See Sports for our infamous WU Athlete Centerfold! THES INDEPENDENTTUDENT NEWSPAPER OF WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY L IN ST. IFELOUIS SINCE 1878 Page 20. Oral sex, hymens, armor and bunnies are all Penis or not a penis? Cadenza staffers weigh News and Scene have surveys covering sexual as- in today’s Forum—plus talk of offensive fl yers, in on this conundrum. Also inside: porn paro- sault, cheating, and virginity, plus the inside scoop small beds and other campus snafus. Page 7. dies, animal sex and V-Day tunes. Page 14. on students’ love and sex lives. Pages 2, 10.

VOLUME 127, NO. 52 MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2006 WWW.STUDLIFE.COM

Sex Issue 2006

The Morning Sophomore Architecture student Claudia Bode does a sub-zero “walk of shame” on a windy Sunday afternoon for Student Life’s Valentine’s After Day Sex Issue. DAVID BRODY | STUDENT LIFE 2 STUDENT LIFE | NEWS Senior News Editors / Kristin McGrath and Liz Neukirch / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 STUDENT LIFE One Brookings Drive #1039 Sexual assault Wives to be before a degree #42 Women’s Building Saint Louis, MO 63130-4899 cause, it’s for a good thing.” “I’m a Catholic, went to an all- v Three female WU Gray says that being a student girls school and I’m more conserva- News: (314) 935-5995 happening right and having a fi ancé is an interest- tive,” said Grasso. “I wasn’t expect- Advertising: (314) 935-6713 students share their ing balancing act. ing to fi nd a guy at Wash. U. Then Fax: (314) 935-5938 “It is hard to fi nd time to spend my girlfriend was like, ‘Oh, you email: [email protected] experiences being together, especially because he should meet Chris,’ and I’m like, www.studlife.com under our noses, doesn’t go to school anymore,” said ‘No, I don’t want to, I don’t want to engaged at college Gray. “We see each other a lot at be set up.’ But then she brought him Copyright 2006 anyway even though I said no.” By Marla Friedman night; we go to all-night diners a lot to talk about the day. But it is hard Grasso can thank her friend to- Editor in Chief: Margaret Bauer Associate Reporter says our survey to fi nd time.” day for brushing aside her request. Associate Editor: Liz Neukirch Managing Editor: David Tabor Still, she is more than satisfi ed Unlike Gray, Grasso has found Senior News Editors: Kristin McGrath, Junior Alexandra Bannister has with her decision to say “yes.” it easy to fi nd time for both her Liz Neukirch By Margy Levinson been engaged for six years. When “It’s been an interesting ex- schoolwork and her fi ancé. Senior Forum Editor: Molly Antos Contributing Reporter she was 16, she met her fi ancé at perience to go through at college “He’s a computer programmer Senior Cadenza Editor: Laura Vilines Steak ‘n Shake, where he waited on because it’s something I never ex- and he has a huge project that he’s Senior Scene Editor: Sarah Baicker Of the 68 Washington University students polled by Stu- her, and he proposed about three pected,” she said. “It’s defi nitely a trying to work on so he can start Senior Sports Editor: Justin Davidson dent Life, 25 percent replied that they had been sexually months later. big decision, but I think I made the his own company,” said Grasso. “It Senior Photo Editor: David Brody touched or grabbed against their will, three percent admit- “[Being engaged while at college] right one, so I’m happy.” would be hard if we had to make News Editors: Mandy Silver, Caroline Wekselbaum ted to being victims of unwanted sexual contact, sexual is not necessarily as diffi cult as it Senior Francine Grasso also time for each other, but we’re with Forum Editors: Daniel Milstein, Jeff assault or rape and six percent of students had confessed is just different,” said Bannister. didn’t think she would meet her each other while we do work.” Stepp, Matt Shapiro, Joshua Trein that they had in fact been perpetrators of unwanted sexual “Maybe it’s harder for me to inte- husband in college. Yet on the day Mike Merbaum, a psychology Cadenza Editors: Adam Summerville, contact. Of these, 38 percent said that the above had taken grate socially because I’m at such a after Thanksgiving last year, she professor, recommends that young Jordan Deam, Robbie Gross place in college. different place in my life, but I also got engaged under the Brookings Scene Editors: Sarah Klein, Erin Fults Yet it is likely that these incidents and others were never have a support network that other Archway. See ENGAGED STUDENTS, page 15 Sports Editor:Joe Ciolli reported. people don’t have.” Photo Editors: David Hartstein, Pam “I think sexual assault itself, whether on this campus or As recently as the 1960s, a wom- Buzzetta, Meghan Luecke other campuses, goes highly unreported,” said Washington an was considered to be less than Online Editor: Dan Daranciang Design Chief: Laura McLean University Chief of Police Don Strom. successful if she left college with- Copy Editors: Allie McKay, Nina Perlman, According to the U.S. Department of Education, there out a fi ancé. But by 2002, the U.S. Kelly Donahue, Erin Fults, Rebecca Emsh- were three arrests in 2002 for forcible sex offenses at Wash- Census estimated that the median willer, hannah draper, Julian Beattie, Mal- ington University. Two were reported in 2003 and 10 in age for fi rst marriages was 27 and lory Wilder, Paige Creo 2004. 25 years old for men and women, Designers: Ellen Lo, Anna Dinndorf, Jamie This jump in arrests does not indicate, however, that respectively. Still, Valentine’s Day Reed, Andy Gavinski, Elizabeth Kaufman, more offenses are being reported. this year will fi nd some students Kate Ehrlich “Less than 5 percent of completed and attempted [inci- like Bannister celebrating with their dents of sexual assault] are actually brought to the attention husbands- or wives-to-be. General Manager: Andrew O’Dell Advertising Manager: Sara Judd of campuses or authority of college students,” said Strom. Dr. Marci Gleason, a research According to a recent New York Times article, “[A] survey scientist at the University, refl ects by the American Association of University Women…found on the diffi culties of being in a seri- Copyright 2006 Washington University Stu- that one in six [women] had received suggestive pictures, ous relationship in college. dent Media, Inc. (WUSMI). Student Life is web pages or messages, while seven percent had had their “A lot of change takes place in the fi nancially and editorially independent, college, and many times it’s diffi cult student-run newspaper serving the Washing- clothes pulled down and fi ve percent were asked for sexual ton University community. First copy of each favors in exchange for a better grade, class notes, a recom- to make those changes with anoth- publication is free; all additional copies are mendation or other perks.” er person. But if you’re on the same 50 cents. Subscriptions may be purchased for Despite the wide variety of conduct that can be defi ned page and can make the changes to- $80.00 by calling (314) 935-6713. as sexual assault, victims often assume that anything less gether, it might be a good sign that Student Life is a publication of WUSMI and than rape does not qualify as assault, said Eleatha Surratt, a your relationship will make it.” does not necessarily represent, in whole or psychiatrist at Student Health Services. Senior Aline Gray was not ex- in part, the views of the Washington Univer- Although Surratt has been at the University for only pecting to get engaged so early in sity administration, faculty or students. All about a year, she has been a practicing psychiatrist for 13 life, but does seem to be “on the Student Life articles, photos and graphics are the property of WUSMI and may not be years and has observed that “[various forms of sexual as- same page” as her partner. Gray reproduced or published without the express sault] can all produce devastating reactions in victims.” had been dating her boyfriend for a written consent of the General Manager. Pic- Such effects might also explain why reporting sexual as- little over a year when he proposed. tures and graphics printed in Student Life sault crimes is often diffi cult for victims. This was not in Gray’s “life plan,” are available for purchase; e-mail editor@ but she was ecstatic nonetheless. studlife.com for more information. Student “The person may be emotionally numb and have diffi - Life reserves the right to edit all submissions culty providing the information that is needed,” said Sur- “I was planning on being out of for style, grammar, length and accuracy. The ratt. college for a couple of years before I intent of submissions will not be altered. Stu- After the immediate trauma, longer-lasting effects of settled down,” said Gray. “It’s taken dent Life reserves the right not to publish all sexual assault can take a hold of a victim. me by surprise, but I think it’s a submissions. “Prior to coming to Wash. U., I found a broad majority of good thing, because we have some- PAM BUZZETTA | STUDENT LIFE If you’d like to place an ad, please contact the clients that I would see as well-functioning would but of- thing to plan for. We’ve already Advertising Department at (314) 935-6713. ten have a history of some sexually inappropriate behavior, starting to save for our lives instead Seniors Alex Barcham and Cheryl Simon are engaged to be married. While some- [like] child abuse, date rape, harassment in the work place,” of spending the money—it’s for a times a diffi cult thing, college couples can make these early engagements work. If you wish to report an error or request a clari- fi cation, e-mail [email protected]. said Surratt. “I see [this] as a major problematic factor for people who may present later with depression or anxiety.” According to Strom, there is a procedure taken by the Washington University Police Department (WUPD) for those who feel that they have been a victim of sexual assault and or rape. Ask the experts: How college See SEXUAL ASSAULT, page 13 life affects your love life By Jessie Rothstein married at 20 years old, so there’s tention to their children’s college Staff Reporter nothing wrong with a serious re- relationships, for example, and col- lationship in college,” said Laurie lege students do not have to travel One need only ask the sexiled on Puhn, J.D., a communications ex- for business. Since college couples a weekend night to learn that col- pert and the bestselling author of, are not forced to face the chal- lege presents a unique opportunity “Instant Persuasion: How to Change lenges that other couples do, Puhn for romantic exploration. Your Words to Change Your Life.” advised that college relationships While relationship experts agree Nevertheless, Puhn identifi ed get tested in the “real world” before that college brings young people to- several challenges of dating at moving on to a deeper level of com- gether in an atmosphere that pro- college, most notably the fact that mitment. vides incredible possibilities for a couples who build relationships on The college environment also variety of relationships, they are campus cannot assume that their has the potential to lead to artifi cial also quick to point out the ways in relationships will survive outside or unhealthy relationships due to which a college environment can of the college atmosphere. the tendency of students to look for threaten the potential of successful “You’re kind of in a safety zone a source of comfort during a time and benefi cial relationships. in a way where a lot of the confl icts of uncertainty. “It’s very healthy…we have to in life don’t exist,” said Puhn. remember that people used to get Parents may not pay much at- See EXPERTS, page 13

GEORGE GENNIS | STUDENT LIFE

www.studlife.com In a poll conducted by Student Life, 25 percent of students indicated that they had been sexually touched or grabbed against their will. ONE WORLD ONE MISSION ONE PERSON Is it you?

One person makes a difference when the mission of Christ meets the world.

Share their lives for a few weeks. Change your life forever.

For the full story contact Fr. Stephen Schroeppel, M.M. Maryknoll Fathers & Brothers 1209 Charter Oak Parkway, St. Louis, MO 63146 e-mail: [email protected] phone: (314) 432-7729 For more information please call the Army ROTC Department at 314-935-5521, 5537 or 5546. http://society.maryknoll.org You may also visit our web-site at rotc.wustl.edu MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior News Editors / Kristin McGrath and Liz Neukirch / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | NEWS 3 Student Life’s Grade level of Grad students - 6% respondents:

Juniors - 16% Sex Survey 2006 Sophomores - 29%

Seniors - 22% Compiled by Liz Neukirch surveyed, 75 percent believed that less than 40 percent of the Senior News Editor undergraduate student body are virgins; yet results indicate Freshmen - 27% that in reality, 43 percent have not lost the “Big V” (which is Students at Washington University are overestimating their consistent with last year’s result of 44 percent). The final out- classmates’ sexual experience—at least according to this comes of each question on the survey are listed below, with year’s Student Life sex survey. Of the 332 students randomly the percent of students who marked each response.

Would you consider someone a What percent of WU undergrads are virgins? Is it important for people to be in love “virgin” if s/he has had oral sex? before they have sex for the fi rst time? More than 70 percent - 2% Less than 10 percent - 4%

55 to 69 percent - 5%

No - 15%

No - 22%

40 to 54 percent - 18% Yes - 43%

25 to 39 percent - 44%

Yes - 85% 10 to 24 percent - 27% Maybe - 35%

When did you lose your virginity? If you have lost your virginity...

Age 14 and under - 3% Age 21 and over - 4% Did/do you love the person Were you at the “right” age you lost your virginity to? when you lost your virginity?

No, I should have had sex Ages 15 to 16 - 12% sooner - 10% I’m still a virgin - 43%

No, I should Ages 19 to 20 - 12% No - 38% have waited longer - 15%

Ages 17 to 18 - 26% Yes - 62% Yes - 75%

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©2005 JIMMY JOHN’S FRANCHISE, INC. 4 STUDENT LIFE | NEWS Senior News Editors / Kristin McGrath and Liz Neukirch / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 ‘Pour some fructose on me’: How to go downtown By David Brody Senior Photo Editor v Citrus Cunnilingus v Fruit Fellatio

First, become familiar with your citrus. Know the Warm up with some gentle rubbing and foreplay. Start off by teasing the banana. Run your tongue Be gentle with the banana. If you are too rough ins and outs of the grapefruit. Get those grapefruit juices fl owing before getting lightly over the tip. you could hurt it, resulting in both a bruised down to work. banana and ego.

Don’t be squeemish about diving right into the Give that citrus an experience it will never forget. The cardinal rule when blowing a banana is be Try to mix it up a little by cupping the kiwis and heart of the citrus. If your tongue isn’t sore by the time you fi nish, you careful not to use your teeth. The fruit is very giving them some lovin’. haven’t been thorough enough. sensitive to scraping.

Remember to put plenty of focus and pressure Cleanliness is next to godliness. Always mop up Once you get down to business, keep up a solid Be a good sport and swallow the fruit once it on the cherry. Try spelling out the ABCs with your the mess. rhythm and really put some suction on the fruit. turns to mush. Bananas are rich in vitamins like tongue. Your hand should be used to work the shaft. potassium. MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior News Editors / Kristin McGrath and Liz Neukirch / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | NEWS 5

Top 5 things you don’t want to hear while tied up:

One on one: BDSM 5. “Is it, ‘The bunny runs around the tree and jumps in the hole,’ or ‘The bunny jumps in the hole and runs around the tree?’” Compiled by the Alternative Lifestyle Association, with photos by Carolyn Goldstein and survey by Dallas Bryson 4. “I know the key is around here someplace…” 3. “Oh, that’s going to leave a mark…” 2. “Fire!” Tips for safe tying and bondage: 1. “Trust me, I read how to do this in Student Life.”

Recommended sources of information about BDSM:

-“SM 101” by Jay Wiseman -“Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns” by Molly Devon -“The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton -“The Erotic Bondage Handbook” by Jay Wiseman -“When Someone You Love Is Kinky” by Dossie Easton

To borrow any of the above books or for further information, contact the Alternative Lifestyle Association at [email protected].

Bondage survey:

One hundred Washington University undergraduates—50 men and 50 women—were given the 1. Consent. Never play with anybody who play partner completely, you also need to know following slip of paper: has not clearly consented in advance, or you about any medical conditions, such as diabe- may go to jail for a very long time. You can’t tes, poor circulation, epilepsy, joint injuries, give consent if you’re drunk or high. Know compressed nerves, fainting spells, hypoglyce- the difference between sexy bondage play and mia or back, shoulder, or neck problems. Please check all true statements. abuse. Agree on a safeword before you play. “Green,” Don’t play with anybody you don’t know “yellow” and “red” (as in “STOP!”) are good o I have been tied up by my partner. well. You not only need to be able to trust your safewords because they’re easy to remember. o I have tied my partner. o I have thought it would be fun to be tied up by my partner. o I have thought it would be fun to tie my partner up. o None of the above.

I asked them to fi ll it out, fold it up and stick it in a cup—completely anonymously. I’ve compiled the survey results into the following table, and I’ll bet some people will fi nd them pretty interest- ing. The best part of surveying people was the conversations I heard as I walked away. If I had given you this survey, what would your answer have been? What if I had surveyed your partner? If you’ve never had this conversation with your partner, maybe it’s time you did.

Survey results:

% of those % of women % of men surveyed surveyed surveyed

2. Rope. You can pick up good rope at most and 3/8”. I have been tied up by my hardware stores for less than 50 cents per Cotton, sisal and nylon are not recom- 16 8 24 foot, or order it online. You’ll need rope at mended. Instead, use hemp, jute or multifi la- partner. least 25 feet long for most things and you ment polypropylene (MFP). Silk stockings and should buy a soft rope that’s not too slippery neckties, while sexy, can tighten up and cut I have tied up my partner. 15 12 18 or too rough, with a diameter between 5/15” off circulation, so they should be avoided. I have thought it would be fun to be tied up by my 49 46 52 partner. I have thought it would be fun to tie my partner up. 44 36 52

3. Safety. NEVER, EVER LEAVE ANYONE TIED UP circulation. If your partner’s body starts turn- AND UNATTENDED. It only takes a moment for ing deep purple or numb, it’s time to loosen the the dorm to catch on fi re or for your partner to rope. slip and fall. Never tie rope around the joints or neck—al- Purchase a pair of safety/EMT scissors with ways avoid joints by at least two inches, or you dull tips and bright handles, so you can fi nd risk causing serious injury. them by candlelight. That way, if you need to cut Suspension isn’t for beginners. Don’t lift your your rope, you won’t also cut your play partner. partner off of the ground until you are very fa- Watch out for piercings and never pass rope miliar with the strength of the rope you are us- through rings or other body jewelry or you may ing, the proper ways to distribute their weight rip them out accidentally. Oops! and the name of the lawyer you’re going to call if Keep checking your partner to ensure good you drop them on their head.

COURTESY OF ALEX RADUNZ

Cherish yesterday, Dream about tommarow, and LIVE for today.

