Favorite Satirical Sports Blogs
FREE Series | Volume 8 Sports Comic Book
Copyright 2015 By Jim Sweeney
The literary form of satire parodies the self-absorbed, playfully derides the renegades and cleverly exposes the foolishness of others.
Satirists like Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, Tina Fey of 30 Rock and writers Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park brilliantly bare the boorish behavior and pointless follies of the overt egos in this world.
In this collection of my ten favorite satirical sports blogs, I expect to entertain you with my own outlandish observations and exaggerated opinions as they pertain to sports.
I scorn the scorn worthy, lampoon the lugs, conjure up some crazy thoughts and unapologetically denounce dumb decisions.
As an equal opportunity offender, I write about the ridiculous that I’ve observed in the sports world.
In addition, I share some of my crazy conjecture about teams, events, players and, in one specific case, a famous NBA star’s mom.
Sure, some of my blogs are outrageous, but that’s the point. Satire serves to prove a point, and it perfectly applies to sports.
My book is intended to make you laugh about how the truly absurd sometimes happens in and around sports.
To those I’ve satirized in this book, may you and others laugh, too, while also benefitting from what I’ve published. Look forward to hearing from you if you have a thought about what I’ve written and wish to challenge me on a point.
My email is [email protected]
Enjoy the read, and remember, it’s a book on sports satire.
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! Why read this book?
Favorite #10: Notre Dame Holy Trinity of Football
Favorite #9: Going Green on Earth Day
Favorite #8: 2022 World Cup in Qatar
Favorite #7: NBA Center Andrew Bynum
Favorite #6: ESPN Announces DWTS Show
Favorite #5: Facebook Announces New Feature
Favorite #4: Nike Recalls Tim Tebow’s Shoes
Favorite #3: New Kareem Abdul Jabbar Statue
Favorite #2: Kim Kardashian & Famous Yankee
Favorite #1: Don King Sign’s LeBron’s Mom
Thank You & Affiliate Disclosure
Bonus Blog Chris Berman’s ESPY Prediction FREE Bonus Books
Podcast – MIKE on Sports!
Meet the MIKE Makers
Acknowledgements Favorite Satirical Sports Blogs will make you laugh and think as I lampoon the ridiculous ways we can sometimes view sports.
Plus, the unique sports comics that accompany each chapter cleverly capture the essence of the featured player, team, coach, play, sports expression, or in this case, my favorite satirical sports blog.
As an added bonus, I always offer something for FREE in each of my sports comic books. See the back of this book for details.
Check out my author profile on Amazon.com, follow me on Twitter and fan me on Facebook and subscribe to my podcast – MIKE on Sports!
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports!
In 2010, a venerated Touchdown Jesus statue in Monroe, OH was damaged by lightning. In addition, the authenticity of Rudy’s Fighting Irish football career was questioned.
The incidences motivated me to pen this satirical piece about the unprovoked attacked on the Notre Dame Leprechaun mascot.
Read more… (Satire) More shocking news reverberated around the Catholic football world this weekend. It caused faithful Fighting Irish fans to fear for their eternal football salvation.
The third member of Notre Dame’s venerated Holy Trinity of Football, the Leprechaun, suffered an unprecedented verbal attack.
The unexpected assault happened during the school’s nationally televised home game versus The University of Michigan.
Visiting Wolverine fans unmercifully poked fun at the miniature beanpole clad in kelly green short shorts, knee high argyles and corny corn cob pipe. The unruly fans from Ann Arbor taunted the Irish mascot to tears in his own stadium, suggesting that the little mascot couldn’t intimidate a Teletubby.
They also proffered that the pugnacious pixie shamelessly beat out a 90 year-old nun for his mascot job.
The unprovoked assault on Notre Dame’s little greenie weenie comes at a precarious time in the history of the university’s storied college football program.
Irish football fans were reeling from two shocking incidences this year which nearly caused the gold dome on the South Bend campus to crumble and the Holy Trinity of Notre Dame Football to unravel.
