UK Students Unite in London Over the Cost of a British Education

FREE 25/11/99 Issue no: 973

UK Students unite in London over the cost of a British education PartsUNIO of London will N come to a standstill today (25/11/99) when the much supported National March for Education takes place.

The culmination of several months planning, UK students from across the country will unite in London to stage a march through the capital against issues surround- ing the spiralling cost of education. The Students’ Union at Surrey will com- bine forces with other NUS affiliated unions, as well as the AUT and NATFHE in a protest that will take around 10,000 students through London to raise awareness about tuition fees and poor pay.

Surrey’s campaign is fuelled by a petition of names that has been accumulated over the last few weeks and a union run stall in the lecture theatre concourse during the last week. Several coach- es have been laid on to transport our students to London and it is hoped that the event, which begins in Malet Street, will pass in a peaceful and lawful way. Barefacts will be there to report on the march for next week’s paper. AB

[email protected] News 1-3n Letters &Features 4-6n Barearts 7-14n Notices &Regulars 15-18 n Surrey Pride 19-20 2 25/11/99 Editorial Archer - “Couldn’t be News In Briefmore sorry”: School Could Be Blown Away couldn’t have more to be Classrooms at a Sheffield school are in30mph - defined by weathermen as a danger of being crushed by snow or“strong breeze”. When this happens,sorry about Andy blown away by strong winds. Bradfieldheadteacher Margaret Booth has said Comprehensive School has used porta-she may have to send pupils home to beJeffrey Archer has had the cabins as temporary teaching areas forsafe. The classrooms have already beenConservative whip the past seven years. The wooden boxesevacuated once. 200 children had toremoved and has become are now so dilapidated that they couldseek refuge in the dining hall until windsonly the fourth Tory peer collapse. The situation has become soabated. The area’s Liberal Democratto be expelled from the I began to wonder about a few bad that Bradfield has installed a wind-Council has said that repairs costingparty in this way. William things in the last week. Everyonespeed gauge to warn of winds over£60,000 will begin next year. Hague has referred the - everywhere, seems to have weekend’s revelations to Keren been stressed with exams, the party’s Ethics commit- coursework, barefacts, life, the Non Smokers Fire Up Profits tee for bringing the party universe and everything. Then I into disrepute and has remembered this song andA survey has shown that pubs enjoyedStaffordshire Smoke-Free Alliance,declared the latest scan- decided to share it with you: 7% higher profits after setting up noexamined 10 pubs. It also found that 74%dal “the end of politics for smoking areas. The study carried out byof drinkers approve of the availability ofArcher”. At the weekend So remember...... the Action on Smoking and Health Southnon-smokers sections. Archer withdrew from the running for Mayor of ‘If life seems jolly rotten, London. In four days one There’s something you’ve forgot- L.A.P.D. (TM) of Britain’s longest running Honey ten, and infamous political fig- The Los Angeles Police Department is tolucrative marketing opportunity. In addi- And that’s to laugh and smile and ures has destroyed his register its name and emblems as trade-tion to charging Hollywood to use LAPD dance and sing. career over 12 year old When you’re feeling in themarks. The letters LAPD, their style andmaterial, they also envisage LAPD mer-indiscretions and lies. dumps, the associated police badges will all bechandise such as T-shirts, caps and Don’t be silly chumps. protected by law. All commercial uses ofother memorabilia being sold.When Jeffrey Archer stood them, such as in films, will require aSpokesman Dean Hansell said “I think Just purse your lips and whistle. down from the Mayoral licence and a payment of royalties. LA’ssales on the Internet could be very big," That’s the thing. campaign at the weekend Police Commission sees the idea as a he admitted to asking a Kev For life is quite absurd friend to lie for him in a And death’s the final word. Brits consume 1bn litres of mineral water court case in 1987. The You must always face the curtain friend, Ted Francis, pro- with a bow. According to drinks consultants ZenithJanuary. vided Archer with an alibi Forget about your sin. International, Britons have collectively for a particular night. Give the audience a grin. consumed over 1 billion litres of mineralPredictions have been made that overFrancis has claimed that Enjoy it. It’s your last chance,water this year, an estimated fifth higherthe Christmas and New Year period,he covered for Archer anyhow. than in 1998. Statistics collated by Zenithsales of mineral water will increase tobecause he thought that state that Evian, Highland Spring andhelp revellers seek relief from hangovers.the dinner date Archer Jenni Life’s a piece of shit, Wells Soft Drinks are expected to sellStill water is still supposedly the mostattended would jeopardise When you look at it. more than 100m litres each by the end ofpopular with two out of three people pre-his marriage. When the Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke.December with the average person hav-ferring it to sparkling. Now isn't that inter-Daily Star claimed that the It’s true. ing drunk 20 litres of mineral water sinceesting. date was with prostitute You’ll see it’s all a show. Monica Coghlan, Archer Keep ‘em laughing as you go. took the Daily Star to the Just remember that the last High Court in a libel case laugh is on you. that ended in £500,000 And... plus costs being awarded Liz to Archer. In the case Always look on the bright side of Francis provided an alibi life.’ for the evening of the 9th September 1986. (Mr Eric Idle, 1979) Previously, in 1985, Many thanks to those in the know Margaret Thatcher and (especially Andy Gale and the Archer’s wife Mary had eds) and apologies to all those warned Archer not to con- Claire societies and members of UniS tinue to see his ex-secre- staff who have had ‘issues’ with tary and companion the paper in recent weeks. Andrina Colquhoun. It is Please can you all read the dis- believed that the dinner claimer at the bottom of this date was Colquhoun, page, which has been ever pre- hence the need to conceal sent, and a special apology goes from the courts the identity to Turkish Soc, GreenSoc, and of the dinner partner. Hellenic Soc. Barefacts is a Archer, it is thought, was newspaper written and edited by simply trying to protect Lindsey students for students. himself, Andrina and Mary from the press in an Andy Blair attempt to preserve his marriage. In that year too, Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha err hmm it was a dangerous and anyone fancy a spot of lunch? ed

Bare Facts is an editorially independent Bare Facts newspaper, published by the University of © USSU Surrey Students' Union Communications Union House Office. Communications Office

James University Of SurreyThe views expressed within the paper are 1999 Guildford those of individual authors, and do not nec- Printed by essarily represent the views of the Editor, the Deadline for Publication Commercial Surrey Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union or the University of Surrey. Monday 12pm East End Team: GU2 5XH This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or Offset (TU),, distributed, without the express permission Submissions Hannah Jaynes of the publisher. Tel: 01483 259275 preferably on disk or Bow,, Fax: 01483 534749All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. email London, E3 Submission is no guarantee of publication. Orla Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will 3LT email: not be published. Please save as word Cousins Bare Facts reserves the right to edit documents or text files [email protected]. and/or picture format. 25/11/99 3

Company:Heartland (Computing Section) Arrows are out on Archer (from page 2) Job:Websites, Customer Satisfaction Admin & foolish act to disobey a Thatchercomplex cases like this. Insteadin equal quantities to be a democ- Assistant instruction too. civil proceedings of “conspiracy toratic necessity and a slight at theCast:PhilipManager injure” the Daily Star are moreneed for non-patronage peers, JulieCustomer Satisfaction However, Adam Raphael has saidlikely to get to court. (i.e. those who are not grateful to Liz Website Co-ordinator this week “I have evidence about a person or establishment for their whom he was having dinner withThe Daily Star has declared thatplace and therefore have a moreContinued from last weeks Barefacts… that night and it was not Andrina”.“we want our money back - withtrue independence)they are insuf- Raphael is one of two journalistsinterest” and Peter Hill, the editorficient to remove Lord Archer fromWeek 11 that told the High Court thatof the Star, is ready to take Archerthe house, as a point of practise.“… I left on Friday pledging to spend time on the website next Archer had admitted meetingon again demanding in excess ofBut as Michael Ancram, Tory partyweek.” Monica Coghlan. Max Clifford, the£3m to be returned. With over £1mchairman asserts, Archer’s politi- sleaze promoter and gutter presslost on the defunct Mayoral cam-cal career is over as “a realisticWeek 12 exploiter of salacious ‘news’, haspaign and the possibility of moreassessment”. commented that the actual dinnercourt costs and damages to pay, Promises promises! I immediately got cracking on…trying partner is a known name to theArcher now faces financial as wellThe press and commentators willto get done the tasks I have inherited from Lisa! I’ve just public and would shock us allas credible and political ruin. But,follow the scandal - they all love amoved into a new area with the Client Management Team. when revealed. The hype aroundas his Assistant, Stephengood downfall - with close scruti-Fellow Industrial Trainee Lisa used to be here but has the actual events of 12 years agoShakespeare pointed out, “there isny, as sleaze, probity and mediaalso moved desks and had her job altered. I now have to has not yet overshadowed thenever an end for Jeffrey, justrights become dragged into dis-get to grips with several new roles and procedures. political ramifications of Archer’sanother chapter” and Archer wascussion again. In the meantime dismissal though. first declared bankrupt in 1974.Portillo’s by election and the ToryMonday was spent redoing the team’s organisational That sparked his writing career,bid for Mayor of London will havechart. It was a nightmare. I made three versions, each of Irony is playing its part in thewhich several have observed willto carry Archer’s publicity; so hewhich proved to have errors. When someone complained unfolding scandal. Scotland Yardbecome more prominent in hiscan still influence his party regard-about the fourth edition I said I didn’t care anymore and has opened an inquiry into possi-daily life now that he has beenless of the whip removal. “Hegave up! ble perjury and conspiracyreduced to a crossbencher in theknows he has done wrong and he charges against Archer, led byLords. is extremely sorry” but for whatNext I met with Julie, intending to make her tackle a list Detective Superintendent Geoff exactly he is sorry can onlyproblems I gave her last week. The problems are with a Hunt - the man whose investiga-Archer’s ability to remain in thebecome clearer as the story isdatabase I have to use. Inconsistencies with its data tion saw Aitkin put behind bars. ItLords, regardless of whip removalpassed out of Westminster andmake it extremely hard. Instead of taking the problem off is unlikely that a criminal case willhas highlighted the failings of theinto the media’s capability. HBG my hands, Julie took the chance to give me more work! be brought against Archer, thechanges made to the Upper It’s getting absolutely ridiculous. I am working full time for CPS standards of 50% chance ofChamber already this year. Whilst Julie when it is supposed to only be a third of my job. conviction are rarely met in suchthe reforms have been considered Admittedly it’s partly a result of my perfectionism but I think I may need to speak out soon.

The next day my database was refreshed and a new load of errors appeared. I grabbed this chance to fax my list of inconsistencies and complaints to the database adminis- trator. Perhaps now they would be dealt with.

On Wednesday I spent all day at my computer, trying to merge two tasks into one and save time in the future. I succeeded, sort of! The results of my labour were well received but only served to underline my efficiency in an area I am not supposed to be devoted to.

To make matters worse Liz Dawson keeps asking how the website is coming along. I haven’t a chance to do anything for over a week. Even I think this is totally unacceptable, especially considering the project is already year behind schedule.

I had finally had enough when one of the Client Managers, Irene Ewer asked me to do a task for her. I refused point blank and felt great when she had gone!

On Wednesday night I was beginning to panic. The list of “to dos” was getting longer by the day. Every attempt I made to get a job out of the way simply invited another. I work long hours and don’t shirk. I believed my numerous extra-curricular activities at university showed I could handle pressure and time management. Either I’d lost my grip or the situation was way out of control. I felt I was being asked to do two full time jobs. Meanwhile it seemed people were considering what else I could do. A chat with Philip Borders was definitely in order.

