Issue 07 10 Apr 2017

ISSUE 07 10 APR 2017

ISSUE 07 10 APR 2017 ISSUE 07 10 APR 2017 Free your cash! Chances are you’re owed a tax refund. Check now at Contents

FEATURES

Twelve Hours on Hyde Street Free your Gonzo journalism from within the Hyde Street Party, by Joel MacManus p9 cash! 24 Less is More How limiting your possessions can improve your life, by Chelle Chances are you’re owed Fitzgerald p24 a tax refund. Life in Antarctica Surviving in a desert of ice, by Check now at 09 28 Jessica Thompson p28

NEWS & OPINION CULTURE COLUMNS

5 Editorial 32 Art 40 Letters 6 Behind the Scenes at Hyde 34 Film 41 Musings of a Jerk 16 Execrable 36 Games 41 Voices from Beyond the Grad 16 David Clark 37 Food 42 Poetry Corner 17 News 38 Books 42 Science Tank 19 Sport 39 Music 43 Cookin’ Up Love 20 Politics 44 Ethel & Hyde 22 News in Briefs 44 Critic Booze Reviews 45 The Hell Hole 46 Vitalogy Issue 07 | APR 2017 GET SWEET LOOT WITH A 2017 ONECARD ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD

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AMAZON THE CAPTAIN COOK HOTEL PARDAL HAIR STUDIO 10% off full-priced items, not in $10 for coffee and a Bacon Buttie, anytime Student woman’s haircut $40, re-style $50, conjunction with any other offer, only before 5pm available in store. mens haircut $25, $99 Half head of foils, treatment, cut and blow wave*. CORNERSTONE INK TATTOO STUDIO BURGER KING 10% off per hour 2 Cheeseburgers for $3* PHONE SURGEONS 10% off all phone, tablet & computer repairs FORTUNE THEATRE CAPERS CAFE 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night PITA PIT 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* performances* Buy any petita size pita and get upgraded to a regular* CELLO HELL PIZZA 5% off Logitech, 10% off Labour, 10% off Spend $20 or more and receive either free network & data cables. Plus iPad/iMac/ POPPA’S PIZZA MacBook educational pricing. wedges, garlic bread, or a 1.5L drink* Free garlic bread with any regular or large pizza* HOT YOGA COSMIC 5 classes for $50* 10% student discount PURE BEAUTY 20% off eyelash extensions, $25 spray tans, INCH BAR Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape LUMINO THE DENTISTS $1 off Emerson’s draught pints $69 new patient exams and x-rays, plus $35 10% off further treatments* LEGIT LTD ROB ROY DAIRY 50% off stickers MEGAZONE Free upgrade to a waffle cone ever Monday Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag & Tuesday* and get a third free LIQUID ASSETS JUICE BAR 12.5% off all juices SUBWAY Buy any six-inch meal deal and upgrade to a RAPUNZEL’S LONE STAR Monday to Friday, 1/2 head of foils footlong meal deal for free* including toner for $99, women’s cut Up to 25% off selected beverages when you from $39, men’s cut from $29* book a function with us. $20 selected Beer SUPER SHUTTLES Pitchers. $15 Margarita Jugs* $20 to/from the airport STIRLING SPORTS 12.5% off all non-sale items MOBIL ANZAC AVE T.M. AUTOMOTIVE 2 x 500mL Lift Plus for $4 $50 Warrant of Fitness fee THE POOLHOUSE CAFE & BAR NANDO’S VAPOURIUM $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* Free regular peri-peri chips with every flame- Get 20ml free with any starter kit grilled chicken, wrap, pita or burger. Free VOID CLOTHING chips upgrade with combo meals* 10% off all non-sale items

*terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details Editorial 5 GET SWEET LOOT WITH A EDITORIAL

THE CRITIC TEAM

2017 ONECARD EDITOR LUCY HUNTER EXECUTIVE EDITOR JOE HIGHAM ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE DESIGN NATASHA MURACHVER FEATURES DESIGN CERI GIDDENS AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD CHIEF REPORTER JOEL MACMANUS SUB EDITOR CHARLIE O’MANNIN NEWS INTERN ANNA LINTON FLASH YOUR 2017 ALTO CAFE NOOK What Do You Expect Bacon & Egg Sandwich or BLT + Regular Treatment, cut & blow wave for $69. Cut, When the Blind Lead SECTION EDITORS ONECARD AT ANY Coffee for $10, Mon - Fri 7am - 11.30am blow wave, colour & treatment for $150. 1/2 The Blind? head foils, cut, blow wave, toner & treatment ART EDITOR MONIQUE HODGKINSON OF THESE FINE BIGGIES PIZZA for $164 BOOKS EDITOR JESSICA THOMPSON CARR $8 off any pizza purchase.* FILM EDITOR LAURA STARLING BUSINESSES AND OUTSIDE SPORTS FOOD EDITOR LIANI BAYLIS BOWL LINE 15% off rental, 15% off workshop, and 10% off OUSA Executive Fails Students GAMES EDITOR BRANDON JOHNSTONE MUSIC EDITORS BIANCA PRUJEAN & REG NORRIS SAVE CA$H MONEY! 2 games of bowling for $15* retail (full price items only)* POLITICS EDITOR GEORGE ELLIOTT By Dredging Up Grim Past SPORT EDITOR CHARLIE HANTLER AMAZON THE CAPTAIN COOK HOTEL PARDAL HAIR STUDIO 10% off full-priced items, not in $10 for coffee and a Bacon Buttie, anytime Student woman’s haircut $40, re-style $50, This year I was, perhaps naively, beginning to see a it just shows more than anything that the use of foresight conjunction with any other offer, only before 5pm glimmer of hope in student politics that I thought could and reason have become forgotten amid a shadow of CONTRIBUTORS available in store. mens haircut $25, $99 Half head of foils, treatment, cut and blow wave*. THE-BLIND-LEADING-THE-BLIND-PIETER-BRUEG-WELLCOME/CC-BY-4.0/VIA-WIKIMEDIA-COMMONS begin to eclipse the division and impotence that em- nepotism and crowd comfort in student politics. CHELLE FITZGERALD, ZAHRA SHAHTAHMASEBI, CORNERSTONE INK TATTOO STUDIO bedded itself in last year’s elected ten as the year pro- Christopher Hitchens wrote in his wonderful epistolary JACK TREVELLA, JUSTENE ALLEN, LIZ ROSS, ALEX CAMPBELL-HUNT, SASKIA BUNCE-RATH, LISA BURGER KING 10% off per hour PHONE SURGEONS gressed. The cohesion was almost unnerving having book, Letters to a Young Contrarian, “The search for 2 Cheeseburgers for $3* BLAKIE, ZOE TAPTIKLIS, KIRIO BIRKS 10% off all phone, tablet & computer repairs been accustomed to such pervasive disunity. security and majority is not always the same as soli- FORTUNE THEATRE There are approximately 22,000 students at the darity, it can be another name for consensus and tyranny CAPERS CAFE 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night PITA PIT 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* University of Otago, each with their own unique take on DISTRIBUTION SAM LLOYD & WAHAHA FLAT performances* Buy any petita size pita and get upgraded to a myriad of issues, not least that which binds them all ONLINE CONTENT MANAGER AMAN JAMWAL a regular* CELLO HELL PIZZA together as one: education. Out of these 22,000 then, it I immediately 5% off Logitech, 10% off Labour, 10% off seems perplexing that Bryn Jenkins, the 2017 OUSA Spend $20 or more and receive either free POPPA’S PIZZA thought it must be a ADVERTISING SALES network & data cables. Plus iPad/iMac/ Education Officer, chose as the College of Education TIM COUCH, PETER RAMSAY, MacBook educational pricing. wedges, garlic bread, or a 1.5L drink* Free garlic bread with any regular or large pizza* Representative on the Education Committee the person belated April Fools JESS DRYSDALE HOT YOGA arguably most at fault for the aforementioned division [email protected] COSMIC 5 classes for $50* joke such was the 10% student discount PURE BEAUTY and disunity that plagued the association for twelve 20% off eyelash extensions, $25 spray tans, arduous months—former President Laura Harris. shock when the eight INCH BAR Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape If that weren’t enough, in an OUSA Executive meeting LUMINO THE DENTISTS $1 off Emerson’s draught pints hands were raised $69 new patient exams and x-rays, plus $35 on Monday 3rd April, eight of the ten current members 10% off further treatments* of the group that purportedly speak on your behalf, the LEGIT LTD ROB ROY DAIRY 50% off stickers student body, voted to appoint her onto this committee and tribalism.” You deserve better as a student body

Free upgrade to a waffle cone ever Monday Issue 07 | APR 2017 MEGAZONE to represent you once more. I immediately thought it than decisions like this one from those whom you’ve & Tuesday* READ ONLINE Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag must be a belated April Fools joke such was the shock entrusted to stamp out ridiculous proposals like this on CRITIC.CO.NZ and get a third free LIQUID ASSETS JUICE BAR ISSUU.COM/CRITIC_TE_AROHI 12.5% off all juices SUBWAY when the eight hands were raised despite lengthy and your behalf. You deserve better than the path student Buy any six-inch meal deal and upgrade to a heated discussion for and against; even the people who politics is currently taking. As a student myself, I feel GET IN TOUCH RAPUNZEL’S LONE STAR [email protected] Monday to Friday, 1/2 head of foils footlong meal deal for free* were seemingly opposed to her appointment during the betrayed, mislead and cheated by this vote. FACEBOOK.COM/CRITICTEAROHI including toner for $99, women’s cut Up to 25% off selected beverages when you dialogue willingly refused to side with their own stance Last year, I sat and watched as the division and conflict TWEET: @CRITICTEAROHI from $39, men’s cut from $29* book a function with us. $20 selected Beer SUPER SHUTTLES (or even gut instinct—it makes no difference to me) when crept in and took over from the inside, and this year I Pitchers. $15 Margarita Jugs* (03) 479 5335 $20 to/from the airport it came to casting their vote. rejoiced as a seemingly strong group stood up and began P.O. BOX 1436, DUNEDIN STIRLING SPORTS When the appointee has brought such conflict to the wrestling the association back from individual failings. 12.5% off all non-sale items MOBIL ANZAC AVE T.M. AUTOMOTIVE association, failed to fully represent student views for Unfortunately, all of that optimism has now dispersed 2 x 500mL Lift Plus for $4 $50 Warrant of Fitness fee Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student twelve months, presented a late and largely redundant and has rapidly been overtaken by the grim reality that Press Association (ASPA). THE POOLHOUSE set of handover documents to the now incumbent OUSA the two steps we’ve taken forward have just been re- Disclaimer: the views presented within this NANDO’S VAPOURIUM publication do not necessarily represent the CAFE & BAR president, and has allegedly told several people she placed by four steps back, and, again, there’s one person $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* Free regular peri-peri chips with every flame- Get 20ml free with any starter kit views of the Editor, PMD, or OUSA. grilled chicken, wrap, pita or burger. Free refuses to enter OUSA premises, and still gets appointed at the centre of it. Press Council: people with a complaint against a magazine should first complain in chips upgrade with combo meals* writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied VOID CLOTHING with the response, complain to the Press 10% off all non-sale items Joe Higham Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Critic Co-Editor Wellington. *terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details 6 HYDE ‘17

by Joe Higham

f you want the raw statistics from Hyde Street, you’ll find them in this of $125,000 last year, a statistic that is either a wild fabrication or a figure article, but you’ll also find much more about what preparations are relevant only to the parties of old. Cousins explained that the reality of the put in place, and by whom, to make the day tick smoothly and to situation is that “OUSA do pay for services like St John’s, Police, security, and mitigate the disasters that have occurred in the past. The average food (catering alone costs $12,000 - $15,000).” Although the specific figure is attendee was a 3rd year student of 20 years of age; as many as 4,008 unable to be verified so soon after the party, rough estimates seem to point Istudents registered in the lottery, of which 1,810 received a ticket. The residents to the overall OUSA spend being somewhere in the region of $50,000, up from failed to utilise fifty of the tickets they were given (each received eight tickets), the $25,000 former OUSA President Paul Hunt noted the association spent in which they could use as they wished, whether that be giving them to friends 2015. However, if those who didn’t attend / manage to get a ticket were to read or selling for $170, although the recipient had to be a New Zealand student. that spending increased and be shocked that the association pour such a The excess tickets ended up in the lottery for general admission. staggering amount into something they couldn’t experience, they need not Some people genuinely hold the view that the involvement of OUSA is killing panic; the price for the wristbands covers everything provided for on the day. the event, but it couldn’t be any further from the truth, and that view is becoming This year was the first time that the party had a non-student ban on the quieter and quieter every year that an eventful, yet safe, party occurs. In fact, event (unless you were a non-student resident on Hyde Street, but they are OUSA has actually saved the event, as it was just five years ago that it was few and far between), something that seemed to be a hugely successful facing an existential crisis following the infamous roof collapse of 2012. The regulative addition to the party. Only ten arrests were made in a party attended core OUSA events team for the Hyde Street Party is comprised of three people: by 3,600, with zero charges being lodged as a result, something Matsopolous Jerome Cousins (acting manager on the day), Emma Anderson (responsible labelled “a huge success … [and] definitely because of the ban on non-students for ticketing and volunteer support), and Luke Matsopolous (who was on the attending.” In 2016, as few as eight people were arrested and no one was ground running the event), but the entire group working on the event totalled charged as a result. The fact that there were more people arrested this year as approximately 400. Those 400 were made up of five temporary OUSA assistants, opposed to last is not necessarily reflective of the behaviour of the partygoers, forty-five people working on ticketing, fifteen for both setting up and packing as some media organisations are quick to leap on, but likely to be more reflective down the event, fifteen water warriors, fifty to sixty Are You Okay? volunteers, of the event’s popularity; the arrestees were almost exclusively serial tres- forty Red Frogs, forty-seven security guards, twenty police officers at the peak passers; also, no one was arrested for assault. period during the day, and twenty-three paramedics. In addition to this ex- The statistics go a long way to backing up the increasing safety of the party, tended group, the staff that provided extra support throughout the day included and thus OUSA’s fantastic effort in its regulation. Some may think ‘safety’ is the association CEO Debbie Downs, Secretary Donna Jones, Marketing and an antonym for ‘fun’, especially when it’s related to outrageous parties like Communications Manager Katrina McLennan and Marketing Coordinator Sarah this one, but that was certainly not reflected in the atmosphere on the day. MacDonald. Everyone at OUSA played a part in providing the best party that Out of the 45 people attended to by the St John Ambulance service, only two they possibly could, and have done so for years. were deemed put into the ‘moderate’ category (their scales being minor, One of the most interesting behind the scenes parts of the day is the presence moderate, serious, critical, and deceased), with the other 43 being categorised of the communications truck, tucked away behind the Property Services as ‘minor’. This is in contrast to the fifty-one St John treatments and eight Building, directly opposite the main entrance to Hyde Street. Within the truck hospitalisations last year, putting into perspective the vast improvement that is a member of each of the stakeholders: OUSA’s Cousins, DCC, Police, St John, has being seen. Are You Okay?, etc. A camera some way above the Property Services building The preparation for the April 1st event begins in December, as OUSA meet captures the entire day in a live stream, meaning that “if anything happens it with the DCC, Police, St John, and others to begin discussion and planning for gets relayed back to the truck, logged, and then decisions are made ... and it easily the most sought after single day party in the entire student calendar. stops services being used in the wrong place, so resources are not wasted, Beyond the generous praise from a plethora of stakeholders, residents, vol- they are just better allocated,” Cousins revealed. The resource allocation aspect unteers, and other workers, it’s largely “a thankless task, but it doesn’t need of the party has long been contentious, with none other than Mayor Dave Cull to be ... when we’re in the comms van and are seeing the statistics of injuries claiming last year that he understood the cost to the taxpayer to be upward not going up that shows us that what we’ve done has worked.” HYDE ‘17 7 Issue 07 | APR 2017 8 HYDE ‘17 9

