C M C M B8 Daily Record, Morris County, N.J., Sunday, July 10, 2005 Y K Y K

B8 Daily Record, Morris County, N.J., Sunday, July 10, 2005 COACHINGYOUROWNKIDS

Parent-coach checklist Adapted from “Coaching Kids for Dummies” by Rick Wolff Driver’s book helps parents become coaches n Have you talked to your kids about coaching their teams? It should be a joint decision. Former NHL defenseman n Do you have enough time? Com- pare your work and social schedule with shares his ideas on how that of the league. Remember to count to instruct young players Morristown- both practice and games, as well as Beard girls hock- off-field time. ey coach Bruce n Are you organized enough to be BY JANE HAVSY Driver goes over the head coach? Every team needs DAILY RECORD a drill during a assistants and other volunteers. practice in n Do you know the rules of the Alan Beneroff keeps a book under- December of game? neath the pads and skates in his hockey 2004. Driver’s n Can you keep your emotions in bag. A first-year coach for the Morris- book, “The Baf- check? Youth coaches can’t yell, or act town Junior Colonials squirts last win- fled Parent’s nervous on the sidelines. ter, Beneroff picked up a copy of “The Guide to Coach- n Can you be a teacher and discipli- Baffled Parent’s Guide to Coaching ing Youth Hock- narian at the same time? Youth Hockey.” The advice proved ey,” gives n Are you prepared to deal with invaluable. instruction on accusations of favoritism? Can you han- Bruce Driver and Clare Wharton co- running practices dle other parents? wrote the book, a primer for newcomers and explains to the view from the bench. Driver clear- techniquest to Advice from the field ly explains techniques and offers sugges- parents interest- “My job is to teach 30 kids how to tions for instruction. Driver even dis- ed in coaching. play hockey. Winning wasn’t really our cusses how to organize a team and run a concern. It was developing the kids. I practice, skills he picked up over the DAILY RECORD put 10 times more energy into a prac- years but hadn’t put into practice until FILE PHOTO tice than a game. It was the practices March 2000. we put together and the heart the Driver was talked into coaching by kids put into playing the games that his dentist, Dr. Alan Krause of got us there in the end.” — Alan Ben- Montville. Krause was taking a Floyd eroff of Morris Twp., head coach of Hall house league all-star team to a tour- Morristown Junior Colonials squirts nament, and needed an assistant. golf and basketball. As a result, Driver played, were huge attributes for me,” drills, focusing on fundamentals, offense team. Two practices, a handful of games, and Wharton had a template to follow. said Driver, who now lives in Montville. and game situations. Coaches can pick and a few months later, Driver was a full- Wharton, a Parsippany resident and “I have good attention to detail, and I and choose, tailoring their practices to “Some of it’s just going to be trial fledged assistant on his son Dillon’s first- freelance journalist, used interviews knew I could handle teaching kids.” their players’ age and skill. and error. It’s your child’s personality ever team, again at Floyd Hall in Mont- with Driver as a basis for the text por- Beginning with an introduction to the “If you don’t know what you’re doing, and your personality.” — Suzanne clair. Morristown-Beard launched its tions. Driver drew up the drills himself sport itself, the book explains how to and you’re kind of thrust into that role, it Sweeney of Madison, girls athletic girls team at almost the same time, with based on what he’d used and observed organize a team, run a practice, and even does a great job of outlining all the things director, physical education teacher and Driver as an assistant and his daughter over the years. proper behavior for coaches. There is you really need to think about,” said coach at The Peck School in Morristown Whitney on the inaugural roster. On the ice in at age 3, Driver also a chapter focusing on gender issues, Beneroff, whose team reached the Mor- “Evaluate the experience. If it’s get- “I was helping coach a team when I’d soaked up hockey knowledge like a which is particularly important since ris County Youth Hockey League cham- ting to the point where they’re having a never run a practice or anything before,” sponge. Driver honed that keen sense of many ice hockey teams are coed. pionship game. “It’s like a manual, but difficult relationship with their kid said Driver, who will coach Dillon on the the game at the University of Wisconsin, Area hockey fans may recognize Alex until you apply it you don’t know what to because they’re coaching, taking it off Montclair Blues Bantam A-Team this and on the Canadian Olympic team in Smigelski of Mountain Lakes in many of expect. The kids aren’t going to follow the field, that’s got to be a warning sig- winter, as well as the Morristown-Beard 1984. The smaller-than-average defense- the technique photos — he’s the one in the lines exactly. They’re not going to be nal that it’s not working out. Remem- girls. “It was kind of unique. ... I jumped man went on to a 14-year career in the the Delbarton jersey — in addition to the textbook. That’s where coaching comes ber: it’s about my kid. It’s not about in with both feet.” , winning the