Happy 19th Birthday, Ross

Love, Mom, Dad, Kirby, Jason, Amie & J.R. 6 STUDENT LIFE | NEWS Senior News Editors / Kristin McGrath and Liz Neukirch / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Sex Week aims Performing under pressure v What men want women and gender studies pro- to arouse and gram. According to Dr. Susan Stiritz, and what women a professor of women’s studies, the expectation that men should want stresses out be the initiators often charges inform campus them with the responsibility of both sexes instigating sex. By Kristin McGrath “Women expect men to initiate Senior News Editor the sexual act and the woman will not feel entitled to be as active as Senior Roksan Hayirel is read- the man, which puts a lot of pres- ing a particularly amusing book sure on the guy,” said Stiritz. for her women’s studies class—a “There’s a lot of pressure to be dating manual from the 1950s the one who always has to initi- that offers the young lady a vari- ate and decide. But then [women] ety of useful tips on how to dress, shouldn’t be called ‘bitches’ for how to resist the fi rst kiss without initiating, which is what often damaging her date’s ego and how happens.” to avoid the snares of “Lover’s Some men might welcome the Lane.” opportunity to let women shoul- “Things have changed,” said der this responsibility. Hayirel. “You look at this stuff “[Men feel that they have to now and laugh.” make the fi rst move] because Although these rigid dating women won’t do it,” said senior customs may have changed, the Niarcas Jeffrey. “But if a woman pressures on both men and wom- does make the fi rst move, it’s en in dating, sex and relationships hot!” can be as restraining as laughably The first date outdated social scripts. Although a formal date might The first move be a rarity among college stu- The genesis of any fl irtatious dents, those who venture beyond banter, sexual encounter or coffee at Ursa’s fi nd themselves date—the fi rst move—is some- faced with a slew of pressures. CAROLYN GOLDSTEIN | STUDENT LIFE thing that traditionally falls into “There are things we expect Freshman Nikki Bent looks for guidance in deciding what to wear. the men’s court. from people on fi rst dates that we “I’m a traditionalist, I guess,” don’t ever expect from them for we were told that the fact that you The pressure to spend hours said freshman Annie Lascoe. the rest of our lives,” said Mur- have given your time and your perfecting one’s appearance does “My mom dated a lot and told phy. “Women, I think, expect that presence is more than enough,” not affect senior Blake Abrash, me to date a lot, too, so I have. If doors are going to be opened for said Lascoe. who said he spends 20 minutes at I’m really interested I will [make them and expect that men are go- How do I look? most getting ready. the fi rst move], but I’ve never felt ing to pay for meals. Some men While men might feel stressed “I’ll put on a button-down that interested. Now that I’m older expect that, if they pay for a meal, during the date, women might be shirt, a belt, a nice pair of shoes, I might be better at it, but it’s nice they’re entitled to sex.…First more likely to stress out in front maybe deodorant,” said Abrash. when the guy does it. I feel like it’s dates, I think, are pathological, of the mirror while getting ready “My cologne is long lost.” GEORGE GENNIS | STUDENT LIFE the man’s job.” frankly. Nobody knows exactly to go out. This nonchalance, however, This week is Sex Week, an occasion that elicits many different ideas and For junior Michael Samoszuk, how to behave, and you don’t “Hands down, there’s pres- may be a manifestation of a pres- fantasies in the minds of students on campus. this job is a stressful one. learn much about anyone on the sure,” said sophomore Julie Don- sure that men face—fi tting into “The fact that you have to as- fi rst date. It’s like very carefully nell. “I think there’s pressure on an image of masculinity. This By Shweta Murthi tionship repercussions of sexual sess the situation, fi gure out if scripted theater.” both [men and women], but as “studied indifference” helps them Staff Reporter activity,” said McCabe. “They will she’s interested and then make For sophomore Kevin Opp, a whole, girls think and obsess avoid the traditionally feminine focus on sexual activity at Wash the fi rst move is very stressful,” worrying about his date’s enjoy- more [about their bodies]” stereotype of “ornamentation,” A “Condom-o-gram” sale and U. and the hook-up culture.” said Samoszuk. ment often compromises his In addition to scrutinizing said Murphy. a “Sexercise” class at Ursa’s Café A new program on Wednes- The pressure to make the fi rst own. their bodies, some women might “Most men would say they are just two of the events planned day about Emergency Contracep- move could tie into stereotypes “The guy’s the one who’s sup- feel pressure to dress provoca- aren’t having any body image is- for Sex Week, a week-long series tive Advocate training targets of men as being sexually aggres- posed to come up with stuff to tively to gain attention from the sues, and they’re all lying,” said of events put on by the Student the GLBTQIA community and is sive. do and you’re praying she’s going opposite sex. Murphy. “The trick with most Health Advisory Committee aimed at expanding SHAC’s au- “I think at this particular mo- to enjoy it,” said Opp. “I hate that “It was funny,” said men is to appear as though you (SHAC). This year, Sex Week will dience. ment in history, masculinity is pressure.” Lascoe. “I was getting don’t have any concern with your have a new focus on emotional Co-sponsored by Pride Alli- constructed in such a way that Although Lascoe appreciates it ready the other day, and I appearance. The not appearing and physical sexual health. ance and the St. Louis Guardian men are expected to be sexu- when her date offers to cover the thought, What would happen if to be concerned requires a great “Th is yea r we wa nt to do some- Project, topics include confi den- ally aggressive, and if you’re not check, she will offer to pay her I went out in ‘mom jeans’ and a deal of effort—which brings a thing different,” said senior Kate tial HIV testing and contracep- sexually aggressive, then you are way. Most important, however, is turtleneck? There’s a double stan- great deal of anxiety.” McCabe, co-chair of Sex Week. tion. failing in some way,” said Michael that her date does not expect sex dard. If you look trashy, you re- The bedroom “In the past we focused more on In addition to sex week, SHAC Murphy, who teaches the Mas- in return for paying for her meal. ally don’t look like you or respect Sex presents both men and physical health and more classic has also created the “We’ve Got culinities course offered by the “I took a self-defense class, and yourself. But a lot of girls do feel women with the challenge of per- ‘sex-ed’ activities, but this year we You Covered” campaign, which like they’re expected to dress that forming under pressure. want to include a larger commu- provides dorm fl oors with en- way for guys. I try to err on the Magazines boasting headlines nity including GLBTQIA events velopes fi lled with information side of classy.” like, “How to please your man,” and exploring the emotional part about sexual health, along with A pressure to please might af- might contribute to this pressure of sexual relationships.” condoms. fect a woman’s clothing choices, for women. In addition to its new focus, “I think that there might be said Stiritz. “[These headlines] have nega- the organizers of this year’s sex a false sense of security here on “I think women are given tive implications for women, week aim to address more di- campus,” said senior Cora Drew, mixed messages. And that’s a way because they involve giving in,” verse issues. co-chair of Sex Week. “At times, we’re controlled in society. If we’re said Donnell. “But [headlines di- “This year, we wanted to do a being within the Wash. U. bub- not sexual enough we’re prudes, rected at men] like, ‘How to Keep lot more—talk about masculin- ble, we can let our guards down if we’re too sexual, we’re sluts…I Your Woman Happy,’ implies ity, interracial dating. Hopefully about being responsible about think girls want to be popular sort of a source of pride. The dif- next year we can go more places,” sexual behavior. We’re not neces- and liked, and when you’re in a ference between pleasing and said McCabe. sarily saying you shouldn’t have sexual culture that’s primarily making someone happy is night In the past, one of Sex Week’s sex, but we’re just trying to stop designed to pleasure men, you’re and day. Stories [directed at most popular events has been the thinking that our sexual be- going to be pressured to display women] like, ‘How to Make Him “The Art of the Orgasm,” a lec- haviors won’t catch up with us.” your body.” Want You’? That’s unnecessary.” ture given by Dr. Susan Stiritz Topics like sexual safety add Women who wear revealing Cultural infl uences might fuel the from the Women and Gender an educational aspect to the more clothing to attract men have the attitudes behind such headlines Studies Program. The event, co- fun events that students typical- opposite effect on freshman Nick and also lead to a deterioration sponsored by V-Day, will explore ly associate with Sex Week. Skog. in women’s ability to fully enjoy female sexual suppression. “We’re trying to make the “I actually respond to it in a sex. For a more localized focus, events this year more education- negative way,” said Skog. “I get “We’re socialized to please Sex Week is also hosting a talk al for everyone at Wash. U. It’s not CAROLYN GOLDSTEIN | STUDENT LIFE annoyed with my girlfriend when everyone,” said Stiritz. “Girls are called “Sex and the University” just about sex—it’s also about When dressing to go out for the evening, Freshman Shyamali Choudhury she’s wearing a really really short supposed to be nice. And another with regard to emotional sexual abstinence, safety and being re- must decide whether to dress sexily or conservatively. Her choice will af- skirt. I think it’s important to health. sponsible,” added Drew. “People fect others’ perceptions of her. show some kind of class.” See PERFORMANCE, page 13 “Two Wash. U. psychologists, hear ‘Sex Week’ and think we’re including Dr. Emily Knotek, will just going to be passing out con- give a talk and lead a discussion doms. We’re dedicated to making about the emotional and rela- it more diverse.” Erasing borders with interracial relationships By Elizabeth Lewis Barrington gives the best hugs doesn’t say anything that implies these two women, she said, “It’s Staff Reporter ever,’” Forrest said. that he hates [him].” not like I’m taking him out of A romantic evening Their relationship deepened These couples’ relationships your collection.” Sophomores Fan Yang and sophomore year when, during the are mostly accepted around cam- The stares Lloyd notices usu- Isabella Terrassa fi rst met during Activities Fair, Forrest made Lloyd pus. Yang said that there are a ally come from white men. “From freshmen year when they were join the Swing Club and the Ken- fair amount of interracial rela- walking with Leslie, the look al- with a textbook neighbors. po Club. They have been together tionships on campus and that ways becomes, Why are you dat- “We became really good for almost 14 months. the most common ones consist of ing one of ours?” said Lloyd. friends,” said Terrassa. “Fan and I “He was my fi rst boyfriend so Asians and Caucasians. Despite these obstacles, both By Caroline Wekselbaum signifi cant others wish their pro- were both biomedical engineering my dad wanted the whole bio,” “[Interracial couples are] ac- couples have caring and commit- News Editor fessors would not force them to majors and later dropped out.” said Terrassa. “He made jokes, cepted but not as common as I ted relationships that have lasted study on Valentine’s Day, those Though Yang later rejoined but he didn’t really care [about would like to see,” said Yang. “Peo- for a signifi cant amount of time. Valentine’s Day is a time without someone to celebrate the BME program, their shared race].” p l e are not as open-mind- Yang thinks that it takes a special when many students might al- with tend not to mind the incon- experiences resulted in what later Yang’s parents ed about things quality to be in an interracial re- low schoolwork to slide (slightly). venience. blossomed into a committed rela- also did not see as I would like lationship. Some embrace this romantic “I know a lot of people who will tionship. his relationship them to be.” “It depends on if you’re open- holiday to celebrate with that be studying ridiculously hard on Yang, who is Asian, and Ter- with Terrassa Terrassa minded by nature,” said Yang. special someone. Others might Valentine’s Day when they could ressa, who is Hispanic, were wor- as a bad said that her “It’s not about if you’ve had con- choose to go out and have fun. be spending time with their boy- ried about what people would thing. He friends ac- tact with other races before. It de- But what happens when students friend or their girlfriend,” said think of them. added, cept her re- pends on open-mindedness.” are forced to study? This is the freshman Charlene Lai, who is “We hid [our relationship] from however, lationship, “[Race] wasn’t a determinant sober reality for some students in General Chemistry. “Person- everyone for a while because we that Terras- but, they also in us becoming friends,” said Ter- who have tests on Valentine’s Day ally, I don’t really mind but that’s didn’t want one friend to know,” sa’s grand- make com- rassa. “Race was erased. When I or the day after. just because at this moment I said Yang. mother ments about see a person, I don’t see the race, I Students with tests on Valen- don’t have a signifi cant other, but Across the country, more in- would have other black see the person.” tine’s Day will need to interrupt I’m sure if I did I’d be pretty an- terracial couples are fi nding ac- preferred that men such as, One of Forrest’s ancestors is a their day of love to focus intense- noyed.” ceptance among young adults. A he had been Catholic because of “He’s a really nice guy, but I’ve constant reminder of racial dif- ly on coursework. For those with Freshman Ryan Sellers, who is Feb. 7 article in USA Today report- her strong religious beliefs. never thought of dating that ferences. an exam the day after, Valentine’s also in General Chemistry, agrees ed that the 46.3 million Genera- According to Lloyd, his father [blank] race.” “I am related to one of the fi rst Day will become another day of with Lai, adding that he believes tion X-ers, aged 14-24, are more “likes Leslie a lot.” That wasn’t al- Lloyd thinks the fact that the Klan members and that always studying. professors should consider Val- likely to “have friends of different ways the case, however, according campus is very liberal helps their made me more conscious,” said Amongst courses which have entine’s Day when planning their races and also may date someone to Forrest. situation. Forrest. examinations on Valentine’s Day course schedules. of another race.” “He didn’t [like me] at fi rst, but “[Derogatory comments] are For Lloyd, remaining con- are Accounting 2610, Introduc- “I guess I don’t feel that bad But that doesn’t mean interra- he didn’t really like the concept of not an issue,” said Lloyd. “A lot of scious of racial differences while tion to Financial Accounting, and about studying on Valentine’s cial couples don’t face obstacles. [Barrington] dating,” said Forrest. people know who I am and seem limiting their infl uence on him is Biology 334, Cell Biology, which Day because my signifi cant other Junior Barrington Lloyd, who is Forrest’s father is slightly more to think that I’m an okay guy.” key. “It helps me to approach the has an in-class quiz. Courses doesn’t go to Wash. U.,” said Sell- African American, and Leslie For- ambiguous on the subject of her But even though acceptance subject and make my own deci- with major exams the day after ers. “I don’t have plans on Valen- rest, who is white, didn’t live on relationship with Barrington. is prevalent, Lloyd added, people sion,” said Lloyd. “I’m not going Valentine’s Day include Biology tine’s Day so I don’t mind study- the same fl oor, but heard about “I don’t know if my dad has a sometimes have comments and to change who I’m dating, and I 328, Principles in Human Physi- ing. I could see how for other each other indirectly. problem with Barrington or if it questions about his choice. Off won’t live my life by race issues ei- ology, and Chemistry 112A, Gen- people it might put a hamper on “A friend of mine knew Bar- is because Barrington is a boy,” campus, people can be more hos- ther. It doesn’t mean I’m not con- eral Chemistry. rington from the Wash. U. 2007 said Forrest. “We talk about Bar- tile. Forrest said two women have scious of it, but I won’t be ruled While some students with See TESTS, page 13 Yahoo group and said, ‘Leslie! rington when I call home, and he openly glared at her. Concerning by it.” MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Forum Editor / Molly Antos / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | FORUM 7 Our daily Forum editors: Monday: Jeff Stepp Wednesday: Daniel Milstein Friday: Joshua Trein [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] To ensure that we have time to fully evaluate your submissions, guest columns should be e-mailed to the next issue’s editor or forwarded to [email protected] by no later than 5 p.m. two days before publication. Late pieces will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. FFORUMORUM We welcome your submissions, and thank you for your consideration. How to fall JOHNNY CHANG | EDITORIAL CARTOON in love his is really more don’t mean that offensively, for girls than guys. I and I don’t mean psychotic mean, I’ve never been crazy. But honestly, I’ve never Tin love with a female, encountered a single female in so I’m not sure I would really my life that didn’t at one time be the best person to turn to or another get upset about on the subject. I have, how- something ridiculous or over- ever, had way more experience react and act based completely in guys: assholes, sweethearts, on emotion or something like liars, cheaters—the whole kit that. Here’s the catch—you and caboodle. So obviously have to be able to fi nd a guy take my experience with salt that’s willing to put up with to your liking because not your crazy idiosyncrasies. You everyone is the same, but you can’t hide the bad stuff for- might fi nd this educational or ever. He’ll have terrible secrets at the very least entertaining. too, and true love is actually Sometimes when I hear dealing with the small things girls talking about guys, I that no one else knows about. want to kill them. They’ll say I mean, if he snores…get things like, “Well, if I had used to it. That’s never gonna just done this differently, he change. If she is terribly would want to date me,” or impatient, get over it—she’s “You can never do that, he’ll probably not eventually going get upset.” Here’s the fi rst to develop a huge amount of clue: whether or not he wants patience. Things don’t have to to date you will not depend on be perfect, people don’t have one thing you do differently, to be perfect—I guess you just or whether or not you follow have to be perfect for each the rules. The only factor other. should be how he feels about I honestly believe that the you as a total person. It’s pos- best characteristic in a person sible to fi nagle a relationship is a sense of humor. I don’t out of strategery and games, know where I would be with- but believe me, that is not the out a boy that doesn’t know MARGARET BAUER | EDITORIAL CARTOON kind of relationship anyone how to joke. I mean, let’s just wants to be involved in. The say you’re at a party together, games never end. If you’re and one of his friends starts looking for a delicious piece licking your face. That’s fun- of man candy, no feelings ny. And if he gets angry, it’s involved, let the games begin! time to move on, possibly with But if you’re looking for some- the face licker. But someone thing just a tad more mean- who can see the humor in that ingful, it’s probably not a good situation is defi nitely a keeper. idea to trick your way into a The bottom line: I don’t relationship with someone. know that I’m able to draw Here’s a solid, unwavering any defi nite conclusions. I truth: men are very creative know that I’ve certainly made creatures, and when they some mistakes, so apparently want something, there’s really there’s no one way to get to not too much that can get in the bottom of love, but once the way. You shouldn’t have you do… I guess I feel like I to convince someone to date must have done something you—he should just want it all right. on his own. Sometimes, even when you tell them no (a few Truths I’ve had to face: hundred times) they’ll still 1. My mother is always come barreling after you. And right about my boyfriends. that shows true dedication. 2. You should never sec- (Hint: that is a fabulous qual- ond-guess yourself if you’re ity in a potential boyfriend.) happy. I’m not saying that you should 3. I’m in love with a strip- say no just so he’ll chase you per. Ha. Just kidding. around, because that would 4. You can’t ever take any- be playing games, too, but thing for granted. the bottom line is that you 5. Six-packs are a nice sign- shouldn’t have to force it, be- ing bonus. cause it’s easier than anyone would have thought to fall in Molly is a senior in Arts & love. It’s like getting pot in the Sciences and the senior Forum ‘60s. editor. She can be reached via Here’s another really inter- e-mail at [email protected]. esting fact: girls are crazy. I Don’t be that guy—give her what she deserves

