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FREE Lodging • Shopping The Conch Republic Dining • Entertainment OCONUT ELEGRAPH TCHE COCONUT TELEGRAPH IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL NEWSPA T PER OF THE NORTHERNMOST TERRITORIES OF THE CONCH REPUBLIC 101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • October 2015 Inside: Attractions Artist of the Month: Jen Aquia Common Mythconceptions What’s Hot & What’s Not Songfest Oct 9-10-11 October Events at Gilbert’s Welcome Keys Mobile Chiropractic So Many Halloween Events! Maps Key Largo Locator Map Getting from Here to There All the Buzz Coco-Nut Funnies Mangrove Galley Conch Characters Business in the Keys Igor and Red Elvises are a traveling “rokenrol” party that is constantly in motion and evolving. Singer, songwriter, guitarist and showman extraordinaire Igor Yuzov is perpetually globetrotting, and in the process found scores of wildly talented and entertaining performers to bring into the fold. See them at Gilbert’s on Monday, October 26th for an early Halloween party. See page 9 for more info. Photo by Rob LeBrun. Key Largo’s COMING 4th Annual OCTOBER Top Hit Songwriters 9, 10 & 11 Music Festival ON THE BEACH • MM 99.5 BAYSIDE KEY LARGO • 305-451-3380 Top hit songwriters performing live and Live Music • Happy Hour • Sunset sharing their stories at Bayside Grille and World class entertainers, in Key Largo on the beach. two other Key Largo venues. Don’t miss it! It doesn’t get any better than this! Look for ad inside or check the calendar at keylargo-baysidegrill.com for all of our live music on the beach. Schedule and artist information inside. 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 3 Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: Articles Coconut Telegraph October 2015 Editorial: Pick Up Lines for the Chronologically Challenged ......... 2 EARLY DEADLINE Volume 9 Issue #104 Editor/Sales/Distribution New to the Keys: Mobile Chiropractic Service ............................... 4 Prestige Publishing, Inc Denise Malefyt Adopt An Animal, Key Largo Shelter ................................................ 6 in October for 101425 Overseas Highway 305-304-2837 Sounds of the Keys .........................................................................7 November Edition PMB #628 [email protected] MARC Fish Fry - Sunday Nov. 15 ..................................................8 Key Largo, FL 33037 October is Packed with Events at Gilbert’s ..................................... 9 OSHA says we absolutely HAVE to give our minions one Downtown Key Largo Readies for Songfest .................................... 9 Deadline Advertising Production week off a year, and damned if they don’t elect to take Common Mythconceptions ......................................................10 it right when we should be going to press! So, please get for the Sue Beal John Popper Hooks Crowd at Gilbert’s ....................................11 your ads and press releases in by October 15th. Coconut Telegraph’s 305-451-4601 Getting from Here to There - Keys Map Page ..........................12-13 We’re going to press the night of October 22nd. next issue is EARLY beal_s @bellsouth.net Mangrove Galley: Pork Cutlets ........................................................14 Wednesday, Conch Characters .............................................................................15 October 14, 2015 Florida Woman Stops Alligator with Small Pistol ............................16 Notice: We do not mail out NOVEMBER Contact Denise at Artist of the Month: Jen Aquia .........................................................17 WED FRI SAT the Coconut Telegraph and presents 305-304-2837 Coco“Nut” Funnies .......................................................................18-19 we do not sell subscriptions. [email protected] Classified Ads ......................................................................................19 4 6 7 It is available for free online at Key Largo Locator Map Page ...................................................20 WED FRI SAT www.theconchtelegraph.com. Sons of American Legion Membership Drive ................................21 For comments please visit The CSHS Rotary Interact Officers Named ............................................21 11 13 14 Conch Telegraph on Facebook. Business in the Keys ............................................................................22 A WILD RIDE Daily OM: The Process of Grieving ..................................................23 OF A COMEDY Letter to the Editor: Iguana Article Reaction .................................23 The Key Players is a 501(c)3 organization promoting COMMUNITY THEATER in the UPPER KEYS MM 99.5 OCEANSIDE BEHIND CAPITAL BANK SAVE THESAVE DATE!! Key Largo Lion’s Club Editorial: Pick Up Lines for the Chronologically Challenged I have noticed lately that My teeth and I no longer Just wait until you see the Come Hungry! older men still use the same sleep together but