Words by WS Gilbert Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan

Adapted and updated by

PRODUCTION SCRIPT

www.stagerights.com by WS Gilbert & Sir Arthur Sullivan, adapted by Simon Gallaher Copyright © 1994 by Esgee Entertainment All Rights Reserved

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INTRODUCTION wrote the most popular operettas in the history of English theatre. They are probably even more famous than Queen Victoria and Prince Albert and certainly as English as bacon and eggs or roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Indeed, their fame is so great, it rests as securely on their initials as on their names. To anyone who loves music theatre, 'G&S' means melody, irreverence, wit and fun. Essgee Entertainment has thoroughly updated three of these Victorian operetta (HMS Pinafore, and The Pirates Of Penzance) allowing today's theatregoer a fresh look at these classics. Almost all the original songs and tunes are included though and despite the 'pop feel' of many of the chorus numbers the most beautiful solos are untouched. The end product is true to the spirit of Gilbert and Sullivan, but much more accessible for today’s audiences.

CHARACTERS Principals (5m, 5f) The Pirate King Samuel – his lieutenant Frederic Ruth – a pirate maid Major-General Stanley Mabel – his daughter Major-General’s Daughters – a minimum of three : Edith, Isabel and Kate The Sergeant

Chorus The band of Pirates (male) More daughters of the Major-General (optional)

