The Western Volume 11, Issue 4 Perinatal Bereavement Network, Inc. Nov 2014—Feb 2015 F ORGET-ME-N OT

INSIDE THIS ISSUE: Network News 2-3 SAVE THE D ATES BiAnnual Conference 3 Inaugural Ride to Remember 3 Caring Arms Support Circle's Annual Memorial Candlelight Service December 14, 2014 at 7 PM Holiday Memorial Services 3 St. Gregory the Great Church

Holiday Rocking Horse 3 Women & Children’s Hospital of Buffalo Remembrance Service Raffle December 3, 2014 at 7 PM Walk to Remember 4-5 Hellenic Orthodox Church of the Annunciation

Forget-You-Nots 6-7 Footprints on the Heart Annual Holiday Candlelight Service Poetry 7-8 January 2, 2015 at 7 PM Why Do I Feel So Alone? 9 Sisters Hospital Chapel

For More information on all of these events, see Page 3 Support Group Was My 9 Life-Line WNYPBN MEMBER O RGANIZATIONS Support Groups In Jeopardy 9 Baby’s Sweet Beginnings Kaleida Health SICD: Sudden Infant & Child Safe Arrivals 10 Lactation & Wellness Center Women & Children’s Death Resource Center Brooks Memorial Hospital Hospital of Buffalo Olean General Hospital Labor & Delivery Six 10 Suburban Years Later Catholic Health System Hospital United Memorial Medical Mercy Hospital Center 11 Jones Memorial Hospital Area Support Groups Sisters of Charity Hospital WCA Hospital Life Transitions Center, Inc. The Center for Hospice & Wyoming County Community www.WNYPBN.org Palliative Care Mount St. Mary's Hospital of Health System Eastern Niagara Hospital— Lewiston Lockport Division Niagara Falls Memorial Hospital WNYPBN, Inc. Board of Directors: L ETTER F ROM T HE E DITOR Such a busy few months! publish in honor of your lost are always so lovely and Dr. William Zorn, October is Pregnancy and Infant babies. It doesn’t have to be meaningful… especially the first President Loss Awareness Month, and the long, or even grammatically few years after a loss. (pg 3) Rev. Richard Zajac, Network hosted so many correct (there is a reason I have events. I hope you had a this job! ). Please consider Finally, be kind to yourself Vice President chance to attend at least one of writing from the heart and during the holidays. Don’t Dawn Both-Kim, them. Please look through this sharing with our Network. Take expect too much of yourself... always remembering that your Secretary edition of the newsletter to see a look at page 10 to see my more information. emotional spill for ideas! baby would want you to be Suzanne Mis, happy. Treasurer As always, I hope you will also Also, please consider going to find time to submit something one or more of the holiday Peace, Michael Anderson, Leah to the newsletter for me to remembrance services. They Costanzo, Esq., John Curr, Jenine Linenfelser, Jan M ISSION S TATEMENT: Walkden, Dr. Mark Weissman, Lisa Wolff The mission of the Western New of perinatal death. We promote parents. The WNYPBN supports York Perinatal Bereavement Net- standards of bereavement inter- an established standard of care Christine Scott, work (WNYPBN), Inc. is to assist vention through educational sup- following a perinatal death, re- Executive Director the community to meet the port, community programs, and gardless of the facility where the needs of people facing the pain referral services to bereaved birth took place. Page 2 Volume 11, Issue 4