The first attack occurred last summer when a bolt of lightning struck an iconic Touchdown Jesus statue in Monroe, OH.
The statue was purported to have received divine inspiration from the legendary Touchdown Jesus mural on Notre Dame’s campus.
Its unexpected damage sparked an ominous blow to the Catholic football world.
The second startling blow took place a week later when Notre Dame Alumnus & Hall of Fame Super Bowl QB Joe Montana sacrilegiously questioned the authenticity of the athletic career of the school’s beloved Rudy of major motion picture fame.
Finally, last weekend’s verbal effrontery by the Michigan fans forced the Notre Dame Leprechaun to shake in his shamrock shorts.
And, the ugly attack appeared as if the bedrock under the Catholic football world would be irreparably shaken.
However, in true Catholic tradition, rosaries were recited, candles were lit and special Masses were said. The university even contacted the Pope for moral support.
To date, the plaster statue of Touchdown Jesus has been repaired.
Rudy’s reputation will be ultimately restored. And chances are excellent that Notre Dame’s legendary Leprechaun will survive his recent unprovoked attack and return to the school’s football stadium sidelines in his silly shamrock shorts.
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! To placate granola crunching, Birkenstock wearing, left leaning, hybrid driving socially conscious sports fans, here’s my satirical take on how a true sports fan goes green to celebrate Earth Day.
Read more… (Satire) It's Earth Day today.
To celebrate, I'm going green.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a left leaning, hybrid driving, granola crunching, tree hugging environmentalist. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I'm going green the way a true sports fan should go green.
No, I'm not measuring my carbon footprint or recycling my toilet paper.
Instead, as a die hard sports fan and now nationally syndicated sports columnist, I'm creating my own Earth Day tradition. I'm celebrating in a way that'll make not only make Mother Nature proud, but is sure to impress Commissioners Roger Goodell, Adam Silver, Bud Selig as well as the NCAA.
How am I doing this?
I just purchased an awesome green and yellow Green Bay Packer Titletown hoodie; a kelly green Boston Celtics sweatshirt and a hunter green Michigan State University tee shirt with an official Sparty logo on its sleeve.
Plus, all the officially licensed merchandise is certified hand made on pedal-push sewing machines using organically grown cotton.
I'm told the products will be delivered to NFL, MLB and NBA warehouses by socially sensitive, shorter- shower-taking vegetarians who will transport the merchandise by fervent anti-fossil fuel cyclists.
As far as I'm concerned, this is the way a true sports fan goes green to formally celebrate Earth Day…
…while Mother Nature smiles!
MIKE - thee ultimate talking head on sports! This 2010 satirical piece sheds light on FIFA’s inexplicable decision to award hosting of the 2022 World Cup to the little known Middle East country of Qatar.
Read more… (Satire) In December 2010, FIFA officially announced Qatar as host country of the 2022 World Cup.
FIFA's surprising selection of this little known, oft-mispronounced Persian Gulf Emirate is cited as a "courageous step into new territory."
Yea, kind of like intentionally marching right off the nearest cliff!
Most international sports fans were shocked to learn of FIFA’s decision.
Qatar is located in a politically unstable region with no football (soccer) playing history. Plus, its scorching desert heat could melt an Adidas soccer ball. Unfazed, FIFA President Seth Blatter boldly proclaimed, "The World Cup will now go to new lands!"
Blatter's confident comment prompted immediate worldwide reaction from incredulous soccer enthusiasts. Many sarcastically suggested that FIFA could also have chosen Mars whose lunar landscape, extreme weather conditions and non-existent population base closely mirror that of the newly appointed 2022 host nation.
Nevertheless, FIFA's daring decision to challenge conventional thinking by voting Qatar as the 2022 World Cup host immediately galvanized other audacious moves in the sports world.
Other sports governing bodies further flummoxed sports fans by launching equally audacious and confusing initiatives for their respective sports.
