Gottman Consultants

Total Page:16

File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb

Gottman Consultants GOTTMAN CONSULTANTS Michael Basta, LCSW (Santa Rosa, CA) I am a clinical social worker with 30 years experience helping emotionally distressed couples and families to improve their relationships and to develop more effective interpersonal skills. I began my training as a Gottman Method Couples Therapist in 2002 and this method has become the central focus of my practice. I am appreciative for the clear road map that it has given me for my work with couples. Currently, I primarily see couples in my practice using Gottman Method; however, I also utilize elements of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Structural Family Therapy, and Dan Wile’s Collaborative Couples Therapy. I believe that one of the strengths of the Gottman Method is its adaptability to complementary methods. In addition to my work as a Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I have been providing the Art and Science of Love Workshop (with my colleague Marcia Gomez) three times per year since 2008. I also have been presenting Level 1 and Level 2 workshops, and will be offering Level 3 starting in 2015. I find it invaluable to be part of the community of Gottman clinicians, as col- laboration with my colleagues challenges me to continue to learn and grow as a clinician. I am also honored to be part of this talented and dedicated group of professionals. One way that I maintain my connection with the community of Gottman clinicians is to serve as a Master Teacher at the Gottman’s couples workshops in Seattle, training Gottman Method Therapists to become effec- tive roving clinicians. I believe that consultation is the central process for therapists to integrate Gottman Method into their work. It troubles me that many clinicians seem to think of Gottman Method as being restricted to psycho-education. I believe that it is important for those learning Gottman Method to develop an under- standing of the potential depth and breadth of the approach in addition to mastering the specific techniques. Further, I believe that it the consultant- consultee relationship needs to be one of trust and honesty. It takes some courage for clinicians-who are often used to working in privacy- to expose their work to others through case discussion and video tape review. It is im- portant to develop a relationship of safety and collaboration for the consulta- tion process to be effective. Copyright © 2000–2014 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. Distributed under license by The Gottman Institute, Inc. Michael Brown, MSC, LMFT ( Jacksonville, FL) I was introduced to Gottman Method during my practicum year and quickly became enamored of it. I found that it gave me the competence and confi- dence to be a better couples therapist and the couples that I work with the skills they needed to improve their relationship. The consultation process was both challenging and supportive and it helped me to hone my skills as a couples therapist and to integrate Gottman Method into my practice. I would hope to provide the same kind of support and challenge for consultees. I am also a Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 Clinical Trainer and an Art and Science of Love Couples Workshop Leader. I am interested in working with diverse populations (and consultees). Prior to starting my private practice in Jacksonville in August of 2017, I worked in community mental health and substance abuse treatment for 13 years, the last 8 with the White Mountain Apache Tribe in Eastern Arizona. I also have experience in Latin America and am fluent in Spanish. Prior to my career in marriage and family therapy, I was in pastoral work for 17 years. I lived and worked in Peru for 10 years. One of my dreams is to train therapists in Gottman Method in Peru and in other parts of Latin America. I am happy to provide consultation in both English and Spanish. William Bumberry, Ph.D. (Chesterfield, MO) I’m a clinical psychologist with more than 25 years experience helping couples create connection and deepen their bonds. During the past decade, the Gottman Method, with its clinical clarity and impactful interventions, has been at the center of this work. In addition to being a Certified Gottman Therapist, I’m also active in presenting the Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 work- shops and serve as a video reviewer. Being part of this community continues to inform my practice and enrich my professional life. While there are many rewarding aspects to belonging to the Gottman community, one of the most gratifying is the opportunity to serve as a consultant to clinicians pursuing certification. Consultation is the central process for helping you integrate the Gottman Method ideas and interventions into your work. In addition to becoming proficient in using the core Gottman Method interventions, understanding their “spirit” is essential in learning to effectively blend them with your own therapeutic style. The process emphasizes using case consultation and video- Copyright © 2000–2014 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. Distributed under license by The Gottman Institute, Inc. tape review as the most effective ways to provide focused, clinically relevant feedback regarding your work. Carrie Cole, M.Ed., LPC (Houston, TX) I have been drawn to John Gottman’s research since graduate school, as my greatest joy is working with couples. My husband and I opened the Center for Relationship Wellness in 2006 with the intention of specializing in couple relationships using Gottman Method Couples Therapy. My own consultation process was very helpful in my development and confidence. The interven- tions are powerful and helpful to couples, and they provide guidance and clarity for the therapist. My goal is to help Consultees gain confidence in the use of Gottman Method Couples Therapy in a safe, supportive, collaborative