Zuhotel Lge 2'Uhae 650' See' NEWYORKCHICAGOKANSAS CITY

ZUhotel lge 2'Uhae 650' See' NEWYORK*CHICAGO*KANSAS CITY

www.americanradiohistory.com Pert, tition -hoired Donna At- wood, Queen of the Ice, will be feotured in the new Ice -Copodes of 1946 ot the Plo -Mar Areno during the week of April 4-11. Queen of the king -size beouties of Hollywood is Alexis Smith, wife of Konsos City's own Croig Stevens of the film copitol. Miss Smith wos o guest on Showtime recently, on o brief stopover between troins. Queen of WHB's Showtime, Rosemory Howord, seems to hove o crush on that little splinter, Jerry O'Leary, whose manipulator, Bob Evons, hos been coiled the King of Ventriloquists, by thot moster technicion, Edgor Bergen.

IT PAYS TO BE SMART -W) popular high school quiz sh "It Poys to Be Smart," is w ing owoy with laurels os Ko' City's outstonding weekend ro

show . . . Saturdays ot 1

p. m. Quizmaster Dick Smith c the questions and students vie cosh prizes. The show is put in cooperation with the Bo of Education and the Univer of Konsos City. The series star of Southwest High School wh this picture wos token.

www.americanradiohistory.com VOL. 2 APRIL, 1946 NO. 4 ARTICLES SwinAN APPARATUS POR RECREATION' STALIN MEANS BUSINESS Cedric Foster 3 NOW that Aprile with its shores WHY JAZZ James B. Gantt 7 sote hath lightly turned our WAR DANCE OF MERCY D W. Hodgins 9 fancies to thoughts of love and Do UNTO OTHERS Flora Hafer 13 other rights of spring, we find THE GRIND AND BUMP Jim Britton 15 ourselves disturbed again by those I'LL NEVER Do THAT AGAIN Rick Allison 17 longings, immortal and otherwise, recurrent with the season. RADIO ADVERTISERS NEED TO And as before, we find it dis- GROW UP John Broberg 21 tracting and delicious . . . Yet, OLD JEN Lucille Davenport 25 the papers do not report the AN OVERNIGHT ARMY Carol White 27 smell of the lilacs nor its impli- AND EVERY GIRL A QUEEN Jetta Carleton 29 cations, nor the kiss under the 2,000 MILES OF FUNERAL Sam Smith 41 pale green willow; and the radio SKY Lucille 47 seldom sings of the nightingale. SMOKE SIGN IN THE H. Beckhart They are busy with the necessary T.B. -PAINLESS DANGER Constance Rivard 49 news of hunger, of the fascist who refuses to be conquered, and MISCELLANIES the senator who refuses to con - quer him. With the air full of RATS ARE SMART Tlieia A. Gebbie 44 these, we have learned not to BOOM TIMES FOR WHALES Rowland G. Bird 45 expect renascence at Eastertime. And we have even begun to doubt our right to realize April. OUR TOWN TOPICS We wonder if there is time for SWING'S MAN OF THE MONTH, MURREL CRUMP 37 the traditions of spring, and if APRIL'S HEAVY DATES IN KANSAS CITY 2 we do wrong to welcome them. PORTS OF CALL IN KANSAS CITY 63 Perhaps we merely use April as SWINGIN' WITH THE STARS 66 good excuse for cartwheels and SWING AROUND 67 wings at the heel. Or is it irre- sistible, we wonder; simply that we are the natural absorbent of OTHER TOWN TOPICS the vibrations of an earth push- ing up flowers, so that we are CHICAGO LETTER Norton Hughes Jonathan 54 giddy, with good reason and CHICAGO PORTS OF CALL Marion Odmark 56 much rhyme. NEW YORK LETTER Lucie Ingram 57 On the first day of the month, NEW YORK PORTS OF CALL 59 when Puck's summation of us strikes home again, we can't help suspecting that April could be good for people. If it really took, we think it might prevent certain JETTA CARLETON Editor pompous and pernicious evils. DAVID W. HODGINS Managing Editor And that is why we have decided DONALD DWIGHT DAVIS Publisher to wish April on everyone. On all the stuffy people, the bigots, TOM COLLINS Humor and the greedy ... and also on NORTON HUGHES JONATHAN . Chicago Editor the wise and reasonable ones LUCIE INGRAM New York Editor who have so much work to do. We hope April happens to all of JOHN T. SCHILLING Circulation Manager them -and to you -and to us- PHOTOGRAPHY: Harold Hahn, Brooks Crummett, with all its terrifying tenderness. Ray Farnan, Norm Hobart, Louise Putnam. ART: James Gantt, Art Director; Betty Schultheis, Marge Estes, Jane Edmiston, Flaucy Pearson, Mignon Beyer, Don Flowers, H. Lindsey.

is published monthly at Kansas City, Missouri. SW1II Address all communications to Publication Of- Editor fice, 1120 Scarritt Building, Kansas City 6, Missouri. 'Phone Harrison 1161. 247 Park Avenue, New York 17, New York. 'Phone Plaza 3.9327. 333 North Michigan, Chicago 1, Illinois. 'Phone Central 7980. Price 25c in United States and Canada. Annual subscriptions, United States, $3 a year; everywhere else, $4. Copyright 1946 by WHB Broadcasting Co. All rights of pictorial or text content reserved by the Publisher in the United States, Great Britain, Mexico, Chile, and all countries participating in the International Copyright Convention. Reproduction or use without express permission of any matter herein is for- bidden. Swing is not responsible for the loss of unsolicited manuscripts, drawings or photographs. Printed in U. S. A.

www.americanradiohistory.com APRIL'S HEAVY DATES n J'('aniai CjI, ART BASEBALL William Rockhill Nelson Gallery Ruppert Stadium, 22nd and Brook. of Art: Loan Galleries; paintings lyn (Exhibitions). by four Latin-American artists, April 11, Chicago Cubs vs. St. Carreno, Merida, Bermudez and Louis Browns. Tamayo. Fifty Latin-American April 12, St. Louis Cardinals vs. prints, and 50 Pre-Spanish Peru- Kansas City Blues. vian textiles, circulated by Pan. April 13.14. Pittsburgh Pirates vs. American Union. Print Rooms: Kansas City Blues. Etchings by James McNeil (American Association Whistler . Masterpiece-of-the- League Season) Month: Terra Cotta Funerary April 17, 18, 19. Minneapolis vs. Urn, Etruscan. 2nd century, Kansas City Blues. BC. Final motion picture and April 20.21, St. Paul vs. Kansas musical program April 14. "The City Blues (2 games on Sun- Dance in Film," sponsored by day). Fox-Midwest. WRESTLING LECTURES April 3, World's championship (University of Kansas City) match, arena. Sponsored by "American Ideals" by Dr. Jay Sports, Inc. William Hudson from the Uni- April 16, Professional wrestling, MUSIC versity of Missouri, Monday sponsored by Sports, Inc. and Thursday evenings. 7:00 April 17, World's championship April 4, Alec Templeton, (AHN) 8:15. match, arena, sponsored by Music Hall. "Elementary Russian," Monday Sports, Inc. (Conservatory Program) and Thursday evenings, 7:00 April 2, piano students of Alice 9:05, by Dr. Samson Soloveit Rutledge, 3522 Walnut. chek, from the University of OTHER EVENTS April 5, excerpts from opera, Colorado. "Russian ForeignFore Atkins April 6, Campfire Girls city-wide auditorium. Policy" Tuesday and Friday get-together, arena. April 9, students of Florence evenings, 7:00.8:15. for a Day" O'Hara, at All Soul's Church, April 11.12, "Queen 34th and Baltimore. Broadcast over Mutual and April 11, Rosemary Maloscay's WHB, 1:30 p.m.. Municipal violin students, at All Soul's DANCING Auditorium Arena. Church. (PlaMor Ballroom, 32nd April 12, ROTC Military Circus, April 8, last concert by Allied and Main) arena. Arts symphony orchestra. di- Tuesday and Friday nights, "Over April 14, Eagle Scouts, Music rected by David Van Vactor, in 30" dances with Tom and Kate Hall. auditorium of Community Beckham and their orchestra. April 21. Easter Sunday religious church. April 3, 4, 6. 7, Lloyd La Bric. services, arena. April 23, Emily Ketting's voice April 10, 11. 12. 14, 17. 18. students, All Soul's church. 20, 21, 24, 25, 27, 28, Ozzie April 26, Lucy Handy's voice Clark. ON THE ICE pupils, All Soul's church. (Municipal Auditorium) April 4.11. IceCapades, PlaMor April 30, musical program by April 14, Louis Jordan, colored Arena. Giant company of 152 radio department at the con, dance. and 10 production spectacles. servatory. (Other Musical Events) April 30, Loretto Academy musi- CONVENTIONS cale, Music Hall of Municipal April 2. Heart of America Opto- Auditorium. metric Congress. President. April 28, concert by Music de April 7.8. Rotary Intl. 123rd Div partment of Jewish community trict, Kansas City, Kansas. :© center, 1600 Linwood, including April 10.12, Missouri Valley Elec- Center Symphony, and choral tric Association. Continental. groups. April 15.17, Osteopathic Chil- dren's Health Conference. Little Theatre. April 24.26. Midwest Hospital THEATRE Assn. Auditorium. April 1.8, Resident Theatre, 1600 April 27.29, Central States Shoe Linwood Boulevard. Resident Travelers. Phillips and Muehle Theatre players, directed by bach. Harry Schwimmer, present April 30, National League of "Snafu." Women Voters. Muehlebach. www.americanradiohistory.com No plea for peace ... Peace is unattainable under the present capitalistic world economy. by CEDRIC FOSTER

STALIN Mani BUSINESS

(In a broadcast heard Sunday, February 10, at 5:30 p. m. CST, Mutual's highly rated commentator, Cedric Foster, ripped aside the veil of clouded thinking concerning Joe Stalin, and what he has in mind. Foster is heard weekdays except Saturday at 1 p. m., CST on WHB, Sundays at 5:30.)

IN AN unheralded appearance be take into consideration that he made fore the microphone of the Mos- no plea for peace, as we would under- cow radio, Josef Stalin, dictator of the stand such a plea here in the United

Union of Soviet Socialistic Republics, States . . . a plea for peace to be told the people of the entire world established through a sympathetic and what they might expect from the Rus- mutual approach by all nations to the sian people in the next half decade. problems of their fellow -men in other He gave this information to the countries of the world. He made no world through the medium of telling such plea, because that which he be- the Russian people themselves, on the lieved to be the prerequisite to such eve of their elections which took place a peace . . . namely, "the periodic today, of the tasks which he expected redistribution of raw materials and them to perform. The reason that he markets between the countries of the wished them to perform these tasks, world, in accordance with their eco- he said, was to prepare the Soviet nomic needs, and by peaceful means" Union for "any eventuality." He did . . . he made no such plea, because not amplify that statement by saying this, he said, was unattainable "under what he thought that "eventuality" the present capitalistic development of might be. world economy." I believe that it should be noted Holding this opinion, as he frankly first of all, that at no point in his stated he did, he told the Russian remarks did Josef Stalin refer to the people that it was incumbent upon Deity. At no point did he suggest them, in the next five years, to pro- that any Divine Guidance be sought. duce fifty million tons of pig iron a I believe also that it should be noted year; sixty million tons of steel; a half that his address was, for the most billion tons of coal, and six million part, an indictment of the capitalistic tons of oil. Thus, the five -year out- system. Lastly, I believe we should put which looms immediately ahead www.americanradiohistory.com 4 April, 1946 on the post -war horizon would be a time production would be as high as quarter of a billion tons of pig iron; its peacetime output. almost a third of a billion tons of At the same time that he urged this steel; two billion, five hundred mil- gigantic effort to be expended by the lion tons of coal, and thirty million Russian people, Stalin declared: "Sec- tons of oil. ondly, we are building on a large scale, To anyone familiar with the last scientific research institutes to enable published figures of Russian produc- science to develop. I have no doubt tion, and it should be stressed that that, if we aid our scientists, they will these are Russian figures for the year not only catch up with, but they will 1941, to anyone with even a cursory surpass, those abroad." knowledge of these figures ... those It was then that he said only when outlined by Josef Stalin in his speech these things are achieved "can we con- of yesterday are drastically higher. sider our country guaranteed against For the yearly output of his coming any eventuality." In his indictment five -year plan, Stalin demands almost of the capitalistic system, Stalin at- three times the pig iron production tributed to that system the wars which of 1941 and almost three times the have plagued the peoples of the world. amount of steel. Coal production for These wars, he said, "arose in reality each year of the coming five, if it as the inevitable result of monopoly reaches the demanded half billion capitalism." He said that the capital- tons, would exceed the production of istic system "conceals elements of 1941 by three hundred nine million crisis and war" and that the "develop- tons. Stalin's demands for each year ment of world capitalism does not fol- will not, according to the American low a steady and even course for- Iron and Steel Institute's compilation, ward." Rather does it "proceed reach the level of production in the through crisis and catastrophe. The United States during 1944. But it uneven development of the capitalistic will be close to it. It will not leave countrics leads in time to sharp dis- a very wide gap when we take into turbances in their relation. The group consideration that American figures of countries which consider them- for that year were predicated upon selves inadequately provided with raw war production. It would be folly to materials and export markets, tries argue, of course, that American war- usually to change this situation in its

favor . . . and by means of armed force. "As a result the capitalist world is set into two hostile camps and the war follows." It was at this point that he discussed periodic redistribution of raw materials only to come to the conclusion that this is impossible under the present "capitalistic development of world economy." www.americanradiohistory.com i STALIN MEANS BUSINESS 5

There are those today . . . right slaved them. Those battles were de- now, only a matter of hours after fensive and offensive, as Stalin point- Stalin has stopped talking . . . who ed out yesterday when he reviewed say that Stalin's speech was for home the war. consumption ... that it was intended Stalin's words of yesterday should to bolster the structure of a weakened rip aside the veil of any clouded Russian state . . . that its purpose thinking in which we have been prone was to shore and prop up a form of to indulge. They should reveal, to a government which the Russian people realistic capitalistic world, that the do not want and which they will Soviet Union is unalterably opposed eventually overthrow by force. In the to capitalism and that the Soviet light of that which has happened in Union is out to match, in a united the past, and there is no other way effort, the production of that world. to judge the future, these statements Stalin's words allow no misinterpre- are being made because those who tation. He spoke in the clearest, make them hope and pray that they simplest language. He said peace was are true. They are not made with impossible under the present capital- any logical reasoning to support them. istic economy. He made no plea for To the contrary, everything that has peace. He merely . . . to use the happened in the last five years con- American vernacular ... "laid it on tradicts them. The evidence which re- the line to the Russian people." He futes them is to be found in Russian told them what they had to do to preparation for the war with Ger- prepare for ... as he phrased it .. . many. The evidence which further "any eventuality." denies their validity in reason is to be Here in the United States our found on battlefields too numerous course is clear. It is to bring an end to count . . . on fields of conflict to the interminable bickering and where the Russians fought . . . not squabbling between capital and labor against their own government ...... to bring an end to it and to put but against the armed might of the shoulders to the wheel, with far- Teuton hordes who would have en- sighted, courageous leadership. In no other way can we survive. On the foundation of compromise alone, can we face the future. Arrayed against us is a totalitarian mass of tremendous power. As we correct the inequities in the system which we believe to be the best economic system ... we are still beholden to maintain an alert vigi- lance lest the system which stands in opposition to us . . . by its methods of expansion . . . place us in the position of "have-nots." Thus, in the www.americanradiohistory.com 6 iaing April, 1946 last analysis, we must work with the any nation. And lastly, as we grant Soviet Union. We must appraise her freedom to all peoples, we must be actions as she has stated she is weigh- certain that those who espouse the ing ours. Equitable distribution of Communistic system do not sweep raw materials means just what it says. into their orbit peoples who would It is just as applicable to us as it is to remain in ours.

5eryit the rope frich, gui, and beep on loin' what you're loin www.americanradiohistory.com Why JAZZ

A quick look at conditions that make Jazz inevitable.

by JAMES B. GANTT

eS THE tempo of American life The old forms are not discarded. life increases, so does the pulse They are needed, badly needed to ex- of its popular music. Since the turn press those timeless basic problems of of the century Jazz has charted tiie our existence. This new travail and history of our living, not as a line bloody birth must find a different upon a graph or a sum below a row voice, for it is not like any phase of figures, but as the breath of living preceding it. Certainly there have people. The fluctuating heart beats been periods of unrest and movement as it responds to the pressures that in our history-but they were caused bear upon it. more by the functions of nature op- erating inside the limits of time and born Jazz was of the social and space that insulated the separate ide- economic changes that heralded the ologies of man. of It birth the machine age. pulsates But now we tear away those bar- from the screens of picture houses, riers and convert them into useful it weaves rhythmically on ether tools. Instead of blocking out the waves, it fills the city night with a interchange of ideas and products, voice that speaks of living and labor they now function as a medium of and love-it's America's way of gauge exchange. ing the pressure on its people. This uprooting process is still in If it had not been for the sub- progress, and its results are still too merged black races that were thrown far ahead to be familiar to our lives. into our struggle for existence on this So, we must readjust our basic con- continent, America might have found cepts, time our thinking and our eval- a different voice. But the Negro uations to a new standard. This we brought a rhythm and a temperament do or we must perish by the very that was suited to fit this changing powers we have set in motion. phase and so we found a music that Even now, after fifty years the could set up a mirror to our new goals are only dimly seen and half reactions. embodied. www.americanradiohistory.com 8 Swing April, 1946 Because this particular state of loneliness of humankind without a mental and emotional evolution had home -for these were strange new no precedent, it follows that it had settings for the old problems -and no voice. And so it sought those the old problems had a strangeness, peoples whose reactions were the too, in this new light. greatest -whose uprooting had been the most brutal, and whose readjust- Yes, the Negro spoke of it first - ments were the most severe -the but so adequately and completely that American Negro. it has now become a living part of From these distressed and lonely our culture -a monstrous business in- individuals came the cry of that vast volving tremendous amounts of money unrest that lived in every man; that -the source of living for a great inability to fathom how or why -the number of people. Beyond that, it struggle to maintain life with unfa- has become the mirror of our change. miliar tools in unfamiliar fields. He Perhaps Jazz is too shallow to carry took the material at hand and gave more emotional content than this it a crude rudimentary form, a form voice of unrest. It may be that it is devised of hymns -of military too tailor -made to fit a phase. When marches -of quadroons -and these he mankind has readjusted to his own flavored with the rhythmic voodoo - creations, the need for Jazz may dis- pounding that was the heritage of his appear. But while we still exist in worship. Thus the form, and in this this shaky transitional period, torn shape he poured the sum of his ex- by wars and political upheavals, Jazz perience, rain and cold and hunger, will be the great and noble voice of a love and death and dice, the aching puzzled people.

