The Long Run: A Phenomenological Description with Dialectic Verse of a Sport Odyssey A Dissertation Presented in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy With a Major in Education College of Graduate Studies University of Idaho by James Wharton December, 2004 Major Professor: Sharon Kay Stoll ii AUTHORIZATION TO SUBMIT DISSERTATION This dissertation of James Edward Wharton, submitted for the degree of Ph.D. with a major in Education and titled " The Long Run: A Phenomenological Description with Dialectic Verse of a Sport Odyssey", has been reviewed in final form. Permission, as indicated by the signatures and dates given below, is now granted to submit final copies to the College of Graduate Studies for approval. Major Professor_____________________________________Date______________ Sharon Kay Stoll Committee Members ____________________________________Date______________ Jennifer M. Beller ____________________________________Date______________ Karen Guifoyle ____________________________________Date______________ Mike Kinziger Department Administrator ____________________________________Date______________ Dennis Dolny Discipline's College Dean ____________________________________Date______________ Jeanne Christiansen Final Approval and Acceptance by the College of Graduate Studies _____________________________________Date_____________ Margrit von Braun. iii ABSTRACT This dissertation starts out somewhere in time. A phenomenon exists outside of Plato’s cave. There is a gymnasium full of naked curiosity seekers hoping they can qualify for the next event. All seeking to perform at what they do best. Somewhere between metaphor and true meaning lies an interpretation. It just so happens that for this writer it started about the time of his conception. “In the beginning;” happens to be the first phrase you will encounter. Now to some that would cite a biblical reference. In this dissertation it shall be more evolutional. Form the first emergence on the floor of the stadium to the last breath…as death wins the race It evolves, and it crawls, and it walks, and finally it runs. It gets up like a new born fawn and wobbles a little, falls foreleg first, struggles a little more until it finds its own set of “Deerlegs…” and off it goes. Once away from the mother’s care it just runs, and it runs with a reckless abandon, scattering lies, and stealing away every moment that can be had. Leaving in the trail, bits and pieces of broken dreams, ill-timed indiscretions – and spent endorphins…yet, always looking ahead to the next adventure, the next moment, and the next opportunity where the risk only aids in the pursuit of experience. Thus this study is the use of phenomenological method and dialectic verse to describe a personal sport odyssey. The study will be: A descriptive reflection of self through sport and a description of the phenomenological experience by other sojourners in sport., plus a discussion of the phenomenological experience The above framework is due to the fact that most of my life has been spent running. To, from, away, into, around and finally ‘through the finish’ of what I have titled: “The Long Run.” A journey through the Sport World - A mantra for a life gone by. A life spent acculturated into iv what I have so identified as the Sport World. Does this place exist? I believe it does. Should you be interested enough to seek some enlightenment on this topic then I welcome you. And why should you ask Why assign this many pages to a much used metaphor like” The Long Run.” What credence does it still possess…a worn out phrase who has lost its legs. How much meaning can be left in this holistic bit of rhetoric? What in the world does it have to do with reality? The phenomenon here as I will attempt to describe it - has everything to do with the reality, the experience of one’s (Gym’s) journey through a life conceived, matriculated in, and surviving on its own. Often running alone until near fatigue or heat prostration brings me to my knees. A vivid reminder to the fate that waits should I not re-infuse with more of something else…something new. By force of will and the absolute surrender to the one who brought me here. I provide. This is a look at my run through the finish. As I lay dying1… My addictions laced tight. I cannot sleep I see no “white light.” So bury me now, but don’t cover my feet. The race is still on… I’ll die to compete. v Left with no time… It all seems in vain. This run to the end… Dreams of easing the pain. I’m still in this thing… The line is so near. This life is to die for. For it’s not finishing…I fear 1 A play on words based on the work of Faulkner (1930). vi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS “Jim you need this program” those were the first words Dr. Sharon Stoll spoke to me after my initial meeting with her back in 1992. I came in search of a life after coaching…I had just left a Division I Head Coach position for philosophical differences with the newly self- appointed Athletic Director. I needed something to ease the pain and I believe I had found it. The irony was, it was necessary for me to still remain coaching while attempting to complete my studies here at the University of Idaho. To Coach Mike Keller I will always be grateful. “Sport ethics” he sounded off, “there is none!” Yet we spent the following next five years together coaching track and field. The process of seeking an academic doctorate and coaching at the same time presented unique problems for me. And this I found to be extremely difficult. The, “once a coach, always a coach” adage was still stuck to my shoes. After my first unsuccessful attempt to understand the impact the Sport World had on a persons life through quantitative analysis, I reversed field and headed for what I knew best. I ran away and was just about to disappear into that stigma known very well by those who have also been labeled: ABD. The shame of having done all the course work and not completing the dissertation…All But Dissertation. I have many colleagues who are now selling real estate and life insurance due to this condition. It did not help that for the majority of my life, I have struggled with a series of diagnosed learning disabilities. To which I will add here and now: Avoidance and procrastination due to self-denial and ego only magnifies the problem. It was a sad day in the classroom when I realized how difficult / deficient I was. It became clear I needed to learn how to learn…again. Dr. Stoll called me an apostle and that in turn makes her the Messiah vii Somehow I got caught by the dream catcher placed outside the office door of Dr. Karen Guilfoyle. She was at the time the only resident qualitative educator on campus. She soon became my qualitative research mentor and advisor. Through her tutelage I learned of a new community of researchers, individuals studying what she referred to as that stuff under the covers, behind the doors and in the streets. For the next three years I spent getting in shape for a run in the qualitative world of research. It was a slow start but a smooth transition was made. Thank you Karen for letting me go outside myself and come back to share within the circle you had created for all of us. Dr. Stoll again came to my rescue. Jim you can’t do both you can’t coach and expect to finish your long run in time. I told her of my adventures in Qualitative research and would like to keep going in that direction…”Jim you’re driving me nuts. “You need to read this stuff,” and she handed me a reading list on the philosophical principles of the phenomenological method of study. And off I went and what is ahead is the result of years of reflective description and lived experience. Dr. Jennifer Beller is somewhat of an unsung hero to me. She, after all is said and done, stuck by me. Her position on my committee was the one I sought the most after removing her no less than three times. Her numerous philosophical tailgating of my project kept me one step ahead – I can only acknowledge her competitiveness which I underestimated. There had to be a place on this committee for her. There is no one else who I have been more passive aggressive with than her, if not rude to, and I hope someday she can learn to forgive me. Her knowledge of statistical method and ability to communicate her direct feelings to me leaves me smiling. viii This whole process of writing a dissertation can not be accomplished without support and to Dr. Mike (Kinziger) I owe an extraordinary amount of paddle time! His enthusiasm and support for me as an athlete, a veteran of the sports world culture, and his understanding of where I was coming from, lent itself to me during those times when I was stuck on my own. His understanding of travel into new areas of the educational wilderness and acceptance of my phenomenological perspective will always keep me on his trail, and in his wake. This man’s work ethic and concern for his students is unmatched. Finally, to those who shared with me their stories, their personal experiences, and their passion for sport. They are referred to as sojourners in this dissertation. Through the phenomenon of propinquity you have all redefined the one thing we all share – a lasting love for the experience. You have saved me from myself…I thank you all.