Welcome to Dissected

Welcome to Dissected N.B. What you're about to read is the main text from the TMNT website which started around 2003 and ran up until Geocities closed its doors, although there were very few updates after 2006. It was a lo-fi, very basic looking website which focused on the 1987 TMNT cartoon and “analysed” the characters, themes and messages of that cartoon. It is probably worth saying again that the website was intended primarily to be a joke, so please don't be offended if I've trashed your favourite character. A special thank you must go to Loolaa, who did all of the artwork for the original site and has kindly allowed me to re-use it here. The text retrieved below has been come from Archive.org. Obviously, the links no longer work and the text is not particularly easy to navigate in this format (try using the “find” function if you're looking for a specific character, episode or theme), but as a few people seem to be quite nostalgic about the site, I thought I may as well make this information available. There will be some typos here and in some places I have added my 2012 notes below the articles in [red text in brackets] Introduction - Read This First Firstly, some explanation of what you're going to see on this site (unless you've already seen it and come here last, in which case I hope you feel suitably embarrassed now. I know I would in your position): This site is a careful study of the cartoon that became part of, arguably, the weirdest phenomenon of the late 80s and early 90s: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles craze. With its status as Saturday morning kiddie fayre, the original cartoon was easily the most recognisable, widespread and influential representation of the TMNT. So it was inherently suitable for an in-depth psychological and thematic study. Obviously. Okay, no, I'm not taking this seriously and neither should you. This is a tongue-in-cheek look at my favourite cartoon when I was growing up. Not done out of disrespect, you must understand. Hell, no. Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird are comic book visionaries, as far as I'm concerned. Their original comic book pre-empted a boom in independent books and introduced readers to a world outside the Marvel and DC mainstreams. I couldn't watch the cartoons over and over again, looking for stuff to talk nonsense about, if I didn't still get a kick out of them even now (and I'm 26 now, thanks for asking). But even the most ardent TMNT fan (me, for example), would admit that the original cartoon series was riotously funny, and not always intentionally. This site isn't about merely slagging off the cartoon. Nothing so crass. It's supposed to be a serious look at various elements of the show and its characters (only not so serious, obviously). So I don't necessarily believe all, or even any, of the theories I put forward on these pages. I'm having a laugh. The obvious question is: why? To which I have a fairly pathetic answer: I thought it would be fun. And possibly profitable (no, no, it's a joke, don't sue). Okay, honestly? I was bored. Over the summer of 2001, I worked for a bank in a processing centre. My job was basically data entry, only less well paid. A bunch of debts, as well as the demands of a 9 til 5 job, meant I only had the money and energy to go out a couple of nights a week without getting fired for sleeping on the job. Since then I’ve been a lot busier, hence the slow development of this site recently. The inspiration for this project was a site called All Things Philosophical on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which takes an in-depth look at the metaphysics, themes and characters of Buffy and Angel. Undoubtedly my favourite fansite on the web. I was impressed that someone had created something which fully acknowledged and explored the depth of these shows and wondered what it would be like to do something similar for a show that had almost no depth. Which is how I came up for the idea for Dissected. So what qualifies me to analyse the TMNT cartoon in this way? Well, nothing really, save for the fact that I wanted to. For what it's worth, I have a bachelors degree in Politics, so I'm not completely stupid. But no, I'm not qualified to theorise on these matters, which doesn't really matter because, as I've stressed, my tongue is very much in my cheek. Some points regarding the content of the site. Firstly, some of the episodes reviewed here were watched on BBC television, which showed edited versions of the cartoon (renamed "Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles") in Britain. Mostly, the edits consisted of scenes where Mikey used his nunchuks (presumably because two pieces of wood joined by metal are thought to be inherently more violent than weapons designed to stab). Although some of the episodes I've seen may be slightly different to the ones you've seen, I think the basic essence of them is similar enough for me to attempt something like this. In any case, I have access to many of the episodes in without the cuts at this point. Secondly, all contributions/comments/whatever are welcomed. Hatemail? Sure, whatever. If I find it amusing or interesting or suspect that anyone else could, send it to me. Do not send me spam or I will not express feelings of love towards you. You're going to send me spam now, aren't you? Crap. Thirdly, you'll notice most of the episode descriptions are littered with links. Follow these to more detailed explanations or ramblings within the "Characters" or "Themes" sections of the site. Fourthly, and most importantly, a big shout goes out to Loolaa, who did all the lovely pictures for the site and was also incredibly helpful with ideas, information and advice without which this site would be some lowly, horribly designed piece of crap. And in case you were wondering, I did this on Frontpage Editor, and no, I don't have any idea how to do any kind of proper webmastering, which explains the layout. Just be grateful I rejected the 1970s curtains style background at the last minute. [2012 notes: The fact that I had the patience to make an entire website absolutely astounds me now. People have frequently asked me in the past to do a website similar to Dissected for the comics or the 2k3 toon. I've always answered that I think there was something inherently suitable about the 80s toon for this purpose – it was full of mistakes, the plot often made no sense and the characters were just weird. Much as I loved it, you probably wouldn't get away with something so shoddy on television today] TMNT and Me: A Love Story Before I start, there are two things you have to understand. Firstly, I was a very lonely child. Secondly, it was the Eighties, and everything was messed up bad back then. People use the word "obsession" rather too often nowadays. "Oh my friend is obsessed with Kevin in my science class" they say, when in fact the friend is question will probably forget about Kevin within the week. Or a scientist may say "I am obsessed with the idea of fractures on the time/space continuum and how they could provide a way to discover immortality" when it's something that's been bugging him for only a month or two (okay, it's unlikely any scientist would ever say that, but you get my point). Most people will never experience true obsession. I think that I have. My first glimpse of the turtles was when I was about nine years old, with an episode of the cartoon called "The Incredible Shrinking Turtle." The whole phenomenon was just beginning to build up in the UK. Within a few weeks, it was all the boys I knew ever talked about. The girls couldn't give a toss, for the most part, but I've always had gender issues (my issue: I don't get gender). Soon I was religiously making sure I never missed the cartoons, reading every magazine article I could get my hands on and writing my school book report on the various books I borrowed off guys from school. And I developed a crush on Michaelangelo (oh don't look at me like that, I wasn't the only one). Pretty standard, for the time. At the height of the craze in Britain, kids were queuing for hours to see the movie, stealing trade stickers from each other, covering their walls in posters, spending their parents salaries on action figures, eating nothing but pizza and buying turtles, terrapins and tortoises in quantities which gave the animal welfare charities panic attacks when the craze died down and they were discarded. I didn't do all of that stuff. I couldn't afford to. My fascination with the TMNT was more quiet and internal. But when everyone else forgot about it, I didn't. And in time, it became a Dirty Little Secret (remember, I'd never seen the comics, just an okay movie and the diabolical cartoons). I'm not saying it was at the forefront of my thoughts at all times, but it never went away.

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