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the paper “Who Are You in Hotline Bling?” c/o Offi ce of Student Leadership Editors-in-Chief and Community Development Ali “Wearing Less” Glembocki Fordham University Zoe “Going Out More” Sakas Bronx, NY 10458 [email protected] News Editors www.fupaper.org Caitlin “One Thing” Hufnagle Siobhan “Passport” Donahue the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Opinions Editors Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Elena “Glasses of Champagne” Meuse Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- John “The Dancefl oor” Looby ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from all students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help Arts Editors new writers develop their own unique voices and fi gure out how to most effectively convey their Kelly “Some Girls” Tyra thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Melody “Never Seen Before” Knight-Brown have an idea for an article, send us an email or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Earwax Editor who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an Arthur “Late Night” Banach email or come to our next meeting. So why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Features and List 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Brennen “Left the City” Honaker are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Contributors

our aim Luis Gomez, lobster Collin Farrel, Nelly Furtado, Matthew Whiaker, end of the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to midterms bliss, Adam Hamilton, socialism, noobs, John Murray, Texas Road- challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all house buns, peanuts, Monica Cruz, Lincoln Chafee, Declan Murphy, the students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a pole, Dunkin, fl uidity, Lily Vesel, hashtags, Tumblr, Georgia Pullis, Fordham social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Students United, ungenuine computer software, Richard Chao, Dumb Water, a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Claire Nunez, Back to the Future, Michael Sheridan, Shakira Shakira, Estrel- strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we lita (Eternally), Reyna Wang, pretty leaves, cute sweaters, pumpkin spice, tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, creative Halloween costumes, Connor Smith expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at NOTE: WE HAVE 2 #SPOOKY MIXES DROPPING ON OCT. 28TH! GO TO the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster 8tracks.com/paper-tapes TO LISTEN AND FIND OUT MORE~* a community where students are free to fully express themselves. october 28, 2015 the paper page 3

Sex Reassignment Surgery for Transgender Prisoners is the New Black by Zoe Sakas California is the fi rst state to allow this surgery Co-Editor-in-Chief metic which includes breast implants someone who is sure of their sexual not opt to have sex reassignment sur- As a result of two successful lawsuits or drugs used for hair removal or hair identity from the start, but still ensures gery, but instead prefer hormone ther- by inmates in California prisons, Cali- growth. For each transgender inmate, that those who do fi t the criteria will be apy alone or less invasive operations fornia is now the fi rst state to provide there will be a review committee of allowed the operation within two years such as breast surgery which this pol- sex reassignment surgery to prisoners. doctors and psychologists who will de- of observation and review. For some- icy does not guarantee. No one knows A very specifi c set of guidelines was put cide whether to allow surgery based one who is expecting to spend the re- exactly how many individuals this will in place to outline what services would on the prisoner’s physical and mental mainder of their life in prison, this new affect, but regardless, its existence be available for transgender prisoners. health conditions. The request will be policy might bring a great deal of hope provides a feeling of support and un- In the past, hormone treatments were approved if the inmate has more than and is an essential aspect of their pris- derstanding for the transgender com- available, but sex reassignment surgery two years left to serve before parole, oner (and human) rights. munity. had never been provided in any prison As of now, out of the 125,000 in- in the United States. In August, Califor- mates in the California prison system, nia inmate Shiloh Quine, who was for- 400 are being treated with hormone merly known as Rodney Quine, was the therapy because they do not identify fi rst inmate to receive the surgery, fully as the sex indicated by their bodily funded, while still in prison. Shiloh is organs. Hormone therapy costs any- serving a life sentence, and would have where from $500 to $3,000 per year, otherwise not had the chance to live in while sex reassignment surgery and the body that she identifi es with. the care associated with it for one in- Before Shiloh Quine, there was one mate could cost up to $100,000. Re- other successful lawsuit concerning a gardless of how this will fi nancially im- transgender inmate last April. Although SStoptop staring,staring, aandnd pact the prison system, it is essential she won the case, she was paroled pprotectrotect mymy rights!rights! that these inmates have access to this before the surgery was performed. In operation. There have been a series of both of these cases, the inmates were lawsuits around the country that have represented by a San Francisco based if the inmate has “continuously mani- The new policy was drafted by the pushed the prison system to recognize group known as the Transgender Law fested a desire to live and be accept- California Correctional Health Care that dysphoria, or the condition of not Center. In an interview with The New ed” with that particular sexual identity, Services and the State Department identifying as the sex of your reproduc- York Times, the Center’s executive di- has had a desire for surgery for at least of Corrections and Rehabilitation, the tive organs, is a medical condition that rector commented that, “California has two years, and have received hormone former of which provides and regulates requires these accommodations. In set a model for the country. This is care therapy and thus experienced being physical health care within California some prisons, hormone treatment is that, for too long, people have been that sex for one year. prisons and the latter of which controls not offered to all transgender inmates, denied simply because of who they Although these regulations are rela- prisoner mental health care. Working and not all prisons make any arrange- are. It’s especially important because tively conservative, and still make it together, these two agencies can en- ments for transgender people to live transgender people are incarcerated at diffi cult for an inmate to receive the sure that surgery is in the best interest with the gender they identify with, which six times the rate of the general popu- operation, it is a step in the right direc- of the inmate, and that the inmate is puts them at risk for victimization, hu- lation.” tion and they can only progress further physically and mentally healthy enough miliation, and will likely have a negative With the enactment of this new from here. The reasoning for these cri- to undergo the drastic change in such effect on their mental health. With the policy, the state will cover mastecto- teria is to ensure that the impact of im- a diffi cult environment. employment of this new health policy, mies and any operations to remove prisonment on the mental state of the The implementation of this surgery California has set an example for all and reconstruct reproductive organs. inmates does not affect their decision does not mean that all transgender in- of the prisons around the country that However, the policy does not allow for to receive this medical treatment. The mates will take advantage of it. There do not respect the rights and needs of services that the state considers cos- process is long and tiring, especially for are many transgender people who do their transgender inmates. page 4 the paper october 28, 2015 China Disregards Human Rights, Yet Again... by Ali Glembocki Also, capitalism is the root of all darkness in the world Co-Editor-in-Chief workers are forced into cities because title from Slate: “Why Drivers in China lawsuit from a victim versus killing the The image of “modern China” isn’t there are no opportunities anywhere Intentionally Kill the Pedestrians They victim and fl eeing is simply not in favor exactly rosy. Affordable Apple products else. And those rural-to-urban mi- Hit.” It is a common practice for peo- of human life. are a Western reality because of rapid grants with children are forced to leave ple in a hit and run situation to back For those in China who aren’t in dead- Chinese industrialization. But that fact their children behind because of strict up and run over victims again to kill ly working conditions, displaced from is paired with exposé article upon ex- population control laws and a lack of them. By the numbers, it is much more their families, or murdered by a vehi- posé article detailing how those prod- resources in cities. The Economist re- expensive to make payments on an in- cle, there’s still a major crisis at hand: ucts are manufactured by underpaid cently published an article detailing jured person with disabilities you are censorship. The free-speech justice or- Chinese workers in physically and psy- ganization PEN America has focused chologically damaging conditions. their efforts on China after gathering Workers have reported being forced reports indicating the huge amount of to work for eight days in a row without journalists and authors convicted for proper breaks for food and sleep. Sui- expressing their views. PEN led the cide rates in Foxconn, Apple’s biggest effort to boycott last year’s Book Expo supplier, peaked in 2013 with fourteen America, held in New York City, to sup- human beings committing suicide. port silenced Chinese writers. China Because of this pattern, Foxconn has sent hand-picked publishers and writ- installed safety nets in high-risk areas. ers to Book Expo America in order to No institutional changes have been create a facade of a thriving, happy made to ease working conditions to a literary industry. more humane level. The damage isn’t just physical for Even with this information, we will Chinese writers--it is psychological, still sprinkle iPhone 5000s in tinsel and it is ubiquitous. Bao Pu, publish- and give them to our children on Xmas. er at the New Century Press in Hong Compartmentalization and detach- Kong, said “Chinese censorship works ment are tightly woven into the fabric even before the writer starts writing.” of modern Capitalist life. Fortunately--at least when it comes Despite the tragic tales we sigh over to Chinese publishing--some strides in The New York Times, we like to think this phenomenon with the frank title responsible for a lifetime, rather than in awareness and action have been that China’s industrialization isn’t all “Pity the children.” An estimated 61 making a one-time payment for ‘ac- made. Recently, major American pub- that bad. And it’s not just a selfi sh million kids (of the estimated 70 mil- cidental’ manslaughter. This twisted lishers have signed a contract assert- sentiment. Unemployment in China lion total children in China) are left phenomenon even has a legal name: ing that they will not published cen- has been at a steady 4% for the past behind in rural areas with family mem- “double-hit cases.” sored Chinese works, and assuring fi ve years, dwarfi ng that of the United bers (who are oftentimes illiterate and Ultimately, there is no cut-and-dry ex- that works translated into Chinese stay States, currently at 5.5%. Thousands unable to provide educational support) planation for this disturbing trend. But true to the author’s original intentions. of people from rural areas emigrate to or displaced in different cities. These after talking to my good friend, who is This mainstream recognition of Chi- obtain jobs in urban areas, and on the children are coined “the left behind well-versed and well-lived in Chinese nese censorship by major publishing outside, it seems like a gold rush to op- children.” culture, it seems as if China’s popula- houses such as Hachette and Penguin portunity. The disregard for human life in China tion surplus and its lack of value placed Random House puts pressure on Chi- But the mass migration is anything is at an ultimate crisis. This is further on human life are major contributors. nese companies that so badly want to but a dream. The reality is that rural exemplifi ed by this frightening article Basically, the cost-benefi t ratio of a boost their international markets. october 28, 2015 the paper page 5 New York City’s Joke Team Now in World Series by John Murray This article was published with the express written consent of MLB Staff (Base)baller an absolutely devastating sweep of the away at any time, even in the middle kept Flores in the game) have made Amazin’. There’s no other word for it-- ill-fated Chicago Cubs. The Mets are of a game--baseball is a business, af- Mets fans very slow to restore their the meteoric rise of the New York Metro- here, and they’re here to win. ter all. But there is something espe- faith in him. politans to the top of the baseball food A season such as theirs does not cially cruel about making that player, And yet, here they are four wins chain, hold the peanuts and Cracker come without its memorable moments: shocked and distressed, go back onto away from bringing a few more rings to Jack. Usually the laughingstock of the rendezvouses with the emotional as- the fi eld that he’s called home for the Queens. All that stands in their way are Big Apple baseball scene, the Mets pects of the game that have united last eight years and to keep on playing. last year’s runners-up, the Kansas City have had a fi re under them since the Mets fans over the course of the last Whose call was that? Terry Collins’. Royals. Sporting a postseason batting All-Star break and they show no signs couple of months. Most recently, a average of .271 with a whopping 63 of stopping now, on the verge of their hard, late slide--though grammarians runs scored in 11 games, they certainly fi rst World Series title in nearly thirty m’ight call the word “tackle” more ap- are a worthy match for the Mets’ stellar years. This, understandably, has most propriate in this case--by the Dodgers’ starters. Look to the Royals’ pitching, Mets fans in a tizzy: stop one on the Chase Utley, leaving shortstop Ruben though, and we fi nd the same holes in walk to class, and you’re equally likely Tejada with a fractured right fi bula and the dike that the Mets have exploited to be heralded with jubilant whoops as igniting the ire of an entire city. On top in their previous matchups. They sim- struck with a solemn, shell-shocked, of a short suspension, poor Chase will ply do not have the same depth: one “I...I...I still can’t believe it…” never be able to take the subway again. Let’s talk Terry for a second. At the or two strong arms in Johnny Cueto Well, ya gotta believe. And if you’re And who could forget that evening in