ETRIEVER WEEKLY "The possibility that journalists could be used as covers for intelligence operations should be forcefully and officially renounced by the president and also by congresion­ - alleaders ofintelligence committies. "-jimmy Carter 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 ---~~~~------~------SGA Interested in Increasing Involvement, Fundraising

JOANA DE LA CRUZ rent members of the SGA House Until In-House elections are Retriever Weekly Staff Writer and Senate, who internally decide held, the SGA will work to how to fill an open position from resolve old matters remaining The Senate and the House of a pool of applicants. from last year. New matters will Organizations of the UMBC Freshman Elections will also become the focus of the SGA Student Government Association take place September 24-25. · after the remaining seats are have several open seats, and will Freshmen will only be eligible for filled. continue to have open seats until three new student positions in the However, the. current mem­ In-House Elections occur Senate. bers of the SGA Executive and September 24-25, according to "We are making some cabi­ Legislative branches do have Suran Desioba, the president of net positions where they will be plans for the future. The encour­ the SGA. The SGA Web site in charge of getting people to go agement of fundraising through shows five open seats in the to games and things of that sort. the House of Organizations is a House of Organizations and nine We want the students to be more key goal of this year's SGA, open seats in the SGA Senate. In­ involved in school activities," Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff House elections are held by cur- Desioba said. see SGA, page 4 Camp Out: Students will eat in white banquent tents, complete with industrial lighting and fans, while the Residential Dining Hall is remodeled. Convocation Ushers in New Year

JENN SCHILDROTH Mozie-Ross; the ceremony con­ Association's Suranjith DeSilva. Renovation of Dining Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff cluded with the new students put­ Each offered advice to the cam­ ting on their UMBC pins. pus community, particularly the The regalia-adorned faculty Speakers at the service incoming freshmen class. Hall Underway and staff marched into a packed included President Freeman Speakers offered a variety of RAC Arena last Tuesday with all Hrabowski with his State of the tips to the incoming class and New Services, Options will be the pomp and circumstance University address. Director of words of encouragement and expected for the 2001 convoca­ Admissions Yvette Mozie-Ross, motivation to the rest of the cam­ Available in Redesigned Facilities tion ceremony. Convocation, an Vice President of Student Affairs pus community. Much of the annual tradition at UMBC, for­ Charles Fay, Provost Art Johnson LOGAN COOPER mally marked the start of the and Student Government see CONVOCATION, page 3 Retriever Weekly Staff Writer The Tents 2001-02 school year. The Residential Dining Hall "At least the tents are clean," Convocation will be under construction until said Phu Pham, a sophomore and offers an opportu­ late September according to a Chesapeake Hall resident, nity for the leader­ Oscar Berninger, General regarding the temporary seating ship on campus to Manager of Wood Food Service area outside of the Residential usher in the new Management, forcing the use of Dining Hall. Four groups of white year. In past years, tents erected outside the structure banquet tents, providing 800 with the celebration was for temporary seating. the seats still available inside, ' held a few weeks The dining hall was designed were erected before the start of into the school in the late 1960s and in school to handle seating of the year. This year's Berninger's opinion, no longer residential stUdents for the next event, however, met the expectations of the stu­ month. The tents have wood was moved to late dents. floor~ and are equipped with August and added The renovation, expected to industrial lighting and fans. to the Welcome cost over $500,000, began in mid­ "We realize that there is Week calendar. July and will happen in three some inconvenience, but in the The change was phases: wing two, where most of end the inconvenience will be adopted with new the food service facilities were well worth it," Berninger said. students in mind. previously located, then wing Gaps and holes present in the The incoming three and finally wing one. The tents have been dealt with accord-. class was formally entire renovation's "target for ing to Berninger. presented by Jim Burger I Retriever Weekly Staff completion" is the end of UMBC Director of Welcome Back: Awards were issued and students were welcomed back at September, said Berninger. see DINING, page 4 Admissions Yvette UMBC's Covocation ceremony held Tuesday, August 28.

Steph Rawlings and Ryan Bloom feels This week, the Brandon Dudley Chris Krieg wrangle Stabbing Focus section will ponders the dis­ over the nature of Westwards pain, introduce you to pute at Disney, and gay rights and Tracy Abby Foster the Retriever Brian Rowland is • Williams gives reports from Rome Weekly Staff to profiled as Athlete Dubya a well­ and Jay and Silent help you connect of the Week. deserved spanking. Bob delights view­ the bylines with Bad Dubya. Bad. ers. the faces. Other things to check out: College News ...... page 2 Wortd News ...... page 3 Classifieds ...... page 23 Page 2 Tin~ RETRIEVE!~ Wt~EKLY NEWS Septemer 4, 2001

Jane Hamblin:

Donor Withholds $60M for Student Affairs Jock Research SCOTT DAUGHF;RTY SAN FRANCISCO (AP) Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff Netscape founder Jim Clark, protesting federal restrictions on stem cell research, Lone nails and a wall clock are all A graduate of Perdue University with said, "I think I feel sort of an urgency." says he is withholding $60 million he that decorate the bare walls of the office a degree in mathematics and a degree in For the next year, Hamblin will be pledged to build a biomedical research of Jane Hamblin, Acting Assistant Vice law from Indiana University's School of working on policy writing and general center at Stanford University. President of Student Affairs. Filling the Law, Hamblin is not the average Student administrative assistance to make Announcing the decision in a New position for Jamie Washington while he Affairs official. In her own words, she is UMBC more interesting and fun for its York Times op-ed piece Friday, Clark attends divinity school for the next year an "aging student activities jock" who students. wrote that because of recent decisions at Howard University, Hamblin moved never stopped loving the various activi­ limiting stem cell lab work, "Our country into the office August 6 and hasn't been ties carried out by her alma mater, Perdue Quick Questions risks being thrown into a dark age of able to find the time to decorate her University. After earning her law degree, medical research." work space. "We've been going a mile a Hamblin . worked in Student Affairs at Clark said he will keep the money­ minute since," she said from behind a Perdue University from 1980-1997, What is your favorite Television the balance of $150 million he pledged in desk strewn with UMBC activity before corning to Maryland to end a long­ show? 1999- because it would be futile for pri­ announcements and paperwork. distance relationship and start The "Will & Grace. I think the writing is vate funding to supplant federal medical Eventually she hopes to put up Stunning Group, a higher education con­ just fabulous . . . I would watch reruns of research grants. He also cited recent deci­ some photographs: students she grew to sulting firm. For a portion of the 2000- it." sions to limit research to existing stem be friends with at Perdue, her family, 2001 school year, Hamblin served with cell lines. her partner, her dog and pictures of a UMB to work directly on molding their What is the last book you read? "It now seems that creating geneti­ lake in Wisconsin where she vacations Student Affairs. "How about the last book I finished ... cally compatible new skin cells for bum and enjoys the outdoor life of mountain Old-fashioned networking landed Making the Most of College by Richard victims, pancreas cells for diabetics, biking and water skiing. her at UMBC for this short one-year stint Light:' nerve cells for those with spinal cord · Hamblin's current office is only a as Washington's interim replacement. "I injuries and many, many other potential temporary home, since the entire Office had the good fortune to hear about their What was your favorite activity advances will soon be illegal in the of Student Affairs will be moving into needs to fill Jamie's position," she said. while attending coUege? United States," wrote Clark, a billionaire the Commons at the end of the Fall "I think it is actually a good thing to "I was the editor of the Greek newspa­ who also founded Silicon Graphics, semester. know I have 11 and a half months," she per ... The Greek." Healtheon and MyCFO. "Driven by ignorance, conservative thinking and fear of the unknown, our political leaders have undertaken to make Laundry laws that suppress this type of research," Clark wrote. Earlier this month, President Bush, Machines, Thinking about an opponent of abortion, announced a policy to limit federal funding for med­ ical research on embryonic stem cells. He Stoves grad school? said it was important that "we pay atten­ tion to the moral concerns of the new frontier." Missing Stem cells are created by removing an inner cell mass from a 5- to 7 -day-old GRE embryo. The procedure kills the embryo. From New When properly nurtured, the cells are able to replicate, or divide, virtually for­ ever, creating what is called a stem cell Hall line. Stanford has said the center Clark ROBERT REDDING pledged to help build will house projects Retriever Weekly Staff Writer that include efforts to grow healthy organs from other tissues. Construction on the Residents of the New Hall arrived to 225,000-square-foot building, informally find the laundry room without washers known as Bio-X, is under way and sched­ and dryers and kitchens without stoves. uled to be finished by 2003. The final cost Since the hall had to start from scratch, all has been estimated around $200 million. the wiring was not in place at the begin­ Stanford President John Hennessy ning of the semester. Since the wiring has said the university was "saddened" by not been completed: the washers and dry­ Clark's decision. He, too, expressed con­ ers can't be moved in. cern that restrictions on stem cell research "You can't just bring the boxes and and cloning could slow developments in plug them in," said David Liu, Assistant ••• And then, prep for the GRE at UMBC. treatments for diseases. Community Director of New Hall. Nancy Clark wrote that federal funding for Young from Residential Life expects the REBA Thu Take CAT Thu Thu Thu Thu research helped him form Netscape, and .washers and dryers to be installed by next 9/20 before 9/27 10/4 10/11 10/18 1801 that more federal money is needed to help weekend. Until then, New Hall residents 6:30p.m. I• class 2 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. the United States keep up with the rest of will have to find laundry machines else­

the world in stem cell research. where. Take CAT Thu Thu Thu Thu Thu "It is futile to think that private fund­ New Hall is the most expensive resi­ before 10/25 11/1 11/8 11/15 11/29 ing can make up what is being lost to laws dence on campus at $4,270 for a double class 6 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. 6:30p.m. driven by conservative politics," Clark and $4,670 for a single. wrote. "I therefore have reluctantly decid- ed to suspend further contributions until What are you looking at? our lawm~kers decide to pursue what I Write for News, It's a secret. 1·800-KAP-TEST believe to be a rational course in this vital kaptest.com part of out national future." *GRE is a registered trademark of the Educational Testing Service. September 4, 2001 TIIE RETI~IEVEI~ WEEKLY NEWS Page 3

