;·1 Massachu-setts February 5,1973 I .r Institute of Volume 17 Technology Number 30

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Presidential Press Officer Science Advisory Committee and Corporation told the press con- Pi Ronald Ziegler announced in the -Office of Science and ference that "Dr. Wiesner has Washington this morning the Technology will be disbanded, and made extraordinary contributions appointment of MIT president Dr. most of the science staff of the to the development of MIT as a Jerome B, Wiesner as Special executive branch will be moved to great national institution. Our Assistant for Science to the Xthe National Science Foundation. confidence at the time of his President. The announcement was The new Special Assistant for selection has been rewarded, and made simultaneously in Cam- . Science will be in charge of we congratulate him on a job well bridge by the Chairman of the MIT collecting and summarizing done. In addition, let us all offer a Corporation, Howard W. Johnson, scientific opinion for the president, helping hand to the man who will who also announced the ap- . and will be expected to call on the soon be President alone, Paul E. pointment of Chancellor Paul E. ; :NSF and other federal agencies, as Gray. (Dr. Killian is, himself, a Gray as acting President of MIT, /ewell as private industry, for in- 'former presidential science ad- pending approval of the MIT formation and assistance, rather visor, having served under Corporation. than relying on professional staff President Eisenhower. Dr. ~ :i.;.:.-. or advisory committees, ac- In the Washington an- Wiesner served previously under : -- ;'"ecording to the announcement. Presidents Kennedy and Johnson.) nouncement, Mr. Ziegler a : "This new system," Ziegler said, noted that "this appointment BEecause of their past dif- Dr. Jerome B. Wiesner - "will reduce or remove the narrow ferences Dr. Wiesner said he was should show that this ad- range of opinion which reduced the ministration still places a high community 1will be.given surprised last week when the serious validity of former science advisory us at MIT will miss Dr. Wiesner's President asked him if he would priority on science and technology. consideration." systems." Dr. Wiesner is a extraordinary vision and talent for accept the new post. "I have not distinguished The announcement de.scribed Chairman Johnson released the innovation. Hle is the right man for member of the academic com- changes which will be n been to the White House in two nade to same announcement in a press these times, as is Paul Gray, who years, since a panel on the ABM, munity, and although we have not convert the "Presidential Science conference in 9-150 this morning, Pe seen will now be asked to lead MIT which I opposed. Then, last week, eye to eye on every issue, his Advisor" into the "lSpecial and added "Clearly, the rumors of alone." I opinion, and through him, President Nixon called and asked the Assistant to the Presideent for a decreased role for science in. Dr. James R. Killian, Jr. opinions of the American scientific Science." The Presi' (Please Tumn to Page 4) I dential public policy have been false. All of Honorary Chairman of the MIT 1r - p --- -Y- - - ,I I: MSJTAs-· tr3oms D iver Star I 'MlIT astronomers have an- The scientists of the group are: as a week apart. Under the ULBRI nowsiced &e discovery.. of an im- *Roger G. Whitman, on ieave from system, it is possible to detect the portant nnewnearby star in the the MIIT Department of Earth ana movement of a nearby star if it heavens. This is the second .Planetary Sciences; F. WilliZam exceeds only one stellar radius. scientific coup within a month (the Harris, MIT Department of Professor Whitman predicts that first being the confirmation of the Physics; John P. McGrath, "the technique will have a OFFICE OF THE CHAIRMANI OF THE CORPORATION existence of water-ice on the major Department of Astrophysics, Cal tremendous impact on astro- moons of Jupiter) for a group led Tech; Robert K. Richardson, science." To Members by MiT astronomers. Department of Astrophysics, TMe article goes on to explain of the MIT Community: Writing in an article to be Stanford; and Stephen Manning, a several extraordinary aspects of published in the upcoming issue of specialist in sky survey techniques the newly discovered object. "In After three long years, I am happy to announce I Sientific American, the team on loan from the Kitt Peak this instance, we found not only a that MIT has completed negotiations with Federated I National high velocity t says: "We have conclusively Observatory. star, but also one Department Stores of Chicago, Illinois, for the con- j identified the presence of a An innovation made by which had previously been i struction of a 31.00 i previously unknown stellar ob- Professor Whitman and Dr. unknown. The star was un- million dollar shopping center ject." Manning led to the discovery of the doubtedly much dimmer in the on MIT property formerly owned by the Simplex star. Old scanning techniques often past, but we believe that a recent Wire and Cable Company. used a device called a blinker flareup, which resulted in an in- As you know, we stated at the tirrie of the Simplex microscope to discover stars with crease in intrinsic brightness of at purchase that the Institute should favor prospective FacnulW a large apparent motion through least several orders of magnitude, the background of "fixed" stars. has caused it to become visible to commercial developers who indicated a willingness to Meet Two plates are taken of a region us." to cooperate with both MIT and the city in terms The MIT Faculty will hold its but separated in time by anywhere The investigators report that the of achieving the social and environmental objectives regular February meeting in from one to forty years. These are star is believed to be the closest Room 10-250 starting at 3:15 p.m. We felt at the time that this was an appropriate course placed in the blinker, which acts such object yet discovered. Until of action. Wednesday, February 7. now, somewhat like an alternating stero the nearest star was thought We The first portion of the mneeting, viewer, and any star which has to be Proxima Centauri, a member now feel that the objectives set down three years sopen only to memnbers of the ad- moved in comparison to the others of the trinary Alpha Centauri ago have been fully met by the terms of this ministration, will focus on a is seen to flash. Stars found by this system, at a distance of about 4.2 agreement, which allows maximum flexibility motion by the Committee on method are important as their light years (or some for MIT. Faculty on the granting of certain large apparent motion indicates 25,000,000,000,00,000 miles). Scattered portions of land have already been professorships. that they are either very close to us "In fact," the article Following this first item continues, purchased to round out the existing plot, and to i of or mnoving very rapidly relatively "the star is so close to earth as to business, the doors will be opened or both. show an actual disk to the careful provide 25 acres of parking; these purchases have been and all members of the MIT However, the Manning-Whitman naked-eye observer. Due to its MIT's way of contributing to the creative renewal community are invited to attend technique I greatly reduces the recent flareup, the radiation ef- of' Cambridge's urban crisis. the rest of the meeting. necessary delay between ex- fects of which have not yet been The agenda includes reports Through the negotiation period, we actively sought posures and the tedium of scanning analyzed, it is actually so bright as multiple inputs to the decision-making process from .from the Pounds Panel on the thousands of plates. The images to be visible during the day. Our, Special Labs, the Study Group for are sensed by a special recorder discovery was made at a daylight responsible spokesmen, including members of the MIT MIRV at MIT, the Commission on which is hooked to a computer. In test run of our equhipment during administration, their close personal friends, and- MIT Education, and remarks by this very powerful method, which one of the few breaks in the nearly residents of the Northgate community. General James B. Lampert on also utilizes the extremely high perpetual overcast of the past few development of MIT. The meeting Construction will begin this spring; the expected resolution capabillties of Very months. completion date is fall of 1975. Current plans will conclude with the departure of Long Baseline Radio In- call faculty members "ahe star is presently to be for the complex to from the room. terferometry, the computer found in the constellation include Filene's, business and compares the digital represen- professional offices, the Harvard Coop, Gnomon I Acquarius, but due to its ex- Special tatives of two scans taken as.lititle ceptionally high tangential Copy, and a 28-Flavor ice cream parlor. I~~~~~P velocity it is moving toward I think all of you have reason to be proud of this Cover Subject Pisces. We have not yet considered I newest service to the city of Cambridge; it should |Due to the importance of th tthe subject intensively, but it has appointment open new avenues of commnunication with the city of Dr. Jerome Howard been generally agreed to name the Weisner as President Nixon's newI W. Johnson, Chairmaan at large. of the MIT Corporation, will be the Estar after the day of the week on science advisor, TECH TALK will subject of a cover story in the vwhich it was first seen, the date appear this week on Monday in- February being January 7, 1973. stead 16 issue of Business of Wednesday. Regular Week, featuring his work as Vice- "Arguments have been offered Wednesday publication will Chairrnan of Federated Depart- as to the mechanism by which resme next week. ment Stores. (Continued 9n page 5) I -- I-e '-- pl I--- '---- I Y-I Back Yard Bomb Coordinating Committe e Dance. Testing New Equipment Building, Sub-Basement. Pygmie Dance Club* Childxen's Nights at the Faculty Club*** Short dance session every Thursday, Student Center Rm 4-373. Children $.03!1b, Friday nights at the faculty club. (Skinned, $.05/1lb). Tech Squares* Squares dancing every Tuesday evening, 8pmr, Sala de Puerto Ricc. Poetry Reading John Wynn, Constantine Simonides, and James Culliton will hold a poetry reading in the 24-hour Coffeehouse, featuring original poetry Exhibitions February 5 made famous during the unrest periods of last spring. Thurs, 8prn. Special Assistant to the President for Fanmily Affairs, Beppo thn. Dwarf, will demonstrate operation of the atomic-powered presider, through MIT Ciub NoteAs and Meings tial dildo developed in 1969 at MIT for Mr. Nixon. Same as seenik inaugural pardle last month. CIS Conference Room, E53-48- Thursday, Feb. 9 at 6:30pro. February 14 Strategic Games Society* Saturday, lpm, Biiggs Field. Club offers opponents and discounts Crabs and bearded clams, some sold or given away - bldg 10 lobby, on merchandise (bazookas, M16s, 105rmm Howitzers). Bring your now. Call Tech Dames. Ever;s of Special Interest weapons. For more info, call Kevin Slimey, Dorm X0-389. My First Souffle Alpha Phi Omega* by Dirt T. Potts. Sponsored by committee on Dietary Arts, Walke Bob Elkin take it Special meeting, Wednesday 7pm; See president Memorial, Through Feb. 12. Women's Forum Open House* off. For reservations, call X3-3788. Monday, lpm, Rm 10-105. All welcome, UROP lap opportunities for Spirit in the Flesh. Loch Ness Monster* Anaconda Yogurt Society* Hayden Gallery, Feb. 9 only, brought back by Dr. Harold Student Center West Lounge. Yogurt classes, every Thursday, 4pmrn, Edgerton. Open 10am-4pm, free. Noise Flavors of the week: pickled snake, cream of copper. Lobby of Bldg. 7, all day, every day Strategic Assholes Society* Religious Searvices and Activities Departure of staff from Logan International _dAirporLt Saturdays, lpm, Walker Rm 318. Horny tools sublimate themselves Monday, Feb. 5, 7am. with gamey simulation. Kebin Slimey, Dorm 0-389. Campus Counter-Crusade for Aflah*t Every Thursday: 7pm family time; 9pro Open Book exams. Rr Clairman Howard W. Johnson vAll padlock the offices of The Tech, Kung Fu Club"$ * 1-139. Monday, Feb. 5, 9am. Advanced classes: Sundays, 3-4am, Conner 4 Lounge. Campus Crusade fox Christ/College Life* The Physical Plant staff will confiscate all copies' of The Dafly Science Friction Society** Camels leave hourly for the Holy Land. Saracens supplied free 0 Reamer, Monday, Feb. 5, 10am. See SHEL. charge.