his column will prob- women and needs someone to save the macho, beer- ahead of myself. Let of commitment and serious- I apologize if this column ably piss some people blame. If you think I sound like chugging talk for your me back up a bit for ness, but just because you two has sounded a little preachy, off, especially guys. Not one, I’m sorry. You’re prob- guys. There’s nothing point four: go down are hooking up doesn’t mean or if I’ve been preaching to Tall guys—just the ones ably not my type. I’m neither wrong with girls that on her. A lot. It’s not you’re a pimp. Just like you the choir. Surely we’re not all I’m getting ready to talk about, Richie Cunningham nor Arthur can “be one of the diffi cult to like. Don’t need self-esteem, so does she. Dr. Drew, however. I’m smart the ones who give the rest of us Fonzarelli, and though I might guys,” but that doesn’t complain that it Girls can rescue themselves enough to know that things a bad name. not be a sex bomb like Usher, I mean she wants you to smells, or that it tastes from bad relationships, but why aren’t always picture perfect, Who are these guys? Well, haven’t forgotten what it’s like think of her that way bad, or that it’s hairy, should they have to? Wouldn’t that people do make mistakes, there’s no simple answer, to be with a good woman. I also all the time. because I promise you it be easier for everyone not to and that I’m not the be-all because they’re not simple haven’t forgotten what it takes Third: you’re not an Jeff Stepp that your penis does even go there in the fi rst place? end-all myself. I’m also smart enough to be stereotyped. They to keep one. omniscient sex god. You may not smell like fl owers, taste I shouldn’t even have to enough to know that what you can come in any form: beauti- Let’s start with the easy be well-versed in it, you may like chocolate or resemble a big mention things like abuse, do and what you say does mat- ful, blond, athletic; pudgy and a stuff. First, don’t cheat. And have awoken the neighbors, but yummy Blow-Pop. Once you’re rape or harassment. Unfortu- ter. I don’t expect assholes ev- bit neurotic; hairy; clean-shav- especially, don’t lie about it. for the many different faces down there, try to do it right. nately, though, these things do erywhere to go running to print en; math majors; drama majors. Girls fi nd out, and then you’ve that exist, there are as many Read her body, her breath, her happen. But if you do it, Lord out my list of points, but I hope They might pop their collars, not only ruined their trust in different bodies. Don’t rush it. words. Take pride in making help you, because when you’re that somewhere, somebody they might not. Maybe they you, but their trust in guys to Ask her what she wants, tell her her feel wonderful. All good caught I’ll put your you-know- thinks twice about what he’s drink, maybe they don’t. But no come. If you’re unhappy, have what you want. The words in things must come to an end, whats in the clamp myself. doing. Because not only might matter what shape they come the balls to talk to her about your sexual vocabulary should and don’t stop until she’s done It all boils down to just be- I get a better relationship, he in, they share one common it—don’t just fuck everything be more than “yes,” “no” and so. ing a good person, and even will too. characteristic: they’ve forgotten over in one night. That brings “harder.” Satisfy her, men. She’s Let’s get a bit more general following the Golden Rule. I how to treat women. me to point two: communicate. not just a place to put your with point fi ve: you don’t own know that sounds a bit kin- Jeff is a senior in Arts & Sciences I’m not trying to come off as Talk to her. Yes, talk, honestly. penis when you’re horny. her. She’s not your bitch, or dergarten-ish, but frankly, I’m and a Forum editor. He can be a goody-goody, some chivalrous Letting your guard down is not Granted that it’s not all your ho, or your toy. There surprised some people made it reached via e-mail at forum@ punk who’s been bypassed by a sign of weakness. You can about sex, I may be getting are, of course, different levels out of there. studlife.com.

YOUR VOICE: LETTERS AND GUEST COLUMNS OUR VOICE: EDITORIAL BOARD OUR WEB POLICY Student Life welcomes letters to the editor and op-ed submissions Editorials are written by the Forum editors and refl ect the consen- Once an article has been published on www.studlife.com, our Web site, it from readers. sus of the editorial board. The editorial board operates indepen- will remain there permanently. We do not remove articles from the site, nor dently of the newsroom. do we remove authors’ names from articles already published on the Web, Letters to the Editor News: (314) 935-5995 unless an agreement was reached prior to July 1, 2005. One Brookings Drive #1039 Fax: (314) 935-5938 Editor in Chief: Margaret Bauer Senior Forum Editor: Molly Antos St. Louis, MO 63130-4899 e-mail: [email protected] Associate Editor: Liz Neukirch Forum Editors: Daniel Milstein, Jeff Why do we do this? Because Google and other search engines cache our All submissions must include the writer’s name, class, address and phone Managing Editor: David Tabor Stepp, Matt Shapiro, Joshua Trein Web site on a regular basis. Our thought is this: once an article has been number for verifi cation. Student Life reserves the right to edit all letters for Senior News Editor: Kristin McGrath published online, it’s too late to take back. It is irrevocably part of the public style, length, libel considerations and grammar. Letters should be no longer sphere. As such, removing an article from our site would serve no purpose. than 350 words in length. Readers may also submit longer articles of up to 750 words as guest columns. Student Life reserves the right to print any submission as a letter or guest column. 8 STUDENT LIFE | FORUM Senior Forum Editor / Molly Antos / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 These beds ‘Twat did you say?’ are too An introductory guide to cunnilingus By Larkin Dennis put it to your woman that sion of basic technique. the fabulous O you’ve both Op-ed Submission way—“Baby, I would love to There are a bajillion guides been working for. eat you out, but you taste to cunnilingus floating Toys: If you’ve already hate to tell you this, like day-old sushi,”—you’re around the Internet. (I’m gotten the hang of eating damn small! gentlemen, but porn is gonna spend Valentine’s a fan of www.sexuality. pussy, it might be time to full of lies. Most women Day with Rosy Palms. Just org/l/sex/cunnfaq.html.) take it to the next level. t’s happened at problem, most nota- I cannot climax without engage in some mutual Instead, let me give you Ask your girl if she’d like least once to any bly lofting. As a past clitoral stimulation. Some bathing before the act. Or four fail-safe tips based on to add a dildo or vibrator to student at Wash. lofter, I can testify need only a little. Others catch her fresh out of the my own experience. They the mix. I’m almost certain IU. After a night of that lofting your bed need a lot. Either way, the shower. A clean pussy is no even make a handy acro- she’ll be thrilled. Combine passion/fi ve seconds of is a great way to clear ol’ two-finger-jam-wiggle more sinister than the aver- nym—T.W.A.T.—to help you a G-spot vibrator and cun- glory with your soul- some additional space followed by penile thrusts age mouth. remember them: nilingus to violate quiet mate forever/drunken- in an otherwise too- just isn’t going to cut it. As for hair, this one goes Touch: Keep your hands hours in no time flat. WU-goggles-infl uenced small room; the odd, Even a woman that is able out to the ladies: shave, moving. Combine digital Also, remember that oral fl avor-of the-week, you L-shaped room I lived to orgasm from penetration wax or trim. Make it easy and oral stimulation. Don’t sex is an extremely inti- collapse into bed and Matt Shapiro in sophomore year and alone will have a better cli- for your partner to love ignore her body. Touch her mate activity—both physi- attempt to pass out. the lack of space on my max with increased stimu- your nether-bits. No one legs, stomach, breasts, etc. cally and emotionally. Make After 20 minutes or more of side dictated that lofting would lation. wants to get lost explor- Warm-up: Don’t im- sure your partner feels uncomfortable turning, rear- be necessary to have any kind So what is a guy to do ing the black forest. Boys, I mediately attack the clit. comfortable telling you ranging of limbs and positions of space in my room whatso- about it? The answer is don’t know what to tell you, Please. It doesn’t feel good. what feels good and what more complicated than any in ever. But I can also testify that simple. Cunnilingus. Muff except to leave this article Instead, begin with indirect doesn’t. Pay attention to the Kama Sutra, you come to a a lofted bed can make for some diving. Eating pussy. What- where your lady is sure to stimulation. Perhaps some her responses. single, universal truth: these interesting maneuvering when ever you want to call it, the find it. tongue strokes around the Personally, I think it’s beds are too damn small! more than one person attempts best way to get a girl off These days, unless you’re labial area. Explore the a fantastic idea to spend Following with the theory to cram themselves onto the is to munch some carpet. in a monogamous relation- vaginal opening. Try flick- some time exploring your that students at Wash. U. can bed. A friend of mine who (Also, it’s a great way to ship, you have to protect ing your tongue on her in- partner, making note of come up with a solution for currently has his bed lofted re- earn reciprocal blow jobs. yourself against STDs. For ner thighs. Get her hot and which sensations really anything that they care about marked after a particularly tur- But I didn’t tell you that.) cunnilingus, dental dams bothered, then move on to a push her buttons. If you enough to put some effort into, bulent sleepover that he feared Unfortunately, the are your best ally. (In a more direct approach. can’t decipher her reaction, there have been various ways for his life over the course of practice is not as common pinch, you can use a folded- Alphabet: When in just ask her how it feels. As that the bed problem has been the night. This may also have as a girl might hope. After over piece of Saran wrap.) doubt, lick the ABCs. Imag- with most sex acts, commu- solved around campus. The been because of the decidedly speaking with a number of Place the barrier over ine a “writing space” with nication is key to making fi rst, and most obvious, solution unstrategic placement of a glass young men, I’ve determined the pussy of your choice, her clitoris right in the cunnilingus the best it can is to simply move off campus, table just below his precariously that the three biggest and go down like there’s middle. Lick the alphabet, possibly be. where you can independently lofted bed, but even without hurdles to cunnilingus are no tomorrow. For increased and keep the letters rela- decide what type and size of the table, a sleepover in a lofted taste, hair and (potential) sensation, apply water- tively small. This strategy Larkin is a sophomore in bed you’d like; but while this bed is playing with fi re on a disease. based lube to her side of keeps the sensations in- Arts & Sciences. She can be is an effective solution, it also level just below trying to defend Honestly, taste is not an the barrier. teresting, but doesn’t vary reached via e-mail at lrden- seems to be circumventing the that hook-up you’d rather forget acceptable excuse. If you I’ll spare you the discus- so much that she’ll lose [email protected]. problem. It’s great for upper- from freshman year by claim- classmen living off campus, but ing that you thought she looked what about those of us still un- cute in a frat basement or that fortunate enough to be sleeping you were too drunk to notice in the anorexic beds provided her lazy eye (trust me, there’s RACHEL TEPPER | EDITORIAL CARTOON by the University? There’s al- no way to avoid that mockery; ways the possibility of a futon, just sit there and take it like a which is normally small enough man). for a dorm room but big enough The worst thing about the to provide an alternate sleeping bed problem is the added strain space. It’s not necessarily the it places on the already ques- most cost-effi cient solution, but tionable nature of a sleepover. often has enough space for two In addition to the question (or more, if you’re lucky enough of “Do I really want to spend to get into that sort of situa- the night with my boyfriend tion) and is usually comfortable of nine months/this dude I enough for a night’s sleep with just met?” there’s the question someone close by to spoon with of “Can I deal with his noisy (or to be spooned by). breathing/snoring unnecessar- Another potential solution is ily close to my ear for the next somehow fi nding an extra bed seven hours?” This question, and putting it next to yours, and others like it, adds a heavy thus turning the average WU burden to the already stressful bed into a queen-sized sleeping dating situation at Wash. U. (or space of epic proportions. The lack thereof). Unfortunately, the advantages are clear in terms problem is understandable from of having enough room to sleep an administrative standpoint; and being more creative with each room is meant to house your pre-bedtime endeavors; only one or two people, so, not the sole disadvantage is that un- surprisingly, each individual less you’re lucky enough to snag bed is designed for one person a huge room at the beginning of (and one person only). But as the year, your bed will not only much sense as this “logical” ex- be the focal point of your room, planation seems to make, think it’ll be the only thing in your about how much more relaxed room. And while a bed-centric everyone on campus would be room is not necessarily a bad if each University student knew thing, it’s a not-so-subtle signal that no matter what bed s/he for any visitors that you are/ ended up in at the end of the plan to/hope to be getting laid night, there would be enough on a fairly regular basis (noth- room to sleep off however ing wrong with it—most people drunk s/he had to get to wind just don’t advertise it quite that up in that special someone’s openly). The ideal situation, of bed. Better rested students are course, is that someone you’re better students, and students living with decides to get a getting laid are happier stu- futon, thus leaving an extra bed dents; who wouldn’t want us to for your taking, thus leaving all be better and happier? parties involved with a happy alternative to the WU beds. Matt is a senior in Arts & Sci- There are also certain things ences and a Forum editor. He can students do around campus be reached via e-mail at forum@ that seem to aggravate the bed studlife.com. Oral sex and the emotional destruction of our young women

n the January/February high, considering the lengths structure so common struggle with a fl awed their emotions in a fair man- ern girl’s casual willingness 2006 issue of The Atlantic, to which American culture these days. Flanagan cultural system. ner, all the while searching to perform oral sex […] may Caitlin Flanagan reviews a tries to suppress the sexual writes that these latter Despite its charac- for connectedness to men in a be her desperate attempt to Ibook of fi ction, “Rainbow growth of its teenagers (MTV, children “have devel- terization in popular commonly glorifi ed manner: do something that the culture Party” by Paul Ruditis, and movies and, um, everything in oped a dull, curiously culture as a problem through cheap sexual activity. refuses to encourage: to keep attempts to come to terms with our culture aside). passionless relation- of sexual promiscu- It is not the fault of the her own sexuality—the emo- the hysteria surrounding the So what purpose does oral ship to their own ity in loose women, it uninitiated to know that these tions and the desires, as well prevalence of oral sex among sex actually serve for these sexuality, which they seems to me that the acts end up providing no emo- as the anatomical real estate teenagers. “Rainbow Party” is young women? It would be give of freely. The girls issue smacks more tional sustenance. Instead of itself—private, secret, unviolat- about two high school sopho- surprising to discover, for seem sad that their Joshua Trein of a death of emotion being something young women ed. It may not be her technical more girls with the intent to example, that it was actually a easily granted sexual rather than morality. should be blamed for, it is virginity that she is trying to improve their social standing plot of the patriarchy to create favors (including oral Flanagan cites something the wider American preserve; it may be her own by inviting popular boys over more sexually accommodating sex) have not earned them many infl uences that helped community should be ashamed sexual awakening— which is for blow jobs. If this is actually women, what with the success- boyfriends, and completely un- wear down the sexual resolve of for allowing to happen. all she really has left to protect happening, it needs to be dis- es of the women’s movement aware of how they could have of young women throughout Instead, the blossoming anymore.” cussed. But why would anyone in recent decades. But the act negotiated the transactions our lifetime, chiefl y among sexuality of young women is By refusing to help our in their right minds think must serve some purpose. differently.” them explicitly sexual rap shoehorned into high school girls safeguard themselves young women would act in this A 1999 episode of the PBS This should be our fi rst music that glorifi es women abstinence courses, starkly and their emotions against a manner? show “Frontline” seemingly indication that these latter servicing men in a less than contrasted with a background hard life and diffi cult men, Manufactured story lines fomented the understanding of girls are not sexual misfi ts, fair and equitable manner, and of young men trained to think American culture is ultimately aside, there may actually be this cultural issue with a piece but rather are searching for the mainstream acceptance of the most uncommon sex acts trading mature, stable women cause for concern. Flanagan titled “The Lost Children of something they have not been pornography. as likely to occur as vaginal for the titillating scandal of a cites a survey done by the Rockdale County.” It mixed two equipped to fi nd: emotional Despite the simplicity of intercourse, and pharmacists “teen oral sex crisis.” Our im- National Center for Health stories: one about a few girls intimacy. By inappropriately these claims, she not unfairly with the moral high ground maturity seemingly knows no Statistics in September 2005, from very troubled families associating the fi rst group of concludes that young women from which to pick and choose bounds. which reported that about a that would meet for sexual girls with the second, Flana- participate in no-strings-at- which contraceptives to dis- quarter of 15-year-old girls had acrobatics with groups of gan marks this broadcast as tached oral sex to protect pense and which offend their Joshua is a senior in Arts & performed oral sex on a male, men, the other about children a major catalyst in scaring themselves from American personal taste. Sciences and a Forum editor. and more than half of 17-year- trapped in the emotionally suburban parents into unfairly culture. I believe that these Flanagan’s conclusion is sad He can be reached via e-mail at old girls had. This would seem disconnected American family stigmatizing their daughters’ young women are guarding but well defended: “The mod- [email protected]. MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Forum Editor / Molly Antos / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | FORUM 9 Sex Week fl yers forget their female audience