THE PRODUCTION This is pure with some pantomime elements ... it is NOT an operetta for the G&S purist! Whilst this production has pantomime elements, it should not descend into farce, and the use of as many of the fun elements as possible should not detract from the overall direction of the show. Gilbert wrote operetta to be amusing, entertaining and enjoyable. What is required of this updated G&S work is that a modern audience can laugh along with it, given that their taste in music, their expectations of a night out, and their attention span are all vastly different today than they were in Victorian times. Today’s audiences, used to modern musical theatre styles, should find this production acceptable, although it may be hard to convince some traditionalists of the validity of this production style. Once you accept though that it is musical theatre based on a well-known story, and is NOT operetta, then the orchestration, the performance style, the characterisation and the necessary production marketing all fall neatly into place. Having said that, the potential Director of a production of this musical theatre version of ‘The Pirates Of Penzance’ will need to be a) confident that he/she is able to ‘think outside of the box’ and direct it as musical theatre and not standard G&S, and b) will need to build his/her production from two sources. The script and scores that are supplied form the basic framework upon which the production can be assembled. With a number of exceptions, the words and music are familiar as those written by G&S, but it is the stage business performed by the cast that really distinguishes this version from a ‘standard’ production. Some of this (marked {Business}) is contained in the script, but all of it can be seen on the DVD that accompanies this musical. The Director is encouraged to use as much of the business employed in the original 1994 stage production as is possible given the constraints of the venue, the cast (and the willingness of the MD and orchestra to play along). The performing licence includes the rights to use or adapt this business. There are a number of things in the DVD that perhaps should be explained. is a well known figure in the Australian entertainment industry … a rock star; a TV star, a writer/composer and a theatre actor … so it’s not surprising that audiences warmed quickly to his portrayal of the Pirate King. His chest-baring and love of swinging over the audience’s heads on a rope are classic Jon English trademarks, and his easy-going interplay with MD Kevin Hocking, the band and indeed the audience made a real departure from the usual G&S production style. The opening number provides a lovely cameo of some other G&S titles and forms both a delightful prologue and, with a velcro’d costume for Ruth, is a clever way of quick-starting the first act. During that opening number, there are two female characters who climb out of the box as Iolanthian fairies and later appear during the Megamix Finale as stooges in the auditorium as Jon English swings out on his rope (but he could have simply jumped off the stage) to ‘collect’ them dressed as two ‘ushers’ and bring them back on stage. There are times on stage during this production where it is acceptable for an actor to divert from the accepted norm of not speaking to the band or audience, or, out of character, to other members of the cast, and indeed part of the fun in performing this version is just that. The Pirate King, the Major-General and to some extent Edith, Kate and Isabel (after Mabel, the three principal daughters of the Major-General) are able to enjoy a certain amount of freedom of expression! This freedom does not apply to any other member of the cast, even in the Megamix Finale, where although the style of this number is considerably ‘relaxed’, only the characters mentioned above should interact with the audience (although the cast should appear to look worried if the Pirate King is absent in the auditorium and backstage just prior to his curtain call). The DVD shows a number of non-G&S set pieces of business, which are very funny if properly executed. The prime example is the series of encores at the end of ‘With Cat Like Tread’, although there are several others. There are also a number of running gags (eg the Pirate King nearly always manages to catch a sword by the blade instead of the handle, resulting in grimaces and pain etc; Ruth constantly mothering the pirates and trying to cover up the Pirate King’s chest etc). Casting the roles of the Pirate King, together with Edith, Kate and Isabel needs to be undertaken with some care as much of the sparkle of the show flows from their performances. A very imperfect pantomime simile would be that these are the Dame and the ugly sisters. It is imperfect because the characters are far removed from playing pantomime, but in some senses they are distantly related. The number of people in the chorus can be as in the professional production (10-12 men) or extended to cater for more members (particularly additional daughters for the Major-General). However, it should be borne in mind that the male chorus (or at least a good proportion of them) need to be competent dancers/performers. Choreography and movement in general needs to be slick and competently executed to keep the momentum of the production cracking along. In most of the numbers where the pirates (and where used, additional daughters) are singing, they should be choreographed to dance or move energetically to create a lot of bustle and activity on the stage, (often missing from the ‘choral’, rather static, traditional versions of G&S operetta). Directors are encouraged to use a separate choreographer and/or dance captain. This is musical theatre, after all! The single adaptable set as used in the 1994 production lends itself well to the needs of the show. The raised platform at the back behind which the trucked-in ship ‘floats’ and in front of which the steps down to the stage provides for easy entrances and exits. Two side exits with double self-closing swing doors provide additional facilities for the cast to enter and leave on one level. During the interval the Major-General’s ruined chapel is flown in or erected on the raised platform. Many venues will not allow the cast to walk around the orchestra at stage level, but it may be possible when using the six-piece orchestra, to cover the two side edges of the pit and thus allow the cast to use a forestage at both sides of the stage to get closer to the audience. There are at present, no specific sets of this design available to hire in the UK, but scenery hire companies may be able to provide something similar. Lighting should be uncomplicated until the Megamix Finale, when the ambience should resemble a nightclub or pop concert. Costumes for the cast can be regular hired versions, although that for the Pirate King should be slightly camp / OTT, as should that for Ruth in Act Two. The Megamix costumes for Edith, Kate and Isabel should be outrageous; and for Mabel, a Victorian wedding dress with headdress and veil. Props are generally those of a standard Pirates production (but see the stage directions below).

MUSICAL NUMBERS Gilbert & Sullivan Opening ...... Company 1) Pour, O Pour the Pirate Sherry ...... Pirate King, Samuel, Frederic & Pirates 2) When Frederic Was a Little Lad ...... Ruth 3) Oh, Better Far to Live and Die ...... Pirate King & Pirates 4) Oh, False One, You Have Deceived Me! ...... Ruth & Frederic 5) Climbing Over Rocky Mountain ...... The Daughters 6) Stop, Ladies, Pray! ...... Frederic & Daughters 7) Oh, Is there Not One Maiden Breast ...... Frederic & Daughters 8) Poor Wandering One ...... Mabel & Daughters 9) What Ought We to Do? ...... The Daughters 10) How Beautifully Blue the Sky ...... Mabel, Frederic & Daughters 11) Stay, We Must Not Lose Our Senses ...... Frederic, Daughters & Pirates 12) Hold, Monsters! ...... Mabel, Samuel, Major-General, Daughters & Pirates 13) A Modern Major-General * ...... Pirate King, Major-General & Ensemble 14) Oh, Men of Dark and Dismal Fate ...... Company ~~ Interval ~~ 15) Oh, Dry the Glistening Tear ...... Mabel & Daughters 16) Then Frederic ...... Major-General & Frederic 17) When the Foeman Bares his Steel ...... Sergeant, Mabel, Police & Daughters 18) Now for the Pirates' Lair! ...... Frederic, Pirate King & Ruth 19) When You had Left our Pirate Fold ...... Ruth, Frederic & Pirate King 19a) Duty, Duty *# ...... Frederic, Ruth & Pirate King 20) Away, Away! My Heart's on Fire ...... Ruth, Pirate King & Frederic 21) All is Prepared ...... Mabel & Frederic 22) Stay, Frederic, Stay! ...... Mabel & Frederic 23) No, I Am Brave ...... Mabel, Sergeant & Police 24) When a Felon's Not Engaged in his Employment ...... Sergeant & Police 25) A Rollicking Band of Pirates We ...... Pirates, Sergeant & Police 26) With Cat-Like Tread ...... Pirates, Police & Samuel 27) Hush, Hush! & 28) Sighing Softly ...... Frederic, Pirates, Police, Major-General & Company 29) Megamix Finale ...... Company *additional lyrics by Melvyn Morrow #'Duty, Duty' inserted from Ruddigore

