National Ambulance LGBT Network

‘We Are History’

February 2017

‘We Are Gay History’

The National Ambulance LGBT Network Celebrates LGBT History Month 2017

February is LGBT History Month, and to celebrate this members of the National Ambulance LGBT Network have put pen to paper to recount aspects of their lives that have changed over the years.

The formation of the National Ambulance LGBT Network was a piece of history in itself. For the first time the ambulance services have a dedicated group looking at how we can best service LGBT patients, support LGBT staff and work with LGBT communities to ensure the ambulance service really makes a difference.

If you would like to contribute your voice to our LGBT history bundle you can. The brief is simple. We would like you to write a short article, about one side long, drawing together your links with ‘LGBT’ and as a member of the Ambulance Service. Everything else is up to you and your article can be on any aspect of your life that you are happy to share.

Send your articles to:

. Alistair ([email protected]) . Kirsten ([email protected])

We hope you enjoy our writing!

Alistair Gunn Chairperson

The Meaning of Pride

“We forget how much things have moved on in those 20 years. LGBT people pretty much enjoy the same rights and benefits as everyone else”

Me (left) with colleague Simon at Pride 2016

I was recounting to a friend recently how I had joined 150 ambulance people at in August for the parade when I found myself getting really annoyed.

‘I can’t be doing with all that stuff. It’s just a big gay party isn’t it?’ said my friend dismissively. That comment probably exposed how far apart on the LGBT spectrum we are, but more likely the different perspectives a generation can make.

Rewind 20 years and I remember grappling with my own sexuality. I was a student in at the time, and although there was no doubt I was gay, it took a while before I did actually come out.

There were some challenges though. Before a year had passed I was ordered to join a bus load of other LGBT people for the annual pilgrimage to London and the Pride March. I was terrified. What if I ended up on television? Would my parents find out? Those organising the trip weren’t having any of this. ‘You’re going. We have our rights to fight for and that’s that’, I was told.

You have to remember back then things were not equal in the slightest. The age of consent for gay men was 21, whereas straight people could ‘do it’ at 18. There was no same sex civil partnership or marriage, gays were banned from the military and there was no protection from being booted out of work because you ‘batted for the other team’. It wasn’t really a pretty picture.

We forget how much things have moved on in those 20 years. LGBT people pretty much enjoy the same rights and benefits as everyone else in the United Kingdom. But, sadly, it seems some people have forgotten that a lot of campaigning was needed to get things where they are today.

I am not naïve enough to suggest everything is rosy though. I recall my very first shift as a shiny new Emergency Medical Technician. If my heart wasn’t thumping enough as we set off to our first emergency call, things got more complicated when my crewmate tried to offer his support.

Sensing my anxiety he said, ‘Don’t worry lad, we can deal with anything. There’s only two things I don’t deal with…’ In case you are wondering the second one was religion. I am ashamed today to say I handled his revelation that he didn’t like ‘gays’ rather badly. That shift my partner changed gender, began a completely new career and even shed a few years. Or so I said.

Standing at the start of the Brighton , watching over 100 ambulance and police personnel dancing to YMCA, I smile at how things are so much better now. Whilst we celebrate the many talents and vibrancy of the LGBT community, I hope we remember to say thank you to all those people who marched to demand the equal rights we take for granted today.

Alistair Gunn Planning and Development Manager Yorkshire Ambulance Service

Nobody Knows I’m Gay!

“I’m no activist; but what I am is a believer. I believe that everyone is entitled to be who they are and be who they want to be”

At work with the mug colleagues bought me!

My name is Kirsten Willis and I’m Head of Operations and a Paramedic for the Berkshire West area of South Central Ambulance Service (SCAS) and I have been in the ambulance service on front line ops for over 20 years, starting my career with the Royal Berkshire Ambulance Service; I’m also very privileged and proud to be the Deputy Chair of the National Ambulance LGBT Network.

Although my entire career has been within the NHS, when I reflect back on what it has been like to be a gay woman in such a challenging world, I recall back to less happy times, of the trauma of to my friends and family and of what it is like to have to continue to do so every day of your life.

