CHOICESWINTER 2017
SUCCESSFUL LIVING ISSUE! DETERMINING WHETHER YOU SUCCEED OR FAIL BEGINS WITH YOU!
HOW TO STAY LIVING IT UP IN DRESSING FOR FOCUSED RETIREMENT SUCCESS THREE SIMPLE STEPS RETIREES ARE LIVING WHAT YOUR ATTIRE SAYS TO MINIMIZE PESKY LONGER AND BETTER THAN ABOUT YOU AND HOW TO DISTRACTIONS EVER. HOW WILL YOU RETIRE? ATTRACT SUCCESS WITH IT. CONTENTS SUCCESSFUL LIVING BOOK REVIEW 04 SUCCESSFUL LIVING 22 AM I GOING TO BE OKAY? IS A CHOICE BY ERIC OESTREICH BY JUDI MOREO
HOW TO STAY FOCUSED LIFESTYLE 14 BY AMBER DE LA GARZA 07 FINDING PEACE 26 BE-YOU-TO-A-FULL AMID SPRING 5 CONSCIOUS CHOICES BY JOAN S. PECK TO LIVE LIFE FULL OUT BY HOLLY DUCKWORTH TRULY LIVING 10 BY DEBRA WHITTAM 19 LIVING IT UP IN THE RETIREMENT YEARS BY LONNIE BERRY
SLOW DOWN AND SMILE 46 BY RIDGELY GOLDSBOROUGH DRESSING APPROPRIATELY 48 A SPARKLING VALENTINE FOR YOUR JOB LEADS TO 52 BY S.L. GORE GREATER SUCCESS BY ANNE DREYER 30 CHOOSE YOUR INPUT SOURCES CAREFULLY BY JIM CATHCART 34 POSITIVE CHOICES FROM A NEGATIVE SITUATION BY WILLIAM P. MOYER 38 SMALL IDEA, BIG REWARDS BY PAT TURNER 29 AVOID A REGRET 42 LIVING THE AMERICAN HANGOVER DREAM BY SHERYL GREEN BY AIMMEE KODACHIAN 40 LIVING A HAPPY AND A FINAL NOTE REWARDING LIFE 56 BY JUDI MOREO BY DELORES RAMSEY MCLAUGHLIN FROM THE EDITOR Did you do it? Did you write out your New Year’s resolutions? Did you write down the things you really want rather than things you thought you were supposed to write? Did you list things that you had on last year’s list but didn’t achieve?
hat’s what happens to high school reunion to attend. That’s overseas to gain international experi- many of us. We write a purpose. Some people lose weight ence. Whatever it is, know that you down something like when the doctor says their health is in and only you are the only person who T “Lose 10 pounds.” Yet, danger. That’s a purpose. can make these things happen. the year comes and goes, and we don’t lose the weight. You want to live your life so you nev- The writers in the magazine this month The reason: No purpose. If our goals er look back with regrets, don’t you? are giving you ideas of how you can aren’t attached to a purpose, we gen- Then start taking steps right now to- live a more successful life. As you read erally don’t achieve them. I had been ward finding out what you really want their stories, remember, if they can do writing about those same 10 pounds I to have, to do, and to be, determine these things, so can you. The real se- needed to lose for several years. Then why you want those things, and get cret to living a successful life is to have this year, I saw myself on television busy making them happen. a purpose for doing it and believe it is and I would have sworn it was some- possible. Believe! Really believe! one who looked like me, only was I don’t care what it is you want as long much bigger. I immediately lost 10 as it is you that wants it, not some- pounds. Why now? Because I have thing someone else thinks you should You Are More than Enough, a different image in my head than the have or do or be. You might want to one I saw on the screen. I prefer the go zip lining, or ride elephant back one in my head. Now I have a pur- through the Okavango Swamp or dive pose. See how it works? Lots of peo- the Great Barrier Reef. You may want ple lose that weight when they have a to start your own business or work Judi
OUR TEAM PUBLISHER Turning Point International EDITOR IN CHIEF Judi Moreo CREATIVE DIRECTOR Jake Naylor COVER PHOTO Aimmee Kodachian, Judi Moreo, Stephanie Thompson ABOUT THE COVER Aimmee Kodachian is the creator, producer, and director of three dynamic and unique on-line tv shows on WCOBM-TV Network: The Aimmee Kodachian & the Experts show, The World of Book Reviews featuring host Judi Moreo, and Stephanie’s Movie Revues with host, Stephanie Thompson. CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Lonnie Berry, Jim Cathcart, Amber De La Garza, Aimmee Kodachian, Anne Dryer, Holly Duckworth, Ridgely Goldsborough, S.L. Gore, Sheryl Green, Aimmee Kodachian, Delores Ramsey McLaughlin, Judi Moreo, William P. Moyer, Joan S. Peck, Pat Turner, Debra Whittam ADDRESS 1452 W. Horizon Ridge Pkwy #555 / Henderson, NV 89012-4480 TEL (702) 896-2228 FAX (702) 617-0600 EMAIL [email protected] WEBSITE www.ChoicesOnlineMedia.com 4 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
SUCCESSFUL LIVING
IS A BYCHOICE JUDI MOREO BY JUDI MOREO
ou have probably heard there are many choices that I made in us. We can choose to be a success and the expression, “He’s my life that didn’t lead to where I want achieve whatever it is that we want to a self-made man.” In to be now. But that part is over. We achieve. However, many people don’t Y today’s language, that can’t go back. We must start from here. know what they want to succeed at sentence is a reference If we really want to live a successful life, doing. They don’t have goals. I have to someone who has lifted himself up then we must make better choices now! found that if I want to achieve things, I from humble beginnings to a high level must write out my goals in very specific of success. The dictionary definition of success terms, decide when I want to have the is the accomplishment of an aim or achievement completed, and determine The truth is that we are all self-made. purpose. It doesn’t say what aim or what steps it is going to take to complete Whoever we are today is a result of the what purpose. So, that part is left up to my project and get what I want. Many time and effort we have put into being who we are. How much more successful would any of us be if we had applied ourselves throughout our lives and made full use of our abilities?
Some of us take the easy way out and do just enough to get by. Yet, sometimes we find ourselves thinking that life isn’t fair, that other person with less talent and ability than us, has “made it.” We chalk their success up to luck, knowing the right people, or coming from “money.”
As you look back over your life, do you wish you had done things differently? Yes, I’m sure there are at least some things you would like to do over. I know Are you using your creative energy to make your business more successful? Conquer the Brain Drain is about tapping into the creative wellspring we all possess. If you’re on a team – or especially if people are spending their lives trying to you manage one – learning to think be what someone else wants them to creatively and teaching others be and doing what others expect them to do so will boost productivity, to do instead of following their hearts. improve morale and inspire your You are the only one who can determine team to greater success. your success or failure. All of us are capable of accomplishing something we Short deadlines, downsizing, can be proud of. It may be in our careers increased expectations and the or our personal lives. It may be a hobby need to do more with less all or a talent. Whatever it is you feel in contribute to “status quo” thinking. your heart would create a successful Solving business problems way of living for you, go after it. The opportunities are there. It is up to you and generating new ideas and to discover them and take advantage of strategies can’t be accomplished them. ABOUT THE AUTHOR using the same old brain-draining Judi Moreo is the author of the award- methods. If you keep doing what winning book, “You Are More Than Get a clear picture of who and what you you’ve always done, you’ll keep want to be, do, and have, where you want Enough: Every Woman’s Guide to getting the same old results. If to go, and what you want to accomplish. Purpose, Passion, and Power” as well In other words, determine what success as its companion, Achievement Journal. you want to build an innovative, She is a Certified Speaking Professional means to you. If you are doing what you creative, problem-solving team, who has spoken in 28 countries around then you need a new approach. want and you feel you are accomplishing the world. Less than 10 percent of something important and worthwhile, the speakers in the world hold this you will find the drive and commitment highly respected earned designation. ORDER ONLINE! to ascertain what genuinely gives you To contact Judi or book her for a www.JudiMoreo.com personal satisfaction, and is that not the speaking engagement, contact Turning definition of successful living? Point International, (702) 896-2228 or [email protected].