As part of the caregiving com- for our Southern Tier families. Lisa Jerebko, Amber Hultgren, munity for bereaved parents We also held one in Buffalo at Rosemary Battaglia, Amy Buck- who have witnessed and per- Broderick Park - at the foot of ner, Stefanie Kent, Rhonda sonally experienced the loss of the alongside the Howard and I baked, decorated their child, I recognize that as a . At both of these and/or delivered these treats. I parent nothing is more im- services, we lit candles at 7 pm truly do believe that each care- portant than their child. There as a symbol of unified support. giver that bereaved parents is not a more tragic loss than This was done in every time have contact with along the way the loss of a child. The need to zone and provided a wave of become the guide for that part grieve the loss of our children light around the world. At the of their healing journey. It is so and have our many feelings Buffalo service, we were able to very important that we keep validated is an essential part of light Chinese Lanterns that promoting standards of be- our journey. floated over the Peace Bridge reavement assistance and in- which was lit in Pink and Blue. tervention to our health care The WNYPBN continues to grow Niagara Falls on the American professionals. our programs and bring our side displayed the beauty of “I’ve learned that people families services that fulfill our Also we want to recognize Beth pink and blue lights to com- mission, which is to assist the Mott, Laura and Dr. Andy Rey- memorate this day. Our Canadi- will forget what you said, community in meeting the da, and Ashley Gorlick. These an Friends at the PAIL Network individuals organized Fundrais- needs of people facing perina- had their side of the falls lit in people will forget what tal death: the death of a baby ers to promote Pregnancy & purple. It was a truly beautiful Infant Loss Awareness. Beth is due to miscarriage, ectopic site. Please visit our Facebook you did, but they will pregnancy, stillbirth or early a Tastefully Simple consultant page or our website so see the and has donated her proceeds infant death. As we still live in incredible pictures. Our friends never forget how you a society that is still sending from several Network parties at Phillips-Lytle and the en- throughout the month of Octo- mixed messages about the trances of the Seneca Casino made them feel.” need to grieve a perinatal loss, ber to the Wings of Love Memo- also had their buildings illumi- we are making it our mission to rial Fund. The Reydas, from nated. What a beautiful display create awareness and break Village Veterinary Clinic of Ham- -MAYA ANGELOU of community togetherness and the silence. October was filled burg, donated half the profits of support. with services and programs their appointment visits on that were designed to do just We, at the Network, wanted to October 15th. Ashley Gorlick this. We hosted two Walks to thank all our hospital caregiv- from Yotality Frozen Yogurt Remember that honored our ers for all they have done and organized five locations families and our babies. Over continue to do for families that throughout Western New York 1100 babies were remembered have experienced the death of to donate 15% of their profits in our program this year. These a beloved baby. Helping fami- for her October 15th Awareness events pay tribute to all of our lies through such a devastating Campaign. loss takes courage, love and precious children gone too Please help me in welcoming strength of heart. We want to soon. Although the circum- our new University at Buffalo make sure that our 13 collabo- stances of our losses are great- Intern, Amber Hultgren. Amber rating hospitals and their staff ly varied, we all share the com- is in her last year of the Mas- know how grateful we are. mon need to remember them ters of Social Work (MSW) pro- Their compassion is greatly and to love them. Over 900 gram with the university. She appreciated. I would like to people came together between has been very instrumental in thank all of the volunteers who both of our Walks to do just assisting me with day to day helped me bake cupcakes and that. See pages 4-5 for more Network tasks, has been assist- hand deliver these special information. ing with our parent programs, treats, awareness pins, and On October 15th, we participat- all October Pregnancy and In- thank you cards throughout this ed in this worldwide day of fant Loss Awareness Activities, month: Leah Costanzo, Jan recognition of Perinatal loss support groups, and so much Walkden, Lisa Wolff & Denise and Infant death by hosting two more. Amber will be taking the Miller, Jennifer Pritchett, Jenine Memorial services. Gavin’s lead with myself and several Linenfelser, Dawn Both-Kim, Light was held in Portville, NY professional volunteers to plan Forget-Me-Not Page 3 our 2015 professional conference: for more information about the event and may also want to have a stocking, orna- “Impacting Positive Birth Outcomes: Ad- the program. ment or poinsettia in memory of your baby dressing the effects of Pregnancy Loss”. or change your current traditions. Consider With the crisp, hollowing chill in the air and Please see below for conference details. attending one of the memorial services turning of the leaves, Fall has arrived and Welcome Amber! We are so lucky to have listed below. It is important to do what you so has the Holiday Season. This can be a you on board. feel is right for you and your family. Please very difficult time. Some suggestions for know we are here for you and your family. I also want to thank the Prichett family for self-care: Remember your baby by lighting The WNYPBN Board of Directors and I wish organizing the Inaugural Ride to Remem- a candle, decorating the gravesite or me- you all a blessed and peaceful holiday ber that took place September 6, 2014. morial site. Take care of yourself by keep- The event was very successful and will ing a holiday diary of how the family is do- season. support the programs of the Network, es- ing, getting plenty of sleep and eating well. No matter what day, month, year or season pecially the Remembering Love in a Heart- Limit social gatherings by choosing the it is, the love for our babies will remain beat Program which supports parents who ones you feel give you the holiday spirit, or rooted in our hearts forever. are faced with a terminal pregnancy diag- not attending some at all. Please don’t Sincerely, nosis. Please see our website and below feel you need to send cards this year. You Christine BIANNUAL P ROFESSIONAL C ONFERENCE

The WNYPBN is pleased to announce that nancy Loss". The presentations will help Registration information coming soon! its biannual Professional Education Confer- nurses, social workers, mental health and ence will be held on Thursday, February grief professionals, chaplains, and other If you have any questions, please 26th, 2015 from 8:30am to 4:00pm at Sal- support professionals assist families who contact Amber at vatore’s Italian Gardens. The 2015 confer- have experienced perinatal loss in dealing [email protected] or call the ence topic will be "Impacting Positive Birth with the challenges of a subsequent preg- WNYPBN office at 716-626-6363. Outcomes: Addressing the Effects of Preg- nancy. INAUGURAL R IDE TO R EMEMBER The WNYPBN, Inc. would like to thank the Sincerely, - Genesee Feeds & Needs Pritchett, Ritter and Schnaufer families for Christine Scott - Adam Miller Toy and Bicycle organizing and hosting the Inaugural Ride Executive Director, WNYPBN, Inc. to Remember in loving memory of Helen - Albion Teachers Association Lois Pritchett. You truly created a wonderful Sponsors: - Chiropractic & Wellness Services event in loving memory of a very special - Patricia Schnaufer Bogart PLLC baby who will live on in your hearts forever! - Toyota of Batavia - Silver Lake Marine Inc. We would also like to thank all the volun- - Will's Wallpaper & Floorcovering, - Pepsi Co teers who donated of their time and talents Inc. - RoadID to make this Memorial Ride a successful - Lamb Farms, Inc. one! The event could never have gone on - Pivot Precisions/Pivot Punch so smoothly without your dedication, and - Unicorn Specialties, LLC - Lockport City, Lodge Number 617 we thank you from the bottom of our - Anesthesia Care Associates, PLLC - Kreher's Farm Fresh Eggs, LLC. hearts. - Don & Janet Sage Caring Arms Support Circle's Women & Children’s Hospital of Buffalo Footprints on the Heart Annual Memorial Candlelight Service Remembrance Service Annual Holiday Candlelight Service Wednesday, December 3, 2014 Sunday, December 14, 2014 Friday, January 2, 2015 at 7:00 PM at 7:00 PM Hellenic Orthodox Church of the Annunciation At Sisters Hospital Chapel St. Gregory the Great Church 146 W Utica St. Must RSVP by December 19th 100 St Gregory Ct, (corner of Delaware) Near the intersection of St Gregory Ct and Maple Rd Buffalo 14222 716-862-1678 or [email protected] Contact Terri Fronczak (716) 743-1159 Contact Sr. Brenda 716-878-7773 ADULT ONLY EVENT HOLIDAY R OCKING H ORSE R AFFLE The WNYPBN, Inc. is raffling off this gor- fices on December 15, 2014—just in time geous, sturdy and hand-crafted rocking for you to win a special holiday gift for a horse made in loving memory of Helen Lois special child in your life. Prichett by her great-grandfather, Ken Schnaufer. All proceeds will benefit the important pro- grams of the WNYPBN, Inc. Please contact Tickets are $5 each or 5 tickets for $20. Christine Scott for tickets: 716-626-6363 The Raffle will be held at the WNYPBN of- By: Dawn Both-Kim Page 4 Volume 11, Issue 4 The The Second Annual Southern Tier Walk to 22nd Annual Remember was held at Ellery Town Park in Greenhurst, NY (near Jamestown) on Octo- ber 5, 2014. Nearly 200 people were pre- sent for this beautiful event. We would like to recognize and thank Rhonda Howard for all the work she put into making this event wonderful!

