FREE Lodging • Shopping The Conch Republic Dining • Entertainment OCONUT ELEGRAPH TCHE COCONUT TELEGRAPH IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL NEWSPA T PER OF THE NORTHERNMOST TERRITORIES OF THE CONCH REPUBLIC
101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • October 2015
Inside: Attractions Artist of the Month: Jen Aquia Common Mythconceptions
What’s Hot & What’s Not Songfest Oct 9-10-11 October Events at Gilbert’s Welcome Keys Mobile Chiropractic So Many Halloween Events! Maps Key Largo Locator Map Getting from Here to There
All the Buzz Coco-Nut Funnies Mangrove Galley Conch Characters Business in the Keys
Igor and Red Elvises are a traveling “rokenrol” party that is constantly in motion and evolving. Singer, songwriter, guitarist and showman extraordinaire Igor Yuzov is perpetually globetrotting, and in the process found scores of wildly talented and entertaining performers to bring into the fold. See them at Gilbert’s on Monday, October 26th for an early Halloween party. See page 9 for more info. Photo by Rob LeBrun. Key Largo’s COMING 4th Annual OCTOBER Top Hit Songwriters 9, 10 & 11 Music Festival ON THE BEACH • MM 99.5 BAYSIDE KEY LARGO • 305-451-3380 Top hit songwriters performing live and Live Music • Happy Hour • Sunset sharing their stories at Bayside Grille and World class entertainers, in Key Largo on the beach. two other Key Largo venues. Don’t miss it! It doesn’t get any better than this! Look for ad inside or check the calendar at keylargo-baysidegrill.com for all of our live music on the beach. Schedule and artist information inside. 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 3 Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: Articles Coconut Telegraph October 2015 Editorial: Pick Up Lines for the Chronologically Challenged...... 2 EARLY DEADLINE Volume 9 Issue #104 Editor/Sales/Distribution New to the Keys: Mobile Chiropractic Service...... 4 Prestige Publishing, Inc Denise Malefyt Adopt An Animal, Key Largo Shelter...... 6 in October for 101425 Overseas Highway 305-304-2837 Sounds of the Keys...... 7 November Edition PMB #628 [email protected] MARC Fish Fry - Sunday Nov. 15...... 8 Key Largo, FL 33037 October is Packed with Events at Gilbert’s...... 9 OSHA says we absolutely HAVE to give our minions one Downtown Key Largo Readies for Songfest...... 9 Deadline Advertising Production week off a year, and damned if they don’t elect to take Common Mythconceptions...... 10 it right when we should be going to press! So, please get for the Sue Beal John Popper Hooks Crowd at Gilbert’s...... 11 your ads and press releases in by October 15th. Coconut Telegraph’s 305-451-4601 Getting from Here to There - Keys Map Page...... 12-13 We’re going to press the night of October 22nd. next issue is EARLY beal_s @bellsouth.net Mangrove Galley: Pork Cutlets...... 14 Wednesday, Conch Characters...... 15 October 14, 2015 Florida Woman Stops Alligator with Small Pistol...... 16 Notice: We do not mail out NOVEMBER Contact Denise at Artist of the Month: Jen Aquia...... 17 WED FRI SAT the Coconut Telegraph and presents 305-304-2837 Coco“Nut” Funnies...... 18-19 we do not sell subscriptions. [email protected] Classified Ads...... 19 4 6 7 It is available for free online at Key Largo Locator Map Page...... 20 WED FRI SAT www.theconchtelegraph.com. Sons of American Legion Membership Drive...... 21 For comments please visit The CSHS Rotary Interact Officers Named...... 21 11 13 14 Conch Telegraph on Facebook. Business in the Keys...... 22 A WILD RIDE Daily OM: The Process of Grieving...... 23 OF A COMEDY Letter to the Editor: Iguana Article Reaction...... 23 The Key Players is a 501(c)3 organization promoting COMMUNITY THEATER in the UPPER KEYS MM 99.5 OCEANSIDE BEHIND CAPITAL BANK SAVE THESAVE DATE!! Key Largo Lion’s Club Editorial: Pick Up Lines for the Chronologically Challenged
I have noticed lately that My teeth and I no longer Just wait until you see the Come Hungry! older men still use the same sleep together but you and I size of my... social security “Help! I’ve fallen for you adolescent pickup lines they’ve definitely should. check. and I can’t get up! 10% OFF WITH THIS AD always used, and they make My war buddies over there Your company is so delight- me cringe. “Want to see some- bet I wouldn’t be able to start ful, I’m contemplating putting a thing swell?” and “Sit on my a conversation with the most new battery in my hearing aid. It's clean, it's fast, it's delicious!!! ----” just doesn’t cut it guys! beautiful girl in the room. When you reach a mature Is your name Viagra, ’cause Great breakfast, great lunch, great everything!!