Summons issuing for the staff of The Tech for slander, libell and Classical Hannonica Society** Chinese Chastiazas Fellowship calling MIT informlation for numbers they could easily look up Great Harmonica works of Bach, played from 10pm-10:05pm. Rm If you can find one, we'll give you a fellowship. themselves. 26-100, Feb 1 t. Refreshments following. Divine Light Mission* Student Necrophile League* Services for:worshippers of the God Laser will be held by physicis! Seminars and Lecturs , special guest. Also expected guest, former every Monday, 7:30pm, Rm 8-105. All sects (ruby, neon, CO, Rep. Hale Buggs (D, La) Feb. 9, 7:30prn, Sala de Puerto Rico. welcomed. lMonday, February 5 Tricycle Club** Roman Catholic Masses The Physics Department is offering a special in religious weight- in Anthracite Coal* Meetings every Sunday, beginner's session 2am top of the Great Pion-Electron Structure and Flouride Scattering blessed by the Pope, call X3-4801. Mike Miler, BS thesis presentation. 4pm-4:05pm Rm 7-133. Dome. Shovels, 3: 30pm. MIT Soaring Club' United Christian Fellowship* in Christians for dinner. Sponsored by the Lions Club. The Head on the Shaft of Phallus The Soaring Club and the Drug Club will meet in a joint meeting biology, Electrical Engineering, Knower of all, W20484 on Friday, February 9 at 7pm. BYOD. Prof. Jerome Lettvin, Westgate I and II Bible Study Seer of the Future. 6.969 Topics in Greek Art. 7pm, Rm 54-100. Arab Student League For all those who are aware of the structural characteristics c- 8, 7prm, W20-400. Westgate I and 1, prayer meetings will be held every Wednesday: Training Organizational meeting. Thursday, Feb. Midwife 8pm. Technology Matrons Association, 7:30pm, Rm 2-102. MIT Hillel Thursday, Feb. 8, 7pm, W20-400. Nuclear Physics Demonstration of Fission Device Organizational meeting. J'Announ cements Briggs Field, 2pm. Bring your own marshmallows. Student Paramedical Society 1, the emergency sex information office tel- Lab meeting. Seminar in paramedic activities. Practice conditions- Effective February to 253-3825 c bring your kit. Thursday, Feb. 8, 7pmr W20-400. phone number will be changed from SCR-EWED Tuesday, February 6 253-FUCK. The new number will appear in the MIT telephor/. distributed in July. Zero Populatioin G6ow l1 directory which will be Plate Tectonics and Continental Drift Mr. Porkerfacio Unscrupoloto of the Boston Chapter of the North and Center Field trip to Cape Cod sponsored by Department of Earth End Chapter of the Mothers and Fathers Italian Association will Available in Information MIT No. RV-4692. Planetary Science. Bring your lunch and watch the Atlantic widen. speakon alternate means of population control. Sex book, frank, and to the point. Bus leaves 77 Mass. Ave. at 10am. Dining Service Speciais To Do Is To Be: To Be'Is To Do: Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo Socia Events Prof. Kumani Wanalayou, U. of Hawaii. Technology and Culture Seminar Series. 5pro Rm 9-150. Wednesday-, February 8 Muddy Charles Pub** Luncheon: gruel w/whipped topping. Dinner: clam cakes, 30 wt. Tactile Studies in Mlulti-Variable Fluid Hydro-Aezodynamics Join your late friends for music, beer, wine, snacks, conversation Prof. Flo Gistin. Rm 10-105, 4pm. and green punch at the Muddy Charles Pub, below the Harvard Thursday, Febrtuary 9 Bridge. Luncheon: gruel w/meat-flavored sauce. Dinner: beef and bet by-products (no cereal) Wednesday, February 7 SCC Pot Luck Coffeehouse* Live entertainment every Friday and Saturday, 8:30pm to 12m. Friday, February 10 gruel w/o topping. Periodicity in Critical Presidential Erections from 1864*"'* This week: "Bubbles" Harris. Luncheon: gruel w/portnoy sauce. Dinner: Walter Dean Buriham, Political Science Seminar in American Electoral behavior. 4prm, Rm E53487, CIS Conference Room. Moviels So You Want to Be a Politician? Freshmen are encouraged to attend departmental lectures ar.: George McGovern, U.S. Senator. 4-6am, Rm 9-i50. The President's Amalyst seminars. Even when these are highly technical they provi{ L SC Free Movie. Friday, 7:30pm Kresge. Starring Paul Gray. students one means to learn more about professional work in Advanced Hydrodynamzic Perturbaton Theory of Norn-Isothermnal department and field. Basal Metabolic Polymers Viscoelectricity for Specialists in Time Dependent Cree Indian Teepees in the North American Anthrosite music the public Deposit of the Latter Day Messozoic at the corner of Massachusetts Noonhour Concert Series* * Open to Open to the MIT community only Avenue and Memorial Drive* Quartet for balaklava, zither, banana, and septic tank. Music by ** Open to members only Prof. Irving Ned, rhetoric, Agnew Memorial College. 4pm, Rm Frank Farznit, MIT '32. Thursday, Feb. 5, 12n, Chapel. Free. *** 1-113. No one over twelve admitted. Nooenhour Concert Series*;' Thursday, February 8 A Jew's harp and Washboard ensemble program. Friday, 12n, Send notices for February 12 through February 21 to the Calenc Chapel. Tickets $.28. Editor, Room 7-107, Ext. 3-1300, by noon Friday, February 7. Vacations in Gay Puree Pslam van Dong, Viet Cong Negotiator to the Paris Peace Talks, will discuss "Vacations in Gay Puree" CIS Conference Room, E53487, .~_ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ipm.

