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California State University, Northridge Auto-Ethnographic Musical Recital: Finding My Chicana Soul in the Languages of My Violin

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California State University, Northridge Auto-Ethnographic Musical Recital: Finding My Chicana Soul in the Languages of My Violin CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE AUTO-ETHNOGRAPHIC MUSICAL RECITAL: FINDING MY CHICANA SOUL IN THE LANGUAGES OF MY VIOLIN A graduate thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Arts in Chicano and Chicana Studies By Kenya Garay May 2019 The graduate project of Kenya Garay is approved: ___________________________ _______________ Dr. Mary Pardo Date ___________________________ _______________ Dr. Christina Ayala-Alcantar Date ___________________________ _______________ Dr. Peter J. Garcia, Chair Date California State University, Northridge. ii Table of Contents Signature Page ii Abstract iv Introduction 1 Development of Mariachi 11 Contribution to Chicano Studies 20 Performance Setting 21 Reflection 23 Musical Recital and Song Explanations 25 Musical Recital Photographs 31 Musical Recital Brochure 32 Creative Project Portfolio Images 34 Bibliography 37 iii Abstract Finding My Chicana Soul in the Languages of My Violin By Kenya Garay Master of Arts in Chicana and Chicano Studies This auto-ethnographic work consists of my journey through my violin and how my instrument helped me unpack what it means to be Chicana. Learning and playing the violin helped me find my voice as a new way of expressing myself, but it also brought me closer to my Mexican culture. While residing in Tustin, California in 1991, we were one of the few Mexican families in the area. I always felt like something was missing because I had no one to connect with or speak Spanish with. In my musical journey, I began playing mariachi music at a young age and continue to do now. In this creative project, you will find photos of my journey and learn how I became part of multiple mariachi ensembles. I argue for another meaning to the word Chicana through my mariachi experience. Also included in this work is the written script of my auto- ethnographic musical recital where I pick songs that have importance to my musical upbringing. My creative performance was meant to show how the violin helped me find my voice in the two “languages,” the mariachi and classical voices, which also helped me find my Chicana soul. iv Introduction [violin playing G.F. Handel’s “Bourrée”] Hey! I haven’t seen you in a long time, wanna go get some coffee? [Walks over to coffee shop] Why did I start playing the violin? Oh…well that’s easy. Before I start, I have to explain that I was born with Beckwith-Wiedemann Syndrome which has partly affected the way I speak. I was enrolled in speech classes since I began school and having a speech impediment has always led to this frustration of having to consistently and consistently repeat myself. It felt like people would always whisper in each other’s ear with, “What did she say? We can hardly understand her.” It was irksome and lowered my self-esteem. You could say that having this speech impediment was one reason my voice was taken away. In fourth grade, my cousin, also nine years old began playing the violin at Rosita Elementary School. Since we had grown up together at my grandma’s house we shared a lot of the same interests. Needless to say, I wanted to play the violin as well. Initially, my mom was hesitant with this idea because every time she signed me up for an extracurricular activity, she would have to remove me because I never made any progress. This is the reason why I could never achieve my childhood dream of being a ballerina and I only lasted in soccer for about a year. It took two years to convince my mom to let me join the orchestra once I started middle school. She finally gave in after finding out that the orchestra class was going to be a part of the school curriculum. I remember my first day of middle school in 2002 at Pioneer Middle School in Tustin, California. My sixth-grade music teacher, Mr. Fischer was very welcoming to new students in his class. With this, I started playing violin with high hopes to be good at something…but you know…I had to play songs like this…. 1 [violin playing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”] Pretty funny huh? The next year I was placed in the advanced orchestra class based on my ability to pick up the standards of note reading and play challenging compositions. Mr. Fischer determined where I would be seated according to my ability to play the violin. I remember I was placed in the second to last row of the third violin section where we would be known as the weakest link in the orchestra. I did not think it bothered me because I had just started playing so I knew there was a valid reason for why I “sucked.” However, this did not stop me from playing. Every year I improved more and more and being in the orchestra at the high school level allowed me to travel to places for the first time without my parents. I got to perform in New York at Carnegie Hall in 2007 and 2009! Did you know that the Beatles performed there too? I mean, I still was not the best player in the chamber orchestra, but knowing that I had the potential to be in the orchestra that was known nationwide made a huge difference to my self-esteem. I attended Beckman High School in Irvine, California, where all my classmates took private lessons on the side because they could afford it. In contrast, I was sometimes lucky to find private space to practice at home, so I was happy I was considered to be up to par with my more privileged classmates. The performances in Carnegie Hall made me understand that music is a universal language and I would never have to repeat myself every time I played. The only reason I would have to repeat myself is through an encore. It was during this time where I began finding my voice through my violin. Now let me begin to tell you the story of my other violin voice. At the end of my seventh- grade year, in 2004, my mom saw an article in the O.C. Register announcing mariachi classes to children and teens of all ages in Anaheim, California. My mom asked me if I wanted to check it out. I was not really interested to try it out, but I was open to the idea. I continued the mariachi 2 classes weekly and after I started memorizing songs, I began performing with the other students in the class. In the mariachi classes, I felt like I belonged, I felt as if I found a new type of passion, and I found a mariachi voice. Little did I know that I would eventually have to stop playing classical music after high school because of the restrictions in college orchestras to only music majors. However, I continued playing and performing mariachi music in the same mariachi school in Anaheim. I actually continue playing to this day in a different ensemble. Playing mariachi also allowed me to travel, meet new people my age, and network with those who also play mariachi. In 2009, I went to a national mariachi conference in Tucson, Arizona where I was with about 200 youth my age who also play and perform mariachi music. Unlike at Pioneer Middle School and Beckman High School where other students did not want to talk to me because I was perceived as, “that weird and annoying girl that was hard to understand,” the people I met at mariachi conferences genuinely wanted to get to know who I was because we shared the same interests. The “mariachi” voice led me to find my voice, have confidence, and empower myself. It was through the mariachi voice where I was also able to embrace my Mexican-ness and be proud of my culture, something that I had no place to do outside my home because I had no one who shared a similar culture in my K-12 school years. Performing the violin in a mariachi band has made me feel and connect more with my Mexican roots and ultimately to being Chicana. Although performing mariachi music may be a tedious thing I have to do every weekend, I realized that without the violin I would not be in the place I am now. Without musical ability, without experiences, without relationships. Who knew that the girl who few could hardly understand found two new ways of speaking as well as two new musical abilities that put her at an advantage over a significant amount of people which essentially led to her acceptance to 3 UCLA. The violin has opened doors to explore different ways of expression and I have learned that each way is just as valid as the other. Hey, do you want to hear the latest thing that I’ve been working on? [violin playing mariachi ensemble piece of La Negra] The above passage represents a short monologue that I wrote in a graduate studies performance class based on one of the most life-changing events in my life. I titled it “Looking for a Voice and Finding Two.” The event I chose for this monologue was how my violin allowed me to be accepted into my dream school, UCLA. However, once the monologue was over, I found out the event that changed my life was not my acceptance to college. It was the moment I picked up the violin for the first time and the way that everything slowly fell into place after that. Playing the violin has allowed me to gain multiple experiences, have unforgettable memories, added countless friendships, and most importantly allowed me to find the missing connection of my Mexican heritage.
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