Lesson 1 a TOWN VIOLATED

Lesson 1

A TOWN VIOLATED By John Grisham, TIME 28 August 2017, p42 (500 words ; each section in bold type is 100 words, the others around 150 each )

1 Charlottesville is a quiet town with 50 though I seriously doubt even one in a 2 friendly people, good schools, lots 51 thousand has read the Constitution or 3 of churches, parks and a bustling, 52 could name the Southern commander 4 growing community that more or less 53 at the Battle of Shiloh. They waved 5 revolves around one of the country's 54 their rebel battle flags, oblivious to 6 great public universities. Volunteerism 55 the fact that Robert E. Lee told his 7 is rampant, and dozens of nonprofits 56 men to put them away. They flaunted 8 hustle about, solving problems and 57 their swastikas. They wore helmets 9 helping those in need. The town is 58 and shields and riot gear, and they 10 surrounded by the estate and horse 59 rampaged. Their unapproved but well- 11 country of central Virginia, where 60 coordinated torch-lit parade through 12 history and traditions are important. 61 campus Friday night surprised officials 13 Change is important too. The town 62 at the university. 14 has a vibrant music, theater, art and 63 Free speech and a glorified heritage 15 literary culture where creativity is 64 were irrelevant. Make no mistake 16 encouraged. Food and wine are taken 65 about it—the hate groups were here 17 seriously, with dozens of vineyards and 66 to provoke violence and get attention. 18 trendy restaurants. 67 When a few Klansmen showed up a 19 The downtown pedestrian mall is 68 month ago, they attracted hundreds 20 filled with these restaurants, as well 69 of counterprotesters who drowned 21 as coffee shops, bars, outdoor cafés, 70 them out. With an impressive show of 22 music halls, bookstores, galleries. It's 71 peaceful resistance, Charlottesville 23 peaceful, calm, lovely, civilized. It's 72 proved it has no tolerance for hate. 24 Charlottesville. 73 That incident was well reported 25 The weekend of Aug. 12, Charlottes- 74 and no doubt inspired the Unite the 26 ville was violated. 75 Right brain trust to plan an even bigger 27 These same downtown streets 76 event. They issued the call, and their 28 where I work and have lunch and dinner 77 comrades carne from far and wide to 29 and meet friends were taken over by 78 make trouble. They now claim they 30 hooligans and white supremacists who 79 were provoked while trying to assemble 31 for some reason chose Charlottesville 80 peacefully, but the real provocation 32 as their battleground. 81 was their hate-filled message. 33 Who were these people? And why 82 Tensions are now easing, and the 34 our town? 83 streets are quiet again. Funerals are being 35 Now that we've seen them, and 84 planned. Physical wounds are 36 from a distance much closer than any 85 healing. Emotional wounds will take 37 of us could have imagined, we may 86 longer. We hope and pray our town 38 have a clearer understanding of their 87 returns to normal—it will if left alone. 39 motives. Ostensibly, they came here 88 But twice this summer, Charlottes- 40 to "Unite the Right," a nefarious idea 89 ville has proved that in the face of 41 that devolved into a call to action. 90 intimidation and hate, silence is not an 42 They were upset because of the city 91 option. 43 council's controversial decision to 44 remove a Confederate monument from 45 a city park. 46 These dime-store warriors arrived 47 in Charlottesville over the weekend 48 determined to glorify the Confederacy 49 and defend their version of free speech,

Lesson 2

Etruscan Places by D H Lawrence, first published 1932. This edition: http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks09/0900381h.html

TARQUINIA (extract 1, 542 words)