Republic of Congo Starts HIV Program

BRAZZAVILLE, Republic of Congo (AP)- Clinics in Republic of Congo's cap­ ital will provide free HIV treatment to preg­ nant women starting Monday, part of an effort to block mother-to-child transmission in one of the African countries hardest-hit by AIDS. The West African nation of Ghana, meanwhile, said it is in negotiations in part­ nership with the World Health Organization to start manufacturing HIV drugs directly. Both steps are rare in sub-Saharan Africa, where dying with little or no Western medical treatment is the norm for the mil­ lions of people infected with AIDS. War-scarred Republic of Congo in cen­ tral Africa counts itself among the worst -off, with a 7 percent infection rate among its population of 2.8 million. Women here suf­ fer a· higher infection rate than men. Republic of Congo health workers say rapes during the ci vii strife of the 1990s are in part to blame. Faculty, Staff Welcome Students to UMBC "Our job in convincing expectant women to take a test before their delivery is making clear that today there's a different from CONVOCATION, page 1 outlook for the disease: that is to say, it's one you can live with," said Gertrude Kani, who emphasis was on UMBC's student life heads one of the private groups working with activities. Both Fey and DeSilva strongly the government in the My Child Will Live encouraged students to get involved in campaign . .activities outside of the classroom. The Brazzaville project is part of a larg­ Provost Johnson offered the incoming er campaign nationwide meant to educate class a bit of optimism. "Starting tomorrow women on the risk of transmitting HIV to on the ' first day of classes, your resume is their children and steps to prevent it. blank. You have four or ftve years to ftll it." Organizers will also encourage women Dismissing the commonly accepted to submit to tests to find out if they are HIV­ notion that only a portion of students grad­ positive - a difficult task in a part of the world where testing positive is often seen as uate fr~m many higher education institu­ a death sentence. tions, Hrabowski presented his own form of encouragement. "Look at the student left of you/' he told the incoming freshmen. U.N. Racism Conference Opens "Look at the student to your right. Our goal DURBAN, South Africa (AP) -U.N. is to make sure all three. of you graduate, Secretary-General Kofi Annan opened the and you will." World Conference Against Racism on Friday A key segment of the ceremony was with a plea for delegates to look beyond their dedicated to honoring distinguished fa~ulty individual disputes and develop an interna­ and staff. Professor Lynn Zimmerman of tional plan to combat prejudice. the Biological Sciences Department and Efforts appeared to fizzle toward easing Professor Warren Cohen from the History a conflict that has threatened to derail the Department were recognized for their serv­ conference - how to refer to Israel­ ice as faculty members. Betty Glascoe, Palestinian conflict in the event's final decla­ director of the Career Development Center ration. American civil rights leader Rev. Jesse and Ann Prfrogner from the Computer Jackson said Friday that the Palestinian dele­ Science and Electrical Engineering gation had agreed to drop criticism of Israel Department received the staff awards. and Zionism - the belief in the formation Director of the Women's Center Mikhel and continuation of a Jewish state - from Kusher was honored with the President's the declaration. Jackson was at the meeting in Commission for Achievement Award. a private capacity. Freshman Shawn Akbar, a biology But Palestinian officials later accused major, was impressed with the ceremony Jackson of being "overzealous," and Yasser and the speakers' comments and advice. "I Arafat then called on delegates to condemn went to College Park [to visit], and they Israel's "colonial, racist plot" against the Palestinians. weren't as nice as· the people here ... I feel The United States, Canada and Israel like I'll have a really unique experience refused to send high-level delegations here," he said of starting his college career because of proposed wording in the confer­ at UMBC. ence's draft final document they considered anti-Semitic or anti-Israel. About 10,000 demonstrators, many protesting the treatment of Palestinians by trw.umbc.edu Israel and the slow pace of land redistribution in South Africa, marched through the streets of Durban as the conference opened. Some protesters carried Palestinian flags and banners calling Israeli Prime NEWS ... FOUR LETTERS OF FUN! X1260. Minister Ariel Sharon a war criminal and Israel an apartheid state. Page 4 THE RETRIEVE!~ WEEKLY NEWS September 4, 2001 Students Displaced By &llice I og Construction, Eat in Tents from DINING, page 1 Wing Three Telephone Misuse stated that he observed a man, with Aug. 21, 12:10 p.m.- A UMBC "We had a few leaks with the rain numerous items that may have come Following the completion of wing employee reported that he received two today, but they are all fixed" and should from the vending machine, on August 25, two, work is scheduled to begin on wing voicemail messages, but does not believe pose no threat in the future, said Berninger 2001. The reporting officer recommends three. Here, students will be able to order a the messages are of a threatening nature. on Thursday. that the case be suspended or closed brick oven pizza or a deli sub made to The preliminary investigation of the con­ since there is no significant evidence Wing Two order. tent of the voicemail messages suggests regarding the identity of the suspect. "We are trying to keep dining service that the messages are pranks. on the cutting edge, in an attempt to create Deemed the "major project" by Disorderly Conduct a restaurant experience for the students," Berninger, wing two, scheduled to be com­ Destruction of Property Aug. 27, 4 p.m. - Police arrested said Berninger. pleted by mid-September, will be the first Aug. 22 - A UMBC employee 32-year-old James Mohlburg, of Wing three will also be where students the wing completed. reported that an individual identified by 1800 block of Hanover Street, can go for "After Hours," which will be The renovation will add several unique an eyewitness struck a wall with his fist Baltimore, MD, and charged him with held from 9 p.m.-1 a.m. Monday­ dining options to the dining hall. in a hallway outside the Financial Aid Disorderly Conduct after he disrupted Thursday. Students will be able to hang out In the "Market Place," a big football­ Offices, resulting in damage to the wall. the normal activities of the people who and eat late night meals at the dinning hall, shaped area near the entrance of wing 2, The estimated costfm;repair is $80.00. A said Berninger. work on the fifth floor of the students will be able to choose from sever­ suspect has been identified. The case Administration Building. An employee al diverse ethnic foods from different sta­ remains open at this time. reported that Mr. Mohlburg threaten to tions: the Hometown Station, the Wing One do her bodily harm. Police processed Mediterranean Station, the South East and Theft from' Building Mr. Mohlburg and him to the present~d stir-fry Station, the Breads-and-Spreads Wing one, the last of the three wings Aug. 27, 9:30 a.m. - A Resident Court Commissioner at Catonsville Station and the Dessert Station. The food at scheduled to be completed, will be home to Assistant at Potomac Hall reported that District Court. The Commissioner each station will be cooked in front of the a new salad bar and the Fresh Choices sta­ someone illegally entered one of the released Mr. Mohlburg . on his own students. tion. vending machines in Potomac Hall. He recognizance. "I think it's a great idea," said Ameer The Fresh Choices station will provide Ibrahim, a junior and New Hall resident students equipment and ingredients, such as about the renovation. "It will be really dif­ eggs, beef, rice, spices and other seasonings, ferent," and most of the time different is to make their own meals. Open Seats Remain in SGA good, he added. "We do the work part of it, and students from SGA, page 1 online message board so that students can Along with the Market Place, there can have the fun of cooking their own meal," voice their opinions," said Desioba. The will be a Community Grill. Here students with none of the drawbacks -like prepar­ according to Desioba. The SGA's budget is SGA currently has a Web site Desioba will tell cooks what they want to eat and the ing the food for cooking or cleaning up, said determined by student activity fees and refers to as temporary, and is interested in cooks will prepare their meal right in front Berninger. helps fund the activities of most organiza­ developing a more interesting and useful of them. Most of the vegetarian items will be in tions and clubs on campus. "Not everyone design, including the ability to poll stu­ "The grill is an exciting addition," wing one, with the hope that the convenient gets what they want," said Desioba, who dents on their opinions on Homecoming · said Berninger. "We think the students will grouping will make for an easier dining estimates the SGA can only fulfill one-third and other timely events. really like it." experience. "Easier means faster, and faster of the requests for money they will receive Those interested in joining the SGA Accompanying the Grill and Market means more satisfaction," Berninger said. this next year. To help support more student can stop by the SGA office on the 2nd floor Place is the Hometown Cafe. Wing one is scheduled to be completed organizations and encourage independent of the UC. The Senate meets on Monday, "The Cafe has that 'stainless-steel during the last week in September. fundraising, the SGA will match 25 percent s·eptember 10, and the House of look,' and students can go there to get a of all funds raised by a UMBC organization Organizations meets on Tuesday, burger, hot dog or other cafe-type food," Background to the maximum amount of $5,000. September 11, both at 5 p.m. on the 7th said Berninger. The SGA also hopes to redesign its floor of the library. Additional information In the corridor connecting wings two Students seem to agree. 'The renova­ Web site in the corning year, making it regarding the SGA is available on its Web and three, there will be a convenience store tion is a pain in the [butt]. Inconvenient, but more student-centered. site, sg'a.umbc.edu. that will be open 24 hours a day, seven days necessary," said senior Mary Kinnaman. "We want students to be able to com­ a week during the school year. If it's three "Hopefully it will be worth it." ment on what we do and what they want Scott Daugherty contributed to this in the morning and a student wants to take Renovation of the dining hall was found from us. We would like t9 establish an piece. a break from studying to get something to to be necessary while UMBC was seeking eat, the convenience store will always be bids for a food service provider, a process open so they can get some "grab-and-go that ultimately ended with the recontracting type food and drinks," said Berninger. of the Wood Company. Part of the Wood After wing two is complete, Dining Company's proposal was a major renovation Services will move in and hopefully open it of the Residential Dining Hall, according to to the students, added Berninger. Berninger.

Why be a Member'? How to get involved: ~Most chapters meet campus v,·idc CiPA .,Interfraternity Council. ., Over $55,000 to charitv men\· f'ratt>rnities ., Over ..J.OO hours o [ conim unity service Scptci11bcr I 0-21 ~ LeadershiJ? 9pportunities • Panhcllcnic Association, ., L1fe long fncndshtp women:1· sororities September l 0-14 • Pan-Hellenic Council, traditional!;; A/i-ican-American ji-aternities uncl sororities Intake: lndtvidual chapter sets dates • Multicultural Greek Council, fraternities and sororiTies a how mrditc1dtural awareness I ntakc: Individual chapter sets dates Information: For more information on hO\v to create a lifc.long experience of friendship, leadership, scholarship, and ph1lanthropy contact the Office ofStudenl Life on the scconq floorofthe Universitv Center, Suite 206, or call410.455.3462 '

Jeremy Wustncr-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff Group Photo: Staff members of this year's SGA stood in front of their office Friday. September 4, 2001 THE RETRIEVE!~ WEEKLY NEWS Page 5 we Mav Be Here Now..

But look Where We're Going.

r

Jfa r )\;¢:t_f lac=.¢: The Ultimata Sbldam Restaurant

Marketplace is coming soon to the Resident Dining Hall. We apologize for the delay and the construction. Please allow us to make it up to you by providing you with great food, good service, exciting entertainment and incredible giveaways. Stop by the Resident Dining Hall to see what we're talking about.

.. Page 6 TnE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS September 4, 2001

Come to me Belfiellllt weeldV s ollice in the uc Plaza Room 214 during tree hour on Tuesdav 9/4 to Win apass · (good tor twol to aspecial advance screening. This film is rated 'PG-13' for Thematic Elements, Lanuuaue and Some Violence. NO ONE UNDER 13 Will BE ADMinED WITHOUT A PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN. Passes and prizes are avai·lable while supplies last No purchase necessarv. Limit one per person. Emplovees ot Paramount Pictures, Tile Betrierer Weeklr and UMBC are not eligible. I I September 4, 2001 ~TilE RETJ(IEVER WEEKLY Page 7

II II Glendening's new gay legislation: equal rights or special rights?