The6:00AM persistent throb of bass can be heard from three naming across the area, the subject matter tends blocks away; a siren call reaching out to the slum- to follow themes of popular culture, puns on the bering residents of North Dunedin, calling them to name of the street, and of course sexual and drug their most hallowed street. Today is the day of the innuendo.” Hyde Street Party. On the street itself the music pumps like a busy nightclub, but the pavement is bare. The residents have been awake for a couple hours now, starting their mornings with a OUSA9:00AM President Hugh Baird holds a press conference hearty breakfast, beer pong and a few Irish with the visiting media. He boasts of the 400 staff coffees. It’s going to be a big day. In a few hours this and volunteers, 7,000 sausages, free chicken and street will be packed end-to-end with costumed coleslaw sandwiches, churros and tankers full of revellers, dancing, laughing, and enjoying a cold water his organisation has arranged for the attend- beverage or 15. ees. He makes a specific effort to point out that OUSA is covering the entire cost: “There’s a big myth that the ratepayers are paying for this, but that’s just not true.” This year, for the first time, even people The7:00AM sun’s rising over Signal Hill, revealing a dreary invited by residents must be current students at a overcast day. While rain would be unfortunate, it New Zealand tertiary institute to register their TWELVE is unlikely to put off any of the 3,600 attendees who tickets. It’s hoped that this will result in a safer event will all be determined to squeeze every ounce of after reports of assaults, and the presence of the debauchery out of the occasion. This experience is Mongrel Mob on the street, in O Week. only available to a lucky few. In response to the HOURS ticketing debacle in 2016, which overloaded servers with 11,000 clicks per second from would-be buyers, the Otago University Students’ Association has The10:00AM line of students waiting to get their wristbands debuted a lottery system. Each Hyde Street resident scanned for entry stretches about 80 metres down ON HYDE received eight tickets to give away or sell to their Albany Street. A zebra boasts that he’s been friends, and the remaining 1,800 were put into a “Sucking back Billy Mav’s since 4am” and his goals sweepstakes with over 4,300 entries. For those for the day include “Getting pissed and getting laid. STREET lucky enough to snag a ticket, they’re too happy to I’m hoping to pull a giraffe, that would be mint.” A let a little dampness ruin their day. pair of Speedo Cops describe their costumes as “The product of a bad suggestion and a stupid decision, GONZO JOURNALISM and it has backfired humongously… I don’t know if FROM WITHIN THE HYDE I’m going to be able to keep the ladies away from Gates8:00AM are officially open and the (probably) 23rd these pasty white legs.” A little pink fairy provides STREET PARTY annual Hyde Street Party has officially begun. some recipe advice: “I started drinking at 7am with Because the party existed for many years in an a Berry Little Fat Lamb and some scrambled eggs. impromptu and unorganised manner before OUSA It’s a delicious combination, highly recommended.” BY JOEL MACMANUS took over in 2013, records of the party’s origins are Her goals for the day are simply “Remember some understandably hard to come by. Otago University of it. Last year I fucked out at 9am, spent 8 hours

Deputy Proctor Andrew Ferguson reckons 1995 was in the medical tent, got taken home at 5pm, and Issue 07 | APR 2017 the first year it came to his attention. “It started out remember nothing except for a lot of vomiting.” as a race to see which flat could drink their keg the fastest. Over the years the dressing up came to the fore and now the emphasis is not on finishing a keg, but on enjoying the day and other activities The11:00AM sun finally makes an appearance, and the effect available.” Sarah Gallagher runs the Dunedin Flat on the general demeanour is immediately obvious. Names Project, a recipient of the New Zealand Everyone’s starting to get a real buzz on and there’s History Research Trust Fund. She also says that good vibes all around. The boys at the Hydeley Oval 1995 is the earliest year she has been able to verify flat are all kitted out in their cricket whites and just the party occurred, “The decorating of the houses wrapping up a hotly contested innings. The wick- and dressing in theme started much later (2000s) etkeeper offers some pitch analysis, “She’s a bit of and through my documenting of flat names around a road, looks a lot like Indian conditions. Not seeing North Dunedin this street certainly has the biggest much turn, it’s tough out there for the bowlers right turnover of names. As with general trends of now, but I’m expecting a quick fall of wickets once 10 HYDE ‘17

it starts to break up later in the day.” Super Mario invades A2:00PM cyclist kitted out in lycra and a helmet is attempting the pitch to tell me he has a breaking news story, “My to find his teammates via walkie-talkie. “Kev, where flatmate is super upset right now because he tried to are you? Over.” The response from Kev proves unhelpful: shelve an Ekky but then he forgot he put it there and “I’m at Hyde, over”. A guy dressed as Rick Sanchez from accidentally pooed it out into a portaloo.” A batsman the Adult Swim show Rick & Morty, one of the more gets clean bowled and immediately discards his bat to popular costumes this year, gives an impassioned speech go funnel a beer out of a road cone. about his affinity for illicit substances “I’m on so much drugs. Everyone looks real fucking attractive right now. It’s great; it’s a good time. My heart’s racing. I would recommend to anyone that wants to try drugs: do it. It’s 12:00PMThe street is now so full it’s hard to walk down. Two flats good for you. It’s good for your cholesterol.” A pair of at either ends of the street have elaborate DJ setups, shirtless guys, who apparently lost their costumes, run resulting in bottleneck for anyone trying to navigate over to tell us their highlight of the party “We saw a around them. A surf lifesaver at Mello Yello gives me a four-way pelican (Vomiting, or in this case, spitting from tour of the house. Her flatmates knew they wanted to one person’s mouth into another) with a can of Kingfisher live on Hyde Street, so they were willing to deal with a Strong and half a tin of tuna.” run down flat, but when she first saw the condition it A group of people are going around with weedsprayers still shocked her: “It was so dirty, half the doors were on their backs squirting drinks into people’s mouths. At broken, half the windows were smashed, someone had first glance it looks like an elaborate Ghostbusters cos- punched a hole in the ceiling. We couldn’t step anywhere tume, but they turn out to be volunteers from OUSA in bare feet. [The previous tenants] got evicted and had feeding water to the thirsty crowd. to replace all the carpet in the living room, all the curtains had to be replaced because they were chainsmoking.” She started at 4am because she was woken up by the music. “I would have liked a bit more sleep, but I just 3:00PMProbably the most popular costume of the day is Mike said ‘fuck it’ and had some vodka in the shower.” Nolan from the web series The Big Lez Show and the titular spinoff The Mike Nolan Show. I run into a group of eight Mike Nolan’s rocking hi-viz tops and fake goatees engaged in an intense cigarette-smoking contest. At1:00PM the gate, two girls who have either already been kicked They’re competing to see who can hold their breath for out or who don’t have tickets attempt to jump around the longest without coughing because, as they explain, the entrance and sprint for the street, hoping to get lost “Cunts that exhale are wasting half their dart. You in the crowd. They get about 30 metres before two very wouldn’t buy a coke and spit out half your drink, that’s large security guards grab them and boot them straight no way to quench your thirst”. back out. A girl dressed as a farmer is lying down inside the At the Flintstone’s Flat, a brick garage has been yoga themed flat, “I’m way too drunk to function. My blacked out and turned into ‘The Rave Cave’, complete friend got kicked out and I’m here on the floor waiting with DJ and glow sticks. A pair of Woodstock Hippy’s I for some water, because I’ve had too much of this vodka.” meet inside tell the story of their day “We started at 4am She gestures to the bottle in her hand, which is clearly with the breakfast of champions – Flame and Billy Mavs, red wine. When I point that out she snaps back “You look God’s juice.” When asked how lit they are on a scale of like wine. You look like a giant bottle of wine. Love life, 1-10, they respond with “9.9” and “37 … I’m lit enough Love wine, Love Hyde, come to New Zealand. I study that I just kissed another dude’s butthole. Tongue and tourism, I’m doing important tourism work right now, all. I’m not ashamed to say I was hard by the end of it.” come to New Zealand everyone”. A security guard arrives The plan for the rest of the day is “Give it a couple more with water and carries her away. He politely laughs off hours, start candyflipping, black out hard face down in her repeated declarations of undying love. a drain”. Candyflipping (taking E and LSD simultaneously) proved to be surprisingly common on the day. Approximately half a dozen people I spoke to claimed 4:00PMA girl dressed as a Fruit Burst wrapper yells, “I got laid they were on the drug combination. on Hyde!” The crowd applauds her valiant efforts. I ask In a display of more innocent fun, a squad of 10 or so her to go into further detail, “It was maybe an hour and cricketers have set up some catching drills for everyone a half in. Like 10:30am or so. He was a very sexy caveman. to test their hand-eye co-ordination and are singing I did get a lot of facepaint on me during the act; it was Blackcaps supporter’s song. amazing. I’m not gonna lie, it was very drunk sex, it HYDE ‘17 11

“I WOULD HAVE LIKED A BIT MORE SLEEP BUT I JUST SAID ‘FUCK IT’ AND HAD SOME VODKA IN THE SHOWER.”

wasn’t great. It was just kind of a battle. Probably the started to reach the point of tall tales; one girl tells me worst lay I’ve ever had. He was just so drunk. I brushed she saw someone take a shit on a linoleum floor. Two it off and was back on the street by noon.” guys claim they left the party at 11am to try breaking A girl dressed as topless Woodstock hippy with just into the Forsyth Barr Stadium to kick some goals, but a couple strips of electrical tape covering her nipples got caught by security guards and brought back into the stops to explain the feminist statement behind her party. Another guy, with a gash on his forehead, claims costume, “My friends and I decided to do #freethenipple he got it from dissolving an acid tab directly into his because women’s bodies need to be normalised, people bloodstream. Security guards have stepped their pres- see these airbrushed models all the time in the media ence up into the next gear, escorting the exhausted and looking all skinny and perfect and photoshopped, it’s intoxicated home. not realistic. Just having women’s bodies out there, even if we aren’t in perfect shape, is important. Girls should

see other girls just having normal bodies and be OK Issue 07 | APR 2017 about it.” 6:00PMThe street is once again barren. Security has come through and shepherded the crowds away with a cheery “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here”. In the place of waves of colourful, costumed dancers is an The5:00PM party has begun to lose the infectious energy it outright landfill. In some areas the road is entirely cov- buzzed with this morning. Tired partyers start to drag ered with plastic bottles, cans, cups, discarded costumes their feet, slumping along like Speight’s-infused zom- and lost phones. All that is left now are the residents bies. The sun and the pre-dawn start time have started themselves. The music blares on, a small group of hardy to get to everyone. A mermaid is sobbing on a front law fellows continue to party on, kicking around the rubbish as a scuba diver consoles her. Next to them, a boy in hot as they rave. “Trash party!” one of them cries, tossing pink yoga shorts is lying motionless on the grass. I go garbage in the air like confetti. Their band of merry men to check on him, but he suddenly jerks to life and runs cheers. They just threw the biggest party of the year, away to throw up into a storm drain. My interviews have and they’re not quite ready to give it up, not just yet. 12 HYDE ‘17 Issue 07 | APR 2017 13

Issue 07 | APR 2017 16 News

KEEPING TABS ON THE EXEC Water, Water Everywhere & Not a Drop to Drink

DAVID CLARK

The river most important to you is probably your local one. You may have grown up swimming in it, or you may have enjoyed a cheeky spot of fishing there. For Māori, awa form an important part of cultural heritage – they sustain communities. As Kiwis, I believe it is our birth right to be able to swim in our By Joe Higham local river without getting sick. The family dog shouldn’t risk dying if it laps at the local stream because toxic algae are taking over. It’s a sad state of affairs that families are now not able to safely “Guess Who’s Back… swim in their local waterways. For generations in New Zealand, people have accessed water Shady’s Back” for free, or for next to nothing. This will change in future. Clean water has become scarcer, and is more in demand than ever. In New Zealand we’re lucky to have a lot of it, but unfortunately This week there were discussions the Anthropology Society or the water quality is on the way down. The current Government has about grants policy, committee re- Geography Society (or any other been talking tough on water, yet nine years on, nitrate levels are ports, and the clubs council amongst humanities society) had not been still increasing in 70 percent of our monitored waterways. other things, but Critic doesn’t want considered? Finance Officer Cody National’s Minister for the Environment, Nick Smith, has to distract from the calamitous events Kirby chimed in to say that the argu- shifted the goalposts to allow things to get worse. He has set an outlined below by discussing these ments against Harris were either ‘average’ swimmable target that doesn’t take into account that other issues. We promise you you’re strawman arguments or William most people swim in rivers during summer, when water flows are not missing anything vital… Guy’s hurting feelings, and that it is at their lowest. During the rarely anticipated OUSA in the best interests of OUSA to sup- Nick Smith’s new scheme will allow a river to be categorised Executive meeting, Education Officer port Jenkins. Jenkins then asked the as swimmable even if livestock effluent and nutrient pollution Bryn Jenkins put controversial 2016 group to “tell me now if there’s no are causing slime growth. Even then, National’s target is set for President Laura Harris forward for a confidence in me controlling the 2040 when they will be out of government. They’ve shifted the position on the 2017 Education meeting.” Kirby said the problems goal posts on e.coli. They have set low wadeable standards on Committee. Admin VP William Guy, were between Laura [Harris] and periphyton slime. who served on the executive last year Admin VP Jarred Griffiths, and be- Labour will never charge for municipal water since it is not alongside both Laura Harris and Bryn cause Griffiths is not on this commit- used for commercial profit, but if we are serious about ensuring Jenkins, spoke of how the association tee there shouldn’t be a problem. we will have clean water in the future to drink and swim in, we were “still trying to repair” the dam- Northwood, seeing the fury build on need to make certain that those who use water commercially pay age she caused, going on to say that Jenkins’s face, said “we should be able a suitable royalty for its use. “it is not a good look for OUSA to to discuss this without anger,” before It’s a pretty simple proposition really—our rivers should be appoint her.” Jenkins immediately referring to the similar emotion he clean so that everyone can enjoy them. responded, arguing that “in the inter- had showed in earlier discussions the We can and must do better. When a valuable public resource ests of fairness it is not right to deny two (or more members - it wasn’t such as water is being used to generate corporate profits, the students on general worries.” clear) had in the bullpen (OUSA public has a right to get a return from it. We apply this rule to oil, President Hugh Baird then asked Executive office) on the appointment. gas, coal, and even gravel, so why not water? Jenkins, “if she’s not willing to step The executive then voted by a margin The current Government says that no one owns the water. foot into OUSA buildings how can she of 8 to 1 that Harris be appointed to But the truth is that we all do. However you look at it, some work on that basis?” “Has she said the Education Committee as the rep- people have greater interests in the water than others, and these that in private or public?” Jenkins resentative for the College of interests are valuable. The royalties paid should go back to local asked; “In general discussions,” Baird Education. See the editorial on page government to reduce rates or clean up our waterways. In a world said. Postgraduate Officer Lucy 5 for Critic’s view on this vote. where we don’t value our water, we will all pay the cost. Northwood wondered why anyone in Issue 07 | APR 2017 17 News

