Emergency Break-Up Kit
You’re in the emotional trauma unit. Your guy has torn your heart apart, given you a gut punch, or maybe you’ve been dying a slow, painful death in the relationship all along. You’re heart’s bleeding, or you’re walking around with this fresh, open wound thinking what the heck just happened? How did I get here?
More importantly, how do you get out?
The truth is:
You don’t have to go through years of bashing that guy who cheated, the d-bag who left you in Italy, or the date-from-hell who made you feel like crap and ducked out on dinner leaving you holding the check.
Welcome to the He Did You a Favor: Emergency Break-up Kit. This kit is your remedy to give you some immediate relief and get you on the road to healing.
Debra Rogers designed this kit especially for you because she knows what you are going through. This Queen of Breakovers is your best girl expert in the school of love. With years of dating and break up experience, including one crushing break up at eight months pregnant (which evolved into a supportive divorce and loving friendship) – she’s earned her relationship MBA.
Experience is knowledge. Knowledge is power. She’s here to pass the girl power onto you.
So girlfriend, NOW is the time to start feeling better, starting with:
Your Emergency Do’s and Don’ts
1. You’re Now On the Do Not Call List
Don’t pick up that phone – to call him or take his calls. If he calls, let your voicemail answer for you. You need breathing room here to get perspective. And stop checking your phone for that miracle “I want you back” message. That goes for texting too. And yes, even a simple “hi” text is not harmless and definitely not allowed.
Important! Don’t delete his number. Instead change his name on your phone to: Do Not Answer.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
Instead, DO get a Breakup Pal.
Or get several. These are friends or family members who are truly there for you. Who call you on the lies you may have been telling yourself, give you an objective opinion on why Mr. Heartbreaker isn’t right for you, as well as give you post breakup support. Also, they’ll keep you in check when you’re on your third Margarita and about to go home with some biker dude who’s covered in tattoos of his ex-girlfriends.
2. Social Media and Mementos Are a No-No
Don’t become a Social Media Stalker.
Pull your face away from his Facebook page, blog, Twitter or anything linked to him. Seriously, do you really need a constant reminder of the guy who tore your heart apart? Surfing the web for Mr. Heartbreaker will only send you spinning back down into that icky pit of despair.
Purge, purge, purge.
Get rid of photos, mementos (yes, even the cocktail napkin he wrote a silly note on), or that picture frame he made for you on Valentine’s Day. If you can’t trash them yet, stuff them in a box and store them away where you can’t see them, or give them to your Breakup Pal (of course, they’ll probably trash them for you). You don’t want any reminders of your past relationship hanging around you right now.
Helpful Tip: Take action, however small; at least you’re moving.
3. It’s Not About Him Anymore; It’s About You
Don’t become a Master Hacker.
Don’t break into his personal accounts. Or if you already know the passwords to his cell, e-mail, FB account, bank account or his fantasy football, forget them. Nothing good can come of it. You may find him flirting with a girl he met at Starbucks, or he’s sexting a new chick, or his bank account’s showing a lavish purchase from Victoria Secret. Logging into anything, even his fantasy football is a total fumble on your part.
Instead it’s time to get your groove on.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
Make a playlist of songs that make you feel powerful and able to tackle anything. Dance. Sing. Go crazy. Who cares if you’re neighbor gets annoyed – you’re doing your healing work here! Crank up the break-up jukebox and get groovin’ rock star girl!
4. Seriously, It’s Not About Him Anymore
Don’t show up at his favorite bar by “accident.”
You may catch him hitting on some mysterious blond girl with killer lips. Do you want to go there? Really?
Do something for yourself instead - Exercise.
While you’re rockin’ out, why not get on the Stairmaster or treadmill and get a bootylicious butt while you’re at it? You may even want to grab some weights and pump up those muscles while you’re pumping up your self-esteem. Exercise is fab for getting your beautiful heart pumpin’, releasing tension and getting a killer bod for the next hot guy you date (he’s out there)!
THE “HE SUCKS, YOU DON’T” WORKOUT
• Put on “Rocky” music or “I Will Survive,” because you will.
• Grab a nice, firm pillow. Punch the heck out of that sucker while yelling about
how much he wronged you. Use your best “kick his butt” moves. Get it all out.
If it’ll help, tape a picture of your ex to it for added benefit. Once you’ve
exhausted yourself…
• Hug the pillow (not him, the pillow!) and say “thank you.” Be grateful you are
out of this broken relationship that’s been beating down your self-esteem.