Steph Rawlings is unhappy. Really, really unhappy. 10

Tracy Williams takes George W. to task on foreign policy. 9

Electronic Facelift Gone Awry In an attempt to keep abreast of ever-changing trends in tech­ nology, UMBC has recently revamped its Web site. While general­ ly it's the thought that counts, this is a completely different case altogether. The Web site is a fundamental tool for students both current and prospective, faculty, staff, parents and alumni. Not only does the new look of the Web site closely resemble that of an impersonal, detached corvoration, the structure of the site has been significantly altered as well. This annual tradition of improving the site is commendable. We are, in fact, our own best critics. Including more information on the front page with direct links to events and an improved search feature are tremendous assets to the new site, and the site is easier to navigate and loads faster than its predecessor. However, the administration should be wary of repeatedly introducing dras­ tic changes to such an important part of the university culture. Aside from the corporate appearance of the site, the effort and even the results of the much-improved site are applauded and thor­ oughly appreciated. We just offer this warning for future endeav­ ors: In its rush to stay strides ahead of the competition, perhaps the administration should reflect that self-evaluation and improvement are only effective and successful when tempered with a certain amount of consistency. In short, do it right the first time and the need for a future overhaul will dissipate. The 20-Minute Drill

Twenty minutes. What can you do in 20 minutes? Watch a sit­ com? No, that's 30. Have sex? For your girlfriend's sake, I hope it lasts a little longer than that. Get a pizza delivered? If you are dat­ ing the dirty delivery guy, maybe you can get a pizza in 20. Maybe. At UMBC, what do they think you can do in 20 minutes? Move into the dorms. In an effort to make moving in a little faster and easier for all, UMBC required all residential students to check in, unload their cars and get out in 20 minutes. Campus Police and parking servic­ es gave students some leeway in the time allotment. After 30 min­ utes you would get a warning. If it took more than an hour to get in, clean up your living quarters and say good bye to the people that birthed, raised,and cared for you for the better part of two decades, you were out of luck. Speeding up move-in and making it more efficient is a great idea. With the addition of the first phase of the New Hall, the con­ struction of the second phase going on in the thick of the residen­ tial section of campus and the continually diminishing number of ~RETRIEVER rial board; signed columns and spaces near the residential halls, moving in could be a nightmare. advertisements represent the opin­ Twenty minutes to unload a minivan full of large boxes and furni­ ~ WEEKLY ions of the individual writers and ture is impossible though. Edtior in Chief ...... Jennifer Schildroth advertisers, respectively, and do not Freshman need 20 minutes to learn where their room is in the Managing Editor ...... Anna Kaplan necessarily reflect those of The first place. General Manager ...... Nathan West Retriever Weekly or the University The modified traffic pattern on the loop, designed to prevent News Editor ...... Scott Daugherty of Maryland Baltimore County. U-turns and ill-advised turns into side streets, also required stu­ Opinion Editor ...... Tracy Williams Letters to the Editor are printed dents to drive around campus hoping they could find their way Assistant Opinion Editor ...... Stephanie Rawlings verbatim, although the editors back to their respective dorms. As if you aren't frazzled enough Features Editor ...... Kathryn Rouse reserve the right to edit any letter moving into college, having to drive around in circles trying to Assistant Features Editor ...... Jenae Wilson deemed lengthy, repetitive, libelous find the correct entrance in an evil hassle to add on to an incom­ Sports Editor ...... Brandon Dudley or otherwise in need of revision. ing student's list of worries. Assistant Sports Editor ...... Brett McKenzie The editors further reserve the right What other solutions were considered? Could students be Photography Editor ...... Jeremy Wustner-Brown not to print any letter for any rea­ assigned move-in times by credit or at least by last name? Could Production Manager ...... Nathan West son. Letters to · the Editor must be move-in times be placed over an entire weekend rather than just on Production Assistant ...... Carl Cabradillia typed or written legibly and include Monday? An Honors University should be able to streamline the Production Assistant ...... James Hamilton the author's name and telephone move-in process more effectively than by issuing parking tickets Production Assistant ...... Chris Krieg number. Letters must be received to the individuals who would like nothing better than to have fin­ Technology Manager ...... Ray Shaw by 12 p.m. on Thursday and may ished the move in a mere 20 minutes. Technology Assistant ...... Nick Evans not exceed 400 words. Webmaster ...... Cara Salvatore The Retriever Weekly publishes _Circulation Manager ...... :...... Owen Palmquist weekly on Tuesdays during the reg­ Have you ever had an original Advertising Manager ...... Owen Palmquist ular school year. Editors can be thought or idea lately? Faculty Adviser ...... Christopher Corbett reached at (410) 455-1260 during Administrative Adviser ...... Dan Balon normal business hours or at Write for The Retriever. University Center 214; 1000 Check us out online: Hilltop Circle; UMBC; Baltimore, Contact :ICCOAT

STEPHANIE RAWLINGS astounds me. from the state government Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Quite honestly, Ip • I condoning homosexuality. des?ite my grow~ng disil- OI If one takes the time to luswnment w1th the n read the bill, he or she will In a speech made during his candida­ t cy, George W. Bush said, "For all its American public, I'm sur- see that this is hardly the flaws, I believe our nation is chosen by prised that this is an issue case. In fact, this assertion God and commissioned by history to be a at all. Personally, it is no is as preposterous as model to the world of justice and inclusion concern of mine what people choose to do claiming that laws protecting the rights of and diversity without division." Sure in their private lives, providing that they women encourage every citizen to be a thing, Georgie Porgie, you just keep right aren't harming others. Of course, I wasn't woman. on believing that. a big fan of Survivor, either. It seems to me that despite 50-odd In yet another stun- The fact that it's years of supposed evolution, all this coun- ning display of intoler­ none of my business try has done in terms of equal rights is ance, a group by the name '7akeBackMaryland's aside, I really don't replace one oppressed group with another. of TakeBackMarylandhas ability to collect enough understand what the When overt discrimination against women managed to collect big damn deal is. and African-Americans was no longer Nate West I Retriever Weekly Staff enough signatures to signatures in favor of Honestly, it makes no socially acceptable we simply moved on Freedom For All: Homosexuals need block legislation that oppressing a group of logical sense to me. to directing all our hate and primitive the same rights as everyone else. would make discrimina­ My relationship with ideas toward the homosexual community. people is evidence of Bigotry should not be tolerated, let alone tion based on sexual ori­ my boyfriend has no TakeBackMaryland's ability to collect legally mandated, and it is up to the citi­ entation illegal. citizens embracing old impact on my ability to enough signatures in favor of oppressing a zens of this state to ensure that a11 people Personally, I think legisla­ pay bills, go to work, group of people is evidence of citizens fashioned ideals, all are given the rights that America claims to tion like this is long over­ go to school or take embracing old fashioned ideals, all right: promise to all. due, especially if one con­ right: hate and bigotry:' care of children. I hate and bigotry. siders .the many privileges don't understand the However, those in favor of "liberty Stephanie Rawlings is the Assistant that homosexuals are cur- uneducated mindset and justice for all" will have their chance Opinion editor ofThe Retriever Weekly. rently unable to enjoy, most specifically that would allow someone to believe that to make themselves heard when this "dan- She can be reached at gerous legislation" is put to a referendum the right to enter into a same-sex marriage the relationship of a homosexual couple [email protected] that would afford them the same right~ would have any bearing on other aspects of vote in 2002. I strongly encourage all of given to heterosexual couples. The fact their lives. you to turn out for this important vote. that there are enough narrow-minded, cal­ Unfortunately, the members of low citizens in this state to engage in a TakeBackMaryland disagree with me and successful witch-hunt of this type consider this legislation an official stance New Law Creates Special Rights for Sexual Deviants_

CHRIS KRIEG rights under the law. What people do in is a sin, period. Retriever Weekly Staff Writer the privacy of their own homes is their Even discounting these issues, Take own business, and they should not expect Back Maryland and other groups are con­ The State of Maryland recently specialized treatment because they cerned citizens and certainly have the passed legislation which would make dis­ choose to be different. right to influence the legis­ crimination based on homosexuality ille­ I'm not saying that the lation of the state in which gal. Governor Parris Glendening, the lib­ world will collapse if RJJJe liberal left we live. The legislation is eral Democrat, signed it into law. homosexuals are given wing advocateS of for the people, and that However, a traditional Christian family these rights, just that our includes all the people, values group, TakeBackMaryland, was society will probably this legislation are even those who do not tol­ able to successfully block the recently become even more morally trying to get the erate homosexuality in passed legislation with a petition. This corrupted than it currently their homes, churches and legislation was originally passed so that is. Let's use the Boy state of Maryland places of work.. Take Back equal opportunity can be given to people Scouts of America as an to sanctify and eon­ Maryland has done noth­ of all race, sex, age, religion, creed and example. If homosexual ing wrong, and in fact has national origin; Glendening's law added scoutmasters were to hold done homosexuali­ followed the correct leg- Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff sexual orientation to that list. Due to the on to their positions, ty:' islative processes to have Caption Head: Caption goes here. efforts of TakeBackMaryland, enforce­ would they really be fit their voices heard. The lib- And here. ment of the law has been put on hold, and role models for the young erals, as exemplified by governor should be concerned with the it will only go into effect if it passes a ref­ boys in their charge? Would any parent Governor Glendening, one of the most rights and views of all Maryland citizens erendum vote in November 2002. truly feel comfortable allowing their corrupt politicians in Maryland history, and not just the liberal gay community The liberal left wing advocates of this uncorrupted youth into the woods with a have given no thought whatsoever to the that voted for him. legislation are trying to get the state of professed homosexual? Homosexual ramifications of signing such legislation. Issues such as this deserve more than Maryland to sanctify and condone homo­ groups have stated that despite their sex­ By signing this law, Glendening has just the quick pass through the system sexuality. Homosexuality cannot be ual preferences, they can provide good shown once again that he does not possess that Governor Glendening gave this par­ equated with a person's race, sex, age, role models for young boys, but the Boy the moral fiber necessary to lead ticular legislature. The Democratic Party religion, creed, etc. It is in most cases a Scouts are has unfortunately drifted even closer chosen lifestyle. There has never been one grounded towards the radical left wing than it was shred of evidence that a person is born firmly in the forty years ago. Some say that change is gay. Look at Anne Heche, for example. traditional necessary, but a change such as this One minute she is a lesbian, and the next Christian would destroy the moral structure of minute she is straight. Which is it? beliefs found Maryland and its citizenry. Homosexuality is clearly a choice in in the Bible, lifestyle, and because it is a choice, homo­ which do not Christopher Krieg is a production assi­ sexuals should not be afforded any special tolerate homosexuality. Homosexuality Maryland in the New Millenium. Our tant for The Retriever Weekly

-+ September 4, 2001 THE I~ETI~IEVER WEEKLY OPINION Page 9 Bush's Arrogant Foreign Policy Will Isolate America