A single email on Thursday changed my feelings completely. The administrators of the troublesome database wrote: “Many thanks for your faxes. They were VERY useful in investigating the database. Thanks for your diligent work which really did help us.” I had helped to expose a big problem with the database and my faxes had enabled them to fix it. I felt elated. My efforts had been recognised and had real results. It proved all my laborious cross-checking was worth while makng life easier in the future.

The high I got from this gratification lasted all through Friday. I even managed to snatch a couple of hours to work on the website before I left for the weekend. Yet again I promised myself that I would work on the website next week, but this time I meant it and nothing was going to stop me. In stark contrast to my attitude half way through the week, I sat on the train home feeling proud I had achieved something and that others were thankful for it. 4 25/11/99 Dear Barefacts, would be happy with the dancersDear Barefacts, alone, but speaking on behalf of me I'd just like to say how good 'The bandand my friends, we thought the wholeA complaint from the cot- who Shagged me' were last Sundayband was excellent, but it was atage, Your Letters shame they were not playing to a larg- night (14th). I hardly ever come to the Union on a Sunday night, and evident-er audience and getting the applauseSpotting an article entitled from the counter and me, I got Dear Barefacts, and crowd participation they deserved."25 ways to fail your verbal abuse. ly not many others do either, but although it was a themed AustinPeople may not have heard of 'Theexams" on the cover of I wish to comment on something Band who Shagged me', but it's nice toBarefacts issue 972 this Chancellor's is exactly the samePowers night, they played good music that perhaps affects a number of that was cheesy, but you could dancebe surprised by something you per-week brought a bit of joy to though admittedly you can at students on campus whether to it had you wanted to. I'd like to sug-haps weren't expecting to be thatus after having just sat a least queue without smoke in postgraduate or undergraduate. great. Go on, get them back on arather pants exam. your face. There seems to be nogest that they would be worth getting This issue is smoking. Since the to play on a Friday night - I think theyFriday!! However, upon reading the ventilation except fans, which beginning of the semester I have article a sense of deja vu help in distributing the smoke,would go down really well even if it noticed how unfriendly the Union wasn't a themed night. Most of theThanks fell upon us. We realised which makes Chancellor's the building is to the non-smoker. In blokes in the Union on a Friday nightSarah Coughtrey that 92% of those ways worst location within the Union defence of the Union, the Helyn were either modified or had building. What appears to me to Rose Bar does have a reason- doesn’t get any extra powers. Nothingbeen directly copied from a be the case is that non-smokingDear Barefacts, able non-smoking area but this changes. Well, nothing except: certainweb site. This would have areas do or did exist but no one closes just after lunch. The rest of areas of Guildford now get the dubiousbeen fine but the two from the staff enforces them. I amDid you know that the Queen is going the building at times seems to be pleasure of being dubbed ‘inner city’,authors have tried to pass it asthmatic and therefore moreto bestow city status on one town to one large smoke cloud. Guildford loses the distinction of beingoff as their own work which sensitive to smoke, but I am surecelebrate the millennium, and that a town with a cathedral, and the uni-is a breach of copyright to I am not the only one to noticeGuildford is the bookies’ favourite to I am not asking for smoking to be versity’s efforts in achieving the city-the original creators. The how uncomfortable the breathingget the ‘honour’? Until recently I banned, but at least more areas ship might impress the council suffi-web site where this can be atmosphere in the Union is, eventhought that Guildford was a city, but in which those of us who do not ciently enough for them to allow thefound is http://www.geoci- if you don't have breathing diffi-apparently it’s one of only two or so smoke can enjoy our lunch/cof- university to concrete over Manor towns with a cathedral - a pretty ties.com/CollegePark/Hall/ fee/beer etc. Hari's bar supposed-culties. unique position to be in, if you ask me.Farm in order to build a city-sized uni-2239/humor/college/30exa ly has a non-smoking area but versity. m.html I'd suggest that any I want to stress that I am not ask-But some Guildfordians can’t cope every time I have been there readers who found it amus- ing for smoking to be banned; thiswith this individuality, and so the uni- smokers are everywhere. What I urge all BF readers to join the Comeing would get a bigger kick would be unreasonable; but atversity is brown-nosing the townsfolk really horrified me was as I was On, Let’s keep Guildford A Town, Eh?out of this site since it has least for the Union to rememberby spearheading Guildford’s applica- queuing to buy a coffee and pas- campaign (COLGATE) and write let-the original versions and a us non-smoking students whotion to become a city. try from the coffee bar someone ters to the Queen [politely] suggestinglot more fun! was smoking in front of me drop-would like to enjoy the facilities If the Queen does wave her hand andwhat she can do with her city status. ping ash all over the counter. Thisthe Union has to offer. bestow city status on Guildford, what Yours Faithfully, completely put me off my food Guildford a city? My arse. difference does it make? The answer Buttercup and, when asked if they wouldKatherine is: absolutely nothing! The council mind holding the cigarette away Andy Gale

Above are copies of correspondence between Union President, Ben Davis and Robert Atkins at National Westminster Bank regarding the issue raised at Student Council in late October about the provision of cash point facilities on the Surrey Campus. Please read them and submit any comments regarding the banking facilities on campus to either [email protected] or [email protected]. 25/11/99 5 time to be choosy. I took asuch as grades. panies will offer you 14 daysages you to burn the candle job in a bar where I worked but it is a far cry from theat both ends. People hereAsia is a fascinating place to WORKINGthe night shift (through to 4Two years later, after fiveUK’s generous allowance.strive for material status andwork and I would recom- a.m. on a weekday and 7 ormonths in the UK thinking I’dThis company was Swedishsacrifice leisure time, whichmend it to anyone who is ABROAD 8 a.m. on the weekend).finished Hong Kong, Iso I got an amazing 28 dayscan be disheartening atunsure of what direction to by This gave me time to searchreturned to start working forannual leave, which gavetimes. However people’sgo in. I have friends who for a full time job paying bet-a Management Consultant.me some serious leverageenthusiasm for business ishave worked in Europe and Wendy Faulkner ter money. Although the work was notfor negotiating my currentinfectious and many west-the States, which has been as interesting, the signifi-contract. erners find themselvesinvaluable experience, but if After a week I started work-cantly higher salary enabled developing their own busi-you really want the edge ing for a local company thatme to start viewing positionsIn May this year, I startednesses. Before the han-over other graduates in the Looking back I’m not sure was setting up an overseasin a brand new salary brack-working for Asia’s oldest anddover it was easy just toever increasingly competi- how I got myself on the education unit promotinget. Hong Kong employerslargest law firm, marketingwalk in and start working,tive market then destina- plane on 4th December British Schools. Fortunatelyrarely tell you how much youprofessional services. Thebut now you need a visa totions further afield will 1995 to go to a place I had I got this job with a two pagewill be paid; it is up to you todownside is that being awork and you need a jobalways catch an interview- never seen before. Even CV but generally a one pagetell them how much you areHong Kong firm this meansbefore you can get a visa.er’s eye as I saw for myself now I still question whatever CV is the norm in Hongworth. Salary is quotedworking Saturday morningsThere are sectors where thison my brief return to the possessed me to take 15Kg Kong. People don’t havemonthly rather than annual-(standard for most localis not a big hurdle as theyLondon job scene a few and #1000 and see if my time to read through all thely. companies). Foreign com-are crying out for importedyears ago. luck was in. Everyone said details and quite frankly are panies tend to offer a five-labour (in particular civil and still says today that not really interested in yourIn some case you also nego-day week, which is a bigengineering and EnglishWendy Faulkner Hong Kong is all about con- extra-curricular activities.tiate annual leave, which isperk for most Asians. teachers). Alternatively, nections for some of the They want to see experi-seven days by law but China, Japan, Thailand, best jobs, but after spending ence and qualifications.increases with years in ser-Hong Kong is a very expen-Taiwan and Vietnam also half of my money on secur- Details are kept to a mini-vice for one company.sive place to live and thehave opportunities for those ing a flat share, there was no mum, which includes detailsHowever most decent com-strong work ethic encour-willing to investigate. Recycling FOX HUNTING - THE FACTS Yes, it's that weekend feel-domestic waste is recy-Fox hunting is a traditional rural pur-foxes, 10-24% die each year fromthe season's hunts. ing again - vegged out withclable, this should not besuit, responsible for the deaths ofother causes such as disease and poor a copy of Barefacts, a beerhard to achieve if everyone12,000-15,000 foxes each year. Dogsfarming. Improved husbandry wouldSo what is being done about it? bottle, and that old faithfuldoes his or her bit (howare used to find and chase a fox whilesafeguard animals and poultry, and if aThe government is currently working to beans-on-toast dish. Shortlyabout some team recyclingtwo groups of horse riders followfox really is causing a problem, aput a Bill through parliament to ban all (or not!) you will clear upwithin Halls...?) behind. The head-huntsman and hismarksman is a far more accurate andhunting with dogs - fox and stag hunts, and get on with the day. SoThe importance of recyclingwhippers-in lead the party, while thehumane way to kill any animal. as well as hare coursing. This may what on is highlighted by the prob-main hunt, who would rarely even see* Hunting is a traditional social event - take as long as 18 months due to lems of landfill - loss of land-the kill, follow behind. The fox may beJust because it has always been doneopposition from the House of Lords (a Earth am I getting at, youscape, chemical seepagechased as far as 15 miles before it isdoesn't mean it is right! Hunts alsosignificant majority being hereditary may ask! into the soil, release ofexhausted and out-run by the dogs. Itshave the option to convert to drag hunt-peers). The majority of the general Point is, chances are yougasses and odours into thedeath is a slow and painful one as theing (following a scented trail) whichpopulation - rural and urban - are will have dumped youratmosphere, and a generalfox is bitten and torn apart. preserves the cultural and 'entertain-against hunting. In response to this, empty bottle, tin and news-lack of available space as ment' value of hunting without the suf-some major hunts have switched to paper in the already over-existing landfill sitesIn addition, to ensure that there isferance. drag hunting (e.g. the New Forest flowing rubbish bin, con-become full. In addition,always a trail for the hunt to follow, ter-* 16,000 jobs will be lost - Hunt), and notable property owners tributing to the average 1/2Surrey alone is subject toriermen (often actually 'employed' byTotally unrealistic according to recenthave banned hunting on their land (e.g. tonne of waste generatedlandfill taxes of £5the hunt) go out in advance with a dogresearch by Newcastle University.the National Trust). by every person in Surreymillion/year - a figure set toand manually catch and disable a fox.For this many jobs to be lost, all the each year. rise in the future. They do this by slitting the animal'sstables and kennels up and down theAnd how can you show your support paws or causing other cruel injuries tocountry would have to be closed!and help get hunting made illegal? Yet all three of the aboveBy recycling, not only do wehinder the fox when it runs. Their holesClearly this is not going to happen as* Write to Tony Blair expressing your items are recyclable withreduce the volume of wasteand badger setts are also blocked tomany horses are kept for a variety ofviews and urging him to take immedi- only a minimum effort oninto landfill sites, but saveprevent them escaping underground.reasons (show-jumping, point-to-pointate action to have hunting banned. your behalf. There are recy-energy and resources by re-Young foxes are found and killed as aetc.) and in any case many hunts will* Join the League Against Cruel Sports cling bins for paper, glass,using them. means of training young hounds at theprobably continue to drag hunt. who are actively involved in anti-hunt- foil and cans in the park- beginning of the hunting season.* Loss of revenue to rural areas - ing campaigns. and- ride car park by theSo next time you are aboutKnown as 'cubhunting', this involvesHunting brings a comparatively small* Ask farmers to insist that the hunt do Health Centre edge of cam-to bin that empty bottle orfirst closing in and catching the adultincome to rural areas in terms of pubsnot cross their land. Hunts do not have pus, and a can bank rightcan, why not keep themfoxes (who will not leave their young),and services so there would be little orany right to be on privately -owned land outside our own union!separately and go on athen sending in the young dogs tono effect on wealth resulting from stop-without prior consent from the Currently Surrey only recy-'Recycling Mission'. It does-chew over the cubs. Even hunters can'tping the hunt. landowner, otherwise they are tres- cles 10% of its waste, butn't take much effort, butseem to justify this one, which is why* Many hunting dogs will be slaugh-passing. new proposals by Surreyseeing the amount of wastecubhunts generally take place in thetered - * Keep an eye open for, and support Waste Management Ltd.produced from each KUB,early hours of the morning, with just aThis is up to the individual. Hunterslocal anti-hunting events. aim to increase this figure toas a student population wesmall, elite group of hunters. currently kill their dogs when they * Spread the word that hunting is a 25% by the year 2005.could make a significant dif- reach 5 or 6 years old. There is nosavage and unjustifiable pursuit, and Since a high proportion ofference! In a nutshell, hunting is totally barbariccivilised reason why these or any oth-totally unacceptable in a civilised soci- and must be stopped. ers should be killed. Dogs are also stillety. used for drag hunts. Hunt supporters have put a number of* The fox population will increase - This article follows an interesting arguments forward as to why huntingHunts actually have little effect on Greensoc presentation on fox hunting should be allowed to continue.the fox population since they takegiven by a Labour MP. Greensoc However, as yet not one has been amainly adult males. In addition, foxesmeets each Tuesday at 6:30pm in LT J. satisfactory reason: are often bred by the hunt to ensureIf you are interested in the environ- * Foxes are pests to farmers - that there are enough young foxesment, conservation or any other While 1/200 lambs may be taken byboth for cubhunting and for the rest of'Green' issues, please come along!