Wanna buy some drinks with COC-TEL age, you need to change your I don’t think they will be able their money? Open 8 am - 10 pm daily. 6 am - 2 pm • 7 Days repertoire of pick up lines if to close my casket after a MM 99.7 Bayside you’re ever going to get lucky. I might be a retired pho- night with you. 99696 Overseas Highway, Key Largo Here are a few to help you tographer, but I can still How’d you like to be in my docsdinerkeylargo.com • 305-451-2895 get started: picture us together. will? If I had to choose be- You’re so sweet, you’re giv- Locals’ Discount! tween breathing and loving ing my dentures cavities. We Come to You! you... I’d take my last breath Here is my favorite one… KEY LARGO, FL to say “I Love You.” Ever done it in a Craft- matic adjustable bed? How about we stop by Florida New Tire Sales How about I take you home Keys Jewelry and you pick out and show you my medicine My arteries aren’t the only Available 24/7 something nice for yourself cabinet! things that have hardened. and then I will treat you to a I would sink my teeth into Did I tell you, I’m filthy romantic dinner before we get 35 Years Experience dat booty but they might just rich and my mother is dead? on the cruise ship? (Wishful stay there. BRYAN WHEATON thinking…. sigh!) Disclaimer B && B Cell: (305) 942-6325 The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2015 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are B B Home: (305) 453-0815 rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the distribution local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut schedule. MOBILEMOBILE TIRETIRE SESERRVICEVICE Mastercard & Visa Accepted 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 5 HurricaneHurricane ToTo DoDo ListList New To The Keys: The World The Keys Chiropractic Watch the Weather Channel Buy Vodka Delivery Service Pack Evacuation Kit Buy Backup Cigarettes Buy Batteries Complain Keys Mobile Chiropractic Buy Dry Goods Plan Hurricane Party is now open in the Upper Buy Water Complain some more Keys. This new practice, run Watch the Weather Channel Speculate if the hurricane by Dr. Austin Mosley, strives some more will cancel work Monday to provide exceptional care Pack the car with essentials Buy More Vodka at an affordable price. Add Dr. Austin Mosley Speculate with neighbors Speculate with neighbors to this the convenience of or neck and low back pain, about hurricane about hurricane party office hours in Islamorada call Keys Mobile Chiropractic. and mobile availability You‛ll be glad you did! Go to throughout the Upper Keys, keysmobilechiropractic.com Keys Mobile Chiropractic for more info. offers a unique blend of Appointments can be quality and accessibility. made by calling 863-381- Dr. Austin makes it his 3152. Office hours are on goal to relieve your pain and Monday, Wednesday, and restore function as quickly as Friday from 9am-5pm. For possible, allowing you to your convenience, mobile perform at work, play, and in appointments are available on life the way you were meant Tuesday, Thursday, and to. For conditions ranging Saturday. Call to set up a from headaches, sciatica, time, and Dr. Austin will herniated discs, old and new come adjust you at your sports injuries, carpal tunnel, home or place of work.
Not valid with any other offer. Exp. 11.05.15
to American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo Miami
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OCEAN BAY DRIVE OCEAN BAY Pilot 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 House 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 7
4-7 Sounds of the Keys Voted Best Happy Hour in the Keys! Daily
Key Largo’s 4th Annual Top Hit Songwriters Music Festival
John Popper of Blues Traveler plays with The Regs at Gilberts! Columbus Day Weekend FRIDAY & SATURDAY AT PILOT HOUSE The MARC Thrift Shop at the 7-10 PM Hocus Pocus Friday, Oct. 9 Saturday, Oct.10 Halloween Party Coral Isles Church Rebecka Digerval Greg Barnhill (next to Coral Shores High School) Saturday Oct. 31st Amanda Williams Mark Bryan 6-11pm is in need of clothing and Drew Young Bob Regan COSTUME CONTEST household items – anything MORE INFO: keylargosongfest.com Music by DJ Reggae Ronnie Colbert the Band opens for the new or slightly used, Michael Holler playing John Popper show at Gilbert’s. at Founders Park 13 Seagate Blvd., Key Largo, MM 99.6, 305-451-3142 excluding large furniture. Keys To Life celebration. www.pilothousemarina.com fb.com/pilothousekeylargo If you don't have the time to personally deliver it to the store, give the MARC folks a call and they will schedule a volunteer to come to you and pick it up, from Ocean Reef Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet to Islamorada – 305-852-3282. Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption at the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one of these adorable furry friends home, stop by or call. The Shelter is located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088. The Monroe Association for ReMARCable Citizens is a non-pro t agency that serves adult clients within Monroe County who have developmental disabilities that include Retrosky Band at Gilbert’s. intellectual disabilities (I.Q. 69 or below), cerebral palsy, spina Jimmy Ray at the Big Chill. bi da, Prader-Willi Syndrome, and traumatic brain injury sustained prior to age 18.
MARC provides numerous services for their clients. These services are designed to insure that each client receives training and support that enhances his or her individual abilities to under- stand daily community Luke Sommer Glenn Band Saturn Rocky Pumpkin & Puddin Sophie routines and learn social, at Bayside Grille. Outer Band entertains at Pilot House. self-care, vocational skills and help to increase a client’s ability to develop friendships with non-disabled persons.