Being gay is many things, but easy it is not, yes I’ve lived through the fashionable phase; ‘Oh you’re gay, that must be so cool’ (it’s not, it’s just who I am), the curious phase; ‘So what do do exactly?’, the stupid question phase; ‘So, which one of you is the man?’, and not to mention the countless comments, digs, jibes and innuendo’s which I’m sure most LGBT people will be able to understand.

But just think about things for a second, being gay does not define me, I’m just little old me, I enjoying the same things that anyone else might like to do; some may be surprised to learn that I love gardening, making cakes and going for long walks with my girlfriend and whichever wonderful pooch happens to be in our life at the time. We go to the theatre and the cinema and yes we even go out to dinner, proudly holding hands in public, just like any other person might do; well any straight person does.

But it’s not always been like this, I’ve had my fair share of abuse over the years, I’ve been spat at in the street and had nasty hurtful names called out at me on more times than I can remember, I’ve been judged by friends and family who couldn’t deal with what challenged their own identities, but I’ve always held my head high and fought for what I believe to be right.

However, I’m no activist; but what I am is a believer. I believe that everyone is entitled to be who they are and be who they want to be, and that everyone should be able to love the person who makes them happy regardless of their sexual orientation, or from what culture or religion they hail from, because why should it matter?

Last year I was lucky enough to be involved in a piece of work with a charity called holding hands for equality HH4E in Hampshire, where we made a video of ambulance personnel within SCAS doing exactly that – holding hands, for the very act of holding hands indicates a strength, of caring for one another and for demonstrating respect for one another. If you are interested you can watch it here: https://vimeo.com/166866553/c3af698873

My experience of coming out was truly horrendous, my first girlfriend was made to sit on my families drive way for 2 years before they finally accepted that “it wasn’t a phase I was going through”, I was 19, I’m 44 now and it seems a lifetime ago, but those experiences don’t go away, but they do mould us and we learn from them, and that is why I am so keen to promote openness and inclusivity for all regardless of gender, sexual orientation or religious or cultural beliefs.

So if this has rung true in any way, or if I have inspired you to go home and hold hands with the one you love, proudly in public, then that’s just great. I am so lucky to be blessed with such amazing friend, family and colleagues who embrace me for who I am, not for being gay – despite one of my closest friends at work buying me this mug!

Kirsten Willis Head of Operations - Berkshire South Central Ambulance Service

‘It’s Only a Phase’

“I'm glad to say that things have changed in recent years. Coverage is viewed with a more sympathetic light”

Me (far right) attending a trans* awareness event with colleagues!

How many times have these words echoed in my ears?

My earliest recollection of this was talking to a counsellor over the phone in a telephone box. I was in my early teens and was pouring my heart out I was confused and seeking answers, I needed to talk to someone and I found this number in the phone book and I remember clearly these words, 'it's only a phase you are going through'. That's when I realised that nobody really understood.

It is not a phase; I have known that things were different for me for some time now taking comfort when all alone in the house dressing in my sisters clothes. But why? What draws me to being female? I was born a male not female.

It is not considered normal in society for men to dress as women. The only exposure was a figure of fun on television shows or derogatory headlines in the national newspapers. It was just not accepted that men wished to become women you where male or female and that was that. So I would continue to dress in secret not allowing anyone in to my private world.

I'm glad to say that things have changed in recent years. Coverage is viewed with a more sympathetic light and people are becoming more acceptable. Don't get me wrong, there is still a long way to go as I was reminded as I waited in a coffee shop for my coffee all dressed up with my high heels on I towered above everyone and certainly didn't blend in. The sniggers from the waiting workman behind me drew more attention to me and the flustered assistant hastily shoving the coffee at me with 'here you go sir' just about finished me.

Then my worst nightmare I was outed by someone at work who I thought I trusted and my secret was out and photographs of me as Steph were being shown around the crew room and I became the talk of the station.