• Now…go take a nice, soothing bubble bath. Light a candle and visualize
letting go of Mr. Wrong and the better future you will have because of it.
5. Use Self Indulgence To Your Advantage
Don’t starve yourself or gorge yourself.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
If you do, you’ll either pass out or throw up. ‘Nuff said.
Do throw yourself a rockin’ pity party.
This is your chick flick moment where you get to stay in your jammies, give up showering, eat chocolate (hey, studies say it’s actually a mood booster), play out your best “woe is me” moments and let the tears flow.
Here’s why we’re crying a river here. You don’t want to hold any of it in, because if you do, you’ll make yourself sick. The first step is to let these emotional toxins move through you and out of your body – then you’ll kick them right out the kitchen door and slam it shut. Sayonara and good riddance. Whew. Relief.
6. Remember That You Matter
Don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t torment yourself mercilessly for all the “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” things you might have said or done that would’ve kept him from breaking up with you. It wouldn’t. He still would’ve done the dirty deed. You didn’t make that one colossal blunder that ended the relationship – it’s just not possible.
Do pamper yourself.
Self-care is where we go last (I mean, who has time when we’re stuck in pain and beating down our self-esteem with a two-by-four?), but it should be first on our daily list. If you don’t take care of yourself how do you expect to get better and find the man of your dreams? And no, he’s not the sucky dude who dumped you even though you may still think he’s the one. So go get a good, relaxing massage, facial or Mani/Pedi. Do whatever lifts your spirits. Get creative!
Bonus tip: Take a stay-cation. Allow a whole day for yourself. Take a drive, have lunch on the beach, go see a double feature, or go for a nice, energizing hike.
7. Get Real With Yourself
Don’t try to be someone or something you think he wants (and try and get him back).
You’ll end up deceiving yourself pretending to be something you’re not, instead of rockin’ what you’ve got and finding a guy who appreciates you for the fabulous woman you are!
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
Journal.
It’s one of the first things I did when things went bad. I have five years of journals (It’s one of the reasons why I wrote, “He Did You A Favor”) and I still journal to this day. Here’s what journaling does for you: it allows you to get all the crap that’s swirling around inside of your head (giving you a throbbing headache) out onto the page so you can let go of it. It also allows some great inner guidance (we all have it) to come through and help solve problems or release any blocks you may have. Write three pages a day, preferably when you first wake up in the morning. It’s helped me immensely and still does.
8. Set Your Mind on the Right Things
Don’t fixate on fixing it.
You have to accept what’s happening here. The truth is if he were the one, he wouldn’t have left. Ouch. I know. It hurts, big time. But trust me, it’s gonna get better. So don’t play nursemaid and try and fix the situation, fix yourself for him, or fix his problems in an attempt to make it better. You’re here to make your own life better.
Meditate.
Whether you’re into New Agey stuff or not studies show meditation can be a huge mood booster. For just five to fifteen minutes a day you can tune out the crazy world and tune in to your fabulous self. Meditation also taps into that intuitive voice inside of you that says you deserve so much more.
9. Do the Good Instead of the Bad and It Won’t Get Ugly
Don’t take up any bad habits.
Overindulging in anything unhealthy will just mess with your head, heart and body. Seriously, do you really want to make things worse and have a harder time climbing out of that deep, dark pit?
Breathe, baby, breathe.
It’s crazy how something as simple as breathing can do so much. It’s great for releasing stress and energizing your body. And you can do it anywhere, anytime.
• Sit up straight, shoulders back. Good posture is great for improving your mood.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
• Breathe in for three seconds through your nose. Think about filling yourself up with a nourishing dose of self-love.
• Then, slowly breathe out. Think about releasing any negative thoughts about him or yourself.
• Do this daily for three to five minutes. You’ll begin to feel better.
10. The Bottom Line
Don’t Go Down Obsession Road.
It’s this psychological torture we mercilessly inflict on others and ourselves which causes the most damage. What is disease? Dis-ease – an imbalance within yourself. This is what obsessing will get you, so don’t do it.
Bonus exercise: Write down everything you’re obsessing about. Go on. Get it all out. Use as many pieces of paper as you need. When you’re done, tear them up into little pieces and toss them in the trash. Let go of them for good.
Remember He Did You A Favor.