All-Star break, half of New York City and Edinson Volquez, maaaaayyyybe looking for a pinch in the arm to as- late July, when infi elder Wilmer Flores was screaming for his fi ring, if not his Yordano Ventura, but nothing that can sure yourself that this is real, look at heard a rumor mid-game that he was beheading. As for the rest of the sea- match up to Harvey, deGrom, Synder- the cold, hard stats: A solid 90-72 re- being traded to the Milwaukee Brew- son, it seems as if the Mets have made gaard, Matz, Colon--need I even go on? cord for the regular season, a season ers, and then sent back on the fi eld. it to the World Series in spite of their I’d better not, because the bullpen is ERA of 3.43 (2.81 in the postseason), Flores, having left his home in Venezu- manager. Bewildering lineup decisions, another story. But The Mets have al- served up by arguably the most domi- ela at the age of 16 to play baseball misplaced faith in a lackluster bullpen, ready proven that they have the bats to nant starting pitching in baseball, a 7-2 with the Mets, began to cry openly on and just plain poor management skills back them up. Sorry, KC, but you might record in the postseason, four of those the fi eld. It was a somber moment for a (Collins admitted to not being aware of just have to make the most of second won by three or more runs, including player to realize that he can be traded the trade, later overturned, when he place for a little longer. President Trump: Make America a Meme Again! by Matthew Whitaker Republican candidate one Rick Roll away from offi ce Staff Meme Enthusiast were impressed with Trump’s post, and where a joint is picked up and promptly variety of memes. As the race for the White House have gained respect for him through it. smoked. During the debate sequence, So, what does Trump’s posting of speeds ahead, one candidate stands It seems many others also appreciated Trump easily stumps Rand Paul, and memes mean for America, should he out from all the rest. That one candi- it, as the post received almost 6000 just as effortlessly stumps Jeb Bush win the general election? I would pre- date makes himself stand out, and is favorites and retweets. Trump included numerous times. The video’s climax is dict that Trump would follow the belief the most outspoken candidate in this something else in that post, that being Trump’s debate with a lady about his that hard work should always be re- election. That candidate is Donald a Major League Gaming (MLG) Parody views on women, where the lady boldly warded with memes. He might also Trump, a man of great wealth and busi- video about himself. attempts to stump the Trump himself. make memes a deeper part of our ness experience, and at 4:53 A.M. on The video, entitled “You Can’t Stump “Spooky Scary Skeletons”, another be- culture, creating an American holiday October 13th, he changed the nation. the Trump (Volume 4)”, proves its title by loved meme begins to play after she where we all refl ect on the greatness At that exact moment, Donald Trump including several clips of Trump stump- attempts to throw the stump into his of memes, while learning to appreciate became the fi rst candidate to use a ing his clearly inept opponents, editing court, as if to signify that Trump’s cam- different types of memes. Most likely, meme in a presidential campaign, in several MLG memes to emphasize paign could die at that moment. As ex- part of his economic policy would be changing the American political land- the stumping. It begins with a narrator pected, Trump easily stumps her with the creation of jobs in the meme indus- scape for years to come. Trump posted describing the venomous, aggressive, a heartfelt story about his mother, and try, rejuvenating our economy through a picture of himself drawn as Pepe the and successful nature of a centipede, eventually, goes for the double-stump the booming meme market. Trump’s Frog, an honorable meme held in high all while showing clips of Donald Trump, with the one thing the lady forgot to posting of a meme truly highlights his regard by even the most elite meme en- demonstrating his power in the politi- bring to the debate: logic. The video strengths over opponents in the presi- thusiasts. The image showed a bright cal ecosystem. Next, dubstep music is ends with the song “Zero to Hero” from dential race, proving that one cannot future where Donald Trump is Presi- played, and a gun is edited in, shooting Disney’s Hercules, where the song stump the Trump. dent and memes have taken over the at a candidate or interviewer as soon is played while pictures of polls that Overall, if Trump podium. This is the future I, an Ameri- as the target is stumped, then shows Trump leads are displayed, comparing becomes President can and a meme enthusiast, want to a “+420” score notice over the target Donald Trump to the mighty Hercules. of this wonderful live in, one where hard work will be re- with the text “#Stumped”. The video Trump posted this on his offi cial Twit- country, a bright fu- warded with memes. Even my friends continues its theme of blazing when ter page, showing that he fully realizes ture awaits all of its who are supporters of Bernie Sanders it cuts to the CNN debate opening, his own power and appreciates a wide inhabitants. page 6 the paper october 28, 2015 Faker than Who Will Be America’s Next House Speaker? by Adam Hamilton American Idol is less of a shitshow Staff Congressional Intern Truth tempt to upset the status quo. Before the status quo that many in the Tea In 2010, the Tea Party movement the caucus’ establishment, Tea Party Party generation felt manifested itself by Siobhan Donahue helped the Republican Party sweep the backed candidate Dave Brat (R-VA) de- in the House Freedom Caucus, which House and allowed for John Boehner feated House Majority Whip Eric Cantor helped push Boehner to his decision to Following a recent inicident at (R-Oh) to become Majority Speaker. (R-VA) in the 2014 midterm election. resign in September. a Virginia middle school, where Unfortunately for the Speaker, this new Cantor was an establishment position The Insurgent Freedom Cau- a fourteen year old girl threw a generation of Republican lawmakers who, as whip, helped manage the party cus did not force the embattled Boeh- carrot at a teacher, Congressio- has turned into an insurgent faction to get enough votes to pass controver- ner to step down, though it does make nal leaders are now debating a that is fi ghting against the GOP estab- sial legislation. Upon taking his seat, his leaving more diffi cult. Representa- bill over carrot control. The bill, lishment for control over the direction Brat joined the newly formed caucus. tive Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was the nicknamed Orange is the Weap- of the party. Many of the more militant The Freedom Caucus is made up of House Majority Leader, the number on, calls for background checks Representatives formed the House many of the 87 freshman Republican two spot in the House GOP hierarchy, congressmen who surfed on the Tea but he ended his campaign for Speaker for carrot owners and banning Freedom Caucus to help spread their Party wave in 2010 to a seat in the two days after the race started once it carrots bigger than fi ve inches message. This caucus of about 40 members was formed in January to house. These new members had grass- became clear that he could not get the from being purchased for private help push the Republican leadership roots support and had the main goal support of the House Freedom Cau- use. The bill has support from to advance more conservative causes. of cutting discretionary spending, typi- cus. McCarthy was seen as Boehner’s every Democratic lawmaker. Unfortunately for the Republican es- cally money that is perceived as being right hand man, and his dropping out However, the bill is facing strong tablishment, the caucus is aggres- wasted by the federal government in can be seen as the party repudiating opposition from the GOP. sively pursuing their goals at the cost pet projects. That was almost six years Boehner’s leadership. The Speaker Outside Capitol Hill, Wyatt of Republican cohesion. The House ago, and many in this new generation must be chosen by a majority of rep- Mann (R-OK) said, “This new bill Freedom Caucus advocates for a more are starting to fi nd their own political resentatives, not a majority of the rul- is ridiculous and is evidence of aggressive and assertive party leader- voice. ing party. Democrat House Majority Obama trying to kill freedom. It ship, and it’s possible that their plan The anger among conservatives is Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has already should be our right to own baby may work. Still, it looks like Paul Ryan not just limited to the House. In the Sen- asked house Democrats to support her carrots to protect our families. may foil it anyway. ate, Presidential candidate Ted Cruz (R- bid for speakership. This means that Not to play devil’s advocado, but On September 25th, Speaker John TX) has been trying to steer the party as of now the Republican moderates if we ban baby carrots, only hard- Boehner announced his retirement, leadership to the right, calling Senate and establishment supporters cannot ened vegetable criminals will pending the choice of a new Speak- majority leader Mitch McConnell (R- count on the Democrats supporting a have them. Is it what you want? er. His tenure as Speaker had been KY) a liar on the Senate Floor in July. compromise candidate for speaker and I’m a responsible carrot owner. Republicans are not happy with the instead must rely on fi nding a compro- I keep my carrots in a safe. Be- “The House Free- direction their party is taking, namely mise candidate. sides, this bill does not refl ect because it is not conservative enough. Right now that looks like Rep. Paul the rural needs for carrots.” dom Caucus contains This is spilling into presidential politics, Ryan (R-WI). Ryan, the current Ways where candidates who have never held and Means chairmen and 2012 Re- So far, there have been 43,000 political offi ce and are campaigning as publican Vice Presidential Nominee, is carrot related acts of violence, about a tenth of all outsiders, such as Ben Carson, Carly that candidate. Despite some misgiv- resulting in 2000 deaths. A vote house members, and Fiorina, and Donald Trump, are collec- ings, Ryan seems like he will be able is scheduled for next week. tively polling above 50% of the fi eld. to command enough of the caucus to has acted as the main This grassroots display of disappoint- win the chair. But that may be part of voice in opposition to ment failed to manifest itself in the the problem. The Speaker’s chair is a 2012 primary by dividing its support thankless job, and Ryan’s current posi- the direction the party between several candidates while the tion as Ways and Means Chairman is establishment coalesced around Rom- his self-professed ideal job in govern- leadership” ney. In 2016, the establishment seems ment. Ryan, a young father, has been to be the one having trouble coalesc- reluctant to accept the mantel as sav- dogged by a Democratic White House ing, with Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), Gov. ior of the Republican House, saying he and a freshman Congress that was John Kasich (R-OH), and Jeb Bush (R- would only do so as a unifying fi gure upset with the pace of conservative FL), each trying to claim the mantel. among the Republican Conference, reform. Earlier this year, Freedom Cau- The House Freedom Caucus con- and if every caucus (including the Free- cus member Mark Meadows (R-NC) tains about a tenth of all house mem- dom Caucus) endorses him. Ryan met challenged the Speaker on the House bers, and has acted as the main voice with the Freedom Caucus and received fl oor by requesting a motion to vacate in opposition to the direction the party a super majority of their support (the the chair—an attempt to kick Boehner leadership is taking in the House. committees bylaws state that a candi- from his seat as Speaker. This direct They want more confrontation with the date must receive at least 80% support attempt to undermine the party estab- Obama administration and more sub- from the caucus, Ryan did not). The lishment, which is seen as too moder- stantive change in deciding how bills election is scheduled for the 28th of ate by the caucus, is not their fi rst at- get moved to the fl oor. Their anger at October. october 28, 2015 the paper page 7 City Strikes Deal with Firm to Save Stuy Town by Zoe Sakas Next middle-class crisis in 20 years HAIKU Co-Editor-in-Chief example, a family of three earning up joy running around outside like children Last week, Stuyvesant Town-Peter to $128,210 a year would pay around tend to do. They also needed to fi nd an Cooper Village (STPCV), an apart- $3,000 a month for a two-bedroom affordable apartment that could com- NEWS ment complex on the Lower Eastside apartment which is much more rea- fortably hold a family of four, as they by Zoe Sakas, Arthur Banach of Manhattan, was sold to the Black- sonable than other apartments in simi- were used to renting a small one bed- and Matthew Whitaker stone Group. In the recent past, the lar areas. Families making less than room. Stuyvesant Town is in the heart of New York City, between 14th and buying and selling of this complex has $100,000 a year would occupy an ad- Loud People Have Tiny Testicles 20th Street and beginning on Avenue only induced fear and frustration to its ditional 500 apartments. An example Loud monkey, small balls A, and yet when you walk outside your residents. Since its creation, STPCV of this situation would be that a fam- Say thank you to scientists door you see nothing but trees and has been home to middle-class fami- ily of three that makes up to $62,150 Trump must have green peas grass. The complex contains various lies of New York City. The complex was a year would only have to pay around -AB established after playgrounds, parks, fi elds and courts that World War II by Romantic Jack-o-lantern give kids the chance MetLife specifi cally Jenna was surprised to play sports and en- to house returning At her pumpkin proposal joy the outdoors safe- veterans. In return She’ll be married soon ly. It is also a block for a large prop- away from the L train erty tax break, the Fall For A New Hair Fad and a 10-minute walk rents were kept Pumpkin spice is hot from Union Square, low and affordable. It now sprinkles people’s hair making it easy for Unfortunately, re- It makes me despair working parents to cent buyers have commute and for worked to replace Ghouls Night Out teens to make their longtime, rent-reg- Hosts see artist’s ghost way to high school on ulated residents Everyone thought he was toast their own. with tenants who Now he’s just compost When I was young- pay three times as -MW much. er, the majority of Stuyvesant Town was This week’s sale Really Old Plague Even Older composed of families of STPCV will pre- Old DNA shows with working parents. serve almost half Plague is fi ve-thousand-years old; I went to a school of the complex for What else don’t we know? not too far away, and middle-class fami- a group of us would lies who have rent Old White Guy is Upset be walked from the school to Stuyves- stabilized apartments. STPVC, the larg- $1,500 per month to rent a two-bed- I’m ashamed, Bush says, ant Town by a chaperone