TRACY WILLIAMS isolationist policy would be received appearance would in no way mean he had on our timetable." Humble words, those. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff throughout the world. Perhaps we should­ to agree that reparations should be paid or Incidentally, such a shield would cost a n't be surprised at the Bush II turnaround, that Israelis were racist - just that he prodigious amount of money to construct "It really depends upon how our nation considering that Bush I's defining cam­ would be involved in discussion on those - money that the U.S. does not have in conducts itself in foreign policy. If we're paign moment - the infamous "read my topics. large part due to Bush's tax cut- but that an arrogant nation, they'll resent us. If lips" pledge - was tossed to the winds Over the course of this summer, the is another opinion piece altogether. we're a humble nation but strong, they'll when political reality bumped up against Administration has been saying that it will And there's plenty more - the U.S. welcome us. And our nation stands alone campaign rhetoric. However, we should be SOOn pull OUt Of the 30-year- .IIThis mix of ham­ pulling out of an important right now in the world in terms of power, surprised and offended at the incredible old ABM treaty with Russia global warming treaty and that's why we've got to be humble and speed and range of Bush II's about-face. to pursue building a national handed, arrogant, because it would reduce prof­ yet project strength in a way that promotes Consider the following ways in which the missile defense shield, which it margins for U.S. business­ freedom." - George W. Bush, speaking at W. administration has severely remixed the is expressly forbidden by the because-we"re- es, the U.S . hedging on giv­ second presidential debate, October 2000. resenting-to-welcoming ratio in barely half treaty. Missile defense under- America-and-we­ ing its support to an "American arrogance has become a year: cuts the entire basis of arms International Criminal Court absolutely intolerable. Although that coun­ This month, the Administration elect­ control - the idea is that if . say-so ;policies .'is because of concerns that try's air of superiority and hypocrisy has ed to not send Secretary of State Colin everybody can blow each only going to hurt American nationals might always been difficult to bear, it has become Powell to a United Nations conference on other up, nobody will launch eventually be prosecuted, nauseatingly so under President George W. racism. This conference, in general, was first. Russia has shown will- OUT interests in ·the Bush's serious faux pas of Bush."- South African journalist Kaizer . assembled to decry human rights abuses ingness to amend the treaty long run." denouncing rapproachment Nyatsumba, writing in British newspaper around the world. The U.S. held back but is opposed to scrapping it. strategy with North Korea Independent/UK, August 2001. Powell because the discussion agenda, Though the treaty allows either party to with the very surprised chief architect of Well, you can't fault Bush II for no( among other race-related topics, included pull out on six months' notice, the the strategy, South Korean president and realizing the consequences of his recent the subject of Zionism as racism and Administration has made clear that it does­ important U.S. ally Kim Dae Jung, stand­ foreign policy decisions - his above quote whether reparations should be paid to the n't feel bound by this binding document. ing right beside him ... the list goes on and shows that he (or at least, his . debate prep descendants of slaves and the nations the Bush recently said that America will with­ see BUSH, page 10 team) knew exactly how an arrogant and slaves were taken from. Note that Powell's draw "at a time convenient to America ... Page 10 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION September 4, 2001 B-ush Versus the World from BUSH, page 9 should put his nation's interests first. But on. this mix of ham-handed, arrogant, It's important to be fair and point out because-we're-America-and-we-say-so that it's possible that all of these decisions policies is only going to hurt our interests were, in fact, good for America. Only time in the long run by making it harder to build will tell for certain whether the underlying coalitions, sign treaties (who's going to policies are wise ones. However, what is enter in a treaty if they have reason to undeniably true is that the ways in which believe that America may simply pull out the W. administration has gone about of it "at a time convenient to it?") and announcing their decisions is about as far shape world opinion. from humble as you can get, and that will Our accidental president ran saying have serious repercussions for future deal­ that he was a uniter, not a divider, but he's ings with other nations. At times, Bush II been exactly the opposite in foreign affairs. seems to operate as if the only people If this kind of thing continues, Bush IT's whose opinions matter are those people New World Order will be a worrisome one who are eligible to vote in the United indeed. States. There's certainly no question that Bush was (kind of) elected to be leader of Tracy Williams is the Opinion Editor the U.S., not of the world, and that he of The Retreiver Weekly. He can be reached at [email protected] IIMytheory is that the bookstore not only, charges you for the convenience of Having all your class materials in .fhe same piapl, but they are a ters"' t~tertcat1 • .~1 aware that I'DHV./ MrH a Veritable Ket1po Karate

11 Mellor Ave"ue Cato"sville, MP .%1.%!8 410A-55.0110 waltersket1pO.COtM What UMBC's Transition From Teaching to Research Means for You Bob Sloane (MLL, New Hall) and Dr. administration wants us to go, as well as things intellectual. We are here because of a DR. BONNIE WILSON Bonnie Wilson (Economics, Apartments). where many of the faculty want us to be. As passion for our respective disciplines. What matters in college? Research As faculty mentors, we all spend time in our such, faculty at UMBC act like faculty at Fascination with ideas and passion for shows that one of the things that matters is respective communities talking with, listen­ research institu~ons, and are evaluated like knowledge are the most valuable things we student-faculty interaction. Students who ing to and getting to know the students at faculty at research institutions. can share and pass on to you. Thus, paradox­ have informal contact with faculty members UMBC on a personal level. And yes~ just to What does this mean ically, the best way we can outside of the classroom exhibit higher lev­ make sure we truly feel your pain, we even for students? Well, faculty .ufhe P,im!'•'/~k ~the serve you is by working els of academic achievement: they get better eat the dining hall/tent food on occasion. generally have three func­ faCultY is P.,61k:Btion of here as researchers, as sci­ grades, have higher goals and aspirations, For those of you who have not yet had tions, or jobs: research, entists, as intellectuals - are more adept at critical thinking and are the opportunity to get to know a faculty teaching and service. At fesieM:h in sCholatly as academics. more likely to graduate than their colleagues member (remember, you're going to ~eed a research universities, the /Ocilnals. Teaching and The best way you can who shy away from contact with professors. letter of recommendation one of these primary task of the faculty serve yourselves and make Appro_aching· faculty, especially outside days!), I'd like to offer some information is publication of research servictt are secondaly the most out of the critical the classroom, can be difficult for students. about faculty that I hope will help you in scholarly journals. considerations in many years you spend here at To help allay student fears and inhibitions understand how to approach your profes­ Teaching and service are UMBC is to make connec­ about interacting with faculty, the Offices of sors. In order to know how best to commu­ secondary considerations tenimi Bnd pmmiJtion tions with faculty. We have the Provost and Residential Life, have nicate with another person, you need to in many tenure and pro- decisions:' things to offer that will arranged for 8 "faculty mentors" to regular­ know a bit about the individual. In the case motion decisions. This enhance the rest of your ly step out of their "ivory towers" and step of faculty in particular, students need to be ordering of priorities comes as a surprise to lives. And you have things to offer us. If we into the realm of student life on the UMBC aware of what it is we actually do here at many students- after all, universities are in all start making connections, students, facul­ campus. The 2001-2002 faculty mentors are UMBC. the business of higher education, educating ty and the entire campus community will be Dr. Shelia Cotten (Sociology and There are two basic types of universi­ students is their job. However, the advance­ enriched as a result. Anthropology, Potomac), Dr. Bino Koh ties: teaching institutions and research insti­ ment of science, technology, arts and human­ Good luck and best wishes for a pro­ (Civil Engineering, Erickson), Dr. Alan tutions. UMBC is a research institution- or ities is also their job. To use the words of one ductive 2001-2002 academic year. Kreizenbeck (Theatre, Susquehanna), Dr. at least it's trying to be. If you talk to many of my fellow mentors, Dr. Sloane: we, the Jason Loviglio (American Studies, faculty, they'll tell you the reality is we're faculty, are not here for you, the students. Dr. Bonnie 'Wilson is an Assistant Professor in Chesapeake), Dr. Fred Pincus (Sociology not quite there yet - our heavy teaching Lest you fmd this assertion troubling, let me the UMBC Depanment of Economics and is and Anthropology, commuter and transfer loads and low funding levels are not consis­ be quick to add that this is a good thing. How the Faculty Mentor for the Hillside, Te"ace, students mentor), Dr. Karin Readel tent with the research rhetoric on the cam­ so? We are here because of our fascination and West Hill apanment communities. (Interdisciplinary Science, Patapsco), Dr. pus. Nonetheless, that's certainly where the with the mysteries of science and a love of September 4, 2001 TIIE RETRIEVER WEEKLY Page 11

Brand new horoscopes are here. 15 Abby Foster reports from Rome.16 New Built t~ Spill album is unspectacular. 16

[insert name here] by anna kaplan ell, it's only the sec­ either, but just really bad. ond week of school Honestly, [inh] was not W and [inh] is already expecting entries, seeing as it bored with the academic life. was only the first issue of the It has a very short attention semester and UMBC students span, plus it doesn't take much are notoriously apathetic. It's when you're already a senior always good to have no expec­ (senior year, take one, to be tations, because then if noth­ exact - did you really think a ing happens you aren't disap­ column such as this one could pointed and if something does be done with college in only happen you are pleasantly sur­ four measly years?) and prised. Thus [inh] was pleas­ semesters fly by with less and antly surprised this week to less distinguishing characteris­ find a contest entry in its tics. [inh] is one jaded column, inbox. There was only one, but sitting in its office on a Friday it's going for quality over night writing itself and feeling quantity here and this one was old despite its objectively definitely top-shelf. It hailed young age. from a someone who failed to That being said, summer, divulge his/her name, thus this Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff with all its inherent horrors, column is forced to use the seems long gone. Out of sight, first part of his/her e-mail out of mind, as the cliche goes. address, which is Nturen. This Welcome Week Unites Students Last week's contest asked you, is his/her list: Campus Activities Acquaint New Students with UMBC dear readers, to come up with 5. Working in a 120-degree the Top Five Really Bad Ways kitchen for 14 hours a day. was from August 25 to September ERIN LEATHERWOOD the instructions, Playfair was still to Spend a Summer. And not 4. Working in an outdoor 3. It grouped an assortment of a good place to get up close and Retriever Weekly Contributing Michael Jackson type of Bad, events, some educational and personal with people you didn't see [INH], page 18 Writer some just plain fun. To assist in know. Welcome Week is an excel­ these events is a barrage of staff, At Convocation, the fresh­ lent chance for freshman and mainly the Welcome Week man class is welcomed into the Jay, Silent Bob Strike transfer students to become famil­ Leaders referred to as "woolies:" UMBC Community. President iar with each other and the the students who volunteer Hrabowski addressed the incom­ UMBC campus. "All of the through the Office of Student ing class. Also, Presidential Back with Vengeance Welcome Week activities broke Life. Honors were given to various fac­ One of the featured events the new college ice, allowing us ulty and staff members of the uni­ Last Film of Duo Howlingly Funny was called Playfair. It was held at to meet tons of people and get versity. After Convocation, the the RAC on the evening of This week's review is spon­ Although not the most creative acquainted to campus very fast," new Retriever logo, a more fero­ sored by Kevin Smith's bon voy­ and insightful of his films (my said Rick Blake, a Computer August 25. Playfair was basically cious black and gold depiction of age comedy Jay and Silent Bob favorites being Clerks and Engineering major. an hour and a half of getting to UMBC's Chesapeake Bay know everyone around you. Strike Back out of 4). Dogma), this blatant disregard for This year, Welcome Week <*** While it was a little hard to hear see WEEK, page 16 Filled with a high concentration all that is "pure and decent" is of expletive-laced one-liners, sure to please all that look at it gross-out gags, and strategically with the right state of mind ... you know what I mean. Stabbing Westward Rocks Recher Movie Review The story goes that Banky Band Shares Pain and Anguish with Receptive Crowd by Sue Harris (Jason Lee's character from Chasing Amy) has sold his comic placed inside jokes for those of us book superheroes "Bluntman and RYAN BLOOM began to take shape way back in played a marvelous set of songs who are devout Smithanites, this Chronic" (a.k.a. Jay and Silent Retriever Weekly Senior Writer 1985 when vocalist and occasion­ predictably plucked mainly from anarchic final tribute to his Bob) to Miramax pictures, and al guitar player Christopher Hall their new album but also includ­ famous homegrown characters An entire generation of first met keyboardist Walter ing pieces from all their previous see SMITH, page 15 are sure to get you laughing. music, musicians and fans alike, Flakus in Chicago where they records. Hall, coming on stage in has been based solely on anguish, immediately began composing rock fashion and sporting an pain, emotional unrest and other music together. By the time the undershirt emblazoned with glit­ similar ailments of the soul. What duo had a demo tape worked out tery letters reading "Rock & Roll better way to connect with the in 1990, they were already well Trash," immediately displayed his masses than to commiserate? on their way to recruiting gui­ searing sugar-sweet vocal styling After all, everyone knows that tarist Stuart Zechman, bassist Jim overtop the pounding rock of the misery loves company - and Sellers and drummer David songs "Television" and "Perfect." that's exactly what Stabbing Suycott. Three years later, the This was a superb way to begin, Westward got last Tuesday night band released their first full seeing as how the rest of the at the Recher Theatre in Towson: length CD, the hard rock/industri­ evening was a showcase of the lots of company. From full­ al-influenced album Ungod, entire band putting on display fledged black-leather-clad Goth which was followed by Wither, quite the perfect show. From types to American Eagle frat boys Blister, Bum & Peel in 1996, newer songs, such as the most and their grooving girlfriends, Darkest Days in 1998 and most recent single "So Far Away," to everyone packed into the Recher recently a softer, but not soft, old classics like "What Do I Have to feel the pain that is Stabbing self-titled album in 2001. to Do?" and "Save Yourself," the Courtesy of Mirimax Films Westward. Which brings us back to the band shared their message of Snoochie Boochies: Jay and Silent Bob, that loveable duo from The band's frrst incarnation Recher Theatre, where the band Jersey, are back for their last film appearance. see SW, page 15 :. a1JW , Buildings rarely collapse and-students are almost never hit by shuttle buses, drastical­ ly reducing the number of interesting things to write about on campus. vo · e ovie . Trainspotting, High Fidelity and Josie and the Pussycats. imal:

m-ons: Laugh at my stupid jokes and I'm yours. Tum-offs: Jennifer M. Schildro h Electroshock therapy. Editor in Chief Favori e quote: "Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a Age: · career. Choose a family. Choose a f-cking ·21 (woo-hoo!). big television. Choose washing machines, MaJor: cars, compact disc players and electrical tin Interdisciplinary Studies (only the best). openers. Choose good health, low· choles­ Stephanie terol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed Assistant Opinion Editor Best thing abo t working a TRW: interest mortgage repayments. Choose a Bossing everyone around . . . No, no, Age: starter home. Choose your friends. Choose really, it's the staff. 20. leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose Worst thing: DIY and wondering who the f-ck you are Major: Deadlines! on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on English. Favorite movie: the couch watching mind-numbing, spirit­ Best thing about working at TRW: Dancer in the Dark. crushing game shows, stuffmg junk food The groupies. into your mouth. Choose rotting away at Worst thing: Favorite animal: the end of it all, pissing your last in a mis­ Spider (Yeah, I know it's not really an Deadlines and flakes. erable hole, nothing more than an embar­ animal, but there's an impression of one rassment to the selfish, f-cked up brats you Favorite movie: permanently embossed on my right spawned to replace yourself. Choose a Say Anything. hip). future. Choose life . . . But why would I Favorite animal: Turn-ons: want to do a thing like that?" Turtle. _ Intelligence. - Trainspotting Turn-ons: Turn-offs: Cheesecake, Chubby Hubby and spaghet­ Ignorant people who have not been Tracy Williams ti and meatballs. granted the express permission to inter­ Opinion Editor act with others. Turn-offs: Age: Excessive body hair, people who are very Person I statement: 24. Abercrombie and very Fitch. "You all laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same." Major: Favorite quote. Political science. "Nothing in the world is free. Anything free costs twice as much in the end or Best thin about working at TRW. The people you meet. turns out worthless" - Robert Heinlein, libertarian god. Wo stt ing. Favorite animal: The people you meet. Penguin! Favorite movie: Tu n-ons. Seven. Creativity, intelligence and cool hair. ur o Ignorance and conformity. insanity, death wishes, "Nobody is going to ruin me. If I have to, I will ruin myself. I've spent too much time expending angelic energy on my The way this paper eats up your life. own disintegration to hand the contract over to another now, as if it were a fin­ Basquiat. ished painting needing only a signature." "Some people treat their bodies like a tem­ - Jim Carroll ple. I treat mine like an amusement park." September 4, 2001 TIIE RETI~IEYER WEEKLY Page 13

Features Editor Business Manager & Production Manager

18. Don't laugh. 21.

Philosophy. Again, don't laugh. Graphic Design and Photography. TRW: . The feeling of accomplishment I get every week. I love walking around campus and seeing people reading what my colleagues and I have spent hours pulling togeth~r. 0 (and anything else by Kevin

a ima: Women on the Verge of a Nervous Cat and crocodile. Breakdown. Tu -ons. Fa o i e imal: Smarts, creativity, a quirky sense of Blue crab. humor and mental stability. Tu -o s: Closemindedness, bad hygiene and exces­ o 01 tRW: sive immaturity. Oh, how could I possibly choose Favorite quote: orst t ing· "F-ck me and theorize abottt sado­ ersonal s a ement: You know when you get those little cuts masochism's relationship to classical phi­ "Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the on the inside of your mouth, and they take losophy, tell me how this stimulates the sweaty things." days to heal, during which time eating fabric of most human relationships, I love spicy foods or using Listerine is really, that kind of pointless intellectualism, so really paipful? I hate tho~e. do it again and f-ck me." Jerem Wustner-Brown Ghostbusters. Photography Editor Favorite animal: Age: Cat. 21. Turn-ons· Major: Intelligence, laughter and bad puns. Photography. Tum ffs: Best thing about working at TRW: People who embody the quote "I've The experience. made up my mind, don't confuse me with I Worst thing: the facts." Deadlines/stress. Persona statem nt/Fa orite quote: "Intolerant people should be shot." Favorite movie: Clerks. Favorite animal: Owen Palmquist I hate animals. Advertising Manager & Circulation Turn-ons: Manager Chick with nothing on but socks and ten­ nis shoes. Age: 20. Brandon Dudley Turn-offs: Sports Editor Complaints about the same old little shit! Major: Film, Certificate in Finance. Age: Tum-ons: Personal statement: 19. Nice, pretty girls with a good sense of "F-ck all the bullshit, throw her in reverse Best thing about working at TRW: Money, derrrrr. Major: humor. and floor it!" English. Turn-offs: Worst thing: Excessive body hair, being too girly, being Clutter. Best thing about working at TRW. Brett A. McKenzie Getting paid to watch and write about mean or rude to anyone. Favorite movie: Assistant Sports Editor sports and other cool stuff. Favorite quote: I'm a film major and am thus unable to Age: answer this question in less than 15 min­ Worst thing: "Procrastination is the creation of an excit­ 19 on September 24th! utes. But if you have to have an answer, Getting stuck here sometimes for a long ing life by manufacturing tension, because then put me down for Blade Runner. time because other people didn't do their suddenly you're off on this great adven­ Major: jobs. ture." English/American Studies, minor in Music. Favorite animal: - Dave Eggers Human female. Favonte movie· Best t ing about working at TRW: Finding Forrester. Nobody pretends to be normal. Turn-ons. Nekkidness, partial nekkidness and Favonte anima: Worst thing: _ clothing that hints at underlying nekkid­ Dog. Nobody pretends io be normal. ness. \ Favorite movie: The Wedding Singer. Tu n-offs: Getting. shot down. al st te ent:

nd you ··· thought that was it, didn;t .· you? The Retriever "You could trouble me for a warm glass of 2001 ... 2002 staff continues on SHUT THE HELL UP. Now go to sleep ... the n~Xt page ... or I will put you to sleep." - Happy Gilmore Page 14 THE RETI~IEVEI~ WEEKLY FOCUS September 4, 2001 Make a difference with PSAC!! Surprise! More Exciting Staff Cara Salvatore James Hamilton Webmaster Production Assistant You can have an effect on the things that are Age: Age: 18. happening at UMBC by getting involved in the 21 Major: President's Advisory Committee (PSAC). Major: Sociology. IMDA (digital imaging). · Favorite Quote: PSAC meets regularly throughout the year with Favorite Quote: "My name ain't baby, it's Janet. Ms. "No matter what you think or do or say, Jackson, if you're nasty."- Janet Jackson President Hrabowski and other senior adminis­ everything turns gray." -Mike Palm trators on campus to help make UMBC better. Nicholas A. Evans Technology Assistant/Computer Boy Your input makes the difference. Carl Cabradillia Production Assistant Age: 19.67 (approximately). Age: 21. Major: If you are interested in this service to the Computer science (finished undergrad, Major: working towards masters), ancient studies English. UMBC community, please pick up an applica­ minor. Favorite Quote: Favorite Quote: tion today. "Dream as if you'lllive forever; live as if "If ours is an examined faith, we should you'll die today." be unafraid to doubt . . . There is no -James Dean believing without some doubting, and Applications are available in the Offic~ of the Christopher Krieg believing is all the stronger for under­ Production Assistant standing and resolving doubt." Vice President for Student Affairs (MP 222-A), Age: - Os Guinness 23. the Office of Student Life (U C 206), or the Major: -Office of Residential Life (Erickson Halll84), IMDA (digital imaging) Favorite Quote: or find one onlne at www.umbc/edu/saf "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." Deadline: September 20, 2001 - Robert F. Kennedy Guaranteed Parking. catch the '

UMBC Transit and Commuter Student Services announce the continuation of last year's successful Wave 'N Ride Program. Operating Monday through Friday from 10:00 am through 4:15pm campus/remote parking run, Wave'N Ride service will begin Wednesday, August 29, 2001.

An expanded route accomodates remote parking requirements:

1. Lot 17, Hilltop Circle & Poplar 6. UMBC Blvd. turnaround (beyond Research Park entrance} 2. Technology Research Center, Poplar & Shelbourne 7. Research Park entrance (on UMBC Blvd.} 3. Lot 18 bus shelter, Poplar & Hilltop Circle 8. Flag Plaza, Administration Drive 4. Library/Commons Circle 9. Lot 17, Hilltop Circle & Poplar 5. Flag Plaza, Administration Drive

Each Wave' N Ride run will take approximately 15 minutes until the resident parking restriction takes effect*. Recently purchased, easy-entry, white vans will be used for Wave'N Ride. Watch for the Red and Gold pennants and door signs.

