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The Student Newspaper of Georgetown University Law Center in Duffield, VA “I can’t define [news] but I know it when I see it” VOLUME: A FEW BRICKS SHY APRIL 1 , 2004 NUMBER 202-662-9265 ExamSoft Supreme Court hears SBA Election Appeal by Nemo Everett, 1L is back; Law Weekly Supreme Court Correspondent In an unprecedented move this corporation week, the United States Supreme Court chose to take a direct emergency appeal from the SBA Judiciary takes over Committee. The choice to act quickly was necessitated by the SBA Constitution’s obligation to swear in GULC the new executive board before the by Zack Morris, 2L end of the school year so student Law Weekly groups could receive their appropriations. Hearing about the recent decision After a motion from the by the faculty Academic Standards American Constituton Society, Justice Committee to forego ExamSoft for Antonin Scalia reluctantly recused future exams, ExamSoft Worldwide, himself from hearing the case for Inc. - makers of the infamous blocking recent a speech he gave to the software - made a hostile takeover of Federalist Society where he called the Photo courtesy of AP Georgetown University Law Center. SBA election a sham because there The U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments in Clark vs. Dartt on Thursday. "We have no current plans to was no way to determine whether the selves for cause and wondered how Public reaction to the session was change the academic or cultural founding fathers approved of the Justice Scalia was enjoying his vaca- mixed with several Law Center stu- atmosphere of the school, though election rules that regulated the tion, duck hunting in Louisiana with dents still unsure of where they stood there will be some layoffs." stated process. Vice President Cheney. personally Kenneth Lay, CEO, in a press confer- Oral arguments were held in a In one of the fastest decisions in "I’m confused," said Helena Seau, ence from an undisclosed location. special four hour session on last recent memory, the Justices looked at an LLM from France. "Did we win?” "There have been a number of lies Thursday so as to fit into the Court’s each other, voted "aye" or "nay," and In an attempt to remove the curse spread recently about our company pre-established arguments schedule. declared a tie. Chief Justice William that has fallen over the elections, the and we will make a concerted effort to Justice Clarence Thomas H. Rehnquist proposed creating a dol- owner of Harry Carey Restaurant reeducate the student population." remained awake for the entire first lar coin with Clark on one side and offered to purchase the ballot box so New policies will include: Exams three minutes of the session. Dartt on the other and flipping for it. he can blow it up for all to see. must be taken on computers using During the second hour, Justice After voting down the idea 7-1, the While the candidates were not Justices waved the parties out of the ExamSoft software; robotic professors John Paul Stevens questioned the rule See SBA APPEAL, page mdcclxxxix that justices could only recuse them- Court. See EXAMSOFT, page xiv Students to Congress: enlarge molehills Scientists by Daina DeMark, 3L Law Weekly miscalculate: Last night, the new Georgetown chapter of Students Demanding Enlargement (SDE) held its inaugural asteroid meeting. SDE is the first chapter of what founder Gunner I. Cantstan, 2L, strike is hopes will become a nationwide net- work of groups advocating for the legal conversion of "molehills" into "moun- imminent tains." When asked to explain the orga- by Jessica Simpson, 2E nization's mission, Cantstan said SDE Law Weekly Space Correspondent would "attempt to remedy lax applications of justice in everyday life." Scientists at NASA announced this Canstan's inspiration for SDE, he week that they made a grievous error continued, was an incident in his in calculating the tragetory of 1999

Constitutional Law class where a fel- Photo courtesy of Warner Brothers AN10. This asteriod was orginally low student attacked Canstan's stance Gunner I. Canstan discussing his views with his constituents. thought to travel close to the Earth but on the right to abortion, saying "consti- cation to law school. Who knows what Law student's comment toward miss by 40,000 meters and possibly tutional doesn't equal moral." After a damage this blatant character assassi- Canstan punishable by stoning of the strike the planet in 17 million years. dramatic pause, Canstan explained, nation caused me?" student. It would also make it a crime "Our original calculations were just "What this fellow student was implying Canstan added that while he is to assert that students like Canstan, if in wrong. We are all in agreement that is that I'm not moral. That I have no now suing the offending student for possession of any toys at the time of the this object, the size of Toledo, OH, will morals. That I deserve involuntary con- intentional infliction of emotional dis- incident which offends them, should hit sometime this week," explained finement to a mental facility for a peri- tress, his uphill battle in doing so is take such toys and report to their NASA spokesman Tara A. Lert. "We od of two years. That since I 'don't get "repugnant to justice." Canstan's ulti- respective residences. Rather, the are really sorry for the mistake and will it,' I therefore obviously can't read or mate aim is to encourage legislation write, and probably falsified my appli- that would make actions like the Con See COMPLAINTS, page vii See ASTEROID, page xlii

ABA puts Law Center Cafe becomes Burger King, Dean Named Dean on probation McDonald’s looks to sue Page 21 Page 17 Page 0 PAGE 2 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY NEWSNEWS APRIL 1, 2004 BriefsBriefsBriefsBriefs Picture of the Week BriefsBriefs!BriefsBriefs grown man, but unaccompanied babies are the right size for them to pick on. PLSA Holds Inaugural Local beer, while a bit bitter, is Meeting much more preferred by the chimps to The Law Center will soon see expensive domestic imports. This beer another student group gracing the is illegally brewed along the river val- halls of McDonough. Trent Brockton, leys, which are also the habitat of 2L, plans to form the Preppy Law chimpanzees. "When chimps come Students Association or PLSA. "We've across the local brew, they drink it, been an unrepresented minority for become drunk, and in that state, any too long at the law center. It's time for encounter with people or an ex-mate the Law Center's preppy community means an attack," says the report. to make it's voice heard." Brockton UWA officials point out that sober said he expects to attract nearly 500 chimps do not wear wife-beaters and Photo created by Kevin Mittler, 1L students to his cause from undergrad- wish to remind the public that, regard- Proposed monument, “A Tribute to Mount Rushmore and the SBA”, slated to uate experiences primarily at Duke, less of it’s sobriety, an ape is never a be placed in front of the new buildings this fall. Students who would like to Stanford, the University of North good substitute for a 13-year-old submit an interesting GULC related picture to the Law Weekly for publication may try to submit them to the Editor in Chief... if you can catch her, but Carolina, Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, babysitter. Georgetown, and Princeton. she is often out and may not be taking visitors at the time. Any complaints can be sent to [email protected]. When asked about PLSA's potential role in the Law Center community, Brockton said that he already has plans to organize several round table SBA To Sing Kumbaya CrimeBeet discussions for its members such as In an unprecedented move of SJF To Hold Auction Next Year "How To Avoid Those Icky Homeless peace and solidarity not seen since the The Selective Justice Foundation People," "Abercrombie and Fitch vs. late 60’s at the law center, the SBA (SJF) is currently trying to organize a The following crimes did not occur in Eddie Bauer: What to Wear to Class?" announced last week that they would fundraising drive to provide money to and around Georgetown Law Center but "Smarm," "The Khaki Question," and all get together, hold hands and sing people for summer internships next we liked them anyways. Anyone in need "Metrosexuality and You: Why It Pays Kumbaya, swaying gently. year. So how do they decide who gets of Witness Protection, please contact To Appear More Gay." Brockton also James Bond, 3L, a member of money: “Whoever we feel like giving Tony Soprano at (202) 555-9325. plans to have at least one happy hour, Moral Hazard who intends to lead the it to,” said SJF President Joseph a Dave Matthews Band album give- singalong, said that the show is Caudillo “I promise you, it will be Off the Crime Beet Wire away and a Fraternity storytelling con- intended to show the love and respect completely arbitrary. If what you’re test. He also added that they "totally that the given delegates have for one doing sounds lame or we just plain March 21, 2004 - Kentucky Robbed hated Examsoft." However, the group another. “I think that the world could don’t like your face, you’re not getting The entire state of Kentucky, is not without its detractors. An SBA use a little love right about now. It’s any money from us. If you crack us up except those few Louisville fans, were member who asked not to be identi- time the SBA does its part.” or seem cool, then cheddar shall be robbed between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. on fied commented that he "didn't see a The SBA plans to add other songs dispensed.” Caudillo then emphasized Sun. by an unknown group of sus- reason to organize a group when to its repertoire, including “Yummy that those who win EJF fellowships or pects wearing black pin-striped shirts. they'd do those things anyway." Yummy Yummy (I’ve Got Love in My are paid in firm jobs will not be pre- The suspects were identified as aver- Brockton remained undeterred, Tummy)” by Ohio Express and even- cluded from winning additional fund- age looking white and black men in however: "We're looking to expand tually to display a talent show to coming from his organization. their mid to late 40s. Kentucky State both at the Law Center and nationally. pete with the Georgetown Gilbert and When asked to justify this, Police believe there may have been a We hope to gain the casual interest Sullivan Society, which until now, has Caudillo blamed the EJF for what he connection to Las Vegas gangsters. and limited commitments of a number had a virtual monopoly on talent at the called a “popularity contest” to deter- of incoming preppies next year.” law center. mine funding. “All that does is ensure March 22, 2004 - IIED “It’s just not fair,” said an anony- that the most popular projects are (Beet or Borscht reference here) mous source from the Gilbert and funded. Doesn’t make them right. I’m Sullivan Society. “To have a group saying I’m just as qualified as anyone March 22, 2004 - Theft that’s competing with you in charge of else at the Law Center to determine New words added to the A male student awoke from a nap appropriations for the entire school is who gets money.” Caudillo then Oxford English Dictionary in the library to find that fourteen a conflict of interest.” However, the added that he got the idea from the This week, the Oxford English hours had been stolen. He had been SBA maintains that it will maintain the infamous “Soup Nazi” episode of Dictionary updated its list of proper working on a formula for time. sizable Gilbert and Sullivan budget Seinfeld: “I can’t wait to say ‘No fund- English terms. “Platymapus” will be unless they “hone in on our territory.” ing for you!’” accepted as an alternative spelling and An SBA delegate added that that March 23, 2004 - Rear Entry Burglary pronunciation for the duck-billed would “totally not be groovy, man.” An SUV parked on 2nd Street, monotreme. “Subliminable” is the N.W. was burlagized from the rear. capability to confuse the obvious and Students cheered, one female student exaggerate the mundane. Finally, a New Buildings to Include adding that “anybody who drives a new definition has been added to the Gewirz Waterslides car big enough to hold the entire NLG Denies That They Are Filled term “Gunner,” which will, from this You may have heard that the shadow government is going to have point forward, be associated with With Dirty Hippies New Fitness Center will include a to worry about news reporters break- often speaking without having any- “I honestly don’t know where this pool. Dean Wally Mlyniec has just ing in.” thing substantial to say -- cross-refer- stereotype came from. Just because revealed that as a “special treat” to enced with the phrase “Speaking only we’re an activist organization devoted overworked law students, construc- March ?, 2004- Property Destruction to hear one’s own voice.” to progressive causes and ideology, it tion will begin immediately on two It was recently discovered that a doesn’t mean that we’re packed to the waterslides from the 12th floor of student’s locker had been broken into. gills with patchouli-stinking hippies.” Gewirz into the pool. “The Gilbert Several books, including materials for said NLG President Skye Futzmeyer- and Sullivan Society likes to say that classes, were destroyed by whipped Goldstein, as she scratched her birken- When Drunk Chimps Attack it’s the only theatre company with a cream in an apparent prank. The stu- stock-bound toes and adjusted the law school attached. Shortly, we will dent does not know exactly when the Ugandan officials report beer con- hemp necklace around her neck. “I have the most adrenaline-pumping crime occurred, as she hasn’t read for tributes to the threat chimpanzees think this is just a plot by the estab- water park with a law school class since the beginning of the semes- sometimes present in western Uganda. lishment media to distract from the attached.” The long glass tubes will ter. A number of chimps have recently crimes perpetrated by Amerikkka in be observed by a few lifeguards, who raided illegal brewing operations in Iraq and from the unconstitutional ban will also prevent anxious law stu- March 29, 2004- Public Drunkenness forested river valleys and gotten on marijuana, and to keep us wymyn dents from running around half- You know who you are. Yes, you drunk on the country beer. from asserting our sexuality. That’s naked on the twelfth floor, and make - the one who sang “Why Don’t We Once intoxicated, the chimps what they’re really afraid of.” She the- sure that they keep their voices down Do It In the Road” at the top of your became hostile and attacked, some- orized before adding: “This was never around visiting dignitaries. lungs and ran through the sprinklers times even killing human children, a problem at Berkeley.” on the Capitol Lawn. Uganda Wildlife Authority officials report. A chimp cannot take on a full- Georgetown Law Weekly

The Student Newspaper of Georgetown University Law Center in Washington, D.C. “Uninhibited, robust, and wide-open” VOLUME 40 WED., MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 NUMBER 22 Panel Aleinikoff to be new Law Center Dean Staff Article discusses Law Weekly