2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 7
FINDING PEACE AMID SPRING BY JOAN S. PECK
et’s face it! We are ex- tion one large mass of anger and upset sion of taking sides and having differing periencing a very messy, causing us to destroy good thoughts and opinions is never going to end when angry way of living today deeds. We even get caught up in pow- you go to any of the social media and L with so many societies er struggles between what one person read what people are saying. And we throughout the world believes vs. another’s belief. We stub- humans seem to LOVE all this upheaval! in conflict with each other as well as bornly hold unto our own ideas without People haven’t become this engaged in individuals at odds with others within any willingness to look at a different per- what is going on around them in quite each of those societies. I would like to spective. This doesn’t allow for a broad- a while and it’s mostly due to the dark, say that this upheaval is something new ening of knowledge which can create a negativity that abounds. And we keep but, unfortunately, it’s not. greater chance for resolution. demanding more and more of this low energy because it is easier to hate than As humans we have a propensity to We have just experienced one of the to love, which makes us a very lazy soci- gather negativity like furious little- can more vitriolic presidential races in re- ety indeed. cer cells that race to make a small irrita- cent times. It appears that this divi- 8 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
How can anyone find peace amid all of • The third thing that I do on a daily There is so much stress for everyone liv- what is going on in our country and the basis is to say my “gratitudes” – all ing today that it becomes essential to rest of the world? I can only share with the things I am grateful for. Doing do what is necessary to climb out of our you how I have come to have greater this automatically raises my energy rabbit holes and find our peace within. success in finding my own peace. to the highest level of love. When I For each of us that may be different. I am in that space of awareness of all only know that my rituals have helped • First of all, I try to avoid social me- the beauty that surrounds me and me and continue to do so as long as I dia or talk with another that has all the positive things in my life, I no stick with them. Perhaps they will bring anything to do with political affairs longer have the desire to entertain you peace as well. for it is hard to dismiss that nega- anything less. I know I am bless- tive energy once you have enter- ed no matter my circumstances. tained it for it becomes like gum to a shoe. It sticks around for a while. • The last thing I do is repeat my man- tra. To be completely at peace with • The second thing I do is meditate to myself and all the craziness that remind myself to let go of the idea surrounds me, I developed a man- that it is my responsibility to try to tra that I repeat each night before I change anyone’s mind toward my go to bed – “I send love and bless- own beliefs. In other words, I need ings to each and every one. May we to allow people their own perspec- know and feel the love of God and tive and path in thinking and doing. know in our hearts we are all con- My role is to keep the faith that all nected - all one - and treat each oth- will work out as it should. er the way we want to be treated.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joan S. Peck is an editor and author of short stories, spiritual books and a contributing author in two of the books in the Life Choices book series. She also writes for Recovery Today magazine. “Peace comes within. Her latest book is Prime Threat – Do not seek it without.” Shattering the Power of Addiction, a book written with her son from the other side about what addiction is and how to live without it. It is an Gautama Buddha uplifting book with him sharing some of his own lifetimes of addiction and what he is doing now to clear them.
She can be reached at: (702) 423-4342 [email protected] www.bejeweled7.com
10 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE TRULY LIVING BY DEBRA WHITTAM
know I am having a day true self was hidden by the striving to be I would not dare to reveal the parts of of doing the ‘next right someone else. my pain and fears, I now gratefully share thing’ when my solar with others that truly living is when we I plexus is not heavy with Fear kept me stuck in the race for a are serving others as best as possible something I’ve said or place within the world of being “as without depleting ourselves in the done that was harmful or hurtful to good as” and “equal to.” Many years process. another person. There was a time when were spent on this endless search for I would strive for being the best at what I love and belonging in the arena of life I have heard it said that “To love and did. I thought being successful each day where I hoped everyone was watching be loved is the greatest joy on earth.” meant exhausting myself with doing. me doing very well. Loving and serving others and allowing My worth and value depended on what others to love and serve me is a way for others thought of me. I measured my For me, hitting a bottom so profound me to help as well. Successful worth days with comparisons. that I was knocked to the ground in and value appear to be in the small humble acknowledgement and then things done in honor of others. I compared what I had, how I looked learning to stay in the present moment, and who I knew as the true measure was where I found a way to be successful In recovery, we talk about service work of success and accomplishment. Only in each day. as being as important as not drinking when I came to the lowest point of my or drugging. In doing for others in life in severe depression and anxiety, did No longer striving to predict the future… whatever way I can, I have found an I finally see there was nothing in those my future of prideful recognition for honor of accomplishment never felt comparisons that equaled success. My writing what I thought others wanted before. to read, I began to go deeper to the most vulnerable places inside myself Seeing a need and acting on what might where love and hurt reside. While once be helpful is an accomplishment. I have also realized that putting the time and energy into loving and caring for myself is a success. There is less financial 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 11
benefit to this, although in the long run this is a preventive measure taken that is beneficial to my well-being and has become my ‘instrument of peace’.
In a world of mindfulness and awareness there is joy. Joy is the success of being in SUCCESS the moment. Happiness seems to come in certain moments of happenings in the outside world. That, to be sure, is To laugh often and much; a treasure to remember as is a photo taken of a special person and time. Yet, to feel joy in what I do for others and To win the respect of intelligent people myself is the proverbial ‘inside job’. and the affection of children; Honesty in everyday life can be embarrassing and difficult, yet when To earn the appreciation of honest critics we share our pains and joys, we receive genuine appreciation from others that and endure the betrayal of false friends; they have us in their lives. And to me, that is truly living. To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
ABOUT THE AUTHOR This is to have succeeded. Debra Whittam is a licensed therapist in Pittsburgh, PA who is also in Recovery. She specializes in untreated mental illness, untreated addiction and unacknowledged grief. Running groups as well as doing individual work with her clients, Debra encourages others with Ralph Waldo Emerson her humor as well as her vulnerabilities. While Debra lives in Pittsburgh, she also has a cottage in the Adirondacks and spends time in Paris. $45 LIFE CHOICES: COMPLETE SERIES PACKAGE SPECIAL
The Life Choices books are a series in which LIFE CHOICES SERIES real people share their While the stories shared differ in context, they share a stories of overcoming common thread of courage, hope and fulfillment. No matter obstacles, putting lives what obstacles you encounter, or how many pieces your life back together and is in, there is a way to find a new path, make a new choice, follow your passion and create a better life. following their passions to create successful, Click to Order: significant lives. Life Choices: Complete Series - $45 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 13
If you have ever had a dream that you Should you find yourself in circumstances This empowering collection of stories wanted to pursue but didn’t have the that require the making of difficult reminds us that we all have choices courage, if you’ve ever wanted to do choices, the stories in this book can and the choices we make are what something that you didn’t think you offer you courage and inspiration. Each determine the course of our lives. The could do, if you have ever wanted to author has addressed hurdles they have authors of these stories are real people go somewhere but didn’t believe it was faced in order to reach their current level who have reached into the depths possible - READ THIS BOOK. Twenty- of success. It is a collection of powerful of their souls to share their inspiring six authors share with you how they true stories written by real people who journeys when navigating the difficult pursued their passions and made their have overcome the obstacles in their paths of their lives. dreams become reality. paths.