HIS GREATEST ACT

CLOWNS or "Funny Men," as children call them, have caused the world to laugh since the days of Aristophanes. But, perhaps, the most re- nowned clowns were the Fratellini Brothers of France: Albert, Francis, and Paul. They can be compared to the Marx Brothers. The most famous of the Fratellinis was Paul. His greatest performance, which was really superb, was given before nine hundred orphan children; their fathers had died in battle. He made the children laugh so hilariously that they forgot their sorrow. Then he went home to a little flowered coffin. His seven-year -old son had died that afternoon. www.americanradiohistory.com WAR DANCE OF rnrc

The Indians were bent on killing every cursed white man on the fringes of their sacred reserve.

by D. W. HODGINS

FELLA, if you want to get out of paying taxes, pay no gas, water or electric bills, live in a rent -free home, run around the country with no license on your automobile, and enjoy fishing and hunting the year now, whether Indian against Indian, around with no bag limits, shooting or Indian against white man, are set- hours or any kind of restrictions, here tled by the courts. But there was a is how it can be done. time when the only language spoken You would wander off up to the to the outsider was that of the copper - Menominee Indian reservation in tipped arrow and tomahawk. North Central Wisconsin, woo and Five years after the Civil War, win yourself a bronze- skinned beauty, trouble was smouldering on the Me- and live on the reservation as a nominee reservation. The tribe had squaw man." roved the big hills and tall forests, "Squaw man" is the name given and fished the fast streams on the white men who marry into the tribe. Menominee lands since 1852, when it Of course you wouldn't be a regular was deeded to them by the federal enrolled Menominee, but you would government. enjoy all the privileges of a ward of Now and then a stage coach, the federal government. threading a thin and precarious line The Menominee Indians are people, up through the wilds of Wisconsin just like you, and you over there, and to the iron and copper country of your neighbor. However, as aborig- Michigan, was held up, plundered inal Americans, they enjoy a special and all hands scalped. status while living within the limits The old Military Road, now State of their 28 -mile long reservation. Highway 55, was cut through north- But the Menominees were not al- ern Wisconsin when it was believed ways friendly and cooperative neigh- that the British might send help to bors. In years gone by they felt they the confederate armies through Can- had a valid claim against intrusion by ada, and attack the northern armies the white man. Their differences through a back door. After the Civil www.americanradiohistory.com 10 Swing April, 1946 War the road was used as a stage coach line. The Indians became restless and disturbed as the whites trekked up through the woods from Gills Land- ing and settled on the banks of the Wolf River just seven miles from their reservation. Scouts came back with the word that 200 or more pale- faces were cutting trees, building homes and tilling the land. The In- dians feared and hated the intruders, especially at such close range. They visualized the time when the whites Some distance beyond the flaming would encroach upon their own sacred spruce branches, Chief Oshkosh sud- lands and virgin forests. denly saw the figure of a man reeling Occasionally the redskins would through the forest. The chief got up skirt the settlement and send pioneers and watched more closely. The man scurrying with a shower of arrows. staggered up to the tent and fell at But undaunted, the hardy whites held the chief's feet. their ground. It was then that the The visitor mumbled feverish words Indians decided on more drastic that the colony of whites had been measures. stricken with red plague. Fifty were Finally a day was set for the be- already dead and more were sick and ginning of the end -the end of the dying. They were without food or white colony down at the big bend firewood, cattle and animals had not of the river. Maddened tribesmen in been fed. Would the Indians bring hideously painted faces danced help? around leaping fires. The echo of tom -toms sounded far into the dense The chief walked slowly to the woods. Women and children heaped center of the flaming, dancing, leap- wood on the fires of war while their ing circle. He raised his hand and menfolk shrieked, beat the drums of spoke slowly and clearly in the native war and danced. Menominee tongue. The tribesmen ceased their war dance, fell to their From his tent some few rods away, knees and with bowed heads listened old Chief Oshkosh (for whom the to the message of their wise chief. city of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, was later named) peered out through the open Soon there was a scurrying of men flap. His eyes were moist and his and ponies. Food and provisions were heart was heavy. He was thinking of brought out from the cavern under the time when the white man's magic Spirit Rock, where the Indians be- had saved him from an agonizing lieved it holy to store their winter's death. supply. www.americanradiohistory.com WAR DANCE OF MERCY 11

In a flash small bay ponies were tribesmen sat on crossed legs around streaking through the woods carrying the stage of rough clap -board lumber. men, merciless, uncivilized red men, Tim Wescott, the first village presi- on a mission of mercy. dent, spoke for an hour and a half. The colony of whites was saved, His speech ended with this prayer: but the red men lost hundreds of their "May God cast prosperity and per- tribesmen to the red plague which petual life upon these noble red men. they contracted from the whites. In We, who are white, thought we were fact, they were far and away the big better than these people, and may losers. God forgive us for that great error. Fifteen years later, when the settle- Let history record that people with ment was incorporated into the village dark skin, sometimes have whiter of Shawano, Chief Oshkosh and his hearts than those with light skin."

DEFINITIONS A fanatic is a person who is highly enthusiastic about something in which you are not even remotely interested.

The game Air Mail is simply postoffice on a higher plane.

Philosophers are people who talk about something they don't understand and make you think it's your fault.

Appetite is so called because when you're eating your 'appy and when you get through your tummy is tight.

An 11- year -old pupil of an art teacher had produced a rather unusual stag in raspberry pink with one antler blue and one yellow. An adult visitor to the studio looked at the picture and remarked, "But, sonny, people don't see stags with one blue and one yellow antler and a raspberry pink body." The young artist thought a minute and then said, sincerely and soberly, "Isn't that too bad!"

An old Negro preacher once cautioned his flock, "when you're lookin' at your neighbor's melon patch, bredderin, you cain't keep your mouf from waterin', but you kin run.'

Mrs. Average Woman has been epitomized as one who marries at 24, quarrels with her husband twice a month, threatens eight times a year to go home to her mother, never learns to drive a nail, ruins three fenders and one garage door, and frequently reflects that she should have married somebody else. www.americanradiohistory.com KNOW YOUR STREAMLINERS

JUST below the airliners, the streamlined trains are the fastest and probably most comfortable way of getting places. Even if you have not traveled extensively you should know enough about these famous trains to identify at least half of them, and probably more. 12 to 16 is excellent, 8 to 12 good, 4 to 8 fair, and 4 or less, poor. See how many streamliners you can put on the right track. (Answers on page SS.)

1 -The "Rocket" is the pride and 9 -The "Empire State Limited" is Ty of (a) The Great Northern, (b) the pride and joy of the (a) Penn- he Rock Island, (c) Chicago and sylvania, (b) Baltimore and Ohio, Northwestern, (d) Wabash. (c) New York Central, (d) Nickel 2 -The "400' zips along the tracks Plate. on the (a) Burlington, (b) Kansas 10-The "Capital Limited" is a City Southern, (c) Soo Line, (d) 16-hour train to Washington on the Chicago and Northwestern. (a) Baltimore and Ohio, (b) Penn- 3 -The "Will Rogers" carries tra- sylvania, (c) Burlington, (d) Atlantic dition and people on the (a) Santa Coast Line. Fe, (b) Frisco, (c) Chicago, Milwau, 11 -The "Zephyr" runs on the kee and St. Paul, (d) Missouri, Kan- rails of the (a) Kansas City Southern, sas and Texas. (b) Frisco, (c) Burlington, (d) Great 4 -The "Hiawatha" eats up nearly Northern. two miles a minute on the (a) Mis- 12 -The "Abraham Lincoln" is a souri Pacific, (b) The Chicago and smart train on the (a) Illinois Cen- Alton, (c) The Chicago, Milwaukee, tral, (b) Chicago and Eastern Illinois, St. Paul and Pacific, (d) Michigan (c) Chicago and Alton, (d) Union Central. Pacific. 13 5 -The "Wolverine" makes few -The "Tamiami 'West Coast stops on the (a) Chicago and North- Limited" belongs to the (a) Atlantic western, (b) Canadian Pacific, (c) Coast Line, (b) San Francisco and Canadian National, (d) Michigan Southern, (c) Louisville and Nash, Central. ville, (d) Chicago Outer Belt Lines. 14-The "Eagle" carries the ban- 6 "Broadway Limited" makes -The ner of the (a) Kansas City Terminal record time on the (a) New York Railway Pennsylvania, (c) Erie, Company, (b) Missouri Pa- Central, (b) cific, (c) (d) Delaware, Lackawanna and Chicago and Great West- Western. ern, (d) Wabash. 15 -The "Seminole" is a sleek 7 -The "Super Chief" carries streamliner on the (a) Michigan Cen- flags of the (a) Santa Fe, (b) Wa tral, (b) New York Central, (c) bash, (c) Rock Island, (d) Chicago Central of Georgia, (d) Illinois Cen- and Great 'Western. tral. 8 -The "Southern Belle" heads 16 -The "Dixie Flyer" takes peo- south daily for the (a) Union Pacific, ple to the warmer climes over the (a) (b) Missouri Pacific, (c) Missouri, Louisville and Nashville, (b) Illinois Kansas and Texas, (d) Kansas City Central, (c) Central of Georgia, (d) Southern. Bell Telephone Company.

Too many people are like buttons -always popping off at the wrong time. www.americanradiohistory.com DO UNTO Otheri

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;7%v.'$ Famous Kansas writer -preacher didn't become rich from his book, "In His Steps," but it sold 30 million copies.

by FLORA HAFER

The Rev. Charles M. Sheldon, world known Kansas church leader and author of In His Steps," died February 24 at his home in Topeka. Sales of "In His Steps" have been exceeded only by the Bible. The religious novel was translated into more than 16 languages and sold more than 30 million copies in 40 years.

«TN HIS STEPS" is an account ligious character;" but finally the Ad- 1 of a number of persons who vance was persuaded to put out a few make a pledge to live each day as hundred copies. Jesus would live, if He were in their It was copyrighted in good faith time and place. The book was writ- by the company; but after some ten in the summer and fall of 1896, 100,000 copies had been sold a slight mostly out of doors, while a merci- technical error was discovered in the less Kansas sun brought the tempera- copyright. By the midsummer of '97 ture up to a hundred degrees and sixteen publishers had taken advan- above. As Dr. Charles M. Sheldon tage of the defect. One firm bought wrote the book, he read a chapter several paper pamphlets, put cloth each Sunday to the congregation of covers on them and sold them for his Topeka church. twenty -five cents apiece. Unbound Late in the fall, while the readings sheets were bought and made into were still progressing, a small church fifty cent books. "In His Steps" went paper, the "Chicago Advance," on the market all the way from ten bought the book for seventy -five dol- cents a copy to expensively bound lars and published it as a serial. But volumes selling for two dollars. In many of Dr. Sheldon's friends liked England the book was even more pop- the story and suggested that it be ular. It was published by thirty dif- published in pamphlet forni so they ferent companies and went out in a might have a copy for a keepsake. great variety of bindings. The author received an offer of $50,000 to make The author offered it to three dif- a speaking tour of the British Isles ferent Chicago publishers, all of whom and Canada. In this country a call rejected it because of its "strong re- came to him from a large church in www.americanradiohistory.com 14 swi,tg April, 1946 the East. To these propositions he who paid the author ten cents a copy applied the acid test that he had set as long as they were in business, for un in his book. "What would Jesus twenty -seven years the author did not do ?" And in both cases his decision receive a penny of royalty from the was the same; he would stay with his enormous sales of "In His Steps." people of Topeka, Kansas, at a salary In 1924 Grosset and Dunlap, New of $1,200 a year. York, though not legally bound to do "A man can write books and create so, gave Dr. Sheldon a check for values anywhere," the author of "In $1,000, which was allowing him one His Steps" said. cent a copy on sales as shown on But the fame that had come to Dr. their books amounting to 100,000 Sheldon was not without its worries. copies, and since this time they have It was generally supposed that the kept up this small royalty. author of this "best seller" had be- Thirty million volumes of "In His come fabulously rich from the sale of Steps" is a conservative estimate of his book, and he was receiving hun- the number that have gone out to dreds of letters daily asking for dona- various corners of the earth, and it tions to charitable institutions. In one is still a good seller today. It has week alone he received nine hundred been translated into sixteen European letters; most of them closing with tongues, besides appearing in Jap- pleas like this: "Brother, have a anese, Persian, a Hindu dialect and heart! What would Jesus do ?" Esperanto. As a matter of fact, with the ex- In speaking of the book's career ception of a London company who Dr. Sheldon said: "I lost no sleep sent him twenty pounds after they over the fact that I did not get rich had sold several million copies of his out of it. The book is being read book, and the Advance publishers, and that is what books are for."

A mother is a woman who runs The only kind of letters women a temperature of 103 every time her like to receive are those that never child's temperature hits 100. should have been written. Walter Landor, the English Savage "It is not enough for a prophet to poet, once asked this question: "Why believe in his message, he must also look up the rainbow will not men to believe in its acceptability.-Chester, a clap unless they are called to it by ton. of thunder ?"

"In discipline, erosion is better than A man is never so weak as when a explosion. "- Marcelene Cox in "Ask pretty woman is telling him how Any Woman." strong he is. www.americanradiohistory.com THE Crini AND BUMP

Burlesque, social phenomena that is genuinely American! by JIM BRITTON

T IS not with any idea of defend- comedians who were developed in its 1 ing or attacking the business of ribald halls are really a tribute to its burlesque that this is written. Cer- early vitality. Red Skelton, Billy tainly a form of theatre that has been House, Abbott and Costello, Olsen able to withstand the crusades in the and Johnson, Clark and McCullough, cause of sweet purity that have beset these and many others worked out the enterprise will "little note nor long their techniques and devices before remember what we say here." Yet, the footlights of small antiquated it seems that an art form so com- showhouses devoted to the preserva- pletely indigenous is worthy of rather tion of the strip- tease. close examination. The entertainment business has al- Nowhere else in the world does ways used these establishments as a there exist an exact counterpart of school and a pension. A starting the American burlesque theatre. It is point for the embryonic comic -a last a product of culture, or the lack of haven for those who missed the coy it, that is found only in the U. S. A. accolade and its rich reward. You can call this treason if you will, The formulas upon which this art but only in our country could it find form are based can be traced back an audience sufficiently steeped in an through the centuries to a more re- adolescent attitude to- spectable ancestry ward smut to insure than any legitimate its economic security. 3 production can claim, From Billy Watson's either consciously or Beef Trust to Billy subconsciously, and Rose's Beauties, the no one connected with traditions of this tena- the business seems to cious step -child of the know or care. theatre have been a The ancient forms controlling factor. of the Greek Tragedy Even in radio and in its purest state motion pictures, its have been revived to influence is unmistak- entertain the male able. populace. The com- The names of the \ ponent parts and their

www.americanradiohistory.com 16 Swing April, 1946 rigidity have been faithfully pre- criticism and both seem to thrive on it. served. Chorus, dancer, dialogue, The American system of double blackout, and repeat the same-and standard for the sexes is another good even beyond that the analogy is too reason for its existence -and the cur- apparent to be coincidental. The sub- rent loss of vitality in Burlesque is a ject matter is so nearly the same. direct result of the increasing disre- Rape, incest, violence and elemental gard for this arbitrary difference. For, comics were the very life blood of the when the fair sex cuts itself in on Greek dramatists. It would be inter- masculine recreation, the city fathers esting to know whether the forms redouble their efforts to supply them were so elemental as to be inevitable with suitable and undesired protec- to a rudimentary theatre, or whether tion. some unknown classicist laid down the It may well be that the hearty un- pattern that should be followed. For inhibited article as we and our it is certainly a kinship too apparent fathers knew it will disappear en- to be ignored. tirely, for its economic life is tied up All of this would seem to refute so closely to the fast receding differ- the fact that Burlesque is a thor- ences between the sexes in our nation. oughly American expression. Yet, the Perhaps someday automobile tires, fact that it can only flourish finan- refrigerators, tobaccos and real estate cially in American cities is positive will be offered to the public without proof that we are the creator and benefit of exposed feminine limbs and consumer of this product. torsos. Perhaps the comic strips will Why should this be? retreat to humor instead of sex. Per- To begin with, our Puritan fore- haps magazines will go on the news- bears stamped the American culture stands without lavish leg art, that is, with taboos that exist in lip service perhaps. even today. This unnatural restric- But until that day arrives, bur- tion has led to an equally unnatural lesque will remain as a vital expres- reaction. Both examples arc open to sion of our American culture.

This younger generation of ours is plenty smart. Take the boy who asked his father how wars start. "Well," said Dad, "suppose America quarreled with England, and " "But," interrupted the mother, "America must never quarrel with England." "I know," said the father, "but I am merely taking a hypothetical instance." "You are misleading the child," protested the mother. "No, I'm not," shouted the father. "Never mind, Dad," put in the boy. "I think now I know how wars start." www.americanradiohistory.com I'LL NEVER DO Jhai AGAIN

Gas gauges are honest little gadgets but gasoline pumps are a little more reliable.

by RICK ALLISON

tracks just north of the big bridge over the Missouri. It was smooth that Sunday morning that hands on the stick were unnecessary except to lift an occasional drooping wing. In just 30 minutes Excelsior GAME the green light from the Springs lay out in a neat little pat- control tower and we started to tern below. We caught up to a roll. With one person in a three - "doodle bug," one of those gas -elec- place Piper Cruiser, the takeoff run tric trains, and tried to stay over it, is always short. We were airborne but the thing was too slow. within 100 feet. From Excelsior Springs to Chilli- Once off the ground we roared cothe the country is rocky, hilly and along just above the runway and rugged. The tracks cut through huge picked up speed to 90 miles an hour. stone gorges and wind around hills. Then we let the stick come back by It was fun playing crack the whip itself and the Piper sailed into the with the tracks just below; like fol- air like a rocket. In no time we were lowing a snake slithering through the at cruising altitude. tall grass. The general theory is that from I looked at the small wire plunger 2,500 to 3,000 feet is safest cruising just ahead of the windshield. It was altitude for small planes, and some the gasoline gauge, which on a Cub pilots go even higher, figuring that is nothing more than a wire through altitude is like money in the bank in the top of the gas cap to which is case something goes wrong. attached a cork. When there's plenty However, I always liked to pick my of gas the cork floats high. When it way along at a thousand feet or just gets towards bottom, your hours in under, on the theory that you can the air are numbered. select a better emergency field where Two hours after takeoff time we you can see the topography, rather were circling Seymour, Iowa. It was than from way up there where every- Seymour all right, because the Mil- thing looks alike. waukee Road and Rock Island rail- We picked up the Milwaukee road roads form an unmistakable criss- www.americanradiohistory.com I 18 Swing April, 1946

But . . . the gasoline gauge still showed half full! The little Piper bobbed along for anothcr half hour or so, and still no sign of Kansas City, or any familiar landmarks. Suddenly the plane hit an air dis- turbance over the edge of the river, and can you guess what happened? When I looked again at the gasoline gauge, the wire indicator just ahead of the windshield, it was on the bottom. The cork was obviously floating on no gasoline at all. The wire apparently had been stuck. At that instant the motor began to cough. I reached for the carburetor cross at that point. In "dead reckon- heat button, hoping, perhaps -but it ing" navigation you make it a point coughed a couple of times and quit to learn those things ahead of time. cold. The propeller stood insolently Just west of town was a small air- straight up and down. All was quiet port, but no activity, and much less except for the air whistling through a gas pump, could be spotted any - the struts. where near. So, we circled Seymour I pushed the stick ahead to drop a couple of times and started back. the nose and put the plane into a On the return trip I selected a glide, and began working on our little course of 180 on the compass, due 600 feet of altitude. About a mile south, figuring that sooner or later away was a honey of a field. Nearby we would come to the Missouri was a smaller field, but within glid- River, running east and west across ing distance. the state, and then follow it west into I had to take the smaller, and Kansas City. plowed, field. I side -slipped the plane The gas gauge still showed better over the trees on the edge of the field than half full. We passed over doz- and came down to within five feet ens of small towns, few of which of the ground. I pulled up the nose were marked. There should be a law and the ship pancaked in with a thud. that every town must have some kind What mysterious force kept the Piper of identification from the air. You'd from nosing over, I'll never know. be surprised how few of them do. We were down, providentially Two hours out of Seymour the me- down, all in one good piece, but out andering Missouri crept underneath. of gasoline. We had been aloft four hours and A nearby farmer had gas but it was the Cruiser is supposed to stay aloft of the tractor fuel variety-about 60 four hours or more with a light load. octane. The farmer and his hired www.americanradiohistory.com I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN 19 hand filled a five -gallon can and it That instant there was a slight jar, was soon gurgling into the tank. and a "zung" like a violin string I held controls while the hired hand breaking under too much pressure. propped the motor, which did not Gaining a little altitude I looked back sound too healthy. With a chill I to see that our landing gear had looked at the 250 feet or so between clipped the top fence wire. Another us and the fence. There was a 60 -foot look revealed that the landing gear gap between two trees that had to be had not been damaged. made. As instructed the farmers held both And we came on into Kansas City, wing tips and I opened the throttle not at 800 feet, not a 1,000 feet, but wide. The plane quivered but the just as high as that cheap gas would farmers hung on grimly. Finally it take us, about 5,000 feet. began to roll in spite of them. The Yes, the high fliers know what they plane lurched ahead and in a few feet are talking about. With 2,000 feet we were airborne. The motor evi- I could have made that large and dently didn't like the new diet of smooth field with no trouble. But at gasoline. It was turning to 2,200, up 600, I had to take what was under but certainly not 2,500, the required me just like every other flier who speed for normal ... takeoff. We likes to hug the ground. skimmed along the ground with that fence just tearing at us. Well, I'll NEVER do that again!