after school est apartment complex in Manhattan, room in Stuyvesant Town. To Fox about politics. to give parents time to get home from was sold for more than $5.3 billion to Through the deal that the Blackstone Please stop, no one cares. work. The dynamic of Stuyvesant Town the Blackstone Group, a Wall Street Group made with the mayor, Black- -ZS investment fi rm as well as one of the stone will now receive almost $225 is slowly changing, and is now com- country’s most prevalent landowners. million in benefi ts through a loan and posed more of upper class New Yorkers The sale involved a surprising agree- an uncollected tax. Blackstone also and NYU students whose parents can ment with Mayor de Blasio and his agreed not to build on the complex, afford to pay $2,000 rent for their child administration, which ensures that a as there are many parks, lawns and to live in the city. Aside from Stuyves- block of 5,000 apartments will be kept additional facilities that separate the ant Town, New York City in general fails affordable for the next 20 years. This buildings, which the de Blasio admin- to offer any housing for the middle and means that thousands of middle-class istration wanted to keep protected for working class. STPCV offered hope for families won’t have to worry about hav- STPVC residents. a group of people who are gradually be- ing to move because they can’t afford This news was of particular excite- ing kicked out of Manhattan. their rent anymore, and STPCV will re- ment for my family and me because I This agreement, although it won’t main full of teachers and fi refi ghters have had the privilege of growing up in last forever, will give middle class hous- and construction workers rather than Stuyvesant Town. My parents decided ing activists 20 years to fi gure out how a wealthier group of stockbrokers and to rent an apartment in Stuyvesant to keep affordable housing in New York surgeons who can defi nitely afford to Town when I was on my way into the City. It sets a precedent for future con- live anywhere else in Manhattan. world. They had lived in the city since tracts, and demonstrates how impor- More specifi cally, under the de Blasio they were very young, and both love the tant middle class housing is to the es- administration’s agreement, middle- culture and life that the city provides, sence of the city. income families would need to occupy but needed a place to live where they 4,500 apartments in the complex. For felt their children would be able to en- page 8 the paper october 28, 2015 Clinton, Sanders, and O’Malley Debate Before the Primaries by Declan Murphy Webb and Chafee...... are just sort of there Staff CNN Viewer just mudslinging. when discussing climate change, pro- benefi ts that would proceed from that. On Tuesday, October 13th, four ge- Recent events, too, seem to have posing a switch to 100% clean energy Martin O’Malley, far from a frontrun- riatric American citizens, and the one shifted the focus of the debate. The by 2050. Hillary Clinton continued to ner prior to the debate, spoke clearly comparatively handsome young per- number of recent mass shootings— insist on calling it the “opportunity of and respectfully. He reinforced his son that is Martin O’Malley, took the and, indeed, the troubling fact in itself climate change”, as though the ozone experience and his views, proposed stage in Las Vegas to fi nd out which of that we are at the point where shoot- had opened up deliberately in order to ambitious plans on issues like climate them was the least like Donald Trump. ings are so frequent that we need no encourage innovation in the American change, and exploited vulnerabilities It would be easy to comment on the longer refer to specifi c incidents—add- energy economy. In an increasingly po- in Clinton’s platform. Of all the candi- parts of the debate that have gone vi- ed urgency to the gun control issue. liticized, and polarized, world, it’s fas- dates, O’Malley’s performance was the ral. Anderson Cooper assumed you’re Clinton capitalized on this, exploiting cinating to see that climate change is most surprising. Webb and Chafee oc- watching the debate high, or at least a weakness in Sanders’ voting record. now the safest and least controversial cupied the periphery, often interjecting within arm’s reach of your bong. Jim On most issues, Sanders seems like issue. Well, for the Democratic candi- mainly to embarrass themselves. Webb could kill you with a smile, and the Platonic ideal of liberalism. How- dates, anyway. In fact, let’s talk about Jim Webb for cherish the memory. Bernie Sanders a minute. He was the source of blunder is sick of Hillary’s “damn” e-mails. and chagrin for the entire debate. Too (Bernie’s hatred of corporate America bad ol’ Joe Biden wasn’t on the podium seems to extend to the CNN censors; that night, because his famed “Biden look forward to his next campaign slo- Blunder Meter” would be going off con- gan, “F**k the Rich”.) Lincoln Chafee is stantly—and, graciously, not at him for just happy to be there. Martin O’Malley once. Webb continued to bumble his tried really hard to make everyone for- way through questions with answers get he was played by Littlefi nger on The as vague as they were misguided. Wire. Asked about affi rmative action, Webb These moments—well, some of them, stated his unorthodox belief that it is anyway—are salient points, but they’ve somehow only valid for blacks and poor been discussed ad nausea. In fact, whites. It’s fascinating how a candidate one could argue that the media’s fo- could stand on a stage with a Republi- cus on these sillier points is just a way SScreencapcreencap byby CNNCNN can-turned-Democrat (the always-smil- of fl outing the real issues. As many of ing Lincoln Chafee) and still have the the candidates noted, this debate was most right-wing positions. A week after extremely issue-oriented, much more ever, Sanders repeatedly voted against The inevitable, reductionist ques- the debate, to the surprise of no one, than the two Republican debates thus the Brady Act, and Hillary was deter- tion that always emerges post-debate Jim Webb announced that he’s ending far. What we saw on stage Tuesday mined not to let him forget it. For his is who “won” the debate. It’s probably his campaign. I’m sure this came as a were actual politics, not political the- part, Sanders defended his votes on a sad statement on our culture that shock to the literal dozens of people ater. It’s a testament to the strength the basis of the potential punitive ac- meaningful dialogue among presiden- who just couldn’t wait to vote for Presi- of these candidates that they avoided tions taken toward gun shop owners tial hopefuls is reduced to the same re- dent Webb, but for the rest, this will name-calling and rhetoric as much as under the legislation. He even attempt- sults as a Super Bowl or arm wrestling. certainly come as a relief. (Full disclo- possible in favor of promoting actual ed the long-standing cop-out of switch- However, for what it’s worth, the gen- sure: as a Virginian myself, it brings me agendas (albeit with varying degrees of ing the issue to that of mental health, eral consensus (and my personal opin- great joy to see Webb go, if only so that success). a tactic notably employed by many of ion) is that Hillary won. Bernie Sanders I don’t have to keep explaining that not Take a look at what was actually talk- the Republican frontrunners in an ef- did fantastically on social media, it’s everyone from Virginia is like that). ed about: Climate change, the “black fort to avoid serious discussion of gun true; but that does not translate into Confused Jim Webb aside, the de- lives matter” movement, education re- control. votes. Indeed, subsequent offi cial poll- bate was a promising start for the Dem- form, legalization of recreational mari- Later, Nevada’s own push for legal- ing has found that of Democrats who ocratic candidates. Naturally, the race juana, foreign policy. In the span of two ization of recreational marijuana use watched the debate, 62% found Hill- is far from over. Bernie trails by smaller hours, plans were proposed, solutions was brought to the forefront, despite ary to be the winner . Sorry, conspiracy and smaller margins each day. Hill- offered, and records examined. That’s more pressing issues at hand. On the theorists, it’s not just Time Warner who ary’s campaign will no doubt be rein- not to say there weren’t moments of foreign policy front, Russian air strikes wasn’t ‘feeling the Bern’. Hillary’s per- vigorated by her performance. Chafee pure rhetoric. Hillary, as always, man- have made Syria a hot-button issue. formance demonstrated her prepara- may have to withdraw soon, especially aged to reinterpret questions to suit Sanders, and even O’Malley, used this tion and goals. She adhered to specifi c given his lackluster fi nancing. (Editor’s her own prepared answers. But be- issue as a way to paint Clinton as a sort plans, dodged criticisms with a master- Note: Chafee has since dropped out). neath all the posturing and maneuver- of war hawk, eager to launch into mili- ful touch, and got aggressive with op- As always, there is the looming threat ing, there was a sense of realness. Be- tary action. ponents when necessary. of Republican rivals. Right now, they yond talking points, these candidates For all the candidates, climate That’s not to say other candidates are being led by Donald “racist toupee” had ideas. This early in the game, it’s change seemed to be safe fallback. fared poorly. Sanders, for his part, Trump. Still, if the fi rst Democratic de- refreshing to see a group of presiden- Bernie Sanders even listed it as his fought well, but ultimately relied too bate was any indication, the Democrats tial hopefuls that have distinct goals top national security threat. O’Malley much on his central idea of Democrat- are primed to make this a knock-down, and policy plans to enact, instead of took his fi rst real distinct position ic socialist reform and the economic drag-out fi ght till November. october 28, 2015 the paper page 9

the paper’s Resident Glutard Unleashes Dietary Rage by Caitlin Hufnagle If you can eat gluten, then just eat it, dammit! News Co-Editor obviously has a lot of undesirable ef- could realize that it’s important. over to beer just isn’t an option to me. Everyone’s body is unique, and by fects, and in my case generally leads However, the recent diet trends Everyone at the table didn’t seem to some stroke of luck, mine possesses to pain and prolonged (read: day-long) amongst “alternative” communities to understand, though. If this other girl multiple food allergies to things that residency on the porcelain goddess. are really making it diffi cult for people had just ‘cheated’, then surly I could most people consider staples in their Repeatedly eating gluten, and thus to differentiate between those with to, right? “I think you should be fi ne diets. As a Celiac, I can’t eat gluten. damaging your intestinal tract for a real medical reasons as to why they if you just had one” one of the people I’m also lactose intolerant, and have Celiac is dangerous and not just in- can’t eat certain foods, and people said, but when I declined, I came off an immunity disorder that causes me convenient—it can cause malnutrition who are just trying to be “different.” as the irrational one. This sort of situ- to be intolerant to basically everything and stunted growth (I didn’t grow for Leave it to the hipsters to piss off ation has happens all the time and tasty: eggs, red meat, foods with pre- 3 years in elementary/middle school yet another group of people in an at- thanks to the “mostly gluten free,” servatives and food dyes. This leaves became skeletally thin), extreme ab- tempt to, in true millennial fashion, be instead of seeming responsible for me with a limited amount of foods dominal pain, and even colon cancer. the most unique special snowfl ake. taking care of my health, I come off that don’t hurt me, such as chicken, These symptoms vary from Celiac to Lots of people have “gone gluten as unreasonable and obsessive about vegetables, fruits and gluten free Celiac, but even a minuscule amount free” claiming that it’s great for their my diet. grains (corn, rice, quinoa). Given my of gluten can cause serious damage. health, and use this restriction as an- According to multiple research stud- atypical relationship with food, I’ve Therefore, it would be incredibly reck- other way to differentiate themselves ies, there’s no reason for those who naturally done a lot of research into less to put your health in jeopardy, from the Bilboard Top 100-listening, don’t have a gluten allergy or Celiac what types of nutrients we need in our even if one doesn’t experience se- poptart-munching masses. The “oh, Disease to not eat gluten—it doesn’t bodies, and the different ways of get- vere symptoms, by eating or drinking I’m I’m gluten free” is turning the new make them any healthier or thinner. ting them. something you know will cause you “oh, you’ve probably never heard of Though the gluten trend has brought This very restrictive diet is fi rst and bodily harm. The same goes for any them.” some good things my way (such as foremost for my medical health—if I allergy. People like me, who have actual the plethora of yummy, new gluten decided to disregard my allergies and Often times this results in having allergies or intolerances, are being free goodies at the supermarket), for intolerances, I’d have a very sad time, to be the annoying friend who asks lumped in with these alterna-trend fol- the most part, it seems to have given to say the least. Because I’ve had a everyone to change dinner plans to lowers, and therefore are having there people the wrong idea about gluten decent amount of health problems a restaurant that accommodates my medical needs looked at less serious- free diets. Basically what this whole (many of which are related to, or trig- diet. Sometimes I also have to miss ly. I was at a gathering recently where rant is about is this: if someone says gered by my allergies) I value being out on certain activities, like going to everyone was playing Kings Cup (it’s a that can’t eat something because healthy and feeling good atop basi- get ice-cream, but this stuff doesn’t drinking game, but don’t worry mom, they have an intolerance or allergy, cally everything else, and there really really bother me. I know I literally can’t I was being responsible!) and I had respect it, and don’t try to make them isn’t any situation where I would know- eat certain foods, and I am not willing brought over a bottle of cider than eat something questionable because ingly put my health in jeopardy. That’s to take any chances. What really both- night (beer isn’t gluten free, for those it’s more convenient to you. Also, if why it really bothers me when people ers me, then, is when people judge of you not in the know). Another one there’s no reason to not eat some- mistake my necessarily limited diet as me for being so “uptight” about my of the girls playing was also drinking thing, you’re just being diffi cult by re- a recent health or lifestyle trend, and dietary needs and seem incapable of cider because she “couldn’t have fusing to eat foods that are generally therefore treat it less seriously. understanding, even if I explain, how gluten,” which made me excited—it’s ok for you to eat, and you’re making To