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ack Whitehall, a white shirt in one hand and a stripy tie in the other, J is standing in his pants trying to decide what to wear for our shoot. We’re waiting for him to say something. But he doesn’t. In fact, he hasn’t said much at all since he arrived for our interview; just a few handshakes and hellos and a slightly feeble request for coffee: black, no sugar. That’s his medicine. Today, three weeks before his 27th birthday, Whitehall is out of sorts. He is the victim of an ailment so common that most people would consider it trivial. But when it gets to Jack, it can plunge him into a state of anguish, melancholy, even panic. Jack Whitehall does not have a cold. No – Jack Whitehall needs a poo. It is a fine June day when we meet near his home in the swanky London district of Chelsea. Jeremy Clarkson, who owns a place nearby, has just been sacked from Top Gear. We’ve tried to warm Jack up with small talk, suggesting he might have made a fun replacement, had Chris Evans not stepped in. It’s a bad start. Our conversation goes like this: FHM: “You live near Clarkson, don’t you?” DIDAS AT SCHUH.CO.UK AT DIDAS Jack: “Do I?” A FHM: “Don’t you?” HOES, £65, S Jack: “I don’t know. I think I’d be the Class worst Top Gear presenter ever. I’m not that interested in cars and can’t drive.” FHM: “Um… Are you alright?” IE, £35, JOHNLEWIS.COM. T Jack leans in as if he’s about to share a terrible secret. “I think I’m losing the plot, actually. I really need a poo. Sorry.” ADGESPLUS.CO.UK. war B But there’s no time. Our photographer He’s played both student and teacher is ready and we’re already running late. on TV, and now he’s graduating into Most celebrities would have shut the film. But how did Jack Whitehall interview down and gone to relieve their become Britain’s King of Comedy? burden regardless of our deadlines. Not Jack. He’s a good egg: a well-mannered ROUSERS, £65, TOPMAN.COM. BADGE, 78P, 78P, BADGE, ROUSERS, £65, TOPMAN.COM. Words: Matt Blake and gracious sort of egg. We crack on. T Photography: Pal Hansen Jack is fresh out of the editing suite Styling: Carlotta Constant where he’s been putting the finishing Grooming: Claire Woods touches to his first movie, a cinema adaptation of the hit BBC Three sitcom HIRT, £29.95, TMLEWIN.CO.UK. £29.95, TMLEWIN.CO.UK. HIRT, Bad Education, which he co-wrote and S stars in as a useless secondary school history teacher. “It’s a school trip through the eyes of someone who loves Indiana Jones, The Goonies and Die Hard,” he £198, JACKWILLS.COM. BLAZER, 042 September 2015 043 says. “I wanted explosions and helicopters and Jack’s grown up since then. Now swords and Cornish terrorists. It’s super-sized.” he’s tackling the Big Issues: things It’s a typically silly film: obscene, funny and like education and institutional the culmination of a career to date that most bullying and terrorising swans. comedians could only joke about. No other “There is a scene in The Bad Education comics could say they’ve written a movie, starred Movie where bullies make me teabag a swan,” in two major TV shows (Fresh Meat and Bad he reveals. “I’ll never be allowed near a swan Education), captained a team on a panel show again after this film. Or the Queen. As if I (Sky’s A League Of Their Own), been crowned hadn’t upset her enough already, I have now King of Comedy at the British Comedy Awards done something terrible to one of her swans.” three years running, and drawn crowds of It is one of many moments in his movie that 21,000 a night for their stand-up arena tour. will surely have a certain type of cinema goer in hysterics. But for Jack, ack Whitehall is not a man filming the scene was no you would think prone laughing matter. “I had to J to self-doubt. Yet right “I had to approach a real swan before now, as he paces up and down they swapped it for an the room, he is freaking out. teabag a animatronic one,” he recalls. ENSHERMAN.COM “I am wrought with anxiety “But the director let me get B over the release of this film,” swan. It’s very close – I was literally UMPER, £75, UMPER, £75, he tells us. “I mean, I’m proud hovering above it – before J of it and I genuinely think the