The 22nd Annual Walk to Remember was band shell stage for viewing during the held on October 12, 2014 at Cheektowaga ceremony. All families were able to take Town Park. It was a beautiful and special home their stakes after the Walk program ceremony that paid tribute to the over was completed. 870,000 babies who die each year due to We were again blessed to have Fr. Richard miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy or “Duke” Zajac give a Prayer of Gathering. early infant death. Nearly 700 family mem- The Southern Tier Walk to Remember His words and incite give so much peace bers, friends, health care professionals and and comfort. volunteers attended and helped create a safe and calming atmosphere in which to Amy Buckner, Lisa Casper, Patrick Hult- The Kids’ Zone this year was fun-filled for remember our lost babies. gren, Tim Mott and Christine Scott read the little ones. Bounce houses provided by poems and lit the candles during the cere- Leaping Beauty, Chuckles the Clown (Paul mony (poems were printed in this edition of Chuddy), WNY Dental Crew, The Blue the newsletter, as well as Whispering Cross—Blue Shield Healthy Zone Cruiser, Winds that was printed in V11 I3 of the along with myriad crafts and games made Forget-Me-Not newsletter). Each candle for a fun time while the adults could con- marking points in our healing journey centrate on the day. through grief. Eleven year old, Stephen Fronczak, sang beautifully in honor of his sister, Jenna The Walk to Remember Pathway lined with Mary Fronczak, accompanied by Sean Memorial Signs in honor of our babies Polen on the harp. Amy Buckner also sang during the balloon release, in honor of our The Day was cool and sunny—a perfect day babies gone too soon. We appreciate their for our event! The wind made our beautiful lovely performances and feel lucky to have “Butterfly Garden of Hope” flutter and sway them as a part of our Network. while we all were attentive to the lovely and meaningful ceremony prepared by Chris- MaryAnn Murphy (South Buffalo Mercy tine Scott in the band shell. Family mem- Hospital) and Amy Creamer (Sisters of Char- bers and friends were able to view the ser- ity Hospital) presenting the Walk to Remem- vice from the bleachers, while sitting in the ber Banner warm sun. This format for the event made it so much easier to hear the poems and The lovely Walk to Remember logo was music, and was much appreciated by all. created by Vivian Comins, with help from Pre-registered families were given a per- Dawn Both-Kim’s poetic voice. The logo sonalized butterfly garden stake with their was printed on chocolate brown hooded baby’s name and/or honored dates for the sweatshirts that were sold for the Walk. “Butterfly Garden of Hope” again this year. Stephen Fronczak (11) singing at the Walk There are still a number of these sweat- These stakes were placed in front of the to Remember, accompanied by Sean shirts available for purchase, as well as Polen on the harp previous years’ t-shirts and other Walk to Remember souvenirs. If you are interest- The Walk banner was presented by Amy ed, please contact the WNYPBN offices at Creamer (bereavement coordinator at Sis- 716-626-6363. ters of Charity Hospital), and MaryAnn Mur- Finally, so much work goes into the plan- phy (South Buffalo Mercy Hospital). So ning of this huge event. Most people do many of the bereaved families appreciate not realize the countless hours and sleep- the support they receive from the hospital less nights that make the event the amaz- staff, including these two amazing women! ing Walk that it is. Thank you, Christine We appreciate their assistance, support Scott, for all you do! So many of us would and love they show to the bereaved on a be completely lost without you! Butterfly Garden of Hope daily basis. -Dawn Both-Kim Forget-Me-Not Page 5 THANK Y OU! We would like to thank all of you from the tinue to make our invaluable work possible! events, or perhaps one of our programs or bottom of our hearts, for dedicating the All of your time, your love, and most certain- services. time, energy, and love into making the ly your presence! Please continue keeping Our Heartfelt Thanks to You All, "Walks to Remember" so unforgettable! the memories of all of our Angels alive and Most Sincerely, Without all of your help, the success of this give us the ability to be there for so many Christine Scott event would not have been possible. All of more families. Executive Director, WNYPBN the funds that we raised will ensure the Don't forget to keep up with us on Face- Carrie Smith & Laura Reyda success of so many of our programs and 22nd Annual "Walk to Remember" Co-Chairs outreach to so many in the coming months. book, and at our website, www.WNYPBN.org and we look forward to seeing you all again Rhonda Howard To our friends, and families: all of you con- throughout the year, whether it’s at our 2nd Annual “Walk to Remember” Chair SPONSORSHIP We would like to give a special We Believe in Miracles Photography courtesy of “Thank You” to Walk to Remem- Supporting Sponsors Ortiz Family Tim Maloney ber Sponsors: John Curr Como Park Dental Associates, Kim Angels John Radens PLLC Parrinello Family Butterfly Sponsors Wings of Love Table courtesy of Lancaster Dental Associates, PC Catholic Health System: Rhonda & Brad Howard Sieck & Mast Funeral Home $200 & Over Dianne Pierce Sisters of Charity Hospital & Donald M. Demmerly Funeral Team Emily Ann Jank Custom Design by CAZ ~ Mercy Hospital of Buffalo Home, Inc. Jennifer Rommel Team Maddie Women & Children’s Hospital of James Grace Funeral Home Team Backstrom Volunteer Groups Buffalo WCA Hospital Clarence Youth Program Mini-Wheats PHH Mortgage Fretthold Funeral Home Erie County RSVP Team Marchese Blue Cross/Blue Shield Health-

