A Performance Autoethnography Hari Stephen Kumar University of Massachusetts Amherst
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University of Massachusetts Amherst ScholarWorks@UMass Amherst Masters Theses 1911 - February 2014 2011 Decolonizing Texts: A Performance Autoethnography Hari stephen Kumar University of Massachusetts Amherst Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.umass.edu/theses Part of the Critical and Cultural Studies Commons, Gender, Race, Sexuality, and Ethnicity in Communication Commons, Performance Studies Commons, Race, Ethnicity and Post-Colonial Studies Commons, and the Speech and Rhetorical Studies Commons Kumar, Hari stephen, "Decolonizing Texts: A Performance Autoethnography" (2011). Masters Theses 1911 - February 2014. 692. Retrieved from https://scholarworks.umass.edu/theses/692 This thesis is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks@UMass Amherst. It has been accepted for inclusion in Masters Theses 1911 - February 2014 by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks@UMass Amherst. For more information, please contact [email protected]. DECOLONIZING TEXTS : A PERFORMANCE AUTOETHNOGRAPHY A Thesis Presented by HARI STEPHEN KUMAR Submitted to the Graduate School of the University of Massachusetts Amherst in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of MASTER OF ARTS September 2011 COMMUNICATION DECOLONIZING TEXTS : A PERFORMANCE AUTOETHNOGRAPHY A Thesis Presented by HARI STEPHEN KUMAR Approved as to style and content by: ___________________________________ Claudio Moreira, Chair ___________________________________ Leda M. Cooks, Member ___________________________________ Stephen Olbrys Gencarella, Member ___________________________________ Lisa Henderson, Department Chair Department of Communication DEDICATION For Alexis. For Eliana. For Claudio. For All betweeners who Make life livable On this journey: Thank you. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks be to God for breathing life into it all. Thanks be to Alexis for breathing with me on this journey, with love and grace always. Thanks be to Eliana for reminding me everyday to breathe—and reminding me why. Thanks be to Jayne and Brian for helping us breathe when we forget how. Thanks be to Claudio for making this betweener life possible in the academy. Thanks be to Stephen for friendship and scholarship that quite literally transforms and transgresses the boundaries of what is possible in life, in work, in family, and in love. Thanks be to Leda for friendship and scholarship that quite literally nurtures and sustains me and so many others in the academy. Thanks be to my parents, Shivakumar and Vathsala, Appa and Amma, for even talking with me after all my transgressions and ruptures. Thanks be to my sister, Priya, and Krishnan and Rohit, for loving me anyway. Thanks be to my family-in-law, Vicki, Cliff, Cal, Eric, Dennis, for everyday moments of love and hope. Thanks be to Bryant Keith Alexander, for relentlessly inspiring me through visceral scholarship in performance autoethnography and through walking the talk in our embodied friendship. Thanks be to friends and colleagues, co-journeyers on this crazy path between the personal and the professional, between lived experiences and the academy, between identities and cultural politics, betweeners breathing life into us all. iv ABSTRACT DECOLONIZING TEXTS : A PERFORMANCE AUTOETHNOGRAPHY SEPTEMBER 2011 HARI STEPHEN KUMAR B.E., UNIVERSITY OF MADRAS (INDIA) M.S., BOSTON UNIVERSITY M.A., UNIVERSITY OF MASSACHUSETTS AMHERST Directed by: Professor Claudio Moreira I write performance autoethnography as a methodological project committed to evoking embodied and lived experience in academic texts, using performance writing to decolonize academic knowledge production. Through a fragmented itinerary across continents and ethnicities, across religions and languages, across academic and vocational careers, I speak from the everyday spaces in between supposedly stable cultural identities involving race, ethnicity, class, gendered norms, to name a few. I write against colonizing practices which police the racist, sexist, and xenophobic cultural politics that produce and validate particular identities. I write from the intersections of my own living experiences within and against those cultural practices, and I bring these intersections with me into the academic spaces where I live and labor, intertwining the personal and the professional. Within the academy, colonizing structures manifest in ways that value disembodied and objectified Western knowledges about people, while excluding certain bodies and lived experiences from research texts. My thesis locates the academy as both a site for struggle and an arena for transformative work, turning from Others as objects of v study and toward decolonizing academic knowledge