LIFE CHOICES SERIES CLICK ON THE COVER IMAGES TO ORDER
No matter who you are, how old you Within the chapters of this book, 28 are or your level of success, it is never authors tell their stories and share too late to make the choice to be who the lessons they have learned. Their you are meant to be. Don’t be afraid to enlightened knowledge can serve as make changes. Don’t be afraid to make inspiration for finding your own path to an attempt to achieve your goals. the understanding that it is never too late. 14 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
long haul, it’s not sustainable. You have HOW TO STAY FOCUSED enough on your plate as it is. You should not have to work at odd hours to get in 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO MINIMIZE and stay in your zone! The good news? PESKY DISTRACTIONS You don’t. You simply have to minimize the distractions that are within your BY AMBER DE LA GARZA control to regain that lost time. It’s easier than you might think. ccording to an article in Think back to the last time you were the Journal of Experi- completely in your focused zone – when 3 Easy-To-Follow Steps to mental Psychology, in- a bomb exploding could not break your Minimizing Distractions A terruptions of four-and- concentration. Were you able to get a-half seconds triple the a lot of quality work done? Probably. Step 1: Determine Which Notifications number of errors made post interrup- Like everyone, you do your best work Disrupt Your Concentration. tion. Triple! Are you okay with errors and make far fewer errors when you’re in your work? Errors being sent to your able to completely focus on the task at Every chime, ding, and ring that makes clients? Errors that portray a lack of pro- hand. So, how did you stay in your zone a noise while you are attempting to fessionalism? Doubtful. So, you should last time? Chances are you had come concentrate steals your focus away from not be okay with the massive number of in early, stayed late, or worked on the the task at hand. Those little productivity interruptions that distract you on a daily weekend to avoid being interrupted. In demons may seem harmless, but basis. the short term, that sort of commitment according to a survey performed by and schedule may suffice, but over the Career Builder, 24% of workers admit to 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 15
spending at least one HOUR each day on personal calls, emails or texts. That’s 260 hours per year lost to succumbing to those particular types of distractions alone! If you’re unaware your phone just received a text, you won’t feel the need to respond to it. You also won’t be zapped out of the zone you had been working so diligently in before that pesky notification alerted you. to keep those reminders and other such unnecessary notifications, and instead, Typical Notifications That Prevent Your important notifications turned on. respond to people’s calls, texts, and Focus: emails on scheduled intervals at times • Email Alerts On Computer Step 3: Turn Off All Unnecessary you select. Choose to be productive • Email Notifications On Cell Phone Notifications! and have more time for important tasks • Voicemails by taking steps to minimize the pesky • Text Messages Numerous other notifications cause distractions that are preventing your • Missed Call Notices more harm than good. It doesn’t focus! • Social Media Notifications matter if they come from your phone, • App Notifications computer, tablet or other device. If Download a FREE Time Maximizers there would be no ramifications from Resource at www.TimeMaximizer.com Step 2: Identify Which Disruptive turning these alerts off, turn them off! Notifications Are Legitimate. If you can’t hear notifications, they can’t beckon you and dictate how you spend You can’t easily make your neighbor’s your day. If you don’t know how to turn dog stop barking or the cars stop honking certain notifications off, take action and right next to your office, but there are YouTube it! plenty of distractions you can control. Take an inventory of all the audible Inanimate productivity thieves are not distractions you deal with on a daily biased. It doesn’t matter if you’re an basis that are within your control and employee, entrepreneur, or business identify which notifications are indeed owner. The result of audible notifications legitimate. There will be a few important is always the same: succumbing to small ones you need to pay attention to. For distractions adds up to giant gaps in example, if you purposefully schedule productivity. Employers recognize cell meeting reminders on your calendar, phone calls and texting (50%) and social you will want those reminders to break media (38%) as primary productivity you out of your focused zone. Although stoppers according to the same possibly annoying, those necessary CareerBuilder survey. notifications will alert you to switch hats ABOUT THE AUTHOR and focus your attention on reviewing If you respond to every chime, ding, Amber De La Garza works with business owners who are eager to maximize notes, so you can adequately prepare and ring you hear, or even just lose their personal productivity to be more for the meetings that are about to a bit of focus any time a notification effective in life and business, meet their take place. Otherwise, you might miss sounds, you are forced to be reactive to maximum potential, and accomplish an important meeting or show up your environment. As a result, you are their goals. For more information or to unprepared! Because you don’t have an at the mercy of everyone else’s wants reach Amber: 702-527-2307 or internal clock that alerts you when it is and needs instead of being proactive [email protected] 15 minutes before a meeting, it is wise and productive with your time. Turn off “A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between her work and her play; her labor and her leisure; her mind and her body; her education and her recreation. She hardly knows which is which. She simply pursues her vision of excellence through whatever she is doing, and leaves others to determine if she is working or playing. To herself, she always appears to be doing both.” ______François-René de Chateaubriand
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LIVING IT UP IN THE RETIREMENT YEARS
BY LONNIE BERRY
hose little rascals who study shows that women may expect to also increased. In a study reported by were born between live an additional four years. A healthy CBS Moneywatch, 83 percent of all baby 1946 and 1964 are man at the age of 65 can expect to live boomers have a retirement plan to fall hitting the retirement until the ripe old age of 83. A healthy fe- back on, in addition to Social Security. T age. These “baby male might easily live to 85. boomers” have fin- So, what are all of these retirees going ished their chosen careers and are enter- These retirement years are enhanced to do with their time? For most of them, ing retirement with several things going by the fact that those reaching that age the sky is the limit and they intend to for them. They were fortunate enough are doing so in better health. The Urban make the most of it. Some are going to to be born in a period where men and Institute determined that adults reach- work well into their retirement years, in women can expect to live longer. A re- ing the age of 80 are more likely to enjoy their chosen career, or in a new field. cent study done by the Social Security better health than the same age group Others are returning to school to study Administration, tells us that men at 65 20 years ago. Add the fact that most or learn a new interest. While some are can expect to live six years longer than a of these households had two incomes, finding ways to serve their communities man who reached 65 in 1970. The same and the potential retirement income is by finding volunteer opportunities. 20 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
One of the more rewarding activities church or in some local community ac- 65. With the many opportunities avail- may well be focusing on a previous tal- tivity. able on social media as well as within a ent or taking up a new hobby. Most community setting, the “boomers’ may community colleges offer classes on If “boomers” finds themselves single not be at work, but they are definitely jewelry making, pottery and music. A at this stage of their lives, many dating living it up. look at these classes shows that many of services cater to people over the age of the new participants in a guitar class are older men who have always wanted to learn to play. Senior citizen center dance classes are bursting at the seams with older participants learning new steps as well as getting some exercise. Farmers markets are enjoying the addition of re- tirees who are spending their summer putting in a garden that benefits their community as well.
While some retirees are learning a new skill, some may just be finally spend- ing some time on a hobby they took up many years ago. A judge who spent years on the bench, now sits in the brass section of the community band as he enjoys playing his high school tuba. A retired accountant travels to craft fairs with the wood projects that he now takes on. And, after teaching third-graders for 30 years, another now makes quilts, using the same patterns her mother used 50 years ago.
While many “boomers” choose to con- tinue working on their present careers, others are reinventing themselves in a variety of ways. From adding their experiences and expertise to small lo- cal businesses, to learning a new trade and starting their own businesses, some choose travel and relocate, while others use their workforce skills to help their
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Lonnie Berry retired from city government in 2012. Since that time, he has returned to college and is studying Broadcast Journalism. Lonnie is also a freelance writer with weekly publication in the local newspaper as well as Campus publications. You may contact Lonnie at [email protected] “Don’t blow off another’s candle for it won’t make yours shine brighter.” ______Jaachynma N.E. Agu, The Prince and the Pauper 22 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
m I Going to be Okay? is an American story with a universal message. Ms. Whittam traces her history in the form AM I GOING A of stories about her all too human, and sometimes unhinged family; she throws a rope to the little girl living there, and in adulthood, is TO BE OKAY? able to pull her out safely, bit by bit. REVIEW BY ERIC OESTREICH - ARTIST, AUTHOR, AND TEACHER
Her history is peopled with folks from a different time, a time before therapy was acceptable, 12 steps unimaginable and harsh words, backhands and even harsher silences can be spun to appear almost normal. She writes of a mother who would not or could not initiate love nor give it without condition, and a father, damn near heroic at times, abusive at others, a survivor with his head down and his sleeves rolled up.
Ms. Whittam approaches her past with the clear-eyed, tough but sensitive objectivity necessary to untangle the shame from the source. She speaks of the people that affected her life so deeply with an understanding of their time and place in American culture; a family not far removed from immigrant roots when men carried their own water, emoted misplaced anger, and with fresh socks and food found on the trail, were confident, unflinching and at that same time tragically failing to the little ones they ignored.
Like many of us, details notwithstanding, Whittam responded by numbing, running and gunning. Alcohol gave her hope, soothed a crushed soul for a time and wrecked her on a train, until finally she had the courage to accept it wasn’t working for her anymore. It was time to stop drinking and take inventory and accountability. It was time to accept, forgive and move forward. She healed where she was broken.