In Lausanne, Switzerland - International Olympic Committee President Jacques Bogge named Honolulu, Hawaii as host city of the 2022 Winter Olympic Games. Bogge noted that Waikiki's beautiful weather wouldn't be any warmer than what skiers, bob sledders and skaters experienced at the 2010 Winter Games held in Vancouver, BC.
In New York City - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell awarded Dhaka, Bangladesh as site of Super Bowl XLIX. Goodell noted that despite knowing nothing about our country’s uniquely American sport, this Third World country holds manufacturing rights to most of the NFL licensed apparel and certainly deserves a run as host city to the event.
In Charlotte, North Carolina - NASCAR officials announced a new Interstate 95 Race as part of its Spring Cup series. NASCAR President Mike Helton boasted about the Interstate's well established infrastructure up and down the eastern seaboard.
Helton bragged that an Interstate 95 race would allow increased visibility for the sport, while showcasing the excellence of NASCAR drivers as they deftly navigate rush hour traffic on both the NJ Turnpike and Washington, DC's famed Beltway.
The IOC, NFL and NASCAR would never think about making ridiculous moves referenced above to broaden their sport. However, following FIFA’s lead, they all did. Awarding Qatar as host city of the 2022 World Cup at this time appears as confusing and disorienting as a mirage in a sandstorm.
However, may FIFA work closely with Qatar in readying the Arab Emirate for this world sporting event while bringing clarity to an otherwise confusing international sports selection.
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! In this 2014 satirical blog, I report on the “arduous conditioning test” that much maligned NBA malcontent Andrew Bynum needed to pass before signing as a free agent with the Indiana Pacers.
Read more… (Satire) According to ESPN reports, the Indiana Pacers signed oft- injured and routinely problematic big man Andrew Bynum for $1M for the remainder of the 2013-14 NBA season.
The Pacers added the burly Bynum to bolster an already strong front court. But, speculation quickly arose that Indiana president Larry Bird signed the talented, but overweight and out-of-shape big man to keep him away from Eastern Conference rival Miami Heat.
"We are obviously happy to have him join our team," Pacers president of basketball operations Larry Bird said in a release. "He gives us added size, he is a skilled big man and he has championship experience. With the minutes he gets, he should be a valuable addition."
Few NBA fans, however, were not aware of the stringent mandatory conditioning tests the ballooning Bynum passed at the team’s training facility in Indianapolis before joining the Pacers. The 350 lb. Bynum successfully completed three sets of full-court wind sprints while passing two dozen buffet tables laden with barbequed ribs, Southern fried chicken, hot biscuits and gravy and double dipped chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles. While gasping for breath and sucking all the air out of the gym, the bulky big man finished his required run under ten minutes.
With iceberg quickness, the 7-footer exhibited amazing willpower as he lumbered past rows of bountiful fried feasts and delectable desserts.
Pacers’ coach Frank Vogel praised his new back-up center’s poise under pressure, commenting, “The fried chicken smelled and looked especially good! I can’t believe he ran right by it all.”
However, Vogel and teammates Paul George and David West feared Bynum may have re-tweeked his left knee shortly before ending his obligatory run.
The skilled center stopped, in cruise ship suddenness, for a second whiff of the barbequed spare ribs before completing his required sprints.
Indiana’s medical staff quickly reported that Bynum’s knee would be re-examined and that the center’s daily diet of carrots, sesame seeds, tofu and a 6oz. lean chicken breast would be closely monitored.
Bynum, who had not spoken to the media before Saturday, publicly thanked Biggest Loser’s Jillian Michaels for coaching him through this arduous and tempting ordeal.
The Indiana Pacers’ new center now faces his next big test. Can Bynum successfully get off the court when substituted and not proceed directly to the concession stand for popcorn and a chili dog before returning to the Pacers’ bench?
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! Boom shaka-laka!
Here’s a 2011 satirical announcement of a fictional new ESPN show I call Dancing with Parole Model Sports Stars.
Read more… (Satire) Dancing with the Stars season number eleven kicks off next Monday evening on ABC.
