The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 21, 2018 — Page 1

Vol. CCLXII, No. 7 The New Hampshire Gazette Grab Me! December 21, 2018 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com I’m Free!

The Fortnightly Rant The Don Who Couldn’t Think Straight irst thing Sunday morning, when many of dumb was it for the country to let him in? his evangelical supporters were presum- Let’s face it, this is all so bizarre it’s tough Fably in church, President Donald J. Trump for even this newspaper to deal with. The only took to Twitter to malign his former lawyer: rag with the chops to handle this level of sur- “Remember, Michael Cohen only became realism is the National Enquirer. a ‘Rat’ after the FBI did something which was Wait a minute—we almost forgot. It was absolutely unthinkable & unheard of until the National Enquirer that put him in office, the Witch Hunt was illegally started. They by shelling out $150,000 to “catch and kill” BROKE INTO AN ATTORNEY’S OF- Karen McDougal’s story about boffing the FICE! Why didn’t they break into the DNC future President while Melania, the former to get the Server, or Crooked’s office?” nude model and future First Lady, was sitting There was, of course, no “break in”—the at home in tacky Trump Tower, tending to FBI had a search warrant. But what’s one their new baby. more lie from this guy? Journalistic ethics would seem to require, used to maintain a database of his lies. It seems then, that the Enquirer recuse itself. That to have given up on October 30th, when the leaves covering this beat up to us, which isn’t total stood at 6,420. going to be easy. Under ordinary circumstanc- After complaining bitterly about an FBI es, reporting on an amoral sociopath being search that was legal, Trump suggested that crushed by the legal consequences of a life- the Agency ought to break into the headquar- time of exceptionally sordid crimes is some- ters of his political enemies. How typical. He thing we could handle with nary a qualm. decides to act Presidential for once, and em- This time it’s a little different. We suspect it ulates the only one who was forced to resign. has something to do with that button on his Such contempt for his oath of office would be desk that could launch 1,800 nukes. shocking if it came from anyone else. From No one has the authority to take away his him, it’s just Sunday. “nuclear football,” but at least the New York Twitter is magic: it forces even rambling Attorney General has barred him from serv- blatherers to be concise, if not coherent. The ing on the boards of any New York charities. results of that process can be transformative. In a statement, AG Barbara D. Under- Trump set out to vent his ire at Cohen, but wood said that her office had uncovered “a ended up writing a 46-word confession. All shocking pattern of illegality involving the Cohen did was tell the truth to law enforce- Trump Foundation—including unlawful co- ment. If that makes a lawyer a rat, it makes his ordination with the Trump presidential cam- ex-client a criminal. paign, repeated and willful self-dealing, and We now interrupt this Rant for a very, very much more. This amounted to the Trump brief quiz. Who said, “China has total respect Foundation functioning as little more than a for , and for Donald Trump’s checkbook to serve Mr. Trump’s business and very, very large brain.” Correct! It had to have political interests.” been the President, because who else would Donald Trump is besieged on all sides. Per- say that? haps his bruised and fragile ego will be bol- Tweeting a confession out to fifty million stered by the knowledge that he has recently head,” according to The Telegraph. along with one species of lichen. Don’t tell people, though, doesn’t seem particular- achieved a distinction: a newly-discov- “It is hoped,” the paper asserted, without Trump, though—he’s still got that button. ly bright. Maybe Fran Lebowitz was right: ered species has been named after him. Aidan specifying by whom, “that naming the new It’s enough to make one wonder, how will “Everyone says he is crazy—which maybe he Bell, who runs a sustainable building materials moth after Mr. Trump will highlight the crit- this all end? is—but the scarier thing about him is that he company, paid $25,000 for the right to name ical need for further conservation in fragile Let’s hope it’s not in a nuclear inferno is stupid. You do not know anyone as stupid as a new species of cæcilian recently discovered areas such as the habitat of the new species brought on in part by a tabloid newspaper. Donald Trump. You just don’t.” in Panama. which is under serious threat from urbani- If not by fire, then what about water? No, How dumb is he? He’s so dumb he cor- Dermophis donaldtrumpi is a blind worm sation.” This delusional pipe dream was pub- even at the rate the ice is melting, D.C. will still nered himself in the Oval Office; granted, about four inches long that has thin skin and lished days before Trump’s inauguration. No be above sea level in 2020, and even in—God with a little help from his enemies Nancy Pe- lives with its head in the sand. doubt the dream has long since vanished, and forbid—2024. losi and Chuck Schumer. Let us give credit This is actually the second species named Neopalpa donaldtrumpi’s habitat with it. Let’s be optimistic and presume that justice where it’s due: it takes a special mix of stu- after the 45th President. The first was Neopal- Two species is two more than most people finally catches up to Donald Trump, and his pidity and criminality to violate the laws of pa donaldtrumpi, a micro-moth which “bore can claim, but Trump is unlikely to ever sur- taxidermied sidekick Mike Pence, too. geometry. an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Trump be- pass his predecessor. Thirteen species of ani- Who does that leave as President, then? The Here’s a more disturbing question: how cause of the yellowish-white scales on its mals have been named after Barack Obama, Speaker of the House, you say?

The Alleged News® What do most Americans want? Who cares? It doesn’t matter. They can’t have it. he oaf in the Oval Office got hath passivity in the face of constant Declaration “that all men are created For a person whose only option Cheap Shots at an Easy Target there for myriad reasons. Many insult and injury? equal.” has ever been to sell his life by the Nothing, since the ratification of DemocratsT found their candidate It’s quite popular in some circles Yet here in this singular bastion hour, and that to a buyer who has the 16th Amendment in 1913, has uninspiring. Her campaign was these days to hark back to the hal- of freedom, wealth and income in- always had the power to dictate all raised the ire of the wealthy quite inept. James Comey’s intervention lowed days of Our Founders, when equality are at unprecedented levels. the terms, that angry voice at least like the IRS. Of course, nobody certainly had some effect, as did the Original Intent was inscribed on Productivity and corporate profits expresses a justified rage that’s wel- likes the IRS, and why should they? Russian social media campaign. parchment by some ink-stained have risen steadily for a generation, come nowhere else. Casting a vote Every time you get a paycheck, it’s Without the seething anger geek wielding a goose feather. Why, while wages have been stagnant. for the personification of your frus- already taken out a bite. Then, every of tens of millions of Americans, it’s the next best thing to stone tab- Homes and college educations are tration may not—will not—stop the April, it puts you through a wringer though—not all of whom were rac- lets … . unaffordable. Illness can spell bank- futile treadmill. It will register your of anxiety and costs you money to ists, despite there being plenty of More often than not this brand ruptcy. protest, though, against a rigged sys- boot. As with so many things in this racists among them—none of those of nostalgia-porn focuses on the If a person is so fortunate as to tem. That’s not nothing. world, though, the IRS represents factors would have had the power to inviolable rights of property—im- have found some tolerable niche, This situation is unlikely to im- different things to different people. put our singularly inept and corrupt plying that those without property and is reasonably confident that prove so long as the system pumps The vast majority of Americans incumbent into the White House. can go pound sand. That’s a pretty their basic needs are being met with- out fresh evidence daily which puts with middling incomes have little The results of this rage-voting are narrow take on an agreement that out constant, frantic effort, they may on its own corrupt na- hope of getting any kind of break tragic and deplorable. Much of the also promises to “insure domes- find it hard to imagine the visceral ture. For example, let us take that motivation behind it, though, is jus- tic Tranquility,” and “promote the appeal of a bloated, barking fount of favorite bugaboo of the Right, the The Alleged News® tified. Laudable, even. What merit general Welfare”—never mind that hatred. Internal Revenue Service. to page two Page 2 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 21, 2018

