THE POWER OF OUR IMPERFECTION – Men’s Retreat 2014

The Grail Mysteries Workshop by Chris Brandon Whitaker

We often hide what is wrong with us, our faults and wounds, in order to appear “together” and whole, a better overall package. The problem with that is that perfection and wholeness are not compatible, because imperfections are essential to our wholeness.

Furthermore, perfection doesn’t even exist in humans: we are all a mix of light and shadow. Trying to be perfect, then doesn’t make us more “together,” but rather it disrupts and limits our lives and leaves us feeling frustration and shame.

Contrary to social pressure, our faults and wounds are what will guide us to the healing that will make our lives more whole. Our imperfections are the pathway to awakening and grace. What is wrong with us can be part of our gift to the world.

This wisdom has been ignored for a long time, because we are ashamed of our imperfections and embarrassed by the vulnerability needed to own them.

This teaching is part of the Arthurian legend of the Grail Quest and is one of the reasons why the story has persisted through the centuries. Not only because it is an entertaining adventure to listen to, but also because it sheds light on how to live a whole life that accepts our imperfections. It even requires that we embrace them in order to be successful.

In this story, the hero pays a price for trying to conceal his imperfections and, in the end, a wound is the vehicle through which grace is obtained.

The Grail Quest – based on versions by Wolfram and de Troyes.

The tale begins by introducing the hero, Percival, who has grown up in a petticoat household, coddled by an over-protective mother and neglected by a father who is away fighting wars as a soldier. His mother wants to protect her son from the dangers of this world and decides the best way to do this is to prevent him from leaving home. After many foiled starts, Percival finally decides to go to King Arthur’s court to find his destiny. Before he leaves, she dresses him in a fool’s costume and tells him his fine new garments will make a strong impression on the court.

He does make an impression: when Percival arrives at Camelot in his harlequin clothes, all the knights laugh at him. Although he is mocked, Percival doesn’t run away. He stays and tries to prove himself to them instead until one day, he has a vision of the Holy Grail and decides to set out on a quest to find it. It was well known that anyone who captures the Grail would be able to heal the land from the wasteland it had become. The Knights of the Round Table tease him for such an ambitious deed and doubt that anyone can ever find it, much less this young clown.

At the start of his quest, Percival meets his mentor, Lord Gornemant who teaches him how to be a knight, how to use weapons, and the way of courtly manners. Gornemant’s main lesson to Percival is to distrust his uncultured instincts and not to speak his mind. Instead, he must avoid making a fool of himself at all costs and try to be courteous.

After many trials traveling through the Wasteland, Percival arrives at a mysterious castle, where he meets a courtly man outside its walls fishing by the riverbank. The man is gravely wounded in the groin, and his injury is such that he can’t sit or stand without excruciating pain, and all he can do is lie on his side and fish. This man turns out to be the Fisher King, and it is significant that he is crippled in his “manhood.” He is not an active agent in life. All he can do is watch the river of life flow by.

Although Percival is moved by the Fisher King’s condition, he doesn’t follow his impulse to ask what ails him, and instead follows the laws of knightly manners taught by Gornemant and courteously avoids the embarrassing topic. At dinner in the Fisher King’s Castle, Percival watches as a mysterious bleeding lance and then a shining chalice are paraded by servants through the hall, but again Percival heeds Gornemant’s advice about being too curious or forward with his host and keeps silent. The next morning, the castle is deserted, and after the drawbridge shuts behind Percival, he realizes that this was none other than the Grail Castle and that he has failed in his quest.

Perceval has several more adventures, but is finally brought back to Camelot by Gawain, Arthur’s nephew. After telling all his adventures, Percival is accepted into the Knights of the Round Table, but his knighting is marred when an ugly woman rides into King Arthur’s court on a mule and rebukes Percival for not asking the vital questions about the mysteries of the Grail Castle. She predicts great suffering will come to Britain for his silence.

Percival vows to return to the Grail Castle, and Gawain joins him and they set out on the second Grail quest together. After some adventures, Gawain receives a challenge to his reputation and leaves the quest to clear his name. Significantly, Gawain follows his heart and embarks on his own task, rather than avoiding it and following Percival on his quest. They part as friends, swearing to reunite afterwards, and each chooses his own way through the woods, where there is no path and the forest is darkest.

After wandering the countryside for five years and many adventures, Percival meets a hermit and learns that rather than defend mistakes he made in the first Grail quest, Percival must repent for his sins of omission: especially for not asking about the Grail King, Spear, and Chalice.

Depending on the version, Percival (or Gawain or Galahad) finally returns to the Grail Castle and knows to ask the needed questions about the Grail mysteries: about the king’s wound, the bleeding spear, and shining chalice. By asking these key questions, the king is freed of his suffering and then reveals that the hero is none other than his grandson, which makes Percival the rightful heir to the Grail Castle. Knowing he finally has a successor, the old king either abdicates his throne or dies, and Percival is instated as the third and final coming of the Grail King. With the Grail Chalice at hand, the land of the kingdom is healed from desolation under his rule.

The Grail Mystery Questions:

Similarly, we too find ourselves at the Grail castle once again on this retreat. We now know from experience that we must ask and answer the needed questions about the Grail mysteries: about the king’s wound, the bleeding spear, and shining chalice.

King’s wound: What troubles you most? What is your hidden wound? What imperfection are you ashamed of?

Spear: What spear has taken you out of action? Which injury or defeat has sidelined you in life? (depression, anxiety, low-self esteem, addiction, overeating, health issues, or perfectionism that won’t allow for a mistake, so you never go for your dreams.)

Chalice: What will heal the barren wasteland in your life? An old Celtic belief states that the fertility of the land depends on the potency and virility of the king. What potent gift do you possess that can restore your virility, potency to your life?

Write out your answers to the above questions and then share them with another man.