It is in the telling of this story that Whittam teaches us the difference between just surviving and surviving well; the importance of shared introspection and a careful eye on the wake we leave behind us in our actions. Her story is a guide to surviving abuse and addiction. It is also about witnessing and dealing with the shrinking faculties of aging parents in the unavoidable circle of life. Finally, she offers a realistic sense of hope, forgiveness and a life we can shake hands with. AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM
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BE-YOU-TO-A-FULL 5 CONSCIOUS CHOICES TO LIVE LIFE FULL OUT BY HOLLY DUCKWORTH 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 27
ave you ever had a title such as mother, father, sister, you set in motion a new trajectory for moment you wanted employee, or author. For others, success in your life. Next time you find to say or do something, it is the “I am” energy of being yourself in that choice-point of being and you held back the kind, joyful, grateful, or peaceful. fully yourself or holding back your light, H real you? Have you Who you are being is the legacy idea, or opinion; pause, breathe, love experienced a time you leave everywhere you go. and give yourself permission to be when you disagreed with someone and you, fully. Choosing to live a successful simply stood by silently because it was • YOU matter! Put yourself first life requires you to write your own easier than being the real you? We without any hesitation. Talking with definition of success and then to Be- all have. It is human nature. When friends, I am discovering that many YOU-To-A-Full. Be beautifully you! we choose this action, we hold back of us are asking the question, “Am I our unique gifts from that person and truly worthy?” I have it verified by from the world. It’s not bad; in fact, it’s shame researcher, Brené Brown, normal. Now, however, we are shifting that there is no pre-requisite to into a new “normal.” worthiness. Therefore, you matter. Express who you are to the world. We live in interesting times as humans both seeking approval and trying to • Two Affirmations – Two times a rebel from authority. The world’s day, you brush your teeth. Why not appreciation for being different is use those same two times a day shifting. This creates a world where we to tell yourself you are beautiful are learning that to be fully happy and and allow yourself to feel beautiful present, we must become more of our in your body? There will never be selves. Bluntly, we are all exhausted another you. Knowing there is no ABOUT THE AUTHOR trying to change to fit someone duplication, make the time twice a For more on leadership presence and else’s mold. I love the words of Sally day to be fully you for yourself in the conscious leadership, contact Holly Hogshead, “Don’t change who you are mirror so that you feel empowered Duckworth, LSP, CAE, CMP. Holly is a to fit the world. Be more of you.” to be more you in the world. nationally recognized speaker, author and coach for conscious leadership. Author of The key to successful living as our • Accept your adventure. Take a Ctrl+Alt+Believe: Reboot Your Association society rules evolve is to define success moment to celebrate who you are in for Success, Holly is a columnist for by your own definition. Don’t let TV, this moment. Look at the adventure MeetingsNet/IdeaExchange, Association magazines, social media or peers define you are creating for your life. Your Trends and writes regularly on the future of business for Science of Mind magazine. your success. adventure can be anything you want She lives in Denver, Colorado. Learn it to be, including going to work, more at www.hollyduckworth.com, visit 5 Conscious Actions to Live Full Out… school, or on a vacation. Accepting her on LinkedIn & follow her on twitter Beautifully: it allows you to create it consciously. @hduckworth.
• Being vs. Doing. Focus on who • Full – Play full out! Fall in love you are being and what you are with your life without needing becoming, and less on your doing. permission from anyone else. Your being is the essence of who When you go down the buffet of you are as a person. When you life, fill your plate totally full with all are in that moment of holding the goodness that life has to offer. back, ask yourself who you are being and if that is true to who you As you activate the choice to be more want to be. For some, being is a fully you by doing these 5 actions,
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decision could be as small as whether you should join a friend for belly dancing class, or as large as whether to accept an amazing job offer in a new city. If you can imagine waking up the next morning having not accepted the challenge, and not caring, pass it up. But, if the thought of not jumping at the opportunity will eat away at your soul for years to come, face your fear, and go for it.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr., author of ‘Life’s Little Instruction Book’, once said “Be bold and courageous. When you look AVOID A REGRET HANGOVER back on your life, you’ll regret the things BY SHERYL GREEN you didn’t do more than the ones you did.” Weigh every decision against the n 2008, I found myself intoxicated, or antagonizing clowns. Regret Litmus Test, and bypass your fear five feet from the These fears just keep us safe. I’m talking to a better life. top of a mountain in about the kinds of fear that keeps us I Moab, Utah with my stuck in our current position - the fear of friend, Steve’s, hand failure, rejection, and humiliation. outstretched towards me. We had been hiking for hours and I was exhausted, By focusing on the potential regret, it weak, and ready to throw in the towel. allows for a fear bypass. This doesn’t (A pretty fair assessment of my life in mean that it stops being scary, but general at that point). My friend peered rather becomes less frightening than over the last ledge I needed to traverse the “regret hangover” you’ll experience and said “If you don’t come up here, you if you don’t. are going to regret it for the rest of your life.” A few months ago, I was at a Michael Franti concert (one of my favorite ABOUT THE AUTHOR I gathered up strength I didn’t know musicians). Michael called a woman up After a devastating divorce, Sheryl I had, put one foot firmly on a rock from the audience to sing a song with Green experienced a deep depression. and accepted my friend’s hand while him. She made it halfway up, panicked, A self-described “sad--ass,” she used I scrambled over the last stretch of refused the microphone, and scrambled volunteerism and a variety of other tools mountain. The view was astonishing off the stage to safety. She was faced to lift herself out and rediscover the super and the feeling of accomplishment was with an amazing opportunity, but hero inside. She now teaches others how the sweetest I had ever known. allowed her fear to take charge. Can you to go from Sad Ass to Bad Ass. imagine her regret hangover the next Steve’s advice has become the litmus day! As it turns out, I’m grateful for her A passionate animal advocate and test by which I’ve made all decisions fear. I was the next person he pulled up rescuer, she approaches life and speaking since then. When faced with a Should I on stage and you can bet that I sang my with humor and heart. She’ll make you or Shouldn’t I question, I ask myself “If heart out. laugh, cry, and embrace your own super powers. I don’t do it, will I regret it tomorrow?” Too often, we are ruled by fear. Not the What does this mean for you? Are there Find her at www.sherylgreenspeaks.com. smart kind of fear that keeps us from any situations in your life where you doing dangerous things like sticking our have allowed fear to control you? What if hands into open flames, driving while you applied the Regret Litmus Test? The 30 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
hen you choose who to listen to and CHOOSE YOUR INPUT learn from, you ori- ent your world to a W particular direction. SOURCES CAREFULLY When you choose what to read and where to focus your at- (THOSE YOU LEARN FROM) tention, you eliminate the other options BY JIM CATHCART at that time and that changes the mix of information flowing to and through you. there’s a danger in this because if you been smart to bet on my success poten- So, if you want to change your life then are only listening to one source or point tial. change your input sources. of view, what if that person is wrong? So, be careful and vigilant as you choose Then one day I changed my informa- One of the common traits of those who whom you will follow. tion source. I decided to start listening are living successfully is their peace of to and following the advice of the ra- mind. They have determined what kind For example: when I was in my mid- dio commentator, Earl Nightingale, the of person they want to be and identified twenties, I was not successful.- Over “dean of personal motivation.” What he what people who are like that would weight, out of shape, no money in said in his short radio show “Our Chang- do. Then, they do likewise. That clarity savings, doing nothing proactively to ing World” really resonated with me. allows them to silence all the conflict- improve my life and working in a cleri- ing information for a while. Of course, cal job at a low salary. It would not have Until I heard Earl, my main input was 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 31 from the mainstream news and from month period. I read Think & Grow Rich because nationwide hundreds of other my circle of friends and coworkers. I was by Napoleon Hill, The Power of Positive baby boomers like me were also seeking taking no intentional action to select my Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, How to grow and learn. sources, I just went with the flow. But To Win Friends & Influence People by what Nightingale said on that particu- Dale Carnegie, and more. I purchased Within a couple of years, I was leading lar day was, “If you will spend one extra the Earl Nightingale audio library “Lead those group discussions and conducting hour a day studying your chosen field The Field” on a payment plan. And, eve- occasional seminars for others. Then I you can become an expert in that field ry day I listened to the recordings and went into business on my own selling in five years or less.” Well that certainly read some of the books. This went on Earl Nightingale’s training systems. A appealed to me! I’d love to become an for many months and as I talked about short while later, I began to develop my expert on something…but what? what I had learned I discovered new own programs and today I’ve been a full friends who were also eager to improve time professional speaker and trainer As I thought about it over the ensuing themselves. for over 40 years! weeks, it occurred to me that I would like to do what Earl Nightingale was do- My circle of friends evolved, some old Today I’m the guy on the radio. I do ing. I wanted to become an expert in the friends drifted away and many new ones about 6 to 8 radio interviews and pod- field of personal development (a.k.a. emerged. They were interested in what casts a month and I’ve delivered more “Applied Behavioral Science”.) But I I was interested in and our discussions than 3,000 paid speeches to audiences knew nothing about that field and had fed both of us. My personal growth ac- around the world. Where do I get my in- no resources to assist me. I had never celerated. Within a matter of months, formation today? From a wide variety of given a speech and had no knowledge I was participating in group discussion sources including mainstream media. I of psychology or success skills. So, I programs about leadership, personal read blogposts of people I admire, listen started to select new input sources. goal setting, interpersonal skills and to podcasts, subscribe to newsletters, strategic thinking. This became known read magazines, attend conferences I read The Bible cover to cover in a three as “the Human Potential Movement” and collaborate with colleagues who are 32 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
seekers of success. I also listen to other sources so that I’m getting a balance of points of view. Who are you Who are you listening to, reading and listening to, reading following? What points of view are col- and following? oring your understanding of the world?