The Alleged News® assistance. from page one Of course, taking that approach involves assuming a certain risk. from the tax man. He’s already Conveniently, that risk has a street gotten his FICA taxes out of every address: the IRS Building, at 1111 dollar you’ve earned—unless you’re Constitution Ave, in Washington, among those lucky few making over D.C. Inconveniently, it’s against $128,400 a year, in which case, from the law to nuke the building. Other there on, it’s all yours. Your tax return methods must be used to hinder its may bring a sting, or maybe you’ll workings. get something back. Either way, it’s One of them is firing up the Right a marginal difference. Wing’s Mighty Wurlitzer. We do Once you’ve cracked into the top not speak here of Frank Wisner’s brackets, though, there are serious Operation Mockingbird, in which savings just waiting to be reaped. the CIA’s top spook used witting Tap into the right obscure provision and unwitting news organizations, and verdant fields of deductions will journalists, and front groups all over open up before you—provided you the world to spread anti-communist can afford, shall we say, truly expert propaganda—a global network he

claimed he could play “like a Mighty from $14 billion down to $12, a full The bottom line: “Corporations Wurlitzer.” 14 percent. Its enforcement staff has and the wealthy are the biggest ben- No, we refer to the vast network of been reduced by one-third. The au- eficiaries of the IRS’ decay. Most fiefdoms, the American Enterprise dit rate has plummeted—it’s down Americans’ interaction with the IRS Institute, , by 42 percent. Criminal referrals are is largely automated. But it takes Freedomworks, the Cato Institute, down 44 percent. specialized, well-trained personnel Grover Norquist, &c., &c., ad nau- Chuck Pine, formerly the to audit a business or a billionaire or seam, more than amply funded by a third-ranking criminal enforcement to unravel a tax scheme—and those tiny fraction of the income of the officer at the IRS, told ProPublica, employees are leaving in droves and one percent. “Due to budget cuts, attrition and a taking their expertise with them. Their incessant attacks on the shift in focus, there’s been a collapse For the country’s largest corpora- IRS and taxation in general serve in the commitment to take on tax tions, the danger of being hit with a to amplify the general public’s nat- fraud. … I believe there are thou- billion-dollar tax bill has greatly di- ural antipathy towards the tax man. sands of individuals who have U.S. minished. For the rich, who research The more universal the loathing, the tax obligations and are not comply- shows evade taxes the most, the IRS more cover for attacks on the agency ing with U.S. tax laws.” has become less and less of a force to from Republican Members of Con- Here is where the true nature of be feared.” gress. our two-tiered system is revealed: Don’t Forget to Shoot the Wounded Mission Accomplished “The result is huge losses for the It is not enough, though, for the rich This sustained direct assault on the government. Business owners don’t to prosper—the poor must be made legitimacy of the IRS appears to pay $125 billion in taxes each year to suffer. Our Lurking Photographer got it into his head to visit the City’s new, have been a fine investment. The -re that they owe, according to IRS es- “Under continued pressure from $26.2 million Foundry Place Garage and North Mill Pond Lighthouse the sults are plainly visible in this head- timates. That’s enough to finance the Republicans, the IRS has long made evening of Friday, December 14th. The weather was pleasant enough for line from ProPublica: “After Budget departments of State, Energy and a priority of auditing people who re- the season—neither cold, nor wet, nor windy. In short, a perfect evening Cuts, the IRS’ Work Against Tax Homeland Security, with NASA ceive [the earned income tax credit], for a night out, dining, or Christmas shopping, or … well, lurking. The Cheats Is Facing ‘Collapse.’” In arti- tossed in for good measure. Unlike and as the IRS has shrunk, those only vehicle on the top floor—the top three floors, actually—was a Police cles published October 1st and De- wage earners who have their income audits have consumed even more Department cruiser. Vehicles were still quite sparse on Level Three (middle cember 11th, Jesse Eisinger and Paul separately reported to the IRS, busi- resources, accounting for 36 percent row, right). Level Two was less than one-quarter full, and there were— Kiel surveyed the damage. ness owners are often on the honor of audits last year. The credit’s recip- for this town—plenty of spaces available on the ground floor. Cuts reduced the agency’s budget system.” ients—whose annual income is typ-

Murph’s Fortnightly Quote Colin A. McGee “It is the sufferings of the many Enrolled Agent which pay for Expert tax preparation, the luxuries of the few.” consultation and representation – Greta Thunberg, 15 year old activist for businesses and individuals at U.N. Climate Change Conference in Poland (603) 436-0707 • [email protected]

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Lafayette Plaza, Route 1, Portsmouth, 422-6758 • Mon - Sat 8am - 8pm, Sun 10am - 6pm The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 21, 2018 — Page 3 ically less than $20,000—are now I am extremely disappointed in to- examined at rates similar to those day’s vote by the Rules Committee who make $500,000 to $1 million to prohibit the carrying of firearms a year. Only people with incomes in the House chamber. There are above $1 million are examined far more pressing issues facing our much more frequently.” state than immediately taking away A More Perfect IRS House members’ constitutional- That’s how the system works. How ly protected right to bear arms. By do people think it should work? removing this basic right, we are Gallup asks that question regularly. effectively making the chamber a Sixty-two percent of people think gun-free zone and [a] less safe envi- that those in upper-income brackets ronment for our colleagues.” don’t pay enough taxes. Not a great Fran Lebowitz, in a March inter- surprise. Too bad Congress disagrees view with the Guardian, was asked if with the people. she owns a gun. What about people in low income “Of course I don’t have a gun!”, brackets? Does anyone think they she told Brigid Delaney. should pay higher taxes? “Who are these people that love Yes. A whopping 16 percent of guns? These people who love Trump those polled think so. What bracket and they love guns, these are the do you suppose they’re in? most frightened people I have ever –=≈=– seen in my life. Who’s after you? Dems Put GOPers At Risk in State House They live in the middle of nowhere. New Hampshire House Republican I live in New York city and I don’t Leader Dick Hinch (R-Merrimack) have a gun. No one I know has a released the following statement in gun. response to the House Rules com- “In the early 70s, when I was mittee voting 6-4 to amend House more vulnerable in every way, it was Rules to prohibit the carrying of really dangerous. I could have got- firearms in Representatives’ Hall: ten a gun but I never got one. I was “Although this is not unexpected, an 18-year-old penniless girl in the middle of a dangerous city and I was pepper spray on counter-protestors. never as afraid as these men in Texas, He soon earned his nickname “The Robinson Crash Kills Aussie Herder living in a state of terror.” Crying Nazi” by posting a video One man died and another was seri- N.H.’s Crying Nazi Is In The News Again showing himself blubbering after ously injured when a Robinson R22 Chris Cantwell, a person so obnox- learning there was a warrant out crashed into a riverbed in the Aus- ious he was kicked out of the Free for his arrest. After 107 days in the tralian outback on November 24th. State movement, first graced our hoosegow, he pleaded guilty to two Campbell Tyler, 47, worked for a pages in June, 2014. He had posted a counts of assault and battery, and cattle company. His co-worker suf- video online showing himself torch- was released with the admonition fered leg and chest injuries, and was ing an American flag. The Flag Po- to stay the hell out of the State of taken to a hospital in Alice Springs. lice found him not guilty by reason Virginia for five years. So apparently Australians regularly use helicopters of insanity, based on two statements we’re stuck with him again. to herd cattle. he made. On one hand, he said that Fields was found guilty on De- –=≈=– “this is the most repressive govern- cember 7th, and sentenced to life Celtic Music is Back at the Press Room ment in the history of mankind.” plus 419 years. The injustice of it all Finally, some good news: have you On the other hand, he asserted that inspired Cantwell to post a diatribe been missing the old Friday night governments do not exist. on Gab, the social media platform sessions at the Press Room, Bunky? Cantwell achieved a higher level for those who are so unrelenting- A tradition since 1982, they’re back of infamy in August, 2017, during ly vile that they’ve been thrown off now, with minor adjustments. the Unite the Right rally in Char- Twitter and can’t get back on. Fields’ The Anglo-Celtic Traditional As yet another year draws to a close, we come to that special time when lottesville, Va.—the night before conviction is “a mere symbolic vic- Folk/Roots Session is now held on family and friends gather to savor the manifold delights of what is euphe- James Alex Fields, Jr. drove his tory,” he wrote, which will “drive us Sunday afternoons, from 2:00 p.m. mistically called “the holiday season.” This is all well and good in modera- Dodge Challenger into a crowd of toward your complete and total de- to 5:00 p.m. Linn Schulz is leading tion, of course. Some of us, though, enjoy the season just a bit too much. This protestors, killing Heather Heyer struction.” the shindig, so you know it’s the real quartet, for example, can be found most mornings in a certain neighbor- and injuring 35 others. Cantwell Unless someone threatens to ar- deal. No cover charge. hood, utterly debilitated by their debauchery. did his part for fascism by squirting rest him, in which case he may cry. –=≈=–