Team Heigl Zone Cruiser Dove Sponsors Media Sponsor WNY Dental Group Blue Cross-Blue Shield of West- WKBW—Channel 7—ABC Women of AT&T ern New York As well as all of the other fami- lies and friends who donated Cummins Finally, a most sincere thank Family Picnic Donors what they could to support our UB-MD Department of Pediatrics you to all of the DAY OF volun- Frontier Catering worthwhile event!! teers and the Walk to Remem- West Herr Automotive Group Sahlen’s ber Committee Members who Western New York Dental Group gave so much of their time to Pepsi Cola Company Thank you to the following for make this event the beautiful Try-It Distributing their donations of time and tal- day that it was: Heart Sponsors Farm Fresh Foods ent with the following: Adoption STAR Buffalo Walk Committee: Wendy’s Programs printed courtesy of Kelly Anderson, Kelly Arena, Audubon Women’s Medical Parrinello Printing Renee Backstrom, Molly Bigaj, Associates, PC Signs printed courtesy of Dawn Both-Kim, Melissa Caring Arms Support Circle at Family Donations: Hale Expo Services, Inc. Browne, Lisa Casper, Vivian Millard Fillmore Suburban Thank you to all the families Comins, John & Noreen Curr, Hospital that made donations and col- Sound System Stacey Davis, Terri Fronczak, Catholic Cemeteries, Diocese of lected funds to help support the & Music courtesy of Dawn Gayadeen, Sharon Buffalo important programs of the WNY- Tim & Beth Mott Goldyn, Amber Hultgren, Lisa PBN. These funds were collect- Jerebko, Christy McKenzie, clevermethod, Inc. ed both in person and via our Flowers courtesy of Becky Paolini, Sarah & Chris Evans Bank website’s memorial pages Elaine’s Flower Shoppe Parrinello, Laura Reyda, Carrie (www.WNYPBN.org). This web- Girton’s Flower Shop Intrepid Automotive Enterprises Ann Smith, Janeen Wilder, Don- site is still available to continue na Zimmer, and the WNYPBN Moderncraft Home Improve- Flags for Baby Angels to collect donations toward this Grandparents Group ment Co. Crystal Swader worthy cause! Mount Calvary Cemetery Group Popcorn Machine courtesy of Team Lilya (Arena Family), The Southern Tier Walk Committee: Alison & Terri Courtney Howard Family, Pierce Family, Niagara Scenic Tours Ingalsbe Family and Caden’s Mease Family, Tina Sudul, Jenny Village Veterinary Clinic of Ham- Crusaders (Hurley-Lynch Family) Kids’ Zone Rader, Amanda Hagg, Robb for bringing in well over $1,000 Leaping Beauty (Bounce House) burg Jones, Denny Gray, Jo Costanti- in donations each! Dollar Galaxy Wagner Monuments no, Donna Barber Anne Neaf $400 & over Women of AT&T—New York Paul Chuddy (Chuckles) Chapter Team Madelynn Page Page 6 Volume 11, Issue 4 Forget-YOU-Nots

In Loving Memory Of...

Michael Anthony Anderson April 5, 2005 John Paul Jerebko November 18, 1999 Always, Always in our Hearts! Love Nana & Papa xxxooo You will always be remembered We love you always! Love, Mommy, Daddy & Mia Parents: Peter & Lisa Jerebko Parents: Michael & Kelly Anderson Marrina Kim August 3-4, 2005 Lilya Raine Arena September 26, 2009 Ella Grace Kim June8, 2007 Hugs to the sky, baby! Mommy, Daddy and little sister Wil- Happy Birthdays, my angels! We love you and think of you low love and miss you. so very often. Please watch over us… now and always. Parents: Kelly & Michael Arena Parents: Dawn & Mark Kim