Pictured: former OUSA President President OUSA former Pictured: ‘The Gourlie, aka Governor’ Paul to invited are opening the to Visitors up. set being garden and future a a both the plate plant bring for door. next - - - An OUSA President as recognisable as his legacy as his legacy as recognisable President An OUSA Another catalyst was the deterioration of student of student deterioration the was catalyst Another The official opening will be Sunday, 30 April 2017, 2017, 30 April Sunday, be will opening official The is enduring, Paul Gourlie is a student politician who politician is who a student Gourlie is enduring, Paul youth. his of idealism the to true stayed has as Society Dunedin of Multi-Ethnic the President leadership community other as holding many well follow Embassy The to committed is Gourlie roles, of of Treaty the principles whenua ing tangata the opening, at the be will apparent This Waitangi. all and insists friends family whanau, Gourlie where and open environment in inclusive the welcome are Earthquake, Gourlie was prompted to try address address try to prompted was Gourlie Earthquake, the and between isolation disconnect an apparent and city. the university ‘slum housing’ with accommodation, being a huge time Spending in dilapi eyes. Gourlie’s problem at to want housing made student Gourlie dated is It due to quarters. up student the clean to tempt to tenants three seek will Governor’ ‘The that this vacant the intends Gourlie co-habit premises. the where garden, a community into converted be to lot all will be welcome. and friends family whanau, and will each receive shareholder status as a result. as a result. status shareholder receive and will each for has been in contemplation project the though half witnessing a After decade. approximately Christchurch the actioncommunity following - -

Gourlie told Critic that the “establishment of ‘The of ‘The “establishment the that Critic told Gourlie ‘Aotea Peace Embassy—The Governor’s Governor’s Embassy—The Peace ‘Aotea

LOCAL NEWS LOCAL By Anna Linton responsibilities despite the category of their work of work their category the despite responsibilities work will have a “spiritual value, rather than mon than rather value, a “spiritual will have work and rights same the have will workers All etary.” labor will hold the value of a $25 hourly wage (what (what wage hourly $25 a of value the hold will labor voluntary whereas wage”), a “living labels Gourlie either unpaid oreither paid labor. unpaid and Both paid this scheme will differ in approach; work will be be will work in approach; differ will scheme this as or (voluntary), ‘Koha’ of ways three in offered SJS focusing on minimum wage work for students, students, for focusing on minimum work SJS wage central location for a work scheme, which will work will work which scheme, a work for location central with However, (SJS). Search Job Student to parallel Embassy’ is to create a conversation between the the between a conversation create to is Embassy’ will It be the broadly.” more andcity education hopes there to be intensive student involvement involvement student be to intensive hopes there in initiative. the the proximity to the university campus, Gourlie Gourlie campus, university the to proximity the Albany Street, next to Poppa’s Pizza, and the flat flat the and Pizza, Poppa’s to next Street, Albany Acknowledging Watchers’. as ‘Bird known formerly Residence’ will be located on both the empty lot on lot empty on on the both will be located Residence’ (Otago University). (Otago entrepreneurship and tether stronger relations relations stronger and tether entrepreneurship gown the and City) (Dunedin town the between tivist, Paul ‘ the Governor’ Gourlie is preparing to to preparing is Gourlie Governor’ ‘ the Paul tivist, teach to intended launch a project community Former OUSA President 1979-1980, and local ac local and 1979-1980, President OUSA Former On Albany St, All Welcome St, All On Albany Creates Community Project Project Community Creates Former OUSA President President OUSA Former 18 News

NATIONAL Academics Issue Open Letter in Defence of Free Speech

By Zahra Shatahmasebi

Following the closure of the European Students’ Association at In February this year at the University of California, Berkeley the University of Auckland, an open letter has been issued warn- a huge violent protest broke out on campus which resulted in ing that freedom of speech is under threat in the country’s uni- the prevention of a talk by British public speaker, Milo versities. The association were not permitted to recruit during Yiannopoulos – known for his controversial views on transgender orientation week and subsequently were formally disbanded individuals, homosexuality and women. Last week a controversial due to claims of white nationalism and alleged threats of violence. critic of Islam also recently cancelled her event at Auckland However, the members of the group responded saying that they University a week before she was due to speak, citing that she simply wanted to promote European culture on the university was forced to do so due to security concerns, and having received campus, and that their group was open to people of all nation- threats of violence. alities and beliefs, rejecting racist and fascist accusations. Moon’s letter also came in response to the Human Rights The open letter was the idea of the Auckland University of Commissioner Dame Susan Devoy calling for a review of the hate Technology History Professor Paul Moon and was signed by 27 speech law, and for it to perhaps be classified as a specific crime. high-profile New Zealanders, including Dame Tariana Turia. It Moon claims the issue remains that we do not know the difference calls for the defence of freedom of speech and rejects the “forceful between free speech and hate speech. If an idea or speaker causes silencing of dissenting or unpopular views,” claiming that “free- someone offense, then it is likely that it will be classified as hate dom of speech underpins our way of life in New Zealand as a speech. Yet this makes things increasingly dangerous, resulting liberal democracy”. in individuals being silenced just because people ‘don’t like’ what A study taken last year found that more than 90 percent of they have to say. This breeds a culture of fear, leading to hate- British universities have been involved in restricting free speech speech laws that will supress freedom of speech. In order for us on campuses, with 21 universities found to have banned high to challenge racist and intolerant ideas, Moon calls for an open profile speakers from attending lectures, speeches or debates debate, instead of practising censorship and only subjecting purely based on their views. More than 60 percent of universities students to certain ‘approved’ ideas. partake in ‘no-platforming’ whereby student unions or universities actively censor particular ideas, speakers or texts, with specific individuals such as Germaine Greer (author of the Female Eunuch) being prevented from speaking.

DAVE ARMSTRONG’S “First class entertainment. A strong exploration of unsavoury fact versus popular fiction.” Otago Daily Times

DUNEDIN Allen Hall Theatre, Otago University, Thu 27 April, 7pm Tickets from www.eventfinda.co.nz or 0800 BUY TIX (289 849)

Student tickets from $15* *Booking fees may apply. Two Kiwi guys meet two Aussie girls...

ANZAC Eve was commissioned by the Festival of Colour and funded by NZ WW1 Centenary Fund Issue 07 | APR 2017 19 Sport man: Neil Wagner out!) being left hate (he’d man: Neil Wagner th Neil looks odds-on to maintain a place in in maintain a place to odds-on Neil looks tri-series with the upcoming the squad for him which will give and Ireland, Bangladesh place. earn a Champion’s Trophy to a chance All the best, fella! If you could combine any three cricketers cricketers three any combine could If you be? they who would player, the ultimate for and Punter Williamson Kane Baz McCullum, (Ricky Ponting). three dinner with any have could If you would And invite? you whom would people, cook? you wife and my Will Farrell McGregor, Conor that’s one of the I’m not cooking, Melissa. cook She’d the invite! got the wifey reasons pasta. her special blue cheese talented Who is the most naturally with? played sportsman you’ve One! Jeff Wilson. Golden past the Can’t go What’s the funniest career story of your so far? One time in Chennai Well… Been a few! 45 min tuk in a went and Redmond myself the airport, Speight’s to had a few tuk ride the poor; out to some cash then handed and wagon in a paddy ourselves then found padded in the concrete hours spent a few funny at the time Chennai Jail. Wasn’t started Redders though. Especially when old works! with the water or Facebook Twitter a make to going you Are ? Neesham rival Jimmy to account entire my dedicate time to limited got I’ve to Neesh. Prefer social media like to life boys. and three wife spend it with my XI all-time finish—what’sThe classic to your with or against? played you’ve of players with: I played I’ll just name a team Cumming 1. Craig Redmond 2. Aaron Williamson 3. Kane Fulton 4. Peter (WK) McCullum 5. Brendon (C) 6. Chris Cairns Vettori Dan 7. 8. Dougy Tausili McSkimming Warren 9. 10. Shane Bond Boult 11. Trent 12 What’s the best feed a ground has ever put put has ever a ground What’s the best feed lunch? on for Different past Lords… go can’t obviously You gravy. up? other sports any growing play Did you them as viable consider ever did you If so, alternatives? of sports with my a lot I was into Yeah crack a decent rugby I gave brothers. two the NZC over a decision make and had to Academy Rugby and the Canterbury Academy path and I Chose the cricket one winter. (Canterbury Coach/ Penney Rob remember was a tad bemused. Manager) Academy both Canterbury and for played Having chat? has the better which team Otago, With the arrival of Christi Viljoen and Anaru mate great of my and the departure Kitchen the a turn for the chat took Redmond, Aaron is still the best chat on the but Otago worse circuit! domestic Boon the famous David knows Everyone the who that shared story—which player with sinks the most piss? dugout I hear he’s easily be Redmond. That would so bar live to Dunners back to coming happy. very will be very, owners of choice? up—beverage follow Obvious Speights, mate.

INTERVIEW after a test win. a test after to take that wicket as he gets very excited very excited as he gets that wicket take to action of all time, but he would be desperate be desperate action of all time, but he would because he’s got the most pure off-spinning off-spinning the most pure because he’s got toss Mark “Pidgeons” Craig the ball. Not only the ball. Not only Craig Mark “Pidgeons” toss It’s obviously spitting out of the rough so I’d so I’d spitting out of the rough It’s obviously against, do you give the ball to? give you against, do of any bowler you’ve ever played with or with or played ever you’ve bowler of any are nine down and it’s the final over. Who, Who, and it’s the final over. nine down are Final afternoon of the test. The opposition Final The opposition of the test. afternoon is within him Craig Sid Cumming. He’s my Yoda! The power The power Yoda! Sid Cumming. He’s my Craig your life, who would you choose and why? you who would life, your If you could choose one batsman to bat for bat for choose one batsman to could If you the “pest”. the “pest”. got to be Southee. One of his nicknames is is be Southee. One of his nicknames to got higher place in society. Black Caps pest has Caps pest has Black in society. higher place and with his law degree believes he has a he has a believes degree and with his law —he consistently is chopping guys down, is chopping guys down, —he consistently Biggest pest in the Volts shed is Sam Wells is Sam Wells shed pest in the Volts Biggest are the biggest pests in the shed? pests in the shed? the biggest are In both the Volts and the Black Caps, who who and the Black Caps, In both the Volts and I got my chance! my and I got eye surgery during the Bangladesh series series the Bangladesh during surgery eye hat for NZ. Luckily for me Ross Taylor had had Taylor me Ross NZ. Luckily for hat for people I decided to put my name back in the back in the name put my to I decided people year, and after speaking with the right with the right speaking and after year, playing for Otago as an overseas pro this this pro as an overseas Otago for playing Cheers, I wasn’t told anything really. I was I was really. anything I wasn’t told Cheers, work on to get those recalls? those recalls? get on to work —well earned! What had you been told to to been told earned! What had you —well recalls to the limited-overs and test teams teams and test the limited-overs to recalls Firstly congratulations on your recent recent on your Firstly congratulations obviously) and find out what makes him tick. find him tick. and out what makes obviously) felt right to have a sit down with the domestic stalwart for a cold one (Speight’s, one (Speight’s, stalwart a cold for with the domestic a sit down have right to felt he averages close to 40 (38.86 and 38.49) in both important domestic formats, it only it only and 38.49) in both important formats, 40 (38.86 domestic to close he averages Chappell Hadlee match against the Aussies. After a long domestic career, in which in which career, domestic a long After against the Aussies. match Chappell Hadlee Bangladesh, to average 114 for the series, before following that up with 73 in the first 73 in the first that up with following before the series, 114 for average to Bangladesh, Caps. He came out firing, with scores of 22, 109*, and 97 in the three ODIs against ODIs against in the three and 97 109*, of 22, Caps. He came out firing, with scores English County circuit, one of our favourites Neil Broom earned a recall to the Black the Black to earned a recall Broom Neil one of our favourites circuit, English County On the back of a strong domestic season with both Otago and Derbyshire on the the on and Derbyshire season with both Otago domestic On the back of a strong

the Opposition the Opposition Sweeping Aside Aside Sweeping

with Neil Broom –Charlie Hantler Sits Down Sits Down Hantler –Charlie 20 Politics

POLITICAL ANALYSIS permits when leaving the country. They were also barred from receiving several state benefits by legislation passed from the 1890s-1920s. OUTPOST The ‘White New Zealand Policy’, as it came to be known, had thus materialised out of a complex OF EMPIRE: web of specific and generalised legislation largely, but not entirely, focused on the entry of new The Far Right in New Zealand non-British immigrants. It formally came into being through the Immigration Restriction Amendment up to the 1920s Act 1920. This created a requirement to apply for permanent residency before arrival, effectively For the most part, New Zealand has missed the kinds of ultra-reac- placing discretion for every applicant at the hands tionary mass movements that typified fascist, and otherwise hardline of the Minister of Customs. This was further ex- nationalist, politics during periods of crisis in other countries. Clas- tended by the Immigration Restriction Amendment sical fascist movements, or contemporary populist chauvinism (such Act 1931 which prevented the entry of the majority as, say, ‘Powellism’ in Britain or ‘Hansonism’ in Australia), have largely of non-British European immigrants. Although a very small number of immigrants still arrived, the failed to attain the same kind of mass following. That said, New Zea- arrival of Asians and southern Europeans almost land is far from free of reactionary politics as a whole, and the social halted. It would not be until the aftermath of WWII forces underlying such far right politics are neither absent nor silent in that these policies would start to relax. New Zealand—By Tyler West This legislation was not without its critics at the time (albeit small in number); Legislative Council member Henry Scotland was an early, prominent, White New Zealand Policy and vocal opponent to restrictions on Chinese 1880s-1930s immigration. However, as the democratic state was already implementing hardline immigration poli- The earliest forms of popular organised racist difficulty in legislating against Indian immigrants, cies, early organised racist groups merely needed movements in New Zealand began to gain given British opposition on the basis that they were to call for existing policy to be maintained and influence in the later decades of the 19th century. British subjects, the Undesirable Hawkers expanded. Both historically progressive and reac- In his seminal work on the extreme right in New Prevention Bill was passed in 1896 with the aim of tionary governments also pursued such policies; Zealand, The Politics of Nostalgia, Paul Spoonley restricting Indian movement within New Zealand. many of the aforementioned pieced of legislation identifies groups that formed in response to a The 1899 Immigration Restriction Act, requiring were introduced under the first Liberal govern- growing fear of certain immigrants, who they non-British immigrants to make their applications ment’s five successive terms in office from 1890- believed were a threat to British racial suprem- in a European language, was an attempt to work- 1911. Even William Pember Reeves, who represented acy. Given that the government at the time was around British opposition. the most radical left faction of the party (the ‘state implementing increasingly hardline racial border The most significant series of legislative actions socialists’ as they were dubbed), was a vocal pro- policies, these organisations were somewhat were against the Chinese. Beaglehole notes in ponent of severe curbs to Chinese immigration. irrelevant as a political force beyond that of a Refuge New Zealand that some 21 pieces of legis- However, the deeply conservative Reform govern- lobby group. A significant amount of legislation lation were passed against the growing Chinese ment, who took office with the end of the first Liberal was passed from the 1880s to the 1930s that community from 1879-88 alone. The 1881 Chinese government, introduced the harshest of the White targeted both specific groups of immigrants Immigrants Act initiated a £10 poll tax, and restrict- NZ Policy laws. Beaglehole quotes Reform PM and non-British immigrants in general. Before ed the number of Chinese immigrants to one per William Massey on the White NZ Policy: getting into the organised groups who formed 10 tons of the vessels weight on which they arrived. in response to this perceived threat, it is worth This was cut in 1888 to one per 100 tons and again “[The policy is] the result of a deep-seated detailing the scope and scale of this legislation. in 1896 to one per 200 tons, with the poll tax in- sentiment on the part of the large majority From around 1881 onward, the government creased to £100 (a full decade’s earnings for the of the people of this country that this enacted policies targeting Chinese, Indian, Samoan, average Chinese worker). The poll tax remained in Dominion shall be what is often called a Dalmatian (now Croatian), Italian, and Jewish im- place for over 63 years, only being repealed in 1944 ‘white’ New Zealand.” migrants. Since a sizable number of the small by the Finance Act (No. 3). Naturalisation laws were Dalmatian community worked in the kauri-gum altered in 1892 to be free for all immigrants bar Such policies alone do not make NZ any more of a industry, legislation to restrict licensing to British Chinese, and again in 1908 to ban the Chinese from proto-fascist state, or any more racist, than the gum diggers was passed in 1898, 1908, and 1910. becoming naturalised citizens. Naturalisation for Anglosphere or much of Europe at the time. Racism After the passing of the Undesirable Immigrants the Chinese only began anew over four decades alone does not a fascist make. It did, however, form Exclusion Act 1919, people from the former German later in 1952. In 1907, Chinese immigrants were a template that some fascists in the present day and Austro-Hungarian empires required a license required to undertake an additional English reading still use as a basis for their vision of New Zealand, from the Attorney-General to enter New Zealand. test. Then in 1908, Chinese people were required to and can be considered one of the main pillars of Although the legislative council found more undergo thumb printing in order to acquire re-entry openly ethno-nationalist politics here. Issue 07 | APR 2017 21 - - - - - Politics