In a surprise twist, Dancing with the Stars’ (DWTS) unparalleled success has now spawned a spin-off sports show slotted for next spring on affiliate network ESPN.
Aptly named Dancing with Parole Model Sports Stars, the series is hustling to assemble its ESPN All-Star line-up.
Not all DWTS contestants are likeable, law abiding citizens like Apolo Anton Ohno pictured in this chapter’s comic.
Instead, famous felons, foolish philanderers and other celebrated sports figures boasting run-ins with the law will compete for the show’s coveted Mirror Ball Trophy. While most elements remain under wraps, TMZ has leaked details of the spring 2011 season of Dancing with Parole Model Sports Stars series.
Viewers will witness legendary jocks in the show’s familiar holding tank as they ready to appear before a live audience with studio judges Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman.
Recent DWTS stars typically found standing before judges intimidating. However, executive producers at ESPN believe their crop of culpable contestants will be fully confident considering their previous court room appearances and prior criminal records.
Exactly which professional dancers will be assigned to the Dancing with Parole Model Sports Stars inaugural line-up is yet to be cast in concrete.
However, ESPN producers have locked up early commitments from several parole model sports stars. They’ve already selected a few opening night numbers for these five philanderers and currently unfettered offenders:
Top golfer Tiger Woods, who routinely demonstrated superior skill in stepping out during his former marriage, will perform the Quick Step to Carrie Underwood’s “Maybe Next Time He’ll Think Before He Cheats.”
Boxing Champion Floyd Mayweather Jr., who was recently indicted on multiple charges to include domestic battery, is currently slated to perform the Paso Dobles to Pat Benitar’s “Hit Me with Your Best Shot.”
Legendary Pitcher Roger Clemens, who has been needled unmercifully by the press concerning his possible future incarcerated fate, has been ironically booked for Boogieing to Elvis’ “Jail House Rock.”
Suspended NFL QB and former Super Bowl MVP Ben Roethlisberger, who continued his carnal craving for curvaceous coeds, will be choreographed slithering across the dance floor to Charlie Daniels’ “The Devil Went Down to Millidgeville, Georgia.”
NY Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez, whose self-centered reputation prompted producers to part with the DWTS tradition of two-party routines, was selected to be its first contestant ever to dance alone in the competition, Free Styling to Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.”
While scores of current and former athletes have lined up to break in to ESPN’s Dancing with Parole Model Sports Stars’ inaugural season, a few defendants, ah, contestants, fell through.
DWTS Host Tom Bergeron reported on athletes who purportedly took issue with ESPN’s selections of songs for their first night’s routines.
They included:
Los Angeles Lakers Kobe Bryant refused to perform the Polka to John Denver’s “Rocky Mountain High Colorado.”
Former NFL RB great OJ Simpson declined to dance the Fox Trot to “I Fought the Law and the Law Won.”
And, finally, NFL Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor refused to dance the new Horizontal Mambo to the tune of the classic 1959 hit “Teen Angel.”
Let’s just end it on that note. Sorry, LT.
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! If this February 2014 satirical article were actually true, some football fans would wear out the fictional Facebook NFL Dis-Like feature after week 1 of the next season.
Read more… (Satire) Coinciding with yesterday’s 10 year anniversary and last weekend’s highest documented interaction ever during Super Bowl XLVIII, Facebook introduced a new NFL feature certain to become every football fan’s favorite.
Filling an urgent need on the web’s most celebrated social site, Facebook’s new NFL Dis-Like button combats the shameless self- promotion of football’s biggest unbridled egos.
The new Facebook feature affords frustrated NFL fans the opportunity to stem the internet’s newest STD, or “socially” transmitted disease, of tasteless sports celebrity hype.
Certain to become the web’s latest viral sensation, Facebook’s NFL Dis-Like button is patterned after Homeland Security’s color coded threat advisory system. It’s been carefully crafted and technologically tested for the most overblown egos in the sports world.