environment. I have been a supervisor in the State of Texas for over 10 years and have loved helping colleagues develop and achieve their professional dreams. I believe in giving feedback in a thoughtful, empathic, and relational way. In addition to being a consultant for The Gottman Institute, I am an approved Level 1, Level 2 and Level 3 Trainer, and an Art & Science of Love Workshop Leader. I also do Marathon therapy with couples. Donald (Don) Cole, D.Min., LPC-S, LMFT-S (Houston, TX) Bringing help to couples has been a long standing goal for my work, but until I learned and began to use the Gottman Method I found myself frustrated more often than not. The research based theory and techniques give me a sense of confidence even when dealing with highly conflicted or emotionally distant couples. I have also been personally enriched by my ongoing partici- pation with The Gottman Institute. I am a frequent rover at Art & Science of Love workshops in Seattle and also present that workshop to couples here in Texas. I am a Trainer in the Gottman Method and have had the privilege of helping other therapists learn the theories and techniques from which I have benefit- ted so much. My experience with my consultant was warm, accepting and challenging and was an essential part of my being truly able to integrate and use the Gottman Method. As a consultant I seek to bring that same helpful approach to others. Copyright © 2000–2014 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. Distributed under license by The Gottman Institute, Inc. John ( Jack) Crossen, Ph.D. (Portland, OR) During more than 30 years in private practice and on faculty at Oregon Health & Science University, I have become very familiar with the problems faced by couples involved in health care, biomedical research, engineering and teaching. My background in clinical psychology is grounded in research- based clinical practice best defined by term “third-wave” of cognitive-behav- ioral therapy, which emphasizes the understanding the context of problems and approaching them nonjudgmentally. This is also essential in Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help couples with emotional regulation, mean- ingful goal setting and developing confidence in working together when stuck or surprised by relationship difficulties. It has been a great joy to find rich opportunities to integrate this approach with other models of therapeutic change guided by a gentle and humanistic touch. What has been most gratifying to me about working with colleagues using Gottman Method Couples Therapy is developing relationships with like- minded clinicians committed not only to the well-being of their clientele, but also to nurturing supportive relationships with each other as profession- als. This sense of community has deepened since I began taking workshops at the Gottman Institute became certified in 2008 to offer couples therapy, and soon after that to offer Art and Science of Love workshops and Seven Principles workshops. I have found the principles and applications of Sound Relationship House theory to be robust and flexible. Also, during my training experiences through The Gottman Institute, I have consistently encountered sensitivity, safety and acceptance in the experience of developing not only specific professional skills, but also in growing as a clinician. My commitment is to model and share these same kinds experiences from an interdisciplinary perspective with others undertaking the rewarding challenges of attaining and expanding proficiency in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Mike Fidler, MSW, RSW (Simcoe, ON) I’m a clinical social worker with more than 30 years’ experience helping couples repair relationship and deepen their love. In my undergraduate I was well trained in emotionally focused client centered interviewing and was also drawn to systems theory focusing on interactional interventions. In my graduate year I was trained by some of the best in structural and strategic family therapy.
Recommended publications
  • Preprocessing and Descriptor Features for Facial Micro-Expression Recognition
    Preprocessing and Descriptor Features for Facial Micro-Expression Recognition Chris House and Rachel Meyer Department of Electrical Engineering, Stanford University {chouse12, r3m3y3r}@stanford.edu June 5, 2015 Abstract sions that reveal true feelings even when someone is attempting to conceal their emotions. These expres- Facial micro-expressions contain signicant informa- sions are extremely dicult to detect due to their tion about how people feel, even when they are at- short time scales and subtlety. Micro-expressions tempting to conceal their emotions. Previously, very were rst reported in psychological literature in the little research has been done to detect and recognize 1960's and have been studied since then[1, 2]. Re- micro-expressions using computer vision methods. cently, a few research groups have attempted micro- In this paper, detection and classication of micro- expression detection and recognition using computer expressions from the Spontaneous Micro-Expression vision techniques. Trained humans can recognize database were implemented, following preprocessing micro-expressions accurately about 47% of the time and cropping of raw images using Haar features, us- [3], but perhaps computer vision methods can achieve ing local binary patterns on three orthogonal planes higher accuracy. The applications of technology (LBP-TOP) and local gray code patterns on three that can successfully detect and recognize micro- orthogonal planes (LGCP-TOP) as descriptors and expressions are varied. It would be valuable in law support vector machines (SVMs) as detection and enforcement interrogations to detect deceit, in mar- recognition algorithms. Results show accuracy com- keting to detect how humans respond to advertising, parable to other work. and in general psychology and articial intelligence research to study human emotion.