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A Constantly-Changing Selection Back from the Brink: A Call to Prevent Nuclear War of Join the national grassroots movement by passing this resolution New & Used Books in your town/city. We call on the to lead a in both global effort to prevent nuclear war by: Hard Cover & Paperback • Renouncing the option of using nuclear weapons first; Your Coffee, Ice Cream, Children • Ending the sole, unchecked authority of any president to launch a nuclear attack; & Pets Are All Welcome • Taking U.S. nuclear weapons off hair-trigger alert; • Cancelling the plan to replace its entire arsenal with enhanced weapons; and Store Hours • Actively pursuing a verifiable agreement among nuclear-armed states to eliminate their nuclear arsenals. Mon - Sat: 9 a.m. - 7 p.m. Sun: 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. Learn More / Join the Call Seacoast Peace Response • Sandra Yarne (603) 236-7130 www.preventnuclearwar.org Page 4 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 21, 2018

Since You Asked … murder victim is forgotten, and imply To the Editor: that the sympathies of the liberal, which The judicial punishment for mur- would rightly go towards the initial der, in the distorted mind of liberals, is victim, are then transferred to the con- often equated with the barbarous act demned. That seems to us to impute bad of the perpetrator of the crime. This faith: a risky step in a purportedy logical view has the effect of drawing a moral argument, particularly in the absence of and over again to his adoring base. For equation between the acts. In so doing any evidence. those who may not remember, Mr. the real victim is not only forgotten, You conclude that opposition to the Trump repeatedly said that he was the one who committed the murder death penalty is evidence of degenerate going to build a wall and Mexico was fully embraced by Right Wing poli- now becomes the victim. This distort- thinking. Our thinking may in fact be going to pay for it. This promise was ticians beholden to the Koch Broth- Wayne: ed logic shows an inability to differ- degenerate, but surely you could find more the cornerstone of the entire Trump ers, such as soon to be former Speaker Here’s a thought experiment: what if entiate good from evil or right from convincing proof. campaign. Now, that Mexico does not of the House Paul Ryan, who said in the Oligarchy told the truth? wrong. To put the murderer and the Murderers kill for a variety of reasons. seem willing to contribute to his wall, response to the study: “$32.6 trillion. “We oppose Medicare-for-All because victim on the same level by equating It’s probably safe to say that all of them Mr. Trump is willing to shut down our That’s how much Washington Demo- we and our friends have invested bil- the acts is degenerate thinking. are bad. government, costing American tax- crats’ single-payer healthcare proposal lions of dollars—which we wrung out The death penalty shows the just States likewise kill for a variety of payers billions of dollars, because he would cost over 10 years. Even dou- of you hoi polloi—tied up in corporations outrage society has at the act. It also reasons: to punish murderers, to acquire failed to get Mexico to go along with bling all federal individual and corpo- that do nothing for you, but reliably send makes the statement that life is so pre- or protect foreign national resources and his absurd campaign pledge. rate income taxes wouldn’t cover this us nice fat profits anyway. If you think cious that the only just penalty is for markets, to discourage citizens of other In the absence of Mexico funding cost. It is just absurd.” we’re giving up that sweet racket with- the perpetrator to forfeit his own pre- countries from adopting certain political the wall, possibly Mr. Trump should Apparently, Speaker Ryan either out a fight, you really haven’t been paying cious life. And since the only person systems. Generally, few of them are defen- revisit his tax for the wealthy 1 percent chose to ignore what he read, or did attention.” who can forgive the act is the victim, sible. If they were, the propaganda indus- and use the $1 trillion of lost revenue not read the study in its entirety, or The Editor and the victim is deceased, then the act try would be far less prosperous. to cover the cost of his wall, instead he would have recognized that the –=≈=– is unforgivable. As for abortions, they’re not murder. of cutting Medicare, Social Security Mercatus Center study made a very A Common Frame of Reference And yes, it is true that there is much They’re acts which are taken, generally and Medicaid, as proposed by Senate strong case for Bernie’s single-payer Dear Editor: hypocrisy exhibited by some people reluctantly, by people who have the right Majority Leader McConnell. I think healthcare system concept, particularly Sometimes I find it difficult to com- who oppose abortion as they appear to to make that decision. those who have benefited most from from a cost savings perspective. Con- municate with people of younger gen- lose interest in the baby after it is born. Thank you for your recent renewal, by Trump’s economic policies would be versely, U.S. Congressman Ro Khanna erations and I’m wondering if it has Furthermore, they might feel the baby the way. Your continued generosity in more than pleased to do their share to (D.-Calif.), a strong House Progres- something to do with the loss of what is a correct punishment for the woman the face of our unrelenting disagreements help protect our national security. sive, rebutted Ryan’s argument follow- we once took for granted, a common who dared have a sexual relation just speaks for itself, and impresses us. Rich DiPentima. ing a thorough reading of the study: frame of reference. What children of for pleasure. This does not take away The Editor Portsmouth, N.H. “When someone says that Medicare- my generation learned about govern- from the fact that many people truly –=≈=– Rich: for-All costs $32.6 trillion, we should ment and our country seems almost oppose the act of abortion on moral That Scene in the Oval Office You are slightly more optimistic than mention how our current system costs disassociated from what children are grounds, that there is not a constitu- Dear Sir: we are about the altruistic instincts of the $49 trillion. Medicare-for-All would taught today. tional right to abortion, and that abor- It was quite a scene today in the one percent. take the excessive costs of insurance, To govern (in my view) means to tion is the voluntary taking of a life. Oval Play Pen, aka Oval Office. Mr. The Editor hospital facility fees, and prescription rule, and the three familiar forms of But according to the logic of liberals Trump had quite the temper tantrum, –=≈=– drugs out of the equation.” government, based upon who rules, are murder is not murder, except of course while turning beet red and all but Medicare-for-All Would Be a Bargain So, in addition to 70 percent of (1) those in which authority is vested if it’s judicial punishment. holding his breath and stamping his To the Editor: Americans calling for Medicare- in one single person; (2) those domi- John Dente feet in front of soon-to-be Speaker According to a recent survey by for-All which would provide all nated by several people; and (3) those Wilmington, Del. of the House Nancy Pelosi and Sen- Reuters, 70 percent of Americans Americans with quality healthcare, controlled by many. When ruled by a John: ate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. now support Medicare-for-All, a the incredible savings over a 10-year single individual, such as a king, queen After some study, we think we may The reason for this display of a spoiled single-payer healthcare system pro- period could be used to fund a much or dictator, this form of government is understand your argument—which is five-year old was that Congress, and posed by U.S. Senator Bernie Sand- needed massive 10-year nationwide known as an autocracy. A government not to say we agree. specifically Democrats, are unwilling ers. To immediately counter these infrastructure program. Such an ini- is called an oligarchy if a small group, You begin by asserting that liberals of- to fork over the billions of dollars Mr. inconvenient results, the Mercatus tiative would create tens of millions of such as landowners, military officers, ten equate the state-sanctioned executions Trump wants for his wall on the Mex- Center of George Mason Universi- jobs for working class people. Addi- or wealthy merchants make up the of murderers with the original crimes for ican border. Mr. Trump once again has ty released their own results, paid for tionally, it would bring our third world government. If the country’s people which they’re being punished. We can’t threatened to shut down our govern- by the billionaire Koch Brothers (the infrastructure into the 21st Century, make up the government and con- speak for liberals, but, yes, we do believe ment in order to obtain his wall fund- Conservative oligarchs who own the including the establishment of infra- tribute to its decision-making process, that intentionally killing people is inten- ing, stating, “I will be the one to shut Republican Party), with the primary structure and energy systems necessary that nation’s government is known as tionally killing people, with or without it down.” goal of turning public opinion against to prevent and mitigate the effects of a democracy. the approval of the state. What was completely missing from Medicare-for-All. climate change. The ideas of the English philos- From there, though, you extrapolate this discussion was the campaign Naturally, the conclusions of the Wayne H. Merritt opher John Locke (1632 - 1704) and hypothesize. You maintain that the promise that Mr. Trump made over Koch Brothers’-funded study were Dover, N.H. formed the foundation for America’s