1 It is an hour or more to Cività Vecchia, which is a 47 Those poor rats at Ladispoli had seen me and B. 2 port of not much importance, except that from 48 go to the sea and sit on the sand for half-an- 3 here the regular steamer sails to Sardinia. We 49 hour, then go back to the train. And this was 4 gave our things to a friendly old porter, and told 50 enough to rouse their suspicions, I imagine, so 5 him to take us to the nearest hotel. It was night, 51 they telegraphed to Cività Vecchia. Why are 6 very dark as we emerged from the station. 52 officials always fools? Even when there is no war 7 And a fellow came furtively shouldering up to 53 on? What could they imagine we were doing? 8 me. 54 The hotel manager, propitious, said there was a 9 'You are foreigners, aren't you?' 55 very interesting museum in Cività Vecchia, and 10 'Yes.' 56 wouldn't we stay the next day and see it. 'Ah!' I 11 'What nationality?' 57 replied. 'But all it contains is Roman stuff, and 12 'English.' 58 we don't want to look at that.' It was malice on 13 'You have your permission to reside in Italy--or 59 my part, because the present regime considers 14 your passport?' 60 itself purely ancient Roman. The man looked at 15 'My passport I have--what do you want?' 61 me scared, and I grinned at him. 'But what do 16 'I want to look at your passport.' 62 they mean,' I said, 'behaving like this to a simple 17 'It's in the valise! And why? Why is this?' 63 traveller, in a country where foreigners are 18 'This is a port, and we must examine the papers 64 invited to travel!' 'Ah!' said the porter softly and 19 of foreigners. 65 soothingly. 'It is the Roman province. You will 20 'And why? Genoa is a port, and no one dreams 66 have no more of it when you leave the Provincia 21 of asking for papers.' 67 di Roma.' And when the Italians give the soft 22 I was furious. He made no answer. I told the 68 answer to turn away wrath, the wrath somehow 23 porter to go on to the hotel, and the fellow 69 turns away. 24 furtively followed at our side, half-a-pace to the 25 rear, in the mongrel way these spy-louts have. 26 In the hotel I asked for a room and registered, 27 and then the fellow asked again for my passport. 28 I wanted to know why he demanded it, what he 29 meant by accosting me outside the station as if I 30 was a criminal, what he meant by insulting us 31 with his requests, when in any other town in 32 Italy one went unquestioned--and so forth, in 33 considerable rage. 34 He did not reply, but obstinately looked as 35 though he would be venomous if he could. He 36 peered at the passport--though I doubt if he 37 could make head or tail of it--asked where we 38 were going, peered at B.'s passport, half excused 39 himself in a whining, disgusting sort of fashion, 40 and disappeared into the night. A real lout. 41 I was furious. Supposing I had not been carrying 42 my passport--and usually I don't dream of 43 carrying it--what amount of trouble would that 44 lout have made me! Probably I should have 45 spent the night in prison, and been bullied by 46 half a dozen low bullies.