Last Thursday, University detention President John DeGioia announced the appointment of Professor and Dean of Research Alexander of enemy Aleinikoff to the position of Dean of the Law Center. DeGioia praised Aleinikoff as a "distinguished scholar, combatants talented teacher and accomplished by Amy Messigian, 1L public servant," adding that Law Weekly Aleinikoff is "deeply committed to the Law Center's excellence in teaching, This past Thursday, the Student scholarship, and service and will Ambassadors and Dean Areen hosted a work to build further the resources panel discussion on military detention available for strengthening faculty, Courtesy of Georgetown University Law Center of enemy combatants in the Moot enhancing financial aid, and fostering From Left to Right: John DeGioia, new Law Center Dean Alexander Aleinikoff, Courtroom. The panel, which included curricular innovation." Aleinikoff will and current Dean Judith Areen. Congressman Barney Frank and Former replace Dean Judith Areen, who will between international and constitu- refugee law, citizenship law and con- Assistant Secretary of Defense Richard rejoin the faculty ranks on July 1. tional law. stitutional law. Aleinikoff also serves Perle, was moderated by CNN’s Wolf Dean Aleinikoff, a Yale Law One of the leading immigration as a senior associate at the Migration Blitzer. The symposium, which is an School graduate, has been a professor law scholars in the country, Policy Institute. annual endeavor of the Student at GULC since 1997, and was previ- Aleinikoff has published more than Speaking about his plans for his Ambassadors, ran in concurrence with ously a member of the faculty at the 50 books and articles in the fields of tenure as the fourteenth Dean of the an open house for admitted students, University of Michigan Law School. immigration law, constitutional law, Law School, Aleinikoff again empha- giving both current and prospective stu- He also did a stint of public service at and statutory interpretation, includ- sized the importance of international dents exposure to the energetic dis- the Immigration and Naturalization ing Semblances of Sovereignty: The aspects of law. "Legal education will course of Washington heavyweights. Service during the Clinton adminis- Constitution, the State and Citizenship, grow increasingly transnational in After being introduced, Blitzer tration, exercising one of his special- and was co-editor of the books years ahead, and Georgetown is made the first of several plugs to attend ties. His other area of interest is con- Migration and International Legal uniquely placed to be one of the lead- Georgetown and then opened up the stitutional law, and he has written Norms, and Immigration and ing global law schools in the nation discussion. The central debate surround- extensively on both topics. His Citizenship: Process and Policy. He and the world." ed detention of “enemy combatants” in newest work is currently being final- teaches courses in immigration and See NEW DEAN, page 4 See ENEMY COMBATANTS, page 3 ized, and deals with the relationship Student wins DC Improv competition Faculty and by Aaron M. Clemens, 3L Law Weekly Congress Georgetown University Law Center's own Jean-Louis Cauvin was compete to crowned the champion of the DC Improv's First Annual Funniest College Competition on March 2. help the With this success, J-L, a 3L, won the opportunity to host a week of shows at the DC Improv. J-L will host for the homeless comedian Gary Owen at the DC by Jenny Cieplak, 2L Improv, located at 1140 Connecticut Law Weekly Ave., N.W., from Aug. 3 through 8. Three judges selected J-L as the Next Wednesday, Georgetown top comedian among eleven contest- Law faculty and members of Congress ants. Each contestant had placed first will partake in an event that some on or second in a preliminary competi- Photo by Nicholas C. Erickson, 1L campus have been looking forward to tion. That initial round involved an The DC Improv, site of the First Annual Funniest College Competition all year: the annual Home Court bas- open mic competition at schools such Second and third places went to J-L said that he couldn't have done it ketball game. It's an exciting event as American, George Washington, Jackie Novack from Georgetown without the support of people who where members of the faculty, on a George Mason, University of University and David Angelo from came to see him. team known as the Hoya Lawyas, Maryland, Southeastern, and of George Washington, respectively. "People spent their money to see compete with the Hills' Angels in a course, Georgetown. As several competitors demon- me tell jokes. It was up to me to make good-natured game (well, hopefully J-L was distinguishable as the strated, winning over a small group it worth their money," he said. good-natured) as well as get a little only graduate student competing, was not enough for success that night J-L's set was the biggest crowd silly in the best EJF Auction tradition. and because he was by far the tallest. in a sold-out venue that seats 300. But See COMEDIAN, page 5 See HOME COURT, page 3

Need a Ride? Forgot your internet cord? So we got you attention? SBA can help Mind-wandering alternatives Letters to the Editor Page 3 Page 7 Page 10 PAGE 2 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY EVENTSEVENTS WEDNESDAY, MAR. 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 BriefsBriefsBriefsBriefs BriefsBriefs!BriefsBriefs

Clinic Application Supplements Jazzercise Many clinics require the submis- Interested in learning basic jazz sion of clinic-specific supplemental dance? The fitness center has three applications or materials as part of the new classes for you! Join us on clinic application process. If you have Sundays at 2 or Mondays at 8:45 p.m. submitted a general clinic application The third class gives the males an extra online, please remember to submit any night to practice. The all-male class is required clinic-specific supplemental held on Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. applications and materials, in hard copy, to the respective clinic offices no later than 5 p.m. on Wednesday, March 31. Cheer on your classmates! Good luck to the three coed Georgetown Law softball teams headed for the annual UVA Law Softball Protect Act Panel Tournament this weekend (April 2, 3, Last April Congress enacted the and 4). Go Teams! PROTECT Act. The sentencing provi- sion of the bill, the so-called Feeney Amendment (named for its author Rep. Tom Feeney (R-FL), requires the Want to go to London? It’s not federal Sentencing Commission to too late.... substantially remove federal judges' At this time, applications are still discretion to give defendants lesser being taken for the Summer Law sentences when mitigating circum- Program in London. Please visit stances call for less severity than is www.law.georgetown.edu/intl/lon- suggested by the applicable federal don for program information and to sentencing guidelines. The new law download an application. Applicants also requires that judges' departures should indicate both your first and from the guidelines be reported to the second choices for class time (either 9 Attorney General and Congress -- a or 11 a.m.). measure that could, in the words of Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, threaten judicial independence and "intimidate individual judges.” The federal bench, from its highest levels Learn about the Marcus Dixon down, is lobbying for the Judges' Act, Case a measure proposed by Senator David Balser, a partner in liti- Edward Kennedy and Representative gation practice at McKenna, Long and John Conyers, Jr. that will repeal the Aldridge in Atlanta, will discuss the Feeney Amendment. case of Marcus Dixon on April 1, from Is the Feeney Amendment dracon- 3:30 to 5 p.m. in room 342. The plight ian in its removal of sentencing discre- of Marcus Dixon, a star athlete and tion from federal judges or does it just honor student has garnered national to transfer discretion to prosecutors? attention over the last year. After hav- Who should determine how to fit a ing been acquitted of rape, aggravated defendant's punishment to the crime? assault, false imprisonment and sexual Panelists, including federal prosecu- battery, Dixon is still in prison with a tors and defense attorneys, will ten-year sentence without the possibil- respond to Representative Feeney's ity of parole. Balser has recently discussion of his amendment and dis- argued Dixon’s case before the cuss the impact that it has had on fed- Georgia Supreme Court. eral criminal prosecution on March 31, at 6 p.m. in room 206. This discussion is sponsored by the American Criminal Law Review. JLSA Presents “Hope and Fear” The Jewish Law Students Association invites you to attend a special sneak preview of Hope and Innocence Project Lecture Fear: Inside the Palestinian-Israeli The Innocence Project invites the Conflict, an in-depth look at what’s GULC Community to listen to Scott really driving this feud, by JLSA’s own Christianson speak on Wednesday, Jeff Helmreich on Wednesday, March March 31, at 4:30 p.m., in McDonough 31 at 3:30 p.m. Refreshments will be room 588. Mr. Christianson will dis- served and a discussion will follow. cuss his new book, Innocent, which The film will air on Primetime documents 42 cases where mistakes Television next month. and abuses in the criminal justice system led to shocking miscarriages of justice. Since Mr. Christianson began writing his book, six of the convictions Game On discussed in Innocent have been over- Register now for the one-on-one turned. Mr. Christianson's book will basketball tournament, to be held on also be available for sale at the event. main campus. Register online at If you are interested in issues of inno- www.Yates.Georgetown.edu. Go to cence or have ever considered joining the intramural sports page. The Innocence Project, this is the per- Registration ends March 31. fect opportunity for you to come learn what we are all about! A reception will follow the speech. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31, TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, , 2004 NEWSNEWS GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE 3 Blitzer reports to GULC for Student Ambassadors forum

ENEMY COMBATANTS from page 1 agreed that persons dangerous to the nation should be captured and held, but Guantanamo Bay without prosecution opposed the notion that this could be or access to counsel. Several attempts done with out probable cause hearings were made to distinguish the civil liber- determining as such, stating that many ties afforded to American citizens with detainees have been turned over for action taken toward foreign adversaries. bounties offered by the government. In this regard, nearly all panel members, Though each of the panelists was including Elisa Massimino, Washington issued time to speak by Blitzer, the Director of Human Rights First, conced- debate often became heated with several ed that a different standard should be panel members erupting in response to imposed on foreigner captives than remarks of the others. Wilner and Alice American detainees. Fisher, former Deputy Assistant Frank started the discussion, Attorney General, argued several times unequivocally stating, “I don’t believe in over whether a hearing procedure is infallibility,” a statement that would required in a time of war. To Fisher’s become one of key talking points of the emphatic statement, “We did what we night. Frank’s opinion was that, though thought was best for the country. We are he “voted for the war in Afghanistan,” at war,” Wilner responded that the question was not whether we were at war but he did not believe that extraordinary Photo by Nicholas C. Erickson, 1L measures should be taken without con- if the detainees are really “enemy com- Distinguished panelists discuss the treatment and definition of enemy combatants. firming the reliability of accusations that batants.” detainees pose a threat to national secu- Another heated exchange came a mistake might be made about wrongly Rivkin he declared with exasperation, rity. between Massimino and David Rivkin, detaining an innocent person, a mistake “This is a legal term – crap.” Frank also Next to speak was Joseph diGenova, former Legal Advisor to the Counsel of could also be made about who is conceded, “I’m not talking about the former U.S. Attorney, District of President Bush. Rivkin, who claimed released. James Zogby, President of the majority of the world, all I need is the Columbia, and GULC graduate, who “the law is absolutely clear,” made what Arab American Institute, spoke about his majority of my district” – a district he applauded U.S. efforts in capturing ille- Blitzer coined the “humanitarian argu- general concerns with the actions taken took over from GULC faculty member gal combatants on the battlefield. ment” that rather than killing enemy by the Bush administration rather than Father Robert Drinan. “Georgetown got DiGenova cautioned that if the govern- combatants, they were just being held so the specific issue of detaining “enemy Father Drinan and I got the Congress,” ment takes actions to satisfy the world of they could not take up arms again. To combatants.” Zogby opined that it was said Frank. its behavior, it must accept the conse- this, Massimino responded, “So Jose hypocritical to be promoting democratic The spirited debate concluded with quences of doing so. Comparing the cur- Padilla could have been shot in O’Hare reform in the Middle East and to be oper- questions from the audience and closing rent situation to the World Trade Center Airport?” Massimino later commented, ating “under a standard not upholding sentiments by several members of the disaster, he observes, “People were furi- “Under your terms, the battlefield is rule of law” in the U.S. Massimino con- panel. Fisher was criticized by Feras ous that some government bureaucrats everywhere.” curred that the actions of the United Gadamsi, 1L, for making several refer- did not connect the dots.” Perle, expanding on Frank’s state- States have been short-sighted and that ences to “those people,” to which Fisher An attorney representing twelve ment regarding infallibility, asked a its policy in the Middle East “rings hol- defended that she was not speaking Guantanamo Bay detainees, Tom Wilner question which produced discussion low.” pejoratively. The last to speak was aligned with Frank and disputed that the from all members of the panel: “Since we While the entire discussion was Rivkin, who concluded the symposium detainees were all “captured on the bat- aren’t infallible, on which side are we to filled with insightful commentary and with, “It isn’t about process, it is about tlefield” as claimed by diGenova. Wilner err?” Perle worried that just as much as entertaining quips, several of the more results.” notable moments came from Frank. To Home Court to raise money to aid homeless

HOME COURT from page 1 the Hills' Angels eeked out a narrow win over the Lawyas at 54-49, but this The proceeds of the game go to the year the Lawyas intend to reclaim the Washington Legal Clinic for the title. Homeless. The idea for the game was con- Last year the event raised ceived in 1987, one year after the $171,930 for the Clinic, which pro- Clinic was founded. The game is vides free legal services from volun- organized by Gerogetown Law stu- teer lawyers to homeless individuals dents, working in concert with staff in the D.C. area, including accessing from the Clinic. emergency shelters and assisting Tickets for the event are $5 for them in finding permanent, afford- admission, and $10 for admission able housing. and a Home Court T-Shirt. Lisa The event will be held on Gerson, 1L, one of the event's organ- Wednesday, March 31 at 7:30 in the izers, expressed her excitement at the McDonough Gymnasium on main upcoming game: "There's nothing campus. But the faculty have already better than watching your professor begun getting into the spirit of the and your Dean high-fiving - except game. Last Thursday, faculty hosted maybe watching your professor a keg on the quad where they poured arguing with a ref!" beer not only into students' cups, but James Bond, 3L, described how also all over themselves. much he had enjoyed previous "This is more fun than Spring games, saying "The game's fun from Break!" exclaimed one 1L as he beginning to end. You have the law cheered on the professors with students on one side, cheering for the shouts of "chug, chug, chug!" Rumor faculty and staff (seeing some of has it that Professor Feldman made them in shorts is reason enough to up the cost of the entire event when buy a ticket), and you have the stu- students paid her $130 to drink from dent interns on the other side cheer- a pitcher. Later, other faculty mem- ing for Congress and their staff." bers ran her shoes up a flagpole. Still, everyone agrees that the The game itself promises to be best part of the event is the worthy even more exciting. Dean Bellamy, cause for which it is organized. Bond coach of the Lawyas, gave a little explained how last year he had been taste of the spirited flavor of the seated next to a man who had once action, saying "We plan to play a been homeless, "and he was glowing competitive game and hopefully win at how well the event had turned out. for a very worthy cause." Last year That really brought it home for me." PAGE 4 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY NEWSNEWS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004, 2004 - 2005 Aleinikoff selected Dean SBA starts NEW DEAN from page 1 dents felt were central to the continu- SBA FINAL ing success of the Law Center, and The announcement followed on were therefore things the committee Ride Board the heels of months of careful deliber- should keep in mind during the DELEGATE ation by a committee chaired by for- search. Three strong themes that mer Dean Robert Pitofsky. Other emerged during the meeting were at GULC members of the search committee fundraising prowess, law school rank- by Mark Leighton, 3L included: Richard Diamond, Professor LIST ings, and the Law Center's positioning Law Weekly of Law; Michael Gottesman, Professor of itself as a dominant force in interna- of Law; Bette R. Keltner, Dean, School tional law studies. Law Center students who are of Nursing and Health Studies; PRESIDENT - The search committee was tending looking to hitch rides home or to Patricia A. King, Carmack Waterhouse toward an internal candidate as it felt somewhere fun for vacation will Alaina Dartt Professor of Law, Medicine, Ethics that choosing an external candidate now have a place to go and find and Public Policy; Richard Lazarus, would send the signal that there was them. Professor of Law; Dennis I. Meyer, (L DAY VICE-PRESIDENT - no qualified candidate already at A "ride board" will be installed '60, LLM '62), Senior Counsel, Baker & Bill Walsh Georgetown, which was not the case. on the bulletin board just inside