At a Texas army camp a long There is the story about Tony eared sad faced mule named Brad had whose wife passed away and he was done his work well and faithfully. almost inconsolable. At the cemetery Just before the outfit shipped for he collapsed with grief. In the car overseas a long list of promotions for coming back home his frame shook the enlisted personnel was placed on with sobs. the bulletin board. Beneath it some of the men tacked this resolution: "Now, now, Tony, my friend," "Whereas the mule, Brad, has per- soothed one of his pals, "you mustn't formed acts beyond the call of duty, take on so. I know it's a bitter blow, and whereas he has gained the respect but in six months maybe you'll meet and admiration of his company, so another woman whom you will admire be it resolved that, henceforward, he and first thing you know you'll be shall be addressed by the more digni- married again." fied name of Bradford, and that he Tony turned to him in rage. "Six is hereby promoted to the rank of months," he shouted. "What am I horse." gonna do tonight ?" www.americanradiohistory.com 09eJt a Minute !

FUR YOUR INFORMATION. One morning Andrew Carnegie in i terviewed two boys for a job. He Mink -When a woman turns placed a in front of each and around to look at another woman's package husband mink. told them to start unwrapping. One -that's boy carefully untied the string and Sable-When a woman in mink placed it in a turns around to look at another drawer. The other woman. pulled out his knife and snipped the twine and tossed it into a wastebasket. Chinchilla a woman in -When "Which boy shall I hire ?" Carnegie sable turns around to look at another woman's asked his secretary. "Why hire the husband. saving one, the one who untied the R. -Advt. of H. Macy and Co. string and kept it," replied the secretary. said the Scotchman, want "When we were we were "No," "I children one. days of grateful to those who filled the other The string our saving are over. We're time savers stockings with toys at Christmastide. now." Why are we not grateful to God, then, for filling our stockings with legs ? "-Chesterton. Draw your own conclusions-Be- fore rationing ended, point values were: Brains, 3 points; tongue, 6 How to tell the sexes apart now points. that both are wearing pants -the one listening is the man. -Home Life. Arriving home earlier than usual one evening, a husband found his Most of us probably live all of our wife in the embrace of his friend. lives surrounded by great discoveries The friend asserted himself. which we fail to see. Therein lies that you've trapped us, let's the the "Now big difference between ordi- have this thing out, man to man. I nary man mortal and the of genius. love your wife and she loves me. Will Elias Howe invented the sewing ma- you play a game of gin rummy to de- chine because he didn't accept what way cide between us ?" everybody knew -that the only "Sure," said the obliging husband, to make a needle was with its point "but how about stakes of a penny a at one end and its eye at the other. - point, just to make it interesting ?" C. G. Suits (Heed That Hunch).

The minister of a local congrega- "Ah, yes," replied the wily Dean. tion approached the desk of a city "Let every woman be permitted to editor. "I just dropped by," he said, assess her own charms -then she'll be "to thank you for the very generous generous enough." report on my sermon in your morning edition and to register a mild protest." "A protest? No serious mistake, People sometimes grow so broad- I trust," said the editor. minded that their thinking gets shal- "That's just the trouble," said the low. minister ruefully, "I'm afraid it may be too true. You referred to me as 'reverend,' but you spelled it 'never - Many a man won't shut his trap end.' " until he has put his foot into it. www.americanradiohistory.com Radio Ac vertiserj Need to Grow U p !

A network news editor takes a pot shot at advertising agency people. How right is be? Swing will pay $25 for the best answer from an agency man.

by JOHN BROBERG

RECENTLY, a friend of mine as I'm concerned, the radio networks who has gained some promi- are not wholly to blame. nence as a writer of first rate fiction, It is the advertising agencies, with offered a radio play to an advertising their bright young men and women, agency which handles one of the most many of whom have never had an popular network drama shows on the original idea in their lives, who are air. The advertising executive, after dictating the policy of radio enter- carefully reading the script, told the tainment. Advertisers, with their writer that it was an excellent piece convincing magic of canvasses and of work, but that he could not use it. Hooperratings, have devised the mo- It was, he said, too good for radio ronic formulas by which American audiences. Rewritten in fictional radio networks fill in each day of air form, it might be bought immediately time. their commercials which by one of the national literary mag- With shout of bad taste and ethics, they azines. But for radio audiences, who are striving to make us a nation of are used to standardization of plot hypochondriacs. Their soap operas, and theme frown on experi- -who drenched with quiet and futile tears, mentation and off -trail material -it anguish, desperate love and divorce, was utterly out of the question. My are designed to distort our thinking, friend, who bears scars of many a blind us from reality, and make us bloody battle with the Philistines, neurotic. Nine -tenths of the humor told the executive off, suggested what in the extremely popular gag shows he might do with his program, and and situation comedies is strained, in- left the office fuming. He swore he tense and so thin at times that set would never in his life write another into print, it would not hold reader radio script, and I'm sure that he interest for more than one paragraph. won't advertising men be- -unless But studio audiences, long trained in come educated to the fact that not instant reflex, never fail to laugh, all people are morons. even though comedians often have to In past months, many articles have pull chuckles out of them -where appeared in national magazines harp- chuckles are specified by producers - ing at radio networks, and telling with quick pantomime and facial ex- them they must grow up. But as far pression. www.americanradiohistory.com 22 Swing April, 1946 i plenty of thunder and lightning, two aged and much frustrated spinsters I invariably as main characters -and a bit of Siegmund Freud thrown in free of charge. Radio writers often write with an eye toward the movies, since they make excellent "B" pictures when padded out a bit and given the Hollywood touch. There is also the continuing series of radio mysteries, And that vast and puzzled invisible i. e., "The Shadow," "The Whistler," audience, hearing a roar of laughter "The Saint" in which an omniscient after a fourth rate gag, wonders if man with a mysterious voice leads perhaps it isn't up on the latest form the audience into the yarn by divers of drollery. As an example, right whispers, whistling, gloating laughter, now, any radio comedian only need etc., although the whistling seems to utter the words "Hubba, hubba, have proven the most popular device hubba," and people get down and to date. Creaking doors and high fre- wallow in the aisles. But I'm sure quency hums have also been used to that any tired North Dakota farmer, good effect to both open and close trying desperately to get a little eve- the program and tie it into a neat if ning entertainment out of his radio, not somewhat musty bundle, smelling will stare hard at the floor on that strongly of the grave until the illu- one and wonder just what in hell it sion is shot by the final commercial, is all about! But to the advertising which often brings the scent of soap agencies, such moron mash is good or a delicious table wine out over the copy. It sells cigarettes and soap, airwaves. But the over -all smell - toothpaste and coffee like mad. And after the program has finally ended, the well -paid hacks turn it out by the is something else again, and more ream. For they decided long ago not often than not is so unpleasant that to question public taste, as seen some listeners resolve never to listen through the advertiser's eye. Moral again. judgments and ethical valuations are A few years ago, when radio began not for them. The moola- three, buying air rights to story plots, ad- four, five hundred a week in some vertising men suddenly became au- cases-is what counts. thorities in drama. With scarcely any If soap operas are the solution to background at all, except in some the daytime housewife audiences, ad- cases a course in Freshman English, vertisers have found the answer for the majority of agencymen became ex- nighttime entertainment in the realm pert in knowing just what the public of murder mysteries and whodunits. wanted in the line of radio drama. The late trend has been toward the There were a few experiments. Some "Psychological Chiller" -that master- agencies hired good writers, and told piece of suspense and shock, with them to turn out something good, to www.americanradiohistory.com RADIO ADVERTISERS 23 exercise their creative talents to the So the networks bravely step out and limit. But at that time writing for give sanctuary to their Corwins, their the ear was something new and much Obolers and their Orson Welles be- of it, though basically good, fell flat cause there is nothing else for them after a trip through the ether. Audi- to do, no other way for them to turn. ences reacted badly, the agencies got Whether this gesture is a thankless scared, and decided to use the old one or not is philosophical, for, to formulas, which, though worn to a say the least, it is worthy of praise. frazzle, never seem to quite give up Ten, even five years from now may the ghost. True Story Magazine filled give us an answer, but at present the airwaves with wild sobs of there is little by which to judge. mothers over their wayward daugh- Though a small one, the audience of ters, of daughters weeping quietly the experimenters is a fervent one. on the doorstep, swearing they It hopes that some day the level of would never go astray again. radio drama will raise itself up, but True Detective gave us our first it has little or no faith in the guiding mysteries - shrieking auto tires, hand of the advertiser. He may grow stacatto pistol shots, body falls up, but the process is slow, even in- and the moans of dying men who terminable. After such a long period confessed to bank robberies before fi- of adolescence, delayed puberty may nally going out with the tide. The set in, and if it does, it will be very police always got their man, the ad- bad for all of us. God help us if we vertisers always got their audience, are in such a sad state of affairs and the audience was always very when the millennium arrives. For if good about buying the product. we are, radio is not here to stay, and Everybody was happy all around - even the wonders of television won't except a few sour critics who started save it! to wonder if radio would ever amount to anything, would ever dare go beyond the obvious and common- place of dramatics. Well, except for a few minor ex- ceptions, these critics have been right. The advance guard element in radio is a pitifully small one. And where it exists, it is on a sustaining basis, for no agency would dare have the un- mitigated effrontery of telling a sponsor that it was a good thing for him.

"I want an E string for my violin," said a G. I. in a London music store. The girl brought out all the violin strings in the shop. "Pick hit hout yourself," she said. "I carn't tell the blinkin' 'es from the she's." www.americanradiohistory.com www.americanradiohistory.com She died as she had lived, OLD en deathly afraid of water.

by LUCILLE DAVENPORT

OLD JEN had been fastidious all far edge of the puddle, her feet dry- her life. Even as a young colt shod, as usual. she had refused to step into a pool of Jen was born blind in her right water, and she either shied off to one eye, but that didn't interfere with her side and went around it, or hurdled usefulness, for she always did her it with a wild leap. She always ob- share of the farm work beside serv- jected to getting her feet wet, so we ing as the "carriage horse." She was knew that her death was NOT an gentle and trustworthy -her only pe- accident. culiarity being her refusal to walk through water. One day at dusk, I was riding be- As Jen grew old she gradually behind old Jen in what we called the came blind in her left eye, too. Fi- It was an open one -seated buckboard. nally father turned her out into the carriage with a box -like space back orchard to spend her last blind days of the seat, which could hold two suit in idleness. She had been so much a cases, or the day's groceries. My part of the family that we could not brother Harold was driving as we bear to see her destroyed. were jogging along toward home, The orchard was reached by a long when suddenly Jen came to a puddle lane fenced on both sides, which led of water, and before we knew what from the bars near the barn, through had happened we were hurtled off fields of grain, . to a gentle slope of the road and found ourselves over land. Here lay the orchard with its beside the fence, Jen, buckboard, and thick green grass and its hundreds of occupants. trees. The slope fell away to a boggy Another day. Jen was teamed with swamp at the edge of which was a old Nell. They were hauling a load wonderful fountain, an artesian well, of corn to the crib. Again Jen caught that poured forth continuously a the gleam of a puddle of water in stream of clear pure water the size front of her, gave one of her wild of a man's arm. So old Jen had her lunges, and brought surprised old Nell green pasture and her fresh water, to her knees in the midst of the mud and her days were full of rest and puddle, while Jen stood over on the peace. www.americanradiohistory.com 26 April, 1946 Other horses and stock were pas- and pointed out into the swamp. Old tured there in the orchard also from Jen who never stepped into a mud time to time, and one of them was a puddle, old Jen who had served us young colt weaned from its mother. faithfully all her life, was now ap- One day this colt came to the bars parently tired of living. There was at the end of the lane near the barn, only one thing for Harold to do; and whinnied persistently until help old Jen finish what she had Harold went to investigate. The colt begun, what she wanted to do. But turned, started back down the lane, Harold's heart failed him, so he sum- then turned back to Harold and whin- moned our neighbor who came and nied again, even as a dog barks and did the task. tries to lead a man. Harold followed From the house, the sound of the the colt and was led through the or- shot was muffled and distant, and chard to the edge of the swamp. sounded to us like a farewell salute There, far out in the watery bog, was to an old family friend. Old Jen, old Jen, facing forward, her body brave, blind old Jen, had made her last almost out of sight in the mud and hurdle, crossing the boggy swamp into the water, her blind face lifted up a greener orchard.

SWINGIGGLES

It's generally the case that the hand "I am never well and I can't say that is held out for money hasn't any why," said the patient. "I get a sort corns on it. of a pain, I don't know exactly where, and it leaves me feeling, well, Legislators casting about for a new I don't really know source of tax revenue seem to have "This," said the doctor, "is a pre, overlooked a promising proposal once scription for I don't know what. offered England and the world by Take it I don't know how many times Jonathan Swift. a day for I can't think how long, and "I propose," said the satirical you'll feel better, maybe, I don't know Swift, "that a tax be levied on female when." beauty." "But could we make women pay During a war some nations think enough to make it worth while ?" in, it pays to hate. Later they hate to quired a listener. pay. I www.americanradiohistory.com AN Overnight ARMY

That's what we need. Otherwise we might be blown to pieces by morning ... Would be too late then. by CAROL WHITE

MUCH has been written about in that war, will show how futile the universal conscription of such a program would be. It is plan- the young men of our nation for ned that military conscriptees would military training, but so far, most not be trained by the army, but would discussions have not brought out the be given schooling in essential skills, most pertinent argument against such along with a grounding in military conscription -the fact that a large fundamentals. There are two things body of partially trained young men wrong with this idea. First, our tech- would be almost useless in the type nology changes so fast that men who of war that the next one will be. had completed their training as re- By now, everyone knows that the cently as the previous year would next war will be one of terrible swift- have to be retrained, with the conse- ness. In the space of a few hours, quent setting up of another enormous the attacked nation will have its major training program that would not only industrial and population centers ob- take months to set up, but would I literated- literally vaporized off the mean months of additional training. face of the earth, by rocket powered Second, the basic training in military atomic bombs that are radar directed fundamentals would have to be added to destroy their targets with awesome to, which would mean more time certainty. After such an attack, the consumed in training. Time which we power of our nation to wage war would not have. Also, in such large would be destroyed. Destroyed training programs, the course must months before our army could be be adapted to the average needs of mobilized, if we were to depend on the group. That means that many forging partially trained soldiers into men would be wasting time review- an effective fighting force. The war ing things that they had learned re- would be over long before we had cently, while others would be inade- an army capable of defending our- quately trained because it had been selves. too long since their original training. Proponents of universal conscrip- Let us determine the time needed tion are thinking in terms of the last to weld men into an effective fighting war we fought. A little thought, unit. Assume we were forming a based on our experiences in organiz- Rocket Bomb Interceptor Group, ing and training our armed forces whose mission would be to launch www.americanradiohistory.com 28 Swing April, 1946 missles designed to search out and induction center to their fighting destroy radar -detected bombs that unit. It would still take three months were aimed at our shores. We can get of hard work to be ready for action. a fair idea of the time required to Three months which we would not complete such an organization by con- have. Such a program is obviously sidering the formation of a heavy not the answer to our needs. bomber group in World War II. Instead of spending billions of dol- First, the men had to be inducted. lars training men who will never get Then they were given basic training. a chance to be mobilized, let us do Next they went to various specialized the wise thing - the common -sense schools where they learned the hun- thing. Let us make our money and dreds of skills that were necessary. energy count for us by maintaining This phase required from two months an adequate professional army, al- in the case of a clerk, to about a year ready organized, and highly skilled in the training of a pilot. Next, these in the new techniques that have al- men were sent to distribution depots, ready made the tactics of World War from which were drawn men with II obsolete. Let us keep working on the various qualifications needed to our program of development and re- make up the squadrons of the group. search to maintain our superiority in Then, after these trained men were new techniques. Then we will have assigned to their group, it required units that are ready for instant de- three months of constant work to fensive action and counter -attack. unite them into an organization that Then we will have an effective fight- was a potent fighting force. ing force that will be ready when we Grant the unlikely possibility that need it. Then and only then will we men who are products of universal have a chance of survival if we are conscription would be so trained that the victims of another surprise at- they could be sent directly from an tack.

An army sergeant was home on a furlough and his wife told him it was high time he told Junior about the birds and the bees. The sergeant protested that he hated to go through with that song and dance, but his wife insisted. "He's 11 years old," she said, "and no telling what trouble he'll get into." So the reluctant father got his son into a room and said: "Son, do you know where babies come from ?" "Why of course, Pop," said Junior. "I've known that for years." "Thank Heaven," sighed the relieved father. "Well, Junior, it's exactly the same with birds and bees." www.americanradiohistory.com AND EVERY GIRL A Queen!

Wanta dance in the streets in a Molyneux gown? Wanta make a parachute jump from the Empire State Building? Then maybe you wanta be "QUEEN FOR A DAY" -and who doesn't! That's why one of Mutual's most delightful shows is the answer to a lot of women's prayers . See and hear it at the Kansas City Municipal Auditorium Arena, April 11 -12th.