Lesson 3 Barbara Trapido (1982) Brother of the more famous Jack , pp23-24 Chapter 5 1 I leave the kitchen and find Jane Goldman alone in her vegetable garden, 2 stringing onions. She asks me to join her at it when I approach, which I do. She 3 says apologetically that it looks a little William Morrisy, but that it makes sense if 4 you don’t want them to rot. To me, straight out of the outer reaches of the 5 Northern Line, it looks positively Robinson Crusoe and I tell her so. 6 ‘But I’m good at knots and weaving,’ I say, recommending myself. Mrs 7 Goldman gives me a friendly smile. 8 Jake is a very urban person too,’ she says. ‘If you mention the Northern Line 9 to him he goes quite starry-eyed. He likes to see Coke tins in gutters. He likes to 10 be five minutes’ walk from the Hampstead Everyman. He finds this hopelessly 11 countrified.’ 12 ‘It’s very nice here,’ I say. ‘Your house. It’s very nice.’ 13 ‘And very dirty,’ she says. ‘Do you mind the dirt, Katherine?’ I am surprised by 14 the question. It requires a quick decision from me and with a sudden instinct to 15 emulate her, I commit myself against the grain to the ideology of dirt. 16 ‘It’s very nice dirt,’ I say. She looks up at me, trying to make me out. 17 ‘It saves us from people, this house does,’ she says. ‘I’m very fond of it. Tell 18 me where you met John.’ 19 ‘In Dillon’s Bookshop,’ I say. 20 ‘How wonderfully high-brow,’ she says. ‘I met him in Woolworths when I was 21 about your age. It’s very flattering, I think, to be noticed by him. He says he likes 22 the quattrocento profile.’ But Jacob, who has picked his way along a row of her 23 inverted jam jars, is there behind her. 24 ‘Quattrocento lahdeedah,’ he says. ‘He likes women with no tits.’ To be sure, 25 neither of us is particularly well-endowed in that respect. 26 ‘Give me the nuts and bolts of the sleeping arrangements,’ he says. ‘Where 27 are these chaps going to lay their heads?’ 28 ‘In the guest room,’ she says. ‘Roger has done it already. I asked him to.’ 29 ‘This young person is one of my up-and-coming first years,’ he says. They look 30 at each other with meaning. 31 ‘Really?’ Jane says. ‘Now there’s a thing.’ I feel myself on the rack with 32 awkwardness. 33 ‘I’m very sorry about this,’ I say. ‘I didn’t now I was coming here or I wouldn’t 34 have come.’ 35 ‘Now see what you do, Janie,’ he says accusingly. ‘You make the sweet 36 creature feel unwelcome. It only wants a little tact and delicacy.’ Jane Goldman 37 gives me a delightful conspiratorial smile which makes me feel a lot better. 38 ‘I see,’ she says with quiet sarcasm. ‘Well fire away then, my tactful friend. I 39 hope you’re not planning to take a great stand.’ 40 ‘The point is this,’ he says. ‘We all know and love John as a dear friend, not 41 so?’ 42 ‘Naturally’, she says. 43 ‘And we all know, of course, that some of our best friends go in for sodomy, 44 buggery, child-abuse, you name it.’ 45 ‘There’s no need for poetic licence,’ Jane says. 46 ‘The point is simply this,’ he says. ‘I will not have this old faggot come here to 47 my house in order to indulge a sideline in female children. Not with my pupils. 48 Not with Katherine here. Is that clear to everyone present?’

Lessons 4-5 see pdf files Lessons 6-7 topical news texts to be chosen during the lesson (will be uploaded later)

Lesson 8

How I learned to stop worrying and love the Roomba By Kristin van Ogtrop , TIME, 10 April 2017 (392 words)

1 There is a unique kind of modern-era rage 41 the puppy lying on the kitchen floor, which I 2 that erupts when you call your credit-card 42 have now watched about 12 times. Or maybe it's 3 company because you don't recognize a charge 43 the way Roomba sometimes seems to go around 4 on your bill. Maybe it's true that your spouse 44 and around in circles, with no clear purpose, 5 made the charge, but the fact that your spouse 45 looking directionless and confused but always 6 wasn't listening when you asked about it is not 46 getting the job done in the end. Which makes it 7 the reason for the rage. The rage – and it's not 47 seem almost human. 8 anger or frustration; it's rage – comes when you 9 have to have a "conversation" with a machine, 10 or press 585 buttons on your phone in order to 11 reach a real human in Sioux Falls or Bangalore. 12 There is something about talking to a machine 13 that has replaced a person that is simply... 14 enraging. 15 Unless that machine is my vacuum robot, 16 a.k.a. Roomba. I can talk to my Roomba all day. 17 Our conversations, while short, are always 18 meaningful. For example, I might tell Roomba 19 that it's the best thing that has ever happened to 20 me, and Roomba will reply, "Error 18, please 21 open the iRobot app for help." What began as an 22 experiment in domestic codependent 23 coexistence between woman and robot has 24 turned into something that resembles love. It's 25 not just me. I once worked with a woman who 26 was having a secret affair with her Roomba. 27 Every morning she would take Roomba out of 28 the box while her husband took the kids to 29 school, let Roomba clean her apartment floor 30 and then put Roomba back in the box before her 31 husband returned. I never got to the bottom of 32 why she did this, and while I pretended to find 33 her story vaguely disturbing, let's just say there's 34 a reason I made her tell it to me so many times. 35 Until researchers have it figured out, I will 36 just have to guess at the logic behind my 37 devotion to Roomba. Maybe I've done so much 38 vacuuming in my life that I'm happy to be 39 replaced. Maybe it was the video I saw online of 40 the Roomba that whirred its way around Gauge