M.A.R.C., Inc. is a 501(c)(3) Non-Pro t Organization providing life services for Monroe County residents with developmental disabilities. “A copy of the of cial registration and nancial information may be obtained from the Division of Consumer Services by calling toll-free (800-435-7352) within the state. Registration does not imply endorsement, approval, or recommendation by the state.” Petey & Henry Binx & Booboo Chris Lute, Steve Venini. Luke Ptomey and Cliff Stutts at Bayside Grille. 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 9
October is Packed with Special Events at Gilbert's Resort Monday October 26th by Rob LeBrun Igor and Red Elvises FUNDRAISER Friday October 2nd blues and a huge pot of Saturday October 24th 6-10pm ALL-YOU- • Silent Auction Country Night with gumbo to the disaster zones Iconic Women of Rock BUFFET Grayson Rogers 7-11pm of the Mississippi delta and 7-11pm CAN-EAT • Live Music to homeless shelters across America – where he‛s fed • Raffles war veterans, hurricane survivors, and plenty of Win tickets to the other folks who come for music but leave with much Miami/Homestead more. 4 to 8 pm Igor and Red Elvises are Friday October 23rd a traveling "rokenrol" party Joe Moorhead Band Grayson Rogers is the that is constantly in motion 7-11pm Championship Race! epitome of the new country and evolving. Singer, song- music scene, performing writer, guitarist and show- $15 donation per person high-energy music that Iconic Women of Rock is man extraordinaire Igor Get tickets...at the MARC Thrift Shop or the Elks Lodge engages audiences and makes a hard-driving, rock tribute Yuzov is perpetually globe- people take notice. In Sep- band, led by two dynamic trotting, and in the process The Monroe Association for ReMARCable Citizens is a non-pro t agency that serves adult clients within Monroe County who have female vocalists - Tiffany th developmental disabilities that include intellectual disabilities (I.Q. 69 or below), cerebral palsy, spina bi da, Prader-Willi Syndrome, and tember 2014, Grayson's found scores of wildly traumatic brain injury sustained prior to age 18. debut album All Fired Up was Raynor and Ariel Stark. talented and entertaining Sunday Nov. 15 MARC provides numerous services for their clients. These services are designed to insure that each client receives training and support They bring the look, feel, that enhances his or her individual abilities to understand daily community routines and learn social, self-care, vocational skills and help released nationwide. His performers to bring into the to increase a client’s ability to develop friendships with non-disabled persons. first single, "Party Rocker" and sound of rock icons fold. Igor's unique humor at the Elk’s Lodge, benefitting MARC M.A.R.C., Inc. is a 501(c)(3) Non-Pro t Organization providing life services for Monroe County residents with Developmental Disabilities. was released in September such as Heart, Pat Benatar “A copy of the of cial registration and nancial information may be obtained from the Division of Consumer Services by calling combined with guitar based MM 92.6 Bayside • Tavernier B.P.O.E. 1872 toll-free (800-435-7352) within the state. Registration does not imply endorsement, approval, or recommendation by the state.” and Joan Jett to life. 2014, immediately charting Like a rum-soaked cool rock'n'roll makes audiences Iconic Women of Rock in the Top 20 on the PlayMPE breeze off an island shore, want to sing, dance, scream takes the audience on a charts and later being Joe Moorhead, offers a and shout. journey of these rock leg- awarded "Favorite New musical escape from the ends' musical hits from the Red Elvises Costume Contest Song" in the 2014 SFCM daily grind. Like Jack 70's and 80's, featuring 9:30pm Country Music Awards. Johnson, Sublime and the their timeless lyrics and 1st Place $150 Gilberts Gift Card Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill Dave Mathews Band, Joe signature guitar riffs that 2nd Place $75 Gilberts Gift Card brings Saturday October 10th Moorhead creates a laid die-hard fans remember The Sauce Boss 1-4pm back groove with insightful This is the costume partyarty for (American Cancer Society Fundraiser) and appreciate. Come and lyrics about love and life folks who have to work Saturday! experience Iconic Women from a wholly original sound Shot Specials! Drink Specials! Of Rock! tradition home, that provides an escape every last Sunday from today's Saturday October 31st of the month. tough times. Halloween Party with Not taking Mainstreet 7-11pm themselves too seriously, the FREE Pool Admission for Locals band's shows with Monroe County ID. Bill "Sauce Boss" Whar- are fun and ton brings his own hot sauce original cel- Local Food & Drink Specials, to every gig, and he cooks a ebrations designed around Local Discounts & of course, big pot of gumbo, while smoking his slide guitar. At escaping from MAINSTREET is a South Live Local Music!! the end of the show, every- the pains and Florida cover band based out one gets a bowl. horrors of the of Ft Lauderdale, and they Featuring With his homegrown real world. play music from the 70s, Stereo Underground story- telling and natural- 80s, 90s and today. born guitar talent, The and DJ Joey Naples Sauce Boss righteously sings Costume Contest -11:30pm (Adults Only Please) (No coolers or outside food the blues. He has weath- 8 or beverage permitted.) ered more than his share of 1st Place $500 Cash 2nd Place Basket of Cheer hurricanes, sunburn, and MM 104 Bayside • Key Largo • 305.453.9066 • www.jjsBigChill.com mosquitoes. He has taken his 3rd Place $150 Gilberts Gift Card 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 11 of music from classic rock performed his rousing har- Common