Georgetown Law Weekly The Student Newspaper of Georgetown University Law Center in Duffield, VA “I can’t define [news] but I know it when I see it” VOLUME: A FEW BRICKS SHY APRIL 1 , 2004 NUMBER 202-662-9265 ExamSoft Supreme Court hears SBA Election Appeal by Nemo Everett, 1L is back; Law Weekly Supreme Court Correspondent In an unprecedented move this corporation week, the United States Supreme Court chose to take a direct emer- gency appeal from the SBA Judiciary takes over Committee. The choice to act quickly was necessitated by the SBA Constitution’s obligation to swear in GULC the new executive board before the by Zack Morris, 2L end of the school year so student Law Weekly groups could receive their appropria- tions. Hearing about the recent decision After a motion from the by the faculty Academic Standards American Constituton Society, Justice Committee to forego ExamSoft for Antonin Scalia reluctantly recused future exams, ExamSoft Worldwide, himself from hearing the case for Inc. - makers of the infamous blocking recent a speech he gave to the software - made a hostile takeover of Federalist Society where he called the Photo courtesy of AP Georgetown University Law Center. SBA election a sham because there The U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments in Clark vs. Dartt on Thursday. "We have no current plans to was no way to determine whether the selves for cause and wondered how Public reaction to the session was change the academic or cultural founding fathers approved of the Justice Scalia was enjoying his vaca- mixed with several Law Center stu- atmosphere of the school, though election rules that regulated the tion, duck hunting in Louisiana with dents still unsure of where they stood there will be some layoffs." stated process. Vice President Cheney. personally Kenneth Lay, CEO, in a press confer- Oral arguments were held in a In one of the fastest decisions in "I’m confused," said Helena Seau, ence from an undisclosed location. special four hour session on last recent memory, the Justices looked at an LLM from France. "Did we win?” "There have been a number of lies Thursday so as to fit into the Court’s each other, voted "aye" or "nay," and In an attempt to remove the curse spread recently about our company pre-established arguments schedule. declared a tie. Chief Justice William that has fallen over the elections, the and we will make a concerted effort to Justice Clarence Thomas H. Rehnquist proposed creating a dol- owner of Harry Carey Restaurant reeducate the student population." remained awake for the entire first lar coin with Clark on one side and offered to purchase the ballot box so New policies will include: Exams three minutes of the session. Dartt on the other and flipping for it. he can blow it up for all to see. must be taken on computers using During the second hour, Justice After voting down the idea 7-1, the While the candidates were not Justices waved the parties out of the ExamSoft software; robotic professors John Paul Stevens questioned the rule See SBA APPEAL, page mdcclxxxix that justices could only recuse them- Court. See EXAMSOFT, page xiv Students to Congress: enlarge molehills Scientists by Daina DeMark, 3L Law Weekly miscalculate: Last night, the new Georgetown chapter of Students Demanding Enlargement (SDE) held its inaugural asteroid meeting. SDE is the first chapter of what founder Gunner I. Cantstan, 2L, strike is hopes will become a nationwide net- work of groups advocating for the legal conversion of "molehills" into "moun- imminent tains." When asked to explain the orga- by Jessica Simpson, 2E nization's mission, Cantstan said SDE Law Weekly Space Correspondent would "attempt to remedy lax applica- tions of justice in everyday life." Scientists at NASA announced this Canstan's inspiration for SDE, he week that they made a grievous error continued, was an incident in his in calculating the tragetory of 1999 Constitutional Law class where a fel- Photo courtesy of Warner Brothers AN10. This asteriod was orginally low student attacked Canstan's stance Gunner I. Canstan discussing his views with his constituents. thought to travel close to the Earth but on the right to abortion, saying "consti- cation to law school. Who knows what Law student's comment toward miss by 40,000 meters and possibly tutional doesn't equal moral." After a damage this blatant character assassi- Canstan punishable by stoning of the strike the planet in 17 million years. dramatic pause, Canstan explained, nation caused me?" student. It would also make it a crime "Our original calculations were just "What this fellow student was implying Canstan added that while he is to assert that students like Canstan, if in wrong. We are all in