McKenzie, Chair, Georgetown While both external and internal can- the entrance to the cafeteria. The University Law Center Board of didates were considered, in the end it board will hold notes from stu- EVENING Visitors; Wallace J. Mlyniec, Ricci- was one of the Law Center's own that dents who are either taking trips or VICE PRESIDENT - Lupo Professor of Clinical Legal was chosen. looking for them, whether it's Studies; James J. O'Donnell, Provost; Sharon Houle The Law Center Dean is the chief going home for Thanksgiving, Julie O'Sullivan, Professor of Law; academic and administrative officer of heading off to New York for the Elizabeth Patterson, Associate TREASURER - Georgetown University's internation- weekend, or going to a game. The Professor of Law; and Todd Andrew ally regarded Law Center. The Dean students can post their destina- Luce Remy Walter (L '04). Edward M. Quinn, provides leadership and management tions and invite others to come Secretary of the University, also assist- of the Law Center's academic and along or ask if there are any extra ed with the search. SECRETARY - research programs and supervises the seats. Early on, the committee solicited Leah Schmelzer daily operations of a highly qualified The board was suggested by general comments about issues stu- professional staff. The Dean also Doug Bend, 1E, and the Student 3L DELEGATES serves as the University Executive Bar Association passed a resolu- Vice President for Law Center Affairs Derron Parks tion by Amber MacKenzie, 1L, and reports directly to the President of endorsing the idea and asking that Sherene Ogilvie the University. In that capacity the it be implemented. Abiyomi Ademola Dean contributes to the vision and Although the board was creat- accomplishments of the entire univer- ed by the SBA, it is a person-to-per- Austin Brown sity community. son service; all details about shar- In a statement posted on the Law Matthew Rosenberg ing gas or liability are left to the Center website, Dean Areen stated, "I individuals, according to Brendan Donahue look forward to working closely with MacKenzie. There is an unofficial, Ryan Christian Alex to ensure a smooth transition. I electronic version at www.hoy- Alex Stern will leave my post at the end of the aweb.com/ride.aspx as well. Tara Marshall academic year to return to the faculty MacKenzie pointed out that with the knowledge that the Law Nick Trutanich besides encouraging environmen- Center is in strong, capable and caring tally friendly carpooling, sharing James Graffam hands." rides would help build a sense of Aleinikoff praised the outgoing community among students. It will 3E DELEGATES Dean, saying, "Thanks to the incredi- provide cheap ways for students to Delia Patterson ble efforts of Dean Areen over the last visit other cities. Also, such boards decade and a half, the Law Center is Tracye Winfrey are common features among other Photo courtesy of GULC’s “A Community of Scholars” thriving. Each year we attract more schools as well, she said. Professor T. Alexander Aleinikoff, newly talented students and recruit top-rank The board is not up yet but will selected Dean of the Law Center 2L DELEGATES faculty. I look forward to keeping that be "soon," MacKenzie added. Vid Prabhakaran momentum going." Deanna Smith Feras Gadamsi Paul Deeringer Rachel Hetland Paul Lee Veronica Gray Chen Fong Goh Daniel Pollock Jenny Yoo Christopher Schenck Alissa Nann

2E DELEGATES Xander Meise Amber MacKenzie

David Roth

4E DELEGATES Scott Mulhauser Robert Smith

LLM DELEGATES Bruno Mastretta Derek E. Anderson WEDNESDAY, MAR. 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 NEWSNEWS GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE 5 GULC comedian wins at DC Improv CrimeBeat

COMEDIAN from page 1 The following crimes occurred in and pleaser. That night, he showcased his around Georgetown Law Center within comedy skills, including impressions the last three weeks. If anyone has any of Owen Wilson talking to God, information that could help in the investi- Robert De Niro as a possibly deaf per- gations of these crimes, please contact the son, and Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Office of Public Safety at (202) 662-9325 marketing consultant for Giant or MPD. Supermarkets. Erin Krejci, 3L, thought that the Office of Public Safety top three finishers were great, but found that J-L had a polished, profes- No incidents were reported at the sional delivery. "He seemed like a real time of printing. stand-up comic," she said. J-L said that he found the level of Metropolitan Police this competition higher than his previ- March 10, 2004 - Robbery Attempt ous performance. At an open mic at Around 10:00 p.m., suspect entered the D.C. Improv in October, J-L came store on unit block of New York Ave., in second of nine competitors. "I N.E. and asked clerk, “where is the laughed quite a bit at the funny people safe?” Thinking he was joking, clerk in this show," he said. laughed until suspect displayed a black "J-L was the only one who made and silver handgun. “I’m serious,” he me feel like I was at an actual comedy responded. However he ultimately left show," Krejci said. "The rest seemed without obtaining any money. like they were at a talent show." When asked how it felt to win, J-L March 12, 2004 - Ingenious Entry said that "winning it felt like what I Around 2:30 p.m., complainant imagine getting an A in law school reported to police that unknown sus- would feel like: Knowing that you pect(s) pried open the wall at 100 block worked hard and was actually of F Street, N.E. and stole various rewarded for it." property within. During his interview with the Law Photos courtesy of Aaron Clemens, 3L Weekly, J-L showcased his talents with GULC student Jean-Louis Cauvin competes at DC Improv’s First Annual Funniest March 15, 2004 - Assault with a superb Howard Dean and Joe College Competition on March 2, 2004. He would later win the competition. Deadly Weapon (Hot Coffee) Lieberman impressions. ferent crowd. now have a lot of performances in Victim had a verbal altercation "My next major bit will involve 50 "There is no quick fix, it is just a front of different types of audiences. with suspect at the door to her resi- cent as John Kerry's presidential nom- gradual progress to improve," J-L said. All of this will make me a better dence at 1100 block of 1st Street, N.W. inee," J-L said, before giving a sample "This is my eighth month doing come- lawyer and a better comedian." around 9:00 a.m. Suspect threw a cup of the bit. dy. Who knows, in another eight J-L hopes to continue his comedy of hot coffee on victim and fled the J-L's favorite topics include issues months or two years where I would styling when he moves to New York to scene. Police have labeled the crime of race, issues of politics, and the be?" work for the Bronx District Attorney. Assault with a Deadly Weapon - Other. broad category that categorizes 99.5 If he could be like anyone, J-L said He said that the job, which he just got, percent of everything: stupid stuff. "I would be like [Chief Justice] William was his first choice. March 16, 2004 - Road Rage J-L now has two demo tapes, one Rehnquist because he is a great lawyer "It will put me in N.Y. where I can While driving near 1000 block of from each of his Improv shows. He and also a great comedian." spend some evenings still pursuing Constitution Ave, N.W. at around just did a show at the Gotham J-L noted that law and comedy comedy while locking up marijuana 4:00 p.m., victim had a verbal alterca- Comedy Club in N.Y. He has toured compliment each other. "If you take smokers during the day," he said. tion with two suspects in another around D.C., New York, and plans a my moot court experience in law To keep his material fresh, J-L said vehicle. Victim pulled behind sus- trip to Boston so he can try out a dif- school and my comedy experience, I that he has become a much more avid pects’ car and got out. As he exited, news watcher. "I get some one-liners suspects began shooting. Victim was from the news. I like to throw in a few shot in the right buttock area. current events." Suspects were last seen driving north Picture of the Week J-L said that he can get inspired on 12th Street, N.W. anywhere, and thus must be prepared. "I try to have a pen and paper at all March 17, 2004 - Violent Robbery times so I can later remind myself of Victim was approached by two the idea," he said. suspects at the 300 block of E Street, When asked if he thought that his N.E. around 9:00 a.m. Suspects professors would recognize his comic grabbed the victim by the collar and genius from classroom discussions, J-L began to punch him. Victim complied said "this semester I don't think my with the robbery, but suspects contin- professors would recognize me at all." ued to punch and kick victim until a He did recall one joke he dropped bystander stepped in to help in in Professor David Cole's class. "And response to the victim’s cries for help. then, five days later I won. So clearly, I must attribute all my success to law March 22, 2004 - Suspect caught school." Around 6:00 p.m., suspect was J-L says that for fun, he procrasti- scene driving car owned by victim. nates and plays basketball. J-L enjoys Police later stopped the car at 600 watching 60 Minutes and Chappelle's block of 12th Street, N.W. and found Show. "I think they are the funniest the suspect driving. Suspect arrested two shows that are on TV, as well as for possession of stolen property. whatever installment of Real Sex is on Numerous Area Car Break-ins (13) HBO." Mar. 9, 2004 - 700 block 11th St., N.W. J-L said that he won't miss law Mar. 9, 2004 - 1200 block New Jersey school, but he will miss being so close Ave., N.W. to his brother, who writes for the Mar. 9, 2004 - 1100 block 2nd St., N.W. Washington Post, and that he will miss Mar. 9, 2004 - 1000 block G St., N.W. being a student. Mar. 9, 2004 - 600 block L St., N.W. "Now I have to be an adult," J-L Mar. 10, 2004 - 500 block 10th St., N.W. said. "That is where comedy comes in. Mar. 10, 2004 - 400 block K St., N.W. Photo by Daniel Pollock, 1L I can be a kid for 15 minutes a day." Cameron Winton, 1L and David Lane, 1L assist a rare, but injured Mar. 10, 2004 - 400 block H St., N.W. J-L will next perform at Nanny Woodcock that flew into a trash can at the G Street Quad. The students Mar. 16, 2004 - 1000 block 2nd St., N.E. O'Brien's on April 6 in Cleveland Park. contacted Animal Control, who arrived and took the bird away for treat- Mar. 16, 2004 - 900 block 3rd St., N.W. J-L's future activities can be found at ment of a damaged eye. Students who would like to submit an interesting Mar. 16, 2004 - Unit block K St., N.E. GULC related picture to the Law Weekly for publication may email it to www.dcstandup.com/jlcauvin.htm. For Mar. 17, 2004 - 300 block F St., N.E. [email protected] or bring it by the office in Room 161. tickets to the Improv, call 202-296-7008 Mar. 17, 2004 - 600 block M St., N.E. or visit www.dcimprov.com. PAGE 6 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY SPORTSSPORTS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 Demolition of the unloved: In defense of 'the Vet' by Adam Briggs, 1L tions, every pro sports team either has or is des- ranks of the "garish + retro = cool" movement? Law Weekly perately lobbying for a new stadium. While out- More importantly, of all the donuts, the Vet liers such as Wrigley Field and Fenway Park are was the donut most deserving of survival because, As television sports commentators rolled tape approaching the age of 100, Minnesota's Twins and despite its mass-produced look, it had developed of Philadelphia's Veterans' Stadium being demol- Vikings began asking for new facilities when their more of an individual identity than its cousins. The ished earlier this month, it seemed that they all had Metrodome had not even reached its 16th birthday. reason for this is simple: The Vet had an atmos- to take a few “shots” at the now-former home of Most big-league cities now have their own phere that was infamously inhospitable to visiting the Phillies and Eagles. "classic" stadium, modeled to varying degrees after opponents. Much like the stadium itself, the Vet's It's only fair to admit that sports anchors had Baltimore's Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Thus, fans were large and unfriendly. They cheered wild- plenty of ammunition. Toward the end of its 33- these new-old ballparks are no more genuinely ly as former Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin was year life span, "the Vet" had become the first stadi- unique or historical than your nearest Cracker wheeled off the field on a stretcher. They brought um to have its own municipal court (for expediting Barrel "Old Country Store" restaurant (493 loca- batteries to throw at J.D. Drew after he refused to the weekly assault and disorderly conduct cases tions nationwide!). This rush for new facilities that play for the Phillies. They came from nearly all that happened to coincide with Eagles' games). It look old has meant that entire generations of sports strata of Philadelphia society but came together to had become overridden with vermin and its play- facilities--including the concrete donut generation- pummel Giants and Redskins fans. ing surface came to be known as the most treacher- In addition, the facilities themselves were ous in existence. Its unwelcoming concrete donut equally unwelcoming to visitors. While the playing design became the symbol of everything that was surface didn't have the rat problem that the locker wrong with the wave of massive, multi-purpose room did, most players would have preferred the concrete sports venues that were christened in the Korean DMZ minefield. Few playing surfaces can 1970s. And for me (as a 12-year-old from boast that they have snapped both of a player's Wisconsin on a baseball road trip with my dad and anterior cruciate ligaments simultaneously, but the brother), it was the first place I ever saw someone Vet turf did it more than once. high on crack. As a result, opposing teams hated playing in But Philadelphia--and the American sports Philadelphia. They felt under siege while being world--lost something when the Vet came down. Photo by Hunter Martin. Demolition of Veteran’s Stadium. taunted on the sidelines and were less sure-footed First, consider its outward appearance. Yes, the Vet on the perilous, career-ending turf. The Eagles, in was just another concrete donut. Philadelphia, -are being erased from history. particular, seemed to have benefited from this hos- Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Houston, Seattle, Cincinnati, But had the Vet been spared, it could have tility by winning many home games, even through Washington D.C., and St. Louis all built stadiums become a hip historical relic in its own right. numerous talent droughts. inspired by the same ashtray at about the same Consider the ubiquitous presence of Technicolor But now, with the more gentrified, corporate- time (the same covered ashtray in the cases of 'throwback' jerseys from the 1970s and 1980s in sponsored, family-oriented crowds that these new Houston and Seattle). contemporary popular culture. Pro athletes now sports venues invariably draw, will Philadelphia So why fret over one of these monstrosities wear these 'throwbacks' all the time on the occa- still be a place opponents fear? No. Themed restau- reaching its deserved demise? Because now they're sional 'retro night' or when auditioning for rap rants don't scare anybody. With luxurious locker all being demolished. Teams everywhere have videos. And shopping malls are stocking up on rooms and first-rate training facilities, will the learned that if you say "we need a new stadium to adjustable mesh hats like never before. The Vet- overpriced, self-absorbed free agent be turned off be competitive in this market," local leaders will do home to the 1979 Phillies' one-year experimental by Philadelphia as he once was? No. The Eagles almost anything to fund the construction. As a all-maroon uniform-is inextricably linked to the now have the ability to attract and waste money on result, an unprecedented building boom is occur- Astroturf-and-polyester era. Who's to say that the Terrell Owens, and they will be worse for it. ring in professional sports. With very few excep- Vet wouldn’t have become an icon for the swelling This week at the MCI Center... 