MythConceptions John Popper Hooks Crowd at Gilbert’s favorites to Limp Bizkit. monica rendition of the Star WORLD'S MOST CONTAGIOUS FALSEHOODS By Rob LeBrun After a short break, The Spangled Banner, to a stand- Regs took the stage and ing ovation. The Vomitorium Oil stops pasta from sticking Napoleon was short Missing persons reports fine-tuned the sound before Island Rock Entertain- Not a room Romans used for Nope. But it can stop the water A tall tale. He was actually Police don't demand a 24-hour John performed. The crowd ment and Gilbert‛s Resort Bacchanalian binges, but the name foaming or boiling over. above average height for a French- period before accepting a missing cheered wildly when Popper have worked tirelessly to for the entrance to a stadium. Bats are blind man of the time, persons report. took the stage, most in disbe- bring Rock Stars like Joe Don't be fact-blind! Bats can Black holes Bananas grow on trees Body heat & the head lief that a rock star of this not only see. They can also use Lynn Turner, Carmine Appice, Not really 'holes' but hugely Actually grow on massive herbs Only in infants is most heat lost magnitude was at Gilberts Buck Dharma, and John dense objects with massive gravi- echolocation. That's why they're so that resemble trees. Bet you didn't through the head. Or if the head is performing for them, for Popper to Gilbert‛s over the tational pull. awesome! know that the only uncovered part of the free nonetheless. Popper- summer. More concerts are Don't eat & swim! body. Great Wall of China Vikings wore horned helmets joined the Regs on songs like Doesn't increase risk of being planned for the fall and Not visible from space. Myth. Actually created by a costume Iron maidens “Folsom Prison,” “Higher winter months. Check out Now stop saying it! cramps; alcohol is the biggest risk designer for a 19th-century Wagner Never were medieval torture increaser. But a full stomach make Ground,” “Imagine,” and Gilberts facebook page or Dogs sweat by salivating opera. devices, but 18th- century fakes you short of breath. “Roadhouse Blues.” John sang visit Gilberts on the web at No. They regulate tempera- Don't touch baby birds! created for sensational circuses. MSG gives you headaches his hits “But Anyway,” “Hook,” www.gilbertsresort.com for ture I through panting. They Birds have a limited sense of We have 5 senses No proof, just anecdotal and “Run Around.” He also the entertainment schedule. actually sweat through footpads. smell so won't abandon babies who We actually have close to 20, John Popper of Blues Traveler performs at Gilberts with The Regs. evidence implicating flavour 'smell' of humans. including balance, pain, movement, Einstein failed math 'enhancer' monosodium glutamate. Nope. He failed an entrance "Yes, I'm a cop" hunger, thirst, etc. Nothing could stop John drive by Benny Harrison and a Chastity belts exam for a school but still excelled US undercover police do not Humans & dinosaurs Popper from performing at member of The Regs, John Not anti-adultery devices. in math. have to identify themselves as cops. Despite 41% of US adults Gilbert‛s. Not the forecast Popper was waiting to go Instead invented by prudes in the A Hollywood-induced myth- thinking they coexisted, we actually of rain, or hundreds of motor- onstage for the crowd. Goldfishes‛ 3-sec. memory 19th century to prevent 'dangerous missed each other by -63 million While not the smartest, masturbation. Evolution is a 'theory' cycles heading back from Key Island Rock Entertain- goldfish boast a memory span of In science, a 'theory' is years. West, making Gilbert‛s a ment promised a great show, Shaving thickens hair 3 months... better than most anything more than a conjecture. Glass is a liquid standing room only affair. and they didn‛t disappoint. Regrown hair isn't thicker, politicans. Usually an extensively tested idea Actually an 'amorphous solid' Transportation logistics tried Local favorites “Colbert” coarser or darker, it just appears so uniting data from many observa- 'But that's why stained-glass We evolved from chimps because its no longer tapered. to throw a wrinkle in the started the show off with a No. Along with bonobos, they tions. windows are thicker at the show, but after a 10-hour bang, delivering a wide array A huge crowd awaits John Popper after a stellar set by Colbert the Band. Left & right brain are our closest living genetic rela- Caffeine dehydrates you bottom.'Nope, it's just badly made No solid division between tives. A shared ancestor lived 5-8 Not really. The diuretic effect glass. talents of each hemisphere; left million years ago. of caffeine is offset by the amount Vaccines cause autism brain can learn 'right brain' func- of water in a caffeinated drink. Groundless fears based on Sugar causes hyperactivity tions & vice-versa. Studies have disproved this. Dropped pennies kill fraudulent research that's been We only use 10% of brain ADHD and poor behaviors still Terminal velocity of a penny is shown to have been manipulated. Misunderstood metaphor. occurs in children with sugar-free 30-50 mph, which isn't fast enough. Alcohol keeps you warm Proportion of our brain 'firing' is diets. It would hurt though. Dilates warm blood vessels near task-dependent. Ultimately, all cells the skin, creating the impression of The three wise men are important. A fatwa is a death sentence Nowhere in the New Testament It actually means 'non-binding warmth. It can drop core body Alcohol kills brain cells does it specify there were three. legal opinion'. temp. Only in heavy users & alcoholics Milk increases mucous Satan rules Hell who rely on alcohol to get most of Salty water boils quicker Nope. It just straight doesn't Doesn't actually say this their calories. Adding a