If you want to live successfully then What points of please assure that your mentors and view are coloring role models are people who you truly your understanding admire, as people, not just as commen- tators. If the person is a jerk but is also of the world? interesting then remember the old Bi- ble passage, “by their works you shall know them.” I’d say that if the person’s who is gracious and generous to oth- life isn’t an example of his message then ers, and other traits you would like to maybe he doesn’t really believe it. acquire. Then, in each category, be like ABOUT THE AUTHOR them. Not like just one of them but a lit- Jim Cathcart is the author of 16 books, a Find a number of people who you ad- tle like each of them. mire and create a “Composite Role Hall of Fame professional speaker and the Model”. That is: find someone whose creator of over 100 brief video lessons on You can be the best you have ever been Thrive15.com/acorn. His brief TEDx talk thinking you admire, someone whose by listening to your heart and soul and on How To Believe in Yourself now has family life you admire, someone who is then following the examples of the best over 460,000 views. View it for free at: physically robust and active, a person people you know in each aspect of life. www.choicesonlinemedia.com/believe
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POSITIVE CHOICES FROM A NEGATIVE SITUATION BY WILLIAM P. MOYER
s a person ages, unex- After a year and a half of retirement, I tional Rehabilitation Office who assisted pected life changes can responded favorable to heavy medica- with the registration process and helped occur from accidents or tions. The doctors talked to me about me enroll at Eastern New Mexico Uni- A health related issues. It my interests and where to go from here. versity. I followed up with a call to my happened to me when I I told them about the desire to write for friend Don Criss, who works for KENW- was 55 years old, rheumatoid arthritis television and film. They recommended TV at Eastern New Mexico University. changed my life. I made the poor choice attending college and retrain into a field Don invited me to tour the studio and of denying that arthritis was serious and of study that would fit my physical pro- spent time with me, explaining the de- didn’t seek medical treatment while in file. I made a positive choice by seeking tails about broadcast television, produc- its early stages. I lived with sore joints, counseling with the New Mexico Voca- ing television shows, filmmaking and morning stiffness, fatigue and pain which steadily increased in intensity. I thought it would pass and that I could beat it.
One morning, I couldn’t get out of bed and hit rock bottom. I went to see a doc- tor, accepted treatment and followed up with a rheumatologist. Both the pri- mary care physician and the rheuma- tologist recommended medical retire- ment and disability with instructions to take my medications, rest, and recover. Six months’ later, depression became a problem, I talked about it with my doc- tor who treated it with antidepressant medications. Mentally, I avoided -con tact with people because I felt useless and was feeling shame for not being employed.
During this lonely time, I discovered the joy of writing screen plays and started dreaming about making television doc- umentaries and films. Writing took me into a world of my choosing, a place to inhabit, to experiment with ideas, and have no fear of failure. It felt good. 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 35
acting. I will always be grateful to Don for opening the door to a new opportu- nity in television and film.
Don introduced me to Allen Crawford, the new television production director and supervisor at KENW-TV. Allen of- fered me an opportunity to volunteer time at the station helping with the pro- duction of Creative Living, You Should Know, and News 3 New Mexico televi- sion programs. My first job was mixing sound on the Wheatstone sound board to maintain the sound quality between the studio and the recording tape decks in the control room. At first, I was afraid to touch the equipment, (a common first reaction of most people) but with some coaching, he got me past the scary sliders, buttons and colored lights, into the world of audio and video produc-
tion. When the paperwork was finally completed, I became a full time broad- cast production student and continue to work with Allen on various projects.
Returning to college as a 58-year-old person is quite an interesting experi- ence. College has changed considerably from my last class in 1997, America On Line was the internet and we turned our research papers in on real paper. The classes filled my spare time with goals, objectives and plenty of work. The mild depression I was experiencing was gone and the doctors took me off the antide- pressant medications.
The future is bright now. I have a student ABOUT THE AUTHOR job in the master control room prepar- Bill Moyer returned to college in the ing television shows for broadcast and summer of 2015 to study television will graduate next year with a broadcast broadcast production and filmmaking, production bachelor’s degree. I learned 19 years after the last time he was in while facing a life changing event, that a classroom. He will be graduating in there is hope with counselling, guidance May 2018. Bill served in the USAF, is and the desire to improve, all available married, has two children and one by making positive choices. grandchild. Bill can be reached at: [email protected]
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I was nine years old when mother and grandma taught me how to crochet. SMALL IDEA Busy with a new career and life, I didn’t make anything for years. Then I found the bookworm one day, and BIG REWARDS started playing around with the idea of making some, and soon it morphed BY PAT TURNER into something that was kind of cute. When I was completing Just out of college, I moved to And as they say, “The rest is history”! a major in education California for my first teaching job. at Central Washington After eight years I moved back to Being a teacher and always University in the late Washington. In my travels and promoting literacy, this became a very O worthwhile tool to inspire students. sixties, I received a gift tucked away in a drawer, I found this from a literature professor that has little bookworm made of yarn that Amazing what we all do for that carrot literally reached far and wide over had hitched a ride during my first that is held in front of us. The success the years. What started as a prize for adventures. It caught my attention of my students was always a primary answering a question continues to as something that would be fun to goal, so I worked really hard so that give me joy decades later. make. in the end everyone got a bookworm. 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 39
Some took longer than others but started with “W” and I was often the at home. When they are sharing the they eventually reaped the rewards last to choose anything. joy, I always have them take one for of working hard. I laugh when I themselves, too. I’ve made a lot of think back to the college professor, Now that I am retired, the new, best friends this way. I believe she dangled the bookworm and I so bookworms go on trips and are freely I’m leaving a memorable footprint. wanted it. I sure wish I could tell her shared. Ladies I met on a zip line After all, the message at the bottom what an impact she made on my life. tour in Mexico took three hundred to of my business card is: Goals: Africa. The largest order I have ever Educate, encourage, and inhabit the When I started substitute teaching, filled was six-hundred. A librarian world with “worms” and “smiles”. the bookworms became part of my friend was retiring and she wanted hook to encourage kids to focus. I to give a bookworm to every child would usually wait until the last recess in her elementary school. Recently, and lay the worms on a table so when a ‘lending library’ started up in my they returned they could see all the town and I randomly put out a few colors that were available. As they bookworms for people to enjoy. I came thru the door their eyes would also send them with friends to light up and ask “Do we get one?” distant parts of the world. So far, my Teasing I would say, “No, I just wanted crocheted bookworms are present in you to look at them, (then laugh) yes, sixteen countries, from Iraq to France you get one.” That got them settled to United Arab Emirates and all parts in their seats really fast. Then there in-between. was the issue of who would get to choose first. The class always helped It feels good when my gift is received with that decision. Just before the so warmly. It’s fun to see the last ten students came forward, I surprised looks, then smiles, when I would put out ten new ones as the share something so little, colorful, and colorful ones were always the first to useful with perfect strangers. Quite ABOUT THE AUTHOR go. I told them the reason I did that often, they say they will pass their Pat Turner lives in East Wenatchee, is when I was in school my last name bookworms on to a child or grandchild Washington with her husband, Joe. She has been active at her local ski area, Mission Ridge, learning to three-track ski in 1966. She received her B.A. in education from Central Washington University and Fifth Year from the University of California Sacramento. Her first teaching assignment was in Placerville, California, then she finished her career in the Wenatchee, Washington area. She enjoys working out at the gym as well as riding tandem bike with Joe. Her travels include New Zealand, Tahiti, Mexico, and Hawaii. Pat also enjoys watercolor painting, writing, and hand crafts. You may contact Pat at: [email protected] 40 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
LIVING A HAPPY AND REWARDING LIFE BY DELORES RAMSEY MCLAUGHLIN
s living a happy and re- The foundation for living a happy and something is wrong within a relation- warding life determined rewarding life is faith. This soul-search- ship, take a few minutes and determine by the success in your life? ing process allows us to realize the most if there is anything you need to change I Everyone defines suc- important goals are not self-focused but about yourself. cess differently. Success instead focused on others. for some people is determined by the Element Three: Time: Bridging the amount of money they earn, the level Element Two: Love and Give of Gap. of education they complete and what Yourself to Help Others. position they hold in their companies. Success in your life is determined by But is money, education and company Success is built on who you are as an in- how you spend your time which - in position the true success and happiness dividual and what you do in developing cludes establishing priorities for a suc- we desire? Or, is there more to being relationships. When you determine that cessful outcome. successful and happy? This is a question I have asked myself frequently and the answer is always the same, “No, I need more happiness.” You and I deserve to be happy, satisfied and living a reward- ing life.