3/30 7 p.m. Washington Capitals vs. Pittsburgh Penguins 3/31 7 p.m. Washington Wizards vs. New Jersey Nets 4/03 3 p.m. Washington Capitals vs. New York Rangers 4/04 2 p.m. Washington Wizards vs. Boston Celtics Another law grad seeks job: Esherick fired as ball coach By Feras Gadamsi, 1L Tournament appearance since Thompson retired. Law Weekly That bid came in 2001, but this season's performance was the team's worst in 31 years. It's been a bad year to be a head coach of a men's The Hoyas, since moving to the MCI Center, basketball team at one of the two colleges I've have sold out just once-this year against No. 1 Duke. attended. Three weeks ago my alma mater SMU The men's team did not advance past the quarterfi- decided to show Mike Dement the door after more nals of the Big East Tournament for the first time in than a decade coaching in Dallas. During his time on the tournament's 25 year history. the Hilltop, the affectionate nickname for SMU, In fact, Esherick's firing may have come a year Dement led his team to only one postseason appear- late, but an impressive run to the NIT championship ance: a first round loss in the NIT in 2001. game last season left hope open for this season. A 10- Not too long after that firing, Georgetown decid- 0 start this season against, um, less than stellar com- ed to axe men's basketball head coach Craig petition also created a false sense of hope. That hope Esherick. Esherick, a GULC graduate, followed in rang hollow as the Hoyas, in a conference where the rather big footsteps and the enormous shadow of mediocrity will get you a pre-game meal, a bus ride Esherick talks with one of his players. Hall of Fame coach John Thompson in 1999. home and a butt-whoopin' in between, lost their last who play well in DC should stay and ball in DC. Needless to say, Esherick had a tough road ahead of nine games of the season. That has to be the philosophy. This area - Maryland, him from the beginning. Sure he had been an assis- That sealed the fate of Esherick who was already Northern Virginia and the District - is too talent-rich tant for Thompson and had Thompson's backing working on time he bought with Monopoly money. not to support its only DC inhabitant and stockpile it from the beginning, but that wasn't enough . Losing to Connecticut and Syracuse is one thing. with talent. It's not enough to be mediocre as this Georgetown's Losing to Virginia Tech and West Virginia in Big team has been since Thompson's exit. It's certainly storied history East basketball competition is quite another. nowhere near being enough to be 13-15 and down- and competi- Esherick went to undergrad at Georgetown and right embarrassing in conference play (4-12). tion in the Big played for Thompson. He then earned his law Now the university turns to the future, one year East won't degree at GULC. Make no mistake about it: the man after signing Esherick to a contract extension allow for com- is smart and a pleasure to be around. But Esherick through 2009 and subsequently canning him. Rumor placency, and never could get the best out of his players. Even has it that Duke assistant coach and DC native President John when he did, such as with fifth-year senior forward Johnny Dawkins is being considered as the front- J. DeGioia Courtland Freeman and senior guard Gerald Riley, runner. Even former St. John's George Washington finally recog- he never recruited well enough to get a bench to coach Mike Jarvis has been thrown around as a pos- nized what back them up. Slowly but surely, the talent rich DC sible name. others have area was being pilfered of its talent by Big East and Whoever it is has a challenge to restore been whisper- ACC rivals. Georgetown had lost some luster when Georgetown basketball to its former glory. The tal- ing for more Thompson left. To become an afterthought in its ent is there, the name recognition is there and school than a while. own backyard was going too far. That's why commitment will follow. Esherick has Esherick was fired and why Georgetown University Now the only thing missing is a captain to guide produced only Coach Esherick gives advice to his finally said enough is enough. this ship to the NCAAs and beyond. players during a game. one NCAA Complacency will not be tolerated and DC kids WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 FEATURESFEATURES GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE 7 Your guide to non-internet, in-class entertainment By Vidhya Prabhakaran, 1L Solitaire Spider Solitaire of your minesweeping skills and not at Guest Writer The time-honored classic. All of us I would rate this game as a cult all a practical in-class accessory. So, have played it at one point or another. favorite. This is the game for the unfortunately, it is impossible to realize There comes a It is neither the most challenging game advanced law student. Throughout a the full potential of this game while in time in every class nor the most scintillating. Still, it has typical classroom, you will find the vet- class. hour when I just that nostalgic appeal that no other com- eran players methodically dragging Addictive Nature: C stop listening. puter game can ever hope to achieve. and eliminating columns of suited Note-Taking Compatibility: C Chances are that if And though other games might cards on their screens. The strategy you are anything reward your victory with fireworks or involved with the game is learned from Hearts like me, from time a cool smiley face with sunglasses on, hundreds upon hundreds of new deals Perhaps the world's most popular to time you, too, look for a diversion nothing can quite match up with the across the screen. card game after Solitaire, Hearts graces from what might be an otherwise stim- fountain display of cards gently bounc- Though not the easiest game to many screens in the classroom. The ulating lecture. The question, of course, ing off your screen. immediately appreciate because of the beauty of this easily learned game is is where to turn? For those who choose Addictive Nature: D learning curve involved, you are given that you may flip to and from the game not to bring a laptop, this is the time Note-Taking Compatibility: A the option of starting slow with first without worrying about losing the pre- where eyes glaze over, making way for one suit, then two, then eventually cious seconds crucial to reaching a new daydreams and drool. But as for the 3-D Pinball for Windows working your way up to the four deck high score in most other games. rest of us, we inevitably find ourselves So, first things, first, you've got to spread of the expert. Eliminating the Still, the computer is not quite the drawn into the warm glow of our com- be careful with this one. It comes with cards is a stimulating challenge and opponent that you are looking for in a puter screens. bells and whistles. There's music and a sure to get you through the rambling, good game of Hearts. The challenge Now those of us who either whole lot of sounds. Luckily they can inane comments of your most annoy- with this game is less in trying to win remembered to bring our internet be turned off permanently, so take care ing classmate. against your computer opponents, but cables or who are lucky enough to find that the first time you load this baby Addictive Nature: A- in attempting to "shoot the moon" four our wireless connections functional up, you don't entertain your entire Note-Taking Compatibility: A- times in a row to win the game. Still, a generally choose to spend our time class by leaving the sound on your lap- good game of Hearts is always a sure surfing the web trying to one-up our top on. Minesweeper fire way to mildly distract yourself classmates by discovering the oddest The game has all the touches of the So the first time I loaded this game while remaining attached to the lecture story of the day, instant messaging classic pinball at your local arcade. You up I was really hoping for a game that at hand. friends around the world or in the next deploy the ball and control the involved boats. I mean, I don't think Addictive Nature: B seat, or playing silly internet games. bumpers while keeping the ball from that was really too much to ask for con- Note-Taking Compatibility: A My new personal favorite is the Yeti falling through the bottom. Simple. But sidering it is marketed as Penguin game that can be found at beware of "pushing" the table too far or "Minesweeper." However, despite the If these don't fill the void left by a www.ebaumsworld.com. There is some- else the table will lock up and the false advertising of the name itself, this boring lecture, there are any number of thing addicting about to sending a pen- dreaded tilt light will flash and you, my is a game that will provide amusement other addictive games available for guin rocketing across the ice. friend, will lose your turn. Each succes- when it's the professor's lecture that download on the internet. (I highly rec- But this article is not meant for sive game will push you further and promptly self-destructs into a pointless ommend Snood.) Just keep in mind those who have the luxury of an inter- further as you climb levels leading to tangent. that there are some good options net connection. This article is to help more difficult missions and shot com- The game itself is simple and ele- already built-in to that laptop of yours. those poor souls who find themselves binations. The only drawback to the gant; however there is one very unfor- Good luck flipping back to your notes adrift without the information super- game is that it is a little too engrossing. tunate problem involving the difficul- when the professor walks around. Just highway at their fingertips. We've all You’ll probably miss your cold call. ties of using your laptop mouse or remember alt+tab is an important key- seen the games that our classmates Addictive Nature: A+ touchpad. An external mouse is a key stroke combination for the expert in- play in front of us. I think its time for an Note-Taking Compatibility: F feature for a time truly representative class gamer. evaluation of those computer games. Graphic novels at their best: welcome to manga world By Chen Fong Goh, 1L ber that the writers are well-informed. its decisions, challenges, and difficul- observations on the human condition. Law Weekly Appleseed's use of Greek mythology ties. Every stop this boy makes has con- (This graphic novel has nothing to do approaches that taught in college-level siderable significance. with the 1960s musical Little Shop of This article will look at some of the classes. Lone Wolf and Cub involved Battle Angel Alita is a collection in Horrors.) best graphic novels ever written. Some research into the culture, environment, two parts: the first is a nine-volume col- In the six-volume Battle Royale, a were published as long ago as the 1970s politics and intellectual fashions of feu- lection and the second has three vol- high school class has been kidnapped and only recently translated from dal Japan. Nausicaa in the Valley of umes published to date. Alita is infused on an island. They must kill one anoth- Japanese, but they retain enormous lit- Wind draws on images of the blue with ideas from Buddhist and existen- er because only the last person can erary value. I feel it is worth introduc- woman (Virgin Mary) bringing about tialist philosophy and it asks very prob- leave. It was originally written as a ing my fellow students to the amazing the first steps at salvation. The blond ing questions through its medium of a vehicle of social protest for an aging world of Japanese manga. superman Vash created a blast that cyborg fighting to understand herself: Japan where adults were feeling threat- Manga comes in many forms. Some ened by the irreverence of the young are comic books published for six-year- and enacting laws against youthful olds, but the best manga have literary delinquents. It explores difficult ques- value comparable to Maus by Art tions. Battle Royale explores its charac- Spiegelman. These works qualify for ters in every detail possible - angst, the term 'graphic novel' because they secret infatuations, growing sexuality, are essentially literary novels where the repressed jealousy, etc. It also makes writer has chosen to draw pictures you think: Would you kill your best instead of using text to describe set- friend in order to live? tings. Those who tastes are more histori- Americans don't tend to take cal should enjoy Lone Wolf and Cub. Japanese manga seriously because of Set in Feudal Japan, a rogue samurai on cultural differences. Manga, like print- the run takes his son and travels ed books, comes in many forms intend- through the Japan of his day. Not only ed for different audiences. Remember has 17th century Japan been carefully that the best manga are no more like Characters from the graphic novel Battle Royale. recreated, the novel traces the samurai's Marvel Comics than is a Toni Morrison destroyed the city 'August' in Trigun, a What makes us human? At what point choices and his descent into hell as he novel akin to a Harold Robbins work. significant symbol because the nuclear do we gain free will? Alita explores con- slaughters his way towards avenging All good graphic novels are serious attacks on Japan occurred in August. cepts like consciousness, memory, illu- his wife's death. This manga was the efforts by intelligent people. Some nov- Also remember that bookstores sion, self-image, love, idealism, predes- influence behind the movie Road to els are weakened by artist-writers who inevitably lump all manga together - tination and ambition. Perdition staring Tom Hanks as well as are better at thinking than drawing. putting Confidential Confessions Pet Shop of Horrors is a collection Frank Miller's Ronin. Others look less serious because of their where issues like sex and drug abuse of tales about pets. They reflect our In our fast-paced world, we have use of caricature, humor, sci-fi and fan- are explored in the same section as desires and weaknesses - murderous less time to read text recreationally. tasy elements. Worst of all are Pokemon. hatred, vulnerable self-images, child- Law school students have enough American translations made without Let me look at a few examples of hood pains, loneliness, and more. A pet words to read as it is and pictures give noticing the references. For instance, in manga that deserve recommendation: can only be purchased by the right us a refreshing break from study. Galaxy Express 999 an important char- Galaxy Express 999 is an old classic. owner. The owner may be destroyed by Readers who like books that make them acter's name is transcribed as Matel. Underneath the storyline of an epic trip the greed that his pet reflects, or he may think, but don't have time to plow Actually the Latin 'Mater' was intended. through space, a young man is growing be given a last lease on life to complete through 100,000 words, should consid- To best appreciate manga, remem- up. The train is a metaphor for life and an aim. Not one episode is without er reading graphic novels for a change. PAGE 8 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY HumorHumor WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 Universal Zhubin’s Top 10 Heat on the Controversial Moments in the 2004 SBA Elections Hill Law Dear Heat: 10. Alaina Dartt campaign accepts financial contributions from I'd been dating my boyfriend Aries (March 21 - April 19) Harvard and Yale Law Schools for two years before I came to Yes, the stars agree that it would GULC. Now we've been dating via be really nice to have a petting zoo at 9. VP Candidate Paul Deeringer, in effort to prove his dedication to the phone for seven months. the law school. Giving doggie treats to contraceptive coverage, swallows entire bottle of birth control pills Whenever I bring up something that the children at the day care center is has been bothering me-it's infre- just strange, though. 8. Presidential candidate Clark Walton promises brutal pre-emptive military campaign against George Washington Law School to prevent quently, maybe once every two or three months-he turns it around and Taurus (April 20 - May 20) competition during Early Interview Week says that he's 'losing faith in the Your April fool's joke, telling your relationship.' He's never been one to professors class was cancelled due to 7. VP Candidate Bill Walsh, in effort to gather the vote of the disen- talk much about how he feels about terrorist threats, will get you a lot of chanted, promises all-out war against "the Man" me, so hearing these negative laughs - when it comes time for them thoughts is especially hard since to figure out your grades. 6. 2L delegate Mark Richards picks up Al Gore endorsement, loses in landslide there's not much to balance it out. We've gone through this five or six Gemini (May 21 - June 21) times already and I'm not sure what Studying isn't that important. As 5. During questioning by Judiciary Committee regarding accusations I should do. When we're together, Abernathy says, it's better to destroy of unethical conduct, Dartt angrily informs Committee that, although it's so good, but then he makes me your extra brain cells with good wine they may want the truth, they will not be able to handle the truth than to remember all those date limits doubt. I really don't want to break in the FRCPs. 