FACTSHEET FOR FAMILIES

January 2011

Frequently Asked Questions From , , Bisexual, and (LGBT) Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents

The landscape for LGBT is family.1 However, specific challenges changing, with an increasing number of continue to face many LGBT prospective LGBT individuals and couples choosing adoptive parents; they vary depending on to build families through adoption. Many where you live and whether you adopt as a agencies, both public and private, welcome single person or a couple. the LGBT community. Leading child welfare organizations believe that prospective LGBT parents are an excellent resource for 1 Campaign: All Children—All Families Promising children and youth in need of a permanent Practices Guide, 2010, at www.hrc.org/issues/parenting/ /8941.htm

Child Welfare Information Gateway Children’s Bureau/ACYF U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW Administration for Children and Families Eighth Floor Washington, DC 20024 Administration on Children, Youth and Families 800.394.3366 Children’s Bureau Email: [email protected] www.childwelfare.gov Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov

The adoption process can seem daunting • The number of LGBT families the agency for anyone, straight or gay, and it can has worked with, what percentage of all require a significant commitment of time, families that represents, and how long emotional energy, and financial resources, LGBT families wait to be matched with a depending on the path you take. To make child or children the experience as positive as possible, do • How the agency, if the agency places your homework before getting started. Being infants, represents LGBT families to informed is the first step in the process. expectant parents considering adoption The following answers to frequently asked for their infants questions (FAQs) can help you in this early stage of your journey in adoption.2 • How the agency’s intercountry program, if it has one, works with LGBT families Q: How do I find a welcoming agency? Q: What States allow LGBT A: Finding an agency that is genuinely individuals or same-sex couples to welcoming and affirming is the key to a foster or adopt? successful adoption experience. Begin by A: Most States do not have laws or formal asking other LGBT adoptive parents for policies that address the eligibility of LGBT feedback on the agencies they used and individuals or couples to adopt or serve whether they would recommend a particular as foster parents. Instead, child welfare agency. Conduct your own Internet professionals and judges make placement research by reviewing agency websites for decisions that should be in the best interests images and language that speak to the of the child. A few States have laws that LGBT community, for example, photos of restrict adoption or fostering by gay people two-mom or two-dad families, or client (for example, Mississippi). In States where nondiscrimination statements. You can call same-sex couples can marry legally they an agency directly and ask about its policies can also adopt. In many other States, sexual or request an in-person meeting with a staff orientation or same-sex relationship status person to learn more about the agency’s does not exclude couples from adopting. track record with LGBT families and to get a sense of how open they are. If you live in Some States will allow singles to adopt but a jurisdiction that has laws restricting LGBT will not allow same-sex or unmarried couples adoption, ask the agency how it navigates to adopt. If one member of a couple chooses those challenges. Be sure that the agency to adopt as a single parent because the State can verify that it has placed children with won’t allow second-parent adoption, the LGBT families, and ask to speak to some of parents may want to find a way to complete their LGBT clients. a second-parent adoption in order to provide the child with legal protection. Other topics to explore with agencies are: Before you begin your adoption process, you should research the laws in your 2 See Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Adoption: Where Do I Start? at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_start.cfm jurisdiction. Seek consultation from your

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State equality organization or a national relationship. In States where joint adoption LGBT organization if you are unclear. See is not allowed, you may need to identify Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Who one person to be the primary applicant and May Adopt, Be Adopted, or Place a Child for one to be the “other member of household.” Adoption? Summary of State Laws: Ideally, the agency, and the home study www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_ social worker in particular, should be aware policies/statutes/parties.pdf. of your , , and relationship status to help you navigate Q: Should I disclose my sexual the particular challenges in the city, county, orientation or transgender status? or State where you reside. If so, when? If there is a compelling reason why you are A: This is perhaps the most daunting aspect not able to disclose—for example, you live of the adoption process, particularly if you in a State that bans gay adoption, or you live in a State with restrictive laws or if are pursuing intercountry adoption from you are not sure of your agency’s policy. a country that will not place with LGBT Full disclosure in adoption is optimal and families—consult with an LGBT family law advised, whether it’s regarding sexual attorney or LGBT advocacy organization orientation, family history, or other aspects before moving forward. There are often of your personal life and background. LGBT ways to resolve these difficult scenarios. adoptive parents often worry that disclosure There can be irreversible consequences if may disqualify them as adoptive parents or you do not disclose your sexual orientation. lead to greater scrutiny as applicants. For For instance, withholding information single LGBT adults, it may seem irrelevant or not being truthful could exclude an or unnecessary to disclose this information. applicant from the process no matter how Because the decision to place a child with good the reason. Also, it is vital that you you is made by someone else—a birth parent and your partner have the benefit of the or agency professional—it is important and best adoption preparation possible. Without most ethical that the decision be based on an honest relationship between you and a full, honest picture of who will be raising your agency, you could miss essential the child. information or a preparation opportunity. It is best to disclose early in the process, Effective preparation and postadoption perhaps by calling an agency and stating support offer the most promising basis for a that you are a gay man, or a lesbian couple, successful placement for the child and the or a transgender woman—whatever the parents. situation is—and gauging the response over the phone. If you do not disclose right away, Q: What should I expect from the talk with your social worker during the home study or family assessment? home study or family assessment about your A: All types of families may find the home sexual orientation and relationship status, study intrusive; however, this assessment whether you are single or in a committed allows the agency or social worker to best