By Anna Hutt Student Union stamp before Op-ed Submission displaying fl yers; I don’t know whether to be more disturbed eceive “FREE SEX” in by the fact that some have bla- exchange for buying tantly ignored this rule or by the chocolate roses! Send realization that Student Union’s Rcondom-o-grams to standards of appropriate your “hottie(s)!” Gawk at a photo include unashamed advertise- of a topless woman, only barely ments for sex. Of course, I am covered by text that invites you told by many a half-apologetic to a club event! Buy fl owers student with a shrug, “Sex sells,” advertised by the logo, “Love so you had better smack at least comes in three fl avors: sweet, one risqué word or picture on sugary, and can I please take off your fl yer if you want anyone to your pants now?” look at it. And you don’t even have to If this is truly the consensus pick up a porn magazine. Just among the Wash. U. student walk around the South 40 and body, I have to question whether take a look at the fl yers. the fault really lies with the Perhaps it’s just antiquated powers-that-be who are sup- values of modesty that make posedly approving advertise- me blush each time I pass an ments. In current TV culture it advertisement for the upcoming is accepted that everything gets events surrounding Valentine’s noticed for its sexual draw, but Day. Students assure me that I expect more of a university any event offi cially connected community. with the University-approved Are we students of an intel- Sex Week has educational value lectual institution, or are we and broaches important sub- simply frustrated sexual fi ends, jects. (I wonder whether these fi nally free from our parents’ defendants include “The Art of standards and ready to jump the Orgasm” in this category.) at any chance to satisfy our Maybe they’re right; as long desires? According to what fl ies as no one forces me to attend, I on the bulletin boards here, I’m suppose I should respect school- afraid to answer. sponsored lectures, even on top- I urge any students who feel ics that make the conservative that we have the right to walk student squeamish. two minutes on our campus But as a woman who cares without feeling embarrassed, to maintain a sense of dignity harassed and objectifi ed by the when walking from Wohl to my advertisements on our dorm dorm room, traditional senti- walls to resist the denigrating ments aside, I am offended by standards that our community the lewd fl yers I seem to encoun- is rapidly embracing. ter with increasing frequency as Call us old-fashioned; call us V-Day approaches. One sugges- feminists; call us prudes. Just tive photo, I can ignore. don’t call us and ask us to go to I’ll look past a single innu- these supposedly intellectual endo here and there. But when events if you’re going to show every other sign on the wall up at our dorm rooms with a exploits women, promotes illicit bouquet of a dozen can-I-please- sex or encourages such desen- take-your-pants-off-now’s and sitization, I begin to question expect to win us over. where the University draws its lines. Anna is a freshman in Arts & Student groups are techni- Sciences. She can be reached via cally required to receive the e-mail at [email protected]. TEMU BROWN | STUDENT LIFE BRIAN SOTAK | EDITORIAL CARTOON Valentine’s Day: Students speak their minds

Compiled by Kristin McGrath Valentine’s Day. So this year I Senior News Editor have made alternative plans if / when my signifi cant other During the week before messes it up. I think there is a lot Valentine’s Day, Dr. Susan Stiritz, of pressure related to this Hall- a professor of Women’s Stud- mark holiday because everyone ies, gave the students in both thinks everyone else is doing sections of her “Contemporary something special.” Female Sexualities” class blank —“The best part of Valen- cards to fi ll with their thoughts tine’s Day is spending it with about Valentine’s Day at Wash. your girlfriends. I’m going to U. While not everyone will be Baily’s Chocolate Bar. We are feeling the love tomorrow, some going to indulge ourselves and will manage to enjoy the day by have a great time. Overall, I moving beyond all those things think that the attitude people that make Valentine’s Day sick- have about needing a relation- eningly sweet. The following is a ship for Valentine’s Day is un- selection of students’ responses: necessary.” —“I think Valentine’s Day —“Valentine’s Day and in should become a day that en- fact the entire month of Febru- courages people to fi nd each oth- ary depress me. There is so er / admit their feelings rather much pressure around having than a day all about already ex- someone that even when I am in isting couples. Too many people a relationship, the time period is feel alone and worthless because stressful.” they spend the day alone.” —“In high school, there was —“Valentine’s Day is not a defi nite pressure to be at- about having a signifi cant other, tached or dating on Valentine’s it’s about celebrating love: love Day—because the balloons and for your family, love for your fl owers at certain lockers were friends. If you’re not celebrating a very public display. In college, Valentine’s Day with someone I don’t feel any pressure. I think you’re romantically involved most of us accept it as a Hall- with, don’t get depressed. mark holiday.” Celebrate with your roommate —“As the years go on at Wash. or have a movie night in your U., the campus becomes increas- dorm.” ingly asexual.” —“I don’t feel pressure from —“I think Wash. U. promotes the Wash. U. campus, per se, a very sexual culture through regarding Valentine’s Day. I am the weekend hookup scene. in a relationship, so I do plan on However, very few people seem something for that day. Honestly to be able to fi nd people that though, I feel more pressure they feel are datable. But, then from outside sources to do when it comes to Valentine’s something special; it really has Day there seems to be a huge absolutely nothing to do with my pressure to have someone to go university.” out and celebrate with. I think —“I like the concept of Sex Wash. U. needs to focus more on Week in which education and exploring issues of sexuality and awareness and openness is how to have and sustain more promoted. I’m glad that Vagina meaningful relationships.” Monolagues is featured. Freshe- —“We need realistic dating men tend to make a big deal services. Date raffl es and date about being with someone, games are pathetic and degrad- but as a senior right now, I re- ing. Plus, single people need ally don’t care about being with something to do on this day. someone on Valentine’s Day.” This culture of candygrams, —“Valentine’s day is overrat- chocolate hearts, and unneces- ed in my opinion. The best part sary furry bears is too cute and is getting with your girlfriends cuddly for me.” and eating lots and lots of cookie —“I’ve never had a good cake.” 10 STUDENT LIFE | SCENE Senior Scene Editor / Sarah Baicker / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 SSCENECENE What your dinner at Bear’s Den says about your sex life

By Felicia Baskin it’s just the same old rou- Salmon, Shrimp, or Sirloin: Bosco Sticks: You’re the Scene Reporter tine—you keep going simply While everyone else accepts kind who likes to brag to because you feel you should. that life isn’t always glamor- your friends about how And all you get to show for ous, you refuse to believe many you’ve had. Every Salad: You’re the type that it are a few embarrassing it. As others walk off with time you go to Bear’s Den, likes to pretend nothing is stains. bowls full of pasta and plates you have to get one of these going on. Much like your topped with Mexican food, tasty, cheese-filled sticks. habit of buying salads—you Breakfast Burrito: Even you patiently wait for your You always give in. No mat- want everyone else to think though you know it’s wrong, food to be cooked exactly ter how many times people that you are keeping it you want it all day long, and the way you want it. Maybe tell you that you should be healthy and plain. You think you’re not ashamed to ask ordinary is okay for most embarrassed of yourself, no one knows that you sneak for it in front of crowds of people, but it’s only the best you can’t overcome your into Bear Mart in the middle people. Other people ques- for you. You want the highest attraction to the stick’s of the night to binge on tion your habits. Perhaps thread-count sheets, the fi n- phallic nature. Let’s be hon- chocolate and frozen yogurt. your practices are a bit est chocolate and perfumed est—knowing you can have Similarly, you like to pretend unconventional, but it’s what candles. You don’t “do the one whenever you so desire you’re innocent and boring, works for you that mat- dirty deed”—you make “pas- boosts your confidence. To but it’s just a front. Every- ters. Don’t let other people’s sionate love.” you, there is real power in one knows that you dart out doubts or beliefs about what the ability to get as much of your room and off to the is normal ruin your fun. Cheeseburger: You’re in as you want, brag about it, TRISHA WOLF | STUDENT LIFE room of that cutie you met paradise, all right. A clean, then carry on with your in class. You may be unas- Grilled Chicken: You look perfected routine isn’t enough life—without ever acknowl- These fellas enjoying a tasty Bear’s Den snack would do well to think suming, but you’ve got your at the people buying food for you—you like some sizzle, edging that you have an about what their food choices say about their sex lives. dirty little secrets, you salad- slathered in sauces and some steam. In fact, you want addiction, of course. sporter, you. spices and wonder how they it messy and made to order, so asking you to pass up on an you figure you are mini- do it. Such things make you to speak. Depending on your Pizza: Perhaps unfortunate- opportunity to get what you mizing any possible risks. Pesto Pasta: The tried and uncomfortable; you are not mood, you might try different ly, you are of the opinion like it just plain silly. Also, they come in all sorts true sure does it for you. the adventurous type. Just combinations—maybe change that sex is like pizza: even of sizes and flavors. Just Even though you know the talking about something a the type of cheese or add if it’s bad, it’s still pretty Pre-packaged Foods: Your remember—simply be- pleasure won’t last long, you bit risqué makes you feel some pickles. What’s impor- good. To you, that whole theory? Play it safe. You cause there’s a plastic layer constantly crave the same like you’ve done something tant is that you have the basic idea of quality over quan- rely on the plastic casing doesn’t mean all potential thing. After a few minutes, wrong. You like it plain and ingredients. From there, it’s tity is just cheesy. You want to protect what lies within. problems are eliminated. it’s as good as over; the ex- simple—no frills, no fl our- all about creativity and trying everyone else to get real al- They’re sealed, and usually You still need to be careful. citement is gone. After that ishes, no edible body cream. new things. ready, and understand that have ingredients listed, so Make good choices.

THE ART OF CONDOMS

Sexiled! WU students share their roommate horror stories ARCHANA VARMA | STUDENT LIFE Freshman Elizabeth Romaner made these plaster condom sculptures in her 3-D design class. Condoms were fi lled with plaster in the desired shape, tied at the ends, then allowed to dry and cool. When the shapes had hardened, the condoms were cut off and peeled away.

By Jessica Sommer to acquire a girlfriend Not long after, Adam room to find her room- Scene Reporter during pre-orientation, had another encounter mate straddling her and after preparing to go with another roommate. boyfriend, which is only Not all roommates get to sleep, Rick was in- This time he awoke to the more shocking after the along. Issues between formed that, “now would sound of a drunken girl’s roommate’s reaction of, roommates range from be one of those times.” A voice. Kissing noises “Oh, I guess I should get the noise level to per- few hours later, the room- slowly turned into sex off now.” sonality problems, but mate came out, donning a noises and the noises of “I was pretty unhappy nothing can provide more silk robe and cigar. Adam’s roommate talking about it because she awkward moments than a While Rick certainly about his partner’s ex- never spent a lot of time sexually active or promis- made friends quickly this boyfriend. in the room or ever really cuous roommate. way, he didn’t exactly “I don’t understand interacted with me,” said Some people choose to enjoy the experience. how they didn’t know I Allison, “but once she got sexile their roommates, “I basically just felt was awake,” said Adam. a boyfriend she was just and others just pretend like I had no place to go,” “They should have defi- using the room to fool they’re not there. Whatev- he said. “I was kind of nitely gone somewhere around all the time. They er the case, sex and room- worried if it was going to else.” would just screw around mates just don’t mix. happen again because it For most people, sleep- while I was in there and For freshman Dave, the was freshman year and I ing requires quiet, and not say anything.” fun started early. During didn’t know many people the “suckling noises” and Sometimes walking in orientation, he came back yet.” heavy breathing of fresh- right afterwards can be to find his roommate in Even sleeping can be a man Emily’s roommate just as bad as interrupt- bed with a girl. When a difficult task when you don’t exactly fall under ing. Freshman Eric came certain song came on the have to worry about the this category. back one night to find his radio, the girl decided sexcapades going on just “I was frustrated be- room smelling like sex, she should share with a few feet away. cause I had stuff to do in his roommate in a towel the group that she lost Freshman Adam was the morning,” said Emily. and a naked girl under her virginity to the tune. sleeping in his room when “I would have been fine the covers. Although they said noth- suddenly he was awak- with being sexiled. After- “I don’t really mind ing was going on, Dave ened and told to leave so wards I had trouble sleep- that much. Just some- learned afterwards that his roommate could sleep ing for about a week.” times when I’m really the girl was naked under with a pre-frosh. With no- Also, sound travels, tired I wish I could walk the blankets. where to go in the middle and sometimes the noises into my room and not “I used to get sexiled a of the night, Adam stood next door are just as ir- have to worry about sex,” lot,” said Dave. “At first it outside of the door for ritating, particularly in said Eric. “But it’s usu- was really awkward, but 45 minutes until he was the case of the thin walls ally not so bad. However, now it doesn’t bother me. given the all clear signal. in new dorms. when it’s my turn I expect I think it’s more funny “A fter each ti me I’m Discretion is an impor- the same treatment.” than anything.” ready to smother the tant aspect of respect- The stories go on and Senior Rick also had a person with a pillow,” ing your roommates, on, but your roommate’s rough welcoming to col- said Adam. “In the middle but clearly not everyone patience won’t, so let’s all lege on move-in day. His of the night there’s just knows this. Freshman just remember one thing: MEGHAN LUECKE | STUDENT LIFE roommate had managed nowhere to go.” Allison came back to her be respectful. You’ve been sexiled. Have a nice day! MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Scene Editor / Sarah Baicker / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | SCENE 11 What constitutes cheating?

Compiled by Amanda Ogus, Scene Reporter; A survey of male and female undergrads on the Wash. U. campus Graphs by Sarah Baicker, Senior Scene Editor

Mock Facebook relationship with someone of the same sexual preference

Excessive time spent with another person

Cuddling/spooning

Going on a date

Drunken hook-up (no sex)

Sober hook-up (no sex)

Sex (oral, vaginal, anal, etc.)

Percentage of people surveyed

These results refl ect the in- sheet of paper which described considered cheating. There is no sex to be cheating, and almost formal polling of 55 girls and 60 the poll and listed the seven signifi cant gender divide. all considered drunken hook- boys, totaling 115 participants. different acts. The participants People’s opinions differed ups without sex to be cheating. Therefore, the conclusions were then asked to indicate across the board on a few Some of those surveyed pointed reached from this poll only which of the acts they consid- specifi c acts, especially on the to a personal double standard show a small portion of Wash- ered “cheating” in a romantic “Cuddling/Spooning” option. they held in the differences ington University students. The situation, and they interpreted This option seemed to be the between what should be con- polling was administered during the acts on their own. vaguest in terms of emotional sidered cheating for men and various meal times at Bear’s Den The results show that the commitment, which could offer women. All in all, it seems as and Mallinckrodt Food Court male and female participants the reason for the discrepancy. though the University’s students throughout the past few weeks. tended to agree with each Everyone polled considered hold similar opinions about The participants were given a other about which acts were sober hook-ups without sex and what is considered cheating.

Hooking up: One phrase, many meanings

By Erin Fults third base, a few drinks Again, frequently done Scene Special Features Editor and a walk of shame in while under the influ- the morning; it is any ence, the ex hook-up We’ve all heard of it, and all physical rela- occurs when paths cross we all talk about it and tions; it is a word with between former lovers, many of us have done it. no denotation but an usually at the frats or a Despite its commonality, excessive array of con- mutual friend’s party, however, the question notations. and previously held still remains—just what “When I think of urges cannot be con- does it mean? hooking up, I think kiss- tained. Result: usually The phrase “hooking ing and boobs,” related regrettable but often up” is one of the most one Wash. U. sophomore. repeated. ambiguous phrases to Hooking up is usually Perhaps the most ever cross the lips of done under the influ- regrettable is the friend college students. The ence of alcohol, as often hook-up. Take two good phrase is most com- occurs at parties. buddies, throw some monly heard on week- Intoxication lends alcohol into the mix and ends, particularly after itself to a subset of voilà, you’ve got your- parties. hooking up—the drunk- self an awkward situ- What was your friend en hook-up. Usually, ation. Even if the two doing with that random the participants do not of you don’t remember, guy at the party? Why know each other and your other friends sure were you locked out of don’t remember all of it as hell will and they your room when your the next day. The most probably have photo- roommate’s girlfriend common environment graphic evidence. It may came over last night? for the drunken hook-up strain the friendship, Where did you disappear is Frat Row. but remember that time to at the party? Another subset of the heals all wounds. Just If there’s one thing term is the booty-call make sure to destroy we like more than actu- hook-up. Not actually the pictures. ally hooking up, it’s dating, but not altogeth- “Making out” is the talking about it and who er spontaneous, the tamer linguistic cousin did it with whom. But booty-call can be viewed of hooking up, but it’s the phrase takes on a as hooking up with still vague, running multitude of meanings, someone on a regular the gamut of physical in- from kissing in the cor- basis, usually on the teraction, but with more ner to full-blown sex. weekends. An excellent emphasis on groping The term has been alternative for those and kissing. broadly defined, in par- who like to keep their And, if you’re Brit- ticular by Web sites such lives very scheduled. ish, you may not be MEGHAN LUECKE | STUDENT LIFE as urbandictionary.com, Just pencil that one in hooking up at all, but but is generally a no- for Friday. rather snogging. Just as After you are done hooking up, make sure not to leave incriminating evidence lying around. You wouldn’t want your room- strings-attached interac- Ever had a nasty ambiguous (Is it kiss- mate to fi nd something awkward. tion. It’s casual sex, oral breakup? Find yourself ing? Is it sex?) but with a sex, feeling someone up, missing your ex? It’s no little more international French kissing, going to problem with ex-sex. appeal. 12 STUDENT LIFE | SCENE Senior Scene Editor / Sarah Baicker / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 The female body: A crash course for the confused