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 1

ACT ONE The set consists of a suitable backcloth, in front of which is a raised walkway (about 750mm high). This is used extensively for entrances and exits and also conceals the mechanism for a small trucked ship which occupies about 25-30% of the stage width. It is complete with a mast, sail, rigging etc and a trick Jolly Roger flag (wooden or cardboard). The ship must be capable of moving three people offstage and the flag must have a mechanism whereby it can be dropped instantly from its normal raised position at the top of the mast, to the bottom of the mast (or thereabouts). SR of the trucking mechanism for the ship is an area of soft padding onto which the Pirate King can throw himself and lie prone out of sight of the audience. In front of the walkway is a wide set of three steps down to the stage floor. SR of the steps is a part-barrel, at roughly the same height as the walkway, with a black paper top, through which the Pirate King can jump. SR of the barrel is another part-barrel, but this one contains a miniature trampoline (‘trampette’ or ‘mini- tramp’) raised so that the bounced on black mesh-bed is just slightly lower than the top of the barrel. Other ships paraphernalia may be used SL of the steps as required for set dressing and blocking purposes. Music – Gilbert And Sullivan Opening

The lights come up relatively dimly on a large, dark-coloured, upstage flat or cloth that almost completely obscures the Act 1 backcloth. It has a centrally placed round or oval opening in it representing a Victorian photograph (or greeting card) in a frame. Visible through the opening is a large sea chest. Sitting on the chest with his back to the audience is the cast member who will be playing the Pirate King. He is wearing a Mikado-style tunic, and at the appropriate point in the music, he swivels round on top of the chest, acknowledges (or encourages) the audience, jumps down, opens the lid of the chest and exits. Out of the chest (which, when open overflows with dry-ice), the actor playing Frederic appears, dressed as Nanki-Poo. He acknowledges the audience and climbs out of the chest with his Chinese mandolin. Followed immediately by the actresses playing Edith, Isabel and Kate, dressed as the three little maids. While they are climbing out, two pirates enter and chase Nanki-Poo off (behind the photograph frame flat/cloth). The maids bow to each other and immediately afterwards they are surprised by another two or three pirates who enter and chase them off. As this is happening, the music changes to Iolanthe’s ‘Nightmare Song’ and the cast member playing the Major-General climbs out of the chest dressed as a Judge and acknowledges the audience. Two pirates enter, pick him up, and carry him off.