Gavin Joseph Buckner September 15, 2009 Colton Maines Nov 27, 2013 – Dec 9, 2013 Love you and miss you more every day! Love, Mama, Daddy, This month, we should be celebrating your first birthday. Zack, Bashy & Dominic Hope you have a great birthday in heaven. Not a day goes Parents: Amy & Ryan Buckner by that we don’t think about you. Love you, Little Man. Parents: Danielle Long & David Maines Madison Leigh Frankowski August 7, 2010 Baby Frankowski December 17, 2010 Anthony McCooey-Viele June 2, 2005 Happy 4th Birthday, Baby. We love and miss you. Wish we Hope McCooey-Viele January 3, 2008 were celebrating with you! Nylah McCooey-Male April 8. 2011 Love Mom, Daddy and Paige Anthony, each year, when September rolls around and your Grammy and Pappa brothers and sister start school in any grade, I think to my- Parents: Candace & Andy Frankowski self: this year you too should be starting school. I just imag- ine what you'd be doing in school. Would you have good Aurora Lee Gayadeen June 21, 2012 – Aug 3, 2012 grades? Would you be the teacher’s pet? Thinking about We love and miss you so much! You are the light in our life. how you'd be in middle school, going to dances and birthday Parents: Dawn & Leon Gayadeen parties for friends... I can imagine how close you Javen and Alena would be seeing that you are all very close in age. But Cassandra Elizabeth Goldyn September 13, 1999 in reality, I know these things weren't meant to be for you. We miss you more than all the stars in the sky! Love, Mom- God had your short life all planned out and he knew you be- my, Daddy & Big Sister Chelsea fore I did. I know you’re safe in HIS arms and when it’s my Baby Goldyn 1997, 1998, 2001 time, I’ll see you in Heaven. ‘Til then, know that mommy loves you and please continue to watch over us. ~ love You are the sun, the moon and the stars in the sky! Never mommy forgotten, always loved. Mommy, Daddy & Big Sister Chelsea Parent: Starr Viele Parents: Sharon & Tom Goldyn Bud Charles Mott September 12, 2005 Brooke Marie Helper December 7, 2010 Theresa Marie Mott September 12, 2005 We miss you every moment of every day! Happy fourth Baby Mott January 2014 heavenly birthday! With all our love, Mommy, Daddy, Ella, You are forever in our hearts, and thoughts. We love and Molly & Cassidy miss you always, and know that someday, we will all be to- Parents: Patrick & Lauren Helper gether again. ~ Love Daddy, Mommy & Alison Parents: Timothy & Beth Mott Emily Ann Jank February 2-17, 2012 Hugs and Kisses from Mom, Dad and Austin. We love and Adrianna Penrod-Campione August 24, 2014 miss you! We miss you every day! You are in our hearts. Not a day Parents: Heidi & Chris Jank goes by that we don’t see you in a butterfly. Parents: Faith Penrod & Nick Campione Forget-Me-Not Page 7 Forget-YOU-Nots In Loving Memory Of...

Michael James Quigley October 24, 1992 Nicholas Anthony Wolff July 23, 1989 Miss you more and more! ’Til we meet again! Love, mom I loved you for your entire life, I will love and miss you for the Parent: Debi Zmuda rest of mine. Keep watch over all of us, Nicky. Love you al- ways, Mom, Dad, Eric, Ashley and Mark Jacob Wesley Scott May 27, 2000 Parents: Mark & Lisa Wolff We love you and think of you every day! Butterfly kisses, buddy! Love, Mom, Dad, Thomas & Mandy Parents: Phillip & Christine Scott

Lucas Kurt VanCamp-Smith July 7th, 2014 Ryan James VanCamp-Smith July 7, 2014 Mommy and daddy miss you so much! There isn't a second that goes by that we don't think of you. We love you boys with all our hearts Parents: Karissa VanCamp & Dillon Smith Interested in Submitting a Memorial? Please email your baby’s Forget-YOU-Not to: [email protected] Grace Lee Zimmer April 12, 2012 Submissions are due by the 15th of the month Love you, baby! prior to the issue month. Parents: Donna & Russell Zimmer Family members and friends are also encouraged to submit: not just parents!

Poetry Solace in the Written Word

Baby with Wings When my time on Earth is done, God is with me day and night Take me with you where you go. He holds my hand when I cry, Keep me safe in your heart, I only shed tears when I see you sad, And when you need me, I'll know. When you bury your face and scream Why?

You'll feel me in the wind, I have so many friends up here, As it kisses your cheek, I see all my family too, If you listen closely, They hold & hug & play with me, You can hear my soul speak. And they know I'm missing you.

I'll visit you often, But don't feel sad for me Mommy, In your dreams, in a song, I'm doing amazing things, But up here in Heaven, And you're very special now, Is where I belong. Because you have a baby with wings. I am safe and at peace, By Katie Harrington the angels sing when I awake, Bereaved Mother of Stefan William I met Jesus too, Mommy, Read at the Walk to Remember by Christine Scott We even played patty cake! Bereaved Mother of Jacob Wesley Scott Page 8 Volume 11, Issue 4 Poetry Solace in the Written Word

Still Would Have Chosen You That child will never outgrow the baby clothes If before you were born, I could have gone to heaven and saw all That child will never keep them up at night the beautiful souls In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all. I still would have chosen you Except sometimes, in a silent moment, If God had told me, "This soul would one day need extra care and When mother and father miss so much needs" That different child. I still would have chosen you May hope and love wrap you warmly If He would have told me, "This soul may make your heart bleed" And may you learn the lesson forever I still would have chosen you How infinitely precious How infinitely fragile If He had told me, "This soul would make you question the depth Is this life on earth. of your faith" I still would have chosen you One day, as a young man or woman You may see another mother’s tears If He had told me, "This soul would make tears flow from your eyes Another father’s silent grief that could fill a river" Then you, and you alone I still would have chosen you Will understand And offer the greatest comfort. If He had told me, "This soul may one day make you witness over- bearing suffering" When all hope seems lost, I still would have chosen you You will tell them With great compassion, If He had told me, "All that you know to be normal would drastically “I know how you feel. change" I’m only here I still would have chosen you Because my mother tried again.”

Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was By Pandora MacMillian God who chose me for you Read at the Walk to Remember by Lisa Casper By Terri Banish Bereaved Mother of Casper Babies Read at the Walk to Remember by Amy Buckner Bereaved Mother of Gavin Joseph Buckner Chrysalis Angel From dawn cocoon we two emerged but briefly, A Different Child Wakened by Spring's new soft and hushing glow, People notice In lingering baths of dewy morning petals, There’s a special glow around you. A caterpillar's dream; lovely and slow.

You grow Summer birdsongs swelled by midday sunshine, Surrounded by love, From Apollo's lyre; a healing sling, Never doubting you are wanted; When our Lord's strong and gentle zephyrs, Only look at the pride and joy Lifted the warmth beneath our newborn wings. In your mother and father’s eyes. Summer's daylight ebbed to Autumn evening, And if sometimes As we briefly circled in our butterflight, Between the smiles And our parents' poignant passion, There’s a trace of tears, Released us from the earthly waning light. One day You’ll understand. And so we soared through Winter moonbeams, Together stars that shine on Heaven's gate, You’ll understand Artemis' Twilight loving Angels; There was once another child Our beloved parents we await. A different child Composed and Read by Patrick Hultgren Who was in their hopes and dreams. Bereaved Father of Shawn Paul & Ella Christine Hultgren Forget-Me-Not Page 9 W HY D O I FEEL S O A LONE? I was happily pregnant with my second At my first support group meeting, my hus- After that first year, I often attended sup- child. I was 38 weeks - one more month to band and I told our story, then we listened port group meetings close to my daughter’s go. My due date was October 12! Then the to others tell their stories. We all cried anniversary date. I cannot stress how im- unexpected happened. One day there was together. We all understood what each portant this group is. I honestly believe I no heartbeat. My beautiful baby girl was other was going through. It was emotional, would not be as far in my journey of grief Born Still on September 13, 1999. It’s a but in a way comforting. Each month on a as I am today, if it was not for this group. day I will never forget. I had to bury our Tuesday night, I attended the meeting. I The people are truly amazing. baby: my second child, my daughter’s little cannot tell you how grateful I am for this sister, daddy’s little girl. group. Should you feel so alone, don’t hesitate to attend one of the support groups. They are My sister gave me a phone number for a I have met the best supporting friends. run by truly caring and supportive individu- lady she worked with that went thru the They totally understand. They remember als. Even if you attended one of them in same thing. She said to call her. In my your child’s birthday. They are not afraid to the past, it may help you in your journey of mind, I thought I don’t want to talk to any- mention your Child’s name. We can talk of grief, because it never ends. Something one, I am fine. I didn’t want to hear about our love for our child. They understand may trigger the sadness associated with anyone else’s loss but mine. I have a because they have suffered a loss. I at- grief at any time. When my daughter left beautiful 3 yr old girl, and a wonderful hus- tended this support group for a full year. for college this year, I again felt so alone. I band. I have a great support group of my The groups of friends I have met 15 years truly believe when you meet a new friend it family and friends, I was managing and yet ago, are still my friends. They are there is for a reason. God gave me this wonder- I feel so alone. when I have a bad day - they understand ful group of friends for a reason. We all and to pick me up. When I suffered the loss share the loss of a child, we all understand. In November, I called a number and I of my dad, and then a good friend’s child spoke to Kathy Skipper. She was the head who was 2 ½ died, they gave me the words By: Sharon Goldyn of the support group Caring Arms, at Mil- I needed to hear. Sometimes it was just Bereaved mother of lard Fillmore Suburban Hospital. I asked because someone said one of those really Cassandra Elizabeth Goldyn 9/13/99 why I felt so alone. She said that it was dumb things, and blew my mind. grief. I said, “Oh.” SUPPORT G ROUP W AS MY LIFE-LINE I lost my son in November of 1999, and I ward to our monthly meetings and some- At the time I lost my son, I also read many attended my first support group in Decem- times that was too long to wait. I became books about grief and did some on-line ber. I was scared to go and did not know close with a few of the other moms in the chat groups, but nothing compared to phys- what to expect. When my husband Peter group and we would meet for dinner or ically sitting across from someone who was and I arrived, we were greeted by Kathy lunch in between our monthly meetings. feeling what you were feeling. I urge each Skipper the facilitator of the group. She We would cry and I really felt at that time new grieving parent that has lost to try gave us a hug and invited us to sit down. these were the only people who under- support group at least once. I, too, was very Slowly more people came and sat around stood the magnitude of my pain as they, afraid the first one I went to, but I am so the table: some alone, some as couples. too, were walking the same path of grief as glad I did go as I can’t imagine my life with- I. It has been almost 15 years since my out the friends I have made all because of My first thought was, “Did these people, first support group meeting and I am still our common bond… a very unique bond too, lose babies?” very close to those women who sat across that very few people understand. the table from me sharing our deepest, Kathy Skipper started the dialogue by tell- By: Lisa Jerebko ing us what support group was and then darkest pain with each other. These are the women I can still turn to when I have a bad Bereaved Mother of John shared her story with us. We then went Paul 11-18-1999 around the table and each of us told our day thinking about what my son would stories and we cried and cried… have been like, and how he would have started high school this year. They under- I honestly do not know what I would have stand and I know they will always be there done without support group. I looked for- for me. SUPPORT G ROUPS I N J EOPARDY In the age of technology, internet and the I definitely needed my support groups at “Tiniest Angels” Parent Support like, it is sometimes easier to sit in front of the beginning. I feel so sad for those who When: 3rd Wednesday @ 7 PM your computer than to get dressed, meet do not experience the love and camarade- Contact: Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 people face-to-face and talk about your rie. But so few people come to the support baby that died. But there is one thing that groups these days that holding them is Footprints on the Heart a computer cannot provide: human interac- becoming less and less effective or neces- When: 3rd Tuesday @ 6:00 PM tion. Your computer cannot give you a hug, sary. Please consider attending a support Contact: Amy Creamer (716) 862-1678 hold your hand or give you a sympathetic group and see how much it can mean to For other area support groups, see page 11. smile. Support groups can do this for you! you! By: Dawn Both-Kim Page 10 Volume 11, Issue 4 Safe Arrivals To Grant Others Hope

