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Copyright by Eboneigh L. Harris 2021 THE DISSERTATION COMMITTEE FOR EBONEIGH L. HARRIS CERTIFIES THAT THIS IS THE APPROVED VERSION OF THE FOLLOWING DISSERTATION: Making Sense of the Magic: Legibility, Space, and Play in Tabletop Roleplaying Games Committee: Diane L. Schallert, Supervisor Germine Awad Ricardo C. Ainslie Melissa R. Wetzel Making Sense of the Magic: Legibility, Space, and Play in Tabletop Roleplaying Games by Eboneigh L. Harris DISSERTATION Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT AUSTIN MAY 2021 Dedication This project is dedicated the queer community of Austin and beyond, with special thanks and appreciation to all those individuals who participated in the study itself. The process of conducting the interviews and hearing the stories of queer individuals across the spectrum of experience was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I am moved by your vulnerability and willingness to share your moments of joy and sorrow, and I am emboldened to step forward, to make myself visible, and to (re)write the narrative structure of our world so as to make space to be as we are and for who we are becoming. This project is dedicated to Mason and Terri, my ride or dies, my partners-in-crime, my chosen family. Knowing the pair of you woke something up in me that I did not even know was sleeping. You are my joy, now and forever more. This project is dedicated to the Queer Coven that, while short-lived, represented everything for which my gay heart yearns: community, tea, plants, tattoos, astrology, tarot cards, and a healthy undercurrent of “fuck the police” and “be gay, do crimes.” This project is dedicated to Pup and Butterpup, Selise, Grenleil, Faebig, Runa, John Constantaang, and Morty. I spent more time with some of you than others, but you are all beloved and live in my heart always. Lastly, this project is dedicated to Diane Schallert who has helped me find my way time and time again. I would not be here without your unwavering support and encouragement these last five years. From the bottom of my heart and all that I am, thank you. ABSTRACT MAKING SENSE OF THE MAGIC: LEGIBILITY, SPACE, AND PLAY IN TABLETOP ROLEPLAYING GAMES Eboneigh L. Harris, PhD The University of Texas at Austin, 2021 Supervisor: Diane L. Schallert As tabletop roleplaying games (TTRPGs) have become increasingly popular among the queer community, and guided by the tenets of pleasure activism (Brown, 2019) that argues that equity entails access to pleasure, my study sought to investigate the connection between play and pleasure and the sense individuals make of themselves and their environments. My research questions included: 1) how do players negotiate legibility (make sense) of their queer identities within the context of their experiences participating in tabletop roleplaying games; and 2) what do the experiences of queer TTRPG players reveal about the relationships between legibility, space, and play? Drawing from social organization theory (Butler, 2004) and ecological definitions (Ramadier & Moser, 1998), I positioned legibility as the extent to which individuals are able to make sense of themselves in relation to their social environments and I use spatial metaphors, such as Third Space and safe houses, to help define the relationship between identity, literacy, and legibility, and to consider the role of play in facilitating these interconnected and constructive processes. My findings demonstrated that legibility was interwoven into the potent and powerful moments of pleasure experienced by participants, which I referred to as the magic. Additionally, I established the intimate connection between the concept of v space and player perceptions of the magic, demonstrating that pleasure is in the experience of “crossing-over.” Then, drawing on player accounts of these experiences, I identified five forces that constitute the magic, components that not only regulate the pleasure possible within the play space, but also maintain the threshold and bounds of the space. I also discussed what players did within the space, or in constructing the space, that can be understood as cultivating these vital ingredients of play and pleasure. In the discussion, I outlined a path and framework for how players experienced personal transformation through play experiences and demonstrated the importance of intentional reflection and integration of play experiences toward the lasting effects of the magic. vi Table of Contents List of Tables .................................................................................................................... xii CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION ...............................................................................................1 Tabletop Roleplaying Games ...............................................................................................2 Gender and Sexuality ...........................................................................................................6 Literacy and Identity ............................................................................................................9 Third Space and Legibility.................................................................................................13 Queer Theory as Critical Discourse ..........................................................................15 Legibility and Institutional Learning Spaces ............................................................17 Play as Third Space Engagement..............................................................................19 Rationale and Research Questions .....................................................................................21 CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW ..................................................................................24 Play ....................................................................................................................................24 Definitions of Play ....................................................................................................24 Schools of Thought on the Purposes and Functions of Play.....................................27 Discrete and Separate Realms.......................................................................27 Transition, Learning, and Experimentation ..................................................28 Transformation, Transgression, and Resistance ...........................................29 Fluid Boundaries and Dissolved Distinctions ...............................................30 Storytelling and Identity ....................................................................................................31 Identity-as-Difference ...............................................................................................32 Identity-as-Self..........................................................................................................32 Identity-as-Mind .......................................................................................................33 vii Identity-as-Narrative .................................................................................................34 Identity-as-Position ...................................................................................................35 Tabletop Roleplaying Games .............................................................................................36 Structure, Environment, and Context for Player Experiences ..................................36 Customization and Representation ...............................................................36 Sites of Play ..................................................................................................37 Character and Player .....................................................................................39 Social Interaction ..........................................................................................41 Research into Roleplay .............................................................................................43 Identity Formation ........................................................................................43 Institutional learning .....................................................................................44 Resistance and Reinforcement of Power ......................................................45 Playful Storytelling and Storied Play .................................................................................46 CHAPTER 3: METHOD .......................................................................................................47 Issues of Research Paradigm .............................................................................................47 Ecology and Metaphoric Harmony ...........................................................................47 Aesthetic Play and Narrative Inquiry ........................................................................49 Statement of Positionality .........................................................................................51 Putting It All Together ..............................................................................................52 The Study ...........................................................................................................................54 Target Population and Recruitment ..........................................................................54