2 THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

The music changes to ‘HMS Pinafore’ followed by a traditional sea shanty. Two members of the cast who will later be pirates climb out of the chest dressed as sailors on the Pinafore. They mime a brief snatch of a suitable sailor’s dance before being chased off by two or three pirates. The music now changes to ‘Iolanthe’, and two young ladies appear dressed as nymphs. As they start to climb out of the chest, they are picked up bodily by a pirate each and rushed offstage as the audience should not see their faces for too long. These two are not members of the Pirates cast, but do play a part here, and again later, as the stooges dressed as ‘usherettes’ in the audience during the Megamix Finale. The music changes to dramatic chords, the lighting becomes dramatically red, and the actress playing Ruth climbs out of the chest or appears by the side of the chest dressed like an Ice Queen. The lid of the chest closes as if by magic, and it is struck. She acknowledges the audience, then commands the photograph flat or cloth to fly out (or to be struck some other way) as the lights dim. Lightning flashes accompany the scenery change, until she is able to move commandingly downstage. Two pirates dramatically creep towards her and position themselves one each side and slightly behind her, and as the closing chords of the ‘overture’ are played, they rip open the back of her velcro’d dress, she slips her arms out, and the lights snap up on … Music #1 – ‘Pour, Oh Pour The Pirate Sherry’

More pirates burst onto the stage each doing a piece of acrobatics (star jumps, forward and backward flips etc).

{Business} During the first verse, the PK gets out a small telescope, and ’spies’ a female member of the orchestra (who may have to stand on a box in the pit to be visible to the both the PK and the audience). He rushes over to her and kisses her. PIRATES Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry, Fill, oh fill the pirate glass; And to make us more than merry, Let the pirate bumper pass. SAMUEL For today our pirate ‘prentice, Rises from indenture freed. Strong his arm and keen his scent is, He’s a pirate now indeed! PIRATES Here’s good luck to Fred’ric’s ventures, Frederic’s out of his indentures.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 3

SAMUEL Two and twenty now he’s rising, And alone he’s fit to fly. Which we’re bent on signalising, With unusual revelry. PIRATES Here’s good luck to Fred’ric’s ventures, Frederic’s out of his indentures. ALL Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry, Fill, oh fill the pirate glass; And to make us more than merry, Let the pirate bumper pass. ALL (Shouted) Hurray! KING Yes, Frederic; from today you rank as a full-blown member of our band. PIRATES Hurrah! FREDERIC My friends, I thank you all from my heart for your kindly wishes. Would that I could repay them as they deserve. KING What do you mean? FREDERIC Today, I am out of my indentures, and today I leave you forever. KING But this is quite unaccountable … a keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder, or cutting out a P&O, never shipped a handspike. FREDERIC Yes, I have done my best for you. And why? It was my duty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty. As a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band. It was through an error … no matter, the mistake was ours, not yours … and I was in honour bound by it. KING An error … what error? FREDERIC I may not tell you; it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth. RUTH Nay dear master, my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery … better to have it out at once.

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Music #2 – ‘When Fred’ric Was A Little Lad’

RUTH When Fred’ric was a little lad, He proved so brave and daring. His father thought he’d ‘prentice him, To some career seafaring. I was, alas, his nurs’rymaid, And so it fell to my lot. To take and bind, the promising boy, Apprentice to a pilot. A life not bad for a hardy lad, Though surely not a high lot. Though I’m a nurse, you might do worse, Than make your boy a pilot. I was a stupid nurs’rymaid, On breakers always steering. And I did not catch the word a-right, Through being hard of hearing. Mistaking my instructions, which, Within my brain did gyrate. I took and bound this promising boy, Apprentice to a pirate. PIRATES (Now understanding) Ohhhh! KING (Slow to catch on) Ohh! RUTH A sad mistake it was to make, And doom him to a vile lot … PIRATES What! RUTH I bound him to, a pirate, you, Instead of to a pilot. {Business} The pirates decide that ‘that’s all right then’ and move away from her. She needs to regain their attention. I… (she holds the note) … soon found out, beyond all doubt, The scope of this disaster. But I hadn’t the face to return to my place, And break it to my master.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 5