Facebook’s new football specific, multi-tiered feature allows users to display their personal distaste of self-absorbed jocks while using a brilliantly simple, color friendly annoyance alert system.
Want to eliminate Seattle Seahawks' CB Richard Sherman’s endless chatter? Press the new yellow NFL Dis-Like button for elevated annoyance and choose a complimentary Bag of Hot Air emoticon to appear next to the Seahawk corner’s name and picture.
Want to deep six Dallas Cowboys malcontent Dez Bryant and make #88 go a little poco loco? Press the new orange NFL Dis-Like button for high annoyance which will automatically attach a Thumbs Down icon next to Bryant’s photo. Then, your on-line friends can share their angst too with all their Facebook friends!
Want to short circuit Detroits Lions bully Ndamokah Suh? Press the red NFL Dis-Like button indicating severe annoyance. This valuable new offering will immediately shut down this shameless football thug on your wall and automatically report any boorish behavior to Facebook’s on-line police.
Social network experts predict that Facebook’s new football feature will quickly emerge as the perfect antidote for overblown egos of overconfident athletes whose excessive self-promotion is crying out for curtailment. More colors will be added.
That means scores of additional NFL players will be affected by this simple new Facebook phenomena.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg lamented that football fans from a generation ago missed out on utilizing this brilliant new NFL Dis-Like button.
Chronic complainers, self-aggrandizing dolts and whining weenies like Warren Sapp, Brian Bozworth, Keyshawn Johnson, Chris Carter, Ray Lewis and others would have been fabulous fodder for football fans' new NFL Dis-Like feature.
Zuckerberg believes that liking Facebook’s new Dis-Like button will quickly become every NFL fan’s favorite. MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! This 2011 satirical blog may be about Nike recalling Tim Tebow’s new cross training shoes during his Denver Broncos days.
However, many Tebow fans genuinely believe the former Florida Gator’s new Nikes really don’t leave actual footprints in the sand.
Read more… (Satire) Facing extreme pressure from both special interest groups and the United States Government, Nike plans to recall its new limited edition Tim Tebow Air Trainers.
The blue and orange Tim Tebow endorsed shoes, which sold out on nikestore.com in 5 minutes last week, sparked a firestorm of protests.
Among the disgruntled groups were:
Southern Baptists, calling for a boycott of the sneaker giant, expressed outrage at Nike for naming the new Tebow shoe Air Trainer 1.2 instead of John 3:16. Jesse Jackson, threatening to picket Denver Broncos’ home games this season, assailed Nike for failing to offer similar shoe deals to other NFL left handed, Heisman trophy winning back-up quarterbacks of color.
Pro Choice groups, still steaming from the QB’s Pro Life Super Bowl ad earlier this year, protested that the Tebow endorsed shoes infringe upon a woman’s constitutional right to choose. Pro Choicers plan to boycott not only Nike, but also Jockey, Bible makers and all other products associated with the evangelical NFL rookie.
The ACLU, claiming the Promise decal on the shoes’ heel is another Tebow attempt to proselytize his faith, filed suit in Federal Court against the NFL to protect every American football fan’s fundamental right to separation of church and football, I mean, state.
Finally, Homeland Security, reporting that any purchaser who actually wore the new Tebow shoes demonstrated an ability to walk on water while leaving no discernable footprints in the sand. That shocking news forced Homeland to raise its Threat Level to Red. The Department feared that terrorists would go undetected if they wore the new Tim Tebow shoes.
However, NCAA and NFL players quickly challenged Homeland Security’s charge by offering, “The new Tebow shoes may not leave footprints in the sand, but when the bruising 235 lb. QB runs over you on the goal line, they definitely leave cleat marks on your forehead.”
MIKE – the ultimate talking head on sports! It may be satirical, but there’s plenty of truth in this outrageous blog.
The Los Angeles Lakers should have erected a green papier mache statue of Kareem Abdul Jabbar outside the Staples Center.
The flimsy monument would have best reflected the former NBA great’s brittle and easily broken ego.
