the future. Having theme nights is a great way to mother of two in Pittsburgh. “You can “Research shows that it’s good for parents simplify. “Say pasta every Monday, even turn it into the whole meal with of young kids to develop a family-dinner tacos every Tuesday, and always build chili or chopped chicken on top.” practice early on,” explains Dr. Fishel. in a clean-out-the-fridge night when Got leftovers? “Don’t think of them “It’s a commitment to your family that everyone may get something different,” as the same you ate before—think becomes part of your identity.” says Kuzemchak. Grocery shopping is of them as ingredients that can be To make those minutes in the early also easier when you can stop in for your combined in new ways to make different years more enjoyable, bring everything weekly go-tos instead of, say, crème things,” says Pashman. “Veggies can to the table you might need—extra fraîche and fresh thyme. be tossed with pasta, or yesterday’s napkins, all the silverware in a caddy,

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cups, and a pitcher for refills. Or just eat sink in, says Dr. Fishel. And kids going to get scolded, they won’t want to close to those refills. “My kids are 6, 4, who know more words and have bigger be there, and they won’t want to eat,” and 2, so we eat almost all of our family vocabularies learn to read earlier and says Kuzemchak. “When you take that meals around our kitchen island, where more easily than kids who have smaller pressure off, they may not eat the five everything’s in reach,” says Cevey. “I can vocabularies. Magnificent! bites of chicken you’d have ordered them grab a spare fork for the baby without to eat, but you’re telling your kids that putting down my own fork. Someday YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: you trust them with their food intake, we’ll make it to the , but for and that’s the best thing you can do.” now we’re happy keeping it streamlined, You wish your kids weren’t This means no counting bites, and it makes cleanup easier too.” picky and would eat whatever no mention of The Clean Plate Club, no As for the chicken on the floor, try you make. But it’s easier saying, “This is so good for you, just try putting down a plastic mat. “It could to let them eat kid food and it.” Instead, eat it yourself and mention even be a trash bag or a sheet—you don’t feed yourself later. how delicious it is. And definitely don’t have to buy a special product,” says say, “If you eat all your broccoli, you can Helwig. “And invest in a simple handheld have a brownie for .” Food should vacuum—that and a dog!” If you do nothing else, make this your never be used as a reward or punishment, Eating with your young kids also lets mealtime mantra: You’re in charge of a notion backed up by both the American them see you enjoying a range of foods. what you serve and when you serve it, and Academy of Pediatrics and the Academy “Children are more open to trying new your children are in charge of whether of Nutrition and Dietetics. “That sends an things before the age of 3, so sitting at the they eat it and how much they eat. “This unhealthy message that broccoli is yucky table with them and eating a wide variety is dietitian Ellen Satur’s “division of and you have to choke it down in order of foods with gusto is important,” says responsibility” concept, and it’s truly to get the good stuff,” says Kuzemchak. Dr. Fishel. It’s good for their brain too. game-changing for parents,” says Also avoid thinking about whether A study by Harvard literacy researchers Kuzemchak. “What happens after you you’re serving kid food or adult food—and found that family-dinner conversations set that food on the table is not your job.” serve only one meal a night as often as typically include rare words that Shifting to this mindset will be scary you can. “Kids have no motivation to preschoolers won’t be exposed to in at first because you’ll think your kids will branch out if they know you’ll defer to picture books. Kids may not understand starve. But you’ve got to play the long game chicken nuggets,” says Kuzemchak. the meaning of, say, turmoil or and think about what habits you want That said, there should always be foods renovate, but when they hear you say to establish for the future. “When kids on the table your child likes. If you them in context at the table, these words think the table is a place where they’re know he hates black bean chili, don’t put a bowl in front of him and say, “This is what you’re eating.” Instead, point to the cornbread and his favorite vegetable and set aside some beans for him without the spice. And every once in a while, your family can eat hot dogs or have macaroni and cheese on the side. Oh, but you still want your kids to eat something substantive? Cut down on snacking so they come to the table hungry, and try some other parents’ picky-eater solutions. “Each of my girls gets her own ramekin of ranch dressing, and I let them dip whatever they want in it—veggies, chicken, even fish!” says Kim Gilroy, a wellness coach at Kim Gilroy Inside Out, and a mother of three. Amanda Cullinan, a mother of three in Summerfield, North