A nurs’rymaid is not afraid, Of what you people call work. So I made up my mind, to go as a kind, Of piratical maid-of-all-work. And that is how you find me now, A member of your shy lot. Which you wouldn’t have found, if he’d been bound, Apprentice to-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooooh … a pilot. RUTH Oh pardon, Frederic, pardon! FREDERIC Rise, sweet one, I have long pardoned you. RUTH The two words were so much alike! FREDERIC They were … they still are, though years have rolled over their heads. But, this afternoon, my obligation ceases. Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable; but collectively, I look upon you with a disgust that amounts to absolute detestation. Oh, pity me my dear friends, for such is my sense of duty that, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself bound to devote myself heart and soul to your extermination. ALL Poor lad, poor lad! KING Well, Frederic, if you conscientiously feel that it your duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction. Always act in accordance with the dictates of your conscience, my boy, and chance the consequences. ALL Yes! SAMUEL Besides, we can offer you but little temptation to remain with us. We don’t seem to make piracy pay. I’m sure I don’t know why, but we don’t. FREDERIC I know why, but alas, I mustn’t tell you; it wouldn’t be right. KING Ah, ahh …why not, my boy? (Squinting at the sky) According to the sun, it’s only half past eleven … (Samuel taps him on the shoulder and points towards the sun) Oh, jolly good … (sarcastically) Spiffing, thanks very much … eleven thirty-three … and you are one of us until the clock strikes twelve.

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PIRATES Aye! SAMUEL True, and until then you are bound to protect our interests. ALL Hear, hear! FREDERIC Well then, it is my duty as a pirate, to tell you that you are too tender-hearted. PIRATES (Disgruntled) Oy! FREDERIC For instance, you make a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and, when you attack a stronger party, you invariably get thrashed. General annoyance with him. KING There is some truth in that. The pirates make ‘chicken’ noises FREDERIC Then again, you make a point of never molesting an orphan! SAMUEL Of course, we are orphans ourselves, and know what it’s like. FREDERIC Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? Everyone we capture says he is an orphan. The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain’s mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums … which as we know is not the case. SAMUEL But, hang it all! You wouldn’t have us absolutely merciless? FREDERIC There’s my difficulty; until twelve o’clock I would; after twelve, I wouldn’t. Was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation? RUTH And Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart … what is to become of her? KING Oh, er, well, we thought, er … (suddenly realising how to get rid of her) … yes, of course if he must go, he can take you with him. PIRATES Yay!

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 7

FREDERIC Well Ruth, I feel some little difficulty about you. It is true that I admire you very much, but I have been constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and yours is the only woman’s face I have seen during that time. I think it is a sweet face … RUTH It is … oh, it is … FREDERIC I say I think it is; that is my impression. But, as I have never had an opportunity of comparing you with other women, it is just possible I may be mistaken. KING (Aside to Samuel) Pff, that’s true Ruth glares at him. … atchooo! FREDERIC Oh, what a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry this innocent person, and then find out that she is, on the whole, plain! KING Ohhhhhh … Ohhhhhh … Ohh. Ruth is very … well … yes, very well indeed! PIRATES Yes, indeed! SAMUEL Yes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth. FREDERIC Do you really think so? SAMUEL Oh, I do. FREDERIC Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you. In justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will leave her behind. KING (Hoist with his own petard) Ohhhh … Ohhh … (grinning sheepishly at Ruth) No … PIRATES No! KING No, Frederic, this must not be. We are rough men … PIRATES Rough!

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KING … who lead a rough life … PIRATES Rough, rough! KING … but we are not so utterly heartless as to deprive thee of thy love. I think I am right in saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear. PIRATES Not one! KING No … I told you there wasn’t. Keep thy love, Frederic, keep thy love! FREDERIC You’re very good, I’m sure. KING Yes, yes, yes … Oh look, it’s the top of the tide, and we must be off. Farewell, Frederic. When your process of extermination begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them. FREDERIC I will! By the love I have for you, I swear it! Would that you could render this extermination unnecessary by accompanying me back to civilisation! KING No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don’t think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. No, Frederic, I shall live and die a Pirate King.

Music #3 – ‘Oh, Better Far To Live And Die’

KING Oh, better far to live and die, Under the brave black flag I fly, {Business} He swings his sword round near the boat, ‘cutting’ the halyard, thus dropping the jolly roger flag. Samuel repairs it. Than play a sanctimonious part, With a pirate head and a pirate heart. Away to the cheating world go you, (To Frederic, spoken) “Go on, away …”] (Singing) Where pirates all are well-to-do; But I’ll be true to the song I sing, And live and die … a Pirate King. For … I … am a Pirate King …

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 9

PIRATES You are! Hurrah for our Pirate King. KING And it is, it is, A glorious thing to be a Pirate King. PIRATES It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King! Hurrah for the Pirate King.