Lesson 9

Corpus Linguistics 2007 “The idiom principle and translated texts” Gill Philip (University of Macerata, Italy)

Introduction 1 The idiom principle has been a mainstay of 47 problems in rendering the meaning effectively in 2 (monolingual) phraseological research for the 48 the target language). Unsurprisingly, it is on 3 past quarter century. First advanced by Sinclair 49 translation problems that most classroom 4 (1991), it proposes that normal text is composed 50 discussion hinges; but beyond the immediate 5 of intersecting pre-fabricated chunks, only 51 needs of the translation class, convergence too 6 occasionally necessitating a switch to allow for 52 deserves close linguistic scrutiny. The dearth of 7 the insertion of terminological (ibid.) insertions 53 research on multiple translations prevents us 8 before switching swiftly back again to the 54 from assessing at present just how similar 9 phrasal norm. Observable in corpus data via 55 translated texts ought to be – they are, after all, 10 KWIC concordances – where minor variations 56 reconstructions of an existing text in another 11 can be absorbed – as well as through n-gram and 57 language. What we can investigate, instead, are 12 cluster extraction which have more stringent 58 the ways in which convergence manifests itself, 13 requirements regarding fixity of word-form and 59 and how these relate to existing theoretical 14 syntactic sequencing, it is clear that the idiom 60 models of ‘normal’ text production. 15 principle does indeed hold sway in normal 16 language use. But what happens when a text is 17 not being constructed, per se, but rather 18 re constructed, as is the case with translated 19 texts? Little is known about the extent to which 20 the idiom principle survives the process of 21 translation because until now very few scholars 22 have investigated multiple translations, and 23 none of those who have done so have 24 investigated phraseological (rather than 25 terminological) phenomena. 26 This contribution seeks to redress this gap in 27 knowledge, drawing on the author’s own learner 28 translation corpus. Compiled for use in the 29 translation classroom, the data consists of the 30 students’ translation assignments: in other 31 words, multiple translations of selected source 32 texts. These are subjected to linguistic analysis 33 via concordancing software in real time in the 34 classroom, allowing students to view all versions 35 – their own and those of their classmates – via 36 projected concordances called up in real time. 37 Concordancing multiple translations makes it 38 possible to identify points of convergence 39 (identical or similar translation solutions) and 40 divergence (wide variety of translation 41 solutions). Convergence reveals that the class 42 has reached a tacit consensus on how best to 43 translate an item or text fragment, with no 44 evident problems arising. Divergence, in 45 contrast, is indicative of a translation problem 46 (such as misunderstanding of the source text or

Lesson 10

Christopher Brookmyre, “Playground Football” (extracts) http://www.brookmyre.co.uk/short3.htm