Read more… (Satire) On Friday November 16, 2012 the Los Angeles Lakers honored Kareem Abdul Jabbar by unveiling a statue of the six-time NBA champion center outside the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles.
The towering 16 foot bald-headed likeness of Big 33 displayed his iconic sky hook pose. It also sported his signature goggles and the double wristbands he always wore on his shooting hand.
The Lakers prominently positioned Kareem's likeness outside the team's home for future generations of purple and gold fans to admire.
The replica of Kareem honors the Hall of Fame center's incredible NBA accomplishments and post-career contributions as special assistant to the Lakers organization.
Kareem's 7' 2" sculpture rises proudly next to statues honoring two other Lakers basketball playing greats - Earvin Magic Johnson and Jerry West. Their smiling likenesses flank the more serious, purposed look on Jabbar's face. However, upon closer inspection, fans will notice that Jabbar’s statue is much different than those of his Lakers brothers. The Lakers organization intentionally commissioned the statue to be constructed differently than Johnson’s and West’s.
Kareem's statue construction came as a response to his selfish, awkward, and at times, bitter rants against his former team for their failing to unveil a statue of himself sooner.
In May 2001 Jabbar jabbered to The Sporting News that the Lakers didn't care about him, and the NBA's all-time leading scorer even Tweeted that he felt disrespected for not having a bronze replica of his own after leading the Lakers five NBA itles.
Therefore, in response to KAJ’s pettiness, owner Dr. Jerry Buss commissioned a backward facing Kareem statue.
The uniquely positioned statue is both fitting and consistent with Jabbar's longstanding reputation of turning his back on the media and fans during his 20-year career in Los Angeles.
Unlike the bronze replicas of Johnson and West, the Lakers made Jabbar's statue out of papier mache to reflect Jabbar's brittle feelings.
In addition, the Lakers organization painted Kareem's replica green instead of bronze to represent the giant center's surprising jealousy toward the Lakers organization with regard to the statue's delayed erection. Ouch!
Though some NBA fans squawked at how the Lakers handled this uncomfortable situation with Jabbar, others like me believe the retired 65 year-old legend got exactly what he deserved.
MIKE - thee ultimate talking head on sports! It’s not Jeter. Not A-Rod. But, Yogi? Are you serious?
Yes, as serious as satire can get. Before Kanye, it appeared that jock chasing Kim Kardashian was once romantically linked to Yogi Berra.
Read more… (Satire) It’s like deja-vu all over again!
Kim Kardashian, famous for being famous for foraging after flashy football players, is once again romantically linked to another celebrity athlete. This time it’s a jock from a different sport. And it’s not soccer super star Cristiano Ronaldo or basketball icon Lebron James.
Hint. He’s a lifelong New York Yankee, but it’s not Derek Jeter. No, not even A-Rod.
Sleaze promoting tabloid television TMZ caught Kim Kardsahian cuddling in a corner at Kutsher’s in the Catskills with none other than legendary NY Yankee Yogi Berra. Yup, that’s Yogi Berra, as in the original Yogi and former Bronx Bomber, All-Star catcher & skipper. TMZ photographed the curious couple biting into their blintzes at the retirement resort’s 4pm early bird buffet. The octogenarian has reportedly fallen fast for the flirtatious Kim, who bears a striking resemblance to ol’ #8’s great-granddaughter’s niece.
Though the news shocked Kim’s fans, it didn’t rock either of Kim’s gold digging sisters. Khloe commented that Kim was unfulfilled linked to future Hall of Famers and wanted the immediate gratification of having a revered sports icon at her side.
Kourtney advised Kim to hook her Hall of Famer now even if her new beau’s bronze bust was bestowed in Cooperstown four decades ago!
ESPN reported that Berra bested another potential suitor and nuptial contender, NJ Jets Super Bowl III hero Joe Namath.
Broadway Joe purportedly texted Kim hourly and sent bountiful bouquets of flowers to her LA digs. But, Kim shared with confidants that the 67 year-old Joe Willie was just too young and fell short of Kim’s “bling” pre-requisites.