So imagine my feelings knowing that I am going to have to have the conversation with my Clinical Operations Manager telling him that the Paramedic he knows as Steve actually prefers to be a female as Steph. I had already spoken to our Inclusion Officer and spoke at length and, despite being reassured that I would be supported, it was still a difficult conversation for me.

The resulting email that was circulated to all staff definitely showed how much support that I had, with many people coming up and talking to me about it. It was good to talk. Don’t get me wrong there were a few that refused to speak to me, but they were definitely in the minority and I took strength from this and was proud of who I was for the first time in my life.

So fast forward a year and I'm in uniform as Steph after being asked to lead SECAmb’s entry to Trans-Pride in Brighton and I found myself talking to Amy who was only in her early teens. When we talked, with tears in her eyes she said to me, 'I have been told that it is only a phase that I'm going through, but I know it's not'. I then realised for all the good that's been done there is still a long way to go.

As for my future, only time will tell but I'm safe in the knowledge that the support that I have received from the Ambulance Service means I no longer have to worry about who I am. I like who I am so why shouldn’t everybody else?

Steph Meech Specialist Paramedic South East Coast Ambulance Service

My Story

“I am determined to help others in the LGBT community. One of my proudest moments was being awarded the Role Model of the Year in 2015”

Here I am at Pride, but not as most of my colleagues see me!

I was born in 1964 and brought up in Tonypandy in the heart of the Rhondda Valleys. Home was a typical Rhondda house and we were a typical family. My wonderful Dad, Albie, worked as a dental technician and lovely Mam, Margaret, like many others at the time was a housewife and looked after our family for many years before training as a nursery nurse. Life was simple, secure and happy.

After finishing school at 18 I went to college for a year and then started work as a receptionist in Cardiff’s Dental Hospital, met my future husband Andy, got married and settled down. We were happy and had two children Georgie and Charlie. I had a successful career; becoming the HR Director of Gwent Healthcare Trust. So with a career and a happy home life, including two young children, the next chapter of my life came out of the blue and would change things forever.

Working long hours in a demanding job isn’t unusual and working closely with your PA and often falling in love and meeting your future partner in work is a path well-travelled, unless that is, you’re both married women with young kids and both straight (in fact after 16 years together Dee, my lovely wife, still thinks she’s straight!). Dee and I would find excuses to work late together, I started to have feelings for her, we became closer. I started to question myself – was I a ? I didn’t know the answer and I didn’t know

if Dee had feelings for me. She was the brave one and she sat me down and told me how she felt. It was the best news ever – we’d fallen in love. It was magical but then the reality kicked in…. what about husbands, kids, our parents, family, friends, bosses, colleagues? How much would we hurt them? Would we be accepted? What about our jobs?

We started seeing each other as often as possible outside of work, living two lives. It was exciting but difficult and exhausting and we knew it couldn’t go on forever. For one thing my husband, Dee and I all worked for the same organisation. How mad is that? We decided to come out, confess and stop living a lie. Our husbands were naturally angry and hurt, parents were shocked at first but later accepting and family, friends, colleagues, bosses were all supportive and children adjusted quickly. We were excited, happy and relieved. After going through all that Dee decided that she couldn't carry on, amongst other things she didn't want to be a part-time parent and she went back to her husband… but thankfully not for long, we were in love and there was nothing we could do about it other than be together. My husband was my greatest support at this confusing stressful time.

Whilst very difficult at first, the ultimate support and acceptance we had from everyone in our lives was the greatest gift we could have asked for and we’re still thankful. We had a Civil Partnership in 2008 and married (by accident, but that’s another story) in 2015. Being gay hasn’t held us back because of people around us and who we are. We were helped and I am determined to help others in the LGBT community. One of my proudest moments was being awarded the Stonewall Role Model of the Year in 2015.

As Chief Executive of the Welsh Ambulance Service I am able to promote the equality agenda in my organisation and intend to do more across each Ambulance Service having recently assumed the lead Chief Executive role for Diversity and Inclusion for AACE, the Association of Ambulance Chief Executives. I also intend to continue my support for diversity and promotion of enabling everyone to be themselves through work I undertake within my wider health and public service communities.