1 Offside 48 Congratulation by team-mates is in the measure 2 There is no offside , for two reasons: one, “it’s 49 appropriate to the importance of the goal in 3 no’ a full-size pitch”, and two, none of the 50 view of the current scoreline (for instance, 4 players actually know what offside is. The lack of 51 making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to 5 an offside rule gives rise to a unique sub-division 52 drop to his knees and make the sign of the 6 of strikers. These players hang around the 53 cross), and the extent of the scorer’s 7 opposing goalmouth while play carries on at the 54 contribution. A fabulous solo dismantling of the 8 other end, awaiting a long pass forward out of 55 defence or 25-yard* rocket shot will elicit 9 defence which they can help past the keeper 56 applause and back-pats from the entire team 10 before running the entire length of the pitch 57 and the more magnanimous of the opponents. 11 with their arms in the air to greet utterly 58 However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic 12 imaginary adulation. These are known variously 59 scramble will be heralded with the epithet 13 as “moochers ”, “gloryhunters” and “fly wee 60 “moochin’ wee bastart” from the opposing 14 bastarts ”. These players display a remarkable 61 defence amidst mild acknowledgment from 15 degree of self-security, seemingly happy in their 62 team-mates. Applying an unnecessary final 16 own appraisals of their achievements, and caring 63 touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal 17 little for their team-mates’ failure to appreciate 64 will elicit a burst nose from the original striker. 18 the contribution they have made. They know 65 Kneeling down to head the ball over the line 19 that it can be for nothing other than their 66 when defence and keeper are already beaten 20 enviable goal tallies that they are so bitterly 67 will elicit a thoroughly deserved kicking. As a 21 despised. [....] 68 footnote, however, it should be stressed that 69 any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met 22 Tactics 70 with universal acclaim, even if it falls into any of 23 Playground football tactics are best explained in 71 the latter three categories. 24 terms of team formation. Whereas senior sides 72 *Actually eight yards, but calculated as relative 25 tend to choose - according to circumstance - 73 distance because “it’s no’ a full-size pitch”. [....] 26 from among a number of standard options (eg 4- 27 4-2, 4-3-3, 5-3-2), the playground side is usually 74 Penalties 28 more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose 1-1-17 75 At senior level, each side often has one 29 formation. This formation is a sturdy basis for 76 appointed penalty-taker, who will defer to a 30 the unique style of play, ball-flow and territorial 77 team-mate in special circumstances, such as his 31 give-and-take that makes the playground game 78 requiring one more for a hat-trick . The 32 such a renowned and strategically engrossing 79 playground side has two appointed penalty- 33 spectacle. Just as the 5-3-2 formation is 80 takers: the Best Player and the Best Fighter. The 34 sometimes referred to in practice as 81 arrangement is simple: the Best Player takes the 35 “Catenaccio”, the 1-1-17 formation gives rise to 82 penalties when his side is a retrievable margin 36 a style of play that is best described as 83 behind, and the Best Fighter at all other times. If 37 “Nomadic”. All but perhaps four of the 84 the side is comfortably in front, the ball-owner 38 participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse 85 may be invited to take a penalty. 39 from one area of the pitch to another, following 86 Goalkeepers are often the subject of temporary 40 the ball, and it is tactically vital that every last 87 substitutions at penalties, forced to give up their 41 one of them remains within a ten-yard radius of 88 position to the Best Player or Best Fighter, who 42 it at all times. [....] 89 recognise the kudos attached to the heroic act of 90 saving one of these kicks, and are buggered if 43 Celebration 91 Wee Titch is going to steal any of it. 44 Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of 45 thirty yards with their hands in the air, making 46 crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed 47 terraces.

Lesson 11 Elio e le storie tese & James Taylor, “First me, second me”

1 FIRST ME 2 I would like to writing and singing a song in english, 3 tongue that I've studied at the medium school 4 I'd surely find the way to recreate the original sound 5 of the wonderful Beatles english 6 I would pick up a girl and 7 - thank you to the original sound of the wonderful Beatles english - 8 I would conquer her, 9 I would marry her and together we will farrow so many much childs 10 So we would live until the late age (her), 11 while I would never die just like Highlander; 12 but not like Sean Connery, better like Christopher Lambert: 13 young through the centuries but without cut the head 14 So every night I dream my unrealizable, unreasonable, 15 unrecognizable, unjamestaylorable, unstatesmanlike dream come true

16 SECOND ME (THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN) 17 How you call you? How many years you have? 18 From where come? How stay? 19 Not to be sad: 20 the life is a thing wonderful and I am here for make it wonderfuler 21 Not see the my love for yourself? 22 For force, not is visible 23 Not hear the sound of the my guitar? 24 Is play from me; is play for you, is play for we 25 Oui, je t'aime, je t'aime - yes -, must to be the my girl; 26 come on the my car that I bring you at make one tour 27 What think of the my car? 28 Is much beautiful, second me

Lesson 12 (2 related texts)

Jarvis Cocker: the secrets of Pulp's songs (abridged extract, 399 words) https://www.theguardian.com/music/2011/oct/16/jarvis-cocker-mother-brother-lover 16 October 2011