CINDERELLA'S Fairy Godmother by JETTA CARLETON had the idea first -but that was before radio. And besides, all the chick got out of it was a glass slipper and a Prince. Today's Cinderella gets a ride on a circus elephant, a night at the Stork Club, a radio audition, luncheon with her favorite star, a night at the Waldorf -Astoria, and the doggone moon. She does -if she's lucky enough to be chosen "Queen for a Day." And if you've ever listened to Mutual's fabulous, funny, and charmingly cockeyed show, you know we aren't just kidding. "Queen for a Day" went on the air - lanes from New York last year. By five men and women. My, yes, the year's end it had moved to Hollywood show draws men, too, who may or and copped the award in the 10th may not be looking for a queen. Annual Motion Picture Daily poll as Then the six contestants sit on the the outstanding new program idea of stage and emcee Jack Bailey has at it. 1945. Between wise cracks and high jinks, The thinker -uppers of "Queen for he drags out of the candidates their a Day" did not underestimate the heart's desire - what it is they want power -or the whims-of a woman. most of all, in case they get to be For the whims of the wimmen who Queen. Usually, the one with the take part in this program make the most unusual request is chosen. But thing sure -fire. The whole show re- that's all up to the five judges. And volves around the fulfillment of wish- when the Queen is selected, she gets ful thinking. And women think up the works. the daggumdest things! Just for instance, Mrs. Evelyn Lane You probably know how the show of Arcadia, California, the wife of an operates. Six potential Queens are officer in the Army Transport service, chosen from the studio audience, was chosen Queen one day. She got a along with a judging committee of trip to New York and everything she www.americanradiohistory.com 30 swing April, 1946 wanted for twenty -four enchanted in the Fair's barkers' contest. A gay hours. She rode in a golden chariot dog, this Jack! and on the back of an elephant. She When the Fair closed, Jack went to drank tea with Ray Milland (no work for radio station KGB in San week -ends were lost) ; dined at the Diego, and he hasn't been out of radio Stork Club; met Beatrice Lillie, Frank since. His KGB stint was the early Fay, and Frederic March. She danced morning six -to -seven program. He has at El Morocco, stayed at the Ritz an agile tongue and does a variety of Towers, and lunched with a bona fide dialects. He used to produce them all count. And at the end of the joyous by the dawn's early light, to the de- season, her fondest wish was that a light of his fans. Another feature of transcript of the program could be the show was a daily stunt performed sent to her son in the Pacific. The by a porter whom Bailey salvaged Queen's wish was her command, and from the night shift at the Pickwick the transcript was sent. Hotel. Everybody has fun when "Queen for a Day" is on the air. But probably Jack Bailey has more fun than anybody. Jack is the man who at Christ- mas time had his own personal greet- ing cards made. He had himself and his dog photographed in peasant ker- chiefs with tears rolling down their faces. That gives you some idea. The Bailey was born in Hampton, Iowa. After Drake University he studied dramatics in New York and later under Max Reinhardt. For three years he trouped with the Ralph Bellamy Stock Company. He didn't get around to radio until 1933, during the Chicago World's Fair. Then followed a season with Larry Philbrick and his orchestra as their clowning emcee, and a trek to Hollywood in 1936 as a free lance actor. When the next World's Fair struck on the West Coast, it found Jack Bailey barking for some midgets. It was one of his chores as assistant manager of the concession. And un- accustomed as he was, he did such a good job of it that he won first prize www.americanradiohistory.com AND EVERY WOMAN A QUEEN 31

Once Jack threw a picnic for his Jack Bailey has the happy ability to faithful following. When the guests put each Queen candidate so at ease had assembled at the grounds, Jack before the microphone that she feels made a grand entrance to the dubious perfectly at home -as if she were in tune of a couple of sirens. He'd put her own parlor eating bread and the Pickwick porter in a chauffeur's honey. uniform, himself in an old Civil War Assisting on the show are Bud costume, and had hired the most bat- Ernst, the producer; Bob Cummings; tered hack in town. The entrance and Mark Houston, the announcer. was effective. Ernst and Bailey work throughout the At the picnic, one of the fans pre- theatre, inviting members of the sented Bailey with a bag of avocados, audience to come up to the stage and slightly over-ripe. Bailey decided to participate. Both are excellent com- present them to his guests one at a edians of the screwball species, and the time. He did, and his aim wasn't bad. show off -stage is often as funny as the Just a new switch to the old routine. one on -stage before the mike. And the Bailey fans loved it. Any woman lucky enough to One of the pet tricks on one of his squeeze in on the show has a chance morning shows was the Worry Box. to be elected as one of these six Queen Jack advised all his listeners to equip candidates or the five judges. But if themselves with a little box with a slit you see the line forming to the right in the top. Each day they were to and the left of Earl Carrol's Theatre write down on a slip of paper what- Restaurant in Hollywood, where the ever it was that worried them, and broadcasts originate, that's not nylons slip the paper into the box. Then -that's "Queen for a Day." The sometime during the program, Jack doors open at 10:30 a.m., and it takes would devote thirty seconds of air three policemen to keep the girls from time to dead silence-while his lis- storming the gates. The house seats teners sat down and worried about two thousand, but at every perform- what was in their box. ance, scores of people are turned When he isn't tied up with his away. Queens and the royal duties, Jack "Queen for a Day" is Aladdin's likes to swim and play golf, to cook, Lamp, the magic formula, the "Open, and collect pictures of babies. He likes Sesame." Because we are such stuff as working with Little Theatre groups, dreams are made of, and because our too. But his "Queen for a Day" com- lives are mostly a devious pursuit of mitments keep him pretty busy. And the end of the rainbow, who is there because he gives his uproarious all to who wouldn't like to be queen, even if his task, that's probably one of the for just one day! And that's where bigger reasons for the show's success. Mutual's most rewarding program His ebullient sense of the ridiculous packs its appeal. When it goes on the and his inherent showmanship can air, every day's a holiday and at least send the studio and radio audience one woman is a queen! into hysterics. But at the same time, So far there have been more than www.americanradiohistory.com 32 Swing April, 1946 two hundred Queens, age 16 to 85. yearning to sit in a high chair, eat They have been housewives, glamour oatmeal, get it all over her face and in girls, and career women. And each of her hair-and have somebody else them has had twenty -four hours of clean it up. One Queen even decreed dreams -come -true. One danced in a that an apartment be found for her. chorus line; one did a rhumba with She got the apartment. That's "Queen Xavier Cugat. Another asked for a for a Day "! singing audition for her husband, and The entire "Queen for a Day" cast got it. Another one flew to a cold will appear in person at the Kansas climate to rid herself of an allergy, City Municipal Auditorium Arena and one of the Queens met a troop- for two coast -to -coast broadcasts, ship and kissed the boys hello. Thursday and Friday, April 11.12 - One wanted to be whistled at on a with WHB as "host" station. Free street corner; one wanted to meet a tickets are available from WHB ad- marriageable man. One of them vertisers in greater Kansas City. wanted to ride down New York's Like poker, it is such dear madness Fifth Avenue on a fire engine -and -one might always win! And some- she did. And still another realized her one always does!

The small son of the house had been told that he must always wait patiently until he was served at meals and never must he draw attention to himself. One day he was dining at a friend's house with his mother and somehow he was accidentally overlooked. Nobody noticed, and for a time he was patient, but at last he could stand it no longer. Leaning across to his mother, he said in an audible whisper: "Mother, do little boys who starve to death go to heaven ?"

iW.

Words /or Our /9iclur¢s

A CROWN, FOR SOMEBODY . . . Jock Scorritt Building, Ninth and Grond, Konsos Bailey, imoginative, hilarious entrepeneur of City, Missouri. the fomous Mutual oir show, "Queen for a WRONG NUMBER PLEASE . . . Kay Booth, Doy," seems to be reheorsing for his ap- Metro -Galdwyn -Mayer beouty moy hove the pearance in Konsos City, April 11 and 12. wrong number, but who would dore soy she The show will be broadcast nationwide from hosn't the right figure for something like this? the Areno of the Municipol Auditorium of MAN- OFTHE -MONTH . . . Murrel Crump, 1 :30 p.m. on those ofternoons. WHB will be president of the Advertising and Sales Exec- the Mutuol key statian far that broodcast. utives Club is Swing's "Man -of -the- Month" for Tickets may be obtoined by writing to WHB, April.

www.americanradiohistory.com www.americanradiohistory.com-f,itr447. www.americanradiohistory.com www.americanradiohistory.com www.americanradiohistory.com swing 3 MAN OF THE MONTH

MurreC Crump

"He Makes Things Jump"

BORN August 22, 1901, Santa Fe, Mon- dise Mart; director Kansas City Business roe County, Missouri. Came to Kansas Bureau; director Kansas City Area Coun- City June 3, 1920. Married March 10, cil, Boy Scouts of America; immediate past - 1934, to Helen Louise Smith of Beloit, director National Federation of Sales Kansas. Lives on Walnut Ridge farm Executives; member Executive Publicity near Olathe, Kansas, with wife and two committee Kansas City Art Institute; children, Robert Owen, 9, and Constance chairman public relations division, Jack- Louise, 4. One year in cashier's depart- son County War Finance committee; ment, Santa Fe railroad; advertising de- chairman Speakers' Bureau, Red Cross; partment of Long -Bell Lumber company has served as vice -president of local Com- seven years; advertising agency business mittee for Economic Development; serving seven years; with Sinclair Coal company on various other committees including past nine years; now advertising manager emergency housing, Citizens Planning of Sinclair and of the Locke Stove corn- Council; War Chest. Member of Kansas pay, nation's largest producers of coal heat- City Club; trustee and steward of Old ing stoves. Member of several national Mission Methodist church which he helped coal and marketing committees; president organize and develop. Owns and lives of Advertising and Sales Executives club; on Walnut Ridge Farm, Johnson County, president of A. E? S. E. Building corp.; Kansas. Belongs to Johnson County Farm first vice- president Kansas City Merchan Bureau, and Olathe Saddle Club.

FAVORITE FOOD: Roast beef with rich, IDEAL WOMAN: Her telephone number brown gravy. is Olathe, Kas., 14 -F4. FAVORITE CIGARS: La Coronas, and HOBBY: Raising Palomino riding horses, about eight or ten daily. pure -bred shorthorns. FAVORITE READING: Newspapers and AMBITION : To make Walnut Ridge magazines, time permitting. farm simply outa this world. FAVORITE RADIO PROGRAMS: Blood and HOURS AVAILABLE: Whenever you're thunder mysteries, chillers. lucky enough to catch him. FAVORITE COLOR: Red, but not when it INEVITABLE SUBJECT: The "Ad" club pertains to business. of which he is president. FAVORITE ACTOR: Orson Welles; used ORDINARY PET HATES: Politics, care- to be Lon Chaney. less drivers, traffic lights. FAVORITE SPORT: Used to be golf, now EXTRAORDINARY PET HATES: Delays, Palomino hosses. red tape, procrastination. FAVORITE CROONER: Better run for your PET PROJECT: The "Adverettes" of life, brother. which Mrs. C. is president. FAVORITE ACTRESS: Has none; sees MAJOR PROJECT: The Kansas City about one movie a year. Merchandise Mart. FAVORITE DRINK: An occasional Bour- CUTE LITTLE PROJECTS: Robert Owen bon, for conviviality only. Crump, Constance Louise Crump. www.americanradiohistory.com 38 Swing April, 1946 II ccT OOK, Murrel, if you want to L take a good picture of a hawg, you gotta get right down behind it. From that angle you took it, why, your hawg looks more like a rabbit." The camera expert speaking was Harold Hahn, who probably knows more about portraiture than does Winston Churchill about wangling loans out of Uncle Samuel. Harold was saying, in no classic language, that Murrel Crump may be president of the Advertising and Sales Execu- tives Club, and dozens of civic com- when he grows up he's going to have mittees, but that he was no Rem - twice as big a farm with twice as brandt with the lens, and certainly many horses, hogs, and tractors as his didn't know the photographic angles dad has now. of hogs. The telephone jingles loud and Why would the man who turned often at Olathe 14 -F4, because Murrel down a chance not long ago to be has so many strings all tied together candidate for mayor want to photo- and so many irons in the fire in Kan- graph hogs anyhow? Well, it's be- sas City that Mrs. Crump is often cause this miracle man of business prevailed upon to become a full time raises fine hogs on his Johnson county secretary. She does, and very effi- farm, and fine hogs don't live for- ciently, too. ever. A fella can have his memories, One Monday morning Murrel can't he? Even of super -duper hogs? wasn't at the Sinclair Coal company, Yes, Mr. Crump's ambition is to where he is advertising manager; he make Walnut Ridge farm, a mile out wasn't at home, and he couldn't be of Olathe, Kansas, a mecca for ad- located at the Kansas City Club. mirers of Owensdale pure -bred short- There was only one answer, and it horn cattle, Palomino horses, and was right. Duroc hogs. We picked up Murrel hurrying Every weekend Murrel works as out of the Advertising and Sales hard as any dirt farmer in Johnson Executives Club and chased him back County, driving tractor, feeding and inside. During the next half hour or currying the thoroughbreds, and di- so the story of the remarkable growth recting the help. Trailing along on of an advertising and sales fraternity every mission that will permit are his was unfolded piece by piece. Mr. two tots, Robert Owen, nine years Crump is an expert at crawling out old, and Constance Louise, just past of credit or personal glory, but we four. Like their daddy, they, too, are had him dead to rights there. sold on the freshness, freedom and ex- When Murrel took office as presi- hilaration of farming. Bobby says dent of the Advertising and Sales www.americanradiohistory.com MURRELL CRUMP, MAN OF THE MONTH 39

Executives Club four years ago, the held each week and a letter writing club had a membership of 207. Its clinic was recently concluded. Other outside activities included only the activities include sales round table dis- public speaking division. Weekly cussions, town halls on marketing, all luncheons were held at the Hotel in addition to Monday noon lunch- President, and aside from the natural eons with prominent businessmen of conviviality of men in kindred busi- the nation as guest speakers. nesses, there was little else. In May, 1944, the Women's aux- Within a few months Murrel was iliary was organized under the name successful in getting the membership of "Adverettes." Knowing that lead- to change its name from the "Ad ership runs in the Crump family, the Club" to the Advertising and Sales women named Mrs. Helen Crump as Executives Club. When membership president, and she still holds that po- reached 600, a club building corpora- sition. Auxiliary membership is now tion was formed with Mr. Crump as nearing 300 and continues to grow. president. The building at 913 Balti- In March, 1945, under the leader- more, formerly the Kansas City ship of Murrel, the club and its build- School of Law, was purchased and ing corporation voted to sponsor a remodeled into a club home. All ac- Merchandise Mart for Kansas City. tivities are now centered there. Tenants started moving into the Mart The membership on January 1 of at 2201 Grand Avenue last January this year numbered 1,400, and the and plans call for completion of the club now has an enviable balance Mart and a grand opening early in sheet. the summer. Out of town buyers will Activities have grown to such an have an opportunity to select innu- extent that plans are in the making merable lines of merchandise all under to add two floors to the club home. one roof. The Mart is patterned Educational activities include pub- along the lines of the famous Chicago lic speaking classes every night except Merchandise Mart. Saturday and Sunday. Sales schools The club, through various enter- are held Monday and Tuesday nights prises, has contributed generously to and an advertising school on Wednes- all worthy civic enterprises in Kansas day night. Four Spanish classes are City, and will continue to make civic philanthropy an important function. Much to the surprise of members who invested in club building stock, the corporation has been paying a dividend of eight per cent on $10 per share par stock, while steadily increasing its surplus. While Murrel admits that the Ad- vertising Club has been doing all right, he believes that he himself has www.americanradiohistory.com 40 Su./in4 April, 1946 been a great personal winner. He Building, planning and improving; values, above everything else, the making the best better, is perhaps the friendship and confidence of the 1,400 psychological keynote of Crump suc- members who looked for, and re- cess. When the Ad club reaches that ceived, sound leadership. There was point in stature, perfection and opera- a time when Murrel couldn't get up tion for which he and the members and make a speech before a gathering strive; when the Sinclair Coal com- without turning the color of some of pany is selling all the coal it can buy, his best garden beets. He credits the mine, beg or borrow, and when every coaching and guidance of Prof. C. C. Fairchild, public speaking instructor, farm home in the nation is fitted out for banishing his stage fright. Speak- with a Locke coal stove, the Number ing assignments on coal industry con- One candidate for sympathy will be ventions are now all part of the day's Murrel Crump. . . . Poor guy, he work. won't have anything to do.

VICISSITUDES

By a misplaced blow with a ham- The young matron listened atten- mer, a man disabled one of his tively while her doctor prescribed a thumbs. "That's too bad," a friend remedy for her nervous condition. said several days afterward. "No, it "Madame." he said, "you require fre- isn't," replied the man. "It was one quent baths, plenty of fresh air and of the best things that ever happened you should also dress in warm to me. It has taught me to appre- clothes." ciate that thumb. I never knew its That evening she told her husband value before. I found out by actual all about it, but in these words. count the first day that there were "The doctor says I'm highly dis- 257 things I had been using my traught and that it is essential for me thumb for every day of my life with- to go to Palm Beach, then to a dude out ever giving it a thought and that ranch out West and to buy myself the thumb was almost indispensable an ermine wrap." for doing every one of them. We never value our commonest blessings When a man marries his secretary until we are in danger of losing he sometimes finds she then becomes them." his treasurer. www.americanradiohistory.com 2,000 MILES OF Juneraf

Big Medicine held the hostile arrows of the Indians. Willie Keil's dad kept his promise.

by SAM SMITH

HOSTILE Indians of the plains and mountains were sworn to stop the westward flow of the whites, yet they launched not a single flash- ing arrow at the long white -topped caravan in which Willie Keil and his Nineteen -year -old Willie Keil died friends rode to Oregon. at Bethel, Missouri, four days before The Keil party was armed with big that wagon train pulled out for Ore- medicine, the power of music. The gon. He'd wanted so badly to go with emigrants sang constantly, their dirges his father and friends that they pre- and hymns rippling outward on the served his body in alcohol in a lead - prairie winds or echoing through the lined coffin and made the first wagon mountain passes. his hearse. It was Willie Keil's funeral pro- For 2,000 tiresome miles, the 75 cession, the longest and strangest in families who made that strange odys- American history. There is nothing sey sang to the accompaniment of the to compare with it in the annals of violin and guitar, flute and clarinet, the trails which fanned out from Mis- zither and drums. souri a century ago. Awed and intrigued, the Indians Willie had dreamed of this great watched spellbound as the creaking adventure, of seeing the endless sweep Conestoga wagons disappeared into of the prairies and watching for the the distance, its music floating over it first faint line of clouds which would like a protecting blanket. mark the mountains. He couldn't see It was on the morning of May 23, them now but, riding there in the 1855, that the wagons assembled on lead wagon, he earned for his friends the main street of Bethel. That Mis- safe passage through country marked souri community was at the time the by skeletons of man and beast who center of one of those remarkable col- had fallen victim to the hostile red onies which developed on the western men. frontier. www.americanradiohistory.com 42 Swing April, 1946 It was a town born of a doctrine As this prophet of communism of "without money and without waved the train out of Bethel, his fol- price," a communistic settlement of lowers began to sing the dirge he had i Dutch from Pennsylvania and Ohio composed to be sung at Willie' distant who had followed Dr. William Keil grave. Again and again along the road Dr. Keil received solemn warning from plainsmen and scouts to turn back. Stragglers from burned and plundered trains told of Indian attacks and death along the rutted road. But Dr. Keil just shook his head because he'd promised Willie they'd go to Oregon. News of the charmed company traveled ahead of the wagons. Large bands of Indians frequently approached the train but they never made a hostile move. The mystery and sacredness of the hearse, the songs and music of the travelers, earned it safe conduct. Never before had the red men seen such a thing, nor had they previously been treated with such kindness and trustfulness by whites. By November 23, six months after to the Missouri Utopia he had leaving Bethel, the train was at Will - preached to them. apa, Washington, and there Keil de- Now Dr. Keil was moving on with cided to stop. The day after Christ- 75 families, headed for a new com- mas in 1855 they buried Willie, still munity of "Aurora" he planned in singing the song composed at Bethel the Pacific Northwest. Behind him for the occasion. It was the final he was leaving a group of settlements scene in that unique funeral. mushroomed around Bethel to prove One of the colonists, according to that his ideas would work. records which have been preserved, He was a saddened man as he gave had this to say about it: the signal to pull out. Willie was "Some people would have laughed dead but he'd promised his son that at the story as a freakish whim of an he'd not be left behind. The father old man, but we who knew Dr. Keil had prepared an ambulance wagon and his plan of life appreciated the for his son. In the final days at solemnity and seriousness of the act. Bethel, it was made into a hearse, to It was not a pleasant task to escort be drawn by six horses all the way this boy's body two thousand miles to Oregon. and to have with him amid that wild www.americanradiohistory.com 2,000 MILES OF FUNERAL 43 and lonely country the depressing in- Keil did live in a mansion house, fluences of his boy's remains. But he from which he ruled his colony in had given his word to his son." excellent fashion. At one time more The elder Keil was one of those odd than 4,000 acres of rich north Mis- characters who appeared along the souri land was under cultivation by frontier a century ago. He was called the Bethelites. Keil's mansion, how- the "founder, prophet, priest and ever, like the flour mills and farm king" of the Bethelites. Born in Prus- land, was community property. sia, he came to Missouri by way of Pittsburgh. The Bethelites built a church. They had He'd been a Methodist minister but no particular creed, no records, his preachings had strayed far afield nor ceremonials. But the church was from the accepted line of thought and filled every Sunday, just the same. his theological fathers had stripped There never was any ill feeling. him of the cloth. Although seemingly All property was held in the name none too well educated, he was an of Keil, to be deeded by him in a eloquent and forceful man. general warranty to his successor. The Keil preached no particular creed Bethel property was so deeded over after his days in Methodism. He when Keil made his march to Oregon modeled his theology after certain of to spread farther his gospel. the primitive Christians and based his gospel on the Bible. Believing in a Both the communal projects he communal life, he preached so bril- founded flourished until he was laid liantly of a Canaan in the west that to rest beside his son in 1879. With about 500 colonists followed him to the leader gone, the colonists decided Bethel in 1845 from Pennsylvania to split up their communal holdings. and Ohio. Representatives from the two centers Unlike their attitude toward the met and, to complete the strange Mormons, neighboring Missourians drama, worked out readily enough an became friendly with Keil's Dutch amicable division. and the colony prospered. Its indus- There wasn't a man among them tries and farms did well. But no man who said it wasn't fair -which is as had more than the next, be he farmer, odd in its way as was Willie Keil's artisan or Keil himself. funeral procession.