Like many later movements, these leagues faded faded leagues these movements, later many Like The League produced, stoked, and kept alive a a alive kept and stoked, produced, League The historical series will cover the 1930s-1950s, detail 1930s-1950s, the cover will series historical League was supported by prominent civil society society civil prominent by supported was League as late argued (who Farmers Federated Pukekohe His efforts to research and present various inter various and present research to His efforts New Zealanders at the time (about 47% of 47% of (about time the at Zealanders New foreigners. Although the League would largely be be largely would League the Although foreigners. ing the far right forces that emerged in the period, in period, the emerged that forces ing far the right in Pukekohe politics until the 1950s. The policies policies 1950s. The the until politics Pukekohe in influ ideological policy and immigration a strong (small-scale business people and landowners) of of (small-scale people and landowners) business the population).the repatriation). forced their pamphlet, Citizens of the Future are the Children Children the are Future of the pamphlet, Citizens aims, they which League’s the for tions supporting 670,000 some represented 160 bodies those - resolu pass to NZ throughout bodies local 200 to reactionary forces emerged. The second part of this of this part second The emerged. forces reactionary national hysteria around the supposed imminent supposed the around national hysteria petit-bourgeois white the from fear by motivated nationally-sourced articles on eugenics, articles ‘scientific’ nationally-sourced com immigrant with and ‘problems’ theory, race of the parts munities in white-dominated other bodies. the 160 of from replies positive received https://theicebloc.wordpress.com Commonwealth, heavily influenced the thinking thinking influenced the heavily Commonwealth, Their legacy, however, survived long into the 20th 20th the into long survived however, legacy, Their White NZ League vanished in the early 1930s, new 1930s, new early the in vanished League NZ White Originally published at: at: published Originally as well as instances of reactionary petit-bourgeoi of reactionary as instances as well as 1952 for the seizure of all Asian-owned land and and land Asian-owned all of seizure the for 1952 as history. of obscurities the to confined were and away and rhetoric of the League. Their most infamous infamous most Their League. of the and rhetoric at the behest of the League’s chief ideologue and of League’s the at behest the sie violence in the early 1900s. early the in violence sie collapse of New Zealand as a ‘white’ Dominion. The The Dominion. a ‘white’ as Zealand New of collapse nationalist early example), for RSA, (the groups and Association), Natives as(such NZ the groups largely was This MPs. rural particularly several Asian) (typically by market local the in competition its after up taken be likewise would League the of including and RSA the the organisations by demise British near-exclusively both of form the in century As the organisations. far right future over ence of Today, drew on contemporary figures from from figures contemporary on drew Today, of dead by the 1930s, Parvin remained a vocal figure figure a vocal remained 1930s, Parvin the by dead secretary, Pukekohe potato farmer George Parvin. Parvin. George farmer potato Pukekohe secretary, Australia and the US. In 1926, they sent a request a request sent 1926, they In US. the and Australia Nostalgia, of Politics The in Spoonley to According - - -

and GoC y ID ard tiar er t h it *W The White New Zealand League is the most well well most the is League Zealand New White The known league from the period, formed by, of all all of by, formed period, the from league known of public in and talks hosting the publishing leagues League a somewhat unique organisation. In effect, In effect, unique organisation. a somewhat League logical outlook made little difference in local prac logical made difference outlook little internationalist outlook of encompassing the en the of outlook encompassing internationalist people, racist potato farmers from Pukekohe in in Pukekohe from farmers potato people,racist government the pressure to was organisation the on Chinese down cracking further legislation pass to largely the to of landowners Asian threat perceived tirety of the ever-ephemeral ‘white race’ the world world the race’ ‘white ever-ephemeral the of tirety genocide meme many white the thisamounts to similar tice, amounting lobbying anti-Chinese to time. of the anti-immigrant the leagues to 1925. Their activities mirrored those of similar similar of those mirrored activities 1925. Their migration of ‘lowly Asiatics’. The initial thrust of of initial Asiatics’. The thrust of ‘lowly migration white rural farmers. This would develop over time time over develop This would farmers. rural white and Indian immigrants, in order to undercut the the undercut to inand order Indian immigrants, an existential threat from Asian immigration. This This immigration. Asian from threat an existential - ideo this However, term. the for early too decades of widely distributed pamphlets decrying the im the decrying pamphlets distributed ofwidely over, rather than merely New Zealand, made the made the Zealand, New merely than rather over, APPROX FARES

- - ON ALL BUS kept secrets. 1890s-1920s to one of Dunedin’s best to one of Dunedin’s Take a day trip to Brighton Take Catch bus 77 from outside New World outside New World Catch bus 77 from Island supermarket, transfer on to bus 70 at Green just after Brighton Surf Club. super stop and get off the Southern suburbs, Bike out to Brighton through along the Otago coast and down the hill to Brighton. bike racks! are Then take the bus back home – there (catch bus 70 then transfer to bus 77). a picnic, and hop on a bus Beach! Grab your togs and BRIGHTON by bike: BRIGHTON by bus: More bus info: www.orc.govt.nz/buses More Several explicit white supremacist organisations organisations supremacist explicit white Several Racial Supremacy Supremacy Racial Leagues leagues such as the Anti-Asiatic League and the and the as Anti-Asiatic the such League leagues Early racist organisations appearing at the end of at end of the appearing organisations racist Early likewise formed at the same time around the the at time same the around formed likewise formed in 1907, with the goal of establishing a ‘white a ‘white establishing of goal the 1907, with in formed isolated, and did not require front groups to gain gain to groups front and did not require isolated, the 19th century aligned broadly in purpose with with purpose in broadly aligned century 19th the ti-immigrant campaigns. The White Race League League Race White campaigns.ti-immigrant The public support like later far right formations would. would. formations far right later like public support tion measures formalised largely in anti-immigrant in anti-immigrant largely formalised tion measures the White New Zealand Policy. The cross-class cross-class The Policy. Zealand New White the the white race, which they considered to be facing be to facing considered they which race, white the 1890s-1920s. These organisations were far from from far were organisations 1890s-1920s. These race congress’ in Europe to ensure the survival of of survival the ensure to Europe in congress’ race The Anti-Chinese League and Returned Services Services and Returned League Anti-Chinese The existed somewhat separate from the various an various the from separate somewhat existed support within Pākehā society for severe immigra severe for society within Pākehā support driving civic force in support for the Immigration Immigration the for in support force civic driving Amendment Restriction Act 1920. Act Amendment Restriction Association (RSA) forged an alliance that proved a a proved that alliance an forged (RSA) Association Yugoslav (Dalmatian) and Indian immigration (Dalmatian) and Indian immigration Yugoslav Anti-Chinese League. Campaigns opposed to to opposed Campaigns Anti-Chinese League. POST-FACT WORLD WORLD WATCH

Free your brain from the burden Cambridge, England of truth: A council swimming pool is allowing users to go au naturel throughout April You can mould the truth to suit your and May. Paradise Pools has lifestyle announced it will hold naked North Carolina, United States swim sessions, after the pool A 5-year-old girl was suspended from her school the nudist group usually Grapes are made by injecting grape- for one day after pretending a stick was a gun uses became unavailable. flavoured jelly into an olive during lunch time. Caitlin Miller was playing her The nudist club chairman, favourite game, “Kings and Queens”, and was Malcolm Boura, is delighted charged with defending the castle. Caitlin armed with then move, commenting Hummingbirds herself with a stick, and pretended to shoot that naturist swimming is others before being snatched up by a teacher “both good for you and fun. and sent to the principal’s office Nothing’s better.” If you say ‘knight’ really slowly you can just hear the k

ADAM—Master in Science Zero percent of teenagers have ever 1 Yes—I’ve been thinking of doing it been allowed to paint the walls of 2 Antarctica – it’s more interesting scientifically their bedroom black 3 I wouldn’t 4 Yes—but I also can’t eat it 5 I’m an indecisive person Antarctica is a palindrome DANIELLE—Pharmacy 1 I think yes New Zealand secretly has an East 2 Antarctica because penguins Island and a West Island that nobody 3 I’d rather volunteer talks about 4 Yes—on homemade pizza anyway 5 A cat

If you bore directly down through the KATIE—Environmental Science centre of the Earth, the curvature of 1 Yes definitely—I literally have done that before gravity means that you would pop out 2 Antarctica on an oceanic cruise in Invercargill. 3 $20 4 No 5 Some sort of wild extra-terrestrial about to Avocado stones are large because the abduct you stomach acid of the ancient South American giant sloth would dissolve RACHEL—History smaller stones. 1 Yeah probably—I work in an opshop 2 North Korea—not many people get a chance to go there The word “stirrup” is a shortened 3 I don’t think I’d pay for a ticket to Hyde Street BUNCH FIVES OF form of “stir up”, from the old English 4 Yeah put whatever you want on. Live your dream. practise where men on horseback 5 A can of tinned spaghetti would ride around and around giant vats of vegetables to stir them up MADELEINE—Winner of Queerest Cupcake at into soup. Queerest Tea Party 1 Probably not – if I had to I could do it 2 Antarctica—my mum’s always wanted to go The skin of one human is large 3 $20 enough to cover two Volkswagon 4 Noooo—abomination Beatles 5 Someone who wanted to be there. My friend had drunk people throw up in the kitchen sink Issue 02 | Mar 2017 By Jack Trevella 03 477 9959 03 477 FACTS & FIGURES 36 Moray Place Dunedin 36 Moray Since 1990 more people in in people 1990 more Since by been killed the US have sharks than by sandcastles of adult Italians 88 percent in a car had sex have of front-page 80 percent are newspaper articles men by written IKEA sells one bookcase every in the world somewhere 10 seconds made Ping-pong balls were the sport make to larger TV for better only 140 cases are There in medical history of a than two more man having testicles In 1958, Chairman Mao invited a swimming to Khrushchev that he meeting, knowing Khrushchev swim. couldn’t armbands wear had to word Scottish is an old Tartle of panic when the moment for introduce to about you’re that you someone and realise name their forgotten have thousands of Every year, sent are Norwegian children refugee camps so they fake to what it’s like can experience nine Rolls- Lenin owned Royces

By Charlie O’Mannin

been worrying ODT to make a ‘soul’ pun make to the word ‘mandatory’ ‘mandatory’ the word

plasticky chicken mutants plasticky chicken WATCH

large, jowelled guards smoking cigars? guards jowelled large, welcome any proof that they exist, partly partly exist, that they proof any welcome wrong. I’ll need the time to run from your your run from I’ll need the time to wrong. because of all the evidence to the contrary the contrary to because of all the evidence from Satanism and their pathological need need Satanism and their pathological from Next, the ODT is onto the latest youth craze craze youth the latest is onto the ODT Next, Though be sure to give me a heads up if I’m me a heads up if I’m give to Though be sure I hate to tell you, but those eggs are plastic. plastic. but those eggs are you, tell to I hate in Patearoa, where the majority of residents of residents the majority where in Patearoa, difficult conundrum. They were torn between torn between were conundrum. They difficult And finally, this week the ODT were stuck in a stuck in were week the ODT this And finally, their need to be seen to distance themselves themselves distance be seen to their need to to reporting on people just continuing to exist exist to just continuing reporting on people to Are all dogs passing through Mosgiel forced to to forced Mosgiel passing through all dogs Are You’re going to be waiting for a very long time. time. a very long be waiting for to going You’re report on everyone else who also continues to to else who also continues report on everyone And yes, the article was about actual dogs, not not dogs, the article was about actual And yes, Over the coming years they intend to gradually gradually to intend they years the coming Over have a paddle? Do all local dogs have to report report to have dogs Do all local a paddle? have The ODT seems confused about the meaning of seems confused of The ODT about the meaning Perpetually stuck for content, the ODT has sunk has sunk the ODT content, stuck for Perpetually exist. The initiative is predicted to go down well well down go to is predicted The initiative exist. the swimming technique, which would have also also have which would technique, the swimming every week to their local pool and be dunked by by pool and be dunked their local to week every s Q’

What did you/would What did you/would as for dress you Street? Hyde Should tinned tinned Should on spaghetti go pizza? How much would would much How a ticket for pay you Street? Hyde to Would you rather rather you Would or visit North Korea Antarctica? Would you be able be able you Would rid of 50 get to of your percent possessions?

knew something was up knew something was to his final destination, he destination, he his final to plane that would take him him take plane that would second, much smaller much smaller second, a stopover and saw the the and saw a stopover he landed in Toronto for for in Toronto he landed Australia. However, once once However, Australia. to backpack through backpack through to Sydney, and was planning and was planning Sydney, flights from Amsterdam to to Amsterdam flights from a “great deal” online for online for deal” a “great Milan Schipper, 18, found 18, found Milan Schipper, of Sydney, Australia. Australia. of Sydney, to Sydney, Canada instead Canada instead Sydney, to mistakenly booked a flight a flight booked mistakenly A Dutch student student A Dutch Netherlands Netherlands

By Jack Trevella

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apan’s already into it in a big way and the rest of the world is catching on. Minimalism is the art of living a much simpler lifestyle, in order to focus only on what’s important – creating more time to pursue connec- Jtions with others, experiences and giving more to the world than one takes. For many, the decision to pursue a minimalist existence is borne out of financial necessity. For others, it’s a giant “fuck you” to the grossly excessive nature of our materialistic aggregate. One of the reasons so many people feel like they couldn’t live with less stuff is that it is the way we have been conditioned to think and feel – this society has been shoving its giant consumerism chode down our throats since the day we were born. Advertisers target children to try and create happy early memories of their products and pull us all onto the work-spend treadmill as early as possible. People are groomed to feel insecure and, as pointed out by Tyler Durden in Fight Club, we begin to “buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like”. It’s a circle-jerk of wasteful spending and nobody is winning except the corporations. All of this mindless consumerism is placing alarming amounts of stress on the environment, as heavily industrial countries like China suffocate underneath the pollution created from meeting the rest of the world’s production demands. It needs to stop.

Enter minimalism.