    [Show full text]
  • Magic 6 Hours (Gottman)
    'Magic 6 hours' could dramatically improve your relationship In six hours a week, you can dramatically improve your relationship, says expert John Gottman in his newly revised, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." (Stephen Morris/iStockphoto, Getty Images) With 6 extra hours per week (and a few awkward questions), you could dramatically improve your marriage When John Gottman talks, I listen. Actually I've never heard him talk, but when he writes, I read. So when a newly revised edition of his best-selling "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (Harmony Books) hit my desk this week, I cracked it open immediately. Gottman is a psychology professor at the University of Washington and the founder/director of The Gottman Institute, a marital research and counseling center in Seattle. Maybe you've read about his theory on "master couples" versus "disaster couples.” Co-authored with Nan Silver, "Seven Principles," which has sold a million- plus copies, was first released in 1999 — before Tinder, before Facebook — heck, before some of us even had cellphones. The updated version (out next week) offers tips for dealing with digital distractions, including Gottman's suggestion to agree on rules of tech etiquette: How much are you comfortable with your partner sharing on social media? When is texting/posting off-limits (mealtimes, date nights)? Do you create cyber-free zones in your home? Most compelling of all, though, is Gottman's "magic six hours" theory, based on interviews with couples who attended marital workshops at The Gottman Institute. "We wondered what would distinguish those couples whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages did not," Gottman writes.
    [Show full text]
  • Facial Expressions During Marital Conflict
    THE JOURNAL OF FAMlL Y COMMUNICATION, 1(1), 37-57 Copyright C 200 I, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. Facial Expressions During Marital Conflict Jo1m Gottman L>eparnnentofPsychology University of Washington Robert Levenson L>eparnnent ofPsychology University ofCalifornia at Berkeley Erica Woodin L>eparnnent ofPsychology SUNY, Stony Brook A sample of 79 married couples were studied in 1983 in our laboratOlY engaging in a marital conflict discu&sion. Their facial expressions were coded from video tape using the Ekman and Friesen (1978) Emotion Facial Affect Coding System. This article do­ scribes the validity of this coding in several measurement domains: (a) the couple's perception of the relationship; (b) the prediction of the number of months of marital separation within the next 4 years; (c) the couple's physical health within the next 4 years; (d) the couple's cardiac physiological responses during the conflict interaction (interbeat interval and pulse transit time); (e) the number of floor switches or interacts in the conflict conversation; and (t) coding of the couple's Oral History Interview, which assesses dimensions ofthe couple's relationship history and philosophy. Facial expressions were consistently related to most domains of measurement. The idea that facial expressions of emotion would be interesting to study during marital interaction is quite new. This might be surprising, except for two additional facts. First, faces have primarily been studied in individuals in response to specific Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to John Gottman, Box 351525. Psychol­ ogy Department, 201F Johnson Annex, University of Washington, Seattle, WA 98195. E-mail: [email protected] 38 GOTTMAN, LEVENSON, WOODIN MARITAL FACES 39 eliciting stimuli, not during unrestrained social interaction (for a review see cal families (initially defined by one member having a psychiatric classification), Gottman, 1993).