4. On Election Night, Law Weekly mistakenly projects Walton as up with him, but this is killing me having won 1L vote and it keeps happening. Any insight Cancer (June 22 - July 22) or advice? The stars know it's annoying when 3. Unopposed Secretary candidate Leah Schmelzer annoys other Doubtful in Dupont Circle the wireless internet stops working in candidates by constantly saying, "Wow, you're in a real tough race, class. But rolling your eyes and pouting huh? I mean, look at all these people running against you! Man, it'd Doubtful:: At first cut, a story may make the person next to you think be great not to have to worry about any competition, huh?" like yours brings to mind the you're trying to flirt. immortal lyrics of Stephen Stills: "if 2. Treasurer candidate Luce Remy seals victory when she proves you can't be with the one you love, Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) herself to be the only law student who still remembers how to count honey, love the one you're with." It's Spring is here, and love is in the more than a justification to throw air. That explains the funny smell in 1. Dartt, in victory speech, disbands SBA entirely caution to the wind--it's a whole your apartment. philosophy and a gateway to sound Top 10 by the Tip-Top Zhubin Parang peace of mind. You sound like a Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) passionate, healthy, scintillating The stars are sorry that you could- The Quotable... girl. There should be no reason not n't figure out a way to crash the facul- to find a surrogate devotee in the ty retreat. They suggest you try visiting "That's an original point of view. Some people would say, 'What have you absence of the boyfriend so far, far office hours... been smoking?'" The Quotable Robert Drinan away. And while I would ordinarily Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23) - "Justice Rehnquist is not known for his sophistication. He just pounds his tell you to quit whining and jump Yes, we all miss the SBA election gavel and that's the result.” The Quotable David Cole at--or more demurely allow yourself ruckus. If you are that lonely, just turn to be jumped by--the multitude of on CNN for ruckus with another elec- "You are at that nightclub in NY and P-diddy comes in with a friend...and opportunities for a good time here tion. you become fearful that one of them is packing heat, what do you do?" in the capitol city, something about The Quotable Peter Rubin your saga tugs at the heartstrings. If Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) there's anything that chafes me When you don't know the answer “I can take this all the way back to Adam and Eve if you want, but there more than the woman who doesn't in class, saying so in Latin isn't going to might be a jurisdictional problem.” The Quotable Girardeau Spann appreciate the virtues of an honest look any more intelligent than saying good time between two sincere and so in English. Well, maybe a little. sexy people, it's the man who fails to appreciate that woman. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Picture of the Week Your boyfriend is an idiot. He The stars know you are very proud is, no doubt, distracted by the fact of your outlining skillz, but bragging Feldman says: We Aim to Please that his steady supply of gratifica- about how they are all going to be 100 tion lives across state lines. But he pages long doesn't help until you actu- sounds patently unable to handle ally start writing them. himself for the duration, talking about 'losing faith' instead of either Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) seeing it through or, in the honor- If you continue to talk like the able alternative, cutting it off with Crocodile Hunter in your seminar, you and getting on with his life. sooner or later even your pacifist pro- Keep a good thing going and every- fessor is going to condone beating you one wins. Break it off and no hard up. feelings. But this halfway garbage I cannot abide. And neither should Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) you. It took Frank Sinatra to lay You will finally overhear an excit- down the law: "All or nothing at all. ing conversation on the Metro. Half of love could never appeal to Unfortunately, it's all about you, and me." it's all wrong. Don't wait for the next time he starts to doubt his commitments. Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20) Tonight, when you get home, call Your brief is turned in - time to him up and tell it to him straight. get back to that swinging social life. Calmly, but directly make it clear Oh, wait - you're a law student. that you are too fun and too good looking to hinge your obligations on Horoscopes by the Stellar Jenny Cieplak. anyone who looses faith so easily. Either he'll shape up and start Need love advice? expressing his aptitude and appreci- Ask Lucy and Logan ation, or that'll be the end of that. [email protected] The absolute worst case scenario Confidentiality guaranteed! Photo by Nicholas C. Erickson, 1L involves his wallowing in self pity Students and faculty pooled $130 (which was donate to EJF) in exchange and regret while you move on, con- Please Note: Advice columns are intended for for Professor Heidi Li Feldman publicly drinking an entire pitcher of beer at EJF’s Keg on the Quad fundraiser. science clear, to a man who recog- amusement purposes only. Some question sce- nizes a fine woman when he has narios are fictitious, and written by members of Students who would like to submit an interesting GULC related picture to the Law Weekly for publication may email it to [email protected] one. the Law Weekly staff. town.edu or bring it by the office in Room 161. Liberate Your Mind, Logan WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 OPINIONOPINION GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE 9 Uncovering Rachel: from Israel to Washington to something manageable, pre- young and troubled heart. and its family was one amongst Tarek Maassarani dictable, a typology that is internal- Nonetheless, Rachel was an hundreds that Israel has claimed, ly consistent, a story that is easy to activist: a permanent feature at her without due process or compensa- render on sixty minutes of film. campus labor center, working tire- tion, in order to secure the territory “Oh yeah, I heard about her.. This often led me way off track, ask- lessly on behalf of unions and the from alleged arms-smuggling. The she’s that Evergreen girl that was ing framed questions that elicited working class. She also remained a Israeli Defense Forces’ own official killed by a bulldozer. Yeah but I strange frowns or a curious silence. creative idealist, donned as a dove internal investigations dismissed didn’t really know her or anything Luckily, I learned to listen and of peace in Olympia’s March of the the handful of Palestinian eyewit- like that.” This was a typical accept the richness and complexity Species. Before long, the under-rep- nesses and cleared the driver and response in the misty nights around of a person. resented struggles of several million his superiors from any charges of small-town Olympia, Washington, And rich and complex she was. Palestinian people touched her sym- intentional or even negligent con- even in Batdorfer-Bronson, Rachel’s Sometimes quiet, sometimes pathies and galvanized a determina- duct. favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop extremely gregarious. Some old tion to go that her parents could Shamai Leibowitz, a well- where she could be found many a snaps show her bespeckled reckless- only accept and support. She read- known Israeli civil rights lawyer to late night. In Israel a more typical whom I talked, could see no opinion -- as published March 2 in a stronger civil case with which to Jerusalem Post letter-to-the-editor, A home-spun idealism weighted down by address the increasingly repressive and more recently republished in the awareness of injustice, her soul smarted measures taken against activists and the Wall Street Journal -- held her up internationals by the government. as a collaborator with terrorists, at the plight of the underprivileged and dis- In the absence of any such legal fanatically anti-American, and at possessed. But the reality of injustice, its advances by her family, groups have best stupidly naïve. Of course, these rallied around the world in com- people never had the honor of pompous legitimacy, its lack of hopeful memoration of Rachel Corrie’s knowing her, or the decency to dig a alternatives offered little refuge for a young death on March 16th. In the US, little deeper. they are urging support for Rep. I spent a part of summer and and troubled heart. Brian Baird’s House Resolution 111, this winter walking in the tracks of calling upon the “United States gov- Rachel Corrie, camera in hand to ernment to undertake a full, fair, reconstruct a life that had vanished ly with paint and an indulgent smile ied herself for the trip with Arabic and expeditious investigation into a year ago last week. On assign- in the kitchen, others dressed as a lessons and diligent background the death of Rachel Corrie.” ment for a Palestinian documentary little ballerina. Many betray a pen- reading; yet as she headed to the Uncovering Rachel was a film-maker, I walked the bullet-rid- sive sensitivity, even at her young Palestinian Territories last winter, painful and personal endeavor. Not dled blocks of Rafah in southern age. Indeed, Rachel’s attention and she could never have been prepared only because of a loss of life in all its Gaza and the empty halls of awareness soon turned beyond her for the experience. complexity and richness, but the Evergreen College in Washington caring family and close-knit com- Rachel believed and practiced death of one filled with such ideal- State. I talked with her friends, fam- munity, while drawing support and non-violence. She tried to build ism, compassion, energy, hope, and ily, teachers, and even approached nourishment from it. A home-spun bridges and understanding where courage. Perhaps it is because of her dappled cat. idealism weighted down by the walls and destruction were the insti- this that I identified myself so It turned out to be a profound awareness of injustice, her soul tutional response to conflict. In the deeply with her, for these are quali- exercise, attempting to figure out a smarted at the plight of the under- end, she was driven over by a bull- ties that I possess, or wish to pos- person whom you will never get to privileged and dispossessed. But dozer while protecting the house of sess. The camera has turned know. I found my mind naturally the reality of injustice, its pompous a Palestinian doctor that was being inward, images transposed, the eye- grasping to reduce her personality legitimacy, its lack of hopeful alter- cleared to make a buffer zone at piece for the world to see. natives offered little refuge for a Gaza’s border to Egypt. This house Pryor snuck by the Constitution during Senate break and directly appointed the candidate tics." He goes on to allege that "their tion, like the filibuster employed by Direct Examination he preferred. tactics are inconsistent with the Senator Strom Thurmond in the Nicholas C. Erickson When the Constitution was draft- Senate's constitutional responsibility 1960s. This was a media circus, ed, America was an agrarian society and are hurting our judicial system." employed by Senate Republicans to George W. Bush must have seeking limited government. This argument may have had some make a point on national television pulled out his old nursery rhymes to Congress was only expected to sit for traction, Mr. President, if the Senate and at the expense of the nation's tax- formulate his most recent strategy to a month or two throughout the year had not overwhelmingly approved payers. Of course, the point got lost in defeat his opponents. "When the cat's and any pressing requirement like a your judicial candidates and had only the rhetoric of partisan bickering and away the mice will play." Deciding judicial nomination might not be blocked the most extreme from sitting the requisite showmanship of the the only way he could push through accomplished during that time. on the federal bench. As of last Senators. I am sure that a few south- an unpopular judicial candidate, Recess appointments were created to November, 168 judicial candidates ern Senators won some votes that Bush made a recent recess appoint- allow the continued administration of had been approved and 4 had been night from their constituents, but oth- ment of Alabama Attorney General law when Congress was not available. blocked. This hardly seems like the erwise the political debate was not William Pryor, prior to the Law They were surely not to give the Senate is "hurting our judicial sys- advanced in anyway. Center's Spring Break. This appoint- President fiat power to seat any can- tem." In fact, Bush seems like a whin- I find it disturbing that ment is effective until the next elec- didate that he pleased without the er who thinks that the Senate is Republicans have resorted to tactics tion, when Pryor will have to vacate support of the Senate. More recently, required to approve every candidate that attempt to force Democrats to his newly acquired seat on the 11th Congress stays in session most of the he sends to them. On the contrary, the acquiesce to their demands and, in Circuit Court of Appeals unless he is year, making justification for a recess "advice and consent" clause is not a the alternative, weasel in the candi- confirmed by the next Congress. This appointment far less palatable. The rubberstamp of Presidential nomina- date while the Senate is on a sched- appointment is "legal" because Senate is available. If they wanted tions. uled break. For a President who Congress was closed for a week in cel- Pryor to be a federal judge he would This is not the first time that the claims he is willing to break the parti- ebration of the Presidents' Day holi- have been appointed. President and his congressional san deadlock and reach over to the day. This is the second time this year I am not suggesting that this sec- cronies attempted to circumvent the other aisle, Bush is consistently intent that the President has used this tion of the Constitution should be power of the Senate to bring unpopu- on beating his opponents into sub- method to appoint a judge that he stricken or that the Supreme Court lar candidates to the floor for a vote. mission rather than gaining their sup- alone wanted on the bench. should find recess appointments out- In November, the Republicans staged port. The Constitution authorizes the weighed by the conflicting impor- an all night debate session intended One must ask why these four President to make appointments tance of the "advice and consent" to test Democrats resolve to filibuster ultraconservative, anti-abortion, anti- while Congress is not in session. clause. There is merit to the power to Pryor's nomination. As was expected, gay, anti-civil rights are candidates While this action might be "legal" it appoint when the Senate is unable to the all night debate was nothing more are so important that Bush is willing surely is not right and flies in the face meet due to natural disaster, war, or than a reason to drag some old men to alienate all Democrats in the of the legislative purpose. The act of God. However, if the Senate is out of bed in the middle of the night Senate. Unfortunately, the answer Constitution, also, requires the available the President should not cir- to respectively challenge and defend comes done to a singular personality "advice and consent" of the Senate cumvent the purpose of "advice and constitutionally authorized powers. trait - ego. Bush cannot stand by and before a judicial nominee may take consent" merely because he doesn't What bothered me the most of this allow even one of his consecrated the bench and given the power to approve of their advice. debate was that its true purpose was ultraconservative soldiers to be interpret Constitutional and Federal This is just another chapter in the abundantly clear to everyone partici- blocked by the heathen masses and law. Bush blatantly bypassed explicit ongoing political fight between the pating and in the immediate vicinity. their Democratic allies. This is not Constitutional language and can- President and Senate Democrats, It was not a legitimate attempt to how politics was supposed to be run celled the balance of power by ignor- whose politics Bush characterizes as break an obstructionist Senator trying when Bush promised to bring an out- ing the "advice and consent" clause "unprecedented obstructionist tac- to prevent needed civil rights legisla- sider's perspective to Washington. PAGE 10 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY OPINIONOPINION WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31, TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 Georgetown Community voices: letters to the editor Ed. note: In the past week, Law and constitution framers springs from a her hand, speaking with her, helping Law Weekly Weekly has received a number of similar humility, though many prefer to her breathe, and giving her ice. Yet, “anonymous” emails sent through see such an effort as either, favorably, while my “help” was insignificant com- Elizabeth E. Hancock, 2L untraceable accounts, from persons pur- intellectual rigor or, critically, intellectu- pared to the tremendous work of preg- Editor in Chief porting to be members of the Law al enslavement. nancy and childbirth, we were still