The three- year'old and his father were being pushed toward the rear of a rapidly filling elevator. A kindly woman turned to the father and said, "Aren't you afraid your little boy will be crushed ?" "Not a chance, lady," answered the father. "He bites." www.americanradiohistory.com RATS ARE Srnarl

RATS are cunning. rat to walk through a maze of wires, Not long ago I read about a funnel fashion, then through a push -in rat which coveted a side of beef hang- door toward the bait. Once in, the rat ing in a small country slaughterhouse, was due for dunking in a pail of but was unable to reach it. He con- water. Or at least, so the salesman trived to get some of it, and did. said. He brought in some of his roden- But things didn't work out that tary relation and by stacking them- way. The bait was always gone and selves, tumbler style, the top rat was no rat was trapped. So, one day the finally able to reach it. He nibbled man waited and watched, just to see off bits and dropped them to the floor what actually happened. until a good sized heap had been built Soon a female rat came from the up. The formation broke hole, followed by three up and each rat had his little ones. She went meal. through the funneled Thus I was reminded wires and held the trap of other stories heard door open while her ba- over the years, actual ex- bies ate and backed out. periences with this clever, By wriggling, she, too, nauseating, and incident- managed to get through ally, growing enemy. the wires. One man lived on the edge of a This man was smart, though. Next large city, far enough out to raise time he made a slight noise and star- chickens without bringing down the tled the mother so she lost control of board of health. Eggs for breakfast, the trap door, held open for her eggs for lunch and eggs to gather young. She, too, was caught in the when he returned at night. He was process. completely tired of eggs. Such stories always seemed more Rather than offend his mother by plausible than others which credit rats asking her to amit the dailiy hard - with long time planning. boiled egg from his packed lunch, he The slaughterhouses of our great merely tossed it away with the waste meat industry wage constant war on paper. rats. One of their most effective One day, going to the basement of weapons is dry plaster. Mixed spar- the store where he worked, he saw ingly with crushed grain, this nearly a rat rolling an egg across the floor tasteless substance is consumed by the toward a hole in the wall. He stood rodent. Very shortly the rat starts quietly and saw her push it into the to petrify from within -thus creating hole and come back for another egg. a problem that neither Mr. and Mrs. He decided to catch the rat. Rat nor their families and children He bought a trap. A fancy ar- have been able to solve-as yet. rangement it was, which invited the -Theis A, Gebbie. www.americanradiohistory.com BOOM TIMES FOR WHALES

NOW that the war is over, whale shooting is going to be terrific. Since 1940 the whaling industry has been at a standstill, while herds have increased rapidly. Modern whaling is very different from the romantic and hazardous days of "Moby Dick." Today whales are hunted with harpoons shot from can- nons and the carcasses are processed at sea on huge "factory ships" equipped to reduce the blubber to oil and other products. As a result of the improved methods of handling and processing the whale, plus the discovery of new uses for whale oil both sides of the upper jaws in strips such as margerine and soap, the whale with hair -like bristles on the inner is as coveted a mammal as it ever sides of these blades. These whale- was in the past. bone blades are called baleen, and Whales have been hunted for more the baleen equipped whale lives on than a thousand years. When whales small fish and shrimp -like crustaceans were pursued in small ships and the that live near the surface. The killing done with hand harpoons by whale's method of obtaining this food a few men in small boats propelled by is to swim through schools of fish oars, whaling was necessarily limited with its mouth wide open, then when to whales that floated when killed, the whale's maw is sufficiently full such as: The Right Whale, the Bow - the whale closes its jaws, and forces head, and the Sperm Whale. The the water out. The baleen strips larger "finner" whales including the act like a sieve and the food can be Finback, Blue Whale, Sei Whale, and swallowed at the whale's leisure, as the Humpback Whale, sink when this type of whale has a throat only killed. Moreover, these "finner" a few inches in diameter. A large whales were too speedy and danger, baleen whale may be one hundred feet ous to be hunted successfully until in length yet can swallow nothing the perfection of the harpoon gun larger than a herring. about the middle of the 19th century. Though whales look like fish and This also permitted the use of a can live only in water they would heavier line by which the "finner" drown like any land animal if they whales could be hauled to the sur- could not surface frequently to face, pumped full of air and floated. breathe. For breathing purposes Large toothed whales, such as the whales have a nostril or blowhole on Sperm Whale, have throats big the top of their head. Toothed enough to swallow nearly anything whales have no blowhole and baleen that lives in the sea, including giant whales have two blowholes. squid, seals, and sharks. Such whales Present day methods are such that could easily swallow a man; but if a huge factory ship (one of the larg- he managed to pass the teeth with- est is six hundred and thirty-three out getting bitten, he could not long feet long and is rated at thirty thou- survive the powerful gastric juices of sand deadweight tons) goes into good the whale's stomach. Other types of whaling locations and just cruises whales have no teeth but instead are slowly around while the catcher equipped with flexible blades of boats supply the whales. At the bow whalebone which hang down from of the "catcher" boat is a small www.americanradiohistory.com 46 Swing April, 1946 maneuverable cannon which fires the location; but that method was not harpoon into the whale. The har- very satisfactory. Storms would poon has strong barbs that open upon come up and so scatter the carcasses entry into the whale's flesh. The that many would be lost. The killing harpoon contains an explosive whalers now equip each carcass with charge that kills or fatally wounds a radio beacon costing five hundred the whale. Whalers used to just dollars. Losing a whale is like losing mark their catch with a white flag, fifteen hundred dollars. then radio the factory ship of the -Rowland G. Bird.

. . . and if Ehe .stork hadaid overshot his [andin9 //1, /eel _9 would have teen a ones.

www.americanradiohistory.com Sm0h Sijn IN THE SKY

'ilots play Tic -tac -toe with Slue sky as a scratch -pad. by LUCILLE H. BECKHART

USING a plane for a pen and the feet, well over two miles, is consid- sky as a writing pad, the Sky- ered the best. Although freezing cold writers spread their advertisements at all times, the air at this altitude is above the city. generally free from bumps. This is not as simple a matter as The letters made by the smoke it might seem. In the first place, the plane are huge. A capital letter may plane (or pen) weighs a ton, and be one -half mile high, while the rapid maneuvering is necessary. To smaller letters are a mere one -third add to this difficulty, the flyer can- of a mile high. A six- letter word may not see what he is writing without be two miles long. dropping below, or climbing above his Comparatively long distances are line of writing. covered in the writing of a sign. The Sky writing may be divided into dotting of an "i" may make it neces- three classes. (1) The purely per- sary for the pilot to fly back a mile. sonal aspect in which pilots play such Sky -writing pilots have certain games as Tic -tac -toe, using the sky "tricks" to which they resort in their (2) for a scratch pad. The decorative trade. In order to keep the letters in sky -writer uses his aspect where the an upright direction, the plane flies smoke belching plane to draw grace- directly toward, or directly away from ful plumes against the blue sky. (3) the sun. The size of the letters is is the The third aspect commercial determined by count, the small let- phase and is the most important of all. ters of a sign all receiving the same The Sky Writing Corporation of count, and the capital letters a few America has a monopoly on this. The more. smoke they use is formed by a pat- Writing the letters in a straight ented mixture of gas, oil, and chem- line is difficult. This is overcome icals. These are mixed in a compli- somewhat by what is called a "stag- cated exhaust device. Watching this gering" of the letters. The first, third device alone, with its six different and fifth letters of a sign are written indicators and adjusters, is a compli- on a slightly higher plane than are cated job. the second, fourth and sixth. This Summer time, with its gentle winds enables the pilot to see the base line, and blue skys, is the best time for not only of the last letter, but of the sky- writers. An altitude of 12,000 preceding one as well. The differ- www.americanradiohistory.com 48 April, 1946 ence of the height of the base lines, reason they are used mostly above or of the "stagger," is so small that large cities or at special events which it cannot be detected from the ground. draw large numbers of people to- Wind conditions are something gether, such as County and State fairs. that the pilot cannot control, there- Great care is taken in training pilots fore he must learn to counteract them. for sky -writing. Much of the work This he does by flying at different must be done by "feel" and all pilots speeds. For instance, in a 40 -mile- are not suited for this. Since they an -hour wind, all upstrokes are made may view their sign from various at 60 miles an hour, and the down angles, it is necessary that the pilots strokes at 160 miles an hour. be able to almost automatically read All work is done by diagrams. and think backwards. Banks and turns are carefully charted Mistakes can be made in this pro- before the pilot leaves the ground. fession just as in any other. Perhaps The sky -writer must work fast so the most embarrassing, as well as the as to complete the advertisement or most puzzling one, was made by a sign before the smoke falls apart. A pilot over New York. He had been good sign should last about twenty assigned to write the words, "Air minutes. Show." He worked from his diagram A ten letter advertisement may cost and all went well with the first word as much as $1,000 for one "copy." -Air. But in writing the second It would be poor business to use sky- word, he omitted the letter "h" and writing as a means of advertising sailed off, leaving the puzzled pop- unless one were sure that thousands ulace to gaze and speculate on what of people would see the sign. For this an "Air Sow" might be.

A business man when on a hunting trip to Maine became separated from his guide. He wandered about for several hours and became panic stricken. He saw in his imagination a searching party finding his body weeks later. Then he recalled some advice his guide had given him. "If you are lost, climb a tree and look around. From up there you may see something that will help you." The lost fellow climbed a tree and found to his chagrin that the sup - posedly impenetrable forest extended for only a quarter of a mile and that his camp and guide were less than a mile away. Charles Steinmetz, the electrical wizard, often worked in the General Electric laboratory long after the rest of the staff had gone home. A fellow worker chided him about it. "Don't be such a fool, Steinmetz. You get the same pay check every week no matter how hard you work." Steinmetz looked up from his test tubes. "It doesn't matter whose payroll you are on, my friend," he said, "you are working for yourself."

www.americanradiohistory.com Rest is the only known cure for Tuberculosis; even if a lung has to be collapsed to do it.

T. B.- ainCe33 DANGER

By CONSTANCE RIVARD

DANGER is lurking on every tuberculosis that man has taken thou- doorstep in America . . . dan- sands of years to recognize the nature ger, in the form of tuberculosis, which of the disease. Tuberculosis appeared is the chief cause of death of all in so many guises that man thought Americans between the ages of 15 he was fighting many diseases. and 24 and the second chief cause of One of the most prevalent forms death of all Americans between the of tuberculosis was scrofula, or ages of 25 and 44. "King's Evil," which our ancestors At least half the people in the thought could be cured by the touch United States, if not more, harbor of a royal hand. Another torment the tuberculosis germ. Some time was known as Potts' disease. Today during their lives, the tubercule ba- we know it is tuberculosis of the cillus has entered and stayed in their spine. The twisted bones of men bodies. So long as resistance is high, hump -backed by Potts' disease have few of us are ever troubled by the been found by archeologists as far germ. But when overwork, too much back as the prehistoric period of Neo- exposure or crowded living breaks lithic Man, 7,000 years ago. down our resistance, or when we get But the most widespread kind of another infection from a tuberculous tuberculosis was, and still is, pulmo- person, the tuberculosis germs go to nary tuberculosis, often called con- work. They change the body tissues, sumption of the lungs or phthisis, filling them with decay, pus and from the Greek word meaning "con- blood. In this way, every year sume" or "waste away." With all 500,000 Americans in every walk of their wisdom, the Greeks could not life- clerks, truck drivers, debutantes, halt that mysterious consuming of the lawyers, students, bankers and teach- lungs. But in the 4th century B. C., ers- develop active tuberculosis. Hippocrates, Father of Medicine, Were tuberculosis to come with as carefully studied case after case and many identifying marks as the com- recorded the symptoms to aid other mon cold, its presence would be easily doctors. Hippocrates noted that con- detected and its treatment applied sumption most commonly occurred be- immediately. But, so painless is early tween the ages of 18 and 35. Its at- www.americanradiohistory.com 50 Swing April, 1946 tack brought a dry cough, a spitting of blood, chest pains, fever and a wasting away of the victim. These, as we know today, are symptoms of advanced tuberculosis For more than 2,000 years men tried to detect tuberculosis in its early stages, and had failed. Then, in 1761 at the Holy Trinity Hospital in Vienna, Dr. Leopold Auenbrugger, while holding an autopsy for his students, discovered that the lungs of consumption are lungs torn with holes. Auenbrugger longed for a way to see through the chest to the lungs, so that consumption could be discovered before death, rather than the way he had discovered it that afternoon, Auenbrugger's discovery of percus- on the autopsy table. His class dis- sion revealed for the first time that missed, Dr. Auenbrugger walked to tuberculosis begins to injure the lungs his favorite Viennese cafe for his long before it shows any outward afternoon coffee. A few feet away symptoms. The development of the from his table, Franz, the waiter, stethoscope by Laennec in 1819 en- tapped on the wine kegs in order to abled physicians to hear, in the breath- find out how much of the delicious ing of tuberculous people, the rattle - liquid remained for his customers. like sound, or ralcs, which denotes The doctor watched him, and as he fluid in the lungs or bronchial tubes. watched he began to realize that here But still science knew no way to halt was the solution to his problem. Why the consuming disease once they not tap the chest and tell by the dif- found it. ferent sounds if the lungs contain air Some doctors advised fresh air. or liquid! Others recommended cold baths, Putting to work his brilliant power horseback riding, eating more to gain of observation, Auenbrugger learned weight. But so little effect had any that the sound elicited from a healthy of these treatments that many doctors chest over the lungs resembles the simply eased their patient's suffering stifled sound of a drum covered with pain with opium or morphine and i a thick woolen cloth. In contrast, he waited helplessly for them to die. As learned that a chest yielding only a late as 1874, one despairing French sound like that of a fleshy limb being physician said -"There are only two struck, like your thigh, carried disease. cures for consumption. Morphine and Using this new technique of percus- lies." sion, he found he could also discern But a way to healing was found. cavities in the lungs. The cure was discovered by a young www.americanradiohistory.com i PAINLESS DANGER 51

American doctor, who himself had a sanatorium in America. With the been struck down by tuberculosis. On enthusiasm of a crusader, young Tru- a May day in 1874, in New York deau sought subscriptions among the City, young Dr. Edward L. Trudeau, rich and poor alike. He offered his weak with fever, faced what he be- medical services if only others would lieved to be certain death. He asked donate money. He must have been a his young wife to take him to the good salesman as well as a good doc- Adirondacks where he wanted to tor, because in a short time he was spend his last remaining days in the able to start building his sanatorium quiet of the woods. Over a twisting on the quiet shores of Saranac Lake road, the young doctor was carried 42 That pioneer sanatorium at Saranac miles in a wagon bed to a remote Lake brought the first true treatment hunting camp. Strangely enough, he of tuberculosis in the United States. regained his strength, and in six From Trudeau's beginning have months he and his wife returned to sprung the nation's some 600 modern the city. But a winter of activity sanatoriums, where men, women and again broke him with fever and ex- children rest their way back to life. haustion, and the following spring he But while Trudeau and Brehmer was brought back to the mountains, were showing that early tuberculosis remaining there with his wife and could be healed, science still did not children, to be again healed mysteri- know what caused the disease. At ously. that time, few even thought it was One day, in 1882, while looking contagious. General ignorance en- through a British medical journal, Dr. couraged tuberculosis to spread from Trudeau read of a European, Dr. person to person. Brehmer of Silesia, who believed that In 1881 Robert Koch, a German rest was the cure for tuberculosis. pathologist, set qut to discover the This Dr. Brehmer had built an insti- tuberculosis germ. Eight years later tution for tuberculous people, which he found the tubercule bacillus, the he called a sanatorium, where they beautiful, thin rod -like germs, the could rest in bed all the time and be parasites that formed modules in the cared for by doctors. lungs. Koch's brilliant investigations Trudeau vowed he would start such brought even greater findings. Exam- ining tissue from scrofula and Potts' diseases, he proved that these also were caused by the tuberculosis germ. His experiments demonstrated that the tuberculosis germ usually enters the lungs first, and usually remains there. But the germ can be carried by the blood to any part of the body, where it can cause tuberculosis of the bones, the internal organs, the eye, the skin, or even the brain. www.americanradiohistory.com 52 Swing April, 1946 To prevent further spread, every incipient case must be X -rayed and given intelligent treatment. There is no quick, easy treatment. No medicine or drug cures tuberculosis. The only proven treatment is rest, which gives the lungs time to heal themselves. In every step, the treatment of tuberculosis is rest. Even in sur- gical tuberculosis, the goal is rest. To give an infected lung the maximum rest, surgeons may collapse the lung by removing one or more ribs. To heal tuberculous bones, after the diseased part is removed, the patient is placed in a cast to rest immovable, for weeks When Koch's work proved that or months. Even convalescent patients tuberculosis was contagious, Dr. Her- must have regular rest. They may mann M. Biggs, in 1889, persuaded look the picture of health, but with- New York City to make the first ef- out the proper rest, a relapse may fort by a municipality to halt the occur, worse than the original attack. spread of tuberculosis in the United States. The New York Public Health Just as important as the discovery Department sent agents into the tene- of the disease in a person is the con- ment areas to post orders on the care valescent period. The patient must and prevention of tuberculosis. And be kept under proper care until com- to prevent people from hiding cases pletely recovered. In the sanatorium of tuberculosis and so infecting tuberculosis patients are cared for by others, the National Tuberculosis those who know how. They are oc- Association, early in the 20th cen- cupied with small tasks which take tury, obtained laws in most large their minds off of their troubles and cities compelling doctors to report at the same time keep them from do- their tuberculosis cases to public ing exhausting work. health authorities. The National Tu- When a new case of tuberculosis berculosis Association also established is discovered, let him not become dis- educational campaigns and health couraged. Rather, let him remember programs throughout the nation. that history is brilliant with the cour- This work lowered the death rate age and persistence of men whose from 200 persons per 100,000 in 1900 lives were wracked by tuberculosis to 43 per 100,000 in 1942. But dur- ... the 18th century violinist Paga- ing the exhausting years of the second nini; one of England's greatest poets, World War, resistance fell and the John Keats; Voltaire, whose words rate of active tuberculosis rose were mightier than royal power in sharply. 18th century France; and the author www.americanradiohistory.com PAINLESS DANGER 53 of "Treasure Island," Robert Louis discovery and treatment of tubercu- Stevenson. losis possible. Today's tuberculosis cases have new (Adapted from a recent broadcast life and hope ahead, thanks to the of "The Human Adventure" of modern sanatorium, public health pre- WGN, Chicago outlet for the Mu- cautions and the men who made the tual Broadcasting System.)