production, making Western epistemologies themselves the objects of inquiry (Smith 1999; Denzin 2003; Moreira 2009). Connecting with a tradition and community of scholars in the ‘seventh moment’ of qualitative research (Denzin & Lincoln, 2005b), I disrupt acts of academic(s) writing as the textual labor most privileged in the academy. In this thesis I write messy acts of embodied knowledges (Weems 2003; Moreira 2007), including this abstract itself, while each act resists and breaks forms of ‘traditional’ academic writing to varying degrees, ranging from subtle to overtly transgressive. My ‘fieldwork’ invokes my 35 years of perpetual migration: observed through my messy and unvalidated perspectives, recorded and transcribed through my messy and unreliable body, distorted by my messy and deceptive memories, and experienced every single day in messy encounters out of my control, while I live and labor as a perpetual betweener. I write visceral texts as performance acts that invite us all, as betweeners, to write and read from the flesh in order to turn our gaze toward decolonizing academic knowledge production. vi TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ................................................................................................. iv ABSTRACT........................................................................................................................ v LIST OF IMAGES...........................................................................................................viii ACT I: INTRODUCTIONS ................................................................................................... 1 II: THEORETICAL AND METHODOLOGICAL FRAMEWORKS......................... 12 III: SPEAKING IN SILENCES..................................................................................... 62 IV: STRANGER AT THE GATE.................................................................................. 78 V: PERFORMING ENGLISH.................................................................................... 113 VI: BETRAYING PERFORMANCE.......................................................................... 124 VII: LETTERS FOR ELIANA...................................................................................... 131 WORKS CITED ............................................................................................................. 137 vii LIST OF IMAGES Image Page 1. ................................................................................................................................... 132 2a. ................................................................................................................................... 135 2b. ................................................................................................................................... 135 viii ACT I INTRODUCTIONS To live in the Borderlands means you are neither hispana india negra espanola ni gabacha, eres mestiza, mulata, half-breed caught in the crossfire between camps while carrying all five races on your back not knowing which side to turn to, run from … ~ Gloria Anzaldúa (1987/2007) * * * They came, they saw, they named, they claimed. ~ Linda Tuhiwai Smith (1999) * * * We smile and tell him or her something that satisfies the white person because, knowing so little about us, he doesn't know what he is missing. […] The theory behind our tactics: “The white man is always trying to know into somebody else’s business. All right, I’ll set something outside the door of my mind for him to play with and handle. He can read my writing but he sho’ can’t read my mind. I’ll put this play toy in his hand, and he will seize it and go away. Then I’ll say my say and sing my song.” ~ Zora Neale Hurston (1935/2008) * * * We are all collateral damage for someone’s beautiful Ideology, all of us inanimate in the face of the onslaught. […] How would you like To feel like a fucking storm every time someone looked At you? One time I was At a party. Some guy asked me: What are you, anyway? I downed my beer. Mexican I said. Really he said, Do You play soccer? No I said but I drink Tequila. He smiled At me, That's cool. I smiled back So what are you? What do you think I am he said. An asshole I said. People Hate you when you’re right. ~ Benjamin Alire Sáenz (2010) 1 The words of Gloria, Linda, Zora, and Benjamin echo many of the intersections of my own living experiences within and against cultural practices and social structures. It is from within those intersections that I write my performance autoethnographies in this thesis—in doing so, I bring those intersections with me into the academic spaces where I currently live and labor. Indeed, my goal in writing this thesis is to decolonize academic structures that separate personal and professional life. I write from the spaces that are in- between