give you a better picture of what important it is that I know what is and always nice to meet other gluten-chal- others seem uptight in comparison to I’m talking about, I’m going to have isn’t in my food. I don’t want to come lenged people. However, about half- your half-assed attempts at unneces- to get a little TMI here. I had a doctor off as narcissistic here. I want to get way through the game when she ran sarily cutting gluten out of your diet. once make an analogy about what it’s this straight: I don’t think it’s anyone out of cider, she switched to beer say- Essentially, if you feel better not eat- like to eat gluten if you’re a Celiac. Ba- else’s responsibility to understand my ing it was going to be her “cheat night.” ing something, then don’t eat it, but sically, it’s like running a piece of steel medical conditions and food limita- Soon after when I fi nished my drink, commit to it—you’ll be healthier and wool through your intestinal tract. This tions, but it would be nice if people I chose to stop playing, as switching feel great all of the time, too. page 10 the paper october 28, 2015 Love Thine Neighbor, and, If You Don’t, Shoot ‘Em! by Lily Vesel The only way to end gun violence, is more gun violence Staff Don’t Take My Guns Some politicians, however, are fac- NRA lobbyists and a bunch of other as it was then when the Second Amend- America is the only economically ing this issue head on. In an inter- old rich white guys are here to tell you ment was written. You know, when Brit- advanced fi rst-world country with view with Rachel Martin from NPR, that you’re not! And they would know, ish Redcoats were coming into people’s regularly recurring massive killing Democratic Connecticut Senator considering the sixth sense for dan- houses unannounced and killing people. sprees of innocent civilians. Some Richard Blumenthal explained that ger they’ve honed in their white, up- So we must be armed. Upholding our gun control advocates think that it the gun control legislation he pro- per class neighborhoods. Now you’re laws is clearly not what modern-day po- is unacceptable that every American posed in response to the Oregon cooking! licemen are for, because, quoting Jon can get a gun and potentially go on a shooting is a “loophole-closer,” Or maybe Obama’s administra- Stewart, “apparently we think that killing bloody rampage if they really feel like meaning that it would close the loop- tion will become tyrannical, requir- our citizens is our job.” it. But, you know, why would anyone hole “that [gun sales] can be made if ing armed citizens to overthrow it via I mean, c’mon, if stricter gun control think that? Seriously, it’s not really the background check is incomplete military coup! What will we gun-less legislation won’t stop every criminal in such a big deal guys, take a chill pill. after 72 hours. In other words, the citizens do then, huh? Sit around the entire country from getting a gun, So Bang Bang Bang! Woohoo! sale can go ahead even if there’s and watch our tyrannical government what’s the point? Unless this will guar- Right? Wait – not so fast. Stop antee the termination of every last indi- swinging around your AK-47 for a sec vidual shooting, why even bother regulat- ya patriotic ‘Muricans, and listen to ing gun access? this. With the recent mass shooting Oh, and let’s not forget to thank Dr. Ben at Umpqua Community College in Or- Carson, a 2016 Republican presidential egon, the issue of poor gun control candidate and hardcore Second Amend- has resurfaced in the United States. Well duh – but hold on. That’s not it. How would I, with my So far, none of the 14 recent mass pitchfork, be able to shootings since 2009, committed with legally purchased guns, have effectively defend my resulted in any actual increase in Federal gun control legislation. No family? A gun would no, calm down, don’t burn your citi- work so much better! zenship documents just yet – there’s still hope – or is there? ment fan, for enlightening us with his bul- In 2013, congressional lawmakers letproof (pun intended) logic comparing thought that perhaps we might in- a gun-less United States to Hitler’s Nazi deed like to limit the bi-monthly mass regime. “I think the likelihood of Hitler murder of the innocent by the psy- being able to accomplish his goals would chologically unstable. They thought have been greatly diminished if the peo- wrong. Although they did indeed AAmerica,merica, LLandand ofof thethe Free.Free. ple had been armed,” Carson said in an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, “I’m tell- You can go ahead ing you there is a reason these dictatorial no background check as long as 72 take over? The second amendment, people take the guns fi rst.” Sort of ironic and recycle your cop- hours have passed.” stating that, “A well-regulated Militia, that someone who wants to be president ies of The Shining But why would we want to pass being necessary to the security of is claiming that the government which he legislation that could potentially a free State, the right of the people wants to head is so powerful and out-of- and The Sixth Sense prevent, or at least curb the large to keep and bear Arms, shall not be control that citizens need to carry killing scale assassination of innocent infringed,” obviously applies to indi- machines to be safe from it. because now you can Americans at the hands of the men- vidual citizens without military train- So yeah, Obama, stop “politicizing” watch real, live hor- tally unstable, emotionally troubled, ing. How would I, with my pitchfork, the issue of gun control, because, after and the criminally insane? After all, be able to effectively defend my fam- all, it’s not political. Don’t tell me politi- ror on CNN. we need guns for self-defense! Ev- ily? A gun would work so much better! cians are the only people with the power ery single American (yes, even your After all, why else did we establish a to change national regulations! So let’s vote on a bipartisan bill on gun re- child!) undoubtedly needs to have, democracy in which every offi cial is continue ignoring the real issues behind strictions and requiring background on their person at all times, a fi rearm publicly elected by American citizens the bimonthly massacres of innocent checks on all fi rearms purchasers, it capable of gunning down an entire in a fair, equal, and well-regulated vot- and unsuspecting civilians and leave failed, fi ve measly votes short. classroom. Yes – a good automatic ing procedure, if not to have our guns gun control discussions out of political Shockingly, we have experienced weapon. It can be so hard for those ready the moment these offi cials we debates. Let’s focus instead on issues seven mass shootings since this bill little ones to reload a handgun. elected become bloodthirsty tyrants, such as abortion and immigration, and failed. You can go ahead and recycle That’s right, until now you might requiring us to gun them down like we see how long this pattern of bi-monthly your copies of The Shining or The have felt safe grabbing an afternoon did to the British over two centuries mass shootings persists before doing Sixth Sense because now you can Starbucks on your lunch break, but, ago? something to break it. watch real, live horror on CNN. thankfully, in the name of safety, the It is basically the same situation now october 28, 2015 the paper page 11 “PostSecret” Exhibit is a Much Needed Outlet for Confessing Truth by Georgia Pullis For when you just really need to tell people all the weird shit you do Staff Chamber of Secrets munity art project soon turned into a of education that one can only re- itself. Secrets can be like leeches: little worldwide spectacle for the sharing ceive from special kinds of projects. When a secret reads, “I want to slimy annoying slugs that cling to your of secrets. He has asked people of It doesn’t teach quadratic functions say a big ‘Fuck You’ to this whole life, slowly sucking it out of you. No all backgrounds to send him deco- or levels of solubility, historic facts or graphic design thing and move to matter how hard you shake your leg, rated postcards with anonymous se- even how to ride a bike! It is an edu- Africa where I can do something im- they don’t budge…persistent bitches. portant and beautiful,” we can’t help They can be big or small, some even but want the same for ourselves, for said to be “killer,” but for some rea- everyone honestly, to be able to cut son, each one eats at you until, in- the bull shit and make a difference. evitably, removed. The removal of a When a secret reads, “Every secret however is no simple task. month I give away $100 anonymous- Why is telling a secret so diffi cult? ly,” we smile, because that person If you think about it, secrets are more has just restored some of our faith in of a universal condition than a prob- the world. lem found in only certain individuals. Of course, not all secrets are posi- We all have secrets. We all perfectly tive. Some say things like, “I’m pre- understand that there are aspects of pared for a life alone,” or “I never ourselves we prefer to keep private, should have made that mistake. I or feel the need to keep private. The wonder how long I’ll regret that de- problem is that we see these secrets cision.” Knowing the truth behind as drawn up images of ourselves that these words invokes our emotionally defi ne us, and the only way to let go capacity to empathize, a part of us is to tell, to grab that leech and pull. wants to say “me too.” We might feel better once the blood Reading the secret that says “I sucker is gone, but the leech has still wasted my childhood trying to be left a wound - your secret is now ex- MMyy ppostsecretostsecret isis I killedkilled a guy!!!guy!!! grown-up…Now I’m a teenager and posed! it SUCKS,” we realize that many peo- The next step can only be to raise ple struggle with change and maybe your hands to the sky and let the judg- crets on them: those they had never cation in understanding what it feels that’s because we all want to rekin- ments rain upon you. Now, perhaps revealed. In return, Warren publicly like to be scared, what it feels like to dle some innocence. if everyone was standing in this rain posts their secrets in his books, on be let down, how to know that life is Frank Warren has really created together, hands simultaneously wav- his blog or shows them off in art ex- actually good, how to know that life something beautiful between the ing in the air, we could look around hibits. “PostSecret” he calls it, a title does completely suck sometimes: it pages of these post cards. Because and see some of our similarities. We which is now well-known in many educates with truth, not reason. The of its depth and meaning, PostSecret wouldn’t be judging each other for households. compilation of hundreds of secrets is will probably continue to fl ourish and our secrets but opening up to them; While it may seem strange for one striking because it holds a myriad of free the souls of secret keepers for as a means to not only rid ourselves man to be soliciting the secrets of truths, words that can now come to many years to come. Have a secret of this burden, but also to better un- the world, it is actually a rejuvenat- life, inspiring others to tell their tales leeching onto you? Not a problem… derstand a more behind-the-curtain ing form of art for all who participate; once and for all. not anymore. As Frank Warren says, sociology of our culture. whether sending a secret, reading When a secret reads, “I stopped “Terrible secrets don’t come from The ‘secret’ business is one of ex- his book or attending an exhibit. Se- wearing panties to the offi ce weeks terrible people. Maybe our secrets treme confi dentiality, and as of today, crets like these, without credentials, ago. Work has never felt so refresh- aren’t so terrible after all. Maybe I’m there is only one scientist of secrets aren’t harmful. The sender gets to ing!” we are not only reassured that not so terrible after all.” that has cracked the code to giving lift the weight of the secret off their going commando - on the down low people the gift of sharing: Frank War- shoulders, and the audience be- - is kind of fun, but in a way, also com- ren. For him, what started as a com- comes educated. This is the kind forted by the humor of the concept page 12 the paper october 28, 2015 Actually Sleeping at Night Might Be a Good Idea... by Richard Chao I’ll let you know for sure when I’m awake enough to read this Staff Morning Owl here to throw numbers around be- Mathematically, it makes sense. If the class and end up completely con- “You know them ones. You know cause we’re not an 8-digit Fordham you spend one hour hanging out with fused while doing the homework or them days. You want things to fall Identifi cation Number. We’re each friends now, you’ll just make up that studying for the test. Also, in the situ- in place. While keeping up with this an individual different in his/her own one hour later at night. But, scien- ation of tests, all-nighters just add to pace. You’re tryna keep a smile on way. tifi cally, it is a different story. This is the problem because after 11 PM it’s that face…” quoted by Shakka in his So if I’m not here to throw statis- because, fi rst of all, our brains are so hard to retain knowledge that it’d song “Say Nada”. I won’t repeat the tics at you than what I am I really do- optimal until 9 PM so you’re not on be a better idea to just sleep earlier. rest of the song because it has noth- ing? Honestly, I just want to give my your A-game and you’re prone to mis- Like I said earlier in my article, we’re ing related to what I have to say but own opinion on sleep and why all- takes if you’re working at 1 AM or 2 all individuals unique in our own way those fi rst few lines are kind of rel- nighters aren’t the best solutions in AM. In addition to that, the one hour so maybe all-nighters do work for you. evant to most of us. some situations. We only have 24 you thought it’d take you to do your However, if it hasn’t really been work- Here we are, one and a half months hours a day which we at fi rst think work could actually take you two or ing for you maybe consider fi nishing into homework assignments, tests, sounds like a lot, yet we so often fi nd three because of you’re more vulner- your work earlier in the day and hav- internships, love, friends, family, and ourselves up at 1 AM or 2 AM writing able to distractions at night. More- ing fun and sleeping later in the day the list goes on is hitting us hard. papers or rushing to fi nish our work over, it doesn’t sound so bad at fi rst rather than sleeping and having fun We’re already making the tough deci- maybe even cramming for a test. Why when you’re just sleeping maybe 1 or earlier in the day and staying up all sion to sacrifi ce an hour of sleep on is that? A lot of us at 4 PM in the af- 2 hours later but on a personal level night studying and doing homework. homework or just bum out on Netf- ternoon are considering the big ques- you feel that difference when you’re In conclusion, what I’m trying to say lix. Ask the next person you see how tion: “Do it now or later?” Then we in the middle of a science lecture or is that an hour at 4 PM is completely they’re feeling and you’re going to get decide, “Later, sounds better.” a literature discussion and you end different from an hour at 1 AM. the “Fine, but I’m so tired.” I’m not You’re not to blame for that logic. up taking a little nap in the middle of Yes I Did the Reading, No I Don’t Want To Talk About It by Kelly Tyra Partipation grades negatively impact students with anxiety Arts Co-Editor These paralyzing feelings may be itself is bringing the stress upon you. shitty. Not just because feeling shitty 5% in Intro to Film. 10% in Elec- caused by a fear of saying something Anxiety is awful and participating in is shitty but because the fear of this tronic Media. 