A Dixie Christmas Carol 1
Dixie Christmas Carol 1 A DIXIE CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charles Dickens Adapted by Orson Scott Card Copyright © 2000 Orson Scott Card, All Rights Reserved. 1 OLD JOE, incredibly old, is sitting in silence facing the audience. He has a small writing table next to him; he is holding a quill pen that rests on the paper. ANNIE FLAMMER enters, comes up behind him. She circles him -- he doesn't react. Behind him, she makes faces at him. MRS. DILBER enters with a sack over her shoulder. DILBER Is he poorly? ANNIE holds the current grimace, wheels to face Dilber, then turns back. DILBER My laws, what a purty little thing you is. DILBER sets down bag. DILBER (Hopefully) Is he dead? Dixie Christmas Carol 2 ANNIE (sniffs the air, grimaces) He must be breathin' -- it smells like a wet hound dog in here. DILBER Talk to him nice, Annie, or you won't get a dime. ANNIE Two bits or the time of day, I ain't gettin' neither. DILBER (gleeful) You got nothin', didn't you! Enter BEN WIGGLE, Undertaker. ANNIE And how could I? They was always somebody there moanin' an' cryin'. WIGGLE All them folks howlin' like a bunch of cats won't bring him back. That ol' boy's dead as your old toenails. DILBER Dead as a doornail, you mean. WIGGLE Lawsy, Mrs. Dilber, ain't we smart today. I say he's dead as your old toenails, an' I reckon doornails ain't no deader. Huh? Huh? DILBER Excuse the undeription, Mister Ben Wiggle, sir.
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