24 THE RICE THRESHER BACKPAGE FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2007 ThresherÀUHVVFDSHJRDW Mentally challenged student The Rice Thresher fired a scapegoat unable to comprehend irony today in response to complaints about Researchers in the Texas Sander’s disease even gave Executive Editor Medical Center released a study him troubles in his classroom. Evan Mintz. Editor today reporting the discovery “I remember when we had in Chief Stephen of a new mental disorder — the to read A Modest Proposal,” his Whitfield made the inability to comprehend irony, classmate said. “He wouldn’t announcement at satire, and other forms of dry shut up about how it was wrong a press conference wit. The only victim of the dis- for Jonathan Swift to ‘write a before Thresher order so far is a Rice University silly’ because ‘it demonstrated reporters. student. a lack of respect for the ideas of The goat, which Sanders, as he is known, was others and tarnished the Irish had been Mintz’s su- turned over to hospital authori- reputation.’” perior, was accused ties by his family with hopes of by Whitfield of lying finding a cure. down on the job, not D o c t o r s c o m p a r e t h e Doctors hope that one fulfilling his duties disorder to Asperger’s syndrome, day Sanders will be of overseeing Mintz, except it is limited purely to the Thresher Editor in Chief Stephen Whitfield fired a goat in response to complaints about and also eating a tin inability to recognize when able to appreciate the Executive Editor Evan Mintz. The goat was accused of not fulfilling its duties as Mintz’s words express something other can. superior and also eating a tin can. humor of Flight of the “I delegate respon- than their literal intention. “He was just sitting in the com- sibility here at the Students have expressed has to face the consequences.” Concords, Sarah mons, ranting about how Nikki Thresher,” Whitfield said. “And if relief with the firing of the goat. The goat did not take the fir- Metzgar’s column the other week Silverman and The someone doesn’t do their job or “This is supposed to be the Rice ing lightly. was completely wrong and that angers readers, then they should Thresher, not the Goat Thresher,” “Bah! Baaaaaa,” the goat said. USA PATRIOT act Lindsay Lohan was actually a bad not be working here. So I had to Sid senior Andrew Brantley said. “Baaaaa!” Then the goat ate a actress,” a fellow student said. fire the goat.” Whitfield then went “That goat just thinks that it can tin can. “Then two orderlies just dragged Doctors hope that one day into a ’roids induced rage. do whatever it wants. Well, now it him into an ambulance. I guess Sanders will be able to appreci- it’s for the best.” ate the humor of Flight of the Did you know that you can take classes taught by undergrads for actual, factual credit? Indeed, Sanders’ disorder Concords, Sarah Silverman and For reals, those schmucks who won’t shut up in class now have their very own venue to ramble gave him great difficulties inter- The USA PATRIOT act. about whatever it is they think they’re an expert in. Wait a minute, I’m a schmuck who loves the acting with the rest of the Rice “I always knew that something hear the sound of my own voice. Maybe I should teach a class! Alas, none are for distribution. community. was wrong with him,” his brother “He would always complain Jay said. “I guess I never really EVAN 100: Intro to Evan EVAN 225: Drawing Evan I about 80s Party because of the noticed things until he started a EVAN 101: History of Evan EVAN 321: Race, Gender, Evan and Technoscience unfashionable clothes everyone campaign to boycott The Colbert EVAN 109: Evan Physical Fitness Training EVAN 332: Evan’s Abnormal Behavior wore,” another student said. Report because of Stephen Col- EVAN 131: Modern Myth, Modern Evan EVAN 408: Evan Capstone Design Project “Now it all makes sense.” bert’s right-wing hate speech.” EVAN 140: Intro to Ballroom Dancing with Evan EVAN 481: Evan and Hurricane Risk Assesment (women) EVAN 490: Supervised Reading with Evan EVAN 201: Inro to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, EVAN 577: Buddhism, Gender, Society, and Evan Transgender and Evan Studies EVAN 645: Evan’s Investments and Portfolio EVAN 202: Who is (not) Evan? Management The Backpage is satire and is EVAN 221: Evan and the Reformation EVAN 800: Evan Research and Thesis written by Evan Mintz

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