Author Tammy Strobel, and her husband Logan, struggled with debt for years and were both working full-time to pay for all the unnecessary things they were racking up on their credit cards. They were overworked, miserable and loaded with student debt, which began to cause problems in their relationship. One day, Logan suggested that they try to live in their two-bedroom apartment as if it were one-bedroom, to see if they would be able to deal with having just one room. They emptied the second room out and taped it off, and within a few weeks they realised that it was possible to live in less space. They packed away the TV and began decluttering their possessions (albeit slowly – like any of us would, they struggled at first). Next, they got rid of one car, then another - forcing them to use bicycles, resulting in less commuting time and improved fitness. Ultimately they ended up moving to another state, saving them even more money.

The Strobels gave up 90% of their possessions, moved into a tiny home on wheels, got their debt paid off (and began to accumulate savings), changed their careers to healthier ones that suited their lifestyle and, in short, were able to remove a massive amount of stress from their lives. They ditched the things that didn’t serve them, and tailored their surroundings and possessions to complement their life, not make it harder. This shift in lifestyle prompted Strobel to write a book about their journey - You Can Buy Happiness (and it’s Cheap!).

Over time, “the things you own end up owning you” (Tyler Durden yet again, smart man), due to the time you waste keeping them tidy and maintained. Once you take away all the mind-numbingly unnecessary garbage that you inadvertently allow into your home, you start to feel freer and lighter. Life doesn’t feel as stressful because you don’t have as much junk to keep track of. Why are we attached to stuff? It’s just… stuff. We should feel defined by our experiences and actions, not by the shit that we own.

Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus are two guys who decided in 2010 that minimalism was definitely the right fit for their lives, and subsequently have taken the good word on tour, with numerous books, podcasts and a documentary on the subject. These guys seriously live with very little stuff, which is apparent in their documentary the Minimalists when you see them packing for a road trip – almost everything Millburn owns fits into his suitcase!

Referring to themselves as the Minimalists, their aim is not to minimise life, but instead to maximise it. “Minimalists don’t focus on having less, less, less; rather, we focus on making room for more: more time, more passion, more experiences, more growth, more contribution, more contentment. More freedom. Clearing the clutter from life’s path helps us make that room.”

I myself have had casual brushes with minimalism – after living with a couple of very messy flatmates, I developed a mild phobia of ‘having stuff’. It was around this time that I randomly stumbled on Strobel’s book and, in my vulnerably pissed-off state, it really spoke to me. I subsequently decided to whittle my possessions down immediately. I owned quite a lot of random curios, and I adopted a steely judgment system in deciding what would get the hatchet. Basically it came down to three simple questions: 1. Have I used this in the past six months? 2. Is it easy to replace if I want another one in the future? 3. Does it have a legit function/purpose in my life? Everything that didn’t pass my beady-eyed assessment got given away. There was a LOT of stuff, and, in order to get rid of it, I posted pics of each item in a Facebook album entitled “FREE TO GOOD HOME”. I gave away all manner of musical instruments, books, art, clothes, cameras, collectibles and gadgets - some stuff still unopened in the box!

Many people thought it was weird that I was giving away so much stuff, when I “could be getting money for it”, but I had truly become so squeamish about clutter that it was more important for me to get rid of it all as soon as possible, rather than dick around dealing with transactions. I didn’t need the money as much as I needed everything gone.

We shouldn’t automatically assign value to an item just because we paid money for it once upon a time. This is a very important thing to wrap your head around if you ever want to truly stop having so much attachment to shit that you just plain don’t use or need. Crazily, everyone absolutely jumped at the chance to take all that stuff off my hands – people are pretty indiscriminate about what objects they will bring into their home, especially if it’s free (which is probably one of the reasons so many people have so much useless crap). Issue 07 | APR 2017 27 . Do I recommend decluttering for everybody? Hell yes. Decluttering is a subjective task, task, subjective a is Decluttering yes. Hell everybody? for decluttering I recommend Do with start just to decide can you or minimalistic and brutal quite be to choose can you need really you Do kitchen. the is start to place A good go. you how see and area one continually are you a where situation just creating you are Or plates? 23mismatched will and them wash to lazy too are flatmates your because dishes of a stack with faced isnothing leftbut a until giantpile there own you plates all use continue to clean of the crockery? mismatched of dirty rolling be won’t coat trench orange that (no, wardrobe your streamline could You maid beer Oktoberfest that onto hang to need don’t probably you and style, into back ago). years five party one that from costume yourcomputer on – olduninstall programs move is simplification Digital a power – clear too is great decluttering Paper music/photo folders. upand your or phone tidy them and file/trash drawers in random away stashed have you old papers out those (or future the in better paperwork incoming your with dealing on focus then properly, it altogether!). minimising a have to likely more far it’s junk, your down pare to choose you way Whichever plays environment physical One’s one. negative a than life your on impact positive borne is behaviour hoarding that surprise no it’s and state, mental our in role a huge have you when feeling overwhelming a very also It’s issues. mental serious from too you’re When messy. gets yourconstantly house and or much clutter too stuff to add really can which half-heartedly, done get only often tasks all overwhelmed, feelings of depression. consider really and stuff your about mindful be to try to is everybody to advice My you costing are they up what – weigh you doing for are possessions much your how Many them. of out getting are you what versus onto, hang to spatially or mentally possessions your 80% of – ditch 80/20% mentality an adopt Japan in minimalists is minimisation possession 20%. Japan In remaining the of out shit the and utilise region the amount both the consider of earthquakes you when also a move smart these reflects increasingly Zealand New as space; living of cost high the and suffers under logic. same the be should operating conditions, we with anyone for project popular a been has Challenge 100 Thing Bruno’s Dave Blogger down possessions his all cut to himself upon it taken has Bruno streak. a minimalist a pair count would he example, - for taken liberties certain are there but 100 items, to You you. suits that way any tailored be can project The two. not item, one as gloves of as while one collection item, entire count your to chooses who lover might be a vinyl The pointof fork. last your to down right else, everywhere adopting approach a brutal choose you make to it’s own, you everything of rid get systematically to just not is all it by surrounded eventually are you that so have, you that items the between wisely joy. you bring or life, your in purpose a true have that things those only you before, flatted you’ve if - need you what and lifestyle, current your about Think leases as flat to flat from stuff your cart to having of struggle epic the know already will notes, lecture old - junk just probably is around towing are you stuff the Half expire. chuck absently old you books that furniture, crappy don’t wear, you odd clothes shoes, move next your make and a favour yourself Do approaches. day moving as boxes into one carload limit belongings can to if one - your you see an easy 28 Life in Antarctica Jessica Thompson carr Issue 07 | APR 2017 29 - Andy Thompson first went to Antarctica to Antarctica to went first Thompson Andy ice, sea the on out them take would “We Antarctica, to visits three other the During Thompson for Antarctica in life Typical light. He explains his summer season as: as: season summer his explains He light. shutters with a room in 7am at “breakfast at working were you If day. the into ease to would you breakfast after then Base, Scott would we … areas respective your to off head for going out, and briefings do introductions and teach Base of Scott out in front head then - after the In ice. sea on travelling about them ‘Mound called area an to go would we noon shelters, survival build would we where City’ the for trenches igloos, mounds, i.e., snow through travel would we day next The night. crevasses large avoiding of glacier a section eering. There are cruise ships and some folk folk some and ships cruise are There eering. There crafts. own their on down sail even visit Antarctica; to also political reasons are resources, potential it holds many because used, been not have that oil, and minerals 1956.” in established a treaty to due fourfor months, school a field training lead managed He members. staff other two with who people for training field ran and staff, and survival teaching Base, Scott to came could live they that skills so mountaineering incident. without work their and complete they and crevasses, through fall, ice the into out in. stay to shelters build snow would igloo an dome, snow a either be would This I “once explained, Thompson a trench,” or a attend to a team of part as out called was This crossed Plateau. Polar the across rescue three retrieving and involved Pole South the in killed been had fourth The Norwegians. a crevasse.” guided andThompson managed geologists six involved which research, their during field. the in deep tents in weeks day andmornings endless early involved ------Antarctica is a desert of snow and ice sur of snow is a desert Antarctica New Zealand has a strong relationship relationship has a strong Zealand New - pro the is Thompson, Andy dad, My many so are “there on, went he truth,” “In What’s double the size of Australia, covered covered Australia, of size the double What’s human permanent no has and 98% ice, by Antarctica. residents? rounded by freezing ocean at the bottom of at bottom the ocean freezing by rounded has It an average Hemisphere. Southern the of winds -49°C, katabatic of temperature kind the that know (you speeds hurricane and clouds), like hills and look down slope human population varies that a temporary 5,000 a year. 1,000 to from so in living The advantage Antarctica. with Antarctica the with itself has proven close entity Crown the association, Zealand New popu commonly most manages the that Zealand New the Base, Scott of area lated at is Thestation situated station. research 3,500kms Island, Ross of end southern the called volcano of Dunedin, ansouth active buildings that green the looms over Erebus camp. the up make for manager instructor and outdoor gramme professional a as well as Polytechnic, Otago Antarctica has He been to photographer. every on Base Scott at staying times, four Transantarc the visit. around has He flown (one peaks four climbed and Mountains tic about con the visit). Hison knowledge each when and personal, and extensive is tinent his Antarctica, to goes anyone why asked not?” anybody would “why was: reply go there People visit Antarctica. to reasons better un to sciencecomplete to projects on has an effect Antarctica … how derstand - sys wildlife eco systems, weather [global] and change. climate tems A lot of self-fund challenge to themselves ed people go there against themselves andtest adventure, with and mountain odds journeys with extreme 30

and teach about this sort of travel.” which included snow caving overnight as Of course, the days varied, “other times well as driving and first aid skills. Everything we would practise search and rescue. This Anna had a decade of outdoor experi- involved flying by helicopter to … the Tran- ence, background knowledge in first aid as a santarctic Mountains and training on SAR paramedic, training in a ski patrol that dealt [Search and Rescue] techniques. It all made with avalanches, as well as a heavy traffic me feel alive, and I had a sense of purpose. I driver’s license. She described her typical here is loved interacting with the people, getting to routine in Antarctica: know them, forming great working relation- “I had to share a room with someone ships. I loved teaching in this environment who worked the night shift so mornings and never was bored – although for anyone were quiet, up at 8am. I performed gen- to do that you need to make a conscious ef- eral duties, so either kitchen and chef regimented, fort to remind yourself how fortunate you assistant work, or cleaning the base. This are and although you may be repeating included the laboratories, the library and tasks, remember to appreciate what and the glasshouse. I also did first aid on the why you were doing what you were doing.” base and travelled with several parties to like in the Sickness could occur due to the vast help with field camps. Everything there change in temperature between Scott Base is regimented, like in the army, so things and outside, from dry cold to dry heat, so run like clockwork. The climate is so ex- workers had to get plenty of rest to recharge. treme, you can’t muck about. We had to Thompson went for four summer periods, sign in and out every time we left Scott army, so which meant 24-hour daylight. Base for a simple walk, or to take a shut- “It is important to keep regular hours, tle bus to MacMurdo Station, where there even in a tent in a deep field. This was chal- was a coffee shop, a hairdresser, a bowl- lenging because if you get up in the night ing alley, basketball courts and a gym. I to pee it is bright sunlight. So you need to was there over summer and I found the things make a conscious effort to go back to sleep 24 hour daylight quite invigorating and, and not wake up too much. I had eyeshades by January it wasn’t that cold.” that helped. However, if you were stuck in a Anna currently works with the university, storm, this could make you a bit fidgety.” but remains a member of the Internation- run like New Zealand and Antarctica have a al Polar Tourism Research Network. “I love strong relationship. Sir Edmund Hilary was Dunedin’s relationship with Antarctica,” the first person to visit the South Pole on a she said, “the university has strong links tractor (fame!), and NZ lays claim to the Ross through the Geology and Physics depart- Dependency, which encompasses a large ments, and two great explorers - Scott and clockwork. area of sea, land and mountains. Shackleton - from the ‘Heroic’ era, departed Another person lucky enough to trav- from Port Chalmers.” el so far south is Anna Carr, senior lecturer In 1901 an expedition intent on discov- for tourism and my all-star mother. She ering the South Pole departed from Dune- applied to Antarctic NZ to work as a ‘gen- din itself. The voyage ended tragically with eral duties’ staff member at Scott Base for the crew perishing on the continent two three and a half months. She also worked years later. Nevertheless, Port Chalmers has in the field on Erebus, in the Dry Valleys (a maintained its reputation as the starting place almost normal looking, fairly ice-free), point for Antarctic journeys, with the first and spent a day at the very significant Cape people to step foot on the Antarctic main- Crozier, an Antarctic Special Protected Area land leaving from its port in 1894. (ASPA). In her free time, she took trips to Of course, it is not only humans who man- the Ross Island Historic Huts and Scott Base age to live in Antarctica. The continent really ski fields, as well as trips out onto the sea belongs to the waddell seals, elephant seals, ice. Before going she had to pass a medical orca, baleen whales, albatross, krill, and and attend a weekend field camp at Tekapo, Adelie penguins that populate its coast. The Issue 07 | APR 2017 31 - -

photography by Andy Thompson You can potentially score a staff a staff score potentially can • You as trained be could You climb? to • Like good you enough, are grades • If your (#feels) scientific so aren’t you • If job with a National programme, like like programme, a National with job Zealand. New Antarctica a com mountain guide and go through who Consultants, Adventure like panies 1976. since Antarctica in operated have and project in a research could participate com go to get funding. students Many PHD. or masters their plete and writers a media, magically, is, there for, apply can you programme artists Engagement Community the called now and craft your polish you If Programme. eligible. are you there, out work some get had but if you getting there, It’s not easy the chance, why wouldn’t you? Living in a in Living you? wouldn’t why chance, the to easy it’s NZ, like country beautiful small, that forget don’t but content, feel and settle unusual and life changing are places there - pres opportunity the if So us. from far not run. and it take I say itself, ents - - If you are lucky enough to be a to rich enough lucky are Ifyou • They are remarkable creatures and the the and creatures remarkable are They is a vital domain remark for Antarctica it make Joe average the can how So oyster, frozen your is world the then playa cruise a Quark board freely may you and the down 4,868 km some sidle to ship giant with penguins stand to and world fingers. a few lose or June, when the females leave the males in in males the leave females the when June, or hunt. to months four eggs for of the charge they But childhood. my of toy soft main help. Global without forever not be here may is ice, di which is melting sea the warming for and fish krill of availability the minishing seen have may you As eat. to penguins the - be time of matter a only is it Feet, Happy in damage to more change climate causes fore animals. is huge too these While Antarctica - Penin West its yet, affected obviously be to on areas warming fastest the of one is sula planet.the a hub as well as animals, unique and able experiments. scientific for ways: several are There there? - - Emperors are curious and brave, and and brave, and curious are Emperors But the better recognized, and much recognized, better the But will approach humans Their and vehicles. will approach is climate a harsh such in survive to ability warm keep They amazing. of short nothing ro colonies, in huddling large by together loured features and dinner-jacket markings. features loured - a des have they walk they when However, the of that to similar quite waddle, perate pooz. mid-booze roll loo for hunt on a Scarfie inside. to outside the from tatingmembers feathers their sea, the in swimming When a have they insulation. Instead, little provide fat of layer skin) the (under sub-cutaneous - exclu breed They warm. them keeps that May around eggs their lay and ice on sively loved, animals of the land have to be the the be to have land the of animals loved, the are They penguins. Emperor famous existence, in penguins heaviest and tallest look penguins The height. in 122cm reaching still,co theirstanding whenwith dignified penguins stand at around 55cm high, and and high, 55cm around at stand penguins The way. of kind a dorky in cute pretty are their for rocks other’s each steal birds little purpose. absolute with walk and nests 32 Culture