Dynamics of Vertical Transport Mechanisms Mechanical Engineering Department Robert Elkin Memorial Lecture Brown and Murphy Elevator Consulting Series. Arthur Murphy of The MIT Center for Advance Company will speak on methods of complex time planning in d one-dimensional vertical transport processes. Refreshments. 7pm Visual Studies recently put up Rm W20-600. paper sculptures all around the * !"::" ; Student Center. This young

Imrnages of the Male in the Born Deshabille g ' ; Ilady stopped to admire one Prof. Jerome Y. Lettvin exposes himself in the great court. ;", .. :~ ,* -. wkhich came near the ground, Exhibition sponsored by the Technology Matrons. Thursday, Feb. .'-.s> B and was photographed by 9, at High Noon. , - :§~ TECH TALK photographer : Marc PoKempner Commun Meetings

,Women's Forum** Spirit in the Flesh - professional car opportunities for enterprising young vwomen. The methodology of procurement of suitable positions, ensuring the receipt of a' fair wage. Monday, 12n, Rm 10-105.

Page 2, Tech Tlk, Februarg 5, 1973 REPORT OF THE Massachusetts SELECT COMMITTEE James F. Moody Instithute of Tecihology ON STUDENT - John G. Hasnzel IRRELEVANCE John H. Kavazanjian AND ADMINISTRATION Ken I. Davis IRASCIBILITY Mark J. Astolfi AMembers: Norman K. Sandler I ,1,I Bruce A. Weinberg Paul L. Schindler David B. Green Robert M. Elkin X, David C. Searls Sandra N. Cohen Special supplement to Tecb Talkr Fred D. Hutchison Sandra 0.o Yulke February 5, 1973 James E. Miller David Z. Tenenbaum, Chairman S: """"""""""""""""""""~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3""""""""~~~~~~~~""""""""~~~~~~~ ~~z~~r~~~a~~8~~11n~~~~~sm~~a~~~mrraa~~~~~E~~n~~n~~~·J~~~aa -- 3Rn~~~ml