sprinkle of salt to anywhere in the Bible. fresh water makes no difference. There's no need to avoid dairy if Flushed water rotation Huge, sea-level amounts do. you have a cold. 7 years to digest gum Does not rotate the other way Jihad is 'holy war' The chewy base of gum is in the Southern hemisphere. The No sex before the game! It actually translates as indigestible & passes straight Coriolis effect doesn't affect water No evidence sex impairs 'struggle' though it does come in through. The remainder is in toilets. athletic performance. Could even absorbed. help athletes due to increased ‘lesser and greater' flavors. Martyrs & 72 virgins await testosterone. Washington & weed Sharks don‛t get cancer A matter of debate in Islam. He grew hemp to make rope & Oh yes they do get cancer. Nowhere in the Koran, but is Different tongue parts clothes, but there's no evidence he Particularly skin cancer. reported in other texts. There are no different sections for each taste: bitter, sour, salty, smoked a phat one, most nights. Bulls hate red Electric fan at night Bulls are color-blind. They sweet & umami (savory/meaty). Big myth in South Korea that Research: James Kennedy, Miriam Quick, actually react to motions of the this is deadly. Very unlikely to harm Don‛t wake sleepwalkers? Ella Hollowood, Pearl Doughty-White. bull fighter's cloth as a perceived They'll be really confused, but you, unless you put the fan in the www.InformationIsBeautiful.net threat. bed. its okay. They're more likely to hurt sources: http://en.wikipedia-org themselves if they're not wakened. /wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions Snopes.com, NYTlmes, StraightDope We were shocked to read some of these, too, but in spot checking, could not find one that was false! data: bit.ly/KIB_Mythconception 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 13
“The Place where Nutritious Meets Delicious” THE MINDFUL MERMAID CAFE NOW SERVING BREAKFAST
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ELKS ENTERTAINMENT Fridays This Month: Karaoke 8-11pm FRESH FRUIT SMOOTHIES & JUICES OKTOBERFEST - Saturday Oct. 3, from 4pm MUSIC • GAMES • BRATS • SCHNITZEL • FIXIN’s ORGANIC TEAS & COFFEES SALADS ORGANIC GF & UEGAN HALLOWEEN PARTY FRESH SOUPS EGG SALAD, MENU ITEMS Saturday Oct. 31, from 4pm SANDWICHES HUMMUS & We now have gluten-free COSTUME PARTY - Prizes for Top 3 KIDS MENU TABBOULEH bread & wraps! Music by Bobs Bunz, all the usual mayhem, and more! Call in your order! 305-451-2929 Come join the fun! MM 101.4 IN THE PUBLIX PLAZA MM 92.6 Bayside • Tavernier Menu & More: www.floridakeyselks1872.com Like us on Facebook! elkstavernierlodge WWW.THEMINDFULMERMAID.COM
Come by Land or Sea • In the Garden Cove Marina Enjoy Casual Waterfront Dining at its Finest! Waterfront Dining • Indoors or Ourdoors • Open 7 Days • Champagne Sunday Brunch FEATURING • Fresh, Local Seafood FRESH FLORIDA • Steaks & Ribs • Conch Chowder LOBSTER & Key Lime Pie
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BEST FOOTBALL WINGS IN KICKOFF PARTY TOWN Sunday, Sept. 13 50% OFF FREE Your 1st Draft Beer All Liquor Drinks GIVE- IS ON THE HOUSE! Monday-Friday 4-7pm AWAYS! WHEN THE DOLPHINS ARE PLAYING Beer & Wings BUD & BUD LIGHT SPECIALS: Specials Daily Pitcher $7.99 Bottle Bucket $12.99 FOOTBALL!! New! Weekend WHATEVER Florida Keys Jewelry YOUR GAME IS, CHEF’S SPECIALS 14 Draft Selections Come check it out! & Import Bottled Beer 305-453-0177 • fl[email protected] WE’VE GOT IT! Trade Winds Shopping Center Custom/CAD Jewelry • Watch Repair • Jewelry Repair • Engagement Rings Mile Marker 102.3 • Bayside • Key Largo • 305-451-4105 • www.D-Hooker.net 101427 Overseas Highway, Key Largo, FL 33037 Hours: Mon-Thu 10-5:30 • Friday 10-6 • Saturday 10-4 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 15 Conch Characters The Mangrove Galley PORK CUTLETS WITH GARLIC AND PEARS by Sandi Mieszczenski 2 pork cutlets (a boneless pork chop) Sandi’s recipes are featured monthly in the Coconut Telegraph. salt & pepper For previous issues go to http://www.theconchtelegraph.com. 3 ½ tablespoons unsalted butter, divided 1 ½ tablespoons olive oil 1 large ripe pear, cored and thinly sliced 1 tablespoon fresh minced thyme (or 1 teaspoon dried) 2 garlic cloves, minced 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar 3/4 cup chicken stock 1 tablespoon brandy fresh thyme leaves (optional)
Flatten the pork and salt and pepper both sides. Melt 1 ½ Bill Hobee of Thunder Country Radio tablespoons of the butter with the olive oil in a sautee pan. introduces John Popper at Gilberts in September. Add the pork browning both sides and cook completely. Transfer the pork to a platter covering to keep warm. Add Jack McCormick and Family Though we are able to find a large variety of fruits all year long, the pear slices to the pan and saute them until they are fall is the time to really enjoy the abundance of apples and Katie, Ann, Jack and Shannon in their shop, Olivemorada. pears. Though most dishes I make with these fruits are desserts, light brown (about three minutes.) Add the thyme and There’s a benefit to help with Jack’s mounting expenses in his they can also compliment a meat dish as well.This recipe is a garlic cooking one minute. Pour in the vinegar deglazing the cancer battle, on Sunday, October 4th at the Islander Resort, tasty dish that combines pears with pork. Try it, I promise that 2-6pm. If you missed it, you can still give at GoFundMe.com or pan by scraping up the brown bits. Mix in the stock and Community Bank in Tavernier. you will enjoy it! brandy. Simmer until the sauce is slightly reduced (about 3 minutes). Whisk in the remaining butter then return the cutlets to the pan until heated through. Serve with fresh thyme leaves as a garnish.