{Business} After a dance during the instrumental break the Pirate King grabs a rope suspended from close to the front of the stage and proceeds to swing out once over both the orchestra pit and the heads of the audience. This may need to be the subject of a H&S Risk Assessment, but given the right approach, it should be amusing. An alternative might be for the PK to lay a not-very-wide plank over the orchestra pit and proceed to quickly ‘walk the plank’ in the manner of a tightrope artiste. The object of this is to annoy the MD, such that, while the orchestra vamps underneath, they have a conversation along the lines of … MD Now look here, sonny (He is ignored by the Pirate King. … hey, you … pay attention when I’m talking to you! …

{Business} They begin to argue, slightly talking over each other. The pirates gradually begin to shout to the Pirate King that he shouldn’t take that from the MD and encourage him to fight the MD. KING … but … MD …You can do a lot of damage doing that sort of thing … KING … but I’m … it’s … you see … MD … I’ve warned you before about this … with your big size 13½ boots KING … yes, but I’m a pirate … MD … there are some very delicate musical instruments down here … KING … but pirates are supposed to swing on ropes /walk the plank …

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MD … and I saw you cut the black flag down on that boat … have at you, my man … To the encouraging shouts of the pirates, they begin a mock sword fight, with the MD using his baton. After a couple of parries, the MD knocks the sword out the Pirate King’s hand, and, smiling, he turns to the audience for approbation. He still has the baton in his hand extended towards the stage, and the Pirate King grabs it. Hey, you’ve got my baton … The Pirate King looks smug and the pirates point and jeer at the orchestra players. How am I going to control the orchestra now? KING I’ll do it myself … (The MD protests, vainly) … I’ve got a white shirt too you know … He raises the baton and immediately the orchestra switches from the vamp to a not very well played refrain from ‘The Loveliest Night Of The Year’. He and the pirates are somewhat bemused. They try to persuade the orchestra to stop playing, but to no avail. After about 10-12 seconds, the Pirate King gives up and throws the baton back towards the MD then turns with the pirates upstage., The MD already has a spare baton in his hand and using this, the orchestra seamlessly switches back to the vamp. All the pirates immediately turn round amazed, and the Pirate King readies himself for the next verse, muttering underneath the audience laughter… I don’t think it’s funny at all, really... KING When I sally forth to seek my prey, I help myself in a royal way; One of the pirates slips over. The music stops. KING (To the pirate, annoyed) Do you want to go back in the barrel? KING I sink a few more ships, it’s true, Than a well-bred monarch ought to do. {Business} Underneath the music, the Pirate King either juggles swords, or bends them onto the stage floor so they spring up in the air to be caught. The pirates cheer his efforts. The music stops.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 11

KING (To the MD) Try doing that with a little white pointed stick! {Business} During the next four lines (sung more slowly) the Pirate King should somehow make the audience laugh (for example, he could put his foot through a seemingly strong box as he walks about) and, at the end of the four lines, he should do something to make the audience clap. KING But many a king on a first-class throne, If he wants to call his crown his own, Must manage somehow to get through, More dirty work than ever I do. KING (To the audience) No, No … please! I haven’t finished yet! KING For … I … am a Pirate King … {Business} During the line above, the Pirate King runs upstage and, bouncing on a concealed trampette, flies through the air, to be caught by six pirates, who on catching him fall to the ground. PIRATES And it is, it is, A glorious thing to be a Pirate King. KING For I am a Pirate King … {Business} During the line above, the Pirate King runs upstage again ostensibly to repeat the jump, but this time he attempts to bounce on the barrel next to the concealed trampette, but ends up standing waist high in the barrel, having broken through the paper top on it. PIRATES You are! Hurrah for our Pirate King. KING And it is, it is, A glorious thing to be a Pirate King. PIRATES It is! KING (Starting a vigorous sword fight with the pirates) En garde!