Living a happy and rewarding life is not based on success only. There are cer- tain elements that are necessary before true success can be achieved. The ulti- mate goal is reaching and achieving the elements of faith, love, time and talent which encourages serving and connect- ing with others. For example, a simple way to build the connection in relation- ships is to keep your promises. When people know that you follow through with your promises and are depend- able, this establishes trustworthiness in relationships. Building relationships is a true indicator of success in living a happy and rewarding life.
Element One: Faith is not denying what you believe and is a soul- searching process. 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 41
Element Four: Talent: Sharing With Others.
Living a happy and rewarding life is shar- ing our talents and experiencing peace, freedom and success.
Living a happy and rewarding life is the first step in success. We must be willing “THE GOOD LIFE requires to experience the elements of faith, love, time and talent. that we take pleasure in new things; A GOOD LIFE requires that we take pleasure in moments.
To enjoy THE GOOD LIFE we have to get ahead; to enjoy A GOOD LIFE we have to make the trip worthwhile.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Delores Ramsey McLaughlin is a THE GOOD LIFE is motivational speaker who can inspire supported by feeding our audiences from corporate to faith based. She has a gift of making the pocketbooks; A GOOD LIFE most serious topics become less intimidating and more accepting. The is supported by feeding our founder & executive director of “All Out Communication” and “Freedom-N- souls.” Christ Ministries,” she teaches effective leadership skills, conflict management, ______strategies to successfully pursue your dreams and how to bridge gaps between cultural and religious differences. Steve Goodier Delores may be contacted at: Post Box 8205, Phoenix, Arizona 85066 or [email protected] 42 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM BY AIMMEE KODACHIAN
xactly 30 years after the horrible war in Lebanon that claimed my brother, E Robert’s, life, I had just finished a successful business meeting. As I proudly walked toward my car, I was gushing with excitement and delight. I felt alive for the first time in years. I got in the car and inserted a CD by one of my favorite singers, Celine Dion. I rolled down the window, looked up at the beautiful sky and took a couple of deep breaths. Then, I started my car and proceeded down the freeway.
All of the sudden, memories from childhood through adulthood started to flash back. It was like a movie trailer in my mind. I felt as if I were living my life all over again. You can only image how overwhelmed I was. Mixed emotions took over my body.
As I was distracted by my feelings and thoughts, cars started honking. Drivers tears of joy, appreciation, and disbelief. every inch of my body. I told myself, began shouting and waving their hands. Years ago, I had been a woman with no “Absolutely not? That’s not going to They yelled, “Hey! Come on! Go faster!” hope or opportunity. Now, I had been happen. I’m a private person and I want Quickly, I realized that I was holding up given the freedom and the right to raise to keep it that way. Why would I even traffic. In that moment, I knew that I my voice and stand up for myself. want to do such a thing?” needed to stop driving. I took the first exit I saw and pulled over in a large Next, something magical happened. For I heard the answer strongly. “You must desert area. a moment, I felt like I was in a dream. I put your interests on the side and do heard my own voice say, “It’s time to tell what you’re here to do.” As I turned off my car, I put my head your story.” on the steering wheel and broke down I was going back and forth in my mind, crying. Tears were running down my And as I came back to reality, I felt like as the doubts wouldn’t seem to let go. face. Fortunately, those tears were my thoughts were running through “Who is going to care about what I have 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 43
to share?” I thought. “Most importantly, A few moments later, he said, “You’ve how am I going to tell my story to the surprised me many times. I know how world?” smart you are and I know you’re capable of running a business and dealing with However, the intuitive urge to share my life’s obstacles and challenges. However, story was overwhelmingly powerful. I doing that is one thing. Writing a book is knew what I had to do. I raised my head another. The other thing is that you’re a back up, took one deep breath, looked very private person. Do you really want at the sky, and asked myself the most everyone to know the intimate details important question. “Should I listen to of your life?” my mind and be logical, or follow my heart and be guided?” I didn’t hear an It was clear to me that he was looking answer, but my body automatically took out for my best interest. He meant well action and I turned the car back on. with his words and was speaking the truth. My mind was in complete silence. For the first time in my life, I could feel my “How are you going to do all that?” he heart beat and hear every breath I was asked. “How are you going to write a taking without going into a meditative book when you only have a fourth grade state. It felt like I was in a different education and you’ve never read a book world and I wasn’t in control. The whole in your life?” experience was surreal. My answer was simple. “As long as I Somehow, I made it back home. My have my why, the how will appear.” husband wasn’t feeling well that day so he was at the house resting, watching I walked away towards my home office. television and reading the newspaper. Sitting in my comfortable rocking chair, I ABOUT THE AUTHOR As I walked into the family room where looked up to the ceiling. All I could think Aimmee Kodachian is an author, he was, he looked at me and asked, about was why my life was saved. When speaker, life coach, television show “What’s wrong? Are you okay? It looks the first bomb hit our apartment in host and producer of AK and the like you have been crying.” 1975, it should have been me who died Experts, Stephanie’s Movie Reviews, instead of Robert. Now, not only was and The World of Book Reviews on “Nothing to worry about,” I calmly I alive and living in the most powerful WCOBM on-line tv network. As a answered. “I am doing fine.” country in the world, but I was also living child, Aimmee wasn’t able to excel the American dream. Here, I could be due to her severe dyslexia. When “I can tell something is wrong. What whoever I wanted to be…even an author the Lebanese War began, she was happened?” he continued. with a fourth grade education. In that only 12 years old when her family lost moment, I realized that everything I had everything and became homeless. I gave in and told him. endured had led me here and that it After years of persistence and was not a coincidence. determination, Aimmee found a way “Okay,” he responded. “What are you to live out her dreams. going to do about it?” A year and a half later, in 2005, the first edition of Tears of Hope was born. In To learn more about Aimmee “Well,” I said. “I am going to write my 2010, I finished the new expanded and watch all of the tv shows she story.” edition of Tears of Hope and found a directs and produces, go to www. publisher who believed in me and was AKexpertsTV.com. Her book, Tears He went silent, allowing my words to willing to help me share my message of Hope, is available on Amazon.com sink in. with the world. and bookstores everywhere. “Success is the accomplishment of any number of possible aims, dreams, aspirations or goals. A true story of GROWING through It’s very personal and BETRAYAL, DECEPTION and LOSS unique to you. Your greatest desire could be someone else’s idea of hell; you might want to be an award-winning chef while your best friend hates cooking.” ______
Nigel Cumberland Resilient Survivor Available On Amazon.com & Barnes & Noble
A true story of GROWING through BETRAYAL, DECEPTION and LOSS
BY MARLENE LIVINGSTON CURRY
“This is a book about love, betrayal, and a mysterious death. The author, Marlene Livingston Curry, shares her personal journey through devastating circumstances in order for us to understand she has been where we are, hurt as we hurt, and felt complete devastation from the secret betrayal of the person she loved the most. She then shows us how to reclaim our self-worth, resolve the shame issues we may be dealing with, and rise to new levels of self- confidence, happiness, and success. Within these pages, you will find practical ways to meet challenges, overcome difficulties, and give up any feelings of brokenness.” —Judi Moreo, author, You Are More Than Enough
“This book is both inspirational and practical. “This is a book I will keep and give to others, It is the kind of book you will keep close at to my friends who are grieving. Marlene hand, refer to often, and actually use. It is full writes from a calamitous experience and of simple, yet profoundly effective techniques offers advice of various ways of coping with that anyone can use to regain and maintain the issues following the death of a loved self-worth and confidence.” one.” —Mary Monaghan, author, Remember Me? —Kathie Slaughter, Retired teacher
WWW.MARLENECURRY.COM
Marlene Livingston Curry is available for lectures and workshops EMAIL MARLENE based on her book Resilient Survivor. [email protected] 46 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
