Arranged Marriage: Clashing Cultures or Violating Virtues? By: Sinead Schouten

The headline screams at you from the newspaper atop of the kitchen table. “Father

sells teen daughter into marriage for cash, beer, meat!” it blares. “He faces felony

charges!” Right away, most people would respond in the same manner. How cruel! How

unjust! We’re outraged! This so isn’t America, it begs you to read more. The very act is

so old-fashioned, primitive. Who would be foolish enough to pull off such a stunt in our

modern society?

The thing is, this happened in real life. And you’ve most likely heard of this local

case not so far from our little Paso Robles. A man in Salinas sold his daughter for the

accused “price”. (CNN) Just it wasn’t until you read further in the article that you

realized the truth of the situation. Apparently this man was from one of the native culture in Mexico. No, not Mexican, but rather a little tribe that knew little about American laws and values. He married away this little girl to a man in whom she returned the interest.

The beer and meat? For the reception. When his future son-in-law never held up his end of the deal with paying up the money, the man had gone to the police to sort it out. Irony

struck, and he himself, along with the son-in-law, were brought under arrest. (CNN) It is moments like these where it is hard to ignore the bias the media holds for topics like this.

The title leads the thinking that this is a matter of disgust, feeding into the image already in the populace’s heads. It is unfair the predisposition the West has to things like arranged marriage, for there is much more than the side we are most aware of. The definition of an arranged marriage is simple: “Arranged marriage (also called prearranged marriage) is a marriage arranged by someone other than the couple getting wedded, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship.” (Wikipedia) There are three main types of arranged marriage: forced marriage, child marriage, and “shotgun” marriage. Forced marriage is family or community influenced. Child marriages are economic or politically influence, and shotgun weddings are because of sexual reasons.

The Old Testament also talks about arranged marriage. Arranged marriage were to avoid premarital sex. If a girl’s virginity was taken away before marriage, the man who did it to her would either have to marry her or pay a fine. This was because lost virginity was a bad “selling point”, making another man not as willing to wed her. The family honor would also be soiled, and even more shame would be brought about if a child was born out of wedlock. It was essential to marry off the child before they were tempted and any of this happened. (Wikipedia)

In Eastern Culture, arranged marriage is a very common and accepted thing.

(Kali)There is motivation behind it as well. For one, arranged a marriage for your child is considered a parental duty. If the parents fail in this they are considered incompetent. The

will of the family is thought of as more paramount than the starting love between the

couple. There is also an unofficial age deadline that people hope to marry off their

children by. If the parents to not meet this deadline, then the community might start to

wonder if either the parents can’t do their job, or if there is something wrong with their

child. The family and the family they wish to marry their child off to have their

reputations at stake. There are other factors considered in matchmaking: vocation, wealth,

religion, age difference, horoscope, medical conditions, clan links, height, language, dietary preference, etc. (Wikipedia) The statistics for arranged marriage are welcoming

too. “Arranged marriages are often said to be more stable than love marriage since

matchmaking is done on several levels of compatibility, instead of on a whim.”

(Wikipedia) And the numbers are quite noticeable with “a 5-7% divorce rate versus the

US average of 50%” (Seth) Perhaps the success of a marriage in both arranged and

otherwise is merely based on the effort put into the relationship by both spouses.

The West tells a different story though, being much more reserved on the subject.

They see the main negatives of the issue. Some of the items are punishment, disinheritance, and possibly death. (Wikipedia) The punishment would be from the child

not wanting to comply with their parent’s wishes. If they disobeyed and didn’t marry

whom they were told to, they might be physically abused. Disinheritance is another

reaction to pretty much the same topic. It is an insult to the family’s pride if the child

turns down the couple that they spent their time fixing up for them, causing frustration.

(Kali) That frustration might turn into being cut out of the family will or whatnot, or, at worst, your family refusing to acknowledge you. Death is, obviously, death. But usually in cases where things go to these extremes, there is more behind the story. Usually the family is in a desperate situation in which the couple must marry so the family can better themselves. In this case marriage is for the community, not the individual. The common

Western viewpoint on arranged marriage consists of a main issue: infringement of

freedom. We consider it taking away one of the most basic of our human choices,

choosing who we want to love, and taking it away seems outrageous. (Kali) But the, we

must think. Is this really an issue of humanity and taking away our primal rights? Or is it

mainly a cultural issue that we must overcome? Seeing how other peoples have managed to accept it, we just go with the latter. It appears more of a way of life issue rather than

that of being a human.

All in all, things seem to be more a clash of cultures and not an issue of ethics.

There are there reasons for arranged marriage, including social issues like poverty that

have to be addressed. Life in the East is so different from that in the West that it is near

impossible to compare. Not only are reasons for marriage not the same but the very

expectations are so drastically different. People get married for different reasons than

they do here in the West. Yes, love is a factor, but it is rather a benefit that comes with

companionship afterwards. Westerners’ pictures of marriage orbit around romance,

seeing how we don’t have the same social pressures. Understanding this fact, it is best

that we acknowledge our cultural differences and except them. Let our society function as it may. But understand there is the possibility of love and freedom just as much on the other side of the world.

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