VOLUME 69 NUMBER 23 MONDAY, FEBRUARY 51973 MIT CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS WORTHLESS Hlarvard vs. MIT: %vr r~ea S out (Additional story and pictures, Page 3) (Text of declaration of war, page 5) By Baig. Gen. James Lampshade strategy, advised by members of Special to The Daily Reamer the Strategic Games Society. Fighting broke out between Meanwhile, students were MIT and Harvard yesterday at taking the war into their own approximately 11:03.14159 am. hands. MITSDS attempted to The skirmish began with a occupy the pavilion, but the sneak attach of two sculls-full of Harvard radicals objected on the the Crirnson crew team upon the grounds that no forces of reac- MIT sailing pavilion. Spectators tion would replace them. Sur- had been anxiously awaiting the vivors of the MIT group con- blitz since early morning, but ferred and agreed to occupy the the attack was delayed because ROTC building instead. Their Riot-equipped Cambridge police forces supervise the evacuation of civilians from the city, as the war the Harvard jocks overslept. presence there is questionable; between MaT and Harvard escalated yesterday no one has bothered to look. The Crimson team succeeded Several specialists in fluid Harvard students did not take in capturing their target, bult it dynamics set up a base on top of this lying down. A reliable was several hours before anyone source reported that those hit by toid il s Cop P a the Green Building. They re- balloons, although knocked flat at the Institute noticed that cruited an elastic materials man something was amiss. (The Miss by the blow, immediately leaped and a chem grad student and, at to their feet and dashed for the was identified as Jane Supinus.) last report, were bombarding the or c a.bot cdiienz, i m m e d iately, within several showers. Harvard campus with eau do The men from hours, the MIT Corporation Ex- butyric acid-methyl mercaptan the Little- By Rollo Smick tion of the MIT and Harvard -Green-Pasture-up-the-River ecutive Committee was called filled balloons fired from a large, Disturbing rumors have administrations. The Daily into session to draft an office struck back fiercely. A troop of reached the offices of the Daily Reamrer has learned exclusively high-test rubber band stretched several hundred marched on the Declaration of War and to map between two supports. Reamer in recent weeks that that Harvard President Dreck - s --"I c I I- Institute, its members waving MIT Vice-President for Opera- Block and President Jerome philosophy and law books and Massachusetts News Office Room 5-105 Cambridge Telephone tions Fill Stolid killed plans for a Weasel will make a joint an- Instltute 77 iMassachuselts Massachusetts 617/8646900 chanting slogans like "two time of Technology Avenue 02139 Ext. 2701 Quick Qut abortion clinic to be nouncement tomorrow morning two is three," and "you can't at 10 am, which will outline take the square root of a nega- located in the Tech Coop. Stolid claimed that there was plans for a full investigation of tive number." Upon reaching 77 the Harvard Coop mismanage- Mass. Ave, the no conflict of interest involved group blocked in the action, despite his posi- ment practices, conflict-of- MEMORANDUM traffic and burned slide rules to interest allegations against dramatize their antimathy. tion as supervisor of the Insti- MEMO TO: Joanne Miller tute's Pornographic Arts Service. Stolid, and the credibility gap At this point, the Harvies "When charges made by the Coop suits. FROM: Byers broke across Kresge Plaza and we heard about the new RE: Plans for News Office subversion of The Tech, stormed McCormick. The MIT service the Coop was con- Block told this reporter that a 27 February 1973. defense was non-existent. In sidering, we had plans for the commission, funded by both introduction of our own MIIT and Harvard, will carry out As per our conversation, we are proceeding with plans to publish fact, several intoxicated and un- quicker, cheaper service. I simple our own version of The Tech on 27 February 1973. Said issue reliable observers high atop the investigation. Mernbers of told -them to lay off until we the commission will be selected will contain strict news release copy, examples of biased re- scenic Bexley Hall reported that could get the majority of the invaders established." from "neutral" areas at both porting, and axneditorial caling on members of the MIT com- The conflict arises from schools, and will include faculty, munity to "resaize the futility of studying science and tech- - were Institute-affiliated. Stolid's horizontal position on The Crimson were repulsed staff members, administrators nocracy in preparation for the after-life," recommending that the Coop Table of Organization. and students. when an infamous MIT lecturer He is listed, as of last spring, as "the Massachusetts Institute of Technology be abolished as a appeared on the McCormick ter- quasi-educational institution, and [subsequently be] transformed Chief Jerk and Blaphsemer of Speculation in the Reamer race and began describing the offices indicates that among into a center for an international center for the study of trans- the Harvard Cooperative Soci- method for solving a second ety. The conflict was originally those on the commission from cendental meditation . . . " ThoughI cannot disclose the identity order non-linear differential reported in the Harvard Grime MIT will be Assistant to the of the administrator who sent down the order for this particular equation. Needless to say, all under the headline "Fled News Chancellor J. Daniel Nineheart, scheme, I can give you the reasons behind the master plan: (a) to were repulsed. Ed Found Dead" (Sept. 31, recently-appointed Executive discredit the credibility and legitimacy of the distrustful members As the mob fled in panic, 1972). Assistant to the Vice President of The Tech staff, and (b) to allow our staffs to work on a snipers opened up from the li- for Operations Dick Sorryson, brary ermbrasures of the Student Coop General Mangler How and Director of the MIT "genuine" newspaper, as practice from time to time could not Hard Davies told the Reanmer Porno- Fortress. In a diabolical sabotage graphic Arts Services, J.W. Copy- hurt. I assume you will brief the necessary Tech 7alk staffers, and sortie. divisions from Slobdell that he had not given a moments will make arrangements with our printer to have layout for this thought to the possibility of man. When asked whether the and Twenty-one Crumblies cir- definition of "neutral" was issue prepared by M onday, 26 February. ,/ C' I culated among the enemy, ser- interest on Stolid's part. "I never gave- it a being interpreted too-liberally, ving refreshments. However, the moment's thought," he in light of Nineheart's position cc: C.B. Simonides attempt was largely unsuccessful added. yers as a stockholder of the Coop, as all college students invariably The con flict-of-interest Weasel replied with an This was found in a building 5 wastebasket, unshredded (Please Turn to Page 3) charges have come to the atten- LL.'--- - -- affirmative '"No." PAGE 2, MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5,1973 THE DAILY REAE R A glowv this The Dick in the White House has finally pulled out. After years of manipulation, the President has brought the Riff Petrocelli, leader of the tempo- By Neil Vaselino Vietnam war to its only logical climax. rarily disbanded West Coast band, Hands A great new two-record set is about to Certainly, amidst the pushing and hauling which accom- of the Gasser, was recently arrested for be unleashed in this country, Ringo impersonating marijuana and given a Mctartney and Eeko Yono's Fin, Prease, panies such a long delayed close-out, we might pause to three month sentence at the Cambridge a rock ballet about an Oriental elephant- reflect on what we have learned. Certainly, the skids were House of Correction and Spaghetti pimp, D.C. Eight, who spends his adult greased for this far from premature withdrawal by Henry Heaven. Daiely Reamer correspondence ife combing the streets of Tokyo, and Kissinger. Certainly the rape of Southeast Asia had sur- Fred Cheese just happened to be bussing has nothing to show for it- but hair passed all previous records for such a penetration of foreign the day Riff was sent up, and this between his toes. Release date should soil. Certainly, such a satirical point of departure as this interview was smuggled out three days coincide 'with Colombia Rekords' new later in a place of manicotti. policy reducing the list price of all albums becomes boring rapidly. FC: Riff, did you come from a musical to $1.98, record not included. On December 18, 1872, on orders from the President, family? Be sure to pick up a copy of that the mnost massive insertion to date took place, with major RP: Well, Dave, not really. My uncle relevant new Women's Lib mmagazine, action directed at certain "sensitive" targets, located just was the only musical member of our Zzz. This month's. number features an below the significant parallel, around the mound of Venus. family. EHe learned to whistle through his informative article by Germaine Poozle dick, but he was circumcized and we called "'The Myth of the Simultaneous Things have retracted back to normal, and the piece never heard the end of it. Afro-Armnenian Orgasm, of We Mus' which was in hand is now out of the bush. Btt throughout FC: I see. You got your start in 1966 Simonize Our Crotches!" Not to mention the short period of carpet bombing and Chinese Curling, with a group called the Breed Apa-rt. a really funny take-off on Superman many great and irreplacable carpets were destroyed. Could you fill me in on those days? Comics, called "Pillwoman versus the The 93rd Congress came. . to Washington shortly after RP: Glad to, Phil. Y'see, I was workin' Stud from the Center of the Sun." a gas station until I found i was allergic to Rumnor has it that David iBuyie's latest the New Year, on about Janluary 12th. The House of gasoline so I quit and got a couple of guys LP, Zizzy Starcrust and the Leaches from Representatives was apparently ready to blow the President together and said Hey man let's start a Beta Centauri, turns green when held up to within 'an Inch of his life on the war, or anywhere else he band, man, and they responded Yeah, to an atomic mushroom cloud. wanted it. The Senate, on the other hand, prepared stiff cool, outasite. For equipment we had a Believe It or Eat Me: Keith Moan, although rapidly failing token opposition to the demanding Fender Telecaster, two beat-up bass gui- drummer with The Whom, once appeared tars, three Record Club of America stereo on TV show Air. Nowak, as a blackboard. whimns of the President. But then they say that these systems, but no drums so this kid Raoul And while we're on the subject of toothless wonders do a better job. used an amplified typewriter. Our first gig Telebision, the Midlands Broadcasting With his unnatural tactics, Dick has succeeded in was the Canoga Park Combined Junior- System will soon unveil their latest coupling a large section of the American public. The Dasily Senior Prom, so we started out with this lawyer saga, the long-awaited Flotsam Reamer supports the actions of those groups and individ- killer version of '"Double Shot of My and Yetsam, Counselors at Large, starring Baby's Love" for 25, 30 minutes until Porge Casman as Dave Flotsam and Janet uals planning to eat bannanas at the Inaugural balls. This Raoul's cartridge jammed so I sez: Every- Bentor as Jocelyn "Horses" Jetsam, the should coincide with the efforts of Boston peace groups to body clap!' So they did but I was so spine-curdling adventures of two bum- have a giant"group-fart" at the Washington Monument wrecked fromn smoking prune scrapings bling barristers, who are wanted in four simultaneous with the President's oaf of office. that I fell asleep and when .I woke up I states: liquid, solid, gaseous, and plasma. For quite some timne, Dick has been challenghng public was a superstar. You know the rest better Look for MBS to come up with another than me, man. Shit. winner, to follow in the footprints of outcry at his repeated thrusts. He believes the US public is FC: Listen, how did you get the name Make Us Well Please, M.D., All In the no longer interested in getting on it and doing it every day. "Breed Apart?" Family Way, and The Sam the Squid and This time, lets fetter his puccinni. RC: That was the station where I was Bashibazouk Funeral Hour. After all, it's a long alley that has no ashcans. working, Breed Apart Gasoline. My favorite show to skip classes and IFC: i hear you played a bit part in the watch is the new game show which can ,movie 2001: A Space Odyssey? now be seen on Illegal Flying Saucer RP: Bit part?? Man-, was space. Station No. 4, Read It And Reap, FC: A challenging role, I'li bet. featuring Daniel Elksberg. LerE I RP: Naw, I just sat there. You saw it here last: headline of the To the Editor: Massachusetts, and a hearing into said FC: What can you tell me about the week, in my opinion at least, appeared in TIs is S-r ply too mIuch. Yaou Uguys charges has been schelduled for !5 March Hands of the Gasser's new album, Sleave Friday's Boston Glob, on page XXVI: have crossed the line between good taste 1973 ia diddlesex County Superior Job ? BAGS CONFISCATED AND SWAL- and something else, and are rapidly pur- Court, -Cambridge, Massachusetts,_ at RP-: Not much. LOWED IN SECTORE T AS MAYOR suing the cheap leer and the snide per- which time you and selected members of FC: Try. PRETENDS TO FORGET EASY sonal innuendo. I have been associated your staff will be invited to give testi- RC: Well, uh, [ed. note: the rest is WORDS. with this newspaper for four years, and mony on these most serious charges. hopelessly obliterated by tomato sauce. Meanwhile, outrageous rock queer havre never been more disgusted, even Failure to comply with the terms of We'd guess for the best.] Constance Lupo and his band The Tail when youguys ran that retouched photo the subpeonas in this case will result in End are hard at work recording a new of me sitting on the jo1m. our being forced to practice self-study album at an out-of-the-way recording Second of all, I cannot permit you to proctology with our client until your studio in Gunther's Chain. Reported to Inan that ridiculous Chinese Curling article arrival. 