agreement that is that I'm not moral. That I have no now suing the offending student for possession of any toys at the time of the this object, the size of Toledo, OH, will morals. That I deserve involuntary con- intentional infliction of emotional dis- incident which offends them, should hit sometime this week," explained finement to a mental facility for a peri- tress, his uphill battle in doing so is take such toys and report to their NASA spokesman Tara A. Lert. "We od of two years. That since I 'don't get "repugnant to justice." Canstan's ulti- respective residences. Rather, the are really sorry for the mistake and will it,' I therefore obviously can't read or mate aim is to encourage legislation write, and probably falsified my appli- that would make actions like the Con See COMPLAINTS, page vii See ASTEROID, page xlii ABA puts Law Center Cafe becomes Burger King, Dean Named Dean on probation McDonald’s looks to sue Page 21 Page 17 Page 0 PAGE 2 GEORGETOWN LAW WEEKLY NEWSNEWS APRIL 1, 2004 BriefsBriefsBriefsBriefs Picture of the Week BriefsBriefs!BriefsBriefs grown man, but unaccompanied babies are the right size for them to pick on. PLSA Holds Inaugural Local beer, while a bit bitter, is Meeting much more preferred by the chimps to The Law Center will soon see expensive domestic imports. This beer another student group gracing the is illegally brewed along the river val- halls of McDonough. Trent Brockton, leys, which are also the habitat of 2L, plans to form the Preppy Law chimpanzees. "When chimps come Students Association or PLSA. "We've across the local brew, they drink it, been an unrepresented minority for become drunk, and in that state, any too long at the law center. It's time for encounter with people or an ex-mate the Law Center's preppy community means an attack," says the report. to make it's voice heard." Brockton UWA officials point out that sober said he expects to attract nearly 500 chimps do not wear wife-beaters and Photo created by Kevin Mittler, 1L students to his cause from undergrad- wish to remind the public that, regard- Proposed monument, “A Tribute to Mount Rushmore and the SBA”, slated to uate experiences primarily at Duke, less of it’s sobriety, an ape is never a be placed in front of the new buildings this fall. Students who would like to Stanford, the University of North good substitute for a 13-year-old submit an interesting GULC related picture to the Law Weekly for publica- tion may try to submit them to the Editor in Chief... if you can catch her, but Carolina, Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, babysitter. Georgetown, and Princeton. she is often out and may not be taking visitors at the time. Any complaints can be sent to [email protected]. When asked about PLSA's poten- tial role in the Law Center community, Brockton said that he already has plans to organize several round table SBA To Sing Kumbaya CrimeBeet discussions for its members such as In an unprecedented move of SJF To Hold Auction Next Year "How To Avoid Those Icky Homeless peace and solidarity not seen since the The Selective Justice Foundation People," "Abercrombie and Fitch vs. late 60’s at the law center, the SBA (SJF) is currently trying to organize a The following crimes did not occur in Eddie Bauer: What to Wear to Class?" announced last week that they would fundraising drive to provide money to and around Georgetown Law Center but "Smarm," "The Khaki Question," and all get together, hold hands and sing people for summer internships next we liked them anyways. Anyone in need "Metrosexuality and You: Why It Pays Kumbaya, swaying gently. year. So how do they decide who gets of Witness Protection, please contact To Appear More Gay." Brockton also James Bond, 3L, a member of money: “Whoever we feel like giving Tony Soprano at (202) 555-9325. plans to have at least one happy hour, Moral Hazard who intends to lead the it to,” said SJF President Joseph a Dave Matthews Band album give- singalong, said that the show is Caudillo “I promise you, it will be Off the Crime Beet Wire away and a Fraternity storytelling con- intended to show the love and respect completely arbitrary. If what you’re test. He also added that they "totally that the given delegates have for one doing sounds lame or we just plain March 21, 2004 - Kentucky Robbed hated Examsoft." However, the group another. “I think that the world could don’t like your face, you’re not getting The entire state of Kentucky, is not without its detractors. An SBA use a little love right about now. It’s any money from us. If you crack us up except those few Louisville fans, were member who asked not to be identi- time the SBA does its part.” or seem cool, then cheddar shall be robbed between 6 p.m.