This situation happened in order for you to learn something. Sometimes when we’re being forced to learn, our initial instinct is to resist it. But you have to trust that this lesson was given to you for a great reason -- to help you grow into an even more fabulous you. You have a choice. You can learn this lesson through pain, anger and blame -- or through joy, love, and some serious gratitude. You choose.
Now if you’re still looking for a bitch-fest about the guy who dumped you, then go grab a girlfriend, a bottle of chardonnay and your break-up ice cream and have at it – go ahead, get it all out. Then read He Did You A Favor…because this isn’t about focusing on what’s wrong about your breakup, but on what’s right.
Bonus Info: Do you know that a broken bone can become stronger than before it’s break? Our bodies renew themselves constantly. Pretty awesome cool.
So why not do the same for yourself? After this breakup you can make yourself stronger and more powerful.
So let’s get busy healing your broken heart, instead of killing yourself by drowning in an emotional sea of self-wallowing and shame for the jerky guy who dumped you and who
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
wasn’t worthy of you to begin with. Use this breakup, as fuel to empower you and you’ll be much better for it. Trust me.
By now girlfriend, you probably feel a whole lot better. You’ve picked yourself up off that kitchen floor, put the lid on your tub of chocolate chip cookie dough and maybe even started to think about this dating thing again…
Whoa, girl. Hold on for just a sec. Unless you get back to who you are and what you really want, getting immediately back up on that horse may lead to being thrown off all over again (Ask me how I know…).
So now what?
You’re in luck because right now you can pre-order your very own copy of He Did You A Favor. You can be one of the first people E-VAH to get your hands on this gem of a book which gives you secrets to creating an even better you and attracting a better man.
He Did You A Favor is an empowering, humorous, hands-on guide so you can continue your journey out of grief and into greatness. In this book, Debra’s your new best breakup friend who’ll give you straight talk, honest answers and helpful advice. Inside you’ll find fab tools and techniques to help you break away from Mr. ‘So Very Wrong’ and break through to the life you desire. You’ll also discover:
• Why you actually dodged a bullet with this “not for you” guy. • How you can actually be grateful for this situation. • Practical exercises and advice so you can stop gorging yourself with unhealthy thoughts and indulge in good, nourishing ones. • Tips to help you stop making excuses for him and start taking charge of you. • How to use your breakup as fuel to empower you to step into the life you’re really meant to live. • Ways to treat yourself like the awesome woman you are. • How to conquer your fears, get back out there, and kick some serious butt in the world. • The keys to breaking your old patterns so you can stop dating “Mr. Wrong” and start dating “Mr. Right.”
Workbook exercises include: The “He Sucks, You Don’t” Workout, “Cleaning Out Your Mental Closet,” “Your 30 Day Emotional Cleanse,” “Your Smokin’ Hot Princess Makeover,” “How to Shop For A Man,” and more!
You don’t want to end up back on the floor do you? Don’t wait! Pre-order your copy today! Go to: www.hedidyouafavor.com.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013
About the Author
Debra Rogers, Writer, Writing Coach
This Queen of Breakovers is your best girl expert in the school of love. With years of dating and break up experience, including one crushing break up at eight months pregnant (which evolved into a supportive divorce and loving friendship) – she’s earned her relationship MBA.
Experience is knowledge. Knowledge is power. She’s here to pass the girl power onto you.
He Did You A Favor is the first in a series of books that she’s designed to help you get off the couch, put down the ice cream and be the most awesome person in the world - YOU.
Before He Did You a Favor, Debra worked the studio circuit for years as a script analyst and Development Associate for both film and television. Her passion for story was further expanded as a writing consultant for numerous motion picture and television writers through her company Your Best Writing Now.
She also built a successful voiceover career, voicing strong, powerful women in film and television from “Street fighter” to “Xena Warrior Princess.” Through her life experience, she discovered her own inner warrior and found that the strong heroines she’d been voicing were also within her.
Soon after this discovery, friends, sisters and mothers began to approach her, asking how they could do it too. She listened to other women’s stories of breakup and heartache. That’s when she knew she had to write this book, to help others who were trudging through dark emotional waters, not knowing how to find the shore.
Debra currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her amazing daughter and has finally found true love. “He Did You a Favor” is her recipe for success - so you can have the life and the relationships you’ve always dreamed of.
He Did You A Favor. © Debra Rogers. 2013