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Book Half Title Someone Is Watching Gay Youth Chronicles by Mark A. Roeder -i- Copyright © 1999, 2002, 2003, 2008 Mark A. Roeder This eBook is for the personal use of anyone anywhere at no cost. You may copy it or give it away and may print it for your own use. The copyright holder, Mark A. Roeder, reserves all other rights to Someone Is Watching, including, but not limited to print, film, audio, and foreign rights. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All registered trademarks mentioned in this book are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended or should be inferred. -ii- THE FULL LICENSE PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK (Someone Is Watching) By using or distributing this work you agree to comply with all the terms of THE FULL LICENSE. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Someone Is Watching 1. By reading or using any part of this electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and destroy all electronic copies of Someone Is Watching in your possession. 2. This work must be kept in the same format with its attached full License when you share it with others. 3. The following paragraph must appear prominently in any copy of this work that is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed: This eBook is for the personal use of anyone anywhere at no cost. You may copy it or give it away and may print it for your own use. The copyright holder, Mark A. Roeder, reserves all other rights to Someone Is Watching, including, but not limited to print, film, audio, and foreign rights. 4. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing this work. 5. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES – Mark A. Roeder disclaims all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT. YOU AGREE THAT MARK A. ROEDER AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE. -iii- 6. This work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. 7. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. 8. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold Mark A. Roeder and anyone providing copies of Someone Is Watching electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Someone Is Watching, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to this work, and (c) any Defect you cause. -iv- Dedication This book is dedicated to all those boys who struggle to be true to themselves. -v- Table of Contents Chapter 1: The Varsity Wrestling Squad Chapter 2: My First Date Chapter 3: Awakening Desires Chapter 4: Six Words That Changed My Life Forever Chapter 5: Wrestling with Doubts Chapter 6: Proving My Manhood Chapter 7: Meeting Myself Chapter 8: My First Day as Me Chapter 9: Uncertain Friendships Chapter 10: Awkward Encounters Chapter 11: Wrestling with Opponents and Problems Chapter 12: Nathan's Little Brother Chapter 13: The Boys on the Farm Chapter 14: An Expedition Under The Earth Chapter 15: Hell to Pay Chapter 16: Trouble for Nathan Chapter 17: Cute Boys at the Water Park Chapter 18: Mark and Taylor Exposed Chapter 19: Coming Out to a Friend Chapter 20: Growing Fear Chapter 21: The Death of Dreams Chapter 22: The Loss of Friends Chapter 23: Opening My Eyes to Reality Chapter 24: Dreams Do Come True Chapter 25: Love in the Candlelight Chapter 26: Dark Secrets Uncovered Chapter 27: My Tormentor Revealed Chapter 28: The Decision of a Lifetime Chapter 29: Wrestling with Demons Chapter 30: My Boyfriend Chapter 31: Lessons on the Soccer Field A Christmas Tale: Do Not Open Until Christmas -vi- Preface I wrote Someone Is Watching because of the many gay boys out there who have such a hard time dealing with their homosexuality. I believe that it helps to see how others have handled the situation. Fiction allows us to explore who we are, especially when the characters are "real." In my novels I strive to leave behind homosexual stereotypes and feature characters that are realistic. Someone Is Watching is the story of a struggle with a secret tormentor, but it's even more about a boys struggle with himself. It is these inner battles that are the most difficult and all of us must face them. I think every gay boy can identify with Ethan and his struggle. There is a little of him in all of us. I’m now providing this ebook version free of charge because I realize many who would like to read this book cannot afford to purchase a copy. Writers such as myself know all about living on a limited budget. Please feel free to distribute copies of Someone Is Watching (under the terms of the license at the beginning of the book). Don’t forget to check out markroeder.com for information on this and my other novels. -vii- Acknowledgements I'd like to thank Dave for his suggestions and criticisms of all the early drafts of Someone Is Watching. I'd also like to thank Ken Clark and Jim Hertwig for their useful suggestions and the many errors they pointed out and Doug Kendrick for proofing last minute revisions. I'd finally like to thank all those who have written me, sharing their own thoughts and feelings. A special thanks goes out to Brandon for his insightful thoughts on Ancient Prejudice. -viii- Chronology This novel takes place at the same time as The Soccer Field is Empty and just before A Better Place. -ix- Verona, Indiana August 1980 -x- Chapter 1: The Varsity Wrestling Squad Zac was like a wildcat; sleek, strong, and quick. I’d always had a certain admiration for him. He had a bit of an attitude and was kind of a punk, but his skill as a wrestler couldn’t be denied. Anyone could tell, just by looking at him, how powerful he was. His shoulders and chest were broad and thick; his arms were knotted with muscle. He had tremendous upper body strength, as well as powerful legs. He was a force to be reckoned with. He stood waiting on the mat “Ethan!” Coach Zeglis called me forward. Mentally, I thought, Oh shit! Not me! Outwardly, I approached the mat with calm and confidence. I could feel the other guys looking at me with relief that they didn’t have to take on Zac. I was an excellent wrestler and had some slick moves, but Zac was a match for anyone. My heart raced. I knew this was it. This is where I proved myself to Coach. How well I did against Zac would determine if I made varsity or if my uncle would force me off the team. I didn’t necessarily have to win to make the varsity squad, but I needed to make a good showing against Zac. We shook hands. Zac eyed me cautiously. He knew I was no pansy. One of the things that made him so damned good was that he never let his guard down. He never allowed himself to get overconfident. He treated each opponent as someone who could take him down. Coach put me in the referee’s position. I got down on my hands and knees and Zac took his position with one arm around my waist. I could sense Zac’s watchfulness as we waited for the whistle. His body was taut and just waiting to spring into action. All eyes were on us. Everyone knew it would be an exciting match to watch. I narrowed my focus to just Zac. No one else mattered. I concentrated on his arm encircling my waist. I was keenly aware of my own muscles, tensed and ready to act. The gym grew still. I could hear nothing but the sound of my own breath and that of Zac. It was as if time had slowed. Coach blew the whistle and I snapped into motion, fast as lightning. Zac was ready for me. His strong arms held me, muscles bulging. I struggled to break free, channeling every ounce of power in my body to escape. I shifted my weight, but Zac followed me, kept his balance. His arm still encircled me, holding me prisoner.
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