Joe only won one Super Bowl ring and two MVP awards during his career, while Yogi amassed three MVP trophies and a whopping 13 World Series titles.
For the guy who said, “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore,” let’s see how Yogi handles the opportunistic socialite’s prodigious penchant for pearls, paparazzi and panache.
Kris Kardashian Jenner, Kim’s maternal role model & sports celebrity marrying mom, voiced concern over her eldest daughter’s choice for a new paramour.
However, Berra immediately reinforced his commitment to “keep up” with the 30 year-old Kardashian, echoing quotes he made famous decades ago.
“In spite of our 50 year age disparity, our similarities are just different.”
Then, Berra boyishly beamed, “I’m optimistic because this relationship ain’t over til it’s over.” So, let’s keep a careful watch over the lovable Berra. With flirtatious, famous athlete chasing Kim Kardashian in the mix, Yogi will quickly learn what he’s said before, “it’s like deja-vu all over again.”
MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports! NBA megastar LeBron James’ mom can really pack a punch.
Remember, this may be satire, but it’s oh so clever and funny!
Read more… (Satire) A wicked upper cut may have gotten Lebron James' mom Gloria arrested in 2011 in Miami Beach for decking a slow moving valet attendant.
But, if flamboyant promoter Don King gets his way, Gloria James' haymaker may also have secured her a record breaking pay-day inside the boxing ring.
King, boxing's most cunning and controversial campaigner, was waiting in the same Hotel Fountainbleu valet area where Gloria James, wreaking of alcohol, unleashed her fists of fury on Rockerfeller Sorel.
King immediately separated the two before Miami Beach Police arrived to arrest James. Seizing upon the opportunity, King then excitedly shared with his entourage, "Imagine what damage Gloria James could yield inside the ring if she were sober!" News surfaced quickly yesterday from the headquarters of Don King Promotions in South Florida. King had already initiated talks with HBO about a possible title bout featuring Gloria James and Laila Ali, arguably the world's greatest female boxer ever and holder of a perfect career record.
Retired since 2007, Ali appeared anxious to return to the ring when interviewed and presented with the prospect of fighting again.
Sporting a Cleveland Cavaliers #23 jersey, the former IBA, WIBA and IWBF super middleweight champion said she plans to convey total angst toward her opponent for Lebron's departing the Cavs and taking his talents to South Beach.
A fight of this magnitude, showcasing kin of Lebron James and Muhammad Ali, is certain to surpass King's previous successes of the Thrilla in Manila and the Rumble in the Jungle.
When asked where he expects James and Ali to square off, King says he hopes to finalize arrangements with Cleveland's Quicken Loans Arena, which has already offered to host the fight for free.
Las Vegas odds makers are bracing for a brisk betting bonanza. They have already dubbed this eagerly anticipated bout, certain to be an early funeral for the 43-year-old Gloria James, the Wake on the Lake.
Sorry, Gloria.
MIKE - thee ultimate talking head on sports! When it comes right down to it, this is my book.
So, it’s only fitting that I should write this bonus satirical chapter about myself. Read where ESPN’s Chris Berman boldly predicts that I’ll receive a 2016 ESPY for best new sports personality.
Good choice, Boomer! (Satire) ESPN's Bob Ley and Lindsay Czarniak are smiling.
Their legendary broadcasting buddy, Chris Berman, stepped way "outside the lines" this morning on my sports television talk show with a bold prediction.
“Booyah!” as the late, great Stuart Scott would say.
Commenting on last night's ESPY Awards in Los Angeles, the Swami passionately picked me, Michael Anthony Raffone, aka Mike Raffone, or simply MIKE, as a lock for a future 2016 ESPY in the new ESPY category of Breakout Broadcaster of the Year!
Uncharacteristically agitated at his beloved employer, Berman bemoaned that the World Wide Leader in Sports has apparently repeatedly whiffed on the opportunity to sign me - the World Wide Leader in Sports Humor - to a long term Sports Center anchor gig! Berman berated ESPN management as "rumblin', bumblin' and stumblin" their way through contract negotiations with my agent.
