Women's Love and Friendship

Rose, S. M., & Hospital, M. M. (2018). Women's love and friendship. In C. B. Travis and J. W. White (Eds.), (pp. 117-131). APA Handbook of the Psychology of women, Vol. 2: Perspectives on women's private and public lives. American Psychological Association, Wash., D. C. Rose and Hospital women enabled White women to work outside the the importance of self-love, and the potential of home, and yet still be considered respectable, thus sisterhood as a catalyst for social change. Accord creating a new generation of single young people ing to feminists of the first wave era (1800-1950s), socializing on more equal terms (Coontz, 2005). As authentic, freely chosen love is not possible between the influence of the extended family declined, the women and men within patriarchy. Equality is nec nuclear family gained primacy. essary for love to flourish; it must be given freely Marriage, particularly among the White middle and must be reciprocated as ardently. Therefore, class, began to be seen as a private agreement within the gender inequalities enforced within patri between a man and woman with an emphasis on archy,love and marriage are regarded as being anti companionship and love ( Cherlin, 2004; Coontz, thetical to each other. 2005). Subsequently, a doctrine of separate spheres First wave feminists regarded romantic love to for women and men began to arise, defining men as be an ideology that worked to subordinate women. the breadwinners and women as the homemakers. Wollstonecraft (1792/2013) expressed contempt for Women were expected to be sexually pure and were the way women are taught to exist solely for love. to be protected from the male social spheres of eco In 1857, Elizabeth Cady Stanton wrote to Susan B. nomics and politics (Coontz, 2005). Married women Anthony, became singularly responsible for childcare and the It is in vain to look for the elevation of household. Combined with inequities in pay as well woman so long as she is degraded in as labor laws that were passed under the guise of marriage ... the laws and religion of protecting women, it was difficult for most White our country ... make woman the mere women to continue to work after marriage (Goldin, tool of man. He has made the laws .... A 1991). man in marrying gives up no right; but a For Black women and men during the American woman, every right, even the most sacred slave era (1619-1865),love also was separated from of all-the right to her own person .. marriage, but for a different reason. White slave our present false marriage relation .. in owners denied Black women and men the right to most cases is nothing more nor less than marry (Omolade, 1994). The tradition of the single legalized prostitution. (C. Jones, 1997, Black mother, which originally arose in response to pp. 87-88) slave owners' separation of families, continued in the postslavery era, when many Black women defied Emma Goldman (1914, as cited in Schneir, 1994) gender restrictions by living alone (Omolade, 1994). concurred that love and marriage were antagonistic The discourse among Black women abolitionists and to each other because marriage subordinates women suffragists of the 1800s did not focus specifically on (see Volume 1, Chapter 1, this handbook). love or marriage. The ideology of separate spheres The feminist ideal was for women to attain love's did not apply to Black women who were forced to liberating potential, while rejecting its oppressive perform physical and sexual labor, as Sojourner and patriarchal effects. Wollstonecraft declared Truth (1851) famously argued in her "Ain't I a love to be "the most evanescent of all passions" Woman?" speech, advocating for human rights for (Schneir, 179211994, p. 10), Likewise, Emma Gold all women and all Black people. man (1914, as cited in Schneir, 1994) described love as "the strongest and deepest element in all life; the Love and the First Wave of Feminism harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy . .. the defier of (1800-1950s) all laws, of all conventions ... [and] the freest, the One of the earliest feminist critiques of women's most powerful moulder of human destiny" (p. 323). love and friendship was Mary Wollstonecraft's Feminists also embraced self-love as being impor Vindication of the Rtghts of Women, published in tant to the ability to fully love another. Women 1792. Thereafter, four major themes emerged con must be aroused to have a sense of personal dignity cerning the nature oflove, the value of friendship, and independence (Cady Stanton, 1857, as cited in 118 Women's Love and Friendship C. jones, 1997). Friendships often provided a sense roles of wife, mother, and homemaker. Radical femi of dignity to women in this century; women's pas nists such as Firestone (1970) described love as the sionate romantic friendships were a widely accepted "pivot of oppression for women" (p. 112)-a holo social institution and played a central emotional role caust, a hell, or a sacrifice. Rich (1980) identified