If you have moved to Guildford this autumn you shouldAccommodation Office for those at Hazel Farm and Gill ensure that you are registered to vote in local and nationalAvenue) at the end of October. elections. If you live offsite, forms for electoral registration are sent to Students resident in University accommodation on Campus,every address in September and reminders are sent out in Hazel Farm and Gill Avenue on 10th October 1999 will beOctober. You are required by law to complete the forms with included in the return made by the Accommodation Office toall necessary information. Students are entitled to vote at Guildford Borough Council. The Draft Register of Electorshome as well as in Guildford and you are strongly recom- is available at the Council offices and local post offices formended to make sure you are registered in both places. checking at the beginning of December - please check thatNote however, that during a General Election you can only you are included. If you were not resident in Guildford onvote in one place, not both! 10th October you are not eligible to vote in Guildford and you should ensure that you are registered for the address atThe Accommodation Office and Students Union will help but which you were resident on that date. Copies of lists sentit is your responsibility to check that you are included on the by the Accommodation Office to the Council will be avail-Register of Electors. able for checking in Court Receptions (or the 6 25/11/99

Welcome to what we hope will be a regular feature for Bare Facts. This is your chance to tell the studentsMediterranean Society Oscar Film Unit what your society is doing - you mayContact:[email protected] the continents. However, these areMeeting: 6pm, Tuesdays,have got fresh ideas for next think that no-one is interested, but [email protected] meant to represent the strong point ofLecture Theatre H season's films, we want to hear you would be wrong. There are exchange between the students of theContact: [email protected] from you. Finally, we have dug loads of students who didn’t take theLooking for members! University of Surrey who want to join out a load of film shot by OFU chance to get involved at Freshers’The Mediterranean Society was newlythe Med. Society, and we hope thatBolex! members in the 60's and 70's, Fayre, so here’s your secondcreated this year and had its first AGMyou will be one of them! ContactingWe have got quite a few inter-including Rag Week 1967 and chance to entice them into your sor-on Tuesday week 11. As the namethe President of the society (on the e-esting projects on the go at OFU1969, footage of campus as a did activities! Also, if you are inter-suggests, the Mediterranean Societymail above), or leave any commentsat the moment. Firstly, by thebuilding site, and a few features ested in starting a new society, thenbrings together many countries fromon the Med. Society pigeon hole at thetime you read this we will havelike Enter The Newt (a spoof of why not advertise for like-mindedaround the Mediterranean Sea, that isUnion. Members could either be relat-ordered a Bolex 16mm cameraBruce Lee's Enter The Dragon) souls here? Put your society write-South Europe, North Africa, and theed to the Mediterranean Sea geo-for us to make our own moviesand The OFU Sex Film. If you ups in the Bare Facts mail box, orMiddle East. As well as thegraphically or by interest. So, if youand animations. It takes real filmare interested in any of this stuff email them toMediterranean Sea, thewant to know more about the culture(not video tape) and we hope toor want to learn to project or [email protected]. Mediterranean countries have a lot in(or need to get help on your languageshow you some of our earlysteward our films (you get to see If you want to know more about anycommon: culture, history, culinaryskills!) then get involved - it’s yourattempts at our Sunday films.the films for free if you do!) then of the societies featured here, emailskills and even the weather! There aresociety. Our second project is bookingwe want to hear from you! them or leave a note in their pigeon-also many differences such as the lan-Sabrina Benmokhtar next semester's films... always aAndy hole in the Students’ Union. guage, religion, nationality as well as challenging task, but fun. If you 6) Growth hormones are injected into cows to increase weight gain and milk production Postgraduate Association Green Soc- their swollen udders may drag on the ground and animals suffer pain and strainMeeting: 6pm, some changes to the way this Should it, for example,place is run. Meeting: 6.30pm, Tuesdays, Lecture in their limbs which are not able to supportWednesdays (ask!), copy the increasingly pop-Of course, in between Theatre K their extra body weight. Wates House 7) Cows only produce milk if they have a ular model of having asaving the universe as we Contact: postgraduate affairs sab-know it, there are some Chicken, Cheese or Chick Peas? calf each year. They are milked for 10 batical, particularly as thelight-hearted moments. 10 Facts You Probably Didn't Want Tomonths after giving birth and 6-8 weeks [email protected] University becomes moreFor example, organising Know About The Meat and Dairy Industryafter being 'dried out' will give birth again - Does the Union supportand more research-domi-the first post-millennial (Following a talk made by a local memberfor 6 or 7 months each year the cow is nated? chill at the university. A of the Vegan Society) :- being milked whilst pregnant. postgrads? Masquerade Cocktails 1) 90% of animals are not even effectively8) Battery hens are kept in sheds with 5 As some of you may know,evening is the planned stunned before they are slaughtered - theybirds per 46cm x 51cm cage. Many birdsSo, is it right that the University can chargethis year’s newevent, and, for those who know what is about to happen and knowbecome deformed as they are malnour- continuation fees to thosePostgraduate Associationare sick to death if, the when it happens to them. ished and unable to move - many eggs are committee was elected onword m******ium will be 2) Cattle actually bleed to death - theirlaid beside the bodies of dead and dis-who don’t finish their degree on time? Do youOctober 27, and these arebanned on pain of death. hearts must still be beating to ensure theeased cage-mates. just some of the questionsDetails have still to be blood is drained from the animal. 9) Half of the birds produced as egg layersthink it is fair that nearly forty percent of the stu-with which it is faced.finalised, but if anyone 3) After having their throats slit, pigs andare male, useless for egg production - day dent body (the postgrads)Obviously, there are nowants to help out or offer sheep are immersed in boiling water - theseold chicks are killed by crushing, mincing easy answers to any ofany brainwaves that animals may often still be alive. decapitation and decompression. are effectively barred from standing for election tothem, but, as ever, anyhaven’t already been 4) Automated poultry slaughter means10) Eggs labelled as Four Grain, Farm suggestions and opinionsnicked by Joe 90, let us many birds hung live from a shackle lineFresh and County Grain are still batterysabbatical posts due to the start dates? are welcome. If youknow. are ineffectively stunned then have theirproduced eggs. Barn eggs are produced in would like to have your throats cut at a specific height - small andlayers of sludge in crowded sheds, and say, why not becomeMark Pullinger larger birds are sliced through the head oreven so called Free Range chickens rarelyShould the plans for the new Manor Farm campusinvolved with the associa- chest and again die in scalding tanks. venture outside their sheds for fear of tion that the Union loves 5) Veal crates used to produce young andattack and mutilation by other hens. include having its own postgraduate bar, as soto hate. It’s the surest tender meat are just 24 inches wide. TheHumans do not NEED to eat meat, dairy or many Unions now have?way of gaining yourself as calves are unable to turn around and areany animal derived foods. There are plenty a reputation as a trouble- denied roughage - when they are taken forof healthy and equally nutritious vegetarianShould the Students’ Union be doing more tomaker, and you might slaughter after 16 weeks many are unableand vegan alternatives. even be able to work mira- to stand and are suffering from stomachCan you really stomach all this? encourage postgraduate participation? cles and effect some ulcers and abscesses. Emma

8News 25th November 1999

who is the star attraction of theand said:'These symbolise whatChristmas show at The Point inhas happened to them and the News band. it's like being in a band.' However itDublin on Wednesday 29thmusic is one way of expressing was soon pointed out by guitaristDecember. themselves. However, there are Scott Kannberg that he actually still complaints about the tasteful- It has been rumor recently that dur-meant that it was like playing in ness of some of the bands lyrics, From the rumor mill it is reporteding Pavement’s London show theEngland and it doesn’t mean thatAfter several scathing attacks onso it looks like Fred will be continu- that TLC are on the verge of split-band decided to split. The rumorsthe band is splitting up. Limp Bizkit style of music and con-ing hitting back. first started when vocalist Stephen tent, Fred Durst has hit back at his ting up. Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes has Kevin Marston supposedly challenged fellowMalkmus pointed to a pair of hand- critics (Marilyn Manson) by saying bandmates to a showdown to seecuffs hanging from his mic standOrbital have announced a specialthat their music represents what