KEYS ADVENTURES WATERSPORTS HOME OF THE ORIGINAL TUNA NACHOS Waverunner Boat Paddleboards Guided Jessica, one of the lovely bartenders ar D-Hookers. Rentals! Rentals! & Kayaks! Tours! Christie's birthday party at Bayside Grille. She’s in the white dress, center, surrounded by friends & family. We Deliver! • Great Rates! • Large Ride Areas! Stop by the Congratulations, Lynda! HOURLY, DAILY OR WEEKLY! Island Grill! (Reservations suggested, The National Society of but not required) It’s a Keys tradition! Collegiate Scholars recently welcomed former Keys Let’s Get resident Lynda M. Ford as a Lunch & Dinner served daily at both locations. member. NSCS is a member Wet!! Breakfast served daily at the of the Association of College Honor Societies and is the Islamorada location only. nation's only interdisciplinary honors organization for Check in at the Island Grill first-year and second-year and say hello. college students. Member- Two Key Largo Locations ship is by invitation only, Gilberts Resort Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill We look forward to seeing you! based on grade point MM 108 MM 104 average and class standing. Owner/Manager Steve with his family at D-Hookers. 904-235-9247 305-731-9472 Island Grill at Mandalay • MM 97.5 • Ocean View NOW WITH TWO Island Grill at Snake Creek • MM 85.5 •Beach Setting www.keysadventureswatersports.com Key Largo Islamorada LOCATIONS: 305 852-0595 305 664-8400 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 17 Florida Woman Art Box Artist of the Month: Jen Aquia Stops Alligator For over 15 years Jen Aquia has Jen graduated with a Masters Attack with a been living in the Keys. For 9 years of Art from Maryland Institute Ballyhoo’s has Jen owned and captained the cata- College of Art in 2000. Her origi- Small Pistol maran snorkel boats Reef Roamer & nal degree was to be in medical Quicksilver. Eventually she began illustration, which focuses on a pursuing another of her passions by very realistic approach to drawing. This is a story of self- charging us with its large got the Crabs! opening a company called Aquaholic This can easily be seen in her control and marksmanship by jaws wide open. Adventures Paddleboard and work, which is highly precise with a brave, cool-headed woman "She must have been Kayaks where she rents standup extreme detail. Jen then received with a small pistol against a protecting her nest because Stone Crabs paddle boards and kayaks as well as an art scholarship to go to Mary- fierce predator. What is the she was extremely aggres- are coming! providing lessons and eco tours. land Institute where they only smallest caliber that you sive. If I had not had my October 15th When not out on the water, Jen is accepted 15 people into the pro- would trust to protect your- little Beretta Jetfire .25 an avid artist. gram that year. At the same time self? A Beretta Jetfire caliber pistol with me, I testimonial. would not be here today! fresh! Here is her story in her "Just one shot to my ALL YOU own words: "While out walk- estranged husband's kneecap CAN EAT ing along the edge of a pond was all it took. SnowCrabs Includes salad and your choice of side dish just outside of The Villages "The 'gator got him easily with my soon to be ex- and I was able to escape by husband discussing property walking away at a brisk pace. Also in Season: settlement and other divorce "It's one of the best King Crab issues, we were surprised by pistols in my collection! Plus 2-lb. Dinners! a huge 12-ft. alligator which the amount I saved in suddenly emerged from the lawyer‛s fees was really murky water, and began incredible!" MM 97.8 • In the Median • Key Largo • 852-0822
JON & JOANNA DREAVER
ART CLASSES • ART SUPPLIES RESTORATION • MATTING & FRAMING FRAMING SUPPLIES • CANVAS STRETCHING FEATURED ARTISTS she was offered a scholar- sharing in the moments of it, an article in the New York Checkout our ship to work at Disney but their lives. This helps her Times featured Ellen in her FULL ONLINE STORE: www.ArtBoxKeyLargo.com she chose the masters form an image that repre- office where the montage degree instead. sents the memorable hung proudly above her desk. WITH KEY LARGO PACK & SHIP As a young girl, Jen was moments. She talks about Jen has recently chosen always referred to as the how it is very emotional to to begin putting even more Women’s • Men’s • Plus Size "artsy" one in the class, all connect with someone while focus on her art, and will be Trust a Professional! the way back to preschool. creating a visual compilation. expanding and branching out. CLOTHING LOW COST PACKING MATERIALS/BOXES Jen painted murals both in Listening to her describe the Some of Jen's work will be Savvy her middle and high schools, genuine feelings involved, on display at The Art Box for • Kid’s • Jewelry SHIPPING: FREIGHT & INTERNATIONAL and painted theater sets in you can feel her joy. the month of October. She • Swimwear • Gifts CRATING & SHRINK WRAPPING college. One of Jen's most will also have her work on ...and so much more!! Jen is a very compassion- notable montages was done display at the Morada Way CONCH FAX • PRINT • SCANNING • LAMINATING ate person, and it shows in for Ellen DeGeneres, the talk Art Walk on the Third Plus! the various montages she has show host. It features Ellen Thursday of October. For Like us on COLOR COPIES • DIGITAL ARCHIVING New Arrivals Weekly done. These montages, in and her mother and was given more information about Jen, 100650 Overseas Hwy 305-451-5461 pencil or pastel, are created as a Mother's Day gift. please contact The Art Box Central Plaza 103200 Overseas Hwy. Suite 6 Key Largo, FL 33037 Key Largo 33037 [email protected] after she spends time get- Though Jen did not get to or visit her website at [email protected] 305-440-3714 savvyconch.com ting to know someone and see the response Ellen had to japortraits.com. 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 19 Women and Home Depot