you and I size of my... social security “Help! I’ve fallen for you adolescent pickup lines they’ve definitely should. check. and I can’t get up! 10% OFF WITH THIS AD always used, and they make My war buddies over there Your company is so delight- me cringe. “Want to see some- bet I wouldn’t be able to start ful, I’m contemplating putting a thing swell?” and “Sit on my a conversation with the most new battery in my hearing aid. It's clean, it's fast, it's delicious!!! ----” just doesn’t cut it guys! beautiful girl in the room. When you reach a mature Is your name Viagra, ’cause Great breakfast, great lunch, great everything!! Wanna buy some drinks with COC-TEL age, you need to change your I don’t think they will be able their money? Open 8 am - 10 pm daily. 6 am - 2 pm • 7 Days repertoire of pick up lines if to close my casket after a MM 99.7 Bayside you’re ever going to get lucky. I might be a retired pho- night with you. 99696 Overseas Highway, Key Largo Here are a few to help you tographer, but I can still How’d you like to be in my docsdinerkeylargo.com • 305-451-2895 get started: picture us together. will? If I had to choose be- You’re so sweet, you’re giv- Locals’ Discount! tween breathing and loving ing my dentures cavities. We Come to You! you... I’d take my last breath Here is my favorite one… KEY LARGO, FL to say “I Love You.” Ever done it in a Craft- matic adjustable bed? How about we stop by Florida New Tire Sales How about I take you home Keys Jewelry and you pick out and show you my medicine My arteries aren’t the only Available 24/7 something nice for yourself cabinet! things that have hardened. and then I will treat you to a I would sink my teeth into Did I tell you, I’m filthy romantic dinner before we get 35 Years Experience dat booty but they might just rich and my mother is dead? on the cruise ship? (Wishful stay there. BRYAN WHEATON thinking…. sigh!) Disclaimer B && B Cell: (305) 942-6325 The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2015 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are B B Home: (305) 453-0815 rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the distribution local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut schedule. MOBILEMOBILE TIRETIRE SESERRVICEVICE Mastercard & Visa Accepted 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 5 HurricaneHurricane ToTo DoDo ListList New To The Keys: The World The Keys Chiropractic Watch the Weather Channel Buy Vodka Delivery Service Pack Evacuation Kit Buy Backup Cigarettes Buy Batteries Complain Keys Mobile Chiropractic Buy Dry Goods Plan Hurricane Party is now open in the Upper Buy Water Complain some more Keys. This new practice, run Watch the Weather Channel Speculate if the hurricane by Dr. Austin Mosley, strives some more will cancel work Monday to provide exceptional care Pack the car with essentials Buy More Vodka at an affordable price. Add Dr. Austin Mosley Speculate with neighbors Speculate with neighbors to this the convenience of or neck and low back pain, about hurricane about hurricane party office hours in Islamorada call Keys Mobile Chiropractic. and mobile availability You‛ll be glad you did! Go to throughout the Upper Keys, keysmobilechiropractic.com Keys Mobile Chiropractic for more info. offers a unique blend of Appointments can be quality and accessibility. made by calling 863-381- Dr. Austin makes it his 3152. Office hours are on goal to relieve your pain and Monday, Wednesday, and restore function as quickly as Friday from 9am-5pm. For possible, allowing you to your convenience, mobile perform at work, play, and in appointments are available on life the way you were meant Tuesday, Thursday, and to. For conditions ranging Saturday. Call to set up a from headaches, sciatica, time, and Dr. Austin will herniated discs, old and new come adjust you at your sports injuries, carpal tunnel, home or place of work. Not valid with any other offer. Exp. 11.05.15 to American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo Miami Burger King Traffic Light Support RESTAURANT Walgreens U.S. 1 -ATLANTIC OVERSEAS HWY BL. our Veterans... CVS support Flashing NEW Yellow your Post Light MM 99.2 Bank Capital HOMESTEAD AV DAILY SPECIALS EAST DRIVE American The Post Fire needs your Legion Riders Station support! Open to the Public! Canteen to Key West ★ Happy Hour 4-7pm daily Sunday Breakfast 8-11am $7 Bottomless coffee included SEAGATE BLVD OCEAN BAY DRIVE OCEAN BAY Pilot 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 House 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • October 2015 October 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 7 4-7 Sounds of the Keys Voted Best Happy Hour in the Keys! Daily Key Largo’s 4th Annual Top Hit Songwriters Music Festival John Popper of Blues Traveler plays with The Regs at Gilberts! Columbus Day Weekend FRIDAY & SATURDAY AT PILOT HOUSE The MARC Thrift Shop at the 7-10 PM Hocus Pocus Friday, Oct.
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