By Archana Varma pretty.” count! Does it?” “If she had unprotected sex Scene Reporter “Um, be sensitive and sit and was feeling strange or there and listen to her and The hymen can rip before a had a lot of drugs, because I once overheard two boys nod your head and say, ‘Uh- woman has sex due to physi- when girls get drugged or arguing with each other about huh, I understand, that’s cal exercises such as gym- extremely drunk they might whose girlfriend’s breasts interesting,’ and stroke your nastics or horseback riding not remember what hap- produced more milk for them chin.” or the insertion of tampons, pened the night before.” to, er, taste. Right. In an effort among other things, into the “If she... I don’t know, if to educate the college male Even if these techniques vagina. Some women are born she thought she had been about females, several some- might be effective on a num- without hymens, as well. The impregnated.” what leading questions have ber of girls, there’s no general hymen can also stretch rather been asked to Wash. U.’s male “best” way to pursue a woman than tear during penetration, In short, during menstru- population and a few choice since it varies individually; so it’s additionally possible ation, the uterus sheds the responses are produced for example, some want to for a woman to have an intact lining that prepares for the below. We’ll start slow, and be complimented constantly, hymen after having inter- implantation of a fertilized names are omitted to protect while such behavior would course. egg after ovulation. If a girl the clueless. disgust others. misses her period, it could Do you even know what a potentially be because she What is a woman? Would you be able to tell if a hymen is? is pregnant, but periods can “Anyone with a vagina and girl’s hymen breaks during “I’ve got an idea but I have be missed because of other boobs.” sex? How? no idea what the hell all this factors such as stress. “A woman is, uh, a human “Yeah, magic!” technical medical babble is.” being possessed of a vagina “Yeah, it makes, uh, a popping “That’s when, um, the girl Where do babies come out and not a penis, furthermore sound and starts to bleed.” comes into a room full of men from? augmented with ovaries and and they are like ‘Hey, girl’ “The delivery room.” large mammary glands.” Before you start bragging and she is like ‘Hi, men!’” “Hey, wait, nothing pops out about how loud it popped, of the clitoris, right?” Although this is an am- you should know that there is The hymen is a thin mem- biguous question, since we no “popping sound” when a brane that partially covers a Babies are delivered from seem to be so concerned with hymen rips, and your part- female’s vaginal opening. the vagina, except in other succinct scientifi c defi ni- ner may or may not bleed. instances such as Caesarean tions, two X chromosomes She may bleed even if she’s Can a girl get pregnant if she sections, but in any case, determine the female sex. not a virgin, so theoreti- has intercourse while she is nothing pops out of the cli- On the other hand, biological cally the only way to know if having her period? toris. Speaking of which— factors are not solely respon- she’s a virgin is if she tells “No.” sible for determining who is you, although if she asks “Wooh, this is tough. I don’t Where is the clitoris? considered or who considers if it’s supposed to look like think so, and if she’s on her “I think it’s like inside herself a woman; some have that, chances are that she’s period, it’s like free lubrica- somewhere, between the COMPILED BY SARAH KLEIN | STUDENT LIFE chromosomal or hormonal a virgin (unless it really isn’t tion!” outer and inner lips.” differences while others may supposed to look like that, in “Isn’t that the subject of a “You have to concentrate re- women are proponents of a be without typical female which case medical attention Yes, she can. And now South Park movie?” ally, really hard and you have vaginal rather than clitoral or- anatomy. Gender, as opposed might be in order). Since we’re we’re going to kill two birds to tell her you love her.” gasm, and others may orgasm to sex, is often considered a on the subject... with one stone— The clitoris is above the through stimulation of other social construct. vagina. Since we don’t want This also varies indi- body parts, knowing where If a girl’s hymen is broken, Why do girls have periods? to confuse you with too much vidually since women have the clitoris is might come in What is the best way to woo does that mean she has had “I don’t know; it’s a natural “technical medical babble,” disparate cultural and social handy since clitoral stimula- a woman? intercourse before? thing.” see Sarah Klein’s diagram. backgrounds and different tion often leads to orgasm. So “You have to take them out “Yes.” “To fi nish their sentences.” degrees of comfort with their study away, fellows; I know all to dinner and buy them crap “Not necessarily. I guess she How do you make a woman sexualities, so communi- you pre-meds are never ones and tell them that they smell could have had sex with a What sign might make a girl orgasm? cating with your partner is to shy away from an anatomy nice and make them feel cucumber, and that doesn’t suspect that she is pregnant? “By having sex with her.” important. Although some lesson.

The M-word: Romance 101 A guy’s perspective A single girl’s

By Willie Mendelson amount since coming to ing awkward or like he survival guide to Scene Reporter the University. was missing out on some Not surprisingly, most fl oor socializing. After Upon coming to Wash- guys have done it less all, in order to maintain ington University, many since coming to school. a strong social life, it is freshman guys are imme- Undoubtedly, a large important to mingle and diately faced with differ- reason for this decrease hang out with one’s fl oor. Valentine’s Day ent issues and concerns is due to roommates and Along with this, most guys they will soon have to a lack of privacy. It is safe agreed that there is such confront. Will they get to say that every freshman a thing as doing it too By Laura Alexander ice cream line while all his along with their room- guy fears being busted, or much, as most responded Scene Columnist friends are out on dates. He mates? Will they be able arguably worse, walking in that doing it once a day or might enjoy some company. to meet new people easily on his roommate. A help- once every few days was There comes a time in a If you really want to do and fi nd friends amongst ful thing is to know your suffi cient (though I did single girl’s life when she something that nobody in a sea of 1,300 new faces? roommate’s class schedule, receive a response of 15 opens her calendar and says a couple can, celebrate your How is the food going to so if you do need to spank times per week, proving to herself, “Shit! Valentine’s singlehood. You’re single, taste? Will they be able to the monkey or choke the that everyone is different). Day is coming.” That day is of which means tomorrow night fi nd a possible signifi cant chicken, you will know to A general rule of thumb: if course, tomorrow. No matter still holds the unknown: a fi rst other? plan accordingly. If you you fi nd yourself spending how comfortable you are in Laura Alexander kiss, a steamy study session And then…there’s mas- are ever unsure of when more time with your hand your singlehood, it’s still never with your biology lab partner turbation. your roommate is in the than with your friends or fun to watch the couples head plehood. Embrace it as a day or even the chance to sexile Yes, masturbation—a room, however, and you fl oormates, give it a rest. off to The Melting Pot toting to get ahead in some school- your roommate with the hot highly sensitive issue, and come back from classes The overwhelming ques- fl owers and gushy cards. But work; thankfully, you can use guy from your political science one never openly dis- to fi nd your door locked, tion, however, is why guys before you lock yourself in the excuse that it’s a Tuesday class. cussed, as it would make jiggle the knob a few times masturbate. Sure, it feels your room and start taking night. Go to Olin Library and And for a true celebration for a very awkward topic as a warning before walk- good, but I was determined shots every time a couple hole up in a cubicle until the of singlehood, throw a singles of conversation. Many guys ing in immediately, as this to provide another reason. walks by your window hold- day is over. party. Have your friends invite wonder how their other will give your roommate Many guys admitted that ing hands on this singles’ Lee said she’ll “do nothing everyone they know who will peers and fl oormates deal time to adjust. they did it because they doomsday, let’s think of some on Valentine’s Day because be alone and get ready for a with the situation, since Another prominent were horny and sexually healthier alternatives. [she has] several tests coming room full of exciting options. it is an extremely diffi - issue involves how and frustrated. (And honestly, Let’s begin by getting out up.” Then you’ll have all your Help decrease the chance that cult and often ambiguous where University males what guy isn’t?) Some guys the anger. It’s never healthy to work done for the weekend a single will refer to the day as subject. take care of their business. stated they would do it out keep all that built up inside so you can go out and enjoy a complete waste of 24 hours. Naturally, guys don’t At home, this is not an is- of boredom, while others of you. Some unsuspecting partying it up as a single. If Maybe if the night is a success, want to know the sexual sue, as guys have privacy. said they believed it was couple giving each other a any couple dares to swap Val- next year you won’t have to habits of their friends, But here, having to deal just a natural process. quick peck as they part ways entines in the cubicle next to read this guide. so they are forced to deal with fl oormates and room- Many guys believe that the for class might make you hurl yours, you have permission to Evaluate your options and with the situation on their mates (triples, I salute you) onset of stress increases a psychology book across the throw a notebook. make sure you have a Valen- own. As everyone knows, complicates the situation. the need to do it, an in- Quad toward their happy em- Fung proposed a more fun tine’s Day that doesn’t suck. there is very little privacy Many responses that I teresting phenomenon. In brace. What’s the real issue? option. “Hang out with friends Emily Fung said she plans in the halls of a dorm. received from the guys fact, many guys believed Sophomore Emily Fung who are also single and revel to, “eat [her] weight in choco- Some guys may feel like surveyed indicated that that advantages of mastur- summed it up. “Valentine’s in it!” she said. late” tomorrow. There are there is no escape from the shower or bathroom, bation included the release Day is great if you have some- Turn this dismal day into other ways to get through the fl oormates, that they will one’s bed and one’s desk/ of stress and sexual ten- one, but sucks if you don’t.” So a celebration. Head out with National Rubbing Couplehood never be able to take care computer with internet ac- sion. how do you get past it if you your single girlfriends to the in Your Face Day. Put away the of their “personal needs.” cess (of course) are all hot Let’s face it—this M- are one of those people who Cheesecake Factory to swap chocolate and pull out cloth- Some may feel that mas- spots for masturbation. word plays a huge role in doesn’t have someone? your own valentines, discuss ing options for the singles turbation is wrong, while As far as when most the life of a guy, and in There is always Freud’s clas- your endless options of guys party. others resort to it due to guys like to do it, I re- a freshman guy’s case, it sic technique of denial. People and talk about how awe- It’s time to make use of their own sexual frustra- ceived a variety of re- may be an issue that is may say that denial is also some the single’s life is, just this overly hyped February tions and tension. Some sponses stretching across dealt with on a daily basis. unhealthy, but maybe those loud enough for the tables of day. This year, don’t be found even wonder if they do it the day. Many guys had no Just remember: you’re not people aren’t trying to main- couples nearby to hear. counting down the minutes too much. With all the is- specifi c time and said any alone. tain an appetite in Bear’s Den Being that it is Valentine’s until midnight. Instead, count sues masturbation pres- time of the day is good Oh, and if you unex- with people feeding each other Day, it should be pretty obvi- the number of pages of read- ents, I set out to fi nd some (masturbation is, after pectedly return to your chocolate-covered strawber- ous which guys are in a rela- ing you got through, the num- answers. all, an extremely enjoy- dorm room to fi nd the ries. Sophomore Christine Lee tionships and which are not. ber of fun hours you spent I administered an able thing). Obviously door locked, jiggle it. If thinks that the worst part of So take this awesome oppor- chatting with your girlfriends anonymous survey to 20 one of the more popular you’re a really good room- Valentine’s Day is “watching tunity to scope out someone over dinner or the number of freshman guys in hopes responses was when a guy mate, though, you’ll go the stupid couples go at it with which to spend your next cute guys’ cell phone num- of revealing the truth. was alone or when there across the hall for a bit everywhere.” What can you do Valentine’s Day. bers you have stuffed in your The fi rst question posed weren’t many people on to chat and play N64 with but go into denial that couples’ Put on a cute outfi t and pockets. was whether guys found the fl oor. This way, a guy your fl oormates—every day o’ fame has arrived? head down to Ursa’s—you It’s time to make Valentine’s themselves to be doing could do what needed guy is entitled to some One simple way is to ignore never know, Mr. Right could Day count for something in it more, less or the same to be done without feel- quality “me” time. the rampant displays of cou- be standing alone in the Singles Land. MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Scene Editor / Sarah Baicker / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | SCENE 13 EXPERTS v FROM PAGE 2 How to please your sweetheart David Coleman, the self-pro- relationships, as things that fessed “dating doctor” who has partners do for each other are By Natalie Wolfson quick up-and-down licking and trouble making a reservation for spoken at the University in the regarded by both of them as mu- Special to Student Life For her pleasure: between kissing and sucking Valentine’s Day dinner, I recom- past, said students often jump tually important. Foreplay does not start at the gently. mend preparing a meal at home into relationships too quickly for “The issue is, are you able If you haven’t made any plans clit. You know better than that, —Try to get a rhythm going to show your loved one that you the wrong reasons. to share your resources with yet for Valentine’s Day, I’d like but here are a couple of tips on as she gets more into it and vary care. Dessert choice is key to “College is scary and people the other person, or are you de- to offer a few suggestions. I will how to get there: your rhythm and technique from winning a lover’s heart and may think that if they have a partner manding in the way that the oth- also humbly attempt to dole out —Tease her fi rst, licking time to time. be integrated into the evening’s to go through it with, that will er person eventually capitulates some advice for pleasing whom- down her stomach or up her in- —Most important, don't stop foreplay. ease the problems and the un- to your needs?” said Merbaum. ever you fi nd yourself with this ner thighs. From there it’s also a until she tells you to stop. Noth- Lesbians may take note that known,” said Coleman. Aside from the intricacies of Valentine’s Day, be it someone smooth transition to her clitoris. ing’s worse than leaving one Novak’s Bar and Grill is having a Puhn has noted similar serious relationships, these re- special (or not so special), or —Start by licking and kissing participant unsatisfi ed when the $25 Valentine’s Day dinner. Call trends concerning long-distance lationship experts also believe yourself—I think everyone de- gently around her clit. other has gotten his or hers. (314) 531-3699. relationships during college. In that severe challenges accom- serves a pleasurefest once in —All women are different, so And if it looks like you’ll be her opinion, the continuation pany college romance even when a while, particularly when you For his pleasure: pay attention to her body's re- spending this Valentine’s Day of high school relationships in it is not defi ned in such strict know everyone else is getting —Start in a similar way work- sponses. Some like light licking alone, no need to fret. You’re not college “can be a safety net,” as terms. some on this night. ing your way towards his nether right on the clit, some like more alone, fellow single. Celebrate students in a new place search One of these circumstances, I’d like to mention that I feel regions. pressure around it. Some might your status by doing your fa- for “something to stay constant.” known as “friends with privi- that there is a lot of similarity —Start licking the inner want a fi nger or tongue inside, vorite alone things that being In these instances, Puhn advises leges,” can prove dangerous due between the male and female thighs and proceed, if you’re others don't. in a relationship can sometimes people to “remember that the to the fact that people are often- sex organs, despite appearances. comfortable, to gently licking deprive you of. Take a long, hot other thing staying constant is times surprised at the diffi culty This being said, feel free to take and sucking his balls. For his pleasure: bath (or shower) and curl up with you…you don’t need another of separating the act of having inspiration from either advice —Licking from the top of —One general tip: kiss the a good book, your favorite movie source of consistency in your sex from emotional feelings. section, no matter whom you’re the balls, work your way up the tip, pursing your lips in a way and perhaps a tub of Ben and life.” Tom Bruon k has also noted fi xing to please this Valentine’s shaft, making sure to adequately that he may feel he is entering Jerry’s ice cream. For those who do choose to harmful trends associated with Day, particularly if that someone wet the area. This will later aid you. Most people tend to cover Or if you’re thinking about maintain long-distance relation- “the hookup culture” at college. is yourself. Many tips can be ap- your cock-sucking efforts. their teeth with their lips, but I something slightly more inti- ships, Puhn emphasizes the ne- Although Bruonk, the Chief of plied to anyone. feel this precaution is unneces- mate, I advise you to head over cessity of establishing ground Mental Health Services and the I also above all advise an 2. Passing your oral exam sary with this method. to Heffalump’s on 387 N. Euclid rules of communication, such as Associate Director of Student open dialogue between partners. I present this section to you I usually, however, discour- in the Central West End. They’re consistently speaking on a week- Health Services, understands Every body’s different and, at as a collaborative effort between age the use of biting on anyone currently having a 50 percent off ly basis. “It’s wishful thinking to that such sexual escapades re- the risk of sounding cliché, you myself and my favorite sexpert, unless it has been explicitly re- liquidation sale on all their “nov- think it will all work out…it won’t fl ect the fact that college is a time should just do what feels good. from whom I learned how to give quested—the extensive use of elty” items, including vibrators unless you make a plan.” of exploration, he worries about head in sleepaway camp at the the tongue is the reason oral and other accessories among the According to Coleman, an- the lack of communication that 1. Foreplay ripe young age of 15. She has sex is often preferred over inter- true novelty items that make up other challenging facet of college occurs in these circumstances, Lots of people enjoy a variety always been wise beyond her course. the majority of what they carry. relationships lies in the differing especially when hookups occur of teasings. It’s up to you to years. —Work your tongue along the Singles and couples alike will sexual needs of the genders. while those involved are under determine which your partner underside of the shaft paying fi nd something to satisfy their “The problem is that you’ve the infl uence. prefers. Several erogenous areas For her pleasure: specifi c attention to the butterfl y needs this Valentine’s Day. They got college men that are in their “The problem with hookups to try: fi ngertips and inner —Use your fi ngers to spread area, the most sensitive part (lo- even carry Valentine’s Day cards, sexual prime and college women is that, by their very nature, they arms, neck and earlobes. her lips gently so you can lick on cated just below the head on the along with other seasonal novel- who are not…women want to are ambiguous,” said Brounk. If time is no obstacle, as it and around her clit. underside of the shaft). ty items, of course. fi nd a guy that knows who he is “This sometimes leaves one indi- shouldn’t be this Valentine’s —Try fl icking just the tip —At the head, work your I hope that whether you fi nd and what he wants,” said Cole- vidual feeling confused after the Day, one might try working from of your tongue back and forth tongue in a spiraling motion yourself alone or attached this man. hookup, which goes on indefi - the extremities (discounting the across her clit, but mix it up a around the shaft. Valentine’s Day, or with another Although it might seem to nitely without there being some shaft, of course), inward, per- bit by alternating the tip of your warm body to share the holiday, connect students to their peers, clarifi cation.” haps under the pretense of a full tongue and the fl at of it. Switch 3. For a good time you’ll have a good and—this goes the Facebook, Coleman believes, On top of such troubling un- body massage. between long slow licking and At this point you may have without mentioning—safe time. poses a challenge to maintain- certainties, the issue of safety ing relationships. also plays into the dangers of “I think it’s the world’s biggest hookups. dating Web site…you can look up “Everybody makes mistakes,” SEXUAL ASSUALT v FROM PAGE 2 people from any college campus, said Puhn. “But you don’t want see them doing anything…it to make the kinds of safety mis- “We have adopted a sexual as- indicated that they had been makes staying in relationships take that changes the rest of sault response commitment that victims said that the incident harder,” said Coleman. your life.” we publicize,” said Strom. occurred with someone they In addition, the atmosphere While the complexities of col- This procedure guarantees knew—a friend, sexual partner, of college life may augment the lege relationships have a large that WUPD will meet with vic- acquaintance, or a date. emotional burden of relation- impact on individuals’ present tims privately at a time and lo- Alcohol also seems to be a ships due to the amount of stress state of mind, they can also have cation of their choice and that factor in many reports of sexual that accompanies academics. effects on their post-college re- a victim’s parents will not be assault. “Especially in a place like lationships and sexual prefer- contacted without the victim’s “Given what we know about Wash. U., in which the challenges ences. Coleman believes that the consent. the correlation and alcohol use, I and the demands for academic habits one develops during col- WUPD is also committed to think you could jump to the con- success are very strong, there’s lege will continue in the future. arranging for medical help and clusion that Thursday, Friday, a lot of pressure to do well,” “We seek out what is famil- “will fully investigate” reports of Saturday night tends to be time explained Michael Merbaum, a iar to use and what we practice sexual assault, said Strom. of the week that the incidents clinical psychologist and a psy- we get good at,” said Coleman. By protocol, once WUPD’s in- are on the increase,” said Strom. chology professor at the Univer- “If you’ve got someone that just vestigation is complete, the case Forty percent of the students sity. hooks up on weekends, they’re is turned over the to St. Louis’ surveyed who answered that Although Merbaum affi rms going to have a hard time when prosecution offi ce for review. they had been involved with an that positive relationships have they get out of college connect- Strom discussed a frequent incident of sexual assault also the potential to “serve as a buffer ing with people.” misconception of sexual assault. said that alcohol and/or drugs against stress,” he warned that, Coleman also warned that “When people see [a] sexual were involved. in relationships “where there sexual exploration in college GEORGE GENNIS | STUDENT LIFE assault number they think of it When either or both are in- isn’t this kind of support, people can have a serious long-term im- in terms of people hiding behind toxicated, investigating a report- According to the University Chief of Police Don Storm, under fi ve percent of can feel rejected and unhappy pact, explaining that, “when [an a tree waiting to grab someone,” ed sexual assault crime becomes sexual assault incidents are repored to campus authorities. and unappreciated.” extremely experimental man] said Strom. “In reality, the expe- even more diffi cult. In light of the wide array of graduates it will be hard for him rience we see on college campus “[When intoxicated], people On campus, there are sev- assault.” The Sexual Assault and challenges associated with the to fi nd someone to satisfy his is that the person who poses the are uncertain of whether they eral student-run organizations Rape Action Hotline (SARAH) is college dating scene, the rela- sexual appetite.” biggest threat to them is some- have been sexually assaulted,” that were put in place to help an anonymous student-run ho- tionship experts offer many rec- Merbaum has witnessed oth- one they know throughout some said Strom. “People are uncer- victims of sexual assault. The tline that offers counseling and ommendations to guide success- er situations in which the chal- relationship and not someone tain about the circumstances Committee Organized for Rape referrals for those in need. There ful relationships during these lenges of college relationships lurking in the shadows some- in which it occurred, [and then] Education (CORE), according to is also One in Four, a group of years. can have lasting negative effects, where.” we fi nd that the survivor or the the Student Health Services Web men that attempts to educate According to Puhn, privacy is such as failed relationships. This pattern seems to hold perpetrators were under the in- site, “[is a group of] students the community about how men one of the most crucial elements “We like to be accepted by true with the students surveyed. fl uence of something during the [who] work to educate the com- can help prevent sexual assault of college relationships, which other people, and when these Seventeen of the students who episode.” munity about rape and sexual and rape. may seem strange at fi rst since, things don’t occur we can start for many high school couples, criticizing ourselves or feel- the concept of discretion hardly ing low and unsatisfi ed…those existed. kinds of things can linger on “In college, part of the ma- and affect us deeply.” Kissing Girls: WU’s lesbian community turity is that there’s a certain Yet despite the possibility of private space…be careful not to unpromising outcomes such as By Caroline Wekselbaum Sophomore Betsy Rubinstein, party-goer felt looked masculine. really see any openly gay people reveal too much of what goes on these, Merbaum added the up- News Editor a member of the Kissing Girls “This guy comes up to me, he’s on campus and openly display- between the two of you, espe- lifting thought that “if you hap- group, reported that the lesbian drunk and laughing, and he says, ing that they’re together on this cially about sexual things,” said pen to have a good relationship “We need another party on community on campus is small ‘So, you’re going for a transition.’ campus.” Puhn. you’re really protected against campus,” states the description and close and that members of And I go, ‘A transition? What do Although the gay and lesbian For Coleman, the key to mak- a lot of these negative emotions for “Kissing Girls,” a Facebook Kissing Girls are at its helm. you mean?’ He’s like, ‘With your communities on campus might ing a long-term relationship work that we all try to avoid.” group which is geared towards “I feel like a lot of the lesbians gender?’ And I go, ‘With my gen- be mistakenly lumped into a sin- in college is to “avoid smothering After all, in Merbaum’s words, bringing together lesbian, bisex- who are out about it pretty much der?’ And he’s like, ‘I guess I just gle category, the two communities each other.” In addition, Cole- “relationships with other people ual and questioning persons on know each other personally or think things like that when I see are independent of one another. man uses the mnemonic device are the critical thing in life in campus. One might consider this through other people because girls in drag,’” recounted Rubin- “In my experience, I think that “TRIPC” to remind people of any event.” an invitation to a community that there aren’t that many,” said Ru- stein. “That’s probably the only the lesbian community is a lot dif- the fi ve principal characteristics For more information and might otherwise be hard to fi nd. binstein. “I’d say there are about negative experience I’ve had.” ferent from the gay male commu- of healthy relationships: trust, advice from Laurie Puhn, visit “I feel like there’s enough of a 50, but that could be a little high or Rubinstein reported that for nity,” said Rubinstein. respect, intimacy, passion, and www.lauriepuhn.com. David [lesbian] scene here, but I know low. I meet a lot of people through the most part, however, she is “I’ve noticed that gay men commitment. Coleman, the “dating doctor,” it’s not very accessible until you other people. There’s sort of like comfortable being out at the Uni- don’t really hang out with lesbian Merbaum considers “the can be reached at david@dating- fi nd it,” said junior Brittany Scott, a main group that’s sort of like versity. women,” said junior Dan Covich, ability for reciprocity,” the fun- doctor.com, or by visiting www. one of the co-founders of Kissing the leaders of Kissing Girls…I feel “I have a girlfriend right now who is currently engaged in a gay damental key to successful datingdoctor.com. Girls. like if you wanted to meet people, and I could ultimately hold her male relationship. “I think Kissing Girls helped you could just come to one of our hand on campus,” said Rubin- Scott partially echoed this sen- me when I was fi rst coming out to parties.” stein. “No one has ever made any timent, adding that there is some TESTS v FROM PAGE 6 fi gure out who else was a lesbian Most of Rubinstein’s experi- remarks to me, but on the same camaraderie their plans.” you want to put the exam in on campus, that there were other ences have been positive when it level, you don’t know what people “On a campus level, I feel like Other students disagree with the right place in the sequence lesbians on campus,” she said. comes to others being comfort- are saying behind your back. For gays and lesbians are more sepa- these sentiments. of the course…If you start jug- “There’s a lot of GLBT [gay, les- able with her lesbian identity, me, I don’t really care, I mean, rated, especially on the political “[Valentine’s Day] shouldn’t gling it around, it has implica- bian, bisexual, and transgender] although she recounted one inci- people are respectful and I think level, but when it comes to a more be a consideration. It’s not re- tions on the entire planning of groups too and I think that not dent which she found offensive. if people are staring at us, it’s personal level, I don’t feel sepa- ally a religious holiday.” said the course.” everybody is involved, but there It was at a party where she was more out of curiosity rather than rated from the gay community,” sophomore Shiv Desai, who is Zach explained that although are a handful [who are involved].” wearing clothing that a fellow hate or disgust because you don’t said Scott. in Introduction to Financial Ac- he tends not to consider holidays counting. like Valentine’s Day in planning Desai did add, however, that his curriculum, there are cer- PERFORMANCE v FROM PAGE 6 given a choice between having tain holidays he does consider. an exam on Valentine’s Day or “I do take into account and thing is that our culture has response as well as men do, makes us feel like we’re sup- the “ideal woman.” This lack the day after, he would rather look at the schedule ahead of grown out of Victorian cul- and our society has shaped us posed to play these roles that of structure, however, gener- have a test on Valentine’s Day. time to see whether other holi- ture, and Victorian culture that way.” don’t give us room to impro- ates a new set of pressures. Accounting Professor Tzachi days fall in place…So, I would believed that women had no The desire to please, howev- vise,” said Stiritz. “We always “I think [same-sex relation- Zach said that Valentine’s Day look ahead and see if my exam sexual feelings. Up until very er, is not exclusive to women. have much more fun when we ships] are more complicated was not a consideration when he may fall on Passover, for exam- recently, women have not had “[For men] there’s pres- improvise than when we just from the perspective that decided to administer his exam ple, or on any other holiday,” he permission to be sexual. I’ll sure to please women,” said do what we’re supposed to you can assume less,” said on the holiday. said. have a lot of students say, ‘I Jeffrey. “Especially if it’s my do…There’s just a real stiff- Murphy. “In heterosexual re- “It’s something that people While students interviewed don’t need to have an orgasm, girlfriend, I want her to be ness in how men and women lationships, everyone has a can get over…My view is that for this article seemed sympa- I’m happy just to have this happy.” talk to each other, and that’s script you can fall back on… unless it’s something that’s re- thetic towards Zach’s view, they cuddling and being close,’ but Throwing away the script a shame.” In same-sex relationships, you ally important, I don’t let it in- said that they would prefer to the truth that women don’t The pressures that men and Such improvisation, ac- don’t inherit a social script terfere with the sequence of the enjoy Valentine’s Day without know how to have orgasms…I women face in their interac- cording to Murphy, is espe- that tells you how this is sup- course,” said Zach. “Now, one worrying about intensive study- don’t think that’s the be all tions may be due to their ad- cially present in same-sex posed to be, and, more than may view Valentine’s [Day] as ing. “I don’t think it’s insensi- end all of relationships, but herence to a social script that relationships, which entail likely, you didn’t grow up in a really important…but I think tive, and I don’t know if they’re I think that the orgasm gap dictates their actions while the break-down of rehearsed family that told you how it was that academics are fi rst…You doing it [administering tests on does indicate that women limiting their enjoyment. social scripts that feature the supposed to be. So you get to see, with exams, there are sev- Valentine’s Day] on purpose, but don’t know about their sexual “The whole romantic script roles of the “ideal man” and do an awful lot of invention.” eral things going on. One is that I’d rather they didn’t,” said Lai. 14 STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA Senior Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006