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Black people have always been a If Jeff Bezos needs skilled digit-heads, KKK target of murder, lynching, ter- let him hire apprentices—and pay them. ror, and intimidation. The Ku Klux The Editor Klan first formed during Reconstruc- –=≈=– tion after the Civil War. At first, the Barnabas Takes Umbrage KKK was an extension of slave pa- To the Editor: tional lie. We must overcome our de- trols, a means to keep recently freed Dear fellow Portsmouth property nial. We must face the facts. slaves controlled. Subsequently, the owners: How about our city! Do you I, for one, find the normalization power of the KKK faded. When the love what it did with our latest prop- talks with world leaders, following in of racism, classism, sexism, milita- KKK reemerged in the 1920s, it add- erty tax bill? You know, the one that’s democratic system of government. “A the footsteps of renowned individu- rism, and religious intolerance (the list ed Catholics, Jews, and immigrants to due the day after Christmas? Some- democracy exists to give voice to the als such as Adlai Stevenson, George of evils goes on) does a body politic their “enemies list.” The KKK at that times I just want to cry. people and to protect their inalienable H.W. Bush and Madeline Albright, is bad. Suffice it to say, Trump is un- time was so mainstream that local Never mind the tax increases—of rights,” John Locke suggested, sowing beyond ludicrous. Christ-like. officials proudly joined. In fact, the course that brings on the water works. the seeds for the American Revolution Let us seek wisdom from those who Mind you, I state this as a Republi- KKK marched down the streets of I am speaking about the June, 2019, seven decades after his death. came before us. Our Founding Fathers can candidate for U.S. President. I re- Kittery. Finally, the KKK reemerged remittance coupon which is also in- Now, after 400 years of trials, errors placed great value on the individual in alize I’m a darkhorse, especially since in the 50s and 60s in response to the cluded with the December, 2018, bill. and tribulations, we find ourselves in an American democracy, and believed I’m a write-in, not a shoo-in. But I civil rights movement after its power Twofers from City Hall! Meaning we the early 21st century burdened with strongly in the concept of individual- believe in America’s potential to over- waned in the 20s. (See Wikipedia and all have to hang on to half a bill for six a form of government known to the ism, which dictates that the primary come. Linda Gordon, The Second Coming of months! Seriously, where do you put ancient Greeks as a kakistocracy. No, function of government is to enable Make America great again by vot- the KKK, for more information.) a bill not due for six months? And that’s not mis-spelled, despite what the individual person to achieve his or ing Donald J. Trump out of office. We Some of what’s so important and wonder where the hell the thing got your spell-check might tell you. her highest potential, making the in- can do far better than Trump. Write in scary about this moment in history stashed six months from now so we A kakistocracy is a system of gov- terests of the individual more import- Alex J. Boros. is that our President and his support- can pay our taxes next summer?! And ernment run by the worst, least qual- ant than those of the state. Sincerely, ers have emboldened many to act out not lose the 2019 coupon in all the ified, or most unscrupulous citizens: Anyone who stands in the way of Alex J. Boros their fear and hatred. Our president hubbub when paying our 2018 federal stupid, ignorant, least suitable, able or this (and Donald Trump most certain- Rochester, N.H. has targeted immigrant groups among taxes in April, 2019. And then hang- experienced (the list is endless). ly does) is a very real and a very dan- Alex: others as the enemy. Shootings result- ing on to the stub for paying our 2019 By definition, the Donald J. Trump gerous enemy of citizens of the United You have certainly convinced us, as in- ing in multiple deaths have occurred at federal taxes in 2020. We should all be administration personifies the entire States and of free people everywhere. corrigible voters, that, if the choice were temples and churches. Once again, the crying about now. breadth and depth of a pure kakistoc- David L. Snell between you and the incumbent, you’d question of who’s a “real American” has But wait, there’s more! Remember racy and until we figure out how to re- Franklin, N.C. have our vote in a heartbeat. If New raised its ugly head. A recent map sent that second envelope you got and fig- move it, we’re stuck with it, we own it. David: Hampshire had ranked-choice voting, by the Southern Poverty Law Center ured it was extra and threw it away? Perhaps the first step is to recognize According to our understanding, your we’d certainly vote for you, among others. (SPLC) of active hate groups in the Too bad. The city gave us an extra the danger. We have elected a man use of the term kakistocracy is flawless and We cannot make any promises, though, United States shows six in N.H. alone. envelope for next summer’s payment. who has elevated lying to an art form. without error. under existing rules. The Greek letter for crisis also So, unless you’re one of the lucky ones Nothing he says can be believed or You have a point about generations The Editor means opportunity. To my way of who threw it in the trash, we all get to what he does trusted to be in the best and the passing of time. In our youth there –=≈=– thinking, the students and the teach- hang on to the extra envelope for the interests of the United States. was still an expectation of some level of The KKK = Organized Hatred er at Dover High School have helped six months, too. He corrupts everyone around him competency. To the Editor: all of us to think about our personal That City Hall, it always has our and everything he touches is dimin- George W.[M.D] Bush put a lot of We know that recently when an attitudes, what should happen in our best interests at heart: if it isn’t en- ished by his mere presence. Trump dings in that model, but this guy … yeesh! 11th grade Dover High School history history classrooms, and the effect of cumbering us with its paperwork and (himself a misfit) purposes to sur- The Editor class was assigned to write something all of this on our government’s policy record-keeping duties, it’s infuriating round his administration with people –=≈=– related to a topic about the post-Civil and leadership. This is not a trivial or street closings, rerouting traffic into he knows are unqualified to lead. Cas- Boros Before Trump War period, a couple of students wrote laughing matter. It’s crucial that we all seemingly endless mazes. Or street es in point: Kathy Kraninger to head To the Editor: about the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) to the confront this ugly history now. closings every other week for some the Consumer Financial Protection The beleaguered presidency of tune of “Jingle Bells.” Sincerely, road race. Or parking-meter increases Bureau, has no experience in financial Donald J. Trump has, unfortunately, This assignment has become a mo- Judy Ullman which feel as though they occur every services and has never run a feder- emboldened the baser, darker forces at ment when we can all learn something Portsmouth, N.H. week and a half. I’m told by reliable au- al agency. Heather Nauert (Trump’s work in America. Yet it appears that about our history and the power of Judy: thority that living in Portsmouth these pick to replace Nikki Haley as U.S. Trump is nonetheless a hero to the our prejudices. “Racial insensitivity” Amen. days is enough to bring on the fantods. ambassador to the U.N.), clearly lacks MAGA millions. is hurtful and wrong as we all know. Our schools fall all over themselves But fantods or not, there is some the kind of in-depth policy knowl- I believe we can begin the soul-re- When anti-black, anti-immigrant, an- making sure kids can program computers good news. By sending out only one edge and political background the job covery process by recognizing our col- ti-Catholic, and anti-Jewish attitudes for Google and Amazon. Make us School tax mailing a year instead of two, the requires. Expecting her to represent lective guilt, shame, and remorse over gain organizational status, prejudices Board Dictator and they’ll be learning the United States on the U.N. Secu- electing Trump. But we can’t begin to or attitudes take on a whole different honest history, critical thinking, and civ- Mash Notes, Hate Mail, &c. rity Council and in private diplomatic recover if we’re still living a dysfunc- power. ics. to page six