//o, am not lis/tening

to the radio

www.americanradiohistory.com Ch ca o Letter... died down, less than three hours later, when the Herald- American picked its "Miss Outdoor Sports" from practically the same group of non -blushing maidens. In fact, the quick and frequent changes into bathing suits on the part of so many attractive females trying for some title or other may have something to do with the present flu wave among Chicago's models. However, no one is complaining about the current display of loveliness in the press. It gets the day off to NO COM- a great start to open up the PLAINTS morning paper and discover "Miss Broken Flash Bulb" curving out at you from among the obitu- aries or want ads. The press photographers have picked their queen and have had their annual By NORT JONATHAN ball -complete with the usual banquet fare of tired salad, cold ham, and iced coffe, all served on midget -sized banquet tables. The event was adjudgd a great success by one and all. Tony Martin, who Feminine beauty is having its day in could hardly make himself heard above the the public prints. Practically every daily happy din, sang. So did numerous others paper except the sedate Journal of Corn - -from Rufe Davis, the hill -billy comic, to merce, which no doubt thinks of cheese- "Two Ton" Dick Baker, the overweight cake strictly as a food, is either sponsoring Sinatra. Even the occasional fist fights a beauty contest or promotng one. These which broke out toward five o'clock in the days no edtion is complete without plenty morning failed to subdue the joy of most of leggy pictures of luscious damsels with of the revelers. their skirts coyly pulled up to reveal their knees. The place was so noisy that even the There's "Miss Fashion Rhapsody," "Miss customary pistol shots which Olsen and Forget -Me- Not," "Miss Photo Flash," and Johnson use to herald their personal ap- even "Miss Hubba -Hubba." Minor queens, pearances failed to create a startled hush. of which there seem to be dozens, have They were scarcely heard over the roar less glamorous titles, like "Miss Irving of conversation, the tinkle of glasses and Park Shopping District," and so on. the gurgle of bourbon. When the press photographers relax, the noise can be heard The local beauties -none of whom sur- all the way to Wilson Avenue. passes SWING's cover girl -have been dashing happily from contest to contest, The appearance of Olsen and Johnson hopping in and out of bathing suits and was not unexpected. The boys can always evening gowns with a speed which would be counted upon to show up at benefits. astonish a veteran fireman. A few days The photographers' fund for veterans bene- ago the Daily News sponsored the finals fited from their banquet, and at other of its "Fashion Rhapsody" contest, with recent affairs for worthy causes, either no less an authority than Nils T. Gran - Ole Olsen or Chick Johnson, and some- lund on hand to pick the fairest of the times both of them, have been on hand to fair. The moans of the losers had hardly help the show with their clowing. In fact

www.americanradiohistory.com CHICAGO LETTER 55

Olsen worked at so many benefits with a exhibits 11 l us t r a t i n g practically every bad case of laryngitis that his doctor finally "ology ' known to the college professors. ordered him to bed. If a glimpse of prehistoric man is your dish, you'll find a whole colony of early Competing for with the nu- attention birds at the museum. merous benefits and beauty contests was the International Sportsman's show at the On the lake side of Chicago sight -seeing Coliseum. There the populace gaped at entertainment, there are those two vener- the new boats and planes and lovingly able tubs, the SS City of Grand Rapids handled fishing tackle, shooting irons, and and the SS Milwaukee Clipper. The golf clubs. Most popular exhibitors were "Grand Rapids" plows across the lake to the air aces, Don Gentile and John God- St. Joseph, Michigan, every day during frey, who between them bagged 69 Nazi the outdoor season from its berth at the planes, in town to show off the new Swift Michigan Avenue bridge. The "Clipper" personal plane which looks like a sleek can be said to clip up to Milwaukee on a

1 junior edition of a Navy fighter. similar schedule, but 'struggles" would be a more descriptive word. There are all The sports show highlighted a fact well - kinds of deck sports to enjoy while you're known to most localities Chicago is -that watching the shoreline inch by. practically a summer resort in itself. Within "L" fare distance of the Loop If indoor April entertainment is your are more than a half a hundred public fee meat and drink, then there's Dick Buckley golf courses, a score of swimming pools, and Beatrice Kay over at the new Frolics amusement parks, and beaches. And thirty Theatre Cafe. Dick is a new kind of minutes west of the lake in suburban emcee, who looks like George Sanders and Riverside is the famous Brookfield zoo, talks like Noel Coward. His jokes can where instead of cages and bars, wide safely be enjoyed by nice old ladies from moats separate the spectators from the Gravel Switch, Kansas, as well as buyers animals, or vice versa. Brookfield is also from Detroit. Beatrice Kay is the gal who the happy home of Mei -Lan, the photo- sings those old -time ballads in a heart- genic panda. rending fashion. Her version of "Run Into Round House, Nellie, Because He If the weather is bad this spring, which the You There" will bring tears is quite likely to be the case, the visitor can Can't Corner wile away the damp hours in Chicago's of laughter to your smoke- filled eyes. famous Museum of Science and Industry, "On the Town" -the hit musical -will or the equally celebrated Field Museum. probably be with us on April 1, or shortly The Museum boasts eight acres of exhibits, thereafter. It'll join the present quartet including a wonderful working model of of stage hits, "The Late George Apley," a coal mine. For those who haven't hardy "Anna Lucasta," "Dark of the Moon," and arches, there's a replica of an old -time "Laffing Room Only" in the long -run Nickelodeon which features a program of sweepstakes. None of these shows signs of ancient movie thrillers. It's the place to withering away at the box office, so they'll rest your weary legs, especially if you undoubtedly be around to entertain spring missed "The Perils of Pauline" when it visitors. played your neighborhood theater years ago. Indoors or out, it looks like a big spring season -but you'd better bring along your The Field Museum also has miles of umbrella and a small, portable boat.

Answers to Streamliner Quiz 1 -b ¶-d 9-c 13-a 2 -d 6-b 10 -a 14-b 3 -b 7 -a 11 -c 1S-d 4-c 8-d 12-c 16-a www.americanradiohistory.com CHICAGO PORTS OF CALL

Top Drawer 11 N. Clark Street (Sta. 3430) . . . and VINE * BOULEVARD ROOM, Hotel Stevens. 7th and GARDENS, 614 W. North Avenue (Div. 5106). Michigan (Wab. 4400). A palatial play spot and Light Fantastic a platinum production of name acts and name AMERICAN ROOM, Hotel LaSalle, LaSalle and like * bands, Frankie Masters, current attraction. Madison (Fra. 0700). Florian ZaBach's light as * BUTTERY, Ambassador West Hotel, 1300 N. air dancing arias. plenty of three-quarter time ro- State Parkway (Sup. 7200). A cheerful luncheon, mance tunes. dinner and supper rendezvous; dancing in the eve- * BLACKHAWK RESTAURANT, Wabash and ning is to a small, rhythm -minded orchestra that Randolph (Ran. 2822). Chuck Foster's handsome usually goes on to the bigger time of New York. assortment of musicians, several vocals and the * CAMELLIA HOUSE, Drake Hotel, Michigan maestro, a very good -looking backbone of entertain- and Walton (Sup. 2200). Dorothy Draper de- ing music. signed this cushioned jewel box setting and there * PANTHER ROOM. Hotel Sherman, Randolph arc society tempos by Bob McGrew and his or- and LaSalle (Fra. 2100). Cream of the swing chestra. bands, both colored and white, alternating in usual * EMPIRE ROOM, Palmer House. State and Mon- two-week engagements. roe (Ran. 7500). Hilton ownership is enhancing and tradition of this loop landmark with the best Scene Changers show in its history -Griff Williams' orchestra, so- * Tropical flora and fauna at DON THE BEACH- ciety hill-billy Dorothy Shay and Damon Runyan's COMBER'S. 101 E. Walton Place (Sup. 8812) favorite comedian. Irwin Corey. . . . SHANGRI-LA, 222 North State Street (Dea. * GLASS HAT, Congress Hotel, Mich- 9733) . BAMBOO ROOM. Parkway man at Congress (Har. 3800). Spa- Hotel, 2100 Lincoln Park West (Div. cious and airy Avenue favorite for cock- 5000). tails and dinner -dancing. Tricky tune - * Miscellaneous interior magic of Old fare by Sande Williams and his boys. English vintage at IVANHOE, 3000 N. * MAYFAIR ROOM. Blackstone Ho- Clark Street (Gra. 2771) . Bali tel, 7th and Michigan (Har. 4300). Java color at the SARONG ROOM, 16 Great dignity of atmosphere, stately as E. Huron Street (Del. 6677) . a minuet and the smart set's first choice. French Victorian majesty at L'AIGLON. Two shows nightly of one name star 22 E. Ontario (Del. 6070) . Bava- only. rian setting of Eitel's OLD HEIDEL- * MARINE DINING ROOM. Edge- BERG. 14 \Vest Randolph Street (Fra. water Beach Hotel. 5300 Sheridan Road 1892). (Lon. 6000). Terraced magnificence, most sizeable dance floor, large, string- Dining Tips conscious orchestra and a Dorothy Mild revue of * AGOSTINO'S, 1121 North State Street (Del. great color and originality. 9862), for spaghetti and spumoni . STEAK * NEW HORIZON ROOM. Hotel Continental. HOUSE, 744 North Rush Street (Del. 5930). for 505 N. Michigan Avenue (Whi. 4100). A fabu- all cuts of you know what . . . BLUE DANUBE lous show -case in Shangri-La motif, not inexpensive CAFE. 500 West North Avenue (Mie. 5988), for but worth it in dining and orchestral fare. heavy Hungarian feasting . SINGAPORE. 1011 * PUMP ROOM. Ambassador East Hotel. 1300 Rush Street (Del. 0414), for wonderful barbecued N. State Parkway (Sup. 7200). Headquarters for ribs . CHEZ EMILE, 180 East Delaware Place visiting celebrities, gourmets who appreciate flaming (Del. 9713), for an out of this world Chatcubriand sword cookery and music lovers of David LcWinter's KUNGSHOLM, 631 Rush Street (Sup. 9868). orchestra. for superb Scandinavian dining and puppet -recording * WALNUT ROOM. Bismarck Hotel. Randolph operas . 885 CLUB, 885 Rush Street (Del. near LaSalle (Cen. 0123). A pleasant, hospitable 0855), for gourmet dinners and unusual selections scene -excellent cuisine -and neat but petite floor IRELAND'S. 632 N. Clark (Del. 2020). for shows. Benny Strong's crew in the bandstand. fifty varieties of seafoods . . . TRADE WINDS. * YAR RESTAURANT. Lake Shore Drive Hotel, 867 Rush Street (Whi. 9054). for quality steaks 181 E. Lake Shore Drive (Del. 9300). Imperial- and chops . A BIT OF SWEDEN. 1015 Rush istic charm in the Boyar Room, the rustic theme Street (Del. 1492), for abundant smorgasbord . in the lounge, excellent Russian delicacies in both And for chop suey and all its derivatives: HOUSE and gypsy airs by George Scherban's ensemble. OF ENG, 110 East Walton Place (Del. 7194), Host is that character of all characters. Colonel HOE SAI GAI. 75 \V. Randolph Street (Dea. W. W. Yaschenko. 8505), and THE NANKIN. 66 West Randolph Top Shows Street (Sta. 1900). * The big three of night clubs, name acts, three or four supplementary numbers, lines of dancing beau- Hot Spots ties, and stable dance bands at CHEZ PAREE. 610 * Call it exotic dancing, stripping, or the higher Fairbanks Court (Del. 3431) . RIO CABANA. arts of exfoliation, the all -girl show goes on front 400 North Wabash (Del. 3700) . . . and LATIN 9 to 4, usually continuously, at the BACK STAGE QUARTER. 23 \V. Randolph (Ran. 5544). CLUB. 935 Wilson Avenue (Ray. 10077), CLUB * Variety revues, with second-rate comedian, the FLAMINGO. 1359 \Vest Madison Street (Can. customary dance team, singer and addenda dancing 9230), L H L CAFE, 1316 West Madison (Sec. at BROWN DERBY CAFE. Monroe and \Vabaslt 9344), CLUB SOHO. 1124 West Madison Strcct (Sta. 1307) . COLOSIMO'S, 2126 S. Wabash (Can. 9260), and the PLAYHOUSE CAFE. 550 Avenue (Vic. 9259) . . . CLUB MOROCCO. North Clark Street (Whi. 9615) . www.americanradiohistory.com few YOPt Letter...

Things seem disordered and strange for a while. Its an ungraceful and awkward period. This reaction takes place after a mere vacation. Think what a terrific reaction must take place with returned veterans who were shipped off, without choice, to far away places where every semblance of their former lives was re- placed by orders, regimentation and battle. If they can settle down within a year after coming home it's a good average. Cheery note for gals hitting middle age: the leading ladies of six big Broadway hits are comfortably past the "Life Begins" year. All of them are gracing the stage with a beauty and charm that holds their audiences spellbound. There's Mady Chris - ians in "I Remember Mama," Dorothy Gish in "The Magnificent Yankee," Kath- arine Cornell in "Antigone," Lynn Fon- tanne in "O Mistress Mine," Gertrude Lawrence in "Pygmalion," and Laurette -n- Taylor in "The Glass Menagerie." Young hattan e: -. ' other actresses will have to look to their laurels day or so there is a threatened strike about to keep up with them. Also, though not something or other that is going to affect on the boards at the moment but seen at seven million five hundred thousand peo- LaRue's, Twenty -One and thereabouts, ple. Most of the threats seem to arise from Gloria Swanson and Mae Murray looking the buxom chest of one Michael J. Quill chic, streamlined and gay. who apparently has an unlimited capacity little nightmares for Many Kansas Citians may recall hearing for dreaming up cute of, Mayor O'Dwyer to shake off. The recent or meeting, the famous artist Ernest Lawson who lived in our a transit strike had everyone town for awhile threat of in the getting out their old walking shoes and early thirties. His death in Miami reorganizing the old war time "share a several years ago was ride" idea. Fortunately the strike was FALSE REPORT reported to be a suicide. This report was quite a averted . it would have made a mess island; and what would have shock to those persons who were acquainted out of this with been left of the rolling junk we call "taxis" his gentle manner and facile brush which could so here couldn't be pushed down a hill. be bold and yet so deli- cate. And so, it may be gratifying to hear The unrest and confused state of mind directly from Paul King, one of his close of returned war veterans is most evident in associates and one of America's outstand- the East as no doubt it is everywhere. It ing artists, that the report was false. Mr. should be accepted as. a natural conse- Lawson died of a heart attack on the beach quence and not wondered at. as a subsequent examination proved. COMING After all, every housewife and Though his body was found in the shallow HOME- business man knows that the washing of the waves, there was no water coming home again after a va- in the lungs and he had begun his walk cation takes a certain amount of mental when the tide was out. Mr. King also readjustmnet to get back in the groove. states that no one who accepted life as www.americanradiohistory.com 58 Swing April, 1946 did Ernest Lawson would have concluded them. The prices, which range from four his span in such a violent fashion. The thousand dollars up, are very misleading suicide account was published in Art News . the price doesn't include foundation, and various other papers and never re- painting, plumbing, fixtures, decorating or tracted. It's a matter of word of mouth any of the little surprises that come with now to correct the false report. being master of all you survey. These Entree into restaurants and nite clubs small houses are fetching, neat and appe- seems to be settling down to a reasonable tizing and the idea of a ready-made domi- basis. And getting theatre tickets is not cile is most appealing. However, beside quite the ordeal it was. This doesn't mean the ultimate price, which is a vague guess it's easy . . . just not quite as grim as it on anybody's part, one can't help but was. But, hotel rooms are still harder to wonder how they would hold up fn a wind get than a snowball in August. It's still storm. The whole thing seems too easy the old routine of being kicked round with somehow in this vale of tears. a time limit ... if you can find a hook to Calamity Janes and Joes are having a hang your hat on at all. Perhaps this situ- field day predicting the doom of prac- ation will become more rational when the tically everything. They seem to be ubiqui- locals get a whiff of spring and head for tous ... one can't avoid them. They're in summer cottages. It's just a faint hope for every party every ' transients. So far, supply and demand U*` aren't even on speaking terms. Proposed apartment buildings which are still a mass of lines on an architect's table are already rented. Where do all the people come from? There's a lot of talk in Manhattan about pre-fabricated houses. Wanamakers have wit, given over a whole floor A leau,.. ...Ls worry VILLAGE to these houses, set them "bad mental hygiene and advocates read- OF VISION up and furnished them and ing a light story before turning in for the everything. They call it the night. Perhaps we could all benefit with a "Village of Vision." There are always new mental diet and less, a lot less, doom long lines of people waiting to go through talk.

WOMAN IS LIKE . .