in it Center community. As readers are These two qualities, bold together. Xavier is our son. The preg- Jenny Cieplak, 2L Audrey Perry, 2L aware from news coverage from this Optimism in the Individual and humble nancy represented a common choice Managing Editors year, these sorts of correspondences Judicial Restraint, protect society from and, most importantly, involved a have become a problem on campus as pervasive, judicially created, arbitrari- whole new life. Nicholas C. Erickson, 1L tools for cloaked harassment of stu- ness, immoderation, and distrust. Our Chen argues that because of the lop- Kevin Mittler, 1L dents. While Law Weekly respects and judiciary is held to a high standard yet sided burden of pregnancy and child- News Editors understands the wishes of students who allowed broad discretion; this would be birth, abortion should be exclusively the choose to remain anonymousin express- appropriate only were judges to be wor- mother’s choice, but I think his exam- Erin Lien, 1L ing their opinions (We honor this desire thy of our trust and capable of justice ples actually work against him. For Amy Messigian, 1L through the “Name Withheld on and moderation. example, he states that if a woman Features Editors Request” designation), we decline to Having returned from a agrees to sex without a condom, she Annie Wartanian, 2L print statements from people whose Federalist Society convention February may destroy her educational aspirations Commentaries Editor identities as members of the Law Center 21 at Vanderbilt University (at which and career plans. This should tell us to community cannot be verified. The our own Professor Peter Byrne kindly provide resources for pregnant women Alaina Dartt, 2L opportunity to misrepresent one’s iden- agreed to speak, though not himself a in school, not to promote abortions. At Michael Palisano, 1L tity, misrepresent one’s personal member), I will mention a couple of one point Chen even states outright that Assistant Editors knowledge of the workings of some instances (there were many more!) many women “must make this deci- entity, or falsify public opinion or dis- where I found myself in disagreement sion,” that is, to have an abortion. But as Tye Andersen, 2L sent for some person or idea that may or with speakers. soon as you say “must,” choice is gone. Shawn Bates, 1L Adam Briggs, 1L may not exist in reality, is extremely First, Judge Frank Easterbrook And I think he’s right. Many women Katherine Clark, 1L high in anonymous email communica- insisted that managerial malfeasance at don’t have much of a real choice. Angela Corridan, 3L tion. We choose not to make the free publicly traded corporations cannot be Feminists for Life (feministsfor- Matthew Dalton, 2L discourse in our community vulnerable usefully dealt with other than by strict life.org) makes this point wonderfully. Feras Gadamsi, 1L to such attacks. dependence on contract law: enforce- If you’re really pro woman, and/or if Chen Fong Goh, 1L ment of contracts and punishment of you’re really pro-baby, you have to David Kim, 2L fraud. It seems to me that government come to grips with the fact that much of Sayo Kondo, 1L Federalist Society: has long established the legal parame- the real help needs to come way before Adam Laxalt, 2L ters of corporate structures and I do not abortion. Having to choose between an Scott P. Lindsay, 2L Fact vs. Myth Tarek Maassarani, 2L see why government today should not education or a baby isn’t much of a adapt those structures to our current choice at all. Jessica Mazzaro, 1L To the Editor: understanding of minimal Best Chen tried to distinguish the abor- Michael B. McClellan, 2L I was asked by members of the Katherine Penick, 1L Practices. tion issue by framing it in terms of the Federalist Society to write about our Laura Phillips, 3L Second, Judge Kenneth Starr deeply individual nature of the moth- group in an effort to explain its purpose Amina Rana, 3L called for a continuation of the Grand er’s choice. I think he’s very wrong. and to correct possible misconceptions Ari Scott, 3L Tradition of American jurisprudence, There is a duty of care—parents have a surrounding it. As the Fed Soc encom- Katie Tenney, 1L stretching from Chief Justice John legal duty to care for their children. James Veverka, 1L passes a variety of view points, in some Marshall to, interestingly, Justice Byron There is a reasonable person standard— Rebecca Young, 1L instances in contradiction with each White. I find Tradition to be the weakest reasonable people would not want Staff Reporters & Writers other, I will simply describe my own argument in favor of our legal system. women to have to choose between edu- views and contrast them with some of In fact, it is supine deference to the past cation or babies. There is a contractual Mark Leighton others in the group in order to illustrate Jon Massimino or to the current consequences of the obligation—using Chen’s own words: what is, happily, an association of Katie Mierau past that has most brought our legal sys- “the social contract demands moral respectful debate, not deadening con- Avedis H. Seferian tem into disrepute: the long tolerance of decisions from all of us.” Regarding sensus. Here are some thoughts, to the Editors Emeritus slavery and segregation. abortion, the fundamental moral deci- best of my ability: I will end hoping to see every- sion we are required to make is whether Mark Arimoto, 3L The greatness of our American one come to future Federalist Society to recognize how deeply incoherent the Artist legal system is a combination of two fac- events and with the promise that many in-utero/neonate distinction is as a tors: the Optimism regarding the viewpoints will be presented and all basis for the definition of personhood. Monica Stearns Individual inherent in the Common welcomed. To me, the question is this simple: Business Manager Law and the US Constitution; and the Charles Iragui either fetal life is afforded its due respect culture of Judicial Restraint that we The Rev. Robert F. Drinan and society restructures itself to its pro- inherited from England. Faculty Advisor tection hand-in-hand with the support, On optimism: Only an A Woman’s Body; A care, education, and protection of ingrained confidence in every person’s Georgetown Law Weekly women, or fetal life is subordinate to the 600 New Jersey Ave., N.W. natural capacity for justice could give us Dad’s Response mother’s life and the value of any life is Washington, D.C. 20001 the jury system, judge-made law and not intrinsic, but rather evaluated by its Telephone: (202) 662-9265 democracy. Trust in the individual to To the Editor: impact on other lives. Fax: (202) 662-9491 best perceive its own interests and to be After reading Chen Fong Goh’s edi- Bonard Molina [email protected] capable of fairness towards others torial last week, I feel compelled to (mutual benefit and good faith) under- address some disturbing assumptions Georgetown Law Weekly is published throughout the school year by lies and morally justifies the Freedom of and assertions. I am an opponent of Student Stops students at Georgetown University Contract. The pervasive doctrine of abortion, but I’d like to think none of the Law Center in Washington, D.C. Reasonableness underscores the pre- stereotypes Chen provided in his essay Professorial Praise The Law Weekly is composed on sumption that the average person is describe me. Quark Express 4.1 and is printed by prudent and discerning. But who knows? I may well be a To the Editor: Southern Maryland Publishing. Judicial Restraint, meanwhile, religious extremist, you tell me: my wife I’m writing in response to the The writing, graphics and design reflects the sound realization not only and I are Catholic. As such, we don’t “Person of the Week” article in your are the responsibility of the Law Weekly that one judge’s understanding cannot use contraception; we use Natural March 23-March 27th edition. As the and do not necessarily represent the normally be equal to the collective wis- Family Planning (not the rhythm writer noted, “you are likely to get a views of Georgetown University Law Center. Signed columns represent the dom of a legislature but that judges method), an easy way to determine wide range of thoughts about Professor beliefs of the writer, and not necessari- should have the humility to systemati- exactly when she ovulates, so we know Heidi Li Feldman and her teaching ly the views of either Georgetown cally consider whether the conclusions exactly which days would likely result style.” However, I would suspect that University Law Center or the Law of the previous judge might not be supe- in pregnancy and which most certainly the range is heavily tilted towards the Weekly. Unsigned editorials represent rior to their own. Healthy skepticism will not. NFP, properly used, is just as negative thoughts. As a Section 3 stu- the opinions of the editorial board. towards one’s own ability to ascertain effective as BCP’s or condoms. dent who had to endure her lack of Letters to the editor should not the truth is surely one of the bulwarks I also know a little something about responsibility and respect for students exceed 700 words and should be sub- against tyranny or the desire to be childbirth. My wife and I have a 22- last year, I have been deeply disap- mitted on disk for P.C. or as e-mail tyrannical. Reliance on precedent is of month-old, the ornery product of a pointed about the administration’s lack attachment in Microsoft Word. The Law Weekly reserves the right to edit little worth if judges are intemperate, as happy and planned pregnancy. And of response to my classmates’ numerous columns for length and style. those who consider themselves the get this, I “helped” through Anita’s nat- complaints. Seeing her lauded in your Deadline for material submission arbiters of all questions must be. Interest ural (absolutely no pain killers of any pages has deepened our frustration. is Friday at noon before the Monday of in studying the intentions of legislators type—her choice) childbirth by holding Name withheld on request publication. See LETTERS, page 11 WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 OPINIONOPINION GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE 11 Speak your mind - letters to the editor spark debate sity. More importantly, this story is rele- is relevant to the news story. paigning in Gewirz Hall despite vant to the Georgetown Law Center Omari Norman Residence Life’s policy against such Law Weekly: Cover because these events directly affected solicitation. In my opinion, this kind of Undergrad Affairs students that attend the same institution Reporter Response aggressive campaigning is both unwel- as we do. Georgetown Law may consid- Dear Mr. Norman: come and seemingly unnecessary for an er itself a liberal environment, but that My name is Sayo Kondo, and I election of this magnitude. To the Editor: fact certainly does not mean the Law am the writer responsible for the Though I cannot personally I doubt that many law students are Center campus is immune from igno- “Female Students Assaulted Near attest to the other allegations described aware, but the past three weeks have rance and intolerance as well. Perhaps GULC” article. I deeply regret that my in last week’s article, I was sorry to read been difficult ones for Georgetown now is the time for the Law Center to wording has offended you, and apolo- about the tone of the campaign. I University. On Friday, February 26, reflect on its own efforts to promote gize for any misunderstanding it may remind this year’s candidates, as well as 2004, over 250 undergraduate students diversity and community. Self reflec- have caused. The article in no way future candidates, that when we are rallied in response to recent acts of tion, however, is ineffective at best and tried to depict racial stereotypes or dis- gone, we will be remembered not for racism on main campus. The rally was impossible at worst if we are not fully criminate against particular people. SBA office, but by our kindness, hon- planned after several students came for- informed. Georgetown Law Weekly can The information was obtained esty, and personal integrity. ward to report incidents of racial attacks and must play a role in this process. from the police report through the DPS On a lighter note, I’d like to and insensitivity perpetrated against Georgetown University’s Jesuit and the GULC Crime Beat section on commend Mike Palisano for the inform- them by fellow students and even pro- identity challenges its members to be page five of the March 15th edition of ative and well-written article in last fessors. The culmination of these events “men and women for others.” What’s Happening. I did not want to week’s paper. came when a letter addressed “Dear However, before we can be “men and use the phrase a “young black male,” as Mohsen Manesh Niggers” and including other derogato- women for others,” we must be men used in What’s Happening, because I ry statements about African-Americans and women for each other. Although believed it was inappropriate to refer to was sent to the Black Student Alliance Student Criticizes the Law Center may have a separate the color of the skin. and NAACP membership. Although no campus, we remain a part of the larger The article states that the one affiliated with Georgetown was Candidates Georgetown community. As such, we assailants may have had inadequate responsible for sending the letter, its must remain informed of and involved treatment because they were taken delivery compelled many students to in the issues that affect this institution away by the police, and the DPS could organize and formally address the To the Editor: and our peers. I hope that Georgetown not obtain information regarding what increasingly contentious racial climate Nothing irritates a politician so Law Weekly will take a greater role in happened to them afterwards. They on main campus. much as the media. Political accounta- facilitating this process by reporting on knew that one of the assailant was taken University President John J. bility is often inexpedient, and sunlight newsworthy events that occur on the for psychiatric evaluation, and suspect- DeGioia’s responded quickly, declaring, often stings the ego. Still, it's probably main campus in addition to the Law ed that he had a mental illness. This “racism would not be tolerated” at best that the powers keeping our leaders Center. particular assailant had caused previous Georgetown. In addition, DeGioia met honest are not afraid to step on toes. Donald Sherman problems and the DPS officers knew with undergraduate student leaders to What could be more basic than that sim- about him from before. The other devise a plan of action to halt the prolif- ple civics lesson, reaffirmed here in an assailant was suspected of alcohol or eration of intolerance within the institution where the First Amendment Law Weekly drug use due to his behavior. The Georgetown community. Among the can be the basis of an entire career? assailants’ names were not released at provisions endorsed by the student Criticized for Racial But earlier this week, Scott Lindsay the request of the DPS. coalition are mandatory diversity train- wrote a memo. Lindsay-campaign As for the Capitol Hill Police, ing for students and faculty, the expan- Identifier manager and significant other of freshly that was the name I obtained through sion of the African-American Studies To the Editor: inaugurated SBA President Dartt- the DPS and the Crime Beat section, and minor to a major and the creation of a Why did the Law Weekly’s expressed his surprise and anger at the I apologize for not conducting a back up concrete procedure for reporting hate recent story, “Female students assaulted Law Weekly and their coverage of the research on it. crimes. While it may be surprising to near GULC,” identify two assailants as recent election. He wanted to remind I wanted to write a candid arti- some that such measures are not “African American males?” The sus- the paper of its "powerful moral duty to cle giving as much information as possi- already in place at Georgetown, what is pects’ race was not given so that other uphold the public trust in its news and ble, despite the fact that some informa- even more shocking is that student lead- students could potentially avoid the editorial standards by . . . protecting the tion could not be released due to the ers made many of these same requests assailants. After all, describing someone Law Center community from abuse of sensitivity of the matter. However, I four years earlier. In the spring of 2000, as an “African American” does nothing the newspaper's unique monopoly on deeply regret offending you and again undergraduate student leaders met to narrow the field of potential information." He then suggests a few stress that I did not intend to make with DeGioia in response to several acts assailants in the District of Columbia. In regulations-from now on, advises racially discriminatory statements. As of vandalism and intimidation includ- addition, the story gives hardly