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Seriously, Carolina, swears by bacon bits. “I cook I love string beans. extra strips on Sunday and keep them chopped up in the fridge, then sprinkle them on whatever—soup, avocado toast, eggs.” Sometimes coming up with fun names for these tweaks is the trick. “I let my girls use ‘superwoman sauce,’ ” says Zelana Montminy, Psy.D., a mother of two in Los Angeles. “It’s just olive oil mixed with salt, but my kids love to dip carrot sticks or lettuce leaves in it or drizzle it on their vegetables.” Sweet and Fun Dinner Rituals YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: Kids look forward to when it reminds them of what makes their family close-knit. We surveyed more than Your kids jump out of their 400 Parents readers to learn how they make their seats after ten minutes meals special. Sample as many of these ideas as you’d like. or want to bring their devices to the table, but you’re determined to have actual “We have a ‘kids’ choice’ night of the family gathering every conversations. How can once a week, and whoever’s Sunday at my grandparents’. you make dinner turn it is gets to plan the menu Even if we don’t get together more engaging and fun? and help prepare dinner. with our extended family, It’s time-consuming, but the we still make that meal, and kids are invested in the meals everyone loves it!” The average family dinner in the United they choose. My son recently States lasts about 22 minutes, but you served lobster, which was “We use an old white sheet or may not get that long with young kids. really fun—but not cheap!” white roll of paper for the “Instead of insisting on some arbitrary and throw markers amount of time, it’s better to have a fine “The kids always kiss the cook on the table and let the five to ten minutes with very little before they clear their plates as kids color while they eat.” conflict and build from that,” says a way to say thank you.” Dr. Fishel. And keep in mind that kids “On Sunday nights we have under the age of 5 are more likely to sit “We have ‘Manners Mondays,’ in the ‘Sunday Summit,’ for ten to 15 minutes if there’s little which the kids practice their when we talk about the week’s cajoling or talk about the food. absolute best .” upcoming schedule.” You can also harness the energy of restless little ones by putting them “When my husband and I are “We always try to pray to work, suggests Dr. Fishel: “Oh, I see working, our parents cook meals before eating and do a family you’re up again. Can you please bring two to three nights a week for high �ive (or sometimes the milk or the napkins and then come us, and we all eat together. a �ist bump) afterward. We’re sit down?” Making kids stakeholders We’ve been doing this since our not super-religious, but it’s a in family dinner helps them want to be nice start to the evening to at the table. kids were born. Now our kids at least act like we’re all on the What should you talk about? Sign up are 7 and 9, and these meals are same team for a minute!” for Q4KIDZ and you’ll get a text every a great way for them to connect day with a fun, thought-provoking with multiple generations. My question to ask at the dinner table like, husband and I show our “We eat by candlelight at “If you could be invisible for a week, what gratitude no matter what our every dinner.” would you do?” And play “Rose, thorn, parents dish up because we are bud”: Go around the table and have so happy there’s a meal we “I have breakfast with the kids everyone share the best part of their day didn’t have to prepare!” and work late. My husband (rose), the worst (thorn), and something works early but has dinner with they’re looking forward to (bud). “Sundays are traditional Italian. them. We’re both at the table for You can also demonstrate to your kids I grew up with my mom’s side both meals through FaceTime.” that it’s NBD for you to go without your phone at dinner. “My husband and I have