A program -subject to change without notice. An automobile -often runs people down. A lamp -apt to flare up and get turned down. A banjo -often picked on by her friends. A thermometer-often of very high de, gree. A cigar -inclined to be puffed up at times. A church-men make sacrifices for her. A stove -often needs a new lid. But the average man admits that there is nothing like her! www.americanradiohistory.com J. .an - the Iridium Room- ..w, with Paul Sparr's orchestra and at the organ alternating through for dance music. Maximilian's s at luncheon, which is yours for .er from $3.50. In the Maisonette. .cia Bright and her little songs, and a orchestras making music for dancing. .sly -from $3.50. Closed Monday. 5th Hors 55th. Pl. 3-4500. own VERN -ON -THE- GREEN. Rambling little es- 3arney .shment in the midst of Park. and very ire youn., Central .aarming it is. You may dance from 6:45 on- gown Mar> to music by Walter Perner's orchestra and Art who blows a g.,.,, Barker's Trio. Dinner from 5 to 9 and from $2; makes one of the a.. we opens at 5 on weekdays; 1 o'clock on Sundays. st 12 2:15; dinner horn mini- 8:30, and $2.50; Central Park West, at 67th. Rh. 4.4700. rum. $3.50. Closed Sunday. 128 E. 58th. Pl. ; -9223. * ZANZIBAR. Big and gaudy inside and out - with a show Winchell brands as ''Zanzational." k CAFE TOKAY. Notable for its gypsy music, currently the revue stars The Ink Spots, Ella Fitz- :xcellent wines, authentic Hungarian food, and an gerald, Maurice Rocco, and the music of Cootie xcasional bit of authentic czarding that may ap. Williams and orchestra. You'll see them at 8. 12 'ear on the dance floor from time to time. Closed and 2. Minimum after 10, $3.50. Dinner 9.9:30. Monday. 2nd Ave. between 82nd and 83rd. Re. from $2. Opens at 6. Broadway at 49th. Ci. 4.9441. 7.7380. EDDIE CONDON'S. Hallowed ground for dis- * . . . :iples of hot jazz. They tell us the brand here is Bread and Wine Dixieland. We couldn't prove it -but it's intri- * ASTI'S. Hunks of Italian bread, sharp wines. :ate and amazing stuff, anyway. The band in and opera. Most of the attendants drop into the : ludes brand names in the world of classic jazz: dining room and give out with arias from time to Dave Tough, Gene Schroeder, Wild Bill Davison, time. and the customers, most of them, are known Joe Marsala, and Bob Casey. And Mr. Condon by their first names and join in on the antiphonal himself sits in with his hot guitar when the mood between mouthfuls. Dinner from $1.50. Closed strikes him. Between staves, Joe Sullivan touches on Monday. 79 W. 12th. Gr. 5-9334. aff some of the best piano in these parts. The place is open from 7:30 to 4:00. Dinner and * BARBERRY ROOM. Probably the silkiest of supper come a la carte, and the waiters are usually the swank spots. A deep, dim room with stars, nice to tell you if the chicken is better than the or a reasonable facsimile, in the high ceiling, and ham tonight. Minimum, $2.50. 47 W. 3rd. Gr. elegance dripping all over. Lunch and dinner both 3.8736. a la carte and not what you'd call inexpensive. Opens at 4 on Sundays. 19 E. 52nd. Pl. 3-5800. * LATIN QUARTER. Where the Yankee dollar * BARNEY GALLANT'S. Excellent man -food goes fast, but you get your money's worth in en- and good liquors, to the random accompaniment of at tertainment. Revues 8 and 12 (and at 2 on a wandering accordionist and a pianist (not wan- Saturdays) are big, fast, and varied, and the whole dering). A place of honest hospitality. Dinner thing is Hollywoodish. Our favorite is Arthur Lee from $2.00; opens at 5; closed on Sunday. 86 Simpkins who sings Pagliacci and Alouetta with University Place (11th). St. 9.0209. equal effectiveness. There's an intricate arrange ment of prices but if you want to know how they * BEEKMAN TOWER. Top O' the Tower Cock- go, here 'tis: Minimum, week nights, first show. tail lounge has one of the better views short of the $2; second show, $2.50; Friday and Sunday. $3; Empire State Building. It's a shallow, high ceil- Saturday, $3.50. 48th and Broadway. Ci. 6.1737. inged room on the 26th floor, overlooking the East www.americanradiohistory.com . , taste by the courses, all generous. dinner, $1.5041.75. Sunday 66 W. 11th. Al. 4.4658. ; * HELEN LANE'S. Excellent served up in straightforward New a New England setting. Brick wa, mellow light -and spotless scrubbedo service is friendly and fast, and the pr Luncheon around 85c; dinner around $1 of on Sunday. 110 Waverly Place, off verb Square. story y to a * JUMBLE SHOP. A tradition of a s 8:40. enduring traces of the Village as it was in when. The walls still welcome the paintings local artists, so you have an art show with youi 47th W. of lunch or dinner (or Sunday brunch). 2S \V. 8th "'^ irama played by (just off MacDougal's Alley). Sp. 7-2540. an at,-. black, Charles Swain, and Claire Jay. . vent..s except Monday, 8:40. * LONCCHAMPS. There are a flock of these around town, but you may as well know what Matinee Saturday and Sunday, 2:40. they're mostly about, in case you don't. You may * ANTI GONE AND THE TYRANT. (Cort. get a weighty feeling from visiting the one topped 48th. East. BR. 9.0046). Katherine Cornell in a by the Empire State Building. lts festive enough, new play co-sponsored by Gilbert Miller, and and the food and drinks are satisfactory. Lunch described by one critic as presenting "the acting and dinner come a la carte; the menu is varied, of a decade." Nightly except Sunday, 8:40. Matinee moderately priced, and the servings are large. 5th Wednesday and Saturday, 2:40. Ave. at 34th. Also at Madison and 79th, 5th Ave. * BORN YESTERDAY. (Lyceum Theatre, 45th E. at 12th, Lexington and 42nd. City Hall, and a of B'way (CH. 4.42.56.) "An uproarious de- few other places. At Madison and 59th they're light," says Barns of the Herald Tribune. A brand open all night. new comedy hit, with former sports announcer Paul * ONE FIFTH AVENUE. A lot of piano playing Douglas a solid success in his first acting role. distinguishes the extensive dining room and har from Evenings except Sunday. Matinee Wed., Fri., and 5:30 on. Luncheon from 75c; dinner from $1.75; Sat., 2:30. and the entertainment is continuous. 1 5th Ave. DEAR (Henry (just like it says). Sp. 7.7000. * RUTH. Miller, 43rd. East. BR. 9.3970). A bright comedy about a kid sister who * PENTHOUSE. A room with a view -overlook - writes love letters to soldiers and signs her older ing the Park, and offering very good food to the sister's name. You can imagine what happens, and tune of very nice dinner music. There's also a it does. Nightly except Sunday. 8:40. Matinee palmist around for diversion. Luncheon from SI; Thursday and Saturday, 2:40. dinner. $3.54. Opens at 1 p. m. on Sunday. 30 Central Park S. Pl. 3.6910. * DEEP ARE THE ROOTS. (Fulton. 46th, West. * PETER'S BACKYARD. Another old Village Cl. 6.6380). The authors of "Tomorrow the living rooyi, where the drinks are somewhat better World" present their plea for racial tolerance than the food, although a lot of people seem to under guise of a drama. Although they reach no concise as to what should done like it. Luncheon, 90e; dinner, $1.50 and a la conclusions be carte. 64 \V. 10th. St. 9.4476. about the problem, they do write an honest and RUMPELMAYER'S. The New York representa sometimes stirring play. A good cast, with special * to Bel tive of the famous international (more or less) honors Barbara Geddes. Nightly except restaurants. Excellent foods, good drinks, and not Sunday, 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday, just the plain garden variety. You'll probably be 2:40. somewhat inclined to drool, whether it's an ice * DREAM GIRL. (Coronet, 49th, West. Cl. It cream soda, Turkish coffee, a full meal, or one of 6-8870). Prolific playwright Elmer Rice turns out t.. their delectable and displayed desserts you choose. another vehicle for his wife, Betty Field, an uncom' In In the St. Moritz, 50 Central Park S. Wi. 2.5800. monly good actress. This time it's a comedy about W+ www.americanradiohistory.com NEW YORK PORT OF CALLS 61

areer girl who daydreams too much. This dream- Clark and Lily Cahill. Evenings, including Sun- means a field day for fantasy. and its all good day. 8:40. Matinee Saturday and Sunday, 2:40. Nightly except Sunday, 8:35. Matinee Wed - * O MISTRESS MINE. (Empire, Broadway at day and Saturday, 2:35. 40th. PE. 6.9540). The Lunts once more! Alfred FLAMINGO ROAD. (Belasco Theatre, 44th E. L. and Lynn Fontanne come to town in a new B'way). A new play by Robert and Sally Wilder, comedy which they acted recently in London. Its apted from Wilder's recent novel. With Francis by the young Englishman, Terence Rattigan, was Felton, Judith Parrish. Philip Bourneuf and formerly called "Love in Idleness," and presents ill Geer. Evenings except Sunday at 8:40. this spirited team at their spirited beat. Nightly atinee Thursday and Saturday, 2:40. except Sunday. 8:40. Matinee Thursday and Sat- THE GLASS MENAGERIE. (Playhouse, 48th E. urday. 2:40! B'way. BR. 9. 3565). A moving and beautiful * PYGMALION. ( Barrymore, 47th, West. CI. ay from the pen of a young author, Tennessee 4.4499). Gertie Lawrence (the Star Who Danced). illiams. Laurette Taylor plays the lead. Eve - having herself a time as the little cockney who ngs except Sunday at 8:40. Matinee Wednesday turns into a lily. thanks to the efforts of the d Saturday. 2:40. professor, played this time by Raymond Massey. HAMLET. (Columbus Circle Theatre, Broadway With Melville Cooper and Cecil Humphries, and 59th. CO. 5.1173). Shakespeare as the GI's saw staged by Sir Cedric Hardwicke. Nightly except overseas. Maurice Evans, under the aegis of Sunday, 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Satur- later Michael Todd, presents the tragedy of the day. 2:40. oomy Dane in mid- Victorian costumes, and sans a * STATE OF THE UNION. (Hudson Theatre. :w scenes which we've grown used to in this 44th E. of B'way. BR. 9. 5641). Best thing of the articular play. The gravediggers are out. They say new season. Lively, timely and telling comedy ae fella. in uniform considered them corny, and concerning liberal industrialist who takes to politics nyway, says Mr. Evans the play moves better but not to politicos, and his wife who likes to tell ithout them. It's a great show. Nightly except the truth, never mind who is listening. Evenings unday. 8:30. Matinee Thursday and Saturday. except Sunday at 8:35. Matinees Wednesday and :30. Saturday, 2:35. HE WHO GETS SLAPPED. (Booth. 45th W. * THE VOICE OF THE TURTLE. (Morocco, f B'way.) A Theatre Guild production with 45th. \Vest. CI. 6-6230). Sweet comedy about a tennis King. A new version prepared from soldier on a week -end pass, and a little actress ndrev's original play by Judith Guthrie. With who is afraid to fall in love again. John Beal comes tella Adler. John Abbott and Reinhold Schunzel. home again to play the soldier and very nicely; -venings except Sunday. 8:30. Matinee Thursday Martha Scott is vivacious and appealing as the nd Saturday. 2:30. girl; and Vicki Cummings wears the kind of hats *HARVEY. (Center, 6th Ave. and 49th. BR. a gal would wear who says the kind of lines she 9- 4566). Delightful comedy about a genial boozer says! All three are splendid; it's a lovely play. and his six -foot invisible rabbit. Evenings except Nightly except Sunday, 8:35. Matinee Wednesday Sunday, 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday, and Saturday. 2:35. 2:40. * THE MAGNIFICENT YANKEE. (Royale, 45th, *I LIKE IT HERE. (Golden Theatre, 252 W. West. CI. 5-5760). Louis Calhern and Dorothy 45th. CI. 6-6740). A new comedy by A. B. Shif Gish in a fine story about Chief Justice Holmes. frin with Oscar Karlweis and Bert Lytell, and very written by Emmet Lavery. Nightly except Sunday, capably directed by Charles K. Freeman. Evenings 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday, 2:40. except Monday 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and * THE DUTCHESS MISBEHAVES (Adelphi, 54th Saturday 2:30. E. of B'way. CI. 6-5097). A frolicsome musical *I REMEMBER MAMA. (Music Box. 45th W. comedy with Jackie Gleason, Audrey Christie. of B'way. CI. 6-3646.) Hilarious, funny, tender George Tapps. Paulla Laurence. Nightly except and touching. It's about a Norwegian-American Sunday, 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday. family and its wonderful mama. Nightly except 2:30. Sunday, 8:35. Matinees Thursday and Saturday, * THREE TO MAKE READY. (Adelphi. 54th. 2:35. E. of 7th Ave. CI. 6-5097). A loose-jointed musical starring loose-jointed Ray Bolger who certainly * HOME OF THE BRAVE. ( Belasco, 44th. East. BR. 9. 2067). How the war in the Pacific affected makes more sense than the story -and would, with one talented foot tied behind him. Brenda Forbes one Jewish soldier. Psychological study that al- Rose Inghram help liven things up a bit. most becomes drama. Nightly except Sunday, 8:40. and Wednesday Bolger is superb in spite of the handicaps of the Matinee and Saturday, 2:40. show. Nightly except Sunday, 8:40. Matinee Wed- * JANUARY THAW. (Golden, 45th W. of nesday and Saturday, 2:40. B'way). A new comedy riot, termed by Mortimer of the Mirror as a smash hit. Evenings at 8:40. Matinee Saturday and Sunday, 2:40. Musicals .. . * JEB (Martin Beck, 45th W. of 8th Ave. CI. * ARE YOU WITH IT? (Century. 7th Avenue 6-6361). A brand new play about a returning GI at 59. CI. 7-3121). A lot of capable people in- with Ossie Davis, Clay Clement and Laura Bowman. cluding Joan Roberts. Johnny Downs. Lew Parker. Evenings except Sunday at 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Dolores Gray get with it to give out with and Saturday, 2:40. song and dance and comedy in a show having some- * LIFE WITH FATHER. (Bijou. 45th W. of thing to do with life in a carnival. Rather more B'way. CO. 5.8215). An immensely amusing fun than not. Nightly except Sunday, 8:30. Ma- play based on Clarence Day's book. With Wallis tinee Wednesday and Saturday. 2:30. www.americanradiohistory.com 62 April, 1946

* BILLION DOLLAR BABY. (Alvin 52, West. Archer head a capable carat. Nightly except Sun Cl. 5.6868). The madly twitching twenties break day. 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday. 2:30. into song-and-dance. with Joan McCracken and *THE RED MILL. (46th St. Theatre, W. of Mitzi Green doing most of the honors. Adolph B'way. Cl. 6.6075.) Revival of Victor Herbert Green and Betty Comden who turned out "On operetta is made lively and amusing by Eddie Foy. the Town" also did book and lyrics for this one Jr.. Michael O'Shea and Odette Myrtil. Herbert and they've scored a hit once more. Nightly ex music sounds grand. Evenings except Sunday at cept Sunday, 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and 8:40. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday. 2:40. Saturday. 2:30. * SHOW BOAT. (Ziegfeld, Ave. of the Americas * CAROUSEL. (Majestic. 44th W. of B'way. Cl. at 54th. Cl. 5.5200). One show which, like the 6.0730.) A fine musical set in New England in river it sings about, just keeps rollin along. This 1870. Pine music and lyrics by Rodgers and Ham revival of the Edna Ferber story comes in hand merstein. Evenings except Sunday. 8:30. Matinee some proportions with a fine cast. The music Thursday and Saturday, 2:30. wears well. With Carol Bruce (doing pretty well in the part Helen set the FOLLOW THE GIRLS. (Broadhurst. 44th W. Morgan precedent for) * Kenneth Jan Ralph and of Bway. CI. 6.6699). Fast, rowdy, showy. Spencer. Clayton, Dumke, Buddy Ebsen. Nightly except Sunday, 8:30. Matinee filled with girls, dancing, singing. Stars Gertrude Wednesday and Saturday. 2:30. Niesen and Norman Lawrence. Nightly except ST. LOUIS (Martin Beck Theatre. Sunday, 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday. * WOMAN. 2:30. 45th W. of 8th Ave. Cl. 6.6363). Edward Gross presents this new musical play with music by * LUTE SONG (Plymouth. 45th W. of Bway. Cl. Harold Arlen and lyrics by the inimitable Johnny 6.9156). Michael Myerberg presents Mary Martin Mercer. Starred are the Nicholas Brothers. Pearl in a love story with music. A beautiful affair, quite Baily. Rex Ingram. Ruby Hill and June Hawkins. unlike most others. A high, wide and handsome holi- Nightly except Sunday at 8:30. Matinee Wednes- day. Evening. 8:30. except Sunday. Matinee Wed- day and Saturday. 2:30. nesday and Saturday. 2:30. * SONG OF NORWAY. (Imperial. 45th. West. * OKLAHOMA. (St. James. 44th W. of B'way. CO. 5.2412). Grieg's life set to Grieg's music, LA. 4.4664). So much has been said and written and very pleasant listening. With Iris Petina, about this show, and the best of it is, it's all Lawrence Brooks, Helena Bliss, and Robert Shafer. true. By all means, don't miss it. Evenings ex- Nightly except Sunday, 8:30. Matinee Wednesday cept Sunday, 8:30. Matinee Wednesday and Sat and Saturday, 2:30. urday. 2:30. * UP IN CENTRAL PARK. (Broadway, 53rd * THE DAY BEFORE SPRING. (National, 41. and B'way. Cl. 7.2887). Pretty. lively enter West. PE. 6-8220). A very pretty musical con- taining musical more in the operetta than comedy cerning a lady who attends a college homecoming, vein. With Wilbur Evans, Maureen Cannon, Noah and discovers you can go back in place but not to Beery. Sr., and Betty Bruce. Evenings except Sun, time. Irene Manning. Bill Johnson, and John day, 8:35. Matinee Wednesday and Saturday, 2:35.

Famous Husbands of Successful Women MANY of today's women are as successful as their famous husbands. Be' cause they use their career or maiden names, we don't always know who their husbands are. But it's fun to guess. So try matching the name of a successful woman with the name of her famous husband. Give yourself 10 points for each correct match. A fair score is 70, a good score is 80, an excellent score is 90. You know what a 100 is. Let's go! (Answers on page 68.) WIFE HUSBAND L Paulette Goddard a. Jack Benny 2. Pearl S. Buck b. Turk Greenough 3. Cornelia Otis Skinner c. Buddy Rogers 4. Betty Grable d. Antonio Luhan 5. Frances Hutt e. John Boettiger 6. Anna Roosevelt f. Harry James 7. Mary Livingston g Thomas E. Dewey 8. Mary Pick ford h. Alden Blogett 9. Sally Rand Burgess Meredith 10. Mabel Dodge Richard J. Walsh www.americanradiohistory.com PORTS OF CALL IN KANSAS CITY

stain Cameo Room is recommended. 4700 Wyan- dotte. WE. 8310. * NANCE'S CAFE. Their neon sign says, "Just Good Food," but that isn't half the story. Their untold secrets arc quick service, varied menus, and. as the man said. "Just good food." In the B. M. A. Building, first floor. 217 Pershing Road. HA. 5688. * PHILLIPS COFFEE SHOP. A nice blonde room where you can get a wonderful cheese and nut sandwich, and in case you're interested, some very substantial food, too. Hotel Phillips. 12th and Baltimore. GR. 5020. * TIFFIN ROOM. A large and pleasant room featuring luncheon only, and serving Wolferman's famous food. On the second floor of Wolferman's downtown grocery store. 1108 Walnut. GR. 0626. * UNITY INN. Meatleas meals done up in un- believable style with accent on big salads and rich desserts. It's the nationally known vegetarian cafe, teria of the Unity School of Christianity. Luncheon 11:30.2:00: dinner. 5:00.7:30. Monday through Friday. Sunday, 11:30.2:00. Closed Saturdays. 901 Tracy. VI. 8720. * Z.LAN DRIVE-IN. Little effort and modest stipend is required to take on nourishment here. Eat in the car if you like, or. go inside and sit in a nice red and blonde booth, and a nice redhead or Just for Food , . , blonde will wait on you. On the Plaza, 48th and Main. LO. 3434. * AIRPORT RESTAURANT. One of the finest eating places in one of the finest administration buildings on one of the finest airports in the coun- For Food and a Drink try, and the service and food is thoroughly in .. keeping. Municipal Airport. NO. 4490. * AMBASSADOR RESTAURANT. All the aplomb BLUEBIRD CAFETERIA. Justly called one of of the good old days, and by wise planning * the menus luncheon Kansas City's finest suburban eating places, with a for and dinner are as ap- large selection of foods and emphasis on luscious petizing as ever. Here's a choice selection to show salads. 3215 Troost. off to your visiting friends. Hotel Ambassador. 3650 Broadway. VA. 9236. * BRETTON'S. What formerly used to be the Weiss Restaurant, now flies the banners of the * BLUE HILLS BARBECUE. An ideal place for Bretton family. They specialize in filet mignon, a perfect evening from good eats right on through. roast young goose, and broiled lake trout. 1215 Features barbecued ribs, beef and chicken for dinner Baltimore. GR. 8999. or supper. Then to make it perfect, step into the where * CALIFORNIA RANCHHOUSE. Just what it cocktail lounge Tony Curuchi and his Latin music, with Betty Lee. vocalist, says, a ranch style restaurant in a nice and con- are featured. Your is venient location, for a quick or leisurely gastronomic host the genial and well known Eddie Cross. stopover. LO. 2555. 6015 Troost. JA. 4316. * MUEHLEBACH COFFEE SHOP. Busy, bright, * BROADWAY INTERLUDE. The headline at- convenient and orderly, where the service is as traction here is Joshua Everett Johnson, famous good as any place in town. And all of this in Decca recording artist, who does things on the traditional Muehlebach style. Open all night. Hotel keyboard that you wouldn't believe possible. A Mueblebach, 12th and Baltimore. GR. 1400. natural born boogie pianist, who never took a * GLENN'S OYSTER HOUSE. A neat and ap- music lesson in his life, yet is nationally known. petizing sea food house, specializing in just exactly Weird black light helps you follow the tuneful what the name implies in great variety. Open 10:30 fingers of Joshua. 3545 Broadway. VA. 0926. a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Scarritt Arcade, 819 Walnut. * CONGRESS RESTAURANT. Legislation here HA. 9176. is for big Congress steaks and fine dinner salads. * MARTIN'S. One of the largest places on the In fact it is the law of the land at 3539 Broadway. south side with two large bars, a night dub, table WE. 5115. and cafeteria service. It is all very fine including DOWNTOWN INTERLUDE. music by the popular Tons * Two months ago "Four of Rhythm." they started something just across the street from On the Plata. 210 W. 47th. LO. 2000. the Municipal auditorium that has caused a popula- * MYRON GREEN'S ON THE PLAZA. A bright tion shift. The attraction is the Downtown Inter- dining room with broad, low windows and artistic lude where Rooco Ray frolics in Zanzibar fashion decorations, forms a wonderful setting for a pleas- on the illuminated keyboard of the Steinway. Hotel ant meal. For family dinner parties, the down- Robert E. Lee, 13th and Wyandotte. VI. 0022.