ART AXIS: anatomy of space —Daniel Belton

Review by Monique Hodgkinson

Beautiful, elegant, and led by a strong sense of purpose, Daniel Belton’s As a concept, I like what Belton is going for here. By connecting performance piece AXIS — anatomy of space intrigued and inspired seemingly disparate artistic mediums a new type of dialogue is formed, audiences at its Otago Museum premiere. In refusing to align with one in which the trajectory of planetary bodies becomes intrinsically linked medium alone, AXIS combines dance with fashion design, celestial to the movements of human ones. The same visual system that we use cartography, and contemporary music and sound, all presented in the to chart the stars can also be used to chart music and dance; human unique space that is a 360° dome theatre. As audiences recline and gaze bodies fluidly find alignment with the horizontal lines that transverse skyward, backdrops of stars slowly drift overhead, overlapping with the the sky, while the organic soundtrack provides another type of alignment; soft movements of figures and abstract animation. Guest dancers from between visual and audible art. the Royal New Zealand Ballet don ethereal costumes made by Tanya And yet something ever so slightly missed the mark in AXIS. 360° Carlson, while human voices form an abstract vocal soundtrack, alongside theatres allow artists a fantastic level of immersion for their audiences. a collage of sounds from soft scraping to organic rain. Animated white Unlike a traditional theatre, where the action is occurring in one fixed lines chart the trajectory of the dancers as their positions overlap in area in front of you, dome spaces allow viewers to feel entirely surrounded time, waving discuses in semaphor—like movements. and enclosed by the art. At times AXIS does achieve this exceptional Issue 07 | APR 2017 33 Culture NICOLA JACKSON THE BLOGGS Image credit: Image credit: | axis | | goodcompanyarts.com Company and Good Belton Daniel dome of the possibilities illusionary the puncture of you in front seats the from away upwards, looking myself found I even times at and space, by rolled they as stars the at gaze simply to points, focal intended the I expect then format artistic an as selected is 360° theatre If overhead. a top be to immersion and of advantage full taken be to medium that case. the be to seem not did this AXIS, in priority; However, the majority of the work doesn’t allow for this immersion. immersion. this for allow doesn’t work the of majority the However, Rather, the action happens in front of the viewers, functioning in much viewers, of the action the happens in front Rather, of silhouettes The would. screen theatre as a traditional way same the were definite strengths. definite were state of immersion, particularly in those otherworldly moments when when moments otherworldly in those particularly of immersion, state moments audience; the these than before rather above actionthe occurs 34 Culture

FILM reality. Take Clara’s love for example, this segment begins with a potential romantic Aquarius encounter, which is cut short by the emotional discomfort of a previous mas- tectomy. Aquarius then opens up to show the real love of Clara’s life: her music and (2016`) Dona Clara is a Brazilian Battleaxe. Her her relationships with others. Directed by strength and stubbornness have even The film is lengthy, and I would call it Kleber Mendonça fought off cancer. Aquarius is named after a ‘slow burner’, however the significant Filho her home: a block of apartments being run time did not bring the usual drag. bought out by a development company. Sonia Braga’s acting as Dona Clara was Review by But Clara is a force to be reckoned with, simply magnificent; I would go as far as Liz Ross and she has decided she will stay at the to call it impeccable. She flawlessly en- Aquarius until she dies. capsulates a very complex character. I Rating Do not be fooled into thinking this film have some minor grievances with some is a simple David and Goliath story; it is of the technical aspects of Aquarius, such far more nuanced. While the tactics the as the retro-looking zooms and fade- company uses to try to vacate Clara’s outs, which I found distracting and out of apartment grow more bizarre, Clara her- place. I applaud director Kleber Mendonça self is slowly revealed to us in three parts; Filho for not shying away from presenting Clara’s hair, Clara’s love and Clara’s can- the actualities of life. From cleaning up cer. Once again, it would be foolish to after babies, to unabashed sex scenes, it assume that these segments are ad- was refreshing to see the raw truth of dressed evenly, or that they even relate being human displayed on celluloid. It is to the titles given. Aquarius doesn’t play almost as confronting as Dona Clara into its own structure, rather it uses the herself; Aquarius is an understated, truth- titles to mislead the audience, but also ful, and thought-provoking foreign film. give Clara ownership of her external

FILM as it’s delivered to the ISS. Then, within a So all in all, not a terrible film, and if few minutes, it’s growing and sentient, you like space-thrillers then it could be Life soon after that it’s homicidal, then it’s a worth a look sometime. But if you haven’t large translucent starfish, then a hovering seen Alien, Gravity, Apollo 13 or Solaris, squid-goblin thing, and so forth; a cool definitely watch those instead. movie-monster, but not the most care- (2017) The overall critical response to Life seems fully paced plot. Once the action is un- The Santa Clarita Diet is a new offbeat Directed by to be that it’s an adequate and compe- derway, the film is somewhat uneven, Jeff Nichols tently made space-disaster flick, but that sometimes being genuinely scary and it doesn’t give us anything we haven’t gripping but other times less than fully Review by seen done better in other films of the involving. Alex genre. Which, yeah, sums it up pretty well Gyllenhaal and Ferguson are both good Campbell-Hunt I guess. Set aboard the International actors, and their performances contribute Space Station (ISS), Life follows six as- some realism that helps to offset some Rating tronauts (among them Jake Gyllenhaal, corny scenes and by-the-numbers dia- Rebecca Ferguson and Ryan Reynolds), logue (particularly corny is an early scene as they study a new unicellular organism where the astronauts answer questions that has been discovered on Mars. The from some schoolchildren back on earth, organism, which they name Calvin, is the which feels like a greeting card commer- first evidence of life outside Earth. Sadly, cial). Despite some good performances, Calvin is not so much a cuddly E.T. sort none of the characters are extremely well of alien as an oh-shit-it’s-ingesting- developed. The film’s ending, while not my-face sort of alien; things quickly turn likely to please everyone, is very mem- into a battle for survival. orable at least - and it probably would’ve The first act feels rushed, without been even more powerful had the rest of enough build-up or suspense. For in- the film been a bit stronger and built up stance we don’t get to see the life form more gradually. being discovered on Mars; the film opens Culture 35 TV SERIES and Drew Barrymore is given free reign to be her kooky Drew Barrymore self; as The Santa she should be. Like many sitcoms the side characters make or break the show, and Clarita Diet there are some great ones in this series, the standouts being an endearingly awk- comedy from Netflix, created by Victor ward teen neighbour and a pair of (2017) Fresno, who is responsible for the criti- feuding cops. I’m not going to overstate Created by cally acclaimed Better Off Ted. It stars (the it, this show is pretty silly, and gross, and Victor Fresno criminally underrated) Timothy Olyphant involves a lot of bodily fluids, and the and Drew Barrymore as two Californian occasional farting corpse, but it made me Review by real estate agents with a teenage daugh- laugh quite a lot. And I really needed Saskia ter; everything seems normal until Sheila something to fill the sitcom shaped void Bunce-Rath (Drew Barrymore) becomes undead. in my heart left by Brooklyn Nine-Nine. This show is, um, probably not for I think if you go into this with mediocre Rating everyone? In fact I nearly stopped watch- expectations you’ll probably think it’s ing halfway through episode one because great; if someone hyped it up to you, then of a scene that involved more vomit than you’ll probably be disappointed. It’s really should ever be allowed on a television just a weird, funny and at times gross little screen, but I soldiered on because appar- series that is poking fun at family sitcom ently even a metric ton of vomit tropes, and giving two talented actors a won’t stop me from consuming my vehicle to show off their comedy skills. television needs! Seriously, Timothy Olyphant you guys, Timothy Olyphant and Drew Barrymore seriously. Someone should give him a are at their best in this series. Timothy firm handshake, a golden globe and Olyphant is just hilarious, there’s a scene maybe some free dental work from all the where he is dancing by some toaster teeth gritting he does. ovens that had me crying with laughter,

THEATRE LATE NIGHT IMPROV with Improsaurus

(last Friday, 2017) Issue 07 | APR 201706

THAT MOMENT LAST WEEK ON LATE NIGHT IMPROV: Next Late Night show: When Austenian ladies rebelled against social mores, glasses were broken, letters were Friday 21 April retracted, and beverages at the ball were really very good. Who knew the lost Jane Austen 10:30pm at the Fortune novel ‘Lust and Lucy’ would be so exciting? Theatre Improsaurus is back with more late night theatre next Friday with “Improv: The Musical!” 36 Culture

GAMES

Critic’s Word on the Ground: #1ReasonToBe Lisa Blakie at the Starting as a hashtag on Twitter, #1ReasonToBe saw women in the game industry listing their reasons for working in the industry. The reasons were deeply personal and hugely San Francisco relatable, and became a panel at GDC that now happens annually. It has seen a shift in content with the panel now being focused specifically on the perspectives of developers Game Developers’ from around the world. This year’s line up was particularly impressive, with speakers from as far afield as Conference Cameroon, Palestine and Poland. This panel is hugely important as it offers insight into game development around the world; in particular the perspectives outside the heavily Western influenced industry, which is traditionally concentrated in the United States. At the end of Rasheed Abueideh’s talk, he received a standing ovation and I was sobbing out the door. If you are going to watch any, this is the one to see.

Prompto’s Facebook: How a Buddy-AI Auto-Snapshots Your Adventure in FFXV This recommendation is very biased because I love Final Fantasy and also got to talk to the speaker, Sun, at the Speaker’s Party, who is the kindest and most humble person I have had the pleasure of meeting so far in the industry. Myself, and fellow Runaway speaker Tim, spent half an hour praising him; fan girling and saying how great he is. BUT A NYWAY … His talk was polished, funny and well put together, offering a great insight into the process behind and mechanic design of the Snapshot feature in Final Fantasy XV. It’s also pretty amazing to have employees from Square Enix (the developers of some of the most well-renowned role-playing video games, including FFXV) come and share their devel- Last year I was fortunate enough to attend the Game opmental process, so you should definitely check them out too! Developers’ Conference (GDC) in San Francisco thanks to a very generous scholarship from the NZGDA and Advocacy Microtalks: Challenging the Industry in 20 Slides Callaghan Innovation (side note: these scholarships The title says it all really. This series of microtalks has 10 speakers and features some become available to apply for around December and hard truths about problems in the industry, including online harassment and race and you should absolutely apply for them if you’re interested gender disparity. These talks offer insights into ways in which the industry can be changed. in going). This was a really big deal mainly because A: Unapologetic and brave, these talks give me hope for the future of the industry; that we I had never travelled anywhere outside of New Zealand can work towards a more inclusive and supportive community. other than the Gold Coast in Australia, B: I was going with fellow Runaway employees who I basically looked The Last Game I Make Before I Die: The “Crashlands” Postmortem up to as Divine Entities, and C: I had only been working This talk clashed with my timetable so I couldn’t watch it in person but I watched it on in the industry for four months and was about to go to the Vault at work, which was a mistake because I was welling up in the first two minutes. the largest international games conference in the world, Presented by Samuel Coster, the talk shares his personal battle with cancer during the and all of my game developer senpais were going to development of Crashlands, a game he and his brothers worked on during his treatment. be there. Make sure you watch this alone in your bedroom with a comforting hot drink and your No exaggeration, that week in 2016 was the best week favourite plushie to snuggle, because you will cry. of my life and really validated both my purpose in the industry and how fortunate I was to be a part of it. Honourable Mentions This year, as a much wiser, older, and hotter game Breaking Conventions with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild developer expert, I attended the conference as a speaker Everything I Said Was Wrong: Why Indie Is Different Now at the Community Management Summit. But who gives Indigenous Games Lightning Talks a fuck about what I spoke about! I want to share some Indie Soapbox of the talks I had the privilege to see, all of which you ‘Pokemon GO’ & Designing Interactive Games for the Real World can watch too as they are free to watch on the GDC Vault and offer a fascinating insight into the professional You should watch all of the available free to watch content on the Vault if you can because games industry. they are all amazing! —Lisa Blakie ➡Website: http://www.gdcvault.com/free/gdc-17 Culture 37

FOOD

Plum Crumble

Serves 4, or more with ice-cream

Fruit is fab until you go OTT at the farmers’ market and you’re practically swimming in a sea of dangerously squishy plums —old lady qualms, I know. “Treat yo’self” is definitely a mantra that gets me right in the feels. I know sugar is bad, but it seems a bit ridiculous to banish it because of my health, yet hap- pily shotgun a beer on my mate’s deck for fun. So here we go, treat yo’self for the sake of an article, use up all this semi- mingin’ fruit, go on. I’ll indulge myself in a crumble purely for your benefit. Woe is life. While you’re on the treat yo’self buzz, why don’t you go get some ice cream on the flat card too? Your pedantic, anal, “who owes who 10 cents” flatmate will Base: Method: probably crack the shits, but she’ll come 16 small plums* (I had black doris), stoned around as soon as you whip it out and quartered Preheat the oven to 180°C. for flat dinner. 1 teaspoon vanilla “Flat dinner?” You ask. 2 cardamom pods, crushed In a small saucepan, combine all the ingredients Yes, flat dinner. Realistically, this 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon for the base and let them simmer away until the crumble’s got more servings of your 5+ 1 palmful of brown sugar (I literally grabbed sauce reduces and becomes lusciously syrupy. a day than that crap limp macaroni from it and chucked it in the pot) a packet your tragic flatmate cooked last A splash of water to cover the fruit In a bowl, combine the dry ingredients of the night. Remember, we’re allegedly adults crumble and rub the butter through it with your and we can do what we want. Break the fingers. It’s going to be messy so just own it and rules—treat yo’selves! lick your fingers when you’re done. Crumble Topping: 2/3 cup of rolled oats Find something that resembles ovenproof, spoon By Liani Baylis 1/3 cup of flour out the plums and add just enough syrup so that 1/3 cup of packed brown sugar it doesn’t dry out, and cover with the topping. Issue 07 | APR 2017 60g of butter, room temperature (proper room, not flat room. Put the heater on!) Bake for 15 minutes. Enjoy!