* When the parking restictions take effect fr resident freshman students, ~ve 'N RUle will provide service to South Campus remote parking area at 10:30 am, 2:30pm, and 4:15pm. Page 15

Astmlogic by tracy williams

Ul)lia ·····""···· IJ~•~,c-.'c. ~...·.'·.·"·: "Cc:':c. .. / .~.com...... _,..,,.. , This week, Aries, you need to tightly The stars are aligned in a particularly con­ There are only two ways to end violence in The AstroLogic horoscopes are generat­ hang on to your very worst trait, the same fusing manner for you this week, Cancer. It the Middle East. Either one side kills ed by a complex combination of star one that usually causes violent argu­ seems that you've recently gotten a great Pvl'~rul"\nrllv on the other side, or one side charts, psychological insight, mathemati­ ments and hopeless stalemates: your deal of conflicting advice on how to handle I) the reason that they've been cal equations and extrasensory percep­ innate~"~amn-fool, stamp-your-foot stub­ ~" .~cQ!ar difficult situation, and you're and hate for their entire tion fe · to a partially organic quantum '"' ;,r ·· ough you'll surely make an ""' thesize all this into an effective they're fighting over the ddly enough, when all of the wo by doing it, the stars solution. That's where you're of allegedly holy dirt, 2) ·week's Capricorn horoscope s igest that if you back down g ~g. This time, there's one right getting blasted by cruise missiles or pep­ the only response was one no'WF you'll · lose the only bulwark choice and many wrong ones. and soiQe­ pered with nail bombs every day is really w tuity." I have no idea what between people's ridiculous expectations body has already told you which is which. not worth the dirt and 3) decides to go this could mean, but then again 1 am not and your fraying sanity.. It's up to you to have the courage to believe somewhere else. You might take a.personal a Capricorn. Perhaps the message is them. lesson from this conflict. Rightnow, you're meant more for you. in a war of attrition with an intractable foe, and both of you are going to lose. This There is a story about unexamined week miglit be a good time to abandon Critics of video games have been arguing beliefs, in which a Hindu sage explains Star Trek was a great show. Star Trek: your scorched-earth policy and put your that the repetitive cycle of dying and the natu~ of the world to a group of chil­ Voyager was a wretched show. Picking up long-term interests ahead of your pride. being regenerated has the dren. 'The world," he says, ''rests upon on the trend, Paramount is setting the next sen:sttl2:tng the player to the the powerful back of an ancient elephant, installment, in a time before the events of of his/her actions and the and the elephant stands upon the back of the original series, hoping to recapture the A more optimistic view the o1aest tortoise ever." One of the chil­ sense of adventure and excitement that As the sexiest sign, you probably don't say that the player learns , as ~:'What does the tortoise stand ; · · d the early days of the show. need too much help in matters of love and from his/her mistakes. You've been hit­ .' ... WHich the sage responds: uLet's robably not a good idea to take lust. Ullfc:>rtunately, not everybody is as ting life's RESET button a lot.Next week,

In The Princess Bride, Westley gives a I understand that you got every bit as sick An exercise for you. beloved Pisces: the long speech in which he graphically the time that "Who Let the next time you find yourselt in. a location describes the way he intends to heinous­ a popular song. However, I Tsl4 ts!4 Sagittarius. You'd think that Gary where many conversations are being ly tally mutilate his opponent in a to try to approach tbe song Condit and the last four presidential held~ find a seat, close your eyes. and t, Terrified, the opponent runs baggage, and ask your· administrations had taught you a little allow your hearing to flit like a hum­ f course, the beauty of it is you"ve truly considered the serious sometb.' about how the cover-up is mingbird among conversations. You'll ey is bluffing the whole thing issues raised. Who, in fact, did let the dogs al\t !fSe than the crime. You may notice ~few things: people are dumber - he's almost completely paralyzed and out? Did the dogs want to be let out? Can " w that you can get away with ttl • are smarter than you think can barely lift his sword. This week, you the dogs return? Will the dogs be welcomtf? .. . been doing because you don't care about the same could find" yourself in a place you'd This wee~ I suggest that you ponder the weteti caught red-handed, but you can bet , .·.······· . . The next time you're in a never thought you'd be if you can (md nature of the e8caped dogs, and when you the noose will start tightening soon. This conversation of your own; imagine that your inner Westley and pull off a bluff so hear the song again, examine it not as repet­ week might be your last chance to expose bird momentarily dropping in on you. outrageous that people have no choice itive, . mindless caJl-and~response, but as your little secret ,before somebody else and ponder for a moment: what does but to think you're dead serious. gripping psychological and spiritual opera. does it for you. Curious Hummingbird make of you?

Jay, Silent Bob Say Goodbye with Style Westward in The Kevin Smith Family Salutes the End of the Jersey Trilogy Towson from SMITH, page II Along the way, however, Kevin Smith and a few less medium shots. manages to parody almost every movie out Actually, most of the criticism of the from SW, page Il they will in tum make it the next big there using his own peculiar sense of movie is actually made by Holden (Ben Blockbuster crapfeast. Jay and Silent Bob, humor. Which, if you enjoyed the rest of Affleck) in one of the first scenes. While depressed hope and ironic sarcasm. They after receiving a restraining order from the New Jersey trilogy, is exactly what you Jay and Silent Bob are beloved characters, even performed a special treat, the song Randall at the Quik Stop, are thrilled to expected. it would be exceedingly difficult to make a "Dawn" off a soundtrack compilation, find another source of income. While talk­ Let's face it, Jason Mews and Kevin good movie just featuring them and their thrown in, simply as Hall put it, "because ing with Holden (Ben Affleck, who does a Smith are no Orson Wells or Carol burp, fart and bong jokes. It's not as intel­ you all are so beautiful tonight." fabulous job of mocking himself), howev­ Channing; I don't see an Oscar anywhere lectually stimulating as Smith's other Between songs, Hall occasionally illu­ er, they also find out that net-surfing hypo­ in their future. But Mews' non-stop profan­ movies. Jay and Silent Bob seems to be minated some of his words as well as pro­ darks are badmouthing the duo all over the ity and lovestruck fantasies for catsuit­ Smith's decision to just let it all hang out, viding sometimes-humorous recollections "Internet." sporting jewel thief Shannon Elizabeth (he and he asks the audience to join in on the of relationships past, a staple of the lyrical Never ones to back down from a chal­ probably owes Smith one for that favor) joke. content easily recognized and applauded by lenge, Jay and Silent Bob venture out on a are enough to keep you laughing. So, diagnosis: check it out! Jay and all in attendance. As an encore, the group hilarious quest of head-giving hitchhikers The rest of the cast, including cameos Silent Bob Strike Back is definitely one of performed the smash hit "Shame" which and Scooby-Doobie snacks. Destination: by Carrie Fisher, Will Ferrell and that the best films of the summer. It's a hilari­ sent the audience into a mad frenzy of Lord Los Angeles. Mission: to stop the film from Dawson kid (James Van Der Beek), plus ous ride through the past and into the future of the Flies-style marching and body-fling­ being made and kick some hypo-dork ass! every other character from Smith's former with some of your favorite characters and ing moshing. The band, who has always After hitching rides from a group of films, was a fun ensemble and a great trib­ some new ones as well. I must say, on a toured relentlessly behind their work, leather-clad female cat burglars, saving a ute to his film family. personal note, that I sure will miss Jay and proved once again that hard work and con­ monkey from animal testing, escaping Some of the Jay and Silent Bob's Silent Bob, but also Randall Graves, the stant dedication may not heal all wounds, from the police, earning nation-wide fame, shortcomings are that the direction and cin­ porno shop guy and Rufus, the 13th apos­ but do indeed equate to a stab in the right using the force and stopping the movie, Jay ematography are kind of flat compared to tle, and the rest of the Smith family. So, direction. andSilent Bob get back at everyone bad­ some of Smith's earlier work. Even though Silent Bob: I tip my hat to you, my friend, mouthing them on the Internet and retire, it's crammed with attention-getting dia­ bid you a fond farewell and look forward to trw.umbc.edu once again, into oblivion. logue, it could use a pinch more creativity what else you have waiting for us. visit us online

-----1 Page 16 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES September 4, 2001 New Built to Spill Album is Both Ancient and Futuristic

TRACY WILLIAMS Built to Spill isn't all riffage and Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff thumping beats, though. They save their best song, "The Weather," for last; it's a Doug Martsch is proof that you don't beautifully simple love song that starts out necessarily have to wear crotch-laced flirting with sappiness ("As long as it's leather pants and exceed the per-capita talking with you," Martsch whine/sings, alcohol consumption of the Ukraine to be a "talk of the weather will do") but is easily rock guitar god. Since Built to Spill's 1993 rescued at the halfway point by its pretty debut Ultimate Alternative Wavers, gui­ melody and a clever production trick: the tarist and singer Martsch has led his band lead guitar hook starts playing backwards, through six albums of melodic, intelligent which throws the whole track intriguingly rock 'n' roll that relies on songcraft and off-kilter. And the album's penultimate songwriting more than image and hooks, track, "Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss," which explains both why Built to Spill has is every bit as enjoyably bouncy and silly never really hit it big and why they have as the title suggests. (Imagine, if you will, been steadily establishing a devoted fan a country song written by a loves truck rock base of listeners who know they've found · musician on two pills of E, and you might something special. have a idea.) On Ancient Melodies of the Future lf anything, though, Melodies is (Warner Brothers), as on most BTS releas­ almost too competent of a record. Built to es, the band steers a path directly between Spill's best moments have been its loopiest '90s alt-rock and '70s classic rock (one of and most daring, such as the stutter-step Built to Spill's career highlights has got to chorus of "Nowhere Nothin' F-ckup" from be the blistering 20-minute live version of Ultimate Alternative Wavers or the pum­ Neil Young's "Cortez the Killer" that meling coda to "I Would Hurt a Fly" on the appeared on last year's Live CD). Here, the Live album. While just about everything song "Happiness" veers as close to Martsch here is satisfying, and some of it (especial­ has ever gotten to straight-out rock swagger ly "The Weather" and "You Are") is damn - with its fake-out country-rock intro and beautiful, there isn't too much here that's its memorable lead riff and pounding strikingly original, and hence the album as drums, it sounds like it could have easily a whole fails to leave an indelible impres­ been an outtake from Led Zeppelin Ill. sion. Compared to the lengthy eight­ Likewise, most of the better songs are minute-plus workouts on previous releases, based on big chunky riffs- "Don't Try" the three-to-four minute tracks here feel a announces its presence like an angry cop bit too controlled. Melodies is probably not stomping through your illegal party and the Built to Spill's best collection to date, but opening lines of "Strange," while more with their back catalog setting such a high subdued, harken back to the bulky power bar, that's more of a compliment than a dis­ chords of grunge hero J. Mascis. missal.

Welcome Week Helps Orient Freshmen, Transfers

from WEEK, page 11 participants that he is invisible and causing Retriever mascot, True Grit, was unveiled an audience member to "levitate" before in front of the Retriever Activity Center. their eyes. "Living Together at UMBC", was Along with these larger events were another excellent activity attended by new many smaller receptions held by various students. This seminar focused on issues of organizations and departments on campus. diversity. This is just another example of On Tuesday, August 28th, there were recep­ how the administration at UMBC promotes tions for the Ancient Studies, Emergency diversity within this campus. Tackling Health Services, Music and Theater issues of weight, race, sexual orientation, Departments. Student organizations like nationality and gender, the speaker fostered the Freedom Alliance, Campus Ministry an environment of understanding and Council and SGA also had welcoming acceptance of difference. events for incoming students. One of the most widely attended and The week went smoothly, with few enjoyed events was the annual hypnotist. It complaints. One of the few problems was was yet again an evening of crazy antics the overlapping of events. "All the performed by members of the audience. Welcome Week activities overlapped, so Students became Whitney Houston for an we could not go to all of the activities that evening, singing her hit song "I Will we wanted to," explained Dan Pahk, Pre­ Always Love You" and moving into the Med/Pre-Dental. Overall, the week was a audience to sign autographs. Russ Peak, the success that will continue helping incoming Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff renowned hypnotist, even played tricks on students get to know each other for years to Now Hear This: WHFS, "Baltimore and Washington's Music Alternative," shared the audience, demonstrating magical illu­ come. a table with the U.S. Army ROTC program in the UC Plaza on Wednesday. WHFS sions such as convincing the hypnotized handed out free music sampler CDs, stickers and movie passes. Michelle Li, a UMBC alum, once one of the two people manning the table. Men in uniform Correction: Last week the Features Section reported that Aaliyah informed students about the ROTC program while others jammed to the hits died on July 17. The singer actually perished on August 25 in a broadcasted on the plaza. plane crash. The Retriever Weekly regrets the error. September 4, 2001 TIIE RETI~IEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 17