Cassidy Jo Helper was welcomed by her Lillian Hope Stewart was safely born parents, Patrick & Lauren Helper on September 2, 2014 at 8:16 am to Mar- Interested in Submitting Your Safe Arrival? August 21, 2014. She was 8 lbs 13 oz garet Husted and Zachary Stewart! She Please email your new baby’s information as well as their heavenly sibling’s information to: and was 21 inches long! Her big sis- was 7 lbs 12 oz and 20 inches! She is [email protected] ters, Ella and Molly will tell her about beautiful healthy and strong! The fami- Submissions are due by the 15th of the month their sister Brooke Marie in heaven ly will always remember Aurora Lynn prior to the issue month. (December 7, 2010) Stewart (July 22, 2009). LABOR & DELIVERY S IX Y EARS LATER As most of you know, I do a lot of volunteer- that I should be allowed to leave my car When I delivered my gifts to L&D and gave ing for the WNYPBN. I want to do this be- parked at the curb in the U-Drive since I my oratory on how much bereaved families cause of the profound loss and emptiness would only be a few minutes. Then he appreciate all of the caregivers, I looked that exists in my life because of the loss of even grabbed a cart for me and took me to around for familiar faces. Some looked my daughters. Volunteering is my way of the L&D floor to help me deliver! vaguely familiar… but with Ella Grace, I was sending them an inter-realm hug… letting in the hospital for 24 days—I should know them know in heaven that I’m here on MaryAnn Murphy met me while I was deliv- everyone! I finished and went on to Post- earth thinking about them. ering the gifts and my spiel! I thanked the Partum and then to the NICU. All the while, nurses for all that they have done, are do- I thought how un-eventful this trip was, and Autumn tends to be my busiest time of ing and will do for the newly bereaved. It I should be home before I knew it! Then a year. Despite that, my dear friend, Chris- means to much to so many that they put young male nurse came to me while I was tine Scott, asked me to help her with one forth so much compassion and care for finishing my thank you speech in the NICU. more thing: would I be able to bake cup- families who are hurting so much. So cakes and to deliver them to Sisters Hospi- many of the nurses were truly touched that He said, “L&D just called and asked if you tal on Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PaIL) I was there with a gift in appreciation of would come back down there.” Awareness Day (October 15). As usual, I THEM. said yes without giving much thought. Help “Of course!” I realized that they were all a little tense Christine? Yes. Help the Network? Yes. When I walked into L&D, I barely made it Do another “something” to make my and on edge. As it turns out, a mother had just lost a baby the night before my late two steps before I saw them: Kathy and daughters proud? ABSOLUTELY! It’s a no Siobhan. The two nurses who were my brainer—I’m in! morning arrival. I saw these nurses’ con- cern for this woman. I saw the sorrow and primary care-givers for my 24 day stint Baking and decorating four dozen cup- defeat that they were experiencing on this when I delivered Ella Grace. I just ran to cakes wasn’t such a huge deal. I love bak- family’s behalf. Honestly, I have only ever hug them. I got a hold of them and just ing! I made pink and blue frosting and been on the other side of the coin. As couldn’t let go. They made everything bear- swirled them together with some white to much as I have been told that the nurses able. They made a horrible situation in to a frost the cupcakes, then added some pink ache for us, I only saw it from my side. It less traumatic one. They were the first and blue sugar crystals to make them just truly made me want to hug each one of reason I had been able to make it through. right! They were beautiful AND yummy! So them! THIS was why we were giving them a As I am writing this now, I’m still filled with yummy, in fact, that my dog was able to personal thank you. THIS was why I was so much emotion. How could these care- swipe two of them in the middle of the there. THIS was so much more than a few givers even possibly know how much they night! hours in the kitchen and a couple of gal- did for ME when I couldn’t go back to thank lons of gas. them? And let’s be honest… I couldn’t go I collected other volunteers’ cupcakes, too. back. And I don’t know if I ever could Then I was off to deliver five dozen to Next, I was on to Sisters. I was already again. South Buffalo Mercy Hospital and six dozen feeling emotional after my experience at to Sisters of Charity Hospital along with Mercy. Plus, Sisters was where my girls This is one thing that I need all the people PaIL Awareness pins and a thank you card were each born. Being inside of that hospi- that I met in the hospital to know: I would for the staff of L&D, post-partum and NICU tal makes my blood pressure sky rocket! not be here if it weren’t for you. I think of departments at the hospitals. And I’ve not been back in L&D in a visiting every single one of you often. And I pray capacity since. for you always. And I am not the only one… I got a tip from a friend who is a pharma- you should know that. Thank you. rep: pull up to the front door, and someone The guard at Sisters wasn’t quite as help- will come out and help you… especially if ful, but he did get a cart for me and By: Dawn Both-Kim you have food!! So, I did. The guard at watched the cupcakes while I parked in the Bereaved Mother of Marrina Kim Mercy was great and even told the valet lot. I finally had to make my way to L&D. and Ella Grace Kim Forget-Me-Not Page 11 AREA SUPPORT GROUPS