    [Show full text]
  • CURRICULUM VITAE April 18, 2010
    CURRICULUM VITAE April 18, 2010 DR. PEPPER SCHWARTZ, PhD Department of Sociology University of Washington Seattle, Washington 98195 (206) 543-4036 – Office (206) 543-5882 – Sociology Dept. http://faculty.washington.edu/couples/ EDUCATION 1 B.A. Washington University, 1967, Sociology M.A. Washington University, 1968, Sociology M.Phil. Yale University, 1970, Sociology Ph.D. Yale University, 1974, Sociology POSITIONS HELD 1969–70 Teaching Assistant, Yale University 1972–79 Assistant Professor of Sociology, University of Washington 1979–present Associate Professor of Sociology, University of Washington 1979–present Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science 1979–present Adjunct Professor of Women's Studies 1990–92 Special Assistant to the Provost, University of Washington 1993 Associate Chair, Sociology, University of Washington 1988–present Professor of Sociology, University of Washington 2005 Distinguished Visiting Professorship, University of Denver, Spring quarter 2007–2010 Schrag Fellow, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington FIELDS OF PROFESSIONAL INTEREST Intimate Relationships Marriage and the Family Human Sexuality Gender Qualitative Methodologies 2 NATIONAL PROFESSIONAL SERVICE National Consultant, Centers For Disease Control, Sexual Health Consultation, “Promoting Public Health Approach to Sexual Health in the United States,” Atlanta, GA, April 28-29, 2010. Board Member, Contemporary Council on the Family, 2008-2010. Chairperson, National Sexuality Resource Center, National Sexuality Centers, San Francisco State University, 2007-2010. Board Member, 2010-2012. Member, American Sociological Association (ASA), Committee on Excellence in Reporting of Social Issues Award Selection, 2006–2008. Member, Advisory Council of the National Sexuality Research Center (NSRC), 2004– 2006. Chairperson, Campaign for Sexual Literacy, 2007-present. Member, American Sociological Association (ASA), Committee on the Status of Women in Sociology, 2005–2008.
    [Show full text]
  • Facial Expressions During Marital Conflict
    THE JOURNAL OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION, 1(1), 37–57 Copyright © 2001, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. Facial Expressions During Marital Conflict John Gottman Department of Psychology University of Washington Robert Levenson Department of Psychology University of California at Berkeley Erica Woodin Department of Psychology SUNY, Stony Brook A sample of 79 married couples were studied in 1983 in our laboratory engaging in a marital conflict discussion. Their facial expressions were coded from video tape using the Ekman and Friesen (1978) Emotion Facial Affect Coding System. This article de- scribes the validity of this coding in several measurement domains: (a) the couple’s perception of the relationship; (b) the prediction of the number of months of marital separation within the next 4 years; (c) the couple’s physical health within the next 4 years; (d) the couple’s cardiac physiological responses during the conflict interaction (interbeat interval and pulse transit time); (e) the number of floor switches or interacts in the conflict conversation; and (f) coding of the couple’s Oral History Interview, which assesses dimensions of the couple’s relationship history and philosophy. Facial expressions were consistently related to most domains of measurement. The idea that facial expressions of emotion would be interesting to study during marital interaction is quite new. This might be surprising, except for two additional facts. First, faces have primarily been studied in individuals in response to specific Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to John Gottman, Box 351525, Psychol- ogy Department, 201F Johnson Annex, University of Washington, Seattle, WA 98195. E-mail: [email protected] 38 GOTTMAN, LEVENSON, WOODIN eliciting stimuli, not during unrestrained social interaction (for a review see Gottman, 1993).
    [Show full text]
  • Danger Signs in Romantic Relationships
    Clinical Science Insights Randy L. and Melvin R. Berlin Grand Rounds Danger Signs in Romantic Relationships By Kelley Quirk, PhD Danger signs can also be observed in the way partners Madigan Family Postdoctoral Clinical Research Fellow treat each other. Couples often engage in behaviors that are designed to sustain the good in a relationship Problems in intimate relationships are associated with and promote commitment and dedication; these types a host of negative psychological and physical health of behaviors are called positive relational maintenance consequences, such as depression, anxiety, and heart behaviors. For example, partners often discuss future disease (Hawkins & Booth, 2005; Fincham & Beach, plans and goals together, or ask for reassurance from 2010; Whisman, 2007). Researchers have identified each other. However, maintenance behaviors can also be several types of interpersonal behaviors among couples negative. While negative relational behaviors are often that predict relationship distress or break-up/divorce; motivated by the desire to keep the relationship moving these are referred to as danger signs. Danger signs can forward, they are also considered danger signs. Examples take many forms, from aggressive behavior expressed on of negative relational maintenance behaviors include a first date to a long-term pattern of repeated escalation jealousy induction (e.g., publicly flirting with someone or withdrawal during discussions and arguments. other than your partner to remind them that you are Early and accurate awareness of danger signs may help desirable or could find someone else), or spying on your individuals make healthy decisions about how to proceed partner to verify fidelity (Dainton and Gross, 2008). within a new or long-term relationship.