5chi tz be helping with the vocals are popular (see story, page 4 ). It is lewd, porno- female vocalist Melba Creamtits and A- graphic, offensive, and besides, where are Dated 3 February 1973 Lick My Medals Clean, Baby - Mare merica's own Harry Nullson. Working you going to get that much Wesson Oil? Robert E. Sullivan Spatz (Oil Slick Records) title is Pisser, and some of the song titles Herrick, Smith, Donald, Farley, and While Spatz, Olympic aquatic whiz- include "Dead Furniture," "Under My Fourth of all, your absurd memo from kid, can manage a mean breast-stroke, Byers to Mtiller is likely to lose us the Ketchum, Counsel for the Plaintiff Balls," "Ballad of Doug Fried," .Test- when it comes to singing, he's strictly a tube Love," and "Erected." Tech Talk job. a' litl DA . latur "minnow." This new record, a collector's Best of all, you have forsaken comedy Dictionary entry of the year: "male item an hour after it was released, fea- farm - a fern (Dryopteris filix-mas) for sheet gut pornography. If you do not tures several well known pop favorites stop, I will be forced to disassociate producing an oleoresin used in expelling ("She Was Only a Neurologist's Daughter tapeworms." myself with this Reamer, and slide down But She Got On My Nerves," "Girmme a bannister that turns into a razor blade. Volume LXIX, No. 23 Monday, February 5, 19 73 My Twelve Dollars Back," and Rogers Blob Milk'em O'Hammnerstein's recent splash single Embezzler Emeritus insipid Tenenclown '80, TitularHead "Eclair" to name but a few) Tendered Appalling Schingler '69, Editor unlisterable by Spatz' truly unique, or To the Editor: Jan Van Worthless '69, Business M1anager shall we say odd, vocal style, which more Anus It's bad enough that you would bla- Cloudburst Coughperson '69, resembles gargling than singing. The tantly forge a letter with my signature for Managing Editor numerous gasps for breath tend to detract the most recent issue of Tech Talk, but Hanzel Grete1'69, Gym Didler '69, from the otherwise uneventful goings-on, Anus zin the Afternoon - Don Anus it's absolutely incomprehensible that you not the least of which is the banal (Glaucoma Records) Careless McMire '69 machinations of Spatz' back-up band, Don Anus, for those of you who would go so far as to sign my name to a MVight Editors completely unintelligible letter to The Blastula, whose own new single, "Crying don't already know, is the hottest thing Daily Reamer? After all, Gbnx,.;*is a)l Kneel Vaselino '69, Arts Editor On the Inside," is expected to come out in radio today. His moribund matinee t9hiat. So you can &484 t-is l'tter and Abnormal D. Blunder '69, News Editor when they do. To make matters worse, stint has already increased the ratings of kg/=/2jc, it right uap and rotate? Fred Rabbithouse'69, Spatz is currently in the process of New York's WHAZ a billion-fold, since he If I were ever here at Fikne MIT, I Randy Yechhe ' 80 recording a follow-up LP, tentatively signed with the station over six months would have written this letter myself. But Sports Editors titled Shower Before Entering Pool. It's ago. On the air, he breaks all the rules: since I'm not, I won't, and just for that I Gnurd Green '69, Photography Editor rumored ASCAP is seeking an injunction. plays records backwards, kills cats, gives never will. Crunchy Granola'69, Smells fishy, no? the call-letters of other stations, and Howard W. Johnson A dvertising ifanager Cherry Neon explodes firecrackers, not to mention the Chairman ten conmmandments. But his stock and trade is the cast of 1001 looney charac- Marked Fastass '69, ters which he uses to satirize and To the Editor: A ssociate A rts Editor You are hereby given notice that lampoon, characters like evangelist Billy pursuant to Chapter 153, Section 47, Bob Neverseen '69, Mick Mikenamee'69 Sol Mellonpicker, arch-conservative Judge Paragraph 8 of the General Laws Anno- Associate News Editors Lynching T. Hogbiter, and grass-roots tated for the Commonwealth of Massa- D)avidly Checks '80, Accounts Payable philosopher Jean-Paul Startrek. This new Steve Shaggy '80, Accounts Receivable Glaucoma Records release is an attempt chusetts ("Libel shall heretofore be to duplicate a typical Anus in the Aftef- Is, I .. . I defined as.... "), the offices of The Tech, I - , will be siezed and locked by members of Staff Candidates: noon show, and it succeeds. Therein lies this record's greatest weakness, for Anus, the MIT, Cambridge, and Massachusetts Chico, Groucho, Harpo, State Police forces today, 5 February Larry Moe, Curly Joe whose last job was proprietor of the 1973 at 10 am. This action is taken upon Nakir Minazian, Work-out Jock Slippery Arms Lie-Awake 1Hospital and behalf of our client and plaintiff, Howard Luigi Padinni, Elder Statesmanz Shoe-Shine Emporium W. Johnson, DBA The MIT Corporation, Blob Milk'em, Embezzler Emeritus Mitchell Tierdag, Idiot Emeritus Buzzbox McQwertyuiop 77 Massachusetts. Avenue, Camnbridge, -L -I___-N-·ll___·l I U -- ·- III-C- - - _1 KISS THIS I* -~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE DAILY REAMER MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1973 PAGE 3 ------__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ -I c - __, _~~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 250 poundcl eaected B By Mary Juan ahead, and was forced to send a satisfied, their supervisor said. High administration officials middleman in order to remain They spent "a lot more time today completed the long- high in Messgate I. beating off on the job." only an delayed removal of a 250-pound end to the dope would improve dope from Messgate I, where it In order to impress the Dean matters. with the burning necessity of his had been since the building was In order to keep tabs on the completed. residence, the dope gave freely of itself. According to Soaring- situation, Soaringson made a sur- The dope, described as "wear- son, "At first the arguments prise visit to the dope. "I had ing baggy clothing and rather were so strong that they affected my own key, which the dope seedy-looking," moved in soon every joint; there was no need to didn't likce, but it could only after the building was com- put a lid on the dope's activities. offer token resistance if it didn't pleted, though at the time only There were a few things that had want to be put out altogether. vaguely connected with MIT. It to be hashed out, but we made a The dope got burned up over legitimized its lease by making tentative deal. We said we'd try this and there was less and less its mark, a small round hole, and it out." of- it every time I went over; I "always paid its rent in high The workers were still not guess it was just all used up." time, using an obscure Mexican currency that we know how to use," according to Ass Dean for R eamzeer £ Stud Affairs Richard Soaringson, "But even then, the whole thing affer Harvard ias oaI smelled funny." a.t@ ter arvac invasi$on Shortly after the dope minoved (Continued from Page 1) accidentally reflected the beam in, roaches began to appear in develop a high tolerance for back at the Pru, vaporising the Messgate I, but they were easily food poisoning. top ten floors. clipped and the problem went At one time the Student For- Now both sides decided to away. tress was actually breached, and unlimber their big guns. Harvard skirmishers appeared in the called in all its doctors and A pungent cloud soon filled Daily Reamer office. The lawyers and politicians. One the apartment, and gradually Reamer editors attempted to re- scheme called for the use of all spread until it covered all of this excess hot air to inflate Residents of the V Messgate I, apparently due to a cruit for their staff and the I Harvard invaders. invaders again fled in terror, in balloons which would be used to leaky waterpipe installed by a bomb the MIT campus, but this contractor using poor construc- disorganization, and in Edsels. MlIT authorities continued to was vetoed as passe, the modus tion practices wherever possible. operanda having already been ew departmnent due The other residents of the build- discuss strategy, having agreed on the defense of Stalingrad but utilized by MIT. .1 ing did not seem to mind; when Other plans were being made President Jerome Weasel an- numbers, big numbers, in- questioned by a Daily Reamer still differing on the attack in nounced today the formnation of the Battle of the Bulge. An to propagandize the one and a between numbers, addi- reporter they could only laugh. half billion dollar Harvard en- a new Department within the tion and subtraction, mul- emergency faculty meeting was called and attendance exceeded dowment to incite desertions Institute. Designated as the De- tiplication and its inverse, The construction workers I partment of Astrological an all time low. Other faculty, from the MIT masses. even numbers and even building Messgate If took a dif- As a result of damage suf- Science, the new Department is odd numbers. however, continued to wage a ferent view of matters. "We is valiant gorilla war. fered in the violence, the over- authorized to grant the ASSB 18.02V NEW MATH: differ- used to gettin' our fair share of hanging section of the fourth degree (B.S. in Astrological ential and integral num- poontang, you know, girls doing A group fromn the strobe lab floor of the Student Fortress Science) to students enrolled in bers, random statistical exercises in the nude and all Course 26. and RLE rushed to the top of became detached from the re- numbers, numbers that are that. When the smoke filled the the Prudential Tower with a mainder of the building and fell not numbers, and number air, nothing was coming the way to the ground. Although this The new Department will of numbers. thousand megawatt carbon open a whole new field of study. it should have. We would have dioxide laser. They spent an ad- occurred during a Reamer edi- 1 8. 0 3 V T R AN S C E N - gone on strike if they hadn't torial board meeting, and the Some of the new subjects to be DENTAL FUJNCTIONS ditional half hour finding exten- offered are: 26.01 Zodiac fixed it; we know what fringe sion cords but finally activated board room is in the missing AN I DFDI FE RENTIAL benefits mean," said a spokes- Science, 26.02 ESP Dynamics, MYSTICS: parallel recip- the weapon. Although blacking section of the Fortress, the 26.1 ! Horoscopy, 26.!3 Intro- man for the workers. out half of New England, they Reamer is glad to announce that rocai projection, com- it will come out on schedule for duction to Astrology,'26.i4 Ele- patible linear flexibility, did manage to begin a systematic mentary Gypsy, 26.20 Seance The result was the first of raying of the Harvard campus. the first time in its aleph one functional transitional years of existence. The absence Theory, 26.21 Introductory concept and responsive in- many trips to Dean Soaringson. Reportedly, a Radcliffe coed put Basketweaving and Voo Doo The dope was only able to move an end to this; the mirror in of the editors was not noted - cremental mobility, total Third Assistant Copyboy. Doll Design, 26.31 Classical As- organizational contingency up and down, and never straight which she was admiring herself trology, 26.32 Tensor Astrology, and balanced third- 26.35 Spells Theory, 26.41 Rela- generation options. tivistic Astrology, 26.121' Dracu-_ 18.803V GROUPS, KINGS lography, 26.213 Ouija Pertur- AND THINGS: sets of (Fro~ounzcedProouncedBee-vers Bee-vets "iberkalLiberl Patina"]~PFatina"LE bation Theory, 26.217 Cryo- numbers, different sets genic Cosmic Creature Creation, and subsets, optimal 26.320 Spectre Abberations, groups and astrological Other MIT departments are sets, round rings, square instituting specialized versions of rings, strings, slings, some astrology subjects to pro- swings, and other things. vide an integrated program of The new program is to be study with Course 26. Among implemented wiith the slmmer some of the new subjects to be session of 1973, along with offered by other departments higher tuition rates. A rather are: 5.03V Principles of Al- large faculty has been assembled chemy, 5.43V Potions Labora- to forrm the new department. It tory, 6.0IV Network Theory is expected that student enroll- and Life-Line Topology, 18.01V ment will be unusually high, Old Math, 18.02V New Math, perhaps almost equalling that of 18.03V Transcendental Func- the electrical engineering and Sloan School combined. tions and Differential Mystics, I 18.703V Groups, Rings, and I Things, and 21.10V Horoscope USED GOAT FOR SALE Writing. Course descriptions are not I yet available except for some of the mathematics courses. The following descriptions have been furnished to the Daily Reamer: HOME: is where the heart is 18.01 V OLD MATH: small AGE: Victorian I PROFESSION: MIT Student, Business Analist Get Eaton HOBBIES: Burying Profits, running student a't activities. Embezzling. Self-study proctology. LAST BOOK READ: "Portnoy's Complaint"