STUDENT PARKING PERMITS

The UMBC Ballroorl(,DOQS:e Club ALL STUDENTS MUST DISPLAY

wants to welcome YOU back A CURRENT UMBC PERMIT BY to an exciting semester of dance c1assesl You can sign up for: SEPTEMBER 7, 2001

BEGINNER AMERICAN JlYLE 1 & 2 Wednesdays in FA318, 9 weeks beginning Sept. 12 YOU MUST REGISTER TO RECEIVE YOUR 1A - 6:00-7:30pm Swing, Tango, Foxtrot PARKING PERMIT 18- 7:30-9:00pm Waltz, Rhumba, ChaCha Hustle 2 - 9:00-1 O:OOpm SWing, Tango, F<;>xtrot, Waltz, Rhumba, ChaCha STUDENT PARKING REGISTRATION IS ACCESSED THROUGH ~yUMBC !J; NITECLUB & INTERNATIONAL flYLE LOCATED UNDER BUISNESS SERVICES Sundays in the RAC, 9 weeks beginning Sept. 9

NITECLUB .. 6:30-B:OOpm Hustle, Merengue, Salsa INTERNATIONAL- 8:00-9:30pm Rhumba, ChaCha, Salsa, Jive IF YOU NEED ASSISTANCE Waltz, Foxtrot Tango, Quickstep BRING YOUR VEHICLE INFORMATION AND RED UMBC STUDENT ID TO PARKING SERVIES ~ Beginner American S1yle 1A, 1 B, Beginner American Style 2: NiteCiub, OR lnterndtronal Style: Student w/ ID: $40, Other: $60 Student w/ ID: $50, Other: $70 for all 9 weeks; · for all 9 weeks; No experienc~ necessary Prior experience necessary PARKING SERVICES IS LOCATED IN THE PHYSICAL PLANT Sign up for more than.one class and get $5 off each class! ON POPLAR AVENUE Come early to FA 31 8 or the RAC for the first class to register. HOURS: MONDAY- FRIDAY 7:45AM TO 3:45PM NO Part~r Required Have questions? E-mail [email protected] 410-455-2551 [email protected] Broke Already? Want to make 50 in 30 minutes? Become an Advertising Representative for The Retriever Weekly. Call x1260 for details. Page 18 TIIE RETI~IEVER WEEKLY FEATURES September 4, 2001 (insert name here]

from [INH], page 11 upstanding things, but if it had money to give away, this money certainly fish market. would not go to the pigs ... uh, our good Saturday, Sept 8 Display Your Work on the 3. Having a daily three-hour lecture old boys in blue, it means to say. That Maybe They'll Read Curious Web! with a softly talking professor and 200 being said, it was not very good at its Ikon Vodka created the on-line hygienically challenged classmates. job. It sympathized much more with the George The first ever National Book Festival gallery iconoclast on www. ikon vod­ 3a. The above without AC. people it was calling than its Nazi man­ ka. com, and is currently accepting 2. Spending the entire summer in a agers with dollar signs in their eyes who is being held at the Library of Congress this weekend from 10 a.m. work from students of all art disci­ full-body cast in a hospital room with a recorded every call made by every tele­ plines. The site already gets a lot of broken air conditioner and a TV stuck marketer in the room in order to insure to 5 p.m. The ev~nt is being hosted by none other than First Lady Laura traffic, and they bring the spotlight to on the Lifetime Network. that no one deviated from the given lesser known artists. The real beauty 1. Being responsible for push-mow­ script. [inh] was fired very quickly, Bush, and over 50 authors, illustra­ tors and performers will be there to of the site is that it will have a link ing and maintaining a large area of thereby being forced to start spending back to you so those interested in grass that every dog in the neighbor­ more time at home. With its family. read · to the crowds. The Library of Congress is a beautiful building that your work can contact you or the uni­ hood uses as a bathroom ... with no [inh] does not like its family very much, versity directly. If you want to post shoes. for reasons too long and complicated to everyone should see at least once, and it's always nice to have someone your pretty pictures up on the web, Eek. [inh] sincerely hopes you did bring up here. Perhaps it'll save that for check out the website for details. not actually have to endure any of that, a week when it has lots of space to fill else read you a story. You can find the details at www.loc.gov/bookfest or Nturen. Either way, that was an excel­ and no entries. Ongoing lent entry. You can come by the So with summer being out of the call (888) 714-4696. Retriever office anytime (preferably on way, it's time to go on to this week's Maize Maze ... So Witty! a Friday afternoon) to pick up your contest~ This one was inspired by one of Saturday, Sept 8 Have you ever wanted to wander prize - a weird-looking metal thing [inh]'s classes, namely fiction writing. Your Chance to Play Spies in through a huge outdoor maze made in that looks like a belt buckle with a fish One of the class' homework assign­ Baltimore City and Avoid a cornfield? Yup, me too. So we will all get our chance at the Maize Maze, on it. ments is to come up with several Silly Looks Now, as promised last week, [inh] intriguing first sentences that could pos­ a seven-acre maze complete with The Inaugural Charm City Scavenger will divulge some information about its sibly develop into short stories. With great photo opportunities and organ­ Hunt is taking place in the Inner own truly pitiful summer. Although it the help of Retriever opinion editor ic snacks. Then there's always the Harbor from 8 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. this did not have to endure any of the hard­ Tracy Williams, [inh] came up with this added bonus of you and your sweetie Saturday. A team of up to 5 people ships Nturen described, it did have contest idea: come up with an intriguing getting "lost" in a back comer. The look for clues around the city. You get some harrowing job experiences. first sentence that could possibly devel­ Maize Maze is located on 100 Dairy the idea. It benefits the Make-A-Wish Namely, it worked as a telemarketer. op into a short story using at least three Lane in Gambrills at the Horizon Foundation. For more info, call (410) Not just any old crap-selling telemar­ of the following words: donkey, corset, Organic Dairy. It's open through Oct 484-1232. keter, either, but one that interrupts peo­ cushion, smack and muffin. Extra 28 on weekends, and the cost for ple in the middle of dinner in order to points for using all five. adults is $7.50. Call (410) 923-7600 make them donate money to the State The prize this week is a jar of Scott Ongoing for specific dates, times and direc­ Troopers. Now, [inh] has the utmost Hamilton grape jelly. Don't ask. Final Year Art Students- tions. --Kathryn Rouse respect for law and order and other such

Submit entries to anna@ trw.umbc.edu, or bring them by the Retriever Weekly office in UC 214 by noon on Friday. Don't ever eat soy cheese. [inh] once worked in a vege­ tarian cafe, and one day it was carrying a big block of soy cheese. The block fell on the floor and bounced up to [inh]'s knee. It's not a good idea to eat food that bounces. Unless, of course, the food consists of live animals ... then again, you should really cook your cows before eating them. Meanwhile, soy cheese is just plain strange and evil.

you thought college was going to be really cool, like in those movies about college where everyone aces the exams ~nd gets laid and drinks a lot and never gets caught and makes new ~friends and has incredible experiences that they tell their grandchil­ dren about 70 years later, looking back on their youth and saying

damn.

you were wrong.

So stop moping about it and jojn The Retriever Weekly.

Open meetings, Wednesday. 1 p.m. UC 214. x1260 September 4, 2001 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 19 !3TRiEVER and ~ RW E E K L Y -....,~ tnvne vou and aguest to aspecial advance screening!

Come to me Rellierer weeklf s omce in the uc Plaza Room 214 during tree ·hour on Tuesdav 9/4 to win apass ·1good tor twol to aspecial advance screening. DIS Dl•lll'lllll11' llr liiiiiii,II&IIIIJ lid ll•elrll Clnll• Passes and prizes are available white supplies last No purchase necessarv. Limit one per person. Emptovees of Warner Bros. Pictures, The Betrierer WeetlJ and UMBC are notetiuibte. Page 20 TIIE RETI~IEVI:R WEEKLY September 4, 2001

Retriever Cross Country Begins Season_with a Bang

JENAE WILSON indication of the teams' potential, Baker. However, newcomers such with members of both teams, times of 27:07 and 27:12, respec­ Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff then coach Davis' expectations are as freshman Cara Wettlaufer and many of whom he got to know tively. Junior Phil Knowlton well-placed and justified, especial­ Shamika Griffin, a junior who during last ~ear's track season. (27:26), Haber (27:38), sopho­ The UMBC Men's and !y after taking a glance at this transferred to UMBC this year, On Saturday, September 1st, more Greg Saylor (27:43) and Women's cross country teams are year's squads. are welcome additions who are both the men's and women's freshman Jesse Stump (28:13) poised and ready to begin their The 2001 men's squad con­ expected to compliment the teams competed in their frrst meet finished sixth through ninth to 2001 season on the right track. sists of 17 runners, with all but already prom1smg women's of the season, the Metro round out the Retriever scoring. Perhaps their high level of confi­ three being returning members. squad. Veteran runners Benjamin, Championships, at Oregon Ridge Next weekend, Saturday, dence stems from the attitude of Leading the men's efforts this sea­ senior Sarah Bowling and Ecker Park. The event, hosted by ~eptember 8th, the Retrievers will new head coach Murray Davis. son are newly appointed senior will all serve as this year's cap­ Towson University, found UMBC head on to compete at the Navy Davis, who first joined the UMBC captains Conrad Haber and Jake tains. up against eight other Maryland Invitational. coaching staff last December Klim. Although much of the team According to Davis, who will colleges and universities. The By the time the UMBC assisting with indoor and outdoor is predominantly made up of soph­ be assisted by UMBC Alum Retriever men came out on top for Retrievers compete at the Mount track,. is very enthusiastic about omores and juniors, the team wel­ David Bobb this season, "the the meet and the women came up St. Mary's Invitational on the team's potential this season. comes two new runners, freshmen team is in great shape and very second. Ecker won the meet on September 22nd, Coach Davis "I'm expecting to do even better Aaron Reuwer and Jesse Stump. fit." In August, both the men's the women's side in 19:223, her hopes to have "worked out all the than last year. Yes, I have high Meanwhile, the Lady and women's teams successfully third straight Metro trouble spots" and "really begin to expectations. We have a good Retrievers continue to hold it completed a rigorous training Championship. She was followed get into the rhythm that will carry team and I believe we'll definitely down on the women's side with session in the Susquehanna Park 16 seconds later by Wettlaufer, us into a successful season." With go far," said Davis. ten runners. Many of the runners area, which found the men run­ who finished second. For the such a great combination of tal­ If last year's accomplishment are returning staples including ning as much as 90 miles a week men, sophomore Doug Allen fin­ ent, skill, and confidence, it is no of both the men and women plac­ NEC champion senior Jen Ecker, and the women approximately 60 ished second in 26:46. Klim and doubt that both the men's and ing third in the Northeast senior Hannah Benjamin and jun­ miles a week. Davis adds that he sophomore Adam Driscoll fol­ women's Cross Country teams Conference Championships is any iors Ohita Asein and Sherita enjoyed getting a chance to work lowed closely behind Allen with will go on to just that. Women's Soccer Loses HOme Opener to Delaware 5-2 off a corner kick at the two­ 25-yard shot went through Blue weekend for us ... we're excit­ ·The Retrievers will face East JENNIFER SCHILDROTH minute mark. Just over a minute Hen keeper Andrea Lunn' s ed," Karko admits. Other Carolina at home on Friday, Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff later, Francesca Termini pulled hands and into the back of the schools the Retrievers look for­ Sept. 7, at 4 p.m. The Dawgs Delaware's lead to 2-0 with a net. ward to playing this season are will battle Villanova on the ro