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The Northcountry Chronicle Hunting Davis Hill by William Marvel slope toward the swamp. Raking up alone with my father, who was al- his neighbors watched a German fallen leaves, we would make a nest ways willing to regale me with his U-boat shell a tug off Nauset Beach. alfway between my house and for ourselves between that oak tree stories. The nest between the two As we trained our beagle to the last shelf of land above and the ash, which already towered big trees served as a perfect spot for run rabbits behind the crumbling HBlack Cat Swamp stand two enor- over the new growth from a 1940 that, because we never saw a deer French place, my father recounted mous hardwoods. One is an oak logging operation. There we would there. In fact we never saw one any- old Bill French’s last hunting ex- and the other an ash, and both lean watch for deer ranging up from the where in South Conway in those pedition. Bill, who was about 80, precariously. From one angle they swamp. days, because all the neglected farms went into the swamp with his rifle appear to cross each other, and from Hunting was then the only ac- and orchards had made this part of one November day around 1920, another they seem to bend away tivity that interested me enough to town a mecca for local nimrods since got confused, and spent the night from each other. Twenty years ago I lure me away from my books and the 1920s, and they had pretty well there—coming back unarmed the cut a lot of firewood around them, toy soldiers. I suppose the chance to picked it clean. Talking therefore did next day. One of the loggers who but left them standing, and loggers carry a loaded rifle beyond the rule- no harm, and sometimes we built a timbered off Davis Hill two decades have always been warned away from heavy confines of our target range little fire. later found the rifle leaning against a them. They represent a landmark of formed part of the attraction. So, Often, the stories began with tree, rusty but intact, and a few years my childhood. too, did the opportunity to go deep- hunting because that was supposed- ago I held it in my hands. In the late autumns of the 1950s, it er into the woods than I was allowed ly what we were doing, but they al- In his own 80s, my father ex- seemed that my father’s best oppor- to go on my own—at least after that ways digressed into something else. Reuben Marvel changed his Winchester for a light tunities for employment conflicted solo snowshoe trek in which I lost I had already seen the photo shown carbine. He went out every year, but with the times I most wanted him to my way in the dusk, forcing the old here, of the eight-point buck he shot Oldsmobile while they watched the the buck he shot in 1946 was his take me hunting. Seldom could he man to come wallowing after me as behind my grandfather’s house in course of the fire from an upstairs last. I’ve sometimes wondered if that take a day off during the week, and the mercury plunged. I also relished November of 1946, and his account window. My preference tended was by design, because none of my on weekends when the weather was the feeling of being surrounded by of dragging it up the hill made me toward stories of his teenage years own pleasure in his favorite pastime good he always had endless winter- woodland creatures I could not see, half-hope that we wouldn’t bag one on Davis Hill, or his childhood on came from killing a deer. I first did izing chores around this house and for even as a child I preferred most too far from the house. That story Cape Cod. Between the oak and the that several years later, and have nev- at my grandmother’s, just down the animals to most people. led him to think of the Brownfield ash he would tell me of listening to er liked hunting since. Still, I cherish road. Sometimes he would come It took me many years to real- fire, eleven months later, when he Civil War veterans spin their yarns the memory of it. home a couple of hours early and ize that the strongest appeal of our was home on leave again and loaded on the porch of a barber shop in –=≈=– take me down to the head of that hunting was the time it gave me up his car and my grandparents’ new Orleans, or about the time he and from page five tion from mere obscure comment. It city saved itself thousands of dollars should be called, Wilhoit’s Law. – The on postage costs! Ed.] That oughta dry up them tears. Bruce: inal post by someone named Frank Wilhoit’s Law Barnabas Umbrage Oh, ye of little faith! Farrell is a professor of political science Wilhoit. There is no such thing as liberalism Portsmouth, N.H. The Editor and international affairs at George Chait and Wilentz are fairly well — or progressivism, &c. Barnabas: –=≈=– Washington University. known. Farrell is less so, but not ob- There is only conservatism. No Come on, now, don’t hold back—tell Another Introduction Too Long by Half “The travesty of liberalism” took a scure. Judging from his scant internet other political philosophy actually us what you really think! [Note: CrookedTimber.org is a rel- look at a disagreement between Jon- footprint, Wilhoit seems almost to be exists; by the political analogue of The Editor atively old blog, having been founded athan Chait and Sean Wilentz, two hiding. What we have been able to de- Gresham’s Law, conservatism has –=≈=– in 2003. It also appears to be relative- nominally left-of-center writers, over termine is that he is a designer of com- driven every other idea out of circu- Surely it’s Just a Coincidence ly influential, as those things go. Its the correct use of terms like liberal, puter architecture for the electric utility lation. Dear Editor: name, taken from a line by Immanuel progressive, and socialist. Farrell, to industry, and a composer of contempo- There might be, and should be, “I am proud to shut down the Kant—“Out of the crooked timber of his credit, concludes by dismissing both rary classical music. Readers can hear anti-conservatism; but it does not government.” The White House humanity, no straight thing was ever Chait and Wilentz as “two middle his work at BroadHeath.com. ( We’re yet exist. What would it be? In order Occupant’s words were spoken, and made,” seems to suggest that its au- aged liberal men yelling at the world,” listening to Sonata in E-flat major for to answer that question, it is neces- tweeted, like a true agent of Putin’s thors share a generally realistic view of and “cosplay[ing] the days of the New Tuba and Piano, Op. 27 as we write sary and sufficient to characterize Russia. things. Republic’s imperialist glory.” this.) conservatism. Fortunately, this can Sadly, Henry J. Farrell, one of its 15 writ- We relate all the above merely in We go to this much trouble, and use be done very concisely. Bruce Joffe ers, posted an item on March 21, 2018, order to provide the context for a com- this much space, because Wilhoit’s com- Conservatism consists of exactly Piedmont, Calif. headlined, “The travesty of liberalism.” ment which was appended to the orig- ment, in our view, deserves a promo- one proposition, to wit:

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A bawdy house of bad right-wing ideas by Jim Hightower state lawmakers who’re … well, on maneuver to take power from the This idea of ripping off the peo- state can control it. The corporate the make. In exchange for sponsor- people and turn it over to for-hire ple’s democratic power is being tout- state, that is. f you’re wondering where Con- ing the corporations’ special-interest legislators would return America to ed by such intellectual giants as Rick To repeal this repeal effort by gress’ next truly bad idea will bills, the legislators gain corporate the days of outright auctioning of “Oops” Perry, the corrupt ex-gov- plutocratic extremists, connect with Icome from, keep an eye on a se- sugar-daddies to fund their future Senate seats. Until the people passed ernor of Texas who’s now turning Common Cause: CommonCause.org. cretive far-right-wing outfit called campaigns. It’s a hanky-panky quid the 17th Amendment in 1913, Sen- tricks for oil and nuclear power –=≈=– ALEC—the American Legislative pro quo that produces litter after lit- ators were chosen in backroom conglomerates as Trump’s energy Populist author, public speaker, and Exchange Council. ter of bad laws. deals between corporate bribers and secretary. Perry wails that the 1913 radio commentator Jim Hightower It’s a legislative bawdy house with Consider one that is an absolute crooked lawmakers, and ALEC’s law letting the public elect senators writes The Hightower Lowdown, a an exclusive corporate clientele. The corporate wet dream, for it would draft proposal is bluntly succinct: “took the states out of the process.” monthly newsletter chronicling the Koch brothers, AT&T, ExxonMo- remove the people’s power to elect “The Seventeenth article of Amend- So now Rick and other corporate ongoing fights by America’s ordinary bil, and other giants pay ALEC to our United States Senators, letting ment … is hereby repealed.” Back to supremacists want to take the Peo- people against rule by plutocratic elites. hook them up with Republican state legislators choose them. This the future! ple out of the electoral process so the Sign up at HightowerLowdown.org. from page six been providing training, arms, and There must be in-groups whom surveillance technology to the police the law protects but does not bind, and armed forces to better their abil- alongside out-groups whom the law noise-ism, onto the core proposition government has been unwavering ity to suppress their own people’s as- binds but does not protect. of anti-conservatism. minors. Approximately 28 percent ever since. pirations, as in Chiapas, and this has There is nothing more or else to No, it ain’t. The task is to throw all of the children detained this year are The questions concerning im- added to the influx of the oppressed it, and there never has been, in any those things on the exact same burn from Honduras, 24 percent from migration into the United States to the U.S., irony notwithstanding. place or time. pile as the collected works of all the Guatemala, and 21 percent from El from south of the border go on Moreover, Washington’s North For millenia, conservatism had apologists for conservatism, and Salvador. The particularly severe in- year after year, with the same is- American Agreement no name, because no other model of start fresh. The core proposition of creases in Honduran migration are sues argued back and forth: What’s (NAFTA), has brought a flood of polity had ever been proposed. “The anti-conservatism requires no sup- a direct result of the June 28, 2009 the best way to block the flow into cheap, subsidized U.S. agricultur- king can do no wrong.” In practice, plementation and no exegesis. It is military coup that overthrew the the country? How shall we punish al products into Mexico, ravaging this immunity was always extend- as sufficient as it is necessary. What democratically-elected president, those caught here illegally? Should campesino communities and driv- ed to the king’s friends, however you see is what you get: Manuel Zelaya, after he did things we separate families, which happens ing many farmers off the land when fungible a group they might have The law cannot protect anyone like raising the minimum wage, when parents are deported but their they couldn’t compete. The subse- been. Today, we still have the king’s unless it binds everyone; and it giving subsidies to small farmers, American-born children remain? quent Central American Free Trade friends even where there is no king cannot bind anyone unless it pro- and instituting free education. The Should the police and various other Agreement (CAFTA) has brought (dictator, &c.). Another way to look tects everyone. coup—like so many others in Latin institutions have the right to ask for the same joys to the people of that at this is that the king is a faction, – Frank Wilhoit America—was led by a graduate of proof of legal residence from anyone area. rather than an individual. http://crookedtimber. Washington’s infamous School of they suspect of being here illegally? These “free trade” agreements— As the core proposition of con- org/2018/03/21/liberals-against-pro- the Americas. Should we punish employers who as they do all over the world—also servatism is indefensible if stated gressives/#comment-729288 As per the standard Western hire illegal immigrants? … on it result in government enterprises baldly, it has always been surround- –=≈=– Hemisphere script, the Honduran goes, decade after decade. Those in being privatized, the regulation of ed by an elaborate backwash of Yankee Blowback coup was followed by the abusive the U.S. opposed to immigration corporations being reduced, and pseudophilosophy, amounting over [Note: William Blum [pronounced policies of the new regime, loyal- declare that the U.S. does not have cuts to the social budget. Add to this time to millions of pages. All such ‘Bloom’], historian and author of Kill- ly supported by the United States. any moral obligation to take in these the displacement of communities is axiomatically dishonest and un- ing Hope: U.S. Military and CIA The State Department was virtually Latino immigrants. by foreign mining projects and the deserving of serious scrutiny. Today, Interventions Since World War II alone in the Western Hemisphere in But the counter-argument to drastic U.S.-led militarization of the the accelerating de-education of and Rogue State: A Guide to the not unequivocally condemning the this last point is almost never men- War on Drugs with accompanying humanity has reached a point where World’s Only Superpower, died on Honduran coup. Indeed, the Obama tioned: Yes, the U.S. does have a violence and you have the perfect the market for pseudophilosophy December 9th. We published a num- administration has refused to call it moral obligation because so many storm of suffering followed by the is vanishing; it is, as The Kids Say ber of articles by Blum over the past 11 a coup, which, under American law, of the immigrants are escaping a attempt to escape from suffering. These Days, tl;dr. All that is left is years. This piece ran in our issue of Fri- would tie Washington’s hands as to situation in their homeland made It’s not that all these people prefer the core proposition itself—backed day, July 25, 2014. We reprint it here to the amount of support it could give hopeless by American intervention to live in the United States. They’d up, no longer by misdirection and honor his memory, and demonstrate his the coup government. This denial and policy. In addition to Honduras, much rather remain with their fam- sophistry, but by violence. continued relevance.] of reality still persists even though Washington overthrew progressive ilies and friends, be able to speak So this tells us what anti-conser- The number of children attempt- a U.S. embassy cable released by governments which were sincerely their native language at all times, vatism must be: the proposition that ing to cross the Mexican border into Wikileaks in 2010 declared: “There committed to fighting poverty in and avoid the hardships imposed on the law cannot protect anyone unless the U.S. has risen dramatically in is no doubt that the military, Su- Guatemala and Nicaragua; while in them by American police and other it binds everyone, and cannot bind the last five years: In fiscal year 2009 preme Court and National Con- El Salvador the U.S. played a ma- right-wingers. anyone unless it protects everyone. about 6,000 unaccompanied mi- gress conspired on June 28 [2009] jor role in suppressing a movement –=≈=– Then the appearance arises that nors were detained near the border. in what constituted an illegal and striving to install such a government. “Journalism is the ability to meet the the task is to map “liberalism,” or Homeland Security estimates for unconstitutional coup against the And in Mexico, though Washington challenge of filling space.” “progressivism,” or “socialism,” or the fiscal year 2014 the detention of Executive Branch.” Washington’s has not intervened militarily since – Rebecca West whateverthefuckkindofstupid- as many as 74,000 unaccompanied support of the far-right Honduran 1919, over the years the U.S. has –=≈=–

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Alternative Clothing & Goods 33 Vaughan Mall • Portsmouth, NH 03801 • (603) 431-2243 Page 8 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 21, 2018 Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide (Not for Navigational Purposes)

Portsmouth, arguably the first whom you choose to believe. drags about seventeen billion moves from the mouth of the Twice a day, too, the moon lets all Badger’s Island, bobbing around in and bridges work their hardest. town in this country not founded The Piscataqua’s ferocious current gallons of seawater — enough to river, up past New Castle, around that water go. All the seawater that the current. It weighs several tons, Ships coming in laden with coal, by religious extremists, is bounded is caused by the tide, which, in fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the bend by the old Naval Prison, just fought its way upstream goes and it bobs and bounces in the oil, and salt do so at high tide, for on the north and east by the turn, is caused by the moon. The the river and into Great Bay. This under Memorial Bridge, past the back home to the ocean. This is current like a cork. more clearance under their keels. Piscataqua River, the second, third, other player is a vast sunken valley creates a roving hydraulic conflict, tugboats, and on into Great Bay. when the Piscataqua earns its title The river also has its placid mo- They leave empty, riding high in or fourth fastest-flowing navigable — Great Bay — about ten miles as incoming sea and the outgoing This can best be seen when the tide for xth fastest current. Look for the ments, around high and low tides. the water, at low tide, to squeeze river in the country, depending on upriver. Twice a day, the moon river collide. The skirmish line is rising. red buoy, at the upstream end of When the river rests, its tugboats under Memorial Bridge. Sunday, December 23 Monday, December 24 Tuesday, December 25 Wednesday, December 26 Thursday, December 27 Friday, December 28 Saturday, December 29