SLOW DOWN & SMILE BY RIDGELY GOLDSBOROUGH
remember meeting ly expressed her surprise at the bless- ty that surround us everywhere, too Lindsey in the pool on a ings Lindsey gave her family, the close- caught up in the crisis du jour to notice summer afternoon. She ness that stemmed from the operations, smells, sights and sounds—the magnifi- I frolicked and splashed the celebration of each small victory. cent daily unfoldings. about in her floating sea- horse in the shallow end. A first step, a first word, meant so much. What have you overlooked today? What did you miss? I could tell from the almond shape and They would never worry if Lindsey didn’t slight redness around her eyes that Lind- make honor roll, or compete for student Even when we see, we quickly disregard. sey suffered from Down’s Syndrome, a council or top-of-the-class. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Nice garden. Nice difficult condition fraught with ongoing pots.” physical challenges. To them, if she could learn enough words to speak her mind, that would be On to the next thing, in a furious flurry. Lindsey had already endured a number an extraordinary success. of heart and other surgeries, her first at Can’t dally. barely three months of age. Every milestone along the path, no mat- ter how small, marked a huge triumph. Gotta’ rush. Despite the obstacles, Lindsey’s bright smile and youthful zeal revealed a young “She is our greatest treasure,” she said. Suppose you slowed down. girl enjoying the whims of toddler-hood. Talk about perspective. Suppose you brought yourself more into Her mother shared with me that she each moment, pulled focus from the and her husband consciously chose to Nowadays, we take too much for grant- problem at the office or the emergency bring Lindsey into the world, with full ed. that awaits you at home. knowledge of her condition. She loving- We neglect the tiny moments of beau- If you do, you will discover two enor- 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 47
mous benefits. “’Just living isn’t enough,’ said the but- terfly. ‘One must also have freedom, First, your quality of life will improve im- sunshine and a little flower.’” mediately. I found a beautiful flower that special Second, the break that you give yourself day. from worry gives your brain time to rest and makes you more effective at solving Her name was Lindsey. the issues when you return to them. Win-win. That’s A View From The Ridge…
Too often, we scurry like rats from dusk to dawn, home to work and back, nose ABOUT THE AUTHOR to the ground, blinders blocking all vi- Author and International Speaker, Ridgely Goldsborough, believes in taking complex sion. and challenging topics and making sense out of them. He started his first business at age 16 and since graduating from Law School in 1987 has founded 43 companies. Pick your head up. Look around. Ridgely’s team manages several active websites in multiple business verticals and he speaks in both English and Spanish, as an expert in online marketing. He has written 12 Find something to appreciate. books, hosted his own television show and created dozens of audio and video programs on success and prosperity. In addition, Ridgely is the author of The WHY Advantage Drink it in. for Business, a revolutionary marketing and messaging program used to attract ideal clients based on a company’s WHY. He is a frequent speaker at top internet marketing Smile and spread your joy. conferences and a facilitator and trainer for high-level CEO masterminds.
Hans Christian Anderson wrote: Ridgely may be contacted via [email protected] or (850) 291-6575 48 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
DRESSING APPROPRIATELY FOR YOUR JOB LEADS TO GREATER SUCCESS IN BUSINESS BY ANNE DREYER
eing able to develop ‘workings’ of the business environment, your own signature in order, to conduct ourselves professional style “Human successfully. B for work, will add to greater l career success. Resources Thirty years after women forcing their Appearance still matters. How you look way into boardrooms around the world and behave has measurable effects on professionals via the woman’s movement, we are the viewer. now putting our cause back at least sixty estimate, years by wearing casual clothing. Our world today has become a small that 95% of global village, and with the mingling Divested of the most powerful of different cultures and mind sets of people dress components of the business uniform- all generations - all playing the game of clothing elements, that have garnered wanting to be the best in the working inappropriately respect and built fortunes for more arena - it has become more than vital than five hundred years, women are for us to have in-depth knowledge of for their jobs!” now working harder to earn less and the mechanics and dynamics of the stressing out more than ever before. 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 49
For example, “Casual Friday” started all the “right” organizations, or have an shape and age from what’s currently in as a way for business people to usher excellent resume...if you jeopardize the fashion, and understand which ‘looks’ in the weekend by “dressing down” way you look by showing up to work in are appropriate for what occasions. one day a week. It soon became a daily clothes that never warranted a second In other words, become a person who uniform for many offices and spiralled thought, it is like cutting a perfect understands fashion without becoming so completely out of control that diamond, putting it in an elaborate a slave to it. women who once went to work in suits setting, polishing it to a high sheen... and heels started reporting to work in and then wrapping it in a brown paper You can easily learn how to develop your shorts and flip-flops, looking as if they bag and wondering why no one gives it own sense of style, and the experience are going to the beach. a second look. of trial-and-error can give anyone from any background the ability to achieve a Sloppy Dress “Clothes make the man; look that is fashionable, flattering and in naked men have no good taste. It is vital to dress appropriately for the office and to develop a unique business influence.” Our personal ‘taste’ affects the way we style. Thus, the wearing of sandals, co-ordinate colors, patterns and fabrics. midriff showing, and ‘recycled Barbie’ Mark Twain Learning about harmonious color hairstyles are unacceptable! schemes, appropriate patterns, how Image Audit various fabrics drape and relate to our Image vs. Talent individual shapes and how to skilfully • Do your work clothes accurately and co-ordinate jewellery are all-important Today how you ‘package yourself’- how immediately identify your position, steps in developing good taste. you dress, speak and behave, contributes income, and level of success? 85% of reaching the pinnacle of your • Does the way you dress instantly Self Confidence career, and only 15% is about your skills! grant you access to the people and In this day and age of casual dress and places that will help you advance For a person to create a lasting and relaxed attitudes, taking the time to your career? enduring style, discover what suits you dress appropriately for your industry and find your ‘special signature.’ True and learning to behave in the correct Why sell yourself short? confidence is built on ‘knowing yourself.’ manner will put you so far ahead of just Self-confidence never grows from about anyone you work with and the Even if you’re the brightest, smartest, perfection. If you can accept the way avalanche of benefits that you’ll enjoy wittiest, and most deserving person you look and feel about yourself, this will will astound you! in your office, if you don’t dress enable you to reflect true confidence… appropriately for your position, you’re the kind of confidence that tells others Researchers have proven there is a great not going to advance as quickly as you you respect yourself, love yourself and PAY OFF for dressing and behaving in the should. dress up for yourself and nobody else. correct manner. Some of the benefits Style comes from knowing who you are are that others will: By simply taking the time to accurately and what you want to be in the world: • Hire you match your business attire to your it does not come from wanting to be • Comply with your request position, you could instantly change someone else, or wanting to be thinner, • Trust you with information the outcome of every meeting you shorter, taller or prettier. • Give you access to decision makers attend, every order you give, and every • Pay you more. interaction you have with other people. Age appropriateness
First impressions DO matter and it is Develop your own unique style Dress for your age…many of us are not only about a pretty face or if you reinventing ourselves, going into new spent tons of time and money training To develop style, you only need a few careers and working well into our for your career. Alternatively, even if pieces of good clothing that can mix and seventies. you went to the “right” school, joined match, reconcile what suits your height, 50 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