i i LATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Slid down bannister which changed into razor blade Also available - used editors. after reading this issue of the Reamer. For information, contact QUOTE: "What do you mean, your key won't hAutheintico There are more than a Herrick, Smith, Donald, Farley thousand ways to tseleta freshman class at MIT, and Ketchurm, or the Middlesex open the office door anymore?" but few have that "liberal patina." The standards County Superior Court. we set down in 1968 have changed - we don't PROFILE: Gutsy. Rotund. Good with numbers. buy any more unusual types that tend to go For information, Contact the Can add and subtract at the same time, with one sour. Into each class go only the finest gnurds Daily Reamer 3-1541, andd ask from the Midwest, the industrial middle Atlantic, hand. Just one of the fellows. and Mlddle America. A non-profit organization -- for Paul. EDUCATION: Bevar's"Liberal Patina" open 24 hours. BUevar s never chages I-- 3 q------IJb -- ~ --- · L-·M-··- ---m -~-,--·- ·-^~···--·r---- · I~~l PAGE 4, MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1973 THE DAILY REAMER Roth vtos advanced Pchinese curling credi By Fred Rabbithouse Fencing 1, I MIT Sports Czar Smith Roth To obtain advanced credit in today promulgated a set of ad- Fencing, the student must vanced placement, tests, by demonstrate to the Instructor's which students may receive satisfaction one of the following physical education credit for three activities: skills already developed. 1) Knowledge and demonstra- After beating off crowds of tion of the guards and related reporters all morning, Roth told motions of guard of fifth, cir- the Daily Reamer that there was cular parries of the fourth and no truth to the allegation that sixth positions, and playing with advanced credit would be al- pointed objects. lowed for Clinese Curling. He 2) Knowledge of the three stated that equivalent tests strengths of the blade (hard, would be available in swimming, -soft, flaccid). judo, gymnastics, fencing, and 3) Knowledge and demonstra- Captain of the USA team, Luigi Padini, prepares for a grueling first round in the Chinese Curling tourney skiing. tion of the ability to dismantle the chain link fence around Swimming Briggs Field. In order to obtain advanced Skiing credit for swimming, students To obtain advanced credit in 'Kng isu hines Cu ling must pass at least one of the the area of skiing, the student following three tests: By Chung King "The game is seldom scored of hands, lagging of interest, muLst demonstrate to the satis- accurately by the participants, 1) with a partner, traverse an faction of the instructor using Kung Fu has been introduced icing the puck, goal tending, and 8x10 room filled with Wesson who tend to be immersed in the petition, large groups with signs, to MIT as a result of President transmittal of social diseases. oil to a game itself. The referee's sole depth of five inches. idle threats or small hand Nixon's recent overtures to Red "Bonus points are occas- 2) float on your back the China. function is to award points and sionally awarded for excessively weapons, one of the following assess penalties, without looking. length of the alumni pool with a two abilities: The sport, also known as Chi- meritorious play, including a partner sitting on your chest. nese Curling is expected to gain Scoring is achieved by penet- double-header, coming from 1) Break your right leg on a rating the opponent's defenses. 3) tread water for two ski run (downhill only). wide popularity throughout the behind, too much time in minutes with your hands tied to Penalties are assessed for such 2) Using only one protective US and eventually, say its or- undesirable actions as illegal use huddle, and quick turnaround." your ankles. device score with 20 ski bunnies ganizers, Olympic status. I The tests may be taken 7 pm in a single weekend at your The originators of this fast- Informed sources close to this reporter disclosed late to 2 am, Friday through Sunday. favorite lodge. rising indoor participant sport, yesterday that Richard M. Nixon is an almost On occasion, credit may be ar- Gynmastics Pslam Van Dong and Hung Far ranged with the Instructor for Lo were at MIT last week to sure-thing to capture a second term in the '72 To advance obtained credit election, finishing ahead of Democratic Contender exhibition of other water-based without doing gymnastics the explain the rules, and oversee skills. instructor must complete, to the the first national championships. Sen. Hubert Humphrey and Progressive Party Jude satisfaction of his partner at In an exclusive interview with standard-bealrer Henry Wallace... To obtain advanced credit in least one of the following tech- the Daily Reamer at Logan Air- November 1O, ] 9 72, from Washington port, the pair. and her husband the Judo area, the student must niques: explained the new sport. This is the way Peckar Petarsky writes. demonstrate to the Instructor's 1) Rub your stomach and pat Peckr Petersky writes for The Daily Reamer your chest simultaneously while - "The object of the game is to satisfaction proficiency in one of LL. i the following five techniques: standing on your head in a score as often as possible. In a two-way tournament each or- 1) Te Wazzoo: hand tech- bucket of lukewarm water for niques two minutes. ganization fields three people of at least two sexes, Initial contact 2) Kosher Wazzoo: tech- 2) Do handsprings around the niques involving no pork perimeter of Briggs Field. -between the two teams takes 3) Achoo Wazzoo: nose tech- 3) Perform a straddle dis- place during a twenty minute niques mount without damage to either warm-up period prior to the 4) Bi tami Wazoo: leg tech- party. actual match. niques 4) On the vaulting horse per- "The match takes place in an 5) Hopo No Wazzoo-shi: 8 form either the straddle vault or 8x1O room witlh a iinoleumn floor forms of imbalance the squad vault. filled to a depth of five inches with Wesson Oil, kept at a tem- perature of at least 85 degrees. "The players enter the room at the sound of the dong. No spectators are allowed except Sperm Bank Life Insurance the referee or "'oyeur" as he is known in the original French. Closed circuit TV and two way You do the spendin mirrors have,'recently been in- stalled for .'he stimulation of We -do the saving. spectator interest. According to the 1983 Bayview Terrace --- I Insurance Department Shopper's Guide to Fertility Insurance, " It pays to pull for ferti Iity insurance. Costs may vary over a million percent." Free Movie When you yank off for fertility insurance, you're doing the wise thing. Chances are, you'll For further details, wind off buying Sperm Bank Fertility Insurance. cal extension 3-3791 Ask about our night deposit box and our rubber Czechs, the bouncing Czchzykch Family. No more keeping it in an old sock, or under your MANNED F LIGHT -- MIT contestant is launched foro Dropper Labs mattress. After all, you do the spending! entry in the 1973 National Quadraped Shitkicker Finals, held yesterday t -- I I '-`- - i -- -- - --- Charles Stick Dropper Laboratories (formerly MIT Instrumnnentation Lab) 77 Massachusetts Avenraue DeSG a new wvay to spend money. Cambridge, IlA 02139 (617)258-1000 (if busy, 253-1000) (An Equal OpportunityDeployer) We're moving Now that divestment is imminent, we at price (and you know how little it takes to to this the C.S. Dropper Labs can convert our double the price on a cost plus contract).- from this attention to include the kinds of guidance Implanted at matriculation in a special work which we have been aiming at for flash process which uses the same strobe years. Free of the over-eager restrictions of a light as a Polaroid ID-2 system, the SGS l- vigilant universlty faculty, but with con- enables either the university or federal ad- tinuing proximity and the appropriate ministration to issue direct orders on general library priveleges, we can now turn from behavior to treated students. Such com- inertial guidance to internal guidance. mands as "don't protest," "Ignore the war," Using technology developed for the and "go to class," have already been tested Apollo program, including micro-miniaturi- at a major technological Institution in zation, temperature stable environments, Cambridge. (details available on written and direct phone links to the White House. request) we have developed an exciting, new, in- For further information on the SGS, novative package of behavorial technology contact any member of the MIT Educational called'the Student Guidance System (SGS). Council and ask for the Dropper Labs. After No vibrating string gravimeters here. At a divestment on July 1, 1973, contact any A mereApoilo Two Crack D-Lab technicians, operatingthe-SGS " cost only l/5th that of the entire Apollo member of the MIT Educational Council and from the Olda' Days control panel They could be workingsfoi YOU! L program tIe SGS is a bartgain at twice the ask for Chuck. lt------·I------IIII -U-YLYUUII -· ·--··------· - I -- - C ----- ICl U I- ---·------J· a c : rr5( 'P:-a·- :: :::b·' :li-· :,\ I Cjr. J.I*2L.*"s2 "':r;:: ···x ' .· ·' :Ji ·: : r':,··· :··`' :i · . i ` ,rl ?·, *_- "'. i.· · w, .. '···.:·``' '' :'· .i. .. ·i: a· :· .:· ... ;··.; '"':·' ·· '" ` ·: r· :·5;:`· Zt\ '~'" d" "' '··