Morristown-Beard girls and 13-year-old in.” me.” — Dr. Joseph Nazzaro, the pro- The book is part of McGraw-Hill’s with the Dillon Driver. gram director and a head coach for the series of Baffled Parent’s Guides, which in 1995. The second half of the book is dedicat- Jane Havsy can be reached at (973) Randolph boys lacrosse program, and also includes lacrosse, baseball, softball, “My vision and anticipation, when I ed to dozens of detailed diagrams of 428-6682 or [email protected]. chairman of the Randolph Recreation Advisory Committee Mr. P’s son wasn’t very good and weren’t perfect either. “(Your kid) needs to hear from other DiLeo didn’t care for the game all that We were kids. Hofmann people as well. You have to have confi- much, he started every day at And sometimes, kids need to dence in the coaches that will be third, always batted cleanup and find themselves away from their coaching him. If you don’t, it’s very diffi- CONTINUED FROM / B1 had to listen to his father scream parents, just like I did. CONTINUED FROM / B1 cult.” — John Yachmetz, CPA and coor- dinator of the Randolph Bulldogs foot- from the dugout with every error I’ve got a ton of baseball knowl- ball program It was getting late and Coach and strikeout. edge to offer my son, and he loves And if the leagues didn’t exist the way wanted the game to be official, Even though I always vowed to hear me tell stories and teach they do nowadays ... well, I shudder to “Put yourself in (your parent’s) shoes but first we had to finish our not to treat my son that way, I him… at home. But when his think what no organized leagues would do before you react to anything, any situa- inning before the home team got realized while coaching Haden friends are around, he just wants to our children. tion, anything they say. See where its last licks. So to expedite the that it didn’t matter what I to be a kid without having to Take my kids, for example. When I used they’re coming from first, without react- process, I was told to swing and thought, only what his perception worry if dad is listening to every to get home from school, I’d grab a bite to ing rashly. That’s one thing I should’ve miss… and make it look believ- was. word or critiquing every play. eat and head out to the schoolyard two done more.” — Whitney Driver of able. He was the one that would hear Childhood goes by way too fast, doors away and meet the same 9-10 guys Montville, who played softball for her As my 10-year-old eyes welled it from his teammates if they and I just want to give my chil- every day. We’d play football, stickball or mother, Tracy, and ice hockey for her up with tears, I slowly walked to thought he was receiving special dren every chance possible to be full-court basketball — whatever was in father, Bruce. the plate without my usual swag- treatment. He was the one that a kid before the real world comes season — literally for hours. ger and excitement. The umpire had to listen to me correct him. calling. Maybe Haden will ask me Now? Kids would get home and head “The common thread of sport can asked if I was OK, and I said some He was the one who was supposed to coach him again in the near right to the video games or SpongeBob bring you closer, (but) don’t put too sand was in my eye. I proceeded to be having the time of his life. future. I’d love to do it. But until SquarePants. For whatever reason, the days much stock in making your kid a great to be a good little soldier and fol- Whatever Haden’s reasons that time comes, I’ll just keep of meeting a group of kids at a nearby play- athlete. My dad didn’t care if I was a lowed orders. were, valid or invalid, he was bugging him to do his homework ground or park are over. good player or not. I was an average I couldn’t tell you if we won or enjoying himself more when I and clean his room and keep the Something has to get the kids out of the athlete. He recognized the most impor- tant thing was the development of me lost that game. I’m sure Mr. P. wasn’t there… and I don’t blame “use two hands when you catch house and that is organized sports. as a person.” — Stevens Institute of could, however. And while that him. If my dad could hear the the ball” to the backyard. I have been blessed with two kids who Technology men’s soccer coach Tim was traumatic for me, that was conversations my friends and I want to be out on the field. I seldom have to O’Donohue, who played basketball and probably just the tip of the ice- were having in the dugout, he Frank DiLeo can be reached at drag them out of the house to play. soccer for his father, current Newton berg for his son. might not be too happy. We (973) 428-6670 or But I truly wonder what would happen boys soccer coach Pat O’Donohue. You see, despite the fact that weren’t degenerates, but we [email protected]. without the organized leagues. The time we share is awesome. I have shared advice, instructions and knowledge selling hot dogs and cocoa. Parents are found at the rec level. Each player from the days when I played. We have Coaching frequently urged to coach, and most of must develop his or her role in a team shared wins and losses, good games and those choose to work with their own context, not an individual one. And in bad. We have laughed and cried together. CONTINUED FROM / B1 kids. a me-first society, that sometimes