Men Win Kappa Classic

from M. SOCCER, page 24 MD) passed to ball to fellow freshman teammate Franco Del Priore (St. Catherine's, Ontario), who headed it in for the point. While the team's freshmen offer a promising season, much of the team's strength lies in its returning players. ·Senior Andy Wells (Essex, England) has amazing footwork. Sophomore Michael Joseph (Baltimore, MD), who didn't see much field time last year, played a strong game o~ Friday, displaying both his speed and aggression. Sophomore Brandon Quaranta (Baltimore, MD) played a heart­ felt game and despite getting knocked down several times. He appeared to be limping by the end of the first half and was benched for the start of the second half. However, he recovered by Sunday and earned All Tournament Honors. The Retrievers' goaltenders also look sharp for the season. Junior Brian Rowland (see "Athlete of the Week") earned the shut out on Sunday with five saves. This weekend marked the third con­ secutive Kappa Kick-Off Classic that UMBC has won. Page 22 TIIE RETl~lEVER WEEKLY SPORTS September 4, 2001

Volle~ball vs. Lafayette August 31, 2001 Volle~ball at La Salle Se~tember 1, 2001 ATTACK SET SERVE SRV DEF BLOCK Attack Set Serve Srv Def Block Name GP K E TA PCT A SA SE RE DIG BS BA BE UMBC GP K E TA PCT A SA SE RE DIG BS BA BE Dana Cookson 3 10 4 21 .286 1 0 1 1 2 0 3 0 Dana Cookson 4 23 7 44 .364 0 0 0 0 1 0 4 1 Crystal Castro 3 1 1 2 .000 1 4 2 1 4 0 0 0 Crystal Castro 4 0 0 0 .000 0 1 5 0 8 0 0 0 Jennifer Davis 3 13 1 21 .571 1 1 2 1 9 0 4 0 Jennifer Davis 4 14 4 26 .385 1 2 0 1 11 0 1 0 Jackie Carbo 3 0 0 4 .000 8 3 1 0 9 0 0 1 Jackie Carbo 4 0 1 2 -.500 9 0 1 0 11 0 0 0 Heather Kerley 2 2 1 7 .143 24 0 3 0 0 0 1 1 Heather Kerley 4 9 3 26 .231 46 1 0 0 4 1 0 3 Pamela Hobbs 3 8 1 15 .467 0 1 2 0 6 0 3 0 Pamela Hobbs 3 4 0 9 .444 0 0 0 0 2 0 3 1 Jill Engel 2 0 0 0 . .000 0 2 0 3 2 0 0 0 Jill Engel 1 0 0 0 .000 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Colleen Morton 3 6 1 15 .333 0 0 0 0 0 0 3 1 Colleen Morton 3 3 0 5 .600 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 Julia Waclawiak 3 8 0 18 .444 0 2 3 0 8 0 0 0 Tauna Woolery 4 8 4 30 .133 1 3 3 7 12 0 0 0 TOTALS 3 48 9 103 .379 35 13 14 6 40 0 14 3 Julia Waclawiak 4 8 2 24 .250 4 3 1 2 14 0 1 0 TOTALS 4 69 21 166 .289 61 10 10 12 63 1 10 5 Team Attack Per Game K E TA PCT Game Scores 1 2 3 Rec Gamel 20 5 41 .366 Lafayette 23 17 15 0-2 Team Attack Per Game K E TA PCT Game Scores 1 2 3 4 Rec Game 2 15 2 28 .464 UMBC 30 30 30 2-0 Game1 20 3 39 .436 UMBC 30 30 31 30 4-0 Game3 13 2 34 .324 Game2 15 5 48 .208 La Salle 32 28 29 21 3-1 Game3 20 8 46 .261 Game4 14 5 33 .273

,_M_e_n_~_S_o_c_~_r_v_s_.D_e_la_w_a_r_e~~~~~~-S_e~~-~-m_b_e_r~2,~2_0_0_1 1 ~men~So~Mw.Delaware Se~tember 1, 2001 UMBC 3 UMBC 2 Delaware 0 Delaware 5

Goals Goals UMBC- Franco Del Priore 14:19; Derek McElligott 16:14; Ricky Brown 24:23; UMBC - Missy Moore 68:28, Nicole Grinspoon 75:09 Assists Delaware - Ginna Lewing 2:04, Francesca Termini 3:21, Brittany Campbell 58:37, Christine UMBC - Mike Pennachia, James Hamilton, George Bakoulas Wrightson 77:22, and own goal by UMBC 81:46 Saves Assists UMBC- Brian Rowland (5) UMBC- Lauren Cunningham Delaware- Kyle haynes (1) Delaware -Termini, Ginette Buffone Shots Saves UMBC- 7 UMBC- Hicock (4) Delaware- 9 Delaware- Lunn (6) Fouls Shots UMBC- 13 UMBC -10 Delaware- 15 Delaware- 18

,_M_e_n_'s_S_o_cc_e_r _vs_. _lo_n_a ______A_u ..... g'-u_st_3_1.:...., 2_0_0_1, B~ the Numbers They Said It UMBC 3 lona 1 46: Number of assists that Junior Heather uThis is why nobody wants to play here:' Goals Kerley Recorded in volleyballs game against LaSalle UMBC - Derrick McElligott (3) 61:46, 74:44, 85:04; Nomar Garciaparra, Shortstop for the lana - Paul Nobile (PK) 6:08 Boston Red Sox after Losing to the New Assists York Yankees Sunday night. UMBC -Alex Wilmot, Danny Mongello, Andy Wells, James Hamilton 4: Number of goals that Derrick McElligott Saves scored in the Kappa Kick-Off Classic UMBC - Brian Rowland (6) uwe don't have a monkey on our back. lana - Patrick McAllen (8) We've got... a gorilla:' Shots UMBC- 15 3: Number of years Jenn Ecker has consecu­ Trot Nixon, Outfielder Boston Red Sox, lana- 8 tively won the metro championships. Sunday night Fouls UMBC -13 lana- 18 September 4, 2001 THE RETI~IEVER WEEKLY Page 23

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Cross country men's win Metro Championship 20 Brett McKenzie ponders the death of Rashidi Wheeler 21 r Volleyball Wins LaSalle Invitational; Sweeps Competition BRANDON DUDLEY .571 while senior Dana Cookson .436, .208, .261 and .273 in the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff had 10 and hit .286. Freshmen respective games and .289 as a Julia Waclawiak and Pamela team, while La Salle hit .318, .063, The Retriever Volleyball team Hobbs both had 8 kills apiece .250 and .167, as well as .196 as a traveled to La Salle University in while hitting .444 and .467, team. Philadelphia, PA, over the week­ respectively. Sophomore Colleen Cookson led the team in kills end to compete in the LaSalle Morton had 6 kills and hit .333. with 23 and hit .364, while Davis Invitational tournament. The Junior setter Heather Kerley led followed with 14 and hit .385 .· Retrievers swept the competition, the team in assists with 24 and Kerley had nine kills and hit .231, winning all their games easily. freshman Jackie Carbo followed while Waclawiak and freshman Head coach Felix Hou felt that the with eight. Davis and Carbo led Tauna Woolery both had eight and team represented UMBC very the team in digs, each tallying hit .250 and .133, respectively. well, played hard and made the nine, while Waclawiak followed Kerley led the team again in coaching staff proud. right behind with eight. Davis led assists with an impressive 46 On Friday the team played the team in blocks with four while while Carbo followed with nine. Morgan State in their morning Cookson, Hobbs and Morton Waclawiak led the team defen­ match and won 3-1. In the after­ recorded three apiece sively with 14 digs, while noon the team played Lafayette On day two the Retrievers Woolery followed with 12. Davis University and won 3-0. UMBC saw the same success as the day and Carbo both had 11 digs. won the first game 30-23, the sec­ before, winning both games. For the tournament, Kerley ond 30-1 and the third 30-15. UMBC won its first match of the was named to the All-Tournament Lafayette hit poorly in the match, day against Drexel 3-0. In its sec­ team for her role as a setter, while hitting .094, .143, and -.065 in the ond match of the day (and the last Cookson walked away with the respective games. The team hit of the tournament), the Retrievers title of tournament MVP. .055 total. The Retrievers hit .366, bested host La Salle 3-1 in just Winning the tournament sets .464. and .324, respectively, while over two hours in front of a crowd the Retrievers non-conference hitting .379 as a team. The of 137 people. UMBC lost the first record at 4-0. The Dawgs will Retrievers had a total of seven game of the match-up by a narrow have their frrst home game this File Photo blocks while Lafayette had none. margin, 32-30, then won the next Wednesday, September 5, in the Slamming the Competiton: The UMBC Retriever volleyball Junior Jennifer Davis led the three 30-28, 31-29 and 30-21, RAC Arena against Navy at 7 team won the Lasalle Invitational without dropping a single one team in kill~ with 13 while hitting respectively. The Retrievers hit p.m. of its four matches. Men's Soccer Kicks Season Off

BRETT MCKENZIE The teams seemed to be (Washingtonville, NY). At the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff well matched at the start of the half, Iona led 1-0. first half. Both teams displayed The Retrievers tied up the The Retriever men's soccer extremely strong offensive game when McElligott managed team won its season opener skills. Although UMBC's for­ to shoot one past McAllen early against the Iona Gaels in the wards took more shots on goal, in the second half. UMBC Kappa Kick-Off Classic on Iona's keeper freshman Patrick Freshman Danny Mongello Friday afternoon. The final / McAllen (Washingtonville, NY) (Columbia, MD) kicked one score was 3-1, with all three of was unbeatable in the first half. across the goal where UMBC's goals scored by fresh­ Iona senior Paul Novile (Paris, McElligott tapped it in for man Derrick McElligott France) scored the first goal of UMBC's second goal of the (Baltimore, MD). The team the game off a penalty kick with game. Senior James Hamilton went on to win their second six minutes left in the first half. assisted the Retriever's final game against the University of Retriever forward McElligott goal, which McElligott scored Delaware on Sunday (final score had plenty of shots on goal, but nearing the end of the second 3-0), thus handing them the couldn't break through Iona's half. tournament win. keeper McAllen Many of the team's fresh­ men saw a lot of game time and displayed talent that inspires much confidence for this season. McElligott, who graduated last spring from Greater Grace Christian Academy, played an aggressive game and had the majority of UMBC's 15 shots on goal. McElligott scored his fourth goal in Sunday's game and earned the Most Valuable Player award f<;>r the tourna­ ment. Also, newcomer Danny Mongello has incredible speed and was able to tum the ball around at moments that Photo courtesy of UMBC I Jim Burger would've been key for lana's This Bark Has Bite: After months of anticipation, UMBC offense. In Sunday's game unveiled its intimidating new mascot. Hundreds of students against Delaware, Freshman and UMBC supporters showed up for the ceremony Tuesday. David Landgren I Retriever Weekly Staff Michael Pennachia (Baltimore, Men at Work: Men's soccer defeated lona and Delaware to win the Kappa Kick-Off Classic this weekend. seeM. SOCCER, page 21