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PIRATES Hurrah for the Pirate King! ALL Hurrah for the Pirate … The Pirate King holds the last note. {Business} The pirates fall to the floor, raising their legs in the air as they do so. KING (To a pirate in a kilt) Change your underwear! {Business} The Pirate King plays for laughs here as the MD at times covers his face with his hands. Whilst vamping the word ‘Pirate’, the Pirate King threatens the MD with his sword; he uses his sword as a tuning fork (flicking it with a finger as the percussionist plays a single note on a glockenspiel, hopefully in tune with the note the King has just sung); pretending the sword handle is a microphone (singing a note and as he moves the handle away from his mouth, he sings more quietly, moving it back and he sings louder etc). KING (To Samuel) Get the boat ready! {Business} Samuel moves the boat offstage, unseen by the Pirate King. Still vamping the word ‘Pirate’ he goes for a big finish, and in an Errol Flynn swagger, goes to jump onboard. The ship having moved, he falls ‘into the sea’ (ie onto the padding behind the walkway); the pirates go to investigate and he re-appears to sing the final note … KING … King. The pirates welcome him back and dance around enthusiastically as they remove the two SR part-barrels and the other ships paraphernalia. Exit the Pirate King, somewhat dazed, accompanied by the pirates. {Business} For a final laugh, the Pirate King might walk straight into the scenery on the way out. Enter Ruth dressed in her going-away clothes, with a suitcase and a Gladstone Bag. RUTH Oh, take me with you! … I cannot live if I am left behind. FREDERIC Ruth, I will be quite candid with you. You are very dear to me, as you know, but I must be circumspect. You see, you are considerably older than I. A lad of twenty-one usually looks for a wife of seventeen.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 13

RUTH A wife of seventeen! You will find me a wife of a thousand! FREDERIC No, but I shall find you a wife of forty-seven, and that is quite enough. Ruth, tell me candidly, and without reserve: compared to other women, how are you? RUTH I will answer you quite truthfully, Master … I have a slight head cold, but otherwise I am quite well. FREDERIC I am sorry for your cold, but I was referring rather to your personal appearance. Compared with other women, are you beautiful? RUTH I have been told so, Master. FREDERIC Ah, but lately? RUTH Oh no, years and years ago! FREDERIC What do you think of yourself? RUTH It is a delicate question to answer, but I think I am a fine woman. FREDERIC That is your candid opinion? RUTH Yes, I should be deceiving you if I told you otherwise. FREDERIC Thank you, Ruth: I believe you, for I am sure you would not practise on my inexperience. I wish to do the right thing, and if, I say if, you are really a fine woman, your age shall be no obstacle to our union. Girls voices are heard in the distance. Hark! I hear voices! Who has ventured to approach our all but inaccessible lair? Can it be the Coastguard? RUTH Yes! FREDERIC No, it does not sound like the Coastguard. RUTH Confusion! It is the voices of young girls! If he should see them, I am lost. FREDERIC By all that’s marvellous … a bevy of beautiful maidens!

14 THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

RUTH Lost! Lost! Lost! FREDERIC How lovely! How surpassing lovely is the plainest of them! What grace … what delicacy … what refinement! And Ruth! … Ruth told me she was beautiful! Music #4 – ‘Oh False One, You Have Deceived Me’

FREDERIC Oh false one, you have deceived me! RUTH I have deceived you? FREDERIC Yes, deceived me! You told me you were fair as gold … RUTH … And Master, am I not so. FREDERIC And now I see you’re plain and old … RUTH … I’m sure I’m not a jot so. FREDERIC Upon my innocence you play … RUTH … I’m not the one to plot so. FREDERIC You’re face is lined, your hair is grey … RUTH … It gradually got so. FREDERIC Faithless woman, to deceive me, I who trusted so! RUTH Master, Master, do not leave me! Hear me, ere you go! FREDERIC Faithless woman … RUTH Master, Master … FREDERIC Faithless woman …

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