Tracy Myhill Chief Executive Welsh Ambulance Service

From Lincoln to Leader

“Today people have an understanding about sexuality that hasn’t always been afforded to people in the past”

Me (centre of front row) marching with colleagues at Northern Pride 2016

I have always known that I’ve been gay. It is just something that I felt from an early age. I didn’t understand it at first and growing up in Lincoln, which as a small agricultural city, there wasn’t much of that ‘sort of thing’ around. That’s what my mother said to me when I came out at the age of 17.

I have been fortunate that my mother understood and accepted me for who I was, and so did most of my family. My father on the other hand didn’t and since being told has not spoken to me, he doesn’t like my lifestyle choices.

‘So when did you know you was gay?’ When I am asked this question, which happens every time I meet new people, I realise how fortunate we are. Today people have an understanding about sexuality that hasn’t always been afforded to people in the past.

So a little bit more about me… I work for the North East Ambulance Service as a Clinical Education and Development officer. I started my ambulance career as an Ambulance Technician, then moving to work in the Emergency Operations Centre at Yorkshire Ambulance Service. Most recently I moved up to the North East where I have done my paramedic training and now work in a role educating future paramedics. I love my job and couldn’t see myself doing anything else!

I am also the chair of the Proud@NEAS staff network group and this role has given me a great opportunity to support the Trust with LGBT matters. I have lead the group to some amazing achievements which included ranking 60th in the Stonewall 100 Index in

2016. We were the highest ranking ambulance service on the index which is a real credit to the hard work the group put in throughout the year.

I am also the co-ordinator for the National Ambulance LGBT Network and this has again broadened my opportunities to do and experience new things at the same time supporting the national agenda.

I feel that events like LGBT History Month and the various Pride’s allow the voices of many thousands to be heard. I’m very proud to be part of this and it helps remind us about our own personal achievements and what can happen when we work together. If you attend a Pride event this year, make sure you give us a wave!

Ben Sargent Clinical Education and Development Officer North East Ambulance Service

Time for Things to Change

“What made me different to any other human being just because of my sexuality? I believed that we worked in a caring and dignified industry who put people first”

Waiting for the parade to start at Brighton Pride 2016

I am a 27 year old gay male who joined the Ambulance Service in January 2016. I was posted to a rural station in where I had a number of issues to overcome. Being new to the job was obviously one challenge that I had. However, I thought the issue would be being a new member of staff in an already established station. How wrong I was!

Being gay was the biggest issue that I faced. It was a station dominated by heterosexuality and being gay was frowned upon by some of the main characters on the station.

I had a number of encounters of verbal abuse about being a ‘gay boy’ and comments such as; ‘You lot should not be allowed in the back of an ambulance with patients’. I was shocked as to why in 2016 this would be the case. What made me different to any other human being just because of my sexuality? I believed that we worked in a caring and dignified industry who put people first.

After a number of months of sitting in the back of the ambulance whilst on station to avoid the unpleasantness, when certain people were working, it was time to address the issues. This was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I understand that this was a type of bullying which I found unacceptable and it had to stop.

The support I had off the management team was fantastic and it took about two weeks for things to change. After talking to my Locality Ambulance Officer (LAO) there was a plan put in place to take the matter further. The LAO contacted Human Resources and arranged a meeting with the bullies to explain that this was behaviour was unacceptable and unwanted in the Ambulance Service. After the help received, I then felt comfortable enough to sit on station once again with these characters. Granted instead of giving me abuse, they were now no longer talking to me, but I could handle that!

This taught me a number of lessons. Firstly I believed that the LGBT community were beginning to overcome issues of ignorance and bullying at the workplace but it isn’t always the same in all areas of the country. If people are not used to working with colleagues from the LGBT community then they try to test the water to see how much banter is acceptable. Secondly, many rural areas are not as open to people from the LGBT community compared to more diverse urban areas.

Now though things are much better. I am able to sit in station and join in with the conversations. This has made a huge difference to my working life and hopefully to any future LGBT colleagues working in this area.

Tace Richards Emergency Medical Technician Welsh Ambulance Service