“Tiniest Angels” Parent Bereave- “Tiniest Angels” Support Groups are Heart to Heart ment Support being added regularly. If you are in Early loss, miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth and need of support, please contact the When: 2nd Tuesday @ 6:00 PM early infant death WNYPBN office for information on a M. Steven Piver Center, When: 3rd Wednesday @ 7 PM support group that is convenient for Sisters Hospital, Seton Bldg 30 S Cayuga Rd—Lower you! 716-626-6363 or 2157 Main St., Buffalo Williamsville ` [email protected] Contact: FREE—Please call to register Amy Creamer (716) 862-1678 Facilitated by Margaret Husted and Kelly Arena Parent Telephone Support Team Hopeful Hearts / Contact: (PTST) Subsequent Pregnancy Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 Speak with another bereaved Support for pregnancy after a perinatal loss parent who has endured a When: 1st Tuesday @ 6:00 PM similar perinatal loss. M. Steven Piver Center, This service is a program of the WNYPBN, Inc. Sisters Hospital, Seton Bldg Contact: 2157 Main St., Buffalo Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 Contact: Amy Creamer (716) 862-1678

“Tiniest Angels” Support for

Subsequent Pregnancy Caring Arms Support Circle Stillbirth and Early Infant Death Support for pregnancy after a perinatal loss SIDS Family Support Group When: 3rd Tuesday @ 7 PM When: 2nd Tuesday @ 7:00 PM SIDS and Infant Death 30 S Cayuga Rd—Lower Ministry Center, Rm #4 Joan A. Male Family Williamsville 100 Gregory Ct, Williamsville Support Center Next to Millard Fillmore Suburban 60 Dingens St., Buffalo FREE—Please call to register Contact: Facilitated by Terri Fronczak Contact: Denise Hudden, RN, 716-568-6653 Jan Walkden, (716) 822-0919 Contact: Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 Circle of Hope Sibling Grief Death and/or Serious Illness—Niagara Hospice Siblings 5 years and older “Tiniest Angels” Grandparent 4675 Sunset Dr., Lockport or When: 2nd Wednesday @ 6:30 PM Support 2186 Liberty Dr., Niagara Falls First Trinity Lutheran Church Support for grandparents after a perinatal loss. Contact: 1570 Niagara Falls Blvd, When: Last Tuesday of the month Outreach Dept. 716-280-0777 Tonawanda @ 6:30 PM Contact: FREE—Please call to register Tara Young, (716) 878-7681 Facilitated by Joanne Ferrelli and Footprints on the Heart LouAnn Bajdas Stillbirth and early infant death Contact: Call for further details Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 When: 3rd Tuesday @ 6:00 PM Life Transitions Center Please submit any articles, blurbs, pho- “Tiniest Lights” Peer to Peer Be- 1140 Delaware Ave, Buffalo tos, memorials, safe arrivals, etc. to reavement Support Contact: [email protected] Amy Creamer (716) 862-1678 Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth and early infant death For information on Internet and Keep- When: 3rd Wednesday @ 7 PM sake resources, please view our web- Olean Public Library site at www.WNYPBN.org 134 North Second St. BEGINNING NOVEMBER 19th! If you would like to volunteer for any of Hosted by the WNYPBN, Inc. the WNYPBN events, on the Parent Tel- Facilitated by Amy Buckner and Stefan- ephone Support Team, or in our offices, ie Kent please feel free to contact Christine Contact: Scott at 716-626-6363 or via email at Christine Scott, (716) 626-6363 [email protected] This newsletter is FREE for one year (4 issues) after your loss. If you would like to continue your sub- Western New York scription, please send $5 to help defray mailing costs for an additional year. You may also find this Perinatal newsletter for no cost whatsoever on-line at www.wnypbn.org . Make checks payable to WNYPBN, Bereavement Inc. and send the completed form below to WNYPBN—Newsletter, 30 S. Cayuga Road—Lower, Wil- Network, Inc. liamsville, NY 14221. If you are receiving duplicate mailings, please let us know. 30 S Cayuga Rd Williamsville, NY Name: ______14221 Address: ______

Phone: 716-626-6363 ______Fax: 716-626-6368 E-mail: [email protected] Phone: ______Email: ______Baby’s Name & Honored Date(s):

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2015 February — 2014 November 4 Issue 11, Volume

Not - Me - Forget