The World Is The beauty of this film is that it continually tempts the viewer with the prospect of action but Not Enough in the most part fails to deliver action. What there is instead is absolutely superb, two actors Greed, revenge, world dominance, at the top of their profession in a film they can be proud of. high-tech terrorism - it’s al in a day’s work for James Bond, who races to defuse an international power struggle The Arts film this week is Gods and Monsters. This was directed by the brilliant Bill Condon with the world’s oil supply hanging in the balance in The World Is Not Enough, and stars the great Sir Ian Mckellan and Jungle 2 Jungle star Brendan Fraser. The film con- the 19th instalment in the longest-run- cerns the acclaimed director James Whale and it ning and most successful film franchise in cinema history. follows his life after his retirement which is dull yet interspersed with a number of events such From the banks of the Nervion River in as a stroke and the appointment of a new gardener (Fraser). James Whale is attracted to this Bilbao, Spain, to a spectacular high- gardener and the two eventually get closer and speed boat chase up London’s River OSCAR FILM UNIT Thames and through the highlands of Scotland, James Bond (pierce Brosnan, in closer, especially after Whale shows his film The Bride of Frankenstein. However, Whales goes his third appearance in the role of the world’s best-known secret agent) barely sur- vives a potential nuclear explosion in a vast oil pipeline in Turkey - all in the nameTHE NEGOTIATOR 28/11 mentally downhill and too far for his partner. of protecting beautiful oil heiress Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) from notorious LTG 8PM This is a funny and riveting biopic of an international terrorist Renard (Robert Carlisle). acclaimed director. This film in many ways mim- icks the Frankenstein story itself. The light With nuclear weapons expert Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) at his side, Bond travels to Azerbaijan, the Caspian Sea and Istanbul. There, a former enemy GODS AND MONSTERS hearted beginning then followed by a tragic and sad ending. The films' ending is in large part (Robbie Coltrane) becomes a formidable ally before the final dramatic showdown 30/11 LTG 8PM speculative because Whales' final few weeks in the claustrophobic confines of a nuclear submarine beneath the surface of the are not common knowledge. Bosphorus Sea. Now the time has come to face the final films. Just like the rest of our films in this superb sea- The World Is Not Enough is an exhilarating adventure that takes all of the com- This film gained a host of awards amounting to son we again have two very great films. Theover twenty in total. Whilst also receiving a num- pelling elements expected of the Bond series and sets them against the back-OFU film is The Negotiator, a fast, tense filled ber of Oscar nominations and Bafta nomina- ground of a contemporary crisis on the cutting edge of today’s news. movie which is an excellent round-up to the sea- tions. End the season on a high and come and son of films. The Arts film is Gods and Monsterswatch this film Clearly, James Bond - Agent 007 - is back. an enjoyable film set in 1957. You've seen the rest now you can see some very good movies Next Season, we are currently compiling next The World Is Not Enough also stars Desmond Llewelyn, who returns as weapons season’s films which will include many excellent and gadget wizard Q, as well as Dame Judi Dench as M and Samantha Bond asThe OFU film has two very good actors, both of Moneypenny. Robbie Coltrane reprises the character of double agent Valentin films from the past year. If you have any ideas whom have been Oscar Nominated. Samuel L.please do not hesitate to tell us, 6pm LTH Zukovsky. The film also features John Cleese (A Fish Called Wanda) as Q’s assis-Jackson was nominated for his role in Pulp tant, Serena Scott Thomas (Diana: Her True Story) as Dr. Holly Warmflash, who Tuesdays. Due to the supply and demand prob- Fiction and Kevin Spacey for his role in L.A.lem of this year I recommend that you purchase ministers to Bond, Maria Grazia Cucinotta (Il Postino) as Cigar Girl and music artistConfidential. a season ticket as soon as you can after Goldie as Bull, Zukovsky’s chauffeur. Christmas, to avoid disappointment. See next week’s Barearts for a review of the new Bond flick The story centres around Danny Roman who is a good hearted cop and a very good negotiator. If you want to see either of these films then put The following was taken from Yahoo! Movies (www.yahoo.com) press release because the However he has been framed for the murder of movie comes out this coming week!! your name on the list in the union post room, his partner and therefore decides to take then come along to the film and give us your hostages in order to prove his innocence. money. Because he is the cops best negotiator it means that they have to use their second best negotia- GIGSTHISWEEK: No Reservation, No Entry. Get it! tor Chris Sabian (Spacey). This is when the film really kicks in because the war of words begins. 25th Nov - 1st Dec 1999 Ben Price One cop though played by David Morse just wants to send in his troops. Thursday 25th: Jools Holland@Royal Albert Hall Foo Fighters @Brixton Academy, London 12) Didn’t I give you everything a woman could possi- bly give? Friday 26th: Steps @ Wembley Arena, London Lyrics Test 13) Sit and drink penny royal tea, distill the life that’s The Damned @ The Forum, London After Strictly Hardcore on a Sunday afternoon, our inside of me The Egg @ University of London, Union thoughts turn to making babies (Mrs. Blair an obvious14) So much for your highbrow Marxist ways, just use inspiration this week) and dysfunctional families. me up, then you walk away Saturday 27th:Henry Rollins @ London School of Economics Many thanks to Kaos AD and Tiger M for their contri-15) He’s making sure his garden grows, he plants a Sparks @ Shepards Bush Empire, London butions this week. seed in every town he goes Fun Lovin’ Criminals @ Brixton Academy, London King Prawn @ The Garage, London 1) I want to take you home, I want to give you chil- Last Week’s answers dren Sunday 28th:The Cranberries :@ Wembley Arena, London 2) I should have left my pants on this time 1) Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff Salaryman @ The Garage, London 3) Papa I know you’ll be upset, cuz I was always your2) Symposium - Answer To Why I Hate You little girl 3) Marylin Manson - Beautiful People Monday 29th:Nine Inch Nails @Brixton Academy 4) Daddy’s little girl ain’t a girl no more 4) RATM - Killing In The Name High Llamas @ Camden Dingwalls 5) She said she’d seen a doctor and nothing now 5) TSOL - I Hate You could stop her 6) Therapy? - Nothing to do Tuesday 30th:Type O Negative @ THe Astoria, London 6) It started with a schoolgirl running home to her 7) Skunk Anansie - Twisted Mam and Dad 8) Inspiral Carpets - This Is How It Feels Wednesday 1st:Basement Jaxx @ The Forum, London 7) When I call her number her mama’s on the line 9) Feeder - High The Mavericks @ Hammersmith Palais, London 8) Where your father had your mother, your mother 10) Verve - Drugs Don’t Work had your brother, it hurt too bad, your father’s mad 11) Offspring - Self Esteem that your mother’s now your lover 12) Hole - Live Through This 9) We are family, I got all my sister’s with me 13) Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings 10) We’ve got no friends, our troubles never end, no14) Manics - Suicide Is Painless Christmas cards to send, Daddy likes men 15) Alanis Morrissette - You Learn 11) Have you witnessed the plague? People making And the week didn’t get any better. babies, sometimes just to escape 9 25th November 1999 Beastie Boys & Lives 9

1985:‘She’s On It/Slow And Low’ 12” is the first DeF Jam/Colombia joint release. ‘Hold It Now, Hit IY and ‘Paul Revere/The New Style’ 12”s follow, as the band sup- ports Madonna on the entire North “If they don’t know American ‘Virgin Tour’ and opens For now....” Run-DMC on the groundbreaking Raising Hell tour. In line with the release of the new Beastie 1986:Licensed To ILL. Perhaps the single Boys album ‘The Sound of Science’, most influential record on our generation’s Barearts thought that we would give you a cultural aesthetic. The First full length brief history, so..... Beastie Boys album, it is also the first Rap album to go to No. 1 Fuelled by singles 1981:Beastie Boys - then consisting of including ‘Fight For Your Right’ and ‘No Adam Yauch (a/k/a MCA) on bass, drum- Sleep Til Brooklyn’, the album sets sales mer Kate Schellenbach (now of Luscious records for its genre, simultaneously Jockson), guitarist John Berry (now and scales the top rungs of the pop and R&B then of Big Fat Love) and Mike Diamond charts, and becomes the fastest selling [cl/k/o Mike D) an the mix - debut at Adam debut in the history of Columbia Records. Yauchs’ 17th Birthday. Formative gigs at seminal (and mostly defunct) NYC 1989:Paul’s Boutique. Beastie boys nightspots CBGB’s, A7, Max’s Kansas resurface with a new deal, a new home City etc. follow The band plays its very (Los Angeles) and a new array of styles. first gigs opening For the likes of Bad Produced by Beastie Boys and the Dust pany, Grand Royal. While Check... sports Brains, Reagon Youth and the Necros. Brothers, Paul’s Boutique lays down the a dual Grand Royal/Capitol banner, the 1996:The First Tibetan Freedom Concert blueprint for a generation of emergent label’s first independent release is takes place June 15 and 16 at the Polo 1982:Recorded at 171A, the same hole genres and goes goes over the collectiveLuscious Jackson’s In Search Of Manny in the wall as Bad Brains’ legendary ROIR Fields in San Francisco’s Golden Gate head of a nation. The likes ot ‘Shake YourEP. Park. 100,000 people attend the concert sessions, Beastie Boys’ Pollywog Stew 7” Rump’, ‘Lookin’ Down The Barrel OF A making it the single biggest Stateside is one of the first New York Hardcore Gun’, ‘Car Thief’, ‘Shadrach’ and the hip 1994:ILLCommunication (Grand benefit concert since 1985’s Live Aid. records. It is also the First ever release on hop suite ‘B-Boy Bouillabaisse’ contain Royal/Capitol), also produced by the bandJoining the Beastie Boys were various Ratcage Records, a tiny hardcore label lyrical and musical references too plentifuland Mario Caldato Jr, closes the smallest operated from the East Village storefront artists including Beck, The Fugees, Rage and diverse for the average mind to com-ever interval between B Boys LPs, takingAgainst The Machine, Red Hot Chilli of the same name. pute in one sitting. two years instead of the usual three. ThePeppers, The Samshing Pumpkins, & record enters the charts at No.l as the Tibetan perfomer Chaksam-Pa and guest 1983:The Cooky Puss 12” (also on 1992:Check Your Head (Grand band co-headlines Lollapalooza’s most speakers Tibet House Founder Robert Ratcage). The band’s first tentative foray Royal/Capitol). With Mike D on drums, successful year to date. The first video into hip-hop. Adam Horovitz (o/k/a King Thurman and Palden Gyatso, a Tibetan Yauch on bass and Adrock on guitar, from the album, ‘Sabotage’ inadvertentlymonk who endured 33 years of torture Adrock) replaces John Berry. Horovitz had Check... features the return of live instru-gives rise to international scandal when and imprisonment for nonviolent protest. previously played guitar For The Young & mentation into the mix. Produced by the top honours at the year’s MTV Video The Uselss, who had opened For the band and Mario Caldato, Check Your Music Awards go to R.E.M.’s ‘Everybody1997:A second two-day Tibetan Freedom Beastie Boys and also released a 7” on Head yields a watershed of a new B BoysHurts’ and Adam Yauch’s intoxicated Ratcage. The band plays its first shows Concert takes place June 7 and 8 at New staples, including ‘So Watcha’ Want’, uncle, Nathaniel Hornblower, storms the York’s Randall’s island. The show’s docu- outside its native NYC. The 12” receives ‘Pass The Mic’,’Gratitude’ and ‘Jimmy Radio City Music Hall stage in protest mented on a three-CD Tibetan Freedom play at NYC’s Danceterk, confusing club- James’. With the able assistance of Royalties from two songs on ILL Concert collection released that fall. goers on the regular. Keyboard Money Mark and assorted LatinCommunication - ‘Shambala’ and Having moved back to NYC, Beastie Boys percussionists, Beastie Boys return to the‘Bodhisattva Vow’ - are donated to found 1984:The Mike D/MCA/Adrock Beastie spend the remainder of the year working stage for the first time in Five. the Milarepa Fund, a non-profit organiza-on their studio tan. Boys lineup debuts with the ‘Rock tion dedicated to promoting awareness Hard/Beastie Groove’ ~ 2”, one of the 1993:The G-Son complex constructed forand activism regarding the injustices per-1998:A third Tibetan Freedom Concert is First releases on the DeF Jam label. the recording of Check Your Head petrated on native Tibetans by Chinese confirmed for June 13 and 14 at expands to house the bands record com-occupational government and military Washington DCD RFK stadium. BEASTIEBOYS - The Sound Of forces. In May 1994, Beastie Boys play Science (Grand Royal) three shows - one each in New York, LosJuly 6, 1998:Hello Nasty. The album is In a nutshell ‘The Sound Of Science’ is a Angeles and Washington DC donating released and Hell freezes over. best of album but instead of being the proceeds to Milarepa. typical record company thing, all tracks November 22, 1999: ‘The Sound Of are chosen by the Beasties.Therefore if 1995:Beastie Boys mount the Science’ is released Acompliation of the you like the Beasties then you will love it, Quadraphonic Joystick Action arena tour.Beastie Boys favourite tracks. as it goes straight from tracks like ‘Slow One dollar from each ticket sold out the And Low’, ‘Fight For Your Right’, tour is donated to Milarepa. The band ‘Sabotage’, and ‘Intergalactic’. And if you continues to expand its touring universe don’t then be prepared for a hyperspeed with treks through South America and Thanks to Beatwax for their help in pro- journey to the far realms of the Beastie Southeast Asia. ducing this article. Kevin Marston Boys minds. An eclectic tale and so 8/10 Following the tour’s conclusion, Beastie K.M. Boys record and release Aglio e Olio through independent Grand Royal pipeline.