ESPN's most revered television reporter appeared exasperated by the thought of losing me - the Long Awaited Microphone Messiah - to a rival sports media company.
ESPN hosts Ley and Czarniak shared similar sentiments.
Berman stated, "MIKE is a perfectly constructed Titanium American Microphone manufactured with only the finest imported components. He can't possibly make a mistake unless a team of writers and animators program him to do something stupid."
Berman continued by saying, "ESPN will look back...back...back... years from now and painfully regret its decision not to sign this new MIKE guy for the next millennium. Picking any human smooth-talking suit over MIKE rivals that of the Blazers drafting Sam Bowie over another Mike way back in 1984!"
Calls to ESPN management were not returned. Speculation surfaced that high powered heads in Bristol will roll for failing to sign me - the new Ultimate Talking Head in Sports!
Berman blasted bureaucrats in Bristol and bemused about me that, as America's favorite new sportscaster, I... will... go... all... the... way...... to the ESPY podium in LA in July 2016.
Can’t say that I disagree with Boomer on this one!
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You will be directed to the www.theemike.com web site where you can safely download PDFs of the FREE books. Click on yellow cover above to safely download FREE MIKE Sports Comic Books from the www.theemike.com web site. Click on purple cover above to safely download FREE MIKE Sports Comic Books from the www.theemike.com web site. MIKE on Sports! Podcast
Click on the yellow cover to listen and subscribe to MIKE on Sports!
The podcast is for every American sports fan - especially those who like to laugh or learn something unique about sports. It's loaded with clever quips and fun sports stuff you should know that ESPN and other sports networks fail to report.
MIKE on Sports! offers great sports humor, short sports stories and interesting sports history that never really grab the headlines. Meet the MIKE Makers, Jim and Maura Sweeney, as well as the other contributors to this unique sports property. Jim Sweeney – Author
Born and raised in Trenton, New Jersey, Jim grew up with a passion for sports and fun. Participating in baseball, basketball, swimming, soccer and street hockey as a kid, Jim wound up playing basketball at Boston College where he captained the Eagles from 1977 – 1980 and received the Frances Pomeroy Naismith Award as the nation’s top NCAA basketball under six feet tall.
After a 20-year-career in sales, Jim closed the computer agency he founded to pursue a fun career in sports entertainment. Jim developed MIKE as an alter-ego sports personality and has penned dozens of sports comic books under the MIKE name.
Jim also blogs regularly on national sports sites under the MIKE name and has launched the popular podcast - MIKE on Sports!
Now in his fifties and living on the West Coast of Florida, Jim continues to play basketball regularly and always finds time for fun. Jim is a three time World Masters Basketball Champion and a six time USA Masters Basketball Champion in the 45+, 50+ and 55+ age groups. http://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesdsweeney Maura Sweeney – Publisher
A successful podcaster, Huffington Post contributor and public speaker, Maura became the driving force in encouraging her husband out of a highly successful business and into the pursuit of his dream – to create MIKE into the sports world’s ultimate talking head.
Maura is MIKE’s co-creator and publisher.
For more on Maura – http://www.maura4u.com Alex Salsberg - Illustrator
Cartoonist Alex Salsberg is the man behind Poke Gravy Studios in Boston. An ardent New England Patriots fan, Alex has created animation and illustration for many clients including Nickelodeon and National Lampoon.
Alex has drawn the cover and most of the artwork in the book. His work can be seen at www.PokeGravy.com. In addition to blogs, books and a popular podcast, MIKE is expected to be seen and heard on television and Jumbotrons.
MIKE is a registered Trademark. MIKE and all the artwork in this book are the property of New Vision Entertainment, LLC.
Special thanks to these MIKE contributors:
Kevin Riley – Animator Greg Stauffer – Studio Production Dave Rittenhouse – Studio Production Amy O’Hara-Cusick – Legal