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match your family’s strengths to the needs in the assessment, contact a supervisor or of a particular child or children. It’s good to agency administrator. keep that thought in mind when preparing for your home study. Q: What do I do if I think an agency The home study can create added anxiety is discriminating or being unfair? for LGBT individuals and couples, A: As noted above, if you feel at any time particularly when there are concerns about that a particular agency staff person is being the agency policies and questions about unfair, disrespectful, or discriminatory, disclosure. Again, by sharing early on that you should share your concerns first you are an LGBT individual or couple, there with that person. There may be a simple is a greater likelihood that the home study misunderstanding that can be corrected social worker will be better prepared to immediately. If you do not get a reasonable conduct your family assessment. response, go to the supervisor or agency administrator. Many LGBT applicants wonder if they should “straighten up” the home before the Keep in mind that while there is still social worker visits by taking down certain , and the potential for being photos or artwork or removing some books treated unfairly definitely exists, what from view. These thoughts are normal for you might perceive as discrimination or all prospective parents, straight or gay, in an may be something else. For effort to make the best possible impression example, you may feel that you are not on the social worker and prepare the home getting calls returned because you are environment for the arrival of a child. gay, or that as a same-sex couple you are waiting longer for a placement than the The goal of the home study or family heterosexual couples in your support group. assessment is to learn about you as an What may be true, however, is that the individual and as a couple, if applicable, social workers at the agency do not return to assess the strengths and capacities you anybody’s calls quickly because there is a would bring to parenting a child or children high workload for the staff and that the needing a family, and to help prepare heterosexual couples are waiting just as you for the transition to parenthood. It is long as the same-sex couples. This would also the process through which the social be a good opportunity to join a support worker determines that the home is safe and group or form one to interact with other secure for a child. The home study process couples who are waiting, find out about can feel invasive and overwhelming. It is their experiences, and prepare for the type important to remember that it’s like that of child or children you hope to adopt. for all adoptive parents, regardless of sexual orientation, and that the best approach is to It is important to speak up when you be honest, open, and authentic. If you feel feel something is unfair, to report up the at any point that your home study social chain of command, and to be open to the worker is asking inappropriate questions, is possibility that you may be wrong. In cases uncomfortable with you, or is being biased

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of explicit discrimination, contact an LGBT one member of a couple has to adopt as a advocacy organization. single parent because your State won’t allow second-parent adoption, you may want to Q: How do I find support during the find a way to do a second-parent adoption waiting process? to provide your child with legal protection. Finally, experienced parents recommend A: Many agencies have support groups for that you think about how you will talk to waiting families, so the first step is to ask for your family, friends, neighbors, teachers, a referral to those groups, ask if other LGBT and others about your family and how you families are currently in the group, and find will answer challenging questions that may out if the facilitator is LGBT-competent and arise. friendly. In addition, there are many LGBT parent support groups across the country, Adoption professionals can find more and you can find adoptive and preadoptive information and resources in Child Welfare families to connect with. The waiting period Information Gateway’s Working With is a great opportunity to begin networking Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender with other LGBT and adoptive parents who (LGBT) Families in Adoption: can help you build a support network as you www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_profbulletin transition to parenthood. If you are not able These FAQs were developed by Child Welfare to find a group in your local community Information Gateway, in partnership with Ellen or through your local agency, you can Kahn, Director of the explore online discussion forums for waiting Family Project. This document is made possible families and for LGBT families in general. by the Children’s Bureau, Administration on You may even consider starting a group if Children, Youth and Families, Administration one does not exist. for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Q: What do experienced LGBT parents have to offer as advice? Suggested Citation: A: Most LGBT parents say that they benefit Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2011). from being part of a larger community of Frequently asked questions from lesbian, gay, LGBT parents and that it is important for bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) prospective their children to see other families like foster and adoptive parents. Washington, theirs, especially as they get older. LGBT DC: U.S. Department of Health and adoptive parents often have networks Human Services, Children’s Bureau. that overlap, some of which are tied to the adoption community and some to the LGBT community, but there is a lot of common ground. Experienced parents recommend that you research the LGBT policies of your local day care facilities or schools and identify pediatricians and other service providers who are LGBT friendly. If

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 5 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/faq_lgbt.cfm