n. a technically brilliant, sometimes improvised solo passage toward the close of a concerto, an exceptionally brilliant part of an artistic work arts & CCADENADENZA ZA entertainment Penis or not a penis? By the Cadenza Staff

o the chagrin of many, the waning NFL season has left a space, a veritable vacuum, in newsprint. That vacuum, which demands to be refi lled, is the assembled opinions of staffers on issues of a dichoto- Tmous nature, better known as “picks.” We at Cadenza have answered the call to fi ll this space, and we have fi lled it…with penises. The question of “penis, or not a penis?” is formidable, a riddle that is writ on the very history of the human experience. A notable and recent example comes from the sterile-family-fun world of Disney. In the closing act of “The Little Mermaid,” just before the colluded nuptials of Prince Eric and Ursula (in her sexifi ed form), the smiling priest conducting the ceremony appears to be more than just happy. Many have contended that the bishop’s “bishop” was another instance of perverse Disney animators having their way with the impressionable minds of American youth. Indeed, the cover art of the self-same movie allegedly showcased an underwater castle with very phallic architecture. So the question rears its primeval head: is this a penis, or not a penis? We have taken it upon ourselves to address these historical mysteries in a democratic forum.

As for our happy priest, the truth can be found in the viewpoint. In pro- PROFILE fi le, the diminutive clergyman certainly appears to be sporting a chubby. From a crane-shot angle, however, the geometry of his posture is clarifi ed. The suspected “penis” is nothing more scandalous than a pair of knobby

knees. In this case, the verdict is in: not a penis. But the question still burns CRANE-SHOT in the minds of the populace concerning many other possible penises, as explored below. The Contenders The Judges 1. Banana Penis. This looks Photoshopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few ‘shops in my time. Nonetheless, a penile archetype. Banana Penis Buenos Aires (Vote: Penis) 2. Buenos Aires Building Condom for World AIDS Day. While the standard usage Building Condom of a condom is to relegate sperm to the trash can or mar a roommate’s door handle, this enormous prophylactic is used to hide the lie of this architectural imposter. for World AIDS Day That’s a tower, not a penis. 1 (Vote: Not a penis) 3. Dick Cheney Dick. Given the exploits of other members of the current political David Freeman party, this trouser-bulge is more likely a listening device. 2 (Vote: Not a penis) 4. Golf Trophy. To say nothing of the shape, the affection visited upon this phallus by Cristie Kerr is tantamount to its nature: Everyone loves a penis. (Vote: Penis) 5. Washington Monument. If I can use my own genitalia as a reference, this pointy memorial is an exemplar penis. The accuracy of the likeness is startling. (Vote: Penis) 6. Tennis Ball Face. Who picked these images?! (Vote: Penis) 7. Valentine Panties. If biology has taught me anything, it is that this default human sex organ can be differentiated into a penis with a timely blast of dihydrotestosterone. This could potentially have Dick Cheney Dick been a penis; that’s good enough for my vote. (Vote: Penis)

1. Banana Penis. This is clearly a penis that is dressing up like a banana for Hal- 3 loween. I’ve seen it before a million times. (Vote: Penis) Golf Trophy 2. Buenos Aires Building Condom for World AIDS Day. Now I’ve seen architec- tural gaffes before, but I can’t quite imagine how ugly this tower must be that they needed to put a condom over it for “AIDS Day.” Just sick. (Vote: Not a penis) 4 3. Dick Cheney Dick. One might presume we are dealing with a laser aimed at the young girl’s head. Knowing his wife Lynn, however, (see her 1979 sexually charged Robbie Gross novel “Sisters”) I’ve got a feeling this is a penis of massive destruction. (Vote: Penis) 4. Golf Trophy. This is undoubtedly a trophy. Penises are not transparent. (Vote: Not a penis) 5. Washington Monument. The way it brings tears to my eyes as I think about our Founding Father; the way the American fl ags dance around its base; the way it stands for spreading freedom with our pen- etrating values–this is and must be a penis. (Vote: Penis) Washington 6. Tennis Ball Face . Tenn-is. Pen-is. Not a penis! (Vote: Not a penis) Monument 7. Valentine Panties . I fi nd this image to be a needless provocation! An insult to the very values of freedom of speech! I am offended, and I demand this image be taken out immediately! (Vote: Penis) 5 Tennis Ball Face 1. Banana Penis. While it might just be an oddly (or possibly not-so-oddly) shaped banana, my penis-sense is tingling. (Vote: Penis) 2. Buenos Aires Building Condom for World AIDS Day. I know what condoms are 6 for and that is for the covering of penii. (Vote: Penis) 3. Dick Cheney Dick. The man seems too cranky to be packing that much meat. Probably not a penis. (Vote: Not a penis) Adam Summerville 4. Golf Trophy. I’m too aroused for it to not be a penis. (Vote: Penis) 5. Washington Monument. I know my national monuments, and that one is defi nitely a penis. Lin- coln Memorial? Not a penis. Surprisingly the Jefferson Memorial is a penis as well—who knew? (Vote: Penis) 6. Tennis Ball Face. I’ve seen a few penises in my day and that is most assuredly not one. (Vote: Not a penis) Valentine Panties 7. Valentine Panties. While I can’t be sure, there is probably not a penis present. But then again, I don’t like surprises, so “better safe than sorry” says it’s a penis. Final Tally: (Vote: Penis) 7 1. Banana Penis – 4 for 1. Banana Penis. Is that a banana in that picture or is it just happy to see me? It’s happy to see me. 2. Buenos Aires Building Con- (Vote: Penis) 2. Buenos Aires Building Condom For World AIDS Day. What’s a penis without a dom for World AIDS Day – 1 for, matching vagina? Next World Aids Day, I demand to see a giant dental dam. Dental 3 against Dam! (Vote: Not a penis) 3. Dick Cheney Dick — 2 for, 2 3. Dick Cheney Dick. Conservative Republicans are well known to be great in the sack. Be proud, Dick, be proud. against Laura Vilines (Vote: Penis) 4. Golf Trophy. Did anyone else notice who her sponsor is? Cheeri, oh, oh ohhhhs. 4. Golf Trophy – 3 for, 1 against I think the answer here is clear. (Vote: Penis) 5. Washington Monument – 4 5. Washington Monument. Forefather or foreskin. Standing proud for liberty or just standing proud. The opinions are in, but is there a for The similarities are countless. consensus? Dear reader, we leave the fi - (Vote: Penis) nal verdict up to you. Because in the end, 6. Tennis Ball Face – 1 for, 3 6. Tennis Ball Face. Only one ball. A little disappointing. The look on that guy’s face: penis-less. isn’t everything a penis? Freud would (Vote: Not a penis) agree with the Cadenza staff in our col- against 7. Valentine Panties. As the lone girl in this group, I must proclaim loudly—It’s not a penis! lective “yes.” 7. Valentine Panties – 3 for, 1 (Vote: Not a penis) against MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA 15 Do animals celebrate Valentine’s Day? An interview with a naturalist