1 [...] Many of my lyrics were hastily written 49 I have always had an extreme aversion to the 2 the night before a recording session because I'd 50 way lyrics are often typeset to resemble poetry. 3 been putting off writing them until the very last 51 Lyrics are not poetry: they are the words to a 4 minute. It's strange that the most intelligible 52 song. [...] 5 part of a song – the words – should be seen as 6 the most boring and chore-like aspect of the 7 songwriting process by musicians themselves. 8 And I think that's down to a very simple fact: the 9 words to a song are not that important. They're 10 contractual obligation, a necessary evil, an 11 afterthought. [...] 12 But once you've realised that the words are 13 not so important, then the real fun of lyric- 14 writing can begin. If nobody's listening, you can 15 say whatever you want. My first attempts 16 roughly coincided with my first romantic 17 dealings with the opposite sex. I was struck by 18 the massive discrepancy between the way 19 relationships were depicted in the songs I'd 20 heard on the radio and the way I was 21 experiencing them in real life. (Could have been 22 my technique, I suppose.) So I decided to 23 attempt to redress the balance, to put in all the 24 awkward bits and the fumblings. 25 Maybe lyrics weren't that important to a 26 song's success, but I realised that they were 27 important to me. I was always looking for 28 something in them that generally wasn't there. I 29 had loved pop music from an early age and now I 30 wanted it to go through puberty with me – so I 31 ended up documenting my puberty through pop 32 music itself. This became the blueprint for the 33 way I worked: an attempt to marry 34 "inappropriate" subject matter to fairly 35 conventional "pop" song structures, to try to 36 create the kind of pop music I wished had been 37 there for me in my hour of need. 38 This friction between the words and the 39 music presents problems for me when displaying 40 the lyrics on their own. Ever since lyric sheets 41 started to be included in my record releases, I 42 have included the instructions, "NB Please do 43 not read the lyrics whilst listening to the 44 recordings." This is because the words only exist 45 to be part of something else, a song, and when 46 you see them on a printed page you are seeing 47 them taken out of their natural habitat – away 48 from that "something else". [...]

1 We didn't have nowhere to live 2 We didn't have nowhere to go 3 Till someone said: 4 "I know this place off Burnett Road" 5 It was on the 15th floor 6 It had a board across the door 7 It took an hour 8 To pry it off and get inside 9 It smelt as if someone had died 10 The living room was full of flies 11 The kitchen sink was blocked 12 The bathroom sink not there at all 13 Oh, it's a mess alright 14 Yes, it's Mile End

15 And now we're living in the sky 16 I never thought I'd live so high 17 Just like heaven 18 (If it didn't look like hell) 19 The lift is always full of piss 20 The fifth-floor landing smells of fish 21 Not just on Fridays 22 Every single other day! 23 And all the kids come out at night 24 They kick a ball and have a fight 25 And maybe shoot somebody if they lose at pool 26 Oh, it's a mess alright 27 Yes, it's Mile End

28 Nobody wants to be your friend 29 'cause "you're not from round here", oh 30 (As if that was 31 Something to be proud about!) 32 The pearly king of the Isle of Dogs 33 Feels up children in the bogs 34 And down by the playing fields 35 Someone sets a car on fire 36 I guess you have to go right down 37 Before you understand just how 38 How low 39 How low a human being can go 40 Oh, it's a mess alright 41 Yes it's mile end

Lesson 13 Bad Sir Brian Botany A.A. Milne

Sir Brian had a battleaxe with great big knobs on; He went among the villagers and bopped them on the head. On Wednesday and Saturday, but mostly on the latter day, He called at all the cottages, and this is what he said:

“I am Sir Brian!” (ting-ling) “I am Sir Brian!” (rat-tat) “I am Sir Brian, as bold as lion - Take that! - and that! - and that!”

Sir Brian had a pair of boots with great big spurs on, A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond. On Tuesday and on Friday, just to make the street look tidy,

He'd collect the passing villagers and kick them in the pond.

“I am Sir Brian!” (sper-lash!) “I am Sir Brian!” (sper-losh!) “I am Sir Brian, as bold as lion - Is anyone else for a wash?”

Sir Brian woke one morning, and he couldn't find his battleaxe; He walked into the village in his second pair of boots. He had gone a hundred paces, when the street was full of faces, And the villagers were round him with ironical salutes.