too much of a problem. They openShack come onstage and bring the Chilled Baby Yeah with ‘My Friend Will See Me Through’,roof down. Andrew Smith a strange song to kick-off your set, but Coldplay/Witness particularly mind-blowing so far, butglimmering with beauty (Supporting Shack) wait, what is that wonderful sound?underneath the melan- Shepherd’s Bush Empire It’s simply lovely, like Radiohead, butcholy surface. A few more 4th November 1999 more upbeat and less depressing.great album tracks thrown What polite guys they are too, thein for good measure An early, typically chilly Novembercrowd has taken them under their wing(‘Audition’, ‘Scars’) and evening as the Shack-thirsty publicafter only a couple of songs. It’s awe have what appears to spill into the Empire, there’s a bandshort set, but hey they are the first ofbe another great set. onstage almost instantly as peoplethree bands and what a great set it is.Unfortunately, there peg it to the bar and cloakroom.It’s hard to tell where Coldplay will endseems to be quite a few Coldplay have risen from practicallyup in the future, but they’ll deserveunknown songs in there nowhere over the last six months, butevery little drop of fame they pick upas well, which tend to plenty of good press has persuadedalong their way. throw even the die-hard music-goers to turn up a little earlierWitness have got a tough job tonight,fans off track once or than usual and see what the fuss issqueezing their set between the head-twice. Nevertheless, still about. So here you go; four normal-liners and that surprisingly brilliant seta band with oodles of looking, down to Earth lads with a cou-beforehand. With one of the finestpotential and serious con- ple of guitars, a drum kit and a ratheralbums of the year under their beltstenders for those end-of- dainty mini-piano thing. O.K, nothing(‘Before The Calm’), it shouldn’t beyear polls…Oh yeah, then 10Music Reviews 25th November 1999

V/A - Fire and Skill: A Tribute ALBUMSTo The Jam (Ignition) Album of the Week The long awaited Jam covers STONE TEMPLE PILOTS - No4 (Alantic) BLOW UP A-GO-GO - VARI-album is finally here. Believe As the title suggests this is the fourth album OUS (V2 Records) me, it has been worth waiting If you like Austin Powers or for. The Jam is probably one offrom the Pilots who have in recent times gone through various bad patches depending on the the khaki Gap advert, then the most influential bands of this will be right up your all time, achieving most ofnature of their frontman Scott Weiland. Weiland has been in and out of drug rehabili- street. The album is a compi-their glory between 81 and 82, tation centres for his various addictions and lation of 20 dance floor when they had 4 hit singles. favourites from London’s leg-Major artists like Ben Harper,therefore had a dramatic effect on the state and the nature of the bands music. The Pilots endary Blow Up Club to coin-Gene, Noel Gallagher cover cide with its 6th birthday. some of their best songs, but itare more intense and dark than before with their hook laden guitar riffs and provocative There is a mixture of rare is probably Everything But The drums. Whether it be ‘No Way Out’ or even grooves, r’n’b classics, Latin Girl’s cover of ‘English Rose’ jazz and ‘60’s psychedelia - which takes the biscuit. On the‘Heaven & Hot Rods’ the mind will be blessed with sonic massages that will never be forgot- something to please every- whole, a very good album. one’s ears. The high-lite is the8/10 O.C ten. Beautifully diverse and different, relive the original version of ‘the beat days of ‘Core’ and find out why ‘Atlanta’ is goes on’, recently covered by heavenly.9/10 K.M. the All Seeing Eye. Top Stuff!! 9/10 M.S

BLACKALICIOUS - NIA (Mo Wax) VARIOUS - 300% Dynamitethink. Ten tracks filled to the Blackalicious are a dj/ producer and an MC (Soul Jazz) brim but this isn't just a standard hiphop churn out. A common misconceptionof “do no harm” American-style There's 70's style guitar, flutes, scratching among students is that Bobgritty-rock, some of which and the voice of an angel in the form of Errin Marley is the only musician tosound a little like Hurricane #1 Anova as well as the Gift of the Gab rapping. come out of the West Indies.(but not as cack). ‘Black It's all laid back and funky but it's also intelli- However, Soul Jazz’s thirdWheel’ is a fine example of gent, with themes of self responsibility, drug compilation of the finest fromstomping guitar riffage and a and alcohol misuse and freedom alongside Jamaica featuring the likes ofcatchy, shout-along chorus, guns and the media business references. Lee Perry, Shark Wilson andwhilst ‘Nightmare At Noon’ is a The clever construction of the tracks leaves Toots and the Maytals demon-charming mini-ballad. ‘BBC little space for cliched swearing, misogyny or strates the diversity of musicRadio 1’ seems a curious title, arrogant self -indulgence. It's a positive col- that has emerged from this onebut proves to be a stylish “stay lection of messages, but it avoids preaching small island.7/10 A.D. the night” tune with neatly tex- and it gives the impression of a man who has tured strings in the back- really struggled with his own demons. But it's OVERMARS – “Highlife”ground. Won’t win any awards, not all worthy, with some outright "hardcore (Lightyear) but pretty darn good listening. b-boyisms" scattered through. You can't help Named after that infamous6/10 A.T.S. but nod along to the groove. 8/10 H.B.G. short-arse Arsenal midfielder (surely deserves a pasting just for that), but isn’t quite as bad as one might

LARA CROFT - Female Icon this because…guess what… its CROSBY, STILLS, NASH AND YOUNG – (Tora Company) pretty much the same! I thought Looking Forward (Reprise) Lara Croft... wow, I think the ideatwo songs on the album were o.k/ The fourth album of CSN&Y’s career comes 11 years is that on her image alone peoplenot bad… while the rest well… after its predecessor. In that time the members of this are going to go out and buy this. I4/10 I.U quartet have had varying levels of success. Crosby, thought it was very lame in terms Stills and Nash seem to have disappeared from the of the music and very commer- THE BEAUTIFUL NORTH - VAR- limelight, while Neil Young has gone from strength to cial and surprised to hear that theIOUS (Gulp Records) strength, whether producing Sonic Youth-influenced music was written by Dave A collection of the finest Yorkshire feedback driven guitar workouts as on ‘Arc’, playing Stewart. The good news is that bands put onto one CD for your alongside Pearl Jam or Booker T and the MGs or cd-rom material is included in thisconvenience. The convenience solo acoustic albums. Those differing levels of suc- disc and it is worth having a lookcomes in the form that you can cess are reflected in this album, the Neil Young con- at.5/10 C.H. smash, burn, slice or flush the CD tributions are the outstanding songs, and it seems to destroy all the tripe at once, like the others needed him much more than he need- U-GOD – Golden Arms instead of getting the individual ed them. Make no mistake the quartet’s trademark Redemption (Wu Tang Records)CD’s and trashing those. harmonies are present and correct, thankfully not U-God. Nice name huh? I mean Yorkshire, please stick to cricket ravaged by time, but this is far from the great album what the hell is that supposed to and puddings!!!!!!! 1/10 M.S ‘Déjà Vu’ was. Buy that instead. 6/10 R.W. mean? If you like the Wu-Tang clan you’re probably going to like

The Rotten Apple of the Week Video Single BRYAN ADAMS – The Best VAST – Touched (Mushroom) – VIDEO of Me (A&M/Mercury) Hauntingly dark and beautiful. Watching this makes Aargh. One track from this This week’s reviews the lyrics all the more clear and the song’s point hit tired old Canadian is often by; home. A man runs frantically along a railway platform enough, but unfortunately Al Mooney, Adam Saxty, to the sounds of “I’ll never find someone like you there are fifteen here. Andrew Smith, Nick Walsh, again, I’ll never love someone like you again”. His ‘Everything I Do’ and ‘Run To Ian Purvey, Honey Barter lost lover is meanwhile sinking deeper and deeper, You’ remind you of school (as Godfrey, Rob Winder, Kevin drowning herself in a bath scattered with rose petals. if you want to be reminded), Marston, Daniel Cremin, After minutes of ‘Summer of ‘69’ reminds you Gareth Nolan, Lisa Thornhill, Matrix-esque of your mum’s friends ‘getting Amanda J Taylor, Oliver camera work he down’ at the W.I. disco, and Chamero, Andrew Deegan, finally finds her. what can be said for the des- Matt Ward, Andrew Thomas, Dead. perate credibility-boosting Oliver Tomlinson. & Lucy Depressing but efforts of his duet, ‘When Andrews brilliant 9/10 L.A. You’re Gone’, with Spice Girl Mel C? A pile of crusty old pants says me! … Not that it’s all bad….After 72 minutes and 26 secondshe’ll shut up.2/10 L.A. 25th November 1999 Singles & Live Reviews11