By Robbie Gross years, to get a better idea chiefl y if the animal is in Then the males will fi nd C: What about dating? Theatre Editor about animal love, or really, heat]. To humans it sounds these shiny objects and K: We sent two of our animal mating. like a really perverted thing put them into the bower. female elephants to the to do, but in the animal The females then choose Springfi eld Zoo to mate Oh hubristic Homo Cadenza: Do the animals world it’s a way of commu- the male based on who can with their bull elephant, sapiens. On Valentine’s Day, do anything related to love nicating: “I’m healthy, I’m demonstrate being a good Onyx. They were trans- millions of chauvinistic hu- [making] that surprises ready to reproduce.”...Oth- builder and a good scaven- ported in a tractor manists gather together to some of the zoo’s visitors? erwise, there’s the baboons. ger. I’ve determined after all trailer, sort of like a celebrate what they believe Kevin: One of the things Their butts swell. It’s like a this that humans do much party bus. It was like a makes them special—this is that grosses people out is baboon saying “I’m ready.” of the same thing…. How date, only they were over a thing called love. when they see, in many many guys on campus get there for more than just But what about the mammals, the female C: How can humans, this girls because they have nice one day. animal kingdom? What do urinating. The urine con- Valentine’s Day, reflect on cars or nice clothing? they think of this pageantry, tains hormones and the the mating practices of C: And the Walrus penis? this rather absurd holiday male will put his tongue their animal brethren? C: Too many, unfortunately. K: Some of the penis that pretends that humans out and swish it around in K: In New Guinea, male But what about this ques- bones of walrus’ used are somehow above merely his mouth like it’s a wine bowerbirds make bowers, tion of love? Do animals to be used by humans reproductive functions? tasting. The males perform or nests, that are these love? to club baby seals. They Cadenza spoke to Kevin what is called a fl ehmen complex structures [includ- K: We don’t know. Unless would club the seals and WWW.ABC.NET.AU Koenig, a naturalist who response, where they curl ing shells, leaves, fl owers, we want to anthropomor- skin them. This female baboon is ready for some lovin’. has been working at the St. heir lips up so as to better stones, or berries] they phize them, we just can’t Louis Zoo for close to 20 test the urine [to determine weave with their beaks. know. C: Happy Valentine’s Day! In a sentimental mood: Porn parodies for a Valentine’s playlist the year 2006

By Jordan Deam ences of their youth. Magnum’s of every “Ibiza” dance mix at By Adam Summerville own, correcting all of the wrongs in Music Editor silky voice croons over a sparse your local record store, but only Movie Editor his life. acoustic guitar, taking the listen- Mouse on Mars can boast the er on a magical journey through unique vocal prowess of what “Hairy Cock-ring and the Half-limp For many, the days leading up his idyllic youth. sounds like an enraged robotic “Good Night and Good Fuck” Prick” to Feb. 14 are filled with frantic chipmunk. Perfect for unlocking A wry and topical porn about a The sixth in the series, this is more preparation. There are reserva- Can—“Soup” the “freakier” side of your date sexy news anchor who does his best a cautionary tale than a traditional tions to be made, clothes to iron that you always knew was lurk- to fi ght the establishment, using the porn. What happens when the cock- and fragrant oils and spices to This extended jam by the ing beneath the surface. power of the airwaves and his penis to ring is left on too long? Poor Hairy has be purchased and laid delicately multi-national Kraut-rock outfit stop the government from forcing its to fi nd out. This is defi nitely the dark- near the desired location of ro- Can is guaranteed to take things Ween—“Spinal Meningitis” prudish ways on everyone. est in the series, seeing the departure mance (as is my understanding). up a notch. It begins with the of Hairy’s mentor Anal Bum-is-sore. But often in the commotion we sensual, yet incomprehensible, This song is tied with Ween’s “Kramer on Kramer” forget perhaps the most impor- mutterings of Japanese vocal- other classic, “Mononucleosis,” Sexiness results when a couple “Bare-back Mount-him” tant way to set the mood: the ist Damo Suzuki. A funky bass for the fourth spot on this playl- splits up and fi ghts for the custody of A sweet porn about the love be- music. To make this job easier and drum groove soon enters, ist. It has a funky, phased-out their boy-toy. Who will get to keep hav- tween two gay cowboys. Oh wait, that’s for you, the reader, Cadenza has while fuzzed-out guitar weaves sound reminiscent of ‘70s adult ing sex with Toshiro, their Japanese already been done. Well, just throw in a few recommendations that are in and out of the mix. Finally, entertainment soundtracks—but male escort? Who cares? Finally, some a lot of sex and call it a day. sure to tickle your lover’s fancy. after numerous extended noise don’t let the instrumentation all Kramer-on-Kramer action. freakouts, Suzuki begins scream- fool you. This song is, as the title The Chronicles of Labia: Lying with a Neutral Milk Hotel—“Oh Come- ing gibberish. suggests, actually about a young “Anal Hall” Witch in a Wardrobe ly” child inflicted with a terminal Neurotic Alfi e is his own worst en- When four siblings travel into a Mouse on Mars—“Actionist Re- illness. As the boy repeatedly emy as his neuroses get between him magical and sexy land of goat-men (not In this heartwarming ballad, spoke” asks “Why they wanna see my and Anal Hall, a nymphomaniac who for those with weak stomachs) only vocalist/songwriter Jeff Magnum spine mommy?” you and your wants him to take her from behind at through the power of love, hope and sings to an unnamed childhood The pounding electronic beat date will be reaching the heights all times. After losing her, he travels incest can they melt the frosty grip of friend about the shared experi- of this song may be a staple of ecstasy. out to California to write a porn of his the ice queen who rules the land.

ENGAGED STUDENTS v These ice queens are hot FROM PAGE 2 engaged couples receive counseling v To fi nd the hottest athlete wives, look no farther than the hockey arena to establish a secure relationship. “One of the interesting possibili- ties here that the partners can think By Justin Davidson toned physique, sexy Nordic augmentation—while wives guy’s face is so contorted that ty walk into Blockbuster with about is pre-marital counseling, in Senior Sports Editor accent, perfect pearly whites from other sports have an es- I’m convinced that he was this abomination of a man, that they have a chance to sit down and an athleticism that would sence of Rodeo Drive or Park punched in the face every leaving my mouth literally and talk to somebody about their I had the unfortunate ex- put most men to shame—and Avenue that gives them their night as a child to toughen agape and some drool drib- relationship,” said Merbaum. “Some perience of working at Block- multiply that by 10. beauty. him up as he grew up in Sovi- bling down the side. I was of the things they can reasonably ex- buster Video for three years Now put an oversized hid- Additionally, another glar- et Russia. He’s a tough guy in- completely amazed that this pect, and how to anticipate problems during high school. Aside man is with this wom- and amplify joys and satisfaction.” from the free rentals, there an. Unbelievably, who Yet Merbaum sees nothing wrong aren’t many incentives to would’ve known that a with students being engaged while working at the epitome of woman wearing jeans, a still in college. corporate America. That is, long-sleeved t-shirt and “If they are mature, if they have unless you have a number no makeup could elicit made the commitment, and if they of professional athletes that such a response. She have sworn fi delity to one another belong to your fi ne chain. was probably wearing during this period, then that is a Specifi cally, that is unless less than $50 worth of very nice commitment and one that you have pro athletes who clothing and still made other people perhaps can envy,” said have wives hotter than fi re. heads turn. Merbaum. “It also implies a certain Several members of the New And then a few weeks kind of stability that maybe protects York Islanders, Rangers, later I met Islanders’ somebody against the anxieties about Jets, Yankees and Knicks captain Alexei Yashin’s fi nding a mate.” belonged to my Blockbuster fi ancée, former super- After six years of being engaged, (including the not-so-sexy model Carol Alt. Alt was Bannister has found this level of sta- Bill O’Reilly). one of the fi rst “super- bility in her own relationship. Through my encounters models” of the 1980s, “It’s hard work fi guring out how with these world-class ath- and even in her early to be very open and communicative, letes and the times I was 40s this woman was and that takes a really long time,” fortunate enough for their a stunner. And then I said Bannister “At fi rst it’s this great wives to come rent the latest met Islanders’ Roman passionate thing, and you have to New Release, I came to a glar- Hamrlik’s wife. Hot. transition from that to a deeper love ing realization: hockey play- And then I met Island- based on understanding.” ers have the absolute hottest ers’ Jason Blake’s wife. wives in the sporting world. Hotter. I kid you not, if there was The fact that these EXERCISE v a point scale to demonstrate men could marry the how much hotter hockey crème de la crème of FROM PAGE 16 wives are than all other ath- the female gender sim- letes’ wives, they’d be off the ply adds to their wives’ people feel better about themselves chart. hotness. Sure, gorgeous when they’re in better shape. Exer- Let me explain. Don’t get women could marry cise on its own releases endorphins, me wrong—in sports like professional athletes after all. Furthermore, people get basketball, football and for their good looks and more sexual attention, not only baseball, players have gor- mountains of money, when they’re more fi t, but also when geous wives. These wives put but it really rings true they’re more confi dent in their own normal American women when butt-ugly hockey skin. All of these are perfectly good to shame with their perfect players with fewer teeth reasons to engage in more physical sleek bodies, shimmering and considerably lower activity. But what better reason is JUSTIN DAVIDSON | STUDENT LIFE and shining hair and glow- salaries are bagging the there than a guaranteed better sex ing personalities. But com- eously disfi gured man with a ing separation is in the ath- deed, but he resembles more best-looking broads. life? pared to hockey wives, there’s concaved nose, possibly miss- letes themselves. Basketball, of a pug than a person. His Maybe it’s in the hockey Rijos also added that the Student one huge difference: hockey ing teeth, brutish demeanor football or baseball players, deep sunken eyes, crooked players’ amiable personali- Health Advisory Committee has or- wives are perfectly natural. and terrible Eastern Europe- for the most part, are very and fl at nose, square jaw and ties, or maybe it has to do ganized an event called “Sexercise A good way to put a visual an accent next to her and you good-looking people; they’re the fi ve teeth that he still has with their national origins. with Jim Mourey: Work Up an Ap- to this concept is to think of have your hockey wife. physically fi t, tall, handsome left all lay claim to his sheer Either way, there’s one unde- petite for Love.” She noted that par- the trainer for the Iceland Every hockey wife I’ve and have all their teeth. Many ugliness. niable truth: hockey players ticipants will learn how to exercise team in the critically ac- been fortunate to gaze upon hockey players, however, are And yet, Kvasha’s wife is have the hottest wives, and to “sexy songs” and will obtain in- claimed fi lm “D2: The Mighty has been a natural beauty— ugly as sin. absolutely drop-dead gor- anyone who has a basis for formation about sexual health. This Ducks.” Think of her—fl ow- not hidden behind pounds of Take New York Islanders’ geous. I remember seeing comparison can’t argue oth- event will take place this Friday, Feb. ing golden hair, slim and makeup or enhanced through left wing Oleg Kvasha. This this shining beacon of beau- erwise. 17, at 5 p.m. in Ursa’s Fireside. 16 STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS Senior Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Sex scandals over Sex, schmex: The the year in sports top 10 closet virgin

By Joe Ciolli some of what you read here. But havior policies and stating that professional athletes Sports Editor always remember that at the end he would no longer bend over of the day, who wouldn’t do what and let the team have their way. By Andrei Berman perately to get laid, but unfor- sharpshooter would make an these world-class athletes do? Good choice, Zygi. Sports Reporter tunately, the Czechoslovakian oval-type shape. That meant: In this modern day and age, groupies who hang around “You come from a test tube, professional athletes and those The Minnesota Vikings enact Runner from Zimbabwe expe- A common perception ex- hockey circles refuse to hook you little bastard. Now listen associated with them are getting their own rendition of “Free Wil- riences extreme gender confu- ists that athletic stars have up with a black guy. to your mother.” increasingly more serious about ly” on Lake Minnetonka sion tremendous amounts of sex. achieving the highest level of Last October, the peaceful Samukeliso Sithole of Zim- That perception is most as- 8. Bill Lambier. Known for 4. Dennis Rodman. Not a success. Whether this involves suburbs of Minneapolis, Minn., babwe was recently arrested suredly a correct one. So being the baddest of the De- virgin, but never had conven- strenuous all-day workouts or were rocked by a scandal involv- and charged with competing in when the rare athlete makes troit Pistons’ legendary, early tional sex. Enough said. yoga classes, pro athletes can of- ing a “sex boat” cruise attended women’s track and fi eld events, a statement opposing the 1990s bad boys, Lambier has ten be a model of dedication to by 16 Vikings football players. although tests revealed that sex-crazed culture of pro- brought many women back to 3. Nomar Garciaparra. their work. But then, when all of The boat was registered under de- he/she was actually 100 per- fessional athletics, it auto- his hotel suite for post-game Come to think of it, I had to that hard work is fi nished for the fensive back Fred Smoot’s name, cent male. Claiming to have matically draws headlines. exploits. Problem is, he scares add in just one more from the day, what else is there for them to and other players, including star once been a hermaphrodite, Despite setting the all-time them away every time. His fe- closet case category. Nomar’s do? Some opt to fi sh, while others quarterback Daunte Culpepper Sithole attests to having paid record for most consecutive tish for violently screaming antics deserve their own men- would prefer to cuddle up by the and running back Moe Williams, a witch doctor to make her games played in NBA history, at women ultimately led him tion. I swear every time he fi re with a good book. The other were charged following a police “penis” shrivel up and disap- journeyman forward A.C. down the path of becoming a steps in the batter’s box, taps 90 percent of those associated report. Apparently, “live sex acts pear. When no female organ at Green is still better known WNBA coach. his feet 10 times and fi xes his with athletics usually choose to with toys” were being performed all was found, the physicians for his claims about remain- batting gloves eight more, he’s spend their free time doing more in the middle of the boat’s walk- brought in the world’s foremost ing a virgin for the entirety of 7. Jay Fiedler. This guy just telling himself, “I’m not gay. entertaining things, like partici- ways as confused servers weaved expert on female anatomy, Wilt his playing career. And while never quite fi t in. As a quar- I’m not gay. I’m really not gay.” pating in sexually deviant activi- in and out of the heaps of sweaty Chamberlain, to make the fi nal A.C. probably didn’t have terback at Dartmouth, Jay was Also, he seems to come down ties. For most athletes, “The Da bodies. Although the incident call. After chastising Sithole for much company on the road, never able to use his athletic with random groin injuries, Vinci Code” can wait, because did not end up causing any major his(?) tiny penis and fl exing his surely there are some other ability to woo coeds where perhaps an excuse for his fear there’s an unlimited amount of commotion, several players were triceps in the mirror for well athletes out there whose v- brains were sexier than ath- that his wife, soccer star Mia sexual energy to explore. treated at a local hospital from over 10 minutes, Chamberlain card remains in their back leticism. Additionally, Jay’s Hamm, will absolutely destroy Below are several of the year’s abrasions caused by anal beads. agreed that the runner was in pocket. Below is a list of status as a Jew made it im- him in the sack. If he isn’t gay, most sexually outlandish mem- Team owner Zygi Wilf issued a fact a man. professional athletes whom possible for him to crack the he’s certainly scared to death bers and events of the sport- public statement of apology and I suspect to be the sports upper tier of Dartmouth’s fa- of making love to Mia. ing community. Prepare to be addressed the team privately, world’s top 10 virgins. mously-WASPy social scene. shocked, or even offended, by implementing several new be- See SCANDALS, page 18 Even when he quarterbacked 2. Brandi Chastain. After 10. Eric Montross. A mid- the Miami Dolphins, Jay scoring the game winner in 1990s superstar center at the struggled to attract the ladies. the 1999 Women’s World Cup, University of North Caro- He once almost had sex with Chastain famously ripped off lina, this seven-foot goofball an unsuspecting cheerleader her jersey and fell to her knees surely was plagued by prob- who, upon turning the light as her teammates mobbed her Want better sex? Hit the gym. lems of premature ejacula- on, said, “Oh shit, I thought on the fi eld. While she may tion. If you don’t remember you were Marino.” have accumulated a lot of yel- By Allie Wieczorek On the other hand, it is an individual who exercises Montross, he resembles a low and red cards since that Sports Columnist important to assure that sex regularly would have a bet- slightly more refi ned version 6. John Rocker. The former incident, she hasn’t gotten does not become our excuse ter libido, which would lead of your eighth cousin Bub- Atlanta Braves pitcher who any v-cards. Every time she Sex is one those things that to skip the gym that day. to better sex. ba—big, awkward and not disgustingly spewed profani- is about to have sex, Chastain means something completely “We should keep in mind “A n i ndiv idual whose smooth. Montross replaces ties about New Yorkers, mi- falls to the fl oor and (in a com- different to each person. For that sexual activity should muscles are toned has high- Christian Laetner as my “ACC norities, single mothers and pletely non-orgasmic manner) some, it’s an expression of not be considered a substi- er sexual gratification be- White Guy Virgin.” Laetner’s gays is too angry and worked- starts screaming until the guy true love. For others, it’s pure tute for exercise since we do cause orgasms depend on obnoxious on-court antics up to not be a virgin. Addition- tackles her. Since this brings animalistic lust. And more not burn as many calories muscle activity,” she said. were tell-tale signs of a true ally, his homophobic remarks Brandi’s mind back to her fa- often than not, it’s some dys- as when jogging, cycling or Rijos added that “exercise virgin, but I suspect certain might be a mere front for his mous moment seven years functional and complicated other types of exercise,” said increases blood flow to the players (read: playaz) from own sexual identity. Honor- ago, it satisfi es her sexually combination of the two. But Rijos. genital area” and said that the 1992 Dream Team, of able mention for “Closet Case and she is then too tired to perhaps the most overlooked While sex provides us with this “may increase sexual which Laetner was the only Virgin”: Karl Malone, who in- engage in sexual intercourse. issue when we talk about exercise and physical activ- desire and behavior.” collegiate member, took care famously insulted Magic John- sex is the energy, stamina ity, exercise and physical ac- Many studies have also of Laetner’s sexual inabili- son after fi nding out that he 1. Mike Tyson. Perhaps the and physical capability it re- tivity may in turn provide us contributed to this theory ties on that wonderful sum- had the AIDS Virus. Karl is athlete with the least fi tting quires. And beyond that, the with better sex. that athletes have better sex mer in Barcelona. Honorable also known for driving a 16- nickname, Iron Mike shows exercise and weight loss with “Sex is a workout, and and libido due to heightened Mention for ACC White Guy wheel Mack Truck, perhaps as all the tendencies of a virgin: which it provides us. physically active people are self-image. Virgin: J.J. Reddick. A virgin a way of covering up his own emotional instability, reduc- “Exercise can help burn in better shape than those “When an individual ex- for most of college, his bril- insecurities and small penis tion in testosterone level lead- calories,” said Paola Rijos, who aren’t, so I think they’d ercises, his or her self-es- liant poetry was showcased size. ing to Michael Jackson-esque health educator for Health get more out of [sex],” said teem increases and he or she on ESPN last year as he ap- voice, multiple charges of Promotions Services in Stu- sophomore soccer player tends to feel more confident pealed to a graduate student 5. Jeff Hornacek. Speak- sexual abuse (sex is a beauti- dent Health Services. “Stud- Leigh Heller. “[This is true and engage in more sexual in women’s studies. That ing of former members of the ful thing—rape doesn’t count ies claim that individuals because] physically active behavior,” said Rijos. student had never heard of Utah Jazz, this ace foul-shoot- for losing one’s virginity, you can burn from 100-200 calo- people have the stamina and Heller, on the other hand, Duke basketball, and Red- er surely had his kids via ar- sickos) and the list goes on. ries during intercourse.” Ri- energy to go longer than said, “I don’t think [body im- dick felt that she wasn’t just tifi cial insemination. If I re- Additionally, he has a knack jos also added that “position, those who don’t.” age] is the X-factor; it’s more using him for tickets to the call correctly, he used to have for biting and tattooing his frequency, intensity and du- Little did he know, many of so personality than the con- next UNC game. some sign language-esque face, both of which turn off ration” are among the many these thoughts have actually fidence of your look.” hand-motion which conveyed potential candidates. Honor- factors affecting the extent been scientifically proven. It’s fair to say that most 9. Anson Carter. This guy different things to his kids able Mention for “Bad Nick of this calorie-burning pro- Rijos found many differ- is one of the few African watching back home. Alleged- Names for Athletes who are cess. ent reasons why an athlete or See EXERCISE, page 15 American pro hockey play- ly, when he was angry with his Virgins”: The Big Unit—Randy ers. He has been trying des- children, the lanky Caucasian Johnson. The top 10 hottest male athletes of 2006