in women's lives apart from marriage and family "compulsory heterosexuality" as a political insti (Faderman, 1981). tution that disempowered women. The emerging The women's suffrage movements in England Black, Latina, and Asian feminist movements chal and the United States, coupled with the Victorian lenged gender and racial inequality (Garcia, 1997), emphasis on romantic love, ultimately led to the but did not specifically address love. The oppressive undermining of the separate spheres doctrine. This nature of (heterosexual) love for women was attrib was also due, in part, to a large upsurge among uted to patriarchy, the set of social relations among women in high school enrollment and graduation men that, supported by a material base, establishes between 1910 and 1930 (Goldin, 2006). Further or creates interdependence and solidarity among men more, the first Great Migration of Blacks to the enabling them to dominate women (Hartmann, 1981). north from 1910 to 1930 opened more jobs and edu Second wave feminism encouraged, and was cational opportunities for Black women (Wilkerson, accompanied by a revolutionary shift in, women's 2011). Black families often migrated together, and involvement in the labor force in the 1970s (Goldin, wives were expected to continue to coJ;J.tribute to 2006). Work began to reflect an aspect of women's the family income, at least temporarily (M. E. jones, identity, and they began to play a greater role in the 1980). By the time women had achieved the right to decision making with their husbands about the type vote in the United States in 1920, marriage rates had and nature of their work. Marriages became more increased. However, a shift away from companionate individualized (Cancian, 1987); expectations for mar marriage toward individualistic marriage had prolif riage began to include (a) self-development, or the idea erated and divorce rates doubled (Coontz, 2005). that each person should develop an independent self In the 1930s, a greater emphasis on sexual grati instead of merely sacrificing oneself to one's partner; fication in marriage also began to transform the role (b) the expectation that roles within marriage should · of married women. Laws restricting birth control be flexible and negotiable; and (c) that communication were relaxed. The emotional and sexual satisfaction and openness in confronting problems were essential. of husbands became an important criterion for mari The most extensive treatise on women's friend tal success. Wives' roles shifted from subjugation ship during this era was by Raymond (1986), who and obedience to sexual partner, thus reinforcing described hetero-reality as a system that confines the male-defined standards of beauty for women. women's affection to serving men, whereas men's However, through the 1950s, wives and husbands affection is directed to man-to-man rapport, on tended to base their gratification on fulfilling their which men's destiny depends. Raymond does not prescribed gendered marital roles well: being good pretend that all women can be friends, but argues providers, good homemakers, and responsible par that all women have the potential to form vital ents (Cherlin, 2004). friendships with other women. The importance of self-love was explored as well. Black feminists The Second Wave of Feminism endorsed the idea that self-love was critical to the (1950s-1990) ability to transcend oppression (e.g., james Myers, Feminist critiques of love resurfaced beginning in 1986). Raymond (1986) identi.fied self-love that is the 1950s, and continued during the second wave of "intercourse with oneself," as critical to the idea of feminism. Love was described as being oppressive, a thinking and of friendship: "thinking is where I keep curse that confines women in the feminine universe myself company, where I find my original friend, (Beauvoir, 1949/2011). Friedan (1963/2013) identi if you will .. until the Self is another friend, it is fied the "problem with no name" as White, middle often difficult for women to have confidence in their class women's dissatisfaction with the constricting power of making and sustaining friends" (p. 222). 119 Rose and Hospital Feminist consciousness-raising groups in the Contemporary Feminism ( 1990-Present) 1970s served to strengthen and redefine women's Recent trends suggest that the contemporary view friendships. The concept of "sisterhood" encouraged of romantic love has progressed somewhat toward women to develop friendships that provided sup a feminist ideal of love as a freely chosen and equal port and intimacy and enhanced a sense of personal relationship. Although marriage appears to be power (Strommen, 1977). Radicalesbians (1976) symbolically important to many people, its practi argued that these changes were more likely to occur cal importance has declined (Cherlin, 2004). The within lesbian friendship because of lesbians' greater notion that romantic love can fulfill all of a person's women-identification.

Load more