any Lindsay, the Law Weekly should reject a minority student of color myself, I ing a death threat directed at all African- identifying information other than the any editorial that praises or criticizes a understand and have experienced the American students on campus. suspects’ race, making the story useless student leader "gratuitously." problems of racial discrimination, and President DeGioia convened a panel of for other students who may wish to Discussion of an elected official's gener- regret that my article has caused misun- student leaders to develop ways to avoid the suspects mentioned in the al character ought to be altogether derstandings. I am completely respon- make Georgetown more inclusive. The article. banned. sible for the article, and the other staff University enacted several of the panels’ Further, the suspects’ race was Pleading for stricter standards in of the Law Weekly had no responsibili- suggestions including creating the not given so that the suspects could be quality and accuracy of news coverage, ty over the phrases that have caused aforementioned African-American brought to justice: as the story points when what Lindsay actually suggests is offense to you or to other people. studies minor and requiring the out, both suspects have already been content management, is deceptive. Thank you very much for your advice, Department of Public safety to include apprehended, one by the Metropolitan Arguing for objectivity in our only and I will be more careful in referring to hate crimes in their annual crime statis- Police Department, the other by the newspaper, when he and his candidate sensitive issues in the future. tics. Despite these measures, however, non-existent “Capitol Hill Police.” declined to recuse themselves from the Sayo Kondo Georgetown University has continued (Shouldn’t this be the “U.S. Capitol newspaper's staff during the election, is to struggle with discrimination based Police?”) hypocritical. Claiming to speak only for Ed. note: Mr. Norman’s point on race as well as gender, religion and Indeed, the suspects’ race was yourself, when you are boyfriend, man- regarding racial identifiers is well- sexual orientation. given for one of two reasons. Perhaps ager and mouthpiece to a president we taken. However, an insinuation that As disturbing as the events that you wanted to perpetuate the stereo- elected days ago, is plain silly. But it inclusion of an identifier was motivat- occurred on the main campus were, type that black males are untrustworthy seems appropriate that he discusses "a ed by malice and a desire to perpetuate even more troubling is that there and violent. Or perhaps you wanted to unique responsibility to uphold the stereotypes is incorrect. The Law seemed to be no response from the cast black males as being mentally ill public trust." Weekly regularly incorporates physical members of the Law Center communi- street criminals, in light of the unsub- Article VII, section 1 of the SBA descriptions of violent offenders when ty, most notably, Georgetown Law stantiated allegation in the article that Constitution clearly states: "the elections such offenders may still be in the area of Weekly. While undergraduate student “the assailants in the two cases may of Delegates and Officers shall be fair, the Law Center. leaders were interviewed on two sepa- have had inadequate psychiatric med- open, and unbiased and shall be held to rate occasions by local news outlets, ication or alcohol and drug treatment.” the highest ethical standards of demo- Georgetown Law Weekly, a recognized I hope that you, the editors No Welcome Mat cratic electoral conduct." At the very leader among its peers, remained silent. and staff of the Law Weekly, take a hard least, we would have expected Dartt The University’s response to intimida- look at your newspaper and realize the for SBA and her campaign manager to recuse tion and racism on main campus is par- racial stereotypes that you are perpetu- themselves as editor and reporter for the ticularly relevant to the Georgetown ating in this and other news stories. Campaigners Law Weekly-in the spirit of the objectiv- Law community. Hate speech and hate (“Student’s family victim of car break-in ity they now espouse. crimes raise legal questions about bal- near Gewirz” is another example in the To the Editor: But Dartt and Lindsay did not ancing the safety of individual students very same edition.) In addition, the Law I write to express my disap- recuse themselves from the paper. In and the community at large against the Weekly could take a lesson from the proval with some of the candidates’ fact, they used the offices of the Law interest in freedom of speech and pro- Washington Post, which uses racial antics during the recent SBA election, Weekly as a surrogate headquarters for identifiers only where such information specifically the use of door-to-door cam- moting honest discussions about diver- See LETTERS, page PAGE 12 PAGE 12 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY OPINIONOPINION WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 “Women on top” drives 2004 SBA election insanity improperly influence the Law Top” as “unbecoming of law students ambitious and involved) Yet fresh off Mass Appeal Weekly. I always found the very as professionals.” Yes, and ripping off her victory she is subjected to a fellow Jon Massimino suggestion that she would do so to be an ad slogan from the Dairy Farmers member of the Law Weekly’s Editorial a deep insult to myself, Alaina, and to of America reeks of the type of profes- Board calling for her, and the rest of us If there was ever a time I would the Law Weekly. We are above that. sionalism we’re looking for in our SBA apparently, to grow up. There is a have killed to still be the EIC, it was I wish I could snap my fingers and President. Clark listed eight other large difference between immaturity the last month. I would trade my have all these allegations end for “violations” which were each rightful- and not taking oneself too seriously, entire term if only I could have been Alaina, because not only do these ly dismissed by the SBA Judiciary which we as law students do far too running the show during the past elec- charges rise to the level of insanity, but Committee. I’m trying to understand often. One of the reasons I voted for tions. I am not implying that Emy and to me and about 99 percent of the cam- how Walton in good faith could have Alaina is because of her ability cut the crew did a bad job at all – far from pus it is a non-issue. However, a select believed that these charges, which through the bloviation of her fellow it. I am realizing how much I miss it few have a deep-rooted problem with were so easily dismissed by the SBA, students. She is competent beyond and how much I would love to be call- Alaina’s victory, and I think I may constituted something requiring belief and yet she is also a happy indi- ing the shots during one of the most have figured out what this issue is, but Alaina be disqualified. vidual. To underestimate her because controversial yet ludicrous stories in it deeply disturbs me that I may be Alaina wanted this position for a she has a fun-loving attitude is a huge recent GULC memory. right. long time. She planned and worked mistake. Unlike the article written last Yes, the SBA elections again found It would have been very easy for her way to the presidency. She exe- week, Alaina certainly is not someone themselves in bed with controversy, Clark Walton to throw in the towel cuted a fun and influential campaign who speaks up just to hear the sym- but in the end the right woman won – after the first election. Alaina narrow- that kept its joviality while consider- phony of her own words. three times. Obviously, new SBA ly missed the majority called for by the ing very real and important issues. The column printed here last week President Alaina Dartt had to over- rules and had nearly doubled up the Alaina wanted to win; she executed an encourages us to act like the lawyers come severe challenges to do so. Even vote total of Walton. For him to come aggressive and smart campaign and we will necessarily become. That though she has proven her honor on back after spring break, campaign she did come out on top. She is now in entails sitting back and looking at the many occasions, oftentimes Alaina hard, and make a close election of it a position of some power, and that true motivations behind why we say had her integrity questioned simply speaks to how much he wanted to win. may really bother people. the things we say and do the things we by doing her job every week for the But that’s where I stop following the The visceral reaction with which do. If you are uncomfortable with Law Weekly. I guess people did not chain of logic of subsequent events. Walton and others responded to Alaina’s victories, ask yourself is it trust her, or the rest of us at the Law The decision to challenge the election Alaina’s victories shocked me. really because you fundamentally dis- Weekly, to limit whatever improper results due to alleged campaign viola- Objectively, Alaina did not do any- agree with her on the issues, or influence was allegedly at work. I tions committed by Alaina escapes the thing wrong. She did not push any because you are less comfortable with will say now, and I’m sure not for the realm of coherent thought. Among the lines of indecency or abuse any of the the aggressiveness with which she last time, that Alaina never once even many complaints listed by Walton, he positions she holds in her other extra- pursued the presidency? thought of using her position to cites the campaign slogan “Women on curricular activities. (She is simply Students, Law Weekly address campaign criticisms

Continued from PAGE 11 Alaina used her influence to get two Center--a title that describes a coming From the Editor: commentary pieces cut from the issue together, if not necessarily a conrguence most of their campaign. These When I accepted the job of Editor in that featured the candidates’ statements of ideas. Because law is our field of guardians of journalistic integrity never Chief of the Law Weekly, little did I know doesn’t wash for one reason--because of scholarship, the term “center” also blinked an eye at using the Law Weekly that (in the eyes of some students, at the enormous amount of space used in implies the mathematical definition -- computers to send campaign email, the least), I was also expected to take on the issue by SBA for the vanity press of that of an origin or point of balance. Our Law Weekly copy machines to print another public office -- one I didn’t even its candidates, every single commentary field necessarily entails integrating jus- their fliers, the Law Weekly editors' run for, Elections Regulator for the SBA. piece for that week had to be cut. Did tice with mercy, ethic with logic, and life meetings as a forum for their platform, Since campaigns began, the integrity of you read the news, that week? Believe it with theory. All students eventually however sparse. Not only did Dartt cut the Law Weekly has been attacked or not, a lot of things were happening in realize the difficulty of making purely costs on her own campaign by appropri- because I allowed Alaina Dartt to remain the world other than debates on the price objective holdings outside the influence ating newspaper facilities as her own, on staff during her campaign. This criti- of pizza. Unfortunately, none of the Law of personal values. This struggle to she used her influence as editor to sup- cism is misdirected. Center community had a venue to com- attain that balance is frought with diffi- press two articles that she found dis- The Law Weekly has never had a ment on these world issues because of culty, and, as we’ve all heard, with paraging. problem with allowing staff members to the free advertising Law Weekly gave to choice and varied vocabulary. Those articles-by Amy Messigian participate in other school extracurricu- campaigners for a school election. Attempting to draw a line at which and Barry Junker-were only allowed to lars. We consider our content enriched It was my decision to allow the can- expressors of opinion are “gratuitous” be printed after the election results were by a diversity of voices, drawn from as didate statements, after I realized that wouldn’t only be impossible, it would final. They are also entertaining political many community representatives as SBA had an expectation of the free put out the passion of debate that drives commentary in the otherwise all-too- show the initiative to write rather than advertising at election time, and had our involvement. serious climate of campus politics. But remain silent. If the SBA, or any of its made no alternative arrangement to use As to the argument that the size of Lindsay deems these pieces "subtly craft- membership, has a problem with a can- its own funds to publicize its candidates. the school (a “one-newspaper town” as ed critique and character attack," and didate being a Law Weekly staffer, they The election chairs are not to be faulted Lindsay described it), should have some wants similar articles proscribed from have the means and the standing to leg- for this arrangement. However, any bearing on the degree of censorship of the Law Weekly lest he remove his name islatively regulate candidate involve- community member asserting that the opinions, I’ll cite the experience of my from the letterhead in protest. ment in extracurriculars. Asking stu- Law Weekly “cut” valuable student com- grandfather. He ran the Interior Journal, Incidentally, her presidency affirmed, dents in other organizations (especially mentary for that week intentionally the single paper in a tiny town. In that Dartt resigned from the Law Weekly those already overburdered with cover- should redirect his frustrations where Southern community, he faced the rou- staff three days after the election. age of an extremely lengthy and nit-pick- they belong -- toward the candidate he tine pressures of not printing “certain” In his memo, Lindsay argues that "as filled campaign season) to do this duty endorsed whose statement took the opinions of “certain” folks. However, he the sole newspaper within an insular for them is not acceptable. The Law space that the “cut” commentary would was of the opinion that sugarcoating student community," the Law Weekly Weekly had not the obligation nor the have had, and to all the rest of the candi- opinion speech, and muffling senti- "has an even higher responsibility to burden of babysitting Alaina Dartt’s dates who took the same space. ments, did not help the community. safeguard members of the community every move. Alaina is an adult, and was Finally, several students have Rather, it fostered a climate of timidity, from abuse." The suggestion that this allowed, against no opposing legis- approached me regarding Mr. Lindsay’s fear, and stagnation. community of students and scholars latislative effort, to remain on our staff, statements at our meeting, and whether My continued service to this paper needs protecting-that we are unable to with the understanding that any and all or not the Law Weekly will be incorporat- will be one in which opinions printed read critically, think independently or public relatons consequences which ing censorship standards into opinion will not reflect a watered-down voice of weigh an opinion for ourselves-is as con- might result from this personal decision columns in the future. The answer is no. democracy. I do this not as a tribute to descending as it is naïve. would be hers and hers alone to bear. I have to live in this community my grandfather, but to the great voices of There is no doubt that his job and Yes, she did have access to the Law every day, just like Mr. Lindsay. And I my classmates and professors. Although Dartt's would be easier absent public Weekly office during her campaign. I am just as uncomfortable with the con- the way some people push the envelope criticism. I'd rather be able to read an cannot address her alleged use of our stant bickering and personal attacking with their assertions is not always agree- amusing article, and encourage the copy machine, because the Law Weekly that goes on here in the Law Center com- able, at the very least, it provokes a com- authors of such pieces to write more office does not have a copier. munity. We’ve never limited this sort of munity to shout back, boldy, rather than without fear of censorship or reprisal. If But while we’re scrutinizing abuse “gratuitous” speech to criticism of elec- mumble in the hallways. this is the kind of insincerity we can of law school materials for personal gain, toral candidates--people who dare to Elizabeth E. Hancock, expect from the Dartt Administration, I do have to implicate Alaina, and every speak up in class with unpopular opin- Editor in Chief the president should expect commentary other candidate who submitted a candi- ions get it, too, as do professors with bold Georgetown Law Weekly and cartoons to be the least of her con- date statement for print this term, along new