By Carrie Jarka Alex Rodriguez: Baseball, down. Already selected as one swimmer is an international passion on the links can only be anyway). Taylor would probably Sports Reporter New York Yankees of the Sexiest Men in Sports by success at only 23 years old and topped by his cute little smile sell out a stadium of women A-Rod is a hottie not only Sports Illustrated for Women, is a defi nite piece of pool per- when he receives yet another watching him run sprints sans because he could buy all of Jeremy Bloom originally went fection. trophy. Tiger, with his own shirt. He brings to mind the Attention, girls of Wash- the Dallas Cowboy cheerlead- to the University of Colorado 7. JJ Redick: NCAA Basketball, Nike endorsement deal and a immortal words of Will Smith: ington University! Tired of ers, but also because he’s got on a football scholarship. After Duke University net worth that is more than the “Welcome to Miami.” He is even complaining that there are no that cute, “Use Crest Whites- losing his eligibility for taking With this selection, I will University’s endowment, would enough to make me cheer for attractive guys at this school? trips” smile. But while he is money to fi nance his ski train- elate half of college basket- make any girl want to take a the Dolphins. Looking to put a little spice in one of the best third base- ing, he fi nished ninth in the ball fans and enrage the other swing on the golf links. 2. Jose Theodore: Hockey, Mon- your Valentine’s Day? Then look men in baseball, he looks as 2002 Salt Lake Olympics in the half. However, any woman who 5. Andy Roddick: Tennis, ATP treal Canadiens no further! Here are the top 10 if he spends more time star- men’s moguls. The only disap- watches college basketball, or Andy Roddick is love, and Unbeknownst to the fans, hottest male athletes in the ing at the mirror than Paris pointment is that Jeremy must even those who don’t, will see that’s not just tennis lingo. The the true cause of the hockey world. That’s right, the world. Hilton. A-Rod proves that it wear a helmet—but God bless that J.J. Reddick is a college only thing more disappointing lockout last season was the lack But beware: some of these men is possible for a guy to take the maker of his skin-tight uni- basketball stud with a body to than rumors that Roddick and of attractive men with a full will make you want to drop that longer than a supermodel to form. I want to sing the praises match. Filling out for his senior Maria Sharapova are dating is set of teeth. Jose Theodore and lame Valentine’s date and trav- get ready. of spandex. season, Redick gets the young a bag of dead kittens for sale his pearly whites compensate el around the world to become 8. Ian Thorpe: Swimming, Aus- hottie award on the countdown. in an Asian market. Seriously, for the rest of the NHL. Theo- a face-painting, sign-holding But enough of the wannabes tralian Olympic Team With 28.3 points per game, he that’s about it. With 20 singles dore looks much better with woman of questionable mor- (no pun intended to David Beck- While swimmers have some may not be the best all-around titles in his career, Roddick has the short hair, but fancy stick- als. Before the countdown, let’s ham)—here are the hotties of of the best bodies in sports, Ian player in college basketball, but accumulated over $9.5 million handling earned him the Hart take a look at some of the run- 2006 that would make any girl Thorpe takes it to a whole new he is defi nitely pretty to look at. in prize money in just fi ve short Memorial Trophy in 2001 for ners-up that didn’t quite make cheat on her signifi cant other if level. He is a jaw-dropper not 6. Tiger Woods: Golf, PGA Tour years. This tennis hottie serves the player most valuable to his the cut: given the chance to be with one only because of his fi ve Olym- Ah, Tiger. This preppy PGA it up at blazing speeds and is team. The tall, dark and hand- of these studs: pic gold medals and 11 World powerhouse is one of the best a heart-stopper with women some pretty boy of hockey, Jose David Beckham: Soccer, Man- Championship titles, but also golfers of all time. He single- worldwide. Theodore is not just the hottie chester United Soccer Club 10. Gavin Henson: Rugby, because we get the pleasure of handedly changed golf from a 4. Michael Owen: Soccer, New- in Canada, eh? While Beckham defi nitely Wales Rugby Union seeing him in a Speedo. Nick- rich, elderly, white man’s game castle United Soccer Club 1. Albert Pujols: Baseball, St. makes the cut in the hottie This 23-year-old rugby su- named the “Thorpedo,” this into a sport for everyone. His Owen’s nickname “Boy Won- Louis Cardinals department, there are a few perstar broke onto the scene der” comes from more than just I have to go with my home- factors that keep him from two years ago as one of the best his soccer skills. The European town hottie for this countdown, the top 10. At fi rst glance, rugby players, leading his team Footballer of the Year in 2001 is but after looking at his picture, his ponytail might make a to a Grand Slam in the Six Na- married to his primary school who can argue with me? The fan confuse him for Brandi tions Championship. This fi ne- sweetheart, but his gorgeous National League MVP in 2005 Chastain. Also, he married a looking specimen has been fea- face can be shared with all. Mi- (fi nally), Pujols has put up land- Spice Girl. While Posh Spice tured in GQ and several other chael Owen is the inspiration mark numbers in his fi rst fi ve has made countdowns for her magazines, which has lead to for any woman to recreate the seasons and is poised to set ca- own beauty, I still think, “A rumors of homosexuality. Cur- Nike Shox commercial featur- reer records by the time he re- Spice Girl? Really? Oh, all the rently taken by singer Charlotte ing a streaker disrupting a soc- tires. Pujols is one of the most other real singers must have Church, this Welshman com- cer match. On and off the fi eld, humble men in baseball, choos- been married already.” bines a hot accent with the body this soccer hottie is an incred- ing to spend free time with his Tom Brady: Football, New of Michelangelo’s David. If you ible score. family or working with Pujols England Patriots have never seen his beautiful 3. Jason Taylor: Football, Mi- Family Foundation dedicated Tom Brady is a hottie in countenance, I suggest you stop ami Dolphins to helping kids with Down Syn- a skinny, white boy, box of reading and do a Google search This defensive end has drome. An all-around great guy, Wheaties sort of way. How- for him immediately. earned three Pro Bowl selec- Albert Pujols is the top hottie of ever, he will never make a 9. Jeremy Bloom: Freestyle tions and makes me jealous of 2006 because of his sex appeal centerfold with just a foot- skiing, United States Olympic every running back he tackles. and heart-melting kindness. He ball covering his happy place Team KRT CAMPUS New rule: no other man in Mi- may wear number fi ve, but he’s when there are others in the A gold medal favorite in Tori- U.S. Olympic Freestyle Skier Jeremy Bloom is one of the sexiest male ami is allowed to be on the beach number one on the countdown NFL that make him look like no this month, Bloom is the ob- athletes of 2006. Look at those big chestnut eyes and face sculpted by when Jason Taylor is sunbath- and in the hearts of female Car- Bill Gates. scure sport hottie of the count- angels and tell me he’s not en fuego. ing (guys, it’s for your own good dinal fans everywhere. MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 Senior Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / [email protected] STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS 17 Volleyball Men’s Basketball

ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE DAVID HARTSTEIN | STUDENT LIFE What is it that makes the volleyball team so hot? Maybe it’s their fi t bodies in their skintight uniforms. Or Junior Jonathan Breshears poses in this position before games to intimidate opponents with his face-melting maybe it’s the fact that they enjoy making frequent trips to the men’s locker room to stir a little something up muscular physique and threat of crushing their faces to smithereens. and get the guys’ fi res burning. Men’s Swimming

ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE The golden boys of the water enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and melting hearts Calvin Klein’s next centerfolds are proud swimmers for Washington University. Those fi ery eyes with their chiseled bodies and sultry poses. burn their competition—and the ladies—daily. Men’s Basketball Women’s Basketball

DAVID HARTSTEIN | STUDENT LIFE ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE You know what they say about guys with big shoes...big socks. Who needs to wear shorts when you’re on the women’s basketball squad? Not these lovely ladies. 18 STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS Senior Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 20,000 girls under the Dipper v On the logistics of Wilt Chamberlain having sex with 20,000 women

By Scott Kaufman-Ross is nicknamed a “pimp” or a istic, you have to imagine Wilt man of obvious experience, into classes, there are about believed that he reinforced the Sports Reporter “player” but Wilt’s number is had more trouble getting girls could probably last a good 750 girls per class each year. negative stereotypes placed so high it makes the Fonz look in the sack in his younger and hour or so per encounter. That 20,000 means that Wilt would on African-American men and Just a few weeks ago when like A.C. Green (who is a vir- older years. For argument’s means he is having sex for have had sex with every girl their sex lives. Whether or Kobe Bryant dropped 81 gin by choice). Wilt was nick- sake, let’s argue that a man’s about two and a half hours that attended the University not this is true, Wilt deserves points in one game, people named “The Big Dipper” so it sexual peak is from ages 19- per day—almost a third of his for the next 26 years. some praise for this number, began to relive Wilt Chamber- is only appropriate to name 40, and let’s estimate that Wilt leisure time. Now that is the Wilt was never embarrassed but also some condemnation. lain’s incredible accomplish- his member “The Little Dip- slept with 90 percent of the type of stamina even porn about this claim, nor does he Although he asserts he ment. Playing in Hershey, Pa., per.” Although probably far women during that span. Af- stars dream about. believe it to be bragging. never had sex with a married Wilt scored 100 points in a vic- from little, it can be argued ter an easy calculation, that Although our campus may “I’m not boasting,” he wrote, woman, this type of lifestyle tory over the Knicks on March that this little guy scored works out to about 2.34 wom- not be the most sexually ac- “I don’t see all this lovemaking crosses the lines of what even 2, 1962. It is an achievement more often than Wilt did. Con- en per day, or 857 per year. tive in the nation, it’s still col- as any kind of conquest; all a reckless “pimp” deems ac- many believe is unbreakable, sidering Wilt scored 31,419 Let’s also estimate that the lege. But when I hear that a guy I’m saying is that I like wom- ceptable. Wilt proved that as no one else besides Wilt had points in his 14-year career, average non-college student had sex with 10 different girls en, people are curious about he was scorer on and off the even scored 75 before Kobe. that’s quite a resume for his sleeps eight hours per day, over a course of a summer, it my sex life, and to most peo- court, averaging 30 points However, as great a feat as it little friend. leaving 16 hours for work and seems like a ton. Our sum- ple the number of women who per game and 36 girls per may be, 100 points is not the In order to try and grasp play. If Wilt spends even half mer break is about 14 weeks have come and gone through month throughout his career. most incredible number as- the insane largeness of this his waking hours playing bas- long, and over that period Wilt my bedrooms (and various ho- Wilt’s little black book might sociated with the seven-foot- number, let’s break it down a ketball or working out, eight would have taken care of busi- tel rooms around the country) as well be a big yellow book. er. In his autobiography, Wilt little. The most common sta- hours are left for leisure. As- ness with 230 women, and would boggle the mind.” Just remember, if you think claims to have had sexual in- tistic reported is that from the suming the previous, during again for 21 years straight. Although his talent as a your number is pretty high— tercourse with approximately time he was 15 until his death his peak, Wilt would have Furthermore, the Univer- player was never in question, square it, then square it again, 20,000 women. at the age of 63, Wilt slept with slept with a different woman sity has about 6,000 under- Wilt took a lot of criticism from and you might just be in Wilt’s In today’s society, a man approximately 1.2 women per every three and a half hours graduates, of which about the black community. People league. who sleeps with a lot of girls day. However, to be more real- for 21 years straight. Wilt, a half are women. Dividing up like tennis great Arthur Ashe

SCANDALS v FROM PAGE 16 Prep baseball coach proves he’s nuts, flashes dong to players The baseball coach at Gulliver Preparatory in Miami, Fla., was fi red recently after he exposed himself to his players following a Now, all your loss. According to observers, Laz- er Callazo was so furious over his team’s play that he dropped his trousers in front of his players, whipped out his penis and ac- cused his team of not having the incoming calls balls to play baseball. If Callazo seems a bit intense for a baseball coach, imagine what kind of skin he might fl ash if he was, say, a boxing manager. I think they have can be free. DVDs of it at the local XXX video store…third row, back wall.

LPGA golfer uses caddie for club selection tips, sperm This past year, Gary Robin- son, the former caddie of LPGA member Jackie Gallagher-Smith, fi led a lawsuit against the golfer for allegedly using him for his sperm. The two allegedly had un- protected sexual relations on sev- eral occasions, during which Gal- lagher-Smith expressed concern over conceiving a child in her marriage. Either way, Robinson should be ashamed for putting himself in this position. After all, with all of the empty club head covers lying around and his un- derstanding of fl ight trajectories, you would think Robinson would have sacrifi ced the hole-in-one for safe semen disposal.

(Even the 5 calls Carolina Panthers cheerlead- ers involved in public sex, bar from your girlfriend brawl Late last year, Angela E. Ke- in the last 20 minutes.) athley and Renee Thomas, both cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers, were cited for their role in a bar brawl in Tampa, Fla. It was later revealed that the two women were belligerently drunk and having sex with each other in a bathroom stall. When a third patron became fed up with wait- ing to tinkle, she confronted the mischievous duo, who started throwing haymakers. The rest is history and alone-time material for middle school kids around the country. On a side note, Vi- kings defensive back Fred Smoot has already been in contact with the women regarding next sea- Now, son’s sex boat, encouraging them when people are wasting your time, they’re not wasting your money. to think outside the box. It’s defi nitely been a good year in the world of sex and sports, and we can only wait to see what Free CALL ME SM Minutes 2006 brings us. (in your local calling area) • 1000 Anytime Minutes $20 • FREE Incoming Text Messages per month • FREE Incoming Picture Messages for the first 6 months, $39.95 thereafter Plus, ask about: • Unlimited Nights & Weekends starting at 7 p.m. FREE TAN Motorola V710 New customers only Camera Phone with mention of this ad Existing customers: Receive a FREE upgrade

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Sudoku By Michael Mepham

Level: Gentle

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by- 3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit 1 to 9. For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit www.sudoku.org.uk. Solution to Friday’s puzzle

© 2006 Michael Mepham. Distributed by Tribune Media Services. All rights reserved. 2/13/06 20 STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS Senior Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / [email protected] MONDAY | FEBRUARY 13, 2006 SSPORTSPORTS Men’s Soccer

DAVID BRODY | STUDENT LIFE The men’s soccer team guards their balls with a fi rm grip, polishing them like trophies. WU Sports Centerfold Men’s Ultimate Women’s Tennis

DAVID HARTSTEIN | STUDENT LIFE ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE The men’s ultimate frisbee team actually practices in the nude to build team cohesiveness, trust Don’t you dare try to take away the women’s tennis team’s balls—not unless you desire death. Their sexy and sex appeal. Sophomore Charlie Gronek and juniors Brian Stowe and Stan Parker have no qualms red skirts and cute smiles fool all their opponents—who wouldn’t like to be one of their ballboys? licking an oversized lollipop and mooning Bear’s Den while straddling senior Ian Orland. Thank goodness for those god-sent frisbees... See page 17 for more sexy Bear athletes