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___Y_____ I_ _· I ·_ __ __ Dong Acc-epts PoitiCal Sci eLnceAppBoinmenBt

Slam Van Dong, Assistant delivered at MIT this spring, with perialisite political philosophy and Mr. Dong's acceptance. He also intentions and willingness to help Negotiator for North Viet-Nam in dates to be announced in the research and development of expressed hope thit the lecture in the rebuilding of the North." the recently concluded Paris future. weapons that have killed and in- series would contribute to the Mr. Dong, a member of the Peace talks, has accepted an jured hundreds of thousands of my "new era of reconciliation" bet- faculty at the University of Hanoi appointment as Arnold Findel Mr. Dong, in accepting the ward people, has finally assumed its ween North Viet-Nam and the and assistant to Le Duc Tho in the Lecturer in International Politics in a personal communication to burden of guilt and agreed to a United States. recent negotiations, went on to say from the MIT Political Science President Jerome Weisner. ex- comprehensive program of "We would certainly hope that that he felt the lectures would Department. The award involves a pressed pleasure "that MIT, reindoctrination." Mr. Dong also this unique opportunity for "result in a final confrontation of series of five lectures to be formerly a center of both im- asked that the $5000 monetary discussion of issues both past and our unbowed people with the heart award be converted to medical future will benefit everyone in- of the disease of imperialistic, supplies to be delivered to North volved. I expect that we of the MIT militaristic,. technocratic Vietnam. community can well profit from America, representative of the .eT.ko NaCmeCs :Vesn er In a special press conference Mr. Dong's point of view, and that final victory of the common man Monday, President Weisner an- he, also, will carry back to his over these evils of your in- nounced the appointment and read homeland some sense of our good stitution." 283gJ· 8a~cSC d,~·;$o Obituaries (Continued'From Page 1) discuss the possibility of Wiesner if I- would accept the post of his becoming Science Advisor. Special Assistant for Science. He Wiesner told the press con- Kresge Auditoriurn spoke of a 'reconciliation' between ference that "after working with the executive branch and the Paul Gray for several years, I , aged 14, fatal peritoneal roof hemmorage. masterpiece. However, it suffered academic community." have the utmost personal con- famed MIT building, died Architects attributed the death to a stormy life, with much con- The President's selection of Dr. fidence in his ability to run MIT. yesterday morning. It will be best exposure complicated by lead troversy over its acoustics. History Wiesner lacked the drama of Senior officers of the Institute have remembered for its fine acoustics poisoning and loosening of the will remember it as a true in- President Kennedy's 1960 selec- heavy and unusual respon- and aesthetic beauty. cables. Friends reported that novation in building design, being tion, when he personally visited sibilities, but they will continue to Kresge had been complaining of a both round and triangular Wiesner's home in Watertown to be shared and delegated." He "No curtains, no wings, no "sinking feeling" on and off for simultaneously. I noted that some of the operational props, but we'll miss it," said several years. Chairman Howard W. Johnson TECH TALK and budgetary duties currently Joseph D. Everington, Professor of Boston specialists were called in said of the death, "Kresge will long Volume 17, Number 30 performed by the Chancellor Humanities and Director of by the MIT medical department, be remembered as a building for February 5, 1973 would now be performed by Vice- Drania. Other members of the MIT but to no avail. The graceful its time." President Constantine Simonides. community spoke of Kresge's structure was pronounced dead by Services will be held in the MIT "tragic death at a young age." Science advisor-designate members of the Architecture chapel if it is still standing. Kresge Editor Wiesner is a specialist in com- Joanne Miller Kresge was born to Eero Department at 7:49 a.m. is survived by the TWA Terminal munications science and Saarinen and was erected in 1959. When first born, Kresge was at John F. Kennedy International engineering. He was born in May, Shortly afterwards, it suffered a acclaimed as an architectural Airport and the MIT Chapel. Staff 1915 in Detroit. He received B.S., Ellen Burbank M.S., and Ph.D. degrees in elec- Robert M. Byers trical engineering from the Peter M. Close University of Michigan. Starting in Linda Omohundro 1945, he has been an assistant, Peter Spackman associate, full and Institute William T. Struble Professor of Electrical Engineering. He has also been l'-I-.amfmW director of RLE, head of the EE Business Manager department, Dean of Science, Paul E. Johnson Provost, and most recently, President. Paul Gray will serve as acting president pending his applroval as had nothing to do with this week's issue of President by the MIT Corporation Tech Talk. at its spring meeting. Dr. Gray is Tech Talk is published 50 times a year by the Institute Information Services, Massa- an authority on semiconductor chusetts Institute of Technology, 77 Massa- electronics and circuit theory. He chusetts Avenue, Cambridge, Mass. 02139, and once a year by the staff of The Daily was born in February, 1932, in Reamer. It is distributed free to all members Newark New Jersey. He received ot the MIT community. Additional copies are available in 'the Information Center S.B,, S.M. and Sc.D. degrees in (Room 7-1 11) or in the News Office (Room electrical engineering from MIT. 7-107). Large numbers of additional copies should be requested two weeks before the Starting in 1957, he has been an issue date. assistant, associate and full Mail subscriptions are $5 per year. Checks should be made payable to Joanne professor of Electrical Miller, and mailed to Apt. 5 Dover House, Engineering. He has also been North Reading, Mass. Please address all news and comment to Associate Dean for Student Af- the editorial office, Room 7-107, Ext. fairs, Assistant and Associate 3-1300. Provost, Class of 1922 Professor, Dean of the School of Engineering, I and most recently, Chancellor. Falling to her knees in a puddle of ice in reverence for the dead hero, the camera caught this photo.

Tech Talk, February 5, 1973, Page 3 ''

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ForI Sale,tc.tVehicles

Duck w/Broken Leg. Call R. Bishop '45 VW, 2 dr hrdtp, 23,000 miles. Gd Free things, must give away as mvng, X3-6181 cond, Hermann X3-1'776. great protection for the house, will eat anything, Sal X3-4707. Overcoats, used only once last term. '65 Victory w/light at end of tunne Call LSC, X3-3791. $137 billion or best offer. Call M Tiger kittens, 4 playrfut, healthy, great Westmoreland, X8-3851 Draper.. w/child, avail NOW. X3-9714.