most he yelled cut. It was meant it’s better than the TV show, to be a well-trained swan but but it’s a big project and it’s it was actually very angry. It scared I’ve £6, ASOS.COM. LASSES, a bold project, and whenever was the most scared I’ve ever G you put your head above the ever been” been on set. But I tried not parapet, people are always to fuss because apparently ready to shoot you down.” he was quite a famous swan; OODIE, £18, ASOS.COM. H Then he laughs loudly, “I do not think the Daily he’d had quite a lot of other work.” EL.CO.UK. Mail will like this film.” Jack still seems a little on edge. We aren’t B In 2013, that newspaper was left gasping for sure if it’s the painful memories of past wars LACKLA B air in a puddle of its own indignation after Jack, with the press or his loosening bowels, but he James Corden, Jimmy Carr and others “guzzled is now literally walking around us in circles AT, £20, STARTER AT, wine and traded vile, obscene jokes about the with growing speed before leaning rakishly H Queen” on Channel 4’s The Big Fat Quiz Of against the mantelpiece on the far wall. The Year. Cue complaints, investigations and He’s never been afraid of making himself the actress and his father was a theatre agent made stand-up, start tearing layers away and searching IE, £8, ASOS.COM. IE, £8, ASOS.COM. paparazzi shots of Jack going out to buy milk. butt of the joke, especially when it comes T good. So good, in fact, that Jack attended the deeper.” Mostly, though, he just seems to enjoy “When the Mail picks a fight with you, everyone to his perceived poshness. Isn’t he tired of Harrodian School and Marlborough College, laughing at himself: which he does, regularly tells you not to react,” he says. “But it’s hard constantly talking about polo and private school? two of the most prestigious academic institutions and charmingly, throughout our interview. HIRT, £18, NEXT.COM. £18, NEXT.COM. HIRT, when they’re getting so angry about something “I guess I do get a bit bored of it,” he admits, S in the country. Is part of his success down to British people’s so stupid. My favourite part of that week was “but it’s entirely my own doing.” “I’m upper-middle class really, I think,” he need to define each other by the schools they when a commenter wrote under a story on The truth is, Jack’s not that posh. He hasn’t ponders. “But I’ve decided that the only way to went to or whether or not they think ‘forehead’ MailOnline, ‘This is just the kind of behaviour got a title or a double-barrelled surname or deal with it is to embrace it and mock it. I play should rhyme with ‘horrid’? HIRT, £20, TOPMAN.COM. £20, TOPMAN.COM. HIRT, that makes me ashamed to pay my licence fee.’ a mouth that doesn’t close properly due to S a character on stage [but] I think at some point “We are totally obsessed with class in this IGHT: IGHT: Er, it’s Channel 4, mate.” generations of inbreeding. His mother was an R in the future, I’d like to find more honesty in my country,” Jack says. “In America there is more 7 July 1988 Summer 2004 June 2008 December 2010 September 2011 June 2012 Jack Whitehall is born Performs his first gig in Hosts E4’s Big Brother’s Performs at the Royal Makes his acting debut Becomes regular panellist THE RISE AND “It was the poshest birth ever a Marlborough pub Big Mouth Variety Performance on Channel 4’s Fresh Meat on Sky 1 sports quiz show – everyone, except me, was “It was to a few posh students “I used to get, ‘Oh, you’re so “meeting paul Chuckle at “I was in manchester as a A League Of Their Own RISE OF JACK wearing a dinner jacket.” and farmers. the landlord like russell brand.’ I’d read his table was my highlight. student and it is quite bizarre “Jamie redknapp sent me to handed me a Darth Vader these stories of him having I was so starstruck, I could filming in a bar when the last his tailor to get a suit recently. WHITEHALL costume to wear in case raucous orgies, and I was still barely speak.” time you were there was for Jamie likes it cut very tight in it went tits up. It didn’t.” living at my mum’s, thinking, a foam party where Dr Karl the crotch so you can see his ‘When do I get these perks?’” from Neighbours was DJing.” religion.