vocals... 8/10 J.R.H Lineman. But rather dull college rock. 6/10 N.W. SINGLESLE TIGRE – Hot Topic (Wiiija) Single of the Week This is weird, very weird. A songBEN CHRISTOPHERS - Give Me QUEEN ADREENA – Xing Off titled ‘They want us to make a Everything (V2) The Days / Heavenly Surrendersymphony out of the sound of A wintry indie track, without a CUBAN BOYS - (Blanco Y Negro) women swallowing their own shadow of teenage angst or nasalCognoscenti Vs Former Daisy Chainsaw memberstongues’ is as about as fucked updroning. It treads the soft ground Intelligentsia (EMI) Katie Jane Garside and Crispin as you can get, with a range of around ballad, but by incorporat- First thing is to note that the Gray return with Queen Adreena,samples, guitars, claves, farfisa…ing electro squiggly bits and a Cuban Boys are a bit and very welcome they are too. you name it! If you enjoy the harmonica it comes through as a strange. The vocal sample On ‘Xing Off The Days’ they deliv-oblique, this is for you! 7/10 J.R.Hgentle but promising introduction sounds like a gnome singing er a menacingly brilliant, breathily to Mr. Christopher's ability to ‘Diga de di de do doo de be vocalled, squalling rock rage, thatVAST – Touched (Mushroom) show that indie can be interest- di doo Di le du leu le li lou’ the likes of Hole and Cay would This is a weird one. ‘Touched’ ing.6/10 H.B.G. or near thing, all over a die to achieve. On ‘Heavenly merges eclectic Eastern wailing’s, pounding bass and tons of Surrender’ Katie is sure to upsetatmospheric noise, full strings andCOAL CHAMBER FEATURING weird straight laced old TV the religious nutters with her sac-rock guitars to create a unique OZZY OSBOURNE– Sock The samples everywhere. Some rilegious suggestion “I only makeambience. The singer sounds Monkey (Roadrunner) might say annoying, I say a love to Jesus, I only fuck God.” Apretty pissed off, most probably This collaboration of a Peter sparkling piece of orginality, real gem, one of the best singlesbecause his vocals have been Gabriel track produces a typically a supremely bizarre dance this year. Stunning. 9/10 R.W. ousted from prominence in the bold and brash version. The gui- tune. 10/10 I.P. ‘Blue Amazon Break The Chain tars are excellent and the vocals INCUBUS - Make Yourself Vocal Mix’ in favour of squidgy from Ozzy are equally good. NotRock” Apollo Four Forty attemptriginal. The track ends well but (Epic) beats and a harder-hitting dancethe style that would appeal to a to have another hit with this sin-unfortunately this is too little too feel. Vast have created a blend ofhardened Coal Chamber fan butgle. They have taken a reggae late.4/10 O.T. the derivative and innovative so a good first single from their newstyle track and applied riff laden What!cunningly that you can’t tell quitealbum ‘Chamber Music’. 6/10 O.T.dance beats to it. However this isKNEE HIGH – Introducing Elvis where, or if you’ve heard it a combination that does not (Clear) before. As I said, its weird but IOBABEN - Nineteen (Human appeal to me. Another indie rock band attempt- like it! 7/10 L.A. Condition) 5/10 A.S. ing to imitate the likes of The A fairly dark brooding guitar affair, Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins and V/A – Sunnyview (Regal) which has slightly annoying paus-MUSE – Muscle Museum (Sony)other groups from the American Retro electro compilation. Some es (just a bit on the too long side).An intro that is somewhat reminis-rock scene… Sadly, like many pretty fine stuff on here, in A slightly disturbing b-side, with cent of an 8 year old with a cheapothers, this sucks. 4/10 I.U. amongst some pretty average the music very soundtrack-esque.keyboard is not the most attention tracks. My favourites are the The vocals don’t offer much com-grabbing way to start this track remixes by Luke Slater and the fort either with a slightly choral which is a shame because the first track ‘Jam on Revenge’ but feel. 6/10 I.P. rest is good, although rather uno- the track listing doesn’t make it clear who it’s by. Other remixes PLEXIQ – Colour my Day ( on Alright, but for those in the Clearspot records) know, it’s sort of coffee table tech-The cd features 5 tracksincluding Oh Dear ! SONA FARIQ – Love Them no for a Sunday afternoon. For colour my day taken from there LEN – Steal My Sunshine is Swedish for crap. Don’t buy Crazy (Wea) people who wear turn-ups on albulm: Bambi Dragon Don’t Spit(Columbia) this unless you’ve sold your soul The explosive chemistry of their jeans and would rather dab-No Fire. These guys are German The latest American teen act, to the Devil. 0/10 A.D. Sona Fariq rages through bro- ble than get fully involved. 7/10 and there English is really pretty kind of a lyte-funk Sclub7. ‘Steal ken guitars, oblique lyrics and N.W. good considering There music is,My Sunshine’ will be a hit, but it intense, emotion filled chorus- um delirious rock with abstract would have been a huge sum- es.. this will blow your head off! THE WEBB BROTHERS – Coldlyrics featuring dub, funk, big mer hit, despite being appalling. 8/10 O.C Fingers (WEA) beat, drum n’ bass and hardcore..Just what are the label playing Pretty much only known becauseso there we go , not bad at all! at, I thought their job was to They say alternative rock is not their father was legenday 6/10 C.H. make money. 1/10 R.W. churning out as much good stuffsinger/songwriter Jimmy Webb. as it used to.. this is obviously theUnfortunately even though their APPOLO FOUR FORTY – HeartA-TEENS - Super Trouper exception to the rule! A fine blendsongs are written in a classic Go Boom (Epic) (Stockholm) of punk guitars, big riffs and edgystyle, they are nowhere near to After having previous hits with It is a little known fact that ABBA the standard of say Witchita “Lost In Space” and “Stop The

“Frenemy”. In addition, the high level of musician- Another Mobile!ship throughout the band was appreciated by the Audience in Coma audience as was signified by the reaction to a drum and an astounding piece of DJ scratching which Morrissey Me One involved swapping T-shirts without any discernible Kentish Town Forum University of Surrey break in the beat! Students Union So it must be said that despite the lack of talent that Comas, they’re not very pleas- 21st November 1999 has been on display at various points during this ant things. You fall asleep one semester, there still remains the possibility of some minute and next thing you know Another Sunday Night Live, another review courtesygreat performances between now and the end of it’s many years later and of yours truly. With anger still running through mysummer exams if Me One were anything to go by. although everything around you veins due to the actions of certain nameless individ- has changed, you haven’t (apart uals at Friday Night Out, Me One managed to bringAndy Deegan from your age). Thing is, the a touch of serenity to the end of the weekend. crowd here tonight seem to have It is no secret that in recent weeks I have not been wilfully leapt into a ten year the biggest fan of Alan Roy’s booking policy (see break from reality. To them The last weeks review of “The Band Who Shagged Me”). Smiths are still the biggest band, However, Me One, with their Jazzy hip-hop beats and Morrissey is god. were undoubtedly a breath of fresh air and our Ents However, before we get to the Mozza we are confronted by Sack, a manager should be applauded for booking them. sad bunch of middle age men who, wait for, really really want to sound At numerous points during the past 10 or so years, like The Smiths. But they don’t! They just sound really, like, intense, it has been suggested that hip-hop is dead but time man, and dead serious. Depressing stuff indeed. They disappear and after time the critics have been proved wrong. Me we wait, a balding man walks by wearing an arran sweater and One showed another direction that hip-hop can go decrepit leather jacket. Someone else is reading a paper. But then in with their jazz backbeat which maintained an Morrissey is here! The crowd bow down and worship, someone lobs authenticity that more commercial pretenders such flowers on stage. The Moz as Jamiroqui have been shown to lack. introduces his mates in the band (a bunch of misfits sporting quiffs and Indeed, Me One managed to overcome the curse of tattered jeans) and sings his sorry tune. The kids (correction, their par- Surrey apathy to a great extent as was demonstrat- ents) get down and cheer whenever he plays an obscure b-side from ed by the swelling of the audience as their set pro- yesteryear. Then we get “Meat Is Murder”, a fairly anthemic little ditty gressed. This success must be a tribute to a lead about how, eating meat is, like, really really bad, man. 45 minutes later vocalist who appeared to be truly thankful to the few he’s gone, and the faithful go back to their bedsits and listen to more that actually bothered to turn up as well as truly Smiths albums, and perhaps Gene if they’re feeling dangerous. enjoyable songs such as “Do You Know ?” and Andrew Thomas 12Music & Arts 25th November 1999

The Greatest Band... Red Light ? LIVE will be undertaking a UK Tour in December to coincide with theSneaker Pimps / Southern Fly release of a new single ‘Dolphin’s Cry’ which is out on December 6th Surrey Union Having sold over 15 million records, LIVE have little left to prove, butFNO where others have fallen by the wayside, they continue to write beauti-5th November 1999 ful and inspiring music. LIVE’s current album ‘The Distasnce To Here’, their 4th, recently was Album of The Week in Barefacts and has beenBefore Sneaker Pimps arrive on stage we are greeted by Southern Fly critically acclaimed throughout the national press. So if you want towho embark on a tour of their six-piece cool seventies-style keyboard catch live then they will bbe playing Brixton Academy on the 8thsound. That is at best a light weighted crossbreed of Prodigy and New December 1999 Order. Remember remember the 5th of November is what we are usually told. Well for some it will be a case of ‘Forget forget the 5th of November’. Bonfire night saw a visit to the one and only FNO by the Sneaker Pimps promoting their new album 'Splinter'. For some members of the audience the performance was more than a little disappointing judging by the amount of space on the dance floor during the performance especially when compared with the ‘packed in like sardines’ disco after the gig. Having said that those members of the audience that stayed to watch had a good time. The new songs lacked some of the impact of the older songs like ‘Spin Spin Sugar’ and the song from the Carling ad. What was missing was the voice of Kelli Dayton, the original singer with the band. Having said that Kelli Dayton’s replacement Chris CornerPhoto: Andrew Buckley made a good effort of ‘Spin Spin Sugar’ and the Carling ad song, both of which were well received by the audience. Another problem was a slight lack of volume during the gig which resulted in the occasional ‘turn the f****** sound up’ from Chris Corner . Unfortunately Sneaker Pimps is a good (or bad) example of what can happen when a key band member leaves or is replaced. When a band starts to be successful the public gets use to the band’s style. However when there is a major change to the band’s line-up, which effects the style, then, this can be detrimental to their popular- ity and hence the way people react to new songs. Until the new style is excepted of course. Andrew Buckley

songs with some rather nifty glove pup- Flaming Hotpets Some might think he’s completely off his rocker, but it’s all in the name of UOSChart The Flaming Lips added effect, making this an enjoyable The tougher side of house London Kentish Town Forum visual experience as well as stimulating A selection the hardest working tunes from the house side of Club UOS 10th November 1999 the mind and soul. ‘She Don’t Use Jelly’ appears to be the 1.Eddie Amador --Rise (unreleased mixes) (Yoshitoshi US) Imagine, if you will, floating throughcrowd pleaser with it’s easy “sing-along- I can’t shout about this enough. Think of the Terminator describing the end of the space, whilst gazing at the stars andto” style, but songs like ‘The Spark That word. Newly signed to Defected Records. planets. Then before you know it, you’reBled’, ‘What Is The Light?’ and ‘Feeling being thrown down a long twistingYourself Disintegrate’ are almost impos- 2Geri Halliwel - lLift me up (sharp deadly dub) (EMI) Technicolor tunnel with thousands ofsible to describe, with their beautiful Ginger Evans would like it but the lack of vocals works wonders breathtaking shapes and images.strings and thumping drums. ‘Waitin’ For Welcome to the wonderful world of TheA Superman’ is an incredible, moving 3.George Llanes - JRDouble Coded EP (Kult Records, US) Flaming Lips, arguably one of the mostsong, and tonight it does just that, evok- Think Star Wars “It’s the force that gives...... ” original and intelligent bands of our time,ing the biggest cheers of the evening. and a good contender for album of theYes, there’s plenty of praise, but there 4.K-Hand - Pimps and Freaks (da Junkies) (Remote records) year with the absolute genius that isaren’t many gigs like this anymore, usu- Superb. Minimal and tough ‘The Soft Bulletin’. ally just loads of bass, amps and speak- The live experience is extremely odd,ers. Many have wondered what exactly 5.Snow Moneys - White yet remarkable. They walk on stage tothe future holds for us, The Flaming Lips “Reaching far to find a star our destiny is heaven sent...... ” do a ten minute tune-up and then they’rehave shown us a glimpse of the 21st off again. Lead singer Wayne CoyneCentury in merely an hour and a half. 6.Cadenza - Break it down (remixes) (Friction Burns) explains to a puzzled London crowd:You are strongly advised to see them if This has been 18 months in coming. Was it worth it. Yep “We’re gonna’ go off stage now, sorry foryou can. taking so long, but we want to create theAndrew Smith 7.Problem Boy - Self control (Olav B.) (Southeast) best possible sound for you. We’d really Still doing damage love it if you could give us the traditional rock-band cheer as we come back on”. 8.Malcolm Duffy meets Smokin Jo - Bean Hut (Remote records) Fair enough, but does it work? Of course Another slice of what Remote does best it does, the crowd goes absolutely mental as they stroll back into view. The 9.MaddKatt Courtship III - Strobe (R. Rivera bangin mix) (FFRR) words “simple, but very effective” spring One of Rivera’s best productions in months to mind as they throw themselves into the magnificent ‘Race For The Prize’. 10.Sweet Pussy Pauline - Heads, Tits and Ass (Armin’s gimmick dub) A huge screen stands behind the band, (Saturday night Fillers) showing strange film clips (open heart Mmm..The less said the better I think. I haven’t had the bottle to drop the vocal surgery, orchestras, and futuristic car mix yet but the dub works well. chases are a few examples) as they ? glide through their parallel dimension- The next UOS Club event is in the HRB on Sat 11th Dec (wk 14) -My B-Day! creating set. Coyne enthusiastically smashes a giant gong, smears fake Rob McV blood on his brow and performs some

simistic. Half-chances not taken don’t bother. despite the oppressive dullness ofCathy Forbes life. By the end of the book, a little optimism has crept in, but only a little. The book has received some barbareeffictioictionngreat reviews but I found it baf- fling and depressing rather than “dazzling” or “stunning”. The nar- Birds of America- Lorrie and the despairing of America. rative is well written but the style The situations are various and Moore hard to get into. If you want an obscure but in each story the emotional, thought provoking, A collection of short stories that main character does not fit in. modern read then this could be looks at life through the eyes of Nor does the reader. The first fewfor you. If you want easy reading the disillusioned, the unsettled stories are frustratingly pes- 25th November 1999 Films13