Charlie was installing a new Coco‘Nut’ Funnies door and found that one of the hinges was missing. Halloween Horror Story He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home De- A couple was invited to a pot and pick up a hinge. swanky costume party. Unfor- tunately, the wife came down Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting with a terrible headache and for the manager to finish told her husband to go to the Beer Can Vasectomy serving a customer, her party alone. eye caught a beautiful After their 11th child, a Kentucky He, being a devoted hus- bathroom faucet. When couple decided that was enough, went to one of the cars and band protested, but she ar- the manager was finished, Everyone loves Halloween. as they could not afford a larger had a quickie. Mary asked him, “How bed. gued and said she was going Just before unmasking at much is that faucet?” The So the husband went to his veteri- to take some aspirin and go to midnight, she slipped away, manager replied, “That’s a narian and told him that he and bed and there was no need for went home, put the costume gold plated faucet and the his cousin didn’t want to have any I’m not saying his good time being spoiled by away and got into bed, won- price is $500.00.” more children. not going. dering what kind of explana- let’s go kill all the Mary exclaimed, “My The doctor told him that there was So he took his costume and tion he would make for his goodness, that’s an expen- a procedure called a vasectomy stupid people—I’m away he went. The wife, after behavior. sive faucet and certain- that could fix the problem but that sleeping soundly for about an She was sitting up reading ly out of my price range!” it was expensive. just saying let’s re- She then proceeded to hour, awakened without pain when he came in, and she asked “A less costly alternative,” said describe the hinge that the doctor, “is to go home, get a move all the warn- and, as it was still early enough, what kind of a time he had. Charlie had sent her to buy. cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal ing labels and decided to go to the party. He said: “Oh, the same old in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer Since her husband did not thing . You know I never have The manager said that he had them in stock and “I’m too old for a broom.” can, then hold the can up to your let the problem know what her costume was, a good time when you’re not ear and count to 10.” went into the storeroom to sort itself out. she thought she would have there.” get one. From the store- The Kentuckian said to the doctor, some fun by watching her “Did you dance much?” room the manager yelled, Mary shouted back, “No, but I will for the faucet.” JOHN McKINNA is a local musician, a best-selling author, “I may not be the smartest tool in husband to see how he acted “You know, I never even “Ma’am, you wanna screw the shed, but I don’t see how put- for the hinge? This is why you can’t send a woman to Home Depot. and a published, syndicated cartoonist. We feature his ting a cherry bomb in a beer can when she was not with him. danced one dance. When I Thank you Trader Dick! cartoons every month in the Coconut Telegraph! next to my ear is going to help She joined the party and got there, I met Pete, Trader me.” soon spotted her husband Dick and some other guys, HALLOWEEN IDEAS FROM THE COCONUT TELEGRAPH “Trust me,” said the doctor. cavorting around on the dance so we went into the den and COCONUT
MV10170 fun-filled activities, help Pardo, Secretary Laura For more information promote community aware- Powers, Treasurer Melissa about Interact or Key Largo Quality Service Since 1972 ness, and support the Ameri- Helphrey and Sergeant at Rotary Club, please contact: AMERICAN & FOREIGN CARS, TRUCKS can Legion family. S.U.V.s, VANS, TRAILERS & R.V.s Arms Mallory Eakin. Cheryl Powers at cpowers33 B Interact is a service club @bellsouth.net or 502-645- • Certified Mechanics E for youth. Interact‛s global 3578. • Exhaust Systems MINOR C • Brakes & MAJOR F • Tune-Ups REPAIRS • Tire Sales & Repairs D A • Air Conditioning FOOTBALL!! • Coolant & Transmission Flushes WHATEVER YOUR GAME IS, • Regular & Synthetic Oil Changes WE’VE GOT IT! Tina’s Terrific! FOOTBALL KICKOFF PARTY 305-451-3500 Sun., Sept. 13 MM 101.5 • KEY LARGO SEE OUR AD ON THE CENTER SPREAD FOR Specializing in C ON THE MAP ALL THE DETAILS! Color & Highlights 24 HOUR EMERGENCY SERVICE BEST IN TOWN! HAPPY HOUR and the Latest Compassionate Health Care Mon - Fri Haircut Trends for Your 4-7 pm Animal Friends Offering Geoff Bailey, DVM 50% Cinderella Office Hours: MON-FRI 8-5; SAT 8-1 All Liquor Hair Extensions Medicine • Surgery • Dentistry LUNCH Digital Radiology, Endoscopy 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM & Laboratory Diagnostics Free Consulation Microchip ID • Kitten Adoption Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials Boarding • Grooming • Drop-Offs New! Weekend The Legion is now an official ~ House Calls Available ~ CHEF’S SPECIALS Appointments 6 Days a Week Come check it out! American Legion Riders Canteen. $25 membership fee, join now. See Tina at Linda Lee’s Hairport 305 453-0044 (305) 451-4105 103200 Overseas Hwy (Plaza 103, by Num Thai) MM100.6 Bayside • Key Largo www.D-Hooker.net 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 www.animalcareclinickeylargo.com MM 102.3 • Bayside, Key Largo 451-3455 F ON THE MAP E ON THE MAP Key Largo • 305-451-0307 22 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 23 September’s Iguanas Article: Reaction The Process of Grieving Business in the Keys Becoming Whole Again Dear Ms. Denise Malefyt Grief can arise from many life situations, Larry‛s Mobile RV Service I doubt if I can pick up another copy of your but know it is not a permanent state of being. Coconut Telegraph. What a horrible article! "Ass- Serving the Upper Keys When we experience any LUNCH $1 Sushi all the time! 31 Years Experience • Licensed and Insured holes" ???? 11:30-3 kind of devastating loss, (Mon.