20% in Screenwriting. wrong, of being looked down on, or class is a unique kind of hellhole shit occurring can cause it to occur. 20% in Ethical Issues in Media. And of being rejected. And many of these where your input is judged by peers I mean, shit. Those who suffer from a whopping 25% in Environmental fears are heightened in the presence and a person in power. And not only anxiety are also more prone to suffer- History of NYC. This semester my of peers and authority fi gures, mak- is a blunder embarrassing, it comes ing from depression simultaneously. participation in class will account ing a college classroom one of the across as a refl ection of your intel- So, basically, those who suffer from for about 16% of my GPA. While this most stressful environments imagin- ligence and social grace. In class anxiety can’t catch a break especially may not seem like a hugely signifi - able. discussion, a misspoken word could on college campuses where those cant portion, it does raise a signifi - In my Environmental History exhibit your misunderstanding of an- two mental disorders are increasingly cant problem for students suffering class, where one quarter of my grade other person’s contribution or even common. from anxiety. depends upon participation, the per- worse offend someone. The list of Given the rise in such issues Anxiety recently bypassed depres- centage on the syllabus is accompa- embarrassing missteps that may be amongst students, helpful changes sion as the number one mental nied by the phrase “Think on your taken in class goes on and you’ve should be implemented especially in health condition affecting college feet, often.” For someone who suf- probably experienced one of these regards to participation. While some fers from anxiety, that may be a rath- situations yourself. professors’ clutch to verbal participa- This isn’t just a fear er daunting request. I mean, partici- For someone with anxiety, the tion points as their only way of de- pating in class can be intimidating stress of such situations may be mul- termining student engagement with to participate, it is a even for someone who doesn’t suf- tiplied by ten. This isn’t just a fear to material, others have changed the fer from an anxiety disorder. Imagine participate it is a mental illness, a se- way they monitor it. Online participa- mental illness, a seri- a professor calls on you to explain a rious condition. And while it is highly tion has become increasing common ous condition. reading that you just did not do. You treatable, only 1/3 of suffers receive and written testaments of engage- get nervous, start to fumble around treatment and only 1/5 of teens. ment are sometimes utilized as well. students. In 2008, 80% of col- with words, you can feel everyone’s (This is incredibly signifi cant; as diag- These methods take some of the lege students said they frequently eyes on you, feel the disappoint- noses and treatment of such disor- pressure of anxious students who or sometimes experience anxiety. ment of your professor and the judg- ders would allow students to register may know exactly what is happening While some bouts of anxiety are me- ment of that hottie in the corner, and with the Offi ce of Disability Services in class but are hesitant or unable to nial, more serious instances can be worse, you know you brought this and you know, receive service that share. Unfortunately, this is not the hell. Someone who suffers from an stress upon yourself. Now imagine could help in the classroom.) For standard in most classes and thus anxiety disorder such as generalized you did the reading, you connected some sufferers, the condition is not students suffering from social anxi- anxiety disorder or social anxiety dis- with it, you understood it but you feel purely mental. It can manifest itself ety continue to be disadvantaged. order may live in a relatively constant the same way when confronted by a in physical symptoms especially dur- Obviously, this needs to change. state of fear and apprehension. professor and even worse, your body ing a panic attack. Which is pretty october 28, 2015 the paper page 13

the paper’s View the paper presents Transformations Last Minute Halloween Is anyone else extremely frustrated with the inconsistency of Costumes this year’s change from summer to winter? What ever happened to the wonderful inbetween that is fall? Yes the trees are all Still not ready for the weekend festivities? We’re here beautiful shades of red and yellow and orange, and there are to help! Here’s a list of quick and simple costumes for occasional sweater weather days, but all-in-all the switch has not the Halloween weekend! been too enjoyable. One day it’s too hot to wear anything but a short sleeve shirt, and the sun is so bright that you have to wear 1. Okapi sunglasses, and the next you go out in a sweater and jean jacket and you start shaking so much that you almost fall over because you feel like your insides are turning into a bag of frozen peas. At night, you fall asleep all comfortable and cozy under your blan- kets, but you’re woken up at 3am because it got so cold outside that the heat has been turned on and now you’re sweating bul- lets. It’s been rough.

If you think about it, all transformations, even when they leave you better off than you were before, provoke similar feelings to those of the changing seasons. Puberty, for example. One day 2. Lincoln Chafee you’re a kid, innocent and ignorant to what life has waiting for you, and the next your face is covered in pimples and you have hair in new places. Your voice might be high one day and as deep as your 40-year-old teacher’s the next. Some days might be bet- ter than others, like when you realize you now have boobs and you feel kind of sexy for the fi rst time, but all in all the changes are usually pretty treacherous. And after fall, all we have to look forward to is cold.

We undergo many changes in our lives, most of which occur while we’re in that young adult stage. Although these changes 3. Quinoa might be uncomfortable, and sometimes pretty frightening, they can also be pretty exciting as well. There have been studies done that show that the unknown is a bigger fear of most people than dying, heights, and even spiders. That’s one reason why the dark can seem so intimidating. Who knows what’s hiding in your clos- et? Or under your bed?! You can’t see anything, so therefore any- thing is a possibility. These endless possibilites seem scary, but in another mindset, that same feeling of limitlessness can be a great thing. Instead of thinking anything is a possibility in a way that you’re afraid you might encounter something negative, think anything is possible in a way that lets you recognize the many op- 4. An ironic cat purtunities that lie before you.

So, in conclusion, instead of hating the confusing weather pat- terns that have been consuming these last few weeks, try wear- ing layers. That is our metaphor for the day. Everything is fl uid-- ride the wave. The possibilities are endless.

-Ali & Zoe page 14 the paper october 28, 2015 Screw the Ivies: Brand Names Don’t Guarantee Experience by Claire Nunez Malia, come to Fordham! We have beer pong here too! Staff Student Ambassador partying again. The students may get often retort, “You’re better than falls a few more slots on U.S News-- Long before any of us started school a little annoyed that there is always that.” As someone who is completely this year it fell eight places-- and ev- here at Fordham, we spent countless someone snooping around in search indecisive, it was stressful enough ery time we respond the same way. hours fi ne tuning our resumes and of Malia, but they will surely reap the making a choice of this magnitude, Students complain that the university grooming ourselves to be the perfect benefi ts of cool speakers, improved it didn’t help everyone was poison- name isn’t going to help with their job applicant with a list of activities that facilities, and maybe the chance ing me with their opinions. When it hunts, The Ram runs a front-page ar- “diversifi ed” us from our competi- to see the President every once in came down to the end of April, I was ticle which blames someone for the tors. Maybe you listed yourself as the awhile. If she ever came to Fordham, pretty much stuck between one high- recent drop, and some parents get member of a few honor societies, worried that Fordham isn’t worth the president of ski club, a cashier the price. Of course, this is a little ri- at the store where you had your not- diculous. On U.S. News, Fordham is so-beloved fi rst job, and a proud vol- ranked as 66 out of at least 200 col- unteer at a local animal shelter. Now leges on the list of National Univer- imagine your application saying you sities. That is actually pretty decent, have traveled all over the country on even so, it doesn’t really matter--it’s a campaign trail, interned on the set just an arbitrary grade. of HBO’s Girls with Lena Dunham in These ranks are just numbers. For Brooklyn, volunteered in one of DC’s U.S News, the data is based off of the biggest soup kitchens every Thanks- array of majors provided and gradu- giving with dozens of cameras click- ate degrees available; for Forbes it’s ing away, and your dad is the Presi- income and debt of recent grads. dent of the United States of America. AAndnd jjustust waitwait untiluntil These sites can’t measure the skills President Obama’s oldest daughter, wwee ggoo ttoo PPugsley’s!ugsley’s! you learn from volunteering with kids Malia, doesn’t even need to write in the Bronx, what you gain from any of those “extracurriculars” on her class discussions, or the joy you have application to America’s most presti- from being immersed in a place and gious universities. Every application studies you love. It is not just about has a blank space, she just has to what your major is, it is about who write her name. Michelle would probably be all over ly-ranked, name-brand school and a you mold yourself to be. Employ- The eldest of the Obama daugh- the meal plan saying it’s not healthy bunch of what my friends deemed ers want you to have skills not just ters has been touring some highly- and we need more sweet potatoes in as, “lesser” schools. The only thing knowledge from a dusty textbook. If selective colleges, specifi cally the our diets. But, this isn’t okay. Well, that prevented me from charging to you know what metals will react with Ivies-- Columbia, Harvard, Princeton, not the idea of Michelle Obama rush- cow country in Upstate New York was certain acids, but you cannot utilize Yale, the University of Pennsylvania ing into the Caf and banishing all of the sticker price. The cost would have that information to discover anything and Brown as well as some highly- the congealed pizza and lamenting at caused me much more stress than fruitful to society, then what good is ranked public universities like UC the lack of vegetables, that would be the actual schoolwork. that random fact? Answer: it’ll only Berkeley. President Obama recently the most incredible event to happen On a day that I was extraordinarily help answer Jeopardy questions. told a group of high school students here-- it’s the idea that name-brand torn over the college decision, my The college listed on our diplomas that he told Malia that the school’s schools get all of the hype and atten- friend, who was an overachiever, doesn’t determine our worth. We name doesn’t really matter, but she tion that is concerning. valedictorian, and decided against make our own opportunities with still has been touring (and playing As a lil’ baby ram, I went through the going to one of the big-brand schools, what we have learned in our time beer pong at) some of the most pres- application process just one short sat next to me and asked what was here. Malia Obama has to do the tigious institutions in the world. As year ago. I had some reach schools going on. I explained my dilemma be- same thing no matter what school the “most eligible college applicant and safeties, as well as a few that tween the price and the possible out- she goes to. She gets special treat- of 2016,” Malia is going to be given frankly, I would never go to. Initially, come and he returned: “Well Claire, ment now because her dad holds a plethora of options, and she is go- I was all about the ranking from U.S fuck the Ivies. It’s not where you go, one of the highest regarded positions ing to pick the best one. She is prob- News & World Report. My high school it’s what you do. If you’re not going to in the world, but she’ll still have to ably a hard worker and successful was cutthroat; everyone wanted to be be happy there, fuck it.” I knew that work for her grades like we do. Just with her studies, but let’s be honest better than someone else. We often it would be best to pick a much more because someone went to an Ivy, here, she could apply to any institu- concerned ourselves with who was on feasible option. That was the day I doesn’t mean he is any better than tion with average grades and get in. top and where that person would be picked Fordham. we are. Every college student is on Any establishment would kill to have heading the following year. Conversa- Joining this community, I thought the same boat to the “real world” no a First Daughter attend. tion seemed to always shift towards the fi xation on rank would end, yet matter what our background is. Go- The school Malia chooses will profi t the ranking of this or that school. It people still talk about it. Why can’t ing to an expensive, fancy school with from an infl ux of reporters and a dra- was oddly consuming. My classmates we just be happy with our school? a “prestigious” name tag only makes matic increase in social media follow- used to tell me, “That school is not This constant obsession with staying a slight difference. Fuck the Ivies, ers trying to catch a glimpse of her good enough for you,” as I rattled off on top of all other universities is a be who you want to be, do what you acting like a normal college student my list of possible new homes. They’d serious problem. Each year Fordham want, where you want. october 28, 2015 the paper page 15