    [Show full text]
  • For This Month's Interview, Jeff Zeig Arranged for John Gottman To
    For this month’s Interview, Jeff Zeig arranged for John Gottman to interview Paul Ekman at the end of the Couple’s Conference in April. Present in the room were Jeff Zeig, Lillian Borges Zeig and Helen Fisher. Here’s a short bio on our special interview subject: Paul Ekman, Ph.D., is a pioneering psychologist known for his study of emotions and their relationship to facial expression and body movement. For the past 30 years, he also has studied deceit and greatly contributed to the study of the social aspects of lying. The television series “Lie to Me” was based on his real-life scientific discoveries. In 2000, he was named by the American Psychological Association, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th Century and named one of TIME magazine’s Top 100 most influential people of 2009. He is the author of more than 100 articles, as well as co-author of Emotion in the Human Face, Unmasking the Face, Facial Action Coding System, editor of Darwin and Facial Expression, co-editor of Handbook of Methods in Nonverbal Behavior Research, Approaches to Emotion, The Nature of Emotion, What the Face Reveals, and author of Face of Man, Telling Lies, Why Kids Lie, Emotions Revealed, Telling Lies, Dalai Lama-Emotional Awareness. He is also the editor of the third edition (1998) and the fourth edition (2009) of Charles Darwin’s, The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1998). Paul Ekman’s work has shown that, contrary to the belief of some anthropologists (including Margaret Mead), facial expressions of emotion are not culturally determined, but are universal across human cultures and thus biological in origin.
    [Show full text]
  • Computational Support for the Evaluation of Facial Expressions in Photographs
    Computational Support for the Evaluation of Facial Expressions in Photographs by Rachel Klingberg Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Master’s degree in Computer Science at The Seidenberg School of Computer Science and Information Systems Pace University May 2013 Abstract Computational Support for the Evaluation of Facial Expressions in Photographs by Rachel Klingberg Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Master’s degree in Computer Science May 2013 Charles Darwin first proposed that certain facial expressions of spontaneous emotion are genetically determined and culturally universal in his 1872 monograph The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals. His theory of evolution applied not only to physical qualities, but also to emotional expression, or behavioral attributes. The latter idea was not widely accepted until the 1960s, when Paul Ekman’s research in neuroscience, psychology, and anthropology validated Darwin’s theory of evolutionary behavior. Drawing on Ekman’s pioneering research and his comprehensive taxonomy of muscular actions of the face, this thesis describes research into the development of computer software aiding the evaluation of facial expressions in photographs. The software program described here reports the presence and intensity of seven universal emotions: anger, contempt, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. A Web form prompts the user to match the photo’s appearance with a simple visual lexicon of the various muscular actions of the brow, eyes, nose and mouth. This input is compared to a relational data set of all possible actions of the facial muscles for all seven universal emotions. Using a weighted system of scoring, output reveals the presence and intensity of each of the emotions expressed by the photographic subject.
    [Show full text]
  • Results of Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Couples
    Journal of Marital and Family Therapy doi: 10.1111/jmft.12276 © 2017 American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy RESULTS OF GOTTMAN METHOD COUPLES THERAPY WITH GAY AND LESBIAN COUPLES Salvatore Garanzini University of San Francisco Gay Couples Institute Alapaki Yee Gay Couples Institute John Gottman, Julie Gottman, Carrie Cole and Marisa Preciado The Gottman Institute Carolyn Jasculca Gay Couples Institute The results of an uncontrolled study of Gottman Method Couples Therapy in changing rela- tionship satisfaction with 106 gay and lesbian couples is reported in this paper. Measurement of relationship satisfaction was conducted at five separate time points. The data show signifi- cant improvements in relationship satisfaction following eleven sessions of therapy for both gay male and lesbian couples. Effect sizes suggest that this therapy was highly effective, com- pared to the usual 0.5 standard deviation effect size in couples therapy. Initial co-morbidities did not affect the size of the changes; in fact, some changes were significantly larger for three initial co-morbidities. Over the past decade there has been a major cultural shift in the way same-sex couples’ rela- tionships are viewed in the United States of America, culminating in the historic 2015 Supreme Court decision legalizing marriage for gay and lesbian couples. As Filmore, Baretto, and Ysasi (2016) noted, as this shift has taken place, professionals within the clinical community are facing a major challenge to have the tools be able to meet the growing needs of same-sex couples for counsel- ing, guidance, and therapy. Many other papers have been written calling for new methods to meet the particular needs of these couples and the problems that may arise from homophobia (for exam- ple, Addison & Coolhart, 2015; Belous, 2015; Brown, 2015; Green, Mitchell, Alan, Lebow, & Sny- der, 2015; Thomas, Marini, & Stebnicki, 2016).