Video Corner Message from de Management Twelve Monkeys Hello avid readers of Barefiction. Sorry the section is a little condensed this week, but hey, the Set in the year 2035, ‘Twelve Monkeys’ is the surreal journey of James Cole (Bruce Willis) between the past and future. A quality is still there! reluctant volunteer, Cole is sent back to 1996 to discover the I’ve had lots of positive comments about the sec- puzzle of the Twelve Monkeys and the virus believed to be linked to the extinction of mankind. tion and people interested in doing book reviews for me. Yes please is what I can say to that! I However, things don’t go according to plan when Cole’s eccen- tric statements land him in a mental institution. It is here thatalso need people to review theatre, art music, cinema and art. It doesn’t matter how much he is befriended by Jeffrey (Brad Pitt) a paranoid and psychot- experience you have. Any extra input and a dif- ic inmate, and is introduced to Dr Kathryn Railly (Madeleine Stowe) his cultured psychiatrist and aid as he tries to make ferent point of view is more than welcome. (Do I sound too desperate?) sense of his place and position in time. Even though some scenes may be fast moving, leaving you Rules for Barefiction reviews are as follows: with moments of confusion, this will not stop you appreciating I get the right number of books from the nice the way in which the story explores the complexity of the human mind. Brad Pitt steals the show as the hyperactive, man at Waterstones. overagitated patient. Whilst Bruce Willis once again plays his type cast ‘Die Hard’ role the only way he knows best. I give them to you to read. This cross between ‘The Matrix’ and ‘One Flew Over The You write the review, within two weeks if poss. Cuckoo’s Nest’ movie, is yet another example of human eradi- cation as a result of advancing technology, where reality and You drop it into the Barefacts office or post-box outside, either hand written or saved as a text dreams are infused with the concept of madness and sanity. Raising many controversial issues, this sci-fi, time travelling only file. I put it into the paper and everyone marvels at film could leave you questioning your own mental stability and your contribution. conscious world, making it a great watch on those nights when you are feeling philosophically inspired. Please email me (Liz) at [email protected] However, if it all sounds far too serious and intellectually demanding, it is still worth watching for that occasional glimpseor drop me a note at the office with contact details. That goes for reviewers of other stuff too. of Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt’s naked rear ends.

Mona Sahlabadi Cheers! Liz

Theatre The Master Builder, Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford

The English Touring Theatre is coming to Guildford with their production of Henrik Ibsen’s ‘The Master Builder’. The plot is about Master Builder Solness who is locked in a loveless marriage and is terri- fied that the rising generation will come knocking at the door. When the beautiful and mysterious Hilde Wangel comes to ‘claim her kingdom’ love and catastrophe loom.

Timothy West and Emma Cunniffe lead. Timothy West is one of Britain’s leading theatre and television actors and has Lakes’, and plays Hilde Wangel in this pro- recently won acclaim for ‘The Birthday duction. Party’ in the West End. Emma Cunniffe Liz Sweetland starred in the acclaimed TV series ‘The

ALTERNATIVEGIG GUIDE 25th Nov - 1st Dec 1999

Thursday 25th November London Handel: Alcine Glyndebourne Touring Opera, New Victoria, Woking Sunday 28th November Mozart: La Clemenza di Tito English National Opera, The Coliseum, University of Surrey Symphony Orchestra, London Austin Pearce Building Britten: Peter Grimes Schubert: Symphony No 10 Ravel: Sheherazade Friday 26th November Wagner: Prelude and Liebestod from Tristan un Isolde Glyndebourne Touring Opera, New Victoria,De Falla: Three Dances from The Three- Snow Surfers good. Infact as far as gamesWoking Cornered Hat £39.99 - Dreamcastgo I’d rather play ludo on myDebussy: Pelleas et Melisande own than play this again. BBC Symphony Orchestra, Royal FestivalMonday 29th November Hall, London English National Opera, The Coliseum, Well, put it this way - racingIf you like snow boarding Takemitsu: Twill By Twilight London games are fab, simulationsgames then you may appre-Elias: Laments Handel: Alcine of snow events can be goodciate the dull game play andMahler: Symphony No 4 and snow boarding is, in realannoying speech that English National Opera, The Coliseum, Tuesday 30th November life probably an amazing accompanies the game but London sport. However, this game isif you don’t then you’re likelyPuccini: La boheme English National Opera, The Coliseum, unfortuately pretty rubbish into pass out with boredom. Capital London comparison. Skiing downhill Saturday 27th November Britten, Peter Grimes on a virtual snowboard didn’tNot a good one I’m afraid. impress me at all and even 36, High Street, Guildford English National Opera, The Coliseum, the graphics weren’t that 4/10 AB UNIONENTSPLANNER 25/11/99 15 16 25/11/99 Hairtec Salt and Chilli Pepper Spareribs www.hairtec.com 24 Madrid Road Spareribs always make me feel hungry due to their delicious taste! This is a great recipe because it really brings out the pork's best qualities. Like other (01483)440414 Chinese dishes, it involves marinating and stir-frying. Hopefully this dish will warm you up during the cold weather.

Ingredients Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.50 1 lb. spareribs Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.50 2 tablespoons soy sauce Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50 1 tablespoon of salt 1 tablespoon of sesame oil Semi permanent Tint from £22.00 2 tablespoon of sherry Permanent Tint £ from £25.00 5 tablespoons of cornflour Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00 1 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda Permanent Wave from £32.50 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00 2 tablespoons of roasted ground peppercorns Sets & Blow Drys included in all 1 tablespoon of 5-spice powder Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting 1-2 teaspoon of chilli powder Oil These are the reduced prices for Students Method Tuesdays - Fridays Inclusive 1. Cut the pork into medium size cubes (boneless spareribs will be easier!) and mix with soy sauce, sherry, salt, sesame oil, cornflour and bicarbonate of soda. Leave to stand for 30 minutes. 2. Heat a pan that is 1/3 full of oil and deep fry the pork until it is golden and www.hairtec.com crispy. This is quite difficult and you must be careful not to hurt yourself. Buy your hair care products on the web Prepare a paper towel to absorb the excess oil from the pork. If you buy up to three products there is a postage 3. In a frying pan, heat up a bit of oil and stir fry the garlic until golden, add salt, peppercorns, 5 spice powder and chilli powder and stir fry for the next 15 sec- and packing charge of £2.85. onds. Add the pork and stir-fry for a further 5 minutes. It is now ready to serve. Buy 4 or more and the postage and packing are free+ you’ll receive a compliment slip giving you a This dish can be served with rice or noodles and it will even taste better with a further £2.85 offany Hairtec haircut. can of beer! SC

Come and get your bargains

Thursdays & Tuesdays

Fruit & Veg.- Jean Exchange - Brian Adams CD’s - Jake’s CD’s -Drapes and Hang’ns -Underware, & Bits N’ Pieces 25/11/99 17 LUNARLISA &MYSTICMOONDA Dr Russ Dear Russ SCORPIO road. Your loved one is controlling you too much, I mean October 24 - November 22 the remote control was one thing, but the metal pants... I have to sit an aptitude test next week, what advice Mr Sticky has made a new friend; little Miss Twig - aren't well, that's taking it a bit far isn't it. Don't sit on anyone's lapcan you give me to improve my performance? they just the sweetest couple? You too will be meeting thethis week. Clunk. insect, sorry, man/woman of your dreams this week (we U. O.- Schubert's 10th symphony. Dear Sally may be right, we may be wrong, but let's face it, you wanted us to write that didn't you.) TAURUS As you probably know, aptitude tests are used to measure Unlucky object of the week: The pattering of lots of tiny April 21 - May 21 your ability in some area. For example, how good are you sticky feet Mr Hanky seems to be influencing the events in your life -at working with figures, can you recognise patterns, are you Oh dear! You need to flush away all of the past and start good at reasoning with words, and so on. It is important to SAGITTARIUS afresh with a Glade Plugin. mention that they are always timed. November 23 - December 21 U.O - A Christmas log!!! "Can you remember the frog song Lunar?", "No, it wasn't The key to doing well is to take full advantage of the prepa- about frogs, it was about toads!"- Lunar "Are you sure?" -GEMINI ration time. When the instructions are read out, make quite Moonda, "Yes! I should know since I used to dress up May 22 - June 21 sure you understand what you are asked to do. Make the like....." (awkward silence). Be careful not to let those Hey momma! Your chat up lines are actually working this most of this opportunity to ask questions while you can. skeletons out of your cupboard - people won't like them week. Keep it up... Once the test starts it is out of the question! You’ll have (besides one of them has got a chip on his shoulder!) U. O.- Something about a toilet. practice examples to try. Don’t worry about holding every- Unlucky object of the week: Boney fingers one up if you find these difficult. It is vital you get the gist CANCER of what is required before the real questions start. CAPRICORN June 21 - July 23 Thereafter, try to work - quickly and accurately. Some tests December 22 - January 21 You're blue, la de de la de dar - get a sticky mouth start easily and lull you into a false sense of security. Don’t "Prickles needs a water Lunar." - Moonda (by the way U.O.- Girls that cry too much & loads of snotty tissues be fooled! They may get more difficult as the test proceeds "Prickles" is our dubiously shaped cactus) "Doesn't look it and you realise you don’t have as much time as you to me Moonda." - Lunar. Stand proud and everyone will LEO thought. respect you for it. July 24 - August 23 Unlucky object of the week: A deflated cactus. "I like it better when they go d...."- Lunar. Oh dear, it looksBy the way, you might also be given another test which is like you've lost your inner monologue this week. Invest in designed to measure aspects of your personality such as AQUARIUS thick sticky tape or find a willing member... of the oppositeyour sociability or your assertiveness. This type of test is January 21 - February 19 sex. not usually timed and there are no right answers. It is best Put a smile on your face this week - sticky mouths includedU. O.- A dope. to answer the questions as honestly as you can rather than with every issue of barefacts ("Sorry - budget can't afford by trying to give answers which you think the employer that." - Mr Editor). Nevermind, try something with someone wants you to give. else instead. ("Wink, wink!" - Lunar, "Yeah, I think they gotVIRGO your point!!!!" - Moonda) August 24 - September 23 If you would like to practise before taking your test, the Unlucky object of the week: Someone who likes to play You're a bit tetchy at the moment. This is because you Careers Service has a folder with example questions and scrabble can't find your special friend. Reassure yourself because you can also borrow a test booklet for a small charge. the batteries were flat anyway and Dolly's got a puncture. PISCES U. O.- Someone who keeps asking you when their tutorial February 20 - March 20 is..."I'm confused.." -Lunar. Russ Clark "One hundred sticks of dynamite hanging on the wall, one Careers Service hundred sticks of dynamite hanging on the wall, and if oneLIBRA stick of dynamite should accidentally fall, there'd be a reallySeptember 24 - October 23 big explosion and a hole in the wall." You're heading for an"Billy Jean, has got my trousers." Stop doing the moon- explosive week. Wear thick knickers. dance in the union and adopt the style of Amy and Anne in U.O.- A naked flame. Neighbours. You might get a laugh for once, but you won't pull. ARIES U.O.- Roger. March 21 - April 20 There you go with your wonky walk, wobbling down the [email protected]

Bring back the floppy lover!!!!!!!!!!