“You are Sir Brian? Indeed! You are Sir Brian? Dear, dear! You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion? Delighted to meet you here!”

Sir Brian went on a journey, and he found a lot of duckweed: They pulled him out and dried him, and they blipped him on the head. They took him by the breeches, and they hurled him into ditches, And they pushed him under waterfalls and this is what they said:

“You are Sir Brian - don't laugh, You are Sir Brian - don't cry; You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion - Sir Brian, the lion, good-bye!”

Sir Brian struggled home again, and chopped up his battleaxe, Sir Brian took his fighting boots, and threw them in the fire. He is quite a different person now he hasn't got his spurs on, And he goes about hte village as B. Botany, Esquire.

“I am Sir Brian? Oh, no! I am Sir Brian? Who's he? I haven't got any title, I'm Botany - Plain Mr Botany (B).”

Lesson 14 see pdf file

Lesson 15

Irvine Welsh (2012) Skagboys , p.52 (this extract: 413 words; 233 to translate [in bold type]) 1 The copper stares at us in utter contempt. Nae 30 -Ah telt ye, ah say, as sincerely as ah kin, -ah see 2 wonder; aw he sees in front ay um is this mingin 31 this boy up at the bookies, ah jist ken him as Olly. 3 cunt, twitchin n spazzin oan this hard seat in the 32 Dinnae even know if that’s his right name. Gen up. 4 interview room. -Ah’m oan the program, ah tell um. 33 The staff at the clinic’ll confirm- 5 -Check if ye like. Ah’m aw seek cause they nivir gied 34 -Ah suppose prison’s like the halls ay residence, 6 us enough methadone. They sais they hud tae fine- 35 apart fae one thing, Pudding Basin goes, -no much 7 tune ma dosage. Check wi the lassie at the clinic if 36 chance ay a ride thair. At least, he laughs, -no the sort 8 ye dinnae believe us. 37 ay ride ye’d want, anywey! 9 -Boo-fucking-hoo, he sais, a mean expression oan 38 -Just gie the clinic a quick phone, ah beg. 10 his face. -Why am I not tearing up on your behalf, 39 -If ah hear the word ‘clinic’ come out ay your 11 my sweet, sweet friend? 40 mooth again, son… 12 This cunt has cold black eyes set in a white face. 41 They keep this shite gaun fir a bit, till a legal aid 13 If he didnae huv a dark pudding-basin haircut and 42 lawyer, whae’s been appointed for us, thankfully 14 his neb wis bigger, he’d be like one ay Moira and 43 comes in tae end the torment. The polis leave n the 15 Jimmy’s budgies. The other polisman, a louche, 44 lawyer gadge gies us the news ah want tae hear. It’s a 16 slightly effeminate-looking blonde boy, is playing 45 stark choice: basically either jail (at least remand until 17 the benign role. -Just tell us who gives you that 46 it goes tae court) or rehab, in a new project, which ah 18 stuff, Mark. Come on pal, give us some names. 47 huv tae sign up tae for 45 days, or ah’m charged wi 19 You’re a good lad, far too sensible tae get mixed up 48 the original offence. -It’s not the easy option. It 20 in aw this nonsense, he shakes his heid and then 49 means being drug free, he explains, -even your 21 looks up at me, lip curled doon thoughfully, - 50 methadone will be stopped. 22 Aberdeen University, no less. 51 -Fuck...ah gasp. -Ah’m no sure tae definately get a 23 -But if ye check yi’ll find that ah’m oan the 52 prison sentence, am ah? No jist fir thievin a poxy 24 program…at the clinic likes. 53 collection tin? 25 -Bet these student birds bang like fuck! In they 54 -Nothing’s certain at all these days. It doesn’t look 26 halls ay residence. It’ll be shaggin aw the time in 55 good though, does it? These were monies collected 27 thair, eh pal, the Pudding Basin Heided Cunt goes. 56 by an elderly shopkeeper for an animal welfare 28 -Just one name, Mark. C’mon pal, begs Captain 57 charity. 29 Sensible. 58 -Ye pit it like that...ah feel ma shoodirs hunch 59 north in acknowledgement.