Pole Dancing: More Sporty Spice than Sexy Spice by Melody Knight-Brown It’s time to change the way we look at pole dancers Arts Co-Editor able fact that the younger the dancer, way the leotards gymnasts wear are. perclass (white) girls can do it without Whatever picture you have in your the more they’re physically able to The focus of the performances is not feeling embarrassed. Even though, mind when you think of pole dancing push their body thus making it unfair to about trying to be sexy or sexual. The let’s be honest, the sexual aspect was or a pole dancing competition, erase judge a 45-year-old whose been danc- focus is on power, strength, and skill. probably what attracted them to the it. Strip clubs? No. Nudity? No. Lots of ing for 8 years against an 18-year-old Pole dancing has been likened to ver- sport in the fi rst place. That’s the oth- creepy old guys leering at young girls who just started two months ago. tical gymnastics and there is even a er problem with trying to de-sexualize who obviously have daddy issues? Ab- All of this is done so that the compe- push to get admitted into the Olympics. pole. The scandalous aspect is one of solutely not. tition is fair however, setting all these The point is to remove the strip club the biggest draws to pole. Just because The Northeast Aerial Arts Cham- stigma from pole dancers, you’re not dancing for money doesn’t pionships was held at the Jamaica and as a pole dancer my- make dancing around a pole any less Performing Arts Center in Queens, self, I must admit questions salacious. Also, with the push to make New York this past weekend, October about being a stripper and pole a sport instead of a dance, you be- 24-25, and more closely resembled a comments of “I have a pole gin to see a certain body type emerge sports competition than a strip club. you can dance on ;)” are at – thin, strong, athletic, small. Anyone How is this possible? Well, because of best annoying and invasive can pole dance, literally anyone regard- the Pole Sport Organization (PSO) the and at worse sexual harass- less or weight, age, body type, or ath- people who established the competi- ment. From a feminist point leticism, which is partly what makes tion and set the rules. There are rules of view, destigmatizing pole it so empowering. Granted the sexual for judging, rules for competing, rules dancing comes will all the aspect is never going to be completely dictating what clothing is allowed (no additional implications of removed from pole dancing. There will gluteal folds may be exposed), rules de-sexualizing the female always be poles in strip clubs, but the prohibiting any explicit sexual moves or body. Pole dancing, which move to make pole a sport is making gestures, and the competition itself is has its origins very much in it more exclusive and more pretentious highly structured and organized. female objectifi cation, has and there’s no need for that. The competition was organized into TThishis isn’tisn’t easyeasy andand now become a form of fe- Pole competitions are fun because male empowerment, which it’s a way for the community to get to- six categories (Dramatic, Entertain- nneithereither amam I.I. ment, Freedance, Doubles/Groups, is fantastic or would be if it gether and show off a little bit and cel- Showcase Plus, and Lyra), fi ve levels of didn’t come at the expense ebrate and support one another. But experience, and three age groups. The rules and regulations serve another of losing such a big part of what pole there’s no reason why pole can’t em- categories are organized into different purpose. They take the sex out of pole dancing is. brace its sexual origin and still be a le- events that allow dancers to showcase dancing. They distance the sport, if you Pole dancing is sexual and its preva- gitimate activity. Personally, I’m proud a particular skill e.g., freestyle, artistry, will, from that thing strippers do. For lence in strip clubs is a big part of its of where pole came from. I have a lot strength. As for the levels of experi- someone who has never thought of history and development and person- of respect for the girls who are still in ence, each level is carefully defi ned in pole dancing outside of a club the idea ally I don’t think it’s necessary to try to clubs and in my mind, anyone who has terms of what tricks and moves are al- of removing the sexual aspect from hide that past to legitimize it as a sport. a problem with that history or looks lowed and how many points of contact pole dancing may seem impossible It’s disrespectful to the history and to down on strippers, might want to re- (how many places a dancer’s body is but if you ever look up videos of com- the girls who started pole as a more consider their involvement in pole be- touching the pole) must be maintained petitive pole dancing it makes sense. mainstream activity, most of whom cause it may not be the best sport for at all times. The age groups are divided The abundance of skin-tight skimpy started in clubs. This “stop the stigma” them after all. into Juniors (18-29), Seniors (30-39), clothing may still be considered pro- movement is essentially saying that we and Masters(40+) due to the unavoid- vocative but provocative in the same need to take the sex out of pole so up- page 16 the paper october 28, 2015 How Horror Movies Scare Us: The Safety Assumption Events by Matthew Whitaker We know how to make you scream What: Saving a Life to Staff R.L. Stine a good horror movie, he or she almost fi nds a box in the attic with a projec- the Beat of the Music It is Halloween season again, and always loses. This game begs another tor and some fi lm reels, which turn out to contain grisly footage of murders. Where: McGinley Lounge that means it is time to microwave question. How does the horror movie some popcorn and put on a good strip away at the viewer’s safety as- Since the movies “monster,” or in this th When: Nov. 10 , 5:30pm horror movie. What makes a horror sumption? The answer separates the case, murderer, has not appeared yet, How Much: FREE movie…well…horrifi c? Why do people good horror movies from the garbage. the viewer’s mind is free to wander, and he or she may begin to consider Why: Might as well learn cower in fear while watching some hor- Shredding a viewer’s safety assump- ror movies, but laugh and mock other tion is a tricky and complicated pro- the possibility of fi nding such a box in some basic CPR. Also, ones? Some horror movies prey on cess. If a horror movie just begins with his or her own attic. With that thought, FREE FOOD! Please note a certain aspect of the human mind the protagonist being chased by the another layer of the viewer’s safety as- sumption has peeled off. At this point, that this is a demonstra- much better than others, that being the monster, no viewer will take the movie safety assumption. What is the safety seriously, let alone be afraid. The key Sinister shows the “monster”, but not tion class and NOT a assumption? Well, to give an example, to destroying the ingrained safety as- in full, leading to the next most impor- certifi cation class. do you, the reader of this article, as- sumption is making the viewer believe tant factor in a horror movie: uncer- tainty. What: Trick or Treat Trot: sume that the last three people you saw have no While tearing apart the view- A Hero Run 2016 intention of killing you? er’s safety assumption is an im- Where: McGinley Center Do you assume that a portant part of inducing fear, it is often not enough to frighten When: Fri. Oct. 30th, demented monster is not going to jump out of the the viewer. The destruction of 4:30-6:30pm nearest crevice and tear the safety assumption must How Much: $5 registra- you apart? Have you ever work with the element of uncer- tainty to deliver a truly horrifi c tion, $15 registration and seen such aberrations? If your answers are yes, fi lm. A simple example of this is a t-shirt yes, and no, then you are arachnophobia. If you have this Why: Watch your peers probably a normal person fear, when are you more afraid? When you can see the spider, or run through campus in living under the safety assumption. The safety when you know it is near you, but costume and possibly assumption is a human you cannot see it? Many people intoxicated! coping mechanism which would feel more afraid when the spider is present, but out of What: NYC Halloween helps people live their daily lives without hid- sight, as it could be climbing up Parade ing in a corner fearing all one’s leg. The same feeling is Where: Spring St. and 6th the unlikely possibilities YYouou cancan nevernever bbee ttoooo achieved in horror movies. Re- turning to Sinister, the viewer is Ave of their demise. It tells ssure.ure. humans that those pos- exposed to the fi lm’s “monster” st When: Sat. Oct. 31 , sibilities are so unlikely that they are the events of the movie can happen long before he or she realizes who it 6pm impossible. Though deep down, all to him or her. Thus, the movie must is. He is fi rst seen in the murder fi lms, though each fi lm only has a glimpse How Much: FREE people know that anything is possible, start out in a believable, and most im- any terrible, wicked thing. Could you portantly, relatable way. For example, of him. The viewer begins to question Why: One of the most imagine living in a mental state where take the movie Sinister. It begins with who the strange fi gure is, becoming famous and extravagant you thought everyone was likely to mur- a believable situation which many view- uncomfortable and anxious whenever the fi gure is mentioned or reappears. parades in the country! der you at any time? This is how good ers have previously experienced, that horror movies want you to feel, unsafe, being the protagonist’s family mov- More strange occurrences happen, like What: Alta Gracia unsure, and unsettled. ing into a new home. The new home undead children appearing and giving Where: JMH 108 Watching a horror movie is like play- seems perfectly normal at fi rst, though the “shush” sign, but very little is ex- plained, allowing the viewer’s mind to When: Thurs. Oct. 29th, ing a game, a most devious and evil the protagonist is revealed to have an game, that strips away your sanity as ulterior motive for moving into it. He wander and create the monster based 6pm the movie rolls. The viewer and the is a true-crime writer, and the home on his or her own vulnerabilities. The How Much: Free! horror movie are the players, locked was the site of a recent murder and key to uncertainty is to give the view- er a reason to believe something is Why: Students for Fair in a one-versus-one standoff. Each kidnapping, which he intends to solve. player has a unique goal. The horror Now, this begins to make the viewer wrong, without explicitly telling what Trade host the only ap- movie intends to peel away at the view- ask questions like, “Would I move into is wrong. Through the combination of parell company in the er’s safety assumption until the viewer a house where a murder occurred?” uncertainty and the destruction of the safety assumption, horror movies are developing world who believes that the events of the movie This puts the viewer in the protago- could happen in his or her own life. nists’ shoes, allowing them to relate to able to bring out the inner terror in the pays their employees a Conversely, the viewer unconsciously the protagonist and be more accepting viewer’s mind, often through his or her living wage. attempts to protect his or her safety as- of upcoming events. Soon after mov- own doubts and weaknesses. sumption, and if the viewer is watching ing into the new house, the protagonist october 28, 2015 the paper page 17 Annoying People Flock to the MoMA by Michael Sheridan And are basically an installation themselves Shows Staff Meta-Hater ognized as some of the greatest works paintings and always about to knock Recently, I had the opportunity to of the 20th century. But Improvers over a sculpture. No, it would be best What: ODESZA visit the Museum of Modern Art (Mo know just how to make each and every if you simply just left the museum al- Where: Terminal 5 MA) to view the new Picasso Exhibi- artwork even better. Not content with together as that is the only way he can tion, “Picasso Sculpture.” The show of- simply enjoying the works on the wall, save the artwork. When: Sun. Nov 15th, fered an extremely interesting view of Improvers let everyone know that they 7) The Person on His or Her Cell- 8pm Picasso’s work in this medium. While would have added some red in the cor- phone: “Yeah I’m just at the MOMA. No How Much: $27 the artist is perhaps best remembered ner, and maybe toned down the use of it’s okay we can talk. WHAT? I CAN’T for his paintings, his sculpture is just negative space. HEAR YOU OVER THIS CROWD? COULD Why: Because you love as good if not better. The exhibit traces 4) The Hater: Haters simply cannot YOU SPEAK A LITTLE MORE LOUDLY? yourself that much. If the artist’s career from his early cubist stand modern art. They think mod- WHAT’S THAT? I THINK I MIGHT BE you don’t already know days, all the way until his death, not- ern art pieces are all ugly jokes, and LOSING SERVICE!” ing the stylistic changes along the way, spends the entire time laughing and 8) The Photographer: Even though ODESZA you will thank and relating how the changing time mocking the masterpieces. They eas- every image in the museum can be yourself for going. period and changes in his life affected ily “could have done that” and “don’t found online, the only way photogra- What: Bassjackers his artwork. However, as enjoyable as understand why this is considered phers will ever see anything again is if my visit was, it they take a picture of ev- Where: Space Ibiza was not without ery single artwork. The When: Fri. Nov. 6th, 10pm the usual annoy- only way they see any- How Much: $25 ing people that thing is if it’s through seem to fl ock to the lens of a camera. Why: Because you have the MoMA. Here Oh and would you mind to go to at least one rave are the top ten moving? You’re kind of in your life so just go. most annoying blocking his shot. people that visit 9) The People Who #PLUR this museum on Really Didn’t Want to What: SoMo any given day. Come: Admittedly, art Where: Irving Plaza 1) The Art His- really isn’t their thing. th torian: They may But after one look from When: Sat. Nov. 7 , 8pm have only taken their signifi cant other, How Much: $25 one class of intro they suddenly found Why: Because he has level art history, themself spending their or seen a thirty Saturday being dragged a beautiful voice and minute documen- around some museum, “Ride” is probably on tary on Netfl ix, MMoMaoMa Mia!Mia! but that doesn’t mean your Sex playlist but art historians they have to enjoy it. think they know Instead they’ll spend What: I Fight Dragons it all. Not content to keep this informa- art.” Although, it is unclear why Haters the entire time moving from bench to Where: The Studio @ tion to themselves, art historians feels spent $28 and their Saturday to look at bench, checking Sports Center on their Webster Hall compelled to let everyone know every- artwork they supposedly hate. phone until they can fi nally leave. th thing about the artwork and the artist, 5) Children: While it’s good to expose 10) The Couple: There’s going to When: Wed. Nov. 11 , even though reading the information children to art early on, some parents MoMA as a couple and then there’s 7:30pm plate would have worked just as well seem to forget that they didn’t take THE couple. The couple delights in How Much: $12 and probably been more accurate. their child to a playground. All you want showcasing PDA their entire visit and 2) The Hipster: Hipsters only came to do is admire the paintings, and may- feels the need to take selfi es next to Why: Because chiptune because their friends “dragged them” be feel something, but nope, the chil- every single painting in the Museum indie rock is a horrifi cally to the museum, but they aren’t about dren will make sure this doesn’t hap- (#MoMA #Cultured #Bae). However, underrated genre and to enjoy any of it. The work is all way too pen. Among