2004—NASA reports that the aster- 2003—Responding to credible intel, 1989—Romania celebrates Christ- 2004—A massive tsunami kills 1994—A Robinson R22 helicopter 2013—Congress ends long-term 2006—The UK pays off its oid Apophis has one chance in 233 of Mike Hayden tells his British coun- mas and freedom by putting former 300,000 around the Indian Ocean. being flown “for pleasure” loses its unemployment benefits to 1.3 million $100,000,000 WW II debt to the U.S. hitting Earth in 2029. terpart to take over his NSA duties if President Nicolae Ceauşescu and his 2002—Americans learn a new eu- tailboom over Zurich and crashes into Americans, damaging the economy to 1989—Playwright Vaclav Havel be- 1994—Tipped off by a Boston FBI al Qaeda nukes D.C. on Xmas. wife Elena before a firing squad. phemism from the Washington Post: an apartment building. Somehow only the tune of an estimated 240,000 jobs. comes President of Czechoslovakia. agent that he’s about to be arrested, 1992—George Herbert [Hoover] 1984—A Robinson R22 flying 500 “extraordinary rendition” means kid- the pilot and a passenger die. 1986—Terry Dolan, Republican crit- 1975—Eleven people are killed and James “Whitey” Bulger takes a pow- Walker Bush pardons Caspar “Cap” feet over Huntsville, Ala., goes bang, napping and torture. 1986—In San Diego, Cara Evelyn ic of gay rights, dies of AIDS. 74 wounded when a bomb explodes der. He’s on the lam for 16.5 years. Weinberger, Bob McFarlane, and 4 falls apart, and plummets to earth, 1996—From a pool of 1,500 can- Knott is strangled by on-duty High- 1983—Dr. George Graham, of Pres- in a storage locker at LaGuardia Air- 1986—The airplane Voyager lands in other Iran-Contra creeps, coinciden- killing the pilot and a passenger. didates, the press selects JonBenet way Patrolman Craig Alan Peyer. ident Reagan’s Task Force on Food port. The crime remains unsolved. California, having circumnavigated tally protecting his own sorry self. 1978—Four Santa Clauses are arrest- Ramsey as the most important child 1981—Supreme Court Associate Assistance, says black children are 1972—Operation Linebacker II, the world nonstop. 1979—The Soviet Army enters Af- ed in Plymouth, Mass. for climbing murdered in the U.S. this year. Justice William H. Rehnquist checks “probably the best-nourished group which R. Nixon will call “my terrible 1981—Basement digging causes the ghanistan to prop up the Marxist gov- the fence at a nuke plant. 1991—The Supreme Soviet meets one into a hospital to kick his Placidyl hab- in the U.S.”—citing athletes as proof. personal ordeal,” ends. U.S. losses: 15 Foye Building, next to the Portsmouth ernment. Oops. 1974—Marshall Fields, wearing last time and dissolves the USSR. it and end the hallucinations. 1973—In space, the crew of Skylab downed B-52s, 12 other aircraft, 43 Athenæum, to partially collapse. 1971—Her airliner having fallen Arab garb, crashes a Chevy Impala 1971—Disgruntled Vietnam Vets oc- 1900—Carrie Nation hatchets-up goes on strike to protest over-work and KIA, & 49 POWs. 1963—FBI officials begin scheming apart after being hit by lightning two through the White House fence and cupy the Statue of Liberty. her first saloon, at the Carey Hotel, in micro-management. NASA meets 1930—Fred Newton arrives at New to “neutralize” Dr. Martin Luther miles above the Amazon, Juliane up to the North Portico. Four hours 1966—“American troops are the de- Wichita, Kan. the demands of the astronauts. Orleans after swimming 1,826 miles King, Jr. with wiretapping, bugging, Koepcke, 17, falls into the jungle and later he surrenders. fense, protection and salvation … of 1895—In Bill Curtis’s St. Louis sa- 1973—The Akron, Ohio Chamber of down the Mississippi. infiltration, sabotage, and blackmail. survives with minor injuries. 1956—In Birmingham, Ala., civil our country [and] civilization itself,” loon, William “Billy” Lyons foolishly Commerce denounces the Soap Box 1916—Poisoned, stabbed, beaten, 1955—James Kutcher, a legless WW 1970—Nine G.I.’s are KIA and 9 rights activist Fred Shuttlesworth says Cardinal Spellman. — and fatally — grabs “Stagger Lee” Derby as a cheat and a fraud. shot three times, and thrown uncon- II vet, has his disability payments cut WIA by “friendly fire” in Vietnam. survives the bombing of his home. 1966—Time Magazine names “The Shelton’s Stetson hat. 1971—At the White House, 88 ’Nam scious into the freezing Neva River, off, too, because he’s a member of the 1969—Curt Flood writes a letter to 1951—In Mims, Fla., a bomb ex- Younger Generation” the “Man of the 1827—Georgia proclaims “the lands vets are busted for protesting their war. the Russian Tsarina Alexandra’s fa- Socialist Workers Party. Bowie Kuhn which ends up emanci- plodes under the home of NAACP Year,” further exacerbating a pandem- of Georgia belong to her absolutely. 1948—A DC-3 disappears with 32 vorite faith-healer Grigori Yefimovich 1953—In Korea, 21 American POWs pating big league ball players. leaders Harry T. and Harriette Moore ic of unwarranted self-esteem. The Indians are tenants at her will.” on board in an area soon known as the Rasputin dies by drowning. refuse to go home. In response, the 1968—The crew of Apollo 8 photo- on the night of their 25th anniversary. 1919—Harry Frazee sells Babe Ruth Indulgent solons give the indigenous Bermuda Triangle. 1900—Harvard prof Albert B. Hart CIA starts a mind-control program. graphs Earth rising behind the moon. Both die, no one is indicted; the state to the New York Yankees. inhabitants three years to get west of 1945—Congress recognizes the says states where lynching is prevalent 1948—Japan’s General Hideki Tojo is 1964—VC blow up the Brink Officers concludes 55 years later that four long- 1913—Writer and perennially-dis- the Mississippi. “Pledge of Allegiance,” authored by should legalize the practice to main- hanged as a war criminal. Quarters in downtown Saigon, killing dead Klansmen did it. gruntled Civil War veteran Ambrose 1763—Sixteen of the few living Christian Socialist Francis Bellamy. tain order. 1927—Two policemen are mortally two and injuring 107. 1946—Demonstors at the White Bierce allegedly pens one final letter Conestoga Indians, huddled for pro- 1936—Sit-down strikers close Cleve- 1890—The 7th Cavalry massacres wounded when a bank in Cisco, Tex- 1913—During a union Christmas House demand the release of jailed before vanishing in Mexico. tection in the Lancaster, Pa. work- land’s General Motors plant. about 300 Lakota Sioux men, wom- as is held up by a gang whose leader party at the Italian Hall in Calumet, conscientious objectors. 1908—Jack Johnson beats Tommy house, are mysteriously deserted by 1917—H.L. Mencken publishes a en, and children on their reservation wears a Santa Claus suit. A standing Mich, thugs hired by copper bosses 1914—German and British troops Burns in 14 rounds, becoming the first their guards. A mob known as “the phony history of the bathtub, now at Wounded Knee. For this, a grateful $5,000 reward for shooting bank rob- yell “Fire;” 73 die, 59 are kids. leave trenches, sing Christmas carols, black heavyweight champ. Paxton Boys” hacks 14 of them, most- widely accepted as gospel. nation bestows 20 Medals of Honor. bers inspires a gun battle: four more 1883—Increasingly deranged since shake hands, and share smokes. 1862—Under orders from President ly children, to death. There is no inves- 1879—As legendary stagecoach driv- 1876—A poorly-designed, unin- die and eight are wounded. his stabbing by John Wilkes Booth 1868—President Andrew Johnson Lincoln, the U.S. Army hangs 39 San- tigation; no one is ever charged. er “One-Eyed Charlie” Parkhurst, 67, spected railroad bridge collapses in 1776—“These are the times that try during Lincoln’s assassination, Maj. issues unconditional pardons for all tee Lakota Sioux on one huge gallows. 1739—A large crowd gathers to wit- is prepared for burial in Watsonville, Ashtabula, Ohio, killing 92. men’s souls … ” —Thomas Paine’s Henry Rathbone murders his wife. those involved in the “Southern Re- 1787—In Carlisle, Pa., an anti-Fed- ness New Hampshire’s first execu- Calif., it becomes clear that he was 1837—In Buffalo, N.Y., Canadian pamphlet The Crisis is read aloud to 1865—Six Confederate veterans bellion.” eralist mob wielding barrel staves tions: Sarah Simpson and Penelope a she—namely, Charlotte Darkey militiamen burn the U.S.S. Carolina, the Continental Army, days before boozing it up in Pulaski, Tenn. form 1802—In Portsmouth, N.H., 132 bludgeons and nearly kills Constitu- Kenny are hanged in Portsmouth for Parkhurst, born in Lebanon, N.H. which has been caught running guns their victory at Trenton. the KKK. buildings are destroyed by fire. tion-framer James Wilson. infanticide. in 1812. to revolutionaries. 11:08 11:47 11:58 12:38 12:49 1:30 1:42 2:24 2:38 3:21 3:38 4:20 4:42

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Sunday, December 30 Monday, December 31 Tuesday, January 1 Wednesday, January 2 Thursday, January 3 Friday, January 4 Saturday, January 5