    [Show full text]
  • Study Guide Key Concepts and Glossary Terms Marital and Family Therapy
    Study Guide Key Concepts and Glossary Terms Marital and Family Therapy William F. Doverspike, Ph.D. Updated September 1, 2021 Tests and exams may include, but are not limited to, these terms and concepts. This list is not exhaustive and there may be other terms and concepts on the tests and exams. The key concepts and glossary terms are contained in various chapters and in the glossary section of the course textbooks. Affective Presence: In contrast to the well- Complaint: In some ways, a complaint might known phenomena of emotional contagion, be considered as an indirect or passive form of which refers to how one person’s mood (e.g., a request, spoken in a non-assertive manner. anger) can “infect” another person’s mood, trait For example, an assertive statement is directive affective presence refers to the tendency of a and positive (e.g., “Please text me when you are person to elicit the same emotions in others— running late”), whereas a complaint is more regardless of that person’s mood (Eisenkraft & non-directive and negative (e.g., “You didn’t Elfenbein, 2010). “Our own way of being has text me when you were running late”). A an emotional signature,” says Hillary Anger complaint focuses on a specific behavior, Elfenbein, Ph.D., Professor of Organizational whereas criticism attacks a person’s very Behavior at Washington University in St. character. The antidote for criticism is to Louis. Affective presence can differ on two complain without blame by using a soft or dimensions, one of which is a “Gentle Startup.” Otherwise, the result may be positivity/negativity factor and the other of a criticism, which is one of the four deadly which as a passivity/activity factor, resulting in horsemen of the apocalypse toward divorce four types of affective presence: (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
    [Show full text]
  • The Art and Science of Gottman Method Couples Therapy
    The Art and Science of Gottman Method Couples Therapy by Trish Stanley, PsyD, MFT Certified Gottman Couples’ Therapist I’d been counseling with couples for twenty years before I took John Gottman’s training in San Francisco in 1996. It had been the bread and butter in a multidisciplinary practice with a strong sub-specialty in eating disorders. In recent years, having trained many younger therapists in this work, I found myself passing the torch to a new generation of therapists. I turned my focus to the parents’ relationship, marriages in which one party had an eating disorder, and more and more into the labyrinthine world of couples’ therapy. The couples’ therapy had been fascinating and gratifying when it was going well; challenging and sometimes agonizing when it was seemingly going nowhere or backwards. The level of complexity in the couples’ sessions could seem like three dimensional tic tac toe on steroids. I was ready to deepen and broaden my competencies and decided to commit to an approach to couples’ work that would inform the next phase of my professional life. When I decided to launch into the Gottman Method Certification Process, around 2004, I looked for an approach I could weave into my evolving way of working and my therapeutic roots. From my early professional years of delicious Wednesday afternoon conversations, called “staff meetings” at Carl Rogers’ Center for Studies of the Person, with drop in guests from all over the world, I carried an ethos about the primacy of the person, and the centrality of the moment of engagement.
    [Show full text]
  • Strengthening the Family BUTTING HEADS BETWEEN HUSBAND and WIFE Reprinted from April 1999 Newsletter
    ASIAN AMERICAN CHRISTIAN COUNSELING SERVICE, INC. 2550 W. Main St., Suite 202. Alhambra, CA 91801. 626.457.2900 FAX 626.457.2904 Satellite offices in Newport Beach, Torrance, and West Los Angeles Strengthening the Family BUTTING HEADS BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE Reprinted from April 1999 Newsletter With high rates of divorce among first time marriages, and even higher rates of divorce among second marriages, you may wonder what makes marriages succeed or fail especially as you witness divorce occurring within the church family. More importantly, you may wonder what will make your marriage endure and thrive? One of the common misconceptions is that couples who are successfully married “never” fight. Dr. John Gottman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington writes in his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail* that “a lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable [emphasis added] in any relationship.” It is difficult to offer a universal prescription for how to resolve conflict because different couples fight differently and “resolve” conflict differently. Gottman identifies three styles of problem solving that healthy marriages tend to fall within. These are: the validating marriage where compromise is often and calmly worked out and mutual satisfaction is achieved as problems arise; the conflict-avoiding marriage, where differences are rarely discussed openly or directly and couples agree to disagree; and the volatile marriage where conflict is frequent and may result in heated disputes. All three of these styles can be stable as long as you and your spouse are able to achieve the right balance of positive and negative interactions.
    [Show full text]