*If you don’t have any plums then substitute for a couple of ripe pears

YOUR SATURDAY STARTS HERE... Seasonal, local, healthy Bacon Butties, & aﬀordable Crepes, Gourmet Porridge, Every Saturday morning Detox Juices, & dunedin railway station Fresh Fruit & Vege www.otagofarmersmarket.co.. 38 Culture

BOOKS

Bonjour Tristesse —Francoise Sagan

Review by Zoe Taptiklis

I read Bonjour Tristesse on my way back from France during a six-hour layover in Shanghai airport. I was pretty jetlagged. I won’t lie or mislead you; this is going to be an astral quest of a book review. The Times cover quote reads “funny, immoral and thoroughly French,” which it is. The title, translating to ‘Hello Sadness’, denotes the general tone of the novel. Protagonist Cécile lives with her rich Dad in the south of France. Her life is really hard because he likes to take her to parties where he proceeds to smear the whale blubber lipstick of the French aristocracy on his cocktail shirt. What is even worse is that she is expected to have fun. Quelle horreure. Finally, some sense is injected into a narrative that had mainly involved sun bathing and forgetting to eat, when Dad’s ex-fling, Elsa gets with Cécile’s own hunk-a-spunk, Cyril. Both Dad and Cécile are like “whatever losers”. But this marks the beginning of a complicated four-way love triangle involving Dad, Cecille, Dad’s new wife, Elsa, and Cyril. Correction, five way love triangle. Maybe it’s more of a love pentagram, all the characters doomed to live out the infamous French love for affairs. Sagan was 18 when she wrote this novel, which should make all of us feel unaccomplished. In this novel—aided by the juvenile writer’s best friend: first person perspective—Sagan accurately entombs the hugeness of the 17-year-old experience. Each character is robed in darling little vignettes of vices, crystal cut glasses, silk headscarves, wicker travelling baskets and white driving gloves; all of them waltzing through and slamming the door of Cecile’s one roomed life. Scenes cascade from romantic tussles in the beeches, to slow jolting dinners, to drunken drives between bars, and the stillness of the rising sun. The introduction of my edition notes that the Skimming Tips: scandal that Sagan inspired when the book was first released in Read this book because 1954 was in part because at the time it was unthinkable that a it’s everything that a John bougie (slang for bourgeois) girl could write such illicit content. Green novel is not. It’s I can’t help but think that a Sagan of our generation would have especially good if you’re written the draft of this novel on the back of polaroids. having weird love life As I continue to reflect, I feel that Bonjour Tristesse is a eulogy / sleeping with other for the teenage self. The side-sweep-fringe-wearing, My Chemical people issues. Romance listening, tamagochi playing, individuals who we think we haven’t grown out of. In a weird way, Bonjour Tristesse is one of those novels that encourage both nostalgia and the fight to Pairs well with Mainland’s regain the past (though not in the Republican sense of the phrase). double cream brie, now It’s a novel that one wants to read with rose tinted glasses because on special at New World. it makes it seem like maybe there really was a better version of today. Issue 07 | APR 2017 39 39 Culture Culture - - - par this on and Auckland In lives Chile, in born was Red Jah If your expression of “good vibes” compromises the safety safety the compromises vibes” “good of expression your If This is not message. tuned an auto So. Good Vibes. Fair enough. Everybody deserves to have a a have to deserves Everybody enough. Fair Vibes. Good So. time. There are a more lyrics about controlling and (de)grading and (de)grading about controlling lyrics a more are time.There technology. and style of a mist in Hidden here. woman it is of people in or community workplace the and movement your have change. to We need and you unacceptable totally face. your remember We live. you where know We plates. number is drenched in this now familiar code red plague levels of au of levels plague red code familiar now in this is drenched chorus verse moulded chorus to-tune. It’s an unspectacularly Jahfori-I where mid-section angular more slightly with thingy here. surprises no are There contrast. vocal of a bit for in drops rubbish clubbish numbers by hop hip infused Soul/Reggae It’s a manila filed big for under vanilla that’s generic folder destined say to okay always it’s know to you want I And bro. beats sick so be it let well this like it say to want you if and shit this to no words. the it’s and picture this to more there’s because his with time a good have to deserves Lion Red Jah time. good good the have WE “Yes states clearly ditty this as and mates a good having beach the “on they’re So alone. not is JahRL vibes” ghanja”, of bag “big their with beach the On Tranquil. Nice. time”. or de marijuana, is illegal which but be should use its at least beach or fellow authorities the that criminalised, but it appears Phew. nice”. “everything’s because out them hassling aren’t goers his and Red Jah the fact the for Except enough. innocent Seems at the themselves located only have to appear entourage stoned girls” pretty the “watch to least at or woman, hassle to beach have thisday particular at beach the woman the Unfortunately intoxicated the avoid to action, needed evasive take to needed to attempt an in by” “swim and beach, the at guy of bunches isn’t This voyeurs. baked these of behaviour predatory the avoid his and Red Jah lyric. the of intention the to true it is Nor right. good a of idea their is This way. this behave to entitled feel posse ticular track sings in a heavily affected Jamaican accent, which which accent, Jamaican affected sings inticular a heavily track

by Reg Norris Reg by So back to 1998. There were angry mobs roaming the streets streets the roaming mobs angry were 1998. There to back So So here we are. It’s 2017. Auto-tune has been naturalised. The The naturalised. been has 2017. Auto-tune It’s are. we here So Now auto-tune is pretty simple to explain. Imagine all your your all Imagine explain. to simple pretty is auto-tune Now want nor need to hear the lyrics but we need to discuss what we we what discuss to need we but lyrics the hear to need nor want Lion’s Red Jah Cue them. hearing still are we why and hearing are Vibes’. ‘Good single I) new Jahfori Twarnis (ft. trace of organic life in pop had music. left of human organic The voice trace building.the and challenging. ugly is Lorde now human voice unadulterated can and we has character her voice because hatchet the gets NOT do we Sometimes not). or it like we (whether lyrics the hear with burning effigies of Cher. The Robbie Burns statue in the in the statue Burns Robbie burning ofThe effigies Cher. with last of the entrails tangled the with had been strangled Octagon Chants and of Mermaids Moonstruck. VHS copies remaining few the of halls the through echoed time’ back turn I could ‘If of so felt was impact Its Park. South on featured Parodies Kremlin. last the of loss the marked It days. of end the was It universally. vocal expressions, the rhythm of the way you talk and the timbre timbre the and talk you way the of rhythm the expressions, vocal the to back in relation and digitised played were voice, of your have now you singer a horrible you’re if Even a piano. on notes of a version Or tune. auto That’s pitch. perfect to access instant a flight descending and climbing voice your of sound the It’s it. it. Google enough? well illustrated Not stairs. virtual of inescapable soundtrack to your supermarket experience. But But experience. supermarket your to soundtrack inescapable popular has that haunted about is something ‘Believe’ there of the in presentation the was It release. its since musicever it time the at but standards today’s by subtle was It vocals. auto-tune. of birth the was It train. freight suburban a derailing was It’s 1998. Some of you are being conceived. Possibly to Cher’s Cher’s to Possibly conceived. being are you of 1998. Some It’s this cylinder a wax onto a sound scribing a stylus Like ‘Believe’. Madonna like Cher, it. with Deal DNA. your in imprinted is song danceable modest a lyrically into moving we’re year, very that in life after believe “Do hooks you chorus club The phase. anthem the as place their confirmed home” got I just like “I feel and love” MUSIC 40 Letters

DUNEDIN BELLS NON-GENDER TOILETS @OUSA

Dear Joe & Lucy/ Critic Editors, Hi, Oxford and Cambridge have a peal of bells that I have issue with the non-gender specific toilets at ring each day. I remembered Otago University OUSA—there I said it. If there is going to be a sign clocktower would chime through the night for saying non-gender specific toilets, then why are LETTER OF THE WEEK insomniac students. At 7am the Dunedin Town there still gender specific toilet facilities? Last time Hall clocktower rings out ‘till late. I checked vaginas couldn’t use urinals. Dunedin is a city of churches. Church teaches Call it bad timing but I am not happy with free GAGGING GAG NOT FUNNY of “the beauty of holiness” and the holiness of willy when I choose to walk out of a cubicle. beauty in worship. Dunedin needs more noble —Tina Kapohe spires and clock towers to distinguish it. Dear former editor of Critic, Dunedin City Baptist Church (DCBC), Nations Are you still working in journalism? If so, you and Elim have left the architectural traditions of may want to go back and do some more re- their fathers and look more like department stores search in the matter of “former editor” limiting or supermarkets. It’s a wonder they don’t paint RESPONSE FROM HAHNA BRIGGS the freedom of speech. As several articles and their churches orange and call themselves Mitre QUEER SUPPORT: TV interviews have stated, no students were 10 and be done with it. gagged rather advised that caution should be A late friend said, Church should not be the taken when speaking to the media if they Warehouse- but the “prayer-house”. With their The bathrooms with urinals have signage on the chose to do so. This message also wasn’t motto, “the prayer-house, the prayer-house- door that includes a urinal symbol and that there delivered by accused former editor but others whee everybody gets a pardon”. are gender specific toilets on the second floor of when students expressed concern and were “Sanctuary,” as Quasimodo says in the clubs and societies if you don’t want to use the seeking advice about how to handle the media Hunchback of Notre-Dame, by Victor Hugo, when gender neutral toilets. The letter writer replied again lurking and probing. he rescues Esmeralda from being burnt at reiterating that they still felt toilets with urinals the stake. shouldn’t be gender neutral. I replied again saying From Anon And, as Bob Dylan sings, “Ring ‘dem bells.” thanks, we appreciate feedback from students and left it at that. Yours truly, —A side note: I’m going to advocate that we The letter of the week wins a Anthony Skegg re-design the signage to make the symbols larger $30 BOOK VOUCHER BA Otago and simpler. They are quite hard to read. From the University Book Shop

NOTICE CAMPUS WATCH: KEEPING YOU SAFE

At Campus Watch we are a diverse group of people may have worked late and feel like company as readily available to offer assistance and advice they make their way to their vehicles. whenever or wherever it is required. We work 24 The University has a number of emergency hours a day, seven days a week on campus. You phones strategically placed around the Campus will recognise us by our distinctive uniforms of blue that are linked to our Control Room. The phones are and gold. easily identified by a blue light on top and can be Our role is to help students adapt to the student found in locations such as the Medical School, Dental way of life. We also conduct building security checks, School, College of Education and Uni Plaza. monitor Cardax (building access) and deal with any If you would like someone from Campus Watch emergencies on Campus. to talk to your group or department about the many services we offer the University, please call the We operate the Safety Patrol, which ventures out on-shift Campus Watch Team Leader on (479) 4882. during the academic year Wednesday to Saturday nights from 11pm to 3 am. We also provide a “walk home” service for students during the hours of CAMPUS WATCH (479) 5000 darkness. This service also extends to staff who FREEPHONE 0800 479 5000 Issue 07 | APR 2017 41 - Columns When study becomes your 9–5 (often more than than more 9–5 (often your becomes study When in harm’s way for a qualification. Don’t sacrifice sacrifice Don’t qualification. a for way harm’s in it. worth be never it’ll well-being; your first things to give way in postgraduate study. In In study. in postgraduate way give things to first when day, a rough having I was when undergrad, when reading, I was anything I couldn’t understand remember couldn’t I when and ideas, my like didn’t I a safety I had like I felt a paper, take to I wanted why read the what know would They friends. net in my were ideas me my that tell they’d ingsmeant, we Now fun. more studying make they’d worthy; same the in studying are people of Lots alone. are as thing same the is researching nobody but area, material, same the is reading nobody else, anybody much smaller. and feels community the that), it’s other difficult anything identify with to most it’s life, your of focus the it’s work; your than about isn’t life But do. you what and are you who of order in become you whom about it’s get, you what Engage people. other Meet a break. take So, it. get to after Look have. we community massive in this yourself put Don’t it. need you if help Get yourself. - - - - - After at least 18 years of education, from from of education, 18 years at least After all academic we’re graduation, to nursery adults now. Quite suddenly I’m seeing many I’m many seeing suddenly Quite adults now. of my friends scrambling for shelter. shelter. for scrambling friends of my journey could become (myself included). included). (myself could become journey The deeper down the rabbit hole you go, the go, the hole you rabbit the down deeper The Everyone’s looking to find looking niche their to in aca Everyone’s tion. That’s hard to wrestle with. with. wrestle to hard That’s tion. demia, set up shop, and feel like they’re produc they’re like feel and shop, up set demia, something that will give them a new qualifica a new them willthat give something It’s no wonder that mental health is one of the the of one is health mental that wonder no It’s ing something of value, rather than merely than merely rather of value, ing something more specific and nuanced your research gets, the gets, the research and specific your nuanced more more it feels like your work might not matter in the in might the not matter work your like it feels more diffi incredibly feel can it Sometimes, world’. ‘real start Doubts work. own your in value the find to cult why questions else someone piling up long before what really that “is asks or important, is work your headfirst diving before long Long, doing?” you’re con and coming out more literature relevant into reading. started you before were you than fused seems to be news to just about everybody except except everybody about just to news be to seems are block the on kids new the Even postgrads. for this arduous how just understand to beginning from chronic anxiety to clinical depression. This This depression. clinical to anxiety chronic from -

POSTGRAD

of Post-Grad The Black Dog The Black

COMIC TIME COMIC Musings of a Jerk: dents suffer from mental health problems, ranging ranging problems, mental health from suffer dents claims that approximately 50 percent of PhD stu of PhD 50 percent claims approximately that A new study by a team of international researchers researchers of international a team by study A new By Kirio Birks 42 Columns

SCIENCE TANK VAPOUR IUM POETRY CORNER presents My flatmates have started to express themselves through the art of Haiku and this SCIENCE needs to be heard throughout Dunedin. TANK FUCKBOYS

Buzz Buzz upside down and I don’t know your passcode? Leave don’t waste my time —by Anonymous Aretha

Committed to providing the best quality vape gear in New Zealand, Australia and beyond. their truth despite the evidence. It’s DECEPTION Flat Earthers much more comforting to think that we exist on a flat pancake made for Legs always shaven By Ben Cravens our pleasure than to face the stark his triceps and traps glazing truth that we’re specks on a rock balls size of raisins Flat Earthers believe that the world is hurtling through space. —by Six Inch Heels flat, not spherical, and that the entire- Fortunately, there are many ways ty of the scientific community, NASA, to prove that the earth is a sphere. My and the Government are hiding the personal favourite goes all the way truth. Yes, I know it seems ridiculous, back to ancient Greece. A guy named I AM A FUCKBOY but people all around the globe really Eratosthenes set up an experiment believe this. that showed that if you put two iden- Hey coffee date Fri? However, maybe we’re being bi- tical sticks far enough away on the Almost thought she was normal ased. Let’s take a look at some of the globe, they would produce shadows fuck what a mistake proof that Flat Earthers have to offer. of differing lengths because of the —by One House Down Here’s a gem of wisdom from that curvature of the earth. He used this tome of knowledge known as “The technique and a bit of math to mea- Bible Does Say FLAT EARTH”. In a sure the circumference of the globe comment thread made by a bewil- long before technology was around HUGH dered man asking for proof of a flat to help him. If the earth were flat then earth, the great sage “Nine_eleven” the shadows would be the same I need a Papi lays all doubts to rest with the good length, which they were not. a big ass big dick Papi word. “Anyone with a Brian knows no If this seems too obscure for you, Dunners? Maybe not one ever went to the moon! any real there’s proof you can see with your —by Playboy Bunny thinking you’ll realize the earth is flat.” own eyes. Next time there’s a lunar To be fair, not all Flat Earthers were eclipse, take a look at the moon. people dropped on their heads as Because the earth is in between the babies like Nine_eleven. Most of them sun and the moon, it casts a circular BOOTHYFULL are people like you or me with per- shadow on the moon. A flat disk fectly good brains, who have just been couldn’t do this—we know due to Cranes his legs so high brainwashed with phoney informa- experiments like Foucault’s pendu- so high his beauty dilute tion. The problem with conspiracy lum that the earth is constantly ro- give me your big flute theories is that they’re so compelling tating, so only a sphere could cast a —by Jamie Booth that people convince themselves of uniform circular shadow.