2015—At the North Pole, the tem- 1997—Quaker Oats pays $1.8 mil- 2006—Speaking to amputee vets of his 1996—At Bill Clinton’s invitation, 2006—Hotshot Republican lobbyist 2017—A frozen carburetor causes a 2011—Shortly after he’s sworn in, perature rises above 32° for six hours. lion to settle a lawsuit over their secret Iraq War, George W.[MD] Bush says Monica Lewinsky drops by the Oval Jack Abramoff pleads guilty to three Robinson R22 helicopter to stall over Rep. Frank Guinta [R-N.H.] assures 2006—Saddam Hussein’s inelegant feeding of radioactive oatmeal to de- “I have an injury myself [from] combat Office. Sequestered in the bathroom, felony counts for defrauding Indian San Pedro Bay; it plummets, killing David Koch that he’ll attend a party demise is captured by cellphone. velopmentally-disabled kids. with a cedar. I eventually won.” they violate his marriage vows. tribes and bribing officials. the pilot and a photographer. being held for new employees Repub- 1994—In Brookline, Mass., John 1995—Bill and Monica enjoy their 2006—A pilot with “extremely high 1972—During a one-hour interview 1990—Former CIA asset Manuel 1991—A Robinson R22 flying over lican Congressmen. Salvi lives out his “pro-life” creed by third tryst in a White House study. levels of methamphetamine” in his on CBS, tells Dan “The Panamanian Strongman™” Hukerenui, New Zealand makes “a 1987—President Reagan produces killing two health care workers. 1970—Congress repeals the Gulf of blood crashes a Robinson R44 in Rather that the bombing in Southeast Noriega, aka “The Pineapple,” sur- loud noise,” sheds its main rotors, and the first trillion dollar budget. It in- 1978—A House Select Committee Tonkin Resolution. Grand Ridge, Fla. He and two others Asia had been”very, very effective.” renders to the forces of El Jefe, George plummets to earth. The pilot and a cludes a $147 billion deficit. concludes that conspirators “probably” 1970—Associated Milk Producers, die in a fiery explosion; 576 feet closer Next day in a note to Hank Kissinger, Herbert [Hoover] Walker Bush. passenger perish in a fireball. 1986—A Robinson R22 helicopter helped kill JFK and MLK. Inc. gets $100 million in price sup- to I-10, and it might have been worse. he tells the truth: “The result = zilch.” 1967—Jack Ruby conveniently dies in 1971—George Mellendorf, in Viet- flying over Grenchen, Switzerland 1971—Dan Ellsberg is indicted for ports in exchange for its $2 million 1995—An 80-foot-plus wave hits an 1970—The Supreme Court nixes prison while awaiting retrial. nam, mails a letter to the White makes a noise “like … a machine gun having set the truth free. donation to the Nixon campaign. oil platform in the North Sea. Gen. Hershey’s effort to reclassify all 1966— announces for House complaining of slow mail de- burst,” loses its tailboom, then crashes. 1970—An unsafe Kentucky coal 1969—Brothers Dwight and Karl 1994—NAFTA kicks in; losers in- draft protestors as 1-A, or draftable. Governorship of California, claiming livery. His answer arrives in 1978. The pilot and his wife die. mine explodes, killing 38 miners. Armstrong drop home-made bombs clude well-paid union members, Mex- 1967—In Florida, 72 men are arrest- it leads in bankruptcies and has 40% 1965—The Free Speech Movement 1970—Mine Workers Union pres- 1969—American coal miners get from a stolen Cessna on a Wisconsin ican farmers, and the environment. ed, thwarting an invasion of Haiti higher unemployment than the rest of holds its first legal rally. idential candidate Joe Yablonski is protection for their lives and safety munitions plant. They fail to detonate. 1984—Ma Bell is broken up into 22 financed by CBS in exchange for ex- the country, neither of which is true. 1960—During a Minimum Interval killed on orders of incumbent presi- through a law signed by R. Nixon. 1952—The Tuskeegee Institute re- smaller units. It seemed like a good clusive film rights of the landing. 1961—In Idaho, three military tech- Takeoff at Pease AFB, the second of dent “Tough” Tony Boyle. 1947—Irgun fighters kill six Arabs ports that for the first time since 1881, idea at the time. 1962—Outnumbered four to one, nicians are killed in a steam explosion three B-47s crashes and burns; four 1968—Feds indict Dr. Spock for ex- and wound 42 in a grenade attack at a year has passed without a lynching. 1975—Nixon cronies H.R. Halde- vastly outgunned, without helicop- at a nuclear reactor. crewmen die. pressing concern about the health of a Haifa oil refinery. Arabs retaliate by 1947—The Israeli paramilitary outfit man, John Ehrlichman, and John ters or armor, 350 Viet Cong defeat 1955—The U.S. government an- 1958—In a New York cab, ex-Com- his ex-patients now in uniform. beating 39 Jews to death. Haganah kills 20 to 70 Arabs in retali- Mitchell are convicted of felonies. U.S.-advised ARVN at Ap Bac. nounces that over 3,000 federal em- mie, ex-McCarthy aide, and ex-editor 1942—Mutual Broadcasting’s John 1936—The GM sit-down strike ation for the previous days’ Arab retal- 1971—The pirate station Radio First 1946—King Zog of Albania, the only ployees have been sacked to quell Joe of Confidential Howard Rushmore B. Hughes begins an anti-Japa- spreads from Cleveland to Flint. iation against an earlier Irgun attack Termer debuts from a Saigon brothel. head of state to have fired back at a McCarthy’s paranoia. shoots his wife then himself. nese-American radio campaign that 1935—Italian bombers, two piloted against Arabs at a Haifa refinery. 1959—Batista flees, and Fidel Castro would-be assassin, abdicates. 1943—Ball turret gunner SSgt. Alan 1955—The U.S. agrees to pay Japan results in the establishment of U.S. by sons of Il Duce, drop mustard gas 1929—“I see nothing in the present takes over in Cuba. 1923—As evidence of his corruption Magee escapes without a parachute for nuking the Marshall Islands. concentration camps. on a Red Cross unit in Ethiopia. situation that is either menacing or 1863—President Lincoln proclaims mounts, Interior Secretary Albert Fall from a doomed B-17, falls 22,000 feet, 1933—Farmers in Primghar, Iowa, 1937—The Abraham Lincoln Bri- 1922—Godless Commies establish warrants pessimism,” says Treasury the emancipation of slaves, but only in resigns. President Harding then offers and crashes through the roof of a St. throw a rope around a banker’s neck gade is formed to fight fascism—“pre- the Union of Soviet Socialist Repub- Secretary Andrew W. Mellon. states which had seceeded. him a seat on the Supreme Court. Nazaire railroad station. He dies in and threaten to lynch him unless he maturely,” some say. lics on the ruins of a pious Empire. 1904—At midnight, for the first time, 1804—Haiti proclaims independence 1920—U.S. Attorney General A. 2003 at the age of 84. promises to end foreclosures. 1914—Henry Ford establishes the 8 1905—A cabal of miners assassinate a ball drops in Times Square to mark as the world’s first black republic, the Mitchell Palmer has thousands of al- 1924—Grave robber/archaeologist 1903—Topsy the Elephant, unjustly hour day and $5/day pay. Idaho’s ex-Governor Frank Steunen- the New Year. result of a successful revolution. leged subversives arrested. Howard Carter gloms onto Tut- accused of being a killer, is fitted with 1825—As Alexander Dumas fights berg with a bomb at a gate to his house. 1901—This year’s U.S. lynching toll: 1781—Troops at Morristown, N.J., 1905—The I.W.W., aka The Wob- ankhamen’s gold coffin. copper sandals, fed carrots laced with his first duel, his pants fall down. 1903—At 3:15 p.m. fire breaks out in worst ever—105 blacks, 25 whites. seize artillery and march to confront blies, “organize” in Chicago. 1892—J.R.R. Tolkien is born in Or- a pound of cyanide, and electrocuted 1776—New Hampshire ratifies the Chicago’s new, “fireproof” Iroquois 1879—Edison shows off the first Congress, seeking back pay. 1882—Standard Oil reorganizes so as ange Free State, Africa. by the owners of Luna Park at Coney nation’s first state constitution. Theater. By 3:30, 600 people are dead. practical electric light bulb. 1300—Pope Boniface VIII’s Jubilee to allow John D. Rockefeller to keep 1891—Oz author L. Frank Baum, Island. An Edison crew films the fun. 1781—Former American General 1768—Teacher Ruth Blay, 31, is 1761—Lydia (Hall) Fowle, wife of is such a popular success that dozens his oil monopoly; laws be damned. writing in the Aberdeen (S.D.) Satur- 41 BC—Rome’s Emperor Caligula Benedict Arnold assists the British in hanged in Portsmouth for concealing Daniel Fowle, dies in Portsmouth, must be executed to bring the mob 1872—Brigham Young is arrested for day Pioneer, calls for the “total exter- is murdered by his own disgruntled the burning and plundering of Rich- the birth of her illegitimate child. aged 36. under control. having 24 wives too many. mination” of Native Americans. troops, incensed over unpaid wages. mond, Virginia. 5:22 5:49 6:24 6:56 7:24 7:59 8:19 8:56 9:10 9:48 9:57 10:35 10:40 11:18

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