1 Chapter 4: Behavior, Motivation and Self-Control In chapter 2, we considered the general steps in self-help and what specifically we would like to change about ourselves. In chapter 3, we thought seriously about our values--what would add meaning to our lives. So, I will assume you now have some self-improvement goals in mind. In this chapter, let's see if we can gain more self-control, starting with behavior, i.e. what you do or how you act. Introduction and Overview Intro to Learning o Classical conditioning o Operant conditioning o Recent research on conditioning o Observational learning & cognition (including self-help efforts) o Reinforcement Motivation o The importance of setting goals o Achievement o Attribution theory o Motivated underachievement o Social-Cognitive theories of achievement o Becoming motivated to study o Learned industriousness o Humanistic theories: hierarchy of needs o Positive addiction o Popular motivation books; serious references Managing difficult behavior o Behavioral blocks and getting unstuck o Why do we lose self-control? o Preventing unwanted behavior o Relapse prevention o Controlling simple habits Why behavior is hard to understand o Payoffs change over time o Positive reinforcement vs. negative reinforcement 2 o Intrinsic satisfaction & when rewards harm o Enjoying work and getting into the "flow" o Unconscious payoffs Procrastination: an example of hard-to-understand behavior o How to stop procrastinating Planning behavioral changes Review of methods for controlling behaviors o Self-help methods, continued Completing your self-help plan References and methods for specific disorders: o Addictions o Alcoholism o Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD or ADHD) o Compulsive spending or overspending More specific problems: o Eating disorders o Gambling o Internet addiction o Obsessive-Compulsive disorder More specific problems: o Sexual addiction o Sleep problems o Smoking o Speech problems o Unwanted thoughts & worries o Workaholism When to seek professional help 3 Introduction Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could control your behavior? You'd avoid over-eating, alcoholism, all bad habits, procrastination, being late, impulsive comments and purchases, sinful behavior, misplaced objects and papers, rushing at the last minute, etc. Instead, you'd have good health, a beautifully exercised body, excellent work habits, an organized life, success, good social graces, good mental health, healthy attitudes, and practically a guarantee of getting into heaven. The truth is: you can't control all your behavior. We are all a little out of control. Some of us are seriously out of control. For example, some of us are ruining our lives and/or killing ourselves with food, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, careless driving and other ways. Some of us are blowing off our school work or our jobs but still believing, even though it is very unrealistic, that we will "be successful." Some of us can't get or hold a job, or hold on to love, or properly care for our children, or manage a home and pay our debts. There is an enormous difference between the people who are out of control and those in control. It is important to understand the causes of behavior and how to change it. We could all gain better control. Keep in mind that "behavior" is just one of five parts of any human situation (see chapter 2). The fact is that behavior (actions) and the other parts--feelings, skills, thoughts, and unconscious drives--are so intermixed that it is artificially over-simplified to talk about one part in isolation. Yet, psychologists do that a lot (me too, right now). Otherwise, things get very complicated. And, indeed, perhaps clinicians do over-analyze things, always wondering what you mean when you say "Hello!" But in the 1950's and 1960's psychologists focused on behavior and learning theory, then in the middle 1970's to 1980's the focus was on cognition (thinking). Both were over simplified. Now, in the 1990's focus has turned to the interaction of emotions, values, motivation, unaware perceptions and needs with behavior and thoughts. Psychological methods, like therapy and self- help, change our brain. This chapter explores these many interactions. William James and Sigmund Freud would certainly be pleased with the recent return to introspection of our conscious and unconscious thoughts and feelings. It is wholesome to keep a historical perspective. We must not forget how young modern psychology is (and how ignorant we all are). Only 150 years ago, we did not use the concept of unconscious forces. Instead when people behaved in ways they didn't "intend" to behave, it was thought they were possessed by an alien force--the will of God, the work of the Devil, a guardian angel, or other spirits (Ellenberger, 1970). In 1900 the focus was on instincts, the stream of consciousness, the "will," the self, and so on. Psychology has changed, but we haven't come far. Wonder what psychology will be concerned with in 2100? 