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a ‘no devices at the table’ rule because YOUR DINNER CHALLENGE: as our kids get older, it’s even more You’re on a breastfeeding important for them to see us detached 4 Games to Play elimination diet (no dairy!), from our phones,” says actress Tiffani your husband is doing keto, Thiessen, who cowrote (with her at the Table and your kids just want husband, Brady Smith, an illustrator) The kids won’t even notice their plain pasta. Again. Isn’t the You’re Missing It! about a dad who spends foods are touching when whole point of family dinner too much time on his phone. (The idea you’re playing one of these to share the same meal? came to her while she was prepping dinner conversation games, one night and saw him outside playing all suggested by Dr. Anne Fishel, with their son—and his phone.) “We all of The Family Dinner Project. Get together as a family and decide on need reminders that we shouldn’t miss five dishes everyone will eat, regardless these special moments with our kids.” TWO TRUTHS AND of any restrictions. They may not be your If you’ve already gotten into the habit A TALL TALE favorites, but at least you’ll have some of allowing devices at the table or of Everyone says three things go-to meals. It’s easy to get sucked into eating with the TV on, be direct about about themselves—two making everyone different dishes, and in your desire to make a change rather than addition to the message that it sends to true and one made up—and trying to go cold turkey, then model the your children (did you hear about the the rest of the table behavior, suggests Julie Kientz, Ph.D., kid who dropped out of college because director of the Computing for Healthy guesses which one is the lie. his mom wasn’t there to make sure there Living and Learning Lab, at the weren’t green things on his chicken?), University of Washington. “You might WOULD YOU RATHER? it’s also really tiring for the cook. say, ‘I’m putting my phone away because Take turns asking Another option is to make meals I feel like it’s limiting our ability to each other questions like, that are easily deconstructed. For have a conversation.’ ” Then ask the kids “Would you rather speak example, you can serve the pasta plain, to brainstorm about what you can do every language or play every the sauce and meatballs in bowls on the at dinner instead so they feel like they instrument?” “Be a side, a salad, and a vegetable. “Everyone have a say. You might start with rabbit or a horse?” “Be the is eating the same things even if it’s not shutting off particular devices (phone, the exact same ingredients in every best player on a losing then TV) or going tech-free on certain forkful,” says Helwig. You can also make team or the worst player on days of the week. While your kids are easy swaps for various needs—zoodles still little, Dr. Kientz recommends a winning team?” for pasta, roasted sweet potato halves in having a “no toys at the table” rule. “In lieu of buns for Sloppy Joes. But if the many ways, phones are considered toys, 20 QUESTIONS: adult restrictions are self-imposed, don’t so if kids know from toddlerhood that FAMILY EDITION make a big show of what you’re not they don’t bring their stuff to the table, One person thinks of a eating. “Just skip the carbs quietly—you they’ll be more receptive to having family memory and want your child to feel like all foods no devices there when they get older.” everyone asks questions to are okay, no foods are bad, and we enjoy That’s not to say there’s no place for figure it out: “Was it on a food,” Helwig suggests. technology at any meal. “The goal is holiday?” “Was it at a meal?” However, you can also give yourself family connectedness, and while a pass once in a while. “I can’t tell you “Was it funny?” “Were technology often seems like an enemy how many nights I’ve cooked three there friends involved?” of that, it can also be a source,” says ,” says Sara Buckley, of the Dr. Kientz. Maybe you decide to keep @nottheworstmom Instagram. “The the TV on in the background for the GUESS THAT EMOTION family-dinner bar is set pretty high, and championship game, or Friday is Have one person leave the when we can’t meet it, we’re so hard “pizza and a movie” night—something table for a minute, on ourselves. I’ve learned that my kids that the kids feel is special and part then the rest of the family really don’t care. They like good food, but of your routine. And if you have to picks an emotion (sad, they’d also eat cereal for dinner.” pick up your device (because hey, it excited, nervous). When she Of course, there’s no family dinner happens), then narrate what you’re comes back, the family eats without food, but the main benefits doing. “If you just grab the phone, your and acts with that come from what happens after you bring kids will think you are ignoring them the food to the table. Says Dr. Fishel, feeling in mind, and she and breaking your agreement, but if “When kids have the opportunity to has to guess what it is. you say, ‘I’m just checking to see what talk and have a good time, to confide in time Mommy is coming home,’ you’re their parents and feel accepted—that’s good,” says Dr. Kientz. the secret sauce of dinner.”

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