-Fri.) Special Dinner Menu 630-460-7676 starting at $6.99 (5-7:30pm) whether it is the loss of a DINNER Larry Zinser Iguanas did not ask to be transported here but 5-10 Lunch Specials from $5.95 (Every Day) Private Room Available [email protected] make life in the Keys AWESOME to animal lovers loved one, a dream, or a Voted Best Asian Food like me. relationship, feelings may 305-451-5955 15 years in a row. www.floridakeysrvservice.com [email protected] Like us on FACEBOOK arise within us that are 103200 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo, MM 103 Bayside We only have cats and dogs and a few other overwhelming or difficult to animals in Michigan's cities but we do not advocate cope with. This sense of CAT HELPER! ROB’S JOBS Structural/Civil • Structural Evaluations grief can also come up when we are separated from Handy Man Services Residential/Commercial Design I was very disgusted with the article, showed anyone or anything we have WE CLOSE PERMITS it to our doctor who made a house visit last night No job too big, no job too small welcomed into our lives. and she was also appalled! Please re-consider what strength, faith, and laughter 20+ years experience Michael F. Padula P. E. you publish. We are permanent residents in Taver- While it may feel like we are in between. While these Seacoast Engineering & Design emotions seem to come and Robert Nicodemus nier now going on our 4th year and love your igua- caught up in a never-ending KD CONSTRUCTION & CONSULTINGCell: 203-948-2447 Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305.509.7695 • fax 305.509.7635 nas. Their pictures line our walls along with my spiral of sadness and empti- go sporadically, it is impor- Email: [email protected] [email protected] • Seacoast Engineering and Design on Facebook 7085 SW 47TH STREET MIAMI. FL 33155 underwater photography. ness, it is important to tant to feel them, accept remember that the grief we them, and allow them to Incensed, are feeling is not a perma- flow. With time, patience, nent state of being. Rather, and compassion, you will (It was signed, but name withheld) eventually find your center Patrick Neil * Corpora on Set Up * Sales Tax * Sales Audits grief is part of the process Business Development/Account Executive * Accounts Receivable * Accounts Payable * Payroll of letting go that in many again. Sole Proprietors to Corpora ons, Big or Small We think they left their sense of humor in Michigan! PHONE: 305.661.2533 ways can be a gift, allowing Cell: 786.385.7251 As we move through our FAX: 305.661.2032 us to go deeper within our- grief, we may find ourselves EMAIL: [email protected] selves to rediscover the reluctant to release our www.kdconstructionmiami.com Salvation Army Family Store light amidst the seeming pain, fearing we are letting MM 99 Bayside SHOP • DONATE darkness. go of who or what we have Key Largo Great Health Care The emotions that accom- lost. We may even regard pany any kind of loss can be our movement toward heal- intense and varied. A sense ing as an act of disloyalty or FREE of shock or denial is often giving up. For uninsured Upper Keys adults the first reaction, to be Know that while the hurt with no income or very low income replaced by anger. Some- may fade, the essence of Call the Good Health Clinic at 305-853-1788 MM 91.5 Oceanside • M-F 9-3 • thegoodlhealthclinic.org times this anger can be what you had and who you directed at your loved one loved will have already for “abandoning” you; at The Conch Republic transformed you and for- COCONUT TELEGRAPH other times you may feel ever stay with you. If any- Independently Owned Local Newspaper Visit the store, or call 305-872-5744 for prompt and courteous pickup Advertise Here Advertise Here outrage toward the universe thing, once you are ready $30 per month Denise Malefyt $30 per month for what you are enduring. PUBLISHER for the pain of your loss to (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) 305.304.2837 While there are stages of subside, their memories can Drop off check and biz card to www.TheConchTelegraph.com then live more fully within [email protected] Drop off check and biz card to Bushwacker’s grief that people go through The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside 101425 Overseas Hwy., PMB #628 The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside LAWN & LANDSCAPE MAINTENANCE you. Key Largo, Florida Keys 33037 – moving from denial to next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. anger to bargaining to Hire a LOCAL Remember, healing is a part depression to acceptance – of the spiraling cycles of with EXPERIENCE the cycles of grief often grief, and in letting yourself and a GOOD REPUTATION move in spirals, sometimes feel restored again, you are Advertise Here who does PROFESSIONAL WORK circling forward and then surrendering to a natural $30 per month back again. You may even (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) and does it ON TIME at a FAIR RATE! movement that is part of experience moments of the dance of life. Drop off check and biz card to Key Largo to Lower Matecumbe The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside • Maintenance • Tree Work Reprinted from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. • Installations • Hardscape 305-451-5586 healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015
The largest Tiki Bar in the Keys! 305-451-1133 107900 Overseas Hwy www.gilbertsresort.com Waterfront Tiki Bar, Restaurant, Motel & Marina Now Featurin LIVE ENTERTAINMENT - OCTOBER 2015 “Never a Cover Charge” LASAGNA NIGHT American Cancer Society Fundraiser TUESDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS MICHAEL TRIXX SPECIAL EVENT - SAT., OCTOBER 10th IS BACK! in October featuring The Sauce Boss’ Oct. 10, 17 & 31 American Cancer Onl Society Unique Gumbo & Blues $4.99 from 5-8pm Limited time only, while supplies last, not valid with other discounts. Thursday is Ladies Night! LADIES DRINK FREE FROM 6-9 PM (WINE, DRAFT BEER, WELL DRINKS) Dance your booty off with DJ Ronnie 6-10 PM
Now at Gilberts.....Country Night! Every FIRST Friday of the month - this month GRAYSON ROGERS, rising Country star!!
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VISIT US IN OUR NEW OFFICE AT 102901 OVERSEAS HWY, MM 102.9 OCEANSIDE