Covering ourselves appropriately is the up, or slides off, try a different size. That The Pay-off: if you look good, you will key to aging gracefully. If your upper means that the size of your garment feel good- and the best job will be yours! arms, thighs, and décolletage have all should be at least an inch bigger than seen better days, it’s time to cover them your body. This is actually a small “Dress shabbily and they remember up a bit instead of sharing the wear-and- amount and you should be able to the dress; dress impeccably and they tear with the world. “pinch-an-inch” of fabric when wearing remember the woman.” the garment. There comes a time when you need Coco Chanel to avoid extremes, as they exaggerate Make sure you have enough coverage at your less than positive features, but that your neckline and hem. Give yourself a doesn’t mean frumpy. It means you minimum of half an inch safety margin. must modify certain elements of your Check that you can get in and out the style just as you do during times when car, bend over or sit down easily without you feel bloated… it’s all about adapting. your undergarments being exposed. As we age, rather than being really trendy and following the latest fashion, Jeans are a great staple in many what we need is to develop our own wardrobes. Look for darker denims style – a style that suits us, our lifestyle because they are dressier and more and our time of life. As you age, develop classic and won’t date too quickly. a look that has more sophistication, but retain some fun elements. Higher quality fabrics are very important for a professional look. Think like a There are many factors which may French woman, “quality is essential to influence our “sense of style’ and these elegance.” Aim for quality over quantity. form part of the knowledge of knowing Good quality is not an extravagance, it ourselves better- to embrace our lasts for a long time and may end up to ABOUT THE AUTHOR uniqueness and become confident and be cheaper because you get more wears Anne Dreyer, Author, Speaker, Mas- beautiful no matter what age! from each item. ter Image and Etiquette Expert, walks the talk, sharing her dictum ‘Irresist- Be aware of the fashions without the “Your clothes should be tight enough ible for the rest of your life,’ as she in- urge to buy every latest trend. A new, to show you’re a woman, but loose fects her audiences from all over the modern haircut, and a great latest enough to show you’re a lady.” world, with her warm personality and season shoe and handbag will go a long tangible style, training and inspiring way toward making your look modern Marilyn Monroe her audiences from her personal life’s and timeless, without looking like experience as a successful business “mutton dressed as lamb.” There is nothing that will take a look woman and entrepreneur. from classy to cheap faster than clothing Nominated Business Women of the Simplicity that’s too tight or too revealing. When Year and the recipient of ‘The Best underwear lines show through tight International Trainer in Singapore Simplicity, good taste and grooming pants, when cellulite can be clearly seen 2012/2013,” Anne founded Colour- are the three fundamentals of good through stretched fabrics, when you works International, South Africa’s dressing and these don’t cost money. have any visible color or lace showing first Make Over Salon and Image through your blouse, you know that Consultants Training Academy in1985 Make sure your clothes fit your body. you’re sending out the wrong message. where she trains image consultants Have them altered to your shape. Your It is worth investing in getting some from all over the world. clothes should allow you to do what you HELP from a professional... This will need to do comfortably, like eat, move, be an investment into your Personal www.annedreyer.com bend down, reach up, sit and breathe. Wealth. If something is too constraining, rides
A SPARKLING VALENTINE BY S. L. GORE
There can be times when a romantic dessert at home is the perfect way to end a Valentine evening. Especially if it involves glasses of rosé bubbly, chocolate and candlelight.
find it perfectly acceptable to cheat a little with the dessert— I like my chocolate ganache purchased at Trader Joe’s and enhanced with fresh strawberries. Frankly, I would be hard pressed to make a better ganache myself. Never mind if the berry taste isn’t summer sweet; this is all about the presentation. If you can’t find strawberries, then choose any exotic fruit.
Whether dining out or at home, at some time in the course of the evening, our celebration must include a very chilled bottle of pink sparkling wine. Yes, it must be pink. Just as preferred by James Bond.
The gold standard of bubblies is authentic French brut rosé champagne. To my mind, one of the best is Nicolas Feuillatte. Although not as well-known outside France as Moet Chandon or Veuve Clicquot, this superb, highly complex wine has the perfect balance of dry and fruit without being the least acidic.
Chocolate Ganache with fresh strawberries. 2017 WINTER ISSUE | CHOICES 53
If on a tighter budget, which most of us are much of the time, there are a myriad of other rosé sparkling wines in a wide price range to fit any pocketbook. I say “sparkling wines,” as not only is there a special method of fermentation in the bottle required to call the wine “champagne,” but the only true champagnes are from one small wine district in northeastern France within a hundred miles of Reims. In other words, all champagne is sparkling wine, but not all sparkling wine is champagne.
A bubbly wine doesn’t have to be French méthode champenoise to deliver that distinctive titillating taste sensation. I’ve selected five sparkling pink wines from various countries that range from $13-$50. All are very drinkable, make a lovely presentation and not so obscure that they can’t be found in your local stores. The list is certainly not meant to be the only choices. With the new popularity of marvelously festive rosé sparkling wines, there are many lovely selections available. Having said that, I would avoid Korbel or André.
Here’s my suggestions, ranging from most expensive to least.
• Nicolas Feuillatte Brut Rosé Champagne $50 – (France) • Domaine Chandon Etoile Brut Rosé $35 (California) • Szigeti Brute Rosé $21 (Austria) • Freixenet Elyssia Pinot Rosé Noir Brut Cava $21 (Spain) • Martini & Rossi Sparkling Rosé $13 (Italy)
Just a quick note on serving a bubbly wine. Chill the bottle as cold as you can make it. Pop the cork with all the drama Suggested pink sparkling wines from $13-$50. Nicolas Feuillatte Brut Rosé Champagne $50 (France), you can summon. (NEVER open in the Domaine Chandon Etoile Brut Rosé $35 (California), Szigeti Brute Rosé $21 (Austria), Freixenet Elyssia Pinot Rosé Noir Brut Cava $21 (Spain), Martini & Rossi Sparkling Rosé $13 (Italy) 54 CHOICES | 2017 WINTER ISSUE
kitchen) Fill the glasses and serve. Let ABOUT THE AUTHOR your guests enjoy the full excitement Born with wanderlust, forever living of the loud pop and the lovely pour in a fantasy world, S.L. Gore escaped with bubbles rising. Flutes (the tall the prairies of Kansas and followed skinny stemmed glasses) have replaced the yellow brick road on an odyssey the traditional coupe—probably to that took her around the world. Love reduce spillage at parties. But there is of history, languages, mysticism, food, shopping and romance helped create something especially celebratory about her romantic time travel thrillers of a wide-brimmed glass and fragrant the Isis Trilogy. Her Sex and the Zen of bubbles tickling the nose. Shopping is a self-help for the spirit and how-to for the practical. Joyously Cheers! Skål! Prost! Salud! Santé! Cin married, she and her Viking husband live cin! gān bēi! Kanpai! in Coastal California.
And to love… [email protected] Coupe v Flute SLGore.com “Success is to wake up each morning and consciously decide that today will be the best day of your life.”
Ken Poirot CHOICES MAGAZINE WINTER ISSUE 2017 A FINAL NOTE FROM JUDI MOREO
Let’s face it, the only thing that’s really So what do you dream about? A great achieve everything, you will still be out holding you back is fear…the Fear of relationship? A bigger house in a better in front of where you were. It is a fact, Failure. Believe me, we all suffer from neighborhood? A luxurious vacation that goals, whether they are totally it at one time or another. We all have each year? A job that is fulfilling? A achieved or not, still constructively thoughts like, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. new car? It’s all within your reach, no change your life. I might fail and then where would I matter what your situation is now. be? Look what I will have given up to So, get in motion as soon as possible. try something new and if I fail, I’ll have If you are going to live a successful When you have fear, you may feel nothing. And besides, what will people life, you must change any negative frozen. This is when you put on your think? Sound familiar? thoughts you are having to positive running shoes and “Just Do It”. Action thoughts. If you think something might is the key to taking control. Remember, Let me assure you, you have nothing be impossible, ask yourself, “What is successful living is more about the to fear! You can be, do, and have the worst that can happen?” If you are journey than about the destination. anything in life that you want as long as prepared to live with your answer, you’ll you are willing to set your goals, work be able to take the risk and handle the You Are More Than Enough, hard enough to achieve them, and be really big challenges. willing to give up the things which must be given up in order to make it work… What most people don’t realize is that things like television and leisure. achieving 100 percent of their goals is not a requirement. Even if you don’t Judi