Used '69 condom, only on weekend Satin goats, lively and curious, mo. old, '69 Mark XXVII-B ShitKicker, int hlas needs lube job & body work, pisto free to gd blws X3-797-2. 1141T Nficials Read slight smell of CS gas. One flat fooot, rings, $.69 or best offer. Call Ranse slight defect in. rim. Draper Laab X3-2358. Small rabid dog, affectionate, house X8-2475. Ask for Chuck.. broken. Cheap. Storm Dorm 0-597. er- '69 BSA 650 "Shitfire" Simplex gear, Snow Bird snowblower, 2 stage, oar Silky terrier to mate w/my Poet' of.TJ-res 1 mag wheels, zip-gun action clutch. Als Want F hauled, gd, $60; snows, 6.75x1.3, JWM. Bob, X3-2701. mtd on rim, Hardly Matters X3-200)0. doubles as pneumatic oil gun. E. Ride X3-8142. Octopus, cuddly, wht & brwn, hsbrkn -Constantine Roses are red AC/D)C, John Wynne, Tektronix scope, SM 039157, w/papers. $8 Call George 562-1034. Violets are blue $1300, $10/night rent. Franik, '70 Honda 750 "Steam Shovel Simonides, and James Culliton, all X3-4000. Chrome pipes, four speed compressor members of the MIT Ad- Be gone in I minute 8-barrel carb. Kickstand. 5 gallons c ministration, will hold a poetry Or we'll arrest you. Bronto, tyrn rex, steg eggs, raise in Blue Streak 10-20-90 high smoke o reading in the 24 Hoiur Cof- All members of the community your home for fun and profit, Jertry included. H. Angel X3-9040. - will be admitted to the reading free X3-2501. Wanted feehouse, Thursday evening at 8 '70 Yamaha "Whiz-Bang" two stroke p.m. of charge. There will be a critique Alto & Tenor Sex, exc play conid. Runs on gas + pizza oil or Vitalis. Ta Used prophylactics for recycling. The trio originally introduced afterwards in the hall of building X3-1234. pipes keep flying insects away. Contact Fred Gross, Dorm 8-358. 20. Leathers X3-8071. their distinctive choral reading Pns, secnd. hnd. X3-8000 Dormitory, new, call Ken X3-3 181 . style last spring, during what Mr. '71 Yamaha 250 "Ring a Ding" Als Simonides refered to as "the time Gibson Electric guitar, nds repair, shoDrt sews Zig-Zag & buttons. E. How Jill St. John or best offer,. call Henry of troubles." Thosands of students in amp, cheap from former owner's X3-9123. K, Washington. gathered on the steps of the Her- estate. Dorm XO-803. '72 American "Running Dog" Con Exec position, prestige univ, 1w pay, mann building last spring to hear Panasonic tape deck, 200 wts, twin 6"6 plete with sniperproof windshield high respect. Security a must. Dan Mr. Wynne's favorite free form stereo spkrs, still attchd to Nip shiip. recessed grenade launcher - conve Nyhart X3-1 582. poem: John, X3-2474 tible into a headlight. Runs on big octane B-52 fuel. Call 202-456-141' Back issues of Nat. Geo. "hot" ones A team of investigators from the One used '67 RCA pornograph, thrree Ask for Dick. only, please. Dorm 9-870. all of you Department of Labor have speed, automatic changer, fully elhec- here released furrther results of their tric, practically new; best offer, call '52 Valiant, fully upholstered, bucke One stud snow, 7.0x13.5, for lonely recent inspection of campus X3-2358. auto, coed nds repair, give-away to firn fernm radial, call X34665. are trespassing, call, Hugh, Dorm X8-604. leave in five buildings for compliance with Exec pos w/large growing firm. Exper minutes. regulations of the federal; Oc- Roto-rooter, good for what ails yc 1u'61 ICBM Minuteman, 1, slightly use! - patronage appointments incl. Veep under cupational Safety and Health Act must sell, best offer. Uncle Sam X for edu inst. Gus, X3-5911. or you will be X3-9271. arrest ... (OSHA). Tricky Dick, 202-4 56-1414. The 1970 legislation gives the Used coffin, wh pine,. custom skIe- Ride to Paris, will drive and share boards, chrome handles, 61l/2" lorng. '65 Elevators, 2, slw but unreliabl( expenses, leave 2/25, return 2/27. Call To preserve the original am- Secretary :of Labor broad powers Air cond, w/chrome luggage rat:k. Call Stratton X3-8947. Dick, X3-6776. bience under which the poetry was in enforcing safety standards, Harry, X3-9840. three ad- based ·on the results of a com- '6-9 battleship gray van, red letterin composed, the Skinner box for infant expected in late ministrators have eschewed the pliance review. Such a review was Pr LR nL, 195tg; Id cond, w/sht btt n. Looks impressive, but couldn't catch Feb. We are poor. Carola, X3-6776. gd TRGs & AC/DC pwr. Alxnidr paraplegic armadillo. Mny access. Jin usual-public address system: all recently completed at MIT. Mkwsk X8-1171 Draper. Dorm 0-100. Warm fleshy bodies to be bent, folded the works will be read through the As a result of the review, all MIT '72 Linc Cont, cherry cond. $400 C and mutilated in bldg. 7. Call Solomon, traditional bull horn. buildings and dormitories have Twn & Cntry studded, 2, 1.50x6 wbhn best offer. Ernie,. X3-5209. NY. Mr. Culliton picked a sen- been condemned, and will have to infl, free if reasonable, sing or pr. Bob The & Ed, X3-6969. timental favorite for Tech Talk be abandoned by April 1, 1973. which will be read publicly for the Institute has been requested to fix Housing Miscellaneous com- Infitble ski bts, gd cond but 1 vallye first time this -week. It was the violations in a reasonable tim'e, posed during this fall's according to Vice-President for stuck & ft insd. Must sell due to btt op 400K sq. ft. space in Camb, used fc frac, X3-4485. disciplinary hearings. Operations, Phillip Stoddard. res.: tabs, will convert to apts or retai Fem, 18, will do anything for money, Wlill negot. Jerry, X3-4665. Prsnl vibrator, $8; leather articles, ch- 10-180. high boots, $12. Used once. CaroIa, Need cash, must sell office space. Be: X3-6776. Nurse wi massage in her home 5 offer. X3-6776. dayslwk. Wl consider all offers near campus. X3-8993. 4 quv sto vir ri tas rhld's w/acc, all Space available in Bldg. El pannellec opt's. Great for Sado/macho - AC/I DC wall to wall cpt, air cond. Call Jerrf RP prties & affrs. I need a rmmate for Ig dbl bed in sml NeW. ' X3-1530 4th flr walk-up. So. Best. Call Elkin, Ii 1 Xerox 914 copier - mint cond w/sort. Suthgate 4 bdr apt to share w/fem Dormn. X8-426. $150 or best ofr. Phil, X3-3332 after 5. rmmte. Lg, furry wolf will huff and puff at Blows & Rims, 2, blncd, H78-155 or your home or his, fem only. Paul, Camb mansion, furn, 2 frpl, 3 B, 5 BR, 547-2863. 8.55x20, used I yr, $20 or spec. deal. Ig LR and party area. Walled garden, Experience, references. Lee, X3-1541. 111 Mem Dr, call Jerry, X3-4665. Subjects wanted for experiment in pain NEW ENGLAND TELEPHONE - Boston, Mass. Call endurance. Good pay, $200/[2hr/wk. Diploma, w/leather case. $20,000. the following Pete Richardson, X3-4791. Contact High Energy Lab. The Field Research Division has suggested topics for possible coilaborationist student projects: (1) Blue Loset and Found WI type technical papers or theses on box detector for fun and profit; (2) for Sloan School students, Small girl, only slightly used. New IBM SelectficComposer system. TECH theory in infinite profit increase. tires. $300 or best offer. Bob X3-5467 X3-1 54 1. Maple Rock Candy, w/teeth $.30. w/!o PHYSICS DEPARTMENT $.30. Sid, X8-3678 Draper. Lost small cuddly salamander on 4th Learn a new tongue: french lessons by floor W-20. 2 mo old, has deep senti- French native, exper teacher, by appt The Associate Department Head has an opening for '73 Zenith Space Command 300, w.arp mental value. PES X3-1541. only. Bridgette X3-2731. students interested in investigating the correlation between 8 capabilities, mod 4, 1.6-30 MCT and. Newtonian mechanics and sleep. 8.01 is a pre-requisite. rd, still ran when last tried- Gd' for Found: Morovian camel, not house- Interested students should apply to A. P. French, Room 6-113, parts, $1.44 or best offer. Capt. Kirk, broken. Mex, bsment of bldg 10. Feb Positions Available Ext. 34801. X3-7979. 2, X3-9809. CAMBRIDGE HOSPITAL, Cambridge, Mass. Women's white figure, skates- Slightly Secretary LXIX many interesting posi- and Gynecology has an opening for used, best offer. Don, Dorm 8-238. The Chief of Obstetrics Animals tions available for aspiring, qualified a student interested in sociology and psychology. Research will to serve Baby carriage, converts to paper shred- young secretarial candidates, be on the psychological effects of abortion on the fetus, and its der with slight modifications, $10. top-level administrator. Will be ,FeSpon- relationship to crime and juvenille delinquency. Tom X8-3851 Draper. Ger Shep pups, trained on rock salt, gd sible for office morale. Personal inter- w/children and clams, Dave dorm view required, black lingerie please. DRAPER LABS X8-764. Sandy, X3-3157. Opportunities are available for Electrical Engineering stu- TECH Dying Club membership, all dents who wish to help develop a "very smart" bomb. The 1/2 price, burial pIts avail. Clam with fright wag, $1O/hr or best privs. Coffins have to be able to destinguish between a factory, "Digger" Dan, X3-9997- offer. Virginia X3-8050. of bomb would Sychophant' IV needed in office 202-456-1414. President and Chancellor to assist in a hospital, and a school. Contact E. Richardson, Free to gd. homes; cute l/2 sphinx,- '2 '67 Sears Kenmore dryer. New paint, every 'day duties. Responsibilities will Midnight Massage Parlor, for researcher and co-opera, dodo, 1/2 Boeing 747; 4M, 3F; Ed lindy's muff, batt, fuel and water pumps, include making appointments, ar- of complete body supurb phys and mental cond. 2 extra X3-3371. tive work in physiology and modes ranging meetings, lectures, films, field per night of work, with benefits for tires, w/stud snows. Norm, X3-7790. baths. Job relaxation. As much as $50 trips and travel, preparing with Fresh- '69 Armored Personnel Carrier. Good requires flexibility, ease in dealing with interested students. Juniors and Seniors preferred, Gray meat ax, used only once on high marking, well tempered w/papers- people,- oral skills, and fluency in men and Sophomores by permission of Prof. Lindy. For more MIT admin official. Paul, X3-1 54 1. MDC markings. $47.50. Greek. information call Ms. Blaise Starr, X3-2701.

Page 4, Tech Talk, February 5, 1973