www.americanradiohistory.com 64 swing April, 1946

* FAMOUS BAR AND RESTAURANT. A big Gus has a lot of influence among those who like and chummy place with a couple of enormous good food, good drinks and good times. Piano circular booths for larger parties. The blonde and melodies during the dinner and supper hour offer buxom Pauline Neece entertains at the Hammond a stimulating obligatto to whatever you're up to. organ. 1211 Baltimore. VI. 8490. Hyde Park Hotel. 36th and Broadway. LO. 5441. * GUS RESTAURANT. The newest entry in the * ROSE'S COCKTAIL BAR AND RESTAU- Downtown District Derby. The former "Colony" RANT. A favorite gathering place of friendly has been redecorated in grand style, modern and people in the heart of Waldo. It's a large place cozy, with a spectacular entrance and attractive with a modernistic bar tinted with indirect lighting. bar, Gus Fitch. formerly of the Muehlebach, is on hand to welcome you . and the food is rather special. 1106 Baltimore. GR. 5120. * ITALIAN GARDENS. Pretty crowded at dinner time, but service is fine and you usually don't have to wait long. Native Italian foods and Ameri- can cooking. Service from 4 p.m. until midnight. Closed Snudays. 1110 Baltimore. HA. 8861. * JEWEL BOX. An attractive blue and gold room with bar, tables and booths, and now under the management of Glenn E. \Vood. 3223 Troost. VA. 9696. * KENN'S BAR AND RESTAURANT. Until Kenn gets around to building a whopperdo of a place on the present location, the status quo is An attractive dining room is just a little separate, even more than satisfactory. It's a noonday gather- featuring noonday lunch, dinner, and a la carte after ing place for radio personalities and many other nine. people you like to meet. Good food, fine service. *SAVOY GRILL. In the historic section of Kan 9th and Walnut. GR. 2680. sas City, and not far from the main business sac * MISSOURI HOTEL BAR. Could be a taxidermy tton. is a businessman's and businesswoman's bide school. but no . you are the one who gets away in just the kind of atmosphere one usually stuffed with fine foods and inspiring mixed drinks. looks for but seldom finds. The subject is food. Sky-high ceilings and unique decorations, 314 W. The predicate. fine drinks. Closed Sundays. 9th 12th. HA. 9224. and Central. VI. 3890. * PHIL TRIPP'S. You enter the bar, grab one, * STUBB'S GILLHAM PLAZA. Boogie with a and then saunter on to the dining room for college education, yes, boys and girls, that's spaghetti, steaks, or delicious meatball sandwiches. Jeannie Leitt, who is back at Stubb's after a short Across from the Pickwick bus station. 922 McGee. vacation. A friendly, neighborly place where HA. 9224. everybody knows everybody else. 3114 Gillham * PICADILLY ROOM. A cute little silver and Plaza. VA. 9911. blue room downstairs from the bus station where * TO \VN ROYALE. A beautifully appointed, the KMBC boys catch their breath. You'll hear dimly lit, downtown spot, and mightly popular some fine lines, gals. In the Pickwick Hotel. 10th with the Kansas City Sundodgers and Dayhaters. and McGee. Zola Palmer came in from the down south Plaza * PLAZA BOWL. To keep that shape ship -shape. Royale to play piano and solovox, very, very well bowling is your Vitamin A. Take off two pounds indeed. 1119 Baltimore. VI. 7161. crashing the pins and then reel into the dining * VERDI'S RESTAURANT. Italian architecture. room or cocktail lounge and win it all back. Goes Romanic appointments, plus fine food and pleasant just like that. On the Plaza. LO. 6656. piano interludes. A nice place to go for a quiet, *PLAZA ROYALE. An attractive lounge, the conversational dinner. No drinks. Armour, East of south side sister of the Town Royale. Mary Dale Troost. VA. 9388. is your musical delight and inspiration at the * WESTPORT ROOM. Colorful and bustling cock- console of the silver and gold Hammond organ. tail lounge and dignified restaurant, located in one The place is spacious yet cozy, and on the Country of the nation's largest railway stations, the Kansas Club Plaza. 614 W. 48th. LO. 3393. City Terminal. Next door is the popular and busy * PRICE'S RESTAURANT. A pleasant and popu- Fred Harvey lunch room. Union Station. GR. 1100. lar gathering place for food, drinks and general conviviality. Cocktails, those great levelers of hu- Just for o Drink .. . manity. are simply supurb in the downstairs grill. 10th and Walnut. GR. 0800. * ALCOVE COCKTAIL LOUNGE. A diminu- *PIONEER ROOM. A pastel and old rose room tive place, tucked away in the Continental Hotel in the new Westport Arms Hotel. A divan all the where greenbacks work overtime. The bargain "two way around makes it pretty easy to get acquainted. for one" cocktail hour from 3 to 5 daily is some Happy Stilts is your host. Westport Arms Hotel. what worth elbowing your way into. Hotel Con- 301 W. Armour. LO. 0123. tinental. 11th and Baltimore. HA. 6040. * PUSATERI'S HYDE PARK ROOM. It seems * CABANA. Latin American in decor and atmos that Gus Pusateri and Dale Carnegie have pretty phere. Hazel Smith at the Novachord afternoon well mastered the art of influencing people. And and early evening, with the pretty, charming and

www.americanradiohistory.com KANSAS CITY PORTS OF CALL 65

talented Alberta Bird of WHB featured in the few weeks the great and incomparable Dwight evening. Hotel Phillips. GR. 1020. Fiske, he of the kingly leer, form a constant * OMAR ROOM. Dim, friendly and inviting. parade of entertainment stars. With the stars of where Omar furnishes the vintage of the grape or a the Zephyr room coming in several times during reasonable facsimile, and there is singing, or its the evening, it is all just too perfect. Saturday equivalent, in the wilderness. A fine place to get afternoon cocktail dansants are featured with no acquainted. Hotel Continental, 11th and Baltimore. minimum or cover charge and free rhumba lessons. HA. 6040. Bellerive. Armour at Warwick. VA. 7047. treasure trove of melody * MILTON'S TAP ROOM. An amiable place '1* THE TROPICS. A where lots of people dance and talk with lots of which you'll discover at the Tropics when you hear people Pauline Lamond at the piano and Bob Jones at the other and everybody listen to Julia Lee, numerol- pianist and "Baby" Lovett, drummer. They are Hammond organ. Also Margaret Arrow, nationally known Decca and Premier recording tropical is a ogist. The thunder storm thrilling some are collectors' experience. Hotel Phillips, 12th and Baltimore. artists, and of their platters items. 3511 VA. HA. 6040. Troost. 9256. * PENGUIN ROOM. Paul McNabb and his * ZEPHYR ROOM. A smooth, soft green lounge orchestra are creating somewhat of a sensation at with amber mirror tables, just a few steps down this smart downtown spot No minimum or cover from the lobby of the Bellerive hotel. This place at any time Closed Sunday Hotel Continental, has been written up and discussed nationwide, and 11th and Baltimore HA. 6040. as such is a mecca for celebrities visiting Kansas PLANTATION. A popular supper club and just City. The Zephyr room is the halfway house of the * nation, where the calibre a nice, convenient drive out in the country. Cliff highest of entertainment and his are now is York to Anderson orchestra featured every caught enroute from New Hollywood, FL. and vice -versa. Program changes every two weeks. night. East of Kansas City on Highway 40. Hotel Bellerive, Armour at Warwick. VA. 7047. 1307. * SOUTHERN MANSION. One of the more ultra downtown spots done up to live up to its name. With Daxcing .. . Dee Peterson and the boys play for dinner and *CROWN ROOM. Helcn Dittemore, her violin supper dancing. No bar, but excellent drinks at and her orchestra, is the gorgeous successor to Judy your table. 1425 Baltimore, GR. 5130. Conrad who held forth at this popular night spot * TERRACE GRILL. Schaiparelli pink walls with for more than a year. Dinner dancing from 6 to cleverly concealed mirrors reflecting the glow of 1:30. Hotel La Salle, 922 Linwood. LO. 1262. strategic lighting. Bill Bardo, well known, to Kan. * DRUM ROOM. You can't beat it. Of course sas City, comes in April with a fine new orchestra. you can't dance much either, because the junior Call Gordon Ewing for reservation. Hotel Muehle size floor is always jammed. It's one of our bath, 12th and Baltimore. GR. 1400. favorite plushy places for luncheon, dinner or * TOOTIE'S MAYFAIR. Joe Myers and his fine supper. Joseph Samarino and his orchestra are now band have moved into this south side night club for featured. Hotel President, 14th and Baltimore. an indcfinite stay. Lots of room in this place and GR. 1440. always something doing until quite late. 7852 * EL CASBAH. The glamour spot of the midwest, Wornall Road. DE. 1253. where name stars are something to be expected. * TROCADERO. A chummy cocktail lounge just Bob Evans, called the nation's greatest ventrilo off Main, west on 39th. No orchestra, hut all the quist, Russel Swan, the master at magic, and in a latest platters are served from a juke box. VA. 9806.

7-K

"Its an odd thing about this uni- verse-although we all disagree with each other, we are always all of us right." -Logan Pearsall Smith.

"I was made a producer," exclaimed one of the actors in Hollywood. "Yes,- said his friend. "I overheard the big shot tell you to produce or get out."

www.americanradiohistory.com SWINGIN' WITH THE STARS

Twentieth- Century Fox Metro -Goldwyn -Mayer COLONEL EFPINGHAM'S ZIEGFELD FOLLIES -Big budget RAID -Charles Coburn, Joan Ben. production consisting of the follow- nett, William Eythe, Allyn Joslyn. ing 12 acta: (1) Esther Williams C. Coburn plays Colonel ffing- in A WATER BALLET; (2) ham, who settles down in a sleepy Keenan Wynn in NUMBER little Southern town and awakens PLEASE; (3) James Melton and it with a bang. He stirs up a lively Marian Bell sing TRAVIATA; romance between a reporter and (5) Fred Astaire and Lucille society editor of the local rag. Bremer in a dance story. THIS Then, instead of retiring quietly. HEART OF MINE: (6) the Colonel begins a raid on a local Fanny Brice wins a SWEEP- political scheme to rename the STAKES TICKET: (7) LOVE. Confederate Monument Square to with Lena Horne; (8) Red Skelton Toolen Square. Adapted for the demonstrates what will happen screen from a Book-of-the-Month- WHEN TELEVISION COMES; Club selection. (9) LIMEHOUSE BLUES, dra- matic pantomime, Fred Astaire and DRAGONWYCK -Gene Tierney, Lucille Bremer; (10) a great lady Vincent Price, Walter Houston, has an interview. Judy Garland; Anne Revere, Glenn Langan, (11) Fred Astaire in THE BAB- Spring Byrington. Gene Tierney Paramount BITT AND THE BROMIDE; plays Miranda. who goes to live THE VIRGINIAN -Joel McCrea, (12) BEAUTY, sung by Kathryn at the borne of ber distant cousin Brian Donlevy, Sonny Tufts, Bar- Grayson. (Vincent Price), a member of the bara Britton, Fay Bainter. A re- landed gentry of early New York. filming of the good old western He is unhappily married to a that brought Gary Cooper fame woebegone chronic complainer, a once upon a time. Joel McCrea woman who mysteriously dies one takes his place -and ably-while Warner Brothers day. Her death is unexplainable to Sonny Tufts portrays the Vir- her doctor (Glenn Langan). The CINDERELLA JONES -Joan Les- ginian's wayward pal. Barbara lie, Robert Alda. S. Z. Sakai!, doctor is taken up with other Britton is the school m'am who things, such as Miranda. to whom Edward Everett Horton. A cure comes out from the east to bring little torch singer (Joan Leslie) he proposes marriage only to find larn'in to the small Wyoming is inherits 10 million dollars from an that she already betrothed to town. She is wooed, if you re- her now widowed cousin. The eccentric uncle who has stipulated member. by both the Virginian that she cets the money only on marriage between Miranda and ber and his buddy, the latter of whom cousin takes place, but becomes in condition that she marries by such- becomes involved with rustlers and 'n-such a time and ties the knot tolerable when M. learns her is hanged. THE VIRGINIAN cousin-husband is insane and his with a man whose I.Q. is 150 or gives the usual Bair-raising round better. Though the singer really first wife's murderer . and of gun duels and cattle stampedes now intends to kill her. But luckily loves hand leader RobertGershwin- seasoned with homey barbecues Alda she goes out to seek a there's a doctor in the house and country and dances. Good enter- brainy mate at a college, of all the situation -as well as Miranda tainment. -is saved. places. Of course, everything is taken care of nicely when it's discovered that the band leader April has an I.Q. of over 200! The two Tentative Showings struggle happily ever after on the R -K -O Radio Pictures in Kansas City 10 million dollars. THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE - ESQUIRE, UPTOWN, SARATOGA TRUNK - Gary Dorothy Maguire, George Brent, Cooper, Ingrid Bergman, Flora Ethel Barrymore, Kent Smith. FAIRWAY Robson, John Warburton. The tern Hollywood's latest plot dealing COLONEL EFFINGHAM'S pestous demimondaine. Clio Du with diseased minds -and one of RAID laine, arrives in New Orleans. the best to date. Dorothy Maguire HOUSE OF DRACULA vengeance bent and fortune seek- plays Helen, a mute, and speaks PILLOW OF DEATH ing. She meets Clint Maroon, a only 9 words throughout the film. cattle man from Texas and subse- She is a servant in the house of NEWMAN quently shocks her smug relatives Mrs. Warren (Ethel Barrymore). THE VIRGINIAN and all of New Orleans by her In the neighborhood of the War- ROAD TO UTOPIA affair with him. Clint leaves town ren house several physically defec- but meets the wily Clio again in tive girls have been murdered. LOEW'S MIDLAND Saratoga Springs. where she has Indications are that Helen will gone to snare a millionaire hus- be the next. It becomes obvious ZIEGFELD FOLLIES band. Clio's intentions go astray that one of the Warren household THE SAILOR TAKES A WIFE though when Clint is seriously in is the murderer as he almost man- jured in a railroad fight. Ingrid ages to kill Helen. He fails, but ORPHEUM Bergman. as Clio, wins all the act. not before you have many eerie, SARATOGA TRUNK ing honors plus a slightly dared suspenseful moments. SPIRAL STAIRCASE Gary Cooper. as Clint.

www.americanradiohistory.com Swing round .. .

STILL ALIVE .. . We like the story about the electrician who asked his helper is to acknowledge B.O. DAY ... "This to put his hand on one of two wires. The that the nutritious, delectable flavor of equals that of assistant did. "Feel anything ?" asked the Swift's Allsweet Margerine electrican. "No," was the reply. butter and cannot be distinguished from butter in a scientific kitchen test." "Good," said the electrician. "Then don't touch the other one or you'll drop Yes, we had to raise our right hand and dead." repeat those words from Mr. E. W. Phelps, general manager of Swift and Company's Kansas City plant after tests had been The in know what AWFUL TRUTH ... boys the made to prove that we didn't crime detection laboratory at Northwest- we were talking about when we boasted ern University, Evanston, Ill., were playing we could easily tell the difference. around and decided to do something super. We had every intention of crawling They got in touch with a psychiatrist who out of this one, after having been embar- brought in one of his patients, a full - rassed to the amount of $1 and other con- fledged nut. They asked the nut if he siderations some weeks ago for not being were Napoleon. The nut craftily said, able to tell various types of liver apart. "No." The lie detector showed he was Because of the obvious purpose of the lying. test, Mr. Phelps decided we should call it butter versus oleomargerine, or "B.O." day. LITTLE ESSENTIALS . .. Mrs. Meade of the Southwestern Bell Telephone Com- The test was made in the gleaming Swift pany, has the full time and unpleasant job test kitchen with the lovely and charming of stalling off applicants for telephone service. Unless the need is proved essential, installations cannot be made immediately, the applicants are told. One day an outraged young girl yelled into Mrs. Meade's ear: "Certainly it's essential! I want a telephone to make dates and get married and have children with."

Martha Logan and her two luscious assist- STAND STILL ... Dale Carnegie tells ants baiting the trap. Of course we this one on his home town, just a few wouldn't be so unsportsmanlike as to say miles southeast of Kansas City. that they pared the margerine with a sharp razor and melted the butter and It seems that some out of state visitors blade, were to place, shot it on the toast with an atomizer. trying find the and they came to a cluster of cabins at a crossroads. They spread crackers, toast and ordinary Stopping his car one of the strangers hailed bread with the two products, with no other a native. identification than "A" and "B ". "I'm looking for the town of Belton, There was only one consolation, and can you direct me to it ?" that was that Mr. Phelps, who also took "Stranger," said the native, "don't move the test, couldn't tell the difference either. a damn inch." www.americanradiohistory.com 68 Swing April, 1946 WORTH CROWING ABOUT From Don Bunker, Associated Press field mechanic who roams the territory of Mis- souri, Kansas and part of Oklahoma tinker- ing with teletypes, comes this tidbit of predatory connivery. Out near Garden City, Kansas, Don claims he saw an aged farmer striding back and forth across a plowed field, his hand the dog was 13 years old, made this nota- dipping into a grain sack at his side and tion on his report: his arm swinging rhythmically as he apparently broadcast the seed. Stopping to "Complainant stated neighbor's dog talk to the old man about that part of the chased him frequently and demanded I country, and to snap a few pictures, Don make an arrest. I did not, as I believe was surprised to find the sack empty and the dog couldn't get out of his own yard no grain fell from the farmer's hand. without the aid of a cane." Then he noticed a large flock of crows following the sower, seeking the grain that wasn't there. OVERHEARD OVERHEAD ... Ernie Byfield, the nation's keenest collector of The farmer explained that he continued nut stories until he cornered the caviar this performance every day at the begin- market in Chicago, admits riding in a ning of the planting season every spring. Michigan avenue bus the other day and When the black robbers finally give up, winchelling two conversations between the exhausted, they depart for more profitablc drivcr of the bus and an overstimulated pastures, leaving the man to sow his grain male passenger, who persisted in admonish- without loss. ing him to drive carefully and not run into any of the nice pedestrians. "Five yards closer," he cried, "and you would have hit that nice old lady square in the bustle." The bus drivcr told the drunk that everything would be all right if he would only take his alcoholic breath and anxieties to the upper deck. The drunk did as re- quested; but almost immediately returned to his stance near the driver's back hair. SINGLE, OF COURSE ... A friend of ours applied for a driver's license at the "Why," demanded the exasperated city hall. The mechanically operated clerk driver, "didn't you stay where I put you ?" asked, "Name ?" The gal replied, "Evelyn, no middle name, only Evelyn." When her "Too dangerous -no driver up there." driver's license arrived by mail a few days later it was made out to "Evelyn Only Nolt." ANSWERS

AGE BEFORE DUTY . . . One day 1 -i 6-e not long ago the local police department 2 -J 7 -a reccived a complaint of an ugly dog both- 3 -h 8-c ering a neighbor. The officer went out, 4-f 9 -b made an investigation, and finding that S-g 10-d www.americanradiohistory.com Certainly, We Can Pull Rabbits Out of a Hat! IF YOU'RE an advertiser with a dif- This is the station with "agency - ficult job ahead in the Kansas City point -of- view" . . . where every ad- market if your campaign needs vertiser is a client who must get his that added flourish to be successful ... money's worth in results. And when if you want unusual co -op- you advertise on WHB, we'll see that eration from an alert radio you get results! Ask about the desir- s t a t i o n- W H B is your able early evening time periods avail - medium! able this spring and summer. For WHB Availabilities, 'Phone DON DAVIS at any ADAM YOUNG office: New York City, 18 11 West 42nd St.. LOngocre 3 -1926 Chicogo, 2 55 East Woshington St. ANDover 5448 Son Froncisco, 4 ..627 Mills Building ... .. Slitter 1393 Los Angeles, 13 448 South Hill St.. Mlchigon 0921 Konsos City, 6 Scorritt Building HArrison 1161 KEY STATION for the KANSAS STATE NETWORK www.americanradiohistory.com www.americanradiohistory.com

Zuhotel Lge 2'Uhae 650' See' NEWYORK*CHICAGO*KANSAS CITY

Zuhotel Lge 2'Uhae 650' See' NEWYORKCHICAGOKANSAS CITY