theories, and those deemed to be cerns. with the SBA. Mr. Hiller’s assertion that “past their primes.” We are a Law Aaron Hiller WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 FEATURESFEATURES GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY PAGE iii Rubin to pursue NASCAR dream by Warren Sapp, 1L "Those are the real problems of this Summer Employment Law Weekly country, not the tobacco chewing red- With the end of the semester fast approaching, the pres- necked hillbillies I will be racing against. sure to find a summer job is steadily increasing. What Peter Rubin had a dream. As a small Well, except Tony Stewart. That guy is steps are jobless students taking to secure employment? boy, Rubin would command control crazy." over the television to watch Fireball These days, NASCAR has been rife - Focusing less on top law firm associate Roberts compete for the Winston Cup with cronyism and Rubin may positions and more on waitressing positions title, something he would just be the Schwarzenegger of never receive. "Fireball had auto racing - no prior experi- - Adding Chief Justice Rehnquist to list of references, a rich career with 32 wins, ence, but ready to win the title. under theory that no one would dare check it out including the Daytona 500, Regarding the increased debate but the guy never got his on allowing "slow" drivers to - Expanding resume to include previously unmentioned past break. He never won the compete, Rubin is unmoved. "I accomplishments, such as first place in 8th grade science fair title. I am going out there to am here to win the pole, baby, win one for Fireball." On not come in last." He then - Bursting into various legal recruiting directors' offices, violently Tuesday, Rubin informed likened himself to Lil’ Kim, rap- waving resume and shouting "Hire me, damn you! Hire me!" his Section 1 Criminal ping word for word, "And if Justice students that he you see a shiny black - Finding classmate who has a job, legally changing would be leaving teaching Lamborghini fly by you/That's name to match theirs and beating them to orientation day Fireball Roberts to become a race car driver. me the Night Rider/Dressed in Rubin's announcement was followed all black with the gat in the lap/Lunatics - Practicing a convincing, “Do you want fries with that?’ by a wave of confusion. Some students in the street, gotta keep the heat." grabbed their things and walked out. Rubin is not the first Law Center - Trying to appeal to public interest groups by explaining that "NASCAR isn't even a sport!" cried one professor to take an extended leave of high school soccer camp "opened my eyes" to racial injustice student. Others followed suit, arguing absence to participate in competitive that pushing a pedal is hardly competi- sports. Popular Contracts and Con Law - Trying to exploit family connections, realizing family tive. "Turn left. Turn right. Turn left II professor Girardeau Spann left GULC is composed entirely of deadbeats with no connections again. Give me a break," said Warren from 1996-98 to play running back for Harding, 1L. the Denver Broncos, and even Dean - Lying in bed, sobbing quietly In Rubin's absence, visiting Legal Areen considered stepping down from Research and Writing professor, Joanne her position to return to figure skating Durako, has been called on to take over for the 1996 Summer Olympics in the final weeks of class and prepare a Atlanta. Law student goes on final. Durako claims, "This will be more But there is something about Rubin's than apples and oranges. It will be sort- exit that is different. Maybe it is because date, has good time ing good apples from bad oranges." it is NASCAR. Maybe because it is April I asked Professor Rubin what he and there is only one month left until by Melissa Joan Heartbreaker, 1L gotta do. thought about the dangers of NASCAR. finals. Maybe because even now one can- Guest Writer So, we He said his foremost fear was that sport- not help but see that boyhood dream to started our ing a mullet would dangerously clash win the title shine though when Rubin When I was young, I never need- date over with his newly sewn Professor Goth Boy discusses high speed police chases in his ed anyone, and making love was just dinner at costume. He was less concerned with the class. for fun, those days are gone. Livin' Zaytinya, tactics of other race car drivers than he I, for one, say “go get ‘em” tiger. alone, I think of all the friends I've and there is was with warrantless searches of medi- Don’t just win one for Fireball, win one known, when I dial the telephone where I tried cine cabinets and underwear drawers. for us all. nobody's home. All by myself, don't to employ want to be all by myself anymore. the lessons I Celine Dion's powerful voice have learned called to me on my drive home to from fellow Alexandria. There, on the 395, stuck law students' dating mistakes. These Adopt A Pet in traffic, I was bawling. All by lessons are sure to help you, especial- Myself, a song written by Eric ly if it has been awhile since you have Carmen, no - not Cartman, seemed to left your library carrel. Today! explore my world. Every night, stuck 1. Legal jokes are only funny to in my library carrel, my second law students. Repeating Professor This week's Pets of the Week are Britney and Miller. They are home, I wondered what I was doing Byrne's "How's a covenant like a both at A Cause for Paws waiting for new homes. Please take these here. I needed to get a life. mini-skirt?...It binds the assignees" animals. We are going out of our minds over here. “Life” started two weeks ago will not get near the same reaction as when I ran into a nice looking man at Britney is what you might call a high mainte- it got in your property class. Trader Joe’s. I was rushing to get my 2. Gunners aren't popular in real nance biatch. She requires a special person who can shopping done; tired of eating world settings either, and there is no handle her daily tantrums and unfaltering codepen- Ramen and toast, but seriously need- need to raise your hand every time dence. She will not prepare food, do laundry or take ing to spend an evening curled up your date poses a question. out the garbage, unless by garbage you mean your with my Evidence case book. There 3. There are conversation-worthy wretched, unfunny, never pet me again boyfriend. we were in the frozen food section. I topics other than torts, and you are Britney not only has all her shots, she also calls all was stocking up on green curry best to stick with them. Try some- the shots and is a remarkably talented con artist. chicken and he was reaching for the thing entirely unrelated to politics, Britney hates most people. chicken masala dinner. "Excuse me," morality or social issues, like how he said, "Is that any good?" Green Steven Cojocaru became a fashion Miller leads a "fly by the tip of his curry, like the color of his eyes. Yes it guru. tail" sort of existence that his owners was good. 4. Cutting a first date short to just couldn't tolerate. His mid-week We parted ways as I continued study is sure to send the wrong mes- binges make Miller unsuited for homes my sprint to the wine section. Time to sage. Plan ahead and pull an all- with children. When sober, Miller is per- stock up on three buck Chuck. I don't nighter to catch up. fectly amicable. However, his problems know how he did it, but as I reached 5. Studying attire and dancing with substance abuse have led to aggres- for the Shiraz I felt his presence upon attire are two entirely separate things sion towards other animals and weak- me. Lest this turn Harlequin on you, which should not be confused. The "I minded people. Miller has issues. let me just say that I left with more just got out of bed" look tells your than Charles Shaw that night. I also date that you didn't quite care There are tons of furry critters just like Britney and Miller. If left with Jonathan Quinley. Well, his enough to try. you don’t already have enough stress in your life or strain on your number at least. And he left with I know these tips worked for me. budget, why not adopt a kitty in need of housebreaking or a dog that mine. I had a great first date and I am meet- eats your things? Induce your breakdown today and adopt a pet. I didn't think he would call, but ing his parents tomorrow night. This he did. And, get this, he wanted to go A Cause for Paws love affair has given me a new lease out for dinner and drinks. Drinks? on life. I have come to realize that 555 Fussyfluff Lane, NW That would definitely ruin any dating can be fun, even for a law stu- Washington, D.C. 20001 chance I would have at coming home dent, and these days, my song is a lit- 800-GOT-PAWS? (24 hours) to some Con Law II reading. But I tle different: “All by myself, don't said yes. A girl's gotta do what a girl's need to be all by myself anymore.” PAGE iv GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY OPINIONOPINION WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 TO FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 2004 Hey, I say some pretty neat things when I am drunk and told him that Mickey wiggled Anise Starr his feet at us. He had no idea what that meant, and to tell you the truth I didn’t really remember saying it I know what you are going to until he reminded me about it the say. “Anise, you were pretty drunk next day. I guess I was talking about last night. You probably should not Mickey Mouse? Or maybe Mickey have gone out AFTER those four Rooney? That would be a trip, hours at the 1223 happy hour.” And, because I met Mickey Rooney once you know what? You are probably and he never wiggled anything at right. Tossing down seven Long me. Either way, I have no idea what Islands was probably a little much. it means but boy did it give us a But I have to tell you, I say some laugh. pretty neat things when I drink. Like The one thing I do regret is get- when I told the bouncer of that last ting into a fight with my best friend club not to quit his day job. That was last week at the Irish Times. The pretty funny. Oh yeah, and then things I said then were definitely not when I called my ex-boyfriend and neat, like when I called her boyfriend told him that we were so over. Boy a neutered pitbull and told her that I was he confused! was only her friend because she understood real covenants, which I It isn’t that I am not funny other- Cartoon by Mark Arimoto, 3L wise, but somehow this special per- totally don’t get. You have to admit thinkth yur the Profethur of ends in the drunk tank, but the mem- son comes out when I drink that is a that the “neutered pitbull” comment Awwwwwwesome!!” Sure, he may ories remain. Memories of spring total superhero. Like the kind of is pretty original. have laughed, but do you remember break in Mexico making out with superhero who totally loves margar- You will also probably agree that how he asked me to remind him men whose names I never knew, col- itas. What is cool about being this it was not the smartest thing to what my name was? Do you remem- lecting more bedazzling jewelry than person is you get to dance on bars approach Professor Lazarus at the ber how I responded, “Whatevvur Elizabeth Taylor at Mardi Gras, and and tabletops. faculty bartending event last you wannit to be [giggle].” I may jumping fully clothed into swim- There was this one time when I Thursday and to tell him with just have to miss class this week. ming pools in December. These days pulled my boyfriend in really close slurred words, “Yuurrr [giggle]….I I may no longer spend my week- I have control. Sort of. Baseball, family, Boba Fett, and Ted Williams' head The Dysfunctional Family interests of the Red Sox organization remembered fondly as the "luckiest Warm ‘n Fuzzy Hypothesis at heart. The organization could buy men on the face of the earth." Ted Michael Palisano Ted wasn't the greatest dad, and his DNA (they still do have rights to Williams finds himself on a laborato- probably not an overly nice human him don't they?) and could clone ry straight out of a B Science Fiction being either. According to my father, him. They could open a secret Ted movie. One shudders when imagin- In early July 2002, Ted Williams who saw Williams play the Yankees Williams training camp and start him ing the fate that awaits Bill Buckner. passed away. His son from his sec- at Yankee Stadium, Williams would in numerous positions. Think of how Then again, if his legs were separated ond marriage, John Henry Williams, make obscene gestures and taunts it could help their offense to have one from his body, the Sox might have then led a successful battle against toward the partisan Bronx faithful. of the greatest hitters of all times in won in '86. his half sister, Bobby-Jo Ferrell, to Then again, it was the Yankees, and their lineup. In fact, with a team of The Star Wars Hypothesis have the former slugger, whose nick- they do seem to be able to conjure up multiple, cloned Ted Williams might Remember in The Empire Strikes name was "Teddy Baseball," frozen at a special sort of hatred in baseball. finally be able to bring the World Back when Han was frozen in car- Alcor Life Extension in Scottsdale, But I digress. Series back to Boston. But then again, bonite on the orders of Darth Vader Arizona. Despite Williams's will, John Henry spent most of his probably not (see below). and taken away by Boba Fett with which stipulated that his remains childhood estranged from his father. The Curse of the Bambino that look of pain upon his face? would be cremated and scattered Later in life, after he had reconciled Hypothesis Unfortunately, the ever-elusive car- over the Florida Keys, numerous tes- with his father, he tried his own hand Regardless of everything, the bonite freezing and unfreezing tech- timony from friends, family, and for- at professional ball, but never got Babe probably is laughing his ass off nology remains elusive, stuck a long mer teammates that these were his beyond the minor leagues. He then at this ridiculous situation right now. time ago in a galaxy far, far away. wishes, John Henry relied on a spent most of his father's later years, In fact, the debacle of the head prob- However, when we do develop the motor-oil stained scrap of paper depending on who you believe, by ably is, in some indirect way, the technology, and there is no question signed "Ted Williams" which pur- either trying to make money off his responsibility of the Bambino him- in my mind that we will, Williams ported to express Williams' desire to father’s name by having him sign self. Williams is unquestionably the can follow Han Solo's lead and some- be cryogenically suspended in Bio- sports memorabilia and selling it off, Red Sox best player ever, and now he day lead a daring raid at the Imperial Stasis. Ferrell claims that her father or getting to know his dad (Can you has become a cheap joke to be Base on a moon of Endor to disable always signed his name "Theodore S. guess who said what?). Lastly, when bandied about in the likes of the the shield surrounding the second Williams." John Henry also apparent- he died, John Henry had himself Georgetown Law Weekly. I mean, Death Star. Then, he will marry ly failed to pay for his father's freez- frozen so that he can spend the rest of picture it. The former Yankees are all Princess Leia and father twins. Either ing, and apparently owed $111,000 to eternity with his father. However, I asleep in their shrines, almost like the way, I'm guessing Ewoks will be Alcor, who seems to have had trouble fail to see how this time is well-spent Christian saints and martyrs in the involved. enough with the process. if both of them are frozen. catacombs of Rome, guarded and Apparently, the head was cracked as Under this hypothesis, you can many as 10 times due to improper view Ted's fate as his own fault; the freezing. Incredibly enough, John love he failed to give his son festered Henry recently passed away himself into a weird dichotomy of attach- at the age of 35 due to leukemia, and ment and control. As for the actual will be frozen in the same room as his controversy of what Ted wanted father. done with his body, all I'm saying is No, out of all the stories you read that it's difficult to imagine someone in the Law Weekly today, this one is as curmudgeonly as Ted Williams not false. I promise. The facts, wanting to have his body and head although defying belief, are one-hun- frozen. dred percent true and relatively cut The Eugenics / Red Sox Winning and dry, though they compose a World Series Hypothesis tragicomedy more bizaare since According to Ferrell, John Henry Oedipus was Rex in Thebes. Yet, this told her that it would be really "inter- is one of a subspecies of stories that is esting" to sell their father's DNA nearly impossible to make sense of. because of it's obvious (to him at However, there are a variety of ways least) marketability and that then of viewing it to help aid this process, there could be "lots of Ted Williamses and it is in this fashion today that I running around." Think of the possi- hope to explain it. bilities Sox fans! John Henry could be an altruist in disguise with the best