the constant questions, they rarely look at the actual artwork, mainstream and way too touristy for complaints, and general loudness, kids as they are too busy trying to adjust these guys are the best their taste. While everyone is off look- will ruin any sort of deep connection their Instagram fi lter to enjoy the Pol- at it. ing at Van Gogh’s Starry Night (which you may have been experiencing with lock piece in front of them. is SO pedestrian), they’re off to the an artwork. I would highly recommend visiting side sipping his kale, quinoa GMO-free 6) The Overexcited Security Guard: the exhibition if you have some free juice, and combing their man beards It is important to preserve the works in time coming up. But if you decide to go, hoping not to be caught dead in this the museum for generations to come, please don’t be one of these annoying place. and that means no one can look at any- people. The exhibition runs until Febru- 3) The Improver: Sure, MoMA is fi lled thing ever, according to the guard. No ary 7th and student tickets cost $14 with masterpieces that have been rec- matter what, you are too close to the with a student ID. page 18 the paper october 28, 2015 Demi May Be Cool For the Summer But She Still Isn’t Cool by Siobhan Donahue This Disney princess could come out on top if only she tried Opinions Co-Editor ing by talent alone, Demi should have “Confi dent.” She did release “Stone about being above memes, but then To some, Demi Lovato, is a beautiful, more hit singles. I believe she does, Cold,” but only time will tell if potential will use those memes a day later. She vastly underrated voice. To others, she but she does not widely release them. hit “Wildfi re” gets released. Based on bounces back and forth with her image. is an annoying, washed up, former Dis- She hides them like a pirate hides her past record trends, she will prob- I understand that people are complex, ney popstar. I do not disagree with ei- precious jewels. See, Selena Gomez ably release a song that won’t connect but this is Hollywood, be interesting, ther opinion. I think she has the talent, typically has two decent songs in a sea with the majority of listeners. Nowa- but also consistent. Demi also needs seriously she has an impressive vocal of trash album. Her record company days, having a powerful voice or even to be more aware of what people like range, can write her own songs, and widely releases those two songs and deep lyrics means nothing. The general and what people fi nd annoying. For ex- play her own instruments, but needs shoves them down our throats. Demi populous wants a nice beat to dance ample, Demi wants to win a Grammy. to market herself better. Specifi cally, has taken a different route. Take her to while in the club or to bop its collec- Nice goals, Demi. However, she has she needs to release the good songs last album, Demi. She had beautiful tive head to while in the car. Only later tweeted and stated in interviews that on her album instead of the mediocre songs on that album such as “Heart At- when they are browsing their Spotify she WILL get nominated someday. I ones, and make herself more likable, tack,” “Nightingale,“ “In Case,” and “ I will other factors matter. know she meant to show confi dence, because her Twitter account sure is not Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.” Only one So, let’s pretend Demi’s manager but she came off as arrogant. She also doing that. of those songs was widely released. reads the paper and starts releasing constantly talks about her friendship Demi is on her fi fth studio album, And she only released four songs from the more generally appealing songs on with Iggy Azalea. At least Gomez was titled Confi dent. Obviously, she has that album for radio play. Those other her album. That still won’t mean much smart enough to cling to Swift, who is not had the success of singers such three songs though, did nothing for her if no one likes her. Demi has two main much more tolerable than Iggy. as Taylor Swift or Beyoncé. Her mod- career. In fact, I think the songs “Really problems in the image department. I think Demi has a chance to show- erate success is most similar to that Don’t Care” and “Neon Lights,” paint- First, she does not have a developed case her talent and if she allows for of her frenemy, Selena Gomez. This ed her more as a teenage star rather persona. Miley Cyrus is the hippie. Ari- someone witty to tweet for her, she does not look good for Demi. Let’s be than as a serious artist who we should ana Grande is the new Mariah Carey. may even seem likable. Her SNL per- real, Demi has more talent in her left care about. Her new album has some Demi is the confi dent woman, who is formance on October 17th proves that pinky than Gomez has in her entire good songs, which in my opinion are done with all the BS (except for the she has potential. She just needs to body. There is a reason why Gomez way better than the fi rst two songs she times when she says that she’s ready use it. lip-syncs the majority of the time. Judg- released, “Cool for the Summer” and to fi ght). She’s someone who will tweet Coming Soon to a Theater Near You: Walking Martian Spies with Jobs by Declan Murphy And a peculiar taste for lobster Staff Oscar Hopeful near you. swelling around his performance remaining unwed people are sent to The 53rd Annual New York Festival 2. Steve Jobs—The Film Society (and possibly Rogen, for his unchar- a hotel and given a matter of weeks completed its three-week stint earlier rightfully put this fi lm as their “Cen- acteristically honest performance). to fi nd a partner. If they do not, they this month. With its eclectic mix of terpiece” feature, and it’s an honor Steve Jobs is currently in limited the- are turned into an animal of their straight-up indie fi lms, wide-release well deserved. I was lucky enough to atrical release. choosing. The main character, David Oscar bait, shorts, and world cinema, attend a screening of the fi lm, and 3. The Martian—Ridley Scott’s new- (played charmingly by Colin Farrell) this year’s NYFF offers up a varied se- was truly impressed. Steve Jobs is est feature marks a surprising return selects the titular lobster. Dark, sur- lection with something for everyone. a frantic masterpiece, with a quick to form for the director, whose re- realist, and funny, The Lobster has Here’s a guide to the stand-outs of wit and impeccable performances. cent works (Exodus: Gods and Kings, already garnered great review and the New York Film Festival, and when Aaron Sorkin’s script takes center Prometheus, and Robin Hood) have taken home the Jury Prize from the and where you can catch these stel- stage here. Sorkin presents the life been lackluster to say the least. Cannes Film Festival, where it de- lar movies in the near future: of the tech genius in a series of three With its focus on hard science, and buted. The Lobster has a very small 1. The Walk—Perhaps as notable press conferences, in 1984, 1988, anchored by the ever-charismatic limited release, so look out for this for its technical achievements as its and 1998. While this choice seems Matt Damon, The Martian manages one when it’s released digitally. performances, The Walk wowed au- restrictive, it actually makes the fi lm to turn the comparatively dry source 5. Bridge of Spies—Spielberg di- diences on the opening night of this more dynamic and focused than a novel into a consistently entertaining rects this tense period peace, about year’s New York Film Festival. The fi lm general biopic (looking at you, Ashton work of sci-fi . This is in no small part the exchange of spies between the tells the story of the French acrobat Kutcher’s Jobs). The confl icts come in due to the excellent supporting cast, Soviet Union and the United States who walked on a thin wire between quick succession, giving us the best which includes Jessica Chastain, during the height of the Cold War. the Twin Towers, played by Joseph- character beats out of Fassbender Kristen Wiig, Donald Glover, and Chi- Tom Hanks stars, and early reviews Gordon Levitt. Directed by Robert as Jobs, Winslet as Joanna Hoffman, wetel Ejiofor. The Martian is currently say he performs admirably, but it’s Zemeckis, and with a supporting cast and Seth Rogen in a rare dramatic in wide release. far from the fl ashy heights of NYFF’s that includes Ben Kingsley, The Walk turn as Apple co-founder Steve Woz- 4. The Lobster—From Greek direc- other main slate fi lms. Bridge of is enthralling and vivid. (This one’s niak. Fassbender fully captures Jobs’ tor Yorgos Lanthimos comes this Spies is currently in wide release. worth the extra cost for the 3-D). The intensity, ego, and standoffi shness. bizarre dystopian tale. In a future Walk is in wide release, in theaters The Oscar buzz is surely already where being single is outlawed, the october 28, 2015 the paper page 19 [Insert Obscure Gamer Lingo Here] at a Dota 2 Tournament by Luis Gomez Get pwned, get pumped Staff Noob every other esports tournament. So literally based on Dota and has the bro. On October 3rd and 4th, instead of here’s what you, dear reader, can ex- same fundamental mechanics under- 9. The most overheard phrase will sitting in my room alone and playing pect if you go to an esports tourna- pinning the thing, and I don’t get half be “What just happened?!” video games, I went to a Dota 2 tour- ment. of what LoL casters are talking about. This will be due to either disbelief or nament! For clarifi cation’s sake, Dota 1. The audience will be overwhelm- 6. The ads will be, at best, repeti- because someone was looking down 2 is a video game. Just so you know. ingly male. tive. At worst, they’ll be awful. at their phone during a teamfi ght and Anyway, I spent the weekend at ESL That’s not to say that there aren’t Here is the actual text for an actual looked up after everyone died. One New York, an annual Dota 2 com- women there, but by and large, dudes. ad that actually played that weekend. 10. If you’re lucky, an underdog sto- petition held in the Theater at Madi- Dudes as far as the eye can see. The But let me set the scene fi rst. Picture ry emerges. son Square Garden where eight teams pros are dudes, the staff are dudes, a tall lanky white dude (of course) Let me admit something: I am an fought over a prize pool of almost the announcers and on-camera ana- standing in front of a black background American. I like seeing successful $300,000. lysts are dudes. Dudes. with red accent lighting. Every so often teams get taken down by an unexpect- Esports as an industry are in a weird 2. The audience will be racially di- parts of this dudes arm or face would ed challenger. And that’s exactly what place right now. Tournaments are get- verse-ish pixelate and go all red and funky. And happened at ESL One with a Russian ting larger and larger each year. This I say diverse-ish because the audi- then he started talking. I kid you not, team called Vega Squadron. After ar- year’s League of Legends World Cham- ence is still mostly white. Granted, that this is what he actually said: riving at ESL through the qualifi ers, pionships is poised to be one of the might have just been a New York thing, “I move objects with my mind. I climb their fi rst match was up against Evil most watched torunaments ever by but that’s the reality for a lot of other the tallest mountains and slay drag- Geniuses, the team that won the huge the time it wraps up, and Dota 2’s The tournaments in other locales as well. ons. I defend my galaxy from ruthless $18 million tournament I mentioned Interational 2015 had a prize pool of 3. It will get loud. aliens. I am never bored. I am stronger. earlier. And then Vega beat EG 2-0. over $18 million, which is larger than 4. Merch lines are loooooooong. I am faster. I am...G1.” Nobody expected that bit. Their next Wimbledon. The growth of large-scale And merch is expensive. This was an actual ad that was ac- match was against Invictus Gaming, tournaments has led to a massive in- But the stuff does look cool, and has tually played repeatedly. For mother- one of the most competitive Chinese fl ux of mid- and top-tier tournaments. a crazy variety. boards. It’s an ad for motherboards. teams. And then Vega beat them 2-1. ESL One NY is one of those newer, top- 5. There will be a metric shitload of 7. The audience will eventually get Finally, Vega went up against Team Se- tier tournaments. Organized by ESL, an jargon and you are expected to know fed up with these ads and start yell- cret, defending champions of ESL One esports league that runs many differ- all of it. ing things at them. NY and also a ridiculously good team. ent events across the globe, the tour- Here’s the thing about going to a By the time the grand fi nals on Sun- And guess what? Vega beat them. It nament I went to was situated in the tournament like this: there’s an im- day rolled around, the audience start- was awesome. Theater at Madison Square Garden. plicit level of understanding between ed yelling the ‘G1’ part of that shitty ad 11. By the end of it all, you will be Well, I say situated. I mean stuck. As the casters (announcers) and the au- back at the ad. I’m still in disbelief that very tired. prestigious as it is to say you’re hosting dience. They expect you to understand they played that thing. Hang on I need But the good kind of tired, the sat- a tournament in MSG, if hosting that what they mean when the Dire side a minute. isfied-with-the-way-the-weekend-went tournament means you have to a) not smoked for a wraparound gank into the 8. The audience also might random- sort of tired. let people leave to get food and forcing Rosh pit but got instantly blown up by ly start cheering for things that don’t I’m not saying that a Dota tourna- them to buy a seven goddamn dollar a Blink-BKB-Epicenter combo, but then need to be cheered for. ment is a good idea for everyone. hot dog or b) cut your fi nal match down the Aegis got stolen at the last second Okay, there’s an ability in Dota called Enough people still have trouble wrap- from a best of fi ve to a best of three because Naga popped Song of the Si- Ice Blast. Basically, one hero can send ping their heads around the idea that because of “time constraints,” then ren and walked in, and all the while a giant ball of ice fl ying across the map. you can play video games for a living maybe you should look into a different there’s two Radient cores splitpushing It’s very fun to watch. So fun, in fact, that it’ll likely be a while before you venue. Just a hint. top lane while their support duo tries to that during one game the entire crowd don’t think of it as a ridiculous way to But while I was at the tournament, stack ancients so their offl aner can get stated ooooooing while the giant ball spend your weekend. But if you like the eating the most regrettable hot dog some much-needed farm for their Mek. of ice fl ew across the map, and then idea, and you like the game, there’s not I ever bought, I did pick up on a few Oh yeah, and that differs on a game- cheering when it hit something. Or much like it. things that are similar at, well, almost by-game basis. League of Legends is when it hit nothing. You had to be there page 20 the paper october 28, 2015