Games or practices have become the high- Of the approximately 40 million spells trouble. lights of my week. Watching a kid develop American kids that are involved in “Kids at that stage of the game want — whether it is one of mine or not — has The rainbow stripes tell each mem- sports, one in five is coached by a par- to get away from Daddy and want to become an absolute delight. ber of the family who has to be where, ent. Though the resulting family time experience something with another It is also neat to see kids’ friendships when, and for what, every day. is a plus for the parent and child coach,” said Nazzaro, who coached develop over time. When my oldest son Yellow denotes Tom Wilson’s high involved, it may cause conflicts with football, wrestling and lacrosse at Joseph first went out for tee-ball, he didn’t school team schedule — boys soccer in the people around them. Hanover Park in the 1960s, and also know a soul. None of his teammates knew the fall and girls basketball in the win- “The common thread of sport can served as a graduate assistant in foot- each other. But after a week or two, they ter — plus the many other area teams bring you closer,” said Tim O’Dono- ball and lacrosse at Rutgers. “It’s hard were cheering each other on, helping each he works with. Son Jeff gets blue, elder hue, the head men’s soccer coach at for fathers to see beyond that. I did that other, and becoming friends. Same thing daughter Jocelyn is orange, younger Stevens Institute of Technology in with both my sons, ended up coaching, with my second son, Mike. Shannyn is pink. Even Wilson’s wife, Hoboken. “I think my dad (Newton and you can’t really be objective about Sports at the youth level is a beautiful Susan, is green, usually for the twice- boys soccer coach Pat O’Donohue) did your own kid. It’s just impossible, as thing — and coaching makes it possible to weekly practice sessions of her adult it right, not to put too much stock in much as you try.” DANIELLE AUSTEN / DAILY RECORD be right there in the mix with your kids. synchronized swimming team, which making your kid a great athlete. ... On Bruce and his daughter Whitney Tom Wilson, right, coaches his daughter, I know there are kooky coaches out there will compete in the national champi- the field he was coach. Off the field, he Driver both brought up the same inci- Jocelyn, 12, in this photo from January. who berate kids, umpires and/or parents on onships in October. was dad. He was able to do the best job dent when asked about the trouble Jocelyn played in the Catholic Youth the youth sports level. And I have had my Nearly every day has something he could to separate the two. Realisti- with having a parent as coach. The Organization basketball league. Tom run-ins with whacko parents, but the cra- highlighted in yellow. Not only does cally, first and foremost I was his son.” younger Driver, a captain on the Mor- Wilson also coaches his other two chil- zies are few and far between. And when Wilson coach the two high school Separating the two perspectives is ristown-Beard girls ice hockey team, dren as well and is head girls basketball things run smoothly (as is most often the teams, he is involved with nearly all of the most difficult task most face on the had been dashing around the Twin coach at Whippany Park High School. case, by far), life can’t get any better. his children’s youth sports as well. sidelines. Oaks rink trying to find enough locker Believe me when I tell you, coaching That’s three basketball teams, three “My son, unfortunately, hears me room space for her teammates. As a Madison boys lacrosse coach Mark youth sports is a pleasure. travel soccer teams, and two softball talk about the team 24 hours a day,” result, she and a half-dozen other girls Sweeney, took on her after high school I believe in coaching firmly but with teams. said John Yachmetz, the coordinator of were late for practice. Bruce Driver, practice helped her earn a scholarship kindness and respect. And I never, ever put Wilson stays up late many nights the Randolph Bulldogs football pro- the Colonials’ head coach, had estab- to the University of Maryland-Balti- my kids first at the expense of others. Deep working on lesson plans. Dinner often gram for which his son, John David, lished a rule that latecomers had to more County. And Susie is passing on down, I’d be lying to you if I said I pulled becomes an afterthought. plays. “I coach him in the car going skate sprints — but only the day before, her love of lacrosse, volunteering with for others as much as my kids. Any coach “It works because I make it work,” home, and I coach him before the game, according to daughter Whitney. her mother’s town teams for third would be lying if they told you otherwise. said Wilson, who often just switches after the game, and when we’re not When Whitney protested — and through sixth graders — including her My when the season is over is this: If Whippany Park fields when he goes with the team. He responds very well. things escalated into what she younger sister Shannyn. someone completely unfamiliar with my from high school to youth soccer prac- He’s a very enthusiastic sports-minded described as “a huge screaming fit” — “It’s hard for the kid sometimes,” team sat in the bleachers for the entire sea- tice. “I enjoy doing