4 Langer (1989) reminds us that many of our actions are "mindless," i.e. done automatically without weighing the rationality or the pros and cons for the action before responding. Rather than mindless, it may be more accurate to label a good bit of our behavior as self-deceptive or self-conning. For instance, when asked "why are you doing that?" people frequently give an explanation quickly and confidently, but it is often inaccurate (they overlook important factors or are unaware of some response they made and so on). Likewise, people have lots of silly ideas and feelings about their own behavior, such as "I can tell when someone is looking at me" or "I think I have a pretty good chance of winning the lottery." We could also cite as foolish the denial of alcoholics, smokers, over-eaters, non-studying students and others. In any case, whether we are just unthinking about what we are doing or unwittingly fooling ourselves, Langer's point is that greater awareness (mindfulness) is needed for more rational self-direction and greater self-control. Freud would say we haven't learned much yet; we still need to become aware of our conscious and unconscious cognition, including repression, rationalization, denial and other defense mechanisms. There may be some behavioral habits that have little or no cognitive, emotional, or unconscious aspects, such as brushing your teeth, tying your shoes, walking, breathing and so on. But, as we learned in chapter 2, most behaviors are influenced by other parts of the problem, e.g. eating when anxious or bored, smoking or drinking to relax, procrastinating to avoid work, socializing when we need pleasure, avoiding hard tasks because we think we can't do it, learning new skills when we feel inadequate, setting low goals so we won't feel too disappointed if we don't do well, etc. Consequently, you can't fully understand most human behavior without considering many factors: environment, perception of the situation, consequences of our behavior, learning from previous experience, emotions, needs and level of motivation, knowledge and skills, values and life goals, plans and intentions, expectations, self-deception, unconscious processes, genetic and physiological or hormonal factors, and possibly many, many more variables. All at once! In the 1940's and 1950's, psychologists thought they would develop one learning theory based largely on rats and pigeons which would explain all human behavior. Not likely! But learning is very important. Almost everything we do, feel, or think is learned. Learning is usually necessary for changing--changing your behavior, changing your mind, changing your awareness, etc. This 100-billion-neuron- brain of ours with 1000 growing, changing synapses on each neuron and over 50 chemical neurotransmitters interacting in each synapse enables some wonderfully complex behavior and thoughts. No computer comes close to matching the human brain. Two and a half pounds of fantastic living matter that can, hopefully, study and understand itself. What a phenomenon! 5 Overview of this chapter In this chapter we will concentrate on understanding ordinary behavior, including how new behavior is learned and how behavior is changed (this is continued in chapter 11). We will look at simple models of learning. Then we will focus on motivation, especially achievement motivation. The common problem of procrastination provides us with a more complex behavior to analyze. Stopping unwanted behaviors and preventing relapses are other important skills to acquire. The chapter concludes with several explanations of why behavior is hard to understand and with a brief description of many methods for changing behavior, using various forms of oral consumption for our examples. Obviously, emotion expresses itself partly through behavior, but separate chapters deal with fear (ch. 5), sadness (ch. 6), anger (ch. 7) and dependency (ch. 8). Also, skills (ch. 13) influence your performance in many ways. Certainly your thoughts, including your goals and plans, self-instructions (ch. 11), values (ch. 3), expectations, self-concept, personality, self-deceptions, unawareness, and unconscious factors (chs. 9, 14 and 15) influence your behavior. You may want to go directly to those chapters, skipping behavior, if those emotions or cognitive factors seem to be more at the core of your problems. Psychologists use the term "learning" to refer to any change in behavior that results from experience (Hergenhahn, 1982). To a degree some of our actions are surely influenced by our genes or just by "human nature," but most of our behavior, in contrast to other animals, has been learned from experience. This is true of our unwanted behavior too. So, if bad habits have been learned, they could be unlearned. Likewise, becoming a better person, more thoughtful of others or more skillful, involves new learning (new behavior, new thinking, new values, or new motivation).