To gayle, gilly, charlotte, katy, erica and the rest of the women’s footie team. I am having a brilliant time in NZ, I hope the footie is going well, I ‘ll think of you as I am sun- ning myself on the beach. Good luck for the rest of the season and see you soon. Love Holly x

The one and only ridster, I don’t know what u do with those refreshers to get u so excited, but I think u should let the rest of us in on it!!!!

N&H, marrows, cucumbers, pineapples, u r going to buy out the whole supermarket soon, have fun!!!

Not seen many Jam donuts eating FISH around this year um? or is it JB?

CUoffer free tea, coffee and hot chocolate outside the accommo- would you rather give birth to: dation office at the beginning of the week. - whilst below TS -a frog? finds himself in another siuation and someone does a spot of -a snake? cleaning (left). -a ladder?

James really smells of fish!!!!!! Is that what girls smell like?

Ian, nice fleece. Andy

Happy Birthday Lena and Kathy love The Editor

Al, how are your loins?B Submit a picture to Caught on Camera by emailing it If you would like to submit a picture for caught on camera or hand delivering it to the at anytime during the year, please feel free to drop it into barefacts office the Barefacts post box (outside the Sabbatical Offices)or email it directly to [email protected]. Alternatively try the website..... 18 25/11/99 NOTICENOTICESS Your University needs you!

We need student volunteers to help disabled students with a variety of needs from shopping to academic assistance. We are committed to providing equal opportunities for all our students in a caring and enabling environment.

If you are interested in helping out in any way then please contact Emma Sale ([email protected]) or Suzy Harvey ([email protected]).

Surrey LGB Social Group MENINGITIS C VACCINE meets informally every STILL AVAILABLE FOR FIRST YEAR STUDENTS Tuesday evening in the Grant Mitchell Meeting Please attend the Health Centre between 9.00am and 12.00 noon. No Roomin the Students Unionappointment is necessary. Alternatively, telephone 9051 OR 2072 for details at 7:30pm. of other sessions available. If you want to know more about us, pop along to one We are situated at the bottom of Stag Hill near Yorkies Bridge. of our meetings or e-mail us To register with the Student Health Centre, please come any weekday morn- at [email protected] ing between 10.00am and 12.00 noon or in the afternoon between 2.00pm and 4.00pm. The barefactseditorial meeting is held on Monday’s at 7pm in the Grant Mitchell Room. 25/11/99 SURRESURREYYPRIDPRIDEE 19 Surrey Athletes

On wednesday the 17th November, the cross country team went to Wimbledon (despite almost getting off the train at the wrong station...) to compete in the London Colleges League. Despite the bitterly cold weather, there were some good improvements in results on what was a difficult but fun course with some killer uphills, particularly the huge hill right at the finish (ouch!!!). The races were normal distances: 5-6 miles for the blokes, 3-4 miles for the ladies.

Outstanding performances were; Vicky Frew - 4th Nick Holt - 16th Mike Merchant - 36th James Harrison - 45th

We're all looking forward to the next race at Trent Park on first of December - anyone welcome. Also, anyone interested in athletics should email us at [email protected] Mike Merchant University of Surrey AthleticsClub.

Millenium Games

On Sunday 21st November the Sports Centre and Varsity were taken over by students and members of the public - with a group of 20 or so adults with special needs from Lockwood Centre, all 'having a go' at something new in preparation for the games in the coming year. Photo calls were made at the top of the climbing wall, on the trampolione, playing crazy golf, learning to fence and 'have a go' Tai jitsu. The open day for squash at the Varsity attracted children and adults alike and the archery and hockey clubs arranged 'Try a New Sport' sessions. Thanks must go the the Campusport staff, Union Sabbaticals and most of all those from the student sports clubs (Mountaineering, Hockey, Golf, Archery, Tai Jitsu, Fencing and Trampolining, Squash and Dance for giving up their Sunday for the Millennium Games. Keep a look out for events next year that we are holding at the University on behalf of the Millennium Games.If you want to be involved in the 30 sports that make up the Games please contact the Sports Centre or the Sports Office in the Union.

Sally Edie SURRESURREYYPRIDPRIDEE Another Win for Stingers In a game that was forecast topunt 49yds to put the Stingers1:00) on the 5th December. be a close affair the Stingers25-0 ahead after Andy Smythe extended their record to 3-0 withslotted the PAT. Leicester putStats an impressive display from bothtogether a good drive to score aPassing: A. Heath 8 of 16 for 56yds and 2 TD the offence and defence.consolation TD just before the Running Back Rob Scrubyhalf - the extra point made it 25-Receiving: J. Allen 4 for 34yds opened the scoring in the first7 Surrey at the break. 2TD, R. Scruby 2 for 10yds, O. quarter capping off a 60yd Adedayo Ashaye stamped hisTomlinson 1 for 8yds, D. Stinger drive with a 13yd run toauthority on the game withWatkinson 1 for 4yds Rushing: A. Ashaye 19 for the end-zone. The hard hittingsome powerful running and "Swarm" defence kept the dualscored again in the 3rd Quarter150yds 2TD, R. Scruby 6 for threat of Leicester back Wongon an 8yd run following an inter-23yds 1TD,A. Smythe 2 for and WR Burt under control andception by rookie linebacker11yds the Stingers led 6-0 at the end ofDudley Graham. Surrey led 31-Interceptions: J. Glover 2 for 66yds, D. Graham 1 , P. the Quarter. The second7 going into the final quarter. Quarter saw an explosion ofSurrey's Defence was again dic-Macdonald 1 points from the home team.tating the pace and John GloverSacks: J. Sheppard 1, K. Gray Next on the scoreboard waspicked up the ball and returned.5, J. McLees .5 Adedayo Ashaye running init 36yds to the Leicester 04ydTackles: J. McLees 9 Unassisted 1 Assist, K. Gray 6U from 25yds out - Surrey led 12-line. QB Heath again found WR 0 . Safety John Glover made theAllen for a score to top off the1A, S. Jolly 4U 1A, J. Glover 3U first of two huge interceptions togame 37-7. Adedayo Ashaye1A return the ball to the Leicestermade a claim for wider recogni-Surrey Offense: 170yds rushing 11yd line from where QB Ashleytion of the Surrey offence goingfrom 34 attempts, 56yds passing from 16 attempts= Total Heath hit WR Jon Allen for a TD.over 100yds rushing for the sec- The PAT was again missed andond game in a row. 226yds Surrey led 18-0.The "Swarm" The Stingers were in fine formLeicester Offense: 121yds rush- defence were next to get on theand now face an away trip toing from 27 attempts, 34 yds board - having stoppedKent next week before enter-passing from 30 attempts = Total 155yds Leicester on 3 plays - CB Luketaining the back to back national Thomas returned the Leicesterchampions Herts at theSteve Rains - Surrey Stingers Guildford Varsity Centre (KO Surfs up- at Newquay Sailors Burn Rubber Surrey Sailors were easily tempt-changes). Notable performances 101 Reasons to Come Surfing (even in the winter). ed away from the Hamble winterincluded that from Dan-never- Well half a dozen reasons anyway… series (in which they have beenlooses-anything-Howe who competing as crew on class 1attempted to explain how his suc- 1. Exceptional value. A full days coaching will set you backyacht ‘Vlad the Impaler’) when thecess was due to the kart working £25 so a whole weekend costing aroundhelm was hospitalised and an offersomething like an out-board motor £35 to include half a days coaching, a bed for the night,of some free Karting came up. It ison a rough sea (?!*?), and also hot showers, all you can eat breakfast, equipment hire,a long story but basically we werefrom Howard-blind-as-a-bat-Gale and transport is a great deal. competing in the constructionwho shot round the track five times 2. Great atmosphere and night life in Newquay. It is a veryworker’s league against an assort-oblivious to us frantically waving laid back place and if you just want to lounge about watch-ed bunch of brick layers and join-the pit-stop board, luckily he saw it ing surf videos (like me) then that is all you have to do.ers…who as it happened turnedbefore someone threw it at him. 3. The surf is at its best in winter so you will find it easierout to be quite good drivers. However despite our best efforts to surf and more fun. Nurse Nichols was floored at thethe brick layer’sand joiner’s skills 4. There are fewer people surfing in winter so you can getstart by a hairy example of earlyat driving four wheeled lawn mow- more waves to yourself. Neanderthal man who sent himers proved superior and we fin- 5. I promise you will not have to break the ice on the surfsprawling across the grid andished nineteen laps behind the before you surf. I feel the cold easily and still comfortablymeant that we started somewherewinners. I think we will stick to sail- surf through the winter. Get a decent fitting thick wetsuitnear the back (hey, nothinging. and you will be warm, even in very cold winter water. 6. Pollution? Not a problem. Rugby Birds- “RAAHH”Sporting Vernacular Thanks to all those people who point- Bargain result in the firstperformance from Stalkswe can win one next time. ed out that the sports fixtures were round of BUSA, we haveas usual, Psycho bawling While we don’t win on unreadable last week, but as we had won three games out ofat the backs (“stop f*****gthe pitch, we certainly forgotten to change them from the five. This is a special bar-chatting Jenny andmake up for it off the pitch week before it did not really matter gain considering that weBluebird”) and a severe(crutches or no crutches). anyway! have only played twomaiming from the Bird“Yeah baby, do I make you If anyone wants to know how games- and lost them!who was pissed-off athorny?” being one of our Surrey’s sporting superstars are doing RAAAHHH! being punched in the arm.favorite sayings. The two in the BUSA league I have spent three There were severalIncredible flying tacklesquestions at the front of weeks trying to forward an email highlights in our lastwere seen from Psychomy mind about the attachment full of results to the paper. match, the most promi-who wiped out a munter,Christmas dinner are, While I keep trying you can always nent of which was moiand a double (rugby check BUSA’s web site at Error! mooning at a Securicorleague) tackle from Stalks1. Who will Jenny snog, Bookmark not defined. . van from our minibus. Atand Probignon- Booyah!will it be Rocky, Wayne, I am slowly succeeding in my cru- least it was in the minibusStick insect can nowTerry....or will it be an sade to train people to submit stuff on not from the top where ourchange her pants as sheinternational man of mys- disk or as an email attachment (note team photo was takendoes not need to playtery? This is simply to help make sure you all realise that you the word attachment, not just plain old (mental oriental bloke-scrum-half again. Big2. Can the coach stop at are missing out on a great time with very few reasons (and email). Much as I would love spending don’t drive off next time!).hand- good effort, but nextthe Varsity Centre so we none that are any good) for doing so. If you are deter- all Monday night correcting spellings Errrgggjjahh (Irja) hastime don’t tangle my feetcan fulfill our club mis- mined to wait until the water is at its warmest [when has and typing up reports submitted on cof- now obtained the nickne-up with the ball. sion? the water in Cornwall EVER been warm?-ed] or a better fee stained dog eared bits of paper … ma of “maggot” from her In conclusion we had aXena deal comes along (not likely) then I hope to hear from you Oh yeah, and get it to me by Monday erotic experience on thevery enjoyable game even next year. In the mean time I have some serious fun surf- or it won’t go in…it’s simple really bus with a plumb. though we didn’t win. WeP.S Isn’t Cider just Apple ing to do. …cheers, Other highlights of theare through to the nextJuice?? (Ben Mac). David Chapman Lindsay, match included a sterlinground of BUSA, lets hope (The man to see if you want to surf at Surrey) Sports ed.