it. I think there’s kid.” her coach-dad asked her to leave the ice. Susie said. “But keep them in it no mat- son, he shouldn’t be able to tell who my two times I don’t do a good job, but I think Even a professional like Suzanne “If I was not her father, she would’ve ter how hard it gets. Make them play. It sons are. there’s more times that I do.” Sweeney needed her captains to point skated,” Bruce Driver recalled. gives you great friends, great opportu- Coaching youth sports is not all about out that she was tougher on Susie than “Because I was her father, she decided nities, everything. No matter how hard wins and losses. When you get to a certain To coach, or watch other players. “They said it to me one she was going to dig in her heels. She a parent pushes, it’s always for the age — maybe 9 or 10 years old — winning Sometimes even a dedicated coach time,” she said. “They never had to say understood from there she had to deal best. I know I wouldn’t be where I was does become more important. like Wilson needs help. He has dozens it to me again.” Sweeney learned the with me as the coach, and not the if my parents didn’t push me.” Anyone who tells you otherwise either of assistants who can run practice — line quickly, because, after all, the father.” In some ways, Pat O’Donohue doesn’t have kids or just doesn’t get it. Kids or, occasionally, even coach games — lessons are “in (Susie’s) head enough Though Driver, a 14-year NHL veter- pushed his son into coaching. at the age of 5 or 6 don’t know the score and in his absence. And serving as the head since she was six.” an, hadn’t had much coaching experi- To the younger O’Donohue, his could hardly keep count themselves. They of certain leagues means he can sched- Though Tom Wilson sometimes ence before taking over at Morristown- father’s career was more about the like to wear the uniform and are in it for ule practices to minimize conflicts. seems to be coaching every moment Beard’s fledgling girls ice hockey pro- relationship between coach and athlete the fun of the game. A few years later, they Dr. Joseph Nazzaro spent a lot of he’s awake, he still remembers how to gram, he knew he couldn’t play than the results on the field. are keeping score and they want to win. time training assistant coaches for the switch that persona off occasionally. favorites — especially not when his Though the Newton high school soc- But winning games isn’t the only thing a Randolph youth lacrosse program he “He’s not always the coach,” said own daughter was involved. cer team — and the boys basketball youth coach is responsible for. If a kid founded and still directs. He doesn’t Jeff Wilson, who just finished eighth “It was hard because you’re looking team before that — have been consis- slams his helmet and the coach doesn’t dis- necessarily focus on the finer points of grade at Memorial Junior School. at your coach, and they’re your coach, tently successful during O’Donohue’s cipline that sort of behavior, he is not doing lacrosse, but rather who has “the “He’s a coach during the games and but they’re your parents at the same tenure, both the coach and his son have his job as a coach. If a kid taunts or hot- unknown quantity that will decide practices, but he’s also a dad. At the time,” said Whitney Driver, who also emphasized the off-field skills that dogs it and the coach doesn’t step in, the whether you’re going to be a good coach games, he’s more serious. When we’re played softball for her mother, Tracy, sports help develop. The fact that coach isn’t doing his job. If a coach doesn’t or not.” It’s a complex combination of at home, he tells jokes.” from fifth grade through high school. O’Donohue’s assistants — Pat Bren- teach in the attitude area, he is missing the interpersonal relationships, organiza- “It hit me my senior year when I took a nan, Don DeStefano, and Sue and Matt mark. tional skills, and sport knowledge. Diffi- When dad turns bad step back. I thought, ‘He’s right. I’m Martinka — had all played for him at It is his job to instruct his players in all cult to determine without being on the Nazzaro, the chairman of the Ran- being so hard on him right now.’ ” some point only drives the point home. areas. Kids want to be coached. sidelines, Nazzaro said, “when you get dolph Recreation Advisory Committee, Sometimes Susie Sweeney didn’t “I always wanted to do what he did,” Kids need to be coached. out there on the field, you’ll know.” recommends coaching your own child understand why her mom was so Tim O’Donohue said. “As a former ath- And if the father is the one doing the Most area recreational sports teams only until sixth grade. Beyond that tough. But as she grew up, she learned lete, I think that’s the thing I always coaching, hats off to him! need parent involvement to survive, point, the sport becomes more about the coach “pushed me to the limit,” yet learned from him: stay involved in the whether those parents are on the side- competition and less the fun, every- remained her biggest cheerleader at game, because there’s nothing better Joe Hofmann can be reached at (973) 428- lines, putting together programs, or body plays, cooperative environment home. All the extra shots her father, than coaching.” 66874 or [email protected].

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