Well, it is offi cial: everything in Back to the Future is now in the past. Yeah, how fucking scary is that. And the fact that most of their predictions didn’t turn into reality is a tad disappointing. We are not in the world we all thought and hoped we would be in. Oh well. In response to this very important occurence, here at the paper, we have decided to put a list together of what we think will happen by 2045...what the world will look like 30 years from today. 1. Shia Labeouf will go to 3. Weed will be very le- 5. The Cubs will still be prison for cannibalism gal and we will eventu- in sports fandom hell. ally get way more pics Fuck The METS, yeah I said of MJ stoned it Jules

6. The Avengers will have 2. Hoverboards will to face their toughest still not exist because challenge yet, the re- science fucking sucks tirement home 4. Fordham will finally get wifi that can sur- vive midterms week october 28, 2015 the paper page 21

by the pumpkin spice god or tries to hump a pissed-off shark and their pumpkin spice lattes in hand, or it probably even hear me yelling, “I Tis the season of basic bitches! I have to go clean up. And any time I can be used to account for taking shots can’t even” off in the distance. So Who doesn’t love the delicious fl avor walk into Starbucks, it’s not “Hi, Death, of pumpkin spice vodka and jumping there you go, Home Depot, make it of pumpkin spice. With new pumpkin how can I help you?” it’s “No, please, in a pile of fall-colored leaves. Call up happen. And for the people in apart- spice products coming out every day, not now, not like this.” Calm down. I Shakespeare and let him know he’s got ment 4A, I’m so sorry… It probably we decided to ask our staff what they just want a PSL and some quiet. If you some competition because I think I just won’t happen again. But if it does, want the next pumpkin spice product people aren’t going to stop dying then coined the next most used work in the maybe the water damage will smell to be. So grab your Ugg boots and puffy I need some caffeine and at least, like, English language. like pumpkins! vests, it’s time to make pumpkin spice twelve seconds of not moving around Poet Hates Pumpkin Spice Patriotic Pumpkin Spice lattes! with which to enjoy it. And I want that by Matthew Whitaker by The NRA Pumpkin Spice Tidy Cat caffeine to be half-caf, no whip. And I do not like them, Matt-I-am, I do not Pumpkin Spice is as American as by Claire Nunez pumpkin spice. Obviously. like Pumpkin Spice Eggs and Ham. I the European ancestors who stole Fall is a season full of pumpkin spice, would not like them here or there, I pumpkins from the Natives in the and there is a constant obsession with PPumpkinumpkin Strump!Strump! would not like them anywhere. I would fi rst place. You know what else is cats, so why can’t we blend both to- not like them in a house, I would not American? Guns! The government gether? Kitty litter can smell a little dis- like them with a mouse. I would not has been trying to take our arms gusting at times and the “clean” scents like them in a box, I would not like them away from us. The best way to com- only last so long. Us, pumpkin-loving with a fox. I would not like them in a bat this infringement on our rights, cat lovers could really use a nice pump- car, I would not like them near or far. I is capitalism. Make guns so popu- kin spice scented kitty litter. Every time would not like them in a tree, I would lar, everyone will buy it and we will your furry friend uses his or her box, not like them can’t you see? I would be rich...I mean the government it doesn’t have to smell disgusting. A not like them on a train, I would not like will lose. Anyway, pumpkin spiced pumpkin spice scent can really liven up them in the rain. I would not like them AK-47s, handguns, bullets, etc, is any litter box and make it a better place on a boat, I would not like them with a necessary for our liberty as a na- to hang out around. The cool new smell goat. I’ve heard enough of this sham, I tion. GOD BLESS GUNS, GOD BLESS in your cat has may raise a few ques- will never like Pumpkin Spice Eggs and PUMPKIN SPICE, AND GOD BLESS tions from any guests, but it will surely Ham! AMERICA! be a great conversation starter and Tis the Season for Pumpkin Spice Spilled Starbucks Oh God, make it stop! they’ll also want to invest in the prod- by Zoe Sakas by Elena Meuse by Dill Worsey uct-- even if they hate cats. Cat parents Tis the season for pumpkin spice ev- We have so many pumpkin spice Here at the paper we ask hard all over the nation would rejoice and erything. If I could introduce something product these days, but you what we questions. For example, what more throw cute little kitten parties over this to this growing trend, it would have to still need? Pumpkin spice Draino. That things should be pumplin spiced. potential new invention. If it never hap- be the pumpkin spice attitude, also way, the next time my apartment drain The answer nothing. I like pumpkin pens, we can all just get a Starbucks known as the PSA (not to be confused becomes so horrifi cally blocked that spice, sure, but I absolutely hate PSLs to pour in our bleak litters and with public service announcements or water backs up and overfl ows onto that it’s on everything at this time just hope it doesn’t clump too much. prostate specifi c antigens). It’s some- my bathroom fl oor, at least my down- of the year. Fall should be associ- Non-fat PSL with Death, please thing we all reference, and yet the term stairs neighbors will have the delicious ated with black friday, Halloween, by Luis Gomez just doesn’t exist. It can be used in so aroma of pumpkin spice dripping down Thanksgiving, and other shit not just Death could use a little pumpkin many ways as well, just like the word onto them. Wouldn’t that be nice? pumpkin spice. Fuck you, Starbucks spice. No, seriously. It’s not easy being “interesting” can easily have a posi- If failing spectacularly at unclogging and every other pumpkin spice the grim reaper. It’s a 24/7 job, peo- tive or negative connotation depend- your drain doesn’t scream “basic white thing. You’re the worst ple, you think I get any time off? I can ing on how it’s said. It can be used to bitch” loudly enough, now there will barely get a few seconds of sleep be- describe those “basic white girls” who be the perfect smell to go along with fore one of you dipshits stabs someone wear uggs and northface jackets with it. If you listen really quietly, you can page 22 the paper october 28, 2015 bass rifts behind the vocals in “Electric ing moments: the all too popular ab- Love” are fascinatingly catchy. Howev- stract and insightful spoken word intro, er, my personal favorites are “Dug My for example, that means an impressive Heart” and “American Money.” “Dug amount of nothing, or the Christina My Heart” has an electric intro that elic- Perri-style ballad “Camoufl age”, which ited an uncontrollable foot tapping on ironically doesn’t camoufl age at all with my fi rst listen. The vocals in this song the rest of the album’s upbeat hype and are just phenomenal, his range is, well, only serves as a friendly reminder that better than mine. “American Money” is even people as glamourous as Selena my favorite song of the album lyrically. get sad sometimes. There’s nothing It tells of fi nding the girl he sees him- too wild about the lyrics or vocals, but self loving forever, but realizes most the production is killer. Especially in anything this pure must be bound by terms of the production, working with temporality. He tries to cherish the time other notable artists was defi nitely a he has in this “paradise,” even going good call. The combination of Selena’s so far as to assert, “there’s no time breathy, Lana Del Rey-esque vocals to sleep living in a dream.” A friend of and A$AP Rocky’s ethereal, bass heavy mine described Garret Borns as “like production in “Good for You” makes for Lana del Rey, but better.” If there is a a track that’s equal parts sultry and more apt description, I haven’t heard danceable. The jangly piano riff and it. Their lyrics have a similar content otherwise synth-driven production in Chris Hadfield vocals while you’re in space. All told, basis, and their music is clearly vocally “Same Old Love” perfectly compliment Space Sessions even after three listens, I’m really not concentrated, however, similar or not, the song’s catchy melody and clearly by Luis Gomez sure what I think about this album. BØRNS is drastically better than Lana draw infl uence from Charli XCX, who This album was recorded in space. It’s a fantastic novelty, but I’m not sure many people will fi nd much more Del Rey. This album is a solid 4 out of co-wrote and provided backing vocals I’m probably going to say that a lot 5 in my book. The lyrical content is a for the track. The album as a whole has about this record because it is an amaz- in it than that. Ultimately, I think I’m glad that this was the fi rst album that bit too consistent if you ask me, and really impressive diversity. Several of ing feat of human engineering that not the album seems to bleed together on the tracks, most notably “Kill Em With only could we send some dudes into we ever got from space. It’s nice. I’m sorry, I know you stopped caring about about the third listen. However, I do re- Kindness” and “Me & The Rhythm” space, but one of them could bring ally enjoy every single song on this al- borrow and modernize disco-funk and his guitar and record vocals. While in this in the fi rst paragraph, but I’m still geeking out about the fact that THIS bum and am looking forward to what house elements popularized by bands space. Canadian astronaut and all- BØRNS has in store for us in the future. like Daft Punk, creating some serious around cool dude Chris Hadfi eld made ALBUM WAS RECORDED IN GODDAMN SPACE. HOW COOL IS THAT SHIT? groove. Then there’s the song “Body huge headlines in 2013 when his cover Heat,” which stands out for its intense of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” shot and distinctly Latin American drums and recorded on the International and horns. The album closes with the Space Station, hit the internet. Most bizarre song “Rise,” which is essential- people only ever knew Hadfi eld as an ly Selena Gomez’s take on traditional astronaut, or from his near-constant gospel music. I still don’t know how I social media presence. In reality, he’d feel about those last two tracks, but I been recording for a while before the can assure you that the rest of the al- cover’s release; his fi rst song, “Jewel bum will enlighten you, make you want in the Night” was released on YouTube to get up and dance, and render you un- on Christmas of 2012. What I mean able to walk without some strut in your to say is that, even if we didn’t know step. Don’t pretend you’re too good for it, this album’s been a long time com- Selena Gomez. Go forth and set the ing. How is it musically? Weird. That’s world on fi re with this album’s fl ames. the most genuine reaction I can give. Hadfi eld cowrote much of the music Selena Gomez with his son, and the songs are all this Revival sort of folksy-acoustic-dad stuff you’d BORNS by Reyna Wang expect from a mid-50s Canadian and Dopamine I dove into Selena Gomez’s second his kid. The lyrics are nice, if pedes- by Connor Smith studio album Revival pumped to write a trian, and some tracks, like the album October 16th, 2015. A day which will joke review satirizing another post-Dis- opener “Big Smoke,” have small sam- forever be remembered as the release ney star brandishing the embarrass- ples of mission controllers or whatnot of BØRNS debut album Dopamine. ment of their more “mature” musical interspersed. None of it sounds par- The fi rst song I heard off this indie pop endeavors, and was pretty disappoint- ticularly ear-grabbing, which is some- album was “Electric Love,” released ed to fi nd that I had to write an actual thing Hadfi eld admits to himself, say- much earlier than the full length album. review when I emerged from a listen- ing that when his producer asked why It came along with a rather strange vid- through feeling energized, ready to his vocals and guitar playing sounded eo that gained him some credibility as slay, and quite honestly revived. That’s a bit off, he placed the blame on it he searched for footing for his full debut not to say that this album doesn’t have being rather diffi cult to record decent album. Footing he found indeed. The its fair share of cheesy, eye-roll induc- october 28, 2015 the paper page 23 Majical Cloudz The Game Are You Alone? Documentary 2 by John Looby by Arthur Banach The new Majical Cloudz album made In the past year we’ve seen an in- me sad. I fi rst listened to it on a bus crese in “street” Hip Hop albums being ride back from DC, I had a lot of time released int the mainstream. It’s sad to to myself and this album succeeded in say a few have come out of an insincer- making me think about every failed re- ity hoping to profi t off of resurgence in lationship over those long hours. Lucki- Dre and NWA’s fandom among young ly, I bought it along with a bunch of new Hip Hop fans. Game’s documentary albums, all of them good and super up is certainly not that. Compton native beat, but holy hell Are You Alone? is and self proclaimed King of California a straight gut shot to the feels. Much has been “blooding like a menstrual” like their fi rst album, this is a mini- since he was a youngin’. It’s interesting malist and emotional experience. On to see the tone which rappers who’ve the fi rst album, I often caught myself actually been raised by gang violence singing along, growing more and more choose in respect to it. Somber and melancholy as the tracks progressed. honest, Game never necessarily glori- Are You Alone? presents the listener fi es gang violence as much as he lays with the same sort of hypnotic grief. out what has to be done to survive and The vocals lull you into singing along prosper in Compton. He also chooses before you catch on to the words com- to bring West and East Coast together ing out of your math. However, the in an attempt to unify ghettos world- album does feel a bit more energetic wide. As he points out, “Queensbridge than it’s predecessor, Welsh’s vocals just like Compton, dog and Inglewod still draw out the lyrics, but it feels as n*ggas just like Yonkers y’all”. That though the production has drawn him call for solidarity is an important and out of the lethargy of the fi rst album. honest endeavor, rooted in the reality The stand out track of the album is that the struggles of the poor are the defi nitely “Downtown” a sort of frus- same no matter the region. Game’s trated love song where Welsh ques- ability to put together an album bring- tions his infatuation. It’s the sort of ing together East and West Coast, thing that crosses everyone’s mind bloods and crips, and young and old during a slump in a date night. The heads is admirable. I’m impressed album as a whole feels like a lullaby with the creativty and amount of sto- about loneliness and relationships. If rytelling that was weaved into this re- you ever have trouble sleeping after a cord as Game, while a formidable em- rough break up, this album is probably ceee, is more known for delivering bar the best thing out there. For everyone after bar,. The picture of Compton he else, this album is a beautiful thing, but gives the listener is poignant and gritty, expect to get hit straight in the feels. which is accelerated by the choice of old samples and throwbacks like the Biggie fl ow and sample on “Step Up”. page 24 the paper october 28, 2015