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Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic. co.nz. But be warned—if you dine on the free food Cookin’ Up and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. And that won’t end well for you. Love

Mickey Minnie

Finally the clock hit 5:30, and I began to pre-drink for my date that would Just when you think the world can’t get any bigger, more anonymous, so start an hour and half later. You know you’re a fourth year when you plan many fish in the sea, you go on a blind date in a foreign country and have a small pre-drink and end up drinking a whole bottle of wine in front of a night of small world moments. your flatmates before 7pm while simultaneously destroying them in pong. I tried to be slightly late, I was aiming around 7:04-7:08, not right on I left my flat drunk and walked into the Cook ten minutes late. Before I time but still respectful you know. Except apparently I undershot my walked over the threshold, I saw a pretty brunette at the bar staring straight fashionably late time frame cause I was there first. I did what any logical at me. Sure enough, she was my date. person would do and I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes. Went back She recognized me immediately (I didn’t). I met her three days ago on out, still not there… so I chatted with the bartender, turns out what a homie. a hike in Wanaka, while waiting for my mates to reappear from the glacier. Around quarter past a blond guy in a Hawaiian shirt walks in and, while Before we could talk more, the bartender asked what I wanted to drink. I earlier this evening I was worried about how we were going to recognize found the largest and most alcoholic beer and got that. Turns out my date each other, all qualms disappeared cause it was a Tuesday night and got the same one. Great sign. everyone there was over 40… So mystery guy walks in, I see him from a Talking at the booth, I found out almost instantly that not only are we distance, the Hawaiian shirt kinda jumps out at ya, and I was like oh this from the same state in the US, but she also attends the tiniest liberal arts wont be so bad and then imagine my surprise as he gets closer and I college my best friend since 8th grade goes to. And yeah, they know each recognize the dude. other. After several failed attempts to snapchat him a picture of us, an old Lets rewind to my fantastic weekend for a hot second. Here I am hiking man with lots of white and gray hairs came over to our table. He told us to the Rob Roy glacier in Wanaka, I was feeling adventurous so I scrambled shut up, without making any eye contact with my date. She figured he was all the way down and touched the glacier and everything. On my way back sexist; I figured I was the only loud one. I think its picture perfect that the there was a guy just chillin with the rest of my group cause he lost his two Americans were asked to quiet down. friends. He hikes back to the cars with us for a while. Blame it on the long We immediately moved booths to one far away from every one else. Our hike, the redundancy of trail small talk or something, but unfortunately I food arrived, and so did our second round of drinks, so I was really feeling was not left with the greatest opinion of him coming off the hike. it. I wasn’t too hungry, so although we made plans to share our food, it was So recap, he walks into the bar and for a split second I think ‘oh good more like she just stole half of mine. But it was a great time. We never really good’, and then I recognize him and I hit the mental brakes. But once we Issue 07 | APR 2017 stopped talking. I don’t remember much after this point (too sloshed), but sat down the conversation didn’t stop. From spirituality to identifying our we ended up walking to hers. I think on the way I invited her to my friend’s Avatar element we covered it all. We even found out I go to the same school wedding party, because we’re still talking about going. Also she somehow as and know his childhood best friend—shout out to Greg. The date lasted stole my potatoes I took to go. At some point I went home, fell asleep, and around 2 hours, ended with ease. We exchanged snapchats, solid and casual skipped my lecture. form of future contact, and are going to a wedding together later this week. If I drunkly make a speech at the wedding I will be sure to throw in a shout out to the Critic Blind Date. Peace.

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DRINKING Chemistry and Soils reported on its popularity on Billy Mavericks take that fine history, kick in the US Military bases, saying it “drove the soldiers wild face and call it a nerd. Old mate Billy makes no real and crazy”. Ironically the report was commissioned attempt to get a good ratio of mix, good quality not because the Bureau was concerned about the whisky, or even good quality cola. What it does alcohol, but to test whether Coca-Cola was phar- offer is 1.1 standard drinks in a sleek, easily crush- maceutically safe for human consumption. able can. Are you sick of only being able to drink as fast as gravity can pour? With Billy Mavs you can literally squeeze the liquid into your mouth. It’s like a Ribena packet but with sharp edges you can cut yourself on. The 18-box offering really sets Billy’s apart from the competition. While not necessarily good bang- for-your-buck, it’s definitely got you sorted on pure quantity. I find it works particularly well as a pre- Billy drink before moving on to Fat Bird wine, causing a scene at India Gardens, throwing up in your Lamb Mavericks Madras, and getting kicked out at 8:30. Overall, if you’re looking to get fucked up and start a fight By Swilliam Shakesbeer with a lamppost, Billy Mavs are the way to go.

If that douchebag that dropped out of your high Taste: 2/10 school in year 11, wears a Monster Energy trucker cap everywhere, has ‘tribal’ tattoos despite being Froth Level: 2 Fast/2 Furious whiter than John Key in a snowstorm, and whose Facebook profile picture is a lowered Hilux, were an Tasting notes: Succulent woody notes, aniseed alcoholic drink, he would be a Billy Mav. undertones, with a smooth, leathery finish. Bourbon and Cola is a time-honoured cocktail Pairs well with: Bar fights, drunk & disorderly with a long history. The earliest record of the mix behaviour, using your police referral to avoid was in 1907, when the United States Bureau of a criminal conviction.

ETHEL & HYDE

Ethel says Hyde says Party Pooping What a fine-ancial challenge indeed, that could Music needs to be LOUD, party or no party, and cost you $263 for each piece of noise making equip- clearly the Fun Police enjoyed it or they wouldn’t Police ment, and they could potentially charge you another have come back THREE times. Anyway, I have a $500 if your party went for over 72 hours. And then weasel of a plan for you. HYPNOSIS. Don’t balk; you the Proctor’s office fine, if it is another $150, would can do it. I don’t have the time to give you all the We had an epic party but the council noise bring the grand total to $1,439! The only loophole details now but you can find instructions online for control came and took our speakers away, then you might be able to use is if the Noise Control the Five Second Hypnosis Technique and how to they came back 2 more times and took away Officer did not have a Police Constable with them use Pattern Interrupt, Hypnotic Keywords and the a laptop, then our amplifier. They are trying when they confiscated the equipment, then they Zeigarnik Effect. They’re brutally effective; that’s to make us pay 3 fines to get our stuff back. are in breach of their own regulations. Or, given that how I get Ethel to sleep so I can turn up the sounds And we have to pay a separate fine to the a Noise Abatement Notice is valid for 72 hours, you and down some elixir. Once you’ve practiced these Proctor’s office as well. Is there anything we could try and use your sweetest tone to persuade on a friend go to the council and find the most chilled can do? the person at the DCC Environment Health agency, out, bored looking, desk person, be engaging with —Fine-ancially challenged who you need to pay to get back your belongings, smiles and a smooth as tone, pretending you are that it really is equipment from one incident, and going to pay; now’s your chance to kick into action Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student therefore deserves only one fee for the return these with your new superpower and Trance them. BOOM Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s things. Best of luck bringing what charm you can you can have your fines wiped in a snip and reunite advice. Send your questions to: ethelandhyde@ muster to your aid in this one. with your precious gear. You can try this on the ousa.org.nz Proctor, but you may just have to pay that one, dude. Issue 07 | APR 2017 45 Columns - - I can’t see her any more; the pile of cheese has grown too high. high. too grown has cheese of pile the more; any her see I can’t smell The shoes. my in is it of Some now. lap my into falling It’s down journey its on speed gathers it top, the off rolls A chunk has claimed me as its own. Someday someone will excavate this this will excavate someone has claimed me Someday as own. its be I’ll point that by perhaps Or me. find and prison parmesan cheesy the mush, than indistinguishable from nothing more tomato some with well go I’ll Maybe inhabit. I now hellscape Sauvignon. and a Cabernet relish That looks like a brand new block. Does he have backups hidden hidden backups block. he have Does new a brand like looks That waistcoat, his under KGs a couple are there Maybe person? his on some have shoes his even perhaps pockets; back his in more bit a of inbuiltsort compartment. any well I’ve eyes. the in her look to have I don’t glad I’m almost awkward and talk small mediocre my expected I this. blown truly of me, reproduction ruin this for not to a parmesan demeanour the Pyrenees. fist If I punched my restaurant. entire the has overwhelmed much too There’s over. fall would it think I don’t it, through at this point. integrity structural comes that then side, the to off jutting pile a small hits It ward. of par avalanche an outright there’s too. Soon down crashing weight me, into pure cannons the slide giant The cheese mesan. has but cheese the move, of it to I knocking try me off me seat. It mouth. my fills it but out, call to I try place. in legs my locked more the I swallow, more the But good. pretty tastes actually know I don’t hair. my ears, my nostrils, my in It’s me. surrounds cheese the of volume pure the whether or heat body my it’s if melting point, go but gooey. it’s to starting a pressure has created this sentient were cheese this If me. inside It’s… everywhere. It’s my but side, to side from body my I throw blatant. be would nothing. nothing. I I cheese is hear see The pointless. struggle than a French Rugby Team. She’ll think I’m some cheese-obsessed cheese-obsessed I’m some think She’ll Team. Rugby a French than are People now. me of front in mountain a small There’s freak. chugging along, raining still mindlessly looking. waiter’s The yet? cheese of out not he is How me. of front in dairy of strips to stop and play it off like I intend to casually eat more cheese cheese more eat casually to I intend like off it play and stop to - I think some just spilled over the plate. Yep, that’s definitely definitely that’s Yep, plate. the over spilled just some I think “Oh hey, food’s here.” food’s hey, “Oh good.” looks that wow, Oh I’m starving. “Finally, thing in front chowder seafood put of some a plate waiter The if as me of inquired waiter The Alfredo?” Fettuccine “Chicken cheers.” me, that’s “Yeah when.” say Just Parmesan? “Grated Oh shit, I missed half of that. Some bullshit about her degree. degree. her about bullshit Some that. of half I missed shit, Oh Wait, was he grating that whole time? He’s really pounding time? He’s whole that really he grating was Wait, Cool, I’ve never had a waiter do this in real life. Feels very very Feels life. real in this do waiter a had never I’ve Cool, on the table. What the hell do I do now? I can’t just tell the guy guy the tell just I can’t now? I do do hell the What table. the on love parmesan. Well, I do love parmesan, that part’s not even a lie. a lie. even not part’s that parmesan, love I do Well, parmesan. love him. She’s looking at me. I haven’t been paying attention. Why Why attention. paying been I haven’t me. at looking She’s him. I admit if once, me caught already has She this? doing I keep do I here. be to want I don’t think gonna she’s again out I zoned cheese the at thoughtfully very I look If here. be to want do really much how exactly out work to I’m trying like look will it maybe I just maybe hey, but already, there lot awful an There’s I need. tured to make ‘when’ the object or the adverb? It’s either an an either It’s adverb? the or object the ‘when’ make to tured or stop]” to me want [you when say “Just like ending implied from him stop will that word code the me giving literally he’s like permission, my without stop can’t he if as parmesan, grating out of Westworld. something stop should I now. meal the half covering It’s block. that through fancy. When do I know when ‘when’ is? And do I actually say say I actually do And is? ‘when’ when I know do When fancy. struc sentence the Is something? or stop say I just do or ‘when’, This chat is awful. Not blaming her obviously, it’s not like I’m I’m like not it’s obviously, her blaming Not awful. is chat This Talking I’m boring. think to going she’s Shit, back. much giving out dries conversation before is resort last the about degree your change that’ll coming, waiter’s the good, Oh, silence. awkward into subject. the as long as but me, to vomit Cruiser Vodka like looked It her. of she’s happy. table. the at person other only the I wasn’t By Joel MacManus a decent it’s but do, to I want what really isn’t Accounting “Yeah, - op for up myself open wanna just I I guess I dunno, fall-back. Tony?” attention, paying still you are y’know… portunities, 46 Columns

VITALOGY

to the efforts for his relief. Mental labour should be given up; overwork of any kind must be abandoned; forget all cares, and borrow no annoy- ances; and all articles liable to keep up the trouble must be forbidden, such as tobacco, coffee, and tea.

Remedies - An admirable remedy is to use a pillow stuffed with hops, or one containing a portion of them. Sleep with the head towards the north. Instances are common where the patient suffers from an empty stomach and a quantity of easily digested food will satisfy the craving and promote sound, refreshing slumber. Cold to the head or hot foot baths, with or without mustard, or a warm bath will relieve the patient promptly. The patient should examine his surroundings, as to whether a cause exists, such as improper position in bed; the best is always where the head and shoulders are above Sleeplessness* the level. Never sleep with the head covered. Children should sleep alone as Apart from disease, sleeplessness may arise from an overloaded much as possible, if we would have them possess vigorous lungs, sound stomach, over-excitement, or cold feet. bodies and sound minds. Fat persons should sleep little and exercise Treatment - How to sleep is to many persons a matter of high im- much. Too much sleep in a warm bed weakens the nerves, disorders the portance. Nervous persons, who are troubled with wakefulness, usually brain, produces peevishness, leads to apoplexy, palsy, excites palpitations, have a strong tendency of blood to the brain, with cold extremities. Let and relaxes the system by over perspiration. Chronic wakefulness may such rise and chafe the body and extremities with a brush or towel, or be greatly controlled by eating plentifully of onion soup two or three rub smartly with the hands to promote circulation and withdraw the times per week. The loving and harmonious are invariably the sweetest excessive amount of blood from the brain, and they will sleep in a few sleepers, but the stoutest slumberers are they who work much and moments. A shower-bath or a sponge-bath and rubbing, or a rapid think little. walk in the open air, or, it is said, going up and down stairs a few times just before retiring, will aid in equalising circulation and promoting sleep. Studious men ought to avoid late readings, and on going to bed Bad Dreams - Do not gratify your appetite with too many kinds of endeavour to sleep may be procured by the person getting up and food, especially near bedtime. When a child, you were injured by affec- walking about the room for a few minutes. By such means sleep is tionate expressions from friends and family in the shape of candy, raisins, sometimes induced when previously it had been solicited in vain. nuts, and rich cake. These are germ-generating “evil spirits” that now In protracted cases of wakefulness, the patient should be made to beset you in your dreams. Sleep with your head toward the North Pole fully understand the danger he is in, and to lend his entire concurrence hereafter, and always go to sleep on your right side, and as a rule eat or drink nothing after seven o’clock pm.

*This information was taken from Vitalogy, a real medical book published in 1923. This column is for entertainment only and should not be taken as advice by anyone, ever. President’s Column

Hi Postgrads! I’m Lucy and I’m your elected postgraduate officer for some useful resources for anyone heading overseas to research, study or work 2017. The purpose of my role is to ensure that postgraduate voices are through their GoinGlobal database (accessible through OtagoCareerHub). represented within the university. For this reason, it’s important that I If you’re just getting started on your PhD, then the CDC are available for speak to as many students as possible, and so you’ll often find me rocking strategic career planning and will sit down with you to discuss your values, up to your events and fighting back the urge to eat your free kai. If you do interests, skills and end-goals. If you’re a year or two into your studies, the CDC see me, at events or on campus, please come and say hi. It’s important to can help you to sketch out your options and can help you gain the skills you recognise that your voice is valuable and that it will be heard. need in order to reach your end-goal. As well as this, the CDC also run a variety Another important part of my role is to make sure that postgraduate of career planning sessions that will teach you how to best market yourself for students are connected to the support around them. Last week I met with your next exciting endeavour. the lovely Yvonne from the Career Development Centre (the glass building The CDC courses are available to all students and are listed on their website next to the Burns). The CDC offer a wealth of support to all students and http://www.otago.ac.nz/careers/contacts/index.html. the scope of this support ranges from Undergraduate/Honours, to Masters At OUSA we recognise that postgraduate study is tough and can often and PhD level. The CDC are available for drop in sessions for one on one be a lonely process. For this reason, we will always be here for you! advice. They also run a variety of workshops and seminars on careers Remember, OUSA is not just for undergraduate students. related topics which are advertised on OtagoCareerHub. CDC also have Keep in touch! Lucy - [email protected]

Honouring those who fought. Valuing Peace.

The OUSA ANZAC SERVICE 1.30pm, Tuesday 25th April Outside the University Staﬀ Club (Main Common Room if wet)

Creativity for Hyde Street wasn’t limited to costumes! Here are our “Best of the Worst” a small selection of our favourite counterfeit wristbands this year. Love the effort; you’ll be forever on our wall. Better luck in the lottery next year! Xoxo, OUSA Events Team.